#as a manager he wouldn't be shit to his physio but as a player? sorry it wasn't a deal breaker. he likes mou more than ancelotti. to me

[adolin]

@takiki16 tags on my post are too good not to be shared! The context is wild shit that legit happened in IRL football ⚽ that I need the Ted Lasso fandom to be aware of, because it'd make for excellent fic material:

the MANAGERS #the PERSONAL DRAMA#I KNOW that ted lasso is not designed to be an actual realistic show #I KNOW that this whole thing did in fact begin as a way to soft trap Americans into watching the Prem #to the point that JOSE FUCKING MOURINHO ACTUALLY HAD A PART IN THE ORIGINAL NBC AD #I do NOT want to change the vibe of the show at all #(but like…a dramedy about the EPL that REALLY wanted to roast some fuckers would perhaps…NOT look like ted lasso #if they wanted to start with the managers it would just be two middle aged idiots with BOILING beef #who had to be physically restrained from throwing hands every other game and have personally destroyed each others’ marriages

Okay WHO would Roy have managerial beef with. I vote Arteta. Actually as @elizabear suggests, it's funnier if it's one sided

He would also instinctively dislike Rob Edwards of Luton because Jamie once said he's the hottest manager in the EPL. Roy's annoyed and he doesn't know why. (Rob Edwards is very hot)

For an example of managers throwing hands... the Tuchel/Conte handshake

In fact here's a whole compilation of managers throwing hands.

Thank you for bringing up Mourinho! This is his ad, btw. "What do you WANT Ted?" lives in my mind rent-free

After much soul-searching I've decided Roy likes Mou a lot among all the managers he's played for. YES, he is a total cunt BUT

he's really fucking funny about it. Like, really.

he's never met a referee he didn't have beef with but most of all Anthony Taylor (as a Roma fan I have to agree with him on that)

the entire 2005 Chelsea team would've died for him. I've said this before, but there can't be a Frank Lampard in TL if Roy plays the box-to-box midfielder role, so this quote about Mourinho walking into Lampard naked in the shower to give him a pep talk? That's Roy. To me.

I can't even pick a quote among all the shit he's said about all the managers he's played against, but I especially enjoy when he used to be a bitch about Pep and Pep was like "I don't know her." It was like a one-sided crush dating back from their Barca days

#if they wanted it to be about the players the literal sky is the limit. WHATEVER the writers room can come up with#it cannot come CLOSE to the batshit drama that real Sockckckckcer Playahs have amongst each other#also intricate rituals. NOT ENOUGH INTRICATE RITUALS#when Jamie scored that free kick after getting permission to be a prick Dani should have kissed him with tongue

Here's some homoeroticism:

#but TO COME BACK TO OP’S POINT ABOUT ACTUAL GAMEPLAY#I want to see Coach Roy get red carded and have to sit in the stands for the next game cursing and swearing

He'd get, like, 3 red cards a season MINIMUM. Mourinho who. Here's Klopp losing it a bit. Here's Pep being passive aggressive as fuck. Pochettino from 2 days ago. Also from last weekend: De Zerbi's "I don't like 80% of referees in England" he's so right for this.

Manager Roy would get himself red carded the week before Richmond play Chelsea away. Totally accidental. So he doesn't have to have a lil cry about it.

#I want to see what it would take to get Zoreaux sent off#and then they have to stick Bumbercatch in goal and it turns out he has some Hyper Specific Phobia about the situation#he manages to save the team but his coping mechanisms for dealing with Forcible Keeper Phobia make up the comedy B-plot of the episode#

I want CLUB RIVALRY. dunno where Richmond actually physically is but imagine if they had derbies#Ted has to be made to understand that no coach - for THIS game we will not stop till we see BLOOD#Richmond wins but bc they are playing away the home fans actively are tossing crap at them as they celebrate on the pitch#also the sprinklers come on and it’s a bus full of soaked greyhounds on the ride home

They're in West London! Maybe they just fucking hate Fulham. Or Brentford.

Actually, I've thought long and hard about Richmond's derby rivalries. Semi-canon sources say they have a bit of a West London rivalry with Brentford BUT to me it doesn't make much sense because Richmond are supposed to have been mid-table in the Prem for years, top-flight but mediocre. Brentford only made it to the Prem in 2021.

Actually, I've decided that Richmond kind of take the place of QPR for most of their history, except they didn't get relegated when QPR did. This is because 1) it'd be too many London-based clubs otherwise but, more importantly, 2) when Man City won their first title in 2012 with Agueeeeeero!!! that was against Richmond. It's funny, To Me.

Also you know Roy still fucking hates Newcastle from his Sunderland academy days. If his pundit career had lasted longer he'd be having top tier shithousery with Alan Shearer every week about it.

Anyway here's a whole youtube playlist about WILD derbies.

#ALSO BC SUAREZ IS COMING TO MIAMI - BITING INCIDENTS CAN THEY DO THAT

As an Italian I am legally obliged to SAY that if Suarez hadn't bitten Chiellini at the World Cup we would have gone past the group stage because Uruguay scored off a corner they won while Italy were all busy telling the ref that there was a fucking cannibal on the pitch. I don't forgive and I don't forget.

Anyway for context: cannibal Luis Suarez. He's a repeat offender. Someone at Richmond would think it was very funny

[melanieph321]

Hi, girl!!!! Could you make a fanfic with Kenan being maybe ten years younger than the reader? It can be about anything you want. It would be interesting to know about this age difference.

Thank you. And a hug directly from Brazil!

Ten years is crazy!! 😭😭

But I'll see what I can do.....

10 DAYS OF REQUESTS

(DAY 7)

Kenan Yildiz x Reader - Too Young

Poor Kenan. So young. So innocent. 🤣

Summary - Kenan has a crush on Reader. However, Reader thinks he's too young for her.

Enjoy 💞

Kenan's heart was beating fast as he approached your office. You were waiting for him behind the closed door, awakening an eagerness that was impossible to ignore.

"Kenan, back again?" You smiled, welcoming him into your office by stepping away from the frame.

He had barely gathered enough courage to knock on your door, doing so with trembling hands. Now here he was, and here you were. Together.

"How can I help you today? Are your feet still bothering you?"

"I'm afraid so." He muttered shyly since having you examine his feet was truly embarrassing on every level. However, it gave Kenan an excuse to see you again. An excuse he was happy to use more than once.

"Well, then I have exactly what you need."

"You do?"

"Mhm, it's actually a revolutionary treatment known to help a lot of players with issues like yours."

Kenan watched you go through the cabinets in your office. A small examining room similar to the ones the team physios had. Except you weren't a physios, but a nurse.

Juventus very own.

Juventus very finest.

It was silly of Kenan to be crushing on you as hard as he did, considering the significant edge gap between you. Ten years, to be exact. However, you were the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. The most alluring in every way. And as you bent over to retrieve something from a drawer below, Kenan's neck strained from the tilting of his head, shamefully checking you out.

"Got it!"

He managed to straightened himself out by the time you got back to him, carrying a small bottle of a pink liquid.

"This should do the trick." You said. "There's nothing a good nail polish can't fix."

"Pardon, nail what?" Kenan frowned as he watched you shake the tiny bottle before turning its lid.

"It's nailpolish." You confirmed, a strong smell spreading in the room, finding its way into Kenan's sensative nostrils. "It's the best way to treat Athletes Foot like yours. One coating of Plushy Pink and your nails will never crack again."

"Plushy....Pink?"

You snickered at Kenan's wrinkled expression. His innocence adorable to you. "How about you take off your trainers, and I'll show you how to put it on."

Despite his hesitations, Kenan was quick to follow your commands. Shoes, socks, clothes. If you wanted him to strip, he'd strip.

"Here, give me your right."

"My what?"

"Foot, Kenan. Your right foot." You giggled.

He seemed terribly disoriented. However, just the thought of your skin caressing his skin sent Kenan's mind to the moon. And to have your hands touching his feet simply unlocked a fetish Kenan didn't know he had.

You were gentle, however. Your hands warm, unlike most physios. They were soft too, smelling of handsanatizer and a splash of raspberry. A part of him hoped your scent would rub off on him. Unless the smell of the nailpolish would be too overpowering.

"Now, be careful not apply too much." You said, dipping the lid into the bottle, pink liquid dripping form it's tip as you pulled the brush back out. "All you need is a good coat—."

"Wait!"

You were startled by the sudden jerk of Kenan's body, his foot almost kicking you in the face. "Kenan?"

"Shit. I'm sorry." He apologized but didn't seize to look nervous. "I can't...." He sighed. Just the thought of wearing nailpolish triggering his distress. "Pink nailpolish Y/N. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be caught dead wearing pink nailpolish."

"Why not?" You frowned, the lid of the bottle still hovering in your hand.

"Well, firstly I'm a man. Secondly....why are you laughing?" Kenan's cheeks blushed at the sight of your hand against your mouth, smothering a laughter. You were laughing at him, and he wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"I'm sorry Kenan. I really didn't mean to."

"Yeah, right." His pride was definitely shattered. Even more so as he shifted his head in search of his balled up socks.

"Oh, come on Kenan. Don't leave."

You made it worse by addressing him like a child, fueling the burning sensation in his cheeks.

"Come on, Kenan. I just found it funny the way you speak about being a man. I mean, who even says something like that?"

Great, you were about to tell him how he wasn't man enough for you.

Kenan hopped down from the table, taking rush strides towards the door, reaching for the handle.

"To me, a real man isn't defied by something silly like nail polish, and he definitely doesn't care about what his teammates think of him."

Kenan paused in the door frame, his back facing you.

"A real man holds his own." You nodded, although Kenan couldn't see. However, he was definitely listening. "Every woman wants a real man. Are you a real man, Kenan?"

He turned around swiftly. "I am."

A smile spread on your lips. "Show me."

Kenan returned to the examining table, kicking off his shoes on his way there. He then stretched his leg towards you, offering you his feet, his cracked toes, anticipating the touch of your hands, warm and gentle.

"Ready?" You said, the nailpolish in your hand.

He nodded. "Ready."

Kenan's throat moved when he swallowed, still, he did everything not to twitch again. You were quicker with the left, but took your time to apply nailpolish on his right foot. Naturally, the nails were slightly more damaged on his right foot. But I guess that's what you get from years of practicing a craft such as football where the saying was simpe: No pain. No gain. However, what kept him going was his passion for it. Kenan loved football. Almost as much as he loved—."

"There! All done." You said and stood back to admire your work.

Kenan jiggled his toes, slightly fascinated by the way they turned out.

"Pretty, no?"

He groaned in response, wanting nothing more than to put his socks back on. However, you told him to wait a few minutes for the polish to dry. Otherwise, he might end up ruining it.

"So..." Kenan said, having proved himself a real man. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Who, me?" You were returning the nailpolish into the cabinets below but paused just as you bent over.

"Yes, you." Kenan grinned, meeting your tilting head, having tilted his own.

"No. Why are you asking." You said and returned to him once the polish had been stored away.

"No, reason." Kenan shrugged. "I just thought I'd take you out someday, you know, like to a restaurant or something."

"Kenan." You said, a mocking irony in your voice. "I know you didn't just ask me out on a date."

He leaned back against his arms, a large grin on his face. "So what if I did? We're both single, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but what are you, twenty?"

"Nineteen."

"Good, lord, that's even worse."

"What is?" Kenan sat back up, unsure about your reaction. A look of terror in your eyes.

"Kenan, I'm ten years older than you. If we were to date, I'd basically be grooming a child."

"A child!" He protested. "I'm not a fucking child. I play for the first team." Kenan instantly regretted his choice of words seeing your reaction to them. "Come on, Y/N. You know what I mean. Just give me a chance." He pleaded.

You shook your head, a look of remorse on your face. "I painted your nails....and I know that I said that it doesn't make you less of a man...."

"For fuck sakes."

You shook your head. "I'm so sorry, Kenan. You're just too young for me."

Kenan hopped down from the table, bending down to retrieve his socks and shoes, not bothering to put them back on as he headed for the door, pausing in the frame. Kenan knew that the next time that he stepped into your office, it would solemnly be for a check-up on his feet. "The nailpolish...." He asked, struggling to meet your eyes.

It broke your heart. However, you still stood by what you said. "What about it?"

"Does it come in more colors. I don't think pink was really my shade."

You nodded, a sly smile on your lips. "I'll make sure to ask the team to order some more."

"Great. Thanks." He nodded and left your office feeling like a young man with a broken heart.

A broken heart and Plushy Pink toes.

DON'T MISS - 10 DAYS OF REQUESTS

(DAY 1)

(DAY 2)

(DAY 3)

(DAY 4)

(DAY 5)

(DAY 6)