#anyway. f r i e n d s Wrong the correct answer is y o u

[camzverse]

now spell sin

[yooleestruck]

LET’S SOLVE A CRYPTOGRAM TOGETHER. Or, apologies to the social media team for being impatient, but lee had a weird, weird childhood that included competitive family cryptogram solving and Nonna was RUTHLESS so I had to be fast.

ANYWAY.

Baseline assumption - most cryptograms are simple substitutions (one character = a different character) because who tf has time to be more complicated than that. Since I’m too lazy to draw runes, going to swap them for letters that are more easily recognizable to me. SOLUTION UNDER THE CUT (“solution” it could be a red herring)

Okay, so, now. Easy assumption: any repeated three letter sequence? Probably “the” this tells us A=T, L=H, E=E. (If it isn’t “the” it’s likely “and” but I always start with “the”)

Sidenote your girl is an overconfident heathen and did this in sharpie, but it should really be done in pencil because we’re gonna make a lotta assumptions and they may not pan out (name of the game is speed not precision). Speaking of assumptions! We can see there’s a two letter word that starts with t. Going to assume it is “to” which tells us I=O

Another quick one, there is a two letter word that begins with O. It’s either OF or OR. R is pretty common, and this character only appears once, so going to assume it’s F. (EDIT, like an HOUR LATER I realize ON was also a possibility at this point, but whatever, it got solved even missing that)

Now what?? At this point, I start looking for patterns. In particular, double letters because words with them are slightly more rare. 

Two words have double letters. We have more information on the one that starts with H (namely, that it also has an ‘e’). So I literally just started running through words in my head that have repeated letters and begin with H (sort of embarrassed that my first thought was ‘wholly’ don’t judge) - hallow, hollow, hoosier, hugger/hugged (possibility!) hitter (can’t be, already used t), hidden (possibility!) that’s literally three right off the bat. Since this is a cipher and all about being mysterious, I opted for hidden as a reasonable answer. IF hidden is correct, then P=I K=D J=N. Let’s try it!

That was a big assumption. So now we spot check to see if we created anything completely ridiculous. I’m side-eyeing the d word because it’s a weird letter to begin a word with, but the OND is actually pretty promising - fairly common word ending. Think we’re on the right track. 

Going on to the next double letter word, we have an even more interesting pattern of ABBA within it (or CFFC as it were). I went through a quick mental list (tallow, tugged, tunnel, toggle, terrible, turret, teller - I paused on teller, but it doesn’t work because E=E not C). Got stuck, so we move on. (SPEED)

What else do we know? 

We have a PHRASE NOW. “To the hidden _o__d”

The word ending in D has to be a destination because we are going TO it. Hidden destination? Doesn’t take a lot of effort to come up with ‘world’ (land came first but doesn’t fit). N=W, B=R, F=L - all new letters we haven’t used before, so it works. Let’s try it.

This makes it pretty obvious that the first word is Travel (because we’re going to a hidden world. What else is a transportation verb beginning with T!) Checks out - C & D are new, as are A and V. C=A, D=V 

Also HOW MANY WORDS do you know with nown that begin with a lesser known letter (Z only appears once). One. I know ONE. I just used it. ZJINJ has GOT to be ‘known’. Z=K

Now, Tallav is suspicious because it’s not a real word (or at least one I know), but given the context of the sentence, it works. We’re down to two words EOND and DOAIN. 

“travel eond the known” - say it out loud and ‘travel BeYond the known’ makes sense. G=B, H=Y

Now we’re left with one word that has two letters we haven’t used before and is probably geography or transport related, given the remaining context. Not that many D words that fit that bill, so Domains it is. O=M Q=S (side note I was shocked S only got used once.)

TA-DA.

Now. The only message I have in regards to this is that speed puzzle-solving is DEFINITELY MORE “SLOPPY GUESSES” than it is “science and systems” 😂 someone else may have done it ‘better’ but, this helped me solve it while waiting for folks to join a meeting, so, yes! ~6-8 min. (I share this not to brag but to prove I didn’t whittle away too much time of my life on this I swear) but it was fun! I enjoy these kinds of challenges, and hope you did too.

Happy (de)ciphering. Now watch me be completely wrong lolololol 

But I did see we reached 400 notes, so, time to see what @lovestruckvoltage​ says!

[comp6841]

Midterm - Past Paper 2017

=== Question 0 === (3 Marks)

What is the most important property for a cryptographic hash function to have to make it as resistant as possible to birthday attacks?

.[A] Preimage resistance .[B] Collision resistance .[C] Confidentiality .[D] Symmetry .[E] Second-preimage resistance .[F] Non-determinism

The whole idea behind the “birthday paradox” is that given a room of people it “seems more likely than you think” that any two people will have the same birthday. The key part here is “any” - the idea of being able to find “any” 2 hashes for a function is a collision attack; hence the answer is B.

=== Question 1 === (3 Marks)

You are a developer of opensource fake-news software called "The trumpet shall sound", or "Trumpet" for short. You wish to use a cryptographic algorithm to generate a 64 character "digital fingerprint" of the "Trumpet" binary, which you will display on your web site so that people can check that they have downloaded a legitimate and unaltered copy of "Trumpet".

What is the most important property for this cryptographic fingerprint algorithm to have?

.[A] Preimage resistance .[B] Collision resistance .[C] Confidentiality .[D] Symmetry .[E] Second-preimage resistance .[F] Non-determinism

If someone is trying to make an illegitimate document, they are essentially trying to fake the hash which means it must be either A, B or E. Since they are looking to find another x’ (i.e. fake document) such that h(x) = h(x’) where x is the original document, the answer is clearly second-preimage resistance - E.

=== Question 2 === (3 Marks)

A MAC is designed to provide .[A] Neither Integrity nor Authentication .[B] Authentication but not Integrity .[C] Integrity but not Authentication .[D] Integrity and Authentication .[E] A Very Fashionable Device

A MAC is a hash of a message and a key - the purpose of hashing this is to ensure the data is not modified (i.e. integrity) and that the other individual knows the key (i.e. authentication) so they can verify the MAC code. Therefore the answer is clearly D.

=== Question 3 === (3 Marks)

You have a password file of 1,000 password hashes. Assuming that 50% of the passwords used were weak passwords which can be found in a dictionary of 1,000,000 common passwords, and that hashing a password takes 12 bits of work on average, roughly how many bits of work would it take to discover all these 500 or so weak passwords?

Note: only enter DIGITS in your answer (or else the automarker will mark it wrong.) _____

The easiest way to do this problem is to firstly hash all the dictionary passwords and put them in a table.

Work = 1,000,000 * 2^12 = 2^20 * 2^12 = 2^32

If you have them in a hash map, you can pretty much do an O(1) (constant time) lookup. This is comparatively very small compared to the computation required to compute a hash function, so we can ignore this. (i.e. we don’t need to worry about the 50% being weak at all here really) So the answer is 2^32 bits of work.

=== Question 4 === (3 Marks)

As for Question 3 but now assume that each password is appended to a different 32 bit number (a salt) before the hash was computed, and that the salt number for each password hash is stored, unencrypted, next to the hash in the password file.

Roughly how many bits of work would it take to discover all the 500 or so weak passwords in this case?

Note: only enter DIGITS in your answer (or else the automarker will mark it wrong.)

Now we actually have to consider the assumption that 50% of the given 1000 passwords are weak. This is actually a generalised birthday problem (except 1/2 for weak instead of 1/365 for birthdays) - i.e. given a room of 1,000 people, what is the value of n such that the probability that n people (0 <= n <= 1000) have a birthday on the same day is 0.5? I think solving this is well beyond the scope of this course - so in this question, I will make the assumption there is instead a 50% chance for any ‘given password’ to be weak. This means that on average your expectation would be that you need to check all the passwords to see if they are weak - the actual answer to the generalised birthday problem is not that far off 1,000 so I would argue we may be overestimating the amount of work by 2^0.5.

For each of the passwords we need to check, we will need to calculate the hash with the given salt for each of the common passwords. Now remember, around half of them are weak; this means on average we will only need to hash half the password list for the ones which are weak. The normal passwords we will end up wasting our time on the entire list:

So our answer based on our assumption would be 41.5 bits of work; I would argue that once you take the unintended generalised birthday problem into account it is probably closer to 41 bits of work.

=== Question 5 === (3 Marks)

Below are six lists of expenses submitted by six politicians. Sadly 3 of the politicians are dishonest and submitted made-up fake expense claims, not costs that they really incurred. :(

{{{ Albus Bert Carl Dave Egon Fred

269 6,296 543 1,137 503 206 1,428 3,217 220 638 4,195 74 3,840 520 3,080 696 5,780 257 2,163 456 5,070 543 7,774 350 165 111 108 113 986 50 2,701 2,176 8,078 145 884 426 339 476 7,963 313 6,530 3,226 64 2,607 68 236 50 108 942 824 2,457 701 9,801 94 17 10 7,952 422 5,717 17 423 112 5,332 5,723 29 158 37 13 5,705 964 3,933 609 723 9,048 8,851 750 6,122 5,769 172 295 99 7,905 91 19 498 165 6,424 9,953 89 275 5,583 3,008 48 491 19 898 56 1,396 8,339 2,675 758 506 158 19 1,945 8,212 427 3,467 1,244 238 916 897 8,503 9,217 2,445 51 3,618 392 3,617 26 866 921 4,219 941 338 1,349

}}}

Correctly identify the status of each politician.

==== 5.1 Albus ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.2 Bert ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.3 Carl ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.4 Dave ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.5 Egon ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

==== 5.6 Fred ==== .[A] Honest .[B] Dishonest

Had to look up a bit about datasets to find out that this was utilising Benford’s law (on Wikipedia) - an observation regarding the frequency of leading digits in real-world datasets. Basically the idea is they should occur fairly closely to the distribution in the image below:

So what you need to do in the above dataset is count the number of 1′s for each of the politicians as leading digits and the percentage they represent in each column. I did this and got A - 29%, B - 33%, C - 10%, D - 14%, E - 5% and F - 24%. You can clearly see that A, B and F more closely resemble real-world data and are more likely the honest politicians (you can also check this with 2′s as well). Therefore the dishonest politicans are likely C, D and E.

=== Question 6 === (10 Marks)

What is the 5th word in the plaintext for the ciphertext below?

{{{ HHPET IAESR DTEHN SRAKA UASMI UEOYR CNWOK FNERA TRONE TNYLO SOENO OHDAS RYUSW DONUR BNSGI STLAU HTTOO DSAHE EWSYO SRTEC IFHWO EHNOC TIHGM AENUB EAERW DEYRV EYHTA OUGNS WSODE ROEVN HLTLA ESSEE SRTEC ONSDA YVREE SNIEO ENHTI IAKRD WOENN AYROA EOHTN OIYFR SAERU TNABU IIGNH RAAPN IFROK NSATN TEUBC OODUY NOKTN AWHTO CAOLT AECDK TIENB RSUBI IEFDI ETFYF NTEBE YAHTE LUBRO TNEKA YHNET EURAO ENHTI EAKRD HETNV YUHGO EURAO COATN LULAT HITNY KDRAE }}}

THEPE 

My immediate idea was that this was a transposition cipher because it would be kinda cruel otherwise since we aren’t given any word spacing information or punctuation. The first word I saw was “THE” at the start, so I figured it must mean something - I attempted assembling with key length 3 however this didn’t make sense (neither did a length of 4). When I tried a length of 5, I got “THEPH” -> “RASEI” -> “NTHED” -> "ARKAS” (i.e. “THE PHRASE IN THE DARK AS”). This seemed to make sense and checking it a bit further, this seemed to be the correct mapping which is (1,2,3,4,5) -> (5,2,4,3,1) - this means the 5th word is “DARK”.

=== Question 7 === (20 Marks)

Suppose we convert letters and other characters into numbers in the range 1..54 using the following table and then separately encipher each of these numbers using RSA with a public encryption key of 23 and a modulus of 55.

{{{ 1 <         21 L       41 4 2 >         22 M     42 5 3 ?         23 N      43 6 4 /         24 O      44 7 5 :         25 P       45 8 6 ;         26 Q      46 9 7 “         27 R      47 ( 8 '         28 S       48 ) 9 @       29 T      49 * 10 A      30 U     50 + 11 B      31 V      51 , 12 C      32 W     52 - 13 D     33 X       53 . 14 E      34 Y       54 / 15 F      35 Z 16 G     36 SPACE 17 H     37 0 18 I      38 1 19 J      39 2 20 K     40 3 }}}

For example the plaintext ":)" would be converted into 5,48, and then each of these numbers would be individually encrypted using RSA to produce the cipertext 15,42.

The remainder of this question has been encrypted using RSA with an encryption key of 23 and a modulus of 55.

{{{ 24,18,49,16,48,49,33,10, 2,12, 52,49,48,16,19,20,16,24,18, 2, 7,16,31,50,49, 7,24, 2,19,12, 16,18,10, 7,16,11,49,49,12,16, 49,12,23,48,34, 5,24,49,52,16, 50, 7, 2,12,26,16,48, 7,10,16, 43, 2,24,18,16,10,12,16,49,12, 23,48,34, 5,24, 2,19,12,16,25, 49,34,16,19,20,16,29,35,16,10, 12,52,16,10,16,33,19,52,50,21, 50, 7,16,19,20,16, 3, 3,47,16, 16,24,18,49,16,10,12, 7,43,49, 48,16,23,19,52,49,43,19,48,52, 16, 2, 7,16,53,53,53,53,53,53, 53,53. }}}

What is the answer codeword?

If you read a little about RSA you would know that you pick 2 primes (p and q) at the beginning of the algorithm which multiply together to give you your modulus. Since we have a modulus of 55, then p = 5 and q = 11. This means Euler’s totient = (5 - 1)(11 - 1) = 40. For the public key it is clear that 23 has been chosen as it doesn’t share any factors with 40. To determine the decryption key we can solve d * e (mod ϕ) = 1. We will do this via Extended Euclidean algorithm:

Therefore our private key is (d = 7, n = 40). We can use this to decrypt the answer if we want rather quickly; to save time you could probably just calculate the stuff near the end - for example once you calculate 53 ^ 7 (mod 55) you unlock quite a few bits of the text. An easy way to do this is to realise that 53 (mod 55) = -2 (mod 55) and -2 (mod 55) = -128 (mod 55) = 37. Anyway I got lazy and just dumped it all in a script:

So the codeword is ‘00000000′.

[aetaeswolf]

The small werewolf breathes in, taking in the scent of grass and flowers. She runs her hand over the ground, feeling the soft grass under her fingers.

Music once more filled her ears; she could feel the metallic surface of her ipod resting in her closed palm, earbuds placed in her ears.

The werewolf opens her eyes, taking in the bright blue sky above her. She was lying in a field of flowers, the window gently blowing past her.

She took quick note that she had her satchel with her, as it was around her shoulder.

Sarah sits up when a new scent reaches her, the blonde sniffing the air. It smelled like... strawberries?

The werewolf blinks when she sees someone walking closer to her. Once the person was closer, she noticed it seemed to be a young girl in a pale orange dress, and she was carrying in beautiful purple pansy in her hands.

The blonde stares at the child when she comes close, the werewolf quickly recognizing just who the girl was.

To put it simply, the girl was her, but she was six years old. The girl was quite small for her age, as she always had been. She wore no glasses unlike her adult counterpart, and her hair only came down to her chin rather than her shoulders.

The child blinks when she notices the werewolf, giving a small gasp. “Y-you have ears! A-a-and a ta-ail!” Her speech was a bit broken.

It didn’t surprise the werewolf, since she knew she had once lost 80% of her hearing by the time she was five. She regained it, and had to pretty much relearn how to speak.

Sarah gives a slight grin, her tail shifting back and forth behind her. “Yes I do! I’m a werewolf!”

The child stares at the werewolf’s ears, making her chuckle. “You can touch them if you’d like.”

“Weally???”

“Missed your “r” there, kitten.” Sarah smiles. “But, yeah. J-just be careful, kay? They’re a bit sensitive.”

The girl – who Sarah is just going to refer as “Kitten” – came to sit down beside the werewolf. She slowly reaches out, her small hand gently brushing against the fur of the werewolf’s ear. “I-it’s so fluffy!”

Sarah grins. “I should think so!”

Kitten giggles, clapping her hands together. “M-my name is Sarah!”

The werewolf blinks. She didn’t want to use her real name, that would just confuse the six year old. She should just use one of her aliases... “I’m Amaterasu.”

Kitten just stares at her blankly. “Am... Ama...”

Oh, wait.

She probably couldn’t pronounce that.  “Just call me Ammy.” Sarah quickly corrects herself, giving a sheepish smile.

“Ammy. Tha-at’s a n-nice name!” Kitten smiles.

Sarah couldn’t help but smile back. “What are you doing out here?”

“I-I’m picking flo-owers for mommy!” Kitten chirps, holding up the pansy for the werewolf to see.

The werewolf gives a nod. “That’s pretty. I’m sure she’ll like it.”

“I hope s-s-so.” Kitten looks to the flower. “S-she’s been helping me a-a-a lot. W-w-with my speaking a-a-and now wi-i-ith my eyes.”

“Your eyes?” Sarah inquires, her head tilting to the side.

The child nods. “Yeah. T-there’s something wrong with my e-e-eyes. B-but we can’t fi-ind what.”

Sarah nods.

She knew already the answer to this.

The answer was: nothing.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the child’s eyes.

She simply had dyslexia, so her mind perceived things differently from others. She wouldn’t actually need glasses until she turned sixteen.

The werewolf stops, new thoughts entering her head.

She was always causing problems, even from a young age.

Her sickness, her speech, her eyes.

It seemed to be what she was best at.

Causing everyone issues rather being helpful. Really, she was still surprised people let her stick around for a while, she never did anything, she was stayed useless.

“H-hey, miss Ammy?”

Kitten’s voice snaps Sarah out of her thoughts, the child tugging on the werewolf’s sleeve. “A-a-arre you okay...?”

Sarah gives a reassuring smile. “I-I’m fine. I just... zoned out for a moment.”

Kitten gives a small nod, accepting the answer. The child looks down to the ipod in the werewolf’s hand. “What... wha-at’s that...?”

Sarah looks down to the object in her hand. “Oh, that’s my ipod.”

Kitten gives her a blank stare.

Oh, right.

Her six year old self wouldn’t know what an ipod is yet.

“Um... y-you, uh... know those cassette tapes and cds you have?”

Kitten nods.

Sarah gives a small flick of her tail. “Well, my ipod is k-kind of like those. It plays music, but, it’s um... m-more portable.”

Kitten gives a small gasp. “Y-you cou-ould play music w-w-rrrrright now???”

Sarah could feel her mouth twitch into a small smile at Kitten’s attempt to pronounce her “r”s. “Well, yeah. Just need a speaker.” She digs into her satchel, eventually pulling out her portal speaker. “Like this one!”

Kitten claps her hands excitedly watching as the werewolf unplugs her headphones and plugs in the speaker into her ipod. “How d-d-does it worrrrk?”

“Well, you click the unlock button...” Sarah presses her finger against said button, the screen lighting up. “And then you just tap the screen.

The small girl studies the screen, which was currently at the werewolf’s playlists. Though one particular playlist had caught the six year old’s eyes. “Fn... Fna... Fn... a... f...?”

“Fnaf, yeah.” Sarah chuckles.

“Wh-what’s Fnaf?” Kitten asks, looking up to Sarah.

“It’s a, uh... it’s an acronym. It stands for “Five Night’s At Freddy’s”.”

“What’s that?”

The werewolf gives a small sigh. Jeez, was she really this nosy? “It’s a game people play.”

Kitten’s eyes light up. “A game?? Could I play??”

Sarah blinks. “Um... No...? I-I mean... I don’t have it with me...”

“Oh...” The six year old looks down dejectedly for a moment. “Then... c-c-could we play o-o-one of the fnaf songs?”

The werewolf gently bites down on her finger as she thinks.

She knew for a fact her younger self just hated swearing, so she’d have to leave the raps out. Expect maybe Another Five Nights. Which was a shame; she really liked the Slender vs. Freddy rap battle.

And it might be a good idea to leave out the songs that mentioned murder and death.

Then again, she was the girl who at the age of twelve would always watch her brother play Fallout 3. And then giggle uncontrollably whenever he got a headshot.

... Man, she was a weird kid.

Despite that, the werewolf decided on a song she deemed to be the safest, TryHardNinja’s Dream Your Dream.

“♪Hush now; drift off to sleep, reality, a memory. Don’t be scared of what you find. Yeah, it’s all just in your mind. Monsters that live inside your head at night, they are all right. Cause they can never compare, to the ones that live outside.♪”

Kitten leans against the werewolf, listening to the music. The physical contact makes Sarah freeze for a moment, though she wraps her arm around the child, letting the six year old lean on her.

“♪So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, a nightmare awaits. So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, a nightmare awaits. It’s a fantasy, they’ll be seeing you soon. Nowhere left to go, terrors keep breaking through. So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, the nightmare will become the truth...♪”

Sarah closes her eyes, just focusing on the music.

“♪Rows of teeth penetrate, there’s no escape, the veil is raised. Every mistake visible, so was it me after all? A music box that creaks, the melody brings solemn peace. But only for one more breath, the last one you might have left.♪”

The werewolf starts to hum along to the song, momentarily capturing Kitten’s attention.

“♪So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, a nightmare awaits. So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, a nightmare awaits. It’s a fantasy, they’ll be seeing you soon. Nowhere left to go, terrors keep breaking through. So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, the nightmare will become the truth...♪”

Kitten glances up at the werewolf before looking back to the speaker, listening to the soft lullaby.

“♪The ticking clock breaks the spell with every beat. Illusion or not, you are safe for now, so dream... So dream your dream! So dream your dream!♪”

“♪So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, a nightmare awaits. So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, a nightmare awaits. It’s a fantasy, they’ll be seeing you soon. Nowhere left to go, terrors keep breaking through. So dream, dream, dream your dream. Cause when you’re awake, the nightmare will become the truth...♪”

“That was pretty...” Kitten giggles.

Sarah smiles, pausing the playlist. “Yeah, it’s a good one.”

Kitten pushes herself to her feet. “I-I should go b-b-before the others n-notice I’m gone...”

The werewolf blinks, standing up before giving a nod. “All right. You stay out of trouble, okay?”

“I will!” The girl starts to walk away, though she stop, turning back to Sarah. “H-hey... Miss Ammy?” She starts to play with the hem of her dress. “U-um... A lot o-of people say t-t-that my daddy’s scary. I-I don’t rrrreally get i-i-it, though. H-he’s nice.”

Sarah just stares at Kitten.

That poor, sweet, innocent child...

Kitten gives a smile. “A-anyway! It was ni-i-ice meeting you!” She gives a wave, running off.

Sarah watches as the girl leaves, a small twinge of pain forming in her chest. She doesn’t look over when footsteps come closer to her.

“... You were a lot different back then.” The familiar voice of Xavier comments, the raven-haired male standing beside the werewolf, looking to where her younger self had disappeared to.

“I was innocent then, naïve.” The small blonde simply responds. “I didn’t know any better.”

Xavier looks over to the werewolf. “... And back then, you loved him.”

Sarah clenches her hand into a fist, biting her cheek to stop the growl that was forming in her throat. “That lying... cheating... manipulating... psychotic... son of a BASTARD WHORE!”

Xavier stares at the small blonde as her eyes glow a strong purple, the scenery around them rapidly changing.

The field of flowers was stripped away, leaving nothing but ash, fire consuming the world around them as the sky is painted crimson.

Sarah snarls, her hand turning into claws. “AFTER EVERYTHING THAT BASTARD HAS DONE, HE STILL HAS THE NERVE TO LIE TO MY FACE!! TO CLAIM HE LOVES ME, TO CLAIM HE LIKES TO MAKE ME SMILE. SINCE WHEN AS THAT ASSHOLE EVER CARED ABOUT US!?”

Xavier couldn’t say anything, he just stared in shock.

Not because the dream was turning into a nightmare, he knew the werewolf well enough to understand that nightmares stopped having an effect on her long ago.

He stood in shock because he had never seen her so angry. The werewolf who was always calm and collected, was suddenly a blazing fire of pure rage.

Sarah falls to her knees, covering her face with her hands. As much as she tried, she could not stop the tears that were forming in her eyes. “That stupid... lying... manipulating asshole...” She hiccups. “If he loved me... he wouldn’t have called me those things... he wouldn’t have...”

Xavier blinks. Slowly, he walks to Sarah, kneeling down in front of her. He grabs her wrists, gently removing them from her face.

The blonde refused to look at him, but he could see that her eyes were no longer glowing, a steady stream of tears were now falling down her face.

A twinge of empathy flows through the ravenette. Used to it or not, he wraps his arms around the small blonde, pulling her to his chest.

Sarah doesn’t react at first; she stays unmoving in his arms. Slowly, she brings her arms up, wrapping them around Xavier; she clutches the back of his jacket, quietly sobbing into his chest.

Xavier gently strokes the werewolf’s hair, resting his chin on her head.

This.

This is what she needed.

The one thing she’s never been able to have.

Physical comfort.

Sarah eventually pulls back from the embrace, wiping away her tears, though she allows herself to lean against the ravenette. “Shit... I thought I was stronger than this...”

“There’s no weakness in crying.” Xavier states, keeping an arm wrapped around the blonde.

Sarah merely grunts in response, quickly wiping away the last of her stray tears.

The ravenette watches her for a moment. “Why don’t you try reaching out to people?”

“I’ve tried that. No one ever reached back.” The werewolf mutters, leaning her head against his shoulder.

Xavier gives a small hum. “Is that why you tend to isolate yourself?”

Sarah sighs. “Keep a distance between you and others; don’t get too attached to them. That way... it hurts less when they leave you. It hurts less when they forget you.” The tone in which the words fell from her mouth suggested this was something she was far too familiar with.

Xavier purses his lips. “Right. And then you try to find ways to ease the pain, yeah?”

The werewolf nods. “Writing... helps. Spilling my thoughts and bottled emotions onto pages, writing stories and poems, or just drawing. Most don’t understand the meaning behind them, but that’s fine. As long as they enjoyed what I created.” She shrugs. “Who am I to judge?” She thinks for a moment. “... Reading used to help, too. It used to help me... feel. It... doesn’t do that anymore.”

The ravenette gives a small nod. “And sometimes you like to leave cryptic letters for people to solve.”

Sarah gives a slight smile. “It’s kind of fun to see who can solve it and who can’t.” She gives a sigh. “... God, what is wrong with me? I’m so... screwed up, so... broken...”

“That can be changed.” Xavier states.

“You can’t fix someone that’s broken.” Sarah responds. “Trust me... I’ve tried...”

Xavier sighs. “Dove...” He leans forward, resting his forehead on the blonde’s shoulder. “I think it’s time you woke up.”

[mftrainwreck]

not today

Ok so here we are. I’ve been meaning to start this blog & tonight I decided it was time because the past month as been w i l d.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve taken two steps forward & three steps back. Nevertheless, progress has been made & I want to document it for myself & for whoever may be going through something similar. Also, I’m writing a paper for class & all this word-processing made me want to write something for myself. & since I haven’t kept a diary since high school, we’re doing this. 

Anyway, in this blog, you (whoever you are) will find my complete & honest thoughts. A brain dump, if you will, for all those bullet journalers out there. I really just need an outlet & the fact that someone might accidentally find this blog & read it & feel for me makes it a little exciting. But hold up, we need some background. . . 

Someday I’ll forget the day he left, but surely not today.

r u n d o w n  This is Z, my boyfriend of 4 years until this past February. Holy moly. Yo, honestly I don’t even wna explain how we met & whatever cuz I don’t think I can do that right now, maybe later. But not today. Anyway, that’s him. Shout out to the real love of my life, my dog, Koko. 

The past three days felt like the first few days after we broke up. I went back to that place where I didn’t want to do anything but figure out ways I could save this, even though I knew that we couldn’t be together right now. Prior to these last three days, I was level-headed. I was reasonable. I accepted the fact & I was excited to work on me. But something happened, a combination of wrong timing &. . .idk, just wrong timing haha. The same day I started my period, he sent me a Snap of him wearing a shirt I’d gotten him this past Christmas. Fantastic. We hadn’t texted in a couple days, & I thought, this is great, he thought about me. So, my PMS-ing ass (I really blame my period for my actions following this encounter) proceeds to text him. That’s when the hurricane hit. 

One day that song won’t make me cry anymore.

h u r r i c a n e r i s c h e l      I was going to call it a tornado, but a lot of crying was involved, so it’s a hurricane. Not to get into too much detail, but like I said, I was crazy. I asked a lot of questions, only having some of them answered because he didn’t “have to answer that” *huge eye roll* & now that I’m thinking back on the past three days, I feel exhausted for myself. Crying is exhausting & puffy eyes are not cute. & I’m NOT going to start crying rn bcuz I told myself I’m not crying tonight. OK. Moving on. 

Oh, you don’t know what sadness means ‘til you’re too sad to fall asleep.

f i r s t    s t e p  My problem, which was not a problem prior to these past three days, was texting him when I pleased. So, as a solution, I deleted his number, which I don’t have memorized. At first, I blocked him, but bcuz he said he wouldn’t text me unless I texted him first. Then I unblocked him bcuz blocked numbers are saved in a list that I have access to so, no no. I deleted our texts & group chats that he was in, so I basically have no way of texting him unless I ask someone for his number. I told Y & J that if I ever ask them for his number, they are to ask me what the hell I need it for. & if I ever do need to send a message to him, I’ll just tell K. Anyway, social media won’t be a problem bcuz I’m not tryna look desperate. So that’s that. I think that’s a pretty damn good step. & today being the first day without his number, I’m not gna lie, I wanted to reach out, & it helped out a lot that I knew I couldn’t. So, I think this is gna be good. 

One day the thought of him won’t hurt the same.

s t a y    t u n e d   Anyway, there’s lots more to come. This is pretty fresh. I still got tons of pictures on my phone. I think I deleted pics from 2016 already, but I stopped cuz I couldn’t take it. So it’ll happen in chunks. There are people who don’t know yet. There are things at home that I want to put away. I’ll probably make a Z box over break. I haven’t yet thought about what to do about my posts on Insta, although I’ve always thought to keep them there if this ever occurred. Anyway (even that stupid word reminds me of him bcuz he corrected me from saying “anyways” years ago), there’s a lot. So here we go.

Also, I’m taking a page from Grey’s Anatomy & using song titles. I’ve been sleeping on Alessia’s new album bcuz I thought it would be too girlish & youthy for me, BUT WHO KNEW it would actually be my life rn. So stay tuned for the next song . . . 

Oh, piece by piece, I’ll be restored, but surely not today.

[justforthisicon]

AN: Secret Santa fic for Persephie! I’ve been wanting to write a story for this underrated pair for years, and I’m glad I finally can. All the characters are in their correct grades, except for Gil, who had to be aged down a year to join them, being a college student and all pfft. Happy Holidays!

-

What Are Friends For

-

Maggie notices Odin and Ava standing across the hall. She skips over to them, grabbing each of their arms, chirping, “Ready to go?”

Ava nods, smiling, “Hey, Maggie!” “You s-seem happy a-about something,” Odin says, beginning to walk.

“It’s a Friday night, you think I’m not excited?” Maggie tells him. “I’ve been so bored the whole week, we need to get out and do something. Actually get out there!”

“So, the mall?” Ava asks.

Maggie pulls Ava close, pressing her cheek to hers, “You know me so well.”

Ava’s face tints a slight pink, “Heh, sure.”

Odin unlocks his vehicle within a few feet, Ava taking the passenger seat and Maggie in the back. Yawning, Odin gives his head a quick shake before starting the car.

“You tired?” Ava asks.

“S-Stayed up late. My b-brother had people over and, apparently, n-no one understands the c-concept of sleep. Had to c-clean the fucking kitchen this m-morning.”

Maggie leans forward, “I keep telling you, I can go in, seduce him, and then wha-bam—” Maggie slams her fist into her palm. “He’ll fall so in love with me, he wouldn’t be able to do anything to bug you.”

“You know Olai doesn’t w-work like that. And dammit, put y-your seatbelt on Mags,” Odin chastises. Once she buckles up, he asks, “What about Gil anyway?”

Maggie’s expression shifts to dreamy, sighing, “Ah, Gil… I’ve been thinking about asking him out.”

“H-Have you?” he asks, aware of Ava’s sudden tension.

“Yep, I thought about asking him to go to the movies or something. Just a casual date.”

Odin wonders if it will ever click into her head that Gil is gay. It’s something he’s wanted to bring up, on numerous occasions, that Gil has, and never will, have an interest in girls. It’s so apparent to every single person on the blasted earth, except one Maggie Lacivi. She either has a strong sense of denial or she simply has never considered that possibility. He knows Ava has wanted to bring it up as well, but the two of them know that trying to convince Maggie of anything, especially before she’s ready to learn, will make her more resistant.

She has to learn the hard way.

Arriving at the mall, Odin finds a parking space not too far from the entrance. The trio head inside the cool building, that odd smell of perfume, purses, and clothes never worn, in the air. It permeates the entirety of the vicinity, extending from store to store to store. Odin’s never quite understood how malls can have such a distinct flavor, but it does. Maybe it has to do with marketing. Like with food. Where retailers have smells going around to bring customers in, and then wha-bam, you’re spending two hundred dollars on a random item you don’t want. He should look that up.

“Hey, Odin?”

He breaks from his trail of thought, turning to Ava, “W-What’s up, babe?”

Ava blanks for a moment. She feels her face grow warm, and she tries to not think of how easy he said that. Nonchalantly, she holds up a blouse, “Do you think this looks good?”

Odin’s brows furrow, “I g-guess.”

“What’s wrong with it?” she asks, suddenly self-conscious.

He puts up his hands, waving them, “N-Nothing, I t-think red is m-more your color.”

Ava sifts through the blouses, finding a similar cut at the top, though with a bit more frill around the sleeves and hem, colored in a deep red. She holds it up to her chest.

“M-Much better,” Odin says, approving.

“Yeah, you don’t think it’s too much?” Ava asks.

“N-No, you should get it.”

Maggie suddenly appears, grabbing Odin and Ava’s hands, “Hey hey hey, guys, can you tell me whether this outfit I found is cute enough?”

She pulls them forward, Ava clinging the blouse to her. Maggie releases them, and Odin catches Ava by the shoulder to keep her from tripping. Maggie whips out a flowing dress: the straps are razor thin, held up by a prayer, with a gradient of dark blue at the bust, to a light sky color at the hem. Maggie presses it to her frame, waiting for appraisal.

Ava says she likes it at the same time Odin says he doesn’t.

Maggie frowns. She holds it up, “If you two don’t agree, it must not be that good.”

Ava looks at Odin, “How come you’re not into this one?”

“Mags, c-come on, you can get a better d-dress than that.”

Maggie hangs it back, “Then what would you suggest?”

“N-Not that.”

Groaning, Maggie folds her arms.

“It’s a giant s-shopping center, you’ll f-find something more suit-t-ted for you.”

Resigned, Maggie heads off in a different direction. Not finding much else, they decide to leave, after Ava made her purchase of the red blouse.

They decide to go into another department, the clothes appearing a little more high-end. Maggie insisted, as there’s a sale. Ava and Maggie inspect the pants, trying to decide whether this cut was better than this. Odin hangs out in the front, judging their lack of decent jackets. Disappointed, they exit and walk on until they come to a lingerie store.

“Hey, Odin, your favorite place,” Maggie teases.

“Only i-if you and Ava model f-f-for me,” Odin answers.

Ava and Maggie laugh, all three grinning as they head inside.

Maggie immediately zeroes in on a bright blue bra, lace covering the front and leaving nothing to the imagination. She finds a matching set of underwear and goes to get fitted. Ava is asked by staff if she’d like to try on anything, to her much flustered apologies.

“Must be fun to go shopping with your girlfriend, huh?” asks an employee.

Before Odin can answer, Ava shakes her head, “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend!”

The employee blinks, trying not to be confused; smiling, they ask, what they hope is not a terrible question, “Oh… a relative, then...?”

“He’s just my friend.”

The employee watches Odin enter the seventh circle of hell. Yikes.

Maggie comes out, pleased, and makes her purchase of the bra, panties and a bottle of lotion with a sweet, floral scent.

Continuing on, Ava pauses. She asks, “Hey, Odin, don’t you need to buy anything?”

Odin mulls the questions. “I don’t know, s-socks?”

Maggie shoves him lightly, “Dude, that’s not a fun purchase.”

“I do n-need socks, though.”

Groaning, Maggie grabs his arm, “Odin, that’s not a cool, fun gift for a suave, debonair gentleman like yourself—”

“—I know y-you’re mocking me—”

“As your friends, we can’t stand by this. You are going to buy yourself something nice.”

Sighing, Odin allows Maggie to drag him off. Ava watches them go, moving at a slower pace. She had never expected Odin and Maggie to become so… close. Odin was the reason she and Maggie even started being friends again. After their falling out several years ago, it had been a difficult thing to imagine Maggie opening herself back up. She hadn’t blamed her for not wanting to be her friend anymore.

Then Odin came and somehow… fixed it. It was slow, incremental.

He knew Maggie from their shared group, and he knew Ava from a class involving all grades. One day, he had invited Ava to join them at the table and upon arriving, the atmosphere shifted. Neither girl had known Odin was friends with the other. Needless to say, that was the coldest, awkward lunch she’d had in a while.

After that, from her perspective, she’d explained to Odin that Maggie and she used to be close. He hadn’t prodded, and she’d been grateful for his respect for privacy. But he continued to express desire to hang out with both of them, even it wasn’t together.

Ava was aware that her being involved in Odin’s life nearly caused his relationship with Maggie to become unstable. Maggie went a whole month without talking to him, where before they would hang out whenever they could.

“I’m sorry about this,” she said.

“Sorry f-for what?”

“For making this about me, like usual…”

Odin looked at her through a screen of smoke, sighing, “If Maggie d-doesn’t like me hanging out with you, that’s h-her issue.”

“I’d ruined my friendship with her… I don’t know if I’m okay with me destroying this too.”

“Maggie is ve-very important to me, but you’re important to m-me too,” Odin explained. He got closer then, their arms brushing each other’s, and she felt her heart race.

She gave him a smile, shrugging, “That’s sweet of you… but you haven’t known me as long. It feels unfair to Maggie, and…” Ava clenched her hands into fists, the knuckles white, “I’m not sure how I feel about this.”

“Ava, I’m telling y-you here and now: Maggie c-can make her own decisions. If she d-doesn’t like the idea of you and I h-hanging out, that’s her problem.”

“You don’t mean that,” Ava insisted.

“I do m-mean that. Maggie’s my b-best friend. But if she’s g-going to be possessive of m-me, I’m n-not good at bei-i-ing friends with someone like that. Friendships r-run their courses too, like anything e-else, and if that’s how it g-goes, you can o-only accept someone’s c-choice.”

Ava’s brows furrowed, trying not to cry. She was ruining everything. Everything always gets ruined because of her. She never did the right thing. She always hurt people. She always caught people up her mess. She could never do the right, smart thing.

“Do y-you want me to s-stop being a-around you?”

Odin tilted his head, and their gazes locked. His expression had been so sincere. Whatever she said, he would do. He’s so much nobler than people expected him to be. Something about that look made her rethink what she said. That this was different. That this was a change for the better this time. And it was selfish, but…

“No, I don’t want to stop being friends.”

Ava’s always known she can be.

“Ava,” Maggie calls, waving her over into a store. “Come on, we gotta find a leather jacket for our boy!”

She closes the distance in small skips, content.

-

Odin shoves his hands into his newly purchased leather jacket. His sisters tried to hide it this morning, but he knew what to expect. He’d been called by Maggie to tell him she’s coming by to pick him up for school, so he got up and dressed. They alternate who drives when and Mondays are her turn.

“Lookin’ good,” Maggie says at the door, patting his back. She wipes away any imagined dust from his shoulders. “Aren’t you glad we made you get it?”

“N-No one makes me d-do anyt-t-thing.”

She raises a brow.

“But yes, I’m g-glad you encouraged m-me.”

“All the way to the register, I might add.”

Rolling his eyes, he wraps his arm around her, giving her a firm side-hug. Maggie leans into it, grinning at this display of affection from him. Walking to her vehicle, Odin slides into the passenger’s seat, pushing back the seat to make room for his legs. Maggie flips through the radio and lands on a pop music station.

He asks, “When are you go-going to ask Gil o-out?”

“I’ll be asking him out today, I have the whole thing planned out. I was going to ask him on Sunday, because I know which church he goes to, but I decided to opt out on that.”

Odin gives a simple nod.

Maggie glances at him, “I know you don’t like him.”

“W-What ever gave you t-that idea?”

“Glad you’re not trying to lie to me. But I don’t understand why you don’t like him.”

Odin sighs, rubbing his temples, “Mags, he’s just… he’s a p-prick.”

Affronted, Maggie frowns. She says, “Odin, I know he can be exasperating, and he’s a little crazy with all that religious stuff, but he’s not a prick.”

“He’s a c-complete fucking id-d-diot, and he acts l-like he’s so much better than the r-r-rest of us.”

“So do you.”

“Maggie, I’m n-not like him and you know that. D-Don’t insult me. He a-acts the way he d-does because he thinks it’ll get him b-b-bonus points with whoever i-is up there,” Odin exclaims, pointing at the roof of the car. “But he’s g-genuine asshole, I know you c-can do better than that.”

Maggie narrows her eyes, hands clenching the wheel, “You don’t know him. He’s always kind to me.”

“Because h-he thinks it’s how he should act. That d-doesn’t mean anything. You don’t act-t-t-tually know h-him either.”

Glaring at Odin, Maggie waves him off, “Look, I don’t want to get into an argument before school. Are you going to keep this up?”

Odin drops it, despite his reluctance.

They arrive at Ava’s place, and she comes out wearing her new blouse. Ava gets in the backseat, smiling, “Hi, guys!”

“Super cute, Ava!” Maggie says, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

“You l-look great,” Odin tells her, smiling.

Ava blushes from the compliments, hands on her cheeks.

The rest of the morning builds up in anticipation of Maggie’s plan. She normally doesn’t have problems asking boys out, but this upcoming one is making her palms sweaty, and her palpitations are a little quicker.

She walks around the courtyard and notices Gil in his preferred spot: a table nestled under a tree, his lunch to the side as he reads his book. Maggie takes a deep breath. Careful not to scare him, Maggie makes sure that she’s in a good line of his periphery to notice her. She stands there, waiting to be acknowledged.

Gil’s eyes remain fixated on the book. Maggie clears her throat.

He jerks his head up, surprised. He gives a smile, “Hello, Maggie.”

“Hey, Gil,” she says, waving her hand at him.

“Did you need to ask me a question about homework?”

“No, I wanted to ask you something else.”

Gil waits on her, book held open in front of him.

“Gil, I…” Maggie swallows, nervous. Butterflies in her stomach. She clasps her hands behind her back. “I think you’re a really great person… You’re always nice and considerate, and I feel you really listen to me. I know that you’ll be graduating soon, but I thought that, maybe, you and I can… go out? On a date?”

Gil’s brows furrow, confused.

“I know this may seem sudden, but I’ve liked you for a long time. And I wanted to ask you out before that. Will you… go out with me?”

“Thank you, Maggie, that’s sweet of you to say—”

She doesn’t like that tone.

“Gil, I know this might be weird for you. But I just want to know… if you’d like to.”

“Maggie… I appreciate your feelings but… I don’t feel the same way.”

She feels her thoughts slow.

Gil rises from his seat, “I’m sorry, Maggie, but I don’t have an interest in you like that.”

Maggie bolts after him, stopping in front of him, “No, wait! Gil, I swear if you just give me a chance, I think we can be really work.”

“Maggie—”

“No, please,” Maggie says, frantic. This wasn’t how she thought it would play out in her head. He’s supposed to sweep her into his arms, and tell her that he’d love to go out with her. And even without that romantic fantasy, she’d been hoping maybe, maybe, that they can try. He can accept her and she can try to get him to love her.

She reaches out for him, feeling the butterflies drift up into her throat, choking, “I know we don’t hang out all the time, but I think if we got to know each other better, you can… like me.”

Gil pulls back, “No. I’m sorry this isn’t the answer you want, but I don’t want to go out with you.”

“But… can I know why?” she asks, voice thin.

Gil looks at her. Looks at her without seeing her. Distant. Trying to ignore her.

“You’ll never be someone I want.”

Maggie’s chest rises and falls quickly, watching him leave.

-

Odin searches for Maggie, feeling a mild panic bloom in his chest.

Ava came to him asking if he’d seen her, since she went to where the car was this morning and didn’t find it. Odin called her numerous times after the final bell, only to get the same voicemail.

Ava jogs up to him, looking more worried by the minute, “Did you get through?”

“N-N-No, she’s s-s-still not ans-s-swering me,” he replies, trying to remain calm.

Rubbing her hands together, Ava glances around. Helpless. She gives a slight jump when Odin puts a hand on her shoulder.

“We’ll f-find her. I’m s-sure she’s okay,” he assures her.

“Something must’ve happened between her and Gil…” Ava says.

Frowning, Odin wonders. She’d been so excited to do it beforehand, he knows it has something to do with this. It’d be one thing if it went well. If it did, he can imagine her leaving in a tizzy because she got so engrossed with joy that she’d leave them. And that’d be fine. The problem is that if it was a good encounter, even with her leaving, she would’ve answered one of their messages and apologized but, “you know me, I gotta plan a week ahead for this!” and all that.

This isn’t like her. She should be bragging about this.

Odin feels a hand on his arm. He looks down at Ava, her expression concerned.

“Hey, I know you’re worried too.”

He lets out a rush of air.

“It’s okay to admit that.”

“I k-know it is… I just d-don’t like to.”

Ava pats his arm, giving him a smile.

He can’t help but return it with his own.

Then he remembers something.

“Hey, w-why did you tense in the car on Frid-d-day?”

Ava blinks, “What?”

“When Maggie m-mentioned Gil… why did you te-tense up about him?”

Her expression changes, reserved. Her hand tightens around his forearm.

Odin leans down a little, closer to eye level. His heart quickens as he asks, “Is it be-because you s-still have feelings f-for Maggie?”

Ava whirls to look at him, shocked. She shakes her head, “No, that’s not it.”

Odin’s brain falters for a moment.

“But I… I t-thought that…”

“I liked Maggie a long time ago, but I made peace with that. She’s never going to want me back, and I only want to be her friend,” Ava explains.

Odin, in the midst of whooping with glee, dropping dead from relief, and the growing anxiety of Maggie’s whereabouts, delivers a single, brilliant, “What.”

“I haven’t liked her that way for a long time. She’s always going to be important to me is all. I want to have her in my life, even if it’s not what I thought it’d be as kids.”

Odin squeezes her shoulder, understanding how it feels to not know where one stands.

“The reason I tensed is because… yeah, I don’t like Gil much either.”

“H-How’s that?”

Ava’s expression contorts, a grimace of contempt twisting her features. He never thought she could look so… fearsome.

“A couple weeks ago, I’d been in the hall. I was walking past Gil, and he’d been hanging around with those other people. I don’t remember two of their names, but I know Prudith. She normally picks on me,” Ava informs him. She feels Odin’s hand shift onto her back, comforting, “When they saw me, they all looked at me like I shouldn’t be around. Prudith whispered something to Gil that I couldn’t hear. Next thing I know… my books are smacked out of my hands and on the floor…”

Ava’s eyes well with tears, sniffling.

“Ava…”

“I never had problems with Gil before.”

No doubt hanging around with the wrong crowd, Odin surmises. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but he’s normally so anti-confrontational that the fact he went out of his way to bully Ava is something else.

“...Then he told me that’s what I deserve.”

“He s-said what?” demands Odin, voice sharp.

“I don’t know why he said that, or what I’ve done but…” Ava says. She looks at Odin then, eyes watery, but burning. “Whatever he said to Maggie probably wasn’t good either.”

Odin draws Ava close to him. She gasps when he pulls her up to his form, one hand cradling the back of her head.

“I d-don’t know if this is something you w-want,” Odin whispers, face burning. “But I w-want you to know I’m h-here for you. Whenever y-you need it.”

Ava nods, comforted. She allows herself to be held for a moment, then she withdraws.

Odin wipes a tear from her face, “C-Come on, let’s go find Maggie.”

-

It feels awful.

This aching pain ripping into her chest.

She wants it to stop, but it gets worse the harder she cries.

Every part of her is shaking. The tears keep flowing—dark streaks on her cheeks, nose is becoming plugged, throat is tight.

She’s so stupid. She’s stupid. She’s stupid, she’s stupid, she’s stupid stupid stupid stupid—

Sobbing, Maggie blindly reaches for the glove compartment. Feeling for the tissues, she blows her nose. How could she have been such an idiot? Maybe she should’ve tried harder to get him to agree, but he seemed so adamant about saying no.

His stare had been so cold.

She didn’t think her Prince Charming could be this way.

Sniffling, she dabs at her eyes. Releasing a shaky sigh, Maggie tilts back her head.

She wasn’t sure why this one hurt so bad. She’d been told no before.

But Gil was supposed to be different. He felt so safe, and she gravitated to that. He was always sweet, it never dawned on her that he would…

Maggie’s eyes burn, the tears coming out again.

She’s been such a fool…

The phone vibrates beside her. Glancing at it, she bites her lower lip. She drove off to the park without telling them… she’s not sure if she wants to deal with Odin telling her that he knew all along.

The phone stops vibrating. It starts up again, this time Ava.

She lets it ring, looking at her shoes. Was this how Ava felt? When she’d turned her down all those years ago?

What a horrible feeling. To feel like you didn’t matter. And the chance to gain importance doesn’t exist.

-

Odin moves in the direction of the park. Carrying Ava on his back, he asks, “You c-comfortable?”

“Yeah,” Ava says. “I’m sorry you have to do this.”

“D-Don’t worry about it. Those s-shoes you have a-aren’t exactly built f-f-for walking.”

Sighing, Ava wraps her arms around him a bit tighter. Resting her head on his shoulder, she realizes how good he smells. His neck is so close, it takes a surprising amount of effort to not bend an inch and trail kisses up that exposed skin.

She hadn’t been sure how to react at the store—all she knew was she didn’t want to embarrass him. Someone thinking they’re together might not appeal to him. She knows he likes her, but if wasn’t in the way she wanted it to be. She’s not sure if she could take that. Not again.

What he said earlier about Maggie had got her thinking. She used to like Maggie, and a part of her will always treasure Maggie as her first crush. First love, even. Maggie is one of the most important people in her life. That won’t ever change.

In the absence of her, Odin made his way through. Found her groping in the dark, and they were both lost, but they had each other. He has become so important.

Possibly above everyone else.

Ava tilts her head onto his, closing her eyes. She hopes Maggie’s okay.

She wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, not like before. It’s why she can’t let Odin know how she feels. If he did… their relationships will change. Maggie might feel like she’s losing friends once more.

Odin stops, and she looks up. Sliding off his back, the two of them rush over to Maggie’s car.

Ava knocks on the window, startling Maggie. She drops her shoulders when she sees it’s them. She opens the door, feeling tired.

“Hey…” she murmurs.

“We’ve been worried!” Ava exclaims, hugging her.

“I’m fine, Ava,” Maggie tells her.

Odin stands in front of her, relief sinking into his gut. Shaking his head, he sticks his hands into his pockets, “Y-You’re such a pain in the a-ass.”

“Odin!” chastises Ava.

Maggie glares at him, “I didn’t feel like having you tell me that you told me so.”

“Mags, that’s n-not it,” Odin says. “You left us w-w-worried sick about where y-you’d gone, and w-what happened. The l-least you could’ve d-done was answer your phone.”

Maggie sighs. Tears flow again, “I’m sorry… I didn’t want you to see me like this…”

Odin squeezes beside her, all three of them standing against the car. Odin wraps an arm around her shoulder, “Maggie, y-you can talk to us. You d-don’t need to shut y-yourself out.”

Fast, she brushes her eyes. She groans when she keeps crying.

Odin pulls her into a hug. Maggie sobs into his chest. Ava hugs her from behind, and she feels their bodies shift so that they’re all hugging each other.

“I… I felt so fucking dumb,” Maggie blubbers. “I thought— I really thought th— That’d he’d give me a… shot…”

“I know… I k-know…”

Maggie feels Ava’s hand stroke her hair, whispering that it’s okay.

She lets herself cry in this little cacoon. Safe.

Finished, Maggie pulls back. Odin pats her shoulder as Ava rubs her arm.

“He… He didn’t want to go out with me. I thought he would… but I guess I fooled myself.”

Ava shakes her head, “It’s okay, this stuff kinda happens. You run away with an idea and then you don’t know where it went. But it’s really gonna be okay.”

Maggie turns to her, “I’m sorry, Ava.”

“What for?” asks Ava, surprised.

“It must’ve been hard for you to tell me you liked me… I really hurt you then too, and I never apologized for that.”

“Oh, Maggie… that’s okay!” Ava tells her, hugging her tight. Pulling back, she smiles, “We’re friends again, and that’s more than I could’ve wanted.”

Maggie smiles back, “Thanks, Ava.”

“He w-was a jerk anyway,” Odin says.

Laughing, Maggie grabs onto his arm, “I know he was rude to me, but it’s not that bad.”

“Well…” Odin starts, meeting gazes with Ava.

Maggie’s curious eyes turn dark. Grappling with the idea that not only Gil could be so cold towards her, but Ava as well. In another time, that might’ve made her a little happy. Might have.

“That’s horrible... I know I’m one to talk but... I can’t believe he’d do something like that. Although, I guess after today, I don’t know him at all.”

Odin steps forward, “You l-ladies wanna key his car?”

Ava giggles while Maggie throws her head back in a loud laugh.

“Odin, we can’t do that,” Ava says.

“As much as I’d feel better doing it, admittedly” Maggie states, crossing her arms. “I don’t think I have it in me to do that.”

“D-Doesn’t have to be us.”

-

“Man, they really took off,” Maggie comments.

“Yeah, wow. Look at them go,” Ava agrees.

“B-Best part is, they’ll be t-too tired to be up a-all night,” Odin says.

They watch as his three sisters throw toilet paper over Gil’s car, all of them writing obscenities and doodling on the windows.

“Will any of this damage the car?” questions Ava.

“I l-let the girls have free rein so… I told them the basics: d-don’t slash his tires or b-b-brakes. Don’t t-throw rocks into the windows. Don’t steal anyt-t-thing. Car s-should be fine after a wash. M-Maybe new paint.”

“Those are the basics?”

“For t-them, yes.”

Maggie smirks, “Gotta hand it to ya, you’re raising those girls to be something else.”

“T-Thanks, I think,” Odin says, pulling out his pipe to smoke.

Ava holds out her hand after he takes several puffs. He hands it to her, automatic.

Maggie stares at them out of her periphery. Hopefully, they’ll take the plunge to date one day. Otherwise, she might have to push that.

“Hey, I’m glad you two are here with me,” she gushes. “You two are the best.”

“A-Anytime,” Odin says, nudging her. “After all, n-nothing says camaraderie like m-messing with someone’s property.”

Maggie snickers, “I’m so lucky.”

“But seriously, Maggie. We’re always here for you too,” says Ava, beaming. “What are friends for.”

“Right,” she agrees.

They’re an odd little group, but they’re always looking out for each other, hearing one another out. It’s always difficult to work around other people. But if someone matters enough, you learn to adapt and mold around them. Their trio is so full of good things, she is grateful to have friends around who actually care about her.

Well, adding a boyfriend wouldn’t hurt. She looks up at the stars. He might be out there somewhere still.

For now, she has them. Until then, Maggie can’t think of anything better than to have people like this by her side.