#as to why im reading this while on break from school! hooray!

[tamaharu]

AUGH i love reading trans academic literature

[frostbite-the-bat]

goofy ass ms paint werewolf eating a mango as a divider between the rant under this bc i do not wish to be precieved rn but i still wanna rant some thoughts out

random lovely guzma urge to delyeet everythin on myne site bc not only did i make it for petz things back when i was active between petz folks and got some encouragement there and ended up never finishing petz things for it, but i also feel horrible and uncommited for it being hosted and made on weebly and for bein too lazy to yeet my shit over to neocities just cause that shit gives me a headache and instead of getting inspired by people i feel jealous and unwelcome

also been working on my sleep schedule its a bit better now and im like. better in general now..? idk how long i can keep this up but getting up early makes me just. so tired like all day urgh i do not understand how i used to keep myself up when this tired. tired tired. brain empty. hard to do shit for long. defo needs more breaks but i swear to god everything feels like its frying my brain but i got nothin to do indoors. guess i can go draw traditionall but i end up putting such high expectations on myself i just yeah. fuck it up. get stressed. not fun. i need to stop thinking about others bc i keep thinking i put effort into smthn i need to show it off.like if i wasted time here i might as well. no this isnt showable it sucks damn it

even stuff i do draw purely for myself as self indulgent shit i go urhh this aint right

oh and then i try doin a lil excercise so im not like. physically diyng but my god that tires me out like instantly. but its okay, baby steps.

dont know what sort of place i am in mentally. the type id prolly spiral a bit over if it werent nice and 2 pm. wacky stuff. i wanna maybe do some stuff but ugh my brain just. isnt big thoughts when im tired. but honestly when am i not tired. and i am getting art done but i cant get myself to draw all day again ill end up in pain again my hand rn already is being a bit of a bitch

uhhh played pokemon in the morning but i need better pokemon already. i fuck up every raid (raids i need so i can get better mons easier) (and my shiny ralts i want easier)

hmm maybe i need a break from stuff but what kinda break what even is relaxing in my case? and "break from people" is a slippery slope of self isolation i always slip into. bit difficult to figure myself out

also, different thing, but ive been considering this for a good few months now and kinda ignoring it but i read one (1) thing and i m intrigued to do more n more research now but man do not like how moral ocd clicks perfectly with a lot of my most common issues . so i guess thats a thing to consider going into (like research) . if it helps .bc dear god i am Sensitive

but uhmmm yea sleeping better now ig like i went to sleep around ONE. my usual sleep time was 5-6 am a while ago !!!!!!! 1 am has always been my kinda usual time. man and i used to do that even when i had school and i *functioned* with less sleep. how did i do that. uhm. not well i guess

but yeah. things.. arent feeling right and i kinda wanna wipe my brain. also the neocities thing seems to be a part of my issue of (ppl who dont care abt me) r gonna thingk i suck bc i dont do (this that i find difficult) (coding) i will be exploded forever and shunned andhated

uhmmm what else yea last thought i forgot as i was gonna type it and the last thing i am deciding not to share anyway bc Shame so hooray

guy who is eeypy tired

i am just realizing how like tired i am but if i go nap ill make it worse so uhmm cope i guess lmfao at least it keeps me going to sleep at a more regular hour but like srsly brain we got around 8 hours of sleep why are you tired we used to get less and function fine. maybe not as good but we functioned

[pridewhatpride]

do you have any gx rivalshipping hcs!! im super curious on your take of them :]

When I saw this ask my immediate reaction was thinking: "Yes, I have an excuse to talk about gx rivalshipping, YES."

So yeah. I love this ship a lot, like a whole damn lot and it's a little hard to explain why, especially when gx has so many open possibilities for romances involving Judai. By which I mean two, really, and Manjoume is not one of them (sadly for me). I am referring to Yubel and Johan, by the way, I refuse to acknowledge Asuka as a love interest.

I'll start off with a bit of fluff headcanons?

Manjoume thinks Winged Kuriboh is really cute and that its friendly and fluffy appearance screams Judai, in a way. But he will never admit it because of what that might imply for him and the Ojamas.

Manjoume is fueled by caffeine and monster, he only really starts to recognise how nice it can be to have a meal because of how much Judai enjoys his food. He tries to sit at the table with him with dumb excuses.

Judai feels a bit guilty for how his actions impacted Manjoume's life, but Manjoume generally tells him that it's fine, it's better this way, that he's never this happy, that the only reason why Judai should maybe feel bad about it is because of his tendency to get overly invested in other people's problems and getting hurt in the process. Judai responds with bear hugs.

Manjoume brags about Judai a lot, actually. "Oh you think that's cool? One time Judai managed to do a backflip, you loser." "Slifer reds suck, but they do have redeeming qualities, by which I mean one of them is actually good."

Judai likes to indulge himself in the thought that he's Manjoume's most trusted, that he's the only one who could ever be allowed to have that many incriminating pictures of him. Because Judai just loves taking candid pictures of Manjoume. He thinks he looks and and cool in every situation, so yeah. A part of him does it because he has an inexplicable fear of forgetting people and the way they look, but he just can't say why that is.

They hang out in silence a lot, but once they start talking they just never stop. You'll find them on the beach at 3 am with a smiling Manjoume listening to Judai go on about how crazy it is that you can fry food in so many different ways and how he once caught a butterfly as a kid and named it Kujaku.

They share their music a lot, so Manjoume's tastes switch from just emo to fast paced rap and the weirdly happy sounding songs about very morbid things Judai listens to (plus emo). Judai starts to enjoy a bit of angry screaming into microphones thanks to Jun. Do they sing along like idiots as they share earphones? Yes. Is Manjoume mesmerised by Judai's singing voice? Also yes.

Judai loves hiking and sometimes invites Manjoume, but because he's a lot weaker and has less stamina, they take it slow. Manjoume keeps cursing himself for being slow and dead weight, but Judai is just happy to have a companion. Admittedly, going slower makes the walks better as he has the time to enjoy the scenery properly. He never teases Jun about his lack of physical training.

Now... I wanted to talk about my general view on the ship, plus headcanons I guess, but this is going to be EVEN LONGER (you are getting more than you asked for, your fault for enabling me, really). For the sake of the sanity of mobile users, I'm adding a cut so nobody has to unwillingly scroll through endless text.

On to the the juice, then. My thoughts on the ship. Manjoume and Judai are, of course, the rivals of the series and, if my thoughts on rivalry weren't clear enough, I am one of those people. It's just really romantic to me. What is very interesting about the two of them specifically is that they are polar opposites in the way the reason why they play, throughout the whole series. Hell, their views end up getting reversed completely: Manjoume goes from "if I don't win I'm gonna have a breakdown breakdown" to "losing is ok, as long as I enjoy the game and am true to myself", while Judai does the 180 from "I really just love playing cards with my friends, who cares about the outcome, it's fun" to "I have card game related trauma, nobody speak to me, games are only an excuse to assert a sort of power scale and honestly fuck that".

Manjoume is sort of the only person in the 'friend group' (he's never actually part of it, sadly, literally only Judai and Fubuki like him) to not idolise Judai, not explicitly. He clearly has an admiration for Judai from the beginning, but he is adamant on expressing it as hatred towards for being better than him. A part of me feels that a lot of his superior act is meant to try and fool himself and Jaden into thinking that he's a worthy rival, because I know for a fact that Manjoume doesn't believe that. He wants it to be true, yes.

What I am trying to get at is that Judai is probably a little confused by the fact that Manjoume doesn't drool all over him like the rest of the school does, but it soon becomes a crutch. Judai is under a lot of pressure because he is the hero who will save everyone and people like to remind him of how much they count on him. Manjoume is in it for Judai. He wants to be acknowledged by him, he wants his recognition and his attention, but he never asks for help or expects Judai to fix his problems for him. Judai is probably thankful for that.

Manjoume is also really scared of being left behind and cast aside as soon as he stops being useful and that's exactly what the writers do to him!!! hooray!, but Judai keeps insisting that he's not a bad guy, that he's fun to be around, that he's competent. Manjoume doesn't really believe all that that much, but Jaden keeps playing him despite his repeated losses and to Jun that's the equivalent of someone kissing his tears away. Manjoume only learns to accept his losses and shortcomings because Judai did it for him first.

So basically Manjoume is the only one who fully sees Judai as a person, while Judai is the only one who is really willing to look past his pretentious facade. I fully believe that Judai was relieved to learn that Manjoume was not just a perfect boy with perfect manners, by the way. They both just love to learn about every imperfection that the other has and silently thinking that they just add to the beauty of the other's character. Will they tease eachother about it? Fuck yes. Do they feel awful when the other tries to fix something about themselves because they pointed it out? Also fuck yes.

They are in a dumb competition against themselves to be better in order to earn the right to be friends with eachother, but because they are fucking dumb they never actually communicate (until they do), so for a long time it's endless pining that is definitely not gay because admittedly Judai just doesn't think that dating is a thing, while Manjoume is straight™, really straight. He has never liked a boy in his life, he's so very fucking straight, I swear.

So Manjoume is a bisexual disaster (and in my headcanon he prefers boys, actually, the Asuka incident is the biggest example of denial™ ever. He prefers Fubuki, fight me over this). The problem is that he never really considered he might be crushing on Judai, but at the same time admitting to maybe liking boys too means that there was more to wanting to stay at DA, to hanging out with Judai's crew despite their mutual dislike, to his continuous playful headlocks and ear pulling. To add onto that, there is probably a certain amount of guilt over having betrayed that bond with Judai by trying to throw away his cards and everything. Judai, on the other hand... is confused at how bothered he is by the public declarations of love, because Manjoume is his rival and rivals are supposed to focus on eachother, not on some girl, no matter how good said girl is at card games.

So maybe they are a bit gay for eachother. And maybe they just want excuses to be together as much as possible. And it's really just the vibe of highschool romance between two people who don't want to admit to caring for one another on a deeper level, but are also weirdly possessive of eachother for no apparent reason. And I think I'll stop here with my gay retelling, but really if you look at the two of them you do see that they do a lot for eachother's characters. It's kind of beautiful, really. They are the two socially inept characters who find comfort in someone being just like them and understanding them as they change and grow up.

I have a lot to say about how that changes once the transfer students come in, but I think I've bored everyone for long enough- as in nobody will read this lol. That's ok. I thank you again for the ask and for allowing me to gush about this ship that is so close to my heart. If anyone ever wants to talk about them, just. Do. Break into my house at night and I still won't mind, I just want to talk about them.

[shebpaw]

Books I Haven’t Read/Finished Yet But I Want To

Hello again! 

From my last post about animal book recs, I noticed a LOT of people mentioning other books I missed. In that post, I included books/series I’ve already read, and the suggestions you guys have given sound awesome and I can’t wait to read/finish them!

In the same vein, I wanted to share some books/series that I’m either currently reading or want to read and why I’m excited.

1. Guardians of GaHoole/Wolves of The Beyond/Bears of the Ice - Kathryn Lasky

A lot of you suggested Guardians and TRUST ME, I’m right on the same page! I actually own the entire series and a few one-shots I have yet to read. The thing is, I am an INSANELY SLOW reader. I have a bit of dyslexia and ADHD so reading is actually pretty hard at times, even for books so short. I usually listen to audiobooks because it gives me the freedom to occupy my hands while “reading” (also helps pass the time while I work/drive). GoG only has the first 3 or 4 books on audio, so it’s been a while working through all 15. I’m on “Exile” right now so I’m aaaaaalmost there! 

There are, however, audiobooks for Wolves of the Beyond and Bears of The Ice, so I’m mostly caught up there. I recently cancelled my Audible subscription for money reasons so I’ve had to drop WotB until I can get it from my library. 

I really REALLY encourage you guys to read the two spin-offs of GoG if you haven’t. I feel like those two series get forgotten because GoG is “over”, but these series actually continue the series in a way, albeit peripherally. And they’re just as good! I love all three series a lot and I’ll definitely come back here after I’ve FINALLY finished GoG.

 2. Swordbird - Nancy Yi Fan 

I don’t see a lot of hype for this series and honestly there should be! Nancy Yi Fan was the youngest published author, 14, at the time of Swordbird’s publishing. So far, it’s Redwall with birds, and I’m loving it! I love birds very much, and I’m excited to see where this goes!

This book is important to me because I remember reading about Nancy Yi Fan and her accomplishments when I was about 11 and wanting to be just like her. Not to get too dramatic, but I’ve struggled with writing/grammar for a long time (again, Dyslexia and ADHD) and was told by a particularly awful teacher that I’d never write anything of value. Nancy Y Fan’s accomplishments made me feel otherwise and I really think she was the start of me working past my disabilities to write stories. I still write as an adult and I’m hoping to be published someday, and I’ll always think back to Swordbird. 

It’s a shame I haven’t read it yet. It was never in any libraries and I only just recently learned it was on Kindle and I was really excited! Life gets in the way, but I really am trying to read it. I hope Yi Fan is still writing and it would be really cool to meet her one day and thank her. 

3. The Wild Road - Gabriel King

Oh, look! More cats! After Tailchaser’s Song I was itching for more Warriors-esque books, and I’ve been told The Wild Road fits the bill! Also, Richard Adams liked it, so I have high hopes. 

I had to buy this book also because no libraries had it again. It’s really a shame, but what can you do. I get kind of hesitant to buy books I haven’t read at all because I’ve been duped before by what I thought was a good book. Also, Im poor. 

Anyway, so far I like this one! It’s a series so I hope it holds up as it goes. 

4. Catamount - Micheal Peak

Another unusual animal protag book! Sadly, I don’t own this one or seen it in a library. It’s been sitting in my Goodreads list for sometime, but I’m excited to find it! It gives me The Rescuers: Down Under vibe for some reason, its probably the eagle. 

5. Dragon of the Lost Sea - Laurence Yep 

Oh boy, I’m gonna get passionate again. 

Lemme preface this by saying I have read this book, but only NOW did I learn that it’s part of a series.

Look, EVERYONE knows Laurence Yep. He’s a prolific author. You probably had to read a work of his in school. Which is why its breaks my heart to know that this book series not ONLY has no audiobook or even e-book exists, but physical copies are REALLY hard to find. I recently tracked down one on Amazon and they were out of stock. 

I wasn’t even sure that I didn’t dream this book up for YEARS. When I was in middle school, I remember picking this book up in my school’s media center. That is the ONLY place I’ve EVER seen this book in person. I fucking loved this book. After a while, though, I forgot the title and for a bit I thought I had just made it up. This series is almost NEVER mentioned when looking up Laurence Yep, and this book is awesome! 

So, wish me luck tracking down the rest of this series, its kind of become my life’s work, ngl. I’ve considered calling up my old middle school to see if I can buy their copy off them. 

6. The Named - Clare Bell

Shout out to @climbdraws​ for reminding me that this series existed! If you haven’t seen their fan art for the series, go check it out! 

I swear I saw this in a Borders years ago, forgot the name, and had a mindblowing epiphany when Climb mentioned it some 6-ish years later. 

If you guys don’t know, I like prehistoric creatures A LOT. The Named, I think, is about prehistoric Cheetahs or some similar cat. I recently bought the first book and I’m really looking forward to it! 

7. Silverhair - Stephen Baxter

More prehistoric animals! Also another book that I haven’t found yet. It’s always out of stock when I check Amazon (as of writing I just learned that this is at my local library but I’m moving to another state in less than a week so SHIT). 

8. Song of The Summer King - Jess E. Owen

Y’know what I love more than prehistoric animals? GRIFFINS! Oooooh, do I love griffins! I literally cannot tell you how much I WISH there were more griffin books. Dragons are great, but they need to take a rest and let Griffins have the spotlight for a bit (I’m also writing a book about Griffins hint hint hint). 

I have this one on Kindle and I’m working through it. It’s a series too, so hooray! 

That’s all I got so far. I’m always open to suggestions, it’ll just take me a long ass time to read them.