#apparently i'm addicted to making these now lol

[crehador]

[paramoira]

@godofcourage gets a random starter

it's one of those bitterly chilly nights where the moon is high in the sky and a soon approaching rainfall clings in the air. nightlife seems prevalent, at least if the street she's walked down was anything to judge from. one of the bars' had one of those folding doors which allowed them to form an open patio, live music drifting out and people of various levels of intoxication braving the chill. another, the one on the corner, had a line of the typical college looking sort waiting to get in with a few scattered older adults. she ignores them, dodging a larger group of friends in the line and stepping into the street to get around them. maybe ariadne shouldn't have parked her car so far away yet she hadn't exactly wanted it seen or anyone taking down her license plate when she held no business getting involved in what she was doing in the first place. ariadne held enough issues with certain detectives even if most had seemed to form a kind of acceptance that her dedication to her work proved family members held no baring on her commitment to solving the deaths which crossed her table at the morgue.

except, all of those detectives had seemed ready to accept the current case (or lack thereof) as presently in review as 'accidents'.

it was true the evidence hadn't been as strong as other cases, however, ariadne steadfastly disagreed with the pathologist in a jurisdiction over, the two cases she believed were linked having transpired in different areas yet not over state lines. there hadn't been any outright preternatural elements though a few things had made her question; even so, finding evidence the victims had once been to a blood den did not equate to proof anything paranormal had caused their deaths. as such there had not been enough to require the bprd's involvement and certainly nothing to have warranted fbi involvement even had she attempted a favor.

perhaps this was all one enormous hunch of a bad feeling ariadne shouldn't be following. certainly, one would think that as intelligent a woman as doctor kalkan clamed to be, she would have learned her lesson by now in respect to getting too involved with her cases. if nothing else what had happened in london should have taught her that. and yet, here she was, walking down a dimly lit street and jogging up the six steps of the apartment building once she finds the address she'd been looking for. how she'd got that, perhaps, wasn't completely in-line with the fact she was supposed to be on the side of law enforcement (sometimes it helped that one's familial ties were tied up in much less legally acceptable things and held no issues in utilizing those means if she asked). it was a very blurred line at times, though ariadne was willing to justify it as a fairly minor deviation and for a greater good. when someone comes out in hurry, she grabs the door before it closes, looking back a moment as the person moves down the street and rain begins prompting her to move inside, distracted.

somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd gotten a strange sense off the hooded man, something dark and the scent of smoke... however, ariadne chalked it up to her own minor paranoia about her covert actions and her anxieties about things in the past. closing the door, ariadne wonders if this was how private detectives operated, waiting for doors to be opened or did they just pick locks? she supposes they weren't held to the same rules as the police and as long as they weren't caught. on that same thought train, she wouldn't have put it passed the one girl's only living relative, a brother, to have hired one to look into things after the police findings. regardless, she has to speak with the girl that lives here and so ariadne makes her way up the steps. there's a weight to the moment, a sudden increasing worry. she has theories, even if ariadne's not sold on them yet but she'd seen the same item on this girl's person as had been found at two previous scenes, a match box from a location she knew was a blood den. again, it didn't mean the girls were even connected to the place, for all she knew it could be the killer-- if there really was one. finally, she reaches the top where the girl's apartment was, seeking to knock only to find the door slightly ajar.

there, a few steps inside, she finds a female down-- the girl, a friend of one of the victims who she'd spoken to briefly when on scene with one of the detectives, laying on the floor among a smashed glass table. she moves to take a pulse, render aid if possible, however the girl was deceased, having begun to bleed out and another set of matches on the floor. was it a coincidence? or was someone trying to draw attention? the easy answer would be to think it was a vampire killer or more likely a ripper if one went down that route yet there was too much blood left at the scenes and no bite wounds. was it a human who knew about vampires? and it always looked like an accident-- a fall or a something of the sort. ariadne wondered if this girl also had a strange puncture mark as that had been present at the other scenes too except there wasn't an easy method to check and the glass made things precarious as it was. she needed to call this in though how she was going to explain her presence or that she'd taken it upon herself to want to ask the girl questions she held no idea how to explain. she's pulling out her phone when she senses someone else at the door.

"i'm with the m.e.'s office.. i just found her like this. i'm about to call it i--" ariadne pauses in confusion when she looks over as she stands upright. "o--" no, no. it wasn't, she's not entirely sure how she knows, perhaps it's the difference in his aura if that was what that strange sense she was only starting to become aware she had was and perhaps it's a trick of the low-light, but he looks so similar to... well, she supposed everyone had a doppelganger of sorts. "oh shit--" she realizes it too late. "--that guy with the hood downstairs! i think he's the one that did this." she's not really talking to the strange man though she should be much more concerned about his presence than she is. granted, this man wasn't dressed like the other guy that'd smelled like smoke, nor did he have the same... he didn't seem the same and she was surrounded by glass pieces if she had to defend herself. "who are you?"

*(see the novel i wrote in tags)

[wutheringcaterpillar]

Hii, i was wondering if you could write a Thomas catching the reader smoking (sister or whatever you prefer) and getting scolded because of the damage that Thomas has experienced firsthand thanks to his addiction because come on, that man shouldn't even be able to climb a ladder without being exhausted lol. Btw love ur writing 💖💌

I thought the idea of this was so cute! I made this into a short little drabble, hope you enjoy <3

Warnings: smoking,

Pairing tommy x sister!reader, siblings bickering

Tommy stood up from his chair outside, tossing the money onto the center of the glass and flailing his arms up in defeat while Arthur hollored in victory, pulling the one thousand pounds his way.

Tossing his feet up on the table, Arthur lit himself a cigarette while the other Shelby brothers and Johnny doggs called it a night, having lost enough money.

Arthur tried to convince Tommy to stay and hang out maybe do a line or two but Tommy waved him off, heading back toward the house.

When he was about to round the corner, he noticed you were leaning against the wooden ladder that was stood up right against the house with one of your preppy friends Tommy never cared for. He was nearly in disbelief seeing the tube of cancer between your lips, laughing and giggling overhearing some talk about a celebrity that was your new found love interest.

"Fuckin' hell." He mumbled to himself, thinking about how he thought you'd been smart enough to take a hint that smoking wasn't good for you, nor anyone for that matter but apparently his sister was more ill informed than he imagined.

"Eh!" Hearing Tommy's voice roar through the quiet midnight air, you tossed the cigarette onto the ground, your friend Isabelle stomping on it aggressively before trying to kick it away.

Hurriedly she reached into her pocket, pinching a piece of gum out and handing it to you. Tommy nodded your friend off, mentioning how she had a house of her own just down the street, leaving you alone with Tommy.

"What the fuck are you doing? You don't smoke?" No, no, Tommy surely wasn't going to guilt trip with you with how he smokes nearly two packs a day if not more.

"What's the big deal! You smoke all the time, that's a little hypocritical don't you think?" Isabelle yelled back after you goodbye and good luck, forcing to Tommy to draw your attention back to him before before Isabelle was running back over here in her annoying stature.

"So what eh? If you friends said you should jump off a bridge because they did would you?"

"Well I might if it will get me away from your constant nagging. Besides my friends aren't stupid like yours." Tommy scoffed, grabbing at your bag, tussling with you in a tug of war until he ripped the accessory from your clutch, dumping the items out on the lawn to reveal not only one but two packs of cigarettes. Actually the longer he stared at it, the more he noticed some of these were the ones he rolled himself, sticking out like a sore them in the porch light.

"You little thief! I can barely walk up me own fuckin' stairs, y/n." His blue eyes shined with utter disappointment and disapproval, making you cower, eye scanning anywhere but him as if that would get you out of the situation.

His eyes bore into your skull hard enough that if he had lasers they would shoot right through you irresponsible, per-petulant head.

"That doesn't stop you now does it?" You crossed your arms, finally quipping back earning a roll of the eyes from Tommy. Couldn't you understand that wasn't the point. Through Tommy's hard shell he was always soft for his baby sister and just wanted you to live a long prosperous life, not make irrational, selfish decisions as he often did himself.

Picking up the cigarettes, he stuffed them inside his jacket pocket, before you sighed and both leaned down to pick up the rest of your belongings.

"I'm just looking out for you y'know. One of us Shelby's has to outlive 50. What do you say we go inside eh? Don't need you getting a cold." Looking up at the sky, storm clouds were roaming in but you knew better this was just an excuse to get off the topic of conversation. If anything you'd just have to be more secretive with where your smoking at from now on.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm IWTV-wank-avoidance-asking Anon and it kinda missed me that it would be a wanky topic lol I was trying to see if the show is worth watching. A lot of my mutuals are posting IWTV gifs so I assume it's good, but I was curious if anyone who read the novel would think "Better read the novel". I don't realize an asking-for-rec ask would be wanky, but now that I think about who the writer is, it kinda makes sense. My bad lol

--

Ahahahaha.

Around here, I don't think anyone is precious enough about Anne Rice to start the genuine version of this wank, but Rice fandom can be... uh... very intense even on top of Rice herself having been the queen of drama.

You know about Red Beans Anne Rice, right?

Many years ago, Anne got all butthurt about a tacky-ass restaurant taking over an abandoned building that she'd had Lestat being emo in in one of the books. Instead of gothic atmosphere, it was now very PINK and LOUD. So she wasted money taking out ads in the local paper as Lestat trying to shame the restaurant owner... at which point a bunch of other restaurant owners also wasted money to respond in newspaper ads saying that they welcomed fellow businesspeople. It all ended in the restaurant's grand opening and people with plates of "Red beans Anne Rice" (i.e. red beans and rice).

--

Anyway, I read the first book back in the 90s when I was like 15. It's decent from what I remember. The thing that made it iconic when it came out in 1976 was that it was pretty heavily pushing the vampire=drug addict metaphor. This is everywhere in sexy goth sadboi vampire media now, but it wasn't as much of a thing at the time.

It was also very, very gay but in that way where (at least in the first book), nobody really says the word. That meant something in the 70s. Even by the 90s, it wasn't such a big deal, and it's a big nothingburger in the 2020s.

Book 1 is Rice dealing with the death of her child. It's all about suicidal feelings and Catholic weirdness. The main character is Louis, a.k.a. Rice's self-insert (which she confirmed herself).

Books 2 onward are about Lestat's dick.

He becomes a rockstar, vampire-bones the ur vampire, which causes him to mega level up, thus enabling him to thwart her plot to kill all men on earth aside form a few for breeding purposes, bodyswaps so he has a working penis again, fucks a nun, swaps back, gets Louis back by trying to commit suicide and accidentally getting a tan, etc... Much, much later books are about the other bonkers vampires, most of them more in the horny rockstar mold than the sad mommy of dead baby one.

In book 1, Louis is a depressed plantation owner who eats a bunch of his slaves among other fucked up shit. Claudia, their vampire daughter, is a small child who is upset about being stuck as a kid forever. One of the more disturbing parts is when Louis finds out she's fucking adult men. Lestat turns out to be a French nobleman with mommy issues despite Louis thinking he was only pretending to be upper class.

-- The TV series moved the entire plot much later in history, made Louis black, and gave him a spine. Some racists cried about this and some of tumblr cried about how it was offensive to take the plantation owner and make him black instead of doing that with the other one.

The show also made it more overt that Lestat is an abusive jackass boyfriend. This apparently came as a surprise to people with poor reading comprehension. Others have wanked about fans still liking Louis/Lestat instead of Louis/less terrible boyfriends. But... like... It's IWTV. What did they expect?

(So yes, some book fans will be immensely wanky about the show. Ignore them.)

Also, I hear they fuck on the show? Rice's vampires don't have working junk, which we know because Lestat stands in front of an entire wall of mirrors in the most bougie bathroom ever in Akasha's evil lair and discusses how his penis—I mean "The Organ"—no longer does anything.

Also, Armand in the books is the 14-year-old kept boy of a Renaissance painter with a harem of boys or something like that. (It's been a very long time since I read these.) Shit like this never makes it into the adaptations.

--

If you're curious about the history of vampire media or about a certain kind of Southern gothic shit, sure, read the books, particularly the first one with its radically different tone and much greater historical importance.

The old movie is a decent adaptation of book 1, though it makes it less gay (or at least removes Louis' weird boner for his dead brother) and messes with the ending in a way that would have made sequels veer off from the books. I haven't seen that other old movie with Aaliyah, but it looks like a campy time capsule of baaaad movies of that era.

Anyway, no, you don't need to read the book before watching the show. They changed a massive amount of stuff.

I'm in more of a Chinese media phase right now, but a bunch of friends have watched and said the show is genuinely good.

[emepe]

— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: The past is revealed to Eren, who can only do his best to prove that it doesn’t change his feelings.

— Content warnings: past child abuse/neglect, drug use, unstable family life, grooming, SA, slightly nsfw, mention of unprotected sex.

— Notes: Sorry for the cliffhanger last week lol but you should be used to it haha. Chapter 10 is now here! <3 There’s a lot going on in this chapter so please pay attention to the content warnings before reading. Don’t be shy to stop by my ask box <3 If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list, lmk. Happy reading!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

then and now

It wasn’t always so bad.

My earliest memory is that of my mom giving me a warm cup of tea and honey when I fell incredibly ill at three years old. I'd eaten something unclean and I was stuck in my parent's bed for a week, feverish, with little appetite and even less strength. If I concentrate enough, I can still hear echoes of my parents sitting at the kitchen table, crunching the numbers from their pooled savings so they could afford a doctor's visit. My mom remained by my side the entire time to make sure the IV drip didn't spontaneously clog, or that I didn't move the hand that was connected to it and started bleeding out into the tube. The doctor said a little bleeding was normal, but she was scared of it happening at all. 

I developed a hatred for cabbage, which is what the doctor recommended to help regain strength without hurting my stomach. My father went out to buy it and my mom fed it to me in soup. She'd make a game out of it, and she promised to take me to the park to play as soon as I got better. I remember my childhood fondly if I focus on that first memory. So, I'm pretty sure anything before that was just as good. 

I didn't know until I was way older that my mother did drugs before she had me. She struggled with addiction at sixteen, which was well into her relationship with my father. The only difference was, he remained clean after my mom told him she was pregnant during their senior year of high school. 

I couldn't understand that I was witnessing her relapse after I started kindergarten. Apparently, being four and a half years old is the cutoff for being worthy of staying sober for. 

That's when everything started spiraling. My mom failed to pick me up from school several times, leaving me to spend hours tucked away in the library, keeping Mrs. Zacharias company while she pretended to rearrange already organized books. My father worked long hours at a factory, some of which had to be punctured like swiss cheese so he could take me home because my mom was nowhere to be found.

By the time she stumbled through the door, she was being brought in by strange men. I never met them, I just knew they were there because the noise would wake me up in the middle of the night and I'd hear my father arguing with my intoxicated mom after thanking them for bringing her home. 

My mom looked sick. As her number one fan, I was worried. She was getting skinnier, she barely ate and she seemed tired all the time yet never got enough sleep to heal the dark circles under her sunken eyes.

The first time I attempted to cook something, I was six. I could easily get by during school days. I had breakfast and lunch there, and sometimes Mrs. Zacharias would give me pretzel sticks if I read a book out loud to her while we waited for my father to come get me. But on weekends, I was on my own. My father was working even on weekends to make ends meet and even when my mom happened to be home, she wasn't truly there.

So, while she was locked inside the bathroom for hours, I went into the kitchen and tried to boil an egg. I couldn't find the small pot we always used, but my pink plastic bowl was on the drying rack from last night after my father fed me dinner. 

I didn't know you weren't supposed to put plates onto a hot stove. The plate cracked and stuck to the burner. I tried to pry it off but I burned my hand. It would take years for the scar to fade. 

When my mom saw what I'd done, she slapped me straight across the face. I was dragged by my hair and locked in the minuscule storage closet as punishment. That was just the first of many times. 

My father would always be the one to let me out when he got back from work late at night, and I'd quietly call him from the inside, scared because I'd urinated myself and he'd probably be just as mad as my mom. But he wasn't. He'd clean me up, scrape the plastic from my now useless pink bowl from the burner, and feed me.

My father grew tired of it. All the money that was meant for food and supplies went directly to dealers, meaning he had to spread himself even thinner. When he found out my mom had ransacked the secret place he kept his savings for the sixth time, he snapped. 

I was twelve by then, so I understood everything that was going on.

They had a huge fight and he stormed into the bedroom to pack his clothes into a bag. But my mom was ballistic. She took a pair of scissors and started cutting anything she could get her hands on into pieces.

I heard a series of slapping and punching before my father passed me by in the living room — no money or clothes on him — and slammed the door shut behind him.

Things got even worse.

My mom would constantly yell that if it hadn't been for me, my father never would've left. She'd tell me I ruined her life and that I was a burden. Had she not gotten pregnant at eighteen, her life would be a whole lot simpler.

But now we didn't have any money, I didn't have a father, and my mom's addiction pushed her into getting a job. Even back then, at twelve years old, I felt guilty because she had to work because of me. 

She started off at a laundromat. Mrs. Zacharias visited our apartment because I hadn't gone to school for a few days and she wanted to check in. Despite my mom's foul language toward the kind librarian, she helped her get the job. 

My mom was very happy to work at the laundromat, though it had less to do with having a purpose than it did with the crumpled bills she'd find in people's clothes that would later serve as pocket change for her dealer. 

After a year, she was fired after being caught stealing from the register. It was surprising she even lasted that long in that place. 

But now she was even more desperate. 

And that's when the men started coming.

I spent my elementary and middle school years hearing my mom having sex with strangers inside the room she used to share with my father while I did homework on the kitchen table. 

Some of them were nice. Some of them weren't. 

Sometimes my mom's dealer would be the one to come around. 

One day, when I was thirteen, I'd just gotten back from the school library from working on a group project and I was making myself a sandwich when he came out of the bedroom, still buckling his pants.

“Hey there, princess,” he said.

“Hi, Steve.”

I didn't think it was strange to be on a first name basis with the guy. He was around a lot and that in itself meant it was okay to be close with him, in my mind.

Besides, he wasn't that much older than me. I think about eighteen or nineteen. It just made sense to be friends.

“How's school?” he asked as he leaned back into one of the chairs at the table.

I knew he didn't really care — that's why he dropped out, he'd say — but I still answered him honestly.

“Math's getting a bit hard but I'm doing okay.”

“That's ‘cause you're smart,” he praised as he lit up a cigarette and took the first drag. “You're gonna make it outta here real quick with that brain of yours.”

He held my gaze as he blew out the smoke away from my face. It didn't matter because it drifted back to me anyway. 

“You're pretty, too,” he murmured before taking another long drag.

I shook my head, an unamused scoff leaving my lips.

“I'm serious,” he laughed.

I turned back to look at him again, suddenly feeling shy. 

He had very nice eyes. Sometimes bloodshot but always very blue. 

I always liked how blue his eyes were.

I also liked that he complimented me. Outside of school I was barely praised for anything. 

“You think I'm pretty?”

His smile slowly faded as he squashed his cigarette butt on the floor and leaned closer to me.

“Yeah, you're fuckin’ pretty, darlin’,” he murmured, his eyes flitting to my lips. “Wish I could taste you.”

I could feel my face grow hot at his words. At the time I thought he meant he wanted to kiss me, and perhaps that was all there was to what he said, but I found myself leaning closer to him, too.

I had my first kiss with a nineteen year old drug dealer. I didn't know what I was doing, of course, so I just tried to mimic his movements. He tasted awful but I felt my stomach fluttering at the thought that someone thought of me as pretty and not a disgusting nuisance.

The kiss was cut short when my mom caught sight of the scene and angrily kicked him out.

She was fuming when she got back to me, and I could feel my stomach trying to climb up my throat in anxiety.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled.

I tried to explain that he asked to kiss me first, that he made the first move. But she overpowered me.

“You think I don't notice the way you look at all my men?” she sneered. “It wouldn't kill you to stop wearing that skimpy little skirt around, you filthy slut.”

I was next to be thrown out of the house. 

Living on the first floor of our apartment building included some perks, one of them being we didn’t have to climb the metal stairs attached to the side of the building to get to our apartment. There were no stairs connecting the apartment floors on the inside, either, which meant there was plenty of privacy. 

But it also meant I had no way of getting back inside that night.

It was December. It was snowing. And I slept outside.  

From then on, I was nothing but a whore, a vicious slut who was interfering with my mom's business. I had to leave the house each time she had someone over, or be locked in the closet until they finished. My mom said that as long as I was in view, men would be more interested in me, the pretty young thing, instead of her. And that wasn't fair.

Over the next couple of years, we coexisted with each other. I stayed out of her way as much as I could, a habit that ultimately translated to other aspects of my life. And she spared me just enough attention when I needed to be punished for taking money for school supplies and food. 

It got to a point when I started hanging around my high school more than I should. I'd get there extremely early and leave as late as I could without getting in anyone's way. 

And I actually really liked school. Steve wasn't lying when he said I was smart. I really did have a knack for picking up on things easily, and good grades came to me like a birthright. 

I was top of the list for everything.

Minus social skills.

I kept to myself. I was smart but I barely raised my hand in class so as to not rob anyone else of the opportunity to participate. I ate lunch alone in front of my locker to not take up any space at a table in the cafeteria. But I was fine with it.

Everything was fine.

Zeke Fritz was the youngest teacher at my school. He was well-mannered and charming, and he was very popular among all his students — but especially the girls.

He just had a dignified presence that drew everyone in. A lot of the female teachers would shamelessly flirt with him but he always remained very composed.

As the only male born to politicians with connections just about everywhere, Zeke Fritz could've lived a cushy life with a breezy job that would keep him comfortable for life.

But he wanted to be a high school teacher. So, fresh out of a masters program in math, he quickly snagged the open position at the high school I enrolled in years later. Not that an open position was a sign of good luck. For Zeke Fritz, spaces were manufactured for him wherever he chose to go.

He was well qualified for the job, though. He'd also taken a liking to me during my first and only semester of my first year. I was the first to pick up on every formula he taught and he found that endearing. 

“I think I want to be a teacher someday,” I confessed one late afternoon when he asked me to help grade my classmates’ recent pop quiz. 

I'd accepted out of a sense of duty, and because if I had rejected him, it surely would've caused him trouble of some sort.

Right?

“You'd make a fantastic teacher,” he smiled.

So, there we were. Looking back, that must've been the day I dug my own grave because Mr. Fritz seemed awfully delighted that I didn't reply to his request for help with an excuse, and that I basically confessed to looking up to him. My compliant attitude must've looked a lot different for him than it did for me.

He drove me home an hour later and watched me open the door to the apartment before leaving, like a perfect gentleman. I waved him goodbye and he smiled at me from inside his car, waving back as he sped off.

That was one of the last few times I saw him. Because just two weeks later, I dropped out of school. 

Little by little, my mom had built up a large debt with Steve, and seeing that she'd taken loans from different people, whatever she earned from selling sex just didn't cut it. Our water, gas, and electricity bills were more than we could pay for, so I had no choice.

I started mowing lawns, raking leaves, cleaning pools and houses, and walking dogs for extra cash. I wasn't rich by any means, but I'd split most of the money to appease debt collectors and whatever was left to save for a rainy day. 

When my mom noticed I was bearing most of the weight, she began slipping away from her own, leaving it for me to pick up. She continued abusing, and even developed more expensive tastes. There wasn't much I could do at that point. I could beg her to stop and flush her pills down the toilet but we'd just go in circles for hours and I'd end up huddled in the corner with tears, hugging myself in an attempt to feel some warmth. 

I landed a waitressing job at a diner. I'd go three days a week and on my off-days I'd keep working odd jobs to stay afloat. 

On one occasion, Mr. Fritz walked in.

He pronounced my name with surprise. I was even more surprised he remembered me. An entire year had gone by since I'd seen him, and I was sure he had plenty of fresh faces to occupy himself with to remember his student of roughly four months.

I politely nodded at him in greeting and showed him to a table. That night, after he insisted on driving me home, I finally caved at his fourth try. 

However, as we neared my neighborhood, I burst into tears. He pulled into a dead-end street and turned off the car. I cried for the longest time, explaining through sobs that I was tired and that I missed school but I felt forced to leave.

He held me in his arms, his hand brushing down my back in comforting strokes until I calmed down.

He began frequenting the diner after that. Every Friday, he'd invite me to sit with him during my break and he'd fill me in on what he was teaching that week. 

One night when he came in, I had a nasty bruise on my face. In one of my countless fights with my mom, she'd thrown a broken glass at my face and cut my jaw. It wasn't deep, but it was enough to leave a mark for a couple of months. 

I didn't go back home that night. I felt awful for intruding on Mr. Fritz’s space, but he was adamant I stay with him until I figured what to do. 

He provided me with food that night and clothes the following morning. I didn't want to burden him, but he'd already bought them, so I accepted the clothes with a polite nod. I remember my face warming up when I noticed his generosity went as far as new underwear and a plain white bra that fit me a bit awkwardly, but he seemed unfazed.

His place was closer to the diner I worked at, and odd jobs could be found just as well in his neighborhood. So, as long as I stayed there, I kept my routine and even helped tidy his apartment as a thank you. 

At sixteen and a half, I started studying for my GED. Mr. Fritz helped me cram for the math portion and did as much as he could for other subjects. I was incredibly grateful. 

The afternoon the results were posted on the testing portal, I was a nervous wreck. Mr. Fritz stood behind me, his hands resting comfortably on my shoulders as he assured me I'd done just fine. I scrolled down the web page in search of a passing score. When I saw it, I jumped out of my chair and screamed excitedly. Mr. Fritz picked me up and spun me around as he rejoiced in my success. 

Even when he put me down, he kept his arms around my waist as he smiled down at me.

“Congratulations,” he murmured.

And then he leaned in.

The kiss took me by surprise. His hold was strong so I merely stumbled as I tried to draw a distance.

“Mr. Fritz—” 

“What's wrong?” he gently asked me. “Don't you like me?” 

My face warmed at the question, and I barely stuttered out a response. 

“I do, but–”

I wanted to explain that my fondness was out of admiration, but he cut me off before I could.

“Then why can't we kiss? I like you, too. I always have. It's only natural. I'm a man and you're a woman. We live together; it was bound to happen.”

Confused, but trusting that his logic was a compelling argument, I nodded.

“I guess that's true.” 

“And besides, I've been helping you this entire time. I did it because I care. I'd be hurt if you didn't think I was worthy after all I've done for you. Think of it as a token of your appreciation.” 

“I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful,” I murmured. 

My voice was barely above a whisper, but my meek demeanor made him smile.

Lifting my chin, he leaned down to kiss me again. I didn't stop him that time, and he just kept going.

Before I knew it, I was routinely bent over his dinner table or pushed down to my knees so I could repay his kindness. 

This went on for months.

I felt a bit guilty. Because even though I could feel it in my gut that his logic had its flaws, I still let him have his way with me. But a few weeks in, I was convinced I was in love with him. 

It was only natural, as he once said.

People who love each other do everything together. People who love each other kiss in the shadows all the time. They sleep next to each other in the same bed and they wake up at three in the morning to have sex, which ends with the guy telling the girl he loves her because the girl asked what she means to him. People who love each other would rather stay home than go out on dates where people can see them because love is best kept private.

That's what Zeke told me.

And I trusted Zeke. I loved him.

After the diner I worked at closed down, I started making deliveries for a nearby restaurant owned by a family of the name Grice. They could only offer me weekend hours, which meant I had to move my other jobs around but I accepted their offer. Since I couldn't drive a car or a motorcycle, I had to bike everywhere. Thankfully, the Grice's eldest son, Colt, gave me his old bike to use.

Colt Grice was nice. He was only a year younger than me but we'd never met until I started working for his parents. He went to private school, so it made sense we'd never crossed paths. 

Colt Grice also had a thing for me. He asked me out a couple of times but I always politely declined. I couldn't tell him a name, but I let him know I was seeing someone. So he remained a distant admirer. 

One Saturday afternoon, as I was cycling to and from the restaurant to make deliveries, I got lost looking for the last address on my list. 

I took a wrong turn and ended up in a neighborhood I couldn't recognize. Frustrated, I hopped off Colt's bike and started walking, hopeful to find someone to ask for directions.

I passed by a dead-end and there I saw it. Zeke's car.

Confused as to what he was doing there, but relieved nonetheless, I started walking toward the car to surprise him. But I never made it.

Because as soon as I stepped forward, I caught a second figure inside the car. A girl around my age, or maybe even one or two years younger was sitting on his lap in the back seat, fervently kissing him — and he wasn't doing anything to stop her.

Stunned, I rushed out of there as fast as my feet allowed me. 

By the time I came through the door of the Grice restaurant, I'd succeeded in my last delivery but I was a mess. Colt's parents rushed to me, asking if I was okay but all I could do was apologize for the delay. 

Seeing as it was already dark out, Colt offered to walk me home. He remained quiet the entire way to Zeke's apartment building, which was perfect because I didn't have it in me to talk. As I stepped one foot in front of the other in a zombie-like daze, I thought about how crummy my life had been so far. I kept seeing flashes of Zeke and that girl in the backseat. I also thought about whether I should actually be with someone like Colt Grice.

If I was honest, had Zeke never entered my life, I would've said yes to Colt Grice ages ago. He was kind and tall, and he was nice to look at. Not to mention he was closer to my age than Zeke was. 

So when we reached the front steps of Zeke's apartment building and Colt bid me goodbye with a smile, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.

He was taken aback, of course. But he kissed me back as soon as the shock subsided. 

Blushing, he asked if I'd like to get a smoothie with him after work tomorrow. 

I decided right then and there, on the eve of my eighteenth birthday, that I would cut ties with Mr. Fritz.

“I'd love to.”

Colt nervously laughed, amazed that I finally accepted his offer.

“I'll see you tomorrow, then,” he smiled, my name sweet on his tongue.

I didn't know Zeke had been watching us the entire time from his living room window.

My resolve to leave him was literally beaten out of me as soon as I walked through the door of his apartment.

I never brought up the girl from the dead-end street. 

I never showed up for work the next day, I never showed up for my date with Colt, and I never saw the Grice family again even after I left Zeke for good six months later.

I went back to living with my mom. As expected, she was still a mess but by then all the crap in her system had worn her out so much that I had to do everything for her. 

She couldn't fight with me like she used to just a year and a half ago, but it was still hell. She'd throw plates at me and scream horrible things at the top of her lungs until I'd break down crying each time. And that just wound her up even more. 

I couldn't just leave her. She was all I had and I was all she had.

But even the most patient hearts are worn out, and so even though I held out as much as I could for six years — and I was probably just waiting to keep her company on her deathbed — I left. She was too out of it to realize who she was talking to, but angry enough to throw a picture frame at the door when I walked out.

I moved to a new city and got a job. I used my savings to furnish the small apartment I found for myself, filling it with soft pastel colors that made the place my safe haven. 

I started wearing neutral colors, not wanting to draw attention to myself, and eventually found comfort in treating myself to the nice things I never had. 

I only went back to my hometown to fill out paperwork when I got a call that my mom had died. That same week I spent there, I heard through the grapevine that Zeke got arrested after he failed to manipulate the young daughter of one of his family's friends, bringing shame to the Fritz name. I never saw him, or Mrs. Zacharias, or Colt Grice ever again.

You don’t seem to notice that your hands have been shaking for a while now, but Eren does. He's been holding them the entire time as they prune in the cold water. 

Tears are pricking at his eyes but he refuses to let himself cry no matter how heavy his heart feels. It just doesn't feel appropriate when he's not the one trembling at the retelling of their life's story. 

Words don't come easy to him, either. An apology seems out of place, and any string of comfort just doesn't seem to cut it. He wanted to know everything and now he does. Now he's just lost on what to say that could prove to you that you made the right call to trust him.

“I'm sorry,” you murmur, lacing your fingers with his, pulling his hand out of the water, and kissing his knuckles. 

The gesture makes him ache.

“I know it's a lot.”

Eren could never lie to you. Everything you just told him definitely took a toll on him, but he’s also grateful that you shared it with him. And you shouldn't be the one to comfort him. It's given him an entire new perspective on who he wants to be for you. 

It rips him apart from the inside to think that you grew up believing you weren't worthy of healthy parents or a proper home. To think that the only time you experienced love it wasn't even real, and that distorted your understanding of the word forever. To think you were present to help anybody you could without someone to do the same for you without any ulterior motives. To think you made yourself small when you deserved just as much as anybody to take up space in the world. 

What can he say to a person who refuses to believe she could be genuinely loved but whom he loves like it's breathing?

If he had met you sooner, he would've done everything to protect you. It kills him that he couldn't keep you from being manipulated and used. 

“Do you still like me?”

Your timid voice wavers in the air. 

It dawns on Eren that he has yet to speak a word, and that you have no clue of where his head has been for the past few minutes since you caught him up to your present life. 

You don't turn around to look at him, nor do you make any other move. You just remain with your back to him, looking down at your naked legs through the soapy water.

When Eren peers at you over your shoulder, lifting your chin with a wet pruned finger, you struggle to meet his gaze. 

“Why wouldn't I?” 

You crumble in his arms. 

Eren cradles you as you cry into his chest like an affection-starved baby. He presses your naked body against his chest, rhythmically shushing you as his hand soothes your bare back and he presses his lips to your temple. 

You cry out twenty-four years worth of pain with Eren as your anchor. Your eyes swell and your features contort in anguish as you sob so violently, the movement reflects on your shoulders and your cries are mute. You cry until there are no more tears to shed and all that's left are a few hiccups as your body comes down from its panic. 

Eren turns on the shower and scrubs your body down. His fingers massage your scalp as warm water pours down your fragile frame. He sweeps the suds from your face with a gentle hand, as he looks down at you, teary-eyed but smiling as warmly as ever when you blink up at him. 

A soft, fluffy towel is ruffled over your hair as he draws out the excess moisture before he wraps a second around your body and lifts you in his arms in one swift motion. You cling to him while he carries you to bed, where he carefully sets you down and he hugs you to his chest, coaxing you to sleep while the world outside your window slows down and darkens.

It's around three in the morning when Eren stirs awake. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he finds you looking at him.

“How long have you been awake?” he whispers.

You smile.

“A while,” you admit. “I didn't know watching someone sleep could be so fascinating.” 

“Well, now I'm embarrassed,” he laughs, his voice still groggy.

“Now you know how I feel,” you smirk, reminding him of when he's done the same. 

His hand comes up to cup your face.

“How are you feeling?” he tenderly asks, his bright emerald eyes shining in the dark.

“Better,” you murmur. Then you meekly add, “I didn't think I would cry so much. I'm a little embarrassed about that.”

Eren leans forward to plant a brief kiss on your lips. 

“Thank you,” he says, to which your eyebrows upturn in confusion.

“For trusting me,” he explains. “I know it couldn't have been easy to relive everything.”

He clears his throat as he strokes the apple of your cheek with his thumb.

“I didn't know what to say at the moment. If that freaked you out, I'm sorry. But I promise none of that changes the way I feel about you. Not that, not anything. I swear. I won't fail you.” 

You thought you were dried out, but Eren's words draw another series of tears to well in your eyes and cling to your lashes.

“So you still want me?”

He smiles.

“I told you. I'm in it for the long haul.”

As you melt in each other’s embrace, you realize this is what genuine love is. People who love each other want to know each other. They hold hands and play on swings in childlike glee. They wake up at three in the morning to watch the other person sleep, careful not to disturb them because the image of them dreaming is just too precious. And whether it be in light or shadows, people who love each other kiss slowly as words of praise and worship are poured into each other's mouths and warm hands caress each other’s scars.

The last two days leading to the New Year's Eve party at the Jaeger house are spent making last minute arrangements and check-ins with the catering service, florists, pyrotechnicians, and others. 

You and Carla spend the last day shopping. You brought one of your fancier dresses in your suitcase, but after witnessing all the crates of champagne being delivered and hauled into the house in preparation for the party, as well as a preview of the flower arrangements, you felt the need to seek something livelier than the original sleek black silk dress.

It takes several stores and countless fittings until Carla finds you the perfect dress. It's simple but pretty and you and Carla are over the moon with the way it fits you when you step out of the changing room.

The following night, the music from the main house's terrace can be heard all the way inside the pool house. You haven't met anyone yet, but the sound of car doors and alarms have been faintly echoing in the background for a while.

Eren’s fixing his bow tie in front of the bedroom mirror when you slowly wander into the bedroom, in your pretty pastel dress and strappy heels, fixing your earrings as you go. 

Eren's mouth falls open when he turns around and takes in the sight. 

“What do you think?” you shyly ask.

You're in a flowy midi knife-pleated dress, washed in pastel colors that blend seamlessly between lavender, pastel pink, blue and green, like a watercolor painting. The bustier-style bodice is connected to dainty straps in the same soft colors. 

His lips part and close as he struggles to find the right words. When you giggle, he finally grins and pulls you in by the waist.

“Are you even real?” he murmurs.

You laugh as he pushes you back against the wall, smiling and cradling your face with one hand as the other keeps you pressed against him by the small of your back.

Your hands drape around his neck as he catches a glimpse of the angel necklace resting below your collarbone.

“I think we should bail on the party and just celebrate here,” he grins as his nose brushes against yours. “You know, in some cultures, New Year's is more of a private holiday.”

You throw your head back in laughter as he peppers your neck with short, eager kisses.

“Seriously,” he says, leaning back just enough to admire your smiling face. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you,” you shyly reply. “You look really good, too.”

“Well, I remembered you liked me in a suit,” he smirks, eliciting a pleasant shiver to run down your spine. “So… what do you say?”

Giggling, you shake your head.

“I think your mom will notice if her only son doesn't show up to the party.”

Eren pouts.

“You're right. Then at least I'll get to brag about having the prettiest woman in the world with me.”

He enthusiastically pulls you into a kiss, drawing out an amused giggle from your lips as you melt into his touch. 

When he pulls back, you're both smiling, connecting in one enamored look.

“Eren, I love you.”

Your eyes twinkle as they blink up at him.

“I know I haven't said it in a while but… you know I do… right?”

Eren's heart frantically pounds against his ribs as he caresses your cheek with tender strokes of his thumb.

“Of course,” he murmurs. 

Your shoulders visibly relax, like you've been holding back on repeating those three words and this moment has finally granted you with relief.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you nod. 

“Okay,” you sigh happily. You peck the corner of his mouth. “Come on, Carla's probably wondering what's taking so long.”

Eren doesn't move, keeping you in place against the wall.

“Wait,” he says, his voice quivering slightly at the end.

He brings your hand to his chest, giving you a second to feel the fervent beats.

You look at him curiously as your name rolls off his tongue.

“I love you.”

His features soften before you as the words leave his lips, like pronouncing them has lightened an unknown weight on his shoulders.

“I didn't say it back then,” he adds. “But it wasn't because I didn't feel it. I was just surprised you said it first. But you know I've loved you this entire time… right?”

His shy confession lines your eyes with tears. 

“Of course,” you murmur. 

He sighs heavily in relief as he kisses you once more.

“I love you,” he repeats, the words falling from his lips like it's what he was put on this earth to pronounce. 

“I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.”

You cling to him, your fingers carding through his hair as he ruins your lipstick with his fervent kiss.

“I love you, Eren,” you repeat, as you fall back onto the bed, where his hand snakes up your thighs and his fingers tug your underwear to the side. 

“I love you,” you sigh as he buries himself inside you, the contact raw without a single thing to keep you apart. 

“I love you,” you whimper as your legs wrap around his middle and he finishes inside. 

You both rest on the bed, hands laced together as you regain control of your breathing. 

“I love you,” Eren smiles, your full name bouncing off his tongue and making you giggle.

“I love you, Eren Jaeger.”

The music from the string quartet on the terrace begins to play, reminding you of the night's agenda. 

“Let's go,” Eren says, helping you up with one hand.

“I'm gonna need a minute,” you tell him as you fetch a fresh pair of underwear from the dresser. “I'll be quick.”

He nods, a cocky grin taking over his lips when he notices the streak of your lipstick smeared on your chin. 

“I'll wait for you outside,” he smiles. “I gotta make a call.”

You nod and slip into the bathroom.

As you take in your reflection, an excited flutter stirs in your stomach. 

Being with Eren doesn't compare to anything else in your life. He's the warmth you've craved your entire life. He's deep in every cavity of your being, patching you up from the inside with his strength and affection.

You decide at this moment that you've never loved anyone until him.

As you trade your ruined lipstick for a tinted lip gloss and you clean the remnants from your spontaneous lovemaking, three little words shaped by Eren's warm voice echoes in your ears.

I love you. 

With one last look in the mirror, you walk out to meet him. 

As you shut the pool house door behind you, you pick up the last of Eren's call.

“I gotta go… Yeah… Good luck, buddy.”

Eren ends the call with a quick tap to his screen before turning to you.

He holds out his hand for you to take.

“Ready?”

The party is in full swing on the terrace. Champagne bottles have been popped and music and lively voices fill the air.

You feast on shrimp and cream puffs, bacon-wrapped asparagus and antipasto skewers. You clink your champagne flute with Carla and the ladies from her book club as you suggest titles for their next read and you look over at the pyrotechnicians as they finish setting up for the fireworks show with ten minutes to spare.

Eren never leaves your side. 

He laces your fingers with his as he tugs you away from the railing to dance. His hands fix your arms around his neck before settling on your waist.

He's not much of a dancer, but you follow his lead in swaying to the music. Your limbs tingle with the light buzz of brut.

“Are you happy?” he asks as he presses his forehead to yours.

You smile.

“I'm never not happy when I'm with you.”

He laughs.

“I guess I'm stuck with you, then.”

“You are,” you murmur as you draw closer to his lips.

He pulls back teasingly, chuckling when you inevitably pout at his evasion.

“Easy, you'll get your kiss in a couple of minutes.”

Resting your head on his chest, you continue to sway. It's not long before someone calls out that it's a minute to midnight. 

As fresh champagne flutes are handed out to every guest, you turn around in Eren arms so you can face the fireworks show. As everyone around you excitedly counts down the last ten seconds of the year, Eren hovers over your shoulder and lifts your chin between two fingers.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

“I love you,” you murmur back.

The two of you kiss as golden lights burst in the sky.

Later that night, buzzed from champagne and with a new bottle tucked under Eren's jacket, you stumble into the pool house, giggling like teenagers who just stole from their parent's liquor cabinet. As you clumsily undress each other and exhale sweet words in the air while reconnecting your bodies one more time, you think to yourself that Eren has managed the impossible — to heal every wound and make you happy. 

The following morning, you'll find a new series of text messages where Mikasa and Jean let their friends know they're engaged, and you'll be even happier.

Two days into the new year, you part from Paradis Island. 

At the airport, as you, Eren, and Carla have a quick lunch before you leave, Eren pulls out his phone and asks you and his mom to pose for a picture together, before asking a security guard to snap a photo of the three of you.

Carla hugs you tightly as she makes you promise you'll be back soon even for just a few days. You hold onto her just as tightly, thanking her for everything, even for the things she didn't know she gifted you, and you swear this isn't the last she'll see of you.

Roughly thirty minutes later, as you look out the window, waiting for the plane to take off, Eren's hand gently envelops yours. 

You turn to smile at him and he dips forward to kiss your temple. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

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[neomedievalist]

hey chat. I did a deep (medium) dive into gamescent to figure out what the fuck they meant by any of that

first of all, the price tag, holy shit. second of all, AT PAX EAST? it took me a second to realize implication of this being at pax east. this is going to be an INVOLUNTARY EXPERIENCE for some people LOL. THE STINKY BOOTH AT PAX EAST.

The first thing I wanted to know is how the fuck does this use ai? i conjured a beautiful world where we could actually experience ai-generated scents but no, obviously it's just a buzzword used to drive investors. it uses ai to analyze the sound in your game to dispense the appropriate scent, which sounds bad.

Brief interlude i love this ai generated image they use on their "blog" section on their website, me and my little car i use for gaming

the first thing you'll find with this article and the website is that they are downright ADDICTED to pretending smell-o-vision was a good thing.

AHEAD OF ITS TIME? I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR.

GEOFF, I DON'T THINK THE INSUFFICIENT TECHNOLOGY WAS THE ISSUE HERE.

The ONLY benefit of using AI they can come up with is the timing of the release of the scent lolll

ANIME SCENT

I'm personally obsessed with them calling it DLC because I have no idea how this is supposed to be downloadable lmao i couldn't find anything on their website using this terminology. Geoff Keighley what did you mean by this. You wouldn't download a scent.

to the eager anticipation of all ultrakill fans/sex freaks the BLOOD scent DLC will be coming soon.

there's a giveaway section for data harvesting and apparently 11,000 entries which i somehow doubt

I really love the vague wording here "will not be responsible for any outcome" ANY OUTCOME?

I forgot to say of course they have an app lmao. and i love how every physical item you buy is now just a license to use that item now. Surely they wont shut down service for this making your 200 CAD scent box useless laughing crying emoji

Literally what the fuck is this what does this product have to do with fitness. i can't find ANYTHING correlating this. i had a sneaking suspicion that most of this writing was ai generated but this might just confirm it lol

What is this tweet

tldr im not looking at this anymore when are they releasing the gabriel ultrakill armpit sweat dlc scent

[c-ptsdrecovery]

Getting used to my new terminology for bipolar disorder (and also my newfound cheerfulness now that I'm on Prozac lol), I'm starting to learn to recognize when I'm experiencing bouts of depression or hypomania.

For instance, last night i kept telling myself that I needed to turn out the light and go to bed. I even did turn it out at one point, and then turned it back on a minute later. I got REALLY INTO witchy aesthetics and started planning out elaborate outfits, and then window-shopped a ton of things that are cool but that I definitely do not need. (I laid down a rule for myself recently that I'm not allowed to buy things off the internet after 9 pm, because I tend to regret it a bit in the morning.) So I opened all these tabs so I could look at them and think about buying them in the morning, and I changed the wallpaper on my phone, and I FINALLY went to sleep.

Woke up this morning and was like, "Oh! That was mild hypomania." lol

Bipolar disorder may affect sleep in many ways. For example, it can lead to:

Insomnia, the inability to fall asleep or remain asleep long enough to feel rested (resulting in feeling tired the next day).

Hypersomnia, or over-sleeping, which is sometimes even more common than insomnia during periods of depression in bipolar disorder.

Decreased need for sleep, in which (unlike insomnia) someone can get by with little or no sleep and not feel tired as a result the next day.

Delayed sleep phase syndrome, a circadian-rhythm sleep disorder resulting in insomnia and daytime sleepiness.

REM (rapid eye movement) sleep abnormalities, which may make dreams very vivid or bizarre.

Irregular sleep-wake schedules, which sometimes result from a lifestyle that involves excessive activity at night.

Co-occurring drug addictions, which may disrupt sleep and intensify pre-existing symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Co-occurring sleep apnea, which may affect up to a third of people with bipolar disorder, which can cause excessive daytime sleepiness and fatigue.

(source)

(I'm glad I looked this up just now, because this explains why I've been having particularly vivid dreams lately...)

EDIT: Apparently lamictal, which is my mood stabilizer, can also cause particularly vivid dreams and nightmares. 👍question answered

[moonstruckdraws]

The Red Queen

An alternate version of Vera! @hellishgayliath daughter I've been drawing nonstop (this being no exception)

like always, this is a spiel so- yeah

Ever since looking back at my first sketch of her in this red dress a few days ago, my brain started to trail off to "what ifs" & one of these is what if Vera was bitter & frustrated to the extreme in contrast to her current self is improving from the event.

But the premise is that Vera would become a mob boss herself! While not as reknown as Big Mama, is still a bigger threat (compared to the smaller mobs like in that one episode in Hueso's restaurant)

I don't know how she'd be pushed over this edge to where she'd stop caring about others (being a therapist & all) & I won't even try lol. But in this version, it starts off with the break up (with my assumption of how she would handle it in my other post; compared to her actual reaction would be) & I'd imagine she'd just tear up the room before going to her own living quarters.

Being one of Big Mama's lovers, & a temporary model for the Grand Nexus's advertising, I'd imagine that their breakup would be talked about & Vera would probably start being bombarded at work; unable to take off from work. Maybe she'd start spiraling then? She'd fall off the face of the earth for a while before rumors of a borzoi mob boss rising up starts to become the talk of the city. Of course, I'm sure this would intrigue Big Mama or something, but Vera wouldn't announce her identity. & Idk, that's all I got lol

Aight lil details & facts this Vera would have

Vera's favorite color is ruby/scarlet, so I think her keeping this dress & making iconic look fits. It'd also tie into it being a constant reminder of when things took a turn for the worse & her trust in someone important to her was shattered. Also a funfact about her, by Helli, is that apparently she doesn't wear purple anymore; only wore the color when with Big Mama, aside for makeup. This version of her despises the color & refuses to have any hues of it near her as it reminders her of that Spider. It's why her make up is now red as well. It's also red because blood blends into it well :] (was gonna name her the Blood Queen, but that sounded a too much for Vera; also Red Queen to reference Helli calling Vera that in the first post I made of her)

I don't know how Vera feels about Big Mama fully (aside for wondering if Big Mama was pretending the whole time or not) in the sense of if she's over her. This version is probably less over her than the original, hating her guts but forever thinking of the past. Unlike the original, this version would probably carry any memories of those days with her (on good days) like the cloaking broach. She also has eye creases because tears & probably being more addicted to coffee.

Her being a therapist means she a smart cookie in psychology (i believe so), so she'd definitely use that to her advantage. Being able to see signs of lying, finding spies in her minions, etc.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, she burns things; burning things like her burning rage

I image this would be her first major appearance, setting a fire. Idk, I just wanted to draw it lol (lil fact that I drew most of this earlier today in my notebook because there was nothing to dooooo)

And yeah, that's it. Very out of character, but hey that's what alternate versions are right? :D Don't mind me, just my brain running on nothing but thoughts.

[ffs-abalisk]

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Optional bonus: Pick the question you most want to answer and answer it.

Hm, at this point I'd say the longest plot bunny that I have held on to is a rewrite of an old Full Metal Alchemist fanfic that I had in my early FFN days but had taken it down due to dissatisfaction over its direction (i'm apparently very picky like that).

And my reasons for having not followed through with it or, really, worked on it at all is because in my mind FMA is one of those anime that are exceedingly difficult to write for. Mainly due to the fact that the overall story is pretty well knit together and thus any "fix it" aspirations kinda just don't exist or die prematurely lol. OCs for the universe are fun to make, but once it comes down to actually writing them and the way they affect the story weeeeeeeell...

It just doesn't seem to work. Oddly enough this is a series that benefits from slice of life, not fix it fics.

And honestly? I'm not interested in revisiting canon again, I'd just watch the show again if that were to be the case. An OC would have to be pretty damn compelling for me to be even remotely interested in that kind of rehash. And if there's gonna be an AU, the butterfly effect better be significant enough to be interesting.

It is quite possible I am just looking at this at an entirely wrong angle and need a new perspective on it, but it's not really a priority for me right now and so it will sit in my WIP Shadow Realm until I get some kind of brain blast to inspire me.

--

As for what question I want to answer the most... let's see here.........

Ah how about 99. was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby? 

I actually hated doing any sort of writing when I was younger... mainly due to most of the school work we were given for writing was for Essays, which for someone with ADHD like me, is the most PHYSICALLY PAINFUL KIND OF BOREDOM I have ever experienced. Thus I barely passed most of my English classes despite having a reading level of a High School student when I was in 6th grade.

But then something amazing happened... I discovered Fanfiction.net

And through it I discovered what kind of things amateur writers could accomplish, how they could improve over time, what kinds of stories they could tell outside of the canon narrative...

Suffice to say I was addicted immediately. The possibilities seemed endless

And I. Wanted that.

It was also at a time of my life that I was grasping at any sort of coping mechanism I could reach for. Home life wasn't great and I was overall in a very negative space mentally... But this gave me a way to express those feelings I wasn't allowed to show at the ripe age of 12 and I could explore different routes, different characters, and the creativity of others.

It helped me feel connected with other people in ways that no one was in real life, because while I had the mask of anonymity online, it was a lot closer to my true face than the painful mask I was forced to wear in the outside world.

So yeah, it's just a hobby for now, but is still a big part of my life and my reason for encouraging new writers because I've BEEN there, ya know? I do have the inklings of some kind of story that I may one day like to publish, but that's a tale for another time :)

Thank you asking!

[starry-mist]

S5e15 and s5e16 thoughts:

Obviously I need to do these ones together. I'm also going to try to do this as sort of a review rather than general thoughts...it's my first time trying this so be nice, LOL.

I have a few thoughts before I jump into the episodes.

One of the main reasons (other than the obvious one of having these additional characters with their own storyline that initially seems separate from what the series regulars are doing) that this initially felt like a backdoor pilot is because one of the titular characters is noticeably absent. And we know this was because John and Meghan were expecting their third child to be born right around the time this was scheduled to film, so he wasn't available. I'm not saying it couldn't still be a backdoor pilot, but I think it's unlikely for the moment.

The story we got was very different from the original synopsis in the article about the Ontario government funding production in Northern Ontario (https://www.nugget.ca/news/five-film-tv-productions-receive-funding) which again, is likely because John was unavailable so they launched Sarah and Jesse into the spotlight for this one.

I know Jesse fans have a lot of feelings about his glasses, and I agree that the explanation for why he no longer wears them is pretty weak. Fans of this show do have a tendency to fixate on changes in character appearances (see also: much controversy on Facebook about Charlie's season 6 hair.) Anyway, characters evolve, people change, I'm just going to leave it at that. Maybe Justin was just sick of wearing them.

Without further ado:

We open with a lovely aerial shot of “Webster Bay,” which I’m sure is 100% a real place and totally not North Bay, Ontario. (It's absolutely not a real place.) A couple is having a romantic moment by the side of the road. Very sweet. Until it turns out the man is there to rob the house across the street. That's...perhaps a little less sweet.

The home invasion/robbery hits a little snag when the homeowner is, well, home, and goes at the would-be robber with a sizeable pair of scissors. He accidentally knocks her out trying to disarm her, and it's time for the happy couple to GTFO.

Roll credits.

Back in St. John's, the Major Crimes team has ordered lunch. Jesse gets an ominous phone call from his previously-never-mentioned sister.

It's the season of new family members coming out of the woodwork. Sigh.

Anyway, Jesse's sister is in Northern Ontario, as far as he knows (which is apparently where they both grew up...look I'm just going to keep rolling my eyes at all of these things that could have been mentioned IN FOUR PREVIOUS SEASONS) and is in trouble. Come quick. No cops. Doesn't sound sketchy at all...

Jesse's ready to go to her rescue, but Charlie doesn't think he should go alone.

Sarah: You want to go with him?

Charlie: I was thinking you. And Rex.

(Yeah, remember those establishing moments I mentioned in the previous two episodes? Those are now relevant.)

Apparently Charlie has some important stuff he has to take care of.

(Please remind me I need to someday write a fic about Charlie’s guilt at sending the trio into harms way.)

This whole scene is a little forced, IMHO, but anyway, off they go.

Cut to Ontario, where we now have MEGAN FREAKING FOLLOWS, OMG, BE STILL MY ANNE OF GREEN GABLES-LOVING HEART. At this point, I should note that I do love these fleshed-out original characters and their stories, which initially feel strange given we've never seen them before, but will make sense later.

(Pause for my usual commentary of same actor, different character: Cihang Ma previously played Holly in s3’s Seeing is Deceiving. Here they play Detective Kai Huang, and let me just express my appreciation for a non-binary actor playing a non-binary role.)

Anyway, Detective Anne of Green Gables Sidney Scott is on scene and having flashbacks. It looks like she lost someone close to her. Kai thinks the people who broke in were addicts. Sidney has other ideas. She talks to the victim's husband, Tim Cooper, who apparently worked with her husband as well. But she makes it clear that she's definitely off work and totally not on the case.

Right...

Back to St. John’s, Charlie is having someone dig up Constable Charlie Hudson’s incident reports from October 30, 2009. Okay first off, I would have appreciated some flashbacks to a younger Charlie, but I don't always get what I want (rarely, in fact.) And we find out that Charlie is investigating his "white whale" of a child abduction case that has haunted him for 14 years, which has of course been foreshadowed in prior seasons because this show is so amazing at continuity. /s

Cut to Charlie's house, with him taping up a makeshift "murder board" on the wall. My dude, you're going to need to repaint...

Meanwhile in Ontario, we have lovely wide shots of fall colours. So pretty. We also have rapid-fire voiceover exposition from Sarah and Jesse on their arrival, where they're going, how long it's taken them to get there, and honestly, this is yet another of those "show, don't tell" moments that this show struggles with.

The trio arrive at “an old Cold War missile site” where Jesse and Crystal came when they were kids, riding their bikes down from his uncle’s place. Questions abound about who actually raised Jesse, who has mentioned his mom (in a throwaway line in s2) and a deceased father. Now there was apparently an uncle? Okay we'll go with it. Anyway, Jesse and Crystal used to hang out here and build camps in abandoned buildings.

Sarah and Rex are the third wheels (actually fourth and fifth, I suppose) in the Jesse/Crystal/random sketchy boyfriend scene as they head into an abandoned hangar. Sketchy boyfriend (who has a name that I'm not bothering to look it up given he won't be around that long) wants to know if these new additions are cool.

Sarah: Dr. Sarah Truong, hi. We’re cool.

(I don't know why I find that line so amusing.)

Rex senses danger. Looks like it's time to GTFO of the hangar.

This is where I point out that two of these characters are weapons-trained cops, one of whom we have seen is basically a sharpshooter…And none of this apparently matters as neither of them have a weapon on hand that they can use. Oops.

Going to have to suspend disbelief at the fact that the sniper can instantly kill the bf, shoot out the tires on Sarah and Jesse's rental car (that's going to be a hefty repair bill,) but then they're all just able to run out in the open and magically escape…right.

This is pretty elaborate for a scene that is essentially just a setup for the plane crash.

Sidney Scott visits a man named Elvis Migwan outside the local hospital. We learn that there is a local Indigenous community whose water has apparently been affected by runoff from a mining operation. Elvis's daughter is sick. And this is a really relevant topic given how many Indigenous communities in Canada lack access to clean water.

Back to the airfield, and I'm just going to speculate that they blew the budget on this next scene and on the plane crash.

Apparently flight simulator games have taught Jesse enough that he can figure out how to fly a plane...again, suspending disbelief. The team take to the skies and are promptly shot down by the sniper, as my anxiety begins to ratchet up.

The remote lake where they crash would be a pretty place to camp in any other circumstance.

Anne of Green Gables Sidney has a nice, large house. It's actually pretty big for one person. Hey, Sidney has that in common with Charlie. They should hang out. Inspector Yousef Ali stops by and brings Sidney dinner. It's a salad. She's displeased. I start to ship them.

Charlie and Joe have a scene at Charlie’s house and it's just not working for me. I can't help it. The whole Alison case appearing out of the blue feels forced.

(However, Joe is totally checking out the new, shall we say, feminine touches in Charlie’s house.)

At the crash site, Jesse manages to smash open his door when there were two perfectly good open ones on the other side of the plane, because reasons? Crystal’s wrist is probably broken, Jesse’s got some cracked ribs…but at least they have a doctor with them who’s totally in one piece and definitely not injured.

Sarah asks for a first aid kit, presumably to do, you know, actual first aid...oh wait, no, instead she scribbles some notes on a piece of paper, which she rolls into a little case that she attaches to Rex's collar. With a tearful hug, she sends Rex off into the wilderness.

Cue “The Littlest Hobo” theme.

Rex wanders the woods.

Sidney Scott decides to go back to work.

Back at the crash site, we find out Crystal’s a pretty big screwup, and Jesse chastises her for her messing up her life. Not super helpful at the moment, Jesse.

Sarah starts to look disoriented and possibly in pain. This is going to get worse before it gets better.

Rex encounters some sort of bird of prey (I think it's a hawk, but I'm not an expert.) No worries, he'll just hide under a bridge for a moment.

Another "same actor different character" moment: the actor playing Bertrand Boyle previously appeared as Tucker Moore in s4’s No Man is an Island.

Rex is under a sky full of stars, which I'm sure he'd pause to appreciate if there weren't a pack of wolves nearby. I believe I read somewhere that Sherri Davis who trains the dogs actually trained all the animals that appeared in this one. I’m in awe of her talent.

Morning at the crash site. Crystal is about to peace out. Jesse talks her into staying. And Sarah wakes up in rough shape.

And here is where I state that Mayko Nguyen is the best actor on this show, fight me. She completely nailed that subtle shift when Sarah realizes that she's injured, and more seriously than she initially thought.

(Side note: I love that Mayko is wearing her trademark huge puffy warm coat. She is apparently always cold.)

So anyway, Sarah has realized that she's bleeding internally, and tells Jesse that he'll need to operate.

Right…

Sarah: You can do anything you put your mind to, Jesse Mills. You just flew a plane!

I really hope they submitted this episode for this year's Canadian Screen Awards.

On his continued trek through the wilderness, Rex encounters the most fearsome of woodland creatures: a skunk. Oh no! What if he ends up smelly?!! Anyway, Rex wins the territorial battle, and over the log bridge he goes.

Oh look, an owl.

So many critters.

There's a road! And with a short swim, Rex has officially made it back to civilization where he is promptly picked up by some sinister characters in a truck.

I'm not going into the gory details of Jesse doing field surgery on Sarah, because I still find it hard to watch, but anyway, give Mayko an Emmy. Hell, give her an Oscar. Give her all the things.

...right now, because I’m not watching these separately.

Ugh. Field surgery. I feel very much the same way as Jesse does when it comes to blood.

Cut to the Ontario Police Service (or whatever they’re calling their version of Ontario Provincial Police) HQ building, which I’m pretty sure is part of Nipissing University, as is the “hospital” we see later.

Detective Scott, meet Rex. He'll keep you on your toes.

See you later, sketchbags in the pickup truck. Nobody messes with our boy Rex.

Oh hey, it’s Charlie Hudson. Kind of forgot about that guy for a moment. Anyway Charlie and Joe get a call from Sidney about the plane crash. Charlie holds back...really any emotion whatsoever.

Sidney! Rex! Helicopter!

Sidney sends Charlie a photo of the note that Rex brought her, and Charlie recognizes Sarah’s handwriting. Joe tries to be reassuring. Okay, now they're showing a little bit of worry at the unknown fate of their friends.

Sarah is now semi-conscious and making last requests.

Sarah: If I don’t make it you have to find Rex…tell Charlie…

Jesse: No, you’re gonna tell him yourself…

Me: Tell him what, exactly? Because you've been a couple more than long enough that I refuse to believe there have been no "I love yous" exchanged, even if we've yet to see it said on screen.

Anyway Sarah passes back out, while I continue to hyperventilate.

Cut to St. John's. Charlie feels guilty for not going. Joe steers him back into his B plot. It still feels forced.

Sidney chatting "with" Rex as he leads her through the woods cracks me up.

At the crash site, Sarah wakes up feverish. She knows she probably an infection. So she should totally drink the unfiltered lake water Crystal brings her, because what’s a little E. coli going to do? Anyway apparently it’s all good as long as the paramedics push IV antibiotics…whatever. Sidney and Rex of course arrive at exactly the right time!

Rex lays protectively on his “mom.”

And the look Sidney gives Crystal tells us her shit is officially about to hit the fan.

Jesse has a phone call with Joe and Charlie to fill them in on all the nitty-gritty. Charlie wants to talk to Sarah, who is now in actual surgery. Jesse goes to check on his sister, who is now under arrest.

Crystal: I just watched my boyfriend get shot and killed and was pretty sure we were all gonna die in a plane crash. It’s been a lot.

Sarah Swire's deadpan delivery of the above lines is just so good.

Sidney questions Crystal, and it become clear that she definitely has a personal stake in this. Crystal swears there was no gun at the house her boyfriend robbed. She wants Jesse to cover for her by taking the backpack full of money, which of course he does. For now.

Sidney: Are you here as a cop or a brother?

Jesse: I have to be both.

Rex wants to help Sidney track the shooter. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

In Sarah's hospital room, she's sitting up in bed and talking to Charlie, albeit briefly. That conversation should have been longer and more emotional.

Tracking the shooter leads to more amusing Sidney and Rex "conversation." They find the type of gun that was used to kill Sidney’s husband. Suddenly Sidney's personal stake in the case makes sense.

Jesse and Sarah chat in her hospital room where she's looking pretty well recovered considering she just had two abdominal surgeries...and then she’s up and at it looking over forensics with Kai. It turns out Kai had the wrong time of death.

Joe reassures Charlie, who is feeling stuck on the Alison case, that he’s a great cop, great detective, blah blah. Says he needs to figure out how to move on so he can be ready for the next people who need his help. So clearly we’re done with this case and it definitely won’t reappear in a future episode...*eyes the next episode on the list*

The totally-not-the-shooter guy whose name I can’t be bothered to learn thinks Sidney’s husband would want her to move on and enjoy the life she has left. Okay then.

It seems that Crystal did in fact know that there would be money in the house. Also she knows about the contaminated runoff situation from the mine. Working as a cleaner, she managed to overhear all kinds of things, and through creative use of french fries, casually explains to Jesse how the mine’s money laundering scheme worked.

Incoming sniper. Again. Rex attempts a takedown but the sniper nearly runs him over with his car. Well, at least they should have a license plate now, assuming Jesse can actually see it without his glasses.

Seeing that it's time to come clean, the Mills siblings take the backpack full of money to Sidney. Crystal reveals how she knew the money was at the Cooper house by basically rehashing everything she just told Jesse. And maintains that her brush with law-breaking was "just one time."

Jesse to Crystal: Rex is really disappointed in you.

Sidney goes back to Elvis Migwan and asks how he knew about the mine runoff. And we now know that her husband faked the reports that said the water was clean.

Back at home, Sidney rips down her wall murder board. She's coming to terms with who her husband really was. He was killed in order to keep him quiet, but he knew a lot more than he let on.

Sidney goes off to question Tim Cooper, who is the actual mastermind behind all of this. Inspector Ali tells her she needs backup. It looks like she rolls up with just Rex, who stays in the car.

Sniper dude is on the scene. Oh, apparently his name is Wayne.

Rex takes him down.

Sidney gets a confession from Cooper.

And the rest of the backup team comes out of hiding.

Sidney, needing to make amends, takes a USB with proof of the falsified mine records to Elvis Migwan. It's everything he will need for his lawsuit against the mining company.

Jesse and Crystal chat as he is ready to head back home. Maybe she'll visit St. John's someday. (Here’s hoping.)

Sid puts away a photo of her and her husband. Ali shows up. Sidney tells him she's planning to sell the house, and that she doesn’t like salad. He's brought her a burger this time.

Could be love.

Sidney swears she's getting groceries tomorrow, and will be back at work on Monday. She's picking up the pieces. She also wants to choose her own partner. Say hello to Little Rex.

Sarah, Jesse and Rex head for the plane.

Jesse: You know, second time's the charm flying the plane.

Sarah: Too soon!

Charlie pulls the pictures of Alison off his wall. He's letting it go.

The door opens, and we get probably my favourite Charah scene ever. The clinging hug. The concern for each other. The intimacy of their foreheads pressed together as they gently sway.

Swoon.

Best episodes ever.

[wingsonghalo]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @cnnmonbimee! Thank you for the tag!! Read her awesome answers here!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 66! More than I thought were on there tbh!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? Uhhh apparently it's 684,757! Less than I thought!

3. What fandoms do you write for? In order of most fics to least: Ace Attorney, JSHK, My Hero Academia, Mob Psycho 100, Homestuck, Hunter x Hunter, Phineas and Ferb, and Supernatural. I've also written a lot of Pokemon stuff, but somehow that has escaped Ao3 despite it being my longest fandom LOL. Working on a Pokemon SV one currently though 👀

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Project: Matchmakers (shocker, I know), Sleep (Too) Tight (It's always been slowly but steadily popular), Force of Habit (bit of a surprise there honestly), Project: Matrimony (less surprising), and The Stuff of Dreams. So what I am seeing here is that no one leaves kudos on my JSHK or MP100 or MHA fics :') Some of these fics are one-shots, so it's kind of surprising! I wish PlayWright had gotten more attention; that fic killed me while I was writing it. I'm not giving number of kudos because I'm not comfortable with that and it makes me feel bad about myself haha,,,

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to! I've fallen behind on responding to them in the past 2 years or so because life has been so busy, though…

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably A Practice, For Now?? LMAO it's also my first JSHK and the one with the most kudos HMM COULD THIS FANDOM BE ADDICTED TO ANGST PERHAPS??! I don't write angst a lot!! What can I say, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Almost all of my fics end happily, LOL. Pick any of them that actually has an ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not commonly. I've gotten anon hate before about them on tumblr on rare occasions, but usually my comments on ao3 stay pretty nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do sometimes, but I'm so shy about it that I rarely ever post it /)//w//(\ Usually I just share it among friends, haha!

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope, and I never will!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone tried to run Project: Matchmakers through a translator to hide the word matches and sell it as an ebook on Amazon, but they only bothered to hide it for chapter 1 so someone reported it to me and then in retaliation I started actually selling it on Amazon for the lowest price I could because the thief was trying to sell the shittier version for like 7 dollars LSFJ;AKLD. Read about the whole debacle here.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, quite a few! People have been great about asking me for permission! 💖

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, here and there! Usually it's either fics where I have written one part and someone else has written another scene, or someone had me look over something they'd written and I added so much commentary or threw additional ideas at them so much that the story ended up changing and I somehow became a co-author, LOL.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Oh my god don't make me answer that ;alskdjfl;k. If I wrote a fic for them ever, they're my favorite. I have so many favorites that I've never written fics for, too.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? THE UNDERCOVER FIIIIIC [sobs] and also Left on Read hnnngh

16. What are your writing strengths? Emotions!! I'm super good at those! I'm also really strong at dialogue and banter, and making my writing kinda witty/funny.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Describing settings ;w; I write my scenes like I draw my art: in Descriptionless Blank Voids lkas;dlkf. I also struggle with the flow of action scenes sometimes, though I think they usually turn out okay if I spend enough time on them. I also probably use too many adverbs and adjectives, but y'know what? Fuck it I like my descriptive words thank you very much

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? As long as you're checking that it means what you think it means, or possibly asking a native speaker if you're unsure about context or need a sensitivity reader, I think it's fine. It annoys me if I have to check a footnote every other line, but if you can mostly understand it without a translation in context, it can be kinda nice! At least it says you're trying more than phonetically spelling out an accent, which--remember, kids!--is always cringe! 👍

19. First fandom you wrote for? On Ao3, it was Homestuck. On the internet in general, it was Animal Crossing and Pokemon, LOL.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Don't make me cHOOSE BETWEEN MY BABIESSS 😭 I dunno man! Project: Matchmakers is my magnum opus, but the PlayWright is lowkey kind of a masterpiece, I love so many of my JSHK fics to bits and pieces, a lot of my MP100 and MHA fics are very special to me, I've been trying to write a HxH one for YEARS and have poured my heart into making it beautiful, just UGHHH every single one of my fics I have vivid memories of conceptualizing and working on and most of them are my favorite to some degree!

I tag @carochinha, @kittykatz009, @toastytoaster22, @ittybittytoostormy, and anyone else who would like to answer these questions!!

[dreamingdarklyblog]

Soooo...

Okay soooo um... This is going to be difficult and awkward. But I'm going to do it.

So... Yesterday, when we were playing, my writing partner asked me to write a post for him. Actually he "suggested" I write a post for him.

I was... really out of it at the time. He'd made my breasts really large, and... It seems when he does that I get really foggy and suggestible >_<. Which just... So fucking hot >_<. But I digress.

He told me I would go and write a post for him, and I wouldn't feel embarrassed at all while I was writing it. But would normally after I was done. You get the idea.

Thing is. Shit happened, and I didn't get the chance to write it yesterday before the uh... suggestion wore off. So now I'm feeling pretty damn embarrassed writing this >_<. And let me tell you it's SUPER weird like, remembering suggestions. And remembering how it felt when they were working? And being aware that they aren't now, but, still knowing about it? It's really hard to explain. The pretzel that it kinda ties my head into >_<

And then today MORE shit happened. And apparently he hurt his back yesterday, and passed out feeling bad, today I mean. So I really want him to wake up with a nice post to read, that I know he wanted to read about...

So I'm just going to struggle through it trying not to die of terminal embarrassment.

So what he wanted me to post about was how addicted to rubbing my clit I am >_<. And about how much I love it... and how amazing it is, and some stories about uh... rubbing. Which is so weird >_<. and hot...

I mean... I know I'm addicted. But. I don't care? And. I mean. Being able to remember a lot of this, the suggestions and... The conditioning. I KNOW he's making it worse/better/stronger. But. I was already addicted, right? So. Was I? Or do I just remember being? Which is so confusing. But also so hot >_<

Speaking of rubbing... I need a break >_<

So yeah. Okay. That didn't help the embarrassment. Helped make it a bit easier to focus though. It's just so hard to go very long without rubbing. You have no idea. I probably edged three times in the car yesterday. In traffic. Stuck at lights. I know I probably shouldn't. I'm being safe though I promise. I'm just so horny all the time. It feels so good to be horny all the time. I just. I love how it feels >_<. I guess it's not ALL the time... But I wish it was. That's one reason I keep rubbing so much, like, whenever I don't feel so horny I start rubbing more just trying to stay horny all the time...

break time

Fuck. Really not helping the embarrassment at ALL. UUuuughh. He/you guys better appreciate this. You can tell me if it turns you on. Honestly. I just... I love making people horny >_<. I don't know why. It just makes me feel so... Um... I guess useful? Validated? that's so weird >_<. Ugh. But yeah. If reading this is turning you on please tell me? I'll probably rub myself silly reading it >_<. Fuck im horny >_<. And seriously, can you die from blushing? Lol...

So uh... Stories. Stories about rubbing myself >_<. That's what he said I think... I um. Well. Like i said. In the car... and um. Well. This morning, when I was talking to him, and in the shower. I got really distracted in the shower >_<. And kinda... at breakfast >_<. I was eating and realized I was rubbing too...

yesterday i caught myself pressing against the waahsing machine. had been there probably ten minutes before i realized. And when i was tryingt o do some excercises. Physiohas me doing like, pelvic thrusts? how can you NOT have sexy thoughts doing pelvic thrusts?

break time fuck

yesterday i waskinda rubbing watching tv, andat one point had to run off to the bathroom to rub when i was stuck around people >_< it had been hours and i just. It was too long. i cant go thrat long withotu rubbing my clit. or i dont want to. i dont know. cant/dontwannt to. KIndof a blurry line atm.

fuck im so horny breaks arent working im just typing and rubbing with my other hand or using both and grindignon a pillow ijust fuck i cantt im toohorny

i

igotta go and

rub

mroe

iohope this postwasgood for you and him and everyone and please tellme if it made you hornyor you came oh fuck i hope you came please tell me fuck i need to cum so bad

[fanvoidkeith]

holy shit the hazbin hotel show. wow. incredible. very neat that they went for an almost-musical style because they had so much lore

BY THE WAY! this is a going to be a LONG, ramble-y, spoiler-filled post, so i'm going to put a readmore here and my thoughts on the show will be under the cut. if you don't want to be spoiled for the Hazbin Hotel Official Show TM or don't like hazbin hotel... probably don't read the rest of this post lmao

anyways. here's all my thoughts on it, pretty much. enjoy! :]

i need one of those cat creatures immediately KEESHEE IS SO CUUUTE AWWWW. oh they're called keeshee because that's the. the key. to the hazbin hotel HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT UNTIL I FINISHED WATCHING THE SHOW

oh fuck there's just been a huge massacre. rip. this happens every year. i guess charlie isn't really allowed to mourn or grieve for long though? which is weird because it seems like she cares the MOST about her people (demons), so she should at least be allowed to cry about it. maybe sob and wail a little bit, y'know? also be ANGRY ABOUT IT. it'll give her more oomf if she gets to be angry on screen, y'know?

there's kind of a lot of songs but besides the very first one- "a happy day in hell", i think- i like them. the first one kept moving the "camera" around too much, so it was hard to focus

i think something is deeply wrong with niffty, but assuming her connection to alastor is voluntary... yeah i can see it. they're allies (maybe friends?) for a reason

angel dust my boy

SIR PENTIOUS MY BOY!!!!!!!!

sir pentious taking a small chunk out of alastor's coat and alastor getting PISSED was cool. especially because apparently "no one's gotten this much before". damn, dude

poor charlie trying to help these people who have no idea how to accept help because she's demon-born, one of the highest-ranking people in hell, and the rarest sort of person in hell- kind

"let's do trust falls!" charlie says, as most of her little group doesn't do the exercise and niffty uses it as an excuse for her masochist tendencies

angel dust taking them to a night club is kinda funny. sir pentious probably hasn't seen ANY of this shit before. neither has charlie, probably. idk about vaggie, but she's obviously uncomfortable. and oh my god niffty WOULD love being a dom, but honestly probably not for the sex reasons. i don't see her as that kinda person lol, considering she spends most of the show talking about pain and killing bugs with a knife

charlie's mom has been missing for seven years

how is adam an angel if he's an asshole and he hates women? genuine question. of course heaven's judgemental and shit- helluva boss's angels proved that- but like, why is the guy who's basically in charge THAT much of a dipshit

wait alastor's been missing for seven years too??

COINCIDENCE: I THINK NOT. alastor and lilith connection???

valentino is a bitch, naturally. and so are his cronies. and that tv guy. "the vees" or whatever

oh is the tv dude hating alastor a reference to the song "video killed the radio star" because that'd be funny

"he tried to recruit me and now he's mad i said no :)" and y'know what, alastor? slay

"hey, how did you miss me guys?" "we didn't, but i guess you show up anyways" "..." great job alastor, disappearing for seven whole years didn't make you more famous/infamous lol

AN ANGEL EXTERMINATOR IS DEAD AND BEHEADED. WHAT. HOW

there are demons older than alastor??? i mean. damn. that's crazy bro. lol

nooo angel not everyone thinks you're a crackhead!! :(

oh gods, angel dust's trauma. oh god. oh no

ANGEL. ANTHONY. ANGEL DUST MY BOYYYYY 😭

sick ass song though, reminds me of addict (his previous song that's not in the hazbin pilot or hazbin show but is probably still canon anyways)

angel dust and husk's rivalry-turned-i-guess-you're-alright-now thing was neat AND THEY HAD A SONG TOGETHER YESSSSS THAT WAS AMAZINGGGG

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE HUSKER WAS ONE OF THE OVERLORD HIGH RANKING DEMONS AT ONE POINT WHAT THE FUCK????????

guess we know kinda why he owes alastor "a favor" now, because he was a chronic gambler

why did vaggie get a random duet with this random lady (carmilla arms dealer woman)

okay sir pentious (my boy, i love him, he's my son) calling vaggie "vagatha" was kinda funny

are we SURE that carmilla isn't a former angel? she probably isn't, but she sure is knowledgeable of them

charlie going to heaven to try and bargain with the angels and then using The Orb to cut to the B plot was pretty smart, actually. fucking LOVED that idea. heaven is literally watching, everyone :)

angel dust protecting his friendssss aughhhhh

FUCK valentino. FUCKKKK VALENTINO I HATE HIM. i hate that his moth demon design thing is cool because if it wasn't i could fully hate him

okayyyy SO vaggie's previous backstory as a pop star who committed suicide has been retconned. alright then. they said "what will give our beloved fans the MOST heartache? i know! let's make charlie's girlfriend with an underdeveloped sense of character in this show because the pacing kinda sucks a FORMER ANGEL. A KILLER ONE. THE MURDEROUS ONES THAT WE'RE TRYING TO STOP"

girl. vaggie. it's pretty obvious now that i'm looking back that everyone knows you're an angel. EXCEPT FOR ME, APPARENTLY. BECAUSE SHE HAD A DIFFERENT BACKSTORY PREVIOUSLY. WHAT

NO ONE KNOWS HOW ANYONE GETS INTO HEAVEN?????

andnfjfgjsjdn the pacing again- i was laughing at a joke they made in the show and suddenly they cut to charlie sobbing 💀 i had to rewind to be able to process that- augh

didn't love charlie getting stressed and sad- poor charlie- but LOVED charlie telling alastor FUCK YOU. that was awesome

"oh, alastor, i know you're an ace in the hole" "i'm a what now?" rosie's telling you you're asexual, alastor

vaggie telling the hotel residents that she'd understand if they left

nooo charlie and vaggie fighting actually means something now :(

OMG CARMILLA GOT HER OWN SONG YESSSS i love it

charlie yelling "FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH" at that lady in cannibal town was awesome

VAGGIE AND CHARLIE COME BACK TO THE HAZBIN RESIDENTS TRYING TO FORTIFY THE HOTEL AAAAAWWWW

charlie getting vaggie a souvenir from cannibal town and vaggie immediately tearing up because she knew charlie forgave her was cuuuute

FUCK YEAH GIRLFRIENDS KISSING!! WHOOOOOO LET'S GO GAY PEOPLE!!! I LOVE IT

*smash bros ultimate announcer voice* EVERYONE IS HERE!

except for like... most of hell lmao

at least the vee's are watching lol

THE FINAL FIGHT WAS SO COOL OH MY GODSSS

charlie's war gear being a dress that looked like an APPLE CORE LIKE HER DAD AAAAAAAAAAA

NOOOO ALASTOR!! oh he's fine actually. thanks vox for confirming that alastor's not dead lmao

aww sir pentious actually got to show his interest in cherri bomb without chickening outttt awwwww

NOOOO MY BOY SIR PENTIOUS NOOOOOOOOOO HE SACRIFICED HIMSEEEELFFFFFFFF FUCK DUDE NOOO

fun fact: i actually had to pause the show for a few seconds to put my head in my hands because NOOO SIR PENTIOUS MY SON BOY BABY BOY

FATHER'S HERE TO SAVE HIS DAUGHTERRR

i love how easily lucifer dodged adam's attacks lmao

"TASTE MY MERCY, BITCH" another iconic line from mr. duck-collector king-of-hell himself

niffty coming in and stabbing adam a bunch of times was awesome

"charlie told me to stab, so i stabbed :)" niffty. love her. weird little freak. epic

alastor coming back to the hotel ONLY after a breakdown and being like "i'm fine now guys :)" is... uncannily relatable LMAO

"ugh, this guy" lucifer. he nearly died, calm down with the sass for a second, sir

"i will never understand your taste" me neither, alastor. i don't think anyone quite understands niffty

the news describing it as "lucifer's pathetic daughter saved by her daddy" makes sense but. jeez what an asshole way to put it. she's an adult! and the PRINCESS OF HELL no less!!

AAAAAAAAAA MY BOY SIR PENTIOUSSSSSSSS AUGH

"uhhh.... where am i?"

emily's face being ":D!!" and sera's face being like. horrified. was amazing

[miyakuli]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

omg this is so sweeeeeeeet <33 thank you little owl for this positivity ;v; I'll try to reply to your request haha//////

Five things that make you unique That's the hardest one to do lol

Because I suffered from anxiety issues all my life, I think it made me someone more empathetic and sometimes more able to understand what some people are going through.

I give good massages apparently x) so if you need one....

I'm a good singer I guess?

I think I give off a friendly aura because strangers often come to me for help x'D

I realized lately how I love taking pictures and maybe I'm wrong but I find that they often great/////////////// (at least for me lol)

Four things you are super passionate

I begin with the most important one: music <3 I started singing before being able to speak lol and I played instruments all my life. I need to sing as I need to breathe, listening to music helps me to relax and it always brings me so much good vibes & emotions...I don't know what I would do without music really....

The most obvious thing for those who follow my blog: animation. I just love too much this support to tell stories, idk why I'm more sensitive to it but I'm fascinating by it <3

A bit ridiculous but...my ships xDD like....I can be really obsessed about ships and it makes me feel so happy to consume contents about it like media, fanfictions, fanarts etc....it's a healthy addiction that helps me to feel a bit better when the world falls apart tbh x') so I'll never stop.

Cinema in general, since my 20's I began to expand my cinematic horizons and I can tell now that I tried so many different genres and I think I can say that I now have a certain cinematographic culture and I still follow the new releases closely :)

Three of your favorite memories Ohhhh I never thought about this hmmm

The one I cherish the most is when I sang for a charity concert in a choir, and it was a special ghibli concert and Joe Hisaishi himself was directing us >//////////////< I still feel overwhelmed when I remember being part of it ;o;

I went to the concert of Imagine Dragons last year....best concert of my life lol (is it gonna be all about concert or what xD)

I run a blog about animation so I'm gonna say it even if it sounds dumb: when Yuri on Ice started, being part of the fandom throughout the episodes release was one of my funniest & most emotional experiences ever and I'll remember that excitement all my life I think :')

Thank you again for the good vibe :) (it wasn't easy to do but it makes me feel better rn hehe)

[twistedsweetie]

Hi mama! We haven't talked in a while but I wanna share a thought with u!

So, I was on Reddit the other day(Had to wash my eyes in holy water) and there was this one guy that was like, It's dangerous or bad, whatever he said, for women to masturbate almost every day. Now personally, I'm almost 19, and I'm still horny every day and me and my vibrator have a serious addiction. like it's a drug addiction LOL. So now I'm confused and thinking, hey? Is it bad for me to have such a strong addiction to my vibrator/Masturbating?

But then I really thought about it and I was like, well guys masturbate almost every fucking 3 hours, (Lmaoo jk) so what are you talking about sir????

I need Professor T's wise knowledge on this one!

Love u.

Hahahha professor t i love that.

Ok warning I am being fully transparent about sex and masturbating so if that makes anyone uncomfy, don’t read further.

Ok well… I’ve been masturbating since a very young age. I discovered it at 8 years old. I’ve always been a super horny, sexual person, even before really knowing what that was. (Because at 8 I didn’t. I just knew it was private.)

When I was in junior high and highschool I really wanted sex toys so badly and when I moved out I finally got one tiny bullet. At first I didn’t even like it because it was too strong. But… then I kinda figured out how to use it and discovered the power to achieve some really intense orgasms.

Sooooo now I have a whole collection of toys. I’ll focus on vibes rn because that’s what I use most and what you say you’re using.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with masturbating every day. Or even several times a day. I typically do most days that I sleep at my house at least. I don’t always use my vibes even though they’re my favourite things ever, because personally when I use it a lot I start to almost go numb? If that makes sense. I just easily experience a lot of over sensitivity. Which sometimes is the goal🤭 but overall I like to go back to using my fingers or pillow or whatever in between just so that I can mix it up and that I don’t get too used to the feeling of my vibes. Because they are pretty strong and I still want for myself and others to get me off without it (since that’s something that is still possible for me)

I know there’s discourse about vibes being bad for women because they kill the nerves or some shit and that’s why you get addicted, because apparently you’ll never get off from anything else… but I think that’s bullshit personally.

Everyone’s different and I know some people who have never even been able to cum without a vibe and honestly I don’t see anything wrong with that either. It’s your body and an orgasm does wonders for your brain and your soul in my opinion. Helps me sleep, helps me relax, helps me focus.

There’s definitely a stigma around women and masturbating and I’ve never understood it because it’s no different then a man jerking off. I remember never opening up about it to friends until well into highschool. None of the girls in my class would admit to it or admit to watching porn (which is a whole other discussion for another time) and so I always felt a lot of shame around it. But with time and realizing how fucking good it feels to be comfortable with yourself sexually… I started to not care. And I’m pretty open about it now.

Anyway. Long rant over hahah. In conclusion, there’s nothing wrong with masturbating every day. And there’s definitely nothing wrong with you<3

[bisluthq]

I enjoyed Sabrina's album more than I thought I would. A little hit or miss, but overall pretty solid!!

I also enjoyed it way more than I expected to. There were a few things I really enjoyed about it: firstly, as always, her voice. Sabrina really and truly has one of the most, if not the most, beautiful voices of the Gen Z pop stars. Secondly, I liked the length. I liked that it was short and... sweet lol. Thirdly, well... let's get to the contents and do a track by track breakdown lol.

Taste - strong opener and my first thought was like "damn what a sick bop" but then I started thinking a little about what she was actually saying and I'm... what a fucking bizarre concept for a song. On the bright side, it's a little bit gay, which I really like, because okay girl yes she'll taste YOU on him - this is not a totally original concept and it's always a bit gay when girls start saying this kind of thing ngl and I'm into that aspect of it - but... the part that truly baffles me... is the "I heard you're back together and if that's true". I was following the whole message, and really vibing with the subtextual gayness, until that specific detail. Sabrina's essentially saying: "Camila, I know I got your sloppy seconds and he dumped me for you but I stole all his clothes in the period we were together and now even though he's back with you, you're gonna have to remember I had him in between you having him the first time and having him now." Which is... kind of a self-burn? Or is it? Is she like reclaiming being the August girl in this song lol? What is she actually saying? I'm baffled by this song, I truly am. Sick fucking vibes though if I turn my brain off and just vibe and don't think about the lyrics at all. I will listen to this song again. But I don't understand what the fuck she's saying lol.

Please Please Please - I disliked this song the first time I heard it, and I still dislike it now. I'm not sure if it's meant to be purposefully funny. "I beg you, don't embarrass me, motherfucker" could be funny? But the whole song isn't really that funny? Also it's about Barry, clearly, with the whole "you're an actor" bit and I'm just like... is this woman addicted to self-burns? (Saltburns? Self-burns? Both seemingly lol). Because he sure as shit looks like he'd embarrass you, and y'all have now apparently broken up, so idk that you got what you were begging for here. I'm also going to be honest, the first time I saw the title I expected it to be an orgasmic thing like "please please please [get me off]" but it's not (that disappointed me the first time too) and idk I just don't vibe with this song at all. 2/10 maximum. Sorry. It's also just not vibey enough for me.

Good Graces - another solid bop. Kinda boring tho. Very standard like hype up gym music but feels deeply inauthentic based on the rest of her album and also her overall vibe because "I won't give a fuck about you" is... seemingly not true like at all lol. I feel like she phoned it in on this one tbh.

Sharpest Tool - this was the first song on this album I REALLY actually genuinely liked. I enjoyed it beyond just "yes it'd motivate me to keep running/rowing/stepping/cycling". I really like this song. I also must say, it sounds like Shawn really fucked her over. I think the confusion and the hurt is relatable and feels authentic and I just... I like this song. I also love the fact that she's like "you're a fucking idiot and I guess that makes me an even bigger idiot for falling for you" because I've definitely felt that way/thought that about some people but I am not certain I've heard it expressed in a song as directly and I just... really dig this song.

Coincidence - okay so I can see how if you're in a situation where someone you're seeing goes back to their ex, which is not an uncommon situation to find oneself in, this would be on repeat. It makes sense on account of how, as Sabrina has now repeatedly told us, Shawn went back to Camila. I do like the continuation of the Sharpest Tool thing where she's like "guess this makes me a bit of an idiot but not as much as you apparently think I am" and it's boppy af but yeah not my fave.

Bed Chem - I actively fucking hate this song. My first problem is that I just can't not see Barry in my head as she's singing it and I keep judging her for that. I know I've judged Swifties for that kind of thing before but I just... it's a pretty accurate description of Barry's vibe, same as Please Please Please, and I'm just sitting there like... "Sabrina, are you seriously telling me you looked at BARRY KEOGHAN AND POPPED OFF LIKE THIS?" Then I think like, actually yes, I can imagine that because despite her trying to make this probably the sexiest and most explicit song on the album it's super fucking unsexy. I hate positions and 34+35 (Sabrina also tells us the thermostat is set at 69 in this song and I'm genuinely asking if either Ari or Sabrina have ever had really good sex because thus far nothing has convinced me that they have) but I somehow hate this song even more ardently. It also sounds like it got lost from a shitty long forgotten 00s/10s one hit wonder's album. I just fucking hate this song. Everything about it is terrible. I wish I could unhear it. Then again, this appears to be a recurring theme for me and things to do with Barry - I wish I could unsee his "big bad mmmm" as Sabrina called it but here we are, I live in this timeline now.

Espresso - I've obviously heard this song before and look, it's cute enough but originally struck me as utterly forgettable. There was nothing to like or hate about it because it sort of just exists. However, the rest of this album has made me kinda reassess this stance because it has some unintentionally hilarious lines. "Too bad your ex don't do it for you," sings Sabrina, seemingly totally unironically, on an album primarily about how Shawn went back to his ex. I also find "I can't relate to desperation / My give-a-fucks are on vacation" very fucking funny, again because of the contents of the rest of this album. Bestie, all of your songs about Barry are desperate as fuck. You can't get over Shawn going back to Camila. When have your fucks ever taken a vacation plz stop lying to us. Also, on the bad sex thing like the whole Nintendo metaphor makes me... unconvinced she's ever had good sex because idk if I've ever been like "woah that was incredible, I got played like a Nintendo." It's also unclear to me from the lyrics who's the one playing Nintendo and while I can see how you could sorta do that vibe on a vajayjay if she's keeping HIM up by playing him like a Nintendo then that sounds like it'd be very fucking weird.

Dumb & Poetic - I'm not lying when I say to you guys this is one of my favourite songs I've heard this year. It is so fucking funny, it's so relatable, her voice sounds grand on it, I just love it. Honestly a 10/10 song. This is one of the songs I'm not totally sure is purely a Shawn smackcam - it's obviously inspired by him, but parts of it remind me of us. so it could also be a bit DoB. I think that's partly why I love it, because there are SO many guys like this in the world lmao and this song sums them up so so so so well.

Slim Pickins - RIP Gaybrinas, she just killed y'all dead. Aside from being one of the straightest things a woman has ever written I guess I can see why it'd be relatable to girls and gays who are feeling frustrated with their dating options bc boys are menaces, this is true.

Juno - Sabrina is truly at her worst when she tries to make sexy songs. This song is terrible. It is marginally less dreadful than Bed Chem, on account of how the title and concept is kinda funny to me (and that's intentional unlike with the accidental jokes on espresso, like she's making a funny intertextual reference and it indeed is pretty funny, I'll grant her that) but there's just NOTHING sexy about it? It's also another Barry song, evidently, and another funny thing about it is imagining his "whole package" somehow fitting inside Sabrina lol ngl.

Lie to Girls - like Dumb & Poetic, this feels like it could be an amalgamation of several arseholes she's had the uncertain pleasure of meeting. I also think it's a (mildly) mildly original and legit relatable concept in terms of us lying to ourselves if we like someone well enough lol. I think we've all lied to ourselves in order to justify being with someone we're into or to justify being into that person in the first place. It's not even just girls, everyone does this. It's also just a pretty song tbh.

Don't Smile - I like that she's honest in this song. Yes, girl. We know you're a petty and vengeful bitch. That's been evident on this album lol. It's much more like her based on her personality that I gleaned from this album than "my give a fucks are on vacation" when I don't think they've ever taken one in her whole life ever. I also like Sabrina best when she’s not trying to be a cool girl or a sexy girl because what I get from this album is she’s not naturally either of those things. She is deeply, almost painfully uncool. It’s funny that Olivia had an issue with her being too cool because Olivia naturally is fuck cool lmao and Sabrina is a whole ass nerd and very desperate to be liked and petty and vengeful and insecure and when she leans into that side of herself, she has some cool songs. Like as much as she wants to be sexy and nonchalant and brazen, she actually just hopes that no guy smiles that it’s over with her and it really disappoints her - deeply - when they leave.

I haven't listened to this one because it wasn't part of my Apple Music album but I went into Genius to make sure I remembered the lyrics right to make this post Needless to Say really makes me want to tell Sabrina to keep my lil sis/niece Olivia R's name out her skanky donkey dick sucking mouth. Genius tells me it's about her ex but idk it sounds like a pretty direct Olivia smack cam and she should stfu and stuff another donkey dick in her plastic mouth. (Jk, clearly I kinda like her now and I just wrote a very nice thing about her in the para above, I just like Olivia a loooot more lolol and actually on Needless to Say she is once again being uncool and petty if - as I think it is - it’s about Liv lol and that’s not cool of her but Sabrina at her best isn’t). I also don’t like that she had 13 songs as her deluxe album, feels very Swiftie of her but then again that’s also uncool and lowkey as I say likable re her. She should lean into that more.

IN SUMMATION: This is a solid album. I really like some of the songs on it. It's a solid 7/10 for me. I also respect just how much tea there was on this lol she really fucking is very upset that Shawn went back to Camila lmfao and I... respect that lol I guess.