#at the whiniest I've ever been

[baejax-the-great]

Drinking tea works. But try something warm and thick, like oatmeal, thick hot chocolate, a rhick creamy soup

Ect ect

Also throat numbing spray helps

I thought you should avoid dairy while coughing? I actually don't know why I think this, but I swear it's something my mom said when I was a kid.

I mean I DID ignore that yesterday and have creamy chicken and wild rice soup for lunch, so like I'm down to ignore the milk thing if it's fake because dairy is awesome, but I did feel weirdly guilty about it.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the advice!!! My favorite one ended up being drinking hot broth like it's tea, hah. Something about the hot salty water on the throat is really soothing. Also if it means I can skip doing the salt water gargle I'll drink broth all day long.

I also discovered that at some point in the last three years I anticipated getting covid and bought a bunch of cough remedies and then promptly forgot about them. So hopefully today is a bit easier for me armed with an arsenal of OTC and home remedies.

[nordic-language-love]

talked to one of my colleagues and he said he's lived in 20 different countries and spent most of his life in the uae although he's originally from an english-speaking country. so i asked him if he spoke any other languages. and he seriously fucking said "no, everyone just speaks english anyway" :|

[myjisung]

WEDNESDAY — [8:47PM]

han jisung. genre: fluff + warning: none.

"oh please, y/n."

"just a minute. i need to get this done."

"do you hate me? be honest."

your fingers stopped moving and hovered over your keyboard. slowly, you turned your head and looked in the direction of your boyfriend, sat right by your side at the dinner table, deadpan. he stared back at you, his face unmoving, brows furrowed, and his eyes as round as they could get.

"that's a whole new sentence, jisung." you replied after a few seconds.

in response, he sighed audibly and let his head rest on the table, face burried in his crossed arms, while you focused back on your screen. you had to finish checking your work mailbox before you could close your laptop and rest for good.

"you're always working" jisung started, words muffled against the sleeves of his hoodie, "it's always the emails and never me. be honest. you just like your emails better."

it was not the first time jisung whined this way. actually, it was a recurrent occurence. this happened almost every time you worked from home, or rather, from your shared appartment. on those days, you would not see time pass and jisung would be home from the studio before you were done with your own tasks. since your chatty desk mates were not around you, it was easier to focus in the comfort of your own home and you often lost track of time or simply made the most out of those remote working days.

jisung did not like that very much and he made sure to let you know.

"you're being silly. silly and needy." you muttered, your voice dripping with fondness without being able to help it.

"i wonder why!" your boyfriend retorted. his head had shot up and he was now looking right at the side of your face in fake annoyance. "i've been begging for hours."

"it's been eight minutes since you got here." you corrected.

"and i can feel myself fading away..." he whined again, "this is all your fault..." jisung's head was back in his arms and his eyes fluttered closed, face turned towards yours with a pout tugging at his mouth.

you stole a glance and smiled to yourself. a quiet chuckle bubbled from your throat and you focused back on your laptop. with a loud clicky sound, you pressed send on your very last email. you were finally done for the day.

"alright." you said upon closing your laptop after making sure it had shut down. in a swift motion, you leaned toward your boyfriend, who still had his head resting upon his crossed arms, and pressed your lips against his.

as you inched away from his face, his eyes flew open the same way an old school disney princess's would. jisung made a show out of being kissed, as if it were the first time. he gingerly touched his lips with the tips of his fingers, looking at you through his eyelashes.

"feeling better?" you asked him before getting up and walking toward the kitchen.

"very much so. thank you, for saving me." he replied, smiling his heart shaped smile. he followed you to the kitchen, his footsteps light.

jisung was the whiniest man you ever came across and you would never grow tired of this side of him.

taglist. @aeinzzzketchup @hyunverse @seungspolaroid @starlostseungmin — let me know if you would like to be added / removed.

© myjisung. please do not copy, translate, repost or claim my work as your own.

[themisplaceddemigod]

hi! i saw your post on a hashtag and cheked out your one piece account and its really good! i was wondering if you can write sub!leo valdez smut? have a great day!

thank you :D and sure! i can try my best, i've never written smut before so i hope i did okay this first time!

desperate

Leo Valdez x F!Reader

summary - Leo is the whiniest, most vocal sub you've ever encountered, but you find it cute

warnings - SMUT! sexual themes, sexual acts, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, p in v intercourse

"Fuck! (Name), please!"

You grinned as you teased your boyfriend, slowly rolling your hips against his and watching him squirm as your clothed cunt pressed against his hard, throbbing dick. His pants and boxers had long since been discarded, and now he was whining for you to undress and give him what he wanted the most - your pussy.

"Ah, ah," you tutted, "This is your punishment for smacking my ass in front of all my siblings earlier."

He groaned, whimpering as he bucked his hips upwards, trying to hump you roughly to get himself off faster. You gripped his hips and slammed them back down, leaning towards his neck to press hot, wet kisses as you continued to grind yourself against him, moaning as he whined and begged some more.

"You gonna be a good boy then?" You sat up again, biting your lip. "Are you gonna behave if I strip and fuck your needy dick?"

He nodded frantically, a strangled mix between a moan and a gasp coming out of his mouth, "Yes yes baby please! Please fuck me!" He whined, clawing at your clothes.

You smirked and started stripping down, taking your clothes off slowly to tease him. His dark, lust-filled eyes followed every bit of newly exposed skin, stopping on your hard nipples as your bra came off.

"Baby you're so damn pretty," he moaned, "Wanna feel you on me, squeezing my dick, please...please..." He whimpered, hands roaming your bare body before squeezing your breasts tightly.

You let out a moan, gasping softly at the feeling of his warm hands groping your tits. Your cunt was slick with your juices by now, his whines and his words arousing you to the point where it was hard to keep teasing him. You were about ready to give into his pleading, always happy to sink down on his dick and ride him to heaven and back.

"I guess you deserve it, baby."

You rocked yourself against him once, twice, coating his long, throbbing dick with your juices. He moaned even more, throwing his head back as his hands gripped your waist.

"Baby please stop teasing, you're driving me insane!"

You smirked at that, but finally hovered over him and grabbed his dick, rubbing it a few times to elicit more delicious whines from your vocal lover. When you were satisfied, you lined his dick up with your entrance, moaning softly as his tip prodded it. Then you slowly sank down onto him, easing his dick into your tight, soaked cunt. Your head fell back as he filled you up, your mouth opening and forming an 'o' as you sucked him in. He was breathing so heavily, panting slightly too, as your hips finally met.

"Ready for me to move baby?" You asked teasingly, knowing full well that he was desperate for it.

"YES!" He cried out, "Yes princess please, please move! Want you so bad, need to feel you cum all over my dick!"

His words had you moaning, and you lifted yourself off him before slamming back down, earning a scream of pleasure from the son of Hephaestus, and his hands squeezed your waist. You repeated the action, moaning yourself at the feeling of his cock slipping in and out.

"Faster baby please," he begged. "Need you to move faster!"

You loved how desperate he was for you, how he begged and pleaded you to fuck him. Leo was almost always the sub, mostly because he was always the one who wanted you to fuck him like an animal.

You gave into his request, starting to move faster and bouncing up and down on his dick quicker. Your hands rested on his chest, your ass slapping against his thighs with loud squelches that had you moaning and whimpering as you rode him. Leo was the loudest, his grunts and moans and whines filling the room almost as much. as the wet, sloppy sounds of skin-against-skin. You threw your head back and shut your eyes as you moved faster, riding his dick so roughly that the bed started to creak and the mattress dipped further.

"(Name)!" He moaned your name like a chant, his hands moving up to grab and fondle your perky tits. You moaned at the feeling, combined with the ecstasy of his dick starting to slam against your g-spot as he started bucking up into you while you rode him.

"Leo, fuck!" You gasped, feeling your orgasm quickly building up. You whined and moved faster, ass hitting his thighs harder as you chased your release.

He was babbling and moaning incoherently, toying with your breasts as he watched you bouncing yourself on his cock through half-lidded eyes. The sight was incredibly arousing, and it was taking Leo every ounce of will he had to keep from filling you with his seed right then and there.

"So good, fuck," he moaned, "You feel so good on me, princess. Your pussy's so fucking good!"

You moaned louder at his words, bouncing yourself on him faster and harder and rougher. You leaned down to kiss him hard, slipping your tongue into his mouth as your tits pressed against his own. You kept rolling your hips against his, rocking against him wildly as you made out sloppily, your mouths a mess of tongue and teeth against each other. Both of you were gasping, moaning, panting, and the room was filled with the scent of sex and those lewd sounds.

"Gonna cum!" You whined, your pussy clenching around him so hard that he knew you were ready to coat his dick in your cum. Your thrusts became sloppy and unco-ordinated, choked whines and moans leaving your lips as you pressed wet kisses down his neck and along his shoulder. "Cum with me baby, wanna feel you fill me up with your cum..."

Those words elicited a moan so loud that you feared anyone passing by might hear, and you clamped a hand over his mouth, "Come on baby, quieter now. Can't have the whole camp knowing I'm fucking you senseless in here. It IS against the rules, after all."

And that was it for Leo. He came hard, dick spurting his warm semen into your cunt and filling you up completely. You moaned loudly and joined him, cumming just as hard as you creamed around his dick, panting heavily as you continued to fuck him through your orgasms, but only briefly.

When you both came down from your highs, Leo whined and pulled you down to lay on him, wrapping his arms around you. He stayed inside, pressing gentle kisses to your shoulders.

"I love it when you dominate, baby," he grinned weakly into your neck. "You're so fucking hot."

[nixie-writes]

I love love love that trope where a normally gentle/sweet character does a 180 when their loved one is in trouble. If requests are open could I request how Blitz, Stolas, and Verosika would react their s/o suddenly becoming a badass to defend them?

I love writing for Verosika but I never get requests for her. I'm so happy someone requested her.

Blitz

-you were with him on a mission and Millie and Moxxie were off doing their couples' stuff. You and Blitz skipped on joining, preferring to get some work out of the way.

-you were on the prowl after your target when police officers approached you two, asking unnecessary questions. You tried to make them buzz off but Blitz made a snarky remark and was tazed.

-seeing Blitz be put down like that ignited a spark in you. You pulled out your small dagger and leaped onto the first cop you could reach, digging your knife into his collarbone and scraping bone. He cried out and shoved you off but he was incapacitated by his wound.

-the other cop rounded on you and you swirled down his leg, slicing his Achilles's heel on both legs, dropping him on his ass. You stood up, blood clotting your clothes and pulled out your gun. Aiming it between both cops' foreheads you warned them to fuck off or meet the end of your barrel. They scurried away, one being half carried by the other.

-you turned to Blitz, checking him over. He assured you he's had much worse, like when Dhorks caught him and Moxxie, and was fine but you still worried. He complimented how well you handled yourself and told you he wanted to see more of that in the future.

Stolas

-you were his personal guard during one of the parties his wife, Stella, was throwing. You knew it was wrong to be with a married man but what they didn't know couldn't hurt them, right? Not like their marriage wasn't arranged from the beginning.

-that said, you were by his side through the night as he got shit faced. He chugged Absinthe and danced with you sloppily, getting a little too close to Stella for comfort.

-when Stolas left to use the restroom Stella approached you. "The fuck do you think you're doing with my husband?!" she demanded. You shrugged. "Enjoying your party?" you feigned innocence. It was at this point Stolas arrived back from the restroom.

-"Stella, you're being paranoid. I'm just having fun with my body guard. Go gossip with your lady friends." you were shocked by how brutally blunt Stolas was with his wife and it didn't bode well with her. Lifting an arm she snarled, rearing up on him. "You think I'm naive Stolas? You don't think I see you with your new toy?" she tossed her hand to land a slap across Stolas' cheek but it never hit his face.

-instead you took the slap to your own face, pushing Stolas behind you. "Stella I have been nothing but polite to you but if you're going to be the whiniest bitch I've ever met there's plenty of dirty laundry I can air about you." you threatened, never looking away from her angry glare. After an intense staring contest she snorted and tore her wrist from your hand. "Whatever, you pathetic body guard. You win tonight." with that she left, grabbing a glass of wine as she walked away.

-Stolas thanked you immensely for your intervention and you insisted you were just doing your job, but admitted you hated seeing your man being abused by his wife. He waved it off, she never got out of hand with him, but you made him promise to tell you if she ever needed to be straightened out again.

Verosika

-as another bouncer at one of Verosika's clubs your job was to make sure only the right people entered her parties. You let in most who arrived as they were on the list but one hound showed up who wasn't on the list and refused to leave.

-he insisted you let him in, telling you he was Verosika's biggest fan. You calmly told him you couldn't let him in because he wasn't on the list. He got angrier and stormed past you into the party. You were unable to stop him before he reached Verosika.

-he angrily asked her why she didn't put him on her list. She told him that she wasn't required to do as he asked and her party was exclusively for good friends.

-it was as he reared back to pounce on her that you jumped him, wrapping an arm around his esophagus and choking him to the floor. You held a knee on his spine as you cuffed him and dragged him outside, kicking his ass out.

-Verosika made a public announcement thanking you for getting rid of the heckler and for the first time, announced you as her partner.

-"I'd like to thank my wonderful partner [Y/N] for getting rid of that nasty hound! This party was saved thanks to them, give 'em a hand!"

[windstrikenbard]

Keep Whining like that...

Genshin Impact men x dom!genderneu reader ADULTS ONLY/MINORS DNI CWs: Spanking, Edging, Orgasm Denial, Sounding, Degradation, Bondage Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Venti

Diluc squirmed, wrists rubbing against the scarlet rope you've tied him up with. His poor cock was pulsing at attention, begging to be touched, but you simply chuckled and walked another slow circle around Diluc. "Look at it... You cute little cock, my cock, begging for pleasure. you greedy slut, have I not given you enough?" You widened your eyes innocently, trailing the whip in her hand along his side. Felt a rush of excitement at his slight moan. "What would Mondstadt think to find their Darkknight Hero begging some random person for release, hmm?" He groaned and shuddered, dick twitching as you spoke. An idea popping into your brain, you gently ran the whip along his dick, listening to his breath suck in sharply and a soft whimper leave his throat. You lazily brought the leather whip around and hit his ass, a grunt leaving Diluc's mouth. A tsk, and you hit him again. "So silent, huh...?" You raise his head with a finger, chuckling at the dazed look in his eyes. "Beg me for it, and I might give you mercy." And ohhh did he beg. Whimpered pleas, rutting his hips up into the air. Praising you, begging you. And yet... you wouldn't give in. "Pleaseeeee... Please I need it... I'll let you h-have free drinks for a week just please." That was more like it. You brought your hand to his cock and helped him release, watching him fall limp afterwards. "Good boy, Diluc..." You kissed his neck as you undid the ties, rubbing the sore spots gently. "Let's get you cleaned up now, okay? How does a hot bath sound?"

Kaeya was blindfolded, arms and legs spread out on the bed as the soft hum of a vibrator continued to echo in the room. His quiet, desperate moans as he tried to helplessly buck his hips, the pressure just shy of the spot it needed to be. You slowly drew your nails along his inner thigh, his mouth emitting a desperate whimper as he flinched from the sudden contact. Every so often, desperately trying to move, yet to no awhile. "Oh Kaeya... How's my little slut hanging into there?" You coo softly, ghosting your breath over his angry, puffy dick. He groaned and tried to once again buck his hips. "Ohhh... Please... I've been good, I've been good please let me cum..." You rolled your eyes and teased him, moving the vibrator slightly so it was just right for half a second before moving it back. A whine ripped out from his throat, and a tear peeked out from the blindfold. "That's not what I asked~" You stood up from the bed, reaching into the drawer of your sex toys. "In any case... Well, consider this payback for all the times you've teased me today, you needy puppy." You spread lube over the metal rod in your hand. He whined and twitched, trying to figure out what you were doing. Gasping in surprise as you slowly slid the rod in, before moving the vibrator right where he wanted it. "I'll leave you like this for a bit. Don't make a mess, okay?" You blew a kiss while he started to whine and beg desperately, then left the room. Left the room to start setting up for the aftercare, anyways.

Venti was, perhaps, the noisiest person you've ever taken to bed. Here he was, on his knees like such a good puppy, begging to mouth at your sex. To take you in and get your juices all over him. But who would you be if you let your precious sub get everything he wanted? "Venti, stand up and turn around." His obedience was such a turn-on... You bit back the moan that wanted to escape, and wrapped your arms around him, pressing him against your chest. "What a good boy..." You purred into his ear, slowly reaching a hand down to stroke that oh so tiny dick. He whined. Squirmed and turned his head, trying to meet his lips with yours. You simply scoffed and pressed your lips to his neck, sucking as you flicked your thumb over his tip. He let out the loudest, whiniest moan ever, just spurring you on to do it again, and again, and again. You could feel his legs shaking, having to put more effort in keeping him standing then jerking him off, but the strain in your muscles would be so worth his pretty face. "Look at how small and pathetic your dick is, hmm?" You whispered in his ear, watching his face turn such a gorgeous shade of red. "Does it want to cum? hmm?" "y...yes! Please! Pleaseee!" Venti whined and managed to catch your lips in his, giving you such a wet kiss. So obviously you complied. After all, how could you say no to him at this point? His long, drawn-out moan was music to your ears. You jerked him through it, before gently laying him down on the couch and kissing his forehead. "I'll be right back love. I just got to grab you a towel and some nice cold water, okay?" You held his hand gently, smiling at his hazey expression. "Okay... thank you..."

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

Another offtopic post, but I can now proudly proclaim that within a single day of activity and two comments I have been permanently banned from r/Kantenhausen. Not going into the details for german net culture, but "Kante" literally translates to "edge" and the whole name essentially means "Edgelord-Town", so you can guess what to expect: the whiniest mimosas this site of the virtual DACH region. It is hillarious how virtual spaces ALWAYS are the opposite of what is written on the tin: explicit free-speech places are just a cesspool that only allow their narrow horrid opinion and ban everyone else for brigading or something; and sites for supposed edgelords and self-proclaimed dark-humor enthusiasts are just the whiniest little bitches.

You know what I've been permanently banned for? After telling someone essentially that "the multi-million dollar company is not gonna fuck you" I loudly pondered "if it might have an adverse effect on the user's digestion if they cram the boot they're licking that far down their throat". That's it. That apparently is too much on the dedicated edgelord-assholery-sub.

When you use tumblr as your main site for a decade and have been completly adjusted to this site's power level when it comes to user-PvP-banter, apparently that makes you completly overpowered everywhere else. The cultural difference is insane - and tumblr is not even known for being a toxic cesspool or anything! It's not like we here are chan-board levels of antisocial toxics, we are literally regular people engaging in regular banter at times.

If tumblr ever shuts down I am not sure what site I could jump over to that I would not immedeatly get banned from lmao

[saintsenara]

Not from the ask list but the characters in ur fics as Irish counties and why?

anon, this has absolutely sent me. i have genuinely never seen something more up my alley.

let's start with characters we can pull from the series for ireland's six superior counties, shall we...

antrim = oliver wood

a county full of lads who've never met a spivvy tracksuit they don't think is the height of fashion, and who have a vastly inflated sense of their success at sports.

armagh = tom riddle

armagh has a [deservedly] bloody reputation. he could settle down in the murder triangle. he'd like that.

down = draco malfoy

people who live in co. down really like thinking they're better than the rest of us just because it's easy for them to get to belfast [lads, how's that something to boast about?], so they have to be the series' whiniest flop.

fermanagh = rubeus hagrid

fermanagh is full of docile lads who build things, in my experience.

londonderry = ron weasley

canonically gorgeous, gorgeous girlies live in this fine county - by which i mean, of course, that i do. we deserve to be represented by the series' most gorgeous girly. and a ginger sweetheart with six siblings [so you know which side of the sectarian divide his parents are on...] would go down a storm with our mams.

tyrone = harry potter

my brother once had his nose broken in a pub in strabane, which doesn't sound particularly interesting until you realise that my brother is a priest. by which i mean - a county filled with people who are reckless, quick-tempered, and always ready to throw hands? it can only be represented by one man...

---

and then the rest...

carlow = quirinus quirrell

the most interesting thing there is a big rock.

cavan = percy weasley

everyone i've ever met from cavan has been really boring and really tight. so there's that.

clare = ginny weasley

because it's gorgeous, in a not like other girls way.

cork = albus dumbledore

look at this canon line and tell me dumbledore's not a cork man... "In fact, being — forgive me — rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.” 

donegal = sybill trelawney

always away with the fairies up there... and always drunk too.

dublin = walburga black

everyone you've ever met who lives in dublin is genuinely shocked to discover that the rest of the world exists beyond the m50. it's not not giving "has never set foot in muggle london and would die before she did".

galway = arthur and molly weasley

galway is the home of the nation's sophisticated [and, apparently, sexually adventurous] culchies - which fits two people from clearly quite distinguished backgrounds who nonetheless live the way they do...

kerry = gilderoy lockhart

you will never see american tourists get scammed more glamorously than in kerry.

kildare = regulus black

considerably less interesting than - and devoid of identity in comparison to - its neighbour, dublin.

kilkenny = charlie weasley

all they do is have red hair and hurl.

laois = daphne greengrass

on account of her irrelevance.

leitrim = sally-ann perks

on account of her irrelevance.

limerick = bellatrix lestrange

limerick used to be known as "stab city". she'd fit right in.

longford = mungundus fletcher

gombeen men abound.

louth = myrtle warren

because they [by which i mean the two people i know who were born there...] are always fucking moaning.

mayo = remus lupin

perpetually mopey, unless they reckon they're great at something.

meath = cormac mclaggen

they wish they were as class as the lads in dublin.

monaghan = cuthbert binns

genuinely couldn't locate it on a map.

offaly = grawp

i mean, who fucking knows? the entire place is a bog.

roscommon = aberforth dumbledore

you can guess why...

sligo = fred and george weasley

wheeler dealers, the lot of them.

tipperary = fleur delacour

the home of gorgeous, gorgeous girlies with striking accents.

waterford = dobby

they love a good strike.

westmeath = hermione granger

not somewhere you'd expect you'd choose to live if you were a bit of a know-it-all. and yet.

wexford = neville longbottom

they love to bang on about the soil.

wicklow = marge dursley

she drives a range rover and looks down on anyone who farms, change my mind.

[other answers from this ask game]

[theminecraftbox]

Eldritch- what moment is the angriest you've ever been?

(Previous.) (All.)

(Sam is bleeding freely. He falls heavily against the wall, smearing blood.)

Sam: Quackity... what?

Quackity: What the fuck! What the fuck, you idiot, Sam, you goddamn idiot, I told you to stay the fuck away! You fucking--stabbed yourself, you stupid asshole!

Sam: You stabbed me! Quackity...

Quackity: This because of *Dream*?? Oh my god! Oh my god, you're literally going to die over fucking *Dream*. Stupid fucking Dream, the whiniest bitch on this server!

Sam: Don't--!

Quackity: But you know what, this is fine, actually, this is fine. This is fine! Quackity, ruler of Las Nevadas *and* Pandora's Vault! No one's gonna fuck with me now, huh? I've brought literally everyone who's anyone in this place to their goddamn knees.

Sam: What? Quackity, you're acting--

Quackity: It's fine! It's all fine, it's all gonna be peace and motherfucking prosperity from here on out. I'll have the bank, too! The bank and the casino and the prison, and what the fuck else does a society even need??

(Dream struggles with his bonds. Quackity levels the shears at him.)

Quackity: Lesson number, whatever the fuck: roll with the punches, because everything falls to shit, but if you're the last one standing in the goddamn god murder box game, you get the prize!

Dream: Is that even true?

DreamXD: 😮‍💨 🤷 You're boring me, Big Q.

Quackity: Boring?

DreamXD: I don't think you're learning at all. I at least hoped you'd make, like, a youtuber apology. 🙇 🅾🅾🅿🆂

Quackity: WHAT????

DreamXD: Whatever. It's been aaaaages. 👋 🌩️🌩️🌩️🌩️

(Quackity and XD vanish in a flare of bright light and sound.)

(After a moment, Dream's bonds vanish too.)

Dream: ...well.

Sam: Dream.

[beaft]

everyone keeps saying things like "keep trying and it'll happen! every no is taking you closer to a yes!" but ever since i graduated i've been working a series of shitty customer service jobs and getting increasingly isolated/depressed while fielding the slow drip of rejection letters from both literary agents and potential employers. i know i sound like the world's whiniest stuck record but trying to be positive about my situation is making me tired. how can i be positive when things just keep getting steadily worse

[youn9racha]

ASMR

bang chan as a nsfw asmr-ist

pairing: single chan/bf!chan x gn reader

genre: smut, headcanon

warning: asmr-ist!chan, auralism, sub!chan, mentions of bi/pan/queer!chan, mentions of daddy, mentions of mistress/master, mentions of sensory deprivation, mentions of sex really, just other insane shit really

words: 1.0k

a/n: so ik i haven't done a headcanon in a hot minute, but i decided why not bring it back??? whats the harm in that? so i've been kinda consuming these uh.... asmr, and i remembered i heard a asmr that sounded a lot like chris (think chris but with an american accent 💔) so i was like "why not make one?????" fuck it, you only live once. idgaf if this flops or not, i just want to set the record straight and post it. idk if i'll make this a series, but more than likely i will make another one for sure.

tagging @chrisbahng because they asked and i answered. so without any further ado, hope y'all enjoy it

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

When he’s single:

Now we know how this man is vocal

Y’all remember that one time he sent that audio of him getting out of bed and saying good morning in his morning voice????

Yeah expect that being one of his storyline/pov

He has a Patreon where you can personally ask for a request, but even if you interacted with him online and asked nicely, he’ll do it

But please tip him !!!! he deserves all the money for the effort he puts in

He makes the highest quality ASMR content. As a perfectionist, he wouldn’t want to make the most lackluster of content for his audience… his precious, loving listeners

He brings the most appropriate microphone as well and he edits his audio to create a certain ambiance that he likes to make

And of course the sex toys and lube… he is adamant that he wouldn’t be successful had it not for the juicy sounds of his squelching cock making noises as if the listener’s with him

He keeps his ASMR gig a secret and often anonymous, even as far as going by pseudonym, he wants the listeners to create a fantasy in their heads

And also he’s not super confident in his looks, so he wouldn’t want to ruin it for them according to himself (when that’s a butt-load of lies and he is in fact the sexiest man alive, but neither he nor the audience knows that)

however, he does at times posts teasing pictures of his hands or maybe his fresh out the gym/shower well-built body—never his face though—but that’s neither here nor there

NOW ONTO THE CONTENT HE MAKES !!

Believe it or not, because of him often taking the dominant/leader role in real life, whether it’d be work, projects, friendships, or relationships, he opted to create a more sub!speakerxdom!listener content

He often uses his side job as a way to escape from reality, which is why he often prefers doing requests from his “mistresses” as he liked to call them

Chris doesn’t mind catering to all audiences, but he realizes he’s catered more to a female audience

But don’t get it mistaken; you will find a bunch of “daddy” or “master” content from him, he is, after all, for everyone, as he once said

He either gives out the loudest gaspy moans or the whiniest whimpers you’ll ever hear

Either way, he got some pretty ass moans

he’s very versatile with the content he posts

he likes doing scenarios where he’s vulnerable and helpless; like sensory deprivation

he also likes pup play, and his favorite labeling to his dom!listener is “master/mistress”

the sweet moans that spill out of his mouth as he teases his cocks, as if to emulate someone’s teasing him rather than his hand

“please mistress… please let puppy come for you…”

And the way his voice and breath breaks, mind breaking himself, as he comes over and over, to the point his torso and table are covered in nothing but his white substance? Insane.

sometimes he’d post the aftermath as a tease as well, but not very often

His favorite however is ramble-fapping—which essentially is him talking about his day while he jerks off

He thinks it’s very intimate and sees that he gets the most listening through those types of audios, rather than a personalized request.

When he’s in a relationship

You two have been dating for a bit, and you two knew you would be together for a while

Adoration was prevalent in your two’s relationship

So much so, chan’s uploads have slowed down from the time you two got together, but you still didn’t know about his side career

You were familiar with the field chan’s in, but you didn’t really know chan does this for fun

You did notice one time that chan’s voice did sound familiar

You thought he sounded a lot like that one asmr-ist you used to listen to, and you brought it up passively, expecting a chuckle from him at least

But instead, you got a tensed chan with a nervous laugh coming out of him

And sooner than later, you discovered that your boyfriend was indeed the ASMR guy you actually enjoyed listening to

“so that’s why your uploads has been slow…” you once commented

He then showed you his station, along with his toys and lubes, which piqued your interest

You of course supported him and knew he wouldn’t do anything that borders cheating; after all, he's getting the bag and who would say no to good money in exchange of a few moans?

You once joked that if he wanted a toy replacement, that you’d be here

But chan didn’t take it joke

Some way or another, you have now become a part of his work

From a blowjob pov, where you had to actually use your mouth and suck him off, a handjob pov, where you used your lubed up hand, down to actually using your holes for his penetration part, you became essential part for his pleasure, since now he has you to satisfy

However, you had to stay quiet, which chris really hated but he knew it was for the fantasies of others.

In spite of all that, chan had gradually stopped uploading, and instead wanted to implement his sexual fantasies into your relationship instead, which you were happily obliged

Of course, he had to make a farewell message, telling his audience about the wonderful time he had doing this

He didn’t necessarily mentioned his relationship status, but he did allude to the fact that he has someone and that he doesn’t need to use himself anymore

Now his main focus is on you and making you feel good… making his one and only mistress/master feel good.

[safetycar-restart]

Poly Piarles but make it a/b/o. Alpha Pierre and omega bunny would be so chaotic bless them. What happens with their heats?? Do they take a while to sync up? Maybe the first time Pierre goes into heat around bunny he tries to lock himself away, scared he’ll hurt Charles as he’s never been in close proximity to an omega during his heat before. You have to deal with the fallout, trying to assure Pierre he isn’t a bad alpha (he keeps calling himself that) and that you know he can control himself. And of course bunny in heat would be the whiniest little thing, he literally always has to have someone touching him or he’ll start sobbing. And where do you fit in? Are you a beta or an alpha? Much to think about hehe

Oooo this is so interesting?? I've said I wanted to talk about more a/b/o so this is just so so good.

I know I usually write alpha!reader, but I actually think beta!reader might be very interesting here? Cause it's like... Charles and Pierre have been fuck buddies before, maybe they've even tried a relationship before. But they're instincts are both SO intense and they need SO much from each other and it just doesn't work?

But then you show up, a calm beta, someone who can be in control without instincts raging, someone to control them and guide them and then it works?

So yeah, I actually think you being a beta might be the best. You're their dom, but you don't have the same reactions to their hormones and scents so you're able to keep a calm head and guide them.

I totally agree that Pierre wouldn't want Charles near for his rut at first. Maybe Pierre had helped Charles through a heat before? Charles had just broken up with his alpha at the time and was about to go into heat and he called Pierre crying because he didnt want to go through it alone but Pierre was the only one he trusted to help.

Of course there was no way Pierre could turn him down.

Pierre very nearly lost control when he helped Charles, maybe nearly biting him? He still hasn't forgiven himself for that and he wont allow Charles near him in rut because if he does that when Charles is the one going through a cycle, he doesn't even want to think about what he might do if he's the one going through a cycle.

Poor bunny is heartbroken when he hears this. Because what... why... why doesn't his alpha want his alpha? Is he bad? Is he a bad omega? Is he not good enough?

He tries to keep a brave face when Pierre tells him, but the moment Pierre leaves the room he just starts sobbing. He throws himself in your arms, asking what he can do to make himself a better omega, to make himself good enough for Pierre.

You shush him and kiss his forehead, promising him that Pierre is just worried about hurting him and about not being able to control himself. Those reassurances fall on deaf ears though, because Charles had been thinking about helping Pierre through his rut for SO long, long before the relationship even started.

And Pierre doesn't want him? He's so sad and confused, begging you to make it all better because he can't even think anymore.

(The poor thing would have already brought special blankets for a special nest and everything, he was so ready to be the best omega ever for his Pierre and now... now he isn't wanted?)

He asks you if Pierre will at least have you there. If his Pierre won't let him help, then you need to be there to help. Charles can't stand the thought of Pierre being all alone for his rut.

You go speak to Pierre of course, and whack him over the head when he tells you that he's trying to protect Charles. Thats your job, you protect and control the two of them and they just have to listen to you.

You know that Pierre will always listen to you, even if he hates it and really doesn't want to, even if he's in rut. You aren't worried about charles's safety because you'll be there, meanwhile Pierre is being a stubborn alpha who needs to get a reality check and realise his omega isn't made of glass.

You make them talk it out, sitting on the sidelines and watching as Pierre explains that he nearly mated Charles when he helped Charles through his heat last time and is scared of what he might do in rut.

Meanwhile Charles, bless him, simply hears 'bite' and goes all soft and gooey because... alpha... alpha wants to bite him?? He's good enough for that?

Obviously this is not the point Pierre was trying to make, but Charles couldn't care less about what Pierre was trying to say. You laugh as he throws himself in pierre's arms, purring and making grabby hands for you to join the cuddle pile.

Needless to say in the end, Charles is there for pierre's rut and as are you. You look after them both, make sure they bring enough water and get enough attention and eat enough food and that Pierre isn't too rough while still getting what he needs.

And honestly, its so good? It's the best rut Pierre has ever had, and he knows he never wants to go through one without both you and Charles.

As for charles's heats, yeah he's so needy. He always needs to be touched and cuddled and kisses, even when he's in a lull of his heat and not painfully turned on, he still needs cuddles otherwise he'll just dissolve into a pile of tears. He calls for both of you, not just Pierre and he actually won't let Pierre knot him until you're there. He needs both his mates, always.

We really need to discuss this more.

[cleolinda]

Weekend links

My posts

I am mostly resting through the post-Halloween crash. I'm not sure whether Thanksgiving week will be extremely hectic here, or will actually provide time to work. It could go either way. I did manage to shake off the sore throat that was turning into an earache, though. In the meantime, I'm now crossposting Weekend Links over at Dreamwidth, and I'll be mirroring anything big there as well. (I've also done a very concise post [not sarcasm] there summarizing my adventures this past year.)

Patreon is still the "see it early" hub for all this, but I'm glad to be catching up with people on all the places I used to post, even if I have to drag myself back to Twitter periodically to throw a "SEE I WROTE" cherry bomb and run.

Reblogs of interest

I want those of you outside the US to understand that everything in this post about canned cranberry sauce ("Can-Berry") is true, and if I can remember, I'll take a picture of ours on Thursday.

A Happy Big Sandwich Night next weekend to all who celebrate

Biomarker for chronic fatigue syndrome identified

The sheer stress of autism, a post that really struck me because just a few days prior, my mom had said offhandedly to me that my life is "so stressful," and I was like, what? I'm not the one with the nutty office job full of ridiculous people? "No, but you are stressed, all the time." This was said in a very supportive way, mind you. And I found it interesting that she perceived and accepted this while I had been spending a lot of my time (for years) telling myself that I didn't "deserve" to feel so stressed about "nothing."

A similar concept: One of those executive function days where everything is too many steps

A massive list of resources for learning stuff

A Kickstarter for The Explorer’s Guide to Mysterious Cryptid Animals of the World

I don't know if Vladimir Nabokov ever had opinions on more than two (2) female writers, but he certainly had the most efficient roasts in all the land when it came to the male ones

Video

The whiniest wet beast of all: the eggseal

"remember when octhony had a hat so bad he had to fight god"

The sacred texts

None this week, unless you count the eggseal, and I do

Personal tag of the week

I'm gonna go with #cats this week

[gachagon]

hey spoilers for the hunger games books if you've never read them (but also i criticize Gale Hawthorn heavily and am pretty mean about it so pls don't click if you like his character thanks)

I've recently started rereading The Hunger Games because there's this one creator on tiktok who's been covering them and doing analysis on the books.

Anyways as I read through the first book, I started to remember why I hate Gale Hawthorn so much. When I was a teen I knew I didn't "like" Gale but I couldn't quite pin down why I hated him so much until reread these books at 21 years old.

Gale Hawthorn has got to be the whiniest man-child in a dystopian novel for children I've ever had the misfortune of reading about. He doesn't understand Katniss and constantly pushes her boundaries. He's completely emotionally unavailable to her when she's vulnerable and suffering from extreme PTSD, he shows no sympathy towards her or the friends she's made in the Capitol and constantly treats her friendship with Peeta like infedility. The man acts like Katniss was "his" when he never made any move on her, or let her know he even felt that way about her, and when she returns from a second fucking Hunger Game, he makes most of HER problems ABOUT HIM.

He's not considerate of her feelings, he makes her feel like shit for having empathy for people from a different place then her, he SUCKS AND I HATE HIM.

And I genuinely can't understand why there was such a campaign for Katniss to end up with him when these books were super popular. Maybe it was just because the advertising for the movie made it seem like a "love triangle" but rereading the books it's clear there never WAS a love triangle. Katniss just gets into a relationship with him in Mockingjay because she needs someone to depend on emotionally who can comfort her, and she feels being romantically involved with Gale can give that to her (Spoiler alert: it fucking doesn't, in fact it makes everything a million times worse), in truth, she was never in love with him. She "loved" him sure, but not in THAT way.

All throughout Mockingjay I just wanna give Katniss a hug and tell her to take a nap, yet Gale's over here making her feel like a shit person for not "kissing him" right. (There's literally a scene where she tries making out with him, and he pushes her away and tells her he doesn't want to anymore because it's like "kissing a drunk person" I've never wanted to physically fight a fictional man more in my life I swear to god-)

[ask-mary-read]

Alright mate what's the most embarrassing thing you can tell us about Jack. I trust you more than anyone to be both honest and reputation-ruining

Hmm well he ain't embarrassed by no sex shit so that's out. The guy's the whiniest sick person I've ever met. Tiniest cold and he acts like he's dying. Probably why he's been mutinied on so many times. Like c'mon, who hasn't had a little plague every now and then

[catspittle]

☠ ― 𝑄𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑇𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑀𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑠. (𝑄𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟/ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.) via spookmemepls

How "open" are you to generally discussing the fact that you are transgender, or have gone through transitions? Are you casual about it, or are you a little more guarded with discussion?

Emotionlessly, Crane stared. Then blinked, slow and catlike. "The hell are you," came the reedy hiss, "a cop? Unless it's needed within context or I happen to know you well enough to get naked around you, you don't need to know what's in my shirt. Or pants. Other than that, if folks want to know what it means, may as well tell 'em if I have the time. People ain't born knowin' everything."

What pronouns do you currently use? Have you ever considered trying any others?

[Crane uses he/it/佢, though would really prefer to be referred to by he/him only if you're a white English speaker. It's about trust, and trust is not implicitly present with white people when you are a minority in America.]

What 'gendered' terms are you okay with? Which ones aren't you okay with? (Ex. King, Queen, dude, bro, etc...)

His reply is but a shrug. "....I'm supposed to care why? I am a middle-aged man. That's ridiculous. I don't cry about words."

How old were you when you discovered that you were transgender, or wanted to transition? What lead to said discovery?

"Didn't much feel like me anymore. Figured that out in my 20's or so, just about." Crane scratched at his ear with a clawed hand. "Don't think anythin' in particular lead to it. Then again, my memory's not what it once was. Still. Not everything is some grand ass epiphany. Calm down, will you?"

If you changed your name/alias, is there a meaning behind why you chose it?

He laughs, the sound like he's shoving his own lung through a wood chipper. "You ever hear of a singer named Johnny Cash? I'd be damn amazed if you haven't, it ain't exactly like he's particularly obscure. Legally, it's my name; just in English."

Who was the first person you came out to? Did they accept it?

"Old boyfriend. Murray, Charles. Doctor of Polar Ecology; you might know him. Then again, you might not. Little impossible not to be exposed when you've had a child and only one of you's got a dick," Crane snorts, rolling his eyes.

Have you gone through any transition procedures, or do you plan on it? What was it like if you have?

Jonathan raised an eyebrow, then sat in stony silence for quite some time. "Bitch," he began, "the fuck. See, this is the kind of shit we hate being asked. Most of us folks want to be seen as normal, not 'freaks' by the cisgendered community. Now, 'what is normal, Dr. Crane?', you might be askin' me. And the answer to that is 'I have no goddamned idea'." In mild exasperation, he threw his hands up in the air. "I'll admit, I'm not one to mind being seen as a freak by the general populace...but who are you? Why are you here, again?" Sneering, he spat at the interviewer. "What I've had removed, I've lost to cancer. Nothing else to say there."

Have you been through any sort of voice therapy? What was that like?

"And you-" he points at the offending individual, "think I-" then he points at himself, "have money. I'm flattered. Or that I know folks who aren't either cis or dead. Or that Nikolai bitch, who I make a point to avoid wherever possible. White folks are often the whiniest and most entitled excuses for people."

Do you wear binders, or other undergarments regularly?

"Tape, sometimes," Crane grunted apathetically. "That and armored shapewear. Doesn't do too much against a hail of bullets, but it's something." Of course, the man looked like a slightly curved stick to begin with. "At my age, another major surgery would kill me. Aside from the reduction, I'm stuck with what I've got."

Do you actively take testosterone/estrogen? How do you prefer to take it if so?

"Again, you think I have money. I'm charmed. Or at least I would be if I gave half a damn about dancin' like a trained monkey for some stranger. Just didn't have much better to do."

What are some things you didn't quite expect with your transition? Maybe some things that didn't work out like you thought, or things that surprised you about the process?

"What with all the fearmongering?" His head tilted to the side in a rather aggressive motion; a puppet with cut strings. "I expected to be bald. Notice how I'm not. 'M happy about that, actually. Would've been a pain in the ass to deal with."

Do you have a preferred "style" of clothing? Or do you just go with whatever you feel like wearing at the time?

He doesn't hesitate before turning and lifting his shirt, exposing raw muscle and cold titanium. "Dressing yourself ain't exactly easy when half of you is metal," Crane replied snidely, then once again pulled the fabric of his shirt down. "I wear what fits. Anyone who has a problem with that can go to hell."

Do you know anyone else who happens to be transgender or went through a transition process? Or perhaps someone who wants to?

"Other than some 'look at my Brazilian butt lift and boob job' bootleg Barbie callin' herself Copperhead - who had no goddamn snakes around - and Nikolai's sorry ass, not personally." For a moment he turns to examine the points of his nails. "Of course, I'm not opposed to it."

Have your romantic orientation or your sexuality changed since you transitioned?

"No. Also no. Interestingly, it's common," here he grinned like the cat that had caught the canary, nails scraping against the nearby wall. "But I do hope you're capable of connecting the dots. Not all transsexuals were lesbians. Not everyone as a general's attracted to women, and some of us never will be." You should probably run.

What would you tell someone who wants to transition? Maybe you would have some warnings, or general thoughts you'd like to share with them?

"Think about whether you can afford it, because I sure as hell couldn't. If you have to beg complete strangers for total funding, that means you can't. And don't judge your own progress by other people, it'll only end up making everyone miserable." Sage advice from a psychologist, without needing to pay! Imagine that.

Has transitioning made you feel happier, or more comfortable? What was the best part? Are there any details that make you feel particularly "at home" in your body/identity?

"Comfortable, sure." He wouldn't deny that. "Not sure if there has been a best part, apart from finally feeling like I'm not some alien stuck in a flesh suit. A human being, I am not, but the terminology works out just fine." Then Crane thought for a moment. "'S nice to finally be fucked as a man, when people care to acknowledge me as one. It's comforting. Like stepping into the doorway of your own home at the end of a long day."