#anywho i should write this on my journal. im proud of myself still :'3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bbael · 7 months ago

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Oh I just remembered that very early during the pandemic or a little before idk I had a dream on which I was living on a beach town and working as a teacher and I looked very different (long dark hair, prettier, just more mature, normie & put together in general ?) and when I woke up was like haha that's never going to happen, I could never work at a school or get out of the gastronomic system, I'm doing this for life + moving out is impossible anyway with my salary. And now... 5 years later (that felt like much less??) I'm doing (nearly) all that :|

#i remember the feeling of knowing i didnt have time or resources to go into practice and i didnt want to either. i had had a crisis idk #2 years earlier about all that and bareky finished my lit degree #at the time #i was also working 12 hs shifts for less than minimum wage #ik 5 years seem like a lot but i also am not sure how i went slowly building up to where i am currently ;_#there had to be a gradual progress but i just think things were happening very suddenly and i was pushed into situations very thoughtlessly #when i didnt even want to be in them. and i just went with the flow only to not remain stagnant #like i quit bakeries and moved to other bakeries until i hit my archival job that gave me the push to both get serious about my #second degree and also being surrounded by so many ppl in professional fields and researchers made me feel bad abt myself so much that i #started doing better lmaoo #finally getting insurance after so long being in gastronomics (hell) was so good to me too....#getting treatment for my mental health took me out of the gutter too omg. thats more recent development but if i hadnt done that i feel lik #i would be rotting...#but yeah i was pretty hopeless and with no money. lived very poorly and rly without prospect even after getting my degree anddd yeah...#what im doing now seemed like the kind of things that a much more successful people would be doing. i felt much like a kid working dead end #jobs so i didnt have to move back with my parents #not like an adult at all #anywho i should write this on my journal. im proud of myself still :'3

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