#asteroid panda's bad writing

[sheerioasteroidpanda]

Couple’s Holiday, Getting Dicked Good and Monster Girls

Uhh so as usually, when I’m most stressed I write and lately I’ve been reallyyyyyyyyy feeling some Ed Sheeran story so I wrote this. It’s just short and silly and yeah. Just blah. I know I haven’t written anything for tumblr in a while and my AO3 is kind of dead but its cause I let a snide comment get to me plus I’ve been super busy with finishing up college so. Anyways enough rambling. Here’s my first Ed fan fic in a long time. And yes, I used my name cause I’m lazy and selfish and needy for Ed. 

"Babe?"

"YEAH?" amanda shouted from her position on the couch, which was currently upside down, legs on the head rest and head on the foot rest.

"Why are you yelling?" Ed asked not looking up from his phone as he entered the condo he had rented for the holidays. 

"Oh sorry, thought you were farther away. All the blood is rushing in my ears and it's kinda hard to hear."

"What the hell are you doing?" Ed asked finally looking up to see his girlfriend sitting the complete wrong way with her head nearly touching the floor.

"I dunno, what are youuu doing?" Amanda grinned back. They had been staying at a luxury condo in Colorado Springs for the past 2 weeks and she was getting antsy. While it was supposed to be a holiday vacation, Ed had gotten together with a few music buddies and of course, being Ed, had worked the whole 2 weeks. She didn't mind, she loved seeing him happy and working but still… antsy.

"Wanna go to a party tonight?" Ed checked his phone again as it dinged.

"Hmmmmm what kinda party? We takin party hard party? Rave party? Club party? Pub/dive bar party? You gotta fill a girl in here, ginger boy" amanda rolled over so she was sprawled on the long couch laying on her stomach, her feet kicking in the air.

"Oh I'll fill a girl alright!" Ed wiggled his eyebrows and quickly pocketed his phone so his hands were free to grab Amanda's sides and tickle her. "Fill her right up with my ginger cock is what i’ll do!"

"Edward!" Amanda squealed and wiggled trying to get away. Or maybe get closer, it could be hard to tell sometimes. "You're so lewd!" 

"Aye but you love it" ed said as he nuzzled his nose against her cheek, his body now laying fully on top of hers.

"Nah, i love you" amanda said while pushing her hips up to rub against his groin.

Ed nearly growled at the friction. "Babe before we start, do you want to go out tonight? It'll be club and my friends will be there" ed explained as he trailed kisses behind her ear and down her neck.

"Oh" amanda said softly trying to focus. "Which friends?"

"Hmm?" Ed mumbled while he rested back on his hunches and started to push up Amanda's top.

"Ed which friends are going to be there tonight?" Amanda asked a little more firmly.

"Uh, I don't know, probably Dillion and JB and Dia and…" ed listed off a few others.

Amanda felt her heart sploot a little, these were definitely not her types of people. "Uh, why don't you just go. I know you'll have a lot more fun without me to be your ball and chain" saying a little more cheerfully than necessary.

"You don't want to go? Is it cause of Justin? You know he's grown up now. Just like I did." Ed says seriously, all future sexy times are thrown out the window.

Sighing amanda scooted out from under ed so she could sit properly. "I know ed but i just don't enjoy his company not to mention a few others you mentioned would be there. You know that's not my scene anyways. Id just be awkward and distract you from having a good time. Go have fun with your friends. Seeing them is just as important as seeing me or seeing family."

"Dear god I love you" ed said, cupping Amanda's cheek and giving her a sweet and light kiss. "What about you, love? What will you do if i go out?"

Amanda laughed loudly "darlin i have a bottle of wine in the fridge, internet connection and my kindle app. I promise ill be fine for a few hours." It was amanda's turn to give ed a peck on the lips. "Go. Have fun. I'll be here enjoying me time."

"God i fucking love you!" Ed said excitedly as he jumped up after kissing her again and grabbing his jacket and ran towards the door.

"Wait!" Amanda shouted just as he was about to close the door. Ed poked his head back in with a question. 

"Phone?" A nod. 

"Wallet?" Another nod. 

"Keys?" Amanda asked with a raised eyebrow as she looked from him to the coffee table in front of her with his keys sitting on it.

"Have I mentioned you are the most wonderful woman ever to exist?" Ed said as he sheepishly came back inside and grabbed his keys.

"Hmm ill be sure to let your mom know you said as such" amanda grinned wickedly.

Ed gasped "you wouldn't"

"I will if you don't leave right now. You're gonna miss all the fun." 

Ed rushed out the door with a final, ‘love you!’ and left Amanda on her own once again. Sighing to herself, she allowed herself to pout at being left alone once again but only for a moment. She truly meant what she said about wanting him to see his friends. And it wasn’t that she didn’t not  like some of his friends, she just knew she wouldn’t enjoy herself. If she wasn’t enjoying herself, she didn’t want to distract Ed with her problems. 

But honestly, did he have to leave her all hot and bothered? Just rude. Thinking about ways to fix her problem she slammed her fist in her other hand. “I’ll need my laptop and that bottle for sure” Amanda giggled. If Ed is going to have a good night, so was she. 

----

“Dude? And she just let you go?” Justin looked at Ed in disbelieve. “Sounds fake but okay” he muttered as he sipped his drink. 

“Well I think it’s nice” Dillion said. “You two are so good for each other, she has totally got your back.” 

Dia snorted, “That or she’s fucking someone else.” 

“What the fuck?” Ed slurred a little. “She wouldn’t do that to me. If she wanted me to stay in, she would have told me. Besides, she loves my dick. Why would she look for another” Ed said smugly. 

Dia eyed Ed up and down while sassing her head. “Who said she’s looking for some dick?”

“She is pan” Justin chimed in unhelpfully. 

“Let Ed be. Y’all should learn to trust your partners. That’s why y’all can’t stay in a relationship while our boy Ed here is in a 3 year relationship with a lovely girl.” Dillion praised with red cheeks. 

“I don’t know about that. You have seemed to be avoiding her lately” Justin muttered, glancing at Ed before looking away just as quick. 

“No I’m not!” Ed said a little louder than he had meant to. He was more drunk than he thought. 

“Ed, you two have been here for nearly 2 weeks on a ‘couples holiday’ and all you’ve done is work. Amanda hasn’t even been coming with you cause me and her don’t mix well” Justin pointed out. “If I gave up seeing my family and friends for the holidays to go on take a trip with my boyfriend to a luxury condo resort only to be left almost daily cause said boyfriend is working, I’d be a little irritated myself.”

Ed sat with a large pout while he picked at the label on his beer. “I always ask before I leave and she has asked for me to stay a few times and we’ve gone out and skied and went ‘round her old hometown. Even went to that coffee shop she remembered as a little girl.” 

Even Dillion started to look doubtful. “I don’t know Ed. I don’t think Amanda should have to ask  you to stay when you’re on a couples holiday.” 

“I know my girl,” Ed stated again louder than he meant to, setting his beer bottle down a little too hard on the table. “If she had a problem with me going out, she would have said so. She isn’t seeing anybody else and she isn’t sleeping with anyone either.”

Dia raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Sure Teddy, but I know females and that girl is totally feeling ignored and pushed aside.” Dia stood and winked at the whole table, “I’m going to dance, see you boys later.”

The 3 men sat in silence for a moment before Justin spoke up. “Okay, I can see what Amanda was saying about not being sure about her.”

“You talked?” Ed looked shocked at his friend. 

“Hmm?” Justin looked to Ed after watching the girl he was currently talking to start 2 guys eyeing her like meet. “Uh yeah. We don’t click well but we’re civil enough, jesus Ed. It was on the 3rd day you two showed up and I came to pick you up to record. You were still in the shower and I waited and we talked a bit. 

“Amanda seemed a little more off than usual with me so I asked. She confessed that Dia made her uncomfortable and didn’t think she was a good match, before back-peddling and saying she didn’t mean to intrude on my private life and apologized. And... “ Justin stopped and looked a little embarrassed. His red cheeks from drinking didn’t help hide his guilty look. 

 “What?” Ed asked irritated for some reason. 

“And she said she was sorry for not being able to get along with me. That she knew we were really good friends and didn’t want to ruin that but she wasn’t going to change herself to please you. Then she hoped she was wrong about her feelings for Dia and wished me luck.” Justin looked away, too embarrassed to look Ed in the eye. “I gotta say man, I got a little jealous of you right at that moment.”

“See Ed, there’s nothing to worry about. Just relax and enjoy yourself.” Dillion said with a pat on Ed’s back. 

Ed squinted at Justin, taking in his words. He had a sudden swell of unbelievable pride in his girl but the ear worm had gotten to his brain already and now he couldn’t stop thinking about Amanda being in bed with another man. Or woman. Oh god, or both. Ed stood up abruptly, almost knocking his chair over. “I have to go!”

“Wait, Ed maybe you should sober up a bit first” Dillion looked worried. 

“I’m fine” Ed grumped and marched out of the bar. They weren’t that far from the condo complex and the cold air would sober him up just fine. 

After walking the 10 minutes back to their room, Ed’s head had cleared and realized how stupid he was being. Ed smiled to himself as he unlocked the door and shook his head at how silly he was and what a great girl he had. 

Until he heard a long, wonton moan. 

Ed froze and could literally feel his heart break. His shoulders slumped and let his coat and keys fall to the floor. He dragged his feet but couldn’t stop his movements towards the bedroom where he was hearing more moans and obvious sounds of sex.

He raised his hand to open the door when he stopped again. There was another moan but listening again, he realized it wasn’t Amanda’s moan. And then another voice groaned and then… someone speaking Japanese? 

Then to top it all off, he heard Amanda snort and laugh out loud. 

Now he was mad and confused so he peeked inside to find Amanda sitting on the bed, cross legged and in one of his nightshirts and a pair of boy short panties. She was sipping wine from a plastic bright green wine glass and was watching something on her laptop. 

Again Amanda being Amanda, she was positioned oddly so her back was actually towards the door and Ed could see what was playing on the laptop. 

“Oh my god! Are you watching tentacle pron?” Ed shouted as he stepped inside fully. 

Amanda screamed and jumped, spilling her wine all over herself and the bed. Ignoring that, she slammed the laptop screen down so fast, Ed barely saw her hand move. “What are you doing here back so soon!?” Amanda shrieked. 

“I, well, uh. That doesn’t matter right now, were you watching tentacle porn?” Ed asked again trying not to laugh. 

“You were supposed to be gone the whole night! And you left me horny! And you weren’t supposed to be home so soon!” Amanda rambled, blushing so much her neck was turning red too. 

 “I didn’t know you were into that” Ed said smirking. 

“Shut up, ginger boy!” Amanda shouted as she stood up off the bed but now standing she didn’t know what to do with herself. “I just. The thing is. You see it started. I mean, I discovered it when I was in high school. I mean, why am I explaining myself? Why were you skulking about trying to scare me?”

It was Ed’s turn to look embarrassed. “If I explain my embarrassing story of the night, will you tell me about your kink I never knew about?”

Amanda crossed her arms and looked away with puffed cheeks. “I’ll think about it after you explain yourself.”

“Okay well, I was a little drunk when it was brought up how I was ‘allowed’ to go out without you and then the guys were saying how great that was that you were cool with it but then Dia had to say something about you maybe looking to find some dick somewhere else and then Justin pointed out I’ve been working almost this whole holiday and I’ve been a rubbish boyfriend. So in my drunken stupor I thought I’d come back to find you and dick you down so good, you’d never even think of another man but then I came through the door and heard moans and sex and panicked and felt my heart break and followed the sound and then found you looking so beauiful in my shirt and those panties on that lushous ass of your’s and you watchin porn after I left you alone, I just… My brain stopped working.”

Amanda stared at him with a raised eyebrow and a doubtful look on her face as she listened to him ramble. Though once she heard that Dia had started spewing her poison, she wasn’t surprised to learn that a seed of doubt was planted. “Wait you’re telling me that brain of yours works sometimes?”

“It’s up for debate to be honest, love” Ed smiled sheepishly.  

“And you were gonna ‘dick me down so good’ huh?” Amanda said as she still kept her arms crossed but now jetting her hip out as well, sass surfacing in defense of the embarrassment of being caught. 

“Okay so maybe my brain isn’t working at all tonight” Ed said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Not the most romantic thing I’ve said.”

“Ironic sense you know, Ed Sheeran and all” Amanda smirked and nudged her chin in his direction. 

“Are you seriously gonna keep sassing me when I caught you watching tentacle anime porn?” Ed said exasperated.

“Are you seriously gonna keep bringing up the hentai?” Amanda sighed.

“Oh it has an actual name? Please tell, love, why haven’t I learned about this private enjoyment before?” Ed said, slipping into to his low baritone and stepped up to cupped Amanda’s warm cheek. 

“Cause I haven’t needed to watch porn in a while and plus it’s just sort of a once in a blue moon type thing” Amanda confessed, blushing straight to the tips of her hair. “Plus it wasn’t tentacles…”

“Oh? Please correct me than?” Ed smirked, loving the way her whole body was warm. 

“It was monster girls and aliens” Amanda whispered. “I like the succubuses” Amanda muttered as she placed her face against his chest.    

“That. Is. So. Cute” Ed laughed as he hugged Amanda. He lowered his head so he whispered in her ear, “Would you like to watch it together?”

“Well…” Amanda snuggled her face more into Ed’s chest. “I spilled my wine of the bed.”

“Wanna do it on the couch?” Ed asked simply.

“Edward!” Amanda pulled back and slapped her hand against his chest. “You’re so lewd.”

“That wasn’t a no” Ed wiggled his eyebrows. 

“You’re right, it wasn’t” Amanda giggled back.

[makingscipub]

Comments on qualitative methods in the humanities and social sciences

I while ago Chris Toumey (Toumey@mailbox.sc.edu) wrote a guest post for this blog, announcing his new book on nanotech and the humanities. A reader had a question that Chris didn’t have time to answer at the time. This post is an answer to that question.

***

Regarding my book on nanotechnology, Nanotech and the Humanities, a friendly astrophysicist asked whether persons in Science & Technology Studies [STS] did not have research methods. The short answer is yes, we do have research methods, but ours tend to be very different from those of hypothesis-testing experiments in the natural sciences. While persons in STS sometimes conduct hypothesis-testing experiments, our research is grounded more in the humanities. In fact I appreciate the relationship in German education and scholarship between the Geisteswissenschaften and the Naturwissenschaften. Both are considered equally valid, even though they have different methods for discovering and developing knowledge. With that in mind, here is my appreciation of the research methods of the humanities, including my home discipline of cultural anthropology.

A historical perspective

First, we often assemble a historical perspective. This addresses three questions. How does a historical situation affect a form of policy, behavior, or understanding? This can include a good biography which shows how unique historical circumstances shape a person’s values and actions. If some persons in the past were very influential for instigating changes, especially in science and technology, we want to know why and how the contemporaneous conditions in which they lived contributed to shaping their contributions to change.

A historical perspective also explains how and why things change.

The third benefit of a historical perspective is to separate the inevitable from the contingent. Often when we are accustomed to the consequences of a past event, we might think that those consequences were inevitable. But a good historical perspective often shows that they were not.

In my work on nanotechnology, my favorite example of this is Cyrus Mody’s social history of the invention and adoption of the STM and the AFM. There the author describes certain special conditions at IBM which enabled Binnig and Rohrer to invent the STM. Furthermore, IBM and Bell Labs once had a corporate culture in which they supported numerous post-docs, and the post-docs had considerable intellectual freedom. They became the principal advocates for adopting and using that instrument. Subsequently, after the AFM was invented, a small number of scientists in California began to use the AFM in ambient conditions, which was previously considered bad science. Corporate culture has changed since the 1980’s, so that one might see that the invention and the adaptation of the STM and the AFM benefited from unique conditions. Those events were not inevitable. They were contingent. And if someone believes that the invention of the STM was inevitable, they should become familiar with the earlier invention of the topographiner, and its unfortunate demise.

Or consider the case of Picasso and other cubists who were inspired by Metzger, Cezanne, and others. The earlier artists hoped to use two-dimensional paintings to present multiple perspectives which were not limited to the three classical parameters of length, width, and depth. Picasso, Braque, and others learned from them, and then invented cubism to realize those hopes. One might say that there would not have been twentieth-century cubism without its late-nineteenth-century predecessors.

Comparative case studies

Secondly, we try to make good use of comparative case studies. These sometimes involve quantitative methods, but not necessarily, because many comparisons amount to apples-and-oranges. In nanotechnology, for example, one might say that physicists see nanotech one way, and chemists see it a different way. And within chemistry, scientists in organic chemistry may think differently from scientists in inorganic chemistry.

There are also comparisons between national scientific cultures. Consider Medicine and Culture, by Lynne Payer. This author was a medical journalist, originally from the States, who worked in Europe. When she had a certain medical condition, she discovered that the diagnosis was more or less the same in France, West Germany, the U.K., and the States. But the therapeutic strategies differed among the four nations. This was not because one country was more scientific than another, but because the four medical cultures had different values and different philosophies of medicine and science.

An ethnographic approach

Also in qualitative research methods, we often make good use of ethnographic practices, e.g., face-to-face interviews, focus groups, and participant observation. In the latter practice, the ethnographer participates in the life of the people that she or he is studying, and so has a close-up view of their behavior and the values which guide their behavior. This is extremely valuable for understanding other cultures. Ethnographic work sometimes uses quantitative analysis, but not necessarily.

Thick description

The fourth foundation stone of qualitative methods is called thick description. Events, behavior, values and other considerations are described in great detail so as to capture and present all the nuance and context which helps one understand what is going on. When thick description is done well, it reads like a good novel. Except that it is non-fiction. This is too much for some readers to appreciate: it lacks the spare logic of problem-hypothesis-experiment-conclusion. But when it is necessary to understand human events, behavior, and the values which guide them, thick description is the way to capture the nuances and context which connect those phenomena of human behavior.

The work of Clifford Geertz is the gold standard for thick description, but one can find this approach in many parts of the humanities. In my own case, I explored the question of whether Richard Feynman’s 1959 talk, “There’s Plenty of Room at the Bottom”, was the origin of nanotechnology. My paper required a great deal of nuance and interpretation, and I could not answer that question without writing thick description.

Mixing methods

I should also say that qualitative research methods can sometimes articulate with quantitative research methods. In the social sciences, there are historical, comparative, and ethnographic methods, plus thick description, which can help the quantitative social sciences, e.g., sociology, political science, and economics, to formulate testable hypotheses about human behavior. When the two approaches are synthesized, this is social science at its best.

And finally

Finally, it should be mentioned that not all science is quantitative hypothesis-testing.

Stephen Jay Gould’s 1986 paper, “Evolution and the Triumph of Homology”, explains that one ordinarily imagines that “science” consists of hypothesis-testing experiments, based on the well-established understanding of the Scientific Method. But Gould then reminds the reader that there are the historical sciences, e.g., paleontology and historical geology, co-existing with experimental sciences. The historical sciences have different research methods, and different standards. Those standards, according to Gould, are anatomical homologies [especially the forelimb homology of mammal skeletons], seriation [i.e., patterns in which organisms undergo observable changes, usually from simple to complex], and vestigial structures.

This last standard indicates that anatomical parts which are anomalous in the present, e.g., the human appendix or the panda’s “thumb”, are evidence that conditions in the past were different. And these standards of the historical sciences do not necessarily answer to quantitative hypothesis-testing because the scientists cannot go back into the past to manipulate variables. It is satisfying indeed when hypothesis-testing science contributes to the historical sciences, but that is not their primary method.

Considering that our friend who asked about research methods in the humanities is an astrophysicist, I would like to mention that some of the work of astrophysics may seem more like the historical sciences than the experimental sciences: there are limits to which astrophysicists can manipulate an independent variable in outer space for the purpose of discovering how that affects a dependent variable. If there is an anomaly in the orbit of a planet or asteroid, then this can lead to a hypothesis that there is another body which causes the anomaly. And that hypothesis can be tested. But when the age or distance of a star is derived from its position on the red shift, then this is a form of seriation, or a style of reasoning very close to seriation.

Because there are limits to which astrophysicists can manipulate an independent variable in outer space for the purpose of discovering how that affects a dependent variable, it must be recognized that dating a star by using its red-shift position is much closer to the historical sciences than to the experimental sciences.

I hope this helps.

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