#as promising as it'll get as long as i don't have spare coins on me to fucking buy in dollars 👍

[ngtskynebula]

"If the service is free, then you're the product!" Well, no shit, honey 👍 But consider this: I don't have money on me to fucking pay for an email client, yanno? I barely have it at all 😀

[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Unedited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Twenty Four: The One Where He Snaps

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 3174

   Lily knew that Bucky had an unpredictable job. It wasn't a standard 9-5 with a set schedule for the rest of his time in the position like Lily. He didn't necessarily have 'vacation days', or time off. He was technically always on the clock or always on call. But she also knew that he was aware of how important promises were to her. And he had made one to her, and swore that there would be no interruptions. Lily was proud of him, and the job that he did, but the selfish part of her wished that just for one weekend, he wasn't a superhero. That he wasn't The Winter Soldier, and that he was just Bucky. Bucky Barnes, boyfriend to Lily Osborne. Male role model to Hunter Osborne. Even just someone who had a standard job, one that was like hers, 9-5, same work day everyday.

But she knew he loved what he did. And how it helped him satisfy that need for redemption because of his past. She respected that, but that selfish side of her just would not quiet as she stared at the man in front of her.

"Yeah...He's in the living room," she swallowed, shooting a glance over to the supersoldier, "Come on in Sam."

Lily did a sidestep and extended her arm to greet the other Avenger into the cabin. Her breathing had picked up slightly and her throat felt dry. If it were a simple mission, she was sure Sam would have just called. Even texted. Instead, he showed up in person, with a serious look. Something Lily wasn't used to seeing on him. Shutting the door, Lily spared another look at Bucky before walking into the kitchen, filling the kettle once again. Her movements weren't as flowy and graceful as usual, and followed a more so aggressive and clearly annoyed pattern. Anytime she placed something down, it held more of a strength. It didn't go unnoticed by Bucky either. He kept sending her apologetic eyes as him and Sam talked in hushed breaths.

After pouring Sam his tea, Lily placed a few of the cookies Bucky had picked up at the grocery store the night prior on a plate and walked back into the living room where they spoke. Handing Sam the mug, Lily avoided eye contact with the man she was meant to be spending a romantic weekend alone with. After placing the cookies on the table, Lily grabbed her coat and hat, slipped on her boots, and walked out the back door. She didn't intend to close the door as aggressively as she did, but her instincts took over.

Lily watched the sun dip briefly below the treeline as her breath danced in front of her. She cupped her hands around her own mug that she had grabbed before leaving the cabin, and processed what was happening. Bucky had sat before her the day before they left, and took her hands into his own, and swore that nothing would interrupt them. That he had made sure of it. That there were no missions that would require him or have anything to do with him for that matter. The blonde scoffed as she recalled the words, shaking her head and dipping it down lower, staring at her feet against the white of the snow on the deck.

The sound of the door opening behind her caused Lily to lift her head, turning it to glance at who was joining her. It was the opposite of what she expected. Sam stood there with a sorry look on his face, walking forward and leaning on the porch bannister next to the blonde. Neither spoke for a moment, and just stared out at the lowering sun. Her heart fell slightly when she realized Bucky didn't even come out to talk to her himself, and probably sent Sam instead.

"You know he doesn't want to go," Sam began, glancing over at her, "he just spent the entire time we talked begging me to take someone else."

"And why does he have to go?" Lily questioned, eyes not faltering.

"Sometimes some things won't rest easy. And have a habit of returning." Sam replied, folding his fingers together,

This caught Lily's attention. She turned her head to the superhero and placed her mug down on a clear part of the banister. Her blonde eyebrow cocked up as she studied the solemn and far off look in Sam's face. His eyebrows were furrowed and mind seemed to be racing, as if he was struggling to find the words. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wooden banister, trying to silently coax the real reason with proper details from the typically blunt man. She had a way of doing it. It was something Bucky had coined 'the mother stare'. Anytime she gave it to Hunter, or even Bucky for that matter, whatever either may have been hiding came out within seconds. But Sam seemed to have more composure.

"I wish I could tell you, Lily," Sam continued, "I do. But with this...the less you know the better."

"Oh yeah, quite the way to comfort the girlfriend," Lily scoffed, turning her attention back to the treeline, "so what. I go back home and worry like the dotting girlfriend. What do I tell Rose? Gen? What am I supposed to tell my son." She snapped, voice coming out harsher than she expected it to.

"No." He stated simply.

Rolling her eyes, Lily turned to him once again, "No? What do you mean 'no', Sam?"

"You're not going home."

-----

She wasn't a violent or angry person. Farthest thing from it. Lily was docile, timid, and had a good control over her outward emotions. Especially that of anger or frustration. But lord did she want to absolutely lose it on both of the men that stood in the bedroom. Bucky hadn't spoken a word to Lily ever since Sam had arrived. Instead, he merely had a stone cold look on his face with eyebrows knitted together. Lily could barely look at him as she finished putting her duffel bag back together with the clothing she had packed for what she expected to be a romantic getaway for her and her boyfriend.

But even the most timid have a breaking point.

Throwing a shirt into her bag, Lily turned to Bucky, "So this is how it'll be hm? You just aren't going to tell me anything? Great. Now I have to pack up my son and everything and move into an Avengers Compound because of something I don't even know!" The blonde exclaimed.

Bucky nodded at Sam, and the latter left the room and shut the door behind him. Tears welled up in Lily's eyes as Bucky walked forward. He reached out to take her hands in his but she pulled them away, putting the last of her clothing into the bag and zipping it closed. The air in the room was heavy and thick, neither knowing what exactly to do or say. Lily was furious with the entire situation that was playing out, no even per say at Bucky as much anymore, just...everything. It had started perfectly, the weekend. They laughed and talked and learned even more about one another, only to have it end with her learning that she wasn't safe to be at her own house.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Buck," Lily sighed, dropping onto the quilt covered bed, "You promised me- "

"I know I promised you a work free weekend- "

"No!" She exclaimed, looking up at him, "You promised me we would always be safe. Always. That you wouldn't put us in danger in any way."

"Doll..."

"And why can't you tell me what is happening!?" She continued, "If this is putting my son in danger I have the right to know what's going on!"

Bucky moved the woman's duffle bag and took a seat on the bed next to her. She avoided his gaze, but his fingers tugged her chin to look at him. Tears fell down her cheeks, plump and swollen as she stared at him. Her nostrils flared and her eyes continued to water. There was so much going on in her mind that she could barely put into words. She had a suspicious hunch as to why they weren't telling her what was going on, but everything inside of her rejected the thought of it. She feared her parents had done something again, caused wreckage or hurt more people. The only thing that brought her slight comfort was the feeling of Bucky's rough fingers gripping her chin gingerly, staring into her glossy eyes.

"I think you know." Bucky whispered, wiping a tear from her cheekbone with his thumb.

She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, and her eyes fluttered closed. Lily wished sometimes she wasn't as intuitive. The moment Sam told her that somethings don't rest easy, it had clicked in her head. They were trying to make sure that they didn't go for Lily or Hunter. From the previous run in, she figured it was more so for Hunter's safety and Lily's sanity. But that didn't stop the raging fire that burned deep within Lily's stomach. She wanted to help, because she knew her parents. She knew their personalities inside and out, and she knew that if anything, she could get through to her dad.

"What'd they do?" She choked out, opening her wet eyes.

"They escaped. And are partnered with an engineering firm that has been rumoured to be looking into genetic engineering and mutations using natural resources...something your parents are known for. The natural resources part." He added in the end, a weak smile forming on his lips.

"...how long will you be gone?"

"Not long."

-----

Lily stood outfront of the Avengers compound with a heavy heart. Two suitcases were gripped in her hands as she bit down on her bottom lip. Hunter and Rose apparently had already arrived, leaving Lily to be the last. Sam and Bucky stood behind her, the latter's arm wrapped around her waist. Lily hadn't said a word the entire way down from the cabin, mostly because she was mostly at a loss for words. Her chest was tight and throat felt ten times smaller, and her stomach had been in knots. Everything about the situation made Lily feel queasy, both with fear for Bucky, and anxiety about her family. She didn't know the extent of her parents' mercy, mostly because she hadn't even been aware of the devious things they had been engrossed in. But she felt that most of her worry about her family wasn't necessarily surrounding her parents, but Cedar. She knew her brother. She had helped raise him. Lily knew he wasn't truly capable of these things.

She wanted to help him most of all.

"Let me come with you." She blurted out, looking up at Bucky.

"What?" Bucky questioned, eyebrows furrowing.

"I know my parents. I can help. There won't be a need for violence, I can talk to them." She rambled, letting go of the suitcases and taking Bucky's hands into her own.

"No," he stated simply, shaking his head, "No you're not coming. Lily this isn't as easy as you think. You're staying here, you'll be safe here."

"They're my parents Buck!" Lily exclaimed, "I know them best. I lived with them for eighteen years of my life! I know how they think."

"She may have a point." Sam muttered, earning a deadly glare from the man in front of the blonde.

She knew it was a longshot, and it was most likely just the adrenaline talking. But Lily wanted to do something, instead of sitting at the compound like a sitting duck. Hiding away from her own family. She knew these people better than Bucky, or Sam, or anyone they're working with. Whether she admitted the slight neglectful nature they had, she knew who Alicia and Abel Osborne were, inside out. She knew her mothers ticks and her fathers nervous habits. She knew for a fact she could be an asset for the mission. Because she was an Osborne, the eldest one at that. The one who had been around her parents the longest, and coherently saw them at their lowest.

"No. No I'm not debating this, you're staying here," Bucky said once more, voice firm, "It's not safe. I won't let you be in harm's way. I promised you that."

"You also promised her a romantic weekend away." Sam chimed in.

Both Lily and Bucky turned to look at Sam with an expression of 'really?' printed on their faces. Sam simply shrugged and raised his hands innocently. Though the fact was true, it was not the right time for the comment. Lily raised her hand and whacked the man on the arm, shaking her head and turning her attention back to Bucky.

"You can't deny it's true. I know them, Buck. Better than anyone that will be on this mission."

"No, Lily. You're not coming. End of discussion." He concluded, turning and walking towards the compound, leaving Sam and Lily in the parking lot.

"And you sleep with him." Sam scoffed, a small chuckle leaving his lips.

Turning her head, Lily stared at him with the same expression she had given him earlier. Earning the exact same reaction. Shaking her head, Lily gripped her suitcases and followed Bucky towards the compound.

-----

"Why're we here?" Hunter asked as Lily finished unpacking her clothing. She knew he would ask, but honestly, Lily didn't really have an answer. What was she to tell a twelve year old who had already been through as much as he had? That his moms boyfriend was off to handle his grandparents evil and misguided antics?

Sighing, the blonde beckoned the boy over to her bed, taking a seat and opening her arms for him. Hunter sat beside her and curled into his mother's embrace. She figured he somewhat knew what was going on, and was simply looking for reassurance from his mother. But Lily could barely understand the situation herself. Bucky and the others were across the compound, discussing the mission, leaving Lily with the condensed amount of information she had managed out of her boyfriend. She looked down at her son and smiled with her lips pursed, running her hand through his hair.

"There's just some stuff going on right now buddy, and Bucky thinks it's safer if you and I stay here with Auntie Rose and Joey for a bit. Just to make sure no one gets hurt." Lily nodded, watching as his face fell once again.

"Why aren't you telling me?" He asked flatly, eyebrows furrowed.

She shook her head, "Hunter that's not fair. I'm trying to do what's best here. Just trust me, okay?"

"No!" He exclaimed, jumping to his feet, "Mom tell me! I deserve to know!"

"Do not raise your voice at me, Hunter," she replied, voice calm and collected, "Have I ever done wrong by you?"

"I don't know. You never really told me what happened between you and Dad. And I never asked. You never told me what's going on with Uncle Cedar. You didn't tell me what was happening with Grandma and Grandpa! Bucky has told me more about himself these last few months than you have in the past years!" He exclaimed.

An arrow shot itself into Lily's heart. Hunter was fairly open about what he was feeling, and not once had Lily realized these things plagued his mind. She felt that he wasn't old enough to know what was really going on with the things he had listed, but he was observant. He knew something was wrong. The tears that welled in his eyes made everything disappear around Lily. She had done that. It was her fault he was crying. Because she couldn't face the reality, therefore she couldn't tell her own son.

Standing, Lily reached for the boy, only to have him run out of the room towards his own across the hall. Lily stood in shock with her mouth open and jaw slacked. Tears brimmed her eyes as she stared at the door that had just been slammed, knowing what she had caused was standing behind it. Her heart violently shook along with her hands, mind going blank of all happiness and filling those voids with nothing but pain and regret. Why didn't she tell him? Was it because she was protecting him? Was it because she didn't think he could handle it? Or because she couldn't? Her knees feel weak and met with the hardwood of the floor beneath her. She grabbed at her chest and scratched the porcelain skin, attempting to halt her heart from the rapid beats that sounded like drums in her ears.

Lily really thought she had been a good mother. That her and Hunter had a good and open communication line. That there weren't any major issues beneath the seemingly perfect relationship. She hadn't seen just how much everything was hurting him. A part of her resented the fact that Bucky had been brought up, and the claims Hunter made. It broke her heart. She just wanted him to be okay, to not have to see the true evil in the world. But he saw anyways, sometimes more than she did. And Lily couldn't protect him from it, or hide it away.

She didn't even notice Joey enter her room and curl into her side, pawing at her thigh gently as a way to gain her attention. She instinctively dropped her hand to rest on his paw, the feeling of his fur soothing her slightly. But the heaving continued, and her throat felt tight and dry. Tears streaked her cheeks as she relived the words her son spat at her just moments before. She only snapped out of it when the cool feeling of metal rested on her cheek, snapping her out of the continuous loop.

"Doll, love what's wrong?" He whispered. But she couldn't speak. Words wouldn't form in her throat and her mind could barely function enough to even begin to think what she would say, "Baby I can't help if you don't talk to me."

Lily stared at his cool blue eyes, eyebrows furrowed and chest heaving. Small, inaudible noises escaped her mouth as she continued to dry heave. Bucky pursed his lips and stood, picking her up carefully and laying her on the bed. He knew not to push, and to simply sit there with her for a few minutes. He had shut the door behind him when he entered, and curled the blonde into his chest. His flesh hand stroked her hair as she buried her face deep into the crook of his shoulder, breathing in the woody and musky scent he had. Finally, she violently shook her head and sat up with a new mission in her head.

"I have to tell Hunter everything. He needs to know."