#apparently it's in rather poor taste for me to be so interested in other ppls bo when i don't really get bad bo.

[beeseverywhen]

today on confessions that probably should be anonymous:

once years ago, I saw an info graph on here that was a body odor wheel. a wheel with all the possible categories of human body odor all split in to different segments so 'fruit' including grapefruit, 'veg' including onion, 'animal like' including goat. anyway for some unexplainable reason this really stuck with me, I've never forgotten it, just lives in my head now and whenever I smell b.o in public my first impulse isn't even to be grossed out now, it's to (I know this is weird lol) try to categorise what type of body odor that bus or train carriage, particularly smells like. Anyway goat comes up a lot. Which has always surprised me as I tend to associate pink grapefruit with sweat. (I won't use pink grapefruit cosmetics cause they smell like sweat to me)

[retvenkos]

ahhhh congrats on 2.5k! i am in fact using this as an excuse to put sommat in ur ask box (bc i certainly haven’t always wanted to but been too scared nO) 🔥- mayhaps.... a ship for Harry Potter, a series of unfortunate events and the marauders era (also Harry Potter lol). idm what gender the person is btw. I love to read, write about anything that comes to mind, write poetry, I love musical theatre, and my fav genre of music is songs that make you want to throw urself into a bog in the best kinda way. im smart, quite anxious, low-key a train wreck, I’m so sarcastic it’s bad, m pretty well-liked and kind sometimes. and i don’t like when ppl cross boundaries that have been clearly set out, or those foam banana sweets. other stuff is that I’m a Ravenclaw, intj, secretly a 7 year old. thank you!!! and well done again on 2.5k! (that’s a crazy number homie. not surprised they follow u but it’s a lot 😳)

I don’t write for “A Series of Unfortunate Events” so I can’t do a ship for that show, sorry!

HP Golden Trio:

I ship you with Ginny Weasley!

okay, quick side note but you would be best friends with michael corner, you cannot convince me otherwise. in my mind, michael corner is the most sarcastic ravenclaw and generally a disaster, and the two of you together would be peak friendship.

first of all, you’re both hella intelligent, even if it’s not the first thing people recognize, and you both have strong wills - you are a power couple if i’ve ever seen one.

i 100% believe that ginny is shocked by your sarcasm at first. you’re introverted and a little shy when you first meet people, so she wasn’t expecting you to come out with the big guns, but when you do she loves it. the two of you can rip apart anyone you come up against.

but, what’s also good about you guys is that you are also kind and pretty charismatic, when you want to be. you both are softer underneath your intense independence, and so in the vulnerable moments, the two of you can lean on each other for help.

ginny is a music lover, but i don’t imagine she’s too into musicals, so the two of you definitely do some music hunting together, finding songs that both of you adore. due to your natural curiosity, you’re open to new music, which is good because ginny has some that are very near and dear to her, and she can be just a little stubborn when it comes to her tried and trues.

we all know that ginny is the biggest extrovert we’ve ever met, and you’re more of an introvert, which is going to be interesting, to say the least. the redeeming quality here, though, is that you are fairly versatile and so is ginny, so both of you are willing to try out what the other loves.

i imagine that you were friends for a long while before you got together - and that happened kind of naturally, with ginny telling you, once she realized it - so you’ve definitely figured out activities that the two of you do well together.

but, both of you value your independence and are totally fine for the other to do something without you - as long as they bring you food after, or at the very least, a good story.

i think that ginny loves your way with words - your writing and poetry is something she finds very sweet and interesting. she’s never been one to pour her heart on on a page, and to see you do that is something really special.

(don’t @ me, ginny send harry that poem when she was in her first year and then never did so again. she probably got a really bad taste in her mouth for writing down the her feelings - the diary, anyone?)

at least once, you have convinced ginny to try and write poetry, but she insists that it comes out all wrong - she’d much rather use something like songs - ideas already written down - to profess her love for you.

there’s a lot of dancing in the living room in your relationship, the music on full blast.

HP Marauder Era:

I ship you with Remus Lupin!

i kind of went in the opposite direction, but stick with me.

alright, so we all know that remus is an awkward mess when he’s first meeting people, but then he has the (quiet) confidence to rival his fellow marauders once he’s warmed up to you. i imagine you are much the same way, so i’m going to say that the two of you end up meeting because you have a class together and end up being partners after the marauders get split up. maybe charms? either way, the two of you meet and over the course of the week that you work together, you become comfortable and get to know each other alright.

but then, because i am a cruel writer, you don’t properly talk again until you are in the same apparition class. the two of you definitely see each other in the halls or you pass in the library and you’re kind to one another, but you don’t have drawn out conversations until you are learning to apparate, and you are terrified that you are going to get splinched.

(which is a valid fear, tbh, remember how susan bones legit lost a leg? and poor ron?)

remus is, again, assigned to be your partner (no doubt mcgonagall told the instructor to split up the marauders) and having been well versed in coping with paralyzing fear, he help you calm down and over the course of the class, gets you to apparate multiple times (enough to get your license) without having a single accident.

it’s also during this time that the two of you start hanging out more. a couple times the two of you skip lunch (which is right after your class) and head to the library or courtyard to work on homework or studying. you’re very clever and very creative in the way that you study, so you are a big help to remus, who is perpetually behind in school work.

and on your little study dates (which are not dates, it’s not like remus has had a crush on you for years or anything) you both realize that together your sarcasm is unparalleled. it’s enough to shock lily evans, who is known for her sharp tongue.

and you realize you really like this side of remus - you love all of his soft kindness, of course, but this? this is legendary. remus doesn’t hold back and his comments never fail to make you scoff and laugh in disbelief. he can be so savage in his remarks - it now makes sense why he is friends with the marauders.

eventually, you hear the marauders teasing him mercilessly about his crush on you - “ever since you were charms partners in 3rd year, moony!” - and he doesn’t even deny it.

and so you bring it up in some roundabout way the next time you’re walking to the quidditch pitch (you often keep him company when he has to support james’ matches) and remus stumbles over his confession, but you kiss him right as the game starts (and james is too busy rooting for remus that he gets hit with a bludger)

i can 100% see you and remus hanging out in the ravenclaw tower (it’s one of the few places he can go to escape his friends), reading or working on homework while listening to music. 

he especially loves musicals, and the two of you debate over what song in the show is the best, and whether contemporary musicals are better than golden age musicals. a lot of the time he’ll play devil’s advocate just because he loves the fervor with which you defend your opinions. 

[szopenhauer]

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? Debbie Downer should be my name lol

What would you love to drink right now? I’m drinking water rn, second mug in a row, my belly is going to explode

Is that an alcoholic drink or not? it’s not this kind of water :P

Oh good. What would you love to eat right now? I’m not hungry...

How many meals do you eat a day? depends

Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? sometimes

What are you favorite type of jeans? I’d say skinny even tho I don’t wear jeans anymore ^^”

Do you eat your nails? wait what swallow? ewww I don’t even bite them :o 

Do you enjoy making or taking surveys? taking them more 

Name something that is blue that you like Sadness from Inside out

Name something pink that you like PYNK music video by Janelle Monae? XD

If you could have one more pet, what? meh

If you could sleep next to a tame wild animal what? woah 

Would you rather have an owl or a snake? both are cool

What would you name it? Bowl for owl and for snake either Ksysio or Wonsz żmieja?

Do you eat the ice in your drink? no

Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? I had one cigarette in my whole life but I still keep a package in my room :x

Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? fb, I don’t care for insta 

Do you watch beauty videos on You Tube? nah

Do you like Star Wars? love

What kind of surveys do you like the most? interesting, not just YES or NO questions, I want to go deeper 

Have you ever dropped something down the garbage disposal on accident? omg luckily not 

What CD would you never buy for yourself? anything Justin Bieber for sure

Is sex a must in your life? absolutely not

Would you rather be cute and ugly or hot and stupid? cute and ugly? lmfao ok 

Are you evil in any way? everyone is, more or less

Would you rather be a clown or a garbage man? can’t decide :D

Would you rather be a rockstar or a librarian? librarian but rock star ain’t that bad of a choice ;)

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? again? I just got this question on ask today and that really made me anxious

Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? sigh... Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? yep but not to my room as I’m super ashamed of it, it’s not what I really want, it’s more like a storage room for mine and my mom’s things, I wish I could move and out and do what I want instead of cleaning this mess just to have it ruined days after, not that I have money now to fix things the way I imagine my bedroom to be someday :( Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? yesterday was better but today I got a T-shirt so that was a good moment Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend? hospital

Could you date someone very attractive, but who thought they were better than everyone else? blergh, r u kidding me?... Do you always feel like you’re making mistakes? constantly Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? not because of me but someone somewhere definitely has that name on them for another reason How would you feel if you got the person you liked? I'm in a relationship Is there anyone who likes you? it seems If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? of course  What’s the first thing you heard this morning? you mean a sound (doorbell) or words (I don’t remember)? If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? not possible Are you young or old? young, at least according to my ID and being childish Are there always other fish in the sea? there are but maybe I don’t want them and/or they don’t want to be catched etc. What can your tongue do? pfft Do chickens have feelings? sorta Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? ...  So how are you feeling today? not good enough Where is your sister right now? don’t know nor care What do you smell like? it’s so hot, I smell like sweat and I can’t stand it but I can’t shower all day long What colour is your mum’s hair? grey  When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? last week Do you like fire? as an element of magic in fantasy movies  Does your mum vacuum early in the morning while you’re asleep? she’s noisy in different ways Does wearing glasses really make people look smart? that’s a lame stereotype Do your band-aids have cartoons on them? they’re useless but one time I bought Moomin ones because I’ve been walking through the store and they fallen right under my feet and there was nobody around nor the shelf/aisle that they could come from so it was weird and I love Moomins so I took them home (I paid) and they’re probably stored somewhere  Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn’t have? what do you mean? Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? my gf apparently - in a cute way - that’s surprising for a teetotalist like me  What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? my tee came! When was the last time you saw your father? he just left for work and I was waving to him through the window which is our tradition  What if your partner went through your cellphone? I have nothing to hide Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? my parents and sister

Robert Downey Jr. — Bet you have a crush on him. he’s handsome but I’d prefer to be him instead of having a crush on sex I’m not attracted to

What would you do if you were to get stuck on a ski lift overnight? ... freeze? and pee myself Have you ever received an anonymous gift? one time when we were really poor that we couldn’t afford food someone left a package under our door, knocked and ran, bless this person whoever knew we have hard times :* What kind of laugh do you have? many kinds that happen randomly Will you have a Valentine next year? I have a bigger chance than any other year before  Macaroon or a cupcake? cupcake Did you kiss or hug anyone today? hug my mom and my dad too Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you? kinda Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I’m not in an abusive relationship but I know those who are as it’s common and it’s really sad that ppl think only beating makes relationship toxic Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? I’ll stay home  Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much? I remember E.W. once said that we have a lot of elves around because LOTR movie had very ugly ones as we did in high school, I tried to find that pic someone posted back in the day but I failed, it was from the council from what I remember 

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? mostly I just keep my eye on my father and my mother all the time because of covid (and not only because of it) if that counts Are you plotting anything at the moment? another chapter of the book? Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? because they were evil to them, it wasn’t about ME If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? she moved out :3

Do you have a therapist? no longer Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class? yeah, in middle school I was getting awesome grades in math class What do you think of the last person you texted? we’re dating Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? I’ve never done cocaine wtf

Do you post pictures were you look good but your friends look bad? I ask them first  Are you friends with any of your exes? me and one of my exes are together Are you a whiskey person? I’m a no alcohol person

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? tiny bit, wasn’t that bad

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I have not Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? not in a movie theater Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? somewhat Do you like sour candy? by Lady Gaga  not eat Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? but I don’t drive Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? brrrr no way Are you good at painting nails? am not but it doesn’t matter Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? doubt it What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? kurwa Do you rip out the page if you make a mistake writing, or cross it out? cross it out, if I ripped the page then there would be nothing left  Do you use a full length mirror daily? we don’t own one Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? I think they don’t match my style and they’re uncomfy in a long term Mac or PC? PC Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? sorry but probably not Do you ever actually make your bed? when I have guests Do you make an effort to eat healthy? yup The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing? black, that’s easy What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? food If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? money because one regret won’t help me and even might make things worse Are you taller than your mom? almost 10 cm What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving today? my gf - break up  my dad - try to stop him or move out with him You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, problems? no problems  Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? 0 Could you handle living with a male roommate? my dad, no one else What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? waking up Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? who said we aren’t texting? Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? don’t feed my paranoia Connection between you and the last person who messaged you? love Where is your biological father right now? bus/job already Who else is in the room with you? I’m alone Water with ice or no ice? no ice  Are you wrapped in a blanket? too hot for that

Has anyone done anything nice for you today? I’m thankful for all those nice things people do for me - big or small The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? took a walk

Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? bring

The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? their

How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? middle school was the beginning 

Do you fit in at work or in school? I was always an outcast

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh God, Ew.”? 99% of time

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? nope

Is there someone you need to forgive? *annoyed sound*

What’s your brother(s) / sister(s) names? personal

Suppose you saw your crush/bf/gf kissing another girl/guy, what would you do? why tho

What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? whatever bridesmaid wanna wear besides white

Do you have a secret crush right now? it’s no secret

Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? me

Would you rather visit Tokyo or Paris? dunno

Do you think you would like living in New York or Chicago? Why or why not? too overcrowded/loud etc.

Name 3 celebrities who are the same height as you. Lady Gaga, Ellen Page, Reese Witherspoon

Are you happy with your height? I’d like to be taller, not too much tho

Do you have big or small hands? small

Have you been baptized?  I have been 

Have you ever been abused in any way? sadly

Do you like unicorns? they’re fine

Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? I don’t reread books

Do you play games on your phone a lot? recently I became obsessed with LOVE ISLAND game 

Have you ever had to put out a kitchen fire? my mom took care of it but it wasn’t a big deal tbh

Have you ever been kidnapped? wut

Do you have anything glow in the dark in your room? stars

Do you wear a scarf, if so, what does it look like? not rn

Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? mhm but not too long

Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? breadsticks and pizza? it’s like bread with bread - no thx

Did you ever have a waterbed? I hate those

What toy from your childhood do you miss? rubber toys?

Did you sleep in late today? yes

When was the last time you were disappointed? this day

Do you like listening to love songs? I like a variety of music which includes love songs

In your group of friends, are you the smart one, athletic one, etc.? funny mom friend... ok, fine, a dad because my puns are daddy jokes

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? no but they said bad things about me behind my back

Did you ever watch the show Full House? with my sister What was the last thing that scared you? how I feel physically Do the librarians at your library know you by name? they do

What ten people would you most likely bring on a roadtrip? 10 ppl?! shoot me...

Is there anything you’re really stressed out about right now? health issues

What was the last thing that made you cry? I’m about to cry...

What are the last three songs you listened to? Crystal Castles - Suffocation  frnkiero andthe cellabration - neverenders  Major Lazer - Be Together (Feat. Wild Belle)

[queenpenelopedecker-blog]

Lucifeerah Nightstar

My name is Lucifeerah Nightstar, and yes, I am related to Lucifer Morningstar. He thinks he’s the only devil in Los Angeles. He thinks he has the monopoly on all things sinfully delightful. Oh sure, he goes on and on about how he punishes the guilty, and can charm the pants off anyone (blah blah blah). Well. He’s about to get a big surprize when he meets me. Dear old Dad has send me to LA. Oh, this is going to be great fun.

You see...I’m the female version of Lucifer. Except, I’m nastier, less forgiving, and more fun loving. Luci has gotten somewhat boring. And Dear old Dad is sending me to LA to check up on him. To help ensure he sticks to the predestined path Dad has set for him. This is my story. Sit back, buckle up kids - it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

CHAPTER ONE - In the beginning: 

So, as I was saying - I do have a story to tell. But before I jump into the present day, I’d like to share my backstory with you. Let’s begin there, shall we?  First off, I am an angel - or rather, I was an angel in good standing. However, I misbehaved, and Dad bought me a one way ticket to Hell. You see, Lucifer and I share the same Dad (aka God). But we have different mums. Dear old Dad loves variety. Anyway...Dad sent me to Hell to manage the place as Loosey Goosey Lucifer took off to Los Angeles. That was 5 years ago or about that. 

As I didn’t piss off Dad as much as Luci did - he put me in “The Celestial School for Understanding Humans” - before he sent me to Hell. I had no idea Humans could be as stupid as they really are. It was there at the CSUH that I developed a passion, a liking, a need (if you will) for inflicting punishment on the evil doing humans; who would inevitably end up in Hell of course.  

After much testing in CSUH, they discovered my talents lie in punishing the sexual deviants, the pedophiles, the necrophiles, the rapists, the torturers, etc. Seems I especially enjoy punishing them, making them accountable for their actions, making them remorseful. Making them plead for mercy. But giving them none. However, Dad did lecture me that as Boss of Hell, I would have to punish all - not just my special pets of sexual abusers. Deal. Okay, okay - I told Dad I would punish all. Dad is so good a lectures let me tell you.  

Off to Hell I then went, packed up with all my how-to-manuals and notes from CSUH. I wasn't appointed Boss of Hell immediately. They made me apprentice first. I argued that I didn’t need that but Dad stepped in again. Yep. You know how that works. He commands obedience. To get what I wanted, I had to give him what he wanted. Fine. 

Celestials don't measure time like you humans, but I think it’s safe to say I was Boss of Hell for only a few years. During that time I had the exquisite pleasure of punishing many, many sexual abusers. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed that. Truly I loved my Hell job. Maybe too much. 

Then I got a celestial call from Dad the other day. He has now deployed me to Los Angeles. Dad was kind enough to fill me in on what had been going on there with Lucifer Morningstar. Of course, Lucifer is a legend in my world. Even though he’s my half brother, I haven’t met him. Yet. Dad promised me that there are oodles of sexual predators in this place called LA. He even hinted that I may be able to capture some alive ones & inflict my brand of punishment on them before they go to Hell. Works for me.  

But before I was allowed to leave my comfort zone in Hell, I had to take some more bloody lessons from CSUH on how humans act, talk, eat, sleep, drink, etc in LA (and surrounding area). I had to learn cuss words, slang, something called swagger, blah blah blah. Apparently, LA humans are obsessed with sex, with the word fuck, with the word ass, and other oddities. Matters not to me. As long as I do the job dear old Dad is sending me to do - who cares? 

I tend to babble on. Back in my celestial true home - I was known to be rather chatty. Oh well. We can’t all be perfect. Back to the present time...

Before I inserted myself into LA, I had to find a body. I had to pop into a live human body. I needed to find a dead body, not too dead (fairly fresh) that I could inhabit. I had help (thank Dad) with that task. We settled on a rather attractive curvaceous woman of mixed ethnicity. Poor girl, she fell off a yacht into the ocean and drowned. We came upon her body just in time. So, let me describe myself to you (I’m very hot, as humans say)...

CHAPTER 2 - Sex appeal and sex:

Back to describing me. This body that I’m borrowing, henceforth referred to as “me” is full of curves. I’m a size 12 they say. Tallish. Thick dark brown/black hair. I’ve been told I’m half Cherokee and half Latino. My eyes are dark brown. Funny thing is (although perhaps not so funny), when I integrated into this body - there was a glitch in the celestial system (high traffic death day) & I ended up retaining a bit of his woman’s earthly persona; plus that of another soul who died at the exact same time/same beach. 

This means that I blurt things out in Spanish sometimes, spontaneously light sweet grass on fire, crave Bon Jovi music, and other little quirks. It’s very annoying actually, esp if I’m trying to seduce someone - or worse yet torture them. Head Office (aka Heaven) is working on that.  For now, it is what it is (as the humans say). 

CSUH spent quite a bit of time coaching me on how to be “sexy” in this so called hot body I have. I gotta admit, a lot of this was new to me. They had to teach me about this activity called intercourse, and orgasms. Of course, all angels understand the basics. But we’re all virgins for the most part.  It was explained to me by my celestial handlers, that I had to get sexed up, learn the art of seduction, blah blah blah. They said I had to do these things in my human body, or else Lucifer would see through me. If you haven’t already guessed, they don’t want Lucifer to know who I am. 

And they gave me my wings back. Great. Just great. I kinda got used to not having them around when I was down in Hell. My wings are golden tan. So, I had to learn how to control them too. Damn things pop up at the worst times. 

Okay, getting back to this sex talk. Maybe it’s best if I back track to last week, when I lost my virginity...

Last Week: 

My handlers had procured a muscular handsome man for me to fornicate with. They put a celestial spell on him (for lack of a better term). And here’s how it went:

Me: hello human, do you wanna fuck? Him: um, sure, but how about a drink first? That was when my handlers stepped in, froze time, and allowed me a re-do. Apparently, I needed to work on my charm.

Me: well hello there big boy, how about you insert your penis in my vagina? Him: well, yah, but how about a drink first? Yes, you guessed it, my handlers stepped in, froze time, another re-do. This went on and on and on until I finally got it right.

Me: hi Todd, can I get you something to drink? Him: yes, I’d love that. Meanwhile, I stared intently into his eyes, smiled faintly, brushed his hand lightly when I gave him his drink & proceeded to be fascinated by him. I wore a tight red dress with a zipper in the front. I made sure my boobies (I love that term) popped up and showed cleavage. Apparently I have big mammary glands. Often, I can’t stop playing with them myself. Apparently, that’s not socially acceptable to play with yourself in public. Soooo, getting back to Todd. 

I made sure I asked him leading questions, I wanted him to talk about himself. I made him feel that he was the most interesting man I’d ever met. I made us another drink. I sat beside him on the king size bed in the luxury hotel suite we were in. I pretended that I spotted a bit of something on his cheek, and I gently touched his face to brush it off. Then I got up and went back to my chair.  After our third martini, I put on some music. I asked Todd if he’d care to dance. I learned it’s okay to bluff ppl - to tell them things. Not lies. Just not quite truths. I told Todd I needed to learn how to dance the Vienna Waltz. And could he teach me? Again, eye contact locked and loaded. 

I let him lead me. I pretended to have two left feet. We laughed & laughed. He held me closer. I could smell his cologne, his human manly scent was intoxicating. It was expensive. Anteus by Channel. I just wanted to touch his face, his neck, his chest. I asked him if that okay. By now, my voice was husky, raspy a bit. His was a notch above a whisper. The music played on. He nodded that I could touch him while we danced. So I did. I had to admit I was curious about this human man. I needed to experience this sensory stimulation. 

Then I started feeling rather tingly. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. He held me closer. I could feel a slight bulge in his dress trousers. He asked me if he could touch me, my face, my hair, my neck. I nodded in agreement. He was so gentle. So unhurried. I let him caress me. I was starting to feel light headed. He asked if he could kiss me. I said yes, please do. And so we did. His lips were soft, yet firm, manly. I could taste his martini. His whiskers tickled my face. I giggled a bit. He was amused. He kissed me harder then. I could feel his breath quicken. The slight bulge in his trousers are growing. He asked if he could undo my dress. I placed his hands on my chest and guided him to the zipper. 

Slowly, link by zipper link, he undid my dress. It feel to the floor. I was wearing black lace Versace lingerie. I could tell he liked what he saw. I took his face in my hands and I stared into his deep green eyes. I could see his sexual hunger. His need. His desire. But I wanted to see his soul as well. So I gazed intently until I got my answer. He was a good man. So I let him guide me to the bed. I relinquished control. I was all his. 

The music stopped. All I could hear was his breathing, his whispered words telling me what to do, how to do it. It just seemed like time stood still. That all that mattered in the universe was he and I. Nothing else. Just two humans pleasing one another. 

When he entered me, I felt a bit of discomfort. Apparently, this body hadn’t had sex in quite some time. But yet, it hurt so good after a while. He confessed he couldn’t hold off much longer. He needed his orgasm. I told him to let go. And then I kissed him hard. He let out a deep growl like gasp and said “oh my God”. I noticed his eyes were squeezed shut. His face was flushed. He looked as if he was in pain, but it wasn’t pain - it was bliss. An orgasm so intense that he lost control of himself in the moment. He collapsed upon me. And I held him tightly. He needed to recover. Having sex with an earth angel is an intense experience.

After about an hour, which saw him napping blissfully next to me, he awoke and told me it was my turn. Of course, I asked him “my turn for what”? He thought that was pretty funny. He asked me if he could given me an orgasm. I thought that was likely a good idea. I didn’t see what all the fuss was about orgasms anyway. But, ok. My handlers said I needed to experience that. 

Okay”, he whispered to me, “we have to get you back into the mood”. Ahhhh, then I got the idea. I asked him if we needed another martini for his part. Again, he laughed softly and shook his head no. “Just lay back on the pillows and let me make you feel good” he gazed intently into my eyes as he said that. “okey dokey artichoke” I replied. Then I gasped and covered my mouth. Where the hell did that come from I wondered! He roared with laughter. I apologized. I was a bit flustered. I urgently felt the need to burn sweet grass. I fought that need.

He leaned over and kissed me. I guess he figured that would shut me up. I get chatty sometimes. That did it. I was back in the mood within minutes. I let him do things to me that I had only read about. It was hard to just lay there and let him do those things. He explained everything to me as he was doing it. He asked me if certain things he did were more pleasing than others. I was very light headed. It was like I was riding a wave of intense pleasure. And just when I didn’t think I could stand the pleasure any longer - I had an orgasm. “Oh my fucking stars” I screamed out, I’m sure louder than I should have. I let out sounds and gasps and grunts that surprized the hell outta me (and I’ve lived in hell so I know).

“Holy hot damn shit balls of fire, Romeo!” - again, I clasped my mouth shut. Where the hell did that come from?! My thighs were all jumpy and shaky. My abdomen twitched. It was like I had received a burst of celestial big bang. Wow. I really did see sparkly stars out of my eyes for a few seconds. Todd held me close, comforted me. I started to cry. These tears kept springing from my eyes. I was confused. I didn’t understand. Then my damn wings popped out. Just like that. Bang. I smacked poor Todd right off the bed with my bloody wings. He landed on the floor with a thud. I knocked the wind out of him. “Well fuck dat shit”, I proclaimed. Yet another spontaneous comment flew out of my mouth from Dad knows where these expressions come from?

I helped Todd back to bed. He was a bit dazed. By that time, I compelled my wings back in. He wanted to know what happened. I said a gust of wind blew in from the door. Like a plough wind. And it blew him off the bed. He looked at me like I was insane. I just shrugged my shoulders. What else could I do?

Still dazed and confused, he crawled back into bed. We cuddled and talked quietly. I asked Todd why I was so teary and emotional after my orgasm. Todd said it can be like that the first time someone has a whooper orgasm. I couldn’t even speak anymore. I opened my mouth and jibberish came out. I felt the sudden need to listen to Bon Jovi. I didn’t tell Todd that though. Bad enough he thought there was something weird about me. 

From that moment on, I was a bit hooked on orgasms. I finally understood. This human fascination and addiction to sex. Finally, I got it. But, what was I going to do with it? My next lesson was sexual self control. I’ll explain more later. And wing control as well. I couldn’t continue to pop my wings every time I had an orgasm. I mean, who does that?

[norman-reedus-gossip-mod]

Bulk... last one

Anon:I don’t think NR himself had to delete any hate comments (while filimg at the same time…). The (5 or 6) accounts hating on his IG were created solely to slander him. They got called out by a lot of people, they got reported by people like me for spamming and harassement. And the IG support deleted them rather quickly within hours so of course their posts were deleted, too.

Anon:I can’t help but think everyone wtf-ing over what’s going on with NR and DK is so similar to what happened when NR got with CS. Everyone was totally confused then too because he was spending as much time as possible with her while simultaneously denying her existence. I’m seeing a pattern here.

Anon:Since I’m new to all this “gossip”, I have a question about this anon in your bulk, “Sadly he is still in his fwb with her and the other lady who we won’t name out of respect even tho he wants more with her” OK, fwb is DK, but who is the other lady? Is it an old g/f? I’m so lost, help. ~~mod~~ not sure. try one of the blind gossip site its probably something to do with a reveled blind.

Anon:This is for the fans who comment “don’t assume things, let them have privacy, he has to keep quiet to protect her”. Read this carefully. It is FACT, not speculation, that DK pays paps and tabloids for those pics and articles. The pic of her leaving NYC was set up, down to her accessories. And the Barcelona pap pic. They could easily have privacy, just dont tip off the paps! She clearly wants to go public, he doesn’t. So NR fans worried about his privacy should take it up with Diane!

Anon:Wow, for fans of NR you all sure don’t give him credit for being a loyal friend. You think he will dump her just because a handful of hateful fans are hurt? What kind of friend would that be? And I will never get how you all KNOW she paid for the pap shots. Did you see the receipt for the job? Someone got lucky and sold those shots to TMZ. That’s all. Why don’t you let him have a life? She may not be someone who you would pick but you didn’t. He did.

Anon:I understand nobody on this blog likes to believe blinds but the truth is they have all been right all along and today they are saying DK was allowed to Spain on a drunk upset promise from Norman if she did not call the paps. She broke that promise. Apparently she 100% called the paps and there is stuff the source cannot reveal at the moment but something big went down.~~mod~~ its not that I or we don’t believe , it just something they are right, sometimes wrong, made completely up or is a combo of all of them. just like any gossip site. Grain of salt.

Anon:Hi mod, i have a question!! Daily Mail also published some DK pictures in Barcelona. Do you think she paid them?~~mod~~ possible or they picked it up from Just Jared.

Anon:I know your bulk post is already gonna be a little crazy, but the one thing I find odd is this. DK and N were seen like once together last year, if they’ve been hiding a secret relationship, wouldn’t there be more photographic proof? If they are doing the hippity dippity, it’s got to be a recent development. Am I extremely naive for thinking this?~~mod~~ not naïve at all. everyone has their own take on what they thing is going on based on what we can see

Anon:This poor guy will NEVER be able to have any kind of normal relationship with anyone. Most of these rabid fans, deep down, are shitting bricks BECAUSE THEY think they will one day have some random chance with NR. Seriously..what the fuck other reason is there? He doesn’t owe anyone one fucking bit of explanation. You DO NOT KNOW THE MAN AND WILL NEVER ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. No wonder he takes Cookie with him everywhere. Some of you sound fucking dangerous. I don’t blame him.

Anon:NR and DK have been spotted together more and more frequently in the past few months. Do you think it’s on purpose? As in their way to test the waters and see how people will react to their relationship? Or do you think they are just recently starting to see each other more often and becoming closer?

Anonymous said: DK may be awesome, she may be a b***h. I don’t know, but I do think NR is disrespecting her. She dated JJ. This isn’t her first time around the block. She gets the internet hate, it’s not new to her. She is worth more than Norman. She hasn’t hid her previous relationships. Why now? To protect NR? Ridiculous. She is hiding her idenity in a hoodie? He needs to man up and accept her. He’s not that famous. I say this as a Norman fan, but also as a woman.~~mod~~ fair point

Anon: Going through the comments on all the sites posting NR & DK fiasco.. the one consistency is that N is a drinker, has to be carried out of bars and this is as early as last summer. Lots of mean posts about his looks and hygiene and his love of the younger women at cons. I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve never seen this much hate that isn’t in connection with the whole affair (or whatever it is). Makes me sad.

Anon:I dunno about this. I don’t think Norman is lying. I don’t think he would put out an official statement saying they were just friends if he were going to be immediately caught in that being a lie just two weeks later. I can’t explain her behavior but unless they officially come out I don’t know if this is anything other than a publicity stunt going horribly wrong.

Anon: In which galaxy is it a bad thing to remove abusive posts from your own sm accounts? The entitlement is strong in these people. They want access to his private life, they want to dictate his private life, they want their abusive messages all over his sm. Jesus. They need to back away from their keyboards because this isn’t normal behavior. Its very ironic as they’re the ones saying he’s a terrible person yet they are spouting threats and abuse and having obsessive and intrusive behaviors.

Anon: Honestly, the reason N won’t admit to a relationship is because his ego is as big as his bank account. All the little girls will stop liking him and he’ll have no fans. Stop being a pussy Norman, own up to it and maybe you’ll gain respect because you were honest!

Anon: When Norman is silent on the DK situation he gets berated by “fans” saying he needs to man up and stop trying to hide. When he does speak up and his reps say they are just friends he gets accused of being a liar and trying to deceive fans. If he came out and said they were in a romantic relationship he would be dragged for having a bad taste in women and be called a fool and a cheat. He literally cannot win. There is no outcome that would make these “fans” happy. I feel so sorry for Norman.

sissibr69 : What did you want him to say in the press release? I like this girl and to have sex with her, who is also wanting, but at that moment we do not want to, or we can not have a commitment and we continue to have sex and see what will happen ….?You do not say that in a press release, you could only say they were just friends. If he had done that, he would have been unkind and mean to her.Normam Reedus likes so much of controversy, that we have in another site another rumor reserve waiting for us, with another person, who is a real novel and is connected to this.Talk bad, but talk about me. I think that’s the current relationship status of this couple.I like him, he seems like a nice guy. I do not think you’re a liar or a cheater.This is his best blog and Mod you are what makes the job more serious and free as a moderator. Congratulations! ~~mod~~ are you flirting with me sissibr69? I like it

hifilightslow: You are a saint if you read though those bulk posts. I couldn’t stop cackling. Those pics of DK are fab. I wish she would have went with the black glasses that have the fake nose and mustache though to keep herself incognito. Oh well maybe next time.~~mod~~ dead

Anon:Well, Feralcatpro has had some very telling IG posts since Sunday … can’t help but think it’s related to the DK/NR debacle. And I think HC put DK on notice by liking her pic. She’s watching you, DK.

Anon:So Mod, what’s your verdict after Spain. Do you think they are indeed dating and in a relationship. I think I am the only person who really does believe they are just good friends that hang out.~~mod~~ you not the only one. I don’t have a verdict. mainly because I don’t care, is that bad. whatever they are or aren’t doing it just looks weird.

Anon:Mod I think it was a publicity stunt for her. Ppl are saying that they were trying to hide and it’s not true b/c Norman took fan photos with DK there like he was showing that he had NOTHING to hide. The fans calling her his gf were just assuming that b/c he was with a woman. DK then goes and strolls the streets of Barcelona (which isn’t hiding no matter how much she wanted it to look like she was) so this sounds like a piss poor publicity stunt gone wrong and has made Norman look TERRIBLE.~~mod~~ he needs a nap maybe

Anon:Very interesting …. Helena liked DK’s throwback modeling photo. Wonder if that’s her subtle way of saying she’s watching her? Also, Liz has been posting some pretty interesting messages. Just an observation.

Anon:I wonder if Norman could give Diane some tips on how to give the paparazzi the slip? I mean he’s never papped in NYC at his place, Best Buy, where the f***ever. Fan pics sure but no paps. Diane apparently gets followed on her own street, doing her laundry every week, in NYC, LA, Spain! In fact the only time all year NR was papped for tabloids was while in a parking garage with DK…right after the paps had caught her alone on the street. Crazy, right?! Those paps sure do seem obsessed w/DK! 😒~~mod~~ is this sarcasm. are you making a funny anon

Anon:Maybe unpop opinion but what did Norman say or do in Spain that was shady? He said DK is “just a friend”. She was there/on his bike while he was with fans. How is that being shady? Meanwhile, it’s *Diane* who 1) got a NYC pap pic w/her luggage 2) showed on IG she was in Europe 3) Got her pap shot “hiding” in Spain 5) Has a deal w/DM for every article. Fandom: Ever wondered why there are never “Norman sneaks to meet Diane” pics or Norman-centric tabloid articles? Why the focus is DK? Wake up.

Anon:if you were lucky to be dating NR and it wasdecided by the two of you that being discreet is necessary because the celebrity status needed to be managed due to professional impact would you wear the same identifiable clothing that your were pap in NY in Spain while you were with him in public? You would if you wanted the world to know it’s me folks, DK. All the lies are now truths and then some. NR needs to get his shit straight. His publicist looks like a freakin idiot and lousy professional.