#augh i'm SO glad you picked delilah HAHAH

[picnokinesis]

Hello! I decided to choose one song from each playlist that I’d like to know more about if it’s not too spoilery :) It took me a while to narrow down which ones I want info on the most haha, these three are ones I have less specific speculation about.

July Bones from the main playlist

Delilah from the teen playlist

The Funeral from the anterograde playlist

Thanks!!!! :D

HELLO!! This is lowkey so funny, because of all the songs on the teenage Koschei playlist, Delilah was precisely the one I was hoping someone would ask me about - but on the other hand, I had to stand and stare at The Funeral and July Bones for a long moment because for a while I just COMPLETELY FORGOT that I'd even put them on there, let alone why. However, you'll be pleased to know that I've now figured it out hahha

I know this is gonna get long, so under the cut she goes, but if anyone wants links to the playlists in this ask, they're right here!

The Campervan AU playlist

The Teenage Campervan Koschei playlist

The Anterograde AU playlist

July Bones by Richard Walters is a song that I actually found whilst building a playlist for one of my original script projects, and so I primarily associate it with my oc, Jules. However, I actually realised that it was only the vibes that worked for Jules, and that the lyrics weren't relevant to her at all. But campervan au...now that's interesting. As with many of the songs on every playlist I make, but especially campervan au playlists, not every line is necessarily relevant or taken literally. The same is true for some of this one. That said, the opening line hits the nail on the head:

In July, in July, in July I burned all your things And they glow, and they glow, and they glow and the fire still sings

For me, this song is really about the Doctor and Koschei's childhood, and the immediate aftermath of The Thing That Happened on 13/06/1999. Pre-amnesia, the Doctor had a habit of burning her things when she wants to cut ties and make a new start on life. This is my poor man's version of regeneration in a human au. Of course, we also know that the Doctor burnt the curtains at Gallifrey Road, which is what led to her being put into temporary respite care and ending up being fostered by Brax's family. I think in this case, the 'burning' was a lot to do with the fact that, after what happened, Koschei was in prison and the Doctor was basically left alone. And, due to her life in foster care, being passed from one family or group home to another, the only way she's ever learnt to deal with things going awfully wrong is to cut ties, burn bridges, and start completely afresh. With Koschei rubbing off on her, that 'burning bridges' part starts to come rather literal. But no matter what she tries to do, however she tries to remake herself, she still stays the same and makes the same mistakes - and Koschei does too, in his own way. Which works perfectly with this later line of lyrics:

Is it right, is it right, is it right that we can't change? Do we make, do we make, do we make the same mistakes?

The Doctor can't change - she's still defined by everything that happened to her, she's still defined by the things she doesn't remember, the things she tries to forget. She's still defined by Koschei. She tries to burn it all, and it glows and it glows but the fire still sings.

Also, the line 'if only your bones would lie with mine' makes my heart hurt in a very thoschei way, since with regards to the show, I very strongly believe that the Master is mainly motivated by wanting the Doctor to die with him. So, whilst that's not exactly what Koschei wants in campervan au, the vibes are there.

Delilah by The Dresden Dolls is the entire reason I even made a teenage Koschei playlist, and it's so funny to me that you picked it out, because I can just imagine you listening to it, reading the lyrics and going 'what' HAHAH - because, for anyone who doesn't know, this song is pretty specific. The precise scenario described in the lyrics is not accurate to what happens in campervan au at all, but emotionally the song is so perfect for young Koschei. Delilah is sung from the point of view of a young woman, Amanda, who is watching her close friend Delilah (or, as the song writer as confirmed, her own younger self) who keeps getting sucked into abusive relationships. It's quite an angry song of the frustration of watching someone you love dearly being self-destructive and not wanting to be saved, being angry at them and berating them (or yourself) for this, and how much you want to just drag them into a car, get the hell out of the situation and drive into the sunset. It's probably a difficult song for some folks because it's got a lot of victim blaming in it, but it's actually really interesting when you consider that the singer is actually berating her younger self. When I first listened to it, before I knew that, I actually imagined that the singing pov character was in love with her best friend, which added a whole other layer to the thing. You ever been so angry with someone that you love more than anything because they won't let you save them from intentionally walking into things that hurt them?

Koschei has.

I'll have to be careful not to go too much into spoiler territory here. But. In the backstory in campervan au, there is definitely an element of abuse involved with regards to what is going on with John. There is also an element of Koschei trying to save him from that situation, and John refusing to leave. Obviously, it's not so easy to just get up and go, but Koschei is an angry and desperate teenager who is horrifically in love with his best friend, and not necessarily thinking in a way that's nice or kind or understanding or 'right'. He's exactly like Amanda. He's so angry at the situation, but he's also angry at JOHN for not letting him save him. Also, if you remember in the last chapter of part 6, we saw the childhood promise that these two made to each other: that they'd age out together at 18 and would get a van and just drive off so no one could bother them again. So then you've got to imagine Koschei having this fantasy of rescuing John, of John letting him, and the two of them racing off in this van together. That's what the last minute and a half of the song is. This glorious, rising crescendo of this dream of the both of them getting out, the both of them being alive, being okay, being happy - you need a ride, delilah? let's see how fast this thing can go

It's like, SO painfully perfect for Koschei in that emotional moment, and it lowkey makes me want to tear up, just thinking about him envisaging getting John away from it all. The tragedy, of course, is that he never manages it. EXCEPT IN AU5!! Which is the verse were John actually escapes with him and they run away together (they just don't get the van until they're eighteen lol). There's also a line in Delilah that works perfectly for au5, but because of the pronouns, it's actually got a completely different meaning out of context for au5 compared to what it means in the Actual Song, because it becomes about Kosch's violent protectiveness rather than victim-blaming Delilah haha. And it's this line:

And if you take him home You get what you deserve

There's also this line too which works perfectly for Koschei having genderfluid transfemme dysphoria moments:

You might be flat, but you're breathing

The Funeral by Band of Horses is such a classic, and it's funny because I genuinely had to wrack my brains for SO long on this one and why the hell it's on the anterograde playlist, because I made that one such a long time ago now. But then suddenly it hit me, and it's like a kick to the shins.

Really too late to call, so we wait for Morning to wake you, is all we got And to know me as hardly golden Is to know me all wrong, they warn At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral

I think the common interpretation of this song is that it's about something that is inevitably going to die - whether that's another person, or a relationship, or whatever - and being constantly braced for that ending to come. This is very reminiscent of how Koschei (and the Doc, to some extent) feels in anterograde. He is constantly waiting for the Doctor's memory to reset - for that small 'death' to occur, and for him to start over again. Every occasion, he knows that the Doctor will not remember anything that she's experiencing by the next day. Every moment will die as a memory she's failed to retain. Every occasion, he's bracing himself for that death. His entire life, from that point on, is a one billion day funeral. And he doesn't know exactly when it'll happen, he just has to wait for morning to wake her and they start all over again. That's all he has.

Also, because it wouldn't be thoschei without a little bit of toxicity:

I'm coming up only to hold you under I'm coming up only to show you wrong

This isn't just them being a bit mutually awful, though. These two both believe things about the other that are incorrect. Koschei, for example, firmly believes that the Doctor would have vanished from him by now if her memory wasn't resetting every day. He also believes that the Doctor will never trust him fully. And, I mean, fundamentally he's not wrong about both of those things - but over time, as they become the only solid rock in each other's lives, the Doctor does change. She doesn't really realise it, but the brain can learn in ways outside of episodic memory, and she learns to feel that he's meant to be there, that she's safe with him (this was a complicated one, but the root of it has always been there) and that she doesn't want to run away any more. It takes a while for both of them to REALISE THIS though, and so they kind of end up just proving each other wrong by existing in each's others space.

Hope this all made sense!! :D