#anyway. i'm sure it'll be fine but had to type this out because i'm still actively in a state of physical repulsion

[nametakensff]

Have you guys ever been so disgusted by family snz that you actually start crying

[softshuji]

'One second Princess, I just gotta take this.'

Rindou turns from you, gently folding your creased old and tattered mom jeans over his forearm. You wave him off and turn the TV higher as background noise as he moves from the floor of your bedroom to the landing where he leans against the wall, and answers the call, one arm leaning over the doorframe.

You hear his voice then, a little gruff, a little impatient at being disturbed, even if he'll never admit to being so anyway, a low undulating hum over the tv.

'There had better be a good reason you're calling at this time,' he says and it has you smiling, that he reserves all the patience in the world for you and no one else.

And then under it, still somehow reaching your ear even if you pretend it hasn't is sanzu's high and excited voice. 'come on, come out with us, it'll be fun!' and you hide the smile that comes so easily when Rindou pinches the bridge of his nose with an exaggerated and exacerbated sigh.

'Yeah no, can't, not today,' he says, so matter of factly, not the type to mince words at all- a fact that you've learned through experience.

And you almost sense sanzu's face falling, the excited grin dropped as easily as it has come. 'What, why not?'

'Because I don't want to.'

'Even though your brother is going?'

Rindou has a hand on his hip and you giggle behind a folding shirt, at the silhouette of him in matching pajamas, hair thrown into a haphazard ponytail, and sugar still on his lips.

'So? He can keep you company, I'm not interested tonight.'

'Really?' and sanzu pouts and whines on the other side. 'what could be that important?'

Rindou glances at you, engrossed in a TV advert, or pretending to be rather- he knows better- your ice cream melting on the beside drawer, clothes and bin bags scattered around, and heaped in the bedroom corners.

'I'm...' And he flares with heat already. 'I'm helping my girl sort out some old clothes. She's recycling them and asked for my help going through them.' and it's embarrassing to say- and yet not, when he thinks of all the secret kisses he's stolen since you've sat on the carpeted floors, all the jokes and giggles he's pulled from you already tonight.

And then sanzu, dead pan and with a groan of frustration. 'That's what's so important?'

Rindou bites his lip, a far more aggressive retort than 'You had better watch your mouth' dying on his tongue.

And sanzu laughs, a cackle that tells him he's gotten the rise he was looking for. 'Fine, fine, but we're dragging you next time.' and a click as he ends the call.

There's another sigh then as Rindou pockets his phone and comes to sit on the carpet with you again, unfolding the jeans on his forearm.

'Y'know..... Rin, you didn't have to stay,' You say, eyes fixated on the tv as you roll up a pair of socks in your hand, gaze deliberately averted to avoid the naked awe and adoration. 'I could have finished this myself.'

And he rubs his neck, a little embarrassed as he picks up an old t shirt and tosses it into a black bin bag. 'Yeah well....I wanted to.'

'You should have gone, you would have had fun.' and your hand finds his somewhere among the old clothes, fingers now around his palm where you meet the same old loved callouses.

'I am having fun.'

'You are? With me? Even when this is so boring?'

'I am, with you, and it's not boring to me.'

'Sure?'

'I'm sure. And I'm done with the jeans, I can do the shirts now.'

And he hopes you believe it, a small smile that gifts him as a reward when you touch his hand again amidst the old clothes.

[glitterjay]

I need popular heeseung and unpopular y/n who has a crush on him but gets rejected when she tries and confesses but later on gets drunk and ends up in his bed

⭒ popular!heeseung, unpopular!reader, rejection, mention of alcohol / getting drunk, they dont fuck!!

⭒ c's note: it would hurt my following lives if heeseung rejected me

⭒ taglist: @hollyoongs @moon7jay @wondipity @fertilizedtoesw @kwiwin @kissestoenha

lee heeseung, the captain of the basketball team and the man who has been your crush for as long as you can remember, was hosting a party this upcoming weekend to celebrate the team making it to nationals.

of course, the whole institute was invited because he's popular like that, and he knew his friends would want to invite others anyway.

your very own friends have been encouraging you for the past year to finally confess your feelings to heeseung. it wasn't that hard to talk to him at all. he wasn't a jerk type of popular.

"you won't know what could happen if you never try. what if he likes you back?" one of your friends said.

"and what if he rejects me?"

"then you'll be able to finally move on!"

you shook your head, still unsure. you always think you're ready to tell him how you feel, but you can't help but think that to him, you're just another girl who finds him attractive.

and you were right. you grew tired of your circle pestering you to go talk to him, saying how you could even have a chance to hook up with heeseung at the party. so you gathered the courage to approach him during your study hall while he was switching classes.

"heeseung, you've got a second?" you called.

he waved his friends off, shooting a kind smile that always melted you on the spot. "for sure! got questions about the party?"

you balanced on your heels, your hands playing with the hem of your shirt as you prepared yourself mentally.

"look, i know this is crazy and sudden," you started. "but i've liked you for quite some time now. i know you don't even know who i am; i'm just a phantom or whatever, but i just wanted you to know."

his smile never left his face, which was actually making you more nervous. he let out a giggle and ruffled your hair. "i appreciate it, really. there's no day where i don't get something like this told to me, so it's not sudden at all. i'm sorry i can't tell you my feelings, but what i can tell you is that i do know who you are. i've seen you a few times hanging out by the bleachers, and you were in my english class last semester! at least you aren't like those girls who are always on top of my ass." he shivered.

the entire world fell on your shoulders. it's true that you were expecting a rejection, but him actually knowing you left a bittersweet taste in your mouth.

"regardless of what just happened, make sure to have fun, mkay? see you at the party?"

"yeah, see you at the party..."

-

"i dont want to go!"

"but you told heeseung you'd see him there!"

"and!?"

your friend was trying to get you out of bed, desperately throwing things at you—which you were dodging by being under the covers—so you could start getting ready.

"i don't want to humiliate myself like that."

"it'll be more humiliating if you stay here like a loser. c'mon!"

"ugh, fine!"

it took you about an hour to get ready, considering you had been crying since the encounter with the boy.

once ready, you and your friends headed straight to the party's location. to be honest, you did not want to see heeseung at all, but you deserved to have fun after getting rejected.

but it was not your day at all. you saw him, everywhere. every time you wanted a mew drink, on the dance floor, with his friends, he was in every corner you looked at.

this made you get drunk quite fast, drinking bottle after bottle to help you distract yourself from the thoughts flooding your mind.

-

later through the night, your friends scattered all over the place. you could feel your head spinning, and you wanted to go home.

you got up from where you were sitting, holding on to anything you could as to not fall.

the amount of people was making it even harder to walk, and in the blink of an eye, you bumped into someone. when you looked up, you saw no other than lee heeseung himself holding on to your waist.

you weren't going to lie, he looked hot. maybe it was the alcohol in your system, but you felt like you could kiss him right there.

"are you okay?"

you didnt answer. you kept staring right at his face. his hair slicked back made his face features a lot more noticeable. he should start styling his hair that way more often.

heeseung dragged you with him to his room. it was the safest place he could think of since it was locked and only he had he key.

he sat you down on his bed and gave you a water bottle he had on his nightstand.

the water was able to sober you up a bit, and now you were aware of your surroundings. still, you had the urge to kiss heeseung's gorgeous face, something you would not think of if you were in your right mind.

"hey, heeseung?"

"hmm?"

"can i kiss you?"

"only if you sober up."

© glitterjay | tumblr

[bonny-kookoo]

Hi Bonny, still Unstable.

What about a moment where JK's memory gets triggered and its a bittersweet recollection, like a first time where someone properly takes care of him, but MC does something similar and he feels ten times more the effects because she does it so much better...? Or something like that...?

Thanksss

-> Masterlist

Jungkook is curious.

You've been doing something he early isn't supposed to see- you've always got your back turned towards him, and you always take whatever you're making back to your room whenever you go for a full on rest. Which is something he's been wanting to ask you for a few days now.

He wants you to.. rest with him. Not just short naps, or company while you're awake.

He really enjoyed that one time you slept on his chest- the weight of your body, the scent of you, the feeling of your chest rising and falling with every breath- it all had an odd sense of comfort to it for him he can't explain. Maybe it was the clear display of trust in him. Maybe it was just.. the fact that you were willing to be so vulnerable so close to him. He's not sure.

Whatever you're making, you're protective of it. You never leave it out of sight, you spend hours of work on it every day, and you take it wherever you go so he doesn't ever get even just a glimpse of it. It makes him wonder.

It makes him.. hope? Maybe it's something for him? Is it a gift maybe?

It could also just be something for Jin, or yourself. He shouldn't think too greedy- just because you're both on a friendly basis now, and share a nest here and there, doesn't mean you're mates or anything. You see him as a provider and protector maybe at max- he shouldn't try and want more. He should be happy with what he has.

He sighs, as he rubs his eyes, and moves towards the nest he made in a cooler corner of the ship, near the other corner of the windows. It's a bit further away from you, but it'll be fine- you probably wouldn't want to sleep there with him anyways, since it's cold here and not as brightly lit as the other nesting spots. That's fine.

Just as he settled in the blankets and fabrics, he can sense you approaching, before something is placed over his body. It smells like.. you- its clear that whatever it is, it's soaked up your scent over time. His hand grabs onto it, pulling it a little so he can look at it, and he notices how soft it feels.

It's a blanket.

You made a blanket for him?

"It's a bit short.." you giggle, noticing how much you underestimated his body size but he almost protectively holds onto it when you try and take it back.

"Its-" perfect. It could've been just a tiny baby blanket and he would've felt as if he didn't deserve it.

You early put a lot of effort into it, and as he sits up and looks at it, he notices that he's never seen you use this type of yarn before. "I sold some of the.. little animals. When we re-fueled." You admit, sitting down in front of the nest he's sitting in. "I saw the soft yarn and thought.. you know, since you said you only like certain stuff?" You shrug, and he just watches you with eyes unreadable.

That's because he doesn't know what to think.

You clearly don't know how much a gesture like that means to him. He's been given a blanket before, but never one that's.. self-made. He always had to work for it, pay for it- but you clearly want nothing in return.

You just made one because in your opinion, he deserves it.

You yawn, hand covering your mouth, and he can't help himself. He can't hold himself back from pulling your wrist closer, helping you into the nest before he covers you up with sweaters and shirts and blankets and even bedsheets. You gotta stay warm. He knows it's cold in this corner but he needs you close now.

"Kook- I'm gonna need to actually sleep though-" You laugh, finding his concentrated face cute more than intimidating now. He's really lost his rough edge to you now that you got to know him- he's no longer intimidating, even when he's upset or angry or whenever he's too rough or clumsy in doing things or handling you. He's not evil. He doesn't have any ill intent.

"Then rest here." He growls. "Sleep here. You're warm, and it's not that bright." He argues. "You need darkness for your circadian rhythm right?" He mumbles mostly to himself, before he gets up and rushes towards the control console, tapping away until the lights turn off, except for a few blinking one's and some of the screens, dipping the entire center in nothing but the light of the stars outside, and the blue-ish hue of the small control screens here and there.

Only now do you notice that in the dark, his eyes are kind of reflective. But what's probably meant to instill fear of a predator in you, simply doesnt.

"There. Now sleep." He huffs, quietly adjusting the nest around you as he's back at your side, the blanket you made back over his shoulders, when you smile. "What?" He asks, a bit annoyed and clearly a bit unfamiliar to giving out any form of affection.

"I like you." You say again, and he cringes at you.

"You said that before." He tells you back, and you nod.

"And I'll say it until you finally get it." You giggle, making him look at you rather frustrated.

"Until I get what?" He asks, but you just shrug, closing your eyes, settling to sleep now-

And he's left with himself for a moment or two, simply watching you fall asleep, before he settles down next to you as well-

Darkness and silence hugging you close, as you drift through the galaxy together.

[danieyells]

Sure Haku can have big balls but we all agree Alan Thoma and Jiro have big dicks? But not like slightly above average but rather 20 minutes foreplay just to loosen up but still be a fair stretch, big as in a fair amount of lube is needed to even slip the head in and might need more to fully thrust inside

You only need that kind of prep if you're a coward!

THEY ARE RATHER LARGE MEN y'know as far as the bishie style goes. It'd be pretty proportionate of them to be well hung and i'm all about sicknasty size difference and distention if you've got a small enough partner--

Fortunately all three of them are. . .idk graceful enough not to be cruel about it.

Alan is definitely inexperienced and he's already so fucking scared of harming his partner he would just. . .whenever they try and get him in bed he just goes "We can't. Sorry." Fortunately he's not the type to, y'know, beat around the bush so if they ask him he'll explain. . .and if they say they wanna try anyway he'll give it a go but he'll be ready to stop the moment they seem uncomfortable or in pain. Which means a lot of reassurances that it's fine, it's fine, keep going. It'll be a lot of convincing, but he'll be as slow and gentle as he can! His partner would probably have to do a lot of leading. . . . Alternatively he'd be all about getting them off and appreciating their body and when they wanna return the favor he hesitates then says they don't have to. He can take care of it himself if they don't want to. And they're like 'why would I not want--oh' when he pulls out this monster.

Tohma has much more experience and is much more confident overall. When things reach that point with his partner he's a little more direct. Maybe he grinds against them to let them get a subtle feel long before the first time they do it, or he just takes their hand and lets them have a feel for themself. "Do you understand? If we take that route, I'm going to need a fair bit of your time. . . ." He knows just how to prepare them, just how to stretch them out, and he makes certain to pleasure them the whole way--and if they're a little limp from the pleasure buildup then. . .that'll just make it easier to put it in at the end. He might hold them up and gently guide them down onto him. . .use them as a little fleshlight once they've gotten used to it enough.

Jiro isn't even fully aware of that he's particularly large. Like, numerically he is, he's studied anatomy before and he's seen Yuri naked and he's a lot smaller(well, Yuri's smaller in every aspect) but it somehow hadn't occurred to him that it could be a problem. Meanwhile the one who knows is Yuri--and when Jiro's partner shows up, Yuri just looks at them in irritation. "Ah, yes, Jiro did say he had plans today after his treatment." And Yuri just thrusts a particularly large, unlabeled jar of gelatinous fluid at them, telling them not to take too much time because they are very busy and Jiro being occupied is a hindrance. And Jiro's like "oh, Yuri said we'd need a lot. I've read that too much can reduce the pleasure, though. I don't care either way, so just use as much as you want." (Not that he can't feel it or anything, he's just. . .indifferent for the most part. It doesn't bother him if he doesn't come, he'll take care of it later if it's a problem.) And of course they understand why they thought they'd need so much when Jiro whips it out. Jiro's very analytical about the whole thing, once he realizes that hm, yes, this won't fit, but with enough elasticity--he's got no problem figuring out what should be done to prepare. The massive jar of lube may or may not be experimental but it does the job with great efficiency. . .turns out it was an experimental gel for anomalous ailments where the afflicted turn to stone or wood with the intention of relaxing muscles and joints and regaining flexibility, but it works great as a lubricant! Jiro's also not very experienced and his tendency to experiment means he might be a little rough just to see how it all works, but he's considerate enough of his partner not to go too hard once he realizes oh that hurts, huh. Kinda antithetical to the evening's plans.

[bangchansgirlsblog]

My Biggest Regret

Part seven

**

Dinner went on smoothly and the boys each complimented the girls on how much they enjoyed it. Making sure not to leave anything behind.

"Do you need help with the dishes?" Y/n turned to look over at who was talking (she still wasn't sure about the different voices and who they belonged to too)

"No it's fine Han, you can go to sleep, it's late anyways," she let out a small chuckle and continued to run the hot water.

"I'm not tired and I want to help, let me help?" He had already walked over to the sink so Y/n really didn't have the chance to say no.

"Okay fine, since you're already here," she giggled, "I'll wash and you rinse alright?"

"You got it dude," he smiled over at her slowly getting lost in her eyes but soon snapping out of it.

"Okay so, Y/n…” he turned on the called water to start rinsing, he wanted to start a conversation it was eating him up, “Where are you from?"

"My mum and dad are mixed with different things but I'd just say Australia," she said softly, "wait here lemme help you with that," she quickly said after seeing he was struggling a bit.

She reached over into his side of the sink and slowly guided his hand trying to avoid the blender from cutting his fingers. She was so gentle with it that even Han swore that if Chan and her weren't dating he would have fallen in love.

"Okay there we go-"

"Thank you,"

"No worries, anyway I was saying, yeah I'm from Australia. Born and raised." She scrubbed at the one plate, her plate.

"Why are you scrubbing it so hard?" He asked intrigued by her actions.

"I have to wash everything in hot water and my plate to avoid any type of germs. I can't catch any infections or germs, it'll kill me literally," she laughed and handed him the plate to rinse off.

"Oh.." he trailed off trying to get the courage to ask her, "what are you sick of? I mean you don't have to tell me but if-"

"Oh I have cancer and no need to be scared to ask me anything Han, we're friends now," the smile on her face was so contagious that Han couldn't help but giggle. Yes giggle.

"What are you guys up too?" Chan's voice runs through the room causing the two to turn and look over at him.

He had his headphones around his neck and his beanie sat on his head. He was also wearing all black. No Surprise there.

"Han was just helping me wash up but we're done, do you guys need anything? A drink? Some snacks?"

"Y/n, baby, you've been working since morning love, let's go get some rest hm?" He had walked over to the smaller girls and wrapped his hand around her. She smiled at his action feeling content in his arms.

"Okay, fine but Han tell the boys if they need anything at all, I'm upstairs in Hannah's room,"

"You means Chan's room," Chan raised his eyebrow.

"Real smooth dude," Han dapped him up while laughing. Their Seoul personalities coming out a little making Y/n uncomfortable.

"Oh! Um, yeah just tell them that," she grabbed her phone off the counter exiting the kitchen and bumping into a taller body.

"Hey Hyunjin!" She beamed at him. His heart was touched by the way she was so excited to see him.

"Hey Y/n, where are you off too?"

"I'm going to sleep, I'm quite tired,"

"Sleep already?" He asked.

"Yes, have a Goodnight Jinnie!" She gave him a quick hug before making her way up to Chan's room. She was later joined by him after he had finished whatever it was he was doing in the kitchen with Han.

"I'm ready to sleep!" He whined and laid his head on her lap. She was reading a book and the lights in the room were all dimmed down.

"Then go ahead and sleep, you have a busy day tomorrow don't you?" She giggled and put her book down.

Her hands automatically start running through his hair. She was playing with it because it was so fluffy and she missed doing this. She missed being this close to him.

"That feels nice," Chan hummed. His eyes were halfway closed and he was about to sleep.

"Mm, I missed you," he softly said opening his eyes once against to admire her pretty face. Her cheeks were red from all the blushing.

"Missed you too," she softly said yawning. He then got into the blankets and wrapped his arms around her, spooning her small body.

"Goodnight princess,"

"Goodnight Channie." She was already halfway into her sleep.

[i-like-anything-water]

chlonette prompt: "surprise me".

Me: Hmm, what could be a good prompt that is decided upon my indecisive ass. *looks at the prompt again* Ah yes, let's take this literally lol.

This is the chlonette request by @goldenfoxtrotx ! Sorry this took a while. I was planning to just make it short and fluffy but my mind had other plans xD. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy!

Surprise Me

"Surprise me."

Chloe must have misheard her, except Ladybug wasn't the type to kid around (well, usually). The heroine looked like she'd rather be anywhere but here in this conversation which made the blonde slightly sober up. She cleared her throat, and smiled "O-of course! I'm Chloe Bourgeois after all! I'd prepare us the fanciest date Paris' superhero will ever be on."

Date.

Marinette groaned as she face-planted on her bed, Tikki hovering over her sympathetically. The recent akuma definitely did not come close to the ones that almost had them but this, this was testing both her patience and sanity.

"It'll be alright, Marinette," Tikki said, hoping to soothe her distraught bearer, "Maybe Chloe on a date isn't so bad."

"I don't know, Tiki," Marinette rolled on her back, staring at the ceiling contemplating leaving Paris for the next few weeks, "I only agreed because she saved me from that akuma's hit. It's...only right. As payback."

"You could have said no," Tikki said, "I'm sure she wouldn't have pushed you to say yes."

Marinette frowned. The blonde's attitude was spoiled and rotten she doubts she would have taken it gracefully. She glanced at the clock; 9:45 pm. An early bed time it is. Perhaps this was all just a big nightmare she hasn't woken up to. Yeah.

"As for the next pair, Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Chloe Bourgeois."

Scratch it. This was fucking doomsday. The class went silent as they nervously look between the two students. Clearly, the substitute teacher was not aware of the unspoken rule: do not put Marinette and Chloe in one place within ten meters.

Marinette gritted her teeth as she waited for the blonde to tell the teacher that this was ridiculous and demanded to switch partners.

Except it didn't come.

Chloe merely looked up from her tablet with a bored look, took a quick glance at Marinette and scoffed but otherwise didn't object, "Fine. Just make sure you won't drag me with your clumsiness, Dupain-Cheng."

What the fuck?

And that's how they found themselves seated next to each other to work on the class assignment. Marinette was too stunned to reply and so were the other students. The class moved in a sort of daze before forgetting about the ordeal and focusing on their own task.

Surprisingly - Marinette is starting to think this was a shape shifting akuma that took Chloe's place - the two managed to finish the project with minimal insults (well, as minimal as it can be with Chloe) and was now left in a slightly awkward silence. Close was busy tapping on her table while Marinette fidgeted in her seat. After a few moments passed, Chloe let out a sigh and turned her attention to the fidgeting girl, "What is it, Dupain-Cheng? We've already finished the stupid project."

Marinette looked at the blonde in slight disbelief, "Uhm, n-nothing."

"Clearly." Sarcasm.

"It's just," Marinette hesitated, suddenly enjoying the awkward silence just seconds ago, "You're usually pretty vocal on how you'd rather stain your favorite shirt than work with me." Chloe smirked, "And I still do, however, I'm quite preoccupied so I have no time for that. I got a date."

Marinette paled. Shit. Right, the date. She almost forgot.

Chloe didn't seem to notice her change of expression (or she intentionally ignored it) and continued, "I've got a date with Ladybug and I want everything to be perfect!"

"I see," Marinette replied, "And how do you plan on impressing Ladybug with a date?" Okay, maybe it was a bit rude to ask the person who had ask her alter ego on a date but who could blame her? Given their history, she's a bit wary of what 'perfect' means to the blonde.

"Well, since you're dying to know," Chloe smirked as she flicked her hair, "I've already reserved the whole floor of daddy's hotel just for us for one night. I've had the chef make us the most delicious meals and I picked out the cutest outfit money could buy."

It took everything in Marinette's will to not groan and sigh right there on the spot. Of course, Chloe would choose the fancy route. She was bloody rich and spoiled.

"Uhuh," Marinette replied unimpressed, "I'm sure Ladybug would be so impressed with that, Chloe."

Instead of her usual snide remark, Chloe's smirk wavered, "Of course she'll be impressed. W-why wouldn't she be?"

Marinette's eyed widened as the atmosphere changed. Shit, she probably struck a nerve there. She opened her mouth to apologize but Chloe already beat her to it, "Besides, if Ladybug doesn't end up liking it, then who cares. She just agreed after I pushed her out of the akuma's beam."

Okay, she's definitely struck a nerve.

"Chloe - "

"Save it, Dupain-Cheng."

The cold night breeze tickled her skin. Ladybug spotted the grand hotel just a few buildings away and sighed. She still felt a bit guilty after what happened with Chloe in class and made a mental note to try to apologize tomorrow. Squaring her shoulders, she jumped as she held out her yoyo, swinging under the Parisian night.

She landed on the blonde's balcony and just a few seconds after, the blonde got out to greet her. She was...

Marinette's eyebrows rose in surprise.

...dress in a cute floral sundress and flat shoes. Her usual ponytail was replaced with her hair cascading down her back. Chloe had curls? And wow, she was this pretty?

She must've been staring for a minute because the blonde was blushing and looking down at her feet and Marinette mentally slapped herself.

"Ladybug!" Chloe said, horrified, "why did you slap yourself?!" So much for slapping mentally.

Ladybug just smiled, hoping the blush of embarrassment on her cheek was not evident, "The cold was getting to me. Had to warm up my face somehow." Liar.

Chloe didn't seem to buy it but didn't pry, "O-okay. Uhm, this is for you by the way." The blonde held out a box that she had apparently hid behind her. Marinette was surprised (again, seriously what is it with today and surprises) as she took the box carefully. Curiosity got the best of her as she unwrapped the perfectly wrapped packaged and pulled out an - oh.

It was a red scarf with polka dots. Just like a ladybug.

"I know you and Chat Noir patrol the city at night. The temperature is cold when it's nearing midnight so I thought..." Chloe was different. Really. Was this the real Chloe or Chloe 2.0?

She was still processing everything that the blonde seemed to take her silence as rejection. "But if you don't want it, it's fine with me. I could just- "

"I like it," her voice sounded a bit breathless. Maybe it was the chilly air, or the fact she jumped through buildings to get here or maybe, it was because Chloe was looking at her as she hung on to every word Marinette said. It was slightly...nice. "Thank you, Chloe."

That seemed to snap the blonde from the trance as she blushed again. Gosh, the Chloe Bourgeois was actually shy? Who would have thought.

"Ah, y-yes. It's no problem. Small thing." She looked behind her then back to Ladybug, "Shall we go inside now?"

Wow.

Yeah. Wow. When Chloe had told her she made sure the whole floor was reserved just of the two of them, she thought it meant the blonde threw a ridiculous party that only they could enjoy. But it wasn't. She didn't expect this. She didn't expect the small table at the center of Chloe's hotel room. Or the flowers. Or the fact she made sure the Paparazzi couldn't see Ladybug land and come inside ("I value your privacy," she said when she ushered her inside). This was....not what she had expected.

She felt even more guilty now.

She was also not expecting to... slightly enjoy the date. Okay, maybe she did enjoy the date more than she liked to admit. But who could blame her? She wasn't expecting to be served hot and comforting meals instead of the usual meals served with these fancy dates.

"I didn't know what you liked and I didn't want you to feel as if this was just some cheap date you could have at any restaurant," Chloe said as she took a sip of her soup, "I wanted it to be different."

Good Lord, this night turned a fucking 180. Marinette could only stare and stutter out a 'thank you' before they finished their meals.

After the meal, they decided to go back to the balcony where they did (tried) to stargaze.

"That one looks like a butterfly," Marinette pointed out. She was slightly alarmed at how comfortable she is with Chloe tonight. Chloe looked at where she was pointing and grinned, "Reminds me of Dupain-Cheng's pigtails."

Marinette's looked at her quizzically, making Chloe blush, "It's not like that! I mean, I don't even like her," huh, "I mean..."

Oh. "Yes?" She hoped her voice didn't sound too eager.

"She's fine, I guess," Chloe grumbled but there was a thoughtful expression on her face, "She's still the goody two shoes I met when I was still young but... she's grown a spine lately which I'm...glad for her. That girls needs to learn how to say no."

Oh.

"Oh." Was all she could say. This day really is full of surprises.

The two of them stay silent for a bit before hesitantly getting back to their previous conversation. The two fell into easy talking after, as the quiet night bled on.

Finally, it was time for Ladybug to leave. She lingered by the railings as she contemplated what to say.

"I had a wonderful- "

"I'm so sorry it wasn't the best - "

The two of them looked at each and blushed, looking away. "You go first," Marinette said. Chloe shook her head, "No. You go first."

Sighing but smiling a small smile, Ladybug turned to her companion, "I had a wonderful night. Thank you for inviting me."

Chloe smiled.

Holy shit. I think I'm gay.

This wasn't her usual snarky smirk or grin she threw at anyone who crossed her paths or who was named Marinette Dupain-Cheng. It was a real, swear to God, genuine smile.

It almost made Marinette slip off the railing.

"Thank you...," she replied, "I thought you'd hate it."

"Why would I?"

"Just...a remark from a classmate of mine. I mean, I deserve to be treated that way because I bullied her for years but..."

"But?"

Chloe sighed as she looked away, "But I think I should apologize. Time to be less of a bitch. For me and Papa."

They say third time's the charm but what the actual fuck? Damn. This must be an akuma's work or she'd definitely hit her head way too much she started hallucinating.

"I know she won't forgive me," Chloe's voice brought her back from her musings, "But I'd like to try, at least. "

Marinette couldn't help herself, "What makes you think she won't? This Marinette person seems nice. As you said, she's a 'goody two shoes.'"

Chloe smiled a small smile, "It's fine. I'm a brat either way, I almost lost Adrien and Sabrina and I- " Clothed hands grabbed her face as she met fierce, blue eyes staring at her.

"You will be forgiven. Maybe not by everyone but I'm sure some people would give you a second chance. It's up to you how you're gonna use that second chance."

"Ladybug..." It's only after Chloe said her name breathlessly did she realize how close their faces actually are. She did something she was sure was not awkward.

She let out a squeak and almost fell to her death if if wasn't for her yoyo.

"OkayIseehaveagoodnight! I'msureMarinette would be willing to give you asecondchance."

Then she literally ran form the conversation. Great. Reali slick, Ladybug.

Marinette looked like she was being personally targeted by Hawk Moth (which, technically, isn't far from the truth) as she tried to act as normal as possible in school. Hopefully, Chloe was too sleepy to be here. Hopefully, Chloe was too shocked to be here. Hopefully, Chloe was too busy to be here after last night - oh shit, last night! She left without saying goodbye. Fuck fuck fuck.

"Marinette."

"I'm sorry. Goodnight!"

Chloe looked just as surprised as she was. Marinette groaned. Well, another reason for Chloe to tease her.

"Right..... anyways," the blonde said, her foot tapping nervously, "I was wondering..."

Marinette raised a brow.

"If you wanted to get coffee with me and...chat."

Oh.

"Oh." Damn.

Chloe snorted, her usual snarkiness back but Marinette could have sworn she saw a small smile flash just for a second, "Don't get too excited. I just wanted to...talk about a few things." Few things, sure.

Marinette cracked a smile of her own. Maybe...Chloe would keep to her promise. "Sure, tell me the details later."

The blonde's brows furrowed, "What? Just pick where you want to go, Dupain-Cheng."

Marinette smirked, "You're the one who invited me, Bourgeois."

"Ugh," Chloe rolled her eyes, "You're a pain in the ass. I can't believe I'm doing this. Fine. What do you want?"

Maybe it was the multiple surprises being dropped on her like a bomb, maybe it was the absurdity of the whole situation overall, or maybe she still feels a tiny bit... something, about the almost kiss last night.

"Surprise me."

AN: I didn't proofread any of my fics so far so apologies if there are any mistakes.

[veliseraptor]

October Reading Recap

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun: vol. 3 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. Still in the territory of a part of this book I remember fairly well, and while the whole underworld arc is good it's not my favorite part of the book and mostly I come away from it going "Rong Jiu has rights." which is true! and I do think Meatbun knows it actually but it still hurts how his arc goes here. Me: continually getting too wound up in the fates of side characters and distracted from what's going on with the mains.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving into the next parts of the book, which I don't remember as well. Though I know it's a while before it gets really painful, aka what I'm most excited to reread.

Dark Carnivals: Modern Horrors and the Origins of American Empire by W. Scott Poole. I was so frustrated by this book. I wanted it to be an analysis of horror films and their relationship to American imperialism; what I got was a lot of overwrought prose and repetition of the titular metaphor that was very light on the analysis of the actual texts and heavy on the scathing opinions about what is "good" (politically) horror and what is "bad" (politically) horror. Which, fine, my politics are technically the same as his politics, but it was annoying to read in a book that I thought was going to be more analytical. I had high hopes for this book and it failed them; makes me more hesitant to read his other book about horror and World War I, which I have had on my list for a while. But I liked his book on Lovecraft, funnily enough, so not totally sure what went wrong here.

Paradise-1 by David Wellington. I did not realize that this book was first in a series and I'm a little bit annoyed about it. It was decent horror but it doesn't need to be a series and the lack of resolution bugs me, because now if I want resolution I have to read the next book and I don't think I really want to read the next book. Space horror seems like it would be such a rich land full of possibility and yet I keep being disappointed by space horror. (If, in this case, less disappointed than I was by Dead Silence.)

Remnants of Filth: vol. 1 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. She's done it again! It's a differently fucked up relationship, to be sure, but boy am I already here for it, despite feeling like I know very little about what's going on. Gu Mang is my jam as far as character type, and I really like the dynamic as its laid out as having been previously between him and Mo Xi, and also how it is now. Dedicated friends/lovers turned to bitter enemies turned to one of them fractured to a shadow of himself leaving the other bereft of resolution...mm, good stuff. Can't wait to find out more about what's going on under Gu Mang's surface. Looking forward to reading more of this one and glad that I already have the second volume to go to. (And the rest, technically, but I do like reading cnovels in print when I can more than reading on a computer.)

I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Look at me! Reading classic sci-fi knowing only the bare minimum about it. I liked it more than I expected to, and was less bothered by the way the women were written than I expected to. I didn't realize that it was more a string of short stories tied together by a frame narrative than a novel, but it was really fine that I didn't know that going in - didn't affect my enjoyment, I don't think. And I did enjoy it! I might not have read it on my own, but I read it for a sci-fi book club and ended up liking both it and the book club. Not sure I'd give it, like, a strong recommendation, but I'm glad I finally read it. It'll be interesting seeing what echoes/traces of it I can now pick up in other robot/AI-related writing.

Monstress: vol. 5-7 by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda. This comic is so good you guys. So. Good. I don't really know what else to say here, except that she continues to step up her game even more with every volume, and I don't know how she's keeping all the balls in the air that she is with this story as deftly as she is. I have no idea where this story is going, either, and I can't wait to find out. I don't know. Themes of monstrosity and agency and lack of agency and how to be a good person (or try) in a terrible world. With a whole lot more than that. Also there's gay betrayal, if you're into that.

Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. Why do I continue to read Greek Mythology retellings when at best they end up making me go "eh, it was okay I guess"? Not sure. But this was okay, I guess. I liked the same author's Electra better.

Pathogenesis: A History of the World in Eight Plagues by Jonathan Kennedy. More of a "history of the western world categorized by periods of time in which there were various diseases" which...was not quite what I was hoping for, but it was still a good, solid book about epidemiology and the impact of disease on history. A lot of it was familiar to me (how disease enabled the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs and Incas, for instance, but also British colonization in North America), but I did learn some new things, particularly in the sections about Paleolithic/Neolithic diseases. All in all a book I read because I'm particularly interested in the subject but not probably one I'd recommend as the one book that they'd have to read about it.

The Hollow Kind by Andy Davidson. I made it a goal in October to read some spooky books and ended up only reading three, but this was easily my favorite of those - and my favorite non-Darcy Coates horror I've read in a while, too. I wasn't totally sure what to expect from this one, and the slow reveal in the first two thirds particularly was very well done. I found myself slightly more compelled by the portions set in the past than by the present storyline, but not so much as to ding the whole book for it. And I liked that the monster was left pretty vague and undefined, too; that's always my preference. Some very gross descriptions and body horror, as a caveat for those who might be interested but are sensitive about such things.

Die: vol. 1-3 by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans. I'm finally rereading (and finishing) this series and...I forgot how much I like it. Not only because the art is gorgeous (and the art is gorgeous) but Kieron Gillen's writing remains as sharp as ever, and the way he is playing with fantasy as a genre is very fun for me as a fantasy nerd. My favorite issue remains the one about The Lord of the Rings, though. I don't know that this one is quite as good as The Wicked and the Divine as a whole, but I'll have to reread that one taken as a whole, too, before making that determination.

And the art really is gorgeous. Stephanie Hans remains a fave.

Homegrown: Timothy McVeigh and the Rise of Right-Wing Extremism by Jeffrey Toobin. A decent narrative about the Oklahoma City bombing, certainly competently written, but he interrupted himself a little too often drawing parallels to January 6th, in my opinion, and I don't feel like I took anything particularly new or fresh away from this. Which is maybe an artifact of the fact that I've read a number of better books about the rise of right-wing extremism in the 90s, and this one wasn't one of them, but I'm going to go ahead and damn with faint praise when I say "it was fine."

currently I'm rereading Banewreaker by Jacqueline Carey which is a fascinating text in ways that I'm going to need to chew on for a bit, so that I can finally read the sequel. but then a bunch of stuff came in for me at the library, so I'm next probably going to be reading Silver Nitrate by Sylvia Moreno-Garcia, and then Godslayer by Jacqueline Carey, and then The Art of Prophecy by Wesley Chu, and then Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky, and then Our Share of Night by Mariana Enriquez. or that's the plan, anyway. we'll see how fast it gets derailed.

also somewhere in there planning on reading more Female General and Eldest Princess and most likely the second volume of Remnants of Filth. I'm trying to spend less time on the internet in general (you absolutely could not tell I am sure) so let's make it a busy reading month instead.

[bornincaldecott]

X-Men '97 | Episodes 1 & 2

X-Men TAS has always had a special place in my heart. That, along with the Dark Phoenix Saga (granted it had been out for awhile by the time I was able to read it), was my introduction to comics. I love everything X-Men, but TAS is special. So, like a lot of people, I went into this feeling several types of ways. When the intro started, I got chills.

All-in-all, I really enjoyed the first two episodes. I'm not super crazy about the animation style (why are all the ladies wearing super thick eyeliner a la the Scene Era?), but it's fine.

Crop Top Gambit in the first five minutes? Incredible. I wasn't crazy about his new VA initially, but he grew on me pretty quickly.

I actually liked Scott's voice the best. I think his new VA did an incredible job channeling his original VA.

The writing was clunky at times, but I get why (like when Rogue is moping about her powers at the rave, or when Jean is explaining to Storm about the Phoenix). First, they're trying to capture the essence of TAS, 90's cringe and all (nailed it). Second, this show isn't necessarily meant to bring in new fans. It's a happy by-product, sure, but not the intent. That said, they still have to ensure that things make sense (as much as possible) to any X-Men newbies, which means we gotta endure some awkward exposition.

Also

ALSO

I fucking called Rogueneto. When the first trailer dropped, and we got the last clip of hunky Mags, I was like...oh, they're doing Rogueneto. And honestly? I'm here for it. Do I like the pairing? No, it's not my cuppa, but what I do like is the angst it presents for Romy. Rogueneto also helps set Rogue and Gambit up as a foil to Jean and Scott's established relationship, and then they're the mid-point between Jean and Scott and what I am guessing is going to be Jubilee and Roberto.

This broke my heart though. UGH. I know it'll be alright in the end because the show's already said Romy is their OTP but stiiillllll.

AND I CALLED MADELYN?! Okok we won't actually know until next week but ?!?!?!?!?!

I could go on and on about the first two episodes, but instead I'll highlight some of my favorite parts.

Storm turning the desert to glass. JFC. Even the sentinels were like "danger Will Robinson!" And the quiet piano sound during the scene? MY GOD. CHILLS.

"He's here!" / "Apocalypse?!" / "THE BABY!" & Wolvie got a convertible.

Mag's monologue in the sky. Fucking wow.

The sentinel fight. It was so cool seeing them fight as a team.

And not to end on a bummer note, but...they introduced Genosha...did a whole bit with Mags saving the Morlocks and sending them there...and with what Jean saw in Cerebro in the first episode...yeah...I think we're getting that story.

Anyway! Loved the first two episodes. Super jazzed for the rest.

Have one last Remy gif for the road.

ffs I want him to look at me like that.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Treats

It has been a hideous day.

New Girl and The Other Part-Timer really went whole hog on pulling every single short report out of the queue, leaving me with all the Annoyances and the Monstrosities. (I differentiate because all Monstrosities are Annoyances, but not all Annoyances are Monstrosities, y'see.) I actually left a couple of the Monstrosities behind even in my two more hours of overtime because like hell am I going to take every single one of the Monstrosities just because Other Part-Timer and New Girl can't be arsed to do anything but the little simple ones, particularly when I should be getting the lion's share of those because they hurt me less.

Today was made especially fun when the cold landed me with a pinched nerve in my right shoulder in the mid-afternoon. Numb pain all the way down my arm, and it was effort not to scream when I moved. I had to take some of the mallet meds, which I almost never do during the day, because I legitimately could not cope otherwise. That dulled it some, and it's a little better now even with the mallet meds worn off thanks to a hot bath, but it still hurts. It doesn't help that these things are painful at the best of times, but one of fibromyalgia's main horrors is how it amplifies pain. Anyway, I had so many Monstrosities - mostly the ones who are learning the art of the cut-up and have a tendency to start dictating before they've done key parts of the cut-up, so they trip over new information and throw it in any old where, including the block key, which is only supposed to carry information about where the sample came from, nothing diagnostic. Also Annoyances - there's a half-dozen of them that read out the lab number on every single pot label even though we don't actually type those, and that generally adds time to a report that none of us enjoy taking, plus one of them either constantly gets a really shitty foot pedal or doesn't step on hers hard enough because I had to email her three times today because breaks in the dictation cut out key information from the report. Not what you want to do when your entire right arm is screaming.

And the numbers. Seriously. New Girl and Other Part-Timer managed about 40 reports apiece - the short, easy ones. I did 130 or so. And of course, none of them are working overtime. I get that it's easier for me to work overtime because I don't have to commute, but for fuck's sake, they could at least make my life easier in one aspect, since I'm giving up my evenings and probably my fucking Saturday to keep us from going under entirely. So if they're going to do so few anyway, why can't they take the Annoyances and Monstrosities? At least sometimes? Why can't they at least take things chronologically?

(Because they're lazy as fuck, that's why.)

So anyway, I ate a thing, and now I am settling in for the evening, and I will probably require more mallet meds soon, and ... okay, I'm not entirely grumbling but I am a little. See, when I did the whole Next Fest Demo thing, I budgeted for a couple that were coming out a bit before payday. I hadn't anticipated deciding, "Fuck it; I am going to see how Veilguard really is before I talk myself out of it again". Ah well. Payday in a week. I can live without Luma Island for a week, and it'll still be on sale then, so it's fine. Besides, I have a Rook to get through the end of the world and the death of the gods and everything. Not entirely sure that's a thing I have the spoons for right now, though. Which sucks because I'm at the climax of Lucanis' and Bellara's companion questlines, but ... you know, right arm, ow. I'll see how I feel after I finish my hot chocolate and let my mallet meds kick in.

[simplylove101]

2024 Horror Challenge: [86/?]

↳“The solution for a claustrophobic astronaut is to give him more space.” Alien: Romulus (2024) dir. Fede Álvarez

Plot: While scavenging the deep ends of a derelict space station, a group of young space colonists come face to face with the most terrifying life form in the universe.

Starring: Cailee Spaeny, David Jonsson, Archie Renaux, Isabela Merced, Spike Fearn & Aileen Wu

Okay, I fell asleep as usual before I could type up my reviews for the movies I chose for my Halloween marathon. I settled on three (and then it turned out I had to trade one out because the first option was quickly turning into a dud watch & I just couldn't deal with that on Halloween of all nights They gotta be at least solid. lol) and this was one of them. My co-worker had warned me beforehand that it was just okay in his opinion, which doesn't necessarily mean anything cuz sometimes his taste is basic, but I will admit I don't think he was too far-off by saying that. I think it definitely got stronger in the second half with all the action-packed sequences but it took me a little while to really get invested at all. This isn't even because of bias of the superior Alien/Aliens movies (I appreciate Prometheus for what it is as well) but it doesn't really do enough to make the characters feel real and have their own personalities beyond serving the plot, besides the sister-foster brother/android relationship between Rain & Andy. The acting with them felt like a major highlight (Priscilla/Civil War fans will recognize the talented Cailee Spaeny & David Jonsson was in the very underrated Rye Lane last year) along with Isabela Merced showing her skills as a promising scream queen (I mean that quite literally btw by giving one of the best screams in horror imo) I knew she wouldn't be but spoiler alert, she should have been a final girl. welp lol Anyway, the rest of the cast is good with what they had to work with but as I said the script only gave them so much. The effects were really good tho and I appreciate Fede was trying to make sure he stayed as true as he could to the original movie since this takes place after it. I'm one of the people split on the usage of Ian Holm's likeness since Fede has been very open about the fact that he did it for the sake of the story but then Idk if that transparency makes it any better tbh since it's still a form of AI, is it not? And the man is dead. :/ Either way, there was too much of his character anyway so that doesn't help. It did feel like it relied a little too much on typical Alien tropes but then that's the trouble with some sequels/prequels sometimes. Not every trick is gonna hit every time since it'll feel repetitive. That said, I say this as someone who hasn't seen every Alien movie so I won't pretend to speak on true mega fans' behalf. Anyway, as I said, it took a minute to get me on board, but at least the finale was strong enough to be entertaining. Still, gotta say out of the three major Fede Álvarez movies, this was probably my least fave (but then I really like both Evil Dead & Don't Breathe which I own so lol) I am curious if I would have preferred this in the theater tho, because I feel like I might have with how epic they were trying to go with it. Crazy they were gonna just dump this on Hulu as if it wouldn't make a ton of money (spoiler alert: It made a lot) So, yeah, wanted to like it more but it wasn't all bad. Which is all I went in expecting so it was fine.

[noballls]

YAYYYYY more edgy Project Ven content because I'm bored!!!

Aight bros, today imma get into the differences between Gwens symbiotic suit and Eddies/the Venom suit let's goo. (This post will mention spoilers for TSSM so if you wanna avoid that click away!!)

Oh yeah also I did not check to see if any of these sentences made sense, it's 3 am I'm sorry. (Oh yeah it's pretty edgy too lol)

The first thing we gotta talk about is the fact that Gwens suit isn't exactly organic like Eddie's, it uses remains of the symbiote that was found in webs all over the city and as well whatever remained in its containment. The suit Gwen uses mixes technology and organic stuff. Why? To create a weapon that can protect the host, that's why. To put it short, since a company known as V.E.N knows about Miles Warren's lab and the whole symbiote situation they entrust him to make a mercenary suit, mainly because they trust him more than the Connors. I'm not gonna get into detail on who collected the webs the symbiote produced, because I don't want this to be too long.

Oh yeah, there's also the difference in how connected they are to their hosts. Gwens symbiote is basically connected to her blood and nervous system while Eddie's is skin, so.. not a very yippee situation.

Anyways, next is the suits symbiotes themselves. Eddie's symbiote is of course more of a person compared to Gwens, that thing actually has its own personality. Meanwhile, Gwens symbiote is more like a human still developing its personality. Gwen had gotten the suit via it getting out of its containment while it's still in development, sure it's smart enough to open the containment door, but it doesn't really have its own personality. All it knows is that it wants to bond with someone or something.

Over time, of course, it'll develop its own personality. But it won't exactly be a nice and friendly personality, to get you caught up Gwens going through the grief of her father's death, she's specifically feeling a lot of anger and hate. She's also not the most mentally stable at the moment, she isn't insane but she definitely needs some kind of therapist or maybe someone to vent to. But, anyway, the suit gains its personality from someone who's angry, grieving, and not really mentally well. So, you know, the suits are not exactly gonna be a good person. Not like Eddie's suit is any better though.

Alright, now we have how the suit affects the host. We know Eddie/the Venom suit doesn't really affect the host in a good way, the symbiote kind of makes the host more aggressive or, you know, crazy in Eddie's case. It also seems to exhaust its host, we literally see Eddie collapse when it leaves him the first time.

Gwens suit is a little different, like with Peter the effects start slowly, very slowly in this case. At first for Gwen, the suit doesn't change her personality too much, she's actually having some fun experimenting with it. But, after 2 days of using the suit she begins to feel more irritable, the world all of a sudden feels too loud and everyone feels so annoying. It's the type of annoying that makes you want to tear out your ears.

Slowly but surely she starts to snap more like how Peter did. She didn't snap often, maybe if someone asked if she was fine or not too many times she would, but usually she felt pretty guilty and apologized afterwards. But as the symbiote begins to develop its own personality from hidden anger and as well grief, the guilt begins to fade, her lashing out becomes more frequent, not only that but she also begins to isolate herself.

Personality changes aren't the only thing that's happening too. The suit can also damage her body, the suit isn't completely finished, its weakness to heat and vibrations is still present. Usually, the symbiote will only be affected, but since it's a lot more connected to Gwen it also harms her. It's very much an ouchie moment.

And finally, we have the suit's capabilities. Gwens suit is more capable of using its goo as a weapon, it can create arm blades with the goo, of course it won't be as effective as an actual blade but it'll still be pretty damn harmful. Eddie's suit doesn't really produce a weapon like that, he can make tendrils though so that's pretty cool.

Their suits are sort of different but they're still really cool, I might post about Gwens relationships with the other characters and what's happening in her life soon.

[carladuquette]

happy speak now tv day! a couple of years ago i wrote a little something based on speak now (the song) and it turned into a whole taylor x elite series. next chapter - no body no crime - coming when i my wrists/arms will let me type without pain again.

ANYWAY, Speak Now - Carla/Samuel

Carla pulled at the hem of her dress, then took another sip from the small champagne bottle Lu had pressed into her hand as soon as she had gotten into Carla's car.

"I'm really not sure this is a good idea," she said one more time. "Maybe we should go home."

"Carla." Lu took her hand and waited until Carla looked at her. "We've talked about this. We're going. You need this. It'll give you… closure or something? Anyway, you can't let that little hairdresser tell you what to do. And we look way too hot to turn back now, ok? Trust me, it'll be fine."

Carla smiled briefly. Whenever Lu said that, there was at least a 50 percent chance whatever they were up to would end in disaster. Hopefully today would be different.

She braced herself and took a deep breath in the back of the car. It wasn't like she was heading to her own execution. Weddings were a happy occasion. A couple expressing their undying love for each love. Two families united as one. A never-ending flow of alcohol from the open bar. Only that she and Lu would never get to the part with the alcohol. They wouldn't go to the reception because neither of them had actually been invited to the wedding they were about to attend.

Well. Technically…

It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be

Samuel had been dating Maria when Carla had returned from London and she'd been determined to be happy for him. They had gone on a few double dates, always with a different guy by Carla's side (and a girl once, Carla had learned some things about herself in college), but eventually they'd stopped.

Samuel had canceled a dinner first, then Carla had feigned a headache and bowed out of a movie she and Sergio (or was it Raul?) were supposed to go see with Samuel and Maria. When Carla had texted Samuel a few days later with the suggestion for another date, he'd said it was a bad time, that he was studying for the final exams for his Bachelor's and Maria was busy at work.

The mean part of Carla had wanted to reply asking what exactly Maria was so busy with at the salon, but she'd just texted him a "Sure, let me know when you come up for air." He never had.

Carla hadn't minded. In fact, she'd been grateful. Going out with him and Maria had been more painful than she had been willing to admit to herself.

They'd seen each other one more time after that, at Guzman's birthday. Maria hadn't been there - "She's visiting her mom on Lanzarote," Samuel had explained - and it had been the best night Carla had had since returning to Madrid. She and Samuel had been inseparable all night. They had talked for hours. His jokes had still been stupid, his dance moves had still made him look like he was having a seizure and Carla still hadn't cared one bit. The way he'd looked at her… No one had looked at her like that in years. Carla had felt like she was right back in high school.

It had happened when Guzman had finally kicked the last guests out at 3:30 am. They had awkwardly hugged goodbye in front of Guzman's apartment building. And then they had kissed.

For the first time Carla had felt like she was actually home again. Then she'd opened her eyes and had seen the guilt written all over Samuel's face.

"I'm sorry," she had rushed to say.

"Carla…"

"No no, don't worry about it. We're both drunk, this didn't mean anything." As if it could ever not mean anything with him. "You're fine. Go home. We'll just forget this ever happened."

A few months later she'd been out for drinks with Guzman, Ander and Lu. Guzman hadn't been able to look her in the eye all night, until Lu had kicked her ex's leg under the table and exasperatedly said "Will you just tell her already?"

Samuel, as it turned out, had apparently done exactly as she had suggested, forgotten all about their kiss and proposed to his girlfriend. By the end of that night, Lu had had to hold Carla's hair back as she threw up in the bar's bathroom.

The invite had been in the mail a few weeks later. "A July wedding, it'll be way too hot," Carla had thought idly as her legs had given out. She had fully planned to attend, with a plus one, of course. But before she'd been able to send her RSVP back, Maria had shown up at her office on a Thursday. It had been raining and Carla had just gotten dropped back off at the winery after a business lunch with a buyer from Italy when she'd seen Maria in the lobby. (She still remembered every single detail of that day down to the color of her shoes - bordeaux - and the overly sweet smell of Maria's vanilla-scented perfume.) Samuel's fiancée had made it very clear that she did not want Carla to show her face at the wedding.

I sneak in and see your friends And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel

They had actually sneaked into the church where her high school boyfriend was about to get married like it was Teatro Barcelo and she and Lu were 15. Carla took a moment to appreciate the absurdity of her life before she looked around. People were still arriving, so there was enough of a hustle and bustle that the two of them didn't attract attention standing off to the side next to a large shelf holding fliers about the church's membership drive, its Thursday night soup kitchen and the Alcoholics Anonymous group that hosted its meetings in the building's basement. The snob in Carla was appalled that no one had bothered to remove the shelf, or at least the fliers, before the wedding. Stop judging, she reminded herself. You shouldn't even be here.

Lu had no such qualms. "That has to be Maria's mother up there, right?" She scoffed. "Who wears mint green to a wedding? Honestly, that whole outfit is a disaster. I am itching just looking at the fabric from here. What is that, polyester?"

Carla nodded absentmindedly, looking for faces she'd recognize. Her heart skipped a beat when she spotted Nano already standing up front next to the altar, looking uncomfortable in an ill-fitting suit. "Look." She tugged on Lu's arm. "Samu must be so happy to have his brother here. I bet Nano is his best man."

"Yeah, he is." Lu chuckled. "Guzman was pretty hurt he didn't get the job. Oh my God, is that-"

Both of their mouths were hanging open as they watched a tall brunette walk past them at a distance, quietly cursing and pulling at the ruffles covering her torso. "Wow," was all Carla managed. She couldn't drag her eyes away from Rebeka in a pink tulle atrocity that she realized had to be a bridesmaid dress.

"She and Samuel must still be really good friends for her to be wearing that." Lu was laughing so hard she had to lean on the shelf and Carla shushed her. When she had calmed down she turned to Carla.

"So, I hang back here while you go find Samuel? I can text Guzman about where the room is that the guys-

"Are you insane?" Carla took a step closer to Lu so their faces were almost touching. "I am not going to talk to him! That is not why we came here!"

She was about to elaborate when a familiar voice made her freeze. "Nano!" Pilar shouted as she entered the church, cellphone in hand. "Did you tell the DJ it was next weekend?!"

Carla roughly grabbed Lu's elbow and dragged her along as she hurried behind the shelf and ducked.

Lu stared at her. "What the-"

"Sssshhh!" Carla covered Lu's mouth with her hand. Only when Pilar was far enough away they couldn't hear her shouting anymore did she remove it. "She can't see us, she'd immediately tell Samu I'm here."

The gentleness in Lu's eyes was a rare sight. "Carla, what are you doing?" she asked softly.

"Samu and I just missed our moment." Carla shrugged. She knew her hard work to look nonchalant was in vain, but that didn't mean she'd give up. "He's getting married, there's nothing I can do about it."

"Bullshit! Have you not seen a single romcom ever? Damn it, you are so clearly still in lo-"

"Shut up!" Carla could feel her face heat up. "You wanted us to come here, you dragged me to this even though I told you in no uncertain terms I did not want to go and I still very much don't want to be here! But you don't care because you thought this could be some fun little anecdote for you to tell down the road, right? 'How I crashed a working-class wedding.'"

"That's not true and I hope you know that," Lu said quietly.

Seeing hurt flash across her best friend's face and knowing she had caused it still came with the exact same mix of surprise and regret it did in high school. "I'm sorry," Carla said immediately. "No, of course I do. It's all of this, being here... It has me on edge. But you're right, it'll be good for closure. Let's just find seats in the back and get through it, ok?"

Lu smiled half-heartedly and hugged her. "If that's what you really want."

Horrified looks from everyone in the room But I'm only looking at you

The ceremony passed in a haze. Lu covered a laugh with a cough as Rebeka walked down the aisle, other than that the two of them were silent. Carla kept staring at Samuel, trying to decipher whether he looked happy, but they were too far back for her to really read his face. When Maria floated down the aisle like a pageant queen, Carla grabbed Lu's hand without taking her eyes off the bride. She was squeezing so hard that she thought she could hear their bones crack - she'd definitely have to buy Lu a drink or five once this was over. Once this was over… when Samuel would be married. Carla closed her eyes.

After what felt like hours, when the sickeningly adorable story of how Samuel and Maria had met had been told and a friend of Maria's had sung some 90s love song off-key, the pastor cleared his throat and declared: "Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Carla." When she didn't react right away, Lu pulled away her hand and pinched her arm hard enough to hurt. "Carla! This is your last chance! If you don't do something now-"

It was a physical reflex. That was the only possible explanation, because Carla certainly didn't want to get up, but there she was, on her feet, hands shaking.

"Uhm." She cleared her throat. The effect would have been comical had she not been this terrified: Every last person in the church turned to look at her. And they clearly weren't happy. Carla took a deep breath and focused on Samuel, who hadn't moved a single muscle and was staring at her slack-jawed.  

"I… I don't usually do this sort of thing-" Here she could see Rebeka laugh, the only one in the bridesmaids line-up who didn't look horrified. "But I wanted…" What exactly was it that she wanted? What was the plan here? Carla was ready to just sit down again (or, even better, have the ground open up and swallow her whole), when she felt Lu squeeze her hand. Fuck it.

"I didn't want to miss my moment. Not again. Samu, we've done that enough times. I'm sorry I didn't say this earlier, right when I got back from London or even before that, but I love you. I love you." Carla was having an out-of-body experience, but she was still pretty sure the smile slowly spreading across Samuel's face wasn't a hallucination.

"So… You shouldn't be marrying the wrong girl, I guess is what I'm saying."

A collective gasp traveled through the pews. Maria threw her bouquet to the ground and looked like she was ready to tackle Carla, but Rebeka had taken a step forward and grabbed her by the arm. Carla felt like she was floating, like she had drunk an entire bottle of champagne too quickly. Nothing could touch her. She actually giggled. "I'll be going, but if you're not going to be saying any vows, come find me outside."

She turned around and made her way out of the pew. Lu was right behind her. Once they were outside, the enormity of her actions hit her in the face. "Oh my god." Carla had to sit down on the church's front stoop because the world was spinning. She had apparently forgotten how to breathe right and struggled for tiny gulps of air. "What did I do? What just happened? I never should have come! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my-"

"Hey!" Lu was kneeling in front of her, grabbing her face with both hands. "You were fucking fantastic. That was the bravest thing I have ever seen, really, Carla."

"She's right, you know?"

Carla's heart stopped. She didn't dare turn around, so when Lu got up with a wide grin on her face, Carla just kept staring straight ahead. A pair of tux-clad legs appeared in her field of vision. Carla's mouth opened without any contribution from her brain. "You can't wear sneakers with a tuxedo," she said, her voice hoarse.

Samuel's laugh rang in her ears. When she finally looked up at him, his dark eyes were serious.

"Did you really mean what you said in there?"

For the first time Carla allowed the hope that she had pushed down to unfold. She got up and grabbed Samuel's hands. "I just got up in front of all your friends and family and ruined your wedding. Of course I fucking meant it. Every word."

Before she could ask how he felt, Samuel pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. Carla moaned into the kiss and only broke away when Lu cleared her throat.

"You're welcome, bitch."

Carla practically ran the few short steps towards Lu and all but jumped into her arms. "Thank you," she whispered in her ear. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Her cheeks were wet when she pulled away.

"Any time." Lu wiped away a tear, too. "But can we get going now? I don't want to be here when the angry mob gets out."

They started walking towards their car, but Carla could feel Samuel tug at her hand. "Yeah?" She smiled at him.

"I'm really glad you came."

[yumyumcoldfish]

What Is Life If Not To Live?

An introspective and reflective, personal essay about uncertain thoughts regarding my future.

For a while now, I've been contemplating what I want to do. Mostly unsure and anxious about my future—what might happen, may mangyayari ba even sa future ko (💀)

I've always felt the need to conform to what's supposed to be normal; study hard, get a job (umalis sa bansang to), and be financially stable enough to return my dad's sacrifices. I'm lucky enough to not receive pressuring remarks from my family, never once heard them state what I should be or what I should do in my life. And I'm not blaming anyone, I'm supposed to be responsible for my actions. Maybe it's the lack of guidance I wish was present when I was a child, and even now. Because I feel so lost.

I've been feeling that way for a while now ever since I turned 17. I know things will work out, I've always been the type to be optimistic and confident that things will be okay for me and that it'll all be fine anyways. That I'll graduate, get a job that's at least in my field of interest and have enough money to survive.

But is that it? That's all? Something about that doesn't sit well with me. I want more, I want there to be more because I know there's more than this mundane adult life me and my other peers dread (whether we admit it or not).

Some of you may not see it, some of you may not get what I mean. I don't want to just survive, I want to live.

Adulthood just seems so damn pressuring. I remember the frown that crawled its way out of my lips when I had this conversation with Irha (hi), talking about what we'd do in the future. I remember feeling so crushed when she ever so bluntly broke it to me na kailangang maging practical. It's like a part of me shattered that day when it hit me na whatever I want to do, wouldn't matter if walang pera. And it shifted my mindset ever since.

Every time someone brings up the topic of the future, I'd bring up jobs that are practical or what would bring money. Money, money, money. It's so redundant at this point. I know myself enough to know I'm materialistic, but damn does it seem pointless when I have first-hand experience on receiving money but not my parents' presence (that's a story for another day).

My mindset has shifted so much so that I fail to see the value in day-to-day jobs that are genuinely, and supposedly important to our community. I've been using the word 'lang' when describing a specific job, like 'Ah, ayaw ko maging X lang.' And I know that's extremely disrespectful and offensive.

I was raised to try and reach for the stars, my ego has been honed to make me feel like an individual that's different and even a small step back can make me feel inferior or invaluable, as if I'm not living up to my potential. And I recognize that I still haven't, I'm young after all.

It's also when I realize the charm of simply living, a mundane life. And that's when it hit me. I think I'm done with conforming to what's to be expected of us youth, I've thought about this na ever since I signed up for UPCAT. I don't like psychology anymore. I mean it's interesting to me and I like studying it, but I do not want to pursue it academically. I don't want my life to revolve around a degree that doesn't leave a spark in me.

I've always had a passion for creativity, people close to me know I've always enjoyed writing and many other things. I'm still figuring out what I could pursue, still uncertain, of course. But I'm sure it'll make me happy.

I'm sorry for the long read, this is essentially me yapping (ranting) about something that's been bugging me for a while now and I thought; why not share my thoughts? Maybe this'll give me clarity and maybe, just maybe, I could inspire one of you too to think deeply about what you want to do.

Do you and live.

[princess-viola]

i went to best buy today (yesterday cuz it's 1:41 am now) and i was just going there to buy a USB-A to USB-C cable and a set of composite video cables because one of the USB ports on my laptop died and i have a modern laptop so it has fuck all in terms of ports (it has two USB-A ports, a USB-C port, HDMI, ethernet, 3.5mm headphone microphone combo/jack, and an SD card slot and the other USB-A port is occupied by the receiver for my wireless keyboard (the 'd' key on the laptop keyboard doesn't work) and i needed the composite video cables because i have an A/V switcher for composite and s-video so i don't need to unplug and replug in cables to switch between the TV, Wii, and my VCR/DVD combo unit (when i get that plugged in again, at least)

and yeah anyways i found those at the store (well i actually couldn't find just a USB-A to USB-C adapter, i had to buy a fuckin USB file transfer cable that came with an adapter 🙄🙄🙄) BUT i also found a four port USB-C hub, which is also cool if i need to plug in more than three fucking things to my laptop BUT THAT'S NOT THE COOLEST THING I FOUND AT BEST BUY

I FOUND A FUCKIN EXTERNAL BLURAY DRIVE!!! it was on sale too for only $80!!!

absolutely i bought it because i literally have no bluray player* and even tho it looks like you need two free USB-A ports to use it (which would be annoying even if my laptop still had both USB-A ports working considering they're on different sides) a review on their website said 'yeah if you get a USB-A to USB-C adapter, it'll just work out of one USB-C port just fine' and YEAH IT DOES

AND I GOT BDs PLAYING THROUGH VLC TOO. i know i'll have to keep that one file with like the BD keys up to date but i own like 4 or 5 BD movies right now and i'm not exactly regularly buying them, so just bookmark the link to that file and update it when i buy a new thing on BD and bam, i'm fine

*yeah i know, it's literally 2023, bluray has been a thing since 20-fucking-06 and streaming media is (sadly) taking over and i still don't have a bluray player SHUT UP my main TV is literally still a CRT and i have a VCR still (pretty sure i have two VCRs actually, maybe three - not sure if i got rid of one of them), do i look like the type of autistic bitch who keeps up with modern media formats?

[watching-constellations]

This post is a really good reminder for me. I'm scared of big, huge memory loss because I watched my grandmother die of Alzheimer's. It was awful. It took over ten years, and it colored my entire childhood. To this day, I obsess over death, dying, and my mortality, because I know that my end may not come with any grace.

I've also already experienced severe memory loss. I am twenty-three. There is roughly a year of my adult life that I do not remember much of, and another year that's extremely fuzzy. I remember the edges, but I don't have a few months out of the middle at all. To this day, I don't really know what caused it. But, before the memory loss, I was in a healthy relationship (we were moving in together), I had my horse boarded at one specific barn, and I was starting my sophomore year of college. I know some of what happened during this year, but mostly from my camera roll and what I've been told by other people.

When I started remembering things again, I was on the verge of breaking up with my partner with no hope of recovery (I don't know why), my horse was at a completely different barn (I don't know when or how that happened), and I'd written an entire book (I have a memory of sitting down at my computer and typing a line or two— absolutely nothing else. The book is actually pretty good). I have no idea what happened to me during that time. All I know is that when I came to, if you can call it that, I was confused, terrified, and dazed. It felt like I'd been knocked unconscious and dropped off at a bus stop in a city on the other side of the world. My memory didn't start working like it used to for probably another year. Even now, I'm not sure if I'm all the way back to how I used to be. I tell myself that I am because that's easier, but on some days, I can feel that I'm not.

Thinking about returning to that state of total blankness and finding my life in a totally different place than where I left it scares me so much. I think mostly, it's the fact that I lost someone who I loved deeply that disturbs me. We were planning to get married. People still get upset with me nowadays for the things I allegedly did (and cannot remember at all) during this period of my life. Now, sometimes I isolate because it's hard for me to get close to people and learn new things, because I always carry this ice cold terror that it's going to go away, and there will be nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I do the opposite, and I live so fast and feverishly that I drive myself to illness and injury because I'm worried it'll all slip away from me in a blink. I fear that my memory loss makes me bad or crazy, and that nobody will stick with me through it if it happens again. It feels like a personal failing or irreparable and unforgivable problem because I'm so young. I don't trust anyone to be with me if I forget everything, and I don't trust myself to behave the way I want to if I'm not all the way here.

But hey, memory loss isn't actually the end, is it? I'm still here, and you're still here. I still have a lot of living left to do. There doesn't need to be a huge, terrible stigma around memory loss. I actually do still deserve to live a full life, huh? And maybe it's really not my fault that this has happened to me, and probably will again someday. Maybe I couldn't help it. Maybe everything is fine. So anyway, thank you for this. It's a good one.

Also, wow. I just realized how hard on myself I've been lately, because I'm already twenty-three, and I should be doing more, and... I'm missing a solid 1-2 years of my adult life. Apparently I need to give myself a little credit.

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!