#autism be damned my girl can wield a sword

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2017 Movie Odyssey for-fun awards

The 2017 Movie Odyssey Awards are being posted sometime soon, but, as is tradition on this blog, here are some for-fun honors and dishonors based on a year of watching 200+ films that were new to me this calendar year.

Actor I wanted to smack most in the face: Mark Wahlberg, The Happening (2008)

Good lord, he was AWFUL. “Planning on murdering me in my sleep?” “WHAT, NO!” Here’s Wahlberg talking to a plastic tree.

Attempted political messaging, but says less than it wants: State of the Union (1948)

Frank Capra, you are better than this!

Attempted religious messaging, but says less than it wants: Conflagration (1958, Japan)

Best Film Title: What Dreams May Come (1998)

Best individual cue from an original score: “End Titles” from Independence Day (1996), composed by David Arnold

Best lyrics passage from an original song: From “No Wrong Way Home” from Pearl (2016 short)

One blue-green world, round as a pearl, doesn’t matter which road you take, you’ll wind up in the same place. That’s not philosophy, it’s geometry, and if things don’t look the same, well it’s only you who’ve changed.

There’s some interesting messaging and rhyming going on here. Damn.

Best Moment: An act of sportsmanship, followed by a grandstand finish, Akeelah and the Bee (2006)

If you have kids and they haven’t seen this movie, find this movie. If you haven’t seen this movie, find this movie.

Best Montage: Body-switching and “Zenzenzense”, Your Name (2016, Japan)

Best Movie Dad: Raymond from My Life as a Zucchini (2016, Switzerland)

The first non-biological father to win here, I think. It matters not, though. He is wonderful here.

Best Movie Family Member, non-parent: Aunt Mattie (Clara Blandick), A Star Is Born (1937)

For supporting Esther’s dreams of going to Hollywood without fail. You go, Aunt Mattie. She really is not in this movie long enough.

Best Movie Mom(s): All of the Boatwrights (Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, and Sophie Okonedo) and Rosaleen (Jennifer Hudson), The Secret Life of Bees (2008)

Again, a first in that these are adopted parents. Thanks to a good friend of mine for introducing to me the book.

Best on-screen friendship: The friendship between all the orphans in My Life as as Zucchini

Best use of non-original music (and best musical callback to a past movie): The many uses of “You’ll Never Know” from Hello Frisco Hello (1943) appearing in The Shape of Water (2017)

Hello Frisco Hello remains on my watchlist… we’ll get there someday!

Best dance segment (for two): Rita Hayworth and Fred Astaire in “I’m Old Fashioned”, You Were Never Lovelier (1942)

Best dance segment (solo): Donald O’Connor in “A Man Chases a Girl (Until She Catches Him)”, There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954)

Best sword fight: Errol Flynn v. Basil Rathbone, Captain Blood (1935)

Yeah, sorry folks who expected Rey and Kylo Ren v. Praetorian Guards or Kylo Ren v. Luke here.

Bestiality: The Red Turtle (2016, France/Belgium/Japan)

SPOILERS!!!

Biggest Disappointment: Marnie (1964)

Oh god, this may be the first Hitchcock movie I truly loathed (nor do I think it will be the last… I’ve basically seen all the greats by now).

Biggest (pleasant) surprise: Pear Cider and Cigarettes (2016 short)

I was worried about the explicit content for this Oscar-nominated short film, and that it might meander around its topic a bit. But no it didn’t. Well done, well deserved nomination.

Biggest (unpleasant) surprise: Detroit (2017)

It becomes torture porn in the final third. The black victims are not nearly developed enough here as they should be.

Bloodbath: Logan (2017)

Is it the movie with the highest body count? Maybe not, considering I saw both Independence Day movies this year. But it was certainly bloody!

Bravest: Parvana, The Breadwinner (2017)

Going full-out Mulan to help her family survive in pre-American invasion Afghanistan? I was astounded by Parvana’s resilience.

Don’t take opiates, kids: Pink Floyd - The Wall (1982)

Greatest Discovery (Actor): Pierre Étaix, Yoyo (1965, France)

Greatest Discovery (Actress): Brooklynn Prince, The Florida Project (2017)

Greatest Discovery (Director): D.A. Pennebaker, Don’t Look Back (1967) and Monterey Pop (1968)

Hardest ending to watch: The Coward (1965, India)

Satyajit Ray pulling no punches here.

Hypnotic: Notes on a Triangle (1966 short)

A beautiful experimental animated short film. Someone’s going to connect it to the Illuminati or some vast Canadian conspiracy somehow.

Kept me on the edge of my seat: Seven Days to Noon (1950)

A Cold War thriller at the very beginning of the Cold War has so much going for it than so many modern thrillers can never hope to achieve.

Kick-ass moment: This riding scene from The Man from Snowy River (1982)

I’d like to see a chimpanzee with dual-wielding machine guns do that! Make it happen, 20th Century Fox!

Laziest (not worst) film title: Summer Magic (1963)

I mean, the songs are decent and Hayley Mills is, too. But come on, Disney!

Least funny comedy: That Funny Feeling (1965)

Least likely to deserve my negative review 10 years from now: Justice League (2017)

Because you know Zack Snyder will find a way to screw the DCEU up even more.

Least likely to deserve my positive review 10 years from now: I have a hunch it’s gonna be Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)… but I don’t want that to be official here.

Line I will repeat the most down the years: “Apes. Together. Strong.”, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) and War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

Made fashion designers compelling: Funny Face (1957)

Most Inspiring: Swim Team (2016)

A documentary that follows three members of a New Jersey Special Olympics swim team. All those kids have autism, and it is fantastic to see them learn, grow, and live over time. It isn’t a Hoop Dreams, but it doesn’t need to be.

Made me laugh the most: Blackbeard’s Ghost (1968)

And I’m not ashamed to say that. It’s not the best comedy by any means, but I got more laughter and mileage out of this one than anything else.

Most Memorable Use of an Icepick: Scarlet Street (1945)

Don’t spoil if you know!

Most Overrated Picture: Manchester by the Sea (2016)

Casey Affleck had no business winning that Academy Award.

Most Underappreciated: The Great Man (1956)

In our world of “fake news”, this movie - which also comments on how we idealize our heroes - has many echoes on today. It’s a good journalism/news media movie, even if it’s concentrated on early TV and especially radio.

Most Underseen: Bardelys the Magnificent (1926)

A good, entertaining adventure-romance silent film with John Gilbert and Eleanor Boardman. The reason why it’s underseen was because it was considered a lost film until recently, when a near-complete print turned up in France.

Movie I most wished to write on, but wasn’t able to (because I ran out of October to do it): A retrospective on Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) and regular reviews for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) and War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

Movie that I’m most eager to rewatch: Castle in the Sky (1986, Japan)

There was so much going on, and so many departures from Nausicaa that I need time to do a Retrospective review on this some day. It’s a gorgeous film.

Nearly resulted in someone killing me in a theater: In This Corner of the World (2016, Japan)

Yeah, if the main character had gone to Hiroshima, I would have been a goner (and it wouldn’t have been by my own hand).

Raunchiest: Destry Rides Again (1939)

Holy hell. There are so many entendres in here, and Marlene Dietrich is going all out on the sexuality! How did this get pass the Hays Code?

Sorry, I didn’t get it, and I still don’t get all the love for David Lynch (even though Mulholland was great): Eraserhead (1977)

Sounds most like a porno (other than Octopussy because that’s too easy): Peeping Tom (1960)

With apologies to Michael Powell.

Star Trek alumni award: Patrick Stewart, Logan (2017)

Surprisingly relevant political commentary: They Won’t Forget (1937)

Northern-Southern attitudes in the United States? Even a touch of racial relations? Now if only Warner Bros. kept the defendant in the movie Jewish, as he was in real life.

Underrated: Lonely Are the Brave (1962)

One of the best neo-Westerns you are likely to see.

Worst film title: The Hound That Thought He Was a Raccoon (1960)

For chrissakes, Disney.

Worst Moment: All the rapey-ness of Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

It reminded me why the 1980s is in contention for my least favorite decade of filmmaking.

Stay tuned, the 2017 Movie Odyssey Awards will be up shortly! Thank you all for following. Thank you all for being here for as long as you have. Thank you for supporting all this blog does.