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thirstyforoc · 4 years ago

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🎂

I know his birthday was a couple days ago but my brain doesn't work that well and I'm always early for everything else, I can be late for this.

Here's something to read that's probably not great and wordy and rambly and really only relevant to my own interests. I had to hammer this out because I just had to and it took longer than I expected because I can't shut the fuck up. Read it if you feel like it or don't, I'll still love you either way.

Using real names so don't keep going if that bothers you. I didn't post the picture but I make a reference to that one pic of him at Medieval Times, you know the one, at least I hope you do. Enjoy.

Idk, I just like picturing every single birthday Dustin and Jim have spent together since they became friends. Sue me. I have too much time on my hands and like to think about their relationship so I have to get this out. Here. Take it.

It's early in their friendship, a few years in. They're in Philly for a show and Dustin knows it's almost Jim's birthday, he's aware it's coming up but he forgot what day it fell on and that it was so soon until Jim brings it up. He's never super sober or super clear on what day of the week it is, that's just how he lives. If anyone has a problem with it that's on them. Jim never seems to take issue with it though. Maybe that's why their friends?

It's the Friday before his birthday. They're hanging out at Dustin's place before heading to the show and Jim reminds Dustin when his birthday is. "Tuesday? Your fucking birthday is on a Tuesday this year? Gross. Jim Day on a Tuesday. Lame."

Jim laughs a little, the soft laugh he always gives Dustin when he's being a certain kind of ridiculous or obnoxious, like he can't believe he's saying what he's saying. "You know I don't get to pick what day my birthday falls on, right? Tell me you know that. I need to hear you say you know that."

"I mean, yuck. What's there to do on a Tuesday?"

"I dunno. I don't really have any plans this year." Truth be told Jim's not all that concerned with how he's going to spend his actual birthday. Perhaps he'll do something with friends or family back in Jersey? Maybe he won't. It's not a big, special, milestone birthday or anything. No reason to go all out.

Dustin absolutely, positively will not shut up about it. No matter how many times Jim grunts or rolls his eyes Dustin just keeps talking and babbling about how it's a crime for someone's birthday to fall on a Tuesday. Jim's on the verge of asking Dustin exactly what is wrong with Tuesdays anyway when Dustin pauses to look right at him. "We should just start now."

"Huh?"

"Today."

"Today?"

"Yeah. Like, spend the whole weekend partying. Today is your birthday. Tomorrow is your birthday. Keep the Jim Day train on the tracks through Sunday, Monday, your actual birthday. You said you didn't have plans, right? Just stay. You'll stay and it'll be like...like one long birthday instead of a fucking boring ass birthday on a Tuesday of all days. Yeah, you'll stay and...and you'll stay and we'll find things to do every day. So, you'll stay." It's never a question. It's already been decided that Jim's going to agree. Dustin never sounds uncertain, says it with such confidence. He's not fearful even for one second Jim might say he isn't down.

Dustin wants him to stay so Jim does. Sure, he's got things he could be doing at home, was planning on staying maybe through Saturday and heading back Sunday morning, Sunday evening at the latest but he could stay. Yeah, he will stay. Dustin wants him to stay so he's staying.

Work will go on without him. He'll call his family and tell them something came up. If his parents or siblings are upset they can find a way to celebrate his birthday once he's home and recovered from what's bound to be a bender if he knows anything at all about Dustin. Dustin wants him to stay. He'll stay.

Man, go home where he's made no plans, where there's no party, and most of all no Dustin or have the time of his life all weekend with one of his best friends? Wow, that's a hard choice. Dustin really seems to want him to stay so he's staying.

Friday night they head to the nearest bar after the show is over, close down the damn thing and stay up laughing and talking on Dustin's couch for three hours once they get back. They're not even paying attention to the time, neither one cares. Drinking and partying with all their wrestling friends was fun but at the end of the night it's nice that it's just the two of them. It's nice.

The next morning is a bit rough. Ok, they aren't conscious until afternoon but 2pm counts as morning when it's Dustin and Jim you're talking about. Saturday-it's Saturday, right?-is pretty much the same only the drinking begins much earlier, like pretty much as soon as they're both showered and get some food in their stomachs. Day drinking is a lot of fun, so much fun that a short nap is necessary before they head out to meet their friends again. Actually, they kind of passed out together on the couch watching tv, it was completely unintentional and unplanned. They probably would have slept the rest of the day away if not for Dustin being startled awake by Jim's loud snoring. "Thank god we don't live together." Dustin thinks for a moment while watching Jim sleep. Well, maybe that wouldn't be all bad. Whatever, can't think about it too long, they have to get up.

Saturday night is even wilder than Friday night. They drink too much. Way too much. They're tanked. Bombed. Blitzed. Completely fucked. Dustin kept buying them shots and when their bar tab got a little too high he simply shifted to telling everyone who would listen it was Jim's birthday, coaxed a bunch of other drunks into buying them more shots.

Sunday is the worst. They're suffering when they finally roll out of bed and off the couch for good and both agree easily, immediately they should take it easy today. There's a shitty, cheap diner close to Dustin's place so they stop there to eat dinner, share a huge plate of greasy diner food that Dustin pays for. Friends keep asking if they're coming to the bar again but both of them are in rocky shape from the night before. They sit Sunday night out, convalesce on Dustin's couch quietly, chug water and make small talk while they recover.

Monday evening Dustin takes Jim to Medieval Times because the little guy has talked about it so many times since they first met, drops hints constantly about how he wants to go-not this weekend but Dustin remembers him mentioning it-so Dustin figures now would be good. It's the little hunk's birthday after all.

On the drive there they swear they're going to take it easy, agree to have a couple glasses of wine with dinner and call it good. What a crock of shit. After cracking open their third bottle of the night Jim insists he's going to sit on that throne because he'll look badass so Dustin follows. He follows his little drunk blond friend everywhere, why wouldn't he? Gotta keep tabs on him, make sure he's safe, keep eyes on him. Jim doesn't ask but Dustin takes several pictures of him on that throne, laughs the entire time because Jim is hilarious and fun and cute, really fucking cute, especially with almost two bottles of wine in him.

"Ooh. C'mon." Jim grabs Dustin's wrist so fast he damn near drops his phone, leads him towards the photo booth in the lobby. The little shit is lucky Dustin has some cash on him, Dustin can tell from the look on his face he isn't going to take no for an answer. Jim shoves Dustin in first and almost crashes down on his lap, drunk on wine and apparently really fucking excited about them taking pictures together.

The booth is tiny. The seat is narrow. Jim's a compact little guy but Dustin's certainly not. To say they're crammed in there would be an understatement but they manage. Dustin forgets to look where he's supposed to look, far too preoccupied with staring at the little blond planted on his lap. "King for a day." Jim laughs, flashes Dustin a huge, vibrant smile as he points to the novelty crown on his head.

Maybe Dustin's going soft? Maybe he had more wine than he thought? Maybe they've spent a little too much time together the last few days? Maybe. Maybe not. All Dustin knows is it's easier for him to blame the urge to kiss Jim right in this photo booth on one of those things instead of being honest with himself and admitting he has feelings for the guy.

"Maybe Jim shouldn't have such pretty pink lips if I can't kiss him." Definitely can't say that out loud. Hold on. Rewind. Go back to the beginning. Jim's drunk and smiling and the booth is still snapping pictures of them. "Say something that doesn't involve his lips, you moron!"

Easier said than done. Dustin's brain makes it sound so simple. The truth is it's really difficult, borderline impossible to stop thinking about his pretty mouth. Jim's still looking at him so Dustin smiles back, reaches over and brushes his fingertips across Jim's cheek. "You're always a king to me, baby." Why the fuck did he say that? He would have been better off just kissing Jim. Jim just laughs, a huge, easy laugh that goes on until the little voice in the booth tells them to wait outside for their pictures to process. Jim climbs off his lap and the moment is over, gone, finished just as quickly as it came. Oh well. Maybe next time. It's not like Dustin's going to forget he wants to kiss him anytime soon.

They're so drunk at the conclusion of their night at Medieval Times they need to leave Dustin's car there and catch a cab home. Whatever. He'll have someone drive him back so he can pick it up in the morning. They had fun. No harm done. A friend gives them both a lift to pick up Dustin's shitty old car and they're already out so they kick off Tuesday by going out for brunch. It's a lot pricier than the greasy spoon diner by Dustin's place and they'll both be broke by the time they're done celebrating but that doesn't really matter does it? Birthdays only come once a year and today is literally Jim's birthday. It's Jim day.

They're full of delicious food by the time they're through and stop at a liquor store to buy supplies for mimosas to drink at home because they both agreed it'd be the cheaper route. They're not trying to get hammered, just sip throughout the day and maintain a nice buzz until it's time to head to the bar. It's Tuesday. Fuck, when did they start this again? Who cares. It's Tuesday. It's Jim Day. It's not until almost midnight on Tuesday that Dustin realizes neither one of them has bothered to talk to a single girl all weekend. Huh. Weird.

Shortly after midnight they toast with a couple shots of whiskey. They call it a night before last call and pick up the most unhealthy food they can find on the way back to Dustin's place, devour it while relaxing on his couch. That's where they fall asleep too, Jim slumped over in a heap on Dustin's shoulder, Dustin simply smiling before putting an arm around the little guy and drifting off shortly after.

Wednesday is pretty chill. Jim's actual birthday has passed and they've been going pretty hard for the last few days. Dustin's suggestion to hit up the grocery store and make dinner at his place is half because they're almost broke and half because they're both sorta worn out. Jim agrees, seems happy about it if Dustin's being honest and that's a relief. He's not much of a cook but for Jim he'll make an exception. It is his birthday, or was his birthday. It may never end, may never stop being his birthday.

They leave the dirty dishes in the sink and waste the rest of the night playing video games, stay up damn near long enough to see the sunrise before they remember it'd be a good idea to get some sleep. It's strange watching Jim curl up on the couch that final time. Dustin knows he's got to go home at some point. The guy doesn't live in Philly, doesn't live here. He's got a life to go back to. He can't just spend all his time hanging out, that's ridiculous. Dustin knows it's completely, utterly ridiculous but he wants Jim to stay. He can't stay.

When they finally wake up on Thursday Dustin is oddly nervous, uneasy. They've never spent such a long stretch together, this is easily the most he's seen of Jim, the most time they've shared since they became friends. It's difficult to admit to himself but Dustin liked it. He liked having Jim around. He liked what he saw. Yeah, they were already friends, best friends but it seems different now and Dustin isn't sure what to do with that knowledge, that feeling.

Time for Jim to leave comes quickly. Before Dustin's had an opportunity to process everything that transpired from the time Jim got to his place Friday afternoon to now Jim's ready to make the trip home. It sucks. There's got to be another excuse, another reason to ask Jim to stay, right? No. He can't do that. He won't do that. Jim can't stay. His birthday has passed. Back to normal, regular life. He'll see Jim in a couple weeks for the next show anyway. He can't stay.

Dustin's not expecting Jim to hug him goodbye. Normal people, friends hug goodbye all the time, he's not sure why it comes as a surprise when Jim's hands are on the back of his neck and the little guy is mumbling something about how much fun he had, thanking Dustin. "You're welcome. Happy birthday." Dustin barely manages to say. Fuck, he's such an idiot. He's not even hugging Jim back. He really should do that.

He does hug Jim back after a few awkward moments, squeezes him a bit too tight judging by that little noise Jim just made. Why else would he make a sound like that? Dustin eases up, lets go of his waist and looks down at his little blond friend. Yeah, this sucks. What, like he's supposed to spend almost six full days with a guy like Jim and not be bothered when it's time for him to leave? He can't stay.

He can't stay but Dustin's not about to let Jim escape without joking around with him one last time. "So, same thing next year? Holy shit, your birthday is gonna fall on a Wednesday next year! Lame. A birthday on a Wednesday is even worse than one on a Tuesday. Gross, dude."

"Shut up. Your birthday rolls around first, remember? Let's plan for that first."

"Deal."

#I swear this was supposed to be short #I just think they're neat #I'm going back into my hole now don't look at me

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chocojjk · 6 years ago

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summary: idol! boyfriend minho forgets about you? idk i suck at summaries,, just read it,, please ùwú

warnings: nothing really just a bottle of wine and a whole lot of angst because there’s not enough minho angst on here

words: 1.7k ,, I think

also,, not edited but

anyways, letsgetit

having an idol boyfriend was not easy

especially when his life moved way faster than yours did and you’re just stuck there waiting for him to have time for you

everything was great before, your relationship with minho was one that everyone was envious of

you guys were the “it” couple, the one where everyone looked at and wished that they had their person

because that was what you and minho are

you are his person and he is yours

and you thought that it was going to stay like that forever

but of course happiness is a temporary state and nothing lasts forever

you see, there’s always a balance, a person can’t stay happy for too long, the day will come where that scale will fluctuate

and that’s exactly what started happening

things started changing

minhos career has rocketed and you being the supportive partner that you are, cheered him on through it all

eventually minho had to move out of your guys’ shared apartment and in the dorms with the rest of the boys

which was completely okay with you, because he still came home to you when his career wasn’t calling him

the first few months of change was fine, you guys were killing it, people were still envious

but life continues to move

minho became busier

the fun filled texts that were usually packed with memes and countless of i love you’s were replaced by “I won’t be home tonight”

the daily FaceTime calls turned into weeks then months and eventually just whenever he had the time

you were okay with it, you understood that his schedule was busy especially with the tour going on and the new comeback that his group was preparing

you loved him and didn’t want to ever hold him back from reaching his dreams

but god, it was tiring to always be last on his list when he was always first on yours

maybe it was your fault, maybe you had to learn to be like him and start prioritizing new things...new people

maybe it was time to move on

but every time you look back to the times that you had with minho, the more you couldn’t bring yourself to say goodbye

so you endure the pain

you made up excuses for him

it wasn’t until he forgot your 3rd year anniversary and you’re sitting there in the apartment that you guys shared, waiting for the boy that you loved for the umpteenth time that you finally notice the emptiness that surrounds you

the apartment that used to be filled with the sound of his laughter mixing into yours as you guys danced to whatever was playing on the tv was no longer there

you checked your phone for anything, even a small “happy anniversary babe” would suffice

but you were left looking at your lock screen that contained no new messages

instead you were faced with a picture of the two of you looking into each other, eyes full of love

it felt so long ago but you remembered every detail of that day

it was the first time you guys moved in the apartment, you guys have just finished placing the little to no things you have around the space that you guys would call your home

really all that was there was a mattress, a microwave, and a couple of framed pictures but you both were content

the thrill of what’s to come next excited the two of you

you can already imagine the space being filled around you

“one day we’ll have enough money to make this place beautiful and really call it our home”

“dummy it’s not about the place,” minho retorted

“what do you mean?”

“i mean we could be living in a 5 story mansion or we could be living in a box and it’ll still be home as long as im with you”

you guys have been together for two years during this time yet he still found a way to make your heart flutter more and more

“god, you’re so cheesy”

“you love me”

“i do”

“now lets take pictures”

a hundred selfies later, as you guys lay down on the mattress, your head in his chest, his arms loosely hung around yours you realize that he was right

it doesn’t matter where you were as long as you had him

“i hope we don’t end up living in a box”

as you smile back to that memory, the sound of the clock ticking brought you back to reality

every single tick felt like a gunshot to your heart

when it finally reached 11pm, you accepted defeat

the boy will not be showing up

again

and so you grabbed the wine that you bought to be enjoyed for two and sat yourself in front of the tv

the dinner on the table was abandoned as you put on a romantic movie

classic right? god, you just loved to torture yourself

not even bothering to grab a glass, you take a swig right out of the fresh new bottle

“happy fucking anniversary,” you sighed as the tears finally made its way down your face and the liquid burned your throat

eventually you fell into a deep slumber that caused you to not notice the creaking of the door opening

at exactly 2pm minho steps into the room, his eyes first landing on the table filled with his favorite foods, clearly untouched

as his eyes continued to wander he finally spots you on the couch, the bottle of wine empty and hugged to your chest

the smudged lipstick and remnants of your mascara were enough to prove that you were crying

and damn, he felt so guilty

it’s not that he forgot it was your anniversary, he’s just been so busy that he lost track of the days

but even that wasn’t a good enough excuse, as busy as he is, he has never missed an important day before so why now

scolding himself in his head, he makes a mental note to make it up to you the next day

grabbing the empty bottle of wine and placing it on the coffee table, he picks you up and heads towards your shared bedroom

“aish, why did you get so drunk” he quietly asks even though he already knew the answer

it wasn’t until you were in his arms that he realized how much he truly missed you

he gently places you on the bed, making sure you were in a comfortable position before he headed to the bathroom to grab your makeup wipes

by the time he was wiping your lipstick off, you finally awoken

“minho?”

“hi princess” he replied as he shot you one of his signature smiles

you were about to return the expression until you realized why he was taking your makeup off in the first place and now you were just filled with rage

“you forgot. ”

knowing exactly what you were talking about he quickly shot back an “im sorry I just lost track of the day i promise it won’t happen again”

“that’s the thing minho”

at this point you were sitting upright, looking straight at him

“you keep on promising that it won’t happen again but it happens again. every. time. ”

“i-“

“no, okay. it’s my turn to talk. minho, i love you and you know that i would drop anything if it means that it would make you happy. but shit minho, i didn’t expect that i would have to be giving up respecting myself in order to love you,,, look at me, i’m a fucking mess”

“im sorry”

“and you, you just live your life traveling with your best buds, with absolutely no care in the world -“

“don’t say that”

“you don’t care minho! you don’t care that someone is waiting at home for you!”

“y/n I said I was busy!, why can’t you just understand that!”

he didn’t mean to raise his voice but he was just so frustrated

yes, he did miss your anniversary but he didn’t forget

and he came home to you as soon as he figured out his mistake

and maybe you are right, he doesn’t care

he didn’t care about the trouble he was about to be in for sneaking out of the dorms, he didn’t care that he left 8 of his brothers with no explanation just so he could make his way home to you

he didn’t care, because at that time all he cared about was you

but you didn’t know that

and you didn’t give him any chance to explain his self

but why should you? when you’ve already heard everything before

“i think we should stop”

“what?”

“lets end this”

at this point you were crying

and so was he

“y/n please, you’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying, let’s talk about this tomorrow”

“it’s been almost four hours and i only drank wine, i know what I’m saying”

“y/n-“

he reaches out for your hands but you pulled them back quickly, knowing that one little thing from him will cause you to just fall straight into his arms..and right now, you have to be strong

“you once told me that it doesn’t matter where we are, as long as we have each other then we’re home, but minho i don’t have you anymore”

“i promise I’ll try harder, i’ll text you everyday if I have to! anything to get the old us back!”

you scoff at this

“i don’t want you to force yourself to interact with me because you have to, i want you to do it because you want to. lets face it, i-i don’t have room in your life anymore”

you hated the fact that you stuttered but give yourself a break okAy your heart is being ripped into pieces

“but i-i love you”

as much as you wanted to just crawl into bed with his arms around you, you knew that this needed to stop

and so for the first time in a long time, you’ve decided that it was time to put yourself first

“if you love me then don’t make this harder,, please, just...go”

(A/N): i ran out of data so i decided to be a writer for the day and wrote this in my notes lmao can y’all believe i actually wrote something with my one brain cell ,,,, also is it ok to cry over something you wrote yourself

#stray kids #minho #lee know #stray kids minho #stray kids lee know #lee know blurb #stray kids imagines #stray kids au #stray kids scenario #stray kids angst

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jeongjaehyuns · 6 years ago

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ok since kellie posted her fancam i thought i’d finally stop being lazy and do the same too :’)

i mentioned this a little bit before but earlier this month, i was lucky enough to get tickets to see nct 127 at the apple music event in la and was able to see them perform! this was by far one of the most amazing and intimate experiences i’ve ever been able to be apart of and being able to see nct 127 doing what they do best together is something i’m going to cherish in my heart for a very long time! here is the link to the full playlist of all their performances!!

underneath the cut will be a much more detailed and in depth account of everything that happened at the event if anyone is interested in reading more about it! ♡

ok hello if there are people who actually decided to keep reading thank u so much and buckle up bc u are in for a riiiiiiiiiide (ridin on that VAAaaaaAAAAan, KEEP dRIVINGGGggGGG) ok anyways! HERE WE GO!

[ ! ] btw the first part is just me talking about everything that happened before the concert so pls feel free to just skip to the last paragraph instead LOL

so when news came out that nct 127 was going to be coming back to the u.s. and perform on jimmy kimmel and that tickets were FREE, my friends and i hi kellie, hi tracey all tried to get some tickets for both the taping and the concert and was able to make it on the waitlist! i don’t live in california but both of my friends do so i told them that if any of us got confirmed tickets, i’d be flying over there for the weekend to attend the show! it’s kind of all a blur now bc the only thing i can remember within that week was stressing out so hard over tickets because the way the whole thing was set up was just SO STRESSFUL because despite being on the waitlist, there is no 100% guarantee that you’d get tickets and they start giving out tickets to people from within a week before the taping to the day of the actual event so really, it was just one massive waiting game. but a week went by and none of us saw any signs of getting tickets and flight ticket prices kept fluctuating for me so i just went ahead and booked my flight anyways without a confirmed ticket pls don’t ever do this omfg please please PLEASE don’t ever do this!!! and PRAYED that one of us would be able to get tickets ;; a few days went by and then nct kept releasing more news and how they’d be performing at mickey mouse’s 90th birthday celebration so tickets for that were also available too and once again, we made it on the waitlist!!! and played not one but now two (2) waiting games!!!! :-)))

honestly i rly don’t remember much that happened during this small time frame bc i was so stressed and anxious over these tickets that it rly took a toll on me physically and mentally LOL but yeah so on wednesday the 3rd, nct 127 posted on their instagram about how they’d be having a special performance partnered with apple music and i was about to start my math exam but the moment i read their post, i ran to the bathroom faster than i’ve ever ran before and of course, i requested tickets and made it on the waitlist again!!!! SO NOW IN TOTAL, IT WAS NOT ONE, BUT THREE (3) WAITING GAMES!!! GAMES THAT I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK OF PLAYING!!! anyways yeah so basically my friends and i made it onto all 3 waiting lists and at this point we really just wanted to be able to make it to at least one event ;;;

fast forward to friday, aka 1 day before mickey mouse and 3 days before kimmel and apple music and also the day my flight leaves for la!!! my friends and i all got a big fat no from mickey mouse saying they wouldn’t be able to accommodate our ticket requests bc they were full so we we re like ok!!! whatevs!!! we still have kimmel and apple to try for!!! so here i am… at the airport… getting ready to leave with no!!! confirmed!!! ticket!!! my flight was quite early in the morning so i was at the airport overnight and it was like around 11:30pm when i was doing homework and i got a notification on my phone… thinking it was just some random notification when in reality, I GOT MY CONFIRMED TICKET FOR THE APPLE MUSIC EVENT :’) it’s a blur to me bc it happened so fast and so suddenly but all i remember was that my jaw literally dropped for the longest time and my hands were shaking so badly bc i cOULDN’T BELIEVE IT??? i wasn’t able to sleep that entire night nor was i able to sleep on the plane from all the adrenaline so that saturday really was an interesting day for me LOL anywho i made it to la safe and sound and spent saturday and sunday hanging out with my friends while we prepared for monday :’)

ok so then despite getting tickets, we had no idea where the location of this event was going to be bc 1iota (the event organizer) wasn’t going to release the information until 10am monday morning and we were planning on waiting in line like early early to get a good spot so we had to be ready and out of the house by 9am!!! bUT WAIT!!! 9am was also when the english version of the mv was going to be released so me and kellie were both !!! bc we wanted to gif the mv so bad!!! so now at this point it’s like 7am and we’re all like half awake trying frantically to get ready and i’m over here trying to stream nct on the radio and listen to the world release of regular eng ver and then somewhere in between all of this, both kellie and tracey ended up getting their emails for confirmed tickets too??? so yeah at this point all three of us are running around like crazy ppl bc we weren’t expecting all of us to go but now all 3 of us get to go!!! so yeah i brought my laptop with me and tried to gif in the car but the connection from my hotspot was so slow so i just sat and cried instead :-) ALSO!!! remember how information about the location was supposed to be released at 10am? yeah well they changed it on us again!!! they delayed it to 2pm so at this point me and kellie rly wanted to d*e bc we did all of that rushing for nothing omfg but fast forward to 2pm, they released the information for the location and since we were already in the hollywood area we went there right away so when we lined up, we were like number 10 in line!!! :D

i wasn’t able to eat at all that entire day just bc i was so stressed and so nervous from everything that the hunger didn’t hit me til like 20 mins before the actual event omg ;;;; i remember saying “omg i’m so hungry” and the girl beside me was like “well sweetie, you’re about to be fed real good rn” and i just died laughing oh my god but yeah i had a priority ticket so i was let in around 7:30pm-ish and the event started at 8! i got barricade again just like last time at kcon ny, my view was reeeeeeally good!! ! i would say even better than kcon’s even tho i was front and center for kcon ;;; back when we were in line, the event organizers kept asking us how we were doing and each time i would tell them that i was super nervous and they’d ask why and i would explain that i just get super nervous before seeing nct omg it’s really true tho idk what it is but i just feel so QUEASY before seeing them… like the fact that you go from seeing them from your screen to seeing them in front of you is just a very STRANGE FEELING FOR ME OK but they kept repeating how we were all going to have a good time and that the space inside was super small so it’s going to be nice and intimate with them and they said how no matter what spot you get, you’re still going to be super close to them… one of the staff members was like “you’re going to be so close to them they’re going to sweat on you” AND GOD THIS JUST MADE ME EVEN MORE NERVOUS KASDJKSAJDKAJDKA

OK ANYWAYS ENOUGH OF THAT, ONTO THE ACTUAL CONCERT! when we got in, the event was actually on a rooftop and so the scenery behind the stage was just soooooo pretty and then they had a playlist of their songs playing in the bg and it was just really nice to listen and enjoy while we waited for them to come out :’) the members kept hiding behind this door and some of them started waving and they were all teasing us so hard bc the moment we saw someone there, we would all start screaming and they just wouldn’t stop :’) then they finally played the apple music documentary video for us and i just remember all of us screaming a lot LOL but then the lights went off again and then we all watched them walk onto the stage one by one and oh my GOD the wait for them to finally start just felt like forever and then next thing i know, the sirens went off and all i hear is “GET IT LIFTED” and then firetruck started omg i was trying to get jaehyun’s attention but then mr. nakamoto yuta… YUTA… looked over on our side and me and him made eye contact for a good solid 3 seconds and i just about lost my shit omg… HE IS SO INSANELY GORGEOUS IN REAL LIFE I WAS RLY GOIN THRU IT… JAEHYUN WHO??? AND THEN HAECHAN OMG… haechan came over to our side like 75% of the time and he is the cutest, most adorable person on this planet!!! he was always smiling and waving and i really can’t think of anything else to describe him other than the sun bc he quite literally was shining that night!!! i think it was halfway through firetruck that we started to realize that the stage was like… a little slippery??? but it wasn’t until limitless started where we really noticed the members starting to slip and stumble here and there ;; also there’s this one part where jaehyun went up super close to me during limitless and i about died… i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again but even after seeing him irl, HE IS SO HANDSOME IT’S UNREAL… HIS VISUALS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD but yeah the staff members would go on stage after each song to try their best to dry the stage but for some reason that wasn’t enough ;; i have no idea why the stage was so slippery but my guess was that it was pretty cool up on the rooftop and with the amount of people there, there was so much body heat in the air and then that mixed with the cool air = condensation??? i also think the shoes the members were wearing had like absolutely no friction at the bottom so it made them slip even more ;; they were also using a fog machine too but idk if that was actually the reason why the stage was so slipper omg but yeah after firetruck, they performed limitless and then they had a small ment here and mark talked about how it was a very special day for them (bc they just came straight from performing at jimmy kimmel too) and then johnny screamed something along the words of being apple music’s next up next artist and he was just so happy!!!! and then mark said that they’ve got october all to themselves and they were so happy to be able to be here with all of the fans! jaehyun also said that the place was so wonderful and said all the fans there were so wonderful and johnny came in to say that they had rehearsals the night before but being there with all the fans, it was a totally different feeling ;~; after that they performed touch and then when it came to cherry bomb (OT10 VER WITH JUNGWOO BTW), this was when things started to look a little :/// bc taeyong had already fell back during touch and at this point i was already beyond worried bc i would rather have them stop the whole thing all together rather than have them risk getting injured just to perform for us??? i shouted so many times to “be careful” in both korean and english T________T IT WAS LIKE THE DREAM CONCERT ALL OVER AGAIN WHEN THEY PERFORMED IN THE RAIN not to mention they had comeback promotions to do once they back to korea too so i rly just wanted them to stop ;;; i also think the members were all starting to get a little discouraged from all the slipping and stumbling during each performance and it kinda just looked like they were all really sad that they couldn’t put on a perfect performance ;; at this point the stage was soooooo slippery and i think they were more focused on not falling rather than performing and my heart rly just was in pieces ;;; taeyong fell again in cherry bomb during the leg split dance and it looked so painful oh my god i was just so WORRIED and i wanted it all to stop so bad ;~; but after cherry bomb ended, i think the members went back down to talk to the staff and then they came back up with different shoes! but finally!!! alas, they performed regular!!! since they switched shoes, the performance went pretty smoothly so i felt a little at ease! taeil, doyoung and mark were still wearing their original shoes so there were a few times when they slipped a little but thank god none of them actually fell ;; despite the song being a released earlier that morning, a lot of the fans did really well in learning the fanchants and singing along with the boys so i think it really helped in boosting the members’ confidence after the prior performances ;; there was a small ment here and doyoung talked and johnny translated it saying how basically the members felt really apologetic that they couldn’t put on good performances bc of the slippery stage and i was yelling with all the energy i had left in my that it was ok!!! that they were doing amazing and that they shouldn’t feel sorry!!! IT WAS KILLING ME INSIDE THAT THEY FELT THIS ASKDJKASDJAKJSDKD I WANTED TO ACTUALLY D*E but then they promised they’d come back to show an even better performance and doyoung held up his lil pinky!!! and then johnny asked how taeyong was doing and he answered back “i’m okay!!!” IN THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE… I JUST WANTED TO GIVE HIM ONE BIG FAT HUG T________________T and then taeyong said the last mission they had left was to take a picture with the fans and took out the selfie stick to take a picture with everyone! it was so cute TwT

but yeah, overall the whole experience was really really amazing minus the slippery stage and for the most part, i was really impressed with how organized 1iota was! i’m really grateful i got to be apart of it and it still feels like a dream that i got to attend the event and see them perform and promote their new album here in america!!! they were amazing performers and did so well despite everything! i was really really proud of them ;; anyways, thank you to everyone that made it this far!!! i hope you enjoyed this fan account! i know it’s a super long post but if i don’t write it all out now while it’s still somewhat fresh in my mind, i’m going to forget it by the end of the month so i hope you all understand! thank you so much! ♡

#personal #it’s kinda like really long so only read it if ur interested LOL

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angelblumes · 3 years ago

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Oh ok! so sorry about that, I'll be sure to tag or be more vague with the ur trigger mentions. I finally remembered one of my dreams, it was a very stupid 1st dream ive remembered in a while tho I got called out on tumblr twice and I was panicking trying to find a response / or find words for an apology 🤔 what does it all mean? im one of those 'your dreams say something abt you' people. Let's go to the beach each. I went to a pond and swam😊 surprisingly hot outside today 94°f . I woke up at 2pm shock I did wake up at 7am and couldn't go back to sleep until 9 tho. So its even and ok. I was annoyed today, very much got deadnamed, and I just got argued with when I tried to correct. Even more heartbreaking because it was kids 😟otherwise pretty swell day. 😁 I hope yours was also swell🌷

oh its okay!! literally like anything triggers me so😭😭 like ok my 1. will be i saw this cute girl who cosplays WILL GRAHAM on tiktok amd she out of cosplay dresses how i'd like too if i was skinny😐😓. depressing af. anyway IVE HAD THAT DREAM BEFOREEEEE i think its bc someone "called me out for being a terf" once and it scared me so awful i was like im abt to lose every tumblr friend ive ever had over some bs abt rbing one (1) post. i did not tho! yahoo! this is an old dream but it was that i was at like idk olive garden or smth and they were like we did our research. we found your callout post. we already called the police.😭. 2. will be.... hmmm umm. been searching for any type of normal hannibal merch. im.poss.ible. its all either like "im sexually attracted to hannibal lecter" or "i kill people for real." like none of that is anything i would want people to attribute to me. 😔 sigh. 3. ate the second, and last, apple CIDER actually donut. i heated it up and i ate it literally instantly. 4. my friend made me food for dinner!!!! it was out of character extremely but i appreciated it smmmmm. 5. i watched the haunting of bly manor for like 5 hours straight fr. whatsherface.. dani. im in love w her/her actress. shes so pretty. in the haunting of hill house i liked theo's char the best but NELL. NELLLLLLLL oh mt god. ohhhh. (same actress) and then i forget his name BUT HER BROTHERRRR. THE EMOTIONS. ruined me that show reached into my chest and just fucked things up. it was an okay day i kind of hurt everywhere tho

#hm 6 will be just me saying something im thinking abt #i always think im like faking being autistic or smth bc i mask so hard but then im like #no i have and will continue to study body language and facial expressions and what they mean #like idk having my mom be so awful also made me like hyperaware like shed fold the laundry angrily. so its like yea duh i can pick up -#- social cues sometimes. sigh. so hence the uh what is it. imposter syndrome. idk what that actually means btw #anyway ive been reading all these hannibal fics and will is all Im The Empathy Master #and irs like i would KILL for that. my empathy goes from 'idc abt anything like im shutting off the empathy fo today'#orrrr 'if you seem even a little upset i will empathize sympathize and cry and sob'#like idk once i saw this guy throw up and I HATE THROWING UP like everyone does but its awful so i cried like i started sobbing i was lik #that poor guy:( i hate throwing up and i can tell he does too awww ughhh misery #but idk i cant be like that 24/7 its exhausting i cant take it😭😭#like idk i could blame it on my mom being her overdramatic crying sobbing screaming self tbh but rlly it is just a flip i can switch #sometimes. maybe um hannibal lecter moments idk. my will graham kinnie identity is dying /j #5 daily things #well 6 but the tags dont count to me❤️#asks #i use the tags as like my little personal diary i dont even care. the embarrassment will hit later

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riskeith · 4 years ago

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aside from that, ur graphics must look incredible! i’ve seen some comparison pics and pc graphics are God Tier. help the second lowest being “high”... good riddance. 😶

summer 2016! it seems so long ago like a whole different universe. everything was so beautiful back then.. everybody was out and about hunting pokémon’s... that zine is so cute! i wouldn’t say main i actually only got into them a little while ago and i’m still mostly tddk and kiribaku but bkdk is interesting.. to say the least. i haven’t seen what happens in the manga (only a bit of spoilers especially that cover...) and s4 didn’t give us That many scenes with them but i’m keeping my eyes open... wbu?

IDK like their descriptions make it seem like they might help you find some specific treasures??? like the gold seelie giving you fortune aka mora? not sure tho hehe... YEAH THAT FANART!!! so cute i wanna eat them all.. forbidden snack. 🥺 omg funny you mention that... i met xiao just earlier for the first time and when i saw his entire outfit i was like.. hm i wonder what he would look like in darker clothing HAHA. but yeah skins would be awesome!!!! like a clothing shop or smth somewhere????? anyway when i saw him i was like HEY that’s cluna’s boy!

ALBEDO IS A BAD BITCH. his hair is perfect perfect perfect. actually everything about him is so perfect he’s just a delicate little guy... 🥺 dude us talking about albedo and opening up the game and seeing his banner is like... 👀 temptation.

with venti??? i’m not sure which quest you mean i did the archon one with him though and it was awesome. does he have more? I DID LOOK IT UP AND MURASE IS MAKING HIS VOICE EVEN HIGHER AND IT’S SO CUTE I WISH I KNEW IT BEFOREHAND SO I COULD’VE HEARD HIS VOICE WHILE DOING THE MISSION. 😭 oh well 😭

hopefully there are some good 4 stars too. who are you wishing for? anyone special? imagine having xingqiu and chongyun.... that’s like the dream. and bennett and razor and you have the boy scout party haha!! do you have mostly claymore users?

i remember you mentioning you don’t like book users but i’ve actually really grown to love them hehe. their long range attacks are so nice and handy! KAZE DA! 😭 bro stop i literally have a crush on venti it’s ridiculous.. imagine closing ur eyes and talking and it’s his voice.... (OR HINATA!!!) murase is so lucky... he seems like such a great guy too ajsksjdk..

ok friends to lovers goodness! 🥺 i’m considering getting twitter just to see fanart... maybe.. o.o

ooooo that’s so thorough! in all caps caught my attention, why do you do that? personally, if it’s something longer i write bulletpoints of the concept but never like... actual plot yk? i’ve tried before but i doesn’t work for me very well. so.. i wing it! and like you i just get inspired randomly, it could be from song lyrics or thinking about tropes i enjoy. 😜

loona is cool! they have this whole story about their group. i highly recommend checking them out! i wonder if they kept it up though lmao. oh yeah everyone loves hozier he just speaks to the soul.. LOVELY IS MY FAVORITE SONG!!!!! LIKE EASILY TOP SONGS OF MY LIFE!!! it makes me so happy that you like it even if you skip it lmaojsjdjsjsjdk and i like billie a lot!! ariana too she has great music.., idk if you’ve heard of the group the neighborhood but i like them too. lana del rey as well! haha guess it’s super basic stuff tbh. all of them with mostly slow songs.. sorry 😭

OK GOOD. all nighters are honestly horrible. i don’t get how people can pull them off and get things done... (hopefully you never have to either!) YEAH haha 8 am is my favorite hour i think... that and 9 pm. they’re just special. what’s your favorite time of day? listen if you stay up to read fics that’s valid. midnight up is like the perfect time to read fics it makes them appear more magical sjdkdhdk.

i hope i caught you today but if not, hope you’re sleeping well babe! ♥️

sorry i was playing genshin! JFKSNXKSNKSJ i started before 12am and before i knew it it was already 1am… my goodness

and yeah i watched this vid comparing the graphic quality settings (i play on the default one) and i was like??? people really be playing like this? LOL can’t relate

edit: missed this paragraph oops but yeah what a time 2016 was! (lmao voltron started that year iirc) i remember we had an athletics event and legit everyone was on their phones jfksnfksnd. oooo! nice tddk and krbk are very good very nice. and also yeah that cover lol i love that you didn’t even have to specify which one i just Know. hmm i think rn bkdk would be one of the top ships i’m interested in aside from todobaku? they just have so much history ya know? and they have a lot of moments in the second movie! oh wait did you know that there are movies? two of them in fact!! the kiribaku is pretty strong in the first one (but there are some todobaku moments too lol). and there are a few OVAs too. WAIT are you all caught up with the anime? can’t rmemeber if you’ve told me or not 😫

oooo if that were the case tho what would the others give? i did like the “sea blue” description or something of the blue one tho 😩 YOU WANNA EAT THEM FJDJCJSKNCSKJCKSNXJS NO!!! but i can understand.. they look very squishy. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!! honoured you thought of me <33 yo i was also wondering what chongyun would look like in darker clothes too HDKSKDN see this is why i need to learn how to draw.… gotta put them in the clothes i want since we can’t do that in game!! but a shop would be so cute omg

JFKSKSKAKS i’ve legit been staying away from opening the wish menu as much as i can.… it’s too tempting i can’t!!

yeah the archon one is what i meant sorry! forgot the name for it lol. and yes there is! once you reach AR 35 or something you can unlock story quests and venti is one of them 👀👀 RIPPPP BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW NOW 😭😭

i think just xingqiu rn!! i’ve been holding off ascending barbara in hopes of getting him, bc i grinded some oceanid (literally the worst fucking boss ever) before i ascended so i’m just hoarding those materials rn fjskdnd. yesss the boy scouts 😭🥺 but i heard chongyun and razor’s elemental skills cancel each other out so rip.. hmm i did a count and i think i have 3 each of claymore and catalyst users! hbu?

omg nooooo betrayal 😭 tho ngl i’m considering using ningguang bc i see people play her so well.. so i’m just carrying her around in my team hoping to passively level her up HAHAHA. i def appreciate their long range attacks too, lisa’s burst especially is quite nice. CHJDKSKD that’s so cute but also very relatable 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺 also did you know murase is like tall af it’s kinda crazy lol

there’s /so/ much good fanart!!! it’s where i’m getting a taste of all the ships too lol but yeah there’s angst and fluff and just charas looking s*xy they’ve got it all 😩 but that also reminds me, like most other big fandoms genshin fandom is kinda fkn shit 😔 once again i’m thankful to myself for keeping such a small circle lmaooooo

honestly i don’t know either?? i think it helps me distinguish between what i’m actually writing vs what i’m planning like if i do something like “JUMPS OFF PLATFORM, LANDS IN FRONT. so, are you going to introduce me or do i have to do it myself ETC THEN THEY TALK SUDDENLY there’s the sound of a windchime, and VILLAINS HERE GOTTA FIGHT” it’ll look something like that jdjsndkskd where the lowercase is exact dialogue I wanna write in but the caps is just planning

but winging it ey that’s hot of you 🤪 god do you ever just like thinking about potential ideas before falling asleep but then your phone is far away/you don’t wanna hurt your eyes looking at a screen but then you’re also afraid you’ll forget the idea DJKSXKSK

:o! i think i stayed away bc of the whole “stan loona” thing DHSKKS but i might give them another shot! therefore i am is one of my go to songs rn hehe i really like the beats she uses they’re so funky. i don’t really like ariana sorry FJDJKSKS but she does have a lot of bangers!! side to side… 😘👌 and i do know the neighbourhood! sweater weather is so iconic but lately i’ve been skipping that too aahah. but have you heard daddy issues slowed? oh my god. that singlehandedly started my obsession with slowed songs (ironic isn’t it when you consider i don’t listen to normal slow songs fjsjdj) i like summertime sadness from lana! and young and beautiful too (the radio songs AHAH) but yeah.. they’re slow fjdkksks. how do you feel about halsey + melanie martinez + bastille? (i’m always paranoid about listing artists bc so many get cancelled or what other and i feel like randos are gonna come for me too JDKSKSKA.) oh and troye sivan!! and pentatonix if you’ve heard of them? i was obsessed with those two back in 2015 ahaha

omg crazy.. how!! hm my favourite hour is maybe 12pm? or 2pm? just some time in the afternoon i like when it’s still light outside but it’s also like “after school” time kinda .. and yesss reading fic at late hours… gets me crying more easily 🤪

i don’t think i’ll catch your next reply so goodnight in advance!! hope your day is great <3

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post #can’t tell if it should have a ‘read more’ or not bc i’m on mobile LOL #can’t insert one even if i wanted smh tmblr make your app better

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daddyconfessions · 5 years ago

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daddy’s journal: 1/29/19

previous entries: daddy’s journal 1/26/19

Sunday January 27, 2019 6-bars text bright and early and said good morning.

Feels like I wasted my time last night with her. She’d only been there barely half an hour before she’d left. Not sure if her pussy had got wetter or I hadn’t seen her in awhile, but that kitty was GOOD. And..I hadn’t had enough. I was unsatisfied.

Could have saw her again. I needed to be disciplined. I was back on seeking arrangement talking to a lot of girls. Experience has taught me I need to conserve my energy, my vibe and conserve my physical resources. Anyone of these ladies could msg me at any moment…and I needed to be ready.

I curved 6-bars.

Funny how the universe works. Around 2pm Kwik text me. I’d met her around the same time I’d met 6 bars - months ago. I don’t have much to tell about Kwik. Latin chick. 5”2. A solid 6 on the dimepiece scale. Totally went into the situation intending to hit it once/twice and ghosting.

The sugar gods don’t like ugly. When I saw Kwik for the 1st time coming up the hall to our room, she was the sexiest thing ever. We met on our lunch break and she arrived dressed in business casual attire, wearing Capri slacks, nice rouge blouse, cute heels and well manicured toes. She had one of those name tags/badge clipped to her pocket for office building access. A cute brown clutch was in her hands to complete the outfit.

Something about professional chicks. Idk. The fact that they been sitting in a cube, going to meetings and what not, then meeting me for lunch to fuck before returning to their desk is the sexiest thing ever. Now it was 3 months later. I went from some fuck shit to all out trying to seduce this chick and make it long term.

We’d been playing phone tag over the last week and today she texted unexpectedly. With all the unresolved carnal energy stirring inside me, she was the perfect fix.

Today she showed with her hair pulled back in a bun. She had on some gray shirt with a faux belt tied in the front, black slacks and flip flops - the latter at odds with her outfit. We exchanged pleasantries briefly before getting undressed. “I don’t have a lot of time,” she explained. “I’m at a family Bar-b-Que.” She said she’d left her kids with her family and told them she had an errand to run. They’d all gone to church that morning blah blah. I believed her. Mexican chicks big on family events.

And Kwik needn’t worry. Her pussy was so good I couldn’t last more than a few minutes in it anyway.

I lied and said she could have stayed with her family. Played like it was no big deal if she couldn’t have made it. But really I wanted to be deep inside her, pounding that muff for whatever little time I could before I came. “We could have seen each other another time,” I said. “No….” she said shaking her head and pulling off her bra. “No. I really wanted to see you. I been wanting it.”

Again…I believed her. I could see the submission in her eyes. She wanted me to use her for my pleasure and have my way with her body she returned to her life. I took a deep breath and prayed to the sugar gods for stamina before I put my head between her thighs, spread her vulvae gently and began licking her clit.

She responded instantly…moaning and grabbing my head. After a few moments I looked up and I saw her eyes fluttering. When It got good she raised up on her elbows and looked down at me. Her eyes narrowed and her sultry lips parted as I mercilessly thrashed her clit.

I wanted to make her cum, but the way she was looking at me turned me on. I stopped and mounted up. Usually I ease it in, but Kwik’s pussy so wett. She got that…..

It just slid right in. Went to pounding that muff like a rabid animal, controlled by passion and carnal energy.

Eh…didn’t last long. I kept stopping to keep from coming. Pussy was just too good. I tried shit like biting my lips and twisting my earlobe but alas…I couldn’t stop the eruption of kreme as I spayed her tummy with my unborn.

I fell down beside her…my body spent. It was bittersweet. The sex had been good but I had come too fast. That’s why I call her Kwik…you ain’t gone be in the pussy long before you cum.

After we talked a bit I wanted another turn. I wanted retribution for the lousy night before with 6-bars. I was suddenly emotional. “I have to get back to my family” she said, sliding on her purple panties. I was laying in the bed like a ‘lil bitch wanting more of the pussy she’d denied me. As she put on her pants she was like, “We can see each other later in the week.” She pulled on her shirt and began buttoning it all nonchalant.

With that I got up and kissed her goodbye as she left me in the room butt naked, dick getting harder by the moment. I prolly was looking like Eddie Murphy in Boomerang or some shit rn.

Bitch.

Monday January 28, 2019 I’m ok today.

Slim messaged me to meet and after the unfulfilling weekend I’d had with 6-bars and Kwik I was ready for some more sex.

But the sugar gods were looking after me. Hilton hit me up and asked if she could come see me. I’d met Hilton on tumblr. She’d slid into my DMs one day like

We’d talked for some time before plans developed for her to come see me. Hilton was a cool chick. White girl. I hadn’t fucked with a Becky in a long time so it was refreshing to meet her. What a night of debauchery that had been complete with plan B pills the next day. Now she was back for more and…well…I was only too happy to see her again. She said she could see me tomorrow so cool.

I’d met her about October 2018. She’d been following me on tumblr since I’d joined. She’d waited patiently in the void to pounce on me and take her shot. She’d come down a few weeks after that just after Thanksgiving and gave me that kitty.

Hadn’t had a Becky in a long time. She worked at hotel and I reckon she got free rooms as a result. So I named her Hilton. I’d asked if she wanted money for our encounter. She said she wanted to fuck. She’d gladly take the money of course …but it wasn’t a requirement. We had a good time too. Her curiosity satisfied, I figured I’d never hear from her again.

Now she was back in my inbox. I didn’t cancel yet with Slim. I’d wait until Hilton was on the road to see me before I cancelled.

Tuesday January 29, 2019 When I was sure Hilton was on her way to see me, I text Slim to say I couldn’t make it today.

“I’m busy” I said. Slim made a fuss but…..Free pussy always wins. No hoe can compete.

I knocked on the door that evening. I had to knock a few times and then call before snow flake opened up. She smiled big and welcomed me in…all sleepy eyed and what not. Working at the hotel she often worked the night shift. “How was the drive in,” I asked her making small talk.

After some bullshit talk, we got down to business. I got undressed and laid on the bed while Hilton pulled off her top. Like a lot of plus sized chicks, she was ashamed of her stomach so she didn’t remove the underwear until absolutely necessary.

I don’t’ like that and told her as much.

I like a chick that bears all….unapologetically. If I’m fucking with you then I’ve already accepted you for what you were. To hide yourself, be insecure, is a turn off.

Hilton removed her panties, much to my pleasure and was stark naked as she positioned herself between my legs and went to sucking on Bart. I gotta say…..I don’t know if Hilton’s head is all that. She sucked my dick so good, tasting it, licking it, looking at it, making eye contact with me..I totally got off on her pleasuring me at her expense. Soon I had to stop her. I didn’t want to cum like that.

She got on top, slid Bart inside her and went to riding him. She got all bold. Getting up on her feet and what not, bouncing on the dick. I was amazed at her stamina. Even the most muscular, fit girls can’t maintain that position for long. Hilton held her own. I loved her effort. We switched to missionary for some pounding.

That young pink muff was too much for me tho. I was about to cum within a minute of being inside her. I still had left over energy from the weekend and needed to release.I started thinking about all kinds of other shit so I could prolong the inevitable.

It ain’t work.

The surge of protein was ready to erupt out of my shaft. I was about to let go when she asked if I could hit it from the back. We switched up and she put that big pretty ass in the air as I entered her again. Our bodies slapped loudly against each other. I marveled at the ripples flowing through her ass cheeks like waves.

Once again I was ready to blow. I pulled out and sprayed her back with a volley ivory rain. White on white. Lovely. I went to the bathroom to grab a towel to clean up the protein. Then I fell down beside her… my body spent.

Hilton had got up and put on her underwear again. Still with the insecure shit…pissed me off. Then she was half laying on the bed instead of on daddy and snuggling. I said something about it and she laid down on my chest and we watched tv.

Next thing I know I was waking up…I prolly had snored her head off. I looked down at her and she raised her head up and smiled. We talked a bit after that. Wasn’t long before she had a mouth full of cock again…reviving Bart for the second round.

Repeat.

After we’d got done I went and cleaned up. We talked some more…you know. Little bullshit conversation you have on your way out the door.

#daddy's journal #sugar tales

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breeeliss · 8 years ago

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[Miraculous Ladybug]: A Full Commitment’s What I’m Thinking Of

idk man, i haven’t written the lovesquare in a while, and for some reason i wanted come crack-ish MiracuClass antics, so sue me

Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

Title: A Full Commitment’s What I’m Thinking Of

Summary: Sometimes, when you’re friends are so obviously in love and they’re taking forever to get with the program, it’s time to take matters into your own hands.

In which Alya takes matchmaking to a whole new level, Nino tries to be the voice of reason, the entire class is incapable of keeping a secret, and Marinette and Adrien just try to have a decent picnic

A Full Commitment’s What I’m Thinking Of

“A class picnic?”

Alya nodded as she scribbled a time and a location on the back of Marinette’s hand. “Yup. I figured it’d be fun. School year’s ending, the weather is beautiful, and exams are just about wrapped up. Thought it’d be a cool casual thing.”

“You didn’t tell me you were planning this,” Marinette said. “I could’ve helped you!”

“Oh, don’t even worried about it, girlie,” Alya assured. “You’ve been so busy with class rep stuff lately I just went and asked Nino for help. Worked out just fine, too. He’s been helping me handle music and food.”

Marinette smiled. “This is so sweet! I can’t believe you did all this for everyone. Is everyone else coming?”

“Oh yeah,” Alya insisted. “Everyone in class. Even Adrien.”

Alya expected some blushing and stammering, but Marinette merely blinked at her. “Adrien’s going to be there?”

“Of course! He was super excited when he found out you were coming.”

Marinette lifted both of her brows in surprise. “He was?”

Alya patted Marinette on the shoulder. “I would never lie to you. So yeah, you should definitely come. After school today, don’t forget.”

“Ok cool!” Marinette nodded. “Do you wanna walk over together with Nino and — ”

“ NO!” Alya shouted, hands darting out to grab Marinette’s shoulders. Marinette jumped in shock and leaned away from Alya’s frantic looking expression. Alya bit her lip and sighed out through her nose. “I-I mean….nah, i-it’s fine. I have to help Nino with….something after school anyway. Uh….I’ll meet you there a little afterwards.”

“Um...okay,” Marinette said. “You sure you and Nino don’t need any — ”

“Nope! No help!” Alya insisted, spinning Marinette around and marching her over to the locker room. “You just get your books together and meet us at the park. It’ll be a blast.”

She left Marinette in the locker room alone while she let out a huge sigh, and jogged to the back entrance of the school where Nino was waiting for her. Alya grabbed his arm pulled him away from the door and around the corner so that no one would be able to hear them. “Alright, is everything set up?”

“We’re good,” Nino confirmed. “Speakers, blankets, basket of food, you name it. They just need to show up.”

“And you’re positive Adrien said he’s coming.”

“Dude yes,” Nino said with an eye roll. “And I told him that Marinette would be there, just like you told me.”

Alya smirked. “Excellent.”

“You know, there are easier ways to shack these two up together,” Nino reminded her. “Marinette isn’t a total mess around him anymore, and Adrien is starting to get to know her. It’ll probably happen naturally anyway — ”

“Listen,” Alya interrupted. “I have learned to stop giving these two the benefit of the doubt. I love them dearly, but they’re hopeless as all Hell. And if you want something done, you have to do it yourself.”

Nino tapped her on the nose. “See, that’s the kind of attitude that’s going to get you arrested when you become a reporter,” he warned her. “You’re too nosy.”

Alya waved him off and stared down at her phone. “Whatever. We don’t have time to argue this. We’ve gotta make it to the park before they do.”

“Alya this is so extra. Even for you.”

“You already agreed to this, Nino. Don’t you start complaining on me now.”

Adrien looked at the back of his hand and double checked the time and location that Nino had given him. 2pm by the gates of the park. He sort of expected to see some of his classmates along the way since they were all meeting here, but even though the park was crowded, he didn’t really see anyone he recognized. Did he get the day right? Nino definitely said it was after school today….

He walked away from the main paths and over to the grassy area where people were either playing lawn games or laid out on blankets. Right next to a line of bushes were two huge picnic blankets laid along with a large picnic basket, probably filled up with all the food that Nino said he and Alya had spent all night preparing for the class. There looked to be only one person sitting in the middle of the blanket and looking through their phone out of boredom, and Adrien sighed in relief when he saw that it was Marinette.

“Oh, thank goodness,” he sighed out when she waved back at him. “I thought I’d gotten the day wrong or something.”

“I thought I had gotten here too early or something myself,” Marinette laughed. “At least we can keep each other company until everyone else shows up.”

“That’s true,” Adrien smiled. He quickly looked around at the other park goers that were nearby and lowered his voice as he spoke to her. “How are you feeling, by the way? I know I woke up super sore from that akuma attack last night.”

“Doing better,” Marinette promised. “Back’s a little achy, but I think the bruise will go away by tomorrow. Are you alright? You took a nasty fall…”

Adrien rolled out his shoulder. “It’s fine. Just a little stiff, but like you said, we tend to heal up pretty quick.”

“Let’s hope an akuma attack doesn’t happen during this picnic,” Marinette joked. “It’s gonna be hard to explain to our whole class why we have to spontaneously run away.”

“Don’t jinx it!” Adrien chuckled. “It’s just gonna be a normal picnic with no weird surprises. You know, when everyone decides to show up.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Marinette frowned. “Where is everybody?”

“Ugh, why are they whispering? I can’t freakin’ hear them! Why did you pick a spot in the bushes so far away?”

Nino frowned and snatched the binoculars away from Alya and lifted them to his eyes. “Because you’re loud as hell and I don’t need these two knowing we’re spying on them because you decided to be freakin’ extra!”

Alya smacked him on the thigh. “I am trying to make them fall in love, and you’re being super unsupportive right now.”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I still say they would’ve figured it out on their own.”

“I have no patience for that nonsense. Now is the music ready?”

“Yeah, the speakers are in the picnic basket.” Nino held up his phone. “And I’ve got my Spotify hooked up. They’ll have plenty of background music.”

“And you put all the songs on it that I told you?”

“.....I mean, yeah, but Al, these are all cheesy American love songs. I don’t know what you’re going for here.”

Alya lowered the binoculars from his face and turned his head so that he was looking her straight in the eye. “Repeat after me. Ambience . There is a method to my madness.”

Nino muttered. “Emphasis on the madness…”

“Shut up,” Alya frowned. “Alright. So this is how this is going to go. First we’re going to — ”

“Holy shit, you guys picked the absolute worst place to stake out this date. Talk about amateur hour over here.”

Alya and Nino both snapped their heads to the left and saw Chloe and Sabrina crouched behind the bushes next to them. Alya scrambled away from the two girls and backed up into Nino’s chest. “What the hell are you two doing here?”

Chloe looked absolutely ridiculous — she was dressed in a beige trenchcoat dress with a black sunhat, a huge pair of sunglasses that covered half of her face, and yesterday’s newspaper rolled up under her arm. “I overheard you and Nino planning this last week, so I decided to tag along. I have personal feelings about his interest in Marinette of all people, but Adri-kins likes her and I will support him and all his romantic pursuits because I’m such a good friend.”

“What are you wearing?” Nino asked.

“Proper stake out attire,” Chloe snorted, as if the answer were glaringly obvious. “What the hell are you wearing?”

“Normal clothes!” Alya exclaimed. “Just like Sabrina.”

Chloe rolled her eyes while Sabrina scratched the back of her head. “I kinda got dragged into this late in the game, so I didn’t have time to change. But we wanted to help with the plan! Adrien and Marinette are adorable together.”

Alya rubbed her temples and sighed. “Fine, you two can stay. But this is a serious mission, and you all need to behave yourselves — ”

“Oh here they are! Juleka! Rose! They’re over here!”

Alya turned around to the line of trees that were behind their hiding spot and gaped in horror when Nathanael, Juleka, Rose, Mylene, and Ivan all snuck out from behind the trees and ducked behind the bushes to join the rest of the class. “Are Marinette and Adrien there already?” Nathanael asked. “I brought my own binoculars just in case.”

“Ivan and I brought snacks!” Mylene whispered excitedly. “Snacks are good for stakeouts.”

“Ooooooh, I’m so excited!” Rose squealed. “This is love in the making, can you believe it?”

“Holy shit,” Alya hissed. “Why are you all here?”

“Oh dude, I found them!” Kim exclaimed as he joined the rest of the group behind the bushes, Max and Alix crawling up behind him. “We’re not late are we?”

Max checked his watch. “Only about 7 minutes late. I doubt much has happened yet. We’re fine.”

“Good,” Alix snorted. “I’ve been waiting months for these two kids to get it together.”

“Okay,” Alya announced to their — wow, yeah, their entire class . “What the hell is going on?”

Chloe cleared her throat. “Well, I overheard your plan so I insisted on coming. Sabrina doesn’t come without me. I told Nathanael. Sabrina told Mylene. Mylene doesn’t go anywhere without Ivan. Ivan told Max. Max told Kim. Kim told Alix. Alix told Juleka. Rose doesn’t go anywhere without Juleka. And that’s everyone.”

Nino nudged Alya in the side with his elbow. “Next time? We plan via text only.”

Alya shushed everyone and smacked Chloe on the back of the head to make her stop talking so loudly. “Listen! If you’re all going to stay, you have to be quiet and do exactly as I say. I am not jeopardizing this operation because you all decided to join in. Is that clear?”

Everyone nodded happily while Chloe rolled her eyes and asked Nathanael if she could borrow his binoculars. “Whatever….”

Alya turned away from the mess and pointed to Nino. “Okay. Romantic playlist. Go.”

The two of them were chatting about classes and what their summer vacation plans were when suddenly music started coming out of the picnic basket next to them.

Marinette turned around and furrowed her brows at the noise. “Um. I’m not the only one hearing that, right?”

“Nope,” Adrien muttered. “I think our sandwiches are singing at us.”

Marinette crawled over to the picnic basket and shoved around the thermoses, tupperware containers, and wrapped sandwiches until she pulled out a pair of portable speakers that were playing some jazzy, bluesy song in English that Marinette didn’t recognise. “What on Earth is this?”

Adrien leaned his ear against the speakers and hummed in thought. “Oh wait a minute, I think I know this song. It’s Careless Whisper.”

Marinette frowned. “How did you know that?”

“Oh, it’s a Tumblr meme!”

“You knew this off a meme?”

“Don’t judge!” he exclaimed. “It’s supposed to be like super romantic or something.”

“Romantic?” Suddenly, Marinette groaned and covered her face with both of her hands. “Oh my God, I think I know what this is.”

“What?” Adrien asked.

“Nino and Alya invited us to a ‘class picnic’?” Marinette air-quoted. “Only the two of us show up? Romantic music playing from mysterious speakers? They set us up!”

“Set us up? L-Like….like on a date?”

Marinette bit her lips and tangled her fingers into the fabric of her skirt. “I-I mean it….it feels like it, doesn’t it?”

Adrien nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess it does…”

Their crushes on each other was something that was still unspoken between the two of them, even after they found out each other’s identities. Marinette had been meaning to sit Adrien down one day and get on the same page about it — whatever what meant for them — but it seemed as if their friends were rushing the process along without them realizing it.

Adrien looked uncomfortably at the speakers next to them, and Marinette figured that this wasn’t exactly the kind of environment to be having a serious conversation like this. As much as she loved her friends, the gesture was a little heavy handed. This definitely had Alya written all over it.

Marinette shrugged. “Wanna just….go along with it?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re already here,” Marinette pointed out. “And we have food and drinks and….questionable music. We can have a nice picnic and just hang out later if you want! It’s been awhile since we’ve just hung out with only the two of us.”

Adrien immediately perked up. “Man, it’s been weeks, it feels like! Exams were awful, weren’t they?”

Marinette smirked. “I don’t know about you, but I think we deserve a break. It’s a beautiful day, might as well.”

Adrien started sifting through the picnic basket and pulled out a wrapped sandwich for each of them. “Hey, I’m with you. If all this food is for us, I don’t see why we should complain.” He frowned suddenly, reached into the corner of the basket, and pulled out a note. “Uh oh. What’s this?”

Marinette shrugged. “This isn’t my circus show. Read what it says.”

Adrien sighed, unfolded the note, and read off of it. “Dear Hopeless Lovebirds. You’re no strangers to love. You know the rules and so does she. A full commitment’s what she’s thinking of. You wouldn’t get this from any other girl.” He darted his eyes up towards Marinette and he shifted uncomfortably for a moment before clearing his throat and announcing, “Er, it’s not….signed.”

“Weird,” Marinette muttered. “Isn’t that a song or something?”

“Is it?” Adrien asked. “I just think it’s bad poetry. Is this supposed to be romantic? Who wrote this?”

“I’m trying to be romantic for them and these nerds are complaining?” Alya fumed.

Nino rubbed her back. “Babe, chill, please, holy shit. Let it happen organically, okay?”

“That was a stupid idea though,” Chloe said, licking the tip of her finger and flipping a page of her newspaper. “Just saying.”

“Nobody invited you!” Alya snapped

“ Ssshhhhhh!” Nathanael hissed, slapping Chloe on the arm while looking through his binoculars. “I’m trying to hear what they’re saying!”

“Oh man, these are Nino’s mom’s sandwiches!” Adrien grins in delight as he unwraps one of the sandwiches. “Ugh, I’ve missed these.”

“Are they good?” Marinette asked.

Adrien scoffed. “Good? They’re amazing! They’re seasoned and toasted and absolutely brilliant. Here, want some of this one?”

Marinette laughed. “Oh no, that one’s yours. I’ll just take one of these.”

“No, no, seriously!” Adrien ripped the sandwich in half and handed it to Marinette. “This one has really good lunch meats in it, I’ve had it before. I promise.”

“Okay,” Marinette relented, grabbing the sandwich and folding the picnic blanket over her lap to catch the crumbs. “I feel like I’m about to be blown away.”

“Oh you are. We’ll do it on three, okay?” Adrien grinned.

Marinette nodded and waited for Adrien to count them up before they both leaned in and sunk their teeth into the sandwich halves at the same time. It only took a couple of seconds of chewing before Marinette was moaning delightfully at the taste. “Oh my God , these are fantastic.”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Adrien said through his mouthful. “Nino’s mom is the best! ”

“This is so bad, I’m going to blast through all of these sandwiches,” Marinette pouted.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Adrien squinted at Marinette’s face and pulled out a napkin from the picnic basket. “Oh wait, come here. You have some sauce on your face.”

Marinette reached a hand up and rubbed the wrong cheek. “Wait, where?”

Adrien didn’t think much when he licked the tip of the napkin and beckoned Marinette over. “Come here, I’ll get it.”

Marinette hesitated for a brief moment, but carefully crawled over to him until her face was close enough for him to brush at the sauce that was on the corner of her mouth. His other hand was cupping her other cheek and holding her head steady until he was satisfied that her cheek was clean. “There we go. Good as new.”

“Thanks,” she said, licking her lips that suddenly felt too dry. “I guess I got overexcited.”

Adrien smiled softly and kept his hand on her cheek for just a few seconds longer before he moved away and sat back on his ankles. “It’s okay,” he assured. “Seeing you get excited by things is cute.”

Ladybug was never much of a fan of Chat Noir’s flirting, and he almost expected her to just cleverly wave away the compliment like Marinette had been doing ever since she found out he was actually Chat Noir. It was just how their friendship worked, and it was just an amusing way to tease her and try to dissolve the tension. Except it didn’t quite work the way he thought it would because Marinette’s eyebrows were raised and her cheeks were growing pink as she stared at him in shock. “Oh….” she sighed out.

Adrien drummed his hands on his lap. “I-I didn’t….upset you, did I?”

“No!” Marinette interjected quickly. “I was just surprised, that’s all. You don’t usually flirt with me like that.”

Adrien frowned. “I flirt with you all the time.”

“No,” Marinette insisted. “Usually you’re doing it to be over the top and funny, which is fine. But….you don’t always say it so sincerely. Like you didn’t just spend a whole minute trying to think of a good line.”

“Well….” Adrien began. “I never don’t mean it, you know. But I guess….sometimes you make the words come out without me needing to try.”

Marinette smiled with all of her teeth showing. “That’s sweet of you.”

Adrien shrugged. “It’s my pleasure, my Lady.”

Marinette giggled, seeming to fall back into a sense of comfort after hearing the nickname. “Want something to drink?” she asked him. “I think I saw some apple cider in the thermoses there.”

“Yeah, sure,” Adrien agreed, pulling the basket closer to them and taking out the tall metal thermos. “I can pour it if you want.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Marinette said. She moved closer to Adrien until she was sitting close enough for their knees to touch. She screwed off the plastic top of the thermos and started to pour the apple cider out into the cap. But the moment she did, suddenly everything was spilling out of the cup and straight into Adrien’s lap.

“Oh my gosh!!!!” Marinette exclaimed, setting everything aside and reaching into the basket for more napkins. “I’m so sorry!!!! I didn’t mean to spill it on you!!!!”

Adrien was laughing and shaking his head. “It’s okay, don’t worry about, it’ll dry.”

But she was already frantically blotting his wet jeans with the napkins and firing off apologies every two seconds. “The cover must have been cracked and everything just spilled through, I’m so sorry, I should’ve checked first!”

He laid his hands over hers and tried to slow down her panicking. He grabbed one of the napkins out of her hands and started to help her dry off his pants. “It was an accident, Marinette, don’t worry about it,” he assured.

“Ugh, I was hoping I wouldn’t pull some clumsy nonsense while we were out,” Marinette frowned. “I owe you a pair of pants.”

“Washing machines are a thing, Mari,” Adrien said. “Although, I’m not going to complain over an original pair of slacks by Marinette Dupain-Cheng herself.”

Marinette giggled. “Would you like some?”

“I was just kidding.”

“I wouldn’t mind, you know,” Marinette shrugged. “God knows you’ve saved my life I don’t know how many times. If all you’re asking for is a pair of pants, I’m pretty sure I could manage.”

Adrien smiled. “Well, I certainly can’t say no to a face like that.”

Marinette looked up at him and tapped him on the nose. “Was that another one of your ‘it came out without me needing to try’ moments?”

“You said it, not me,” Adrien winked.

“I can’t believe you drilled a hole in their thermos so that would happen!” Rose gasped.

“I didn’t think that actually worked in real life,” Juleka said.

Kim scoffed. “Nah, dude. Classic romcom stuff. It always works.”

“I think it’s just because Marinette and Adrien are like that though,” Ivan interjected. “They’re one of those classic romantic couples.”

“You’re totally right,” Mylene agreed, eating some of the cookies that she brought to share with the group. “This is going really well.”

“Not well enough,” Alya grumbled. “By my calculations, they should’ve been making out by now.”

“Isn’t that rushing things a little bit?” Sabrina asked.

“You’re talking to Alya,” Nino sighed. “She doesn’t know how to not rush anything.”

“Um, I’m making a future relationship happen over here!” Alya exclaimed.

“We have a history test next week,” Alix commented. “Like, how much free time do you have to meddle like this?”

“I’m sorry,” Alya said sarcastically. “Am I imagining the fact that all of you are literally staking out this date with me?”

“I mean, it’s good entertainment,” Max said. “Good break from video games.”

“Exactly!” Alya pointed out. “So shush all of you. I don’t want to hear any complaints about this operation.”

“I feel like we’re the only ragtag team of weirdoes who would ever do this to a couple of people they knew,” Nino sighed. “Like, we need to debrief after this and think about our life choices.”

“You really underestimate the rest of the world,” Chloe said sagely. “I’m sure we are not the only people who would be staking them out like this if they gave enough of a shit.”

“Hey,” Marinette said in between sandwich bites. “Where are the kwamis?”

Adrien checked in his shirt pocket and shook his head. “Not sure. Knowing Plagg, he’s getting himself into trouble.”

“And Tikki’s probably busy trying to get him out of it.”

“What’s taking them so long!?”

Plagg sighed and reclined back on the leaf of the tree they were hiding in. “Tikki. You have a problem.”

“I’m just trying to be supportive of our Ladybug and Chat Noir,” Tikki explained. “I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“Okay, we’ve had this conversation hundreds of times. Literally. You involve yourself way too heavily in your humans’ affairs. Do what I do. Find something to keep you occupied and distracted from the nonsense. Like cheese. I really recommend cheese.”

“We haven’t had a Ladybug and Chat Noir fall in love for two hundred years,” Tikki pouted. “Let me be excited about this! Plus imagine if they get married. The two of us would get to hang out all the time.”

“As lovely as that sounds, you spying on our charges during their date is over dramatic even for you.”

Tikki turned to him and glared. “Leave me alone! Don’t you have cheese to eat?”

“I’m out!” Plagg scowled. “That’s how long we’ve been in this tree watching them!”

“No, that’s how quickly it takes for you to literally inhale your food,” Tikki frowned back. She turned back to the date happening below them and sighed. “I’m going to give Marinette a pep talk tonight. Hurry things along. Maybe that’ll help.”

Plagg poked Tikki in the cheek. “You’re too invested in this.”

“I’m sorry that I care about true love!”

“Honestly, who decided that you should be in possession of one of the most powerful miraculous stones in the universe? You’re such a sap!”

“This coming from the kwami with cheese crumbs still stuck in his whiskers.”

Plagg groaned and swatted the cheese crumbs off of his face. “Oh shut up! It’s not like they’re doing anything interesting anyway. They’re just eating and talking about that silly video game they love playing.”

“You’re so cynical,” Tikki scolded. “So the date’s hitting a lull. They’re having fun and that’s what matters. I’m sure something interesting will happen soon.”

Chloe pouted. “Nath, has anything interesting happened yet?”

Nathanael sighed boredly and laid down his binoculars. “Nope. Nothing. Just more talking.”

“Someone pass the chips,” Sabrina asked. “I’m starving.”

Nino spoke through a mouthful of cookies. “So I thought they were supposed to be making out by now…”

“Nino,” Alya warned. “I will punt you across the park.”

“Someone say something to pass the time,” Alix complained. “Quick. Before I die.”

“Uhhh,” Alya hesitated. She turned to Juleka. “Why were you akumatized last week?”

Chloe gasped dramatically and pressed a hand to her chest. “Oh my God , Alya. You can’t just ask people why they’re akumatized.”

“Yeah, that’s super rude,” Mylene frowned.

“Well excuse the hell out of me, I was just trying to pass the time!”

Everyone was silent for a long moment before Chloe cleared her throat and tapped Juleka’s knee with her foot. “......wait so seriously, what happened?”

“I got a bad grade on a maths test,” Juleka shrugged.

The rest of the class nodded in understanding.

“That test was brutal. Sorry, dude,” Nino comforted.

“It’s okay,” Juleka said. “I’m over it.”

“You know what I’m not over?” Alya said. “How boring this date just got. They’re just talking! ”

“This is the perfect time for us to leave then!” Nino finally exclaimed. “Seriously, these kids are doing just fine on their own. Talking is totally normal and healthy. Stop trying to make everything come together in some melodramatic burst of romance and let’s go .”

“I just want them to become a fully committed couple because I know that’s exactly what the two of them want and they’re totally thinking about it. I’m helping.”

“You need to be stopped.”

Alya looked down at Nino’s phone and started to flip through the music that he saved on his playlist. “I’m gonna pull out the super romantic songs. Just to give this a huge push.”

Nino reached out and tried to grab his phone back. “Give me that! You’re not doing this!”

“Hey, paws off!”

“No! It’s my phone! Give it back!”

“I need to do this for them!”

Alya was leaning back to try and keep the phone out of Nino’s reach, and she was pushing against Chloe’s side as she did so. Chloe shoved her back roughly. “Get off of me and shut up! They’ll hear us!”

“Don’t push me, Chloe!”

“Hey, don’t be mean!” Sabrina spoke up. “We shouldn’t be fighting in the first place. Calm down, both of you.”

“Nino get off!” Nathanael hissed out, “You’re stepping on my foot!”

“Alright dudes, break it up,” Kim demanded.

“Kim you’re stepping in the cookies.”

“I said give me my phone Alya!”

“Not yet! I’m not done here!”

“Alya get the frilly fucking hell off of me or I swear to God!”

“Nino! My foot!”

“Oh man, this is hilarious.”

“You’re shoving me into the bushes Alya. Don’t make me kick you!”

“You guys are gonna fall through. Be careful!”

“Alya you’re gonna make me trip!”

“Guys you are going to fall!”

“ Alya!!”

“Hey,” Adrien muttered. “Do you hear that?”

Marinette sat quietly for a moment and tipped her ear up to the sky. “Um….I don’t think so. What are you hearing?”

“I dunno….screaming I think.”

“ Alya you’re going to make me trip!”

Marinette snapped her head towards the bushes to their right. “Okay, wait, I definitely heard that.”

“Was that Alya’s name?”

“What’s happening — ”

Right at that moment, Nino and Alya came tumbling out of the bushes in a pile of tangled limbs, both of them clutching onto a cell phone. They paused their bickering once they realized where they were and guiltily looked up to where Marinette and Adrien were sitting. The four of them stayed silent for a moment before Nino held up a hand and waved. “Hey, bro. What’s up?”

Nathanael stood up from behind the bushes and hid his binoculars behind his back before Marinette and Adrien saw them. “Well. That lasted long.”

The rest of the class reluctantly stood from their hiding spots and looked at the ground guiltily as they moved into sight. Chloe unfolded her newspaper, held it up in front of her face, and tried to surreptitiously sneak away from the scene before Sabrina grabbed her sleeve and rooted her to the spot.

Marinette was gaping. “What are you all doing here?”

No one knew what to say, and the only thing that broke the silence was the next cheesy, romantic American song coming from the speakers of the picnic basket. Adrien frowned, stared at the speakers, and scoffed as he recognized the lyrics from the note that was left in the basket.

“Huh. I guess you were right. I forgot this was a legit song.”

667 notes · View notes

junioradventure · 7 years ago

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Hi everyone~ I’m here to share my amazing experience at IMFACT’s Fansign + Fanmeeting Event! If you were looking for reasons to stan IMFACT, I’m here to help you. Simply put, IMFACT treats their fans very well, and especially care for their international fans, as they want to have many opportunities to perform in all the countries around the world.

I love this concept; it’s so bright, vivid, and screams energetic!

TIME TO START THE FANACCOUNT! Information about this event: - IMFACT has not had an actual fansign event in Korea for a really long time, probably since “Feel So Good” era. They had a CD signing event in Japan not too long ago, but they said it was not the same as a real fansign event. So this was a special event prepared for fans, and doubled as a fanmeeting (involves live performances). - The event participation was carried out first-come first-serve to 120 people. - To apply for this event, the process was different from the traditional fansign process. Instead of buying an album on-site or online, two requirements had to be fulfilled: * We had to send Star Empire Ent. an email with the appropriate information (name, account number, Daum fancafe ID, etc.) before the deadline * We had to send the money (20,000 won) through an account transfer at the appropriate time slot. In this case, when it hit 8pm on the day the payment period started, we could proceed with the account transfer. Because of this, having a Korean bank account was extremely helpful and made the process much easier. - The staff provided the CD on-site, which made sense because we had to do an account transfer instead of the usual process. The CD had no wrapper and might be a special edition for this event. Nothing seems different about this album than a normal one, except the fact that it seemed like it was opened (plus there was no photocard, idk if the actual album has one or not). I transferred my money right when it struck 8 and played the waiting game. After worrying about getting in, I finally found out that I had gotten in... Thank goodness. I was waiting for a chance to meet them since “In the Club” came out. ON THE DAY OF... Okay. So the event would start at around 2pm according to the post on the fancafe. I woke up at 10ish and left right before noon. The event was held at a Catholic Youth Center (of all places) in Hongdae. I knew Hongdae somewhat but not the exact whereabouts of this site, so I wanted to leave earlier just in case I wandered too much. It turns out, the location was very easy to find, so I grabbed a bite at the convenience store and then went to the Youth Center. I had to say, at first when everyone was lining up, things were a bit confusing. We were told to go down to the lobby floor (accessible by staircase) to check-in. Apparently, the staff were calling us in by numerical order, but on the fancafe post with the official list of participants, there weren’t any numbers by our names. Instead, we had to manually count down the list of people to find our number, and we would tell that to the staff. That must have been a bit annoying for the people who were farther down the list, especially in the 100′s. Luckily, I was only number 40. The order of our names was actually our seat order. That means I was in seat 40. The staff called us in by groups of 5-10. I confirmed my identity with only an ID needed to prove it. Once I was verified, the staff gave me a piece of paper with my seat number and a bottle of sparkling water (how thoughtful!) Then it was waiting time again.

Don’t lose any piece of paper, especially one with your seat number, given to you by staff at the event. They also gave us a complementary sticky note where we write our name. We would stick this on the inside of our albums, opposite of the photo pages for the members’ reference when they sign your album. I brought extra sticky notes to mark where each member would sign. You should always bring spare notes because you can use this chance to ask the members a question or write a lovely note for them. Note: Some groups do not allow questions, so always follow the rules and read the information carefully on fancafe updates. After a bit more waiting, we could go in! I should probably get started on the actual event and the members. OK! We were waiting when all of a sudden, THE LIGHTS JUST DIMMED AND TURNED OFF. LIKE WHAT THE. The room was silent until “Please Be My First Love” CAME ON AND IMFACT WALKED ONSTAGE, SINGING IT LIVE! My heart died for a little instant, as my brain struggled to comprehend and process what was happening. Everyone seemed to be shook because there was not a single noise from the audience when IMFACT began singing. That was such a nice surprise and ahhhh I just love that song so much. Listen and love it lots.

After that impromptu performance, the boys sat at the table for the start of the fansigning. They greeted us and said a few words, thanking us for coming to this long-awaited event. Jian tried to add some things, but he kinda hesitated and seemed so cutely awkward like awww it’s okay, you’re so precious!! ONE RANDOM CUTE NOTE: The members commented about how many people came to this event, specially international fans (there was a handful of English-speaking fans there, and a lot of Japanese fans ((yay!))) BUT SANG ACTUALLY ANNOUNCED, “There’s a male fan here too!” AND THAT WAS ME Y’ALL. I WAS THE ONLY MALE FAN THERE AND AHHH I FELT SO SPECIAL. I waved like crazy when Sang said that, and some fans laughed. Taeho and Jian seemed pleasantly amused at this. Soon, the fansigning portion officially began. Let’s move on to individual member interactions I had~ (warning: FEELS AHEAD!!) The order was like this: Jeup→Ungjae(bias!!)→Sang→Taeho→Jian HANDSOME MAIN VOCAL, PARK JEUP ★ Jeup was so friendly and talkative!! Even though my Korean isn’t perfect, we talked the whole time. What really makes me appreciate a group is when they take into consideration your level of Korean if you’re an international fan. Some groups (not going to name names) make the situation awkward for international fans because of the language barrier. I’m not bashing these groups just for that reason, but it still is disappointing when you want to be open and flexible to your diverse fanbase, wherever they may be from. What I mean is, I had an experience with an idol group or two where members did not talk to me much, in English nor Korean, even when I was trying my hardest to speak in Korean. Thankfully, Jeup complimented my Korean skills. Anyway, he asked when I became a fan of them. I told him ever since “Feel So Good” era, and that I especially liked that track. I asked him, what was his favorite song, and he first replied, “Tension Up”, but also added, “In the Club” and “Please Be My First Love”. I agreed, saying that the trio of songs were all great. I commented that I especially think of PBMFL as 강추 (strong recommendation). Jeup burst out in laughter and complimented me again, saying that I even knew slang like “강추". He also asked where I came from, which is like a customary question we international fans get from idols. I told him America, specifically Hawaii, and pointed at the post-it note for him.

Translation- Q:This isn’t a question, but please come to Hawaii! A: All right. We’ll definitely go. (YAAAAAAAAAAAS PLEASE COME AND VACATION IN HAWAII!!) Jeup looked at the note and actually said he really wants to visit Hawaii. I advertised the islands to him, saying that the weather is nice, the sceneries are great, and he added, “the beaches are good too”. So, he expressed that he wants to take all of the members there to have fun. Please do, we’ll welcome you warmly~ Finally, I told him his hairstyle was really nice today. It was spiked up and it really suited him! He thanked me, and I asked what he personally thought of it. J: I like it. Styling the hair upward is very masculine. Me: Right, I agree. Do you prefer having your hair styled up or bangs down? J: *thinks for a bit* I think both is good, but now, having your hair styled up is rather cool now. So I personally like it this way. Me: Yeah! Especially since nowadays it’s quite hot, right? J: Right! Then I told him I’d continue supporting IMFACT in the future. Such a cool guy~ Gonna hold you to your words, Jeup. See you guys in Hawaii. A hui ho! BOYFRIEND MATERIAL/GENIUS LYRICIST/SHY CUTIE BIAS, NA UNGJAE!! ❤ Okay, I’m already dying of feels again and I haven’t even told you guys my interaction. So I can’t believe I was actually meeting Ungjae. I spazzed about him so much recently before and I had so many feels, but it’s always so different when you meet idols in real life. I told him I’m from Hawaii, like I always do. U: Hawaii? Wow. Me: Am I the first fan from Hawaii? U: *kind of confused* Sorry? Me: Am I the first fan from Hawaii that you’ve met? U: Ah, yes *laughs* Me: *proud* U: And you’ve come all the way to Korea. Me: Yeah, I’m actually an exchange student. U: Wow, really? *impressed* You’re really good at Korean. Me: Ah, thank you. I still got a long way to go. But I’ve been in Korea for around 9 months. And, since this was a golden opportunity, thanks to my friend’s suggestion, I decided to just wing it and see what would happen if I wrote my bias a cute joking question.

Translation: Ungjae-yah, I like you the best ㅎㅎ Wanna go shopping together later? (I’m older so I’m using banmal/informal language) Bottom right corner of signature: Thank you!! I WAS SO SHY WHEN HE KEPT LOOKING AT THE NOTE, I WAS LIKE OMG OKAY MAYBE I SHOULDN’T HAVE WRITTEN IT, WHAT IF HE REPLIES NEGATIVELY?! But that was just my panic mode. Most idols with a good heart would play along! But since this was the first time I met my bias face to face, I was slightly worried what he would think. This is how the convo basically went: U: Ah, shopping? *curious* Me: Yeah *laughs uncomfortably, shy shy shy af* U: *genuinely interested* What kinds of clothes do you want? Me: I like casual clothes U: *smiles* Ah, casual? Ah, I like hip-hop style so... Hongdae has a few places, not a lot. But for casual clothes... *recommends some stuff but I forgot what he said exactly, sorry bb* We talked a bit more about stores and things. It felt more like he was giving me recommendations HAHA but since he wrote, “Cool~!” on my note, then I’ll take that as a yes ❤ Anyway, I got pretty bold at this point and thought, well, might as well just go all out. Me: Actually, you’re my favorite member. You’re really handsome. U: *shyly smiles* *bows head slowly in appreciation* AHHHHHH HE WAS SO ADORABLE WHEN HE WAS SHY, SUCH A QTPIE I SWEAR. SUCH CHARISMA ONSTAGE BUT IN PERSON HE’S JUST A CINNAMON ROLL AHHHH STAN UNGJAE STAN IMFACT EVERYONE. Lastly, I asked him about his work as IMFACT’s lyricist. Me: So, you’re in charge of composing lyrics? U: Of course. Me: When you write lyrics, where do you usually draw your inspiration? U: *thinks* hmm... Well, I just draw inspiration from real life. When I’m thinking about something or when I watch a show or drama, I just get thoughts and write them. It was time to move on, so I gave him one last firm handshake and moved on. Thanks to his sunny smile, I was able to feel accomplished after talking to him. I officially didn’t mess up royally in front of my bias! THE SUNSHINE OF IMFACT, LEE SANG ☀ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS GUY. HE WAS SO NICE!! He already pointed me out in the beginning but seriously, this guy is awesome. Right when I moved to him, he extended his hand out and gave me a big, friendly handshake. He greeted me, “What’s up?!!” in English. S: Ah, Hawaii~ my sister went to America. (I love that random transition of topics) Me: Really? Where in America? S: *says in English* America. For study. Me: *internally: I know Sang, I’m asking where* Where, in America? *says it again* S: *I think he didn’t specify, or he forgot, but he said she just studied abroad, and came back. I just accepted that answer lol* Me: You should come visit Hawaii!! And then he proceeds to tell me that he really wants to go. He looks at my post-it.

Translation- Q: Do you have a favorite Nine Muses song? (NM and IMFACT are same company) I told him that I really like Namyu and that they’re my favorite group, and since the two groups are the same company, I wanted to ask him what his fave song from them was. He wrote Drama, and ofc I love that song too. Darn, I forgot some other little things I might have talked to him about. But here’s another thing~ (I was just speaking my mind at this point) Me: Since there’s a lot I don’t know, who is the visual in IMFACT? S: Actually, we leave it up to the fans, who see members as visuals in their own viewpoints. Like, if a fan watches us, they’ll think “Ah, I like this one! He’s a visual!” These kinds of thoughts. So it’s an individual’s preference. *how precious is this* Me: Really? Well, honestly, I think you’re the visual. S: Ah, really? *short shy moment, gives me another handshake for the compliment* Me: Yeah, you’re really, really handsome. I can’t stress this enough, THIS GUY IS SO GREAT!! I forget what else we talked about, but at the end, I got flustered lol just.... ahhhhhhh > < NEXT, MAIN DANCER BUT TRYNA SNATCH DAT MAIN VOCAL POSITION, KIM TAEHO ♦ Taeho is really cool and just polite and nice~ I just loved his reaction when I said I was from Hawaii. He was like, “Wa, Hawaii?” like aw. And I had to tell him about how cool it was that he got more lines this comeback. Seriously, seems like all the vocals in this group can be main. Me: Also, I really like how you got a lot of parts this time around. T: Ah, really? *smiles* You like my vocals? Me: Yeah! Compared to the older songs, you got a lot of parts. Isn’t it nice? T: Yep~ *high-five* Thank you~ Me: Hm, how are the parts distributed, anyway? T: Actually, we each get together and divide the parts based on who fits the lines the most. We come to an agreement and split the parts that way. Like we say, “Oh, I think you would fit this part well”, and so on. Me: Wow, that’s nice~ What do you honestly think of the title track, “Tension Up”? T: I do like it. It’s really exciting. I also like In the Club and especially Please Be My First Love. That kind of style. *sly self-promo as always* Me; I agree! T: We have more songs in store, so please anticipate them. Me: Ah, could you give me a little hint about the next track? *COMEBACK SPOILER EXCLUSIVELY FROM TAEHO* T: Compared to “Tension Up”, the next one is a bit... slower tempo. It’s hip-hop, but more... relaxing? Chill? Me: Ah, really? Sounds exciting. I’ll continue supporting IMFACT in the future~

I don’t remember much else that we talked about, but that was still a lot~ Such a sweet guy. Really cares for his fans, like all of them. THE AWKWARD BUT SWAG RAPPER LEADER, LEE JIAN ♠ Last but definitely not least, I met Jian~ Awkward little greetings ftw. Me: Hi~ Jian-ssi~ Oh, where’d your note go? JA: Hi, it’s right here~ *looks at said note* Me: Oh *flustered af, drops head in embarrassment*

Translation- Q: Is an IMFACT X Nine Muses collab possible?? A: We’ve done one! On the picture: Nine Muses Noonas are coming back soon, so please give them lots of support, and if a chance for a collab presents itself, we’ll do it for sure! In response to my surprise at his answer, we had a convo. JA: We collaborated before. Me: Oh right, "Dream”, right? (referring to Sang x Keumjo’s duet) JA: Actually, during the Star Empire Family Concert in Japan. Me: Oh, really? JA: Yeah. It was me and Keumjo-noona, we did a collab. Me: Ah, which song? I didn’t know. JA: Taeyang-sunbaenim’s “Eyes, Nose, Lips”. Me: Oh, I’ve never seen it. Do you think it would be on YouTube? JA: I think it’ll come up if you search it there. I told him about Nine Muses being my favorite girl group, and he mentioned that they helped IMFACT a lot, and he really appreciates them. AND HERE’S WHEN I LITERALLY SAID WHAT HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR SOME TIME LOL HEAR ME OUT, OKAY? Me: Okay, this isn’t an insult, but I have something to say... JA: Okay, what is it? Me: When I look at you, Jian, I think of Euaerin. You remind me of her a lot. Like your tone... And I remember when you impersonated her. JA: Ah, really?~ *smiling* Actually, I really look up to her. She’s helped me a lot. *I forgot what he said specifically, but he was really chill and nice about this LOL I hope it didn’t offend him cuz they could be counterparts! Killer rappers and amazing dancers.*

Like look at this goddess

And then look at this hunk! LOL. Their sharp features stand out, and they’re really charismatic. (God I miss Euaerin now). And then it was time to continue my attack on Jian. But this time, I wanted to give him a direct compliment~ Me: But Jian-ssi. JA: *interested* yes? Me:You’re really handsome. JA: *amused at my straightforwardness* Ah, thank you~ *laughs* Me: Yeah, especially this... *gestures at the amazing tie he’s wearing, bless his outfit and his whole existence* It suits you very much. Did you pick it yourself? JA: Actually, the stylists did it... Me: Oh, well it still looks good! Then it was time to go *sad face* Me: *reads Jian’s message on my album* Ah, but don’t worry~ I’m not just a Nine Muses fan, I’m also IMFACT’s fan~ I’ll support you in the future! JA: Thank you! See you! Me: Bye bye! JA: Bye~ Junior~~ Just the way he said my name at the end made me so warm on the inside hehehehe~ they are all sweethearts. It took a long while to go through all 120 fans, but it was great. They had a little game session with the fans, where they would draw something on a notepad and then the fans guess the answer. The ones who answered would get a chance to take a selca with them. *ahhh jelly* Honestly, during that game, I was confused AF about what they were drawing LMAO I did not know how the fans could get all the right answers! I was stumped. Then IMFACT performed some songs, as this was the “fanmeeting” part of the event. They performed some fan favorites- Tension Up (of course) and Lollipop. And during Lollipop, Sang was EXTRA and ran offstage momentarily and I GOT TO TOUCH HIS HAND AGAIN~! HE’S SO GREAT WITH FANSERVICE. LOVE YOU SANG!! Seriously, they know how to charm their fans and make them feel loved! It was almost time to go, but IMFACT asked the staff if they could do one more encore stage of Please Be My First Love. The fans were cheering, wanting it, AND SO WAS I, LIKE THIS SONG IS SUCH A TREASURE. BEST CHILL SONG RIGHT NOW. Refreshing like a breath of spring air~ Their vocals were on point and it was cute because in the middle, when Ungjae started rapping, his mic turned off for some reasons and had some difficulties but the members helped and lent him a mic until it started working again. So talented and thoughtful agh. Then, it was time to go~ they waved goodbye and the lights dimmed and turned off again, just like the beginning. Just as they had come. They all disappeared backstage, except Jeup who straggled and stayed back a little to say one last cute farewell to the audience. And that was it. A great day well spent. It was so worth the trouble of applying, even if it was a different format than I was used to. IMFACT is so underrated, and I think Star Empire is not doing the best that they can to help them succeed. Like, the members are all charming and talented and exceptional, but their title songs are not innovative, unique, or otherwise outstanding to really catch the public’s eye. Star Empire failed ZE:A and they messed up Namyu, and I feel so bad for IMFACT. But hope remains, and I will keep supporting them in their journey. I wish them all the luck for stardom. Please give IMFACT a try. Listen to their b-sides too, they have really good side tracks, which seem to be the real hidden gems of their music. RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME: Woo Please Be My First Love (If I didn’t stress this enough) In The Club (an excellent r&b, more somber song of theirs) Mirrorz Feel So Good (a really underrated title track, really hype-worthy) And that’s it for my fanaccount!! It’s super long but it’s all my thoughts~ I’m going to make a video for this whole experience, hopefully by tomorrow. I spent so much time on this, hahaha. Until next time~

#imfact #fansign #fanmeeting #fanaccount #fanboy #tensionup #kpop

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killedbycorona · 5 years ago

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you really do not have to read my post or say anything -I need to say things. Maybe read the link. just stay inside please. and put up your protection before reading this if you can. This took 45 minutes to write and I don’t care if it means anything or not. I don’t have a blog. Be kind.

AHAH WOW THIS WORDS THIS REALLY EXACTLY MY EXPERIENCE WOW. I explained to my mom how when we went from zoom funeral to zoom shiva to zoom Passover to nothing, it didn’t feel complete or valid. She said, “of course not, you watched it over zoom.” Wow fuck I have not talked about this enough (two weeks of his passing today). I was in the funeral over zoom with others (I can’t remember the count). The day before, we had gone over writing his eulogy over Zoom. *I didn’t get to speak at my own father’s funeral because people wouldn’t be able to hear me over Zoom and they all had to be distanced and no one was going to bring a speaker.* I watched others bury my father and I did not get to. I took a screenshot that lives in the same camera roll as memes of a blurry video of his casket with his GD record on it, a trowel, our late cat’s paw print and other things that I couldn’t make out. The Zoom call ended and I was left in the dark away from my family. I tried FaceTiming everyone and started panicking. Luckily, my aunt had her phone and I called in. *I could not be alone with my father six feet under ground because I had to have someone hold the phone.* We hung up and everyone drove away and I can’t remember what I did after that.

My father, who survived 9/11 by taking the later train that morning to his job, two blocks away, died from this virus in three weeks. I’m grateful for our 19 extra years together.

I know many people are talking about the curve being flattened and going outside again. PLEASE DO NOT. Please, do not make the same mistakes we did. “What if he hadn’t gone to work that week like Harris suggested?””What if he wasn’t in a poorly insulated room and was moving more?””What if was in a different hospital?” We know nothing about this plague. We know no cure. We do not know who survived this round and gets it the next and won’t survive. Please, I don’t want any of you to experience this trauma that I am in and will be in for so so long. Maybe my frustration is misplaced. I feel incredibly angry and to see others risk themselves and others with no regard makes it so much worse. An US problem, not a ME problem. US. Take care of each other.

My mom said that when war starts, the first round of soldiers die first and eventually the war ends. My dad was that first round. I am so scared for all the feelings that will arise as I watch the world cure from this. I guess I really derailed and went off topic since this was about zoom funerals. Don’t worry, I’m finding someone to talk to about this. I know no anger will bring him back and I know I’m mixing that with anger towards irresponsible fools. Please don’t be irresponsible.

I keep trying to not backtrack it to who gave it to him because what is the use. I don’t understand my process so much. This article really triggered me. I was in this daze today of “my new reality is people are extra nice to me because they are sad in quarantine.” Nah, it’s because I’m a kid without their father’s guiding light through this pandemic and the rest of their life. I get it, he’s always with me. But he isn’t. Not in the same way and that needs to be acknowledged first or too. I keep saying “stay inside, no one deserves to go through what I’m going through.” ***I do not deserve what I’m going through. But I’m here.*** And I’m really pissed at god and the whole damn universe right about now and the cliches are hurting me to the same degree they’re helping me. I wish I wasn’t in this pain. I wish my dad didn’t die. I wish anyone understood but I’m not about to reach out to this stranger in south jersey who is in their own grief process. Everyone saying they’re bored in quarantine. God what I wouldn’t do to be just bored in quarantine. Even if I was fighting with him, I would take that. I was bedridden with depression for 7 months in 2016. I know what this is like AND I get to experience all the shit of this pandemic, too. I’m not excused of the boredom or fear or panic or helplessness or anything. I get it all! Woohoo!! My head hurts too much to scream. I ache all the time and the panic is right under the surface just waited to be poked at to come out. I don’t care about Facebook etiquette. I don’t care to be seen as brave or vulnerable or strong or any of these really nice things. I don’t feel brave for losing my dad??? Or brave for how I share my grief on the internet. If anything, I have underlying shame about the mess I’m being publicly. I guess I care about Facebook etiquette.

My dad is gone and I am a lost child who doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it. *I don’t want zoom with a therapist in the same room I had the zoom funeral in in the same room I sleep in.* I want to leave my container and be held and I don’t get that. I hate being a victim but I fucking am a victim to this horrible disgusting killing machine. The statistics look like some mindless game but they’re real. I see them and know he’s gone, but not the last person I’ll lose to it. I already lost another person to it a week later! I don’t let it out and there’s no way to let it out when you’re snowed in in a basement apartment and can’t be in a therapist’s office. I can’t go home -it’s unsafe to travel, I can’t be in his home without him there, I don’t know if the virus would kill me, too. I really want a cat. I’m happy he and Hutch are together because they really were the sweetest and most loving beings around. Every story of either of them has been positive. I hope to continue that legacy and if I give any reason to give you an ill memory of us, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

I am grieving completely sober. I’m feeling so much all at once and the one truth remains the same: I wish I could talk to him. He wouldn’t know what to say, but he’d be here and familiar and my parent and care in his most amazing special ever growing way. I don’t want to raise myself or do this without him. I don’t want to do this without him. I don’t want to do this.

Please stay safe. Please call or FaceTime whenever. I’ll most likely call back or be too anxious and tell you I need to get off the phone. Texting really doesn’t do much for me and I won’t reach out until I’m caught in a moment and even then I might not. Take initiative with me if you can. I wake up after 2pm and fall asleep between 4-6am. I have class some nights. Can’t do Wednesday’s between 5pm-9pm my time. Sorry my brain is rotting and frying and neurotic and stupid right now. Idk if anyone has the capacity to care to the degree of what I’m feeling. Community care - a different person to hold a little rock instead of one person to hold a mountain. I can pay someone to hold a boulder though.

Everything is wrong and you won’t fix that. But maybe you can walk by my side and not have to watch me carry this all on my shoulders. Maybe we can just find a moment to not be in this or be fully in this and have it not be this fucking awful or this lonely. Maybe we can go further than lightly touching the surface so delicately and vaguely and not bullshit it. I don’t know I need help some times and other times I’m fine until I’m poked. I was poked.

Ok this is long enough. I wish harry styles or frank ocean could distract me forever or take me to dinner so I can thank them and have a hello and goodbye with heroes the way I didn’t get to with dad. I wish I had a cat and my hair was white and eyes blue and I could waterbend and I could play records and drive a moped and travel the world and be in music videos and play music and perform and dance in a class and make art and get into floral design and celebrate mom’s big birthday which we’ve been talking about since October but is in June and do everything I never got to do with him here that he believed in me to able to do and wanting me to do. I wish I did it all then so he could see how fucking cool it was and I could show him pictures and have him judge whether to frame them or not. He was learning guitar. I wish I sang with him to him playing something sweet. I wish I took him to red rocks. I was going to take him to Harry Styles but for whatever reason, I bought no tickets for anything this year. Maybe I knew. He was going to see the Grateful Dead in August. There’s nothing fair about this and nothing I wouldn’t do to bring him back and life is cruel and doesn’t work like that. Life is really fucking cruel. I’ve done so much work and maybe it prepared me to be here but it really didn’t. What sort of punishment did I ask for. What did any of us do to have this bright man taken away. What if anything. Anyways, stay inside and have a good night. I’ll be understood one day I think. See you all on zoom.

https://www.technologyreview.com/2020/04/13/999348/covid-19-grief-zoom-funerals/

#posted on facebook #4.18.2029

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