#at that point you're just into Ryan Reynolds and there's nothing wrong with that

[hale-of-stiles-heart]

sorry to be a hater but seeing people in the poolverine tag raving about xmen origins Wade Wilson is so annoying because so many people are just showing their asses. so you're only into him pre-mutation when he's conventionally attractive. got it. noted. fucking lame.

[kennyb0y]

Cardboard Cutout

bonten!haitani ran x reader

Warnings: fluff, suggestive content but just a little bit in the beginning, mentions of guns, shots and alcohol.

A/N: just a stupid drabble of how much your boyfriend is in love with Ryan Reynolds

From the moment you started dating Ran, you knew about his big stupid crush on Ryan Reynolds. He made sure that you knew that he would leave you for Ryan if he gave him a chance.

It was hilarious really. Bonten Executive Ran Haitani had a huge crush on an American actor. It got to the point where your boyfriend would threaten to kill Ryan’s wife so he could be with him. It was concerning and amusing at the same time but you paid no mind. Until Ran shows up at four in the morning one day, drunk as fuck, with a Ryan Reynolds cardboard.

“Ran what the fuck is this?”

“My husband? Gonna put him on the bed with me.” he says, dragging the cardboard up the stairs.

“Did you forget that I sleep with you?”

“I’m sure there's space for Ryan.”

In the end, you had to threaten him and tell him to have sex with the cardboard. Still, Ran placed the cardboard next to your bed.

And it stayed there for days and days. You could feel it staring at you whenever you and Ran would have sex. Of course your boyfriend never thought having a 6ft2 cutout of a man was weird. You were sure he would stare at him from time to time whenever he went down on you.

But there's nothing you could do besides living with that fucking cardboard that you wish would accidentally burn or disappear.

Your prayers were heard one night. For some reason, Ran decided to take the cardboard to the living room. He said something about date night with Ryan but you just ignored him and went back to what you had to do. He left a couple hours after to get some drinks with Rindou, Sanzu and everyone else so you just went to bed early to enjoy a night in your room without that cardboard from hell staring into your soul.

However, the sound of gunshots woke you up at roughly three in the morning. You rushed to get the gun Ran kept on the bedside table and carefully made your way downstairs. You drop the gun when you hear the faint cries of your boyfriend.

“Ran what are you doing?”

“I thought someone was in the house and I just shot him!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I shot Ryan!”

That's when you look down and see the cutout on Ran’s arms with three bullet holes. It was hilarious and you almost laughed at your visibly drunk boyfriend so upset about the cardboard. But someone burst through your door and you quickly grab the gun again.

“For fucks sake Rindou what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“You're alive?”

“Of course I am!”

“Then why the fuck did Ran text me saying you died?”

You both turn to look at your boyfriend sniffing on the ground.

“I'm going to kill him.”

“Don't kill my boyfriend!”

It was a struggle to stop Rindou from killing Ran. What happened was that your stupid boyfriend texted his brother saying the love of his life was dead. Of course Ran didn't care about specifying who was the actual love of his life (which is really stupid, like, come on, you're competing with a cutout). Rindou, like the good brother he is, quickly went to your house just to find you alive and well while his dumbass big brother was crying on the floor like a middle schooler who got their heart broken.

“Do you want something to drink? This might take a while.” Rindou nods. “Water, tea, whiskey?

“Bleach.”

If you thought the surprises were over, you thought wrong. You got woken up the next day by loud voices downstairs. At first you could only recognize Ran and Rindou but then you heard Kakucho and Kokonoi and you knew your stupid boyfriend did some dumb bullshit.

You dragged yourself out of bed and downstairs to prevent anyone from killing your boyfriend. He may be silly but you still love him.

“I’m so sorry about y/n.” you heard kakucho say.

“Who?”

You almost turned around and decided it was Ran’s time to die. See, like he did with his brother, Ran decided to text the bonten members to tell them his s/o died and the funeral was today. Once again, your boyfriend’s drunk brain forgot to mention that his s/o is actually Ryan Reynolds.

To Kakucho and everyone’s surprise, here you are. Alive and well. Next thing you know, Kokonoi has both hands around Ran’s throat.

“I gave you money for the funeral because I THOUGHT Y/N DIED AND YOU TELL ME IT WAS FOR A FUCKING CARDBOARD CUTOUT?”

“It's not just an actor! It's Ryan Reynolds.”

“This won't be a waste of money if it's your funeral.”

May I remind you that we’re still talking about THE Bonten Executive Ran Haitani? The powerful criminal? Yes, that one.

Ran Haitani who realized that there's something better than a cardboard cutout of Ryan Reynolds. Prepare yourself to spend your nights sleeping with your boyfriend and his new body pillow.

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