#anyway yeah the reason i haven't shared most of these is 'cause i never got around to cleaning or straightening them up

[perpetualproductions]

If We Were Vampires (Pt. 9)

- There's a party tonight?

- Jordan decides to stay in

- Nevermind. Jordan needs to go to the party.

CW: Blood. Violence. More blood. Mentions of drugs/drug use. Same w/Alcohol.

[a/n: ngl, kinda let the depression win with this one. Words just weren't wording when I wrote it. But hey, still wrote. Anyways, sorry, ig. Hope it's readable.]

3k words

<-Previous| Next->

Jordan and Marie were both sitting at one of the picnic tables in the quad, sharing a sandwich from the cafeteria. They had spent most of the afternoon outside now, just walking around, spending time together and simply enjoying each other's company. They had fallen into casual conversation when they were suddenly approached by Cate and Andre. 

“Well look who decided to show their face?” Cate said, sliding into the open spot on Marie's left.

“Yo, I'm gonna need to know what you took that left you MIA for four fucking days, dude. Seriously, where'd you go that night?” Andre said, slinging an arm around Jordan's shoulders, taking the spot on their right. 

Jordan just forces a laugh. “Trust me, you don't want to know. Definitely never doing that again.”

Andre jokingly narrows his eyes. “Fine. Keep your secrets.” Andre drops his arm, giving Jordan some space. 

“Doesn't matter. There'll be plenty of opportunities to get fucked up later tonight.” Cate winks, nudging Marie a bit, who just gives a tight smile and nods in response. 

Jordan's a little confused from the interaction. “What's tonight?” 

“Party in the woods. There's a clearing about a mile out from Dusty's, right next to a lake. There's gonna be a bonfire and everything.” Cate responded. 

“And rumor has it Dusty's supplier is bringing out some of the good shit this time.” Andre added. 

“I thought Marie told you?” Cate questioned, looking at Marie. 

Marie just looked at Jordan a bit wide eyed. She did mean to tell them, but then the whole vampire thing came to light and Marie was sure partying was gonna be the last thing on Jordan's mind. “I uh, well Jordan's been really busy, haven't really had time to bring up-” 

“It's fine. Don't think I'm gonna go anyways.” Jordan interrupts. “I am still pretty busy.” They tried to reason. 

“Oh come on, you're always busy, Jordan. It's Saturday! Come get fucked up with your friends!” Andre tries to convince them. 

“Yeah, since when does Jordan Li say no to a party?” Cate adds.

“Since I completely blacked out from one a couple days ago. And I seriously can't afford to do that again when I have so much work to do. Sorry guys. Maybe next time.” Jordan said, definitely. They switched to female form as they got up and began to walk away from the table, knowing they wouldn't stop trying to convince Jordan to go to the party if they stayed. They were right. Usually Jordan would jump at the chance to escape their response for a night, but they really weren't sure how they'd behave in a crowd of people, blood pumping through their veins from the dancing and drugs. Just sounded like a recipe for disaster. Also, there may be a touch of ptsd, given they actually died at the last party they went to. Or adjacent. Whatever, it was the middle of the woods, they're a vampire, they've seen this movie before. They weren't gonna risk it. 

They could hear Marie call their name from behind them, but they didn't feel like talking at the moment, so they rounded a tree and sped away once they were out of sight.

–

Jordan spent the rest of the day working out in the student gym, then going to study in their dorm, alone. Just trying to keep them busy, taking their mind off of anything vampire for the rest of the day. As much as they could anyway, cause they still had to drink blood every now and again.

Except this time, as they sat at their desk studying for what felt like hours, they felt their stomach growl, the hunger seeping in. They were on a bit of a roll, so they ignored it as much as they could until they finally caved, dropping their pencil and rolling over to their mini fridge. As they swung the door open, they froze… There was only one bag left. Shit. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-” Jordan stumbled out of their chair, kneeling in front of the fridge, digging through to make sure there weren't any bags hiding in the back (not that it even went back that far). “Shit!” Jordan yelled, slamming their hand down on the fridge door. A loud crack followed by a thump rang out as the fridge door broke off its hinges, falling on the floor. Jordan moved back a bit as it happened, a hand clutching their head, fingers tangling into their bob. “Fuck…” Jordan sighed, sliding down till they were sat on the floor. They angrily kick the broken door away from them and reach into the fridge, grabbing the last blood bag, ripping it open and drinking it all down. 

They tried to savor it, take it slow, but they were too hungry. They finished the bag in seconds, throwing it to the side. Jordan groaned as they clutched their head in their hands. They were a bit fucked here. They were doing a decent job at rationing their “meals” and making sure they were pacing themselves and not drinking too many bags at once. But that morning sort of fucked them. When they got spooked, accidentally biting Marie's lip, they just lost control a bit and drank down like five fucking bags at once. Shit. They were gonna have to get more, and unfortunately, they only had one supplier…

–

Jordan made their way over to Justine Garcia’s dorm, banging on the door. “Hey! Open the fuck up!” Jordan yelled. They didn't want to bring any attention to themselves, but they were pretty on edge at the moment. They kept knocking on the door, but didn't get a response. 

Jordan sighed, thinking Justine was already at the party by now. Fuck. They were gonna have to go, confront her, and either convince her to come back to give them more blood bags, or drag her back. No- they really shouldn't make a scene. They can't make a scene. 

Jordan's about to walk away, but stops. They turn back around to the door in front of them, getting close to it to see if they can sense what they're looking for on the other side. They couldn't sense anyone on the other side. No fresh blood flowing through veins or breathing can be heard, but they think they can smell a faint scent of blood. Bagged blood, but still blood.

Fuck it. Jordan thought. They grabbed the door handle and yanked it down, effectively breaking it off. They push the door open, taking a scan of the room before walking in. But, as they go to step in, they can't.

"What the fuck?" Jordan mutters to themselves. They try to step through again, but can't. It's as if an invisible force is keeping them from crossing the threshold into the dorm. Getting frustrated with whatever the fuck this was, Jordan stepped back and tried to run as hard as they could through this invisible force, but they just ended up being pushed back. "Fuck!" They exclaimed, finally giving up. There was blood right inside that room and for whatever fucking reason, they couldn't walk in to get it. Fucking hell.

Jordan took a deep breath, trying to ground themselves. Their hunger was very present, but they couldn't let it take over. They just needed to push it down, go to the party, get in and get out, and everything would be fine. 

–

Jordan shuffled their way through the crowd in their male form, the cold night air barely noticeable while in the sea of bodies, so crowded you'd think you were actually indoors. Jordan focused on their breathing as they waded through, letting the hundreds of heartbeats fade in with the pounding music. Their eyes scanned around, trying not to linger on any necks, looking for one particular person, and honestly having no luck so far.

Jordan decided to move closer to the lake where there seemed to be less people. They turned to face the water and took a deep breath, trying to focus their hearing on the gentle lapping water of the lake, doing their best to shove down the incessant hunger clawing at them from the inside. They literally shook themselves off as they turned back around, determined to find the other vamp and get more blood bags on their hands and into their stomach. 

They scanned through the crowd from the outside, able to focus in more now that they were out of the chaos in the middle. They spot a few familiar faces, the usual Godolkin party goers. They see dusty near the pit snorting powders with a couple others, they see Cate and Andre drinking and laughing it up, and then their eyes land on the one Marie Moreau. There she was, as beautiful as ever, dancing in the crowd, hands reaching to the sky as her body moved to the rhythm of the music. They couldn't take their eyes off her, they barely even noticed Emma dancing next to her, seemingly preoccupied with some random curly haired freshman. Jordan couldn't help themselves as they began to walk towards Marie, almost forgetting why they came to this party in the first place. 

But, before Jordan could make it to her, they noticed someone else walk up to her. A douchey looking (in Jordan's opinion), 6-foot-something, blonde guy made his way up behind Marie and just blatantly placed his hands on her waist. The proximity alone made Jordan's blood boil, but the touching was too far. Even as Marie began to turn around, her hands coming up, ready to push the guy away from her, Jordan was there in the blink of an eye, throwing Marie off for a second. She watched as Jordan (who came out of nowhere to her), pushed the guy so hard he fell to the ground with a thump. 

“What the FUCK do you think you're doing!” Jordan barked at the guy, looking down at him. 

The guy got back up, brushing the dirt off of himself. “Hey man, what the fuck’s your problem?!” The dude shouted back. It was clear this guy was a bit drunk, Jordan smelling the alcohol off his breath as the guy got up in their face. “I was just asking the lady if she wanted to-”

Jordan, letting their heightened emotions get the better of them, just swung at the guy, hitting him square in the face. A loud crack could be heard, along with a cry coming from the guy they just hit. They watched him stumble back, clutching his face. Jordan didn't need him to move his hands to know that they had broken the guys nose, smelling the blood oozing out and running down his face. 

“Jordan, what the fuck?!” Marie's voice pulled them back.  They looked back at her, clocking her worried, yet pissed off face. But Jordan already felt themselves hurdling off the edge with all the heightened feeling and the presence of blood, they just yelled back at her. 

“What do you mean, “what the fuck?!” That asshole was fucking all over you!” They shouted, not paying attention to said asshole being ushered away from the situation by some other party goers. Jordan could tell by the fading scent of fresh blood moving further away, which just reminded them of their hunger even more. 

“Yeah, and I was gonna take care of it til you came running in, arms swinging like an idiot!” Marie shouted back. Jordan's head was too busy ringing from all the overwhelming sensations, they didn't even notice their chest was still heaving. Marie took the time to notice they were still in the middle of a large crowd, sighing and grabbing Jordan's arm to drag them away. 

They stopped a good ten feet away from the crowd, just at the forest treeline. Jordan switched to their female form and pulled themselves out of Marie's hold. “Hey, how about you calm down for a second.” Marie said, clearly still peeved from the whole situation.

“I'm trying to be calm! Okay, Moreau? I'm fucking trying, it's just-” Jordan clutches their head, trying to get their thoughts together, but all they could focus on was Marie's pounding pulse. “Fuck, I-I’m sorry. I shouldn't even fucking be here-” 

“-Then why are you here, Jordan? I thought you weren't coming?” Marie asked, crossing her arms. 

“I wasn't gonna come, but then I- I don't know. I thought I'd be fine- that I'd have it under control, but I obviously fucking don't!” Jordan shouted, more at themselves. 

“Are you hungry? Have you-” Marie tried to ask, but Jordan cut her off. 

“I'm fine, Marie! I'm fucking fine! You don't have to worry about that shit.” Jordan said, defensively. 

“Well you don't seem fucking fine, Jordan. What did we say about communicat-” 

“I am fine, Marie, okay? I'm just fucking tired from everything. I thought this would help, but obviously not.” Jordan tried, hoping Marie would buy the explanation. Before Marie could respond, Jordan decided to just completely backpedal from the situation, they needed to get some distance between them right now, especially with just how fucking hungry they were right now. “I'm just gonna go. We can talk tomorrow.” 

Marie was already shaking her head as she spoke, “No, Jordan, wait-” but before she could finish, Jordan had sped off, leaving her standing alone by the trees. 

Jordan had sped back into the woods, just far enough to be out of Marie's line of sight. They couldn't help but look back at her, confused and upset at Jordan's sudden disappearance. But they didn't have a choice, they needed to get the fuck out of their and just lock themselves in their dorm till they could go safely find Justine again. Jordan took a deep breath, turning around, and walking their way back to Godolkin. They had only taken a couple steps before a sound to their right caught their attention. They turned, only to catch the sight of someone leaning against a tree, seemingly groaning in pain. 

“Hello? Are you alright?” Jordan asked as they slowly approached, only to stop dead in their tracks once they realized who this was. There Jordan stood, face to face with the blonde asshole who tried to grab Marie earlier. They were surprised to see their nose was still actively bleeding, the words coming out of the guys mouth not even registering. Jordan could help but step closer to him, making him back up more into the tree. 

“Aw fuck man, look- I-I’m sorry, okay? I didn't mean to-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Jordan said, looking into the guy's eyes. But to Jordan's slight surprise, he immediately stopped talking. In fact, the guy looked as shocked as they did. But Jordan didn't have time to linger on that, the blood on guys face still drawing them in. The sound of their elevated pulse, pounding in their neck made Jordan's mouth water. The tiny voice in the back of their head tried to speak up, yell at them, beg them to stop, but they were too far gone now. It had been too long, they waited to fucking long. Their stomach ached with hunger, their skin crawling and begging for satiation. And here it was, right in front of them. Without thinking, they switched back to male form, grabbing the blonde by the shit, pinning him in place. The guy looked truly terrified, unable to yell out for help. The terror only grew as he watched the veins protrude beneath Jordan's now darkened eyes. Jordan felt the familiar ache in their teeth as their fangs grew out. At this point, Jordan could care less how terrified the man looked. All that mattered was the delicious substance that ran in the veins, just beneath the skin. Jordan, now mere centimeters from the man's neck, took a deep inhale through the nose, relishing in the intoxicating aroma of blood, and without a second thought, sunk their teeth right in, ripping through the skin and unleashing that which they crave. 

An animalistic growl escaped Jordan as they continued to feed on this man, sucking every last drop of blood he had to offer. The taste of fresh warm blood was almost incomparable to that of cold, bagged blood. It was invigorating, only urging them to drink more. They didn't stop, couldn't stop for a good few minutes, feeling the man's body go limp in their arms. A feeling they remember from the first time they did this. It was then that Jordan's conscience clawed its way back to yell at them. The images of that poor lady flashing through their mind, the possibility of them almost doing that to Marie. They screamed at themselves to stop, let go, maybe it wasn't too late, but it was. Because they couldn't stop. They kept drinking till there wasn't a drop left to drink. Only then did they manage to unclench their jaw and pull away, dropping the body on the forest floor. 

Jordan fell to their knees, staring at the dead body before them. They felt so relieved and rejuvenated, but at the same time terrified. Drinking the blood straight from the vein was a feeling unlike any other that left them with a clear head, but looking down at the dead eyes and limp body in front of them, with a clear, bloody bite mark on their neck, it fucking terrified them. It terrified them that they were the animal that did this, and even more so that they wanted nothing more than to do it again. Before Jordan could think anything else, a voice echoed out from beside them. 

“Well, took you long enough.” Justine tisked looking down at Jordan with a feigned apologetic look. “Aw, what's wrong? That conscience of yours making you feel bad?” 

The sound of Justine's voice alone ticked Jordan off, but her words were confusing them. “What the fuck-” but before Jordan could finish their sentence, they felt a sharp prick on their neck, a hand instinctively shooting up to feel where they've been pricked. They tried to turn around to see what the fuck that was, but it was too late. Their vision quickly became blurry, the darkness taking over, as they felt themselves fall, everything fading to black…

--

Thanks for reading this far! Hope you enjoyed. And honest big thanks to those that have interacted with every update, I appreciate it so much and it lets me know that people actually read these, lol. So yeah, until people don't, I plan to keep writing this. Actually have an idea for where I want this story to go, but if you have any suggestions or things you want to see, please let me know! I'm happy to do so. It might be a minute before the next chapter tbh. Life's getting hectic again and I'm in between jobs rn, so I won't have much time to write. But feel free to check out my other fic in the meantime (Never Be The Same), which drops every Saturday. Anyways, hope you have a nice day!

Much Love, 😎👍❤️

-PB

[coldresolve]

i browsed r/transnord to get some answers about non-eu to eu prescriptions that turned out to be irrelevant, but anyway i scrolled a little bit, just the recent posts from this past month, and i want yall to understand how shitty the danish nhs is about trans people. added context if you don't know, legally, prescriptions for trans-related hrt can only be given by danish doctors working in one of 3 public sector gender clinics in the country.

countless posts going 'should i even bother with official routes or do i just go straight for diy' from people just starting out medical transition. just to give you the vibe

one trans guy was rejected for "showing signs of instability in the last few months" despite them acknowledging that he has severe dysphoria. they know he's "self-medicating" (aka using ggp), which means they legally must consider him for treatment, they just don't care. the earliest he can get a reappraisal is in 2,5 years

5-6 similar posts where people are rejected for having depression. i recognize entire paragraphs from the rejection letters they share, cause they were copy-pasted into mine too. not just general stuff but the specific things they base the rejection on

multiple people mention how the clinics get major stuff about their mental health history wrong in the rejection letters. a suicide attempt last year becomes 'multiple suicide attempts in recent months', stuff like that. happened to me too

someone was rejected for having undiagnosed ADHD ? yeah ok

post titled 'i have schizophrenia, am i screwed?' op got a referral and you'll never guess what happened in the subsequent update (they were rejected within 2 days and the nhs never even bothered notifying them of this)

believe it or not, one guy's referral was actually accepted. post title: 'my first appointment is in 2026. how do i survive?'

multiple people mention filing complaints against the nhs for one reason or another, but those complaints are processed by the gender clinics themselves, so nothing happens. i saw two seperate people considering legal action and one looking for journalists to bring more public awareness to this whole shitshow

this is all from 1 month's worth of posts in a country of 6 million people, aka not a whole lot of trans people to begin with. and i know i joke around abt it but let's be real, the most infuriating part of all this is that the danish nhs know exactly what they're doing. this is deliberate. it's been going on for years, they recieve constant complaints about it, people chew out the doctors directly during appointments, they are perfectly well aware.

i'd honestly be shocked if they haven't killed someone already.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Alex Horne: How often do you think about food? Ray Peacock: Surprisingly little. Alex Horne: How often do you think about death? Ray Peacock: Surprisingly lots. Alex Horne: And how often do you look at Chortle, the website? Ray Peacock: Every other day, maybe? Alex Horne: Okay, so it’s death, then Chortle, then food. Ray Peacock: Yeah, pretty much. - Alex Horne Breaks the News podcast, quickfire quiz, June 2014

Most relatable Ray Peacock has ever been, and I've heard him be pretty fucking relatable on a lot of topics. But this might do it more than any of them. I have the exact same answers to all three questions. That is the order that those topics enter my day-to-day thoughts. And people are frequently surprised by how much I don't like turning food into a whole big thing to think about a lot. This is why I refuse to listen to Off Menu (for other reasons, I'm going to guess there's a chance I might share that with Ray Peacock as well).

Having said that, listening to this podcast episode reminded me that I used to do Chortle headline roundup posts on this blog, haven't done one of those in a while. And there are some fun ones right now. So here, have some Chortle headlines.

I am surprisingly excited for season 2 of this - surprising given that I found season 1 sort of strangely uneven and disappointing in parts. But it was uneven in a way that had potential. The good bits I liked a lot and the ideas I found intriguing. I'm pleased we get a chance to see if it can find its feet.

I watched this pilot many years ago, and then forgot about it until I saw this headline. It was fucking terrible. It took me a moment to even remember it, I briefly thought Iannucci had suddenly decided to start slagging off Veep. But nope, he's talking about this other weird American thing from far earlier.

I have had cause to think about The Thick of It a bit more in the last couple of years, possibly re-vist the stance I've held unwaveringly since I first saw it in 2009, that it's the greatest television show ever made. It seems more complicated now, as I consider the effects that many political comedy shows I love, including that one, may have had on real-life politics, some effects being not great even if the shows went in with the best intentions. On the other hand, the episode titled Spinners and Losers is an absolute masterpiece of cinematic storytelling, more righteous anger has never been committed to television than Jamie MacDonald being betrayed in the final hours. Veep is also very good. That other American pilot was very bad. This one headline has reminded me of all those things.

I clicked the link to see what the hell a cost-of-living romcom is. It's a couple who break up and can't move out due to a rental contract. Okay. Well good for Lara Ricote, anyway.

I continue to be quite pleased for Joe Lycett that he got a TV vehicle that seems utterly perfect for him, even though I could not get past the first couple of episodes when I tried to watch it myself. Good for him. Hope he wins an award.

Oh good! I'd read that he was better, but there are varying degrees of "better", and I wasn't sure which one he was. If he's traveling around to various towns for Radio 4 again, that suggests he's genuinely better. The "comedian writes a stand-up show about their recent bout of cancer" is surprisingly saturated at the moment, but I hope he gets one in next year anyway.

On the subject of the saturated market, I liked this show far more than I'd expected to, given my general aversion to hearing medical details of anything. A show with that many medical details that I still enjoyed probably deserves at least 4 stars.

I'm going to this! I'm going to this I'm going to this I'm going to this!!! I always enjoy the biannual-ish even called "Chortle publishes the contents of Daniel Kitson's mailing list." Always accompanied by the same picture. Steve Bennett definitely only has one picture of Daniel Kitson.

I used to love that show so much. But on the subject of me having re-evaluated the responsibility of various political comedies, my view on this is now that everyone should just listen to The Bugle's election special instead, get it from people who are not centrist monarchists. Actually, Last Week Tonight did quite a good UK election special this week too. I still believe in political comedy as a concept. I just have higher standards than I used to for what level of apologism and comedy washing I'll overlook in it.

He did that when I was in high school! My dad traveled to the States to see him, I couldn't go because I guess I was a kid and in school, but my dad brought me back a t-shirt that said "Eric Idle Greedy Bastard Tour" on it, that he'd got signed by Eric Idle after the show, and I wore it as a night shirt. Wore it several nights a week for nearly 10 years, until it got peed on by our mice infestation and I had to throw it away.

I watched this and quite enjoyed it! I'm not sure Comedy Blaps have a particularly high rate of getting picked up for a larger series so I don't have my hopes up for more, but I'd definitely watch it if they made this. Surely it's only a matter of time before Amy Gledhill gets some major TV role or other.

A few things going on here. That Canadian article was written by a guy my brother sort of knows, which is more crossover than I'd like there to be between my real life and Chortle (he's also kind of a dick, I wouldn't need to know anything else about him to know that, you can tell by the dig at the Kim's Convenience people as though working in shitty conditions should preclude people from speaking up about those shitty conditions). That Guardian article on political comedy is interesting, contrasting Nish Kumar and Emma Sidi with Matt Forde, I think, in terms of political comedians who can view the political situation as purely material and ones who have something more interesting to say about it. I read that stand-up round table thing, I don't follow American comedy all that much but there were several comedians whose work I know and like in there, and I had to stop reading it because it was making me like them less. Except Edelman, about whom my opinion didn't change because I've never much liked him.

[the-enby-bird]

I see you reblogged an ask thingy, so if you're up to answering (I know I'm including a lot, feel free to only answer a few), I shall ask:

"🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?"

"🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?"

"✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉"

"🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?"

"🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?"

"🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?"

"💖 What made you start writing?"

"❌ What's a trope you will never write?"

"🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?"

"🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?"

"💞 Who's your comfort character[s]?"

"🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them."

"😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?"

"📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?"

Forgot I reblogged this post lmao

Sorry this took so long I never got the notification for this

~~~

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

That moment when a character who's trying to be strong and confident, or convince others that they're okay, loses the ability to do that. It's not something that shows up a lot in my published work, more in the top secret angst fics/drabbles, so, but it's always jdladhlshflsjf to read and right, y'know? Also when a character just fucking collapses for any reason and the other one just,,,, picks em up in a bridal carry and is just over there like,,,,, "you're okay babe" and I. *Sob bing*

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

So it's a really old scene, and it only made me laugh cause I was kinda high on anesthetic, but there's this one scene in the old version of Destined that has,,,, Horror and somebody else? Joking around with Cross as a form of comfort, I thought it was funny at the time. Looking back it's kind of. Um. Cringy, for lack of a better word, but in my defense I was 13

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Um. So this is really something that shows up in my shorter fics, the ones that I don't publish, (generally cause they're vent fics lmao) but sometimes my writing is like,,, really poetic, and I think it's nice. Also, just. For someone my age, and who's been writing as long as I have, I'm. Not terrible. I've improved, and I love that.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I listen to music 24/7 and the song that's on repeat really depends on my current mood and interest-- there's not really any right now that I can think of, but I'm sure my poor Spotify has things to say about my constant listening to Poor Man's Poison

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Yeah, a ton of people! Just none of them write Undertale, or at least not the same kind of Undertale, as I. Their writing is fabulous anyways, and it's nice to have people irl who I don't need to fear judgement from! <3

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

I love writing late at night, and frankly inspiration oft fails to flow when it's not night. However, since school generally stops me from writing late at night- I need my beauty sleep- I also enjoy evenings and early mornings.

💖 What made you start writing?

Frankly, I haven't the slightest! That was so long ago that I have no clue anymore. My guess is it was a combination of my childhood love of reading and my overactive imagination; and a desire to put my thoughts somewhere solid. I've been "writing" since I was a toddler, but I truly got into it when I was 11/12. Far too long for me to remember.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

I don't much like enemies to lovers, but not enough to never ever write it. So, I guess there's not too many? To be honest, I don't really feel like I've explored different genres and tropes enough to give this one an answer.

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Not that I remember? I'm usually not much for long fics or heavy foreshadowing so they haven't had many chances.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Just keep writing. But- don't force yourself to write something if it's not making you happy to write. Most importantly: just keep going. It doesn't matter if it's good, or if it takes you months to write 100 words-- just keep going. If it's something that makes you happy, it doesn't matter if it's good. It just needs to be. Go tell your stories, babes, anyone who judges you is just a dick and not worth listening to anyways <3

💞 Who's your comfort character[s]?

Ough this list is so long. Um. Horror, Cross, Dust, Blue, Swap Papyrus, Fell Papyrus, Toriel, Dream and NM, my little oc Ash who I never talk about cause they're just a lump of self indulgent bs, and Lust

There's more but I'm too lazy to list em all

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

All of em? Mostly the older ones, but honestly I think I'd have an easier time listing which ones I wouldn't be too horrified about. (There's like. 3)

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

Nah, it's just not my vibe. It's. Hard to explain, and there's a lot of reasons, but it can all just be summarized in no.

My dream careers rn are as a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, baker or veterinarian!

[thaleleah]

awe yeah your mom was vulnerable and stepshit took advantage of that 😭 dw tal, your person will come at the right time 🩷

ikrrr his dick needs to be snipped 😂 man is almost 80 years old, it's nastyyy

my stepmom is a literal child, she actually throws tantrums it's actually so fucking embarrassing. a literal slipper 😂 now i'm worried cause are you gonna hit your 2 year old like that if he acts up or doesn't listen to you? LOL tal ilyyy for not liking my dad either cause he doesn't deserve it! too little too late

omg you write for avatar too? 👀 look at you go girl! what's the avatar fandom like? it seems like it's chill and drama free. the reason i starting watching avatar was because of jack 😂 i'm a huge scream fan so i needed to see what else this man has been in and was so surprised he was in avatar 2, i actually didn't recognize him because of the hair but he still looked so fine! i need to rewatch avatar 1 and 2 because i actually really enjoyed it! and the cgi is amazinggg (much better than marvel) - and yes ghostface is so fucking hot, especially in the new one, i think cause it was more serious and the mask was like decayed. ughh i have a predator/prey kink too it's just so so hot! getting chased and hunted by those two was soooo ughhh! can you tell i only have a thing for villains? the heros barely capture my heart 😂 look and you and both simping for tom and jack; we have amazing taste in men 🩷

i'm so glad you got some writing done and it didn't feel forced, never force yourself, tal 🥰 you got this babe 🩷

🍯🐝

Babes, the way I tried to respond to your ask TWICE with a rant about how my stepdad must want me to hit him with my car because of how he treated my mom this weekend on her birthday weekend, and Tumblr closed out on me both times without saving my long af rant. SOOOOO maybe that's the universe trying to tell me to let that shit go. Which, like, okay. But . . . OOOOO THAT SHIT MADE ME SO MAD. So, anyway - thanks for listening to me tell you about a rant I would have made you read had Tumblr not told me no twice lmaooo

I feel so sorry for the two year old. Hopefully your stepmom will refrain from being a vile evil bitch to him. At least I hope. And yes, nothing your dad does could ever make me like him. Fuck that man lol

I doooooo write for Avatar! Avatar is the only fandom that I've consistently been in for nearly my whole life and I can't ever see it going away. I have such huge respect for James Cameron cause the world that he's created is just so amazing and beautiful and the detail and meaning of it all has me in constant awe. I could literally watch the movies over and over again and never get tired of them. December 2025 can't come soon enough for A3, I'm practically vibratingggggg. The fandom is def not chill and drama free though, especially on the smuttier side. It's actually been super toxic recently which is really disappointing cause I feel like Avatar is one of the fandoms that should be the least problematic but...here we are. My mutuals get tons of anon hate messages daily and sometimes there's even drama between accounts. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with as much bullshit as they have since I'm a smaller blog, but I have gotten my fair share too. I know it really doesn't matter what fandom you're in, all fandoms have haters and most writers or artists get nasty messages, but it still sucks. All my mutuals are great though and they remind me of why I started being active in the fandom in the first place when things get a little too rough. Some people write some good Spider fics since you're a Jack Champion fan 👀

Love youuuuu 🥰

[yikesforever]

So Savannah refuses to do this because she will feel bad. I understand it's the people pleaser in her or the stupid rules of nts she has learned. However we had friends stay with us for 6 months. And we haven't seen them since they moved out 4 months ago. Now you might be asking yourself melon but why?? Oh I'll tell yeah. So they have 5 cats and 4 dogs. All 5 cats stayed in the bedroom and had ONE litterbox they all shared. Which as far as I could tell it only got cleaned once a week. So that room smelled like cats for atleast 3 months with daily incense, open windows and diffuser in the room. They were always using our kitchen stuff which is difficult cause we already have to make two deals due to my dietary restrictions. He ruined one of our most used pans cause men don't give a shit about things. And he offered to cook for us on a grill that didn't have a cover... no thanks I saw roaches ALL OVER that thing. They're dogs ruined atleast 3 of our dog beds and almost ruined 2 rugs of ours (we were able to save them after months of sitting outside to get rained on and dried). When they moved out they "cleaned" with a vacuum/mop comb and all 9 animals in the room. Also didn't move a single piece of the furniture. Somehow they were always ALWAYS buying themselves new things whether it was a giant cat tower or a fucking entertainment system .... Like sorry should we have been charging you more rent??? We found food trash in their room after she "cleaned" and spoiled milk in our fridge when they were gone. The husband was homophobic but in that "cute southern man" way.... Which frankly I didn't think was cute at all. I lived with a man™️ and God did that one get on my fucking nerves. He was like "but a trans girl will trick you into being gay" NO THEY WONT. "a trans girl shouldn't be in sports" MEN ARENT THAT MUCH MORE ATHLETIC THAN WOMEN. I don't give a flying fuck if it's "science" cause frankly it was probably a rich white straight man that hypothesized and then cooked the results so he is right. So maybe if they come back they need some rules or some teaching on how to clean and respect a house. Because also all the trash and dishes in the kitchen were subsequently ours as well. Like we were supposed to be their parents cause we owned the 🏠. Fucking no you can help out once a while. Other than letting out the dogs ONCE during the 8 hours we were gone. No wonder your dogs were always peeing on all our shit. And there was cat litter on the mattress UNDER THE MATTRESS PROTECTOR. Like ..... WHAT THE FUCK. we gave them everything we had just to not respect us. So no I don't want you to come back to our house yet. Unless we can set up some fucking ground rules. Also I don't even want to go to their cause I'm sure it's gross as hell. Anyway that was my rant on why they still aren't invited. "but it's too late to tell them". I'll fucking write her a letter and mail I don't care cause I'm stilled pissed about the way we and our fucking home was treated. And so the reason none of this ever got said is because my partner is so so so nonconfrontational that'd shed rather hold in all the anger and pain to "stay friends". I never said we had to have a friend breakup I just wanted them to know they were dicks to us. Cause now everytime we have a thunderstorm warning we get a "hey can we and all our dogs and cats come stay at your house". And I'll look up the weather and find either typical storms for Florida ..... Or literally nothing. Like your not a weather person and your getting your info from the most dramatic news source. I know because I looked at 4 different weather channels. I know so crazy looking up other information to confirm or deny a theory.

[blaiddraws]

assorted ghost worm au doodles!

[papipopsicle]

AFTERTASTE PART SEVEN

Pairing: Archie Andrews X Reader

Summary: In which two best friends since childhood test whether sex and friendship can co-exist without causing conflict. Including OC's Flick and Cherry, a bisexual and lesbian in a sapphic relationship who are best friends of Y/N.

Song: Dream Boy by Waterparks

Warnings: swearing

Words: 2.1K

MASTERLIST

feedback is always appreciated

Y/F and Y/M Robins were far from perfect parents. Y/F had the mental age of a toddler at times, and being an estate agent who always has to go the extra mile- he often wasn't home when his wife needed him the most. Y/M, on the other end of things, had been a stay at home mum until Y/N turned 16 last summer, and now she helped with all the administrative work for Mayor McCoy. She was a maternal creature which, coupled with her brilliant sarcasm, made for some explosive conversations. The two met on the first day of university and got married a week after the last.

When Y/M first found out she was pregnant with little Y/S Robins, the two realised they wanted a quiet bubble of a town to raise their children and grow up with them. But it wasn't until their second daughter was about to turn seven until they found their forever home in the quaint town of Riverdale. Ten years passing before their eyes, and the picturesque place didn't seen all that anymore.

Jason Blossom's death had nothing to do with the short gunshot sounding over the waves of Sweetwater River, the noise which woke Y/N from her sweet unmemorable dreams every few nights. The summer days rolled into early August without anyone caring, Y/N spending most of them at Cheryl's side listening intently to her past adventures with her brother. Betty threw herself into an internship at a publication house; Flick and Cherry had volunteered at a summer camp, and Archie was helping his dad out more and more with constructions job.

Although it hadn't been the start to the relationship Y/N had hoped for- the nervous giggles and hand holding, short and sweet kisses on late night walks followed by poetry worthy cuddling. There was a magnificent silver lining as Archie's muscles gained definition, and he suited the sweaty builder look far too well.

[INSTAGRAM]

♡ 602 likes

y/n Humph!

129 Comments | Tagged: cherylbombshell

view comments

♡ 584 likes

Cheryl busy being my own icon

98 Comments | Tagged: y/i/n

view comments

"Earth to my gorgeous queen? Y/N/N?" Cheryl quizzed her friend, who currently resided at the poolside of Thornehill Manor. Her mind was off on a glorious tangent about her rendezvous in the kitchen at two in the morning. Fixing herself a glass of water, when Archie slips his hand into her pyjama shorts, his other around her mouth muffling her needy moans.

The red headed beauty shoved her y/h/c friend playfully, warm skin sweaty under her pale touch. Y/N blinked innocently and sent her an apologetic smile, "What?"

"I asked if you've thought about dating anyone else since Clayton?" The fiery ginger girl enquired with her usual upbeat tone.

Cheryl knew she had a unique quality about her which made it almost impossible for Y/N to lie to her face. The y/h/c girl scrunched up her nose, hiding the smile the idea of Archie Andrews brought to her face. 'Yes. We started off as fuck buddies but never actually fucked. Then I drunkenly asked him to be my boyfriend, now a month later I think we may genuinely work out.'

"Maybe." Y/N bit her bottom lip, listening to her friend's squeal as she squeezed her sun tanned arm.

"I knew it! You have this euphoric glow you only get when someone else makes you climax." The redhead affirmed confidently, watching the Robins girl's eyes bug out before hitting her arm, "Y/N/N, you know your secret's safe with me."

"Fine." She sighed and took a sip of her fruity cocktail, "It started off as just fooling around, honestly I just needed to let off some steam after everything. I knew he was into the kinds of things I was, I mean he used to tease me about it non stop. And it was good, so good I stopped being a pussy and asked him to be my boyfriend."

"Holy freaking hell!" The Blossom girl grinned with excitement, "Dare I ask, who is it?"

Y/N deadpanned at her friend, "Guess."

"Please don't tell me it's that muscular oaf Reggie, he's pretty but there's not exactly much going on upstairs." Cheryl tapped her temples and rolled her eyes at the thought.

"Nope."

The ginger thought for a moment, consulting her liquid courage and splashing her feet around the waters edge, "It's Archie."

All it took was a side-eyed glance at the y/h/c girl's blooming rosy cheeks to know she definitely wasn't wrong. Y/N severely lacked the ability to lie, even if her tone held conviction, her features were far too expressive and told the truth all on their own. It's not like they were hiding it from anyone, but the past four weeks had gone far too quickly without any moments to spare for the world around them. They slept together each night, the majority of that time not actually spent sleeping, but they hadn't been given the chance yet to explore more romantic avenues.

"It's fucking Archie Andrews- you're fucking Archie Andrews and don't you dare deny it." Cheryl gawked in her gorgeous white and nude bikini, watching as her friend lay back against the hot marble slabs which encased the large pool with the largest grin adorning her plump lips.

"We haven't had sex yet, so technically you aren't completely correct." Y/N winked but carried on before the girl exploded with a hundred questions and could never be turned off, "Trust me, I want to, and I'm sure he does too. But you know, it's his first time, I want it to be perfect for him."

"Y/N/N, you really love him, don't you?" Cheryl gagged to begin with, but she found it sweet in truth. She wanted someone to hold, who would hold her right back just as tight for no other reason than needing to.

Y/N sat back up and paddled her feet, "You have no idea, Cher."

Arch 🧡

That new post should be illegal

Tiger 💛

Ooo

I like this reaction

Maybe I should post more

Like this one

Cheryl pushed me in the pool

And I may have had a drink

Or three

Arch 🧡

Well that's sexy

I swear nobody looks good like that how on earth

You're a goddess

But also

How's she holding up?

Tiger 💛

🥺😇

Broken

But she's strong yk

You coming over for dinner?

Arch 🧡

Yeah Y/D invited my dad too

Need me to pick you up from Cheryl's?

Tiger 💛

Awe cute we love a bromance, and it's all good my mommas coming now anyways :))

Hours had elapsed far too fast and soon the summer heat simmered into cool waves of wind brushing over sun kissed skin. Cheryl's arms were clasped around the blonde's shoulders in a tight embrace.

"Thank you so much, Y/N/N, I don't know what I'd do without you!" The Blossom girl professed with sparkling eyes and a brilliant smile.

Y/N beamed up at her, fingers carding through her damp y/h/c hair as she looked over her shoulder to see her mum pulling into the driveway, "You don't need to thank me, Cher, friends look after each other. Message me if you need me, okay?"

Cheryl promised she would and the two teen girls hugged goodbye, with Y/N soon heading home- listening to her mother gossip about Hal and Alice's screaming match last night, Y/N loved her inability to keep her mouth shut sometimes.

"Mom," The y/h/c stopped her mid sentence and received a side eyed glance in response, "I need to tell you something and you're totally not allowed to freak out while you're driving."

Y/M's eyes widened and her grip tightened around the steering wheel, her daughters very rarely confided in her. While she knew her youngest was safe in her promiscuity, neither of Y/M Robins' girls ever shared their secrets so for the most part she took finding out into her own hands.

"Honey," The forty four year old's calm tone was hardly comforting to the teenager, "if this is about you and Archie fooling around, your father and I figured that out a long time ago, like so long ago. Who do you think does your laundry? When your underwear starting looking like dental floss, we caught on pretty quickly."

Y/N felt like a deer in headlights, "Mum, what the hell?" Her cheeks heated to an inhuman temperature.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, as long as you're being safe and he's-"

"For the second time today, and I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but I am not having sex with Archie Andrews!" Y/N's high pitched voice sounded through the car. It truly was a blessing and a curse to have such open minded parents in situations like this. She thought about telling her mother the truth, but Y/M was a blabber mouth as well as a gossip, so Y/N chose to withhold certain pieces of information.

The Robins matriarch dropped the subject but didn't forget about her daughter's tone, and continued to ramble on about how odd she found Penelope Blossom and the whole Blossom family in general. "Like why on Earth is Rose in a wooden wheelchair? They know it's the twenty first century, right?"

As expected, the Robins household was once again filled with warm laughter and copious amounts of food. The topic of Jason was skimmed over, and Y/S found herself away from the dinner table. The eldest Robins sibling was currently pleading with Alice as she began shoving all of Polly's belongings in the boot of Hal's car. She couldn't comprehend life without her best friend, not after losing Jason. They were meant to be going travelling together for a year- working the worst jobs and staying up all night to watch the sun rise in different countries. But instead, Y/S's eyes were blinded by tears as she screamed down the street at the speeding car, with Polly Cooper taken out of her life indefinitely.

Y/N was oblivious to the dark inner workings of the Cooper clan, Betty's knowledge about her and Archie unbeknownst to the loved up teens. She'd spent every second not occupied by her internship trying to justify the romantic act as a fleeting moment of loneliness fuelled by alcohol. She wrote in her diary ideas on how she could win Archie back over, not knowing it was in fact, too late. Betty found herself hopelessly in love with the boy next door, unfortunately for her, the girl across the road was the only one his mind found.

Archie and Y/N washed up while their parents resided to the living room with three glasses and a bottle of white wine. The short girl turned the tap off after placing the last utensil on the draining board, flicking her sudsy hands at the boy's face. "What the-"

She didn't give him a chance to finish that thought, jumping up and wrapping her legs around his torso- planting a kiss onto his lips, then cheeks, then forehead. The two fell entranced by each other, planting pecks across nape of her neck and top of his head.

"Son," Fred's voice called out from the next room and the two immediately pulled apart, hearts beating in their ears, "we're going in a minute."

"Alright." He replied, placing his girlfriend on the floor once more.

"I wish you'd stay." Y/N pouted childishly, she meant the words entirely but hated feeling overbearing. Her life had been turned upside down this summer, it started off with her unable to fall asleep with another person next to her- now Archie's chest was her most comfortable pillow and is arms were the warmest blanket.

"Tomorrow night instead, Princess? I promised my dad I'd spend more time with him before senior year." The boy reasoned, holding her close and unknowingly feeling the exact same way, he adored holding her by her waist and pulling her close under the duvet.

"Monopoly night at yours?" She grinned and he nodded back in reply, the two sharing a final kiss in the kitchen before walking into the hallway.

Y/N felt at ease as she wished the two a goodnight and headed up to bed. She took off her tea dress and replaced it with Archie's bulldog t-shirt, managing to reach the same length on her thighs as her dress did.

Arch 🧡

I can still smell your perfume on my sheets

Tiger 💛

Marking my territory obviously x

Arch 🧡

I love it

Hope you sleep well baby x

Tiger 💛

Call me that tomorrow and we won't be sleeping so you better rest up tonight x

Arch 🧡

Whatever you say, baby x

Tiger 💛

Goodnight x

Arch 🧡

Night princess x

part eight?

wanna be tagged? just send in an ask x

[kuriquinn]

Just had to share this because I'm so excited: for the first time since 2016, I'm under 200 lbs.

I've always been really worried about the extra weight I had on me, especially since we have heart disease and diabetes in our family. Prior to the pandemic I hit 230 lbs, which for someone 5'7" and a tendency to put weight on around the belly and boobs is not good (fuck BMI as a health calculator, the visceral fat is the thing that needed to go down.)

So in 2019 I decided to deal with one of the major deterrents to me doing anything physical and which had caused me terrible damage to my spine: scheduled a breast reduction.

For pandemic reasons it took me about a year before I was able to get it, but during that time I started trying to take off even just a little in preparation for surgery, not doing anything too strenuous (my back is too fucked up and my knees too clicky for something high energy like running or zumba or aerobics) but basically just walking and swimming and gentle yoga, and of course, the dreaded diet. I managed to take off 5 lbs by myself before plateauing in a way that my weight refused to budge.

Luckily my surgery fell between a period of lockdown ending and then month later going back into effect (ah, Quebec. Wtf.), so I spent early 2021 recovering but once my surgeon gave me the go ahead (i lost about 5 lbs more from that surgery alone), I really tried to get into better shape

And it sucked.

And my weight didn't change.

And I kept losing motivation and went weeks, occasionally months without activity and only barely watching what I ate. By some miracle I managed to maintain instead of gain but it wasn't until this year (about the time I was semi-living on my own) that I really got serious about getting healthy.

A lot of motivation for that came down to witnessing Rebel Wilson radically go from overweight to healthy in like 1 year and finding out that she did it without dieting. (And she's also like me in that she will never be a tiny person which is role model goals imo)

And most important (which I think is what messed me up every time I tried to lose weight) keeping in mind that losing weight is not an overnight thing. It might take me a year or more to do it, but I had to celebrate the little milestones and not hate myself when I couldn't stick to goals and such, and also make goals which were reasonable.

So in January I gave myself a best-case goal of losing 40 lbs by this December, regular case 20 lbs, absolute least maintaining (since most years since high school I've put on an extra 5 lbs).

The fact that I'm halfway to that goal by this time in the year makes me feel amazing because it's been so hard to stick to a plan or a goal in the past, especially something as important as health wise. So even if I don't lose anymore weight this year and just maintain where I'm at now (hit 199.9 on the scale today and I don't care if it's just 0.1 off, this is the first time there hasn't been a 2 anywhere on my scale in eight years!), I've already managed to meet my own expectations.

And I really hope that this is just one of more goals I've set for myself, such as finding a job I like (not even love, just something I can do my best at without killing my soul) and getting back into writing, that I can complete by the end of the year.

A big part of that is going to be getting some help with my ADHD, which has been crippling me a lot worse the past year. I feel like as the depression and anxiety meds started working, it exposed all the symptoms of ADHD I've been able to ignore or mask my whole life and which since my burnout I haven't been able to do. So yeah, either gonna need to find some kind of affordable therapist to work with and maybe meds to help manage it, but for the first time in a while I feel like it's possible?

Anyway.

That's just my mood today, and a lot of you have been key to keeping my morale up and dealing with depression stuff (even if I don't interact much with you, your posts make me smile and keep my confidence up!), so thanks so so much for being you, and I hope whatever your personal goals are, no matter how big or small (seriously, just something like getting out of bed in the morning or taking a shower is a huge goal and you are awesome for managing it!), you achieve them.

XOXOXO

Kuri 💜

[baka-writings]

ATEEZ reaction to you dancing and singing to their song

Summary: You were alone since the boys had practice so you decided to just wait for them and occupy yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Warnings: some of these might be kinda suggesting, but no full smut ;)

Can you guess which ones will turn kinda suggestive before you read it? Tell me in the comments~

cr.: to owners

Hongjoong:

He came home sooner than you expected so you got startled and kinda embarrassed when he literally caught you dancing and singing to Wave. He'd at first think you just miss him that's why you're listening to his music, but when he entered the living room and saw you dancing he was so shy and happy. He didn't want to disturb you, because in his opinion you were so cute, but you spotted his presence and turned the music off embarrassed.

"Why did you turn it off?" he'd ask you lowkey sad.

" I was just- uhh"

"Oh come on don't be shy" he walked to you and turned the music back on. You raised your eyebrow, waiting for him to do something.

"Dance with me?" he gave you a cheesy smile.

You accepted his offer and danced together.

(this would be his face seeing you)

Seonghwa:

You decided to take a shower, because you wanted to have your full attention on Seonghwa when he came back. It was so quiet, only the shower was heard and it was driving you crazy so you decided to sing since you were alone. The echoing sound bathroom made was so beautiful it almost made you believe you could sing.

When Seonghwa got home no one was there so he thought you were outside, but then he heard shower and singing?

"Y/N?" he called out, but no response of course. He smirked as he heard familiar lyrics. He called out once again just to confirm you couldn't hear him. Then he got in, stripped himself and sneaked behind you.

You didn't seem to see him, still singing to Horizon, then you heard a voice behind you singing with you.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you yelled at him, covering yourself. Seonghwa licked his lips and got closer to you.

"You're hot"

"That's not what I asked you pervert" he just smirked at you and kissed you as the shower was still running. You couldn't help, but moan while his hands traveled all over your body hehe.

(please use that tongue on me sir)

San:

You were making dinner as you were waiting for San to get home. You had your earphones in listening to your favorite songs when Inception started playing. It was your favorite song and you could never resist to sing along. You haven't noticed San being at home already as you were busy cooking and uhh singing and dancing along.

San smirked seeing you like that and oh how he loved your voice. He couldn't help but hug you from behind, pressing his whole body onto you. His actions made you jump.

"Hey y-you're back" you stuttered from the embarrassment.

"Mhmm" he stayed still, his arms holding you tighter. (his arms omg dad-). You could feel his breath on your neck, sending shivers down your spine. He kissed your neck and pressed himself on you more. You could feel his bulge poking your back.

"You sound so beautiful.." he said before kissing your neck again, leaving marks. You moaned at his actions which made him smirk against your neck.

Yeosang:

You were sitting in your room, studying for finals, but you always had to listen to some music. It calmed you down and for some reason you could concentrate more.

"Raise me up, take me up..." you were singing you favorite part, not because it was your boyfriend's part....maybe...bur because it was just so beautiful.

Yeosang found you in your shared room after he got back from practice. He knew finals were incoming so he didn't want to bother you much. He just wanted to "show himself", but he didn't expect to hear what he just heard. He couldn't contain his smile and If you were really close to him you'd see tears of happiness of course. He found it so cute.

Yeosang slowly approached you not to scare you. He gave you a soft hug. You looked at him a bit shocked since you haven't seen him enter the room.

"Oh hi you're back" you smiled at him and returned the hug.

"I know you're studying, but would you mind singing some more? I promise I won't bother you, I'll just sit there" he pointed at your bad while walking over there. You chuckled at his cuteness and continued studying and of course singing for Yeosang. Every time you looked at his he was sending you hearts *gif* and cute smiles.

Yunho:

You absolutely loved Yunho's low voice, but what you loved more was his dancing. You wanted to surprise him with small dance cover of Say My Name so you were practicing.

Today wasn't any different. It took you a lot of time to get the dance right since you weren't really good at dancing. As you were practicing, you haven't seen Yunho come in.

Yunho heard a growl from you, when you suddenly stopped. He felt kinda sorry.

"Need help?" he asked you smiling, with s light pink cheeks.

"Aww you're back! How long have you been standing there though?" you asked embarrassed.

"Long enough to see you need help" he stepped more inside the room.

"Oh o-okay" you blushed at the thought of him seeing you fail.

He tried to explain to you how to do the dance properly. You followed his every move, but it looked a lot better when he did it. Yunho heard you growl again. He looked at you and saw you pouting.

"N-No don't be sad you're doing great"

"Why do you need the dance anyway?"

"I wanted to surprise you" you pouted at him, going for a hug. He couldn't help but smile and blush at your cuteness and the will to learn such a hard dance.

Wooyoung:

You were just finishing cleaning, when one of your favorite songs started playing in your earphones. You for some reason already knew some of the moves definitely not because your boyfriend always made you watch them dance

As you were dancing around and minding your own business you haven't noticed 6 pairs of eyes looking at you.

Wooyoung was eyeing you the most, but he was mostly proud of himself since he taught you the Wonderland dance.

"Well this is awkward.." Mingi whispered to the boys.

"But she's got better moves than Wooyoung" Seonghwa smirked down at Wooyoung.

"That's my girl" Wooyoung said proudly.

"Yeah we still can't believe she'd date you.." Seonghwa replied, seeing Wooyoung furrow his eyebrows.

"Hey what's that supposed to mean" Wooyoung said in a louder voice, which you could hear as well.

You turned to where they were standing, all kind of face expressions on their faces.

"We're you just staring at me. ... dancing?"

"You've got nice moves" Seonghwa smirked, who knows what he was thinking about. You chuckled making Wooyoung kinda jelly.

Mingi:

You just got out of the shower, wearing only a towel around yourself. You had your playlist on full volume, jamming to every song playing.

Thanxx was playing next and let's be honest there's no way one does not dance to it right? Right. You were doing so while brushing your hair and doing your night routine. You almost slipped on the wet floor while dancing, but managed to get ahold of yourself.

Mingi arrived home hearing familiar tune playing in your shared apartment. He smiled to himself happily knowing you like his music. However he hasn't imagined you would be almost naked out there. That's why he was kind of taken aback when he saw you only in a towel. He smirked to himself, wild thoughts running through his head.

You saw him in the mirror, smirking down at you. You smirked back at him which turned him on more. Mingi then got behind you and gave you a a jone crushing needy hug. You loved when he was turned on honestly. You smirked again and untied your towel, revealing you naked body. Mingi almost choked on air as he didn't expect you to do that. After he regained himself fun stuff happened hehe.

Jongho:

You were laying on couch, enjoying your alone time. But you missed Jongho.

You closed your eye to relax and let your mind wander around Jongho. Obviously

"Deep in my heart, deep in my soul. . ." you sang out at the thought of Jongho.

"you should go a bit higher" you heard a voice. Huh? Was s dream? Then you felt a hand on your cheek.

You replied, eyes still closed

"you know not everyone has a vocal range like you..but If you want me to die I'll try it"

"Please don't try, I don't want to be the cause of your voice loss...besides you have a wrong technique anyway and-" you cut him of with a kiss. Sometimes you hated he cocky he got as he got older.

*sorry this one was short*

[werewolfdays]

How the hell did I miss the fact that you have an AO3 account???? Care sharing your username or a link? (also yes yes yes tell us more about dem delicious AUs)

Yeah I do have an ao3! I’m not really a fanfic writer tho so there’s only a couple fandom things on there, one of which is the unfinished Dragon Age AU that I wrote in like 2017 and the other is a Cyberpunk 2077 one shot for fem!V and Panam.

If you haven’t seen it, I am actually posting the edited/revised version of Jayde x Nadya’s story on there! First five chapters are up if you wanna read it. I’ll be updating it as regularly as I can!

As for the AUs, I’ll talk a little more about them under the cut!

The only AU I've actually written for is the DA one! Also, it's the first bit of writing I actually did for Jayde x Nadya. I sorta used the fic as a tool to jumpstart my motivation for their canon story and it totally worked. I wouldn't have this blog if it weren't for that fic. But it is objectively bad/cringey cause that's literally the first time I wrote something in years. I still keep it up though cause it's cool to see how much I've improved.

Anyway idk how familiar you are with the games, but Jayde is Hawke from Dragon Age 2 and Nadya is the Inquisitor from Dragon Age: Inquisition. I just loved playing them in the games so much and it actually fit them really well. But then I was frustrated that the Inquisitor couldn't romance Hawke when they made an appearance in the game. thus the fic was born.

I was drawn to it cause of the angst potential too. Particularly in the Trespasser DLC cause the Mark on the Inquisitor's hand starts growing and is slowly killing them until they ultimately lose most of their arm. I never got far enough to write that in the au, but the Mark was Jayde's biggest fear for that very reason and she would have done anything to spare Nadya that pain. So she has it out for Solas BIG time lmao. Maybe I'll revisit the au when DA 4 comes out!

My current au obsession is The Quarry! I didn't expect to have so much fun with that game, but I did and SPOILERS since it's werewolves at a foresty summer camp lodge, my brain immediately went to Jayde and Nadya. Nadya canonically was a summer camp counselor too and I really ran with the idea. I haven't written anything yet, but it might be a fun exercise when I need a break from working on the main story.

The thing about the werewolves in The Quarry is that they're really terrifying and dangerous because they have no control of themselves whatsoever. Also they look gnarly af. Jayde is definitely getting bit saving Nadya and I am 100% adding a scene in there where monster Jayde is gonna go in for the kill, but Nadya calls out her name and makes the werewolf hesitate for just a second. Nothing like that happened in the game, but if Josh from Until Dawn can get through to W*ndigo Hannah then I can have this lol

[songsoomin]

Let Me Down  Part 2 (A, S)

Synopsis: CollegeStudent!Mingi x CollegeStudent!Reader, Friend!Yunho. After you left Mingi due to his neglect of you, you’re both finding it tough to move on

Song inspiration: ‘Need You Now’ Lady A

Genre: Angst, smut and eventual fluff (but not yet)

Warnings: Drunk unprotected sex, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), mentions of using alcohol to cope with the pain, threat of sexual assault (by random character, of course not any of the boys), physical violence (towards same random character). 

Word count: 9K (sorry)

Posted: 27th June 2020

Part 1 Part 3

It was the third time you'd heard the gentle knock on your bedroom door and for the third time you ignored it.

"Y/N...." Jina's worried voice filtered through, "...please come out and eat something."

You buried your head further under the covers.

"You haven't eaten properly in days. Not since -"

"Jina...let her be. She just needs some time." Suzy interjected before Jina could mention him. Both your roomates had been tip-toeing around what happened three days ago. The day you finally broke up with Mingi. They'd both been waiting for you to see sense and dump your selfish, unreliable boyfriend of five years but hadn't forseen the fallout from that decision. Now they were both worried for you.

When they came home from their lectures that day to find you lying on your bed, red-eyed from crying all afternoon. They had thought that as you were the one who broke it off, you'd cry it out and then get over it - after all, it wasn't like you were the one who'd been dumped...you'd chosen to end it. They had got it very wrong, though, because you still loved Mingi, despite leaving him and you felt like your world had caved in on you. You left him because you couldn't stand knowing he didn't love you the same way anymore, knowing you just weren't that important to him. You had to leave because you knew the way he was treating you was wrong. It didn't mean you didn't love him anymore, though, and right now you were starting to question whether this pain you were feeling was worse than the hurt you felt while you were with him.

"You did the right thing, Y/N." Suzy said with confidence later that evening when you had finally given in to Jina's worrying and come out to pick at some toast. "You can't allow yourself to be taken for granted like that."

"I know it hurts now but you'll start to feel better soon and one day you'll find someone who isn't too stupid to see how lucky he is to have you." You almost rolled your eyes at the cliched line coming out of your best friend's mouth but you didn't want to offend her; you knew she was trying her best to cheer you up.  

"It might not be too bad, Y/N..." Jina added, "At least you don't have any shared classes with him and there isn't long left before graduation anyway. You'll never have to see him again after that."

The feeling you got when Jina spoke of never seeing Mingi again was like being punched in the gut. You felt sick so you ditched your toast and made an excuse, trudging back to your room to lay on your bed, willing this feeling to go away.

By Monday you had come to the realisation that you couldn't stay in your room forever so when Suzy - the 'mother' of your trio - came in to ask if you were going to return to your classes, you surprised her by already being awake. It was wholly unlike you to be up and dressed early but you hadn't been sleeping properly for the last week anyway.

As the weeks went by you found that you could return to life as normal for the most part; you went to classes, your part-time job, even a few social gatherings and you seemed almost normal again but Jina and Suzy could see it. You weren't ok. You did a good enough job of pretending in order to get through the day but you weren't quite the same anymore. You also knew this but the only way you knew to manage was to ignore the pain; you buried it as far down as you could until it was just a dull ache in the background, a constant reminder that he didn't love you.

                                                   ********

Mingi POV

"So she finally dumped your sorry arse?" Hongjoong asked once Mingi told him why he was slumped on the couch staring blankly at the TV screen. To be honest he hadn't paid any attention to what was on and now he looked at it properly it appeared to be some kind of gardening programme - certainly not what he would normally watch and what must've caused his friends such confusion when they came back to the dorm Mingi shared with Yunho and Hongjoong.

"You did have it coming, though..." Yeosang said matter-of-factly, earning a glare from Mingi but he continued undisturbed, "I mean, did you think she would put up with being neglected forever? You barely made any time for her, at all."

Mingi contemplated that and realised he had never thought about it. It would be a lie to say he was unaware that he prioritised his friends over you but he just assumed you were ok and would always be there.

"You ok, bro?" Yunho asked, jolting Mingi out of his thoughts suddenly. The tall blonde, as his best friend, was more worried about how Mingi felt than the others were.

"I'm fine." Mingi said trying to sound a lot more happy than he felt. "In fact, I'm great. I can do whatever I want now, spend as much time with you guys as I like without being nagged about it. Now I can enjoy our last months at college before we have to join the real world."

Yunho looked at him as if he was crazy and maybe he was but if he kept telling himself that this was a good thing for him then maybe he would start to believe it and get rid of this painful aching in his chest.

"You know, you really didn't deserve her." Yunho muttered as he walked away.

It had been about two months since Mingi had really seen you - not that he hadn't looked but he seemed to only catch a glimpse of you as you crossed the campus grass or disappeared into one of the lecture halls. He thought he'd at least see you in the cafeteria or eating lunch with your friends on the grass as the weather was so nice now but he never did - it was almost like you had completely disappeared from his life. He hadn't spoken to his friends about you at all - still stuck in his delusion that if he pretended to be happy without you, he would be - but eventually he asked Yunho, who was on the same course as you, if you were still attending lessons.

"Yeah, of course she is." Yunho answered, not thinking much of it as he was distracted with the choice of pizza in front of him at the lunch counter.

"Do you talk to her much? Is she ok?" Mingi attempted to seem nonchalant but the questions caught Yunho's attention now that he'd settled on his usual pepperoni and a diet coke to wash it down with.

"Why?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Mingi kept pretending he was having a great time single, going out to clubs, drinking, flirting with girls, but Yunho had been his best friend since they were five years old and he wasn't swallowing that crap. It didn't escape his attention that Mingi was drinking too much and, as much as he flirted, never accepted any of the girls' advances.

"No reason. I just hardly ever see her around - I just wondered." Mingi looked away fast, not wanting Yunho to see just how much he wanted to hear anything about you.

"Uh-huh, sure." Yunho shook his head at Mingi, "Just go try to win her back or something. The others might not notice but I know this is tearing you apart."

"Hey! She dumped me! If she loved me so much she wouldn't have left." As his voice faltered on those last words, Mingi couldn't help but let slip how he really felt. There was no point hiding it, anyway. Yunho already knew.

"You're so stupid, Mingi." Yunho replied, sighing because what he also knew was that you looked like shit all the time because you weren't sleeping or eating properly. He knew you were just as unhappy but Mingi was still just as self-absorbed, only thinking about how hard this was on him when really he should just take some fucking responsibility for how he treated you and realise it was all his own fault.

                                                      ********

In truth you very much had been avoiding any place you knew Mingi would be; you knew his schedule and his habits so you simply made sure you took a different route if your classes ended around the same time. You always went off campus for lunch, as well, somewhere you knew Mingi wouldn't go. Jina and Suzy were really supportive, they knew that it was still hard for you to see him and would do anything to help you through it. As time wore on you actually found that not seeing Mingi helped a lot and slowly you were starting to feel better. Your best friends were also delighted to see you starting to eat better, taking it as a sign you were getting over him. It didn't always work, you were bound to see him occasionally as you were at the same college. When you did see him, though, he would be laughing with his friends, looking so carefree. Sometimes you would see him talking to girls, though, and that same dull ache that never really went away clawed its way back to the surface.

"We're going out tonight!" Suzy announced as she breezed into the living room of your shared dorm.

"Who is?" You asked, confused.

"We are. The three of us." She threw you a look that dared you to say 'no' and carried on so you wouldn't have time to protest. "Lucas invited us to a bar with his friends tonight so I've decided to take you out to have some fun."

"Fun?" You weren't sure about Suzy's idea of fun; it usually involved a lot of drinking and dancing and, more often than not, making fools of yourselves.

"Yes. Fun. That thing you never have anymore. It's about time you got back out there instead of moping around this place. You might even meet someone nice - Lucas has a lot of hot friends, you know." She added with a cheeky wink. "So get in your room and get ready now. I want a hot-looking Y/N in one hour. Jina, that goes for you too!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Jina mock-saluted and headed towards her room, laughing.

You weren't opposed to going out; maybe it would help but you didn't care about meeting anyone. You knew very well how good-looking Lucas's friends were and you used to think Johnny might have a thing for you but you weren't there yet.

The bar itself was really nice and the music wasn't too noisy so you could still have a conversation without having to shout. It had an 80's vibe with coloured neon tube-lights and music of the era but didn't overdo it, still being able to pass for a normal bar rather than a themed one. As soon as you were there, Suzy made a beeline for Lucas and virtually leapt into his arms, kissing him passionately; given their size difference he easily caught and lifted her up when she jumped, wrapping her legs around his middle. They were a really cute couple, you thought; him tall and blonde and Suzy smaller with dyed red-hair. You and Jina followed along, greeting him once she'd let him go and getting introduced to any of his friends that you didn't know already.  

You were actually having a pretty good time, surprisingly, Lucas's friends were fun and made you feel welcome. Some of them might have been a bit too eager to make you - and Jina - feel welcome and you suspected it was to do with what you were wearing and you knew you looked good. Your blue dress wasn't too revealing but it clung in the right places and emphasised your curves and you'd completed the look with a pair of high heels. You may not have been interested in catching anyone's eye but you still liked to look nice because it always made you feel more confident. Jina, however, was loving all the attention she was getting from the boys and was flirting shamelessly, making you laugh to yourself - something you hadn't done much of in months. An hour or so in the drink caught was making it's way through you and you decided to head to the bathroom but, as you wound your way through the crowd of people, you heard something that made you stop in your tracks. You knew that familiar, deep voice all too well and it cut through you like a knife.

You looked to where the voice came from and saw Mingi sitting with some blonde girl on one side of a booth with Seonghwa and a brunette on the other, looking very much like they were double-dating. Your heart twisted painfully as you watched the blonde girl very evidently flirting with him and taking every opportunity to stroke his arm or put her hand on his broad chest. As you stood there dumbstruck, Mingi looked around and you could see the shock cross his handsome face as he registered you standing there.

"Y/N." He called your name almost apologetically, like he'd been caught doing something but you weren't hanging around to find out what he had to say; you almost ran to the bathroom and flew into one of the stalls breathing hard. You sat there processing the situation - so what if he was on a date with some girl? He can do whatever he wants - he's a free man. It wasn't for you to care anymore, you said 'goodbye' to him. You can't afford to care now, you'd come so far trying to move on. Like this you reasoned yourself into a kind of calm and made your way back to your friends, taking a route in which you wouldn't walk past him again. It must have been a little obvious that you weren't quite ok as Johnny seemed to notice but then he had been paying you a fair bit of attention tonight.

"Are you ok? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine..." you lied as best you could, "Just need another drink is all."

"Comin' right up!" Johnny smiled and ordered you another Purple Rain cocktail while you forced yourself to look happy and normal. You drank the drink pretty quickly and ordered another, hoping the alcohol might ease the ache in your chest that had now returned with a vengeance.

                                                     ********

Mingi POV

"Mingi....Mingi!"

"Oh.. uh.... what?"

"Dammit, Mingi, I've been talking to you for the last five minutes - why are you never with it anymore?" Hongjoong asked, exasperated with his roomate's behaviour.

Yeosang snorted, "We all know why he's never with it anymore."

"Shut up, Yeosang!" Mingi spat back at the smaller blonde man.

Hongjoong sighed and looked at Mingi with concern in his eyes, "Mingi, we're all worried about you. You don't sleep properly, you either mope around the dorm or you stay out partying all night long.....and we've all noticed how much you're drinking these days."

So what if he was? Mingi was tired of his friends' interfering. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"You know what you need?" Seonghwa added as he plopped down on to the couch next to Mingi, "You need a good fuck."

"Oh my God - that's your answer to everything, Hwa!" Hongjoong despaired, throwing his hands in the air at the oldest member of their friend group. "He needs to deal with his feelings, not hook up with random girls."

"No, it's exactly what he needs." Seonghwa turned his attention over to Mingi now, "Get back on the horse, bro; you haven't been with anyone since Y/N." The mere mention of your name caused Mingi's heart to clench and the pained look on his face didn't go unnoticed by his friends.

"Getting back out there and meeting girls is the best way to forget about her and move on." Except Mingi didn't want to forget about you.

"How on Earth would you know, Hwa?" Yeosang interrupted, laughing, "You've never had your heart broken. In fact, do you even have a heart to break?"

Yeosang laughed harder at the rude gesture Seonghwa threw his way as he replied, "You're just jealous I get laid so much more than you do, Sangie. It's the safest way - if you don't get attached, you can't get hurt."

"Hwa's right!" Mingi jumped up, surprising them all, "If that's what it takes to prove to you all that I'm fine and stop you nagging at me, I'll do it."

"Great! I'm seeing this new girl tonight so I'll ask her to bring a friend along for you." Seonghwa grabbed his phone and started texting, "Go get ready, Min."

A few hours later Mingi was seated in a booth next to some blonde girl he'd just met with Seonghwa and a brunutte opposite them. He had started to realise that Hwa was not right, after all. He didn't want to be here with this vapid girl that was meant to be his date and, to be honest, he'd already forgotten her name. The girls Seonghwa hung around with were all very pretty but he didn't look for much more than that - why would he when he never intended to get to know them? To him, the girls he dated were just for a fun night - maybe a few if he liked them enough - they never lasted long. Seonghwa was tall, dark haired and, arguably, the best looking of them all; his aura just seemed to attract girls without him even trying.

Mingi couldn't help but compare this girl to you; you were beautiful and intelligent. You could have fun together and proper conversations, you had a connection - this girl was so dull, just talking about celebrities and clothes...he really didn't know how Seonghwa could bear it just to get his dick sucked at the end of the night.

He really was trying his best to be friendly and polite but this stupid girl just kept pawing at him, laughing at anything he said as if it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard. He downed his third drink and ordered another just to try to get through this ordeal.

As he was getting through the fourth drink, Mingi felt eyes on him, turning around he saw you standing there looking back at him and the girl. You looked so beautiful to him, in the blue dress he used to love on you the most but he couldn't look away from your face and the look of utter hurt in your eyes.

"Y/N..." He called out, throwing the girl's arm off himself, but to no avail. You darted towards the bathroom and away from him.

"Is that girl someone you know?" The blonde asked him with almost a jealous tone to her voice.

"Just...stop talking." He ground out, annoyed at her very presence, and stalked off towards the bar, downing his drink as he went.

Once there Mingi ordered another drink and two shots; he didn't want to feel what he was feeling and alcohol had become the only thing that came close to helping. Why did he feel like he'd been caught cheating on you? It was you who left him! He laughed bitterly at himself for ever thinking that if he just pretended to be fine, he eventually would be. It had been months now and the hole in his heart was still just as raw.  

"Min..." Seonghwa appeared beside him, "What are you doing?"

"Hwa, I know you're trying to help but I can't do this." Mingi said, downing the shots one after the other as  Seonghwa stood there, eyebrows raised in concern.

"You're going to have to move on at some point, Min... It looks like Y/N is." Seonghwa said gently, tilting his head in your direction.

Mingi looked to where  his friend nodded and felt anger rise up in his chest as he watched you take a purple cocktail from Johnny, laughing at something he'd just said. He couldn't stand this; just the thought of Johnny - anyone - taking his place at your side, holding you, kissing you, touching you..... No! He wouldn't even think of it. He couldn't bear to. Mingi downed his last drink and marched towards the door, leaving his friend just staring after him.

Next morning, Mingi woke up feeling sick, not knowing if it were more from the alcohol or the memories of seeing you looking happy and carefree with Johnny. As far as he could see, you didn't look close enough to be an item but who knows? The thought of you with another man still filled him with anger but you weren't his anymore. He had to get used to that.

He texted Seonghwa to apologise for running out so suddenly.

It's ok, bro, I understand why you didn't want to be there anymore. Came the reply, followed quickly by,

Oh.. and don't worry, I made sure your date had a good time ; )

Mingi laughed to himself, thankful for Hwa's easygoing nature.

                                                     ********

You sat with Suzy and Lucas at the breakfast table next morning, Lucas had stayed over and made pancakes for the three of you and you sat eating and chatting about the night before.

"Jina really went home with Jaehyun?" You asked wide-eyed. You'd thought she was sleeping in and that was why you hadn't seen her yet this morning.

"Yeah," Suzy giggled, "...She's had her eye on him for some time; I guess she must've felt brave enough to make a move last night."

"Wow, good for her, I guess." You said forking another bit of maple syrup covered pancake into your mouth.

"Jaehyun's a nice guy," Lucas added, "he'll be good to her."

You sat quietly as Suzy and her boyfriend talked together about the events of last night. The ever-present dull ache throbbed as your mind replayed the image of Mingi with the blonde girl's hands all over him. He wasn't yours anymore, you told yourself, he could see anyone he wanted to.

Your only concern now had to be trying to get through your exams and graduate and you couldn't afford to be distracted by anything else if you were going to do that. You finished up your pancake and cleared your plate into the sink, thanking Lucas for making it as you went.

"What are your plans today, Y/N?" Suzy asked.

"Oh, I think I'll just study; I'm still a little behind on my coursework and I'll have no hope of graduating if I don't get this done."

"Ok...work hard!" Suzy chirped as you wandered back into your bedroom.

You'd done it. You'd got through your exams and were graduating. It had been really hard and you'd had to keep forcing yourself to concentrate on your studies because Mingi was never far from your thoughts. It was easier being without him now than it was in those first months but the dull ache never entirely went away - always reminding you of it's presence if ever you caught a glimpse of him around campus. Jina and Suzy had done their best to pull you through it but you found yourself having to accept the reality that the pain would now always be a part of you. You ached for Mingi, to be back in his arms, but you knew he wasn't right for you. He didn't feel the same.

The actual day of graduation passed by in a blur - the calling of names and collecting of certificates had been terribly boring but you'd daydreamed your way through most of it, having to be nudged by Jina when you missed your name being called. Your parents had come along and taken you out to dinner - just like everyone else's parents so the restaurants were packed. Despite trying your best not to think about Mingi over the last few months you had decided to talk to Yunho about him briefly during class.

"Yunho?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could do me a big favour?" You ventured nervously. You were close to Yunho from sharing classes with him all throughout college but he was still Mingi's best friend so you weren't sure how this would go down with him.

"Uhh...sure. Well...depends what it is." He laughed, flashing his blindingly bright smile at you. You'd always thought he was kind of cute but now his dyed blonde hair started to grow out and his natural black peeked through he was even more good-looking.

"Could you try to find out where Mingi and his parents are planning to go for his graduation meal?" Yunho looked a little surprised so you tried to explain your request. "It's just that...I don't want to run into him because I know it will be awkward. Our parents will probably start to chat because they used to be friends when we were dating and I don't think I could deal with that."

A look of sympathy crossed Yunho's face and he reached out from his seat next to you and rubbed his had up and down your back in a reassuring manner. "Sure, Y/N. I'll do my best."

Yunho had come through so you were able to relax at dinner, knowing you wouldn't have to deal with the unwanted situation.

Although the dinner was nice and it was lovely to see your parents after a long time, you were more excited about the bigger celebration tomorrow; it was generally tradition for the graduates to go to out clubbing the day after (given that the parents wanted to celebrate on the day itself) but the next night you could really unwind and enjoy yourselves. You were a bit sad because the end of college meant your best friends would be moving on with their lives but you were trying to see it as an opportunity yourself - you felt like this city was your home so you wouldn't physically be moving but, metaphorically, you could move on from this last painful period of your life.

The next morning you saw your parents and wished them a good journey home; they had moved since you started college so they were further away than they used to be and didn't want to make the drive home late at night. They stayed in a hotel overnight and you met them for breakfast before seeing them off but once they were gone you started to get excited about the evening to come. You, Jina and Suzy had made reservations at a salon to have manicures and pedicures, and get your make up done; partly because you wanted a treat but also to spend the day being pampered with your two best friends before you wouldn't have them in your life so much anymore. You also went to get your hair done - nothing drastic, just a trim and professional blow dry - you wanted to look great tonight and you'd never felt you were any good at doing your own hair. A new dress and heels and you were ready.

The chosen club was the favourite one for the students to visit, it played the best music and didn't charge a fortune for drinks - best of all though, it had a 2-for-1 offer on cocktails and shots, knowing all the students would flock there for their post-graduation celebration. As you walked in you felt amazing, your dress was a black, sparkly material, fitted in all the right places and shorter than you normally went for. You matched it with strappy, black stilettos with a glitter heel and subtle silver jewellery. It wasn't just your look that made you feel amazing, you just felt better than you had in a long time; maybe it was optimism for a fresh start.

As the night wore on, the drinks kept flowing and you were well on your way to being drunk and having a great time with your own group of revellers. You, Jina and Suzy were there with Lucas and his usual friends but he'd also brought along some others from his course who you'd never met before. You'd normally be shy around new people and keep to yourself but the alcohol and excited atmosphere made you braver and you were all happily dancing together. There was one guy in particular who seemed to have taken a liking to you and was dancing very close, trying to grind on you; you were happy to dance with him but politely tried to keep a distance between you. After a while he was getting a bit too handsy so you excused yourself to go get a water from the bar. It was there that you spotted the one person you had hoped not to see and he was heading in your direction right now. As he approached you noticed he had cut his black hair slightly shorter than before and had a fringe. A lot of students chose to dye their hair bright colours but you loved Mingi's naturally black hair - with that and his beautiful dark eyes and plump pink lips, you'd always thought he looked stunning.  Just to make it harder for you he had worn a dark blue shirt with the first two buttons undone so you could see the thin silver chain he wore draped across his well defined collarbones and it made your heart beat a little faster.

"Y/N, can we talk?"

You looked up at Mingi, wishing all the feelings you had been trying to supress for the last few months weren't trying to claw their way to the surface.

"I don't think that's a good idea." You said, looking away from him, still waiting for your turn to get served.

"Oh, but dancing provocatively with your arse in some dude's crotch is a good idea to you?"

You snapped your head up and stared at him in shock. Was he really doing this?

"What has it got to do with you if I do, Mingi?" You were starting to get angry, he can't just decide to start caring now after taking you for granted for so long.

"Maybe I just don't like seeing some other guy with his hands all over my girlfriend." He said, raising his already naturally loud voice a little, making the few people in earshot look round curiously.  

"Except I'm not your girlfriend, am I?" You spat at him and the look of hurt that flashed over his features sent a pain through your heart - or was it really the fact that you weren't his that was hurting you?.

"Y/N...please." He looked like a hurt puppy and your resolve wavered - only for a moment, though, because you remembered the blonde at the bar and anger rose up in your chest again.

"You think can go out and date random girls with Seonghwa but get to tell me who I can and can't dance with?"

"What? That stupid girl from the bar? I just went on that date to stop Hwa bugging me about it and I left just after I saw you there. I never wanted her - I only want you!" The look Mingi gave you was so earnest you wanted to believe him but the truth was he had hurt you so much.

The bartender came then to take your order. You should've just asked for the water you came for but the dull ache you had come to live with was turning into a sharp, tearing pain again.

"Two shots of tequila, please." Mingi waited silently beside you while you got your drinks and paid. When you were done he grabbed your arm, trying to stop you from leaving.

"Y/N... Please give me another chance." He looked so broken but you couldn't go back to him, back to being neglected and ignored.

You downed both shots and put the glasses back on the bar. Steeling yourself against the pained look he was giving you, you turned and looked up into the face of the man you knew, deep down, you still loved but were still too angry at.

"No, Mingi. I can't."

You walked back to the dance floor, knowing full well what you were doing was petty, and started dancing with that same guy whose name you didn't even know. This time you did dance provocatively and you let him grind against you. You knew Mingi was watching you, you could see him looking over at you while he drank with his seven friends. It was a bad idea, you knew that but you wanted Mingi to know that he didn't own you. You were his once but he ruined it.

You were having a lot of fun but eventually you started to feel the alcohol catching up to you as your movements became less co-ordinated. It was pretty late anyway so you told Suzy and Jina you were calling it a night.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Jina asked but you knew they were still a long way off from being done.

"I'll be fine; there are still lots of people on the streets and I won't go through any secluded areas." You promised.

Hugs were exchanged and you stumbled you way through the mass of clubbers to get to the door. Outside you stopped a little way from the club and enjoyed the feeling of the cool night air on your hot skin.

"Hey." You turned in the direction of the male voice to find the guy you had been dancing with had followed you out of the club.

"Oh. Hi." You said uneasily, hoping he didn't want what you thought he might.

"So I thought we could go back to my place and have a little more fun, yeah?" He took a few steps closer to you with a look in his eyes that made you uncomfortable.

"I'd really rather go home alone, thank you." You said as confidently as you could despite feeling anxious, hoping he would accept your refusal and leave you alone.  

He closed the distance running his hand down your arm and closing his hand around your wrist. "You see...I don't really think it's fair for you to tease me all night like that and then not give me a little something." You swallowed nervously, looking around and trying to think of how to get out of this awful situation.

"Don't you agree?" He added a little menacingly, leaning in closer to you.

The male tightened his grip on your wrist and started to pull you in the direction of a nearby side street; it was dark with no one down there and panic started to rise up in your chest, causing it to tighten horribly.

If you were able to think rationally you would have screamed to alert the other people on the streets that something was wrong but the fear had gripped you and all you could manage was a futile attempt at breaking free of this man's hold. He wasn't huge but you were still small compared to him, in height and build and his grip was firm.

As he pulled you, stumbling because of your stilettos and the alcohol, into the side street you managed to find your voice and, as loudly as you could muster with the fear still constricting your throat, you tried to shout, "Let me go! I don't want this!"

The man didn't listen to you, he simply stopped some way down the dark street and pushed your back up against the wall, holding you in place.

"Get your hands off her NOW!" His voice was low and full of anger but it was so beautiful to you in this moment.

"Get lost. She's mine tonight." The man said not even looking in the direction of the intruder but still looking directly at you with a nasty smile on his face.

All of a sudden he was yanked back away from you; he still had one of his hands on your wrist and pulled you over as he flew back.

"Are you ok?" Mingi asked, scanning your face. His voice held none of the anger it had a moment ago as he spoke gently to you. You let Mingi pull you up and steady you on your feet, feeling just a slight pain in your knee as it had been grazed by the fall.

"What's your problem, dude? I'm just trying to have a little fun."

The anger flashed over Mingi's face again as he straightened up and turned to the man and before you knew it he punched him hard in the face, the man stumbling and falling to the ground. Mingi turned back to you and gently said, "Let's go." and you could see he was doing his very best to hold in his fury. It already made him angry to think of another man touching you but to do so without your consent - and to hurt you, as well - took him beyond angry.

"She's just a tease anyway. If she's gonna act like a whore, she'll get treated like one." The man angrily called out after your retreating backs but Mingi couldn't let that pass, he wanted this scum to be sorry he ever touched you. He let you go and strode back to the man who was still sitting on the pavement, he grabbed his collar roughly in his left hand and started raining punches down on him. You stumbled your way over the uneven paving stones to try to calm him before he did any real damage but Mingi was in a rage; the man now lying on the ground having his face pounded by both of Mingi's large fists as he straddled his body.

"Mingi, please!" You cried out, worried someone would see this. The man was scum and didn't deserve any better given what he would've done to you but you didn't want Mingi getting into trouble because of his temper.

"MINGI, STOP!" He finally stopped, breathing hard and looked down at the bloody man under him. He was nowhere near calm but he let you lead him away.

You walked mostly silent back to your dorm, holding Mingi's arm for support with just the occasional query from him as to how you felt and if you were hurt, to which you tried to reassure him that you were fine now and it was just a graze. At your dorm you invited Mingi inside, partly because you didn't want him going off still so angry and partly to clean him up - his knuckles were cut and bloody and, at some point, the man must've got at least one punch in as you could see a fresh cut on Mingi's lip.

You sat Mingi on the couch as you prepared some water, cotton wool and antiseptic spray to treat his wounds. As he sat there with his head in his hands you could see the amount of anger still bubbling inside him.

"Mingi, I'm ok. Really." You said gently, startling him as he hadn't heard your approach.

"I'm not." He said simply. "I wanted to kill that guy for what he was trying to do to you."

Not knowing what to say to that you simply took one of Mingi's big hands in yours and started to clean the blood off his knuckles before gently drying them and spraying a little antiseptic over the cut skin. You laughed lightly when he hissed at the sting of it.

"So you can take the pain of repeatedly punching a man in the face until your knuckles bleed but you can't deal with a little stinging?"

Mingi smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, "You've calmed me down a bit now. The anger overtook me so much back there, I guess I didn't feel the pain."

You didn't reply, just moved quietly on to his other hand, cleaning it as he sat on the couch with his eyes closed and his head laid back. You smiled to yourself when he fussed about the antiseptic again.

Mingi looked up when you gently started to dab at the cut on his lip with wet cotton wool. While you were concentrating on cleaning off the blood, you could see that Mingi was staring intently at your face. A couple of times you looked up at him from you position next to him - kneeling on the couch but sitting back on your feet - and each time your eyes met you could see something blazing in his beautiful, dark eyes. It was definitely affection but you didn't know if it was love; that was something you had been sure he didn't have for you anymore. You looked closer at Mingi, looked into those intense, dark eyes that you loved so much and thought that maybe he did still love you.

Although, you knew it was a bad idea, you slowly leaned up and gently kissed the corner of his lip where he was cut. "Thank you for saving me." you added softly.

Mingi looked at you for a few seconds before grabbing your face with his large hands and pulling you in for a kiss; asking for entry with his tongue as he licked across your bottom lip. You knew it was wrong but you gave in and melted into it, kissing him back eagerly. You'd never been able to let go of your feelings for Mingi, even though you'd tried to bury them and, in your still slightly drunken state you didn't have the strength to deny him.

Mingi placed his hands firmly around your waist and pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him, your short, black dress riding further up so the only barrier between you and the growing bulge in his trousers was your delicate underwear. He left your lips and kissed along your jawline, moving to your neck, pulling a gasp from you as he sucked hard against your soft skin. You couldn't help yourself and started grinding your core against him, feeling the bulge grow harder still underneath you. Mingi grabbed a hold of your dress and pulled it over your head in one fluid motion, almost growling as he took in the sight of you in your matching black lace bra and brazillian panties.

"I've missed you so much, Y/N. You have no idea how much I want you right now." His rough voice was deeper than you'd ever heard it and it sent shivers down your spine, the excitement making your core clench instinctively and wetness start to pool. As you moaned his name, Mingi unclasped your bra and tossed it to the floor, immediately latching his mouth onto one of your hard nipples while his large hand caressed the other breast before pulling harshly at your delicate nub with his thumb and forefinger. You let out a loud moan and ground down harder against his clothed erection wanting to feel more friction on your heated core and Mingi, knowing what you wanted so well by now, lifted you slightly and slipped his hand under the waistband of your panties and entered your warm, wet hole with his long fingers, reaching deeper than you ever could yourself.

The only thing you could hear was your own moans of pleasure and the wet sound of Mingi's fingers fucking in and out of you harshly. Suddenly Mingi lifted you into his strong arms and carried you into your bedroom, while you kissed down his neck, taking in the familiar scent of his cologne. He laid you on the bed and slid your panties off you, groaning as he took in the sight of your bare, wet pussy. Mingi crawled between you legs, firmly grabbing one in each hand and spread them further apart. Slowly he placed wet kisses along your inner thighs but gradually something more animalistic came over him and he started to mark you, biting and sucking hard and making bruises start to appear almost instantly. He ran his mouth all the way up from your soft inner thighs to the delicate skin between your thighs and your aching pussy and, finally, pulling you closer to him roughly he marked his way over your hips. He was like an animal that had fought and won for his mate and you loved that he was now marking you as his own before he took you as his own, too.

Marking complete, Mingi dove between your legs and licked all the way up your smooth, wet folds. You moaned out loud in pleasure as he finally slipped his tongue between them and straight into your tight hole, lapping up your juices and moaning against you.

"You taste so sweet, Baby. You don't know how badly I've wanted this." The vibration of his deep voice quickly drove you to the edge and when Mingi moved his mouth up to suck hard on your swollen clit you thought you were going to explode right then. Mingi shoved two of his long fingers back inside your entrance, which was now soaking with both your own wetness and his saliva, curling them up to hit your sweet spot and you couldn't contain it any longer. Intense pleasure flooded over you as Mingi continued to suck and lick sloppily at your clit while pumping his long fingers into you at a maddening pace, forcing your release to continue on for longer and longer. As you finally started to come down from the high, your body shuddered at the overwhelming sensitivity and you had to gently push Mingi's head away from your abused clit.

"Did you enjoy that, Angel?" He growled out lowly, "I've missed having my tongue inside you so much."

"But I'll bet you've missed my tongue on your cock so much more." You teased, blinking up at him through your lashes. Mingi always loved when you looked innocent but said the dirtiest things. He quickly undressed, stripping everything off entirely and you felt a thrill of excitement as you took in the sight of his hard dick standing against his lower stomach, pre-cum glistening on the tip.

"Let me take care of you, Mingi." You purred as you took his hands and pulled him down to lay on your bed. You crawled between his legs and gave him a long, sultry look as you lowered your head and kissed his wet tip. Mingi groaned at the sight of his pre-cum staining your lips and grabbed the back of your head, pulling it down, desperate to feel those soft lips around his cock. You happily obliged, wrapping your wet lips around the head and licking at the sensitive spot just under the rim. You felt his dick twitch in response but pulled away, only to lick all the way up the underside and finish with a flick against the rim again.  

"Oh God...please!" Mingi was never good at being teased, always desperate to be inside you already so you gave him exactly what he wanted and, in one smooth motion, took his entire length in your mouth.

"Oh...fuck!" Mingi's cries of pleasure filled the air as you bobbed your head up and down, dragging your mouth almost all the way up to the tip only to slide right back down until he was hitting the back of your throat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" The sounds of you gagging on his cock were the most beautiful to Mingi and you knew how much he loved it so you deep-throated him as best you could, which wasn't easy given how big he was. You pulled away for air when you felt him start to twitch more, knowing he was close and you crawled up to straddle him, rubbing your bare heat against his throbbing member.

"Mingi, I want you inside me." You whispered in his ear as you bit on his earlobe then moved down to bite and suck on his neck, leaving marks of your own.

He groaned in frustration, "Baby, I don't have any protection on me. I didn't expect this to happen."

You didn't have anything either, having not been with anyone since him but drunken desire took over you, drowning out the tiny sober voice in the back of your head which told you this was an incredibly stupid idea.

"Mingi! I need you. Please fuck me."

Being somewhat impaired himself, Mingi didn't have the willpower to resist, he flipped you over and held himself above you with one hand beside your head and the other stroking his hard dick. He positioned himself at your entrance and stroked his tip up and down your wet slit to lubricate himself before slowly sliding in to you. The feeling of sheer pleasure overwhelmed you as you felt his thick cock stretching your walls to accommodate it and you clenched around him instinctively.

"Shit...I forgot how tight you are." He breathed out as he pushed all the way in as far as he could.

"And I forgot... aaahhh...how big and thick you are...." you cried out as Mingi hit your G-spot perfectly. He had always been big - and perhaps it was just because you'd missed him being inside you so much - but right now he felt huge and you wondered how on Earth he was fitting in your tight little hole.

Mingi leaned down and kissed you deeply, never stopping his hard, deep thrusts. His soft lips moved down to your neck leaving wet kisses down your hot skin until he reached your collarbone and resumed marking you.

"God, I love your tight cunt." He growled out between kisses as he continued to thrust hard and fast. The feeling of Mingi's big, hard cock sliding in and out of your aching core was more than you could bear and the intensity of it overtook all your senses until you couldn't feel anything else but him.

"This sweet little cunt belongs to me." He said as he continued to fuck you roughly. "Tell me you haven't let anyone else touch you. Tell me you're still mine." Mingi's voice was a mix of possessive and desperate as he begged you for reassurance.

"Mingi..." you panted out as he continued to rock his hips against yours, "There was never anyone else but you."

"Tell me you're mine." He demanded, his deep, powerful voice forcing you into submission.

"I'm yours, Mingi. I'm all yours." A tiny part of you knew this was all a bad idea but it felt so right. Mingi being inside you made you feel complete and, for once, you couldn't feel that dull ache in your chest anymore.

Mingi could feel you clenching around him and, knowing you were getting close again, he reached down between your boddies and began to circle your still very sensitive clit while whispering praises to you.

"That's it, beautiful girl, cum for me again." He let out a deep groan as he felt your walls convulse around him and your warm, wetness release all over his thick cock.

Chasing his own high, Mingi lifted your legs to rest over his shoulders so he could reach deeper inside you and his thrusts got harder but sloppier as he came ever closer to orgasm.

"Baby, you feel like Heaven...I wanna fill you up so badly." He was so close now and you desperately wanted him do it.

"Mingi, cum for me. Fill me up. Make me yours, Mingi." It was all he needed to hear and with a couple more thrusts he released deep inside you, filling you up with his hot, thick cum.

Mingi remained inside you as you both breathed heavily, coming down from your highs, before pulling out and laying beside you on the bed. He pulled you into his arms and, as you were succumbing to sleep, you could hear him murmuring,

"You're mine, Angel. You'll always be mine."

                                                    ********

As you woke to the sun's rays filtering through your window, you had a mixture of thoughts running through your mind as the memories of last night came flooding back. Mingi was laying next to you, still with an arm wrapped around you and he roused as he felt you moving to sit up.

"Good morning, Baby."

You smiled at him but it didn't reach your eyes. You were so confused; what happened last night had felt so right but now you were entirely sober and could think about it clearly, you were scared. Mingi had hurt you before and it had taken so much to get over it that you were scared to let it happen again.

"Y/N, what's up?" He could see by your expression that something was wrong but didn't know where your thoughts were taking you.

"Mingi...What happened last night. It shouldn't have."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused.

"We can't be together. You hurt me before, I can't go back to that - I can't go through that again."

"Baby, you're mine." He said desperately, "You said you were mine." In his eyes you could see tears forming, shaking your resolve. You couldn't bear to see him like that so you looked down at your hands which were in your lap, playing with your fingers anxiously.

"I can't be yours anymore, Mingi. Last night...we were both drunk." You said it gently, willing him to understand.

"I may have been a little drunk but I know it wasn't a mistake. I love you, Y/N."

"I'm sorry, Mingi. Please...just go." The words sounded wrong in your ears but you were so scared of being hurt again.

"Don't do this to me again. I can't be without you, Baby." His deep voice sounded so desperate but you couldn't look at him, couldn't afford to let him change your mind.

"I'm so sorry." Despite the tears falling, the finality in your tone told him that you meant it. You felt the bed move as he got up and heard the rustle of his clothes as he picked them up and silently dressed. You held in your sobs until you had heard the front door close, knowing if he heard how broken you were he would come back. Once you were all alone you let all the pain debilitate you and sobbed into the pillow which smelled so much of the man you still loved.

                                                      ********

Mingi POV

Hongjoong and Yunho looked up as their other roomate walked in the door looking disheveled.

"Hey! Where did you go last night? You suddenly disappeared." The shorter of the two asked.

They watched as Mingi silently walked to the kitchen side and picked up the half-drunk bottle of bourbon sitting there. Unscrewing the cap and tossing it onto the side, he took a long swig. He hissed slightly as the alcohol stung the cut on his lip, causing some of the brown liquid to drip down onto his shirt.

As your ex-boyfriend walked towards his room, the bourbon bottle gripped tight in his hand, his two best friends really took in the state of him - cuts all over his knuckles, a cut on his lip which was starting to bruise.

"Mingi, what the hell happened to you?" Yunho called out, alarmed.

"Just....leave me alone."

[sleepingcrisis]

Teamwork

@like-a-festival

*****

"Okay so here is the plan —"

"Question!"

"What is it Reki?" Miya asked having to pause his elaborate explanation when the red head raised his hand.

"Why are we caring so much about this?"

"What do you mean?" Miya tilted his head in confusion, as if the thought had never crossed his mind.

They currently sat in Reki’s room. Langa with his head hanging off of the edge of the bed and Reki sitting on his knees on the bed while Miya paced the floor back and forth easily.

"It just seems like we should stay out of their issues. They will figure it out eventually," Reki explained.

"Will they?" Miya asked the hypothetical question but didn't wait for an answer, "They have known eachother for over ten years. They are getting old. You two managed to figure out your feelings within a year. These three have known eachother for —"

"Don't forget Tadashi," Langa piped up.

"Who?"

"Snake."

"Oh... well he and Adam can figure their stuff out, I have full faith in them. It is when you put Cherry, Joe, and Adam together that they only have two brain cells split among the three of them," Miya explained, "They have known eachother for over ten years and they haven't figured themselves out yet!"

"It still isn't our business —"

"When it effects us it becomes our business."

"How has it effected us?" Reki asked with an eye roll.

Miya cleared his throat, "The incident after the tournament, the incident during the tournament, the way they hog the track at S, the way Joe nearly crashed into you when trying to show off, the way Cherry has been nagging us more often when Adam is around, they argue constantly but not actually argue. You know what I mean?"

"No," Langa muttered and sat up. Maybe the blood rushing to his head was keeping him from thinking.

"They are flirting," Miya explained.

The other two didn't seem convinced.

"Okay fine. What flower does Adam bring to his opponents?" Miya asked.

"Roses," Langa explained like he was stupid.

"What did he bring Joe when they had their last beef?"

"That doesn't mean anything —"

"Sunflowers!" Miya cut Reki off. "He brings Joe sunflowers and Cherry gets —"

"Lilac or Cherry Blossoms," Langa answered.

"Precisely!"

"So what is the plan?" Langa asked and ignored the way Reki groaned.

***

The plan was simple enough even if Langa wasn't sure if it made sense.

It started with a bouquet of flowers that Langa convinced Shadow was for Reki... considering Reki and Miya were standing right beside him it probably wasn't very convincing.

Regardless they got the bouquet. Light pink flowers: liles, carnations, bleeding hearts, and more mixed in with a few bright yellow roses. As far as flowers go it looked really good.

Phase two of the plan was easy and went off without a hitch. They simply requested that Langa have a beef with Adam tonight.

He agreed enthusiastically as always.

"They haven't had a beef since the tournament," Reki pointed out as they were making their way there.

"Well they will tonight," Miya decided.

It was true. The three hogged the track on regular nights but never had an official beef again. Now that word was out that Langa was having a beef against Adam there was sure to be a crowd... they just had to hope all three of the actual competitors showed up.

"Hello my little snow bunny. Isn't it always such an honour to share this stage together?" Adam asked as he presented Langa with red roses as always.

"Sure," Langa said as he carefully took them with a small "thanks". He always accepted the roses even if he never knew what to do with them. "Uh Miya?" He glanced over to his friend.

They noticed Adam looked confused but the confusion morphed into an unreadable expression when Miya took the flowers from Reki and presented them to Adam.

"My little snow bunny! I'm honored. Truly —"

"They aren't from me," Langa explained quickly (his wallet said otherwise).

"Well then who are they—" Langa made a slight nodding motion to Cherry and Joe who were watching from their place above the crowds in the rocks. Langa watched as Adam’s eyes, hidden by his mask, made their way over.

From this distance Adam wasn’t able to see how confused the two looked.

"Sorry little Langa. You are going to have to find another dancing partner for tonight," Adam said before leaving... he left. That wasn't supposed to happen.

"Did he just drop out?" Joe asked.

"Adam doesn't drop out of races —"

"That is what he just did Kaoru," Joe fired back. He expected a swift kick, but when he glanced over the pink haired male was staring down at the start point with calculating eyes.

"They did something," Cherry said after a moment before he began to slid down the rocks before Joe could respond, it forced Joe to follow after him.

Cherry got within grabbing distance of Reki first which meant grabbing him by his yellow hoodie.

"Hey Cherry!" Nervousness laced Reki’s voice. He had been about to take Adam’s place for the beef so people still had something to watch.

"Don't give me that, beef is canceled for tonight boys," Cherry stated. "Joe grab the other two," Cherry tacked on. He let go of Reki briefly before grabbing his arm and continuing along.

"There is no way he can get both of those two," Reki scoffed. Ear grabbing simply wasn’t Joe’s style.

Reki was very wrong though when he glanced over in an attempt to ignore his pain when he heard, "let go you old man!"

Joe had Miya and Langa over his shoulders.

"Hold onto your boards or else they are getting left behind," Joe hummed as he kicked his own board along.

They were set down once outside of the gate and a flurry of cusses was thrown at Joe by Miya.

"So what happened?" Cherry asked when Miya was done.

"What do you mean?" Langa asked dumbly. It was hard to know if he was playing along or if he actually just didn't know.

"With Adam," Cherry clarified and rolled his eyes.

"Oh," Langa hummed and didn't elaborate since he felt that Miya should be the one to take the fall on this one. Apparently Reki thought so too but Miya glared at them in return.

"Fine," Reki grumbled, rubbing his sore ear. "Miya had the wonderful idea to buy Adam flowers," he explained.

"Okay and what else is there?" Joe added and tilted his head. "He has always liked being given flowers so that can't possible be it —"

"You didn't say they were from you three did you?" Cherry asked. His calculating eyes seeing through them immediately.

"Wait did you guys say they were from us?" Joe asked when he realized what Cherry meant.

"Uh... nooooo?" Miya hummed with a grin.

Cherry and Joe shared a look that morphed between concern and frustration.

"What is the big deal? People cancel beefs or drop out at the line —"

"Not Adam," Cherry cut Miya off and rubbed his face.

When realizing they had caused him, not just him... both of them, stress they felt the guilt come over.

"Sorry," Langa piped up first and was followed by two other apologetic mutters.

"It's fine," Joe spoke up quickly which earned him a glare from Cherry.

"It most definitely isn't fine —"

"It is fine," Joe insisted and sighed softly. "Let’s go get him," he muttered.

"You two know where he is?" Reki asked but Cherry looked just as confused.

"Yeah I have a hunch," Joe hummed.

"Oh wonderful, a hunch," Cherry grumbled but followed after him anyway since he had a similar guess about where Adam was.

"You three don't pull a stunt like that again!" Joe called as they took off on their boards.

"Well wrong equation but maybe the right solution?" Miya suggested and was met with a wack on the head from Reki.

***

"Told you we would find him here," Joe mentioned as he kicked his board up.

"Shut it," Cherry grumbled as they made their way over to the railing where Adam was. The last time they had all been here together didn’t end well to say the least.

All three were still in their skating outfits and Adam had that bouquet of flowers clutched in a hand over the railing with a frown on his face. When he heard the other two he plastered on an easy smile and turned over to them.

"The boys told me you got me flowers, how kind. Although do wait until we have a beef to gift flowers," he hummed and offered them back.

"We didn't buy them," Cherry mentioned, "I wouldn't but you a bouquet like that anyway."

"Oh—"

"I would buy you a magnolia," Cherry stated quite simply.

"Oh," Adam’s frown turned into something unreadable before he smiled slightly. A little more genuine, "only one?"

"Only one," Cherry confirmed.

"Well then you let yourself get outclassed Cherry. We both know you would get a bouquet of them," Joe scoffed and leaned back against the railing. He considered it for a moment, "Sweet peas."

"What?" Cherry tilted his head. He didn't know much about flowers. Had no reason to get them aside from occasionally for his office.

"Just know that they are nicer then magnolias," Joe hummed with a grin.

"Whatever," Cherry scoffed.

They both looked back to Adam and Cherry reached over to gently take Adam's mask off his face.

"What are you —"

"You showed up to the after party with your mask on yet you said that we were special when we were younger. So what is it going to be Adam?" Cherry asked using only his fingers to hold the mask in place. When he was met with no resistance he carefully took it off.

"You two are special," Adam insisted.

The two seemed skeptical to say the least. The glanced back to one another in silent communication, but they weren't good at regular communication nevermind silent.

"Do you love us?" Joe asked. It had Cherry making noises similar to that of a dieing fish.

"Yes," Adam didn’t hesitate.

Cherry felt his face heat up and the other two though he was flustered for a second, but it wasn’t that... it wasn't embarrassment either. Then his lip quivered and his eyes glossed over.

"You can't say shit like that and also say how boring I am while giving me a concussion!" He snapped. Anger was easier then breaking down, but breaking down followed his anger anyway. When he pressed his palms against his eyes and his chest tightened, Joe was by his side in an instant and had his arms around him as if to shield him from anymore pain. It was like Joe thought that he could protect Cherry — it was as if Kojiro thought he could protect Kaoru from the entire world.

"I —" Adam bit his lower lip in nervousness and looked at his two former best friends — his two lovers — in a way that could only be described as fear, "I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it all back."

"Ainosuke," Kojiro urged since he could see that the words were on the tip of his tongue. Just waiting to spill out.

"I'm sorry Kaoru," Ainosuke whispered. He reached a hesitant hand over to touch his shoulder but pulled back when Kaoru lunged forward and pressed their lips together. The mask dropping from Kaoru’s hand and onto the pavement in the process.

It wasn't a very long kiss and when Kaoru pulled away Ainosuke realized he was still crying. He had tears running down his cheeks. Before Ainosuke could reach a hand up to clean them away Kojiro did it for him. Gently reaching over Kaoru’s shoulder from behind him and cleaning away his tears without even needing to see where they were. He had the tracks Kaoru’s tears ran memorized.

"You two are so special to me, and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving it to you both then I will. You both are worth every moment of it. Please let me prove it to you?"

"Okay," Kaoru and Kojiro both agreed.

When they left two things stayed: the bouquet of flowers, and Adam’s mask. Propped up against the railing.

***

The problem with someone like Ainosuke trying to prove that Kaoru and Kojiro were special again was that the two were competitive. They couldn't simply allow themselves to be spoilt.

So when Adam showed up with bouquets for them, they both brought flowers for him. And Joe was right. Kaoru couldn't just bring one.

"Wrong equation right solution," Miya pointed out as the three founders of S stood at the starting line, offering eachother flowers.

"Oh shut up, now we have to deal with this," Reki grumbled, "this is arguably worse." Despite his words he did allow himself a small smile.

"Arguably," Langa pointed out, "Should I get you flowers before beefs?"

"No!" Reki shot right back as his face warmed.

There wasn't really a point to it anyway. The three couldn't actually skateboard with flowers in their hands anyway. Instead of giving them to fans (like Joe normally did) they were dumped on the three younger boys.

"They are special," Cherry informed.

"Besides this is your fault," Joe tacked on.

"So hold these for us until we are done, thanks my little snow bunny, you to kitten and birdie!" Adam hummed all happily.

"'Kitten'?"

"'Birdie'?"

"Good luck you three!" Langa called before the lights changed from red to green and the three took off.

[hoochy-coo]

I have a question for WS anon if they don't mind answering - I read somewhere that often celebs are not as rich as they appear to be. So, how common is it for celebs to exaggerate their wealth?

Celebs get a lot of free stuff from luxury brands and free services too. Moreover, a lot of celebs also get exclusive discounts from luxury brands if they're not given to them for free. Celebs definitely live a life of luxury and are able to afford way more than the common people. But there's a difference between Beyonce and let's say the Pretty Little Liars cast (I'm choosing celebs being talked about in your blog). There's a reason why celebs can afford to live in high end neighborhoods in LA but choose not to live in those gated communities. For some it may be a choice since a lot of celebs don't expect to live in the same house for the rest of their lives, but a gated community also spikes the price rates in the same neighborhood by a margin. Most celebs would be able to afford a first class ticket, but not all of them actually have the capacity to go on private jet every single time they travel. TL;DR celebs are rich but most of them just live off a luxurious facade and actually have a lifestyle more than they earn.

Is WS anon still around? I would like to ask her something not HO related. I'm big Lily Collins fan and to be honest her relationship with Charlie McDowell makes me cringe. He's known for being d**k and heard only bad things about him. Did you heard anything about this two?

Lily Collins was my upperclassman. A friend told me Lily isn't that bad but hearing her talk and most importantly complain, is very much akin to a nepotism child who has never struggled a day in her life. There were times their classmates wanted to tell her Phil Collins is famous but he isn't THAT relevant. Some other upperclassman have told me Lily always wanted to be a star and Audrey Hepburn but just doesn't have the work ethic or the talent for it.

Does WS anon have any tea on ATJ? or Olivia Rodrigo? I like them both a lot and always heard good things but recently I've been seeing people say that fame went over their heads and that they'rude and dismissive behind the scenes and tbh I don't know if I believe them cause the timing is sus iykwim

Do you mean Aaron Taylor Johnson or Anya Taylor Joy? But I'm guessing it's the latter? My dad worked on all of the Fox's X-Men franchise. Anya isn't exactly friendly but she's VERY professional and hard working and expects the same from other people. That was even before she's famous so she has always been like that. But people like her because she isn't unreasonable, she's just professional and serious on her craft. As for Olivia Rodrigo, I've heard mix things but even my friends agree she's way too young to be properly judged and she's probably just acting like a lot of people her age.

You people friends sound like judgmental as*hloes. shock horror some of us have oily skin and having pores and wrinkles is normal 😒.

I'm guessing this includes my friend? Yeah she can be an asshole no doubt about it, but like Jessie's friend she does that to people she's close with and gives us free skincare even. She's also like that with every celeb she meets anyway and share to us how she finds their skin. I haven't heard her comment on anyone whom (a) she's not close with or (b) a rich ass bitch whose source of income also relies on their looks and have all the resources for the best dermatologist and skincare. She can be lacking on the sensitivity side but I can't really consider her comments coming from malice rather than her obsession with skincare and dermatology.

- Worcestershire Sauce Anon

!!!

My friend has the same attitude as yours tbh! I don’t think she’s got had intentions but I get what you’re saying about the lack of sensitivity at times lmao

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

[loftec]

Hi i don't know if anyone haven't ask you about it or i'm the only one who wants to read it but CAN YOU PLEASE SHARE YOUR NOTES (ch.44) i don't know if you were serious about that but i really would love to read them cause i'm obsessed with everything what is ntw related 🖤 hope ur well

Hi friend! It’s possibly just you (or one other person, in case of separate anons) but that is enough! I was absolutely serious. 

Note on the notes! This is not all of it, because my notes for this chapter were often repetitive and very messy, and some older notes were from four years ago when I didn’t bother writing things out properly, so they barely make sense even to me. But! I’ve done my best to sort everything in some kind of linear order, and removed most of the repetition. And, well, you asked for it... sorry! 🖤

Ian shows up in the morning, Mickey digs out the magazine Iggy stole from Amelia’s dentist’s office the other day and confronts Ian about the big-ass article in Rolling Stone about IAN’S BAND, says he’s listened to some of their songs, takes out a paper where he’s written down some lyrics that sound strangely familiar.

You’re famous!

I’m in a band, people know about us right now, tomorrow they might not. I’m not famous.

You’re kinda famous.

Ian talks about Mickey recognizing him because of Frank. Hints that there might be several songs inspired by Mickey. It’s awkward as fuck, didn’t want you to know.

Were you ever gonna tell me?

Oh yeah, I had a plan. 3 dates, dinner and a movie, day out with Yev, dinner at my place turned vigorous love-making. Second prong; cohabitation, engagement, marriage, then on our wedding night I tell you about crushing on Justin Timberlake when I was 12,

then I tell you I’m semi-famous, if it still applies.

Mickey thinks his face might be on fire.

What the?

I’m fucking with you, Mick. Figured you already knew.

This again?

You angry?

No, I’m not fucking angry. Just-

Freaked out.

Kinda, yeah.

You shouldn’t be. Please.

It’s weird that I didn’t know, I feel like a schmuck. (And I’m pretty sure by your count we’ve already been on those first two dates.)

I’m sorry. I thought you knew and by some fucking miracle didn’t treat me different. I’d been gearing up to maybe have to have this conversation on our date, ‘cause it’s shit sometimes, you know? I don’t do interviews and I never talk about myself when I gotta do them, but there’s still a limelight and a lot of bullshit that complicates

I’ve been crushing on you since we met basically, and I thought I’d just… let it run its course, keep my mouth shut about it and deal until it went away and we could remain friends without me fucking it up.

Didn’t work, by the way.

Good.

Mickey is talking about it with Etch, who suggests that Ian’s been writing at the diner for a reason.

Etch looks up some lyrics and Mickey caps locks them to Ian

You might have inspired a few lately…

Fuck off. How many?

Since we met? Pretty much all of them.

Maybe one or two made it on to the album, but I wrote those before we really got to know each other so they’re just like… about moments, and how I would feel around you.

Didn’t think of it as creepy but it kinda sounds that way now.

No it’s fine

I won’t do it again.

Said it’s fine. Kinda like it.

Yeah?

You gonna tell me which ones are about me, or is that a secret too?

What are you doing tonight?

Thought you said you were going on tour?

We are, it starts tonight. It’s a small fan club gig here in Chicago.

You have a fan club?

Kinda. I’ll put you on the guest list if you want to come.

(Mickey calls Svetlana to make sure Yevgeny can stay with her over the weekend.)

It’s fine if you don’t want to, we’ll do something else when I get back.

Calm your tits Gallagher, course I wanna go. Needed to make sure I’ve got Yev covered.

Oh okay, good. You’re on the list. Doors at 7, gig starts at 8, no support.

You’ve got no chill.

(Ian doesn’t answer for a while)

I like it.

Good, that was torture. Never doing that again.

(Etch teases him about having his nose in his phone, and makes him aware of new guests arriving)

Gotta get back to work

Yeah, me too. See you tonight?

No chill at all.

Ian invites him to the concert and gives Mickey his phone number. Mickey makes sure Yevgeny stays with his mom on saturday, and after work he goes home and gets ready. Showers and cleans himself thoroughly, puts on cologne and a band t-shirt he hasn’t worn in ages, it’s gotten kinda tight on him since he got it. (He puts on a dress shirt first, tucks it into his pants and glares at his reflection).

He’s on the guest list when he gets there, the girl in the box office can’t find him at first but then Anne shows up and points him out, he’s on the VIP list and gets a pass that he’s told he needs to carry so it’s visible. He makes a point of shoving it in the admission guy’s face, but then shoves the ostentatious thing down the pocket of his jeans. Anne shows him in and tells him about the gig, about how the fan club got started. Anne says he can go backstage but he says he’ll pass, thank you. He gets a beer and finds a good spot, there’s a balcony halfway through the venue where he’s got a perfect view of the stage without having to stand in the front.

They text a little, Mickey says he’s there and Ian says he’ll make a sign when they play a song inspired by him.

run-through of the concert, Ian touches the side of his nose when the song is about Mickey. He’s sexy as fuck, and has some ridiculous stripper moves.

He takes off his hoodie at some point, and sweating through his tank he and Anne put on gloves and start hitting the barrels with crowbars.

Anne is the maestro, maybe Ian crowd surfs at some point? Warren Ellis that violin, man. He has little routines with Anne, and some with Jon too. One song, Anne gets one of his guitars and he does noisy stuff with his violin and plays on the oil barrels with Stran, completely in sync.  

They got some good stage banter going, and at some point Ian does a Tom Waits impression, and Anne groans and says he’ll sing the whole thing if they’re not careful. There’s a reason why he’s

For the encore, Ian touches the side of his nose and they start playing a song, Anne saying that this is a first. It looks like Ian is about to sing, but then it looks like he changes his mind and they start playing a song that Mickey sure as fuck hope isn’t about him. The insufferable man on a date right next to Mickey tells the woman he’s with that they were about to play the mysterious title track from their last album that never ended up on the record

“it’s derivative, but cute”

how can it be a title track if it’s not on the album

the guy talks about how he’s got a friend working as an engineer in the studio and he’s sent him an early demo version. It’s not their best song by far, but it’s cool that pretty much no one else has heard it.

Mickey asks the girl if she’s ok with this joker, and she says she’s fine. He offers to get her a cab or something, if she wants to get out of there.

She says she’s not interested

Lady, if I wanted to get with either of you, it wouldn’t be you. Just sayin, I ain’t picky, but that guy would’ve gotten the boot ten minutes into the date if he were here with me, no offense.

WHAT IF.

The concert is over, and crowd starts to let up. Then a fight breaks out at the front and Mickey makes his way towards it. It’s over before he gets there, and sees a guy in his 40s with a bleeding nose, and Lip shaking out his fist, a security guard between them.

Mickey talks to the guard and defuses the situation, putting the bleeding man in the position of a sad overzealous fan. It somehow warms Lip to him, absurdly, and he finds himself apologized to, Lip shaking his hand and wincing when Mickey grips his bruised knuckles a little too hard. Lip vaguely explains that that was an old ex of Ian’s, a real piece of work, and then offers Mickey to come backstage with them to see Ian. Mickey declines.

It’s Lip, Carl and Debbie (Liam is too young, and Fiona too pregnant).

“I was drunk, and wrong, and when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong. (IT’S FROM DIRTY DANCING YOU LITERALLY FORGET EVERY TIME AND HAVE TO GOOGLE IT WHENEVER READING THIS NOTE should I really be quoting Baby’s dad in this fic? Probably. If anyone can, it’s Lip.) And Ian tells me you’ve been there for him a lot lately

I wouldn’t say that

But he did, he doesn’t tell me a lot these days, but he told me that.

Mickey gets another beer at the bar as people mill towards the merch and exit, he sits on a stool with an eye on the backstage passage. He watches the band come out to talk to some of the lingering fans and sign shit. Ian comes out and is immediately surrounded by fans, he locks eyes with Mickey across the room and Mickey raises his beer in a silent cheers. Ian comes up to him after a few minutes, he looks damp and exhilarated and unexpectedly nervous,

How was it?

Not bad, Gallagher.

he asks Mickey over. He has to pack up his shit and do the rounds, but he’ll be done in half an hour, tops. Mickey says he’ll meet him outside.

Ian leaves and Mickey finishes his beer, watching Ian talk to some fans, signing shit and taking pictures. He goes for a piss and then goes out for a smoke.

Ian comes out after twenty minutes, carrying two guitar cases and a large wheelie-bag. Mickey takes one of the guitars off his hands and they walk together.

(maybe Ian has a banjo and he gives it to Mickey to carry and Mickey is all really? I wanna kick your ass so bad right now, country boy, but then carries it anyway.) (banjos are cool)

Walk from the club. Mickey mentions talking to Lip. They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it) (Note from 2020: I DID NOT REMEMBER IT.)

Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.

”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”

Looks at Mickey and smiles.

”What?”

”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

”Maybe.”

”Huh”

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”

”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.

”That an invitation?”

”Fuck you is what it is,”

“sounds like an invitation.”

Ian tells him a little about his different instruments, Mickey picks up the beat up guitar Gus first gave to Ian and strums it, Ian asks him to play him something but Mickey snorts and says he’s counting on getting laid tonight and him playing would be detrimental to that plan. Ian doesn’t think so, but accepts it when Mickey gives him the guitar.

”I’ve walked some thousand miles,” he starts softly, eyes on his left hand, moving over the strings, ”I have slept many hundred nights, and people’ve said hello and bye through the years since you were mine. But don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue. Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser I cry for you.”

”Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie,” ”My darling boy, sweet old times, as long as I keep you in mind I will remember what love is like. So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue.”

”Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser.”

”I cry for you.”

I’M THINKING OF WRITING MY OWN SONG BECAUSE I WAS THIS MOMENT TO BE MORE BEFORE SUNSET THAN ANYTHING, ALL SMILES AND DRAMA FREE. SO MAYBE A TEXT THAT IS A LITTLE MORE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

Ian plays the song and when he’s done, Mickey kisses him and they have really enthusiastic sex on the couch. Mickey is about to leave after when Ian invites him to stay,

How about some long-ass foreplay on the couch and then they move into the bedroom.

They start on the couch, they take it to the bedroom, they collapse on the bed after and Mickey is feeling too good to argue when Ian mumbles at him to “stay”.

(Sings the song, says it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a song, it’s one quick thought put under a spotlight. Feeling like he should have known Mickey his whole life already. It’s too much, isn’t it? In the kitchen.

”do you normally take guys home and serenade them?”

”nah, don’t think it’d be very effective with most.”

”But you figured I’d swoon?”

”Figured you’d want the truth.”

”which is?”)

??? Need to find a good mix of excitement and new and easy, balanced with ho shit wtf are we doing this isn’t going to end well i think i fucking love him shut the fuck up. needs to be sexy and a little rough, as well as painfully sincere against better knowledge. kissing will do that. they’re doing stuff the way they usually do stuff, but for some reason it feels completely different.

Important that Mickey kisses him.

They stand up and stand chest to chest, Ian says they don’t have to do anything, Mickey says shut up and get naked

he helps ian take his shirt off and kisses him the second his face comes back into view

They fucks on the couch.

OR ALT FADE CUT END and don’t go explicit. Just saying, it’s an option. A valid option.

They can go at it in one of the sequels? Like the roadtrip can be more explicit? If I want? But also not?

I mean, there is such a thing as a nice middle ground right.

I just don’t think I’m interested in going all out porn after 40+ chapters of whatever.

THEY KISS AND THEN THERE’S A MOTHERFUCKING FADE TO BLACK MY FRIEND, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I HAVE DECIDED. Soz

WHAT IF!!

Iggy comes in, is all: guess what I found at the dentist this morning?

M: again? Did Amelia break another tooth?

I: It’ll grow back, take a look at this

E: Did you steal that from the dentist’s office?

M: Rolling Stone, wtf?

E: your dentist’s got rolling stone?

Mickey reads the headlines out loud as a customer comes in and asks Etch about something they’ve lost the other day, and Etch starts rifling through boxes behind the counter as Mickey moves over to sit down in Ian’s booth, rifling through the magazine.

M: what am I looking for?

I: I marked the page

E: what’s this note?

Mickey starts reading the article, realizing that the blurred picture is of Ian, and the interview is with Ian, and holy shit. Ian is legit famous.

Etch starts reading the list of coffees, eventually turning the page over and pointing out that there’s a phone number.

Iggy comes to the diner in the morning, Etch is rifling through stuff behind the counter and Mickey is doing the rounds with the few guests still there after the morning rush.

Iggy shows him the magazine he found at the dentist’s and Etch is in the background like wtf is this, reading from Ian’s note with the coffee orders, Mickey only half listens, trying to take in the fact that Ian is fucking famous.

Etch says there’s a phone number too and Mickey brushes him off.

Then he’s like, hold the fuck up! And gets the note from the trash and tries the number, and Ian fucking answers. And they have the you’re famous conversation on the phone and voila, Mickey has his number and vice versa.

So Mickey calls Ian in the morning, then there’s text talk during the day.

From Ian

So, you’ve had my number for x days and you only now decided to use it?

That’s cold.

From Mickey

You wrote it on a piece of paper you then balled up and threw on the floor, asshole, it’s a miracle it didn’t end up in the trash. didn’t know I had it until this morning.

You suck at this. (This is a nice revelation that he likes, but Maybe that doesn’t come across in text.

Not a complaint btw, just gleeful observation.

From Ian

Are we still on?

From Mickey

Of course.

Dumbass.

Ian

I probably deserved that.

At some point Mickey starts capslocking and sending lyrics to Ian, who has to explain through text why he’s written songs about Mickey, saying that he’ll point them out tonight.

HERE’S A QUESTION

SHOULD I SKIP THE WHOLE “WRITING SONGS ABOUT MICKEY” BUSINESS??

Isn’t it enough that Ian is famous and kept this fact from Mickey? Isn’t the writing songs business a little creepy? and if he did write songs about Mickey, would he really publish them without Mickey’s consent? No. Maybe I’m deliriously tired and about to fall ill right now, but I actually think I should skip that part. It’s a little sad because it’s been part of this idea for three years, but if I’m uncertain about it now imagine how I’m going to feel about it later?

When I started writing this story, it was supposed to be a quick and silly thing, and now it’s something else. It’s not important or anything, but also it is. To me. And making a decision on the rating was a big deal for me, and I think this is another one of those things. I’ve been holding on to this idea for so long but when I really think about it, is it even romantic? It’s romantic in that kind of teenage dream way, maybe? It’s more romantic to me if they fall in love for reasons other than Ian writing songs. But he’s written NTW, and he still thinks about performing it live, but we skip the whole thing about songs being about Mickey.

So they talk on the phone in the morning, and then there’s a text coming in after a little while asking if Mickey wants to come to the show.

HEYHO IT’S A REVOLUTION AND I FEEL FREE

Mickey and Ian text after the show (after Mickey declines going backstage) Ian asks him to meet him round back in twenty minutes. When Mickey goes out there, he sees Ian talking to a couple of fans by the bus and Mickey hangs back to smoke while he waits. The fans leave and Ian looks around, checks his watch, he has a bunch of guitars with him.

I AM LEANING HEAVILY TOWARDS MICKEY KISSING IAN HERE. He’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters against the asphalt.

They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.

They’re in the elevator, then they’re in Ian’s apartment. Ian plays him the song, Before sunset ending.

almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.

(almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.

yeah, it’s not a very good song. is why we cut it from the record

oh yeah? thought it was ‘cause of the like, intensely personal subject

that too)

They smile at each other like fools and Mickey feels like he is exactly where he’s supposed to be, and there’s no rush. Fade to black.

Etch finds the paper, says there’s a phone number on it. Mickey dials the number and goes out back as it rings out. When Ian answers, he reads a question from the interview and they talk.

He goes back into the diner and basically blows the whole thing off, it doesn’t make any difference to him and he has to go back to work. Yevgeny does his homework and Iggy leaves, and Ian invites Mickey to the gig via text. Etch invites Yevgeny to stay over at theirs for a movie night.

Does Mickey tell Yev about the gig?

Start with Mickey out back, smoking. The phone rings and he waits for Etch to take it, but it keeps ringing. He bangs the door and yells PHONE and then it stops ringing. He kills the cigarette and goes back inside. Etch is behind the counter talking on the phone and going through the lost and found, looking for whatever the caller has lost. Mickey clears a table. It’s afternoon. Etch hangs up but keeps going through stuff in the box, talking to Mickey, when Iggy comes in.

It’s maybe more like afternoon (?) when Iggy comes in and shows Mickey the magazine. He calls Ian and they have a quick conversation (he probably goes outside to have it, to escape his audience) and they establish that Ian is sorta famous. Then they text back and forth a little, until Ian invites him to the show.

Mickey calls Svet to arrange it so Yev can stay with her, and then accepts. He goes home after work to eat, have a shower and change out of his clothes. He wears the only band tee he owns, mostly because it’s funny and because it’s kinda tight and he doesn’t think he looks too bad in it (and a dress shirt is way too much for a concert not-date, not that he tried on a couple first. Then he does a little bit of cyberstalking only to find very little personal information and a lot of crazy fans. Maybe he watches a couple of music videos, but they’re all really weird cartoons so they give him nothing. They’re cool though, and guess the music’s alright, even though he doesn’t have a connection yet to it so it’s hard to tell if he likes it.

Yevgeny calls, because Mickey switched the days and he wants to know why. Mickey asks if he knows about the Broken Bells, and Yev’s like duh who doesn’t? And freaks out when Mickey tells him about Ian. He doesn’t tell him about the whole date situation though, just that he’s going to the concert. Maybe Yev asks for some merch.

Mickey takes an Uber to the venue, even though it’s not too far from the diner (but on the other side, so at least a 30 minute walk) and it seems like they’ve already started letting people in. He hangs back until the admissions office is clear and then tells the lady that he’s on some kinda guest list. She can’t find him, and he’s about to give up and go home when he sees a familiar figure in the background. He calls her Stay-puft first, but then also remembers that her name is Anne and calls her that too. She remembers him, and finds him on a different (VIP) list, the venue staff woman is embarrassed, but Anne is borderline flirting she’s so nice about the mistake. Mickey gets a pass that he’s supposed to keep around his neck, but he shows it to the guards and then tucks it down his back pocket. Anne shows him inside the venue and asks if he wants to come backstage and say hello, but he kindly declines.

He has a quick peruse of the merch table (he checks the CDs, and then sees a smaller table next to the merch with a guy handing out pins, Mickey talks to him and finds out that it’s “fan club” pins to commemorate the gig and Mickey asks if his VIP pass gets him one, it does, and then the guy asks if Mickey wants to sign up for the newsletter) and then gets a beer, before finding a good spot on the mezzanine floor. He’s got a balcony railing for support and beer holder, and he’s got an excellent view of the stage. The floor is filling up with people packing themselves against the front. He texts Ian saying he’s here and they text a little back and forth. He gets someone to watch his spot and goes to the restroom. There, he finds a kid getting cornered by a middle-aged man. The kid looks vaguely familiar and not older than sixteen. Mickey steps in and casually accuses the guy of creeping on a kid and the guy immediately backs off, the kid says thanks and that he’s eighteen (because it’s an 18+ gig) and Mickey says sure.

Getting back to his spot, There is a douchebag on a date behind him that he wants to move away from, but he doesn’t want to surrender his good spot. He decides to tune him out, he’ll hopefully shut up once the set starts. It’s just a couple of minutes after eight when the lights dim and a song comes on louder than before, and the band start coming out on the stage. Ian is wearing jeans and a hoodie, like he normally does, but he’s clean shaven and his normally smiling face is set in blank determination. Anne is the front person, and she commands the audience with the slightest gesture. It’s obvious that the venue is filled with old fans, they all know exactly what to do exactly when she asks them to do it. Ian’s got like four guitars and a whole lot of other shit around him, and he’s super focused on doing his stuff, but now and then he does little routines with Anne and Jon, and gets a big cheer for his occasional solos.

A few songs in, Ian gets up to stand on one of the oil barrels, and Anne starts banging on it with a crowbar. That’s when Mickey starts to really get into it. It’s cool, and it’s a lot harder than Ian made it out to be, but kind of theatrical at the same time. Ian is brilliant, even though he dances like an uncoordinated stripper.

There is banter between the songs, mainly between Anne and Stran (girl sure bangs those drums!) Anne starts banging one of the oil barrels again and Ian and Jon do a little step dance next to each other across the scene.

At some point Ian takes off his hoodie. He’s wearing a white tank and he’s already sweating through it. He gives his guitar to Anne and puts on gloves. Him and Stran do a little bant-y thing and then they start a new song by both banging the barrels in unison while Anne and Jon start playing (maybe Jon plays something else, like an electric piano or a marimba?). At the crescendo of the song, Ian takes out a baseball bat and goes to town on the barrel, sweat shining on his muscly arms and his wet hair flopping down his forehead.

They go off the stage, but come back when the crowd chants a song, stomping their feet and clapping their hands. Anne says they’ve got one more song for them, and they start playing. She moves away from the microphone and it looks for a second like Ian is going to step up and sing. Douchebag behind Mickey tells his date about an unreleased b-side to the last album. But then Ian steps back and says something to Stran, who nods and moves into a slightly different beat. Without blinking Anne, steps back up to the mic and sings the last song.

Some of the crowd lingers by the stage after the lights have gone back on, but most move towards the bar or the merch table. Mickey hangs back to watch the crew take down the stage, and the two oil barrels being handed over to someone in the audience, along with set lists and left-over picks. Walking down from the mezzanine floor to go look for the restrooms, a fight breaks out on the floor. Mickey immediately recognizes one of them as Lip and the other one as the creep from the bathroom, and intervenes by clearly positioning himself on Lip’s side and reminding the creep that he could get him in trouble, the creep backs off and agrees when Mickey tells the security guards it was an accident (in a way that isn’t obviously helpful, but in the end still makes sure that Lip isn’t hurt or arrested for punching a guy) (because he did, he punched a guy, who is thrown out by the guards after Mickey’s intervention). Lip, Carl, Debbie, and Liam is there, but it’s only Lip who knows who Mickey is. He hangs back to talk to Mickey while his siblings go backstage (and PROBABLY DOESN’T tell him a little bit about the guy being Ian’s ex, making it clear that Lip really doesn’t like him). He also apologizes to Mickey for last time. He asks if Mickey wants to go backstage, but Mickey declines. He’s decided earlier with Ian through text that he’ll wait for him and thinks it’s better to do it somewhere that isn’t backstage where he might get asked questions and have to talk to people who aren’t Ian.

He gets another beer and stands in the bar next to the merch, watching as Ian and the rest of the band come out to sign some stuff and shake hands. Ian still looks slightly damp from sweat, even though he’s obviously changed clothes and run a towel through his hair. Mickey wonders if his skin tastes like salt. He drinks his beer.

Ian comes up to him after a little while, asking well? (or texts him, which probably makes more sense? But I also want Mickey to see Ian post-show)

Not bad Gallagher, not bad at all.

Ian looks pleased and asks if Mickey wants to come over, even though Ian has an early morning. Mickey says yes and Ian asks him to wait until they’re done packing up.

Mickey finishes his beer, goes to the restroom (where he sees douchebag by the urinal) and then he goes outside to wait for Ian. (He talks to douchebag’s date and offers to get her a taxi before the guy comes out.) He smokes a cigarette, and before he knows it, Ian is by his side, carrying a fuck ton of guitars. They decide to walk, for some reason, talking on the way.

HEY

Ian says he’s got a car coming and they walk a little bit to where they’re getting picked up. They talk about trumpet lips and stuff and Mickey kisses him. They get interrupted by the car arriving, and Ian picks up his guitars and says “you coming?”

Fuck yes

They sit in silence in the car, but it’s a good one. Ian says

Lip told me what you did back there.

He didn’t tell you shit.

He did, told me you stepped in and stopped him from getting arrested

He was getting his ass kicked, someone had to help the guy

And Liam told me you got him out of a tough situation in the restroom

That was Liam? Some pedo’s creeping on a kid by the urinal, I’m not gonna stand by doing nothing.

You know that’s not what happened

Yeah, well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

He isn’t a pedo, and Lip would’ve beat the shit outta him if you hadn’t stepped in.

You defending this guy?

No, trying to say thanks.

You’re shit at it.

Thank you, Mickey

Better.

So… friend of yours.

No. (Ian isn’t forthcoming with the info)

Alright, whatever.

And he’s definitely not someone I wanna talk about, tonight.

(Ian is smiling at him, all the promise in the world in his eyes)

Fucking fair enough.

They arrive.

OR Ian joins Mickey outside and they stand around and talk

They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it)

Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.

”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”

Looks at Mickey and smiles.

”What?”

”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

”Maybe.”

”Huh”

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”

”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.

”That an invitation?”

”Fuck you is what it is,”

“sounds like an invitation.”

That’s when a taxi pulls up and Ian walks toward it

Could use some help with these.

They ride in silence

They carry Ian’s instruments from the car, and Ian says something cute

Mickey’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters on the asphalt.

They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.

There he asks Ian to play him something that other people don’t get to hear (mostly to be a cheeky monkey, but also because he wants it) and Ian plays him None the wiser.

I’ve walked a thousand miles to end up in your corner booth

Grinning idiot when you bitch, falling fool for your dirty mouth

Sitting on my busy hands when you swagger by and I say -

Hey waiter, pour some coffee in my cup and bring me my toast, before you fuck me up

I’ve been in some thousand fights and it’s clear that so have you, too

Faded threats and cigarettes, sharp glass polished by the sea

Wish you’d put your hands on me and make your feelings clear

Hey waiter

meet me ‘round the back door, tell me I’ve got it wrong and fuck me up some more

‘Cause I’ve fallen a thousand times but never felt this way before, like I should have met you long ago

Walked with you by my side and had your back through thick and thin

Sickness and health, come what may, and I say-

Hey waiter

pop the damn champagne

None the wiser

you fuck me up again

Hey waiter

tell me you’ll be mine

I’ll give you my life

and fuck you up in kind

I wish I was just a plain white shirt

then you could wear me off to work

and I’d be one of the things you keep close to your heart

soft white cotton wrapped around your heart

(Contrasts have faded now

but color still haunt my mind

And words ripped off from their lines

Make bitter tears flood my eyes

Don’t think I’ll stop my mourning

Don’t I know it’s overdue

Just because I’ve gotten older

None the wiser, I cry for you)

Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie

My darling boy, sweet old times

As long as I keep you in mind

I will remember what love is like

So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning

Don’t I know it’s overdue

Just because I’ve gotten older

None the wiser, I cry for you

’Cause I always say ’I love you’

when I mean ’turn out the light’

And I say ’let’s run away’

when I just mean ’stay the night’

But the words you want to hear

you will never hear from me

I’ll never say ’happy anniversary’

Never stay to say ’happy anniversary’

Bom-chaka bom-chak 23 verses

And he climbed up a mountain

And he looked around

Some kind of forest

With all these dinosaurs

And he stripped his woman

He stripped her bare

But there was a pterodactyl

There!