#as usual this fandom's endless need to woobify dean never ceases to amaze me i'd say i genuinely have no clue why they do it

[aliusfrater]

i’m like. so sure you’ve probably addressed this before but there’s been a popular topic on tt recently pertaining to john and favoritism of all three of his sons, particularly about how dean is least favored and i am just. simply not buying it since an alarming amount of people seem to have the impression that john didn’t even give two fucks about his kids, so i just wanted to hear your thoughts on that!

fundamentally petty discourse filtered through a dean perspective bias. it's fundamental to sam and dean's (and their conjoined relationship dynamic vs adam's) dynamic as foils that they're both jealous yet not entirely privy to the dynamics of their respective relationships with john while also having quite views that are quite warped through apologia, guilt, or as mentioned, their respective dynamics with him—failed parentification and relative codependency vs infantalisation and isolation (they're both neglect but are fundamentally different kinds. it's where, i think, the idea of john as Figure is foundational within). i don't really know how to answer this ask without straight up summerising episodic plot points except to give you a watchlist: the entirety of seasons one and two, 3.01, 3.08, 3.14, 4.13, 4.19 (i, ii), 4.21, 4.22, 5.06, 5.11, 5.13, 5.16, 6.02, 7.11, 7.12, 7.14, 7.19, 11.08, 11.12, 11.22, 12.04, 13.04, 14.13, and feel free to add more if you find this list to be missing john exploration or hauntings.

like dean's role within the winchester familial dynamic has largely to do with the fact that he was the perfect soldier, the perfect weapon, the perfect extension of john and he fit that role for john's sake; the jacket, the music, his hair, and the impala are all aspects of his emulation of john. much of sam's relationship with john (and his role) has to do with his inability to fit within the parameters of their relationship that john expects/wants/needs. dean's dialogue (1.08, "and then within five minutes, you guys will be at each other's throats.") as well as specific scenes in season one (1.21, "you were just pissed you couldn't control me anymore!") establishes that sam and john's arguments are a fundamental aspect of their relationship dynamic while dean's obedience defined his and john's relationship. season one explores these factors as well as the idea of sam and dean's redeveloping relationship changes the way both think of their respective relationships with john; dean was very well aware of the differences in how he and sam were treated and he placed the blame of much of it on the child (sam) in the parent/child relationship (john and sam) (1.08, "i seem to recall a few choice phrases comin' out of your mouth." / "well, it's a two-way street, dude.") which affected sam's budding guilt complex about his and john's relationship while sam is very well aware of the impossibility of several aspects of dean's relationship with john (1.18, "you were just a kid.") and eventually gives dean his own agency to stand up to john like sam did (1.11, "you stand up to dad. and you always have. hell, i wish i—" / 1.21, "although i'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. i'm sorry."). in the same vein, john and dean chronically isolated sam from their own family dynamic while dean never fully understood sam's perspective in that, his resulting desire for a life outside of hunting, and conflict this caused between sam and john (largely in favour of john's pov) which results in a median lack of understanding of each other's relationships with john. this snowballs throughout the rest of the show, especially regarding sam and dean's own dynamic. the thing is that, both dean and sam initially saw, and to some degree still do and forever will see, the way they view their respective relationships with john as the ideal. sam wants to feel wanted and included by john while dean admires sam's rebellion and envies the outward care john demonstrated to sam as a pedestal of innocence; dean very often neglects to acknowledge sam's childhood experience from his own perspective (lots of examples, but is encapsulated within 11.08, "you weren't lonely you had me!") (and in other cases he was expresses resentment for his own) while sam, privy to dean's attempted parentification, accommodates to his (1.18 mentioned above and even his reaction to the events of 9.07 and 15.16).

it's fundamental that john loved his kids—he loved both these aspects of them both but it was also cause for his own abusive behaviour. he took advantage of his codependent relationship with dean, especially when it came to hunting and he othered and eventually entirely excluding sam from the family for having life goals that didn't centre hunting because he was scared of how he thought this inadvertently dangerous paranormal world would affect his children. this also circles back around to how and why i think he neglected adam. it's kind of fundamental to john's character that he loved his family because otherwise the abuse sam and dean faced, and later, the dynamics of sam and dean's own dynamic, wouldn't work—which is why i've said time and time again that anyone who villainises or omits john's character will never fundamentally understand their familial dynamic. john's love for them is quite literally his driving motivation but there was straight up never any narrative exploration about a favourite: there was quite simply a difference in their respective childhood experiences because john loved them differently (largely based on their differing reactions to him as the parent as well as their circumstances).