#as a 'pick-me-up' I guess. Maybe it's having an adverse affect on my mental health maybe I should brainwash myself into thinking I'm excited | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asilosmagdalena · 5 days ago

Text

Falling back on my tried and true method of binging Peep Show as a coping mechanism to ward off the crushing despair I am experiencing in real life by dissociating and watching crushing despair play out on fictional characters in television but I've actually started to cultivate somewhat of a social life and am getting peer pressured into going to a bar and having fun and being alive and enjoying myself but no matter how hard I try to larp as a normal functioning human being I will always be Mark Corrigan. I can just momentarily pretend otherwise. I can repress my repression

#doing things you hate is the price you pay to avoid loneliness or whatever but does loneliness really bother me all that much #I can have a greater tolerance interacting with other humans I am getting better at pretending to have fun but it's just pretend #I CAN do it but I only do it because I feel like I SHOULD but I don't really want to. I don't really want anything and nothing matters to me #Might as well just see how being a normal young adult going to the club plays out #set a timer on how long it takes for me to have a neurotic breakdown #Anyway I'm getting picked up in 4 hours I was going to do the shopping today but I stalled and am just watching Peep Show while I wait #as a 'pick-me-up' I guess. Maybe it's having an adverse affect on my mental health maybe I should brainwash myself into thinking I'm excited #fake it til I make it or whatever

7 notes · View notes