#as a way to make amends for unintentionally hurting him so deeply

[ramblingguy54]

She is so proud of her boy for not giving up, despite the odds.

It's so impressive how much emotion you can see shining from Roz's eyes.

The animators knew their assignment and cooked hard.

This shot of Roz is probably my favorite bit of character animation in the whole movie and it goes by so quickly.

This is a character that is fairly limited in her expressions without the voice acting, and yet you can quite literally SEE the pride and love swelling up in her in this one shot. 😭 The way she raises her head, her lights glowing, that slight squint of the eyes. Seriously cred to the animators.

THAT'S HER BABY UP THERE. 💖

[crossguild]

forever thinking about the donquixotes (no not those ones)

homing went wrong because, without researching or listening to anyone who might be able to guide him, he thought that it would simply be enough to renounce his privilege and live in luxury among the people that others of his standing have abused, tortured and killed. and he thought that would bear no consequences, because ultimately he was still mired in his own privilege and sheltered lifestyle.

and it wasn't even his fault, because how is someone who has never truly suffered, and who was never taught compassion or empathy supposed to understand what would happen??? how is someone who only understands on a surface level that committing atrocities is maybe bad supposed to understand the depths of hurt and violence that would be turned on him?? he had no examples before him! he couldn't have KNOWN. he was already a very unique sort of CD for even being capable of acknowledging that they are also human, which is verboten for the celestial dragons

and in doing so he doomed his children who were never taught another life nor given the tools to survive. he demonstrated how sheltered he truly was because he believed that he could just choose not to be a sadistic monster and be accepted by people who were so deeply harmed by his peers without doing any of the work of becoming a person or acknowledging and uplifting the humanity of others, and he learned that hard lesson because there was no one (justifiably!) who was willing to break that cycle of abuse and oppression to reach out to them

and even THEN the townspeople ultimately spared their lives (mainly just ostracizing them), he and his wife died because he couldn't then learn to start making amends and truly learn to lead lives as humans. but how could he have known that humans ask each other for help and help others in return? it's like expecting a reindeer to know that a skull and crossbones represents poison

AND MJOSGARD (BELOVED) yes he was an unmitigated sack of shit, yes he would be no one and nothing without otohime & the neptune family's benevolence, but when he finally saw the world not protected behind his status but as a vulnerable human and he came to terms with his humanity and decided to reclaim it, he used his privilege to protect shirahoshi and actively leverages the power he wields as a celestial dragon in order to protect the people who are more vulnerable than him. he walks the walk!

and homing and mjosgard reflect doffy and cora in that one of them was given guidance and the opportunity to see the light (as it were) and the other one was further pushed into darkness and hurt, but they are switched. because cora is HOMING. HOMING is the kind and well-meaning one! and MJOSGARD was the entitled, self-centered asshole with no empathy for others, but it was because of the trust and kindness that otohime extended to him that he became who he is now, someone who IS capable of compassion and friendship.

he just needed someone to extend an ENORMOUS amount of unearned grace, and in the way that doffy parallels mjosgard, and law reflects doffy, whom cora then saved with his unconditional love and compassion, the donquixotes (and law) are a wheel of interconnected narratives about cycles of abuse and redemption and love and hurt...

and they are named after DON QUIXOTE, THE MAN OF LA MANCHA, who in short was a member of spanish nobility, but who didn't have much other than his title to speak to that. he set out on his exhausted horse, rocinante, and along the way imposes his will on others, causing them AND himself to come to harm in his fantasies of righteous chivalry. he ends his story disillusioned and regretful of the harm he unintentionally caused. donquixotes masters of getting in over their heads but nevertheless always doing the absolute most.

anyway i'm super normal about donquixotes. oda can't keep doing this

[leggerefiore]

Hello, fi! Thanks for all the great submas food, I love your characterization of these muppet boys so much 😔 since they're open, I have a request! If the twins argue with their s/o (which I'm sure is a rarity), how do they make up if they were at fault? If their s/o was the one at fault, how would each twin prefer to be apologized to?

can't believe s/o dared argue over the train facts... fool...

▲Ingo▼

● The argument is likely going to about how busy he is and missing some important event, or him getting upset over something after not getting a reasonable amount of sleep.

● If he's at fault, he feels awful after the realization. What kind of boyfriend is he taking unrelated frustrations out on you? That's completely unlike him, and he's ashamed of himself. He'll come to you as soon as he can.

● Ingo does bring a gift as a peace offering, it's likely going to be something he knows you'll like or need. He sees you, likely still fuming about the entire event and feels even worse. Should you still be mad with him afterwards, he understands. He will give you space until you feel it appropriate to forgive him. When you do, he'll just hold you close to him and murmur more apologies.

● If you were at fault, he honestly forgives you when he calms down. Yes, he would like you to apologize and would give you time to do so, but if you don't, he's already put it behind him. He would like to discuss calmly what you had fought over now if it was actually important. You're adults, disagreements are an inevitability. The least you both of you can do is talk about it reasonably.

● The best way to apologize to him is with something he can find practical use out of, or food. It shows you thought of him, he thinks. Also, he wants to cuddle after you both calm down. You both experienced an emotional high, so he's glad to just relax for a moment with you.

▽Emmet△

○ Arguments with him start randomly and unexpectedly (usually when work is causing him more stress than usual.) He'll unintentionally snap at you and then the fight starts.

○ If Emmet's at fault, after he calms down, he probably starts crying at the sudden emotions. Why did he act like that? He feels deeply ashamed and wants nothing more than to hold you. After he calms down again, he goes to apologize.

○ He likely gets you candy of some sort before going to make amends. If you're still clearly upset from the fight, he gives you the sweets and waits for you to fully calm down. Then he apologizes and tells you how much he loves you. If you'll let him, he'll hold you tightly to him and bury his face into your neck. Should you still be mad, he's more upset with himself. Why had he acted so impulsively? He leaves you alone while he goes to cry again.

○ If you were at fault; however, he fumes for much longer. Give him some alone time, and he'll eventually calm down and want to discuss things. Why did you both get angry? Wants to dig into that to help prevent things like this in the future. Is very patient in waiting for an apology, you can take your time, he doesn't mind.

○ Buy him a dessert, and he'll forgive you instantly, no spoken apology needed. (Probably wouldn't hurt still.) He's glad you actively got him something to help alleviate the situation. Will smother you once it's been resolved, he's gone too long without your touch. Let him love on you and return his affections tenfold.

[moriphyte]

i really wish techno would talk to wilbur about character writing because wil plays a morally gray character so perfectly. he openly calls his character an asshole while also providing insight into his motivations and world view that makes him as sympathetic and relatable as he is frustrating. he knows that c wilbur is not a good person, he’s the tragic remnants of a once good but also deeply flawed man broken by circumstance that still has so much to change and account for if he’s ever goin to make amends with his loved ones. c techno could be on a similar level of gray morality if he ever actually made an attempt to take accountability for his actions. not to say c wilbur is innocent or that his change isn’t painfully slow, but it’s real, it’s human, it’s what makes him so relatable, and what makes c techno such a one dimensional character in comparison. c wilbur is at least aware of his mistakes, if not unhealthily so, he’s so aware of his faults that he unintentionally sabotages himself because he believes hes too inherently bad to change, that he doesn’t deserve to change, and this is absolutely the biggest obstacle in the way of c wilbur changing for the better, it’s what’s made his attempts to change thus far so hapless. but at least he’s trying i mean fuck at least he actually admits to and takes responsibility for his actions. techno on the other hand can’t even consider that because in contrast to c wilbur drowning himself in his faults c techno is so terrified of accountability that he avoids his mistakes at all cost. i just think his character would be so much more interesting and worthy of an actual satisfying redemption if he did like…literally anything to even try and atone for his actions and earn redemption from the people he hurt instead of spouting dramatic speeches and empty apologies.

[bellsyafterdark]

When Din runs, Boba sort of shuts down for a while, can't really process anything beyond how deeply he fucked up, let alone the state of things in the palace. By the time he comes to the conclusion that he absolutely has to chase Din down and try to make amends he realizes that he needs to do that sooner rather than later... It's not just that he's falling apart without Din and so is his pack. Most of his palace staff love Din and are reconsidering their loyalty to a man who would hurt him.

It's one thing to offer someone employment, it's another thing to earn your employees' loyalty and I'm not convinced we've seen that journey between Boba and the biker kids but I'm hopeful we will in future and it's not just assumed. The Gamorreans was sufficiently established they have a code of ride or die to whomever they pledge themselves. Fennec is similar, though I still need a little more info tbh, I'm not yet satisfied by what the show had shared.

In this verse, Boba welcomes everyone who works for him a seat at the table to share his meals. He learns their names and their stories, those without any connections and those scrounging to support the family they have left. The gang slowly start to recognise Boba as someone who is offering to genuinely care and provide for them.

Din is largely withdrawn, but he's earnest. Easy to mistake his prickles of hurt for grumpiness. He is a good teacher and he shares what he knows. He is also fiercely protective in his quiet, bristling way. He throws his body on the line as easily as he inspires others to his side.

Jabba ruled with fear.

Boba ruled with respect.

But Din led from behind, quite unintentionally, with love. Not that he would call it that. He becomes the beating heart of Boba's new rule. The rest of the pack also have strong and redeeming qualities but there's hardly a person who doesn't like Din.

When he leaves and Krrsantan follows, there is rampant speculation. Little by little, the truth comes out. Boba's staff look at him with eroding respect and they begin to wonder if maybe they should have also gone with Din.

[goosegoblin]

hi Jess. this sounds silly but it’s genuine: I’m worried that I’m making myself seem better/kinder than I actually am? so I’ve been dating a great guy for a couple months and he always talks about how empathetic I am, how big of a heart I have, how much of a softie I am, etc. his friends who I’ve met also agree. but my family has always told me that I’m a bit selfish and heartless. I’ve had many issues with my family for years, but they wouldn’t all make up these character traits unless they were true right? am I unconsciously lying to my bf and not showing him my true colors? I don’t think I am but I’m worried I’m doing it unintentionally and he’ll realize how I “actually” am

I’m gonna split this into two parts <3

Part 1: On kindness

I can relate to a lot of this. One thing that helped me a lot is to refine my understanding of what I think a ‘good person’ is. For me, a good person is someone who does good things. A kind person is someone who does kind things. Think of it this way- if I felt that I was a kind person inside, but on the outside I deliberately harmed many people for fun, you would disagree that I was a kind person, right? Apply that to the opposite, and well, there you go.

Kindness is inherently performative. Being kind, or good, or soft, is about what you do and say. I too have a core belief that I am, in fact, a bad person, and that I am misleading everyone around me to think I am nice. Rather than trying to endlessly argue with that core belief- which works well for some, but did not for me- I’ve just kind of let it be. Sure, maybe I am a terrible person inside- but also, who cares? If I put good and kind things into the world, and I apologise and make amends when I do bad, then what does it matter what I ‘truly’ am inside? It doesn’t mean shit. 

You do good, kind things for those around you. This, in my mind, makes you a good, kind person. Kindness is a choice, and it’s one you are making often enough that others notice and feel loved and cared for by it. That is a beautiful thing, my friend.

Part 2: On family

I..... think your family fucking suck, babes. Sorry, but I think they probably fucking suck. Growing up in that type of environment is almost certainly why you have these doubts and these concerns about yourself, and I’m delighted to tell you that your family are almost certainly the ones who are wrong here!

they wouldn’t all make up these character traits unless they were true right?

I have two alternatives to this! The first is that they may, indeed, be lying; the second is that they may indeed believe them to be true, but that doesn’t make them true. Some people believe the Earth is flat, but it isn’t. If I ask you to loan me £100 and you refuse, and I call you selfish, does that make you selfish? Of course not. Even if I actually believe you are being selfish by doing so, it doesn’t make it true.

If you want to mistreat others, it helps deeply if you feel they deserve it. If your family can convince themselves that you are selfish and bad, then when they treat you like shit, it’s justified and valid. You having boundaries or self-esteem or self-worth is actively threatening to those who want to hurt you and take advantage of you, and so expressing those boundaries will frequently get you labelled selfish, defensive, rude etc. This is not a sign that you are doing badly. This simply means they are not getting what they want from you, but, plot twist: what they want is not something you are obliged to give.

Let’s use a small example, taken and twisted a little from a real world event. Let’s say my uncle is insulting someone at the table to the point where another guest feels the need to intervene and tell him to stop talking. From the uncle’s perspective, he was just telling the truth, and this guest is being incredibly rude. Is the uncle right? Fuck, no! He’s an asshole! Your family are assholes!

Listen to the opinions of those you trust and care about. You say you already have issues with your family, so presumably you’ve already come to understand they are not a reliable source of information. Do not believe criticism from those you would never approach for advice. You are doing well, my love. I am proud of you, and you are doing well.

xxx

[kaibagirl007]

A Boy In Love With You

( RP starter for @dragontamer05 )

With his work at Kaiba Corp done for the day, Mokuba returned home to the penthouse earlier than usual. No sooner had he stepped out of the elevator and in through the front door, the sound of slowly strummed guitar cords met his ears as the simple tune drifted out from the zen garden across the hall. 

Overhearing his brother play the stringed instrument wasn’t uncommon these days,- a hobby that had been taken up during the rehabilitation process as an outlet to help Kaiba express his otherwise pent-up emotions,- the harmonious singing voice that accompanied it though, that was new: 

“…Now I may stumble, I may come undone, 

I may get crushed by the weight from above, 

But if you lose faith in what I’ve become, 

You can trust in the strength of my love.”

A warm smile appeared on Mokuba’s face as he listened to the lyrics whilst he slowly approached the zen garden’s transparent door that had been left ajar. Through the glass he saw his brother sat on the stone bench with his back to him, blissfully unaware of his presence. 

“I try to write a letter, straight from the heart,

String my words together but I don’t know where to start,

Maybe I’m just a poet, without a rhyme, 

But baby this boy will love you to the end of time,

Baby this boy will love you to the end of time.”

When it was evident that the song had come to an end, a soft round of applause was given.

“Mokuba!” Kaiba exclaimed after having turned around to see his brother standing in the doorway. His face’s contrite undertone morphed into embarrassment as he diverted his gaze. “You’re home early.”

“My workload is done and everything else is running smoothly, so I saw no need to hang around the office any longer.” Mokuba could sense he’d unintentionally caused his brother some discomfort from having overheard what he assumed was something deeply personal. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

There was no response as Kaiba set his guitar down and began to gather up sheets of notes, then closed the online tutorial displayed on his laptop. He’d quickly gotten used to working alternate days as the two of them now shared the running of Kaiba Corp as a team, and was a little disappointed at having his free time infringed upon. Looks like I won’t be finalising this today after all.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you sing since our days at the orphanage.” Mokuba simpered at the fond memories of the times his brother had comforted him with rhymes and lullabies when they were small. “It sounded beautiful. I don’t recognise the song though. Did you write it yourself?”

Kaiba nodded. “It’s something I’m working on.”

“About your feelings for Kisara?”

“Obviously,” the bittersweet laugh almost brought tears to Kaiba’s eyes. He wiped at them and picked up his things.

Mokuba frowned at the sight of his brother trying to remain strong. Clearly the other still loved and was missing the woman who had meant so much to him. “Are those lyrics what you’d say to her if you saw her again?”

“Not entirely. I owe Kisara an apology and honest explanation for a start before I even consider revealing the feelings I still harbour for her… That’s not happening anytime soon.”

“Why not?” Mokuba queried as he stepped aside from the doorway so that his brother could leave the zen garden.

“I have no means of contacting her,” the response was sombrely spoken as Kaiba headed towards his room.

“What about Timaeus? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind relaying a message to Kisara for you.”

Kaiba had actually considered that and decided maybe he would ask sometime in the future, when he felt it would be an okay thing to do so. Right now though, he wasn’t prepared to put his newfound friendship on the line with such a request. “No doubt he would, but I’d rather not risk having Tim think I’m using him as a stepping stone to get what I want. I’ve few friends as it is.”

“Fair point.” Mokuba admitted upon hearing his brother’s reasoning. He then came up with another suggestion as he watched the guitar placed away into its case and closet, “You could always make an announcement via the blimps. That way Kisara’s sure to see it!… That is, if you’re okay with making an apology to her so publicly?”

“I’d have no issue with that myself, Kisara on the other hand...” Kaiba’s mind briefly recalled the tearful scolding Kisara had given him for having made the widespread announcement regarding the details of her kidnapping. Despite good intentions, his actions had only caused her further distress, and so, he’d vowed to never repeat the overly zealous stunt again. “I’m appreciative of your suggestion, Mokie, but broadcasting anything involving such private affairs is something I know Kisara would not approve of.”

“But it’s an apology!”

“Doesn’t matter, it would still be large-scale and draw unwanted attention her way,” the argument was calmly made as Kaiba countered his brother’s exasperation, “I’ve caused her enough pain as it is, I don’t want to upset her even more.” Without another word, he reached into his closet once more.

No further dispute was given. His brother was proving just how much of a changed man he was by the amount of serious consideration being shown towards other people’s feelings before his own. A warm sensation of pride was felt inside Mokuba’s chest, but was tainted with disappointment of his brother forfeiting the deserving chance to make amends with Kisara. 

“I’m going to head over to the gym.” Kaiba declared as he now stood with a holdall bag in his grasp and closed his closet. “You wanna come with?”

“Sure, let me just grab my things.”

As Mokuba retreated into his room, an idea struck him. I should be the one to contact Kisara for Seto! He then bit his lip in hesitation. But that would mean I’d have to come clean and reveal I remained in contact with her all this time; will he be mad at me for not telling him?… Oh, screw it! I might not get another opportunity to see them both get back together again! 

[TEXT to Kisa] Hey, how’s it going? :)

[TEXT to Kisa] Hope you don’t mind, but I have a random ‘hypothetical’ question to ask…

[TEXT to Kisa] If my brother made a request to meet with you some time so that he could apologise for everything he’s done to hurt you, would you agree to do so?

[madlymiho]

Hello Miho, my darling!!! Any headcanons on Crocodile unintentionally hurting his partner and how he'd make up for it?

Aaaaaaah this is absolutely adorable! Thanks for this, my sweetheart! It's always a pleasure to write for the Crocoboy hehehe ~

Crocodile :

• Crocodile doesn't mind to have you around during a battle time. It's your own decision, and he believes that you are mature enough to know the risks, and to keep yourself far from the danger when things are too intense for you to handle

• He's usually pretty careful when he's fighting, but during a moment of confusion, it might happen that Crocodile unintentionnally hurts you. Of course, he hates everything about it, but despite everything, he keeps his cold and distant nature, because emotions are dangerous when there are still enemies around

• First, Crocodile lays you somewhere far from the battle, yet almost tenderly, he takes off his precious coat to make a pillow behind your head. He never says that he's sorry, it's unnecessary, but he gently brushes your hair and makes sure that someone is there to take care of you while he finishes his dark business with his opponents. After all, it's their fault if you are hurt, and he needs to make them pay

• If Crocodile doesn't expose himself in general, hurting you is never a pleasurable moment. As soon as you're back at his mansion, you better be sure that there's already a fleet of doctors, ready to take care of you. He pays a colossal amount of money to check on you, and he patiently waits at the entrance of the room, arms crosses against his torso, while his lazy stare analyzes their every gestures

• He often sits by your side, reading his work documents, his eyes sometimes checking on your sleeping face, when it's night and you're resting, far from knowing that he's here to take care of you. He doesn't like you to see you weak, in general, but in these situations, he knows that he's responsible of you, and that he needs to be around, it's his duty

• Even though, Crocodile patiently waits for you to be healed enough to share your bed again. He thinks that you need some space, and some time as well, fearing that you might have developped a certain trauma because of his gesture. The blast came from him after all, and no one else, and perhaps you're not ready to be close to him, and he perfectly understands it, even if it worries him deeply. He doesn't want his partner to suddenly be afraid of you, despite everything, Crocodile seeks for trust in a relationship, and he doesn't want to be the one who breaks it

• Of course, jewels, dresses, refined decoration, golden objects, lingery... Crocodile spoils you like he has never done before. But it remains intimate, and discreet. You won't wake up with an amount of treasures on your bed, but you will certainly find gifts in your drawers, on your bedside table, and even on the tray Daz Bonez brings you everyday for your meals

• Slightly more tender than usual, Crocodile is alway visiting you, at least one time per day, and a few hours within the night. He never really says that he's sorry, but the way he fondles your cheek, and brushes your thigh, only makes you understand how much he wishes you can heal faster, so he can make amend with a night a passion, exposing his love for you, like he does whenever he hurts your feelings

• Yes, you feel it, he really misses your body. He allows himself to share a few kisses when you gently ask him to give you some, but you can definitely see that spark of lust and anger plastered in the back of his irises... and somehow, it only gives you the sensation to be an extraordinary woman, loved and desired by this cold and ambitious man

• In the end, Crocodile is much more present, understanding, and tender with you. Hurting you unintentionally creates a deep feeling of redemption inside of him, and perhaps with time, you'll see that this event has changed him in many ways. Crocodile isn't good with words... but your numerous gifts and his odd proximity makes you understand how much he's sorry, and how deep he loves you

[80steenmovie]

Single: Part Two

Billy Hargrove x OC

Listen to ‘Single’

Read part one here

Part Two Summary: The heartbroken but hopeful girl and the broken but still breathing boy meet for the first time...

Word Count: 3,192

Warnings: none

A/N: Guess who’s back, back again. Single is back, tell a friend. But in all serious, I know it’s been eons since I updated this story. I can blame technology for that one. I feel good about the potential of this story and its characters and I hope at least one person enjoys reading it as much as I love writing it. Being as this is my first story I’ve posted on the interwebs, there’s bound to be a few rough spots and hiccups. I would greatly appreciate feedback of any sort, but please be gentle and kind. And last but not least I have to thank those of you who let me ramble about writer problems and feeling stuck and helping me sort through them, you’re the real mvp’s. Happy reading! 💜

The bell ringing above the entrance broke you out of your trance and the mystery boy was gone without a trace. You knew nothing about this enchanting stranger, not even his name or what a boy like him was doing in Hawkins. But you had already made it your mission to unravel the blonde haired angel.

“What has gotten into you?” Lexi broke in. “It looked like you were under some sort of hypnosis.”

Your gaze was quickly directed towards Lexi and you barely breathed out, “Who was that?”

The only response Lexi gave was a scoff and a readjustment with her back against the wall and her knees against her chest.

You softly sighed, “What?”

“He was just some random guy with a nice face. And now he’s gone, so why is it so important?” Lexi sneered.

“He wasn’t like any other guy. You yourself said that.”

“Okay, he’s uber hot, so what? Why do you care so much?” she asked rhetorically.

You dropped your head slightly and bounced your eyes around to avoid Lexi’s glare and mumbled, “I-I guess, I don’t know. Never mind.”

“I’m sorry that I’m the only one concerned about tonight and that I can’t assist you on your case of the hot mystery boy.” Lexi retorted.

“Lexi, you know I care about tonight, I just-”

She quickly scooted out of the booth and cut you off with a sharp bite, “Just forget it. I guess I’ll see you at the party tonight, or whatever.”

You knew something was deeply bothering Lexi, but could not decipher what it was. And at this point, there was no talking it out with her and making it all better. Lexi was stubborn, and it would be awhile before she admitted the true cause of her outburst. Nonetheless, you had to let her know somehow that you cared and would never purposely try to hurt your best friend.  

“How are you going to get home?” You asked.

“I don’t know, walking is an option. I’ll figure something out.” She muttered with a harsh tone.

“That’s way too far to walk, please at least let me get you home.” You said glumly.

“Oh, now you care about me. Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Lexi snapped.

Without missing a beat, she turned on her heels and walked away from you, shoving the diner door open ringing the bell that was beginning to be a familiar and melancholic sound.

What was just breakfast and coffee with your best friend turned into misunderstandings and heavy hearts with no one but yourself.

But not for very long; the booth you were sitting at was the first next to the door and he saw everything from the parking lot. Your whimsical stare, your perplexing fixation on him, and the harsh words exchanged between you and Lexi that he didn’t need to hear to know. He now saw an innocent girl with a soft frown and a severed heart, her only company being a lukewarm cup of coffee. There were plenty of sad girls he came across that he would only to intend the pleasure the sadness out of. But when he saw you that didn’t even cross his mind and he felt a mar in his egocentric identity.

He opened the door of the blue Camaro to let in the brisk, fall air, hoping it would rid this new train of thought. To his dismay, it remained in tact and sharp in the front of his brain. It deeply frustrated him as to why he couldn’t understand this distant feeling. He could briefly recall that he had felt it only once before, a long time ago. But this detached memory surged through every bone in his body and it was forming a force he couldn’t fight with even the strongest fist.

Annoyed and slightly perturbed, he groaned and stomped his boots on the gravel. He took a  final and drawn-out drag of his newly lit cigarette, hoping the nicotine would erase the thought from his head. The nicotine making no said difference and now wasting a perfectly good cigarette, he would normally be moved pick a fight with someone who breathed the wrong way.   

About to get back into his car, he unintentionally caught a quick glance of you, not having moved at all from where he last left you. He slammed the door shut and put out his barely used cigarette on the ashtray on top of the garbage bin, subsiding from his usual habit of flicking it to the side without a care.

You were still staring down into your coffee cup and absentmindedly swirling a spoon around the perimeter and for once didn’t pay attention to the ringing bell. Lexi was far too stubborn to come back and make amends this quickly, and right now there was no else important enough to walk through that door that would be worth your time and energy.

A rich and smooth voice suddenly entered your wavelength and hummed, “Is this seat taken?”

You were slightly irritated at someone cutting into your self loathe time and only bothered to slowly raise your eyes to show your annoyance, which quickly faded into wonder and your head shot up when you realized who was standing in your presence.

Your body went into shock and had to adjust to realize the only dream you were in was the one standing directly in front of you. This wasn’t a daydream movie montage, this was your reality and you had to act fast.

You looked behind your shoulder wondering if there was someone hiding around the corner and snickering on your behalf. As much as you wanted to believe he was here because he wanted to be, your subconscious was telling you this was a practical joke. You hated the way embarrassment so easily colored your fair skin, and you could feel the temperature of your cheeks start to rise. No one was waiting around the corner to jump out and play the joker, just your fears getting the better of you once again.

You turned back around, for some reason half expecting him to not be there anymore, but he hadn’t moved an inch. Those sparkling baby blues were practically begging you to stare straight into them. But you did everything in your power to avoid making eye contact, afraid of what might happen if you did.

Trying your best to not catch his eye for more than a second, you spoke under your breath and tried not to stutter, “Oh, no. Um, it’s all yours.”

You averted your attention back to your coffee as he situated himself and slid into the booth with a light grunt. He folded his hands and put them on the table, striving to strike something out of you somehow, but to no avail.

He lowered his head and moved forward so that his face was inches away from yours.The smell of smoke billowed around him but he was close enough that you could make out his inviting scent. Fresh dew the morning after a bonfire in a pine and evergreen forest that seemed to radiate naturally from his skin. It took every ounce of your being to remain stagnant and calm. You could have easily played into his ocean eyes, before shifting forward to plant your lips on his, but you knew your patience would be a virtue.

He let out a heavy and exaggerated sigh and leaned back into his seat. Even though on the inside everything in your body was crying out to you to do something, anything, you remained despondent on the outside. You were curious as to what his purpose in sitting here with you and waiting for you to speak was, but tried to not give in too easily.

Here was a godly creature that should still be wrapped in warm bed sheets and catching up on beauty sleep. Yet here he was sitting in a sticky booth at Benny’s on a Saturday morning with a nobody like yourself. If not a practical joke, then what was it? What would motivate him to do such a thing?

He unfolded his hands and put them on the table to guide himself out of the booth and that was it, you thought. You just had your seven minutes in heaven and didn’t realize it till now, instantly regretting trying to play it cool and pretending to be someone you’re not.

That was until he took the spoon out of your hand and the cup of coffee out from under you, and you were forced to move back and look up. He was striding towards the counter, his backside facing you, and your calm demeanor was starting to wear thin. The Levi’s he wore hugged his body so perfectly, it was practically a sin. You were starting to think you were jealous of a pair of jeans, you had to laugh to yourself a little at how utterly ridiculous this thought was. You thought were better than that, but then he bent over the counter to talk to the waitress and you realized that maybe you’re not as innocent and pure as you would have liked to think. At first it seemed as surface level as a pre-pubescent grade school crush, but you were quickly realizing it was much more than that. Sure, there were butterflies in your stomach, a swarm of butterflies. But there were feelings in other parts of your body that you had never experienced before. And with your seventeenth birthday fast approaching, it was evident you were edging past the bloom of youth. These were strange and unfamiliar, scary and exciting feelings, and you were in uncharted territory without a map. The same feeling you had when he first entered the diner was beginning to resurface and your breaths were steadily getting deep and slow again.

The waitress behind the counter was significantly younger than the one that had served you and Lexi. You were too far away to hear what was being said, but in a way you didn’t want to know. The waitress moving out from behind him to look over his shoulder and smile at you was the only thing that alerted you to your habitual gaze. Your cheeks turned a light shade of pink and before you could fully erase it, he slowly turned his head to look back at you and sent you a small smirk. You shyly smiled back and turned your head towards the window to hide the huge grin on your face. The butterflies in your stomach were suddenly wistful and confident and if you opened your mouth they would fly out.

Only a few short moments later, he strides back towards the booth with a fresh, steaming cup of coffee. He carefully situates himself as not to spill and slides the coffee directly in front of you.

“Sugar?” He offered.

“Hmm?” You hummed in reply. “Oh! I mean...yes please.”

The simple offering of a confection for your coffee would be a passing thought, but with him it felt different and meaningful. Wanting to accept it as an affectionate pet name rather than a simple sweetener felt as if it were an automatic response. You let the hopeless romantic in you get the better of you, and could feel your cheeks getting warm. He dropped his head slightly to try and hide a tiny smirk but didn’t try very hard to conceal it for your sake.

He was still smirking and asked, “How many?”

“Just one.” You replied, accidentally catching his eye for a brief moment.

He dug his hand into his pocket, took out a singular sugar cube and reached out to hand it to you. When his rough fingertips brushed against your palm, something surged throughout your entire body and you stopped breathing for a brief span in time. You didn’t know what was happening, and felt momentarily paralyzed.

He noticed your change in body language and asked, “Hey, you alright?”

Your morning had been less than pleasant, and while only a few minutes ago you would have taken being alone over anything, right now his voice felt like a calm breeze and the only thing to get you out of your own head. Now you had the courage to lift up your head to meet his eyes and not avert them away. When your eyes locked with his, everything surrounding you didn’t suddenly stop, but seemed...stagnant. It was a dreamlike state, almost unconscious. Half awake, half asleep. Life was moving on around you, but none of it had any meaning. He was practically a stranger, but suddenly became the most important person in the world.

“Yeah, just...thinking. I guess.” You gave a small smile and forced laugh not wanting to elaborate on your thoughts.

Concealing your true feelings was a fight you never won, everything you felt may as well have been plastered across your forehead. And you knew this boy wasn’t anything less than smart.

He gave himself a moment for his words to gather and process, “What are you thinking about?” he questioned.

You were caught off guard by his question and grasped your coffee cup staring at it, grasping at your brain for the right words.

“Uhh, how to thank a kind stranger for bringing me a hot cup of coffee and sitting with a girl who was alone.” You answered while you rose your head back up to send him a tiny and genuine smile.

Looking down at his lap, he chuckled and ran his tongue against his top set of teeth. You almost could have sworn you saw a tinge of pink splashed across his cheekbones.

It seems your roles had reversed, as you kept your head up and put your elbows on the table and rested your chin on your fisted hands.

But like the flick of a switch, he rested his right arm on top of the booth and gave you a slight look up and down, “Let’s start with something simple. What’s your name sugar?” He practically purred.

“My name is Anna.” You replied softly.

“Just Anna?” He asked.

“For now.” You said confidently. “So who am I thanking?”

He lifted his hand from under the table and held it out to take yours. You returned the gesture and as he gently shakes your hand, he confidently says, “It’s Billy. Billy Hargrove.”

There it is again, that rush. His confidence quickly fades and you’re wondering if he felt the same thing.

You both proceed as if nothing changed inside yourselves, your eyes dart back and forth from the table to his eyes and you mutter, “Uhm, it’s nice to meet you Billy.”

You take a precarious sip of coffee and hum in pleasure at the it entering your bloodstream and warming you from the inside out. It was a simple cup of coffee, that anyone could make, but coming from him it somehow meant more.

“Thank you.” You said with a beaming but subtle smile.

You were only now getting a good look at his face and noticing how calming and inviting his blue eyes were, his subtle 5 o’clock shadow, pink tinted lips, and a fresh cut on his jawline. A face that you wanted to see more often but not get too used to.

He scrunched his face with a shrug and stated, “It’s nothing.”

With another sip of coffee you pondered the fear that he would be here and gone, it all seemed too good to be true.

“It’s not nothing to me. I might still be sitting here by myself with a cold cup of coffee if it weren’t for you.” You said slowly raising your head, and hoping he was still there.

He was. He shifted uncomfortably in the booth and cleared his throat and you were unsure of what he was about to say.

“I, uh saw your friend getting pissed at you then walking out.” He admitted while clearing his throat again.

You buried your face in your hands and let your hair fall in your face worried your cheeks were bright pink.

Billy lightly touched your forearm and said in a low voice, “Hey, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I shouldn’t have brought it up, it was a dick move.”

You took your hands from your face and looked at his hand still on your arm then at his face and his expression was alert and forlorn. You slowly blinked your eyes, bringing attention to your long, dark eyelashes and matched his expression. Before he could get too good of a look at you, he whisked his hand away and returned to his previous stature with his arm resting on the booth.

“I should get going, my parents are probably waiting for me. Thank you again for the coffee. Bye, Billy.” You muttered as you prepared to make your way out of the diner. You felt this was your only option, but part of you was hoping and praying he would try and stop you, it wouldn’t take much.

You stood up from the booth and fumbled through your purse to find cash, and he reached out and grabbed your wrist.

“I took care of it. And you didn’t get to thank me properly. Sit, please.” He said, bobbing his head towards the booth.

You sat back in the booth and sighed, “Only because you said please.” “So what will it be?”

“Well, what does a sweet girl like you do on a Saturday night?” He grinned.

“Mmm, well probably taking a hot bath while reading a book. But I don’t suppose that’s what you had in mind.” You hummed and took a last sip of coffee with raised brows.

“You’re right, I’m more of a shower guy anyways. I guess we’ll have to do something else.” He said, keeping his gaze on you.

That remark sent a chill down your spine and made all the hair on your body stand up straight. There was an entire universe being created inside of you and it took everything to maintain your composure and pretend you were the same person Billy initially sat across from.

You tried to remain upright and calmly asked, “How does a party sound? Is that something we can agree on?”

“I could never say no to a party.” He hummed a few octaves lower than normal.

You took a napkin and a pen out of your purse and wrote down an address, “Pick me up here. Say at eight?” You inquired, your voice lifting.

“That sounds perfect. I’ll see you at 8...sugar.” He replied with a wink.

He folded the napkin, put it in his back pocket and walked away with a confident stride. You inhaled deeply and your chest rose. The tingling throughout your body caused your breath to hitch slightly before releasing a slow and steady breath out of your mouth. You felt a deep change, as if something had been awoken inside of you. This change had arisen from a sound, restful state and now it was alive and hungry.

Tag list: @hipsmcgee @xicarcalii @dacremontgomerylover @thoughstofaredhead @alexaaab (comment or send me an ask if you would like to be tagged!)

[greg-the-goose]

Merthur Fanfic Idea

Okay so I'm writing out this fanfic idea here cos to be perfectly honest I'll probably never get around to actually writing it.

So the idea is that after the "Servant of Two Masters" episode Leon approaches Merlin and offers to help him learn some basic fighting and weapons handling. Leon came up with the idea after seeing Merlin in the armory with the cross bow. (I really need some more Leon and Merlin friendship in my life) After almost losing Merlin and more importantly seeing what almost losing Merlin did to Arthur, Leon felt that it would be good to teach Merlin some way of defense.

At first Merlin totally brushes him off saying hes fine (after the initial shock of learning he tried to kill Arthur with a crossbow) but that he'll keep the offer in mind. The more that Merlin thinks of it though the more he thinks that learning some form of defense would be good. After all he could've better escaped Morgana or not have been injured in the first place had he a better way to defend himself openly. If he knew more basics he could also use his magic in closer situations and be able to better excuse it away. At the very least help with his reaction time and battle sense.

Merlin informs Gauis (who agrees) and approaches Leon privately to take him up on his offer, but asks that Leon not inform Arthur or anyone else of what they're doing. Reason being Merlin doesnt want his training and soon to be improved skills to be common knowledge. (He also doesnt want Arthur to know until he has at least some skills and he'd rather not be beat down too hard before learning anything) Leon reluctantly agrees but asks what they should tell Arthur should he ask where the both of them are going. Merlin's answer is to tell Arthur that hes teaching Leon poetry. Leon is very confused and tries to delicately suggest that they wouldn't want Arthur to think they're "learning poetry" (Leon of course thinking that poetry is some kind of euphemism) besides if Arthur should ask, Leon has no knowledge of poetry and he suggests that Merlin doesn't actually either. Merlin then proves him wrong and recites several heartfelt, well worded poems (his own) by memory to Leon. That's enough for Leon to agree to the plan, amending that they inform Arthur once Merlin feels comfortable enough for Arthur to take over his training.

From there it's a ridiculous balancing act for Merlin doing chores for Gauis and Arthur, saving the day and training with Leon. Merlin is constantly exhausted but is making some basic improvements though they've yet to find a weapon that suits him and won't take him years to get a handle on. Arthur becomes extremely suspicious and jealous of Merlin's divided attention and adds to his chores. Arthur also tries to call Merlin out on the poetry cover one morning while Merlin is serving him and Gwen breakfast. This ends in Merlin reciting a well written, heart wrenching poem (again that he wrote) and essentially stuns Arthur into silence. (Merlin does teach Leon some of the basics of poetry to keep up the ruse)

Their private lessons dont stay that way for long as each of the knights slowly discover Merlin's secret training. Each one deciding to help keep up the ruse and help train Merlin. Soon almost all of Arthur's closest knights are taking "poetry lessons" from Merlin. Merlin is still having problems finding a weapon that's a good fit for him. Eventually the knights settle on two long dueling daggers and a set of throwing knives. These fit well with Merlin's agility and speed and help to make up for what he lacks in strength and bulk. (They also provide Merlin with a weapon that he can easily aid with magic without notice)

After that Merlin's training progresses well but it comes to a point where the knights cannot further his training as none of them are that well practiced with daggers. The only person who could train Merlin now is Arthur. Arthur however is in a bit of a mood. After having been ignored by his manservant and abandoned by his knights for "poetry" hes in a less than agreeable mood. Arthur feels hurt and more than a little jealous that Merlin has seemingly turned away from him in favor of his knights. After being so worried that he'd lost Merlin to the bandits he feels that hes maybe lost Merlin after all and hes not quite sure what hes done to deserve it. Arthur starts to unintentionally distance himself from Gwen but when confronted he confides in her his feelings. Gwen sees what's up and starts gently trying to help Arthur realize what his feelings are and where his true affection lies. (Arthur is thick though and doesnt get it) Gwen realizing where all of this is headed (knowing already how Merlin feels based on his poems) breaks things off with Arthur, promising to be his friend and always support him but ending their romantic relationship. This however pushes Arthur farther into emotional distress and confusion. Merlin for his part is so focused on balancing his chaotic life and now keeping yet another secret that he fails to see Arthur's mood declining.

Arthur does find out though, whether by accident or from his knights and this is his breaking point. Arthur is furious with his knights and Merlin (but mostly Merlin) that they kept this from him. Much of Arthur's anger though comes from the thought that Merlin didnt trust him enough to come to him for training and even more than that that Merlin felt the need to seek out training, as if he didnt trust Arthur to protect him. Arthur starts training Merlin but uses the training as an outlet for frustration. Eventually the tension builds enough that they start hashing it out through arguing. Arthur expresses that Merlin obviously didnt trust him enough to protect him and that this is because Arthur failed to bring him home safely from the bandit attack. Merlin in turn tells Arthur that that's not the case at all. That Merlin had to learn to protect himself so that he can keep Arthur safe. He tells Arthur that the only reason Arthur was almost caught by the bandits was because Merlin let himself get injured. He tells Arthur that hes doing this not so that he can protect himself but so he can keep Arthur from getting hurt for his sake. So that he can make sure that he can keep Arthur safe in anyway he can because when it comes down to it he cant lose Arthur especially not because he couldn't keep himself from getting injured. After essentially confessing that he believes all of this to be his fault and that he is only learning to defend himself not because he doesnt trust Arthur to protect him or because hes worried about his own well being but because he wants to keep Arthur safe above anything else Merlin leaves essentially ending the argument. Arthur has a little pouty moment and then thinks over everything. Almost losing Merlin. The feeling he felt when they found him. The jealousy and hurt when Merlin seemed to be confiding in his knights above him. The emotions evoked by hearing Merlin's poetry. Gwen's prodding and gentle suggestions that there was someone else who held more of his heart and affections. He has a giant aha moment and then remembers that hes an emotionally stunted rock and he has no idea where to go from here or if Merlin feels the same. (spoiler he does) Things remain awkward and tense between the two of them and the knights become very worried. They eventually confront Arthur and soon discover what really is causing this tension and trouble between the two. After each one of them talks Arthur through his feelings and how and why he feels the way he does and where things have gone wonky Arthur starts to accept and better understand what he now feels for his manservant and what hes probably felt for his manservant all along. He still has the social skills of a burnt potato though so things remain tense between him and Merlin.

Things change when they are out on a patrol and are attacked by bandits (surprise) After his realization Arthur is even more worried and aware of Merlin during the battle. Merlin however has been trained well and keeps on fighting off bandits only to turn around and save Arthur or yell at him for being distracted. Arthur still cant seem to focus and ends up almost being killed. Merlin of course had managed to jump in the way just in time and gets injured. They win the battle and Arthur freaks out having indirectly caused Merlin's injury by focusing on protecting him too much. They return to Camelot and rush Merlin to Gauis who bandages him up and orders he rest. The wound is non fatal but there is chance of fever and infection not to mention it's just generally pretty painful.

Arthur stays with Merlin and they finally have a real talk like the adults that they're supposed to be. Arthur apologizes for not trusting Merlin to take care of himself in a fight and Merlin apologizes for keeping this from him. They both also apologize for what they feel was "letting the other down". Arthur asks to hear the poem that Merlin recited for him at breakfast those months ago again. Merlin complies and Arthur asks who it is that Merlin loves so dearly. Because love is written so deeply into every word that theres really nothing else it could be. Merlin essentially implies that its obvious and honestly after their talk and everything that has happened there should be no way that Arthur cant know who it is that it's about. Arthur takes a leap of faith and lightly and carefully holds and then kisses Merlin. And ta da! Happy ending!

That's essentially it other than some minor moments where Merlin kicks serious butt with his newly acquired knife skills. I dont know if I would add a magic reveal in this one but I would definitely want one before they became an actual couple.

If I did write this (which we've already established probably wont happen) I would want to write a short sequel where Merlin and Arthur have essentially confessed to each other but Merlin for some reason unknown to Arthur doesnt want to start a relationship. Merlin tells Arthur that there are some things that Arthur doesnt know about him yet and that he can't yet reveal to him. He makes it clear that he loves Arthur and wants to be with him more than anything else but he won't do it while he still has parts of his life hidden from Arthur. There would of course be a cool scene added where theres an assassin who comes to kill Arthur at a banquet only to be taken down by one of Merlin's throwing knives before anyone else has a chance to react. The assassin though is part of a bigger plot to kill Arthur and take over Camelot (using magic cos honestly what else) Merlin saves the day and establishes that hes a ridiculously powerful warlock who is just as ridiculously loyal to his king and willing lives in the shadows underappreciated and looked down on. Which is all pretty standard except these days Arthur is (and let's himself be) more aware of Merlin and what hes doing and he ends up witnessing everything. They have a huge argument/ confrontation that ends with Arthur in awe of Merlin's love and loyalty. (Everything from no credit and no reward to looking like and being assumed an idiot to lowering himself to mastering a manner of defense on top of everything else he already does just to make sure Arthur remains safe) Then they get their happy ending and finally get together-together.

[essayofthoughts]

You should definitely meta about Tony and Wanda and how Tony's given way more leeway for what he's done as opposed to Wanda

Okay so. There is a huge disparity in the treatment of Wanda and Tony. Tony stans are virulent* in their defence of him, while Wanda stans, fans or her defence squad are pushed to defend her or point out the holes in other’s arguments - they’re pushed on the defensive from the start because Stark Stans love to focus on the fact that, as we are shown in the films “Wanda wrongs Tony first”.

*Yes, virulent. Like a virus. They’re awful and as far as I care, should be eradicated.

Yeah, right. Long before Wanda ever touched Tony Stark’s mind, Tony did something to her. Unintentionally. Unknowingly. Indeed, he may not have even been directly involved, it may have been Obadiah Stane’s fault, but, for narrative and thematic reasons, I think it would resonate more with Tony’s sense of guilt, blame and responsibility if it was in some way his fault. If Tony Stark had willingly sold weapons to NATO, who were involved in the Balkans unrest, or to the US government who later interfered in the unrest in the Balkans* - unknowingly making a situation worse with his weapons as Yinsen tells him. If it’s simply Obie’s fault, selling them behind his back, I think it removes a lot of the narrative impact from Tony’s shouldering the blame for his weapons - which he designed, which his company and people he trusted sold, which were then used in ways that hurt civilians, intentionally or not.

*You can read more about the Balkans conflicts after the dissolution of Yugoslavia over Here and Here. Many thanks to @tobermoriansass for helping me with this. Further reading [x] [x].

The fact of the matter is Tony Stark’s company - his company then, before he gave over power of it to Pepper - sold weapons that orphaned the twins. The twins, as ten-year-old children, hated the man who, as far as they knew, had orphaned them. Who had sold the weapons. Who had power and money and means and was praised - who, if he had sold weapons to NATO, for use in the Balkans conflict, may well have been praised for his part in such a so-called “peacekeeping” initiative - … and whose weapon had taunted them for two days in the rubble, as they waited above the bodies of their dead parents. To quote This truly fantastic meta by @eatingcroutons:

With all this going on, Maximoffs would have grown up knowing nothing but war, and with a deep-seated hatred of the foreign powers that had occupied and violated their homeland and people. Orphaned, desperate and powerless, it makes complete sense for them to jump at von Strucker’s offer to become something more. Like many of their compatriots, they volunteered for his experiments when he showed up with Loki’s staff in 2012.

The thing is, in explaining this, I’m not trying to justify Wanda’s actions to you. I’m sure there are many fans of Tony who’re going to insist that that’s exactly what I’m doing, but I’m not. This is simply an explanation of the upbringing and background - and ultimately trauma - that led to her decision. Just as Tony’s trauma has affected much of his behaviour to ultimately toxic ends.

[Source: Where’s The Alcohol?: Revisiting Tony Stark’s Glossed Over Alcoholism. The meta largely covers comics!Tony’s alcoholism, but I think the degree to which Tony drinks in the films, and his attitude towards alcohol, as well as his generally reckless behaviour, all speak to someone with some very unhealthy coping mechanisms]

So there’s that. Both of these characters have severe trauma and that affects not just how they see the world, but how they access and interact with the world. In simple terms, both characters have what amounts to excellent fic fodder! They’re both deeply fucked up with deep-seated issues, a desire to make amends for the wrongs they’ve done:

[Source: Avengers: Age of Ultron, the Battle of Novi Grad. Clint to Wanda, offering her a chance to make amends - which she takes]

TONY: I saw that I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability.

REPORTER: What happened over there?

TONY: I had my eyes opened. I came to realise that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacture at Stark Industries … until such a time I can decide what the future of this company should be, what direction it should take, one that I am comfortable with and that is consistent with the highest good for this country as well.

[Source: Iron Man 1, Tony’s press conference on his return, shutting down Stark Industries’ weapons manufacture after seeing what it’s doing to people first hand]

So, if we’re getting into an argument of who hit who first, it was Tony. This is a farcial debate, because both characters seem able to move forwards from this, and grow up rather than clinging to it - Wanda sacrifices her vengeance to defeat Ultron and proceeds to do everything in her power to make amends afterwards, staying on as an Avenger while Tony has been actively making amends since, like Wanda, he was made aware of what his actions were actually doing. If we’re getting into an argument over who has learned, both of these characters have remarkably similar arcs and have both learned a lot from their starting points. Both of these characters lost their parents at a young age due to factors beyond their control, both sought to do something in response to this (the twins fought the injustice of their country and it’s unrest too try to make a safe place for it’s citizens, so no other children would be orphans like they were, Tony spent his entire life trying to live up to his father’s demands and expectations.), and both, when they realised their ways of going about this (for the twins, trying to destroy Stark, who they blamed for much, for Tony, the creation, manufacture and sale of weapons) were doing considerable harm… both stopped, and both proceeded to try to not just make amends for what they’d done, but actively undo it - Wanda fights back Ultron’s drones, tries to save lives on the train and pre-emptively in Novi Grad and fights alongside the Avengers, while Tony halts the manufacture and sale of his weapons, tries to track down his Stark tech and works as an Avenger, trying to prevent disaster.

There’s other similarities too. They both lose people who are either important to them, or who are integral to their character arcs. Tony loses his parents, yes, but also Obie, who turns out to have betrayed him and Yinsen, who taught him what his weapons did, and the loss of Coulson impacts him incredibly - “We are not soldiers!”. Wanda loses her parents, her city and her brother, as well as sacrificing the vengeance that supported her for so long.

They both learn that those they’re working with may not be the right ones - Obie in IM1, but also learning of his father’s work with Anton Vanko in IM2 and the likely accidental or invisible ties between Howard’s presence in SHIELD even as SHIELD was early on riddled with HYDRA and, of course, Ross and the Raft. The twins sign on to work with what they think is SHIELD, only to later learn it’s HYDRA - this isn’t fan speculation, believe it or not, but canon.

[Source: This Scepter’d Isle prelude comic for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Note List saying “our Iron Man, … our Avengers”. They’re claiming to be SHIELD as this was before CATWS and the reveal of HYDRA. Many thanks to @emmasdiamondheart for reminding me this panel exists]

And of course, after this, they work with Ultron, only for Wanda to learn his intention to destroy the world, which they of course cannot condone (when Ultron asks them not to get involved on the train Wanda responds “What choice do we have?”). Both Wanda and Tony repeatedly place trust in the wrong people and feel deep responsibility for this. And even Wanda’s continued anger at Stark when she knows he is the better choice than Ultron (“Ultron cannot see a difference between saving the world and destroying it. Where do you think he gets that from?”) makes sense - while Tony stopped making and selling weapons for and to others… he’s continued to make the best and worst weapon of them all - his own Iron Man suits, which he has kept wholly for himself - even Rhodey had to steal his suit, because Tony trusts so very few people. Indeed, like Steve, in some ways he does believe that sometimes the best hands are his own, even if he is very willing - and may even in a way find it comforting - to be held accountable for things.

There’s also a big one left. A really big one. A huge big one. And while every Stark Stan may try to justify it, it only goes to show the huge disparity between how Tony’s anger is treated vs. Wanda’s.

[Source: Captain America: Civil War. Tony stating his intent to kill Bucky Barnes for the death of his mother - a death Bucky was not in control of, as the brainwashed Winter Soldier, but is being blamed for anyway, and a death long ago.]

[Source: Avengers: Age of Ultron. Wanda putting fear into Tony Stark’s mind in order to bring about his downfall - an action done under the belief that blame was to be placed at Tony’s feet, regardless of if it was or not, and for deaths long ago.]

This is where the disparity comes in - a huge disparity, a disparity that I am pretty damn sure has it’s roots in classism, racism and sexism.

Tony is allowed to attack Bucky. He’s defended for it. He’s given justifications. And after it all, his fans still write fics where he apologises to Bucky and everything is fine and dandy. Wanda, on the other hand, is vilified. Is insulted from here to hell and back, is blamed for everything Tony does wrong from AOU onwards, is used to justify Tony’s every action - even Tony’s insults towards her:

“It’s a 100 acres with a lap pool. It’s got a screening room. There’s worse way to protect people. She’s not a U.S. Citizen and they don’t grant visas to Weapons of Mass Destruction.”

[Source: CACW, Tony to Steve, justifying Wanda’s illegal house arrest that happened against her knowledge… which kind of invalidates a house arrest when the person could break it simply by popping out to the shops.]

People buy into the in-universe media’s narrative that Wanda caused the explosion (she didn’t. We literally see Crossbones setting off the bomb he’s wearing). There are people who call her a murderer because she couldn’t contain an explosion - even though she contained it long enough to get it out of range of the people in the market, undoubtedly saving all of their lives. Indeed, the onus there if anything should have been on Steve, the one who was directly confronting Crossbones - but he got distracted, and Wanda, an Avenger still being trained up, still without a full grasp of her powers, had to step in when the bomb was set off.

[Source: Captain America: Civil War. Wanda self-flagellating over her perceived failure to save the lives of the Wakandans.]

Wanda displays much the same hallmarks as Tony Stark, has a very similar arc and very similar responses to trauma and mistakes (drive for vengeance and desire to make amends most notably).

And yet, Wanda is blamed, insulted, vilified. Tony Stark is praised, defended and others are trodden down so he may be raised up. Why is this?

It’s really very very simple:

Tony is a cis male (ostensibly) straight guy, born and raised in America to immense wealth, with a genius level intellect, constant snark and Daddy issues to make even Tyrion Lannister or goddamnit Jon Snow cry. He’s America’s 1%, he’s got guilt issues up the wazoo and his sarcasm and snark makes him many people’s favourite archetypes in one - and so they defend him to the death.

What’s Wanda got?

Wanda is a woman from Eastern Europe who grew up first in a block of flats which were later destroyed due to the war-torn nature of her home country and from then, is said to have lived on the streets according to Marvel. She and her brother were deeply codependent as a result of their trauma, and, in order to have the power needed to take the vengeance they had sought since they were ten (reminder! they were children when they imprinted on this idea) they let themselves be experimented on by people they later learned were Nazis.

Oh, and she actually managed to in-part take that vengeance on Stark.

That’s the reason she’s hated. She’s a woman. She’s Other with her Eastern European accent. She’s Different with her powers no one can explain. She was poor. She’s foreign and lesser and a she. And then she attacked a fandom fave due to misconceptions that she believed in her whole life - that her upbringing and country only continued to emphasise:

[Source: Avengers: Age of Ultron. Sokovian graffiti of Tony Stark as Iron Man, his face plastered over with dollar signs.]

It’s xenophobia. If you count in the Roma and Jewish background of the twins in comics, then it’s also racism. It’s certainly sexism, likely classism. These things mean that few will consider her… for her. For her character arc, for her trauma. Few will sit down and notice the similarities between her and Tony, few care. Instead, they hate her for her act of vengeance. They don’t try to understand why.

[Source: Captain America: Civil War. Vision explains the science behind the fear response to Wanda due to her powers in-universe. And yet - so few both in the MCU and out of it - where it doesn’t actually matter - care to delve into the whys and werefores and Wanda’s treatment.]

They just hate.

And it fucking sucks.

End Note: If you should want a truly excellent fic written to battle these issues with how Wanda is perceived and treated in and out of universe, may I recommend to you all Soldier, Weapon, Stranger, Monster by the wonderful @tobermoriansass, who has been such a help in writing this meta.

[batsinwhitechapel]

A little drabble

Set after chapter 27

A little fantasy I've been obsessing about for the past month or so, so much that I had to write it down.

Be warned, as I rarely write and English is not my native language, some sentences and word choices are bound to be a little awkward (or downright incorrect). And the rules for the use of punctuation signs differ a lot between English and French, so I probably got it wrong somewhere too. And I can't get my software's spell check to work in English, so there are probably typos in there as well.

Also, the story itself is a bit corny and OOC. Actually, I got carried away by my own fic and didn't know how to end it.

For all these reasons, I'm far from 100% satisfied with it. I keep amending it a little, in the hope that I can make it better.

I've been lurking around the Saezuru fandom for a year, and never participated in anything. I took and never gave, not even an anon post or an intake on anyone's theory. So now, I'm contributing with something, however small or lacking (or corny or OOC). I hope you enjoy reading it!

Doumeki burst into the room.

Kageyama and Kuga sprang apart. Clearly, Kuga had been trying to seduce a relunctant Kageyama into having sex at the clinic, as he often did – sometimes successfully. At the unexpected intrusion, Kuga shouted an angry 'Who the -?' and seemed ready to throw a few punches. But when the identity of the intruder was revealed, his expression actually turned pleased.

'Doumeki!'

In a flash, he crossed the room to where Doumeki was frowning, looking lost and supremely oblivious to the two people in the room. His gaze swept the room twice before finally settling on them.

'Is Boss here?' he asked with even more intensity than usual.

'What? Uh, no, haven't seen him since yesterday.' answered Kuga. 'Why, is playing hide and seek a new fantasy of his?'

The taller man ignored this as if he had not heard (indeed, he had not) and started to retreat, mumbling what sounded like a vague apology. Kuga, now very intrigued, grabed Doumeki's arm, pulled him back into the room and threw him into a nearby chair, alarmed at the half-hearted way Doumeki was trying to fend him off. The more he watched him, the more he realised how dejected and anxious Doumeki was. He looked like an overgrown child who had just learned that his parents had abandoned him.

'What the hell's wrong with you?'

Focusing on him again, Doumeki answered with none of his usual calmness 'I have to find him. He left while I slept after... after, and I don't know where he is now! He could be hurt or- or worse, and it would be all my fault! Again! And I couldn't bear it!' and he lowered his head in his hands.

Kuga and Kageyama stared at him, then raised their brows at each other. Well, Kuga did.

That was more words than they had ever heard the usually unflappable man say, and more fervour than they would have thought he could show, at least in public. Something was definitely very wrong there.

Kuga spoke again. 'God, you seem completely off. Tell us what happened. You're his bodyguard, why would he leave you behind?'

Doumeki straightened up took a great breath, but said nothing.

'Is he angry with you? Did you do something you shouldn't have?'

Doumeki tensed.

'You did?' Kuga said, only half believing his luck. He regained his footing now that he had a vague idea what was going on. 'Sooo, what did you do?'

Silence.

'Did you kiss him?'

Silence. Kageyama frowned.

'Did you... touch him?'

Silence. Kageyama frowned at Kuga. Doumeki seemed to be made of stone.

'Did you... did you fuck him?' said kuga, in disbelief.

'Kuga...' Kageyama sounded stern.

Doumeki hung his head.

After a second of bewilderment, Kuga's laughter broke out, but was swiftly cut off by Doumeki's soft 'That's not right.'

'Huh? What's not right?' asked Kuga, his mirth receding a little at Doumeki's earnest expression.

'I didn't fuck him. We... I made love to him.' and with this, Doumeki raised his head and stared defiantly at the two other men.

Kuga's complexion became a couple of shades redder. 'Doumeki, that's... uhm, very corny.'

Doumeki lowered his gaze.

Kuga started to pace.

'But still, that doesn't really explain... wait.' Kuga stopped and turned back to Doumeki, asking mishievously: 'Are you that bad in bed?'

'Kuga.' Kageyama said, louder and more assertively this time.

'What? The guy took off while Doumeki here was sleeping it off, by the sound of it. One has to wonder. So, Doumeki, did you manage to make him come, yes or no?'

'Yes'. As if it was a matter of course. Despite himself, Kuga shivered.

'How many times?'

'Kuga!' Kageyama sounded slightly alarmed.

'Four'

Kuga's mouth hang open. Kageyama stared at Doumeki. The former was the first to recover.

'In a row? Holy...'

'But one was unintentional'.

'One was... how the hell is that even possible? My God Doumeki, I know the guy's a dirty perv, but even so, you probably overdid it.'

'Don't say that.'

'What?'

'That the boss is a pervert. He just... has a strong sex drive.'

'And likes to take it up the ass so much he can come four times in a row' Kuga countered with a cheeky smile.

'No.'

'No what?' the smile faultered.

'He did not come all four times like that.' Doumeki finished his sentence reluctantly. He realised belatedly that the conversation had taken a rather intimate turn.

'Oh, I see.' Kuga's face went another shade redder. 'And how did he come, intentionally or unintentionally?'

'KUGA!' Kageyama was definitely alarmed now. He was trying to find a way to avoid hearing this conversation without storming out of the room or stuffing his fingers in his ears, and he was failing. He did not believe he could stop his boyfriend's questions, now that Kuga's eyes were so bright with interest.

'I don't think I should tell you.' Doumeki already regretted having told them so much. He found he did not like other people prying into his private moment of bliss with Boss.

'Why not? I'm sure your precious boss would tell us himself if he was here.'

'Tell you what?' sounded a voice in the background, making them all start guiltily. Yashiro's voice. Its owner was standing just outside the room in one of these poses that made him look so effortlessly beautiful and sexy.

Before the two others had a chance to move a muscle, Doumeki had jumped out of his chair.

'Boss!' He crossed the distance that separated him from Yashiro in a single long stride, and fell to his knees in front of him. Then he prostrated himself. 'Boss, I'm so happy to see you! Please don't do this ever again, don't leave me behind. If you want me to, I will swear I'll never touch you again. But please, I beg you, don't send me away, let me stay by your side!'

'My, my, how chatty you've become in my absence' Yashiro sounded playful, but a troubled undercurrent was nonetheless perceptible in his tone. He addressed the two other men in the room. 'So, what was I supposed to tell you if I was here?'

Yashiro's presence and attitude gave Kuga a strong urge to unsettle him. Still a little red in the face, he said: 'How he made you come, including the unintented orgasm, since from what he said he did not manage it all four times with his dick.'

For a second everything was still. Yashiro's eyes widened a little. Everyone else was staring at Yashiro: Kageyama with apprehension, Kuga with defiance, and Doumeki apologetically.

Yashiro shot the latter an unreadable look, and the former a scary smile.

'That's true, I came only twice with his dick. The other two times were with his tongue and with his fingers, respectively. Oh, and the “unintentional”, or' his fingers fluttered to Doumeki's cheek 'should I say “unplanned” orgasm was the first, with his tongue in my ass. Was that everything, or was there something else about our fuck that you wanted to know?' He inclined his head in a gesture that would have been inviting at another time. Instead, Yashiro's tone and expression made it intimidating.

Doumeki looked as if he had been slapped.

Kuga recovered from his embarrassement at the thorough way Yashiro had answered his question when he noticed Doumeki's reaction. He glared accusingly at Yashiro and cried out:

'How dare you say it like that?'

The violence of Kuga's reaction took Yashiro aback. He was used to Kuga's hostility towards him, but he realised this time was different.

'What do you mean?'

Kuga pointed to Doumeki.

'To him, it was not a fuck. He said... he said – Damn, Doumeki, how could you say that with a straight face?' He tried and failed to prevent his face from reddening again. Turning back toward Yashiro, after a deep breath, he managed 'He said you... no, he said he made love to you'.

He was not the type to blush, he wasn't! But those two damn guys really were too much. He could feel his face burning.

Yashiro went very still. A mix of uncharacteristic emotions showed on his face. He looked uncertain and deeply moved, but also very frightened. Kageyama's jaw dropped a fraction.

Yashiro stared into Doumeki's eyes, very slowly raised his hand again, caressed Doumeki's cheek, and whispered 'you said that?' before concluding more loudly, trying for his usual carefree manner 'How corny.'

'That's what I said', interjected Kuga. But Kageyama had already grabbed his arm, giving off a strong “you shut up, now” vibe.

Doumeki was kneeling and staring adoringly up at Yashiro as if the man was his only anchor in a storm.

'Yes, because I do' he said softly.

'You do... what?' said Yashiro breathlessly.

Little pink spots appeared on Doumeki's cheeks. “So, he can get embarrassed” thought Kageyama.

Doumeki straightened a little and whispered:

'Love you'

A beat.

Then, very slowly, almost hesitantly, Yashiro bent to kiss him.

Kageyama wished he was anywhere but there. He was looking for another way out, as the kissing couple was blocking the door. But of course, as he very well knew, there was none.

He cleared his throat. It had no effect whatsoever on the deepening kiss he was made to witness. He suspected Yashiro and Doumeki had totally forgotten his and Kuga's presence.

'Oy! This is a private clinic here, go do this somewhere else!'

Doumeki stood, and for an instant, Kageyama thought he was going to act on his words. But then one of Doumeki's hands shot to the side of Yashiro's neck and the other to the back of Yashiro's head, and Doumeki kissed his partner even more fiercely than before.

Things were escaladating fast.

Kageyama was trying to find a way to halt the kiss and throw the two intruders out without actually getting too close to them, in case Doumeki lashed out at being interrupted. The two of them looked positively entranced, as if nothing and no-one else existed.

He turned to Kuga, and at his mesmerized expression, shook him a little.

Doumeki ended Kageyama's predicament as he lifted Yashiro from the ground and carried him towards the hospital bed on which Kageyama and Kuga had been when he interrupted them, clearing the doorway.

'Let's go' murmured Kageyama in Kuga's ear.

'Huh? You bastard, so we can't do it here today, but they can?' He pouted, craning his neck to watch the other two as they were starting to undress each other, totally oblivious. 'That's so unfair'

Kageyama did not answer. They were finally out of the room and into the corridor. He closed the door and locked the room from the outside. 'Thank God, we're out. They really have no decency'

'No, they really don't'. Kuga smiled.

[ayyyez]

Hi Ez :). I hope you are doing Ok :) I would like to request something if you are still open for requests! I would love some headcanons (for Itachi, Deidara and Neji, if it was possible) of how they would react if they accidentally hurt their S/O in their sleep. Like they were having a bad dream, woke up disoriented and attacked their S/O before realising their mistake. Thank you so much :) PS: keep up the good work with Into Dawn, I absolutely LOVE it :D

Hello my dear anon, I am doing great thanks! Apologies for the wait for this request but I’ve finally found some time to complete it. Now I’ve done headcanons for all three of them because it was really interesting to think about and also super relevant (considering the shinobi world). Hope I did them justice, thanks for the request. ALSO I’M GLAD YOU LOVE MY FIC UNTIL DAWN *SQUEALS* !!

Popped these under the cut because they’re quite long since I did all three

Itachi

-for him I can see nightmares becoming a regular occurrence especially after the massacre of the clan. Itachi tells himself it was for the greater good, the safety of the village but that doesn’t stop his sub-conscious tormenting him with dreams of his parents last words followed by the images of dead bodies littering the compound.

-Although Itachi has these night terrors often he isn’t exactly a restless sleeper so it would be very rare for him to thrash around and injure his s/o in their sleep on a daily basis. That being said when it does happen, you know the dream was bad.

-The dream itself would have to be intense an vivid, a situation where someone close to him like it S/O or brother were in harms way and he is unable to save them.

-The dream won’t end there though it would be with him attacking the perpetrator with rage Itachi hasn’t felt many times before let alone even displayed. It would be intense enough to wring their necks.

-Itachi would wake up to his S/O calling his name, pulling him from his disorientation/nightmare when he realises he has wrapped his fingers around their neck, choking them not the figment from the dream.

-His eyes would widen and would release them immediately, pushing himself to put distance between them as he realises what he had done. He considers it unforgivable, giving them a short but heart felt apology before removing himself from their presence for their sake and his. The guilt that fills Itachi is too much to bear, to the point he can’t even look at them for a while needing time to think it all over and brood.

-If his S/O is scared of him or flinches, anything after the incident he will feel so guilty he will offer to leave them, explaining that they shouldn’t forgive him for doing such a terrible thing, accident or not. Also he fears it will happen again.

-Even if they are understanding of everything he will make a point of sleeping elsewhere out of fear of repeating the same mistake. He will do anything they ask of him to make amends, whether it is talking about it or having some distance for awhile.

Neji

-Would be similar to Itachi in the sense that he isn’t usually a restless sleeper so would need to have a really intense event in his life to cause him to thrash in nightmares. A traumatic event where he almost lost his S/O or cost the lives of several people would probably be the cause of any such nightmares.

-Neji wouldn’t thrash in the way where he starts moving around and that’s how his S/O gets injured but rather would start stirring and probably groaning all very distressed (something the Hyūga doesn’t usually do in his sleep as he is still and doesn’t stir), his S/O would notice this and would go to wake him up. This would be a mistake because while he is disoriented he may feel attacked and either hit them in defence or push them off resulting in their injury.

-The moment he realises what has happened though he will be at their side apologising, making sure their okay, offering them help and in general would be so distraught because this is the person he never wanted to hurt. The guilt would overcome him and would just open the floodgates to emotions he usually keeps at bay.

-If his S/O wanted space he would not object for a second, would probably even suggest it a couple times while talking with them.

-If his S/O objects to him leaving, then Neji will do everything in his power to comfort them, told them tight and express every bit of love he had for them while at the same time expressing how sorry he was.

-Honestly the experience will shake him up so much it would give him trouble sleeping for awhile, insisting on sleeping away from them until he got it under control.

Deidara

-Now he is a pretty restless sleeper to begin with, always thrashing and turning, the only way he ever lies still is if he lays on top of his S/O and they wrap their arms around him to keep the boy grounded. He would still mumble and moan which is hilarious.

-He honestly has most likely accidentally whacked or nudged them in his sleep before so it would be something they are very used to happening.

-However, this being said, having a violent nightmare where he actually hurts his S/O unintentionally while disorientated would go down a little differently.

-His reaction would be a little different to others in the sense that he would be very hostile in the way he sealed with it. If his S/O tried to wake him up which is why it happened then he would deflect his feelings of unease and apology by snapping at them, saying something like “You know I get restless” or “You shouldn’t have tried to wake me”.

-He would leave immediately after whether it’s going to another room or just the bathroom no matter what his S/O said or how they reacted. Of course if his S/O needed medical attention it would be a different story.

-Once he has removed himself, Deidara will need a while to calm down and to process the dream and the cause of such an event. He would probably take a shower as means of cooling off and processing. By the time he gets out he would begin to start feeling guilty about what he did to his S/O.

-After taking some time he would return to his S/O attitude and hostility in check and give an apology. It may be murmured or without eye contact but he really does mean it he just isn’t good with owning up to mistakes that effect them both so deeply.

-Instead of speaking much he would probably go toward more physical affection (if they hadn’t left) and would hesitate if they flinched or made an action of objection.

-If they rejected his apology or didn’t want to be around him, Deidara wouldn’t think twice about leaving and would be out the door in no time. It would probably be days before he came back too. He would definitely go blow off some steam to channel the frustration he felt toward himself.

[bharatiyamedia-blog]

‘Unintentionally Courageous’s Maddie Corman Reveals She’s ‘Nonetheless Therapeutic’ – Hollywood Life

http://tinyurl.com/y6jomzrl Maddie Corman talks to HL about bringing her private hell to the stage in ‘Unintentionally Courageous.’ Maddie Corman confronted the best, darkest twist of her life in 2015, and as she continues her journey to heal from the trauma, she is sharing her fact with audiences eight occasions per week in her one-woman-show, Unintentionally Courageous. Via uncooked emotion, a surprising script and excessive vulnerability, Maddie walks the group within the D23 Theater by way of studying her husband, Jason ‘Jace’ Alexander, was arrested for the downloading and file sharing of kid pornography, and the lonely, heartbreaking mess she was left to cope with. The Seven Minutes In Heaven actress is open along with her therapeutic course of, and the very fact she’s nonetheless going by way of it, however she is also taking pleasure in serving to different women and men, night time after night time, who have to study “go the place it’s heat” when coping with grief. Maddie spoke to HollywoodLife.com about her Off-Broadway present, which closes on June 30, revealing that she hopes to journey with it across the US. “I felt some mission to inform this story as a result of I assumed it’d assist one or two individuals. I actually did. I knew that there have been individuals hurting as a result of I knew them. I knew that I wasn’t the one one,” she defined. “However I consider, and my husband believes, that the one technique to get higher and hopefully to assist individuals, every kind of individuals, is to inform the reality and to speak about issues. I didn’t notice how a lot consideration it will get.” HollywoodLife: Whenever you carry out this story, night time after night time, do you’re feeling like you might be reliving the trauma and the ache? Maddie Corman: Sure and no. Sure, as a result of something I do as an actor I to relive the second, however I additionally wish to suppose that I’ve sufficient method that I’m not truly reliving it. I believe if I had been truly reliving it, I wouldn’t have the ability to flip the change and play the opposite individuals within the present that I do. I flip backwards and forwards between every now and then. When it actually was then, I couldn’t flip that change. I might have liked to have flipped the change, and be however now I’m going to be humorous, or now I’m going to be hopeful. These weren’t obtainable to me 4 years in the past, however now they’re. Now I can really feel it, and really feel it deeply, however transfer previous it, which is true each on stage and in life, presently. HL: Does the story really feel your personal whenever you’re performing it? MC: Sure, however I additionally suppose virtually something I act looks like my very own story as a result of I personalize no matter story I’m telling. It turns into my very own story. There is a component of catharsis, the place I’ll come out, and I’ve some mates there who I haven’t seen in a very long time, and a few strangers there who I’ve by no means seen, however the primary temper within the foyer was, there was quite a lot of weeping and hugging, and I used to be identical to, “Hey guys,” as a result of I simply completed and I can put it away. It truly is not like something I’ve ever performed or skilled, as a result of the moments the place I meet individuals after the present, I say there’s weeping, however there’s additionally this pleasure, actually each night time or afternoon once I exit. Folks inform me their tales and say thanks and we cry collectively and chuckle collectively in these bizarre 5 minute meet-ups. So, it looks like my story; it feels very, very particular. It’s so thrilling as a result of I’m going out after and individuals who’ve had nothing like this occur to them say I felt those self same issues. The story is completely different, however the emotions really feel the identical. I didn’t notice my story could be so common, in any respect. It felt like I used to be feeling issues that solely I had ever felt, and positively experiencing issues that solely I had ever skilled. It seems that’s not true. Even on a micro degree, there have been lots of people who’ve mentioned, “I’ve skilled virtually the identical factor,” which I had no concept it was so prevalent. However extra, there’s simply been individuals who say, “I’ve felt alone. I’ve felt disgrace. I’ve felt concern. I felt that second once I thought I knew what my life goes to be, after which growth. It’s nothing like what I assumed.” Amanda Jones HL: Whenever you wrote the Unintentionally Courageous script, had been you anticipating individuals to have the ability to relate? Did you suppose they had been going to see it? MC: After I began writing, I didn’t know what it will be, and I definitely didn’t understand how individuals would react. I’m an individual who’s traditionally very, very conscious and afraid of how persons are going to react, and really, very, very a lot wanting individuals to love and approve of me and no matter I do. I needed to let that go. It’s not that I simply knew I wanted to write down it… I had began as a result of my story was within the paper and was somewhat extra public; much more public than most individuals’s and other people had began to achieve out to me already, and that was so useful to me. The factor that helped me get off the metaphoric and literal rest room ground was different individuals saying, “I’ve felt one thing like this.” I’m an enormous proponent of remedy. I’ve superb mates. I’m all for treatment, if that helps. However the factor, in my expertise, that basically saved me was different individuals telling their tales. I knew there have been individuals who had been affected by habit. Individuals who had been affected by a companion and who didn’t have a voice. I hadn’t heard the story of what occurs in between — whenever you fall down and you then get again up. I heard lots of people come out and say, “I fell down, and right here I’m now, and right here’s what I did to get again up.” I used to be actually curious about sharing the messy half, the in between half. I assumed that as a theater actor, I may need an opportunity to do this as a result of it wouldn’t be me simply standing there like I’m with you with my good lashes. I’ll have cried within the rest room this morning, however I’m not hopefully going to do it with you proper now. However I wished to indicate that half as a result of that’s the lonely half, and that’s the half that I felt like individuals weren’t speaking about. So, I didn’t have quite a lot of time to suppose. I wrote it, and my good friend and director Kristin Hanky was extremely useful and it was a really protected, cozy house. She was with me holding my hand as I wrote quite a lot of this, however it was very personal. Then actually shortly, it turned very public. HL: Did you husband have a response to you placing this story on the market? You’re very cognizant of creating positive the viewers is aware of it’s your story, not his. MC: That, I believe, has been one of many largest challenges. I wished to inform this story, however I didn’t really feel like I had the precise or the data to inform his story or my children’ tales. And but, clearly they’re part of my story as a result of that’s my household and that’s simply a part of who I’m. However I believe that’s a part of what I’ve realized, is that I’m not simply anyone’s spouse. I’m not simply anyone’s mom. This can be a story that’s mine to inform. Som in fact I would like my children to be okay with it. After all, I truly need my husband to be okay with it. However on the finish of the day I needed to say, “I really feel like I wish to share this.” My husband has been extremely supportive of this. I imply, what else is he going to say? However he additionally, not solely as a fellow artist, however as somebody in restoration, he believes that secrets and techniques maintain us sick. Although it may be actually, actually scary, shining a lightweight on one thing is at all times the precise factor to do for my part, and he shares that perception. It could be very easy to only push sure issues underneath the rug. It’s an uncomfortable subject. It’s not fairly. There are victims concerned. It’s very triggering to lots of people. However I consider, and my husband believes, that the one technique to get higher and hopefully to assist individuals is to inform the reality and to speak about issues. HL: How did you go concerning the script in a manner that you simply confirmed compassion for these people who find themselves addicts and victims, however with out excusing what they did? MC: I shared what I realized. It’s my expertise. I’ve learn headlines and made judgments. I didn’t wish to go to f**cking household week. One of many unbelievable advantages of going there was assembly different addicts and their spouses, and seeing the humanity, and the household, and the nuance. I assumed I used to be not a judgmental particular person, however I’ve realized a lot in these previous few years, and I’ve realized that habit could make some actually good individuals do some actually dangerous issues. That doesn’t, for my part, make the individuals dangerous. That doesn’t imply that there’s not quite a lot of regret and amends to be made and costs to be paid for actions that folks have taken. However what I’ve come to is that we don’t simply throw individuals away. I wanted to satisfy different individuals. My husband’s story was so near me, and it felt like such a betrayal of the person who I knew him to be that I couldn’t even see, however seeing different individuals with some loving detachment, I used to be in a position to study a lot extra. HL: A girl that you simply introduce as solely your ‘angel,’ who can also be within the public eye, informed you that your husband’s arrest was going to be the very best factor that has ever occurred to your loved ones. Has that been true? MC: I’m not there, but. I don’t want what occurred to me on anybody ever, and positively not on anybody’s kids, however there are undoubtedly some presents. The work that I’ve needed to do on myself so as to survive has been extremely useful to me as an individual. Overlook about, ‘I stayed in a wedding.’ I didn’t keep in a wedding. Early on my therapist mentioned, “Whether or not you keep otherwise you go, you’re going to have to do that work as a result of the ache goes with you.” So, I believe that there are some piecemeal presents that I’ve gotten, and I even suppose there’s some presents that my kids have gotten. I’m undecided I might say it’s the very best factor that’s ever occurred to me. That’s my angel, who’s on a distinct degree that possibly I can get to sometime. I’ve moments the place what I attempt to do in my life is targeted on what I’m grateful for, as a result of it’s very easy to give attention to what I’ve misplaced. As a result of there’s quite a lot of loss; however I’ve gained a lot. HL: Why did you resolve to maintain your angel nameless? MC: I really feel like she reached out to me, and due to the character of my trauma, and her trauma, it entails one other particular person. So, not solely did I wish to defend her, however her particular person. I believe additionally, as a result of she’s well-known, it will be distracting to the story. It was useful for me to know that somebody who was not simply well-known, in fact, however actually unbelievable, and a extremely, for my part, an excellent, profitable, particular person with integrity, was providing me this hope for my household, felt actually vital. I actually thought we would must dwell underneath a rock, and I didn’t wish to do this, and she or he by no means prompt that. The present actually means that, there I’m alone on stage, I felt so alone, however in reality, I’ve unbelievable mates who confirmed up. I’ve unbelievable household who caught by me and my husband, who had been like, “We’re right here, what do you want?” I even have unbelievable acquaintances who had been keen to indicate up. Nevertheless it felt so lonely. They didn’t know what to say, as a result of nobody knew what to say. Then, to have somebody who mentioned, “I’ve been by way of one thing like this.” It was so useful. That retains me going, too, eight exhibits per week. To go, “Possibly tonight I’ll communicate to somebody within the viewers who would possibly want to listen to this.” I had one one who noticed the present, and had one thing occur to her since she noticed the present. She liked the present, and she or he felt all the emotions, however she mentioned, “I didn’t know I used to be going to want the present.” HL: Are you continue to therapeutic? MC: Sure. I believe that’s a lifelong course of. I might like to take a tablet and be performed, or get a commencement cap and robe and say, “No, I’m good, I’m good.” That’s to not say that I’m crawling on the ground once I go away right here. I’m not. I’ve actually nice days, after which I’ve some actually darkish nights. For me personally, that’s maintenance. That’s going to conferences and doing self care and being of service. That’s a part of my very own therapeutic, is that I’ve to share what I’ve with another person so as to maintain it. Along with doing the present, I’m undoubtedly in contact with lots of people who’re in varied phases of trauma in their very own life, and that may be exhausting. however it’s extremely rewarding too, to attempt to be there for individuals as individuals have been there for me. You should purchase tickets to Unintentionally Courageous, which continues its run Off-Broadway till June 30.  Source link

[galimatios]

t/a rambles 1

back on my bullshit part 1

... should look into the tactics ogre games for novel inspo bc my novel is also a political drama ... UNINTENTIONALLY actually id call it a coming of age story in rhe new adult genre since mc is probably 23-25 i have so many feelings about the novel ugh i love my ocs so much and i put them all om opposing sides for this novel the most complex relationship i have in it i think is alex and his mother or rather prince kreutzer in this au queen elaine and her son prince kreutzer .. god its so fucked up bc kreutzer loves his mother- he was largely isolated as a child and his mother was always so loving and sweet and they were so so close but the prince never knew of the shit his mother did as queen she is a tyrant she must have lost a child once. a princess, i think probably to the king who she may have ... overthrew or usurped maybe but regardless of that shes in power now and because she lost a child she became overly protective of kreu and consolidated her power heard of a plot to infiltrate her kingdom and assassinate the son of the previous tyrant king (?) and she just fucking ruled with an iron fist because she has so little trust in the goodness of people that she thinks the only way to achieve good is to force it and as a result she kills anyone who steps out of line thus making the people resent her deeply but to kreutzer shes his mother his loving and doting mother who does all she can to protect him the novel actually starts um after the queen is assassinated h a its not her story but shes a big part of it even after her death bc a big portion of the theme is like coming to terms with the complexity of individuals no one is all good or all bad and kreu starts out unable to understand this he has a very black and white view of moralitt like his mother at the beginning on his coronation day theres an assassination attempt made on him but he gets whisked away by the court jester after that a coup is staged and rebels take over the country and the prince is forced to hide with a traveling circus that the jester brings him to where every performer... is a fugitive or criminal! and thats where his personal growth really begins bc he learns abt these people and realizes his world view was wrong people are complex people do bad things... for just reasons and vice versa esp Keith who makes a major appearance in the novel his entire bg story takes place outside the novel as well hahaha but its a lot after a raid on his village, hes orphaned along w his little sister who is ill so to make ends meet / buy medicine he does literally every fucking crime under the sun starting off with petty theft and scaling up to murder literally sacrificing every last shred of innocence he has for the sake of his ailing sister who... dies anyway! and im thinking, tbh, its a fantine/cosette/thenardiers type sitch where this quack doctor is basically scamming him except instead of fantine dying cosette does anyway thats where he fucking hits rock bottom he could handle things as long as he had someone to fight for you know he was alright with it bc his sister was there, his saving grace but when she dies hes all alone thats probably when lydia finds him i imagine he would he on the verge of suicide or at the very least dying of self imposed starvation and neglect but honestly probably suicide julie's death on top of the crushinf weight of all the crimes hes committed the innocence he lost, the lives he took its just way too much and hes just a naive kid lydia finds him and takes him back to the circus takes care of him gives him food and water and shelter and slowly tries to reach him slowly teaching him that there is still life to be lived that he is so young, and it is far too soon for him to lay down and die that he should live for his dead family, because that is what they would want to keep their memory alive in his heart and he begins to come around slowly starts doing chores for the troup then he finally sees one of their performances acrobats and the trapeze and the glitz and the glamor its the first time in years where he ... wasnt thinking about his dead sister or his trauma he asks lydia to teach him how to "do that" he says while pointing at the stage and so she does and ever since then hes taken up performing full time as a .. daredevil type act doing outrageously dangerous things for the thrill of it it excites him, the risk he loves to see how close to the edge of death he can walk without falling and it fuels him makes him enjoy being alive again and he's.. happy god by the time you meet keith in the novel he's just this happy go lucky teen with this smugness about him a kind of dangerousness belying a sweet exterior he's all jokes and laughs at this point and you'd never be able to tell what he went thru at first glance or at all really bc honestly, at this point he honest to god is okay lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 6:00 AM he... doesnt need anyone's pity. he doesn't need anything but the feeling of being alive now and one of the major points of the novel is prince kreu's relationship with him... bc at first they really clash and kreu is just... he's a fucking criminal and all of then deserve to hang keith plays this off w jokes at first but kreu keeps being antagonistic bc he just cant believe a criminal like him is getting away without punishment but then one day keith snaps at him knife to the prince's throat dangerous, cat like eyes, the usual smile on his face no where to be found you're right. i'm a thief. a liar. a criminal. a murderer. i'm all those things. but i'll tell you one thing, prince: i'm not worthless. he pulls the knife away and walks off leaving the prince stunned after this lydia talks to kreu explaining that maybe he shouldn't judge keith so quickly hinting that the circumstances of his life were... not ideal when i first found him, he was already half dead. perhaps not physically, but in the eyes. you could see the reaper in them. hhmgmgn i need to think more abt the circumstances around this scene ah keith must have been looking for a good place to die

the music from the circus reminded him of better days, when he played songs with his family. i imagine him.. outside the tent, somewhere obscured and there's music flowing from its interior... he's tired. he sits down against a barrel and he's been starving, exhausted... letting sleep take him away on the songs from the circus back to a time he used to be happy...

lydia fines him and shakes him but his eyes look glassy and he's unresponsive

he's taken poison must have been something from his former days working as an assassin something he saved for himself just in case and that's when lydia takes him in and nurses him back to health she's a water mage w healing capabilities so she's able to do it and i imagine at first keith is hurt, angry why am i still alive? i im fucking myself up in the feels i hate this THIS ISNT EBEN IN THE FUCKINF BOOK IT ALL HAPPENS BEFORE IT KEITJS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER HERE BUT IM SO FUCKED UP ugh after kreutzer learns a bit abt keiiths origins he actually thinks a lot. and tries to make amends. apologizes to keith who doesnt say anything much he's sitting, eyes away from the prince, fiddling with the knives he uses for his performances

"a raid took my parents away. illness took away my sister."

"i did a lot of things for money. most of it i'm not proud of. but i would have done anything to save her... you know?"

"you've got someone you love too, don't you?" kreutzer thinks of his mother. the surrogate brother who disappeared on him and never returned "i do." "then, you get it." after this they start to really bond almost as siblings.. which is really funny bc kreutzer doesnt need to be protective of keith keith can MORE THAN take care of himself but its new for kreutzer to feel.. responsibility for someone else like this he was always the one protected before keith laughs at this a lot what're you trying to do? be my big bro? but secretly he ...really likes having family again as idiotic as kreutzer is ofc lydia has always been there for him but as a surrogate mother an older sib is new and.. kind of nice in canon modern au they really are basically bros LOL actually cousins via mothers but alex/kreu goes to live w keiths family after his mom (lain) dies so they essentially grow up like brothers i didn't even get started w the fucking mess that is alan and kreutzer alan goes by calisto also and he hes the court jester but he was trained from a young age as a snake in the kings court he was supposed to kill the prince when the time was right but alan and his dumb fucking gay ass FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM INSTEAD spoiler alert: its unrequited btwn alex and alan is NEVER requited in ALL aus its because alan ... doesnt love himself at all. he has no sense of... purpose or identity alex can never love someone like that but either way he becomes the prince's personal servant and entertainer and this idiot falls for him the naivete he displays, the timid stateliness, the unfitting title of prince bestowed on his shoulders- kreutzer is far too soft to be the leader of this kingdom and alan increasingly has the desire to protect him even as kreu grows older and more skilled in his studies there is always the anxious trepidation they also grow up together from around ages 11-present at the time of the novels start god alan loves him so much it hurts me but its so one sided alex loves cyrus in modern au ): alan could never be more than just a phase tbh poor guy alan and his low self esteem and depression the worst part of this thougg is that because alan feels aimless and without purpose when he falls for kreutzer he ... finally has his OWN cause to fight for and he takes it to the extreme betraying everyone that trusted him to do his job for the sake of a man who wont ever love him it bites him in the ass too bc i kill him off as a catalyst for other stuff h ahahahhahahahahahahaha not just kill him off but horribly because HE FUCKING BETRAYED HIS ENTIRE SIDE THEY ARE, UNDERSTANDABLY, PISSED Alan is so fuckong flawed hes a fuckinf mess and i love it ugh im thinkijg of another scene in the novel once kreutzer gets captured bt the coup rebels he actuallt submits himself voluntarily bc keith gets kidnapped and used as ransom keith tells him hes a fucking idiot keiths life doesnt matter dont fucking come for me! but kreu doesnt listen obviously and they torture kreutzer bc i love suffering and after that they make him listen in a mock trial to the testimonials of all the people hurt by his mother death to the queen! death to elaine of koel! all the horrible stories of lives unjustly cut short because of his mother it breaks him because he loves his mother so much but she's done all these horrible things he doesn't know what to do how to make amends the damage was done and he takes their wrath their scorn and anguish and i'm sorry as if sorry could ever fix anything but it is his burden to carry, his punishment to suffer in place of the queen ironically this makes lilya have a change of heart she was infiltrating the queens court just as alan did and she is directly responsible for her death her assassination, i think or the king's? either way shes part of the rebel forces and she DESPISES the queen good fucking riddance as far as she's concerned that woman made her life hell(edited) so she can rot in it for all lilya cares for but seeing kreutzer there bloodied tortured sobbing broken and taking the punishment doled out to him without so much as a word of protest(edited) she thinks... this... isnt right this is wrong. because kreutzer was not responsible for the sins of his mother as much as people want to blame him, take out their anger on him lilya was at first all gung ho about ending the royal bloodline lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 7:02 AM but she reconsiders this moment feels something tugging at her this isnt right

she remembers her sister back at the circus— lydia. who she always loved dearly but clashed with, leading to her abandoning the circus and joining the rebellion.

retribution is deserved, but should it be served? what then makes us different from our oppressors?

or sth like that so she rescues kreutzer takes him back to the circus. and reunites with her sister after so many years after that ik not entirely sure what to do w the novel LOL bc i know there has to he a big battle bc the rebellion forces begin to quell opposition like how the communist regime in other countries started in ernest bc people felt oppressed but then they went too far and started culling the middle class so then kreutzer leads his own rebellion force against them to take back the country then once he wins he uses his kinghood to dissolve the monarchy and embrace democracy instead asking lydia to lead hes much too tired to lead, and she is much better suited for it but hm inhabe to think more about that entire segment after this he takes over lydias spot in the circus as its owner and organizer and with keith he spends the rest of his days helping people just like keith also they properly mourn alans death it takes forever for kreu to come to terms w his mothers assassination and crimes he probably never truly works it out but he begins to be able to recognize that she is both the tyrant queen and his loving mother that they do not cancel eachother out, that they are not mutually exclusive they are one in the same UGH IM SO UPSET I WISH ID FUCKING WRITE THIS BC I WANT TO FUCKING READ IT the message i wanna convey is like people.. are complex, imperfect, and the systems they create are also subjected to that but everyone does things for a reason. no matter what that reason is and i want lydia to address this too when she becomes the new prime minister of koel a democracy is not perfect, because man is not perfect. there will be hardship, mistakes made along the way. but together we can grow, improve, and learn about one another— and better our society for it. and i believe anywhere injustice goes, justice will always follow(edited) sth like that ig

[80steenmovie]

single: part two (preview)

billy hargrove x oc 

word count: 873

warnings: none

a/n: I didn’t thoroughly 100% check through everything for grammar, spelling, etc. but I’m almost done with part two and wanted to get this up cause it’s been too long and I can’t stand to not post something. 

The bell ringing above the entrance broke you out of your trance and the mystery boy was gone without a trace. You knew nothing about this enchanting stranger, not even his name or what a boy like him was doing in Hawkins. But you had already made it your mission to unravel the blonde haired angel.

“What has gotten into you?” Lexi broke in. “It looked like you were under some sort of hypnosis.”

Your gaze was quickly directed towards Lexi and you barely breathed out, “Who was that?”

The only response Lexi gave was a scoff and a readjustment with her back against the wall and her knees against her chest.

“What?” You softly sighed.  

“He was just some random guy with a nice face. And now he’s gone, so why is it so important?” Lexi sneered.

“He wasn’t like any other guy. You yourself said that.”

“Okay, he’s uber hot, so what? Why do you care so much?” she asked rhetorically.

You dropped your head slightly and bounced your eyes around to avoid Lexi’s glare and mumbled, “I-I guess, I don’t know. Never mind.”

“I’m sorry that I’m the only one concerned about tonight and that I can’t assist you on your case of the hot mystery boy.” Lexi retorted.

“Lexi, you know I care about tonight, I just-”

She quickly scooted out of the booth and cut you off with a sharp bite, “Just forget it. I guess I’ll see you at the party tonight, or whatever.”

You knew something was deeply bothering Lexi, but could not decipher what it was. And at this point, there was no talking it out with her and making it all better. Lexi was stubborn, and it would be awhile before she admitted the true cause of her outburst. Nonetheless, you had to let her know somehow that you cared and would never purposely try to hurt your best friend.  

“How are you going to get home?” You asked.

“I don’t know, walking is an option. I’ll figure something out.”

“That’s way too far to walk, please at least let me get you home.” You said glumly.

“Oh, now you care about me. Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Lexi snapped.

Without missing a beat, she turned on her heels and walked away from you, shoving the diner door open ringing the bell that was beginning to be a familiar and melancholic sound.

What was just breakfast and coffee with your best friend turned into misunderstandings and heavy hearts with no one but yourself.

But not for very long; the booth you were sitting at was the first next to the door and he saw everything from the parking lot. Your whimsical stare, your perplexing fixation on him, and the harsh words exchanged between you and Lexi that he didn’t need to hear to know. He now saw an innocent girl with a soft frown and a severed heart, her only company being a lukewarm cup of coffee. There were plenty of sad girls he came across that he would only to intend the pleasure the sadness out of. But when he saw you that didn’t even cross his mind and he felt a mar in his egocentric identity.

He opened the door of the blue Camaro to let in the brisk, fall air, hoping it would rid this new train of thought. To his dismay, it remained in tact and sharp in the front of his brain. It deeply frustrated him as to why he couldn’t understand this distant feeling. He could briefly recall that he had felt it only once before, a long time ago. But this detached memory surged through every bone in his body and it was forming a force he couldn’t fight with even the strongest fist.

Annoyed and slightly perturbed, he groaned and stomped his boots on the gravel. He took a  final and drawn-out drag of his newly lit cigarette, hoping the nicotine would erase the thought from his head. The nicotine making no said difference and now wasting a perfectly good cigarette, he would normally be moved pick a fight with someone who breathed the wrong way.   

About to get back into his car, he unintentionally caught a quick glance of you, not having moved at all from where he last left you. He slammed the door shut and put out his barely used cigarette on the ashtray on top of the garbage bin, subsiding from his usual habit of flicking it to the side without a care.

You were still staring down into your coffee cup and absentmindedly swirling a spoon around the perimeter and for once didn’t pay attention to the ringing bell. Lexi was far too stubborn to come back and make amends this quickly, and right now there was no else important enough to walk through that door that would be worth your time and energy.

A rich and smooth voice suddenly entered your wavelength and hummed, “Is this seat taken?”

You were slightly irritated at someone cutting into your self loathe time and only bothered to slowly raise your eyes to show your annoyance, which quickly faded into wonder and your head shot up when you realized who was standing in your presence.

tag list: @hipsmcgee @xicarcalii @dacremontgomerylover @thoughstofaredhead @alexaaab