#anyways. sorry if it's too long HJSHJFHHJR
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"you... knew madison." ashlyn whispers, barely audible over the crackling fire. "didn't you?"
when she looks over, maddox's face is inscrutable, and she doesn't look ashlyn's way, staring into the fire. "yeah." she says, then laughs bitterly. "i'm sure you've already figured who she was to me."
guilt and something else wells up in ashlyn, as she thinks back to it. how madison had looked at maddox with some kind of infatuation, the words that had been spoken between them. madison had wanted maddox, but in more of that psychotic if i can't have you, no-one else can kind of way.
"you were together." she guesses, and maddox lowers her head, a clear answer. "how were you... why would you..."
"date someone like her?" maddox's voice is a little frigid, but it's trembling, too, and when ash glances over, her eyes are glistening a little. "well, i don't know if you know this, ashlyn, but sometimes when you meet people they seem so pretty and nice... and turn out to be a piece of shit."
and. well. ashlyn can't really say anything to that, can she? she's only ever had one boyfriend, and he's genuinely a nice guy, and they still keep in touch. they're still friends. ashlyn's heart aches though, for maddox, for this strange outlaw who just seems so kind.
so she says nothing. watches her. the glow of the fire makes her face look ethereal, almost otherworldly; she looks like a goddess, including the distant coldness. yet she couldn't be as apathetic as a goddess, could she?
ashlyn doesn't know what did it, whether it was the silence or something else, but maddox's eyes flicker to her briefly before she speaks.
"me, EJ, nini and madison—we used to sneak out of our houses and play together. like, hiding behind houses, stealing food, trying to convince the barman we were 21. you know."
no, ashlyn doesn't know—firstly, her parents liked to keep a sharp watch on her, but they were still mostly kind, and they didn't raise their voice often at her, and so she never felt the need to escape, not like EJ did. and secondly... she was too much of a coward, too afraid of breaking the rules. it was how she'd become the sheriff, why EJ hadn't.
but... if ashlyn had been just a little bit braver... she could've met maddox so much earlier. the idea alone takes her breath away.
"but even then, we all knew EJ was going to join you guys." maddox's eyes flicker over and then stay there. "me and madison, we were from the poorer areas, and we knew we were never going to make it out of there. nini was going to join you guys too, you know that?"
awed, ashlyn shakes her head.
"yeah." a hint of a smile goes on maddox's face for the first time. "she wanted to be with EJ, and ricky. but then her and her moms moved. and then some other, much less kind sheriff... well..." maddox grimaces, and a spasm of grief passes over her face and oh. oh, shit. "that obviously immediately soured nini's opinion of the system as a whole, and her and her mom ended up coming back here."
ashlyn covers her mouth, the idea sickening her. she looks over at the tent, where nini is curled up next to miss jenn.
"yeah." maddox has been watching her, but when ashlyn looks back, her eyes immediately stick to the ground. "so, nini joined me and jet, and we formed the cali hunters. val's story of getting involved is a whole ordeal, so i won't say anything here, but. yeah."
"but why?" ash turns to her, desperate. "why did you form the hunters? why do you have to steal in the first place? you know, we could've had you as part of our group, as part of our department... all of this could've been avoided! so why do you decide to steal, instead? i just don't... why, just, why?"
maddox stares at her for a long time, eyebrows raised, very incredulous. then, she scoffs. "of course you wouldn't get it." she pokes the fire with a stick, and something about it, just, her clear distaste of ash's question—it ignites something in ashlyn.
"what do you mean 'you wouldn't get it'?" ashlyn asks, voice sharp. maddox's eyes meet hers, but this time, it's on the end of her glare. ashlyn's never been on the other end of maddox's glare, and it sends an electric tingle down her spine. she pushes that down and concentrates on this conversation. "what wouldn't you get?"
"you don't understand a thing about me." maddox snarls, and for a second, she's scarily reminiscent of madison, all scowls with no sympathy. but then the light flickers, and she's maddox again.
the northern heights may have taken everyone's horses, but what they neglected to consider was that they could take cash caswell's. ej and ash were 100% going to get the brunt of his anger later when he found out, especially when he realized they'd taken his prize horse, lucky, with them.
ej had gone with them, but maddox had been tempted to sit him down instead because of how unsteady on his feet he was. however, the second mazzara, the ex-sheriff had heard about ricky's disappearance (and, judging by his concerned glance maddox's way, her team's disappearance, too) and come immediately, and ej was in good hands with him. nini insisted on coming along, too, despite her obvious concussion, and, well, she was too determined to sit out of this.
also, obviously, miss jenn, the old leader of the previous team of outlaws came too, giving the outlaws that remained a big hug.
carlos was shaken up, obviously, but mostly pissed off. maddox had seen him kick madison's corpse's ribs. she's sure she heard one of them crack. good. anyways, he's so pissed he's bringing his boyfriend into this—sebastian, with strong arms and who is a decent shot, a cowherd who maddox has only, heh, heard of him, but has never actually met him, and he's nice, but clearly is down to beat up some people.
then there's ashlyn caswell. she's not doing too hot, but resolutely tells them she's ready to take northern heights down. (maddox misses the concerned look mazzara shoots ashlyn.)
seb and carlos go on horse together, mazzara and EJ go on a horse together, and miss jenn and nini go on horse together.
which leaves ashlyn and maddox.
when they see everyone else has paired up, they look over at each other, both having experience going long ways on horseback, and both knowing just how... er, close, you get to the other person on horseback.
"i'll..." maddox looks at the horse (they got lucky himself), and clears her throat to hopefully hide the flush that's risen to her cheeks. "i'll go up front."
"yeah." ashlyn clears her throat, too.
maddox gets on first with only a little difficulty, although this horse is a bit taller than what she usually deals with, so ashlyn steps behind her, hands hovering just in case. she nearly does slip, and ashlyn puts a hand on the underneath of her leg. maddox is glad that ashlyn can't see how bright red her face is as she clambers onto the horse and ashlyn lets go immediately.
ashlyn's next, and as she's a little taller (and she actually uses horses a lot, due to the whole sheriff thing), she gets on without a bump in the road.
there's a few moments of hesitation, but then ashlyn slides both hands around maddox waist and oh. yeah, she'd. she'd. she'd really forgotten how close they would be for this. and they have to do this for what, a couple days?
yeah. this'll be fun.
most of the journey is filled with miss jenn checking maps to make sure they've taken the correct direction and nini almost passing out from heat stroke (mazzara had a towel to cover her up and gave her a spare flask of water to keep her going)
when night falls, small little dens for tents are made around one tree they've found in the middle of the whole desert. there's three sets of tents. so two people in each tent. ej is already taking one of the tents with nini to make sure she's okay in the shade, while jenn and mazzara awkwardly began to build the rest of the tents. leaving ashlyn and maddox on fire making duty.
maddie has found a kit for making a fire in jenn's set of stuff, and begins to prep it all while taking sticks and stones from around the one tree in the middle of nowhere.
they sit in silence while the others are busy doing whatever they're doing. maddox stares into the fire with a mix rage and sadness boiling inside of her. she expects ash to say something during the longed silence, but nothing comes. she counts in her mind but after a while she realises ash isn't going to say anything. maybe she's just fallen asleep?
when glancing over at the girl beside her, though, ash is awake. she staring into the fire too, but not in the same way maddie was. her eyes are glassy and filled with sadness and something else. maddox can't think of what's caused her between the whole time of travelling that ash has looked like this before.
"you good, sheriff?" maddox asks, as if the answer wasn't fucking obvious.
ash's eyes snap away from the fire in front of them, glancing over at maddox. there's something about the lighting the flame gave to maddox and the scenario at hand, but ashlyn was not expecting to see such a beautiful girl when she looked over at the outlaw. she was an outlaw, ashlyn told herself, remember that.
"yeah." ash replies quietly, going to look back at the flame. maddox was no genius, but she could tell from a mile away that wasn't the truth.
she rummages in her pockets for a second, making ash furrow her eyebrows as she practically empties her pockets right in front of her. out comes two handkerchiefs, a few rings, a quill and then some pennies. maddox sprays out all of the pennies to get a better look at them in the light before picking up the one that looked the best, holding it out to ash, "penny for your thoughts?"
ashlyn takes a moment to see if maddox was serious, seeing the outlaw's proud face. ash tries to hold it in, but eventually finds herself laughing as she took the penny out of her hand. the laugh must have something contagious in it, because maddox starts smiling, too.
ash stares at the penny in her hand and the laughs die down to a giggle, then silence, mixed with the sounds of the fire’s crackles. "i've never shot a person before." she admits finally. "let alone killed." what. the. fuck. but she was the sheriff. how the fuck has the sheriff never- "was trained how to shoot and aim. but never on a real person."
maddie listens to ash carefully, unsure what to say or do. she'd shot a few people, but never killed up until now. madison had deserved it. that's at least what she had been telling herself.
ash laughs but it's not a laugh she'd let out if something was funny. it was as though she was exhausted. "I've spent the whole of my life training to become a sheriff. but i can't even fire a gun at anyone."
"ash-" maddox begins to speak but when ashlyn looks up at her something changes. tears and guilt flood their tension and it makes more sense now to maddie. ash wanted the best for the town, not to get rid of maddox and the cali hunters. "she was going to kill me, you know?" maddox tries to say it casually, but there's no easy way to put it. "you saved my life-"
"by taking another's." ashlyn added on, looking back down at the coin that maddie had gifted her. "if i can't shoot anyone what's the point in being a sheriff?"
the quietness between them is awkward, and ash is pretty sure maddox doesn't have an answer for her, "I think you're a pretty good sheriff." she eventually says, leaning back in the sand slightly.
ash thinks she's talking utter bullshit, "really? is that why you always come back to rob us?"
maddox grows a smirk for a moment, "nah, i'm just a shithead." before she can think it through she then adds on, "plus i get to see your pretty face, then." the lighting from the campfire makes it hard for maddie to see, but ash can feel herself blushing. fuck. why was she blushing? "danger of taking lives comes with the job, ash." maddie tells her, "but the best sheriffs don't immediately attempt to kill. they work around the situation. probably arrest one or two outlaws..."
"they seem to enjoy blowing holes in my cell walls, though." ashly comments, reminding maddox of the last time she was held up in slammer.
"yeah..." maddie just smiles at the memory, "sorry 'bout that..." and then the silence between them returns, with the two of them just staring at the fire once again. ash wasn't a bad sheriff, she had saved someone's life. maddox's life. but was it worth madison's?
#was gonna add more but decided you should get some time to shine#also specifically maddox is talking abt the class difference#in case it wasn't obvious LMAO#ngl ashlyn is giving caitlyn kiramman in this au#anyways. sorry if it's too long HJSHJFHHJR
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