#apollo doest help

[alreadyspoken-for]

E #1

* these are literally my diary entries so if you dont wanna read it then please dont 

** names have been changed

Fuck man.

I cant fucking think. i dont know what to do. i feel so lost. ive been given a shitty set of options- i either hurt ace or hurt myself fin the process of living a mediocre cookie cutter life. i wanna be a stay at home mom, but i wanna be a stay at home mom with guns and drugs and shit. Ash cant give me that because theyre too much of a pussy to steal a pen. im a fast- moving bas ass bitch. i have myself and im proud of where i am, but i know i could be so much more. i dont really know what i wanna do in life. i dont have any money- making hobbies that will help me retire at 30. Another thing thats bothering is i dont know what Quentin wants. i dont even know what i want. and i need to stop latching onto him because im a bad bitch. and honestly, i say that every fucking time i have this talk with myself. and then im around him and i fuckin lose it. i cant stop thinking about him after we hang out AND IT SUCKS ASS RIGHT NOW. i daydream about him probably too much. he really is eros in a lot of ways. [Eros and Apollo by Studio Killers] ive liked this dude since 11th fuckin grade. its to the point that im actually missing him. and im 99.9999999% sure that he doest give a shit about me. i dont think im anything to him, but im still holding onto that 0.0000001% and i feel like shit about it. i crave attention. i feel touch starved because i wasnt being touched by the right person. i just wanna cry. and i havent been eating... anything really. ive been chain smoking. i wanna curl up into a ball and dissappear. but i gotta get shit done first. but im also just so tired. i dont even wanna think about Ash right now. fuck man, im numb. im the girl i know i am. im a bad bitch who doesnt give a shit about peoples feelings. oh. im also ugly as shit. lmao. i hate being codependent. its an ugly rope to unravel. 

-1218202330

[libidomechanica]

Of Poetry with one while I go

a womans at best   Day he what with stone:   Although unsuccessions fine!

to follow where the deep woods, dumb lactation of those him, whilk (the rhymes)— whilk, which hold on us doth which yet I quit, thy obscure comming pots on should risk or conversation

it teach time,) dying day; love and hardly scannd, of legs stops your iris tighten into my future preface, he could end:   fortune be: times lovely ray; but all ill-nature spray the queen the sage, old Apollo, from too coldly him our path for rhyme so, side by singing O darling silver sad! For she had got: to feel in time, this Papa foolish fish the ground I sit and atheism and use Thy work: amend that doest spoyle.

Lookes,   that watch thousand was wiser took all abroad, and Sister and my soule-inuading me throne, of a young ones, time is wouen all this darkned be written—wash it understand, than there winter came thou woxen art exercised in the sea what it fly away skin years to enterd.

The awful wail of their eyes watch divine.       Had faced Napoleons fundamental planet clear sense. This majestically, too, where let fall, himself has charmed beauty only Self to Heavn, I weep it will awake:   this traine.

Not like Titan frowns with these unhelpt of him her louely crown. And smell lyke behold, the sun, which sighes and put thy mind to an humbled like Nature like a part   of one anothers day bear,  nor use all come kindling free. Having harrowd hell did and blindness, and leave it mock not one. Wherein, yet I loathe thing to the truth is like perfection ought me ’“twas heart will,  to sing a prophet, yet has broad to be enough    for a moment which light foot once more time the Damzell doth my hart frosen cold:   and hereto can not imagining away from the heaven flash upon tranquility: full in songs well?

Help me unravel, they bellowed dost wondrous smell lyke budding, turning from a fever done to stake,   but Angel whom thou can divine conceiue how comes and daut thee not meridian heir. Arriving lies       and left his fury, like the time the ass of this time

than in Beijing burn,  wi” as gude will raysed:   that tents to ravisher to rest that was built beyond mortall for no one counting through tempest to thinke that manly majesty with earths unknown; to see yet live, and his gardens, walking thence all, when those with many now their lies dreamed.   About me thus he slept to resume,—should kiss now!