#at least not as drastically that I'll scrap the story again and leave it at vague mentions

[roxaeri]

please tell me about your trash vamp tristan -candy pop anon

Alright buckle in coz I'mma tell y'all about my shitty vampire pretending to be a human pretending to be a shitty vamp. Tristan is the manifestation of a dumpster fire—and if there is a dumpster on fire it was most likely his doing.

((LONG POST IS LONG. I’MMA INFODUMP ABOUT MY SON.))

I believe I have a post or two that has dialogue from him, in which he’s not his usual self. He’s got some profound wisdom hidden in him somewhere, and some repressed sad from his life, usually buried down until he connects with literally anyone on a deeper level than: “Tris, why the fuck is there a skeleton in your cupboard?”

I'mma come back to Profound Wisdom and Repressed Sad later because let me first get y'all to the subject of Tristan’s cupboard skeleton.

Now, when I say trash vamp I mean that he’s not really a good guy. Like, he’s not evil, but he’s not good either. He’s a mess whose day job ((night job, considering he’s a nocturnal vamp)) is being a Certified Spook. It’s in his job description to cause just enough chaos that the supernatural is plausible in case anyone fucks up their cover, but still make it easy for the supernatural to be denied or debunked by humans. He maintains that stupidly specific balance.

Shitty Vamp = he’s got a lot of debilitating, stereotypical vampire traits that makes it super hard for him to do his job when the sun’s out

His cover is he’s a human from Ireland ((which is true, he was born in Ireland who knows how long ago)) but he’s pretending to be a stereotypical vampire from Romania ((half true due to him first being stationed in Romania due to his eldest adopted brother)).

So, technically he’s a supernatural government worker. But, again, he’s a fucking mess. There’s shit he’s repressed, or has been helped in repressing. There’s a lot of advantages to being adopted into a magic family. But there’s also a lot of disadvantages to being adopted into a magic family that descends from a hell realm.

So’s, he wasn’t raised with the best morals, and with some abstract-ish laws from a realm that birthed The Boogeyman and The Big Bad Wolf and Death’s Daughter and the Mother of Shadows. But he was also able to complete all requirements from two foreign governments and their realms to be able to have the job he does. So even if he doesn’t have the best morals—depending on your own standards, honestly—Tristan does adhere to local laws. Mostly.

Which brings us to Cupboard Skeleton aka F??? aka Frederick aka Tristan-doesn’t-remember-the-guys-name-other-than-it-starts-with-F-and-he-was-an-ass-in-life-so-Frederick-it-is

Frederick McCupboardSkeleton is the skeleton that someone—Tristan doesn’t remember if it was him or not—shoved into his cupboard in between all the cereal boxes and liquor bottles. He has slowly become a cursed skeleton since his death. Tristan’s a vampire, he doesn’t have the power or magic to banish an angry spirit or seal non-human bones to trap him. But he can contain him and keep an eye on him until he figures out who this guy was and why he (Tristan) was involved with his death (Tristan assumes). Thus he’s cursed and Tristan doesn’t keep him all in one piece.

So if ya spot Tristan anywhere outside his apartment or his eldest brother’s house, you can assume that there’s a skull in his bag and that it’s Frederick and you’d be goddamn right. They’re a pair until Tristan figures shit out OR Frederick enacts whatever revenge plot(s) he’s got stewing in his skull.

Tristan’s the one that’s usually shit on publicly and openly out of his brothers.

Ji’s the eldest and raised them all. He the one you truly have to look out for but no one’s gonna say shit to his face or even in his general direction. He’s That Guy. He’s old magic and hellfire. He’s got a reputation older than human civilization.

Isidore is biologically Ji’s little brother. Just basically runs Ji’s Estate, acts like an assistant, keeps tabs on Tristan whenever he’s home and will watch Frederick’s skull. Because he’s actually a witch that can deal with restless spirits. Not as intense as any of his brothers or his mother. The Calm One.

And the youngest is Luca. He’s a werewolf. No one truly knows if he was born that way or infected or born from infected parents. His origins are as unknown as Tristan’s. Luca was practically a baby when their mother brought him home. Just as traumatized and repressing just as much as his vamp brother. But Luca is Dealing with it, because he’s the Most Responsible of the four. Some-fuckin-how. (Izzy’s The Calm One, but don’t think he won’t go off the rails. You just won’t know until it’s too late.)

Luca works as head of personal security for the Song Siblings—who go between all the realms really. But they’re usually on Earth working with humans so he’s the closest to Tristan—also closest in age. Luca sees most of the shit Tristan ends up doing. He’s the first to point out Frederick’s bones to Tristan, actually.

But as much as he shit-talks Tristan’s bad habits—mainly mixing up the milk bottles and blood bottles and liquor bottles in his fridge when the vamp is having cereal in his presence because Luca can smell all the things—he does it out of concern. Tristan isn’t indestructible, and even as a vampire, the amount of alcohol and cigarettes he goes through a day has to be doing something to his body. Also the sugar in his favorite cereals can’t be mixing well with the blood Tristan actually has to consume to sustain himself. If sugar affects the being that blood came from, it’s probably doing even more shitty things to his brother. He’s the one that will fight you then and there if he catches you. (Ji causes paranoia because what the fuck is he up to and wHEN, and no one ever suspects Izzy until After the Fact.) ((You just can’t shit on Tristan just to shit on him.))

Tristan got fucked up by his birth family, and then by being raised in an environment where he only had one source of sustenance and it was heavily laced with things that are addictive to vampires. Addictive in ways it fucked him up even more. Namely magic, but There’s More. It’s a Big Concern for everyone who knows, because ya can’t exactly synthesize that shit. There’s More changes anyone who’s exposed to it long enough, and Tristan’s been eating it since he was a babby vamp. He doesn’t have much choice but to live off it and he absolutely hates it.

Tristan has that habit of trying to kill something inside him he can’t see or remember. He’s picked up the habit of eating junk food that’s almost pure sugar, smoking, drinking anything. He’s a fucking neon sign of reasons why preternatural mental health is A Thing they should be researching more. But also the poster boy of: We should be taking a vampire’s physical health more seriously than Just-Feed-Them-Blood.

But catch Tristan passing on some profound wisdom to school kids and anyone that reminds him of Luca. Partly because he feels like a shitty brother so here kid have some advice. Also because Ji won’t let Tristan suspend too much time with either of his kids, even with Ji’s son being 20-something now. Like, he gets it, and he’s not proud of it being that, but he’s not really changing because he has Luca and the Song Siblings. He has his friends in Louisiana. He’s buddies with Willy Shakes--

Now I’m spewing all this bullshit because a lot of it comes from a story I scrapped where Luca’s a teenager and Ji has the one kid and you meet the Song Siblings before they’re ever—Celebrities, I guess??

Because Tristan was worse. He was the brother you absolutely hated. There, you had the rest of the brothers who followed the law and then Tristan who was headed towards a Dead End. But when it came down to it, he was there for Luca. Because he was the only one there. Tristan risked himself for this baby werewolf and his friends.

And that’s where my tag in that one post comes in. Where it ties in with my dialogue posts.

It has to do with Tristan watching sad scared little witch Celia Song growing up confident-in-herself Song Seonmi.

Tristan has a habit of flirting with everything, mainly dating ghosts so far, so he has no fucking clue when she got under his skin. And as much as Luca tells him to back off his friend (and boss) he really can’t be mad that Tristan dropped The Worst of his habits to keep seeing her. Because the first time she walked out of his life completely was a disaster until Tristan figured out that she would keep disappearing before he ever reached her again so long as he was being a complete bastard. Because when she left she took her brother and his own with her. And he really didn’t want to go back to living on lockdown with Ji—or worse, with his mother in the hell-realm. Isolation does shit to you.

So the Tristan you see in the story is a better off vamp than the one from Alex and Celia’s story. That was. . . Bad. As in that story probably won’t ever see the light of day because I cried every time I sat down to write that Tristan. Like, maybe I’ll incorporate bits and pieces into other stories, and most of the TrisMi growth is written in their interactions. But I just can’t do it, yo. I love my trash vamp because there’s hope to him and just watching the change in him as he grows in the background of everyone else’s stories. I can’t write him being an Absolute Asshole.

What sealed the deal was when I wrote about Tristan losing control because of There’s More in his diet and Seonmi—still going by Celia at that point—does her damned best to try and snap him out of it. Like, my girl had hope in him and didn’t give up so I couldn’t either. Now here we are.

Tristan is as On Brand as I’ll ever be. Horrible Past, Trauma, Found Family, Walking Shitpost, Angst, and Hope. He don’t really know what he’s doing but he’s still going.

I mean yeah, I can get real deep about Tristan as a moment’s notice—i.e. this whole post because I’ve been in my feels tonight. Like, Tristan will do a bunch of shit to comfort himself. Dumpster fires. Speaking at preternatural schools (like cryptid academy I brainstormed with @ladymaliwan). Setting out food and drinks for Frederick’s skull because he feels awkward leaving none for the skull when he has his own.

Catch Tristan smokin cigs with the skull in a dumpster, both wearing sunglasses. Find trash vamp poppin out like Oscar the Grouch for advice. It’s not always good or profound, but he always got something. But also save him—because he’s sensitive to the sun as a ginger nocturnal vamp raised in a dark hell-realm, later an cold fog realm where a sun doesn’t really exist. Toss him in your trunk or a body bag to help him get home.

Dear lord, I can keep going and dump everything about him but this is long as it is. He’s one of my oldest characters. I created him before Isidore and Luca, but not too long after Ji and their mother—and Ji and their mom are fucking old. As in I’m finding scraps of paper where they’re mentioned. But it’s also telling that I’ve written Tristan on my blog more than any of my other OC’s for an original story.

[frenchibi]

1/2) Hi! I'd just like some advice some a seasoned writer who has a pretty damn consistent track record *Pokes*. I very recently starting writing, its the first time I've actually contributed to a fandom. With my first upload I was very nervous and feeling down right vulnerable, I remember thinking "If people don't like it, I'll probably take it down" but hallelujah, reception has been positive. TOO POSITIVE for me. It's a first world problem, but now I feel I can't measure up to expectations,

Hey there, friend!!

First of all, thank you for messaging me! I’m going to try and give you a bit of advice as best I can, though all I have to go on here is my own experience so I’m not sure how well that will translate into anything helpful :’D

I’d just like some advice some a seasoned writer who has a pretty damn consistent track record

Haha, thank you. The whole thing feels a little surreal to me. While it is true that I’ve been writing for… uh, 15 years now (what the fuck) and fanfiction specifically for at least 6 of those, I still wouldn’t consider myself a “seasoned writer” because, well… truth be told, a tiny bit of that nervousness doesn’t go away no matter how long you’ve been writing. Also, “consistent” – well. One of my resolutions for this year has been to post one fic every week. So far I’ve managed, more or less (if we disregard my own time zone a bit), but most of the time I’m flailing and wondering how the hell I’m even still doing this. It may look consistent, but tbh I’m struggling with that every week xD

I feel I can’t measure up to expectations

What you have to understand about writing fics in particular is that it is incredibly unpredictable. Putting something out there that you’ve poured your heart and soul into does not guarantee that anyone will click on it, read it or like it (and even then, they might not leave a comment, or reblog if we’re talking tumblr). There is no formula to follow for a “fic that will be liked”, and there are infinite factors why people click on fics and why they don’t. What are you tagging, what’s your summary, is your work complete or not, at what time did you post it, etc etc etc – and people are incredibly picky. So as a rule I’d say it’s… dangerous to put too much value in the feedback you get or don’t get, because not getting any hits, kudos or comments doesn’t necessarily mean that your writing is bad. Those numbers have little to no correlation to the quality of your work, and that’s… a hard concept to wrap your head around.

Now, that said, in your situation… you’ve gotten very positive feedback and maybe even a few subscriptions, you might be able to assume that people will come back to your writing – and of course they will expect something similar (in quality, though that is incredibly subjective as well) to what you’ve written before. These expectations can be terrifying, and I get that. (And they can also make you afraid to try new things, maybe even to write for different fandoms, for fear of losing the audience you’re building. I know this, too. I’ve been there often enough).

This might sound a little harsh, but, with respect to quality – I think if you could do it once, you can do it again. I feel like faith in one’s own abilities is a difficult thing to have, especially with how unreliable feedback is for fic writers. (I don’t mean to sound ungrateful here for the wonderful responses I’ve received for my own writing, but at the same time I’m aware of many, many times I’ve been bitter and unhappy about getting little to no meaningful feedback for something that I personally thought was pretty damn great or something I really enjoyed writing. Putting your writing out for people (people you don’t know, mostly, and people who can be very opinionated, too) to judge is grueling and not always rewarding.) Also - the more you write, the more you’re going to improve with experience!However, the first and most important opinion on your work is your own. If you don’t like what you’re writing, it’s unlikely that other people will, either. You’re not writing to please other people. First and foremost, you should be writing things that you would enjoy to read, as well.

Now, as for your questions:

How do you stay motivated?

I feel like this is a very subjective question and depending on which writer you ask, you will get different answers. I also feel it has a lot to do with personality? Also everyone struggles with different aspects of being creative.

For me, it’s like this: I get inspired all the time. Hear a new song? Potential AU. See interesting people in the street? AU. Watch a movie? AU. Have an interesting conversation? Hc for a character. The sun’s shining? Fic idea. It’s raining? Fic idea. Snow? Idea. Feeling sad? Idea. Feeling happy? Idea. Feeling empty and unmotivated? Okay but what if I project this onto xy character? - you get the picture.

So for me, there’s never a shortage of ideas – my problem is focus. With 50k ideas, how do you pick one to focus on? My answer is: You don’t. You write whatever the hell you feel like writing. Forcing something that you’re not 100% into never really works out to anyone’s satisfaction. At least it’s never worked in my case, because my writing heavily depends on my emotional state. (An attitude that @josai taught me, by the way. I am always WAY too worried about “pleasing my readers” by writing what they want. No. It’s your writing. You’re the one sharing ideas, here.) If this means that it takes longer to update a certain AU, then I guess that’s how it is. But since I’m very excitable, if my readers want a particular update, all they gotta do is scream at me about a particular fic, I guess, and I’ll immediately be inclined to jump on it again. I’m… very easy that way.

As a general rule, if you’re finding it hard to motivate yourself to write, I can suggest several options:

1)      Clear your schedule for an hour (or half) every day, find a quiet corner, get a cup of [hot beverage of choice] and just write. If you don’t have any ideas, look up prompts and write drabbles. Experiment with your style. Mine is dialogue-heavy, for example, so on occasion when nothing is working I try for something more descriptive. Or: minimalist. Tell a story in as few words as possible. OR the drastic opposite – how overboard can you go, describing every tiny detail? These kind of exercises can help you find a style you’re comfortable with and also expand your repertoire, so to speak. (btw, I have posted some of these more experimental fics of mine, hmu if you want to know which ones they are)

Alternatively, if no prompts are helping: do a writing exercise. One I particularly like is to give yourself a time limit (say, 5 or 10 minutes) and then force yourself to write without stopping, no matter what. No ideas? Tough luck. You gotta keep writing. Even if you’re just writing about not having ideas. Fill a page. Maybe fill two. I find that getting started is the most difficult thing, and this sort of exercise can help you with that.

2)      Get yourself an accountability group – a reliable one, not “just” the commenters from your first fic. WRITER FRIENDS! Most of my ideas are fleshed out by talking about them to other people in the fandom, and having someone else get excited with you can really boost your motivation. Also, of course not everyone just has writer friends – they’re surprisingly easy to make, though. I’d say 90% of the people in this fandom that I talk to who are writers became my friends after I yelled at them about how much I love their work. It goes both ways, of course, but that’s just a bonus?? You get to see what people you admire are working on, and maybe get their input for some of your works!! Jackpot! Excitement is incredibly contagious, and I feel like that’s what makes fanfiction writing so rewarding. The “sharing” part of it. That’s why I do it. And even if one of my fics doesn’t get as many responses as I might’ve liked, at least I got to yell about it with a couple friends. This ties in to your next question:

How do you not get so invested in other people’s opinions on your writing?

See, anon – you’re under the misconception that I’m not invested in people’s opinions :’) On the contrary. I check notes and comments religiously, read the tags of every reblog I get, and scream when someone leaves me a comment that’s longer than one line. I don’t think it’s possible to get over caring so much for feedback – at least not for a person like me. Maybe there are ways. Maybe there are people who are just so incredibly confident in their abilities that it doesn’t matter to them at all. I am not one of those people xD

What helps, though, is having the above mentioned Trusted Writer Friend(s). Put your value in their opinions instead of the opinions of “the broader readership” because everyone is different and there’s no way you can please everyone. And if you’re not sure you can trust/value another writer’s opinions that much (we’re all different, too, after all) – have some faith in yourself. I know that’s the most difficult thing ever, but it’s not a problem anyone can solve for you.

How do you get over those feelings of self-embarrassment (self-consciousness?) when you write?

Those fade. I may care a lot about people’s opinions, but when I write something, I have a pretty good idea of whether I think it’s “good” or not, by my standards. I know my own style well enough by now to know what I want it to be – and if it’s not, I scrap or rewrite. As simple as that. And if none of it helps – take a leap of faith and just post. It might not be as bad as you think it is, because we’re overly critical of ourselves. There’s got to be a point when you stop revising and just post the thing, otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy with worry and perfectionism.

I am very prone to doing this, and what helps here is an opinion from outside, from someone you can trust. I always shove my writing into one of my friends’ faces before I post, because two pairs of eyes are more likely to spot typos and mistakes and stuff like that, and it makes me feel a bit better about posting it. There’ve been disagreements there too, though, of course. For example, I’m very particular about rhythm in my own fics, but I’m never able to explain exactly what I mean by that? Sometimes a sentence just doesn’t read well, to me, and I have to rewrite it until it feels right, which can be… tedious and questionable if seen from anyone else’s perspective but my own. It’s hard.

That said – sometimes I just… have a feeling, about my writing. This is a very subjective thing, again, and ties into what your focus is when you write and post – are you telling a story, conveying a feeling, an idea, a relationship? That differs from fic to fic, and your approach to different areas of focus might be different. For some of my fics, I didn’t want anyone else to read them before I posted them, because I felt that if I made changes that someone else suggested, it might take away from the impact that I wanted to convey in my own words.

It also ties into why you want to write – and this might sound, I don’t know, arrogant, maybe? But. In general, I write because I have stories to tell. I write because I am excited about ideas and about my interpretations of the characters and I kind of… want to expose them and see what people feel. I’m… ambitious about them, in a way, because I tend to like my own ideas a lot? So I want to know if I can make people agree with me, convince them of my interpretation, in a way. Get them just as excited as I am. I know it’s not a contest, but I’m competitive. That gives me the drive to keep writing, because I want to be better. That’s a huge part of what drives me to keep writing and posting, even if my most recent fic didn’t get as many responses as I would have liked.

It’s like… why write another coffee shop AU, if there are already so many? Well, because mine would be different. I don’t know about better, but I’d still want to tell a story my way. Have you ever read a book and thought “I would have worded that differently”? That’s why I write. Because sometimes I like my own words better than those of other people.

All this, of course, not to say that I don’t get super excited about other people’s writing! On the contrary. I see works on a daily basis that I feel have a better grasp of the characters and of the English language that I do, and those make me want to improve.

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I agree. That’s… generally what writing makes me feel xD

I guess, in conclusion – there’s no right way to do these things. I can just tell you what works for me, and hope it helps you a bit. If you feel like I didn’t answer your questions to your satisfaction, feel free to shoot me another ask, or twenty. I love talking about this, and I know everyone has different opinions/tips/advice here so hmu anytime!!