#anyway. in conclusion i love my new buddy with its clean lines. ��do people name chairs ever.

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poäng appreciation post 💛

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Movie Review: Con Air

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!

AMC is showing this movie tonight in honor of its 20th anniversary. Yes, 20 years ago, this movie came out. Fun fact: Titanic also came out 20 years ago this year. Where has the time gone?!

I wasn’t big on this movie when it first came out; it was a typical guy movie, but after I’d grown up some and gave it another chance, it’s become one of my favorites.

Plot: A plane carrying prisoners is hijacked by said prisoners, and leading them is Cyrus “the Virus” Grissom. The plan: Meet up with another convict from a different prison (the plane picks up prisoners all over the country for transfers, medical exams, etc.), who has informed his cohorts in Mexico to take him and all his amigos back home. Because, of course, all the escaped prisoners getting to Mexico means no American jurisdiction.

^^^ Yeah, that won’t stop a plane from getting in.

Among the passengers is parolee Cameron Poe, who is on the plane hitching a ride home after being incarcerated for eight years following a drunken brawl that ended in a dead guy (who was hitting on his wife, for crying out loud). So all he wants to do is get home, and he’s in the middle of this mess. He’s a former Army Ranger, so of course his military instincts kick in to attempt to (secretly) help the good guys (meaning the U.S. Air Marshals on the ground below) bring the prisoners back where they belong.

Adding to that check list is Poe’s good friend, who’s diabetic and needs his insulin shot, but due to a prisoner/guard struggle, his needles get broken, so he’s on his death bed. And of course, there’s a rapist on board with his own agenda planned for the (only) female guard.

So anyway, fast forward past the beginning where we see Cameron getting arrested (his lawyer totally screwed him over - he told him to plead guilty to first degree murder, because admitting to it would get him four years in prison vs. 10...he ended up with eight because of his military training) to the big day that he’s going home to see his daughter, who was born while he was in prison.

I should probably mention that my husband is a corrections officer at our state prison, and he says that planes like the one in this movie don’t really exist. It’s surprising, but I guess it might be safer to just use the bus considering what happens in this movie. And since the planes don’t exist, the aforementioned wall might actually work.

Anyway, the guards, before the prisoners get on the plane, thoroughly inspect each prisoner, even checking behind their ears and under their tongues, to make sure they don’t have something hidden that would help them escape. Apparently they forgot to factor in tiny pins stuck beneath their skin that could be removed via fingernails.

Of course, that’s just the prisoners getting out of their cuffs. The really bad guys, the worst of the worst, are locked in cages/cells on the plane too. Enter Dave Chapelle, playing Pinball, who provides a distraction that allows him to get the keys to unlock said cages. The distraction? Setting another guy on fire.

Yeah, nasty. How did the guards miss that? Did he puke it up? It doesn’t look like it, thank God, but seriously, how did no one see that?

So yeah, now the prisoners all have the plane. There was a DEA agent on board as well, posing as a prisoner to get information from a South American drug lord, who is actually the one that has buddies that are supposed to get all the prisoners to Mexico. Too bad the idiot agent doesn’t listen to reason and winds up getting shot.

And that, of course, leads to bickering on the ground level between the DEA and the U.S. marshal. The former wants to shoot the plane down while the latter is all, “Our men are up there, this guy let his agent take a gun on the plane despite our saying he couldn’t,” etc. Yeah, the guy’s an ass.

In fact, that’s a running joke - the DEA guy is super proud of his classic car. He parks it in the handicapped spot, and its license plate says AZZKIKR. Can you decipher that? I hope so. :p

Anyway, the prisoners now have control of the plane, and they have to stop in Carson City to pick up the drug lord, plus another round of prisoners. One of them happens to be the infamous Garland Greene, who supposedly made the Manson family look like the Partridge family with the way he murdered people.

Of course, we have prisoners disguising themselves as guards, but the actual guards in Carson City see Cyrus the Virus face to face, yet they can’t tell it’s him? One of the most notorious criminals in the country, and they don’t know his face, even if he’s wearing a hooded jacket to shield himself from a sandstorm?

After a while, one of the prisoners starts questioning things Cameron is saying, such as his placement in prison and the duration of his sentence (obviously forged to save himself), and he starts digging through his stuff in the cargo hold. He winds up finding Cameron’s parole release paper, plus a stuffed bunny that Cameron is taking home to his daughter for her birthday. Guess what happens.

Familiar with that line? Yes, this is the movie that brought it to us. And that bunny is serious business - the idiot threw it on the floor, which pissed off Cameron, and a big brawl ensues. How does it end? The bad guy gets shoved onto an exposed pipe and dies.

Exactly. Would’ve saved him a lot of trouble.

Eventually the plane lands in a remote air field, but thanks to Cameron’s ability to drop clues everywhere for the marshal’s office to track the plane (the prisoners took the actual tracker out and put it in a plane made for scenic tours, which makes for an interesting encounter when the big wigs fly up next to it and realize it’s not the plane they’re looking for), the said officials manage to find the plane and prisoners. During this big showdown, Cameron finds a needle for his friend to inject his insulin with, but when he gets back, he finds the rapist prisoner trying to attack the female guard. Love what he does:

Man, that had to hurt!

So yeah, the big wigs finally catch up to the prisoners, of course, it’s not that easy - they still manage to escape, but with a bad engine and no fuel. Oh, and remember that car the DEA agent loved? The U.S. marshal borrowed it to get to the airfield, and it got attached to a hook on the plane, and... well, yeah, it got totaled. Though quick trivia: One shot showed the car’s license plate in place. The next shot showed it off the car, on the middle of the underside, so the guy could pick it up and see that it is, indeed, his car.

Yes, error. So then, after the plane is back up in the air, Cyrus realizes that Cameron was the one letting the feds in on where they were going, so of course they start fighting, and as Cameron tries to get to the cockpit, he gets jumped by various prisoners trying to stop him. One of them is a guy who thinks he’s a woman (I guess that’s a common occurrence in prison), and while Cameron has been punching and kicking everyone in his way, what does he do with this one?

Bitch slap! Love it! And yes, the guy even screams like a girl. :D See Cameron’s fist? He’s like, “Oh screw it not worth the energy of a punch.” *SLAP!*

So, right now, the big wigs are right on the tail of the plane. While the DEA guy and U.S. marshal guy are arguing over shooting the plane down, Cameron gets into the cockpit, and the plane has one shot engine, no fuel, and is dropping too fast to make it to the Las Vegas airport unscathed. Care to guess what happens next?

Yep, big crash into Las Vegas’ strip. Complete with a casino warning whoever is driving a white Camaro to move it or it will be towed... and the driver not listening so the plane takes it out. Oh, the plane also manages to hit a slot machine and hit the jackpot. Unlikely, but humorous.

Of course, after the plane lands/crashes, it’s still not over. Three of the main criminals, including head honcho Cyrus, are still alive and on the move - Cameron and the U.S. marshal go after them, and yay, victorious at last!

Let’s make note of what it took to finally kill Cyrus the Virus: 1. Hit him over the head with a huge gun 2. Crash a plane 3. Stick a broken piece of wood through his ankle 4. Handcuff him to a fire truck ladder during an attempted getaway 5. Crash the fire truck into a bridge, sending him flying to some sort of garbage compacting area 6. Let the compactor crush his head (despite the fact that his feet landed there in the previous shot, and in the next one, his head is where the compactor is)

In conclusion, Cameron finally gets to see his wife and daughter (oh, and the bunny survives, though it got dirty and has a ripped ear), and... one last thing. That Garland Greene? Explain to me how the hell a prisoner even more dangerous than Cyrus the Virus is able to get off a crashed plane and leave the premises, and go GAMBLE! Seriously! The movie ends showing him playing craps in a casino! Who doesn’t know the face of that killer, plus he still has his inmate clothes on (ironically, his clothes are all clean and pristine white, and no dirt whatsoever, while everyone else had either blue or orange and they got filthy)! I mean, how do you not notice this guy is a convicted murderer?! Do you not watch the news?!

So yes, this is a typical guy movie with lots of explosions/action scenes, humor, etc., but there is a slight feminine story behind it what with the main guy trying to get home to his family (aww, how romantic). I tell you though, this movie is definitely hilarious. Funny dialog, circumstances, you name it. I enjoy this movie a lot.

I found the extended DVD version, so it has a few extra parts in it than what you see on TV, but honestly, I can see why some are cut out. I mean, come on, we know Garland Greene is a mass murderer. We didn’t need a shot of a dead guy next to him with Cyrus asking if he feels better, because obviously he killed the guy. And we don’t need to see the guy who thinks he’s a woman actually strip to put on a dress he finds at the air field (why is that even there?). Some parts would have been nice to keep in, however, such as what Cameron tells the others he’s in prison for and for how long, but meh, nothing major.

In conclusion, if you like action movies with lots of humor, and any of the all-star cast of this film, I recommend this one. Even a lot of women like myself find it enjoyable.

Overall rating: Going with 10/10! Nothing in it I don’t like. :D

One final note: