#at the same time John wants to be independent but he can't do so without hurting Arthur and hes trying not to even if it's stronger than him

[gfanlocalcryptid]

Arthur would forgive John anything to not lose the only person he loves who's still with him.

John would sacrifice Arthur's love to make him and Arthur live.

Both the love he feels for Arthur and the love Arthur feels for him.

[hauntedwitch04]

Proud of you

Dean Winchester x daughter!Reader

Words: about 1.3k words

Warning: I hate John Winchester and I'm not gonna be sorry about it. Just some sad memories of Dean, but mostly fluff

REQUEST: no requested

Author’s note: Hi! I'M NOT DEAD! I know, shocking!

It was a period full of exams, including the driver's license exam and four college exams, and I could not write anything. And just when I thought I could start writing again, classes started again, so… here I am! I'm actually in the university library and should be studying, but my panic attack said NO, so here you go! this is a short scene I imagined after doing my first drive with my dad a month or so ago, and I liked it too much not to write it down, I hope you enjoy it.

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Ever since you were little you have dreamed of this moment, yet now that you are here and experiencing it, you can't help but want to run away and run for cover in the calm, quiet safety of your bedroom.

You clutch the steering wheel of the car in your hands, which as much as your father loves her is considered your sister, to look straight ahead.

You feel your father's eyes scrutinizing you, sitting beside you, as he considers whether to tell you something or not. You see out of the corner of your eye Castiel's hand resting on your father's shoulder to restrain him from saying anything, knowing, and feeling the anxiety gripping your stomach at this moment.

You take a deep breath and decide to finally start Baby. You hear the engine roar, and your sweaty hands slide on the steering wheel as you lightly touch the pedals with your feet as your father explained to you just before, and a thousand other times before in motel and diner parking lots when you were bored while Uncle Sam found you a place to eat or sleep.

The car begins to move, and you feel a sense of courage and pride in seeing that you are succeeding for the first time in making the car go.

You slowly manage to move a few meters before misplacing your feet while shifting gears and bringing the car to a stop without warning.

Discouraged you abandon your head against the steering wheel, narrowly missing the horn as your father laughs lightly and rests a hand on your shoulder.

Castiel watches Dean get lost in his own thoughts as he watches you explain with a low stare that you are sorry and that you don't understand how it can take you so long to understand and learn how to drive, knowing full well that your father's mind is actually somewhere else right now.

Dean watching his daughter drive for the first time in the same car in which he had learned, could not help but think of when he had been in that position.

Dean had just turned 15, but on his umpteenth fake ID and driver's license it was marked that he was at least two years older, knowing that no one would dispute the fact, since he had been showing 17 for a year and a half now. He felt sweaty hands against his thighs through his jeans as he felt his father's gaze burn him alive.

"Will you move?" John said with obvious hatred in his voice. He had decided it was time for Dean to learn to drive, so that at night he could sleep and leave his son driving the car, as if he were at least twice as old as he was.

In part Dean knew that John wanted to do this so that he could be more independent of his sons and could also take solo trips without worrying about picking up, or having someone pick them up as had happened several times, Dean and Sam after leaving them alone for a week in a motel in a town they did not know. And the oldest of the Winchester brothers couldn't help but be glad to finally get away from the monster who had become their father.

Dean swallowed laboriously and then started the car. He had almost forgotten about Sam's presence in the car until he encouraged him in a feeble voice, only to receive a cruel look from John.

Slowly he made the car move inside the parking lot. It was now late at night and not a soul would disturb his first drive, or so he thought.

He was starting to pick up speed, imitating the people he drove in the many movies he saw while waiting for his father to return from yet another hunt, when suddenly a car comes speeding towards them.

Panicked Dean suddenly accelerated to escape from the high-speed encounter with that madman, only to brake abruptly shortly after seeing that he was inches from the wall.

Dean quickly turned to see how Sam was doing after all the commotion, but he saw that the fear on his brother's face had given way to a smile, not a complete one since he had recently dropped a tooth and had yet to grow a new one.

"Wow Dean, you were great! It was like being in one of those movies-" His brother was interrupted by John's voice, which like thunder crashed down on those poor creatures who had had the misfortune of being his children.

"Don't bullshit Sam, your brother was an idiot. Do you realize you could have ruined the car!" He said shouting and motioning for his son to get out of the car as he did the same.

"But-but that car was coming at us! I couldn't do anything else! It's only my first time driving!" He tried to excuse Dean as he tried to reason with his father, but nothing could change the man's mind, especially when it came to his favorite sport: mistreating the one person over whom he had full power and control, his own son: Dean.

"And if it were up to me it would be the last damn fool too, how can I count on you if all you do is make mistakes? Disappear from my sight before I decide to leave you in this parking lot, better yet, take the car and go back to the motel, I'll stop at the bar nearby."

Dean could not help but squint his eyes, already thinking about his drunken father arriving from the bar on the crack of dawn, and the beating he would receive from the man because of alcohol, although Dean knew it was not entirely the fault of the liquid that seemed to have become John's fuel since his wife had died.

Dean, in the end, had learned to drive thanks to a teacher who was more patient and kinder than his father: Bobby, who with all the calm and love his father had never shown toward him had managed to teach the oldest of the Winchester brothers to drive in one of the many cars he had in his "backyard." And it was then Dean himself, together with Bobby, who had taught Sam how to ride in the car.

This time, however, it was different: it was not his brother he was teaching to ride in a car, but his daughter, that is, blood of his blood, the result of yet another night of passion with a woman he met at a bar, for whom he could never thank enough whatever deity ruled up there. And be damned, more than he already was, he would never let his little girl suffer what he had suffered.

"Hey, it's okay. Nobody's perfect the first time, and this car is definitely not the best you can have for a first drive, but you did great. I had done much worse my first time, and I'm not kidding, I almost hit a wall." Dean says as he watches his daughter straighten her back and look into his eyes, her own eyes, as he smiles at her, gently, and then pulls her into a hug.

"Really?" The girl asks, as she pulls her father in turn into a tight embrace.

"I swear on Miracle." He replied, as the dog in the back seat barks in response, having heard someone calling him, and the girl can't help but giggle.

They remain embraced for a few minutes, until Dean finally finds the courage to say those words that are so simple and at the same time so important, and so necessary, that he had never heard her father say to her, but that would never deprive his daughter from hearing them from him every day as long as she had breath to breathe. Five words, but they had the power of a thousand.

"I am proud of you."

TAGLIST (updated 19 Nov 2023)

@cheyennep3107 @mortica-raven13 @theviewfromtheotherside @supernatural-lvr @imnotcryingurcrying @cursednevermore @itzdarling @deansbbyx @newtdumbledoorstarksoot @afcnds @sya-skies @evansstan-akya

[sarrinight]

UH are we allowed to ask you questions? Cause I have questions on. The Sillies. (Kinjo and Yuki) Like what are your thoughts on their ship? I see you draw Kinjo with DRA Yuki and the real Yuki and I want to know what you actually think about them.. feel free to go off about it but if not you can just delete this hdshhsd

oh yes of course!!! and i do wanna talk about it, gosh i really haven't elaborated my piece about them yet since this is an art blog n i felt a little annoying when i blow up a tag, THANK YOU!! !!!

I also don't see many people talk about post-sdra2 either. this take, im gonna be minty fresh

kinjomae analysis

DRA Yuki

Canon-speaking, Kinjomae was deliberately called back to in both games. Tsurugi fills the role of the queer survivor in dra the way that Yoruko blatantly does in sdra2 (and the protagonist dies) except, it's less obvious as a main couple because of the way linuj writes, and it also doesn't fit the way some people see stereotyped mlm characters.

Kinjo's entire life is a trauma that is so oriented on staying alone, being alone in his suffering and his profession. He particularly killed the men closest to him, (Teruya, Kouhei, threatening Utsuro, and even his father) and seeing those people die around him leaves him numb. I feel like the Yuki of the first game is another unhealthy contributor to the sad cycle of his life, but ALSO remains to be his biggest savior. Kinjo and Akane are the only characters of DRA to have both 5 free-times, their bond has always been THAT highlight level of important.

DRA Yuki tears into this unhealthy string of Tsurugi's life by literally preventing the one time he felt alone the most. In Yuki's perspective, Tsurugi is such a strong figure but still trusting himself to lean on him, it solidifies both of them and forces them to develop their situations even when Utsuro rips through the Yuki facade. They were partners in crime unknowing that one of them was a criminal, omg, they were the dear rabbit, the along came a spider, the jane and john doe,,,

Tsurugi mentions he can't trust anybody but Yuki, Tsurugi gives Yuki a pass at trying to murder him despite his rigid moral. (not without a punch or two, but impressive.) and when Yuki is on the outsides he is the connected peacekeeper to Kinjo VS. Everyone Else. They are there to hold eachother's hands so they can still reconnect onto the border of the group. Like, the way Yuki shouts main character philosophy in chapter 4 at him while he's fighting everyone else brutally at the dinner table, and once again in chapter 6.

(Teruya, then fulfils this goal of reparation with Rei after they leave the killing game, but not on the mental stability side.) Tsurugi is seemingly independant and incredibly uncontrollable due to his detachment, and yet Yuki is able to have a significant part of influence over his life; as well as the deceased Kisaragi pre-killing game.

Yuki IS and will always be the exception to him and no matter how hard he tries to escape it, it follows him till the remainder of his character arc. In the same way, Tsurugi was the kickstarter to Utsuro's new mindset too. It's the "You can't pull the trigger cause you love me", cause that's what Utsuro-Yuki is to Tsurugi. Utsuro may be the most vile villain in the world to somebody who even considered assisted self defense to be a crime on first thought, and then he STILL proceeded to not take that final shot. He didn't hesitate blowing Mikado up, who arguably wasn't the first source of despair.

anyways i think dra yuki-utsuro/tsurugi are integral, important, and good to know your hizstory

he wants me i want him, we went out, then we (YukiUtsuro) DIED!! /ref

Yuki

Tsurugi would move on to be the worst man to cope in the existence of the franchise, and probably hardly ever move on after the death of DRA Yuki. If Yuki was truly dead he'd have two funerals for his two guypals, and spit on Utsuro's grave pretending not to like him. Plus that bad ending where Tsurugi just wakes up in the middle of the night in cold sweat shows what would sort of happen, he thinks about them too much. However,

Yuki was still a concept of a person who existed in the world. He's not gone, he's just someone in a different form, and still is inside the memory of Kinjo's mind that remains deteriorating. He's like, the same dude but he's in the clutches of EVIL!! and he hates evil. (Kinjo seems to catch onto Mikado's plans early on and then it only amplifies in his duty to stop Utsuro and find Yuki.)

Tsurugi's defeatist attitude to fail saving Teruya and Yuki was very much a falsetto because of the Omake 2 and I truly believe Rei was right that this was their agreed purpose.

The real Yuki has none of these shared moments that Tsurugi can look back on together, but if it was just the memories he wouldn't have acted so patronizing to Utsuro. He's affectionately looking back on the person that Utsuro was, which was just Yuki Maeda. Did Homura Akemi decide to go back in time for 10 years just so Madoka could share moments with her?? Absolutely not, and the same goes for Tsurugi Kinjo, who ran an entire organization which later adopted the name of the goal. As Mikado joked, it's "the love of your life" but it's in the most unconventional messy, dictatorial, and murderous way.

Kinjomae absolutely drives the narrative forward on Yuki's side of the story even if it's significantly relegated mostly to the end. Imagine your entire existence leaning on a few people you can't even remember, but they remember you? One dude sacrifices a guy, one girl sacrifices her body. With Tsurugi's final decrees of (semi) unconditional care for you, you finish the trial with this one-sided trauma bond and a promise to keep the survivors safe. Sora takes on all the karmic debt of Divine Luck, and peace returns in an ending that isn't really elaborated on.

ur now a fugitive awesome trans guyboss with superpowers, and you're just absolutely bawling out of your mind at this point. some blue haired dude in a wheelchair is going to die if you don't help him out with your sora-luck.

nobody talks about this enough but this is THE PERFECT set-up for a postgame friendship to develop, not only are they both survivors, this is the genuine Yuki who isn't hiding apart of an Utsuro disguise. He's alive but now in the body of someone Kinjo despised,,, he hates Akane, he refuses to acknowledge her. he loves yuki. But Yuki remembers her fondly and has to take care of the body, but he probably hates himself. not to mention the INTENSE guilt you would get from feeling anything in it or the dysphoria of even wearing/not wearing the clothes she is??? sdra2 so evil?? soruko died so kinjomae could slowburn.

There's nothing Yuki can do now but go on his quest to potentially get along with this man who is homo-erotically trauma bonded to him and got a whole-ass person killed in the process of ending Utsuro and finding the true Maeda., He also has to go atone to Yoruko and the rest of the gang. as you can see i like kinjomae i think they are a foundational element in the story of dra.

unrelated thinking

their suits are completely black and white i find that silly they match

my partner and i did a voiceover of their final freetime one time cause we were feeling quirky.

[bluezey]

So here's something fun to think about. I like Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss. I'm also a Christian. I'm sure that's no big thing, I've even found a fan or two that are religious. But let's say I can't talk about the shows on my personal Facebook blog without getting some comments about "the enemy getting into my home" or how I have to cover up the pentagrams on my Alastor standees with electrical tape. I mean I don't like them, but it fits the show, and I guess making them stars doesn't work for my mom 😅

So, why do I like the shows? Well, it's good and funny! Dark humor that I know some would be offended by, especially Christians, but for me, I can look past them being demons and see a funny show with great characters. The designs are great, some even amazing. Helluva Boss is evolving into its own show in the second season, as the first season was more the setup of the premise, but the seasons are still good, especially for an independent production released in YouTube.

And Hazbin Hotel, not only good and funny, but the premise is fascinating! The princess of hell, aka Lucifer's daughter, wanting to save her people by rehabilitating demons so they can get into heaven. This is an interesting concept! Reminds me a lot of iron sharpening iron, or maybe even blind leading the blind. Because, what do demons think is good? What do demons think make a demon rehabilitated? Will heaven accept and work with hell to allow good demons into heaven? It also kinda reminds me of the lost book of the Bible called the Revelation of Peter. It's basically the same thing as the Revelation of John, but with an additional passage where Peter and an angel looked down into hell, and the angel basically said "you know, those sinners aren't trapped in hell, all they got to do is accept Christ and they'll be released into heaven." I find it fascinating and kind of funny that, when deciding between these two books, the people putting together the definitive Bible decided "nah, we don't like people getting a chance to escape eternal punishment, let's go with John's book" 😅

Now there are a few nitpicks that, I'm not gonna say dislike, but more like deal with it. One is realizing that some of the demons and lore of the shows are based on some demonology. So Vivziepop has done her homework, and that respectable and impressive. But, the research is so well researched, I'm a little sus at times about how well she knows her stuff. But, I'm not gonna judge her religious beliefs, so I'll let that slide. The second, and another nitpick, I was excited to see the angels after seeing how amazing the designs of the characters look, only to find that the angels look much like the demons in design. That's a little underwhelming imo, but again, I was personally expecting too much I guess. Also, maybe there's some kind of reasoning or message behind the angels and demons having similar designs. Third, another nitpick, but I think they're starting too soon with the demons fighting back against the exterminations. I mean, I'm excited as hell too, but I feel it's too soon. I want to see them try to rehabilitate demons first. But who knows, maybe the angels didn't take Charlie seriously, and this is their way of showing it. I mean, I'd fight back too. I'm pretty sure when demons double die, there's no double hell, and the demons are just trying to survive day by day in hell. And I feel for them having to live through that, especially cause it's eternal, and they can also die. There's some humanity in these demons, particularly the ones that were humans before, or aren't total evil like Asmodeous or Moxxie.

In fact, I can't help but notice that I do like the least evil characters such as Moxxie and Charlie, then later the more evil but complex characters such as Angel Dust and Alastor. Oh my gosh, I love how nostalgic and awesome Alastor is! And that voice is the best part! Then I find out why he's down in hell, and why he likes being in hell, and I'm like.... why do I still like this guy? Why do I like him more??

Anyway, guess as a Christian, Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss are like my guilty pleasure shows. Yes I get why some religious people would hate the show, and why I probably shouldn't like the show. But, I do like the show anyhow. Because I can look past the demons and the hellfire, and try and ignore the glyphs and pentagrams 😅 and see some great writing and animation behind it

[beachboysnatural]

My ultimate John Garfield movie recommendations (following a loose one-per-year format) in chronological order:

1. Four Daughters (1938) - this was his film debut and his performance in a supporting role was so revolutionary it immediately catapulted him to stardom, and the movie is actually pretty good too

(1,5. Daughters Courageous (1939) - if you end up really liking Four Daughters this is a good one to watch but otherwise you can skip it. You can also watch the actual sequel to Four Daughters which is Four Wives which he's technically in but not really. You do you)

2. Saturday's Children (1940) - this is not the best movie but it features a great performance from John Garfield where he is cast against type and he is having a GREAT time. Beware the tonal shifts and the sexism

(2,5. Castle on the Hudson (1940) - if you want to see a typical movie of his from this era of his career, go with this one, because it's better than the others, but that doesn't mean it's great)

3. The Sea Wolf (1941) - John Garfield has a supporting role, but this is genuinely a spectacular movie. The entire cast and atmosphere are so great

4. Pride of the Marines (1945) - John Garfield did a lot of propaganda movies during the war years. This is the best one. There's some not-great stuff in here because it was made in 1945, and at the same time, this movie has merit outside of propaganda

5. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) - 1946 was arguably the best year of John Garfield's career, and you could pick any of the movies he made that year and you'd have a good time. But this one has Lana Turner and it's important to the history of film noir and stuff

6. Body and Soul (1947) - this movie was his first film with his independent production company. It's considered one of the best boxing movies and so anti-capitalist that almost everyone involved got blacklisted. Definitely a must-see

7. Force of Evil (1948) - the second and last movie he made with his independent production company. It's considered one of the most influential and anti-capitalist film noirs ever made, and again, almost everyone involved got blacklisted. Another must-see

8. The Breaking Point (1950) - really, really well made and well done. The movie has a sense of dread that gets more and more intense and mixes film noir and humanity very well. Would have gotten awards attention if John Garfield hadn't been blacklisted

(8,5. He Ran All The Way (1951) - if you end up really enjoying all of these movies, his last is worth a watch, but if you don't like film noir or movies that are just plain unhappy, don't make yourself miserable. This movie's atmosphere is note-perfect)

Years skipped: 1942 - his only release this year was Tortilla Flat which relies on stereotypes about Mexican people and did not have a lot of Mexican people in the cast

1943 - lots of propaganda movies. If you're into that, Air Force is one of the better ones

1944 - same as 1943, but without airplanes

1949 - besides a cameo appearance in Jigsaw (an awful movie) his only release was We Were Strangers which is just kind of bad so don't even bother

Other movies that could be worth a watch:

Dust Be My Destiny (1939) - if you want an early John Garfield movie that is a little sucky, this is the perfect movie for you

Dangerously They Live (1941) - it's not great but it's a good time

Out of the Fog (1941) - I actually really liked this one, but it's not groundbreaking

Between Two Worlds (1944) - this kind of sucked but it was also good at the same time I hope this helped

Nobody Lives Forever (1946) - genuinely a great time!

Humoresque (1946) - it's Joan Crawford it's classical music it is DRAMA

Under My Skin (1950) - if you like feeling sad about your dad and you also like horses this is PERFECT for you

DO NOT WATCH:

Juarez (1939) - horrendous. I can't believe I wasted two hours of my life watching this movie

East of the River (1940) - John Garfield went on suspension at least twice trying to avoid doing this movie and it is obvious why

[piglet26]

Star Wars: The Force Awakens Rewatch

"This will begin to make things right" people really don't like this as the opening line. It feels suggestive, paranoid or accidental.

BB8 - I instantly love again and again.

Finn AKA FN-2187 - who is the soldier he was trying to help as they lay dying? Oh well guess we'll never know.

Poe - Why is he in this duster of a plane? Secondly, why is the resistance always broke with rusty and outdated things?! As I understand it they won the last war.

Kylo Ren has a bad ass opening between the ship, the music and the reaction to him. Obviously the stopping the shot was chef's kiss. I still can't believe this is Adam from GIRLS. I mean I can but I can't. Adam Driver is a really talented actor.

Overall, a really solid opening with great production and musicality. We establish several characters in one scene. We establish the goal of the movie - find Luke Skywalker.

Oh and fellow Reylo fans, Kylo Ren stepping foot on Jakku is basically kicking off the force within Rey. One arriving in night and the next we meet in light. Both are greeted in mask with similar outfits. From the very beginning it's establishing them as Ying and Yang.

Rey has a wonderful opening and we see and deduce so much about her without any dialogue. She lives a solitary and independent life. As the charming music sounds almost childlike giving us an indication that her life while void of much is innocent. It would've been smarter to establish her as a pilot within this sequence though. She could have easily scavenged and then flew back instead of rode a bike back. I understand the criticism that whatever skill the script has the movie just gives her.

I will add that when men have skills when conveniently needed - no one cares or ask when and where they learned them.

This is the part of the movie where I do understand it's clearly a soft reboot. "The Chosen One" runs into a lone droid in the desert that they had to rescue from thuggish creatures. It's a lazy deliberate movie - possibly due to nostalgic reasons I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why Rey wouldn't want BB8 to stay with her for the night. She could use the company. Also, why doesn't she get a pet? What pets are there in Star Wars? I'd have one.

The magically muffin that Rey cooks looks delicious! Star Wars cooking must be so easy like cooking in the fifth element. Everyone wants flying cars - I want a whole feast that you can microwave in a minute.

This dialogue exchange always makes me chuckle. hehe

Kylo Ren: Comfortable?

Poe: Not really.

It's also really helpful because apparently people don't understand the difference between this interrogation scene and the rather polite interrogation scene between Rey/Ren later.

Finn really is a great character as John Bodega plays him perfectly. He's quirky, subtly funny and brave.

Star Wars is brilliant about one syllable names Poe, Finn, Rey, Han, Luke, Ren, Ben, Ben with the most avant-garde last names.

They fly, they crash and I guess these were the sinking sands Rey referenced earlier.

Hux and Ren - This was such a great pairing and if we got a prequel episode of them I'd welcome it.

Rey finally showing some loyalty to BB8 who is absolutely smitten with her. Rey is attacked due to Unkar Plott trying to steal BB8 and clearly shows she is capable of defending herself. Jedi Master? No, but she is capable with that staff. Finn shows an instinct to help her. haha BB8 tasing him. We're 30 minutes in and so far I'm in for the ride.

The production is great and comes off as an adventure rather than danger - very star wars!

People are still mad the Millennial Falcon was just sitting there in an empty lot. I don't much care.

It makes sense why Finn and Rey would connect. They're both quirky and have the same instincts to both self-protect, but also look out for one another. They complement each other well and make a great time. They are a great duo - I'm not sure if they were meant to possibly be a thing - personally I love them as best friends/Brother&Sister.

Kylo Ren with that temper! JJ Adams now has a reputation as the franchise killer but he's got great style and the cinematography was very well thought out.

[scentedchildnacho]

I had to call the police on project touch my room shares became criminally insane not just mental at me.....the elderly couple who share room 2 explained to me that he was mentally diagnosed before CPS so the study is interested in his capability because he did have a lot of therapy for battery

I guess that was insight about their criminal insanity they have never had therapy or CPS or any of that ...

My insight for him is I was a girl so I was kind of always called trauma and under privileged neglect but I always in some way had a lot of friends willing to older sibling me into realizing that I have to understand program as meaningless social theory or I won't be okay

Program is annoying because it's homo genetic but if you don't just anonymously comply and stay with the wolf pack you won't be okay

Some women do receive a lot more in poor addiction worlds if they have understood the black expulsion so there is a hidden negro brother to all activity and we must follow our martyrs

If you ask me they were only children in the negative sense werent included much at school didn't have charming parents I think they do have really alone weird worlds they really can't figure out a normative

If it's popular indianism....they are sex offenders

Indians to read really don't like naivete....and just get to the point and the power suicidals need to even out to truth and commonality.....their sex offenders so

Theresa and Natalie they were throwing a lot of verbal assault at me to blame me for stuff they did then threatened me with knives....while insulting me.....then finally threw a shirt at my face and after alienating me with a lot of addictive masochistic routines.....finally refused to get out of the way to let me leave though by this point I was saying get the fuck away from me over and over get away from me

They wouldn't hear get away from me so men with guns replaced me in their life

The Europeans Scottish mercy from Saint John would finally admit Europe isn't all an establishment freak time and started sending me fun media to talk to me about it so that's why I have been able to be precocious about women and mental deviance

The police wanted me to profile them so I told them I don't comprehend military intelligence I'm told strictly to learn the right way because generals are like royalty and veterans learn combative training under Him their like leige so to me it's a whole different world view

They were like pick Hispanic white Asian black and I was like Natalie said she was Mexican....

Hispanic isn't a nation.....Mexican is she went to public school in Mexico and like Nazi Germany absorbed the expression of national ideation not Hispanic religion

Hispanic is a form of catholicism it's not a nation and it isn't always organized under English management ideas but it's not indigenous either

Then about Theresa she was like the same choices as above and I said I think she is a European who is hiding here....

I told her I think most people mistake her appearance for white but she has no understanding of how white people show aggression.....she is very straightforward and forceful right away loud pronounced and immodest without passification and that's not white that's a European trying to hide among us who committed some financial crime to the states

Most white people I know show me stuff only works if people don't expect it so she has no understanding of poker face sweetness then hit with a shock that's way beyond normalcy and an apology that there was no apology to white

Or those people kept getting in my white face with no apology at all to me and so I stopped having any shame for how terrible of a lie things are

That's why kamela harris I think white is more of Indian independence and if Indians their always sure to to assure me that they see through my quietness to my thoughts or feelings

Most white people I have met about aggression do like showing off a lot of snarky happiness and an intuition for new York culture and sexuality then hitting when you don't expect it with how could you not know I was upset if you were Indian you would do whatever I want

I did call the cops because I had felt suicidal all day and I did fear for my life around them or sexual control but I think my hidden motive cancer moon a mother told me she kept having seizures in the building and I maybe wanted daddy types to finally look at building codes while the managers had left for the weekend

I went to Catholic school if it's matricide I stop having emotional control about my birther sisters

The fridge was making noises and the foundation appeared cracked and the wall pipes appeared loud and clumsy

I notice that women here have strange medieval German punishments for any type of wealth assumption like child birth and when it's people maybe sexually more deeply injured then my naivete I just start crying I had to cry and

Faustian...

The hare Krishna meditative critique is pretty good at absolute categorical thought so suicidality doesn't bother me much anymore I'm old enough to find myself slipped a homo drug

I ate the shared food and I had to feel something homosexual and homosexuality is political instead of religious so now I'm really unhappy if mother isn't God to me again

Natalie and Theresa pretty much every day I was at project touch would go at me with some type of verbal hostility......so for the most part I kept having a Catholic teacher of mine bill stobbs pop up in my head and I don't think he was armed forces though he either says stuff like cops or cops sometimes act like Hispanics on peace

So for the most part the arguments were kind of interesting to me because I'm not good at not getting into it verbally with people if they start at me so I noticed being blessed with a non affected persona that didn't care to bless the situation with more intelligence then acting like a cool dude

So all I said to them was beard basics like stuff like if you act unkind then people here will send you somewhere unkind

Or better dumb wisdom this is christian and if people here see you wish jail on me the way you have slandered me then you will have to see the jail just prepare for that....

That's what the Christians are like if you stalk around wishing jail on people then you will be perceived as someone that wants to learn jail process Christians are retributive people

But last night Natalie and Theresa kept following me around and trying to beat me up where I was sleeping and that's when I couldn't be cool unaffected and detached about it...it was then that it's anything to get those people away from me

The cops asked me if I wanted to press charges so I said no I view that as allowing the batterer more time with me and I prefer a firm no with Natalie and Theresa it's get away from me forever do not ever come around me

The police asked me if I wanted them to talk to Natalie and Theresa and I told him I felt like I was telling him what to do with the situation and I don't care I would want the police to want to investigate the job they want to do

My German instructor told me to realize that no one likes pushy people anywhere so I finally told Natalie she is a rude pushy person and she may believe that she can do things here that will be forgotten but no one likes you anywhere and there is no where you can go if you don't make the best of things here

After enough.....your disgusting....or your smelly or put things your allergic to on forcibly and then a lot of rude gross nude violence at myself that's when I finally resorted last night to saying mean juvenile things to Natalie without regrets and I do wish I had known to really be with Miranda

I was finally like your nothing but an ass and have no right to judge my decisions

And quite frankly after being shocked by that much immodesty finally said if you must know pushy is a repulsive person and even I as homeless understand southern modeling and you may think your cute but you are after all that nothing but fat ugly and without talent your voice is truly awful

Then I called 911 and Natalie would finally get away from me.....

The police asked me if I wanted to work with the shelter about finding a different room and I said no the managers don't find anything here a matter for a hospital to address and people that mean and poor appear to obey gods not modern laws and I don't ever want the project around me

The project in some way......is condemned that's the only way to them they can stop grabbing off wages....

The couple in room two reported to me that she was having seizures all afternoon.....and that wasn't a matter for a hospital stay....i have been homeless and very poor for like ten years and after seeing a lot of it when situations like it are not for a skilled nurse to correct then lots wife leave dont look back at its evil

I told her partner that I don't idolize the underclassed mother's but when they explain to me they have chosen to be underclassed and want to stay with their children I like encouraging the decision it's really not good for people to detach children with a school from their grandparents too young whales school is not a long enough gestation and though a pride it really wasnt good for any of my class shares or school shares

Then Theresa was like well you don't have a job and why so I told her I wanted a better life then turning into a shameless immodest crazy fool like you....

A job is just a threat to put people in jail it's state id and eventually the job will break you and put you in jail so I tried to find a new way to live

Indigenous Canada told me to realize it's historic truth....policy to indigenous people is to make sedentary so some people become job attached because they will get beat up and made sedentary and some people like me choose to find ways to take a sense of comradery with me into a better life if made sedentary

Margaret Atwood jobs is having to be one of those people that closes the wall and leaves people to die and I don't want that karma oryx and crake

The national historic house was actually free white people and Africans and I appear as white to have a heart for African ideology and capability here because people like me don't care if I die I care if I was trapped living in a locked compound after so many souls passed away meaninglessly

I applied to jobs with the french in Denver and it's France people most often displace white people to and France will really really beat you up in coworker fights so believe me her gang job maybe did drive her that criminally insane

I believe parisians and indigenous people harmless France here.......France was very very bad here

[petalsmooth]

When you read a long thread about how they dislike Polin and if up to them Penelope would be "independent" alone etc. etc (pretending they want this because they care about the character)...and how they hope another storyline overshadows their story like the Featherington's overshadowed Kate/Anthony and end up with tags for Kanthony.

Way to prove what everyone thinks of your fanbase as being true and invalidate EVERYTHING you said about Polin.

The Featherington's did NOT overshadow Kate and Anthony. Kate and Anthony had the most screen time. The damn triangle overshadowed your precious couple. That isn't Charithra's fault either, she did her job. It's the former showrunner and others who signed off on the plot.

It will never cease to amaze me why that fanbase continues to embarrass themselves claiming the Featherington's impacted in ANYWAY their storyline. They were around in season one you know and Daphne and Simon's story did quite well. Luke, Nicola and the Featherington characters had nothing to do with the mess that was Anthony proposing to the wrong sister while the sister he actually loves denies her feelings most of the timeline and then insists he keep the engagement when he is looking for a way out.

As for a story overshadowing, it isn't going to happen. As bad as that story was, it still was the main plotline. As will be Colin and Penelope. Nothing will overshadow that. Except maybe a Whistledown reveal to the ton but that is part of their story too soo...

However if people enjoy other stories that cool with me because I'm hopeful I will too. Unlike these nutcases, I actually like the Bridgerton's and Will and while I don't love Portia and Prudence (because their characters thus far haven't been lovable) they serve their roles as antagonists/villains/comedic relief well depending on what they are given to play.

When I say I don't love them btw, mean the characters. I LOVE the actress playing Portia. But like with Marina, she hasn't presented herself yet as a person I could like. I can understand certain motivations driving choices made, but that doesn't mean I have to LIKE you. There are some other characters that do things I may not agree with, but show more conflicted feelings about what they've done. Portia and Marina for the most part never rarely have done so and usually just when caught out. It isn't the same thing.

The first time I felt anything actually real from Portia was the last episode of season 2 when she makes it clear Lord Featherington trying to ditch her daughters was a line not to be crossed. Even if she doesn't always (often) treat well, you did finally see her a mother for one.

And I want Francesca to marry John because I personally like her story with Michael and you can't get to that one without the one with John. Which may sound horrible as means he dies, but this is fiction. Not real life.

And I like seeing Cressida constantly upstaged given the way she acts and Lady Danbury although really I hate the sl from Queen Charlotte for her with Ledger so I'm less enthused because of that....and I love Queen Charlotte and so forth. Personally I think some people need to get over themselves, realize you can love all the characters and otherwise shut the hell up about their narrow view of a Kanthony hour only. Because you will never have that. No "couple" fan ever will.

[vaguely-concerned]

the fact that john was fucking LYING when he told augustine in HtN that his pre-resurrection self would have hated him for saying no one needed to be punished for what happened to humanity anymore. from john's own mouth, augustine back then was apparently working towards a solution of getting as many people from earth to safety as possible and then turning towards what they could do to help the planet heal once that was done -- prioritize helping people survive first, solve the underlying problem after that and tentatively they could maybe one day return, pretty logical and straightforward. he didn't care about stopping the trillionaires because he wanted to punish them for abandoning earth, but to force them to take on more people in cryo before they left, save more lives. he seems to have thought that was what john wanted too, because apparently his and mercy's enduring mistake is to think (hope?) that john is a better man than he is -- or even to think that he's not a monster. (big 'when is a monster not a monster? oh, when you love it, of course' vibes.) and john wiped his memory of everything that happened and lied to him about who he'd been for ten thousand years because in his heart of hearts john can't imagine anyone not agreeing with him deep down, not feeling what he feels -- I think he thinks that's what love is, someone subsuming themselves completely into his desires and needs without question. surely, if I show them all the state of the world without letting them have their preconceived ideas, they'll agree with me completely about what needs to be done, because they love me.

(john wants everything to love him. god must be able to touch all of creation.)

and when augustine inconveniently still turns out to be his own independent person with different views and priorities, even when john tried to control everything he got to know about himself, by the time the jig is well and truly up... he keeps lying to try to stop it from happening, to no avail. when they believe john is dead, augustine's plans and values seem pretty much consistent with those of his pre-resurrection self, if severely warped and dented from ten thousand years of, y'know, all that being effectively the second in command of a fascist death empire stuff. he still wants to save as many people as they can and doesn't give a fuck about getting retribution out of it. find our survivors, sue for peace, find them a new home, let necromancy die. his wildest dreams for what to do after have downgraded from 'and then maybe save the planet!' to 'and then mercy and I can hurl ourselves into a sun, probably squabbling the whole way, and get to be done and forgotten together', which is understandable under the circumstances lol, but to me this is still pretty clearly recognizably the same way of thinking, a consistent personality shining through -- not fundamentally in opposition to his old self at all. if his pre-resurrection self would have hated him for anything, it's probably for choking down his little brother's soul after not being able to save him, huh.

and the worst part is that john could only do this to them because they did love him. they loved him so much, and john wants their love so much he tries to eat them whole and make them parts of himself. he had what he wanted, and he corrupted it beyond all recognition until it was, to quote alecto, a hideousness, and now he's all alone. they held his hands when they died the first time, and he thought the way to deal with that was to try to make them his hands so they couldn't be taken from him again or leave him, couldn't be separated from him. “If I forget you, let my right hand be forgotten”.

it's time to stop kidding yourself, john. no one else is fooled anymore.

[10000mormonsintheutahdesert]

I Cannot Shut Up:

So before I give the full 'red circle' breakdown I'd like to take a second to talk about Lion's Mane for two reasons. The first is something minor in that Lion's Mane is originally a story that exists in original canon as a way to give an end to Holmes. So having it be done this early is a way to provide a slight addition of tension for listeners more familiar with ACD in that we no longer have the assurance Lion's Mane will happen after Final Problem. The other is a bit more, and that's... all of the John/Marianna dog lie.

I recently made a post just for this about how Holmes in general but also shco specifically have Sherlock Holmes being doglike, with multiple instances of Sherlock being related to Archie. That, connected with what they're saying about a dog being 'lost at sea' and that idea of an injured animal seeking isolation is... Yeah.

(I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Archie has also been compared to John and this is a weak foreshadowing thing. But still.)

Ok Red Circle time.

First of all, there's the fact that shco has a... complicated relationship with BBC. In that they actually like the books and want to be independent, but they don't have any dislike to BBC Sherlock. Generally i try to avoid talking about BBC because I think it gets too much attention for a character that's existed for fucking ever, but it really can't be denied that the show creators are aware of BBC and have a fondness for it.

That being said, Red Circle literally begins with basically the same set up as BBC's Final Problem or whatever it's called, with showing that Sherlock is famous now!!! Listen to that crowd. This is done before transitioning to one of my favorite tools, 'we talk about an in-universe media to talk about the media you're talking about.'

Not only does that segment start with Sherlock saying that falling into a body of water, dead, wouldn't be that bad which. Ok. Before we have Marianna and John describing suspension of disbelief, something that is always required for a final problem plot. There's not really a way to say 'so he fell to his death. but didn't' while making perfect sense because ACD didn't want Holmes to survive. It wasn't meant to be reversed. You, as the audience, must trust that Holmes was somehow able to survive the unsurvivable. And you will, because it's fiction.

AND THEN we get part three, where we end with John saying 'I can't hold on.' Which. I won't say is definitely going to be used in a parallel but like. It would be such a missed opportunity not to.

In general, this scene is something that's so insane in the context of a traditional final problem writing. Sherlock choosing to climb down whereas John fell (the idea of Holmes planning his death and Watson suffering the consequences as if it was real inserted here), Sherlock literally saying that he would carry John's weight (the end of final problem usually being justified by Holmes wanting to protect both himself and Watson, that it was the only way to keep them both alive while going after Moriarty's network) being especially meaningful because of a switch. Because really, no matter how it's framed, the one who carries the weight of Final Problem is Watson. Without doing a plot rewrite (which I have seen and can be done very well but wouldn't really work with shco set-up), shco is going to have Sherlock falling and John bearing the weight.

And. Y'know. it will be because of a criminal who specializes in organized crime, in having others do the crime for you, in being on another level, just like who John and Sherlock deal with in Red Circle.

[jmdbjk]

Okay Indigo, hit me.... show me what you got.

Closing out his 20s with a little angsty emo alt-pop R&B electric rock, Namjoon presents Indigo. Independent. Indulgent. Ingenious.

Though I was unfamiliar with the Korean individuals collabing with Namjoon on this record, I did take a "pre-listen" to some of their work before Indigo's release so I could be familiar with their style.

Of course I knew who Erykah Badu is. Though very talented and respected musically, she is not without her own controversies.

And I know Anderson .Paak. I am a huge fan of Silk Sonic, his Grammy winning duo with Bruno Mars who I am also a big fan of.

So these are just my opinions after listening and learning the lyrics. These are my interpretations of the vibe of the songs...

Yun. It is hard hitting first-out-the-gate and I can understand why Joon put this song first. It's a statement: Fuck you, imma do what I want.

Still Life, definitely love the R&B groove, love Anderson's vocals and the improvisation: "Joon: Shit happens in life...Paak: it's gonna be what it's gonna be brothah, you just have to do your thang." "Y'all can't lock me in a frame. I'm still life." The clever wordplay. A "still life" is typically defined as a tableau of inanimate objects such as flowers, fruit and other objects, arranged and then painted or photographed and framed. A still life. A moment in time. But in this song, I am seeing it meant as I am still LIFE, as in still living...you can't put me in a frame because I am living and breathing. So my take is this song says "let's keep it moving, never stay still, live life and don't let them define you by one frame of an image or one point or moment in time."

All Day, yay finally experiencing TABLO, great song, nice fast beat. TABLO's delivery reminds me of Eminem... personally, I am not a big fan of Eminem, but in this song, that type of vocal from TABLO works well. The beat will probably get this song added to my "walking playlist." WE GOT DYNAMITE IN OUR DNA! Might be my fave song off the album.

Forg_tful, an acoustic, laid back vibe, especially with the whistling... sort of John Mayer-ish? Very folk music-y and right up in the middle of Sawol's music genre kool-aid. Makes me want to order a caramel latte with a touch of almond milk at an independently owned hipster coffee shop. And I don't even like almond milk.

Closer, nice little bubbly intro segues to smooth urban R&B. Love Mahalia's vocals. So. Most of this song is sung in English. Paul Blanco has a few Korean words and that's it. The lyrics are very sensual. I find it conveniently uncontroversial that it is Mr. Blanco singing about 'when our lips lock' and 'making her body go diddy diddy bop'. The lyric: "but you run away like a fish"... that one sticks in my head because it is so visual! I saw a small fish get scared and scurry away! Great song.

Change pt. 2, unexpected electric riffs. Interesting that this song is entirely in English. I wonder who he is singing about? Harsh! Lol! Since its in English, it might be about the western music industry–as we know, they have to be spoken to in their language or they "just don't get it". Or it might be about a past significant other who did him wrong. "Some day a great grief will come for you." (That Miss Karma, she's the biggest fuckin' bitch I know.) "That's all I can say to you." (mic drop).

Lonely, I'm so fuckin lonely... super emo alt pop rocker. Joon made this song and these lyrics sound like some sort of weekly Top 40 groove-fest banger. The hook is an earworm in the making. "I'm fuckin' lonely....so fuckin' lonely." And the bridge is big and awesome. This song is a masterpiece of chart topping geniusness songwriting.

Hectic, with all its bright notes and beat, the gist of the lyrics say 'I been working my ass off, nothing glamorous about it, and people still say the same shit. Why am I doing this? What am I chasing? If doing this THIS way is a pain, how can I do it different?

Wild Flower... a big sonic, soaring, epic type song. Youjeen's big vocals and lyrics give me Katy Perry Firework vibes. The MV visuals help push the "big" to me. It's just a big song. Big Namjoon asking "what is this big life I have? what does it mean?" The visuals of him standing on top of the mountain and being able to see the entire world and it's a dawning day...not gonna lie, I did tear up. Seeing Joonie like this, expressing his lyrics visually in a music video touches my heart for him. The stage surrounded by Army... him standing and then laying in the field of purple flowers (also Army), it's very emotionally stirring. But I have something to tell Joon... as time goes by, one still searches for who they are and sometimes we never really understand who we are. All we can do is live our truths as authentically as possible.

No. 2, what a nice closing song to wrap it up. Don't look back anymore. There's nothing to prove. You've done your best. No lookin' back, no. The album ends and I'm smiling.

Like everyone else, my heart swells with pride. Over all, the lyricism is off the charts of course. Joonie is a wordsmith. Thank you Kim Namjoon/RM for putting your soul out there, sharing your emotions and thoughts with us in such a poetically lyrical way. Well done.

My disclaimers: I am not a music expert. These are just my personal opinions. But I do have impeccable taste in music. 💜

[septembersghost]

honestly I feel like I have way more appreciation for rep after Red TV, because she exposed so much there about how damaged she was by that dynamic and by JG's treatment and her shame towards intimacy because he made her feel worthless outside of it, but then by the time of reputation and Joe, she was afraid but never because of him, all those outside factors were weighing on her, but he let her feel seen and safe. it's so soft and grown in that way, and then Lover continues it. she has those insecurities and fears but there's no sense of shame in that intimacy or regret in their love, it's warm and fulfilling and free in a way she never had before! sorry for rambling to you about this but I've been deep diving into her music and that road with Joe and it's been hitting me. she went through so much and came out the other side with someone willing to hold on through everything. 😭💛

don't be sorry, talking about her music and all the facets and moments and stories she tells through it is always one of my favorite topics <333

it's remarkable how much red tv re-contextualized not only red itself, but also some of the difficulties and experiences which followed it. the fact that she was so young going from the harmful treatment of JM to JG, and how much the experience of what was a big, adult relationship and tumultuous love with the latter that had her whittling away at herself (in more ways than one) - we had pieces of that self-blame/regret/shame before (ikwyt, i almost do, the last time, sad beautiful tragic, tmik, even a whisper of it in treacherous...), but the additional songs/lyrics gave it new depth for sure. as an eternal red stan, it was a really emotional process for me, and not to devolve into a personal post here, but red was always "my" catharsis album. fearless overlapped with a really damaging time, and speak now came out immediately following it, so while i love them dearly, i had a lot of tied up associations with both, and with people who hurt me deeply and left fundamental scars. (sometimes i had trouble listening to some of those songs for a while - breathe, tell me why, you're not sorry, dear john, haunted, etc. the re-recording of fearless made whatever lingered of this evaporate, interestingly enough, so speak now might do the same), but by the time red was released in 2012, i was far enough past it that i could embrace the ups and downs and heartaches and joys without crumpling. that's probably a big part of why holy ground is so special to me - tonight, i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through.

i keep using the word vulnerable, but she is so vulnerable and honest in her writing that we are able to independently put together the mosaic of everything she wants/needs us to know and hear, while simultaneously reframing the music to fit our own stories whenever and however we want to do. to expose a well of longing and sadness to the world is not an easy thing, to admit feeling worthless and yet continuing to endure that treatment because you can't yet let the love go is brave. i'll never forget hearing, as i reached for you, but all i felt was shame, as you held my lifeless frame and i'm a soldier who's returning half her weight for the first time. because - even though my situations were VERY different (and one was entirely platonic) - i know what it's like to forgive someone again and again and keep letting them back in, or going back yourself, even though you know you shouldn't, even though it makes you feel small, because the idea of losing that spark is too painful, the hope that somehow the dynamic will change and get better has such a strong pull. you feel like you'll lose something vast if you let go, and don't realize initially that you're losing something more precious - yourself. and then, when you emerge from the other side, you can be prickly and cynical and bitter regarding trust and letting your guard down - which i was for a time, and she was too, despite this not being the natural state where we might prefer to exist. it takes a lot of healing and time to get through that and find yourself again (which she expressed originally - i'd like to be my old self again, but i'm still trying to find it), but you're never unscathed. it lingers, you just navigate through it.

red was so openly wounded that she withdrew a bit for 1989, played it cooler, intentionally pivoted and changed her image for multiple reasons (good, bad, and otherwise). i haven't talked about this a lot on my blog, although i've discussed it in depth with @cowboylikedean, but i went through a period of disconnect with her during 1989 because i felt in my bones that something was off and was worried about her, and there were also elements of her persona and appearance that were too triggering for me (i was concerned for reasons we now know were correct, when you've been through ED issues, you tend to see the signs), so i took a step back, which hurt. i missed her and that comfort. having it return later was such a gift, but that's a whole other topic.

then we saw her slandered, vilified, and torn to shreds by a bloodthirsty internet, and by the media that had already been voraciously picking her apart for years. she tied herself up in knots to be whatever she thought others wanted her to be and it still wasn't enough, and then she was plunged into a hate campaign that was so intense i don't think another celebrity will ever quite go through its equal again. she's referenced thinking about dying numerous times, that theme is inescapable on folklore/evermore. she didn't know if we'd care if she came back after she disappeared. she didn't know if we'd still want to hear her songs. she didn't know if anyone would believe her. she had her assault trial. she had people who were close friends, who she considered family, abandon and betray her. she had intense scrutiny on any move she made, and when one of the worst things happened, she was literally on the other side of the world in a too new and fragile/soon to fall apart relationship without her support system. just this host of unimaginable things raining down at once. "this summer is the apocalypse." joe was already a presence and it was the worst possible time. but ultimately the worst of that time didn't dissuade him. i know some fans don't like the loves me like i'm brand new lyric in ciwyw, but i think it's SO important for her (along with i want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck; not because he owns me, but 'cause he really knows me, which is more than they can say. and wear it she did). she felt used and exhausted and like a mess, but he loved her fully and anew. that's where we get all those tender lyrics - you saw the truth in me / you must like me for me / and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for / first sight yeah we love without reason / we tried to forget it but we just couldn't / you don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?

and then, importantly, on new year's day, i think she opens up a little bit about his struggles too (which she's done a few times - off the top of my head alluded to in false god: i can't talk to you when you're like this, daylight: maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down, peace: if your cascade ocean wave blues come, hoax: don't want no other shade of blue but you, willow: show me the places where the others gave you scars, renegade...the entire song) - i stay, when you're lost and i'm scared and you're turning away. because people have difficulties and there are turns in the road and no one is perfect, and the POINT is, the important thing is, the choice in that love. choosing each other over and over again, every day. strengthening one another and building a life together. i can tell that it's gonna be a long road; i'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe, or if you strike out and you're crawling home is literally saying, i'll be here to celebrate triumphs, and i'll be here in moments of failure and despair. she, like many of us romantics, had this sweeping, turbulent, often fiery view of love - screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain / i still see it all in my head in burning red / in silent screams in wildest dreams - and there's an allure to the passion in that, but then when you find something very true and real, there are quiet, peaceful moments to temper that passion and make it lasting. it's golden, like daylight.

something that gets to me is when fans wish she was more public about him because it's like...she's let us in on this journey for four albums (folklore and evermore may have moments cloaked in fiction, but a lot of both are still profoundly personal and reflective of this), and she's spoken about him openly so many times in interviews, in the secret sessions, in long pond, that we have all we need and probably more insight than we even deserve because she has chosen to weave that into her music. (plus everyone who meets them and talks about their dynamic and how they complement one another and his caring nature. we get less of joe's side, which is normal? he's a working actor, he's the antithesis of someone who'd use his relationship for status, and he's not a full-time singer-songwriter expressing this in music. he's less visible by nature. also, i think there's value in seeing how the pop girlies of taylor's generation have ALL begun living their lives out of the glare of social media, for the better. whether one person is famous and one isn't, like with lady gaga, with ariana, or both are very famous, like with katy and orlando, or they've chosen this as they mature, like selena, they've made decisions to step back and flourish out of the continual public eye, and more power to them.) maybe she's not posting on instagram all the time, but she did that with CH and that wasn't a positive decision for her (also, lol, we have NOTHING about that man except like an offhand lyric in gorgeous, wanting to leave him in getaway car, and then i forgot that you existed. he was uninspiring, it's so funny. meanwhile, even when she daydreams about running away to the lakes and never coming back, she's setting off, but not without her muse!). she found a place to be healthy and thrive, and a person who'd do that with her. love isn't a battle against someone else. love is a safe haven with them. love is a choice.

she said in her interview with paul mccartney in 2020:

“Peace” is actually more rooted in my personal life. I know you have done a really excellent job of this in your personal life: carving out a human life within a public life, and how scary that can be when you do fall in love and you meet someone, especially if you’ve met someone who has a very grounded, normal way of living. I, oftentimes, in my anxieties, can control how I am as a person and how normal I act and rationalize things, but I cannot control if there are 20 photographers outside in the bushes and what they do and if they follow our car and if they interrupt our lives. I can’t control if there’s going to be a fake weird headline about us in the news tomorrow...But I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids. Whether that’s deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture — the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it’s really just trying to find bits of normalcy. That’s what that song “Peace” is talking about. Like, would it be enough if I could never fully achieve the normalcy that we both crave?

we can transform music to be about anything we want it to be about - ourselves, our fictional loves, our own relationships with romance or family or friends, our pets, dreams! - and that is such a beautiful aspect of music, but when someone's writing is as intimate and diaristic as taylor's, i think it's okay to acknowledge that real story and real inspiration too. she has laid this out because she wanted to, because it has meaning and value to her, because it's her life. she sings long story short, she survived, but she didn't do that alone. there was someone there holding her hand. it doesn't make her less strong or less self-actualized, there's nothing wrong with asking for help, with having shelter in the storm, faith in each other, and there's courage in being seen and loved. (i have way more specific thoughts on this because i do fully believe he helped **** her **** at the worst moments, but it's hard to talk about publicly because it's more speculative and i prefer to respect her words and glean everything i can from what she's directly told us.) she found someone who not only didn't make her feel ashamed, but who stood by her through the darkest moments and through recovering (in more ways than one, physically and mentally), and when she was afraid he'd leave or wouldn't want to be there with her and deal with the scrutiny and the spotlight, instead was given reinforcement of her worth and of that commitment (see: cornelia street, lover, daylight again, invisible string, peace again, the lakes, the conclusion of evermore, the bridge of dress that we sang last night, in mirrorball/the archer/delicate, the list goes on bc it's scattered everywhere, all the pieces fall right into place). it is very soft and very grown, you're right. barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginnings that became my religion / give you my wild, give you a child. give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other, family that i CHOSE now that i see your brother as my brother. / who could stay? you could stay. /

hell was the journey, but it brought me heaven.

[findsilver]

Hi! I've seen a few posts about Pauls bass playing and how he basically transformed the way it is traditionalluy played. I know next to nothing about music and can't even pick out the bass in their songs, so I wondered if you knew any more about it? Thanks :)

Hi! I can’t say that I’m in any shape or form qualified to speak from a technical point of view, since I’ve never had a proper musical education beyond the singing workshops I did when I was still in choir. But I do play the guitar, and few other instruments to a lesser degree, plus I’m a big, big fan of Paul’s bass playing (among other things), so I’ll try to do my best to answer you. What’s very reassuring is that all of the Beatles were self-taught, and look how far they’ve come. I think the crucial point to analyze this at all is to look at the historical context, both in musical history as well as the one within the band. 

See, when Stuart decided to leave the band, they had to choose who between the three of them is going to pick up the bass. None of them wanted it, because there was this notion that the pass player is always that fat guy at the back of the stage. As we know, that’s not exactly something Paul vibes with, but since neither George or John would do it, they kind of forced it onto him. Prior to that, the three of them were on guitars. And you know, Paul didn’t want to do it either, but regardless of what some people want to say about him, I’ve always believed he was very much a team player, so he picked it up, and in true Paul fashion, ended up revolutionizing the way it’s been played to this day. He basically went and made it cool, and that’s badass in on itself.

The thing to remember is this: bass players are, along with the drummers, the rhythm section of the band. It means basically, that they are the very basis of the song, because they are who build the flow of it and keep the guitarists, the singers, whoever else is in the band, to stay in the rhythm. You don’t play the bass guitar the same way you’d play a normal guitar. Well, technically you could, but with bass guitars you have to fingerpick the chords, the progression of them, because they’re supposed to build and keep the rhythm. Such was the function of bass players before Paul, and so it is now, except what Paul changed was the approach to bass lines.

What he did, basically, is start thinking of the bass lines as their own entity, simultaneously separate and harmonious with the song. Paul’s bass is considered and praised for being melodic, because that’s really what it is. Instead of picking the base bass chords of the song, following as only the rhythm, he started creating actual melodies that complimented the songs. So many of his countermelodies on bass are really what made the given song so good. Songs like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Come Together or Something are among my favourites when it comes to his bass lines. It’s subtle, especially to an untrained ear, but they really wouldn’t be the same without them. He opened a whole world for an instrument that was previously underappreciated simply by thinking of it from the point of view of a composer. The key to it is that he basically played the bass as if it was the lead guitar, which is not only a very Paul thing to do, but also why it was so transformative for the history of music.

Now, to quote Paul himself about his bass playing (found here):

As time went on, I started to think, wow, you know? Once I realized that you didn’t have to just play the root notes. If it was C, F, G, then it was normally C, F, G that I played. But I started to realize that you could be pulling on that G, or just staying on the C when it went into F. And then I took it beyond that.

I thought, well, if you can do that, what else could you do? You might even be able to play notes that aren’t in the chord. I just started to experiment. What could you do? Well, maybe you can use different notes. Sevenths instead of the regular notes, or maybe even a little tune through the chords that doesn’t exist anywhere else. Maybe I can have an independent melody.

Plus, have some quotes from others about his bass playing:

Paul’s bass playing is underrated. Paul was one of the most innovative bass players ever. And half the stuff that is going on now is directly ripped off from his Beatles period. He’s an egomaniac about everything else about himself, but his bass playing he was always a bit coy about. He’s a great musician who plays the bass like few other people could play it.   —   JOHN, The Playboy interview, 1980

Oh, he is an incredible bass player. The most melodic bass player and inventive bass player.   —   RINGO, Interview with Dave Grohl, 2019 

And here’s just a little treat I could find:

[shallowseeker]

#oooh this is good#cas stating that jack is not exactly himself is such a tell#their relationship was born precisely because of power and lack thereof #and about the power of protection and being protected#because he felt weak jack had to grow up instantly thinking it would make him less vulnerable #which is kinda interesting if you think of s6-7 Dean comparing Cas to a child and a baby#there's something here at play between power. being a literal and metaphorical child and being weak seen as being stupid#“without youe power you're just a weak and defenseless baby in a trenchcoat that I have to protect from doing stupid things” kind of vibes #it's humans vs angels at its finest because the base emotions are love and worry but these people can't articulate them#like. most of the time with Cas power is used as an excuse to avoid talking about the Real Thing and i find it intriguing via @ananke-xiii

Oooh, wonderful addition! The push-pull between fighting alongside people you love is...hmm. It's horrible, really.

And Dean and Cas hurt Jack's feelings so bad, ahaha! I'm not dogging Sam, but in 14x01, Bobby was SUPER against Jack going to the fight, and Sam let him go.

Cas-Mary-Bobby-Dean are very united in having Jack sit the bench while he recovers, and that's so interesting to me. In 14x01, Sam's instinct, because he himself was so often at the kids' table was to bring him along:

This is my FAVE Sam theme: safety vs autonomy/independence, but as you can see... Bobby was horrified. This right here, and what later happens to Maggie, is part of what sets up the huge fight between Sam and Bobby. That, as a leader, Sam is playing too loose and fast with the trainees, and that his judgment isn't great for knowing when someone is ready.

I talk a little more about this in my Claire-and-Sam parenting post:

Overall, it's just so...fascinating that Dean agonizes over the hard stuff, and Sam...doesn't. Sam is agonizing over comparatively smaller stuff, like "calling Mom," and perhaps accepting the earth-shattering decisions (werewolf cure) without much fanfare.

Dean on the other hand, unlike Mary, gets so prickly about keeping people safe. Mary is a little more stoic in this arena--her own person. She has a degree of my-way-or-highway, but she's a little aloof, abrupt. Perhaps due to growing up in a hunting family, she's more levelheaded, although we have seen her default to lone-wolfism and secret-keeping in order to protect others.

As for Dean, as I say here:

Dean's neurosis is wanting to protect everyone, and this is often fundamentally, violently incompatible with letting your family fight alongside you. Despite his discomfort, he tries to marshal everyone under one roof, and that often results in a degree of my-way-or-the-highway type rigidity as a means of neurotically trying to keep everyone safe. And that can come out mean. Some time-honored coping mechanisms:

(A) Goad him into being more powerful and better so he's safe (B) insult him to underscore that he's in danger and maybe shouldn't be fighting at all (C) go full denial and pretend the situation isn’t that serious

When he's super stressed in 14x04, we see Dean default to saying something mean. Despite this, Jack will STILL at ease throwing his real emotions at Dean in Optimism 14x06. (Because, on the whole, Jack would rather people be mean than fake/lie. This is a tendency he shares with characters who want to be over-prepared, like young John Winchester in 4x03.)

Aaaaand we get Jack's own "save-everyone" and "everything is my responsibility neurosis" on display. Michael is MY enemy. I'M the one you got Kaia killed etc etc. Interestingly, when he displays these neuroses, it's Dean who remains in the shot with him... because Dean has the same ones.

Dean rolls his eyes, like OMG KID IT'S NOT ALL ON YOU. Ahem, pot meet kettle (Optimism 14x06, in fact, is all about pot meet kettle. Exhibit B: "Kid, you did nothing wrong," and "Neither did you! But that doesn't make it easier, does it?")

Anyhoo, Dean knows how hard Jack believes these things, so he shuts him down equally hard. And Jack, to quote a friend, hilariously "sad-Charlie-brown" walks away.

JACK: *DEVASTATION*

DEAN: OOPS.

And Jack, having learned the silent treatment from the best... decides at that moment that he's going to turn his back and give the silent treatment like a boss... And actually! Because he's a dumbass, he's already planning to write a letter to them and run the fuck away to fight Michael on his own.

JACK: *not listening* Goodbye, forever.

///

*cut to later*

"Yup, this seems like the only option for me."

Jack is not going to be kept at the kids' table. Even if that means wanting to do dumb shit like this.

Okay, so let's take a minute to appreciate Jack getting chewed out:

Cas is literally chasing him and Jack is simmering

and then Cas puts his foot is his mouth and Jack's reaction is SO funny—look:

WEAK AND DEFENSELESS YOU MEAN 💩💩💩💩💩🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE KITCHEN YOU MEAN🔪🔪🔪🔪🍳 🍳 🍳 🍳 🍳 🍳 🍳 🍳

...

....

...

>8((((((

CAS: *drops voice, juts jaw forward*

*moves in aggressively closer*

JACK: I thought it'd be good to meet the only real family I have left.

*REAL* family????

GRRRRRRrrrr

Okay but listen. Here's the thing.

JACK SAID THAT TO GET A RISE OUT OF CAS

Because he is tired of being benched and SOOOOO -ANNOYED- that Cas is chasing him and chewing him out; he's answering Cas's aggression with aggression.

Looooooooooooook at this face

THAT IS THE FACE OF A GUY WHO SAID THAT ON PURPOSE KNOWING exactly how it would land. This is COMPLETELY bringing Dean in Point of No Return vibes, 'yall.

///

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince William and Prince Harry: Showdown at Prince Philip's Funeral

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Alec Baldwin, Kathy Ireland, Conan O'Brien grabs lunch in West Hollywood

Page 3: Meg Ryan, Heather Graham, Jon Voight steps out in Beverly Hills

Page 4: Kris Jenner says her role as momager of the Kardashian clan is like being a fireman because she has to put out so many heated squabbles -- satisfying daughters Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner takes skill and Kourtney is often so fed up she fires her three or four times a day, but Kris believes she's done a good job, saying she's totally dedicated to her brood and spends oodles of time and energy going the extra mile for them

* Jailed Ghislaine Maxwell is raising a stink over federal lawmen's claims she's a prison piggy, saying the institution's busted sewer pipes, not her toilet habits, are responsible for the overwhelming stench in her cell -- lawyers for sex perv Jeffrey Epstein's accused madam and sex trafficker leveled the charge to flush out prosecutors' claims the socialite's cage stinks like a hog's pen because she doesn't flush her toilet -- her lawyer Bobbi Sternheim insists there was a pervasive stench of sewage in Ms. Maxwell's unit, necessitating guards to flush pipes by pouring water down open drains in an effort to trap and disperse gaseous emissions and at times the stench in Ms. Maxwell's isolation cell has been overwhelming due to overflowing of toilets in the cell block above -- as for Ghislaine flushing, she does it often, at the guards' bidding even, though she doesn't use the commode in her cell due to lack of privacy

Page 5: Kelly Clarkson's tacky tales of pooping in trash cans and other crude antics are grossing out her alarmed pals, who fear divorce stress is pushing the talk queen over the edge and while Kelly has loved to shock people, her cringeworthy behavior has gotten worse since filing for divorce from music manager Brandon Blackstock, father of her daughter River and son Remington -- now Kelly has many fearing she's finally flipped after recently telling talk show guest Clint Black on-air she destroyed a poor trash can by pooping in it during a quick backstage concert break and she's constantly making potty jokes and seems to get a rise out of shocking people and even by Kelly's standards, this was a step too far and people are urging her to scale back on the belching, farting and gross anecdotes because they're a turnoff and make her look trashy and her grueling workload and prickly divorce has manifested in this gross behavior where she can't seem to hold her tongue and blurts out whatever she's thinking without consideration for other people -- other stars like Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton are thinking twice before inviting her to social events and for talk show rivals like Ellen DeGeneres and Drew Barrymore, it's a dream seeing her push the boundaries of taste and Kelly doesn't have a filter and as long as she's got an audience she's just going to keep on doing it

Page 6: Macaulay Culkin is the daddy of a brand-new baby girl named Dakota, who is named after Macaulay's sister who died at 29 in a 2008 car crash, and she was delivered by Macaulay's lover actress Brenda Song

Page 7: Angelina Jolie has become a stressed-out single mom trying to care for her brood of six during the pandemic lockdown, and the strain is is showing on the 98-pound actress, but the 45-year-old, who shuns hiring a full-time nanny, still wants sole custody of her underage kids Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne, and is fighting tooth and nail with ex-husband Brad Pitt to get it; their oldest Maddox Jolie-Pitt is now 19 and considered independent although the university student frequently lives with his mother -- caring for the gang puts a big drain on Angelina's bank account and her custody war with Brad is costing a pretty penny -- Jolie and her children spend most of their time bunkered in a massive 7,500-square-foot Los Feliz mansion that boasts a huge library lined with resource books but the kids need to be separated so they can concentrate on their individual Zoom classes and someone is always hungry or needing help and at the end of the school day, when they are bored, they end up looking for Mom to find them something to do while she is trying to work on her own projects, and like most siblings, the kids fight or argue, and that can test any parent's nerves and Angie is with the kids pretty much 24/7 and it's taking a toll -- there is a glimmer of hope as schools are close to reopening and once the five youngest are back in school for several hours a day it will give Angelina the breaks she needs and hopefully she can hang tight until then

Page 8: Cover Story -- Prince William and Prince Harry bury Prince Philip, but not the ax -- despite their public displays of grief, bitter brothers William and Harry erupted in a raging royal screaming match behind the scenes of their grandfather's Prince Philip's funeral and Princess Diana's sons lashed out, accusing each other of ugly betrayals and destroying the royal family and the princes blamed each other's wives for igniting the family feud and their showdown was explosive and they're refusing to forgive or make peace and any hope Philip's death will end this feud is pie in the sky -- Harry and William were forced to reunite to mark the Duke of Edinburgh's passing and comfort their grandmother Queen Elizabeth, but that doesn't mean they're kissing and making up; far from it because Harry and his wife Meghan Markle have caused so much damage with their TV interview, it will take a lifetime to heal this rift -- sparks began flying almost immediately after Harry landed back in his homeland. He went straight to his former marital home Frogmore Cottage in Windsor to quarantine under COVID rules while William and his wife Duchess Kate Middleton and their three children were holed up at their country home Anmer House in Norfolk, about 100 miles away, but that didn't stop the once-inseparable brothers exploding in fury at each other during a video call finalizing funeral arrangements -- William and Harry knew they'd have to walk together behind the cortege to honor their grandfather, but that was where their reunion ended and while their grieving grandmother and royal relatives mourned the loss of the family patriarch, William and Harry's pent-up anger and frustrations exploded as, on the same side of the Atlantic for the first time in over a year, William blasted Harry and Meghan for bad-mouthing his wife Kate and selfishly trying to destroy the monarchy and he reamed Harry for not visiting their grandfather in his final days and using the funeral as a publicity stunt while Harry retaliated by accusing his brother of throwing him and Meghan under the bus and vowed never to talk to him again -- instead of an expected joint public statement praising their beloved grandfather, they issued separate tributes, which underlined their split as in their statement, William and Kate reminisced about Philip taking their children for horse-drawn carriage rides and they vowed to support the queen in the years ahead and that was a dig at Harry and Meghan, who can't help the queen due to their self-imposed exile to California and it was also a shot because Harry's son Archie has spent no time with his royal relatives since his birth almost two years ago -- Philip's death has only intensified this horrific feud and this war is far from over, and may never be

Page 10: Prince Philip went to his grave regretting he couldn't stop Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle from ripping the royal family in a bombshell TV interview -- The Duke of Edinburgh called the explosive tell-all madness and he had some sympathy for Harry and Meghan's desire to do their own thing, but he thought they were wrong and he hated Harry and Meghan's preoccupation with their own problems and their willingness to talk about them in public; one of his rules was give interviews but don't talk about yourself -- Philip loved Harry and thought him a good man, but he did not believe they were doing the right thing for the country or themselves when they quit royal duties and Philip died worrying the explosive interview permanently damaged the monarchy and he deeply regretted he wasn't able to prevent the scandal

* Outraged Prince Philip shunned his son Prince Andrew's ex-wife Duchess Sarah Ferguson for the last 19 years of his life after she was caught cheating in raunchy photos that went public -- Philip considered Fergie beyond the pale and refused to have anything to do with her and when Sarah was staying at Balmoral Castle with her daughters, her ex-father-in-law would run from a room she'd entered and Fergie said it was ridiculous because as soon as she came through one door, he'd be falling over the corgis to get out of the other and she added it was very funny, except, of course, it wasn't -- the only time they appeared together in public was at Prince Harry's 2018 wedding, 26 years after Fergie was photographed lounging topless while her then lover John Bryan sucked on her toes on the French Riviera; she and Andrew were separated at the time

Page 11: Marie Osmond is getting the last laugh on rival Sharon Osbourne after the big-mouthed Brit, who chased off Marie from The Talk, was booted from the chat show in a racism scandal -- while Marie doesn't wish ill on anyone, she certainly isn't feeling any sympathy for Sharon's plight -- in public, Marie has never said a harsh word about Sharon, and never blamed her co-star with pushing her off The Talk, but behind the scenes, Sharon made mild-mannered Marie's life hell, which chased her away and Marie still cringes from the whole experience of working with the brash former reality diva, more than seven months after leaving the show and Marie doesn't want to stoke the fire, but it's kind of satisfying in a way that Sharon's finally being exposed for what she is: a snippy, smug phony

* Chaka Khan was the first celeb booted on Season 21 of Dancing with the Stars in 2015, and it's no wonder because she was a lousy partner, claims pro hoofer Keo Motsepe -- Keo slammed the singer for demanding they only rehearse around midnight, because that's when the night owl was used to going to the record studio and laying down tracks -- Keo accepted the challenge but now calls Chaka his worst partner ever

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Jane Lynch eats lunch in West Hollywood (picture), Khloe Kardashian is getting called out for her attempt to erase a bathing suit snap that revealed some very real body dimples and famous for posting airbrushed and filtered photos depicting her as flawless she went berserk over the unedited pic summoning legal eagles to get the image scrubbed off the internet but she drew colossal backlash, Sutton Stracke of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills got promoted to series regular and impressed producers by making ousted castmate Teddi Mellencamp cry by branding her boring, fired New York Housewife Dorinda Medley has lost 14 pounds, Lil Nas X's limited-edition designer Satan Shoes which commanded $1,018 when they hit the market are now deader than a doornail after legal pressure from Nike

Page 13: Dean Cain sports a Superman-style logo on his hoodie as he bums around Malibu (picture), Annabella Sciorra shoots an episode of Blue Bloods in NYC (picture), co-anchor T.J. Holmes shows his tongue on the Good Morning America set (picture), Olympic champ Lindsey Vonn admits skiing was a slippery slope when she started mingling with the beautiful people of Hollywood

Page 14: Brooklyn Decker proves she going gray at just 34 and she's kinda digging it, Kathryn Dennis trying to prove she's comfortable in the natural skin she's in shared pics from her first-ever bikini photo shoot and actually points out imperfections

* Fashion Verdict -- Zoe Saldana 6/10, Kelsea Ballerini 3/10, Jessica Madsen 7/10, Joy Bauer 2/10

Page 17: Eddie Cibrian is incredibly proud of wife LeAnn Rimes for baring the truth about her battle with psoriasis in a naked photo -- Eddie applauds how LeAnn let it all hang out for a photo shoot to show solidarity with other people with the scaly skin disease who are ashamed and want to hide it -- LeAnn has described the horrors of hiding her painful, crusty rashes, saying onstage she'd wear two pairs of pantyhose or jeans, even in 95-degree heat and underneath her shirt, her whole stomach would be covered in thick scales that would hurt and bleed, and the pandemic worsened her condition because stress is a common trigger for psoriasis, and with so much uncertainty happening, her flare-ups came right back

Page 19: 10 Things You Don't Know About Catherine O'Hara

* Sylvester Stallone may have gone his final round as boxing great Rocky Balboa as his reps reveal the actor has thrown in the towel and won't reprise his iconic role in the upcoming Creed III -- in the Creed spinoffs, retired fighter Rocky trained Adonis "Donnie" Creed, the son of his onetime rival

* Dr. Dre hit back against the abuse claims of estranged wife Nicole Young, slamming her allegations as appalling in recently filed court documents in their ugly $1 billion divorce -- in the docs, Dre charges Nicole hurled the accusations only after realizing their prenup may prevent her from getting half his money, but Nicole insists the rapper forced her to ink the agreement, a charge he also denies

Page 23: Caitlyn Jenner is refining her image ahead of her run for governor in California by reducing her massive breasts to look more conservative -- she wants to downgrade her E cups to a more respectable C cup because she's been worried for a while they are way too big within the context of her body and draw unflattering stares and running for the California governor's office is serious and she wants people to listen and look at her face, not her boobs and the truth is, the implants have been weighing her down and giving her back pain too, so this makes sense in more ways than one -- Caitlyn will be slowly abandoning other cosmetic procedures and she would like to wean herself off filters and Botox too, but that'll be a gradual process that she'll do as time goes by and the big thing here is that she wants to look more natural and relatable for voters

* Nearly half of America is ready to vote Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson into the White House -- 46 percent of voters are ready to rock and roll with the 49-year-old former WWE wrestler as their prez -- in his new sitcom Young Rock, Dwayne plays himself as a future candidate for the Oval Office, but in real life he has admitted he is seriously considering a run for the top job

Page 24: New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, now facing two separate investigations into sexual harassment charges made by at least eight female staffers, is accused of cheating on longtime love Sandra Lee -- there's obviously a reason Sandra moved to California; she literally could not have moved farther away from Andrew; she's on the edge of the Pacific

Page 30: Grace Kelly died nearly flat broke -- the Hollywood starlet gave up millions to marry Prince Rainier of Monaco, and when she died at the age of 52, her only assets were a cottage in Ireland, owned by her grandfather, and $10,000 -- in 1956, she married into Monaco's royal family after coughing up a $2 million dowry, which is about $20 million today, and walking away from a glittering career -- according to a new documentary, her Hollywood earnings have disappeared as during her film career, Grace's total earnings could have reached $1.5 million, earnings that appear to be entirely missing from her will, but thanks to Grace, Monaco's royal family has cashed in big-time as her son Prince Albert II has an estimated net worth of $i billion and his wife Charlene Wittstock is rumored to be worth $150 million -- most people think of Grace Kelly's story as a fairy tale, going from Hollywood and suddenly being whisked off to a lot of wealth, but what is so poignant is that she had to pay to become a princess

* LeVar Burton may soon be helming a new enterprise: Jeopardy! -- nearly 200,000 people have signed an online petition supporting LeVar to replace the game show's late host Alex Trebek and LeVar supports the idea himself

Page 32: Kirstie Alley had two husbands and once claimed she was crazy about John Travolta, but for decades she secretly carried a torch for a married man: Patrick Swayze -- Kirstie described Patrick as the one that got away and truly believes they would have been together until his 2009 death at age 57 if things worked out differently and she says her love for Patrick began on the set of the 1985 miniseries North and South where she thought he was the most handsome, sexy, kind person she'd ever met, and each day on the set, she began to fall more and more in love but at the time they were married to other people: Patrick had his wife Lisa Niemi and Kirstie was married to Hardy Boys actor Parker Stevenson, her second husband -- Kirstie and Patrick shared a deep emotional affair and confessed their love, but never actually cheated on their spouses and Kirstie said they had an affair of the heart -- Patrick and Kirstie played lovers on the series and you can see the chemistry and at least once a year Kirstie watches the series and reminisces about the time she spent with him -- she says she cried for months after his death and she and his wife Lisa eventually became friends and even today, Kirstie wonders what would have happened if she and Patrick had not been married to other people

Page 36: Sally Struthers reveals she quit Save the Children charity after she was nearly murdered by a gang of bloodthirsty rebels during a trip to visit African orphans -- Sally was a roving ambassador for the charity for 35 years until a terrifying incident in Uganda where she was filming ads with a boy, who'd come from a remote village, when suddenly a roving band of guerrilla warfare guys came out of the bushes and asked the boy where he was from and he named his village, which was far away, and they decided they had kidnapped him, and they were going to shoot all of them and Sally was terrified and figured she was a goner, but a priest with her group told her to slowly walk off while never turning her back on the terrorists and as she walked, he convinced the gunmen to let them alone and at that point, Sally, who had a daughter Samantha from her six-year marriage to shrink William C. Radar thought she's been on so many little airplanes that could have crashed and in so many horrible situations and she's got a child, a real-life child of her own, and she can't do it anymore

* Usher is being accused of stiffing Las Vegas strippers by tipping them with fake money with his moniker and mug on the bills -- the flap exploded with a Twitter post slamming the singer for handing out Usherbucks in $100, $20 and $1 bills at the club Sapphire Las Vegas but club honcho George M. Wilson denies the charge, saying Usher, who stars at Caesars Palace stating in July, was a true gentleman and great guest and he and his crew converted thousands of real dollars to tip the girls dancing on the stage and left a generous tip for staff and apparently someone in his team left some Usher dollars on the floor to promote his Vegas residency and that is where it seems the confusion came in

Page 40: Val Kilmer is shooting for more than a career comeback after bouncing back from throat cancer; he is also looking for love -- Val admits he doesn't sound like he used to following a tracheotomy, but he insists he feels a lot better than he sounds but his voice is a raspy, grating sound, and he's forced to eat through a feeding tube, but he feels that shouldn't matter with the right woman -- the actor, who is slated to appear in the upcoming Top Gun: Maverick, is pumped up about working again, but it's dawned on him that he's missing one other thing, love, and the single star feels more energy now than ever before and there are things he'd like to do with a partner, like travel more -- Val regrets some of the things he did in the past and he was difficult and selfish, but his whole cancer ordeal has made him a better man and more open and giving but it's been a long, long time since he had a girlfriend, let alone even kissed a woman, but with the support and encouragement of his kids and friends, he's ready to put himself out there

* Fans are saying Christopher Meloni has one of the most remarkable rears on TV after a photo surfaced showcasing his awe-inspiring ass-ets -- a shot of the Law & Order: Organized Crime star in skintight jeans sparked a Twitter-storm where fans of his fanny let loose about his sculpted caboose

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Holly Madison is blabbing about her eight years as Hugh Hefner's No. 1 squeeze in the Playboy Mansion, and, if he were still alive, the king of skin mags would hate that he pretty much comes off as a dirty old lech

Page 45: Paula Abdul was a nervous wreck during her American Idol comeback, but she was not so jittery she couldn't brand her former co-judge Simon Cowell an STD -- special guest Randy Jackson and Simon previously teamed with Paula in the 2000s to make the talent show the biggest hit on TV, and Paula temporarily resumed her role after Luke Bryan tested positive for COVID-19, but when Randy told Paula seeing her on set seems like old times, she blurted "We're just missing the STD," and the remark caught host Ryan Seacrest off-guard as he held a computer device linking Paula and Randy, who was not physically present and Ryan exclaimed, "The what?!" and at that point Paula joked she meant it was an abbreviation for Super Talented, Debonair not sexually transmitted disease -- Paula also referred to Simon, who's only three years her senior, as a grandfather and while Paula seemed in the swing of things, joining the current Idol panel of Katy Perry and Lionel Richie, she was reportedly a bundle of nerves backstage before her comeback show and it was like she'd never done it before, and her pals couldn't believe it; they told her she had more experiencing judging than anyone out there

[evalaruesource]

Eva LaRue: A Healing History Through Grief and Loss.

For many families, coping with grief and depression has become commonplace in the wake of Covid19. The coronavirus has brought sorrow to so many who have lost loved ones, including that of actress Eva LaRue. The Daytime Emmy award-winning soap opera beauty told PHM how 2020 was a struggle and a journey of mental health.

LaRue's everlasting smile can radiate through the screen on shows like "All My Children and "CSI: Miami,” but several life-changing events would test her perseverance and positivity. Losing her father in 2019, LaRue recalled, was a traumatic event for her. The year 2020 would add to her sorrows when ex-husband, John Callahan, 66, suddenly passed away of a stroke leaving their teenage daughter Kaya without a father. LaRue and Callahan were both stars of the daytime soap opera, "All My Children." Callahan starred as Edmond Grey, who he played opposite LaRue's character, Dr. Maria Santos. Their on-screen marriage would become the real thing in 1996. Although Callahan and LaRue have been divorced since 2005, she remembered the time they spent together and their love as a family.

"He [Callahan) was this huge life force, and I still don't know how he's gone sometimes," LaRue said. "John and I were divorced for 17 years, but he was still a great friend. He was also this alive, fun, amazing person." LaRue's top priority, she said, is making sure that there is "full communication in the grieving process" between her and her daughter, Kaya. “I think as a child you look at your parents as these indomitable strengths and pillars in your life, and you can't imagine them being gone. The worst part of it all,” she added, "is not being able to take the pain away from my daughter."

COVID-19 wouldn't help their circumstances, and the virus was another add-on to the already heartbroken LaRue family. During an enjoyable Christmas gathering, LaRue, Kaya, and her 82-year-old mother, Marcie would all contract the Coronavirus. Recalling her symptoms, LaRue said, "It was a feeling like no other,” she said, “as if you're almost running through peanut butter, and it whipped me out. On day five, I felt the virus heading into my respiratory system,” she continued, and that's when LaRue called her doctor and was prescribed the FDA approved medication, Ivermectin.

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The medication worked, she said, and within a few days, all three women felt well. "My mother has COPD and is pre-diabetic. I thought I was going to lose her," LaRue sadly recalled. “Within three days I was perfectly fine and the same for my mother.”

Coping with the solace and grief of 2020, LaRue says she had to give in to her pain in order to find happiness and press forward. "We are programmed to feel happy all the time, and it's okay not to be okay,” she said. To relieve some of that pain LaRue says she meditates to keep herself grounded and focused. Believing meditation and prayer go hand in hand she said, "Prayer is asking and meditation is listening for the answer. It helps me focus on the bigger picture so that I'm not stressed about the small things,” she said. “It helps me understand that whatever heartbreak or stress I feel is happening for me, and not to me."

When LaRue's daughter, Kaya left for college soon after, she said she found herself suffering from empty nest syndrome. “I felt like it was the death of a childhood watching my daughter leave," she recalled.

Wanting to give her daughter some space to grow from their shared grief, LaRue said, “We really struggled off and on this year with the depression and

anxiety that COVID initiated and exasperated by all the losses, John dying, and us grieving differently and separately. It would cause a lot of struggle between her and me," she said with tears in her eyes. “When she left for college, I was afraid that she would be so excited to be free and independent that she wouldn't want to call or contact me. So I resisted calling her like crazy, and oddly enough," she said with great joy, "she started calling me like crazy."

An advocate for therapy, LaRue said she has since learned the importance of speaking about loss and allowing the grieving process in order to heal. “Right now everyone is experiencing loss, just sweeping amounts of it," LaRue said. "A lot of the pain comes in the regret of what you didn't do, what you should have said, what you could have said, and you're ambushed by it daily. You have these happy moments and you feel like you're a normal happy person again, happy in life," the actress continued, "and then you're just ambushed by the grief."

Sympathizing with so many who are suffering from PTSD due to the devastating casualities of 2020, LaRue gave this advice, “I don't think happiness is a given. It's a gift,” she said. "The more we think it's a given, the worse off we are. We need to get comfortable with welcoming the sadness in and letting it come and pass through, and having it as a guest for however long it takes for you to start to heal and not cry as often."

Among the sadness of that year, a glimmer of happiness as LaRue won her first Emmy Award for her role on "The Young and The Restless." The actress gave thanks to the many friends who reached out to give their condolences over Callahan's passing. The actress also took on a new role in “Finding love in Quarantine" a mini-series, romantic comedy about a woman who finds love via Vlog. The series can be found at www.pureflix.com.

When LaRue is not on camera, she can be found advocating for women and children who are fleeing gender-based violence in the United States. LaRue is a supporter of the Tahirih Justice Center, an organization leveraging lawyers to help women who have escaped their sex-trafficking captors. Working pro-Bono, these lawyers help victims gain safe asylum within the United States. To learn more visit www.Tahirih.org.