#au:birthday

[ggukkiereads]

It was a mistake, wasn’t it? To love someone, to continue loving someone even when they didn’t love you back?

🌷 Okay what’s with that library girl hanging around Jungkook?! UGH. How can he have that moment with OC few weeks ago and then resume life as if it didn’t shake hoim a bit. That staredown, too? Just kiss and stop pretending you are interested in other people 🙄. When I was revisiting some of the scenes, I realize this scenario reminded me of that song "Somebody That I Used to Know", which I love so much because I like that kind of angst lol. It got a bit weird I guess when they started going back into the stuff they usually do but for some reason there wasn’t a solid communication  about the gaps that led to their break up? So it wasn’t surprising when OC pulled the plug and gave JK the space. I guess I just missed that part about why the ball is in Jungkook’s court and why is it up to him how their future state will go; I thought it was mutual why they broke up and it seemed more of OC leading that decision to separate. So why Jungkook’s call now? Anyway, must be something I just missed between reading parts. I think that end with Jungkook putting a bit of Maniac was just so funny (if you don’t know the context of the shovel, it’d be creepy lol). ! And so fitting too. Can I also say that one of my favorite moments is anything Taehyung?!?! Hahaha thank you for adding this adorable Taehyung because he sure made me laugh after experiencing this sad feeling for the two MCs who seriously need to just communicate properly. Thank you for finishing their story =) 

maniac pt.2: 100%

ex boyfriend!jjk x reader

genre: angst ft. Fluff

word count: 6.1 k

warning: drunk! jk, y/n cries a lot, Conan Gray songs (I like him don’t come at me), mentions of sexual themes, language (as always), slightly annoying plot but I got in THE FEELS™️ okay????

synopsis: a mutual breakup from your long term boyfriend leaves you inevitably devastated, but a unexpected collaboration may just be the breakthrough the two of you needed.

read part 1

“Fuck you.”

“That’s your job, love, not mine.”

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

To say that Jeon Jeongguk avoided you after the… ordeal… was the biggest understatement of understatements. The man disappeared. One moment you could see him on campus out of the corner of your eyes, then the next second: poof he dematerialized.

You thought about texting him, demanding him to… to… to what? Apologize? You weren’t sure if that was what you wanted. You were, afterall, going to kiss him if he hadn’t kissed you first…

Fuck… He was like a drug. You grazed your lips lightly with the tips of your own fingers… It was as if you had been clean for 9 months of him and that one single taste, that one single brush of his tantalizing lips against your own got you hooked once again. You craved him.

So, it was more than a surprise for you when you walked into your favorite library on campus to see Jeongguk behind the counter. Even more so since there was a girl in front of him who was obviously flirting with the man. And the world seemed to fade around you when you realized that Jeongguk had welcomed the flirting.

You shouldn’t feel upset, betrayed, queasy or anything even remotely close to what you were feeling. You had broken up; he was free to be with whoever he wanted. Free to meet, flirt and date whoever and whenever he wanted.

But the stabbing feeling in your gut couldn’t be ignored.

When you read romance in books, they always described this feeling as someone stabbing in your heart. But why was that? Your heart felt fine. It was beating stronger and faster if anything. However, your gut, your stomach felt hollow. A clawing feeling from the inside made you want to vomit. It was as if your body was telling you that something was wrong. That the pain of betrayal was physically excruciating.

Not that you were betrayed.

You were his ex, nothing less… nothing more.

You glanced over your shoulder once more as you exited the library, Jeongguk was watching you with a raised brow. The girl tugged on his sleeve for his attention once she realized it fled, he indulged her.

You slipped out of there silently.

///

The demo went successfully though you were half-afraid that Jeongguk would not show up. He did, he just didn’t acknowledge your presence. The professors from the music department congratulated you and were excited to see your performance in the next month. Jeongguk ate it all up while you stood there as if you were stoned, eyes glazing over as you watched Jeongguk interact with them with natural ease.

It was sickening.

Every time the conversation went to you, he went silent, Jeongguk looked around the demo room with an expression of faux curiosity. He masked his obvious distaste for the topic, you would’ve been fooled if you hadn’t been so tuned into his emotions before. Jeongguk was a master at masking his feelings… when he wanted to be.

“Y/N.”

You whipped your head up to see all the professors looking at you expectantly, even Jeongguk looked at you with a slight frown, “Sorry… What was the question?”

Professor Shin smiled, “Oh no worries, Y/N! We were just wondering if you had anything in mind after graduation. But that’s of no matter!” She looked at Jeongguk then back at you before smiling, “You both have been working so hard! No wonder you’re a little out of it.” She stepped back, calling the hoard of professors to retreat, “We’ll be looking forward to your performance, Y/N and Jeongguk.”

An inevitable breath escaped your lips when the professors were a safe distance away from the demo room. “You good?”

You almost yelped at Jeongguk’s voice; you had forgotten he was even there.

“Yes.” You turned away to gather your things, “Hey about-“

“Y’know the-“ He started at the same time.

You both stopped, staring at each other, “You go.”

“No, it’s okay. You go.”

“No, it’s okay…”

“Okay well…” His hand went to the back of his neck, “About the night at your apartment, when we kissed… that was-“

“A mistake,” You blurted, steeling yourself, “It was a mistake.”

Jeongguk’s expression was blank, “Right. Yes. That was what I was going to say. A mistake.” He drawled, dropping his han, “A mistake.” He enunciated, emphasizing each syllable, “Nothing more.”

You let out the breath you were holding in, “E-exactly.”

“We make so many mistakes, don’t we?” Jeongguk laughed grimly, “The kiss, this project and…”

This relationship.

He didn’t say it, but the words echoed in your brain. It was a mistake, wasn’t it? To love someone, to continue loving someone even when they didn’t love you back? That’s the greatest mistake we can make, a clash between our hearts and our minds. You shouldn’t feel this way, but you did. You chose to.

The silence was deafening.

“I…” You grabbed your things, quickly shoving them into your bag, “I’ll see you at rehearsal.”

Jeongguk studied you through the hoods of his eyes, his expression tense with a kind of aristocratic rigidity, “Fine.”

“Fine.”

//

You saw Jeongguk with the girl from the library around campus.

Her arms were always around him; she was always touching him (not that you were looking). Her fingers were always playing with his hair or the strings of his hoodie. Her legs were always over his as she sat on his lap. Her lips were usually grazing his collarbone or against the shell of his ear.

Those were the moments you wanted to wretch her hands off of him.

She didn’t know him.

She didn’t know that Jeongguk hated it when his hair was touched, he preferred light tugs on the strands at the base of his neck or the fact that he hated uneven strings in his hoodie (he would immediately fix them if they were asymmetrical after she tugged them, making you smirk silently…(not that you were looking)). She didn’t know that his stomach got cold easily and preferred legs around his waist when sitting on his lap. She didn’t know that he was ticklish on his collarbones and ears, that he preferred forehead kisses and nose scrunches rather than whispered secrets.

She didn’t know him.

But he still smiled when he looked at her. The does eyes scrunched upwards into an expression you had seen so often that you memorized it.

And it chilled you. They say heartbreak and anger are one, they are hot like fire lapping at your skin as tears formed in the corners of your eyes. But that wasn’t true, you were cold. Everything felt cold and empty, the memories of the warm body next to you had transformed into only mist of him. A cold ghost of memory that caressed your mind ever so often with hands you wished to escape from.

He was looking at you now, your eyes made the smallest sliver of contact that you held onto like a lifeline.

He didn’t let go. You wished he did, you didn’t want to be caught overanalyzing this moment hours later. But he didn’t let go. He held your gaze.

So, you broke it.

//

“Y/NnNnnNNnnNnNnNNnnNnnnnnNnnn.” Taehyung whined as he flopped on top of your bed, which usually wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that you were still in it, “Let’s go! You can’t just spend your 22nd birthday in bed!”

You let out a muffled groan at the additional weight that was piled on you suddenly, “I don’t want to…”

“Come onnnnnnnnn.” Taehyung pulled you by the arm, dragging you slowly out of your covers, “You haven’t moved at all since you woke up.”

“A perfect way to spend a birthday.”

“Nonsense.” Taehyung succeeded pulling you out of your mattress, he kneeled over your body flopped on the floor, “Wake uppppppppppppppppppppp.”

“Nooooooo.”

“Y/NNnnnNnNnNNNnNnnN.” Your roommate continued to fuss.

“No.”

“I’ll do the dishes for a week.”

You head snapped up, “And the laundry?”

“Now we’re going too far. This is your birthday if you didn’t remember.”

You crawled back toward the bed, “Bye then.”

“Three days!”

“Five.”

Taehyung let out a sound that was between a yell and groan, “Four days! Final offer!”

You smiled; you were already planning to go the first time he asked anyway.

///

You shouldn’t have come.

The music in the frat house was loud and the lights blinding, your eyes went spotty with splashes of neon pink against the black of your eyelids every time you blinked. Taehyung tried to keep you engaged, pulling you to the living room that doubled as a dance floor, the bar, the dance floor, the bar over and over again even though he knew that you didn’t drink on your birthday.

You shouldn’t have come.

You didn’t even initially decide to come to the house anyway, you and Taehyung had dressed up for the cinema 10 minutes away, but the movie was cancelled, and the McDonald’s ice cream machine was broken. The house was plan c and the one you were least looking forward to.

Everything was too loud and too heavy, the air thick with the smell of underage drinking and sex. What a horrible way to spend your birthday.

You shook your head as you watched Taehyung being practically carried away by a group of football players, how an eccentric art student like him was able to be friends with all groups of kids baffled you sometimes.

Left alone to your own devices, you picked up some punch (which you were about 75% sure was spiked with vodka) before making your way upstairs to take a nap or do whatever to make the time go by faster. Taehyung was the one who drove you but seeing how much he’s been drinking; it seems like you wouldn’t be going home tonight at all.

Wandering the halls alone in a frat house was admittedly not your best idea but the desire to get away from the stench motivated you to open several rooms and be exposed to encounters and asscracks you could’ve gone your whole life without seeing.

After seeing a particularly risque encounter (you didn’t know people could bend like that in handcuffs), you had pratically lost all hope for the beloved nap. Sighing as you fought the urge to bang your head against the closet door, you leaned the back of your head against it as you stared at nothing...until a flashing pink dot started to jump against the black of the hallway.

It was Jeongguk.

It was a terrified Jeongguk.

It was a terrified Jeongguk in hot pink running towards you.

You froze as his eyes brightened in realization as he made his way towards you; in a flash of hot pink, he grabbed your wrist before pulling you along with him into the door you were contemplating banging your head against.

“Jeonggu-”

He pressed the rough pad of his fingertip against your lip, fingers that were covered in small calluses from all the times he would play his guitar as you baked in the back, “Shhhhh.”

This was the closest you’d ever been to him since the kiss-that-shall-not-be-named. The room was barely lit with fragments of light leaking from the doorframe’s gaps which highlighted his focused face in sharp shades. You thought about the moonlight: how it had danced around him in the earliest of nights months ago with his eyes twinkling in delight from your midnight escapades. They turned those brown eyes into pure honey.

With his chest against yours and his head leaned over your own to press his ear against the shut door you were unable to hear beyond the steady beat of his heart that your ear was pressed against; his soft breaths caressed your forehead as he leant past you to survey the sounds outside the door. The only thing that broke the silence were the occasional mumbles and shrieks of drunken girls and the hitching of your own breath.

The periodic silence allowed you to observe the room you had been pulled into, though you found it to be less of a room than you’d originally given it credit for. The floor and lower shelves were crammed with an assortment of shoeboxes and hidden vodka, the upper half was littered with winter coats and even more vodka. Jeongguk, in his panic from running away from whatever he was, had pulled the two of you into a closet.

Jeon fucking Jeongguk was wearing a hot pink set pulled you, his ex, into a closet in a frat house on your birthday.

Could this situation get any fucking weirder?

The silence hung thick in the air until you finally felt him relax against you, ”What the fuck was that?”

“Shh!” He pressed his finger against your lips before you snatched them away.

“Answers. Now.”

Jeongguk frowned and looked around his surroundings for the first time since he had pulled you both in.

“Jeongguk.” You gritted your teeth, praying to whichever deity that he couldn’t feel how uncomfortably hot you were getting, “Explain.”

“I’m hiding.”

“I’m hoping so because there is no other reason that you and I should be in a closet together, especially when you have a girlfriend.” You snapped.

Jeongguk frown slightly twitched before dissolving into a masked smirk, “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“What-”

“We broke up two months ago. I’m hiding.”

Two months ago was your accident, not that it mattered. You filed that information in the back of your mind.

Your brows wrinkled at the recollection of the younger girl that had practically thrown herself against Jeongguk. She certainly did seem persistent but not someone Jeongguk couldn’t handle, “From her?”

“It seems that my charms are too addictive to some women.” His eyes flickered over to your own before he stepped back, allowing you to have your own inch of your personal bubble (thank you very much).

You pretended not to notice, “Why hot pink?”

“Why not?”

“You don’t wear hot pink.”

“And how would you know that?” He nearly sneered, “People change.”

“People change, they don’t transform.”

Jeongguk stayed silent for a moment as if he conceded, “It was a deal.” He grumbled, “Wear hot pink and she’d agreed to leave me alone.”

“Did it work?”

“Obviously not.”

You snorted and covered your mouth to stop the laughter that was escaping from your lips, “I’m sorry.” You wheezed, “But I can’t believe you fell for that trend.”

He raised a brow.

“True love in hot pink.” You wheezed between laughs.

Jeongguk’s face went blank before they went comically wide with realization, making you laugh even harder.

“Shut up! You’re going to get us caught!”

“’m sorry!” You wheezed, “Can’t elp it.”

At the noise of drunken singing (very off-key by the way), Jeongguk covered your mouth with his own palm and pushed his ear against the door, the sudden movement shocked you into silence. Jeongguk didn’t even seem to notice your laughter ceasing and only focused on the footsteps that barreled around your area, muffled female voices that were clearly looking for Jeongguk passed frequently around the closet.

Even though you didn’t do anything wrong, you trembled at the thought of being caught.

After a few heart-racing silences, Jeongguk whispered, “I think they’re gone.”

You nodded in response, tugging at the sleeve of his hot pink jumper to let you go.

“Oh sorry.” He shifted his hand away from your mouth but didn’t quite leave your face, his tattooed fingers still caressing your cheek and the calluses on his palms scratching your jawline lightly.

And you looked up to see galaxies.

“You-”

“Maniac.” He whispered, “You’re insane.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, “Am I?”

“Psychopath.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

Jeongguk grinned at the reference, “We had magic.”

“But you made it tragic.”

His smile disappeared, “did I?”

“I-”

“Why did we break up, Y/N?”

You didn’t say because you couldn’t... because you didn’t know why. You had reasons then, reasons that you had used to build a resume of persuasion to break it off with him. You swore you did; it was the fighting (didn’t you always make up though), the constant need for attention (but didn’t he give you space), the fear of abandonment (did he ever leave you?)

Yes.

Yes, he did.

“Because you wanted to.” You said bitterly, that was it. You only wanted it to end... because he did. You didn’t want to grab him, force him to stay, you let him go because he wanted to.

“I didn’t want to.” He whispered, “I won’t say there weren’t days where I wondered what it was like to be single again, but I never saw my life like... this.”

“This?”

“Ignoring each other like there was nothing.” He pulled on a curl that escaped your hair before he looked into your eyes with a type of desperation. As if he wanted you to please just understand, “Like it was a mistake. It was never a mistake.”

“Okay well…” His hand went to the back of his neck, “About the night at your apartment, when we kissed… that was-“

“A mistake,” You blurted, steeling yourself, “It was a mistake.”

Jeongguk’s expression was blank, “Right. Yes. That was what I was going to say. A mistake.”

“If anything,” His voice cracked, “It was the best decision I made.”

You don’t remember what possessed you to grab him, but that single confession sparked something inside you that drove you over the edge. You grasped his shirt before pulling him towards you, his lips seconds apart from brushing against your lips. His eyes widened at your sudden boldness before they shifted into something like hunger.

The hand that caressed your face tightened slightly against your jaw; his eyes flickered down to your lips before he slowly kissed you. It was almost as if he was breathing you in.

He kissed you with a kind of softness that you had missed, the kind that made you feel like there was no one else, nothing else and there will be nothing else in the future. He pressed against you with a timid sort of fervor that was new. Your kisses with him were usually sure and comfortable, but there was a side emerging that you’d never experienced before.

He tasted old and yet new. He tasted different than from months ago, a lover that knew how to mold your body in pliancy without making it routinely, making your blood ignite when he sucked on your bottom lip before trailing his lips away from your mouth to your neck. Every press of his lips left purple marks that screamed his presence, a reminder that made sure you couldn’t deny all of this and chalk it up to a delusion that this was all a dream in the morning.

You gasped when he bit down slightly on the base of your neck, you could feel his lips curve into a grin when he kissed the mark, “So you’d remember.”

You kissed him again. And again. And again.

///

“I’ve missed this.” Jeongguk muttered into your hair, he smelled of cheap alcohol and himself.

You snuggled closer to him on the couch, “Me too.”

The two of you left the frat party in a drunken haze, for you, it wasn’t from the drinking but from the kiss. You giggled as he stumbled into your apartment in clumsy blur. He pouted before he pulled you into him in response. You two ended up as a heap of laughter and sweat on the floor before he had hulled you on the couch where you were right now.

You didn’t care what you were to Jeongguk, not right now. Right now, you were in his arms with his scent filling your nose. You wanted to focus on that, focus on this moment before it evaporated in the morning.

You wished that this night would never end, that this bliss would go on forever. That your kisses would leave stains that lasted longer than the marks on your neck. You wanted this to last. You knew it wouldn’t, but your mind begged for it.

“Goodnight.” He whispered an end.

“Goodnight.”

///

The first thing you saw in your clearer state of mind was Taehyung screaming before tackling a tired-looking Jeongguk onto the floor.

No, that was actually the second thing. The first thing you noticed was the fact that Jeongguk was indeed shirtless and walking around in your apartment with pajama bottoms that he had left months ago. How he still remembered where the pajama bottoms were and the fact that they existed in your possessions was a question you filed away to ask later.

Right now, your roommate had to be calmed down before either one of them busted a blood vessel (or an eye, depending on how violent Taehyung was feeling today).

“Taehyung! What is wrong with you!?” You hauled your roommate away from Jeongguk who had a stupendous grin on his face. Fuck, you missed that- NOT THE TIME Y/N!

“What’s wrong with me?” Taehyung nearly scoffed, “I saved you from this foul, evil, little-” Taehyung pointed accusingly at Jeongguk, “RODENT from defaming you!”

You sent a pointed look at Jeongguk, “What did you say?”

Jeongguk batted his lashes before he shrugged, “I just said that I spent the night here.”

The response from Taehyung was almost automatic, “SEE!” He nearly stomped on the floor, “This... thing was walking around half-naked, looking freshly fucked while you were laying unconscious in a burrito state on our couch! What else was I supposed to assume except that he kidnapped you to our apartment before he decided to tuck you into the couch, so he had access to all the creepy ex-boyfriend material he want- Wait what is that on your neck?”

Your hand automatically slapped over the bite mark, “I- Um.”

“Did he hit you?” Taehyung nearly growled looking ready to fight Jeongguk once again.

“No! Taehyung calm down-”

“Wait why does it have little incisions-” His mouth snapped shut before his complexion visibly paled, “I-is that a hickey?”

“Taehyung,” You stepped toward him with raised hands, “I can explain-”

“Oh my god you did fuck him.” Taehyung turned automatically to Jeongguk, his voice deadly calm, “Use protection, I don’t want to be a godfather at 22.”

Jeongguk rolled his eyes, “You are not going to be the godfather of my kids.”

“Good, I’m going to be the godfather of Y/N’s kids so I’m glad my godchildren won’t be fuckboy spawns with piercings and guitar hands.” Taehyung rolled his eyes, “But if you hurt her again, I will not be against castrating you.” He threatened,

“Taehyung, we’re not fucking.” You pressed your fingers to your temple; it was much too early for this.

“Sure, and I 100% did not see you having a vampire kink considering the size of the bite on your neck.” Taehyung checked his watch, “I have class. Gotta go. Use condoms.”

And then he left.

Jeongguk looked up to you from the floor, he raised a brow suggestively, “So a vampire kink, huh?”

You kicked him in the balls.

///

“Jeongguk-” You tried through his kiss, “We have work- mph-”

“Later.”

///

Your day was horrid, not only did you wake up 10 minutes late, cursing the fact you were a woman. You had to run to your calculus lecture across campus with horrible cramps that made you want to cry with every step, your usual café ran out of your favorite drink, and Taehyung ate the last slice of cake.

It was international “fuck y/n” day apparently.

So, by the time you met Jeongguk at his dorm for practice (as you were doing so for the past 2 weeks), you were exhausted and snappy.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you today?” Jeongguk asked, pulling off his glasses after the 17th sarcastic comment and 5th snipped response you gave.

“Nothing.” You mumbled, “Just having a bad day.”

Jeongguk sighed before leaning back in his chair, his expression went blank for a few seconds before he leaned toward the table again, “There’s cupcakes in the fridge.”

You had to school your excitement, “What?”

“I thought it would be nice to surprise you later with cupcakes, but it seems like now’s the best time. Get up, we’re taking these to your apartment.”

“But what about-”

“Frankly, Y/N, we’ve gotten only 2 lines done in the last 40 minutes, we’re not very productive today.” He grabbed your scarf and wrapped it around you, “We’re going to go to your apartment and watch the rest of Business Proposal because Ahn Hyo Seop is fucking hot while pigging out on overpriced cupcakes, okay?”

“Okay.”

And that’s exactly what you two did.

///

“You probably need to reword this part again.”

“Mmm.”

“And this should probably be C natural and not C flat, it sounds a bit odd.”

“Mhmmm.”

“And this- Jeongguk please for the love of god stop kissing my neck!” You let out an exasperated sigh before pushing him off of you.

Jeongguk pouted, “I thought you liked me kissing you.”

“I don’t! I mean I do! Just not when I’m working- we're working.” Flashes of the last 10 minutes of making out with him on the couch with your notes astray on the floor spawned in your mind, “I mean sometimes it’s okay. But not when I’m focusing, but like I’m-” Jeongguk smirked, “I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“No, do continue,” Jeongguk propped his head onto one of his knuckles, “I love hearing your rambles on how much you like kissing me.”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s your job, love, not mine.”

You elbowed him in the stomach for that one.

///

“I hate this part.”

“Too bad.”

“You know when you had a bad day, I fed you cupcakes.” Jeongguk glared, “But when I have a bad day, you steal my house and my money?”

“You’re the one who wanted to play this stupid game,” You threw a spare dollar at him. “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You only did this to yourself.”

“Don’t gaslight me!” He whined, “AND GIVE ME BACK THE BOARDWALK!”

“NO!”

You lunged for your cards as he reached for them, he tried to wrestle them out of your grasp causing the two of you to roll around on the monopoly board. Your empire, fed by Jeongguk’s bankruptcy, fell apart.

“Yes!” He screeched when he finally pulled the battered card out of your grasp, “I win!” He pressed a kiss against your lips.

“That’s not how the game works.” You glared once he pulled away.

“Well, I get to do this, so I think I’m the winner.” He said before his lips met yours once again, little did he realize that you believed you were the true winner for that.

///

“Hey, so remember Jungshin?” Jeongguk murmured from behind you. The two of you had put on a movie after a rather heated game of UNO (which turned into a rather heated makeout session but that was of no matter). It was a movie you had already watched before, a rather boring one at that (something about a kid and his dead hamster... or was it a hamster and its dead human?) but with Jeongguk’s arm around your waist and his nose buried in your hair, even the most boring movie seemed bearable.

“Yeah...” You muttered absent-mindedly as the kid (not the hamster) started to wail on screen.

“He’s getting married.”

“Isn’t he like 24?”

“Yeah.” You could feel Jeongguk shaking his head, “Insane to be married that young. But I need a plus one. Wanna come?”

“When is it?”

“January.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You liked Jungshin, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. It was then that it hit you, “Jeongguk.”

“Hm?” He murmured as he pressed a kiss on the shell of your ear,

“What are we?”

Jeongguk froze from behind you.

Well, that was an answer.

You sat up, throwing Jeongguk’s arm away from your body, “Jeongguk...” You tried calmly, “what are we doing?”

His expression went blank, “What do you mean?”

“We- you- I-” You let out a frustrated sigh before standing up to face him, “We cuddle, we kiss-”

“We do more than just kiss.”

You rolled your eyes, “We make out, we go on little dates, and you always come over.” You listed them off your fingers, “And now, you want me to go to a wedding with you. Jeongguk, what are we doing? What are we?”

He reached for you, “Y/N-”

You stepped back, “Because I would consider this dating.”

Perhaps you were looking into this too much. Yes, perhaps you were, but could anyone blame you? In the 2 months that you and Jeongguk have been... doing this, there wasn’t a single label. You didn’t call each other anything, you just were... You desperately wanted it. You wanted to be wanted by him.

But the two of you never talked about the breakup. You glazed over it like it never happened and you could see way: it was messy. It was crazy. Unpleasant.

His face dropped and with that, your heart shattered. “I guess you don’t think the same way.”

“Y/N, no I-”

“Jeongguk,” You looked away, “I don’t think I can look at you right now, I need time. You need time.”

“Y/N-”

“Jeongguk.” You swallowed the knot in your throat, “I like you, sometimes I think a little too much. And that honestly scares me because we’ve done this before.” You looked straight at him, watching the light in his eyes shatter as you continued, “And it didn’t end well. But I know that if you don’t walk out of those doors right now, I will give you my heart over and over and over again. I will let you bruise it, shatter it and completely demolish it, but I’d still hand it to you again with a kiss.” Your lips trembled, “And I don’t want to start something without having a sure answer from you that you’d be committed. I’m not even asking for 100% just 90, maybe not even that. But I don’t want to start this and beg you to stay, I can’t handle that from you. Not again.”

His mouth clamped shut and you couldn’t blame him; it was a low blow, really, to bring up the breakup. But it was true, you wouldn’t be able to handle that type of heartbreak from Jeongguk for a second time, not when you were still recovering from the first.

“Please get out. I can’t do this right now.” You bowed your head, forcing the tears from releasing.

They unleashed like a storm at the shut of the door.

----

You didn’t talk for days.

Again.

---

Jeongguk <3: Hey

You: Hi

Jeongguk: I’m sorry

You: I know.

Jeongguk: I need time.

You: I know.

//

You saw Jeongguk around campus, he waved to you. You waved back.

Sometimes, you thought that was worse than when the two of you had ignored each other. He wasn’t a stranger, not anymore. But he wasn’t a friend either. He was another generic face in the crowd that you were friendly with rather than another stranger.

Faux friendliness, fake smiles and avoiding glances across the room.

Why was it so hard? It had only been two weeks, but the hole he left in your life was too noticeable. A Jeongguk-sized hole that he could only fill.

And in a twisted way... you wished he felt that same emptiness in his heart with you.

//

Ex: Are we going to continue the recording?

You: Festival is around 3 months away

Ex: Okay

You: Okay

//

Ex: You looked wretty today

Ex: I mean fuck tou always do

Ex: I’m wsirry

Ex: I still lpve you

// Ex: sorry about yesterday

Ex: I was drunk

You: It’s okay

You: I was drunk too

//

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?” Taehyung asked as he shrugged on his coat.

It had been 2 weeks since Jeongguk’s last text, 3 since you had asked him to take time.

Maybe you had been too harsh on him.

“I’ll be fine.” You waved Taehyung away as you started another episode of Squid Game, “I don’t even like drinking, go have fun with Jimin.”

“Okay.” Taehyung hesitated before opening the door, “You looked happy y’know?”

“Hm?”

“As much as I hate to give that douchebag any credit,” Taehyung curled his bottom lip, “You looked happy when you were with him. I know it’s not my place, but Y/N... You glowed.”

//

It was around 11 pm when Taehyung started pounding on your door, you rolled your eyes as you contemplated whether to leave your roommate in his drunken haze outside your apartment. Well it was his fault for not taking his keys...

Deciding to be a dutiful roommate, you unlocked the door, “Taehyung, I swear if you throw up on my good shoes again-”

“I don’t think I want to throw up on your shoes.” Jeongguk replied, “Or you actually.”

Jeongguk.

With a shovel and a rose.

You stared. It had been weeks since the two of you had a conversation and here he was at your door, holding a shovel and a rose to match the song that you two had been working on.

“Is this a joke?” You asked much too snappily than you would’ve liked.

You had imagined this moment, the moment when Jeongguk gave you an answer, but never like this. Never when you were sitting in a ratty old hoodie and ill-fitting pajama bottoms, never with him leaning the shovel outside your door while grasping the rose so delicately. Never with him looking into your eyes full of the determination of a soldier.

“No,” He replied calmly.

“Then what is this?”

“A confession. If you’d let me.”

Your knees went weak but you still narrowed your eyes at him. Jeongguk wasn’t a man of many words and right now, despite your longing to bury yourself into his chest, you wanted to hear the right words from him.

You leaned against the doorframe and crossed your arms, “Go on then.”

“I don’t know.” Jeongguk started, “I thought about for weeks, Y/N. But I don’t know what to call us.”

Your heart sunk a little.

“But I know what I want to call you.” He whispered, “I want to call you my girlfriend but that word isn’t enough to describe how I feel, Y/N. You- I...” He took a deep breath, “Fuck, I had I script but I can’t even remember it now.” He laughed to himself grimly.

You curled your lip to keep yourself from laughing endearingly. You had to have an answer from him, you needed his word.

“It’s you.” He muttered, “I cannot describe it beyond that, it’s you and it will always be you. Those nights that I wondered if this was enough, if this was love showed me nothing but the fact that it is you.” He finally looked at you, “I don’t believe in true love, but with you, I want to give it a shot because when I see you, Y/N fuck, I want you in any capacity you’d have me. I’m late. I know. You can kick me to the curb, I’d hand you the shovel to bury me and the rose to put on my grave eagerly if you think that’s what I deserve. I’ll take whatever you give me. I’ll hand you my heart, I’ll let you trample on it, bruise it and shatter it and I will still hand it to you even if you stop handing me yours.”

“Because Y/N...” He nearly whispered, “I’m not sure 100%, I will never be sure 100% but I’ll give you my 99, my 99.9999 because... I think I love you.”

You wanted to capture this moment, the way he looked at you right now... you wanted it to last forever. And perhaps, it would.

“I’ll take it.” You whispered, stepping towards him, “Your 90, your 99, your 99.999 and that 1 percent that .0001 percent that you’re in doubt, I’ll fill that 1 percent up. Because Jeongguk...” Your hands grazed the back of his neck as he continued to stare, “I think I love you too.”

And you kissed him.

“Only 1 percent?” He smiled cheekily against your lips.

“No, you idiot, 100%… together.”

Being with him was a gamble, one that you could lose but you’d take it anyway. There was no 100% guarantee of success, but perhaps, you could make it the closest to it together.

end pt 2/2

a/n: I have nothing to say for myself. It’s been some time-

[ggukkiereads]

🌷 I waited for this because I felt the last chapter was too open ended and I didn’t know how to feel. I am glad you shared the aftermath because it shows they can do more together, than apart. The grapefruit scene? What a way to break our hearts. I just wanted to hug fictional Jungkook because his heartbreaking speech reminded me of his cute weekly updates. OC was right in saying he’s actually more invested and it’s also hard on him. It may seem unfair how she shut off people (or JK in particular) but we have different ways of coping. I am just glad you wrote Jungkook this way. Why is he perfect 🥺? I’m like crying but same time swooning over him and his loving heart. I love this ending, thank you for giving their story closure 🥰

RED | JJK (3/3)

Summary: You drunkenly sleep with your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Can’t be that bad right? Unless he gets you pregnant.

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: FLUFF, smut, angst:(( pregnancy au

Word Count: 18.5k (twc:44k)

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, dealing with grief, mention of character death, crying, hyperventilating, guilt, pity, slight masturbation, brief oral (male rec.) vaginal fingering, unprotected sex, mutual orgasms.

Notes: finally after like a year you guys can see what happens after part 2! :] also, @thedivinechildd you asked me to tag you so<3 anyway, enjoy the end!

© taestefully-in-luv

Part 1 Part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You can’t believe she is already a year old. Nari’s big eyes wander around, taking in her world as you carry her in your arms. She observes the blue sky, the yellow sun, the green grass. A grin starts tugging at your lips as you gaze down at your baby girl, your mind laughing at the irony—Jungkook wanted her to look like you so bad…yet here she is, his mini me. Her eyes, her mouth…it’s him. And you fall more in love with the facts. This is unconditional love, you think. Her curious eyes finally find you again and you melt, her eyes really are his—they sparkle like they hold every star in every universe. 

Suddenly Jungkook’s arm is wrapping around you, his body close as he gets snug into your side. He looks down at Nari, his smile matching hers and you feel your body go weak, melting all over again at the sight. This is your family, you think to yourself. Your smile widens as your eyes go back to Nari. Yes, this is your family.

“What are you talking about y/n?” Jungkook asks you, his voice is light and almost cheerful. “What family?”

You whip your head in his direction, brows slowly pulling together as you stare at him in wonder. 

“We aren’t your family.” He tells you, his own smile suddenly dropping. “You made sure of that.”

Your mouth opens to speak but no words tumble out since you are genuinely confused by him. “Jungkook?” You finally manage to at least question him with his name. “What are you talking about?”

“What family?” His head tilts to the side as he starts loosening his grip on you. 

“What fam…? Jungkook—“ You shake your head at him, still confused. You hurry to glance down at your arms to show him baby Nari but when you look down your arms are empty. “Nari?” You blink at the cold emptiness before slowly moving your head to look at Jungkook again.

“We aren’t your family, are we?” Jungkook suddenly looks pained, even with his eyes on you—the one he loves—he looks pained. 

“Y-Yes you are?” Your expression remains puzzled, eyes blinking at the man who begins walking further and further from you. Jungkook…Nari…they’re your family. You’re quick to look down again, quick to anticipate your daughter being held by your very hands.

But when your eyes lock in on your hands you see how they’re painted in red. You stare at your skin with a racing heart now, your eyes going back to find Jungkook for answers but he is no longer here. 

Suddenly the sky is red, the ground is red, everything is red. Clouds begin emerging, a darkness consuming the air around you and it begins raining. Red droplets falling to your skin. Why is the rain red too? Red is scary. Why is everything fucking r—

Beep Beep Beep Beep 

It’s no surprise when your body jolts up right, skin sticky with sweat as you try to find a breath. Waking up like this…in the kind of panic that sends your mind to the scariest of places. It’s also no surprise when your head moves around to get a look at your surroundings and you’re alone in bed. Of course, you’re alone. Your face immediately twisting as your eyes feel the inevitable burn. 

It’s already been over a year since the accident. Yet here you are waking up from another one of your dreams. It’s always like this…a dream teasing you with something so blissful only for it to end with reality. It’s a dream so why does reality intrude? 

Sleeping is a dangerous game, you know this. The beginning of your dreams is the place you want to live—the place where Nari is alive. You try to sleep more just to be able to hold on to your daughter but it always ends like this. It always ends with red. 

And somewhere in the middle of your dream is Jungkook—just like always. And he always looks at you with a pained expression…the same exact one he had the last time you two really spoke. Also over a year ago. 

You aren’t sure how many days or maybe even weeks have passed since coming home from the hospital. The emptiness that consumes you is hard to explain. The world feels blank. You don’t see colors, you don’t even see shapes or lines. Just the world smeared into one gray painting. The painting is huge, it fills your entire line of vision, the empty, gray paint trying to swallow you down. It wraps around you, suffocates you, makes you feel small and useless. 

You spent a while in the hospital, the entire experience faded into some sort of dream—some sort of nightmare. A nightmare you still live in, unfortunately. You don’t even feel the warmth of Jungkook’s arms as he holds you, you don’t feel anything. 

“You have to eat…” Jungkook says softly. “Please eat.”

You don’t even respond properly, you only shake your head weakly. You know deep down that this isn’t fair to Jungkook, he lost just as much as you but somehow you can’t bring yourself to be here for him like he is for you, you guess he is just stronger. 

“Please.” Jungkook chokes on his one word, “Please.” 

It hurts you, it really does. Your eyes finally find the courage to look up into his, his beautiful, dark, doe eyes. His expression is easy to read. He’s devastated. 

“You have to eat.” He softly mumbles. “For me?” 

You slowly start to pinch your brows together as you stare at him, you start to wonder where he got his strength from. Or as you just this weak? Is he even as strong as you are making him out to be?

“Babe…” Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and you wonder if it’s to avoid the welling of tears. “For me?” he repeats, his voice cracking. 

“O-Okay.” You try to swallow but your throat is so dry it hurts. “I’ll eat something.”

At this, Jungkook widens his eyes and begins nodding his head quickly, he leaves your side temporarily to retrieve some food. 

Somehow you were unable to feel the warmth of his arms before but now that he’s gone you do feel a chill. You’re cold without him. 

“Okay,” Jungkook walks back into the room, sniffling with a small smile. “I got you some chicken and garlic noodles.” He walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge, “How does that sound babe?” 

“Good.” You say weakly. You try to sit up as best as you can, your body still aching. The accident did a nasty number on you. Your sore body reminds you every time you even breathe. You know you look horrible, you know Jungkook probably also knows you look horrible but every time he looks at you he smiles and has stars in his pretty eyes. 

“I’m so happy.” Jungkook whispers, playing with his fingers. Your face twists into one of confusion but he continues to look down at his hands. “You’re finally eating something.” He explains, “I was really worried there for a moment.” 

“Oh.” You look down at his hands as well, “I’m sorry.” You apologize weakly, reaching for him. He looks up at you when he feels your hands on his and he gives you another small smile. “I’m sorry I’ve worried you.”

“It’s okay.” He says, “As long as you are getting better every day.”

“I don’t know if I am.” You answer honestly. 

“You are. Yesterday you didn’t eat but today you are.” Jungkook points out, “Progress.” 

“Are you eating?” you ask, you notice his face is looking a little thin.

“I’m…managing.” He answers, “I’ll eat with you too…you know..” he pauses, trying to gather this thoughts. “You know we’re in this…together…right? You aren’t alone…” 

“Jungkook please don’t start this again…” 

“What?” Jungkook lightly snaps, his eyes expanding as he stares at you. “We lost our baby y/n. And I’m not allowed to talk about it?” 

“Please stop.” Your face scrunches up and your eyes start stinging. “I can’t talk about it right now.”

“Fuck…” Jungkook sets the plate of food down onto the nightstand, “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. But you aren’t the only one who lost her…please remember that…” 

And you do remember that. Every single day. You glance over at your window, the sun spilling through the dark curtains and you exhale a deep breath, eyes squeezing shut. But you wonder if he remembers that. Nowadays, you aren’t so sure. 

You think you remember lyrics to some song about how life isn’t about living along but living through. And you wonder where you stand with that. Life for you is just making it through. And you can’t make it through anything if you aren’t employed, unfortunately. Another deep breath before you rise from your bed, dragging your feet to your bathroom where you begin getting ready for the work day. 

You had off work for a while, then you transitioned to working from home…and now you’re back at the office. It’s not exactly thrilling to have the eyes of your coworkers looking at you with their obvious pity but you suppose it’s better than everyone acting like it just didn’t happen—that you didn’t lose your baby and that you aren’t fucking heartbroken. But still, their eyes on you are also a reminder and you aren’t sure what’s worse. But this is how it is now and you don’t know how to escape that. And maybe that’s where your anger stems from—Jungkook found a way to escape while you have not.

~~~

“How does that sound superstar?” Uncle Lou’s got that cheery tone and it’s something that brightens your day.

“For Friday?” You ask slowly, “I don’t know, maybe Thursday would work better.”

“You’d rather come Thursday?” Uncle Lou lifts a brow, his expression suddenly looking antsy. “I’d love for you to come Thursday, but I’m not sure you’d want to.”

“Let me guess,” You begin to huff out, “Jungkook is going to be there?”

Uncle Lou replaces his antsy lip nibbling with a smile. “Yeah, we’re grilling.” He tells you, tone soft and careful. “He’s busy this weekend and I wanted to still celebrate his birthday somehow.”

 You hold the phone away from you, Uncle Lou’s screen suddenly gone dark since your camera faces your shirt now. You take a moment to collect yourself, breaths bated but you’re managing. 

“y/n?” You hear Lou’s voice muffled from your phone’s speaker. 

“Yeah.” You gulp, bringing the phone back to your face so he can see you properly. “Sorry but uh, I’ll be skipping out Thursday then. I guess we can make Friday work.”

Lou studies you for only a moment before his lips curve into a tender smile, “No pressure, darling. But Kathy and I would love to see you. Been a while for game night, right?”

“We had game night last month.” You murmur, “So not that long.”

“Yeah,” Lou’s brows crease as he continues to smile for you, “But having fun only once a month isn’t really living, you know?”

“I could say the same to you.” You crack a small smile for the man, “Kathy goes weekly, I guess that’s better than once a month…but still, get together already.” Your light chuckle makes Lou’s heart grow warm.

“Kathy and I,” Lou’s eyes grow softer and softer and his teeth poke out beneath his mustache when he smiles at you. “Well, the timing isn’t good. I have other concerns right now. Anyway,” Lou starts laughing himself, the sound is full and hearty. “Stop worrying about my love life. I’ve told you enough times that I’ve had my time…I’m here now to see it for others.” He winks at you, his words innocent but they still make your heart pinch. 

“Right.”

“Anyway, if you change your mind about Thurs—”

“That won’t happen.” You cut in and Lou starts nodding in understanding. He takes a moment to gaze through the screen, knowing this topic is one he cannot push. He’d love to but he knows how quick you are to shut down, how quick you are to hide behind feelings you want to rid yourself of. You can see it in Lou’s eyes…you see how he wishes for the same things you do but you aren’t sure that’s a wish that can even come true anymore. No amount of shooting stars could help you, not when the passage of time exists.

“I should go,” You mumble, eyes on your screen when you see an incoming text. “Yoongi just parked. He brought dinner. But I’ll see you Friday, Lou. Love you.”

“I love you more.” The man says before you’re both hanging up. 

Not even 30 seconds later you can hear the rattling of the knob to your front door. You rush to unlock it, letting in your best friend.

“You do this every time,” Yoongi shoves through the door, passing you as he makes his way to the kitchen. “Why is the door always locked?”

“Sorry, I’m safe.” You laugh, “Why would I keep it unlocked?”

Yoongi drops the bags of dinner on your counter,  his nostrils filling with the savory aroma. “Smells so good.” He mumbles, clearly satisfied before his eyes lift towards you. “I text you when I park so you can unlock the door and I can just walk in. Isn’t that obvious? Instead, you let me wait outside the door like someone unimportant.”

“Wow,” You raise your hands, “My bad.”

“It is your bad.” Yoongi teases, “Just give me a key to your place already, I’m here like every other day anyway.”

“You are not!” 

“y/n.” Yoongi gives you a knowing look, “Look me in the eye and say that.”

“Okay, fine.” You roll your eyes, “But I don’t even invite you here. You come here yourself.”

Yoongi stares at you for a second before shrugging nonchalantly, hands digging in the bag to pull out the take out. “Of course I do. We’re best friends. Best friends hang out.”

“Right, totally. It’s not because you’re just keeping an eye on me.” You mumble more to yourself but Yoongi hears you just fine.

“I told you it’s not like that.” Yoongi takes out another food container, his expression calm. 

“Sure, sure.” You laugh a little, “Right.”

“So, how was your day?” 

“Asking because you’re worried?” You tease your best friend and he waves you off. 

“Asking because it’s polite, so I hear. It’s the socially correct thing to do.” 

“Mhm.” You smile, walking forward towards the food now. “Don’t worry, my day was okay. You’d be proud of me actually, I even made a joke today.”

“You made a joke? Oh, that’s unfortunate for everyone else.” Yoongi says, a grin forming on his face. “You’ve never been great at making those.” 

“Wow,” You blink at your best friend. “And suddenly you are.”

Yoongi only hums in response, hands busy trying to find the container with dumplings. You make your way further into the kitchen, reaching towards some plates for you and Yoongi when you place them on the counter. “Let’s pile some food and watch TV.” You tell Yoongi as you start shoveling noodles to your plate. 

Yoongi is the person in your life right now who makes you feel like you still have even an ounce of normality. Not that your other friends don’t…Yoongi just excels at it. He let you grieve for a while but eventually he started taking charge…making sure you were even showering at one point. He would look you over, gesture towards your body and comment that you’ve been wearing the same outfit for a week straight. Maybe it finally started getting embarrassing. 

He tells you he no longer worries as heavily as he did like in the beginning and started acting…normal. And you realize normal is probably what you needed. He’s the reason you were able to smile without guilt, laugh without guilt, feel decent for even a moment—without fucking guilt. That took time, of course it did. But it did get better. Do things still feel hard sometimes? Yup, for fucking sure. But you went from a helpless being to someone making it through. Hey, progress.

“So, Jungkook.” Yoongi casually brings up a piece of you and your body goes still. Well, maybe not progress on everything. 

You slowly swallow your food, “W-What about him?” You stare at the Tv screen, your voice tense but you try to appear unbothered. 

“His birthday is on Sunday. We’re celebrating this weekend.” He tells you as casually as the way he said his name. “I know how you feel about everything but I’m telling you anyway.” 

“Okay.” You can feel a tinge of bitterness start forming in your mouth, “Have fun. I’m sure he will have a great time.” 

 A dumpling is close to being devoured, but Yoongi pauses his action before he slowly lowers it back to his plate. “Well yeah…” His face begins to harden, unintentionally. “It’s his birthday, I would hope he has a good time.” 

“No doubt about it.” You snide.

Yoongi looks down at his plate of food, “I’m telling you in case you want to come.” 

“In case I want?” You scoff, “Hard pass and you know it.”

Yoongi finally looks your way, his gaze set on you and he has the same expression as always when you two talk about Jungkook. “Are you being fair?” He asks and you almost scoff again.

“Fair?” You shake your head, “Sorry, not really sure I want to go and see how easily he’s moved on from everything.”

Now it’s Yoongi’s turn to scoff, “You’re scared to see what his life is like? You know, since you haven’t seen him in at least a year, right?”

You don’t answer.

“And…when you say move on,” Yoongi’s gaze hardens even more, “Are you referring to this traumatic experience? Or from you?” 

And again, you don’t answer. 

“Right.” Yoongi gives a curt nod. “Too afraid to see what progress he’s made when you—”

“Jeez, Yoongi.” You cut him off, irritation laced in your voice. “Classic Yoongi, right? He’s my best friend, claims to be on my side while still trying to make me feel like shit.” 

“Yeah!” Yoongi looks at you incredulously and almost like it’s obvious. “That’s exactly right. I am on your side, I’m here, aren’t I? Because I’m your best friend. But the wonderful thing about best friend privileges is that I also get to call you out on your bullshit. I’m just calling you out on it, if it makes you feel shitty that says more about you.” Yoongi finishes, his eyes searching yours and he starts to feel bad when he notices you registering his words, your face falling into something gloomy.

“You…” You stare, throat starting to burn. “You think I’m wrong.”

“Yeah.” Yoongi tells you simply. “But you think you’re wrong too…that’s why you are avoiding him. You feel guilty. I see it on your face every time I see you. It…” Yoongi pauses, swallowing hard as he finds the words. “It breaks my fucking heart, y/n. You let too much time pass and now you don’t even know how to fix this.”

“So what?” You shrug weakly. 

Yoongi’s expression goes soft, he decides he’s been firm enough. “So, fix it.” 

“I…” Your eyes fall to your untouched food now, “I can’t face him Yoongs.” 

“He doesn’t hate you, you know? That guy…” Yoongi nibbles on his bottom lip, “He’s good. He’s actually probably the one who is most understanding of you,” He chuckles, eyes casting downward. As much as he would like it to be him who understands you, he knows it’s Jungkook. “Well, you know.” Yoongi clears his throat, eyes landing back on you. “As much as I have loved having you all for myself, you should really come this weekend.”

“I…I don’t know.” You whisper, worried that your uncertainty will upset him but he just shrugs, waving you off before reaching for his dumpling again.

“Up to you.” He says calmly, popping the entire dumpling into his mouth. He chews for a while before swallowing. “We’ll be at our go to bar, you know the one. If you go…well, Jungkook will not be expecting you that’s for sure. But he would really like it.” He wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, ridding any lingering sauce. “He’d be happy, y/n. And just like you…he deserves happiness.”

~~~

You’ve decided to drive straight to Lou’s after work today and since it’s Friday you got to leave just a little earlier. Barely, but you’ll take the 30 minutes since you get to beat a little bit of the traffic. You pull up to Lou’s house, the orange brick already welcoming you with open arms, appreciating the comfort this place gives you.

It’s been a few days since Yoongi told you about Jungkook’s birthday weekend and the festivities planned for it. Apparently the guys are at Jin’s house for a party but tomorrow they’re going out. And maybe you’re crazy for considering it but there’s probably a 4% chance you might make an appear—no, who are you kidding?

You let yourself in the front door, smell of garlic potatoes filling the air and you know Kathy is working her magic in the kitchen. You slip your shoes off and place your bag on top of one of the sofa’s as you pass by. “I’m here.” You yell out, fingers gliding across the top of the sofa as you walk further into the home.

“There she is!” Uncle Lou’s head appears out of nowhere from the doorway of his office, “C’mere! I’m just finishing something up.” He tells you, gesturing towards the room.

“Wow, you’re not even helping Kathy?” You tease, walking towards the office. “That’s not very gentleman-y of you.”

“Please.” Lou chuckles, “As if Kathy didn’t kick me out so I didn’t mess up the legendary mashed potatoes.” 

“She’s smart.” You nod, making your way into the room and of course, into Lou’s warm arms. He holds you tightly, rocking you back and forth before finally pulling away. 

“You look more and more beautiful every time I see you!” He grins at you, teeth making an appearance beneath his graying mustache. 

“You say that every time.” You smile, “I’m starting to think you’re just saying that.”

“Nonsense!” You hear Kathy from behind you. “He’s an honest man, you know that.” 

“Hey.” You turn to see her walking inside the office, “Potatoes smell amazing.”

“Of course.” She winks, coming closer to you before pulling you in for a hug. “How are you?” She sways your body with hers, “Are you eating properly? Experiencing anything abnormal? No sudden pain? You’re okay?”

You can’t help but laugh into her shoulder, “Okay Doctor Kathy. Yes, yes, I’m fine.” 

Kathy loosens her grip on you, holding you at arm’s length before she continues her questioning. “How are you periods? Still abnormal?”

At this, your smile fades. You try to mask it though, another smile forming with your help. “Yeah, I guess. Shorter than they used to be.”

Kathy tries not to frown at that, “Well…” She bites her lip, eyes going from you to Lou. “That’s to be expected.” 

Lou and Kathy exchange silent words and you playfully scoff at them. “Oh, don’t be such downers. It’s awesome. Who wants a long period?” 

“Well,” Kathy finally lets you go, “I’m glad you made it tonight, sweetheart. I’m almost done with the rest of dinner. I’ll call for you both in a bit.”

“Okay.” You and Lou nod at her, watching as she leaves the office. 

You look around the room, it’s been a while since you’ve been in here. Lou usually keeps his door closed when he’s working and usually when you come here he isn’t working at all. It’s refreshing though. The dark wooden book cases that decorate each wall, the hundreds of books, old and new. It smells like a mix of the signature vanilla along with old pages…it’s nice. Comforting even. 

You walk along the shelves, eyes going to different titles as well as framed photos. You see many of you when you were a kid, some of Lou and Kathy and some of Lou and his friends. It’s nice seeing the history of his life alongside his favorite books. You walk slowly, eyeing the little Knick knacks and then you suddenly stop. Eyes pausing on a framed photo you’ve never seen before. A picture of Lou with an arm around Jungkook in front of a tent. 

“His dad had never taken him camping before, can you believe it?” Lou comes beside you, his tone is soft, an airy chuckle finishing off his words. You gaze at the photo, suddenly you have no words. Lou lets you stare. He lets you soak in the image. He lets you feel it. Feel seeing Jungkook. 

After a few more moments, you decide it’s time to come back down to earth, throat clearing before you speak. “Well,” You sigh. “He and his dad don’t necessarily do things together. Plus, his dad is totally not the type to go camping.” 

“Oh?” Lou starts chuckling, you glance at him when he smiles. “Don’t be so sure about that.” He nods towards another framed photo on the right of the one you were just looking at. Your eyes follow his instruction and they widen. A photo of Lou, Jungkook and Jungkook’s dad. 

“He…He went with you guys?” You ask, surprised. 

“Of course.” Lou grins, his eyes staying on that particular photo. His features soften noticeably and you quirk a brow. “That trip…Well,” His cheeks flush a pink as he gazes. “First time I saw Jungkook that happy in a while.” 

“Right.” You laugh half bitter and half playful, “Because you guys are apparently the best of friends now. How did that even happen again?” You roll your eyes, not necessarily expecting an answer. 

“Happy to tell you,” Lou bumps into your side, “Shortly after you two…separated…he came to visit. He just, well, the boy just wanted to know about you. How you were doing.” Then Lou sighs, “But I thought…just by looking at him, I was starting to wonder how he was doing.”

You ignore the hurt you feel inside your entire body as Lou continues, “He’d come by more frequently. Still asking for updates about you. Eventually he was just here to…be here. Well,” Lou looks back at the framed photo. “Next thing you know we were camping.” 

“I see.” You murmur.

“He’s a good kid.” 

You stare at the photo…the one of him, his father and Lou and it’s true—he does look happy. You thought that would irk you but instead there’s a warmth, followed by something that resembles guilt. 

“How was he yesterday?” You ask, eyes still on the photo.

“He was good.” Lou says honestly. “His parents were here too. We grilled, ate, talked. We talked about how important our kids are to us.” He grins but you don’t see. His hand going to your shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “And how we just want them to be happy.” 

You finally tear your eyes away from the picture, from Jungkook’s face and you look at Lou, a sigh leaving your mouth before you speak.

“Do you think I should see him?” You ask, nervous but Lou doesn’t look alarmed by what you just said.

“Can I ask you a question?” He whispers, adorable smile adorning his face. You eye him suspiciously for a moment.

“O…kay.” You say slowly.

“Do you want to be happy?” 

You smile awkwardly, “…Yes?”

“Do you want him to be happy?” Your eyebrows are slow to pinch together, his question somehow throwing you off. “Do you?” He asks again. 

You relax your body as you turn towards the bookshelf again, eyes finding Jungkook’s face in the photo. Eyes going to his smile and once again, a warmth stirs inside you. “Yes.” 

~~~

You can see your reflection in the car’s window for a split second before the driver is taking off, leaving you standing in front of the bar. Even for a second, you caught your appearance and you’re wondering again if you’re too dressed up. The tight pants, the decorative top that exposes a tasteful amount of skin and the simple but seductive make up you’ve chosen…you haven’t looked like this since before you got pregnant…your recent couch life hasn’t really called for such outfits.  

But it is Saturday night. It is a fairly nice bar and it is a birthday celebration, after all. So, you imagine everyone looks at least a little dolled up. And even if they’re not, it wouldn’t upset you if a certain someone enjoys the way you look. But now the look you’re most concerned with is not yours, but Jungkook’s. His look when he sees you. Will he look upset? Happy? Relieved? Pissed? Indifferent? 

The last thing you want to do is ruin his birthday and of course, you’re imagining how this absolutely couldruin his birthday. With this thought, you’re suddenly tempted to back out but Yoongi wouldn’t have told you to come if he thought this was a horrible idea, right? You’ll just try to shove down the nerves you feel, finally turning to face the bar before you make your way inside. 

Walking in, your eyes dart from place to place, searching for any familiar face. It’s busy tonight but not in an overwhelming way but rather in a way that starts lifting your spirits. Going out hasn’t exactly been a priority for you but the atmosphere feels a little exciting. After roaming around you decide your friends are probably upstairs at the outside rooftop bar. 

You aren’t sure how many deep breaths you take as you climb the stairs, nerves starting to spike again. Jungkook is here, celebrating his birthday, probably smiling and laughing and you’re about to possibly ruin that. But part of you knows there’s no way his face will sour when he spots you. Part of you knows he might melt at the sight and you aren’t sure which is actually worse—all things considered. 

The air is warm and buzzing, laughter and music filling your ears as soon as you go outside. You glance around, eyes soaring over countless heads until you see some you actually recognize. And then the world comes to a standstill. You find him fast, you think. He’s between Hobi and Jimin, eyes rolling with his lips stretched out into a grin. Hobi and Jimin’s voices boom loudly as they chant ‘shots! Shots! Shots!’ over and over. Jungkook shakes his head, the sound of his laughter reaching your ears and it creates an erupting volcano of emotions inside you. Jungkook gives in, hand reaching for a shot glass and raising it to the air before the three of them are downing the liquor. 

You only watch as your lips start drooping, pathetic frown adoring your face. He’s in a good mood and how could you possibly ruin th—

“y/n?” 

Your eyes go from staring at Jungkook to Taehyung, who is charging towards you. “y/n!” He says again, gaping at you with a shocked expression that quickly morphs into excitement. One by one, heads start turning in your direction and finally, a moment you’ve been yearning for—the pair of eyes you’ve been dreaming of lock into yours.

Moment of truth, you’re about to study Jungkook’s expression so you can get a read on how he’s feeling about seeing you but Jimin is blocking your view as he follows Taehyung’s lead, both of their arms reaching for you and before you know it you’re smooshed between both of their bodies.

“You…came?” Jimin tries squeezing you closer to him, swatting Taehyung’s arms away. “You’re here? You came? You’re here for Jungkook’s birthday?” Jimin asks in disbelief but his tone is soft. “You look so pretty!” 

“You’re really here!” Taehyung ignores Jimin’s swats and pulls you into him as well. “Why didn’t you tell us?” 

“y/n!” Your name is being said over and over and suddenly more arms are being stretched your way. Namjoon’s voice, Hobi’s voice, Jin’s voice. Your head moves around, eyes going from each boy’s face as you greet them, trying your best to hug everyone but they’re a bit…much.

“Okay, okay.” And finally, your hero, Min Yoongi. He grabs your hand and pulls you away from the guys, throwing an arm around your shoulder. “Yeah, she’s here but can you guys let her breathe?” he glances at you before smiling and whispering, “You’re here. Proud of you.”

“Sorry, sorry.” You hear Namjoon chuckle, “We’re just so excited to see you.”

“Yeah.” Jimin pouts and Yoongi scoffs. 

“Dude, you guys came over for a movie night like two weeks ago.”

“Two weeks is two weeks, Yoongi.” Jin points out, “Plus, been a while since we’ve seen y/n in not her pajamas.” He playfully winks at you, “And what a sight that is!”

“No need to call her out like that, Jin.” Hobi sighs, slightly shaking his head before he starts laughing. “But it’s true…remember one night when she just wore a robe?” 

“I told you guys I was in the middle of doing laundry!” You try to defend. “Plus, don’t act like my pajamas were the topic of conversation the other week! Not when Jimin showed up wearing one of his hook-ups Disney world t-shirt.”

“True, that was pretty bad.” Taehyung nods immediately, “It was almost a crop top on him.” 

“You guys are the ones who told me to hurry and skip going home—”

“Hey.” You hear Jungkook’s voice before you finally see how he walks between Jimin and Taehyung, his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets. He stands just in front of you, slightly rocking back and forth with eyes that search for yours desperately. 

“Happy birthday.” You blurt, eyes blinking at him over and over and he cracks a small smile. You continue to stare before you quickly pull out your phone and check the time, “Well, I’m 54 minutes early…guess it’s better than being late.” You make eye contact with him again, awkwardly, you might add. 

Jungkook’s smile grows a little more before he quickly shakes his head, “Even if it’s late…I’d take it.” 

Your eyes on his and his on yours feels…surreal. He doesn’t break his gaze, barely even blinking when your breath hitches. Your eyes leave his to soak in his appearance, noticing how his hair is just a bit longer, muscles a bit bigger and when he shakes his hair from his eyes you realize he’s missing his eyebrow piercing. But his lip has a piece of jewelry you’ve never seen. 

Jungkook watches as you shamelessly check him out, grin widening and heart racing. You finally find his eyes again and before you can respond to him he’s walking closer to you and grabbing you by the shoulders. 

Yoongi smirks, letting you go and pushing you towards Jungkook before glancing at the rest of the guys. “Let’s order more shots.” He tells them, nodding towards the bar and they all smile giddily before turning away, leaving you and Jungkook. 

Jungkook exhales a deep breath, grin still on his face when he brings you into him, holding you close to his chest. You’re a bit surprised, arms still hanging by your sides and your nose on the verge of breaking as it smooshes into his shirt. His scent starts flooding your nostrils, swimming inside and drowning your brain with all the memories connected to it. 

“I’m not mistaken,” Jungkook starts mumbling by your ear. “But you’re here because of me, right? For my birthday?” 

You lift your head just a little, so your nose isn’t in pain and rest your check against his body. Your arms finally wrap around his middle and you will yourself to breathe evenly despite missing this so much. 

“Yes,” You pause, squeezing tighter. “I’m here for your birthday.” 

At this, Jungkook releases a shaky breath, the warm air on your skin feeling like something between nerves and relief. “I’m happy.” He tells you. 

Jungkook pulls away from you, a look of joy on his features before he smirks. “Let me buy you a drink.”

You can’t help but laugh a little, head shaking as you try to reject his offer. “It’s your birthday,” You point out obviously, “I’m the one who should be buying you a drink. Not the other way around.”

“Well,” Jungkook drops his hands from you completely, devious expression being born. “You said it isn’t for like 54 minutes, right? You can take care of me then.” Then he winks, sending tingles throughout the center of your body and you hate the heat that creeps up starting from your toes. 

“Fine.” You roll your lips, the feeling smooth thanks to your lip balm. “But since it isn’t technically your birthday yet, I’ll be ordering something expensive to take advantage.” 

Jungkook lifts a brow, eyes filling with excitement. “You have 54 minutes to take advantage, I’ll buy all your drinks ‘til then.” 

“Oh?” You smile and he feels crazy just at the sight.

“Yeah. But after that, you’re the one who has to take care of me, okay?” 

“What all does taking care of you imply, exactly?” 

“Buy me my drinks,” Jungkook decides to reach for your hand, gripping it before leading you towards the bar. His palm is warm and a little sweaty. He glances at you before continuing, “And hold my hair back for me if I throw up later, of course.” He shakes his hair dramatically and you can’t help but giggle. 

The two of you get closer to the bar top, you avoid leaning against the sticky wood that’s wet with spilled alcohol. Jungkook seems to not mind though as his hand leave yours and he’s drumming his fingers against it, his eyes straight ahead as he waits for the bartender to notice him. 

“More shots for the birthday boy?” The bartender stands in front of you both on the other side of the bar top, “I’m wondering who is going to be the one to carry you out of here tonight.” She laughs, flipping her long, dark hair over her shoulder. 

“This one.” Jungkook grins, his hand going back down to yours and he squeezes it. The bartenders eyes follow his hand and they expand a little and her lips start curling into a smile of her own.

“I knew it was too good to be true that you were single.” She throws a hand on her hip, “What a lucky girl.”

He is single, technically. But neither of you correct her.

“But actually,” The girl rakes you over with her dark eyes, “Getting a look at her, I’m starting to think you’re the one that’s lucky. She’s gorgeous.” 

At this, your cheeks grow warm and you’re trying to hide the smile on your face but fail miserably. “I-I’m really…I’m not…I’m just…” You start mumbling and Jungkook starts chuckling next to you. 

“Wow, cute and humble? We love it. Anyway, what can I get you guys?” 

“Make her something strong but still tastes good. And probably expensive.” Jungkook winks at the girl, “And I’ll take the same thing.”

“Do you even want to know how much that’ll cost you?” The bartender narrows her eyes at him, playful smirk on her lips, “You know what? Since it is your birthday, I’ll just charge you for one.” 

Jungkook turns his head to look at you, “The one that’s being charged is yours.” He jokes, “Miss Expensive.”

“Oh my god,” You groan, feeling a bit embarrassed. “I was kidding!”

Jungkook looks at the bartender again, face straight. “She wasn’t kidding.” 

“Of course not!” The girl sings out, “Look at her! I hope you’re spending all your money on her.” She begins making some drinks, pouring different shots and shaking things around.

“You’re suddenly shy?” Jungkook leans into your side, lips grazing the shell of your ear. “Just a few minutes ago you were talking about taking advantage of me.”

You can’t help but laugh, looking ahead still, “I said take advantage of the time being before your actual birthday. Not take advantage of you. You make it sound so wrong.” 

“Well,” Jungkook leans away slightly, staring at your side profile. “I’d probably let you take advantage of me too.” 

Your head quickly snaps towards him and you can feel the heat that started in your toes start to rise and rise, now settling somewhere in your lower belly. “Jungkook.” You warn but your lips are curved into a teasing smile. 

Jungkook grins at you, his teeth showing with pride before his hand reaches up and he’s poking your cheek. “You’re smiling a lot.” He tells you. 

You blink at him for a moment, smile starting to drop because he’s right. You were so nervous but things are feeling way easier than you thought they would. You thought it could be more awkward. You thought it could be painful. You thought it might even be uncomfortable. 

“Why are you frowning now?” Jungkook copies your sad expression cutely and you sigh.

“Because you’re right.” You tell him simply.

“And it’s bad that I was right?” He asks with the tilt of his head, eyes big and innocent. 

“Not bad…but…” You chew on your bottom lip for a moment, not exactly sure how to word it. Do you tell him you expected you would have been unintentionally cold towards him despite it being you who came? Do you tell him you thought your previous angst would have surfaced? Do you tell him it’s all because you feel guilty for ending things between you in the first place when you shouldn’t have?

“y/n?” He offers a gentle smile now, “What is it?”

“I think I got a little sad that I am smiling so easily and things feel so easy right now…” You begin, your voice a little quieter. 

“And why is that bad?”

“Because it’s starting to make me think it could have always felt this easy and I just didn’t let it. And now so much time has passed and I don’t really know anything anymore.” You try to laugh, your chest tightening as you try to push down emotions. “Like wow, it’s so easy and I could have had this much earlier.” You admit and now Jungkook is the one whose face starts falling.

“Did you want things to go bad?” Jungkook asks, tone almost joking but you think it’s a genuine question. So you answer genuinely. 

“Maybe.” You swallow hard, “So then I wouldn’t feel so bad.”

Jungkook is about to respond but the bartender finally slides over two drinks, his eyes going from you to her. 

“I thought it over and,” The girl smiles at you both, “I’ve decided both can be on the house but,” she points at you and Jungkook with stern eyes, “Only time this is happening! You have to pay the rest of the night. Don’t feel like losing my job over constant free drinks after only working here for 3 weeks.” She starts chuckling now, “Ah, the things I do for hot people.” She says before leaving and tending to some others at the other end of the bar top.

“When she says hot people, she definitely means you.” Jungkook laughs, sliding your drink towards you.

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes. “You’re literally the hottest one here.”

“Am I?” A lazy smirk starts forming on his lips, “I thought it was Taehyung, I mean have you seen how many buttons are undone on his shirt?”

Your lips part and you shift your body to the side and stretch your neck out to get a look at Taehyung who is somewhere behind Jungkook. “Oh.” You start nodding, “Okay, yeah. Got to admit it’s a good look.”

“Hey.” Jungkook steps to the side, blocking your view with a pout. “Go back to thinking I’m the hottest one here.” 

“I still think that.” You say as you bring your drink to your lips, “Especially with uh, that.” You nod up.

Jungkook’s features relax again and then that same smirk returns, “This?” His lips part a little and you can see his tongue playing with his lip ring and you legitimately have to glance away. That’s not really a sight you can handle at the moment. 

“Mhm.” You hum, “Anyway, this is really good!” You say, referring to the drink. “Have you tried it yet?”

“It better be super strong, I’m trying to get that level of birthday drunk, you know?” Jungkook starts giggling to himself before taking his own sip. “Mmmm!” He looks at you with wide eyes.

“Birthday drunk?” You shake your head, grinning, “So drunk you don’t remember the night?”

“No, no.” Jungkook sets the drink down on the bar top, his features softening as he gazes at you. “I definitely want to remember this night.”

~

Apparently it only takes around 54 minutes to be buzzing this much, alcohol flooding your veins so overwhelmingly so that if a vampire were to sink their teeth into your neck—they’d gag from sucking up vodka. 

But it is still a buzz, you’re not completely wasted. But you haven’t drank like this in quite some time and you are facing the consequences of that and have a feeling it’s only going to increase but it’s fun. It is fucking fun. 

When the clock strikes midnight, you and your friends are jumping up and down, screaming at the top of your lungs. Jungkook’s mouth hangs open in some kind of drunken, childish grin. His happiness pouring from his body as he jumps with everyone as well. You stop jumping for a moment, just taking in Jungkook’s state of euphoria and you almost hate yourself because you’ve deprived yourself of this smile, this laugh, this loving atmosphere Jungkook creates by just existing. 

And the thought does occur to you…that maybe you could have been happier too if you would have stuck with him, his smile being the reason you smile. Would his smile be enough to make you forget all the bad in the world? Would his smile be enough that you could even think for a moment that you could heal faster? 

But you aren’t sure if there is any smile in the world that would make you forget the pain your body went through a year ago. Maybe one, but you can only dream of that smile because you never even got to actually experience it in real life. 

Jungkook jumps more, his arms slung around Hobi and Taehyung as they all sing to whatever song plays in the background. The boys keep shouting ‘happy birthday!’ and random strangers also give Jungkook their best wishes. He only laughs more. Smiles more. 

Seeing him this happy does almost feel strange to you. You were bitter before…knowing how strong he was in the beginning. You couldn’t believe he could just move on with his life, his words always ringing loudly in your ears about how you two need to move forward. It’s not that he was wrong but it sucked to hear. Especially coming from the person who is supposed to understand what you’re going through the most. 

How could he be happy and you couldn’t? That’s what upset you. Not because you didn’t want him to be happy, not because you thought he should be miserable like you. But you couldn’t see him, you didn’t want the confirmation that he’s moved forward but you see it now. The confirmation. And you aren’t mad. You aren’t bitter. You’re actually just really relieved. But of course, only him and you know why you two ended it. A reason Jungkook didn’t agree with but for his sake and his happiness (The thing you were so afraid to see) you had to. 

Jungkook opens his eyes and they find you so quickly. Still jumping, he releases Hobi and Taehyung from his hold and starts hopping towards you, still loudly screaming out the lyrics to this song. You can’t help but laugh, finding him so endearing. 

“Sing with me!” He now throws his arm around you, “It’s my birthday, you have to do what I say.” 

“Is that how it works?” 

Jungkook stops jumping as he thinks about it. His blank face is funny, you think as you stare at him. Finally, he nods.

“I also say you have to buy me a drink. It’s my birthday. You’re in charge of me now.” He keeps his arm around you, coming closer to your side. “But wait, you’d like that, huh?” 

If you were more sober you’d probably have a more embarrassed reaction but still, your face is probably screaming some level of shock and Jungkook starts cracking up, swaying into your side before his entire face falls to your shoulder. 

“Ah, you’re so funny!” Jungkook keeps his head burying into you.

“I didn’t even say anything.” You deadpan making Jungkook laugh harder. “Anyway, you’re right though. I owe you a drink.”

Jungkook lifts his head, his face close to you and you try to breathe evenly despite that his breath reaches the tip of your nose. “By the way,” He slightly slurs, “You look so…” He takes a moment to shamelessly check you out and you grow warm with how his eyes eat you up, smile beginning to form on your lips. “Fucking…I don’t know, like a sexy…a sexy Pokémon trainer.”

And then your smile drops. “A sexy what now?”

“Pokémon trainer.” He tells you matter of fact, his drunken gaze still checking you out. 

“A…Pokémon trainer…?” You look down at your outfit, “That is not what I was going for.” 

“It wasn’t?” Jungkook looks dumbfounded, “It’s super hot. Really into it, Namjoon would think so too.” Then he’s looking behind you, “Namjoon! Nam—”

“Oh my god,” You start laughing, your hand going to his as you drag him towards the bar. “Let’s get you a drink.”

“You didn’t dress like a sexy Pokémon trainer for Namjoon, right?” Jungkook mumbles, cute pout already formed. “Hurry.” He says, dropping his arm from you and stands in front of you. “Throw your poke ball at me.” 

“W…What…” 

“Catch me, hurry before I get away!” And then he does the most…well, you cringe as well as wish you got it on camera. Jungkook lifts his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled into his fists and he’s trying his best to look cute. “Kookie, Kookie.” He says in the same tone of voice as Pikachu. He’s drunker than you thought. 

“That…that was hard to watch.” You rub your lips together, trying so hard not to laugh at him. “Why don’t we sit at the bar?”

Jungkook slumps his shoulders before huffing out. “Yeah, fine, fine.” 

You two find some open seats at the bar and you order two drinks that are a little more on the mild side. Jungkook’s got his gaze set on you and you keep playfully pushing his cheek with your hand but he doesn’t budge.

“Stop staring at me.” You whine at him, “It’s making me nervous!”

“Oh?” Jungkook’s lips curve into one of his slier grins. “I make you nervous?”

“You know what I mean.” You roll your eyes.

“Hm.” Jungkook’s lips part just slightly and then you see his tongue working on his lip ring. “Do I?”

You can’t help but watch him play with the jewelry that hangs from his bottom lip. He notices where your eyes are and it just encourages him to keep going, tongue poking out the more he glides it over the silver hoop. 

“Did…did it hurt?” You ask, eyes still on his mouth.

“Nah.” He shrugs.

“Is it comfortable kissing with it?” You wonder more out loud than you should have. “I mean, like does it feel weird to kiss with it? No, I mean…”

Jungkook narrows his eyes at you, “Are you asking that because that’s your way of asking if I’ve been with anyone else or is that you’re way of hitting on me because you’d like to find out?” 

Oh god, you wish your stomach did not do flips at the way he asked that quiet and slowly like he’s wanting you to focus on both questions carefully.

“I was just…wondering.” You respond, voice flat. 

“Did you not take me seriously?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you, “I told you I was going to wait for you. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to kiss with a lip ring, but if you’re so eager to know…I wouldn’t mind finding out along with you.”

You don’t think he’s serious—he can’t be serious. He said that to you over a year ago, that nonsense about waiting for you until you were ready…and you know he sees the doubt on your face when both of his brows are now raised.

“Ah,” Jungkook’s tongue continues to play with the hoop, “So you didn’t take me seriously.”

Now you’re narrowing your eyes at him, not in a total accusatory way, something a little lighter. “Oh, come on.” You laugh now, “You expect me to believe you haven’t fucked anyone in a year?”

Jungkook stares down at his hands before showing you them, “These guys are pretty decent.”

“Oh my god.” You snort now, “Anyway.”

“Anyway?” Jungkook slurs and you nod your head. 

“Yes, anyway. What are you doing tomorrow? You know, for your actual birthday?”

“My actual birthday, right.” Jungkook leans forward a little bit, eyes on his half empty drink. “I’m going to be alone tomorrow!” He sings quietly, “Not in a depressing way. Just going to enjoy the day however I want.”

“Oh.” You keep your sight on him and he feels it. He turns his face in your direction and the corners of his mouth lift just the slightest.

“But if you want to hang out with me tomorrow, I am more than willing to make that happen.” He tells you but then he’s suddenly lifting his pointer finger and shoving it to your lips. “But don’t tell anyone else, they might get mad.” 

“Oh, stop.” You shake your head at him, but your cheeks are getting sore from all the smiling tonight…probably haven’t smiled this much the entire year and that thought alone just makes you smile more. “But sure, I can come see you tomorrow.” 

“Really?” Jungkook’s heart pounds a little harder and his cheeks turn rosy. “Hey,” He whispers towards you, “Since you look like a sexy Pokémon trainer—”

“If you call me that one more—“

“—Can you say…’Jungkook, I choose you!’ huh?” His big does bore into you and you feel embarrassed all over again.

“I am not saying that.” You cover your face with your hands, suddenly shy from his request.

“Come on,” He pouts, then his voice gets even softer. “I choose you. Say it for me?” 

Your eyes slide to the side and you sigh out, grumbling under your breath, “Fine. Jungkook, I choose you.” 

“Heh,” Jungkook grins to himself, feeling satisfied. “Good birthday so far.”

~~~

“Wow, you guys work fast.” Yoongi tells you on the other line, “I mean, I saw that coming but still.”

“Was I supposed to reject him on his birthday?!” You bite the inside of your cheek, pulling up to Jungkook’s place. “It’s just birthday dinner.”

“Birthday dinner, birthday making out, birthday sex on the dining room ta—”

“You’re gross.” 

“Yeah, even I didn’t feel great saying those things.” Yoongi chuckles. “I’m glad you guys had such a good time last night, though. You looked especially happy.”

“I was nervous at first, I was afraid I was going to be accidentally bitchy.”

“It’s crazy that I know you better than you do.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I knew you were going to fall into the same old groove with Jungkook. There’s no way you were going to be anything but happy being with him.” Yoongi tells you truthfully before he sighs out, “Trust me. I just want you happy so I know the things that would do it.” 

“I…” You finally park and turn your car off, teeth digging into your lips. “I thought you told me to go last night because it would make Jungkook happy? Not the other way around…Yoongi…I swear, you didn’t tell me to go there last night without actually knowing how Jungkook might react, right?” 

“Does it matter?” His laughter is low and raspy. “I got to see you happy so I think my job is done now for a while, don’t you?” Yoongi sounds more serious, “I can probably take a rest now, right?”

“Yoon—”

“I can leave it up to you and Jungkook now?”

“I—”

“Good.” That raspy laugh leaves his mouth again, “I love you, you know?” He tells you quickly, “So, do me a favor and try not to be dumb, alright? Call me later.”

“I love y—wait, what you do you mean dumb? Hello? Yoongi?” But he’ already hung up and you can’t help but chuckle. You get it, you think. He’s been your rock for so long and maybe he’s tired. And maybe you being dumb is what’s got him so exhausted. You bring the phone to your lap and you feel the upmost gratitude for Yoongi…the way he’s stuck by you, been real with you and simply has been the one you can lean on fully. Your best friend for life. 

 Now you’re knocking on Jungkook’s front door and not even 10 seconds before he’s swinging it open, a light blush on his face as he greets you. You take a moment to look him over, his dress pants and button up shirt tucked in. 

“Wow, you’re really dressed up.” You tell him and he only blushes harder, his eyes staying on yours as his hands hurry to untuck his shirt.

“No, I’m not.” He says very seriously. “I’m very casual.” 

You guys stare at each other for a moment, you’re the first to crack a smile and he follows. “Very casual.” You giggle, “But uh, hi.”

“Hi.” Jungkook opens the door wider and nods his head inside. “I literally just finished dinner.”

You walk past him, slipping your shoes off and setting your bag down on a table. “Wait, you already ate?”

“No, like I just finished cooking.”

“You cooked?! Jungkook…” You whine, “It’s your birthday. I thought we were going to order something.”

“You thought wrong.” Jungkook says, closing the door and locking it. “Go sit at the table.”

“Ok—”

“Wait,” Jungkook catches up to you quickly, his hand flying to your wrist, “Wait, I’m dumb, sorry. I just…” He starts messing with his lip ring, but not in that sexy way like last night. No, more like in an anxious way. “I haven’t even properly greeted you, right? Sorry. I’m a little nervous today, can you tell?” He starts laughing to himself, eyes falling to your wrist that he holds. “I had some liquid courage last night but today I have none and uh, yeah. Yeah, um, I’m nervous.” 

“You’re nervous?” You take a step towards him, unsticking his fingers from your wrist. “Is there any reason to be nervous in front of me?”

Jungkook looks at you with comical disbelief. “Yes?” He blurts out. And this makes you laugh.

“Jungkook,” You take another step and he’s only getting more nervous. “Shouldn’t I be the nervous one? I guess we have a lot to talk about but last night wasn’t the time, right? But it’s your birthday dinner…not really sure—”

“We can talk.” Jungkook jumps in, “I don’t care if it’s my birthday.” 

You stare at Jungkook wide eyed for a moment before relaxing your features, “I thought you wanted to properly greet me?” 

“Can I?” Jungkook seeks your permission with the tilt of his head, “Greeting you properly is hugging you.”

“I know that.” 

“Hugging you for at least 30 seconds.”

“I know that too.”

“Okay then, come to me.” He tells you, still nervous but speaking confidently.

“…You come to me? This is your greeting!”

“It’s my birthday though?”

“Okay, that seems fair.”

Jungkook’s lips stretch, satisfied. He waits for you, expecting you to rush into his arms at any second now but you only stare at him. You drink him in, getting drunk off his appearance alone. You take another step forward, hand reaching out and Jungkook pauses his breathing as he waits for you to make a real move. 

“I’m going to touch you.” You say almost mindlessly, fingertips touching the inside of his palm before you start lightly gliding them up his arm. Jungkook only watches you, your eyes so focused wherever your fingers go. Your fingers brush against his collarbone and then you’re slowly sliding them down his chest. 

“You aren’t breathing.” You comment, your fingers right above his heart. “But this.” You tap the spot a few times, “Is going crazy.” 

Jungkook tries swallowing his spit, Adam’s apple bobbing and you barely notice since your eyes are still on your fingers. 

“Breathe, Jungkook.” You finally lift your eyes to meet his and he doesn’t break under your gaze. You feel his hand come up and his fingers are wrapping around yours and finally, he parts his lips and lets out a long breath. Your fingers that he’s holding, wrap around his instead and you bring his hand to your own chest. “Me too.” You whisper.

“Oh.” Jungkook’s fingers spread out as he lays his hand flat against your chest, over your heart. He feels it beating like his and the thought relaxes him. But then he’s starting to blush harder.

“You’re not getting flustered with your hand this close to my boob, right?” You eye him suspiciously and Jungkook finds your eyes again before breaking into a small grin.

“Sorry,” He clears his throat. “Been a while since I got this much action.”

You snort at this, dropping his hand from your body and you turn away from him, going towards the dining room table.

“Wait, where’s my hug?”

“Ew, you sound like one of those guys from middle school.” You shudder and this makes Jungkook shudder as well.

“Gross, I totally did.” 

“Anyway, maybe later. For now I’m interested what you cooked for dinner!” 

~

You and Jungkook sit across from one another, your mouth currently stuffed with garlic mashed potatoes.

“I can’t believe,” You pause, trying to chew more of your food before you swallow. “Believe that Kathy gave you the recipe! This is sacred to her. Jeez, they love you over there.”

“I’m basically the son they never had.” Jungkook shrugs with a grin, “You know Lou calls me on Sunday’s now?”

“…He also calls me on Sunday’s.” You narrow your eyes, “Stop trying to steal him!”

“It’s not my fault he loves me, y/n.” 

“I heard you guys went camping.”  You take another bite of your potatoes, “Your dad went too. That kind of surprised me.” 

Jungkook giggles at this. “I could see how that’s surprising for you. But uh, after…everything,” He looks at you carefully, “My dad and I got pretty close. He started talking to me more, spending more time with me and I don’t know, probably helps that him and Lou really hit it off.” 

“What…what do they even talk about?” You ask, but you’re smiling based on the other things he said. You’re glad Jungkook seems to have a stronger relationship with his dad—something he always wanted.

“Well, turns out my dad is a really good listener,” Jungkook blushes a little, small smile spreading on his lips. “And well,” Then he’s full in grinning. “Lou is a really good talker.”

“Ah,” You nod in understanding. “It makes sense now.”

“We had a great time though. I think we’re planning another trip soon. My mom loves that we’re all hanging out but she isn’t thrilled about us staying in a tent because she’s afraid of the wild animals devouring us in the night.” 

“Eh, I’m with your mom on this one.”

“Ugh, you always side with my mom.”

“Moms are always right aren’t they?”

“Are they though? I have yet to get mauled by a bear so.” Jungkook places some veggies on your plate and you start whining. “Eat these too.” He scolds, “You can’t live off po—hey, you don’t…you don’t still eat plain gravy do you?”

And then your face starts dropping and Jungkook realizes he maybe shouldn’t have brought up one of your pregnancy cravings. 

“Sorry,” He rushes, the letters falling from his mouth but you shake your head, your face blank.

“No…” You blink at him, “You totally called it.”

“Wait, what?”

“Ever since that time…I’m really into gravy.” You admit with a straight face, “Like—"

“What the hell…” His face starts scrunching, “That…that can’t be healthy.” 

“It’s delicious so of course it isn’t healthy.” 

“Guilty pleasure?”

“Guilty pleasure.” You nod.

Jungkook thinks it over for a moment, “Okay, I’ll let it slide. But like, maybe don’t tell other people.” He half jokes and you shoot him a glare.

“I have some shame, Jeon Jungkook.” 

He starts chuckling, humming in response as a way to tease you. “Whatever you say.”

“So um,” You glance down at your food and decide you’re done, pushing the plate away. “I kind of wanted to talk about something.”

“Something about last night?” Jungkook guesses correctly. 

“Yeah.”

“Go for it.”

“You told me…uh, you told me you haven’t been with anyone else since—”

“You’re still doubting that?” Jungkook’s stretching his arms above his head, sighing out dramatically. “My heart literally started racing because you put my hand near your boob. You really think I’ve fucked anyone lately?” 

“Jungkook.” You groan, your head falling to the table. “You’re going to make me feel like shit with guilt.” Your tone is almost joking but almost…not.

Jungkook is silent though. For moments way too long so you lift your head to eye him but you notice how he looks a little paler. 

“Wait,” He starts looking around, his expression growing antsy. “Are you saying? Are you saying…you?” 

“Me?” You point at yourself, “Me what?”

“You’ve…been with some—”

“No!” You yelp as soon as you realize, “That’s—that’s not what I meant.” And he visibly relaxes, long sigh leaving his mouth, the relief apparent on his entire face and body. But then he starts looking confused.

“Then what do you mean? What’s there to feel guilty for?”

“Come on,” You drag out the words, “You really claim to be waiting for me but Jungkook…” And now your eyes start pooling with that guilt you were talking about. “We already agreed—“

“No,” Jungkook cuts you off, his tone lower. “You agreed. I never agreed to shit. But y/n, what was I to do? I realize space was the best thing I could give you. For you to realize how fucking stupid your reason was.”

“Hey.” Your voice is cold, “That’s not fair. My reason isn’t stupid. It’s valid, Jungkook. I can’t give you things you’d want.”

“You don’t know that.” He loses the bite in his voice, tone growing softer as he stares at you. “You don’t know that. But even if we did know that…I don’t care.”

“You do. You would care.”

“y/n.” He decides to take a breather, mind getting busy with thoughts. You lean back in your chair, wondering where to go next. Jungkook bites the inside of his cheeks, still thinking but your mind is beginning to go blank. You don’t want to argue. You don’t want to go in circles again. And based off what Jungkook says next, you don’t think he does either.

“For now…” He doesn’t look at you as he continues chewing on his cheeks. “Can we just be in each other’s lives? Can we just have that? Even that?”

“As friends?” Your timid voice makes his chest tighten.

“No.” He says simply, “In a weird in between state.” 

“What?”

“It’s no secret I want to be with you.” Jungkook admits, “And I don’t think it’s a secret what you want with me either.” 

“Jungkook—”

“But we are not seeing eye to eye.” He breathes out, “So, why don’t we enter this weird in between state? A time period where we see if we can work it out…and if we can’t…I’ll accept that and I promise I won’t wait for you anymore.”

“W-What kind of time period?” You mumble, cheeks warm. “Like, you mean a time limit?”

“That would make sense, right? If we didn’t set a time limit…well,” He scratches the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Then I could probably go forever.” 

“Then—”

“Three months?” He asks you, cheeks starting to blush. “We can take it day by day…” Then his eyes widen slightly and a particular smile graces his face. “Or even week by week.” 

You laugh a little at that, “Week by week, huh?”

“For old time’s sake.” He smiles at you and you think you see a tinge of sadness but he’s trying to look happy. 

“Okay.” 

~~~

Week 2:

Jungkook 6:22pm

Get off your phone, Lou is totally gonna scold you

y/n 6:22pm

youre on your phone too!!!!!

Jungkook 6:22pm

I’m the favorite though…😕

y/n 6:23pm

yeah im starting to think that since he saved caked for you and not me????

Jungkook 6:23pm

Youre still talking about that? You don’t even like that flavor….

y/n 6:23pm

I would like to have still been offered 😒

Jungkook 6:23pm

Eh

Jungkook 6:45pm

Omg did you see the way Kathy just walked behind Lou and start massaging his shoulders? And the way he…I mean I hate to say it, but the man moaned. Can they get married already

y/n 6:45pm

jeez Jungkook you’re like one of those aunties who gossip too much 

Jungkook 6:45pm

Ok…………

Jungkook 6:45pm

…….but did you see it?

y/n 6:45pm

okay fine yes, I don’t understand why they aren’t just ?!?!?!? 

Jungkook 6:46pm

EXACTLY 

Jungkook 6:52pm

Is it just me or did lou basically just…you saw the way he looked at Kathy right? And she looked at him like……im throwing up. Were those bedroom eyes

y/n 6:53pm

Jungkook theyre basically my parents…im the one thats fucking puking over here

Jungkook 6:53pm

Hurry say we wanna go on a walk or something, they’ll think were totally doing it in the woods…I cant watch them anymore

y/n 6:54pm

good plan 

Week 4:

Jungkook 2:02pm

You know what’s surprising? I googled ‘info on more than friends less than lovers at 4 weeks.’ And nothing came up…the internet is surprisingly useless

y/n 2:13pm

I have no words for you

Jungkook 2:14pm

Really? Because you just texted me 6 of them so

y/n 2:14pm

Jungkook 2:15pm

There we go

A few giggles slip out of your mouth as you think of a reply to Jungkook. Four weeks of constant hanging out and you admit…it’s nice. No, that’s a lie. It’s better than nice. It’s great actually. You two hang out at his place or your place, sometimes on a weekend you visit Uncle Lou together and even a week ago you guys visited his parents. Mrs. Jeon is easily moved to tears so you showing up was instant water works. 

He was right about the weird in between state though. It isn’t exactly like hanging with a bud…but it’s not hanging out with your boyfriend either. Neither of you have really talked about the issue at hand though…you think he’s hoping you’ll change your mind and you think you’re hoping that well, that you’ll also change your mind. But four weeks in and that hasn’t really happened yet. 

There’s already been two movie nights with the guys, everyone excited to feel like a real group of friends again without having to walk on egg shells. That makes you sad that they felt that way…of course they did. But now everything is freer. 

Jungkook has been really good with you as well. He’s always pretty careful with things he says, trying his best not to accidentally trigger any painful memories but he also tries to say certain things casually so somepainful things can morph into something good. He’s amazing like that. You don’t know how he does it. It seems nothing triggers him. He’s always got this dorky grin on his face, always laughing with everyone and always trying his best to be happy. You do admire it. 

Week 8:

“Oh, come on.” Jungkook smirks at you, “Don’t act like you don’t want to.”

“I just ate, Jungkook.” You deadpan at him, “Want me puking on you?”

“You’re not going to get sick,” He starts rolling his eyes and pointing at the roller coaster behind him. “It’s literally meant for 12 year old’s at most.”

“Then why are we riding it?” 

“Because we like to live a little, y/n.” 

“I don’t know…”

“Come on.” He begs cutely, “Google says at week 8 for this type of relationship, the appropriate thing to do to build a bond is to ride a roller coaster.”

“All men do is lie.” 

Jungkook’s eyes expand comically huge, “Lie?” He asks, clearly offended as he brings his phone out. “Should I show you the google search? The webpage where I get all my guidance?”

Your face goes sour, “No, somehow I do believe you really could have found some obscure website with this specific thing going on.” 

“I see at week 8 we are finally learning to trust.” Jungkook winks at you, “I’m excited for week 10. That’s when the good stuff finally happens.”

“Good stuff? Do we get to kiss or something?”

Jungkook chokes on air, your words catching him a bit off guard. “Kiss?” He clutches his chest dramatically, “No, nothing that insane…wow, no. It’s getting a matching tattoo though.” 

“You’ve lost your mind, Jungkook.” 

Week 11:

It’s Saturday night and it’s movie night with the boys. You and Jungkook have been kind of hogging each other lately and finally Hobi was the first to complain that he missed you guys. After realizing it had been a couple of weeks, you decided you’d host a fun night at your place. You glance at the clock and see it’s almost 5pm. Jungkook said he would come early to help you with setting up snacks and make the margaritas. 

The rest of the guys should arrive around 6. You don’t want to sound mean but you’re looking forward to spend an hour alone with Jungkook. Things between you two are going…well. So well that—

And he’s knocking on your door. You walk towards the front door, stopping real quick to check your reflection on a small mirror hung up nearby. More knocking and you’re finally going to the door and opening it.

“Hi.” Jungkook grins at you, his hands reaching for you and he pulls you into him, his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent like he does every time. “Sorry I’m a little late, I was trying to find the good tequila so I had to go to more than one store.” 

You pull back from him, but your face stays close. “I love your dedication to a good margarita.”

“Hm, yeah.” Jungkook’s tongue pokes out to lick his lips, eyes staying on you. “We’re making it from scratch, how horrible would it be if our hard work went to waste?” 

Anyone from an outside perspective would probably wonder what the hell happened in the last 3 weeks for you and Jungkook to be getting this close. But neither you nor Jungkook probably know either. It just started one day. Your hugs became a little longer. Your eye contact started lingering for way too long. When he passed you in the kitchen his hand would brush against your lower back more often. Your hand would find his thigh more frequently. 

You guess this is truly the zone of being more than friends but less than lovers. Because the line has still not been crossed. According to Jungkook this is in perfect timing with his made up website about the status of an 11 week more than friends less than lovers connection. 

“Should we start getting the margaritas ready?” Jungkook’s hand’s slide up your back and then they lower again, hanging loosely just above your ass. “Want to try this recipe you found.” 

“Jungkook.” You gaze into his dreamy eyes and you can tell he’s starting to get lost, his own eyes staring back at your intensely. 

“Hm?” He hums, his nose so close to brushing yours at this point…but skin never touches.

“…So, where’s the tequila?” You finally step back from him, a smirk on your face as you glance around, his hands going back to his own body when he realizes he’s empty handed.

“Oh.” He blurts and you start laughing. “I left the bottles in the car…be right back.” 

“Mhm.” You keep giggling, shaking your head as you head for your kitchen. 

It’s only a few moments later when Jungkook is making it back in your place and setting the bottles of tequila down on your counter.

“Okay!” You clap your hands excitedly, “Ready to start with these drinks?”

“Yes, boss.” Jungkook lifts his hand to his temple when he salutes, “Tell me what I got to do.”

“Okay, so I had already bought everything…well, minus the tequila.”

“Mhm,” Jungkook nods with a smirk, “Leave the most expensive part to me, got it.”

“Exactly.” 

“Exactly.”

“Okay, I have the recipe here on my phone, hold on.” You tap on your screen until you’re finding the screenshot. “Got it.” 

“Got it.” Jungkook repeats. 

“First, there’s a bag of ice in the freezer, can you get the out first?”

“Yes mam.” Jungkook swiftly turns towards the fridge/freezer, opening the left side and finding the bag of ice. He hauls it to the counter and sets it next to the blender, “What’s next?”

“Okay, can you grab the bottle of orange liqueur? Should be on the top shelf.”

Jungkook turns towards the fridge again, opening it and finding the bottle. “Got it.”

“Okay, I think sitting on top of the second shelf is a bag of a shit ton of limes. We’re going to need like…all of them.” 

Jungkook finds them quickly, hand reaching inside and pulling out a clear bag full of limes. “Got it.” He tells you, placing the limes on the counter. 

“Okay, next…there’s should be some club soda? In the door shelf.”

“Got it.” Jungkook yells out, he’s quick to grab it and place it on the counter as well and then he’s back at the fridge. “What’s next?”

“Okay and now for what makes the margarita’s a special recipe! There should be a grapefruit…uh, I think in the left drawer!” You sing out, eyes still focused on the screen as you read what comes next. You expect to hear Jungkook yell out his ‘got it’ but he’s quiet behind you. With you still skimming the screen you repeat yourself. “Jungkook? Left drawer, did you find it?” But still, you don’t hear him. Not even the sound of movement. 

You finally slide your phone away for a moment and turn to see what Jungkook’s doing. “Jungkook?” You call out for him, “Did you find it?” But he’s just standing here, eyes focused on the inside of your fridge but he isn’t moving. 

“Jungkook, buddy, left drawer.” You laugh a little, on the verge of turning back around but your eye catches Jungkook’s fingers clutching the silver door. Your smile starts to drop a bit as you walk closer to him, “Jungkook.” Closer. “Jungkook…the grapefruit.” 

Jungkook blinks a few times, trying to knock himself out of whatever daze he’s in, “R-Right. Yeah, sorry. Right. The…yeah, left drawer.” He finally unfreezes, hand going towards the left drawer and he slowly opens it and he swallows hard when takes a look inside. He seems hesitant but he reaches for the grapefruit and holds it in his hands, his eyes are so focused and he’s swallowing hard again, breaths feeling uneven. 

“Jungkook?” 

“H-Huh?” He snaps his head towards you, his clumsy fingers that hold the fruit slightly shake and the fruit slips from his hold and falls to the floor, rolling towards you. And…and you don’t think you’ve seen Jungkook look so panicked like this since…well, the moment the grapefruit started slipping out of his fingers his eyes were already widening in terror and he was grasping for it but failed. 

“Fuck.” Jungkook yells out, “Shit, I’m sorry.” He bends down quickly, picking up the grapefruit, holding it close to him but he looks at you with worried eyes. “Is it okay? Is it fine? Can we still use it?” He pushes the grapefruit towards you,  showing you it and seeking your approval. 

You look at Jungkook in slight confusion, his face has lost so much color and his breaths are shaky. You awkwardly laugh to ease his worries, “Jungkook…it’s fine.” You tell him carefully. 

“Fuck…is it? Is it fine? Are you sure? Fuck, I’m sorry.” He’s blinking at you repeatedly, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean—” And his voice cracks, making you wince. “y/n, I didn’t…” He starts breathing harder. And now you become more serious, worried even.

“Jungkook,” Your hands go to his, trying to take the grapefruit from him. “It’s…it’s okay, seriously.” You try assuring him, your fingers gently prying his off the fruit. He finally lets you take it and you set it on the counter, facing him again. “What’s…what’s wrong?”

He stares at his empty hands, his breaths are heavy and when he sees how his own hands shake he’s silently reaching for you, his cold, clammy fingertips brush against your cheeks and he’s no longer able to hold himself together. 

“Jungkook?” You’re more than just mildly concerned now, you’re full on sick to your stomach. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?” but he continues paling. 

Jungkook slowly lowers himself to the floor and you follow, his mouth hangs open because he plans on explaining himself, but he doesn’t know how to speak. His breathing is still shaky and rapid and you’re telling him to try to relax.

“N-Next week.” Jungkook chokes out, “Fuck.” His hands go to his face and he buries it in them, “Fucking fuck.” He mumbles, voice still wavering and then you hear it. You hear him with your own ears, break down on your kitchen floor. “Next week.” He cries out.

“Next week?” 

“Next week…she…”

Your brows gravitate one another, “Next week?”

“N-No…sorry…” Jungkook tries to take a deep breath but it’s hard to understand him with his face buried in his hands.

“Jungkook,” Your fingers go to his hair, “Look at me.” He keeps crying into himself, his whines breaking your heart into millions of pieces. “Look at me, please.” He’s slow to drag his hands away, but he finally lifts his head and his red, swollen eyes meet yours. 

“Not next week…” He breathes out roughly, “The week after.” He says, but you’re still confused. “Week 23.” He chokes out, hoping that clarifies it. He takes a moment to catch his breath, the back of his hand wiping the snot and tears. “Week 23…it was the next week after…” And then his face twists again, “She was going to be 23 weeks.” Another sob. “And—And…a baby at 23 w-weeks…” He leans into you, mouth hanging open again as a silent cry breaks through. “My baby was going to be the size of…” He’s crying into your chest now, his trembling fingers clutching on to your shirt. “She—She was going to be my l-little grapefruit.”

Despite the pain you feel watching him unravel, you can’t help the tiny smile. “Little grapefruit?” You ask him softly, hands rubbing up and down his back.

“Yeah.” He holds on to you tighter. “W-Week 23 was going to be a big one.” 

“You like grapefruits that much?” You keep rubbing his back, your tone light with him but you feel him shake his head. 

“No…” He pauses to breathe deeply, “No, it’s because…I was just really f-fucking exciting for week 23. At—At the 23rd week…the baby…” His voice cracks again, “The baby can finally actually hear outside noises. I know we always joked about her hearing me if I talked t-to her…but she was actually going to hear me.” He murmurs into your chest, his voice quieted down. “She could feel you, hear you because she was inside you but never me s-so I…I was so fucking excited.” He tells you honestly, his voice gone hoarse and he’s breaking down all over again. 

“Just wanted to tell her that her d-daddy loves her so much.” He falls into your lap, tears staining his cheeks and you stare down at him, fingers threading through his hair. 

You can recall every moment someone had looked at you with pity for losing your baby…and for the first time you are looking at someone else…and be the one who feels pity. 

~

You had texted the other boys not to come until around 7 instead…you wanted to give Jungkook more time to grieve. Eventually you two moved to your couch, his head resting on your stomach and your fingers still sweep through his dark locks. He’s been quiet, some soft sniffles every now and then but overall you think he’s feeling better. 

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook whispers, breaking the silence and your fingers pause. “I’m so sorry.” 

You glance down at him before your fingers start playing with his hair again, “No, I’m sorry.”

At this Jungkook lifts himself from you and stares at you, confused. “Why?”

“For thinking you were invincible. And for breaking up with you when we were both clearly not needing to be alone.” You say, voice full of regret. 

“You broke up with me because you have it in your head that I love you for reasons that don’t include ‘because it’s you’. Getting married and having kids with you is perk, y/n. It was never the reason I wanted to marry you.”

“It’s like a 10% chance I’ll ever get pregnant again.” You remind him, “And I can’t do that to you.”

“Seriously? When are you—”

“Jungkook, you were more into my fucking pregnancy than I was. You prepared more than I ever thought was possible, Jungkook you loved every fucking second of it. You wanted it. You want that life and…” Your eyes shift to the side, avoiding his gaze. “I feel like shit that I can’t offer that to you. Every time I tried to convince myself that we might be okay…I just see you, making sure I’m eating right, I see all your stupid cute ass texts,” You choke on your words now, but you try to calm yourself. “I just…I see your eyes light up when the baby kicks.”

“y/n…” His hand goes to yours, “I—”

“The accident fucked my body up, Jungkook. I can’t…”

“I don’t—I don’t care.” He pleads, his hand going to cup your face now, fingers softly brushing your cheeks. “Yes, I was excited. But I was excited because it was you, babe, don’t you get that? I still want my life with you…even if…” He pauses, trying to compose himself but the conversation is here now. “And hey, Kathy said it wasn’t a zero chance. Right? 10% or whatever the fuck? Then I’ll just,” He looks serious as he concentrates, “I’ll just fuck that 10% into you every time and the chances will go up and—”

“I don’t…” You blink at him before snorting, despite your eyes wet with your tears. “I don’t think that’s how math works.”

“I…math was never my strong suit.” He admits, “But please…” Jungkook’s eyes start closing but they’re quick to open when he feels your fingers on his either sides of his cheeks. Exhaling a deep breath, Jungkook leans himself further into you, forehead resting against yours. “Just let me love you.” He whispers.

Of course you want him to love you and of course you want to let him love you. He’s tired. He’s sad. He misses you and you feel it with just his eyes on your face. Lou wants you to be happy, you want yourself to be happy, you want Jungkook to be happy…and you hear Yoongi’s words to you where he asks you not to be dumb.

“I miss you,” You tell Jungkook, head tilting, teasing his lips with the close proximity of yours and you hear him suck in a breath, “Let’s—"

 Your words are cut off and both of your heads whip in the direction of your front door when your bell goes off.

“Shit,” You lean back, hands dropping before you wipe at your face, “They’re here.” 

“Oh.” Jungkook stands quickly, bringing you up with him and you both stare at one another for a moment before breaking into a small smile. “We look like messes, I think.”

“Think the girl from the bar still thinks we’re hot?” You continue to wipe your face and Jungkook does the same. “Let’s enjoy movie night, okay?”

“We’re going to talk about this later, right?” Jungkook chews on his lip, “y/n?”

“Yeah. I promise.”

~

All the guys are completely immersed in the movie that’s playing. Jin whispering towards Namjoon what’s going to happen next and Namjoon shushing him violently. Hobi…okay, not as immersed since he’s mostly been on his phone. Taehyung and Jimin are playing ‘which character am I’ and Yoongi stays quiet, eyes on the screen. 

Jungkook sits next to you, his hands itching to touch you but he doesn’t. He will try to be satisfied with the way your shoulder is pushed up against his shoulder but touching you or not touching you…either one is overwhelming to him. He glances at you, eyes on the screen and he leans in to whisper in your ear.

“I’m going to get some fresh air for a little bit.” He tells you, and you look at him concerned but he just smiles. “Be right back.” Jungkook stands from the sofa and tells the guys he’s going to back soon, he just needs some air. They mostly just wave him off, going back to what they were doing.

Jungkook goes to your porch, the November air feels nice and crisp and he breathes it in, hoping the air will clear the warmth inside him. He’s not too sure where he stands with you. He wants you to love him as much as he loves you and he’s certain you do but he also knows you’re scared you’re disappointing him if he can never get you pregnant again. But he’s serious—he doesn’t care. As long as he has you…his cheeks start warming, his stupid blush dusting his cheeks because of course, that’s what thinking about you does to him. 

Jungkook looks out to the scenery your porch has to offer—it isn’t much. But it’s still nice, he thinks. He walks forward and his hands go to the fenced part and he takes a deep breath but suddenly he hears the door open and close. He quickly looks behind him to see Yoongi, his hands deep inside his hoodie pocket as he walks towards Jungkook.

“Hey.” Yoongi comes next to him. “You good?” 

“Am I…” Jungkook looks at Yoongi and can’t help the smile that grows, “Worrying about me, huh?”

“I never said that.” Yoongi looks straight ahead, but there’s a smirk on his lips. “So?”

“You know,” Jungkook’s eyes stay on his friend. “I’m probably the most grateful to you. More than anyone.”

Yoongi glances at the boy, brows lifting in question.

“When I broke up with y/n at that time, you were the one who was there for her. And now, after the accident and you know, breaking up again…you’re there for her again. You probably kept her sane. Picked up all the broken pieces and what not. Helps you’re so in love.” Jungkook tries to joke but he looks down, feeling ashamed that he was the cause of some of your pain. 

Yoongi sighs out, “I’m not going to tell you words that will comfort you.” He cracks a smile and chuckles, “That’s too nice, even for me.”

“Of course.” Jungkook shakes his head with a laugh, “I’m your rival in love, after all.”

“Ah, you punk.” Yoongi scoffs at him, but he’s smiling. “But no. There’s no rivalry.” He shakes his head, sighing out now. “You know…when you two broke up that first time…I thought that maybe I was finally going to have a chance—just a chance to tell her how I felt. You were no longer in the picture, right?” Yoongi rolls his eyes, “I was so sure once she got over you—” He laughs before continuing, “Well, she never got over you. Anyway, you are wrong about one thing though.” And Jungkook quirks a brow. 

“I wasn’t there for her as much as I was because I was so in love with her. I was there for her because she’s my best friend.” He stares ahead, nodding to his own words. “And that’s what best friends do.” 

“You…” Jungkook responds softly, “You keep using past tense…’was’ in love…”

Yoongi finally turns to face Jungkook, smirk on his lips again. “You two weren’t the only ones who did some healing and moving on in the last year.” 

Jungkook’s mouth opens in surprise and Yoongi chuckles, “Something’s going to fly in there, moron. Let’s go back inside. y/n wouldn’t stop looking at the door as soon as you left. Don’t make her worry. You two are going to work this out. I know it.”

Jungkook playfully sniffles before he sings out Yoongi’s name in praise.

“Yeah. Yeah”

~

It’s around 11pm when everyone starts heading out one by one, hugs crushing your body as they say their goodbyes. Last two is Yoongi and Jungkook but Yoongi is making his way out of the door.

“Call me tomorrow if you want to get lunch, okay?” Yoongi gives you a quick hug. “See you later.”

“Drive safe.” You yell after him before shutting the door. “I’m tired.” You say, back going against the door and you lean against it for a moment, eyes on Jungkook who lingers in front of you. “What are you doing?” 

“Oh, I was uh, finding my shoes.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Well…everyone was so…unless you want me to stay longer?” Jungkook’s big eyes start glancing around, “I don’t mind, you know, if that’s what you want.” He’s nervous. You can tell he’s wondering if you two are going to continue what you were doing before the guys got there.

You lift yourself off the door and walk towards him slowly, your feet pattering against the floor and Jungkook gulps when you come in front of him. “It’s what I want.” You tell him, hand rising before you rest it against his chest. 

“Yeah?” Jungkook takes a deep breath, “And what do you, um, what do you want to do?”

“Be with you.” You tell him and he grows a little red. “We’ve had quite the day.” You look down at your feet, “And I think what I want to do most is just be with you, touch you, hold you.”

Jungkook takes your hand in his and pulls you closer to him, his other hand going to the small of your back and suddenly his forehead pushes up against yours and he squeezes his eyes shut. “When you say that—”

“I know.” You sigh, breath hitting his lips. “I know what it sounds like when I say that. And I’m saying that. And we can talk more about it later, I promise. But Jungkook,”

“Hm?” He brushes his nose against yours now, lips barely ghosting. 

“The touching you and holding you has to come first.” Both of your hands spread against his broad chest, feeling every tense muscle beneath your touch. “If that’s okay with—”

“Can I take this as a good thing?” His voice is a little strained, eyes still closed. 

“Yes,” You breathe against his lips. “You can—”

Jungkook isn’t rough with you, no, his lips are soft as he pushes them into yours with the kind of delicacy that sends you into a spiral. Your lips pull apart so agonizingly slow, the skin refusing to disconnect and he savors it. Lips not even fully apart yet before he’s molding his mouth against yours again. 

It feels like heaven, just having him close like this. Your hands start sliding upward, fingers at his neck, rising higher until they’re deep in his hair. Jungkook pulls away again, lips barely abandoning you as they rub against yours while the two of you breathe deeply, the kind of erratic breaths that build and build. 

He continues to hold you close as his hands start roaming your body. Fingers digging into your side, your hips, your ass, everywhere that feels meaty enough for Jungkook to hold. Having his hands on you like this causes your body to react more than you’d imagine at this point. Head tilting back, you bask in the feelings and Jungkook watches you with hooded eyes.

“It’s a good thing, right?” He’s basically begging for your reassurance. “This…I can take it as a good thing, right baby?” Jungkook groans when you press your body forward, hips trying to grind into his. 

“Yes.” You tell him, “Yes.” 

Jungkook understands perfectly then. “Bedroom?” He searches your eyes, “Fuck, please.” 

Your hands slide from the back of his neck, down his arms until your fingers are playing with his. He’s gazing at you, though his eyes are filling with want, you can still see an ounce of hesitance. “Jungkook,” You start tugging on his hands, leading him more towards you, your own feet stepping backward. “I’m letting you love me.” 

It only took those five words to have Jungkook falling to your bed as he struggles to kick his pants and briefs off all the way, the materials getting stuck at his ankles. You giggle, squatting down to help him. Jungkook looks down at you, his fingers pulling at his shirt before it’s slipping over his head and he’s throwing it across the room. 

Your eyes do little to hide the fact that they’re raking over his body, checking him out in full. His strong calves to his thick thighs, his small waist that tenses every few seconds. Chest, tatted arm, his handsome face with that damn lip ring that you decide does not feel weird to kiss. Jungkook’s lips are parted and he’s trying to remain calm but he’s eager. He’s tired of waiting, he’s tired of trying to collect himself. You see that as he breathes heavily, dark eyes boring into you and the small smirk that starts playing at his lips when he sees your eyes drop to his length. 

You’ve seen him naked countless times but right now it’s starting to feel like a first. It’s like you are getting to admire his cock for a first time, the size of it, the way it barely curves, the head that shines with just the right amount of precum. He leans back, resting on his elbows, his curious eyes on you. You know he’s wondering what you’ll do, how exactly you’ll approach him…because he knows you want to. You wouldn’t have led him to the bed like this, desperate fingers on his jeans to get them off if you didn’t want to be the one to set the scene. 

“Can…” You finally stand, slotting yourself between his spread legs. “Can you touch yourself for me?” You ask, your hands going to the bottom of your shirt before you’re lifting it over your head. Bra next. Jungkook blinks up at you, his brows raised before he slowly moves his right hand towards his member. His fingers wrap around the head of his cock lightly, he’s careful not to add too much pressure. He continues to stare up at you, his eyes falling to your leggings as you start dragging them down your legs. Panties too. 

Jungkook squeezes his cock at the sight of you, a quiet groan leaving his lips but he tries to remain calm…even though he wants to be anything but slow right now. “Come to me.” He starts stroking himself a little, “Come to—”

“Scoot back some more.” You instruct softly, “I’m going to come to you babe.” Jungkook nods slowly, body moving up the bed as you crawl between his legs. Your hands go to his thighs, gripping them, feeling how thick and meaty they are and Jungkook only tenses more. His hand stopping as he gazes at you. His teeth dig into his lips and he lets go of his cock and it lays against his stomach, twitching in anticipation. 

Jungkook tries to keep his eyes open and on you but the moment your fingers take his member and stroke him softly he’s starting to lose his own control. But it’s when you lean down and your lips peck the tip that he’s having trouble holding himself up, his elbows sliding and his head hitting the mattress. “Fuck…” He mumbles, eyes half-lidded. “I haven’t been touched in so long, y/n.” He admits, breaths rough. “It almost hurts how hard I am.” 

“Could you even handle me going down on you?” You ask, voice coated in silk. “You wouldn’t come the moment I take you down my throat, would you?” You feel Jungkook’s cock twitch again in your hand, his body starting to squirm as he tries to breathe evenly. “Jungkook…” You part your lips, tongue poking out before you lightly tap the head of his cock onto the wet and warmth. His hips buck up slightly and you gaze at him for a moment before wrapping your lips over the tip, taking him into the warmth of your mouth and Jungkook’s brows pinch in concentration, every heavy breath that leaves him is accompanied by the sound of him moaning. They’re deep, almost groans but the moment you start fondling his balls, he is whimpering. 

“Baby,” He whines, eyes screwing shut, the pleasure too much and too soon. “I can’t…” He cracks a smile, his hands going to the back of your neck. “I’ll come. I have to be inside you for that…” He starts sitting up, hands going to cup your face as he leads you away from his dick and to his lips instead. Jungkook moves his mouth over yours slowly but as soon as you slide your tongue into his mouth, he’s kissing you harder. Hands snaking down to your ass, squeezing it as he lays back down, bringing you with him. 

Jungkook kisses you rougher now, his teeth nipping at your lips, eyes opening to look at you. You kiss him back just as needy, whining into his mouth, body lowering over his and Jungkook’s eyes roll to the back of his head when he feels your cunt, dripping wet, sliding over his aching cock. Jungkook’s fingers go from your ass to between your thighs so quickly that you don’t even register it until two fingers press down onto your clit, your mouth open in shock and pleasure before Jungkook starts rubbing you slowly. “Jungkook…” You moan into his mouth, “Oh god, Jungkook.” 

Jungkook’s is effortless as he turns you over, his body on top of yours now, his face falling into your neck, sucking into your skin as his fingers start sliding between your folds. He licks and sucks your throat while sinking a finger into your heat, the pressure making your back arch. “Fuck,” You breathe, “Jungkook….” And then another finger. 

Jungkook can’t believe how tight you feel, your walls practically suffocating his two fingers. He tries to move them slowly at first, truly just wanting to feel you. But the moment they curl inside you and you are grinding your hips into his hand, he picks up the pace and adds a third finger.

“Need you,” You squeeze your eyes shut, “Now…”

“Stretching you—”

“Now, Jungkook.” You whine, your bottom lip getting stuck between your teeth. “I don’t care. Fuck me now, I need you now.”

“Are you sure?” He pauses his fingers, slowly leaving your core. Jungkook kisses the side of your neck before whispering, “I don’t want to hurt you…”

“You won’t.” You say, your hand reaching between you as you grab his length, it rests heavy in your palm. “It’s going to feel good.” You assure him, fingers stroking him, guiding him towards your heat. 

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, his eyes staying on you as his own hand goes below, wrapping around your hand as he helps you position the head of his cock to your hole. “This…” He sighs when he starts pushing inside you little by little, “This is a good thing, right? We’re…it’s a good thing you want this?” His forehead comes to yours, his eyes fluttering shut when he feels how your walls suck him in. 

“Yes.” You moan, body tensing when he enters you more and more. “Fuck, Jungkook…you feel so…” 

Jungkook breathes heavy against your lips, his hips meeting yours when he finally has his cock snug inside you. He pauses, letting you adjust to his size. You’re both panting, the feeling of being with one another so intense and overwhelming. He doesn’t even have to fuck you at this point, he thinks, he wouldn’t mind just staying inside you, feeling your walls pulsate around him—that alone could make him come. 

“Love me…” You whisper, eyes locking on his and he falls closer to your body. Hips lifting some, cock sliding out of you just enough to brush against a spot that makes you whine. “Jungkook.” Your arms wrap around him, pulling him in closer. Jungkook pushes back in and starts rocking himself into you, sounds of the bed creaking along with heavy breaths fills the room. He doesn’t speak anymore and neither do you. Both just concentrating on the feeling between yours bodies. 

Jungkook starts moving faster, fucking you a little harder. He’s trying not to be too rough with you but the feeling of your nails on his back makes him lose more control. He’s not quiet, but you’re swallowing most of his moans by kissing him. You know he’s concentrating on making this last longer, slowing down when he needs to but you aren’t too sure yourself how much longer you’ll last. 

“y/n…” He moans your name, sweaty forehead still pushed against yours, “If I rub your pretty pussy, baby, can you come in the next 30 seconds? I can’t…” he grunts, hips slamming into you, “I’m going to …fuck…” 

“Yes, touch me.” You cry out, “Make me come.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook’s fingers dance across your stomach, dragging down until he’s got two fingers circling your clit quickly. “Going to squeeze my cock, huh?” 

The sound of Jungkook alone is enough to make you come. He’s louder than he usually is, moans on the brink of sounding desperate leave his mouth. He’s grinding, he’s fucking, he’s rubbing, he’s creating that explosion inside you, he’s almost got you on the verge of eruption. 

“Fuck,” You pull him down, lips crashing into his, teeth clashing and tongues swirling. Jungkook touches your clit just perfectly, the nerves going insane as they reach their limit. He pulls away, looking into your eyes before he asks—begs you to come. And you do. You reach the top and tumble over, body tensing as you clench around him. He cries out, pleasure milking him dry as he comes inside you. 

You both breathe heavily, lips rubbing against each other, soaking in every euphoric feeling that washes between you both. Jungkook pecks your lips a few times, pulling out of you carefully and rolling over to your side.

“I wish that lasted an hour and not 8 minutes.” He says quietly with a chuckle, turning his head to face you.

“I told you it would feel good.” You say, reaching to bop his nose. 

Jungkook stares at you, his eyes half lidded but not from lust, rather his tiredness catching up to him, “You always feel good, y/n.” He says softly, “Are we going to talk now?”

“Tomorrow, Jungkook. I see how sleepy you are.” You lean forward, kissing his lips. But when you pull away you can see he looks a little worried. “Tomorrow.” 

~

No dreams last night. That’s your first thought when you wake up, eyes shying away from the sun that bleeds into the bedroom. No dreams and no panic. Just arms wrapped around you, holding you tight. You try to carefully turn over in Jungkook’s arms, careful not to wake him but when your eyes land on his face, you see he’s already staring at you. Eye are big and doe like, his purity gazing at you.

“Hi.” He murmurs, unsure of how to greet you after last night, his thumb brushing against your arm.

“You love me?” You suddenly ask, making him freeze. “You really want to be with me? No matter what?”

Jungkook’s cheeks start to fill in with a soft pink color. “Yeah.” He tells you, voice soft.

“I love you.” You blurt, eyes boring into his and you can see his chest rising and falling just a tad bit faster. “I love you.” You say again, a little more at ease. And then your lips curve into some sort of crooked smile. “You said you’d fuck that 10% chance into me over and over, right?” You can’t help the small laugh when Jungkook’s eyes expand, his blush getting dark. “You want to keep trying and trying with me? You want to see if maybe you’d be able to fuck me enough that you can put your baby into me again?”

And then suddenly the soft pink is replaced with red.

“Want to start trying right now?” You raise a brow, smirk on your lips. “Or maybe you actually want to marry me first this time?” 

Your words obviously shock him, his lips parted as he tries to process everything you’re saying to him first thing in the morning. He struggles to find a response quick enough. Eyes blinking at you and you swear you can hear how fast his heart is beating. And you see his face. God, his face. The entire thing gone red. 

You smile at him, hand brushing against his fiery cheek. His lips start to stretch into a smile, head beginning to nod but you can’t take your eyes off his blush. The red color painting over his cheeks…and you don’t think the color has ever looked this good.