#as i remember it she was also responding to a filipino fan who said something like 'but free anime streaming services aren't available here'

[feluka]

does anyone else have memories of a white voice actress going on a rant on twitter about how pirating anime because it isn't available in your country is "coloniser logic" or did i hallucinate this whole thing

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

TW: Ouija Board Use, Disturbing Topics, Ghost Mentions, Possession Mention, Talks about the Sixth Sense, Blood Mention, Suicide Mention

**Don’t read this if you’re easily scared**

There’s this thing that I just can’t get out of my head.

I figured that if I shared it maybe the nagging thought would leave me alone, so I’m writing this here to account it with that hope.

Last night I was watching a horror movie with my sister and her girlfriend and it just reminded me of someone that I knew back when I first started Uni.

But first full disclaimer here, I was never really close to this person, we had just met in my English class because we sat next to each other and had a couple of group work assignments together, but that was it. I’ll only talk about my experiences while I was with this girl, we’ll call her B for the sake of this recounting. And yes, this actually happened, but as you should with anything you read off of the internet, take it with a grain of salt because even I don’t know if I’m recounting everything perfectly, it happened a couple of years ago now and I’m trying to remember them as I write this.

I’m a very superstitious person, also. I totally buy into that bad luck stuff about ladders and mirrors, but my belief stems from I simply don’t want to try it if it ends up being true. That and from my Filipino descent I have many relatives who are superstitious also, not to mention the sixth sense runs in both sides of my family and is floating around somewhere in my generation so I don’t want to suddenly awaken that shit, no way (I’ll include a bit explaining that at the end of this post if you’re curious). Hell, I’m so superstitious that I won’t watch certain movies that deal with summoning entities just in case, or at least, I won’t watch them at home. But onto the story.

Anyway, the movie we were watching mentioned a Ouija board once or twice, which is what reminded me of my classmate, and it just sent chills down my spine and I’m still thinking about this even now because, my god, I am certain that she was possessed by something.

If you don’t know what a Ouija board it, let me crash course you. Essentially it is a tool to communicate with otherworldly creatures. Its a board with letters, numbers, and a yes/no option, and you hold on to the planchet (which is a huge triangle with a magnifying glass in the middle) and theoretically the spirit you contact will move it around to respond to your inquiries. However, this is not always the case, the board serves as a portal, and it is very rare that the entity you are trying to contact is actually the one interacting with you, and such it is considered a profane object. Once you bring it into your home alone you open your home to immense amounts of negative energy and it is now somewhat of an area of thin protection in which otherworldly entities can walk in and out of.

Basically, don’t fuck with them.

Now B is a huge occult fan, she loves the stuff, has read books on it and everything but, go figure, she’s a religious studies major and she wanted to specify in more occult practices, and with that you’d think she’d know never to dabble in those things, but I think her choice of major stemmed from a different kind of fascination in it. I think her thing was that she wanted to see if this occult stuff was real, I think she was a true skeptic and she just got a kick out of playing dangerous games and inviting dangerous creatures. I remember being appalled when she recounted her experience playing the dangerous game known as the [Midnight Game], which still gives me nightmares to this day. Either way, it would be an understatement for me to say that I wasn’t worried about her.

One day around week 8 of the quarter, meaning we were finishing up the quarter and starting to study for finals, while we were working together in class, she brought up to me and the other two group members (C and D for simplicity and anonymity) that she recently purchased a ouija board. And I immediately voiced my concern. 

“You’ve already fucked with spirits before in the Midnight Game and [Dry Bones], are you trying to piss them off even more?” I was genuinely worried about her.

“Come on, Crys, they’re not real.” She insisted that towards me, but me and C made eye contact, both of us being Filipino and highly superstitious, we warned her again to give it back to where she got it from but she refused.

“What are you going to talk to anyway, B?” D asks her.

“Dunno, maybe I’ll talk to my granddad.”

“Or you could open your apartment to a poltergeist who will possess you and kill you slowly,” I said with a half joking tone, or at least that’s how I intended it to be.

“If you’re going to be so uptight about it then ignore me, Crys. It’s just a game,” she scoffs.

“Sure, yeah, I just think it’s smarter not to try anything. You’re already walking around with a target on your back because of the other games you’ve played, I’m just worried that something bad will happen to you this time. They come in threes, B,” I continued on. I didn’t know if it was fear for her or for me.

Needless to say she didn’t show up the next class. Me, C, and D just brushed this off as maybe she decided to skip class, which she had done many times before, and didn’t think much more of it. Of course I was still worried, I had a feeling that it had something to do with the board, but she looked really pissed when I brought it up to her so I didn’t want to overstep more than I already did.

But when she didn’t show up for the next week’s worth of classes, that’s when we really got concerned. We asked my professor about it just in case she just dropped the class and didn’t tell us, but no, she was still on the roster. So we decided to pay her a visit and make sure everything was alright.

Now we knew where she lived, it was an off campus apartment a couple of blocks away from school so it was an easy walk, and we had been there a handful of times already for group work. It was a relatively new apartment she had moved into before school started and, to our knowledge, she hadn’t tried anything there yet up until the board. But when I stood outside of her door, something just felt off. The air felt still, and something just wasn’t right. I knocked on the door and nothing. No shuffling, no movement, we thought she wasn’t home. But right when we turned to leave, the door opened.

Now B looked horrible. Her cheeks were sunken in and the bags under her eyes were more than just concerning.

“Hey, are you okay?” D asks her.

“I just have the flu,” B responds. Her voice was hoarse.

Now here is where I am conflicted. As you all know, I’m a premed student, and as you now know I am superstitious to a fault. My rational side says “ah, I get it now” but my superstitious one told me to call a priest. Like yes, the flu can do this to you, but it’s been a week. 

Either way we’re backing away from the door. She opens it wider, as if to let us in, and when I tell you the apartment looked unrecognizable, I mean it. It looked nearly unlivable actually. I swear there was probably something alive hiding under the piles of pizza boxes and clothes. And this really concerned us because we knew B to be a very clean person, she always was throughout the quarter and would even reprimand C for being so messy himself, so the change was very jarring for us.

“You can come in if you want,” she says. “I haven’t been upholding my end of the group project.”

“No, it’s fine,” I declined for the group.

“I insist.”

“You have the flu, we could catch it.”

“You won’t, I know you’re all careful,” she says. Keep in mind, C and I are premed and D is accounting.

“We just wanted to check in on you,” D steps in now, seeing that I’m uncomfortable.

“Then why did you come all the way here and bother me?” She snapped. We were taken aback and she just shook her head. “Forget it, I’ll be fine by the presentation date. Just email me what I have to do.” Then she closed the door and was gone.

She never came back to class, and I learned later from another person in our class, who I’m assuming she was close with, that she dropped out of uni altogether. She never really told us either, so we had to rush to finish her part of the project, which was horrific, but that’s besides the point.

It’s just... this superstitious nature of mine typically gets in the way of a lot of things I choose to do. It’s always the first thing I put into consideration. And it’s a bit strange considering how... bad of a Catholic I am. Either way it’s just terrifying. Maybe I’m just more hyper aware of it because of how “close” I am to otherworldly things. I have cousins who’ve played games like [The Hosting Game] or [Lady Spades]. So I can sometimes feel things when they’re not right, then of course there’s the whole sixth sense running in both sides of my family thing so there’s that too. I don’t know, the whole thing just rubbed me wrong and still does to this day. I guess I’m more afraid of these negative energies reflecting back on me somehow, who knows?

I don’t know, maybe this was just me vastly overthinking things, maybe I’m just being paranoid, but something just didn’t sit right with me with that last exchange we had, who knows? The movie I watched last night just reminded me of her so much and I started getting worried again, I just hope she’s alright.

~

As for the promised bit about the sixth sense running in my family, here’s an abridged version from what I’ve learned:

On my mother’s side, it skips generations (therefore it is in my generation). The most notable one with this sense currently is my Uncle, who can see the auras of spirits (white for passive ones, red for aggressive ones, etc.) he’s helped other family members and extended members for many things involving these. There’s a certain term for him, actually, in the Philippines that is. He’s definitely not a shaman, no way, but the term escapes me for now. But it stemmed far back in our family’s lineage when we did have shamans and albularyos (witch doctors), if you looked up my mother’s maiden name in the Philippines you’ll even find an extensive history behind them (Obviously I won’t share that, but they were a very prominent Clan throughout the Philippines and still are in some islands). They have a history of communicating with enkantos (which are environmental spirits), the strongest one in our family to date being my great-great grandfather. I also have a cousin who sees spirits as they died, like if they happened to jump off of a tall building (and I’ll spare you the details because the aftermath is bloody) he will see them like that, it was so bad that he even went to the best therapists in the UK to treat it, but something like that isn’t exactly... treatable. So there’s that. 

On my father’s side it’s a bit more muddled. We don’t understand the pattern it’s in, we just know that some people have it and most don’t. And if anything, it’s more of a curse. In every generation there has been someone who’s literally gotten possessed (one of my aunt’s did in the Philippines, she got possessed by a duwende I think? I’ll have to ask again). Haven’t had a possession yet in my generation (and no that’s not an invitation), but we’ve had hauntings many a time that my previously mentioned uncle helped us out with. There’s also a spirit who appears to every male who carries the name, and apparently when she is seen said male should not travel anywhere, some cases being my grandfather’s usual transit bus which drove off a cliff, my dad’s brother’s motorcycle combusting, etc. Whatever is going on in my dad’s side likely got passed down to me so I’m being extra careful.

TL;DR: I’m very superstitious because of the shit that has happened on both sides of my family and that probably fed into my fear for B.

Anyway, if you guys want scary stories, trust me, I’ve got scary stories.

[mama-m1na]

Apocalypse: Chapter 5

~~~V~~~

The next morning, the group of four had woken up early for their mission; and luckily for them, Kerstin was hungover.

"This is what you get for drinking so much yesterday," Rhamina scoffed as she placed her hand on the younger female's forehead as her palm glowed a soft purple and as her bell gave a soft chime.

Kerstin merely groaned in response as Cloud and Sierra watched the interactions with expressions of disappointment.

"I thought you knew your limits?" the blond asked as the eighteen-year-old retracted her hand that had stopped glowing.

"Oh shut up, I'll be fine," the darkette huffed, feeling better already as her eyes no longer burned in the moderate lighting and as her headache began to subside, "This happens all the time."

'I can't believe you were this irresponsible before a mission,' Sierra thought, 'If Mina didn't know that spell, we would have had to leave you here.'

"That spell is eventually going to stop working on you if you keep getting like this," Rhamina reminded before she went to sit at the couch so she could lace up her boots.

"Nevermind that right now," Sierra sighed as she shook her head, "If everyone has their things ready, then let's go."

"Yep!" the ravenette chirped as she hopped up with a smile and the four loaded up into the elevator.

Once they had reached the ground floor, the group began crossing the lobby to reach the entrance with Rhamina walking towards the back when she was halted by a hand on her shoulder.

With the eighteen-year-old already in the mindset that their mission had started, she did the first thing her body told her to do.

Quickly grabbing onto the person's wrist and upper arm before lowering her center of gravity, the ravenette threw the person over her shoulder, slamming them into the ground.... Hard.

Everyone turned to face the commotion as Cloud noticed the person on the ground, gasping for air, was the male who was watching Rhamina the day before.

"Just what do you think you're doing, boy?" she asked in a deeper tone of voice, glaring right through him as the others drew their weapons.

No one in the room dared interfere with the interaction as they knew just how dangerous the female was despite them being able to out number her.

"That's a scary expression you've got there, Hasu," the male chuckled between gasps, still trying to catch his breath as he stood up.

The ravenette's eyes widened a fraction as he spoke before she shook her head, expression hardened once more as she asked, "Who are you?"

"Hasu," he started in an almost disappointed tone, "Do you really not remember who I am?"

"No, I don't," she spat as the others in her group came to her side, "And I would also like to know how you know that name."

"Rhamina," the male sighed with a sad smile as his shoulders slumped, "It's me... Kiran."

The female's expression quickly faded from a dark danger to surprise as her mind processed the information just given to her.

In a split second, she had rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the male, leaving her teammates confused as they slowly lowered their weapons.

"Holy shit, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed as the male returned the hug before she pulled back to examine his face, "You're alive!"

"Yep, and so are you," the male chuckled as he looked at the female with a nostalgic smile, "So, how have you been, Hasu?"

"Hasu?" Sierra asked as she brought a hand up to her temple, "What the actual fuck is happening right now?"

"This is Kiran," Rhamina introduced with a smile, "his family owned the studio I rehearsed in when I was a fan dancer."

"'Hasu' was her performer name," the Korean male explained as he faced the others, "It means lotus in Japanese."

"Oh yeah, I remember you talking about him," Kerstin said as she thought of memories from long before their world turned to shit, "Didn't he move away before the whole thing went down?"

"Yeah and we ended up losing contact, so I automatically assumed he was dead when the generators fucked themselves," the ravenette sighed before the male ruffled her hair, much to her displeasure.

Seeing the ravenette act so casually around the unfamiliar male left a bitter taste in Cloud's mouth as he placed the buster sword onto his back.

His displeasure only grew as the female continued her bubbly actions until he scoffed, turning away from the pair.

"Hate to break up this little party, but we have a job to do," the blond spoke as he crossed his arms over his chest with a frown.

"Right, well it was nice seeing you again, Kiran, but we're kind of doing something so I'll just talk to you later," she said, giving him one last hug.

"Wait, can I get your number before we go? Make sure we actually stay in touch this time?" the male asked as he held out his phone, earning a nod from the female as she took the device.

After inputting her contact information, the ravenette handed the phone back to Kiran and the group headed back out to their vehicles.

"Hey, Cloud, are you okay?" Rhamina asked as he placed his sword in it's spot on his bike, "You seem kind of tense."

"It's fine," he spoke bluntly as he got on the bike and lifted up the kickstand, "Don't worry about me, just focus on the mission."

"I will, but I hope you know that you can trust me, Cloud," she spoke with a sad smile, "I might not be the best at giving advice, but I'm always willing to listen."

The blond looked up into her dark brown eyes and saw that she was being completely genuine in her offer.

With the words she spoke, Cloud was able to understand her a little better.

He was about to respond, but was interrupted by the van zooming past them and towards the exit of the parking lot.

Rhamina gasped before her eyes narrowed, growling, "Kerstin's driving, isn't she? That mother fucker!"

"Get on," Cloud ordered as he started his bike, the engine roaring to life.

The ravenette complied and hopped onto the back of the vehicle without a word before wrapping her armed around the male's waist, her qualms with the bike seemingly gone as she focused instead on her annoyance with her younger sibling.

The blond was able to catch up with the van after a few minutes and pulled up to them, on their left side, at a red light.

Rhamina turned to glare at the darkette as she lowered the tinted glass, both females in the vehicle laughing as she did.

"Fuck. You," the ravenette said, flipping off her younger sibling as the seventeen-year-old began recording on her phone.

"Mina, you were taking too long," Kerstin cackled as she zoomed in on the female's pout before showing the blond who was driving the bike.

"I'm not helping you if you get fucked by a warper!" snapped the ravenette as she pointed a threatening finger at the female.

"Aw, Mina, you know you will," the teen cooed, causing the ravenette to let out a huff before the light turned green once more.

"Eat my ass!" the eighteen-year-old growled as she secured her grip around the male's waist while they raced ahead of the van, Rhamina providing directions before they made it to a parking lot, quite a ways from the actual plant, but still on Coronado Island.

"Any reason for parking so far?" Cloud asked as he got off to stand next to the ravenette as they waited for the van.

"While armored vehicles would be nice to get past the drones and turrets when confronted with mutant fish with mind magic, vehicles become the ultimate death machines," she explained while shaking her head, "Mesmers get inside and fuck with your head so that you basically fall completely under their control."

"How do we get past them then?" the blond questioned as the van appeared in the distance.

"We don't," the ravenette replied as it got closer, "I have a high enough resistance to their hypnosis so that I can still stay in control of myself, so y'all are going to keep the drones and turrets off me while I take care of the fish."

The male then nodded as the van parked next to them before the two Filipino females popped out with their respective weapons.

Sierra had an oversized sledge hammer made of dragon bone in her hands as her medium length brown hair was held back in two french braids.

"Time to fuck some bitches up!" Kerstin exclaimed with a confident grin as she placed her two flint-lock pistols in the holsters at her hips.

With everyone ready to go, they began walking down the road towards the looming building known as the Coronado Plant, the very cause of the dystopia everyone was forced to live in.

About halfway down the bridge from the island to the plant, they came across a large fish that seemed to be floating in the air.

It had a purple body and a teal mouth with four petal-like appendages attached to the back of its head that were bioluminescent.

They were far enough from the fish that it didn't notice them; however, one of the roaming drones did and began to attack the intruders.

Unfortunately, all of the noise drew the attention of the mesmer; so when Rhamina noticed it approaching, she left the others to run towards the fish.

Blue eyes flicked in her direction, but were quickly brought back to his present battle by a certain female shoving him forward.

"Don't even look at it, they can get you from this far," Kerstin warned as she shot at the drone, "Mina can handle them."

Meanwhile, the ravenette was running straight for the mesmer when the petals behind it opened to reveal the glowing patterns that it used to hypnotize its targets.

As soon as those petals opened, a small voice at the back of the female's head began telling her to just calmly approach the fish; but as she usually did with the voices in her head, the teen mentally sassed it before she ran straight up to the fish, using her fan to slice off its head.

Upon the animal's death, it let out a horrifying screech which alerted the other mesmers in the area.

"Well shit," the eighteen-year-old hissed under her breath as more of the mutated sea creatures emerged ahead of her.

With a low growl, the female ran straight towards the school of mesmers, ignoring the drones that shot at her.

A little ways behind her were the others who were drawing the attention of the drones and turrets while trying to ignore the light blue glow of the multiple fish.

The mesmers were quite easy to kill since their only notable defensive and offensive features were their hypnotic abilities, but there were so many of them and Rhamina could feel her head start to pound as more and more voices invaded her mind, telling her to put her weapons down and just succumb to the creatures.

It took about seven minutes for the other three to finish off the defensive machines sent by the plant; however, as they had just let their guards down, a soft blue glow had appeared out of the corner of the ex-SOLDIER's eyes.

Upon realizing what it was, he was quick to turn away, but it was already too late; a soft female voice had invaded his head, coaxing him into fully facing the creature.

Noticing that the blond had failed to meet up with them, Kerstin and Sierra turned back to see that the male was slowly walking towards a fish.

"Mina!" both girls called just as the ravenette finished off the school of mesmers that had surrounded her.

Brown irises locked onto the fish before she ran over and leapt up, doing a front-flip to gain more power as she landed right on the fish's head, crushing it.

Stepping out of the bloody mess she had made, Rhamina looked straight into the male's blue eyes to find them completely unfocused, a dead giveaway that he was still under the hypnotic effects.

"Hey, Cloud!" she called, snapping her fingers in front of his face before shaking him by the shoulders, but he gave no response.

With a sigh, the female cupped both of his cheeks, resisting the urge to squeal at how soft he was, before pressing her forehead to his.

Despite the pressure and lingering voices in her head, the ravenette let her magic run free and flow through the male.

As Cloud floated around in a void, being lulled by the soft female voice, he felt a familiar warmth wash through him as if he were being called.

Following the warmth, the male slowly began regaining control of his body and he blinked a few times, his vision focusing on the face that was so close to his.

"Welcome back to reality, Hun," the ravenette chuckled with a tired smile as she stepped back, "Do you get why we don't look at the fish?"

"Yeah," the male sighed as he moved his limbs, feeling weird as he regained complete control over his body.

As the two walked up to the door where Kerstin and Sierra were waiting Rhamina squeezed her eyes shut and brought her hands up to massage her temples.

"Mina, You good?" the darkette asked as the older female pressed her back against the wall of the plant before sliding down to sit on the ground.

"Yeah, that was a lot of them," Sierra added as she handed the ravenette a bottle of Thai tea from her drawstring backpack, "Usually there only like five or six, not seventeen."

"I'm fine," she sighed, taking the bottle with her head down, "I just need a minute. We can get going once the voices fade."

As the ravenette took some time to sip on her drink and recover, the others stood in front of her to block out the sun.

After about seven minutes, the teen downed the rest of the drink and stood up, saying, "Let's get this over with, my dudes."

The fights on the interior of the plant were similar to the one in the Abyss; however, this time there were warpers, mutated sea creatures that had the ability to create portals and warp enemies away from them.

This was especially dangerous when one would be warped to an extremely high height only to be met with no ground beneath their feet.

By the time they made it down to where the actual generator was held, everyone had taken some damage, but decided against healing at the moment due to them wanting to save energy for the final fight.

Upon walking out onto the suspended platform, the group was met with the sight of three armored individuals waiting for them, but before the battle could begin, the intercom came on.

"Welcome, street rats of the Abyss," the haughty male voice spoke, "Congratulations on making it this far, but you're far too late."

At that moment, the building started to shake as gears on the generator began to turn and the water surrounding it began to churn.

"They're starting up the generator!" Sierra exclaimed as she peered over the edge of the railing to see a green glow from beneath the water's surface.

"Oh no they don't," Rhamina growled as she dashed forward, letting herself get hit with a few bullets sent by the armored figures, some of them bouncing off her corset with with a metallic clang, before slamming into the one standing in the middle.

As their body hit the ground, the teen just continued forward to the control room without looking back.

"Well, we have our jobs cut out for us then," Sierra said as she brandished her hammer, the others getting in their battle postures as well.

As the three fought the armored beings, they could hear shouts, gunshots, and things breaking in the control room before a body was thrown through the glass window.

A few moments later, the generator powered down and the entire plant switched to its emergency power source.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" one of the armored beings asked as they blocked an attack from Sierra, "She took him out way too fast!"

"Man, I didn't sign up for this shit!" another one said as they stepped back to regroup while the door to the control room slammed open.

"Three rats left, huh?" the ravenette growled with a scowl on her face as she cracked her knuckles.

"We got what we needed, so we're done," the third figure said as they took out three glass orbs.

Quickly throwing them to the ground, the area filled with smoke as Kerstin let out a gasp and covered the eyes of her partners before closing her own.

"What is this?" Sierra asked as she sensed three powerful presences appear in front of them, gripping her weapon tighter in response.

"Keep your eyes closed!" the darkette ordered as the smoke began to lift.

"What did they just do?" Cloud asked as his eyes remained closed, the rest of him standing with his sword in a defensive position.

Before the teen could answer, they all heard a loud chime ring throughout the room as Rhamina exclaimed, "Execute!" from the other side of the platform.

All three of them felt a large surge of power before another form dropped right in front of them.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now," a familiar voice spoke, prompting them to do just that; however, when Cloud opened his eyes, it wasn't what he expected.

In front of him was Rhamina, but her dress was now a purple color with black sleeves and her corset was a clean silver color as it was a plated piece of armor.

Atop her head was a pair of black fox ears with three large tails moving behind her; however, the most notable change happened to her eyes that now held golden flecks in her chocolate irises that glittered with every one of her movements.

"Both of you need to get to the stairs and just wait there," the ravenette ordered as everyone looked ahead of them to see three basilisks hissing at them, "Kerstin and I can handle them."

"Right," the brunette agreed before taking the male's wrist and dragging him in the direction they entered from.

Once they had reached the stairs, Cloud looked back to see that Kertin's form had changed as well, her shirt changing to a red deep red from the black as he noticed that she had large, red dragon wings on her back as a matching scaled tail flicked behind her.

"What just happened?" he asked as Sierra stepped next to him to watch the pair fight the three large reptiles.

"Well, they're in their execution forms," she explained, "It's a form given to them by their bells, physically enhancing them so that their bodies are closer to what Death and War would have been like."

"They're fighting basilisks so it makes sense they'd use their executions," the female continued as Kerstin sent large waves of flames at one of them, "They have an ability that makes it so whatever looks them in the eyes just droops dead, but Mina had a nullifying ability in this form, so she took care of it... That being said, it would still be too dangerous for either of us to fight them with what we brought."

The fight was over in five minutes; but as both girls were floating in the air, Rhamina suddenly fell as she reverted back to her original form.

Before she could hit the ground, Kerstin caught her and landed as she too reverted back with a worried expression on her face.

"Hey, at least I ain't coughing up blood this time," the ravenette joked between labored breaths, "That means I stayed within the time limit for once."

"Mina, shut the fuck up," the darkette huffed as Cloud and Sierra ran over, "You shouldn't have done that, I could have handled them myself."

The eighteen-year-old gave a weak glare as Cloud took her from her younger sibling before saying, "You wouldn't have even been able to open your eyes if I didn't."

"Let's go, there are ice packs in the van," Sierra spoke as the ravenette's hearing started to get muffled.

The female slowly closed her eyes as it got harder for her to breath, the others already running up the stairs.

Cloud briefly looked down at the girl in his arms, feeling his chest tighten as he noticed that she had gotten pretty pale.

"Does this happen every time she goes into that form?" he asked as he looked to the females running right in front of him.

"Yes," Kerstin answered with no sign of hesitation, earning a look from Sierra, "What? She was going to have to tell him something."

The brunette let out a sigh before saying, "She'll be okay in a little bit, she just needs to rest."

The blond narrowed his eyes at their responses, but said nothing as they made it out of the plant.

He couldn't help, but feel as if they were still keeping something from him despite the darkette's blunt answer; if one ended up like this after every time they used something, then it couldn't have been healthy.

And why did it only happen to her when the seventeen-year-old went into an execution as well?

Once the three had made it back to where the van and bike were parked, they laid down the back seats so the ravenette had a safe surface to be rested as they activated and placed the ice packs under her neck.

As she was resting, the others sat by the opened back doors of the van, just catching their breaths and taking a break.

The twenty-one-year-old kept his eyes on the ravenette who's breathing seemed to have even out, just thinking about their situation.

"Cloud, I know you probably want more information on this, but it isn't our story to tell," Kerstin sighed, getting pretty uncomfortable with the tense silence that had emerged, "You can ask her when she wakes up, but there's no guarantee she'll answer everything you ask."

"Do you have any idea when she'll wake up?" he asked in response, mako contaminated eyes never leaving her form.

"Depends, but since she didn't go over her time limit, a few hours at most, but not less than two," Sierra answered as she took a sip from her water bottle.

"We should start heading back," she sighed before standing up, "I already texted Hana and she's letting us get in through the back."

"Yeah, we really can't let any of them see an Apocalypse leader like this," Kerstin agreed as she stood, "It would ruin our reputation."

"Just follow us like you have been and come get Mina when we park," the darkette said as she climbed in next to the unconscious Rhamina before shutting the van doors.

With a sigh, the blond placed his buster sword in its proper place before mounting his bike and following the van back to the hotel.

Upon returning, they parked in the back before Cloud carried the eighteen-year-old up to the back door where an employee waited, not looking at any of them as they entered.

Kerstin and Sierra went in first, making sure no one was looking so the male could stealthily make his way into the elevator with them.

Once they made it back into the penthouse, the blond set the female down in her bed before Kerstin slipped the ravenette's boots off and placed them next to her bed.

As soon as the three returned to the living room, the elevator opened to reveal the Japanese doll herself in all her monotone glory.

"So, she used it again," the fifteen-year-old spoke as she seated herself on one of the couches away from the others.

"Yeah, but we were able to take those fuckers out," Kerstin sighed as she took out her phone, "They were trying to start the generator up again."

The noirette's eyes widened for a moment before returning to her flat expression as she asked, "Were the results worth the cost?"

Cloud narrowed his eyes at this statement, but before he could question it a familiar voice said, "The results were most definitely worth it."

Leaning against a wall for support in the entrance of the hallway was Rhamina, tired looking, but most definitely awake.

"Mina, you shouldn't even be awake right now, what the fuck are you doing walking around?" Kerstin chided as she stood to help the ravenette, but was beaten to it by Hana.

"I originally got up because I wanted some food, but this discussion is way more important," the eighteen-year-old replied as the noirette helped her limp over to the spot on the couch next to Cloud.

"What kind of food do you want?" the doll asked as she took out her phone, walking back to her seat.

"Meat," the ravenette replied simply, "I honestly don't care what it is as long as it's made of meat."

She quickly shot a glare at Kerstin who snickered at her statement before saying, "But seriously I found out something important."

"The people were a part of Scyphozoa," the teen continued as she brought her legs up so she could have all of her body on the couch as she leaned on Cloud, "the same group that was messing with the plant back in the Abyss."

The male tensed up under the ravenette, but soon began to relax as a familiar warmth washed over him.

"Oh? And how did you come to that conclusion, if I may ask?" Hana questioned after she finished typing something on her phone.

"The guy I was fighting in the control room was really cocky so he just droned on about how they would pick up where the rest of the world had failed," the ravenette explained with a frown, "He was getting annoying so I yeeted him out of the window."

"I see," the young Yukitara replied with a nod, "Then I will deploy some of my units to guard the plant as soon as possible."

"Wait, wait, wait," Kerstin said as she leaned forward, "Did he mean that they're trying to open a god damned portal again?"

"I don't know, but probably," Rhamina said with a frown as she curled herself up further, "I tried to get anything I could on the group when they first popped up back home, but I haven't found anything."

"But moving on from that," she spoke, looking right at the noirette, "Were you able to find anything out about your father's whereabouts?"

"Unfortunately, no, so I'll have to turn this over to you," the fifteen-year-old sighed, "I will however, provide one of our rising members to you."

"He joined recently, but his skill range is quite impressive," the female continued as she placed both of her hands on her lap.

"So he's kind of like Cloud then," the ravenette mused with a small smile as she felt the male tense once more.

"In a way, I suppose," Hana replied, eyes narrowing at the blond as the two other females chuckled at his reaction to Rhamina's statement, "his name is Kiran Reyes. I believe you might have known him as a child."

"Oh, yeah!" the eighteen-year-old chirped as she sat up, trying her best to ignore the throbbing in her head, "I saw him in the lobby this morning."

Noticing the female's discomfort, Cloud gently pulled her back down so that she was leaning on him again as Kerstin said, "You literally threw him into the fucking ground."

"He should have known not to come up behind me without making himself known first," the teen huffed in response, "You sneak up on a fan dancer and you will get yeeted; literally or via fan."

It was silent for a few moments before a nostalgic smile crept onto the noirette's face as she asked, "You know, Rhamina, I haven't seen you dance in a long time... Would you do it again?"

"Maybe," the ravenette hummed with a smirk, "If anyone can beat me at a game of poker while we're here, then I'll show you a dance I have yet to perform."

After a few minutes, the elevator doors opened to reveal some hotel employees with food from a restaurant that was very familiar to the ravenette.

"Is that Goldilocks?!" she asked excitedly from her spot on the couch before spotting the familiar Filipino dessert that immediately brought her back to when she was a child, "And you even got Halo-Halo?"

"I thought you might like it since it has been a while since you last visited," Hana spoke as the employees cleared the coffee table and began setting the food down on it, "And since you're still recovering, we can just eat here."

"Yo, do you think we can play some Studio Ghibli movies?" Kerstin asked as her eyes lit up, "it's been so long since we could just sit down and enjoy them."

"Of course, which one would you like to start with?" the fifteen-year-old asked as she reached over to grab the remote to the tv that sat in front of them.

"Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle are a must!" Rhamina spoke, already leaning forward to grab a plate and some utensils.

"Alright then," the younger girl spoke with a soft smile as she watched the excitement form on her friend's face.

The next few hours passed with the group watching the movies and enjoying their cultural meals.

Even Cloud stayed for it, though he was more busy watching the reactions of the ravenette than the movies themselves.

She was so animated as her eyes remained glued to the screen and as she took in the atmospheric soundtracks, but he also noticed a sort of longing in her eyes.

These movies were the first form of media that she was introduced to as a child; memories of drinking tea with The Cat Returns, exploring unknown planes with Howl's Moving Castle, falling in love with Asian folklore with Spirited Away, and wanting to pursue a career in music with Whisper of the Heart.

The ravenette loved the way each and every aspect of the creations romanticized the little things in life, even if there was no magic involved.

Sadly, as the world eventually turned into the wasteland they currently lived in, the teen would never get to see those childhood aspirations come true.

Instead, she had gathered her living friends as soon as the generator in, what used to be, Temecula exploded and formed a small gang that would later be known as Apocalypse.

She learned how to hone her predictive probability skills through gambling and negotiating with others.

She used her knowledge of her own, self-aware, broken mind and learned how to twist and break the minds of others.

She learned to separate her different faces and how to use them to her advantage, even if some of them slipped out unintentionally.

She learned to push aside her own well being as long as it meant the rest could continue walking forward, all the group had was each other.

She learned through betrayal and heartbreak that her trust was only for those that truly proved they deserved it.

Some things were easier to learn than others and they're what shaped Rhamina into the woman she was currently, but deep in her heart, past all of the want for adventure and survival, she longed to go back to when she was a child...

Back to when she could trust others without worrying about if they would kill her the moment she blinked, but she knew better than to think that it could actually happen.

Time only moved in one direction, forward and if this was what fate had in store for this world, then she knew that there was not way for it to be avoided.

She just considered herself lucky that the bells had chosen her group of friends to ring for, people she could trust as they all tried to survive in this hell together.

The day passed with the group just sitting in the living room watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies that were created; except for Grave of the Fireflies, none of the girls felt like sobbing their eyes out.

The atmosphere was light as everyone retired to their own rooms to go to sleep, Hana returning to her own home; but after about an hour of not being able to sleep due to her body aching, Rhamina rolled out of bed and grabbed the bottle of painkillers she always packed in her travel bag and started over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Small cusses left her lips as she limped through the darkened hallway, her eyes already used to the dark so she didn't have to worry about bumping into anything.

As soon as the female had reached the living room, she noticed that one of the lamps was on with Cloud just sitting on the couch by himself, thinking about something.

Upon noticing the female leaning against the wall again, the male let out a quiet gasp before helping her over to the couch.

"What are you doing up right now?" the male asked as he frowned down at the female with his arms crossed.

"I was going to get some water so I could take some painkillers," she replied, shaking the pill bottle she held for emphasis.

The blond sighed before walking to the kitchen and coming back with a glass of water for the ravenette.

Silence lingers in the air as the female tipped out two of the pills into her hand, popping them into her mouth before swallowing them with water.

Cloud let out another sigh,eyes panning down to the ravenette before asking, "What does that execution form actually do to you? You looked like you were on the brink of death."

The female's eyes widened slightly as he continued, "And why did it only happen to you and not Kerstin?"

"Cloud, I'll answer you questions when we get back to the Abyss," Rhamina spoke with a sad smile, "here isn't the place to discuss this."

The female then took the male's hand and wrapped her pinky around his before touching their thumbs together.

"I promise."

~~~Fin. Chapter 5~~~

Masterlist

[purplesurveys]

763

Why did you last feel like crying? My thesis was making me anxious and the songs off of Petals for Armor are still very fresh and are resonating with me very strongly for now, so those things happening at the same time nearly made me cry over breakfast.

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? Infuriated is a strong word. I suppose I last felt it when I heard the news of the police shooting a former soldier with PTSD for going out without his face mask on to get groceries. You don’t fucking KILL anyone for not having a mask, you educate them and you fucking give them one.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Uhhh it really depends. Most of the time I always want to address stuff maturely and make sure my emotions are in check before I respond to anything; but there are also times I’ll give myself a treat and allow myself to be petty, letting my emotions control me.

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? Some secrets will make it to Gabie, but I mainly tell her only because she’s so forgetful and will forget most details in the next hour. I don’t tell her much more personal secrets, like if someone came out to me.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? We don’t really have talks where we talk about our negative qualities; my friends and I do have similar talks, but instead what we do is we’ll raise events in the past where one of us may have annoyed another and be like, “I actually didn’t like when you did/said this or that before.” I’m lucky to have good friends who can be honest and mature about this kind of stuff.

What quality do you think you have that others don't think you do? You’d have to ask them first. I don’t always keep track of how people think of me.

Do you often "jump" to conclusions? Only when I’m expecting a worst-case scenario to happen. I like to always expect the worst so that the actual outcome doesn’t disappoint me as much.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? It ranges from wary to completely uncomfortable. I never find the prospect of being surrounded by strangers ‘interesting.’

Do you think you know a lot about the world? Definitely not. I’m incredibly young and I know very little outside of my home and school, so I’m currently holding a weird excitement for graduating and getting a job and finally getting to know the rest of the world bit by bit.

What about the world do you wish you never found out? I don’t think like that. I embrace reality lol give me all the bad, worse, and worst news.

Do you know first aid? We had a) health classes throughout high school that taught us first aid and b) a couple of first aid seminars for NSTP in college. Our final exam in freshman year was for each of us to demonstrate CPR to a mannequin. But for some reason, I still haven’t gotten basic first aid down to a T. I think because I’ve never had to use my learnings in an emergency situation, I always end up forgetting them over time.

Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Oh my god fuck yes, especially my own. Gabie’s nose also bleeds all the time and I always have to excuse myself because I can’t handle the blood, but it also makes me feel like shit that I can’t even help my own girlfriend lmao. I find it so weird because I’ll have no problem watching pro wrestling which has so much more legit blood in it.

Does your first name have an L in it? It does not, but my second and middle names do.

Middle name have a C in it? No. My last name does. You’re always one name off hahaha.

Last name have a R in it? No, but my first does. Catch up bruh.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No.

The word above, does it have any connection to you at all?

Do you prefer classic rock or nope alternative? I have no idea what nope alternative is but that’s a hilarious typo if it’s one. I do listen to alternative music, but nothing classic rock.

Do you like Kings of Leon? Just their songs that went on to become popular. 

How about The Script? Ah no, was never a fan. I don’t get the appeal of their songs, but they’re so wildly popular here I can’t even begin to tell you just how much. They’ve been to Manila 4 or 5 times, which is already essentially equivalent to a million times when it comes to international acts coming to the Philippines. A lot of artists come here, but very very few come back.

Does crying make you feel better? It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does serve as a nice release.

Do you know a girl called Becca? Yup, one of Rita’s older sisters.

How about a guy called Gregory? Not that name exactly but the Spanish/Italian version, Gregorio. We called him Greg. He was a super brief member of our org but he ghosted us not long after he passed the application. 

Does someones background effect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Background effect made me imagine different auras that people would come with if that we’re possible, like stars or hearts hahahaha. ANYWAY it would definitely depend on what aspect of ‘background’ we’re talking about. Someone’s ethnic or racial background wouldn’t bother me at all, but if they just came out of prison for raping someone I wouldn’t want to be around them, especially if their behavior is still a bit off.

How about their religious background? I preferably wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who’s a devout, by-the-book Christian because our beliefs would wildly clash and they’ll just ruin any conversation. I wouldn’t even be able to talk about my girlfriend, for instance.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? No.

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? I used to drink coffee everyday this quarantine, but I had to stop because I was starting to get headaches often. I drink it probably 2-3 times a week now.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? Not really. I don’t think I ever said “I want to be a chef like my dad,” or something along those lines as a kid.

How about a fashion designer? No.

Do you wish that magic was real? Not really. I’m fine with the fact that they’re all tricks, it actually makes it more entertaining that way.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? Eh, at least one person likes each kind of food and I wouldn’t wanna rob them of their joy.

Can you use a bottle opener? I haven’t even tried using one.

Do you own a cheese grater? Yup.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? 7:18 PM.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? It’ll be May 21st, a Thursday.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? Yup, just several goldfish as a kid.

Do you prefer fire or ice? Ice.

Do you rap along with rap songs? If I memorize the verses then yeah I can’t help but rap along.

When happy, do you become more talkative? I think so. I get very chatty when with Gabie so that’s probably why.

Bowling or sailing? Why? Bowling, only because I’ve never been sailing. I bet if I were to sail, I’d prefer that, though. < Yup, exactly this. Bowling is fun though!

What colour is your kettle? The one we have is silver. I don’t have my own.

How about your microwave? It is black.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? Most of the time I’m the one driving, so that makes me pick front by default haha. When I’m not driving though I really prefer sitting at the back as I rarely get to feel like a passenger anymore.

How about in a train? On the bus? I’ve only ridden a train once but wasn’t able to form an opinion about it. When it comes to the bus, it’s always fun being at the back haha especially when I’m riding with friends.

Do you care about politics? Yes, but my concern is mostly for our own. I’m not up to speed with other countries’ governments; I only know enough to form a general opinion about their highest leader, like how Trump is a piece of shit.

Obama or Bush? Obama.

Blair or Brown? I don’t pay much attention to UK politics. < This. But the royal family, that’s a different story HAHAHA

When did you last cook something from scratch? I *helped* my dad bread chicken several few weeks ago, if that counts.

What things make you jealous? I don’t feel jealous a lot, but when I do it’s usually just FOMO.

Are you offended easily by non politically correct language? Sure, especially if the people using them aren’t willing to be educated.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? Can’t relate.

Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I’m hungry since it’s time for dinner. I’m just waiting for my dad to finsh up cooking.

What's your I.Q?   I dunno, I’ve never had it checked.

What's your Mum's Mum called? How about your Dad's Dad? I call both sets of grandparents the traditional Filipino way, Lola for my grandmas and Lolo for my grandpas.

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? Waffles > pancakes > crepes. I’ve never even had crepes before.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? Yeah I think so. We always have enough supply of it in the freezer because both of my parents love their ice cream.

How about chicken nuggets? I think we do but it hasn’t been touched in a while since my dad has preferred preparing real food throughout the quarantine haha.

Do you eat fish often? Yes, both cooked and as sushi. Fish is a huge part of Filipino cuisine because duh, we’re surrounded by water. My family will typically have tuyo, danggit, or dilis (kinds of sun-dried fish) for breakast and you can always find a fish dish or two at birthday parties, whether on its own or relleno (stuffed).

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? I haven’t. There was a time I wanted to, but I didn’t pursue it because I thought I was too thin and unfit to try it out.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Probably.

What person who has died would you bring back and why? Nacho. It wasn’t his time yet.

Do you like watermelon? I like some watermelon-flavored stuff like popsicles, but I don’t eat the fruit.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? January 24, 2015. Couple steps ahead of ya.

Do you make friends easily? I make acquaintances easily, but I choose who to let into my inner circle. I’d make more friends if I wanted to, but I just choose not to.

What makes you different from everyone else? I honestly don’t know. My interests are pretty common and I haven’t had anything super unique happen to me.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? Practice my alma mater’s penmanship, which is always my go-to when I’m asked to write anything haha.

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? Is this a Myspace thing? Lol I don’t really have my photos ‘up’ anywhere on my social media; my accounts just show the latest ones I uploaded.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? It wouldn’t be the first one I’d choose, no.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? No, but my sister went to school with a Pipay. I think her full name was Piper.

I say purple, you think... My great-grandmother. She loved purple and had it everywhere in her home.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I don’t know. I’d rather people who know me answer this as they might be able to come up with different answers, and it’d be interesting to see how they see me.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? It’s nice to be recognized but overall I’m shit at accepting them. 

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? My astrology-believing friends tell me that they match, but I don’t believe in astrology so I don’t think about it all that much and mostly think of it as coincidence.

Do you have a photo album? Yeah my mom was big on albums from when my siblings and I were infants to when we reached pre-teen years. Each of us have two photo albums.

What artists’ paintings do you find the most beautiful? Monet’s.

What about the most disturbing? I find it more sad than disturbing, but I’ve always been affected by artists who made self-portraits as their health was deteriorating over the years.

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? I attended a summer sports clinic for swimming when I was 9.

What was your favourite cartoon as a child? Spongebob. Fairly OddParents was a very very very close second because it was just as funny as Spongebob.

What was your biggest fear as a child? Introducing myself. I always got bullied for my name and got called a tomboy/boy for it more than once, so I was conditioned to be nervous whenever I had to introduce myself and say my own name.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Fly, so I can travel anywhere hah.

What about invisibility or mindreading? Probably invisibility. There are stuff I’d discover in reading minds that I think I’m better off not knowing and I find it a tad bit invasive than being invisible.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? Sure. Just not so much these days since I never get to dress up or fix myself up anymore.

Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Offensive ones.

Can you remember all your past teachers names? There’ll be some grade-subject combos I’ve forgetten about by now, like I no longer remember my 3rd grade English teacher for one. But my memory in general is still quite impressive and I remember most of my past teachers.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I wouldn’t tune in to them religiously but I do love Golden Buzzer compilations from America’s/Britain’s Got Talent.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Only in high school, and it was the more advanced math/science subjects that I really could not start to care for, like chemistry and calculus.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? Kinda? Filipinos are very tiny people so whenever I meet a foreigner I always have to crane my neck all the way up and it does scare me a little bit hahaha.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? Not at all.

What's your favourite thing about your country? I suppose the tourism side of it is wonderful. We’ve always been known for our hospitality, our tour guides are always so friendly and funny, we have beautiful beaches and islands, and Filipinos are generally a nice people and very easy to get along with.

What's your least favourite thing about your country? The colonization, the government, and people who continue to glorify the government as if they can’t do anything wrong.

Who is your favourite bzoinker? I have several favorite survey-makers but I’m too shy to mention them on here lol.

What websites do you have bookmarked? I have soooooooooooo many bookmarks.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? I’ll stick a bow on a Christmas gift if I have one, but otherwise no. < Same, I only get real decorative for Christmas.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? Not at all. My mom is really into cheesy 80s and 90s love songs and I just can’t imagine myself listening to those on my own time lmao. My dad doesn’t have much of a music taste.

What TV show scared you as a kid? Mr. Meaty. What the fuck was that. < HAHAHAHAHAHA this fucking show. That was such a mess; I never understood it but I found it so hilarious. Anyway, I don’t think I was scared of any show as a kid.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? The Simpsons. Family Guy’s jokes can sometimes go too far, and isn’t South Park just blatantly offensive? The humor in The Simpsons is just right for me.

[artificialqueens]

Here I Go Again! (Group Fic) - Epilogue - pureCAMP

A/N - important notice!! there is some smutty smutty smut smut in this, but i didnt write it!! plz send ur love to citrus aka @pianowired bc she wrote it and its absolutely excellent. plz enjoy! (and let me know if a part 2 is needed! <3)

Raja had seen a lot of action, in her time, both for her friends and for herself. She remembered her first was skinny and scrawny as most fifteen year olds are, and he hadn’t impressed her.  He was too excited to actually be inside a girl, and barely lasted two minutes. Of course, she’d told her girls all about it, how it wasn’t really worth the hype, but still worth trying.

  Then was her second, around her sixteenth birthday, and if she remembered correctly, Jinkx had gotten laid that night too. Her ginger friend had admitted that she could barely look the nameless girl in the eye when she awoke, but had enjoyed it nevertheless. In the meantime, they teased Sharon about her chastity, despite it not being her choice. The poor girl was convinced her religious mother had eyes everywhere, and she wasn’t too far from the truth. Whenever the three got up to no good, there always seemed to be someone to report back to Sharon’s mother and get her into trouble.

  For the next two years, Raja lived her life as a hoe and was thoroughly enjoying it. Her experiences ranged from poor to… satisfactory, at best, and she detailed each one to her girls, occasionally expressing her sympathy for Sharon. It wasn’t from lack of interest or trying, bless her, but her mother’s insistence on wearing that damn cross around her neck every day tended to keep boys away. Which was, of course, what the religious old trout wanted it to do.

  Both herself and Jinkx applauded Sharon when she dropped out of high school, all three of them knowing she’d fail regardless, and started to rebel a little more. Their music group was the perfect opportunity to do that - to dress up fashionably, ditch all religious memorabilia and dance away from her mother’s prying eyes. The island a little way off the mainland was their solace, and a great place to pick up boys.

  Around the summer, things changed. Their performances began to bring in more customers to the little tavern, resulting in more ‘fans’ and more guys and girls for Raja and Jinkx to have fun with. One night, she remembered seeing a young guy in the crowd, around their age, watching the show. Normally, Raja would’ve jumped him as soon as the set was over, but his eyes were on Sharon, and Sharon’s eyes were on him, and if this was her friend’s chance to get laid before she turned eighteen, then she’d have to let it happen.

  It was so much more than that in the end. Sharon, now glowing with this new life, detailed all of her experiences to them with her eyes shining. She didn’t retell the stories like Raja did, mentioning the rough movements and emotional detachment from the whole thing. It seemed as though she loved him. Of course, she told them all about going rough and hard and fast, but it always seemed to end with cuddling, with kisses, with romantic walks on the beach as the sun set around them.

  So now all three of them were living the hoe life. It was fun, but it didn’t last.

  After Justin left, Sharon became solitary. She was never around in the daytime like she normally would be, to laugh with Raja and Jinkx and listen to stories and just have fun. Raja shared with Jinkx and Jinkx shared with Raja, and they only saw her when they were performing and a few times in between. She seemed distant.

  Looking back, Raja knew now that it was because her sly dog of a once religious virgin friend had in fact been sneaking off to have rebound flings with two other guys in order to cope with her heartbreak. Back then, they’d just assumed she wanted to be alone.

  So, to cut a long story short, the last of their group to lose her virginity, and the first of the group to ever be in love with someone she’d had sex with, had fallen pregnant. For a good year after the news was revealed to them - through a skin-tight costume that wouldn’t zip up and a tummy that seemed just a little too round to be puppy fat - the hoe life died down. Raja didn’t feel like she could just run off to find a guy and fuck him when her best friend was miserable, heartbroken, hormonal and alone. Call her selfish, but she also didn’t want to be caught in the same predicament.

  With one of her best friends then busy with a newborn, Raja got back out into the dating pool, so to speak. At twenty one, she met her first husband. He was okay-looking, really, tanned with black hair and piercing eyes. Her father paid for the wedding, and he paid for Raja’s surgeries to enhance her bust, and he didn’t fuck too badly, but his lips were larger and faker than her own, and it started to put her off a little. One and a half years later, she divorced him.

  “You paying him back for those?” Sharon had joked, tickling her then-five-year-old Trixie with one hand as she gestured at Raja’s chest with the other.

  “Oh, please.” Raja had responded. “He paid for these and they’re still not as big as yours.”

  Husband number two was a little better, but not much. He owned an international cruise line, so combining Raja’s family wealth with his was pretty luxurious. For a couple of years, she hardly saw her friends, communicating mostly through letters from wherever the cruise ship took them. It was a time of expensive face creams that contained flakes of gold, designer shoes, and world tours to places she’d never even dreamed of seeing.

  But he was boring. Rich, handsome, and oh-so-boring. His every word was a drag, he was a complete drip, and he had the personality of wet toilet paper. He had to go, and two years later he was gone.

  “Gold flakes…” Jinkx had mocked. “And what else? Donkey testicles? Mashed up goats liver? None of my girlfriends have ever cared if I look a little strange.”

  Raja had shrugged and laughed. “If I want to day drink all year round, it’s the price I have to pay.”

  “God, I haven’t day drank in forever. I haven’t night drank in forever. I’m busy being an adult whilst you guys go off and single-handedly date the entire planet.”

  Husband three had taken a while to propose, which was getting on Raja’s nerves, but other than that minor flaw he was perfect. Handsome, well-off, and just the right amount of emotionally involved. He wouldn’t cling, he wouldn’t ignore her, it was just as close to perfect as she could get. That was her happiest wedding day, even if her father had drawn the line and refused to pay for it.

  It really seemed like this one would stand the tests of time and Raja’s ever-changing nature.

  “So you’ve finally found the one?” Sharon had asked, flipping through Raja’s years of wedding photos. In each picture from each wedding, Raja had a different husband and Jinkx had a different lady-friend (she wasn’t very into commitment), but Sharon had the same plus one - her daughter. It was no secret that her days of dating and sex seemed to be over already. She never expressed the feeling, but Raja could tell that it hurt her a little.

  “I hope so. You think your man is waiting for you somewhere?” Raja had replied.

  Sharon laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, he’s out there.” She’d said bitterly. “With someone else, telling her she’s his soulmate.”

  It really did last. Eleven years they were married, and Raja was pretty content. But it seemed that all good things came to an end, whether she wanted them to or not.

  Truthfully, it was her fault. He was kind and sweet and he wanted to be a father. Raja, having intimately witnessed a pregnancy, the birth and watched the child grow up, didn’t want to be a mother. Of course it was magical for Sharon, and she’d never bash her friend for her decision - not after so fiercely defending her to people, even all these years later. Besides, she knew it would be different for her than it had been for Sharon, considering she was thirty six, twice the age that Sharon had been, but she was still put off. She’d never wanted children anyway, and the whole process freaked her out. For others, she was supportive. For herself, she was an inch away from disgusted.

  It was just one of those differences that tears people apart. Their arrangement was no longer working, not really.

  The divorce was a painful one. As she sobbed into Sharon’s chest, Jinkx awkwardly rubbing her back, it seemed to hit her at once that her friend was something of a superhero. Now that she was experiencing heartbreak, she finally understood what Sharon had been through and how hard it must’ve been to carry on. Yet the way she so expertly comforted her showed just how incredible of a mother she’d been, and how she’d relaxed into the role and learned exactly what to do.

  Last time Raja had checked, even though she swore she wasn’t going to, his new wife - blonde, pretty, the works - was six months pregnant. Fine, that was fine. He’d moved on. Raja moved on too.

  Her tricks were getting younger, truth be told. In recent years, the younger men had become even more open about their admiration for older ladies, and whilst Raja was in no way old, she appreciated the attention. With a little bit of Botox, she was pretty much the young man’s dream.

  Still, hooking up with one of Sharon’s hotel slaves, as she so affectionately had nicknamed them, felt a little strange. Karl had told her that he was twenty one, so at the very least he was older than Trixie.

  Admittedly, he was one of the better ones. He wasn’t disgustingly hairy, like some men who tried to approach her, but he also wasn’t pre-pubescent and hairless. Clean shaven, the way she liked it. He was fairly muscular, Filipino, and had a strange streak of blonde in his dark hair. Whether that was a fashion of the youth or not, she didn’t care. Raja still tugged on it in bed with him after the hen party had been infiltrated by the stag do.

  He was skilled enough that, the next morning when Raja crept away so that she didn’t have to sleep besides him any longer, she simply went to beach and lay out in the sun to relax. Her energy was somewhat spent and she needed the ache to subside before she got ready for the wedding.

  “Hey, babe.”

  Raja didn’t even bother opening her eyes. “Babe?”

  Karl lay down next to her, getting sand on the beach towel. “You heard me. I called you babe.”

  “Oh, lord.” Raja scoffed. “Babe indeed. I could be your mother, near enough. Speaking of, where is she? Does she know you’re out?”

  Karl rolled his eyes. “You can’t ignore the chemistry between us, Raj. I know you feel it. I know you felt it last night.”

  He smiled, blindingly white teeth flashing in her direction. Raja hadn’t seen teeth that white since she’d flown out to the clinic to pay for a whitening herself.

  “You’re so cute,” She teased, watching how he tried and failed to compose himself. “I know what you want, sweetcheeks. But you’re playing with fire, and your fingers are gonna get burnt.”

  Karl seemed unfazed. “What if I’d walk through fire for you? What if I’m fireproof?”

  Raja laughed, surprised at his persistence. “I like your style, kid. Just make sure you let your mother know that you’re out, honey.”

  In one smooth motion, Karl rolled over so he was positioned above Raja, kissing along the marked spots on her neck and collarbone. He might’ve been young, but he smelled like sea-salt and he tasted like honey and he sent waves of fire rolling through her body. In all honesty, he was the first to actually make Raja feel young again. Like any minute now she’d be caught, messing around in the sand with a guy she knew almost nothing about. It was thrilling, but she couldn’t exactly let him win.

  “Nice try,” Raja breathed, flipping him over. “Take it easy, slow down. That’s no way to go, now is it?”

  Pinned underneath her, Karl smiled wickedly. “I don’t suppose you wanna show me how it should be done, then?”

  Raja considered it. She could teach him a few new tricks, that would be fun. Combining the young man’s stamina with the older woman’s expertise would definitely, definitely be fun. But on the other hand, they had all the time in the world. It wasn’t like Raja had a stuffy old husband to go home to anymore - she didn’t have anyone waiting for her. Right now, the only person who wanted her attention was Karl, and he seemed happy to wait.

  Besides; she had a wedding to get ready for. She’d wasted enough precious time fooling around in the sand. If she was going to look suitable for this wedding, she needed to start getting ready early. Plus, Sharon would throw an absolute fit if she knew that Raja was distracting one of her hotel slaves.

  “Meet me after the wedding reception.” Raja told him, extending a long, tan leg close to his face. “Maybe then I’ll dance with you.”

  —

  Night had fallen by the time Trixie was changed, packed, and down at the docks ready to leave. Sharon had been rushing around in a flurry to ensure her daughter had everything she’d need, and then some. Call her over-protective and paranoid, but her little girl was leaving home for the first time, going out into the world to find adventures and experiences. It would be nerve-wracking for any mother.

  Around the four of them, a chilly sea breeze blew. The sky was inky, the sea like molten silver as the moonlight glittered off the surface. Everything was still and silent, besides the bobbing of the little boat that would be taking Trixie and Brian to the mainland. Stars twinkled high above.

  “You sure you’ve got everything?” Sharon worried, shivering on the deck. She rubbed her arms to try and warm them, and only moments later, Justin’s suit jacket had been placed over her shoulders.

  Trixie smiled, humouring her. “Yes, mom. I was sure the first time, long before you triple-checked it all.”

  Brian and Justin shared a laugh, their matching grins widening as Sharon playfully shoved them both.

  “Alright, alright. Sorry. It’s a mom thing, I guess. Worrying so much.”

  Shaking his head, Brian smiled. “Sharon, I’ll take good care of her, not that she needs it.”

  Justin chuckled. “I’m sure after being raised by you, she could take on anything.”

  “You’re probably right.” Sharon grinned. “Well. Don’t let me keep you waiting.”

  Her tone changed; quieter, a little more forlorn. It had been the most perfect day ever, and there was no denying that, but goodbyes were always difficult. Sharon’s last goodbye had been tinged with heartbreak, and this one just felt like letting go. She’d always known, really, that the tiny baby who was lulled to sleep by her heartbeat and the gentle rocking of the chair would one day have to leave home. She herself had done it, albeit under different circumstances. Even so, as a mom, she wanted to keep Trixie wrapped up in swaddling blankets forever.

  Trixie threw her arms around her in a hug, squeezing tight the way she always did. Sharon blinked back her tears when she pulled away, offering a weak smile and leaning forwards to hug Brian, too. Her heart skipped a few beats when she noticed Trixie hugging Justin, planting a kiss on his cheek and whispering her goodbyes.

  It was like they were a real family.

  “Go, go on already!” Sharon half-joked, pushing the two lovers towards their boat and trying to ignore how choked up she felt. “God, you kids… Driving me crazy, I tell you. Go on, go and see the world.”

  Justin kissed the top of Sharon’s head and began to help Trixie and Brian loading their bags onto the boat. Before long they were waving goodbye, growing smaller and smaller in the horizon. Sharon didn’t stop waving until they were a mere dot in the distance, not visible against the night sky nor with Sharon’s rapidly-blurring vision.

  “Hey, hey… It’s okay. I’m here.” Justin’s voice was gentle, calming. He pulled Sharon against his chest, sparing her the embarrassment of crying in front of him, and soothingly rubbed her back.

  “My daughter just left home.” Sharon sniffed, muffled against his shirt. “I feel like the definition of not okay.”

  He leant down and kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle. “I know. But she said she’ll write, and she’s so excited for this. She’s like how we used to be.”

  Justin began to walk away from the docks, one hand in Sharon’s, heading towards the taverna. “Remember? Life was so exciting. The world was this brand new place and we’d get to discover it all.”

  Sharon snorted in spite of herself. “Of course I do. But don’t you think we’re a little old for that now?”

  “Old? You make us sound like pensioners.” Justin laughed. “Babe, we’re both thirty eight. Not even forty yet. That’s not old. Some people call it the prime years.”

  He nudged his wife suggestively, to which she burst out laughing. “Uh huh, sure. You really think we’re better now than we were twenty years ago? I’m saggier, fatter, wrinklier… the list goes on.”

  “You’re so stupid. I don’t see any of that.” Justin defended her, squeezing her hand. “You’re curvy, you’re beautiful… you still have those slutty lips that I love.”

  Sharon gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, acting scandalized. “Slutty lips?! And you call yourself a gentleman?!”

  Justin shrugged. “So you’re saying that when we fuck, it won’t be as good as it used to be? You’re not slutty anymore?”

  “No! I’m not saying that!”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes!”

  “I don’t know, it sounds like that’s what you’re saying.”

  “It won’t be worse! It’ll be better!”

  “Prove it.”

  The challenging gleam in Justin’s eyes sent waves of heat rolling through Sharon’s body. Fuck, she’d missed him. The taunts, the teasing, the dirty talk and the mischievous behaviour. It was ridiculous that she could still feel like she was eighteen even now, just being in his presence. He hadn’t changed a bit, and he was making her run wild.

  “We’re not going to make it to my house, are we?” Sharon asked, half-joking, half-sultry and narrow-eyed.

  Justin’s face was a picture of bliss. “Mmm… I don’t think so. But hey, I see our cabin is still standing. Maybe we should re-acquaint ourselves.”

  Sharon shook her head, laughing. “You… you’re the reason I’m so bad. Cabin it is, before I fucking explode.”

*

The two of them all but ran to the cabin, Justin’s arms flying to Sharon’s waist as she kicked the door closed. As soon as they were alone he kissed her, and it was everything and nothing like she remembered. It was the same passion, the same fire, but his soft lips were accompanied by scratchy stubble and his arms were stronger and more defined than they’d been twenty years ago.

  “Bed,” Sharon demanded as she broke the kiss, pulling Justin across the cabin and into the small, doorless bedroom. The bed was decently sized, fitted with clean white sheets that told Justin that Sharon had been taking care of the cabin even after all this time. He kissed her again, laying her down on the bed and slotting a leg between her thighs as her tongue dipped into his mouth.

  “Told you I love these slutty lips,” he mumbled against her mouth, hands pushing her skirt up her hips. Sharon chuckled, unbuttoning Justin’s shirt and shoving it off his shoulders before trailing a hand down his chest. He was softer than he’d been before, no longer skinny and gangly, and he shivered under her touch after twenty years of deprivation.

  “You’ve certainly aged better than I have,” Sharon grinned as he tossed his hair in mock vanity.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, babe, you don’t look a day over twenty-five.”

  Sharon scoffed. “Sure.”

  “I mean it,” he insisted, moving the top of her dress down too so that the garment was bunched around her waist. “You’re gorgeous no matter how you look. Also, no bra? Really? It’s like you planned this.”

  Sharon laughed and shrugged, her giggle turning into a low moan as Justin rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger. “You’ll be happy to know I decided against going commando while we sent our daughter and her boyfriend off to travel the world.”

  Justin smiled, snapping the elastic of her underwear against her hip and grinning wider when she yelped in surprise. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Sharon rolled her eyes, pulling him in for another kiss.

  “Can you cut the crap and fuck me already?” she mumbled against his lips, pulling his hands down to rest on her thighs and placing her own hands on his hips. He laughed as she cupped his growing erection through his trousers, squeezing lightly and making him groan.

  “So needy, always so needy,” he teased, shucking off his trousers while Sharon freed herself completely from her dress. She let out a low moan as his long, slender fingers teased her through the fabric of her panties, feeling her beginning to get wet from his touch. “Shh, patience, love. I’m gonna make you feel so good. Just like old times, eh?”

  “I’d say a bit different. I’m not the skinny little slip of a thing I used to be.”

  “Sharon Needles, can you stop putting yourself down for a moment and let me worship you the way you deserve? God, you’re still so stubborn.” Sharon nearly protested, but then Justin’s fingers were pushing her underwear aside and grazing over her folds, and she could only let out a soft moan. “That shut you up, huh?”

  “Shut up and fuck me,” Sharon demanded, pushing his hand away and her panties down with it. Justin shot her one of those stupidly adorable grins of his as he slid out of his own underwear and kissed at her jaw and neck again. “Jesus, babe, age made you slow.”

  “If you want to get fucked, you’ll stop complaining,” Justin growled softly, one hand squeezing lightly at the sides of her throat. Sharon felt another rush of heat pass through her body; she’d always been a sucker for Justin showing dominance, and it seemed as though nothing much had changed in the two decades they’d been apart. His hand moved to rest at the base of her throat, barely even touching her, and she raised an eyebrow.

  “You’ve still got it,” she said appreciatively. “Thought you might.”

  “Course I do,” Justin replied, sliding his hand down her body to spread her open and press a finger into her, making her whine. “You drive me crazy, Sharon.”

  “More, Justin,” she complained, arching up into his touch as he added a second finger and his thumb found her sensitive bud. “Christ, fuck me. I’ve waited long enough.”

  “We both have,” Justin agreed as he drew his fingers out of her and lined up with her entrance. “You sure you don’t wanna change positions?”

  “It’s not gonna do my back any favors,” she answered. “Told you I wasn’t the kid I used to be.”

  “Shush,” Justin bade her, running his thumb across her lower lip and gazing into her eyes with so much love she thought she might melt. She hadn’t seen him look at her like that in all their years apart, and if she was telling the truth, no one could ever fill the gap Justin had left in her life. But he was here now, his hands on her thighs, his lips on her lips, and oh, how Sharon had missed him. He was hot and hard against her, and when he pressed just past her entrance she sighed.

  “More, baby,” she encouraged, pulling him down by the shoulders to kiss the corner of his mouth.

  “You sure, love? It’s been a long time and I-”

  “I’m sure,” Sharon promised, all but a whisper against his skin. He pushed a little further, and Sharon’s back arched to take him deeper into her warmth, kissing him deep and hard. She didn’t stop until his hips were flush against hers and he was buried inside her completely, and he panted against her neck as they both adjusted to the sensations wracking their bodies.

  “You… oh, Sharon, you feel so good,” Justin groaned, gasping when she clenched around him with a smirk. When he rolled his hips, she whimpered loudly, kissing him desperately.

  “I’ve been desperate to have your cock inside me for the last twenty years,” she mumbled roughly, “Memories are never as good as the real thing. I’ve never- fuck– I’ve never been this full.”

  “No one else,” Justin promised as he withdrew a few inches before pushing back in, making Sharon gasp. “No one else can do it like you, babe. No one else can take it like you.”

  “Please, baby,” she begged as he began to increase the pace and depth of his thrusts, his grip on her hips so tight she was sure there would be bruises later. “Fuck, J-Justin…” Justin was perfection, he always had been; he filled her so completely and took her apart effortlessly, making her feel like she was coming apart at the seams and melting into the mattress. She didn’t know his history after he’d left the island– there would be time for that later –but there was no doubt that he’d only grown more skilled with age. It was like he could see right through her and into the place where she kept her deepest desires; every single thrust was perfect, his steady rhythm sending waves of pleasure through her body unlike anything she’d experienced since their last time together. He knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed, and he kissed her with all the passion and sweetness of a first love that had never really faded.

  Desire coursed through Sharon like a wildfire, igniting every nerve in her body and setting her alight with pleasure. She could tell Justin was nearing the edge from the way that his hips began to stutter slightly, but he was doing an astounding job of keeping his steady pace. Sharon pulled her legs to her chest, changing the angle and allowing him to move even deeper inside her, speeding up and fucking her harder and faster. The bed rocked against the wall of the cabin as Justin lost his controlled rhythm and gave into his body, letting Sharon pull him down for a kiss as his hips slammed against her soft thighs.

  Sharon came first, a hoarse shout of ecstasy leaving her lips as every single thrust of Justin’s hips allowed him to ram against the spot deep inside her that made her see stars. Her nails raked down his back as she threw her head back and sobbed with the sheer pleasure of it all, drawing a hiss from Justin and resulting in him planting sloppy kisses all over her mouth like a teenager with poor aim. He finished with a rough cry of “Sharon,” and a final snap of his hips, coming deep and hard inside her and all but collapsing on her chest. The two of them lay like that for several moments, completely spent and trying to catch their breath, and Sharon’s lips lingered against Justin’s cheek, her fingers running over the angry red marks she’d created on his skin.

  “I’m sorry about that,” she chuckled, “I guess you really do make me feel young again.” Justin let out a breathless laugh at that, carefully pulling out of her and moving to collapse on the bed beside her. She nestled herself into his arms, slotting her thigh between his legs.

  “Just like old times, mm?”

  “Just like the good old days,” Sharon agreed teasingly. “I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d be able to do better than we used to. I’m impressed.”

  Justin smiled lazily, shifting slightly and kissing Sharon’s cheek. “Wanna know what pushed me over the edge?”

  “Sure,” she laughed, “But proceed with caution.”

  “I was thinking about how beautiful you looked under me, and then I just had the thought pop into my head that wow, that’s my wife. You’re my wife.”

  Sharon let out an airy laugh, snuggling into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. “Mhmm,” she hummed contentedly, “Never thought I’d see the day.”

  “…Sharon?”

  “Hm?”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby.”

  —

  Justin wasn’t an idiot.

  For his first move after the wedding, he’d told Sharon in no uncertain terms that she needed a break. After all, he’d witnessed how frantic she was for the few days that he’d been on the island. He could’ve sworn that she didn’t sleep, eat or relax at any point, just work work work. She needed a break, some time off.

  Of course, time had slightly altered his memories of just how stubborn she was. There was no way she was going to be leaving her hotel, not a chance in Heaven or Hell. She’d put her foot down and that was it, decision made.

  Only Justin wasn’t that much of a pushover, and so began their at-home honeymoon. The young men, guided by Raja and Jinkx, were in charge of the hotel for a while, whilst Sharon and Justin roamed around the island, enjoying their time together.

  It was nice to watch her relax, really. In the sunlight, with her hair cascading down her back rather than tied up, and her face smooth rather than pinched with stress, she could’ve passed for eighteen again. He’d forgotten just how captivating her eyes were, a deeper blue than any expanse of ocean they could see. He’d forgotten how funny her laugh was, the utter cackle that came out of her. He’d forgotten the beauty in her smile.

  Really, he could spend all day listing off the beautiful things that he started to remember during their at-home honeymoon, but Sharon wouldn’t give him the chance. She was as needy and desperate as the day they’d met, and he certainly wasn’t complaining.

  It wasn’t all sex, though. Sometimes they both needed a break, and they had twenty one years of talking to do.

  “Jinkx took this, about two hours after I gave birth. Look at her tiny little fist around my finger.” Sharon held up the photo so Justin could see. Heart squeezing, he wrapped his arms around his wife even tighter.

  “I can’t believe I never knew about all this.” He replied, refusing to take his eyes off his then-newborn daughter. “She looks so much like you.”

  Sharon chuckled. “She always did. I miss her so much.”

  That day, Sharon had taken Justin on her proper tour of her tiny home. He already knew what the rooms looked like, having stayed there since the wedding, but she took him around to the lumps and bumps and chips and cracks, naming each one as incidents that had happened when Trixie was little - all the parts of their lives that he’d missed. Now, he saw the house in a whole new light, full of life and memories and little remnants of the past.

  “This one is sweet.” Justin picked up another of the photos spread across Sharon’s - their - bed. “How old is she here?”

  The photo showed Trixie, cheesing at the camera from her perch on Sharon’s shoulders. Her blonde hair was in two plaits, with a pink cowboy hat on her head and a blue princess dress. Sharon was giggling up at her daughter, seemingly unaware that the photo was being taken, in a summer dress that matched Trixie’s.

  Sharon studied it, smiling faintly, then flipped it over. On the back, almost illegible writing read ‘Princess Trixabelle Parton (3) and Mama Sharon (21) go on an adventure to the marketplace to find some lunch (MS) and defeat some evil (PTP).’

  “Those were the days.” She murmured, biting her lip. “I used to wonder how different my life would be without having Trixie, but she made everything better. I’m sure drinking at twenty one is fun, but playing with Princess Trixabelle Parton was fun too. There’s no comparison.”

  Justin kissed her forehead. “God, you’re fucking magical, you know that?”

  Sharon’s eyes were bright with unshed tears, which she dabbed at in an unsuccessful attempt to prevent them from falling. In spite of herself, she giggled a little.

  “I can’t believe she’s all gr-grown up, I still worry about her so much. She better send me another letter soon.” She paused. “I really miss these days.”

  Unable to stand the sight of her tears, Justin pulled Sharon closer and closer until her face was buried in his chest yet again. Once he could feel her sobs gently deteriorating into laughter, he pulled her away and tucked the photo into his pocket.

  “I’ll tell you what. We should go on our own market adventure today. Let’s buy something weird and make a day of it. We could even take a boat to the mainland and see if Trixie’s sent anything for us. I asked the guy on the boat when he gave you the letter last week, and he said that he’s happy to pass on letters but we’ll have to collect any parcels for ourselves.”

  Sharon considered him. “You know what… that sounds nice! I’ll get dressed, hold on.”

  In a matter of moments, she’d removed her pyjama top with an extravagant flourish, causing Justin to burst into laughter.

  “I swear I’ve put weight on, this is your fault.” She balled the shirt up and threw it at Justin’s head, childishly blowing raspberries at him when he ducked and missed it. “Look at me!”

  She poked her stomach, puffing her cheeks out. Rolling his eyes, Justin threw her shirt back.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Put some clothes on, nympho.”

  Sharon laughed appreciatively. “Fair, fair. Do you think we could skip the market, though? Recently the smell of all the fish has been making me really nauseous, and I don’t wanna throw up on you in that shirt. You look good in that shirt.”

  It wasn’t long after their day out that Justin started to suspect. Of course, he’d never blindly say a thing out loud, for fear of castration via kitchen knives, but he was definitely beginning to notice a few telling changes, even if Sharon wasn’t. The nausea, for example. The breath-taking way she’d started to fill her clothes.

  In fact, he tried to mention it to her once. She was having none of it.

  “Nope. Where did you get that from?”

  “I just thought maybe-”

  “You’re crazy, Justin. I love you, but you’re crazy.”

  “I mean, we have been-”

  “It’s just not realistic, babe!”

  “It’s possible, I guess I just-”

  “Possible? At my age?”

  “You’re not old! In fact, you’re perfectly-”

  “You’re off your head, babe. I think the sea salt is getting to your brain.”

  “But don’t you think-”

  “Nah, it can’t be. Justin, I’m not pregnant.”

  So they dropped the subject. She wasn’t, because Justin was clearly crazy and seeing things that weren’t there. She continued to deny it even when he hadn’t brought it up, which made him laugh. Justin knew Sharon wasn’t exactly… bright. Eventually she’d catch on.

  ‘Eventually’ turned out to be a week from their debate. Justin was sprawled across the bed, half-asleep in sweatpants and a face-mask that she’d insisted they both try. He was forced awake as the bathroom door slammed open, revealing a distressed Sharon with a mouthful of toothpaste foam, a toothbrush in one hand and a pregnancy test in the other.

  “‘Ow did thi’ ‘appen?” She managed to say, leaning into the sink to spit and then returning. “How?!”

  Justin shrugged. “I guess someone decided that the best way to clean your teeth is with a little brush on the end of a stick, so you can really get in there and scrub.”

  Sharon dropped the toothbrush. “Not that, doofus. This!”

  “Did… Did you forget that we’ve been having like… a lot of sex?” Justin tried.

  She shook her head. “Well, of course not.”

  “And the fact that we ran out of condoms within a week?”

  “No.”

  “And that when I told you, you said it didn’t matter and we didn’t need any more?”

  “No.”

  “Well… that’ll be why.”

  Justin watched Sharon’s face, trying to gauge her feelings. She was almost impossible to read sometimes, what with years of hiding her feelings under her belt. He decided to tread carefully, pushing down the rising excitement that he felt inside him.

  “But… we’re old!” She protested. “I really didn’t think this could happen, if I’m honest.”

  Smiling gently, Justin beckoned her to come and lay on the bed with him. The sun was just starting to set, and as she nestled into his arms, golden sunlight filtered through the window and made patterns on the wall. Sharon kept staring at the test in her hand, encompassed by Justin’s warmth.

  “How do you feel about this?” He whispered.

  Sharon swallowed. “It’s… unexpected. How… how do you feel?”

  “I feel amazing.” He admitted quietly, his heart softening as Sharon smiled. “I can be here for you this time, every step of the way.”

  He placed his hand on top of Sharon’s, both of them on her stomach. For a few, peaceful moments, they lay there in silence.

  Sharon was first to break it. “God, I can’t believe those bitches were right. It’s like Raja and Jinkx can predict the fucking future.”

  Justin laughed. “Well. As I’m sure you’ll remember, I’m in if you’re in.”

  The nostalgia registered on Sharon’s face instantly. The first time they’d met - all those years ago - the two of them said it a lot. When faced with a freezing cold plunge pool and no clothes, Justin simply shrugged “I’m in if you’re in.” When coming up with a plan to cause some minor havoc, the two of them in pain from laughing so hard, Sharon managed “I’m in if you’re in!”

  It had been years since either of them had said or even heard those words.

  “I’m in.”

[toraberaa]

“Out of this world!”  those were the words that I uttered after witnessing the impeccable beauty of Mt. Ijen.

Mt. Ijen is not just an ordinary mountain. It is a volcano. And not just an ordinary volcano but an active one. It is a stratovolcano which sits 2,799 meters above sea level (9,183 ft). A hazardous volcano that emits toxic fumes and a home for highly acidic lake.

Literally, it was a “hell” and figuratively speaking as well. My hike was hellish. There were too many struggles I faced. I know that without these hardships, the story that I would tell will be definitely lame. Kidding! Nevertheless, I overcame it and I was rewarded with a beautiful sight. I saw a “heaven”. It was a bizarre feeling. I’ve never seen so sublime in my life. It’s a mixture of apocalypse and nirvana. A violent act of nature. Many of the locals said this phrase “Eye on Heaven, Foot in Hell”.  It’s amazing how these two places coincide. How God beautifully designed it.

With that said, I entitled this as “Where Heaven and Hell meets”

Day Minus Zero

It was August 6, 2018 when I left Bali. A day after magnitude 7.0 earthquake hit it. I thought on myself that it was far from the epicenter thus, it was much safer to go on high areas. I was worried that there would be a tsunami at that time. Nah. Who was I kidding? I just surfed earlier on that morning and the real reason was, I scheduled to go on that day based on my plan. The D-day.

It was hot and sunny in Bali and for few hours and kilometers away, I was welcomed by drizzle at Banyuwangi. (I will edit this post later to provide info on how to go to Banyuwangi from Bali)

Loooong and winding road

Approximately 5 hours of bus ride, I arrived at Ketapang port at 8:30 PM. There were only few people around and it feels like it’s already late at night. It was difficult to hail a taxi or even an ojek (motorcycle taxi). No one shows available too in Grab. I went to convenience store and asked around. Some can’t understand English. Somehow I could tell that they understood what I’m trying to convey and they were willing to help. They referred me to a cab who knows a little bit of English and said repeatedly “House stay?” I said “Yes. Mango home stay” and hopped in. I hoped we were at the same page after I confirmed. I checked on my GPS and it was a relief that he knows where we were heading.

I arrived at Mango Tree House Home Stay and I paid him 40.000 IDR.

The Mango Tree House Home stay

“Philippines?” Mr. Arif, the owner of the house, greeted me. I acknowledged him with a nod. He said he was waiting for me. As we entered the house, he asked me again “Tea or coffee?” “Coffee will do.” I replied.

While he was heating the pot, he showed me my room. It doesn’t have an air condition but it have an electric fan. It’s okay since it was cold. The room have also a single pillow and a bed. That’s it! You get what you pay for. (By the way, the room was only 65.000 IDR) The room was just good enough for an overnight. After all, I just came here for Mt. Ijen.

House Special!

Mr. Arif served the coffee and we just had a conversation. We talked about my experience in Indonesia, difference of our countries (because Indonesia and Philippines were kinda the same) and other stuff. He had a good sense of humor and very entertaining. A moment later, another guests arrived. Mr. Arif introduced the new guests to me. They were a German couple who came from Probolinggo, just after the Mt. Bromo tour. He said I would be joining them for the Mt. Ijen tour tonight as well as the two Italians who arrived earlier than us. And guess what, they were also a couple. (Not jealous. lol!) Mr. Arif told us that he was still waiting for the French guy to arrive. I was hoping. Not that I wanted to be a fifth wheel but it must be a minimum of 6 persons to avail the package to Mt. Ijen.

As the night getting late, Mr. Arif suggested to take quick dinner near the home stay. The German couple decided to take a rest while I took a quick dinner at warungs (a small family owned business restaurant).

Solved! My dinner for 15.000 IDR only

The tour will start by 12 AM. It was 10 PM already. I went back to the home stay and took a quick nap.

V

I woke up exactly 11 PM. I packed up for the things I needed — headlights, gloves, jacket, camera and etc. Checked! I went to the living room and I didn’t saw yet the Italians and Germans at the living room. Maybe I was too early? I guessed I was really excited for this tour (which was true). I wished I stayed a little longer in bed.

I saw new faces in the living room. The French guy was already there, along with two lovely gals who were also French. He said that he was too tired and he would not go for Mt. Ijen tonight while the two gals were scheduled tomorrow.

We had a little chit-chat. Yes, only a little. They were talking in their native language. Since I can’t understand them, my mind wandered and I imagined The Little Prince. (LOL!) The younger lady (too bad, I couldn’t remember her name) was so considerate as she kept me entertained. She even asked the others to speak in English so I could also join their conversation.

Few minutes passed, they showed up. So it would be just a group of five — 1 Filipino, 2 Germans, and 2 Italians. Good thing that Mr. Arif was really kind. He didn’t want to disappoint us. Instead we avail the package tour from the agencies, he would be the one who will drive us to Mt. Ijen.

The Road to Mt. Ijen

From the start, it was already a challenge, the weather condition was not that good. It’s drizzling. We were starting to doubt if we could see the blue fire tonight. Blue fire is one of unnatural phenomenon that is happening in Banyuwangi. I believed this was also the reason why travelers would go here. Mr. Arif said that “We can’t tell. It’s nature.” He seems to have a good point. After all, nature is really unpredictable. But he also made our hopes high and said “But you will go above the clouds, so it will not be raining.”

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” – Zig Ziglar

Around 12:30 AM, we leave at the home stay and drove towards Mt. Ijen. It would be a long drive for about an hour. I sat at the front seat while the others continue to rest at the back seats. I can’t catch some nap even I wanted to. Plus, I sat next to Mr. Arif. I should keep him a company and needed him to stay awake. With this, I just witnessed how difficult the roads to Mt. Ijen.

Excessive moisture in the window.

It had a zigzag road. For a few moments, the roads turned to a jungle with no lights on the road — trusting only the headlights that the car provides. The road also became muddy due to the weather condition. As we went higher, the fogs appeared. Mr. Arif wiped the windshield every time as the window had moist. I’m very glad that Mr. Arif was a skillful driver and knew the road.

The Base Camp

We reached the Base Camp at 1:36 AM. Mr. Arif handed us gas masks. After that, Mr. Arif called me and told me the best tip ever. “This is the only tip I can give to you. At the counter, say “Satu” (it means one) and just give 10.000″.  We both knew that I looked like an Indonesian. The price difference from foreigner to locals was 90.000 IDR. Good guy Mr. Arif!

Mr. Arif guided the others and I headed to the ticket office alone. I needed to be alone to pull this trick. When I got there, I followed his advice. I confidently said “Satu!” as if I spoke a magical phrase “Open sesame!” in One Thousand and One Nights. However, the ticket officer said something I didn’t know. I repeated “Satu!” but the stare of the officer didn’t quite look good. (Uh-oh! Busted!) Our plan didn’t worked out. The ticket officer went outside and that moment I thought I would be penalized or could be worse. But he just pointed me where I should buy. He meant “Where the foreigners should buy”. Whew! I think this was not the first time it happened to them. Some also tried this scheme perhaps. But what embarrassed me more was when he spoke to me and I tried to push a little harder saying random Indonesian words that I learned. I believed in his mind you would read “Nice try!”. (LOL!)

I went back to our group and paid the foreign price. “What happened?” the group questioned. I reported and I said “I think he was asking for smaller bill. I saw the ticket it was only 5.000 IDR. Maybe it’s something with my accent too.” Mr. Arif said that someone might already overheard us and tipped the officer. “Too bad.” Mr. Arif responded with a chuckle and patted my back. “It’s okay!” I replied. Well, it’s actually fine. No regrets. Although the price difference were very significant, to be honest, spending 100.000 IDR was already cheap for the exchange for what we would discover later. (I’m telling you now that it was very worthy after I finished the hike.)

Jump Off

We started at 1:58 am. This was where the real struggle began. First, it was cold. Maybe because we were already in high altitude and rain also contributed. They said that the temperature sometimes drop from 15°C to 10°C. Second, it was dark. Pitch dark. It was nice that I bought a headlamp since it was not included in the trip. Third, we have no tour guide either. Even though if we avail the package, the tour guide was excluded. Mr. Arif told us that it wasn’t required and we don’t need to. “Mt. Ijen trail had only one trail — where you enter is where you exit. Just follow the crowd and you will not get lost.” He was right. There were many people who were also hiking. These people were not only tourist. Some were just local people — guides and miners. Yes, the sulfur miners. And so on and so on.

The gates were already open.

Our group, the Mango Tree House party (I made that up inside of my head), agreed that we could walk together instead doing by yourselves. While walking, I introduced myself and started a conversation. The name of German couple were Patrick and his girlfriend (Sorry! I forgot the name!) And the name of Italian couple were Andrea and her boyfriend. (Yes…I also forgot the name.) The Italian couple didn’t talk too much. It was Patrick’s girlfriend who talked to me a lot. That was why it was a shame to forget her name. (If you ever found my blog and read this. Let me know so I can apologize.).

Along the way, we saw some locals who had a push cart. This is what they called “Human Taxi”. Some says it costs around 400.000 IDR in exchange that they would take you to the top.

The Struggle is Real

Few minutes later, I felt that I’m having difficulty to walk. Besides that it was still raining and that makes the terrain slippery. But because I surfed before I went here, it’s now paying toll on me. I felt the pain in my upper body and I got blisters on my toes. Although minimal, I felt the irritating pain every time I took a step. I was thinking why I did that knowing that I would hike later. Nevertheless, the show must go on. And by speaking, while hiking, I still managed to document or video myself.

We saw a shed. I took some minutes to rest, while others went to toilet. Some also put layers on their body. This was supposed to be our last stop, and we should moved all the way from the top..well..uhmm let me repeat that. This was supposed to be “their” last stop. Because for me, it’s not. As we back on track again, I felt now the fatigue and every steps were now heavy. My heart was pounding like a jack hammer. I was leading before on our group (excited too much) and now I was lagging behind. Their stamina was fascinating. I knew I haven’t had a good rest just like them. That’s what I told to myself just to fool my mind.

“You are in the cottage”

We arrived at the “cafeteria”. I stopped again and took a rest for a while. It was my life saver! I was a fool that I forgot to brought water. If there’s no store available, I might desperately beg someone to give me some water. After I bought a bottled water, I gulped it immediately. As I checked my group, they were nowhere in my sight. I lost them and I think they didn’t notice me. That’s why I said that was our  their last stop because I realized they didn’t took a break here.

I proceeded even without them and just a few moments later, the nature called me. I wanted pee. I don’t know if there would be another stop after the cafeteria. I don’t want even to go back there. I went astray and I did the “tabi-tabi po” style (common Filipino culture) and asked Mt. Ijen for forgiveness. Thank goodness it was pitch dark.

To the Summit

We needed to be on top quickly. It’s because blue fire only show itself in darkness. This was also the reason why we needed to hike at midnight. It would not be longer visible once the sun had risen.

I moved quickly as I needed to catch up with Mango Tree House party. I hoped that at some point I would see them. And just when I thought. They were there, waiting and searching for me. I heard from afar “It is him?” as I went closer to them. I saw their faces with a sign of relief. All of them were worried about me. They asked if I’m okay. I answered them that I’m fine and I apologized to them. I suggested that they could continue without me. I don’t want to become a burden or the reason why they will not see the blue fire. Still, Patrick’s girlfriend insisted “No, you can tell us if you want to have a break. We will wait for you. Okay?” Isn’t she sweet? (It was really a shame that I forgot her name. I wish one day, I will remember it.)

When we got back on track again, she noticed that I’m running out of breath and curiously asked me “Do you smoke?” I honestly replied “No, I’m just fat.” and she laughed.

I stopped recording and documentation for a while to save some energy.

MDPL means meter dari permukaan laut which literally translated as meters above sea level (MASL)

We were already walking for about 2 hours from the start. They said that 3 hours was the average time to reach the top. I felt we were already near. I saw already the caldera and the trail changed to flat terrain. At 3:26 AM, we finally made it to the top.

To the Dragon’s Nest

Actually, to went down close to the crater was prohibited. Only the workers (sulfur miners) were allowed. Not to mention that it was dangerous, but it was also slippery at that time. However, many of the visitors ignored this warning and continue their way to the crater. It was at your own risk. We talked to each other if we wanted to continue. It was early to go back and we decided to continue our way.

The trail going down was very narrow. At least one person could fit in. There were no hand rails. One wrong step and you would fall. Take note that the terrain here was rocky. To jump or skip would make stones or rocks fall.

We, the uninvited guests, were attacked by the vile stench of Mt. Ijen halfway down the steep trail. It was an acrid and sour smell. From here, we wore our gas mask. This made hard for me to breathe.

This was the time, Patrick and his girlfriend turned around and decided to go back.  I was behind them and I could tell that they were having a difficulty going down. They said it was very dangerous and they don’t wanted to risk it.  I didn’t persist. They wished me good luck and I replied them to take care. (Later, when we were on our way to house stay. Patrick was vomiting along the way and got sick. It was a good call for them to turned back.) 

As for the Italian couple, who were just right behind me. I saw that they hired a guide who gave them a helping hand when descending. They were now in good hands and we parted away from each other as I had to do breaks. So from here, I did it on my own.

The Devil’s Gold and the Ijen Warriors

I saw sulfur miners as I moved closer to the crater. According to some, these sulfur miners carries a load for about 30-50 kg (60-110 lbs) for each basket. If you ever saw them along the way, please stop for a while and give way. I also noticed that some of them didn’t have proper equipment, they didn’t wear gloves and gas masks. Despite the dangers and the risks they could encounter, as I heard, most of them went twice on a single day to doubled their sulfur mine. And you may probably wouldn’t believe that the cost of their tough grind is only 800 IDR per kilo.

These sulfur miners were the real mutants. Where did they get their superpowers? This probably one of the toughest job in the world! With their amazing feat, they have earned respect and fascination on the tourist. Some of them tried to carry the loads or took some photographs with them and leave a small tip. Some gave things like cigarettes which they said to be their favorite, which was kinda ironic. While some of the sulfur miners created souvenirs for extra income. These were shaped sulfur which comes in different shapes and size with a cost of 10.000-50.000 IDR. I bought a teddy bear shaped sulfur for 20.000 IDR for keepsake and to helped them. Please don’t haggle anymore.

The yellow ore is the sulfur. This is already extracted from the volcano.

Behind me is what they called “Devil’s Gold” where the sulfur miners risked their lives for these.

The Heart of Mt. Ijen

I arrived at the crater at 4:15 AM. They were already a lot of people waiting for the blue fire. As I stood on the ground and took a rest, I saw people who were still going down. I was fascinated to saw the alternating lights, blinking and flickering. Looked back how far that I got just to arrived here.

What I saw afterwards was more fascinating than this. As I extended my sight upwards, I saw the illumination of the moon and the brilliant stars. I saw the Milky Way and a glimpse of the universe. What a lovely sight to see. I stared for a while and made me forget the exhaustion even just for a second.

I was worried if the blue fire would appear tonight. So I looked around for the other spot. And I finally saw the blue fire.I said “This is it?”  A stranger replied “Yeah, it’s the blue fire”. Deep inside I know it’s the “blue fire”. A fire that was blue. But it’s not what I pictured based on what I Googled and it was just a small one. It looks like the one you could see when you light up a denatured alcohol or a flame in your stove. At that time, my headlamp was still on. But even after I turned it off, I appreciated it somehow.

The Eccentric Blue Fire

11 minutes passed and the blue fire finally appeared. The one that I was expecting. We were all in awe. All of us in crowd said “Wow!” in chorus. I moved closer to the blue fire. We all know that the blue flame was the hottest and the most intense part of a fire. They said that it could be at 600°C yet I can’t feel hot nearby the blue fire. I haven’t thought of this at that time. I was overjoyed I guess. But I admitted that I was reckless at that time.

I stopped recording and just watched the marvels of the world.

There are only two places in the world that the blue fire can be observe — Iceland and Indonesia.

While Indonesia is just close to Philippines, it has also a larger blue fire area compared to Iceland.

It looks like a lava, that’s why most of the people mistakenly called it as “blue lava”. The flames were so pure and so mystical. It was like a heart of Mt. Ijen, burning so brightly indicating its life force. Once the flames go out, it would lose its appeal. Eventually, that happened.

The Blue Acid Lake

After some time, they extinguished the fire and we were now enveloped in toxic fumes. This was the time our gas masks became really useful. These smokes were very nasty. Even with our gas masks on, I could still inhale the smoke that I needed to stop my breathing for a while. It was also irritating to the eyes. It singed that made our eyes teared.

As the show already finished, like what I said earlier, some people started to climb back. Even we were engulfed by smoke, I chose to stay for several reasons. They were still people going down. With the trail so steep and it’s still dark, I was worried about the traffic and there might be falling rocks or debris. I might also lose my balance and fall. If I stay, it would be a perfect time to recover and saved some strength. To add, it’s too early to went back. I wanted to see the blue acid lake. I have checked where the blue acid lake located. It was still dark at that time and I’m unable to appreciate its true beauty.

I looked for a spot and hid behind a big rock. At least, it would protect me from toxic smoke. In order to survive until sunrise, I needed to stay low, curl down, closed my eyes, and stopped my breath.

Around 5:43 AM, as dawn washed the darkness from the sky, the blue acid lake was revealed to be an enchanted beauty. I have seen similar turquoise blue water in Kawasan Falls at Cebu, Philippines and Kuang Si Falls at Luang Prabang, Laos but this was an exception. It was not the type of waters you want to dive into.

It was deceptively beautiful!

Mt. Ijen is also known for the World’s Most Highly Acidic Lake. (Hitting two birds in one stone) According to research, it has a pH lower than the battery acid or almost zero.

I wished I could stay longer to admire the acidic lake. However, I already ran out of luck and the toxic smoke was slowly engulfing us. I couldn’t take it anymore and my body was now reacting to it. Short-term exposure to highly concentrated levels of toxic smoke could be deadly. It could lead to breathing difficulties, may burn the lungs, corrode the skin and can even melt your teeth. Yikes! It’s time to go back.

After Dark

It was 6:37 AM when I reached Mt. Ijen’s peak again. This time, I was greeted of an awe-inspiring sight. The sun light slowly gleaming the caldera. The sky was deep blue and the cloud was the same height as where I stood as if my hands could reach it. The cold wind blew so strong you could hear its whistle. The field became lunar-liked as if I was transported or stepped on another planet. While revisiting the sight of blue acid lake and smoke came from the sulfur, it somehow reminded me of the movie “The Planet of the Apes”. So calm yet, destructive. I also like the blending of colors — bright yellow and turquoise blue.

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I never had this scene in my entire travel. This was what the philosophers called “the sublime”.

Totally out of this world!

Below was a short impromptu documentary that I made. Enjoy! 🙂

Sometimes, the most phenomenal things in life require a little danger, and climbing Mt. Ijen certainly is one of them.

Mt. Ijen – Where Heaven and Hell Meets "Out of this world!"  those were the words that I uttered after witnessing the impeccable beauty of Mt.

[zmbkl]

Nano 4

Hello everyone,

I had a good day today. Alia and I wanted to go to Apple Hill because we’ve never been. I heard a lot about it and even my Japanese boss had gone before I did. I mentioned it to my friend who said he would love to take is girlfriend as well. I told them we should meet up for brunch before we go. I am trying to save money and think he is the same position so I offered to cook food at my place. I like cooking and I haven’t cooked in a while.

I used to cook a lot more, but I’ve been very tired and busy lately. I was trying to cook creative and fun things a while ago. I bought a few cookbooks, and saved a few online recipes. It’s something I want to be good at because I am not. I know Alia appreciates whenever I cook for her, and I thought about having more friends over for dinner. It’s another fun thing I wanted to turn into a social thing. I didn’t actually invite many people over as I thought I would. It was either something I was too afraid to show off or everyone had difficult schedules to work around. I stopped cooking as much lately. I let my plate get too full and I haven’t had good time management skills lately.

I am doing DnD all day after work Monday, and I have Japanese classes Tuesdays and Thursdays.  This leaves Wednesday and Friday free after work. On these days I am typically resting from the previous day and nothing ever gets done. Like this weekend, I didn’t do laundry or meal prep. I still need to mail off that refund request for my phone bill before it’s too late. I got this 401k letter I need to respond to, go get my blood tested and I need to call my bank about switching cards. I am also trying to stay healthy and in shape. Which is hard, when being lazy sounds sooo inviting.

I complain about this a lot. I’ve been complaining about my time management skills since I was in high school but I don’t do anything about it. I’ve tried a lot of things. I’ve tried making a calendar and have my phone remind me to get things done. I’ve tried leaving post-it notes on my computer monitor to help remind me to get things done. I think I even tried writing everything in a journal. None of these things worked. I think I ended up deciding that I can’t get anything done at home. I’ve gotten most of my work done at coffee shops or libraries. I’ve just gotten too comfortable at home and I can’t force myself to do things I don’t want to do in my house. I can’t keep going to coffee shops though. I drink too much coffee and I can’t keep spending money on it. Meh. I’ll think of something.

So I was going to talk about how my current roommates are moving out, but I don’t talk about how I know them a lot. So I was picked on a lot in elementary and middle school. I wore dirty cloths, didn’t shower much and my parents always bought me cloths 2-3 sizes too big. I think they got lazy during my growth spurt and stopped trying to get me cloths that fit me. Anyway, I didn’t have a fun time in grade school up until high school. My mom get sent to jail for a month. My siblings and I went to live with my dad in the city called Empire right outside of Modesto. We got temporarily transferred to the high school on that side of town. I was lucky and I knew one kid there from middle school. Scott was his name. I went to go hang out with him while he played Yugioh. There I met two very important people Shay and Jessica.

Jessica was a very angry girl who wore tripp pants and some anime shirt. The anime shirt and color of tripp pants varied but it was always that outfit. Shay was an anxiety kid in jeans and some sort of metal band T-shirt. While I watched Scott play cards, I would talk to these two.  I joined the anime club with Jessica. She was a member who made a lot of AMV’s and yelled a lot. She loved to hit people and steal the attention. I was also really into AMV’s so I used to try to talk to her. She was not into me. Shay seemed cool, and we talked a little, but we didn’t hit it off at first.

Later my mom got out of jail. I moved back in with her. I went to this high school right next to my house for a bit, but I went back to hating school all together. I wanted to go back to the high school with Jessica and Shay (Johansen). I found out you needed to take a program at the high school that isn’t offered anywhere else to justify the transfer. I think it has changed since then, but that’s the way it was in 2006. I joined the child development program to justify the transfer. My history, English, and electives were themed around child development, and I was with the same 70ish kids for these few classes. They could restrict our science classes since the pace kids went at were so varied.  

Anyhoo, I made it back to Johansen, and I was ready to start my junior year.  I got the same lunch period as Jessica and Shay. I eventually started to date Jessica. We started to go out in March of 2007 and we dated for five and half years. That story is very involved and sort of involves this story but I’m going to skim the details for now. I had seen Shay around during my junior year, and I hung out with him a few times, but we didn’t get close until my senior year.

During senior year, Jessica went to a JC close by and I tried my best to make new friends. I hung out with Shay and his friends in the morning. They were all part of the mechanics program. It was very similar to my child development program, but for engineering and mechanics. Some of them went to middle school together, but they all were in the engineering program together.

They were:

Franklin: He was a half black half Filipino kid with long hair and a mean face.  He went to middle school with Shay.

Bobby: I found out his name was Vandy. but somehow got nicknamed Bobby. He was a larger Cambodian kid who went to church with Franklin.

Sam: He was a close friend of Shay. I am not sure how they met but they were the closest out of the group other than Bobby and franklin.

Omar: He was closer with Franklin than Shay. Shay and Franklin always took the opportunity to give Omar a hard time. A lot of young guy friends have one friend they keep around and shit on a lot. Omar was that guy. This was weird, in retrospect, because he was the most successful. Omar had an on and off again girlfriend Sherri. I remember they broke up and got back together a few times, but I never got too involved with it.

This was my high school krew. Franklin called us the Krew in text chats. It was fun. A lot of stupid things I did in high school was with these guys, and they helped me through some difficult times. They were all anime elitist (only watched “Good Anime”), BIG fighting same fans, Metal heads, and browsed 4chan a bunch. A lot of the stuff I know about metal, The Fighting game community, and hipster anime came from these guys. We hung out a lot in college, but that’s when everyone started to change a lot.

Franklin’s parents got hit by the recession REALLY hard and he moved to Stockton. We helped him move a few times, but he kept moving a lot. Always in Stockton so we stayed somewhat close. A common topic of hanging out would be, “Have you heard from Franklin? How is he doing?” We never really knew.

Sam got REALLY into raves and partying. He started to ditch us and go party. We weren’t the partying type so he didn’t invite us. He knew we were kind of straight edge and we suspected he was doing psychedelics at the parties. We didn’t care, but I think he was embarrassed. Meh, he didn’t have to be but it doesn’t matter now.

I still see Bobby on facebook. He seems like he is doing fine.

When I broke up with Jessica in 2013 my friends helped me through it which was nice. I needed a place to live and Omar’s girlfriend Sherri was going to go to Sac state and was looking for a roommate. I moved out of Jessica’s in about a month and I moved in with Sherri. Omar followed about six months later.

I had a falling out with the rest of the group. Sam was the first to block me on all social media. Franklin was next. I heard he thought I screwed him over and he was very upset at me. Shay was the last to go. He unfollowed me on all social media back in March of 2015.

I still live with Sherri and Omar now, and I love living with them. We all made new friends in Sac and we wanted to branch out and live with new people. We are still on good terms, but were going to get new roommates. I’m kind of excited for the change.

Sometimes I miss my old high school friends. I don’t think they were great people, but I developed a lot of who I am because of them. I don’t know if it’s ever worth trying to repair those relationships. I feel like I want to do it just because it sucks knowing the people who were very important to you hate you. I don’t hate them, and I could try to fix what happened between us. I just don’t know if it would be worth it. I don’t see myself hanging out with them or being close friends anymore. I think I just want closer on it. But meh.