#anyways.... if ANYONE manage to swallow all of this then wow. thanks. here's ur virtual cookie

[thatstruwu]

so while sitting in front of my laptop at 4am i suddenly remember about decision to leave as im listening to the ost which is phenomenal

which i'll make it about blackmadhi now unfortunately i will make everything about them. also this is more like a word dump bc exams have rotted my brain so my memories are more vague therefore some details may or may not be wrong crossing my fingers rn

also (again) this is not going in ANY directions at all i realize this halfway writing and i'm not fixing it

(skip through this part if you don't want to read about the movie for reasons - contains big ass spoilers)

the detail that enthralled me the most was seo-rae (the chinese female lead) and hae-joon (the male lead) sometimes converse through a translating app, which logically is unneeded as seo-rae is capable of using korean fluently on her own . the thing is, seo-rae chose to use them when she didn't want to communicate them by another language than her mother tongue as it was her rawest form of emotion (in addition to herself being a secretive person already). but again, if translating apps are that good then it doesn't even matter - it is bound to get things wrong. doesn't help that hae-joon himself is terrible with communication in general since he's basically obsessed with solving crimes and his work instead. so their “i love you”s are never “i love you” in words. throw the phone into the ocean, that's what he said to her. he got rid of all the evidence pointing towards her. she helped with his chronic insomnia. she cleaned the blood inside the pool because she knew he hated blood. but an ideal love story is not always a forever-and-ever one and this movie is one of them. hae-joon has a wife, he's a detective fighting for justice, he's in love with rules. seo-rae is a chinese immigrant who is a criminal, and basically... has nowhere to go left. fireworks are magnificent but you can't keep it blooming forever.

(end of spoilers)

so it made me think a bunch of things about blackmadhi in general. basically, if they somehow end up with each other and get their happy ending, going through 18 layers of hell might seem like an easier option. but personally i think it'll be really romantic. in their weird way but still one.

when i read some works i'm really interested in details where authors (shoutout to yall i love you) highlight their vast background differences that can't be changed. sure we all know that one is an ex-convict and one is a regent, but do you guys realize that

it's gonna suck for nahyuta since now he has to act in favour of his beloved home country instead of whatever he want

how likely is simon gonna be accepted as a partner (both legal wise and reputation wise)

eloping is out of the question

and that's only their first problem. i bet at this point if anyone even bothers to read all of this you guys are asking HOW IS THIS RELATED TO THE MOVIE i'm getting there i'm getting there.

one more thing to note is that they're from literally different cultures. simon is british/japanese (personally i go with british bc yk localization thingy) and nahyuta is east asian. there's this quote from the movie past lives (2023) that i really like:

you dream in a language that i can't understand. it's like there's this whole place inside of you where i can't go.

there are memories that you will never be able to fully insert yourself in, basically because it's not where you belong. the culture clash that makes you doubt if you truly belong anywhere at all. when you stay with your partner, one of you have to left their life behind - could be me, could be you. sure, flights are a thing nowadays, but flying means more like you're visiting for a vacation, not living there. you had spent your whole childhood there - it's a big difference.

your friends, your family, your traditions, your home now are halfway around the world. now you have to fit into their family, their traditions - how much of you can you retain? even between languages, you will never have a 1-to-1 exact translation. there are words don't exist in the other language. no matter how accurate and faithful, when you translate, it is obvious that it's not 100% truly what you mean at first anymore.

In Vietnamese, the word for missing someone and remembering them is the same: nhớ. Sometimes, when you ask me over the phone, Có nhớ mẹ không? I flinch, thinking you meant, Do you remember me?

I miss you more than I remember you.

(Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous)

nonetheless, it's still him that you want. if you're willing to hold your hands through everything, you have basically won your bet.

you fall in love with that scowling, glaring prosecutor who's somehow an ex-convict and has a hawk with him. he only wears black and white attire. you could call him a wannabe samurai except that he's very, very, very serious about it - way more than a wannabe should be. he has curly, fluffy black hair with a visible white patch. he studies psychology but has a close connection with the (seemingly unrelated) cosmos space center. he loves his sisters dearly - the older is happily in jail and the unrelated younger is thriving as a defense attorney (who you called a spring chicken at first and he was extremely mad at it). he enjoys the noodles made by his drunkard friend whom you prosecuted once. sometimes, you wonder how lucky you are to be with him, but your little pretzel princess sister always stomps her feet and says that he should be the one feeling like that instead.

your first impression about him isn't the best - horrible, even. so much that you actually don't even like talking about it; you have never seen a living person with such a disastrous attitude. not to mention that he was actively hostile towards your long-time friends, which to you is utterly unacceptable. yet, when everything went down, you slowly realize that maybe you have found a similar deeply troubled soul. athena told you she felt deafening when she tried to hear his emotions. he's pretty, bitchy, preachy, insincere, he hisses and bites anyone trying to go near him. but then you finally got him smiling - which in first glance could feel like his usual fake ones - when he realizes he can trust someone like him. in your opinion, you think his palm tattoo is the most attractive thing about him; maybe even more than his jewel-like eyes. not like you would say it out loud - you're not sappy enough for those wordy expressions.