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illbeyourreasonwhy · 1 year ago

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when the time comes, baby don't run (part 3)

(listen, we're just going to ignore how this update is over two years late, okay?)

Part 1

Part 2

“How was your date?”

“It wasn’t,” Alex answers, the words sticking to the back of his throat.

“Dude, you’re still pretending it wasn’t a date? I’m telling you –”

“He didn’t show up.”

Luke, Reggie and Julie all freeze, staring at him with varying levels of shock and confusion.

“What do you mean he didn’t show up?”

“I mean he didn’t show up,” Alex says, swallowing so his voice won’t crack. “I went there, and I waited, and he never… he never showed up.”

His voice breaks at the end. He squeezes his eyes shut, hating it, and when he opens them Julie’s look of indignation has molded into something sadder, sorrier, and she extends an arm to him. And as much as Alex doesn’t want the pitying looks he is sure to receive from the three of them, he is feeling pretty terrible and is in need of comfort, so he joins her on the couch, allowing her to wrap an arm around him and to card a hand through his hair while he rests his head against her shoulder.

“But you were gone for over two hours,” Reggie says, sounding almost as upset as Alex feels. “You waited for him for two hours?”

Alex swallows, feeling incredibly stupid, and doesn’t answer. Julie’s arm tightens around him and he turns his head to bury it in her shoulder, hiding away from the world. She shifts a little, no doubt exchanging looks with the boys over his shoulder. Alex doesn’t have the energy to care about that right now.

“Are you okay?” Reggie asks cautiously, which is really a stupid question based on Alex’s current everything, so he doesn’t bother answering.

Reggie sighs and moves closer, so that Alex is sandwiched between him and Julie, and that’s actually comforting, so he moves away from Julie’s shoulder to offer him a small smile. Reggie smiles back, just as small and sad, and reaches over to squeeze his arm gently.

Next to them, Luke is fuming.

“I can’t believe this,” he rants, pacing angrily. “How could he – how dare he ask you out and then bail on you? Who does that?”

“Luke,” Alex starts wearily, “it’s okay –”

“No!” Luke shoots back. “No, it’s not okay! You deserve better than to be stood up on your first date, which he asked you out on, by the way –”

“Luke,” Julie says sharply, and he stops. “Sit down.”

Luke doesn’t move for a beat, then huffs and stomps his way over to the couch, dumping himself onto the armrest next to Julie. He still looks outraged, but he’s not ranting anymore, and Alex shoots Julie a grateful smile. As much as he appreciates Luke being upset on his behalf, he can’t deal with the anger right now. Maybe tomorrow. But not right now.

She squeezes his shoulder in answer, then straightens up, dragging Alex with her. “Do you want to do something?” she asks him.

“Do something?” he repeats blankly.

“You know, like play a game or watch a movie or something, to take your mind off things.”

It suddenly occurs to him that it’s past ten o’clock on a school night, and that Julie definitely waited up on him to see how his date went. He thinks he probably would have been embarrassed by that if things had actually gone well, but right now, the fact that she is here, that she is hugging him and offering to stay up even longer just to try to cheer him up, makes him so damn grateful for her.

“Shouldn’t you get to bed soon?” he asks anyways, just to give her an out.

“What are you, my dad?”

She rolls her eyes and holds his gaze for a few seconds, just to make a point. Then she smiles a little and shrugs, nodding imperceptibly as if to tell him it’s okay, he’s worth staying up for.

So damn grateful.

“Ooh!” Reggie says, sitting up excitedly and jostling Alex in the process. “Can we watch Big Hero Six?”

“It’s up to Alex,” Julie says, still looking at him. “Do you want to watch it?”

What Alex wants is to see Willie, to ask him why he stood him up on a date he asked Alex out on. That, or he wants to get behind his drums and play as hard as he can until the sun comes up, until his sticks break and his hands are raw, until his heart stops feeling like it might tear itself open every time he breathes.

But he can’t do either of those things right now, not unless he wants to wake up the entire neighborhood, so he nods and shuffles closer to Julie.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

They turn the movie on, and Alex is too busy feeling sorry for himself to fully take in what is happening on screen, but he’s tucked between Julie and Reggie with Luke sitting at his feet and resting against his legs, and he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s going to be okay.

It’s going to hurt like hell for a while before that, though.

Alex doesn’t see Willie over the next two days. He doesn’t exactly go looking for him, either. Lately, Willie was always the one to seek him out, but he is staying away now.

Considering the fact that Willie was about 50% of his social life, Alex finds himself now having a lot of time on his hands. That isn’t helped by the fact that the other 50%, the band, don’t seem to be around much either. Julie is in school most of the time, and Luke and Reggie keep mysteriously disappearing for hours at a time. Alex has his suspicions as to where they might be sneaking off to, but he doesn’t have to heart to call them out on it, so he lets them be.

Until –

“We have a confession.”

He looks up from the guitar – he was using this extra free time to strum a tune; he’s no Luke, but he’s half-decent – to meet the slightly sheepish looks in Reggie and Luke’s eyes.

“Oh, you’re back,” he comments. “Next time you two decide to go gallivanting together on a band getaway, maybe let your drummer know beforehand.”

“Yeah, about that…”

“That’s what the confession is about.”

Alex watches as they hesitantly sit across from him; Luke looks jittery, his leg bouncing more than usual, while Reggie won’t meet his gaze, twiddling with his ring.

“We kind of … went looking for Willie.”

They both wait, apparently anticipating a big reaction of some kind – maybe tears, or anger, Alex doesn’t know. But he only sighs.

“Yeah, I know.”

“What?”

Reggie stops wincing to instead stare at him, dumbfounded, while Luke looks utterly confused. “Since when?”

“Since you two started disappearing right after Willie stood me up? It wasn’t hard to connect the dots.” The boys at least have the decency to look a little bit sheepish. “What I don’t get is why.”

“Why what?”

“Why did you go looking for him?”

Luke stares at him as if it were obvious, while Reggie shrugs.

“To give him hell for messing you around?”

It sounds like a question by the end of his sentence, his voice getting more and more hesitant as he watches Alex’s face react to this information.

Alex groans.

“No. Guys, no. Tell me you didn’t go fight Willie on my behalf or something as stupid as that.”

“We didn’t!” Reggie hurries to say.

“Because we didn’t find him,” Luke adds. “That’s kind of why we’re here. We were wondering if you knew where he might be?”

“I’m not telling you guys where you can ‘give him hell’,” Alex states firmly. “He’s a good guy, I’m not going to let you haunt him.”

“A good guy who stood you up,” Luke mutters.

That stings. He knows Luke didn’t say that to hurt him, though, that he is only upset on his behalf, so he just sighs.

“I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

“Then come with us! I mean, you must want to give him a piece of your mind, right?”

“Not really,” he lies. “And if I did, I wouldn’t use that as an excuse to harass him.”

“We’re not harassing him,” Luke huffs.

“We haven’t even found him,” Reggie points out. “But yeah, it’s not about that. We just think he owes you an explanation.” He looks at Alex with a wounded sort of sadness. “Don’t you want an explanation?”

Yes. Yes, he does. He wants to know why Willie asked him out only not to show. He wants to know if he did something, if there’s a reason Willie has been avoiding him for two days. He wants to know if everything they had meant anything to Willie, the way it did – does – to him. He wants to know if Willie knew that Alex was going to sit on the beach and wait for two hours for him.

“He is the one who stood me up,” he says after a long moment, ignoring the way the words pain him. “If he wants to explain, he can come on his own. He knows where to find me, and we clearly don’t.”

The others must be able to tell he means it, because they don’t mention that he could probably find Willie, and instead let the matter drop.

They don’t bring up Willie at all, actually, until the next day during rehearsal. Willie is noticeably absent, which hasn’t happened in a while, but no one mentions it. That is, until Alex can’t handle the way everyone seems to be walking on eggshells around him and he snaps, slamming on his drums a fraction too loud and causing everyone to turn to him in alarm.

“Stop doing that,” he snaps. “Stop hovering, stop glancing at each other when you think I don’t notice, and stop looking at me like I’m going to break.” He notices the way Reggie withdraws into himself and winces, forcing himself to lower his voice. “I’m sorry,” he says, quieter. “I didn’t mean to yell. But I’m fine, so please stop acting like I’m not, because all it’s doing is making me think about why he’s not here, which then makes me mess up the songs.”

It’s quiet for a beat, then Luke says, “Yeah, dude, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you kind of botched the whole pre-chorus there.”

His voice is light, teasing, although his eyes are still searching for any sign of distress on Alex’s part. But Alex feels himself smile, relieved to slip back into familiar territory.

“Yeah, because you guys’ fretting is throwing me off my game,” he shoots back, although there is no heat to his words this time. “So can we try that again?”

“Actually, let’s take five,” Julie says, standing up. “We’ve been at it for hours, and my voice will break if I don’t drink water right now.”

She pats Alex on the arm as she passes him but other than that doesn’t say anything, which he appreciates. The same can’t be said for Flynn, who is sitting on the couch.

“So, I only caught parts of that rant, you were kind of flickering,” she says, leaning forward, “but I’m assuming it was about Willie?”

Alex shrugs, not in the mood to open up about this, but she goes on, undeterred.

“How are you doing?”

“Peachy,” he replies.

She snorts, then her face goes back to serious. “Seriously, I’m sorry about what happened. Willie seemed really into you.”

“And how would you know?” he says, a little shortly, but sue him, he doesn’t want to talk about this.

Besides, Flynn doesn’t seem bothered. “We talk,” she says simply, apparently missing the four curious looks this causes the others to send her. “Well, talked. I haven’t heard from him in a few days. Otherwise I would have chewed him out for standing you up.”

Alex feels something in him soften at her words. He likes Flynn, but they aren’t close by any means, and they haven’t really had the chance to ever properly talk. But the fact that she is loyal to him enough to be willing to talk to Willie on his account means a lot.

“You don’t have to do that,” he says, though, because she doesn’t, and because he already told Luke and Reggie off for wanting to do the same thing.

“Yeah, well, he didn’t have to be an asshole to you,” Luke cuts in.

“But that’s the thing,” Alex says, frowning, because something doesn’t add up, “he’s not an asshole. He’s a good guy, and I don’t get why he would just stand me up and then ghost me afterwards.”

Flynn looks pensive, and she must be taking this seriously if she won’t even comment on his use of ‘ghost’.

“Maybe he didn’t mean to, and now he’s embarrassed,” she says hesitantly, although she herself doesn’t look like she really believes it.

“Didn’t mean to?” Julie repeats dubiously.

“Yeah, maybe it was an accident,” she says, sounding a little surer of herself. “Maybe he lost track of time or something. I mean, that’s what happened to you guys at that club the night of the dance, right?”

And just like that, Alex feels the ground give way under his feet.

Not literally; he’s still standing here, in the middle of the studio, but he can’t see Flynn in front of him, can’t hear Luke speaking next to him. Everything around him seems distant, faraway, as he stumbles with the weight of his realisation.

“Caleb,” he gets out.

Suddenly Julie is there, bracing a hand against his chest, and his vision clears enough to focus on the worry in her face.

Somehow, he manages to pull himself together, take in his friends’ expressions. Based on the looks on their faces, they’ve reached the same conclusion he has, but he still needs to say it out loud.

“Caleb – Caleb must have found out. He must have found out that Willie helped us, that he told us about the stamps and he helped us with the Orpheum and he’s been coming here and god, that’s why he didn’t show up, that’s why he hasn’t been around, Caleb has him somewhere and that’s why you couldn’t find him…”

His voice is ragged and his breath is coming in short, desperate gulps. Julie’s hand is still on his chest, her other cupping his cheek as she tries to get his eyes to meet hers instead of darting furiously from place to place.

“Breathe, Alex,” he hears Reggie say.

But how can he breathe with the knowledge that Willie is out there, at Caleb’s mercy, has been for days and Alex didn’t even notice because he was too busy feeling sorry for himself?

“Alex,” Julie says seriously, calling for his attention. “Look at me.”

He does.

He does, and when he meets her gaze she reaches for his hand and squeezes, taking a deep breath and indicating for him to do the same. He takes a breath, and then another, and then another, and the buzzing in his ears slowly fades out and he can focus on his surroundings again. Julie looks relieved to see him back to himself, squeezing his hand again.

“We don’t know that’s what happened,” she reasons.

And she’s right, of course, this is just a theory, they don’t know that Caleb found Willie out, but they don’t know that he didn’t, either.

“We can go looking for him,” Reggie adds. “Do you know any of his hiding spots, anywhere he might look for shelter?”

It’s an eerie echo of what he asked not a day ago, and Alex could kick himself for bailing on looking for Willie just because he was sulking. For goodness’ sake, he knew that Willie was worried about Caleb, they talked about it not even a week ago –

He can’t focus on that right now, though. Reggie is right, they can go looking now, make sure that this didn’t actually happen. Now that Alex is coming back to himself, all he can think of is that he needs to see Willie, right now, to make sure that he is okay.

He chances a look towards Julie, feeling slightly guilty about ending an already subpar rehearsal, but she is already nodding.

“Go,” she says.

He poofs away the next moment.

He ends up at the boulevard. It’s where he and Willie met, where they agreed to meet up more than once after that. He looks around wildly as if Willie might be waiting for him here. There are hordes of people around him, talking, ambling aimlessly down the street. But no Willie.

Luke and Reggie appear next to him.

“Hey,” Luke says, resting a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Where do you want to start?”

Alex looks at the two of them, feeling lost. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know where, how to start.

He looks around at the boulevard again. He hadn’t really had a destination in mind when he poofed away, just thought of Willie and followed his gut. Willie isn’t here, but Luke and Reggie are. They followed him. They always have.

He doesn’t even mean that in the sentimental way. From the start, from the moment they showed up as ghosts in Julie’s studio, he has been able to get a sense of how far Luke and Reggie are when they’re not around. It’s in that split-second before he starts to poof away, when he is still thinking of a destination; he can feel them, can feel a pull towards them, and he can trust that following it will lead him to them. He knows they feel it too. It’s what brought them here now.

He has felt that pull towards Julie, too, since the Orpheum. But not towards Willie. So how is he supposed to find him now, when he doesn’t even know where to start?

Except –

Willie must feel that pull towards him. Because Willie has always been able to find him, to show up out of the blue in the most random of places. So maybe… maybe it’s a skill ghosts have, and if he tries hard enough, it’s a skill he can hone in enough for it to lead him to Willie.

It’s worth a try. He has to try, if it will help him find Willie.

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and thinks of Willie. He thinks of his smile, of the mischief in his eyes, of his laugh. He thinks of the feel of his hand in his, of how warm Willie’s gaze makes him feel, of his never-ending support and patience. He thinks of the way Willie makes him feel: free, and hopeful, and like anything is possible.

He thinks of their first meeting, of Willie complaining about his board when he was the one to knock Alex over, of Willie taking his helmet off and making Alex’s mind short-circuit, of Willie cheekily telling Alex to keep up, of him patiently answering each one of Alex’s questions. He thinks of himself falling for Willie, even then, and somehow knowing already that Willie was meant to be a part of Alex’s life for a long, long time.

He thinks of Willie, and tries to find him, wherever in the world he might be.

“Alex?” Reggie asks after a few moments.

“I don’t know,” Alex cries out, frustrated, feeling the last of his concentration slip away. “I don’t – I have no idea where to even start.”

His heart is beating wildly in his chest and he can feel himself start to spiral, but he can’t help it, not when this is Willie’s existence on the line. He can’t – he can’t –

Reggie finds his hand and squeezes it.

“That’s okay,” he says, and it’s not, it’s not okay, but Alex tries as hard as he can to believe that it is. “Alex, that’s okay. We can do it.”

It takes everything in him, but Alex is able to take a deep breath and push the panic at bay, thoughts coming a little clearer. The panic is still there; he doesn’t think it will leave until he knows Willie is safe and sound. But he can focus on Reggie now, can listen to what he and Luke have to say.

“We can?” he asks, his voice breaking. He’s too worried to be embarrassed about it.

“Of course we can. We will.”

“We can split up,” Reggie says. “Cover more ground. Can you think of anywhere you’ve been with Willie before? Anywhere, it doesn’t matter.”

“Uh…” An image pops into his head. “Above Sunset Boulevard. On the roofs. We went stargazing there once.”

“I’ll go,” Luke offers at once, and Alex could cry with how much he loves his friends.

“Great. Where else?”

“Skate park,” Alex says. He can’t believe this isn’t the first place he thought of.

“Which one?”

“All of them. The ones in LA, I mean. Oh, and Justin Bieber’s pool, too.”

Luke frowns. “Who’s Justin Bieber?”

Alex laughs. It’s short and breathless and a little hysterical and doesn’t sound quite right. “No idea.”

“Alright, I’ll go there,” Reggie says. “Luke’s got Sunset. You take one of the skate parks, we’ll go to others once we’re done with our places.” He meets Alex’s gaze. “We’ll find him. We will.”

Alex nods, at the moment unable to form any words.

“And if you think of anywhere else, let us know. We’ll go there too.”

He nods again, and Reggie smiles a little. It’s strained and worried but the sentiment is there and Alex is so grateful for him.

Reggie poofs away. Luke prepares to go too, then pauses and squeezes Alex’s shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Alex swallows. “Thanks, Luke,” he says quietly, hoping Luke can tell how much he means it.

Luke just smiles and leaves, and the next moment Alex disappears to the skate park.

They search for the rest of the day. By the time night falls, Alex can’t count the number of places they have gone to. Skate parks, rooftops, street corners, random spots on the beach.

He saves the museum for last. Everywhere else he went – the beach, the parks, the roofs where they would sit and talk for hours – all those places he checked with a frantic sort of desperation. But the museum he can’t bring himself to go to until he has nowhere else left to look. It’s too painful. He has never been there without Willie, and the memories of everything that happened there – the handholds, the heart-to-hearts, the screaming – hit him like a truck when he steps inside.

More than anything, he misses Willie, in a way he didn’t let himself think about until now, too buried under the hurt and then the fear. But he does. He misses Willie like a crushing weight on his chest, misses their talks and their banter and everything in between. He just wants to see him again.

But he’s not there.

As Alex walks around the museum, he realises there was another reason he saved this place for last. If this is the most likely place where Willie might be hiding, he doesn’t know what he will do if he doesn’t find him here.

As it is, each step he takes feels harder than the last. Unlike all the other places where he searched frantically, he takes his time here. He looks everywhere, checks every corner, makes sure to leave no figurative stone unturned. He can’t afford to miss anything.

It isn’t until he has gone around the museum three times that he accepts – has no choice but to accept – the fact that Willie isn’t hiding here.

Alex screams for a long time, alone this time.

He spends so much time worrying about what might have happened to Willie and whether he will ever see him again that when he does, he freezes.

He is sitting on the roof of the studio, trying to trick his mind into taking a break from imagining the million different ways Willie might be suffering right now by taking in the warm evening air, when Willie appears.

By appears, Alex means he comes into view around the corner and walks up to the studio as if all is well in the word, as if he hasn’t been missing for four days, two of which Alex went half out of his mind searching for him. He walks, no skateboard in sight, hugging his arms to his sides and wearing a slightly guilty look on his face, and Alex is so stunned that Willie has almost made it to the door before he reacts.

He shakes himself out of his daze and slides off the roof, landing right in front of Willie, who jumps.

“Willie,” he breathes.

Willie’s eyes widen, darting across his face.

“Alex.”

Alex can’t move. Having Willie here, in front of him, okay, after Alex spent the past two days in varying states of distress over his wellbeing, is too much to handle. All he can do is stare, stare, and stare, take in, drink in the sight of Willie being here, being okay.

Then Willie says, “Alex, I’m so sorry,” and something in him unlocks.

He all but tackles Willie into a hug, pulling away before Willie can even properly wrap his arms around him back so that he can give Willie a once-over. “Are you okay?” he asks frantically, distantly aware that he is patting him down as if searching for injuries. “I was so worried, are you alright? I thought something happened to you, I thought –”

“Alex,” Willie says, reaching out to grasp Alex’s flailing hands. He lets go as soon as Alex stills, and Alex tries not to focus on how much that stings. “I’m alright,” Willie says, swallowing. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Alex nods once, twice, eyes still roaming Willie’s face with a sort of wild desperation.

“Where,” he starts; his voice catches and he clears his throat, trying to get a grasp on his jumbled emotions. “Where have you been?”

Willie’s face twists guiltily. “I’m sorry. I – Caleb came back.” Alex’s breath hitches in his throat and Willie hurries on, placating. “He doesn’t know about the Orpheum, or any of the rest. But he definitely suspects, and I… I had to stay away.”

Alex takes in the information, feels himself calm a little. It’s okay. Willie is okay. That’s all that matters.

“When you say he suspects…”

Willie hugs his arms to himself again, his thumb rubbing circles against his wrist. Alex desperately wants to reach out and hold his hand, provide some kind of comfort, but he doesn’t know if it would be appreciated in Willie’s quiet, fragile state.

“He knows you and I are close,” Willie says, managing the ghost of a smile, the first one since his reappearance. “And you guys found out about the stamps and found a way to defeat them, so – definitely looks a little suspicious.” He frowns. “By the way, how did you beat his stamp? Did you ever find out?”

Alex pauses, confused, before suddenly realising that he never did tell Willie about what happened the night of the Orpheum. At first he was too overcome with emotion because of his reunion with Willie to go into detail, and then… it just never came up.

“It was Julie,” he says simply now. “She saved us. She found us, and she was able to touch us. When she hugged us for the first time, we became stronger.” He pauses, the memory of that night enveloping him, the warm feeling that wrapped itself around him and his bandmates when they realised they were free, they were going to stay together. “She said she loved us. It’s her love for us that saved us, I think.”

Willie’s expression has molded into something like awe. “I have never heard of anything like that.” He shifts, smiles a little. “But I’m glad it happened. Good thing Julie has superpowers, huh?”

Alex is able to huff out a small laugh. It doesn’t land quite right. He doesn’t like this, doesn’t like this sort of distance that he feels between himself and Willie that wasn’t there before, but he doesn’t know how to fix it.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he ends up asking, his voice coming out softer than he intended.

Willie starts, looking surprised by the question, but he recovers quickly. “Yeah,” he says, smiling, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks so tired. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

His voice, at least, sounds sincere, so Alex decides to let it go. Willie can talk to him when he is ready.

“Okay, good,” he says, ignoring the worry churning in his gut.

Willie opens his mouth, closes it, looks away. He rubs the back of neck, glancing back at Alex. He hesitates, then sighs.

“Listen,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry about… about not being able to come to the beach.”

Alex feels his heart jump to his throat, because they haven’t talked about this, about what it meant. But Alex can’t stand the look in Willie’s eyes, looking wrecked with guilt as he avoids Alex’s gaze.

“It’s alright,” he says. And it is, but it isn’t, but Alex isn’t going to put this on Willie; it’s not his fault that Caleb decided to resurface right on time to ruin their maybe-date. “What matters is that you’re okay.”

Willie swallows. He is still hugging his arms to his sides, and this time Alex gives in to the urge to reach out and pull one of his hands into one of his own, intertwining their fingers.

“Maybe,” he says, heart beating wildly in his chest, “we could try that again? One of these days?”

He waits, hardly able to breathe. Willie looks at their hands for a long moment, before squeezing once and letting go.

“I don’t know, Alex,” he says quietly. “With Caleb back… I’m going to have to be really careful.”

Alex feels himself nod, shoving his hands into his pockets. He can feel tears building in the back of his throat and firmly shoves them down. He gets it, of course he does, and he knows it’s not about him, that Willie needs to take his precautions to stay safe and off Caleb’s radar, but he can’t help but think it feels like rejection.

It doesn’t help that the next thing Willie does is clear his throat, glancing behind him, and say, “Well, that’s all I came here to say, so…”

He trails off, glancing behind him again, and shuffles on his feet as if readying himself to leave. Alex watches him, heart in his throat, and wishes he knew how to make this better.

“Okay,” he says quietly instead.

Willie nods, his eyes still on Alex, and starts to turn around.

Alex’s arm reaches out. “Willie.”

Willie whirls back around, eyes lingering on Alex’s hand on his arm briefly before flitting back up to Alex’s face.

Alex swallows. “You know you’re always welcome here, right? Always.”

Willie offers him a wobbly smile. “Thanks, hot dog.”

Alex smiles back, and Willie lingers for another few seconds, looking on the verge of saying something. In the end he shrugs, giving Alex one last smile, and leaves.

Every time he left before this, he has always either skateboarded or just poofed away. Alex doesn’t think he appreciated those times enough. He wasn’t ready for how much it hurts to watch Willie walk away from him.

The following days are… odd.

Willie is back, which is great; but it’s also kind of not. He comes by the studio, albeit less often, and he watches them perform, but he doesn’t participate the way he used to. Where he used to hover near Flynn, he now tucks himself into the corner of the couch, folded into himself. Where he provided them with feedback after a song, he now remains in an almost sullen silence. Where he used to find any excuse to get close to Alex, he now only touches him sparingly, almost only when Alex initiates the contact in the first place.

His eyes are still on Alex, though. That, at least, hasn’t changed.

It’s especially evident about a week after he returns. Practise is just ending, Luke wants to go over the bridge of their new song for the third time, and Willie just said he was about to leave. That is another thing that has changed; Willie used to stay well after the actual rehearsal, but he never lingers now. Alex assumes it’s because he has to be more careful now that Caleb is back, but it’s hard to read Willie these days. (And doesn’t that hurt to think about.) His friends have been a lot warier around Willie since he hurt Alex, despite Alex telling them not to, so maybe that has something to do with it, too.

Whatever the reason, he is about to leave, waving goodbye at the lot of them from across the room, casually breaking Alex’s heart with the distance between them.

And that’s when Nick arrives.

“Hi, Julie!” he says brightly, something familiar in his smile that Alex can’t place. “Am I catching the end of rehearsal?”

Alex doesn’t hear Julie’s answer, because Willie freezes. His face goes slack, eyes darting wildly between Nick and the band. Alex wants to go over and ask what is wrong, but he can’t, because they’ve noticed they are most often visible right after playing, which means Nick can definitely see him now and it would look weird if he were to speak to thin air. The irony of being a ghost unable to speak to another ghost due to his visible state is not lost on him. He suddenly feels a lot more sympathetic towards Julie.

He settles for trying to catch Willie’s eye, but Willie seems to be determinedly not looking in his direction. He has schooled his face into a neutral expression, looking so unfazed Alex might think he imagined it all in the first place. He knows he didn’t, though.

None of the others seem to have noticed a thing. They are all focused on Nick, who is speaking with Julie.

“It’s just something we’re working on,” she’s saying.

“Doesn’t that sound promising,” Nick says.

He is still smiling, but Alex can’t help but think it looks odd, like his smile is too old for his face. Okay, that sounded weird. That’s just – those are just the words that came to mind.

“Can I hear it?” he asks.

Julie looks like she is about to say yes, but Luke beats her to it.

“It’s not quite ready yet,” he says cheerfully, all but glaring at the kid. “We’re going to keep it under wraps until then.”

Julie rolls her eyes, but Nick doesn’t look annoyed. In fact, he almost looks amused.

“Of course,” he says. “Wouldn’t want to be difficult.”

He says that last part pointedly, although Alex has no idea what he might be hinting at. Julie doesn’t either, based on the confused look on her face, which is even stranger.

“Maybe we can play something else,” Reggie suggests. For half a second it looks like Luke might protest, but then he seems to realise, like Alex, that they could lose their visibility any minute, which would be very complicated to explain to Nick, so maybe they should play some music.

Julie moves back to behind the piano, and Alex chances a glance back at Willie. His face still looks carefully blank, but his eyes betray panic as he watches Nick move further into the studio, and what the hell is that about? Why is Willie so nervous about Nick? There is no way he is afraid of some lifer kid, so what is it?

Nick settles on the couch, unknowingly placing himself right next to Willie, who doesn’t seem thrilled by this. Alex tries to catch his eye again, but he is staring straight ahead, not even looking like he is seeing anything.

Alex keeps looking at him, so concerned that he doesn’t even notice they have started playing. It is only when Julie gives him an amused, “Alex?” that he realises he missed his cue.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says hastily, forcing himself to focus back on his drums and not Willie’s odd behaviour. It’s a lot easier said than done.

“It’s okay to have a false start,” Nick says pleasantly, as though Alex asked for his input, “as long as in the end you get results.”

“I have to go,” Willie says quietly at the end of the song, effectively snapping Alex out of focus and reminding him that, yeah, Willie said he was leaving five minutes ago. He is finally looking at Alex again, too, but there is something urgent in his eyes, screaming at Alex to understand, and Alex doesn’t understand why he doesn’t just say it, it’s not like Nick would hear…

And then Willie waves, glances from Nick back to Alex, and walks out of the studio.

Okay. So. What the hell?

Alex has been turning it over and over in his mind all day, trying to figure out what the heck was up with Willie today. And so far, he has come up blank. It just doesn’t make sense. And Alex hates not knowing what is going on with Willie, hates that he is so out of touch with him that he has no idea what is going on inside his head.

Okay, he can’t focus on that right now or he might cry, so he should go back to trying to figure out what happened today.

He doesn’t have to wonder long.

Willie stumbles through the studio doors, so out of breath it looks like he might collapse. Alex barely thinks about it before poofing down from the loft to Willie, catching him and helping him stay upright.

“Alex,” Willie gasps. “I just – managed – to get – to get away,” he heaves.

Alex blinks. “Did you – did you run here?” He’s about to ask why Willie wouldn’t poof over or even skate, when Willie taps his arm urgently.

“Alex – it’s Caleb. Nick – it’s Caleb.”

Alex frowns, dragging Willie over to the couch. “What’s Caleb? Breathe, you’re not making any sense.”

Willie lets himself be sat on the couch, but he clings to Alex’s wrists when he starts to move away, eyes dead serious.

“Caleb is Nick,” he says, still out of breath but not gasping for air anymore. “He’s possessing him.”

Alex drops his hand in shock. “He’s – what?”

“He is possessing him,” Willie repeats. “Today, when Nick came to rehearsal – that was Caleb.”

Alex’s blood runs cold. “What?”

His mind flashes back to all the times Nick has been coming to rehearsal, so often since the Orpheum. If it was Caleb – if Caleb has been possessing Nick – he has been using him to get close to them, he has been here, watching them, in their space without them even knowing…

“Why didn’t you tell us?” he says, feeling like his heart is about to bound out of his chest as he takes in what all this means. “We let him near us – we let him near Julie.”

“I didn’t know,” Willie says desperately. “I didn’t know it was someone you knew, that he was doing it to get close to you, until today.”

Alex thinks he nods, barely aware of what he is doing. His mind feels like it is in overdrive, buzzing with thoughts flying around too fast for him to tape them down. He needs to find the others, warn them, figure out what to do, how to protect themselves.

“I have to go,” he manages.

Willie’s hand shoots out before he can move.

“There is more.”

“There is more,” Alex repeats, his voice raising half an octave. “I don’t know if I can take another bombshell.”

Willie is still on the couch; he has caught his breath, but now he lets out a distressed huff and runs a hand through his hair. He meets Alex’s eyes and swallows.

“You remember the day I asked you out on a date?”

And despite the absolute everything of this situation, Alex’s ridiculous heart skips a beat because this is the first time either of them has acknowledged that it was actually, really, truly supposed to be a date.

“I meant to come, Alex, really, I swear I didn’t mean to leave you hanging, but Caleb came back.”

“Yeah, I know,” Alex says, a little confused because Willie has told him this already, so he doesn’t understand the urgency in his voice.

“He came back, and he just… he knew everything, Alex.”

Of course he did, Alex thinks, seething quietly, because if he has been possessing Nick this whole time, then he would have been there the day Willie came back to him the first time, after the Orpheum. Willie wouldn’t have paid attention to him, wouldn’t have noticed anyone besides Alex, but Caleb noticed. He noticed everything.

“What did he do?” he asks, almost afraid of the answer. But it can’t be that bad, right? After all, Willie is sitting in front of him safe and sound, right?

“He threatened to wipe me out of existence,” Willie answers, his voice barely above a whisper, and okay, it is that bad.

“But he didn’t,” Alex says, aiming for reassuring, but Willie’s face twists guiltily and he feels a chill run down his spine. “He didn’t,” he repeats.

“Not yet,” Willie says. “He has taken away my skateboard privileges, but that’s not everything.” He swallows, suddenly looking afraid to meet Alex’s eyes. Alex itches to reach for his hand, but something holds him back. “He said I had to find out how you were able to escape his stamp. He said it was my last chance, or I was gone.”

Alex goes through a very rapid of succession of emotions then. First comes terror at the idea of Caleb following through on his threats. Then, more dread at the realization – no, confirmation – that Caleb won’t ever stop trying to own them, and that he is willing to use Willie to get there. And then, finally, his stomach drops when he realises that he already has.

“By the way, how did you beat his stamp? Did you ever find out?”

Willie’s words ring in his head; the memory of him evading Alex’s touch, avoiding his eyes, is all-encompassing as he remembers it all. It had been the first thing he asked when he got back, and Alex had told him, had told him about Julie, god…

“I didn’t tell him.” Willie is still talking, his voice growing desperate, begging for Alex to listen to him. “Look, I know what you’re thinking, but I swear I didn’t tell him, Alex. I swear. You have to believe me.”

The thing is, he does. Maybe it’s naïve, or even downright stupid, considering everything he just learned, but Alex knows Willie, and he believes him. This is the first time he is acting like the Willie he knows and lo – cares about since this whole thing started. And that has to mean something.

Plus, if Caleb is still posing as Nick, then he must still be fishing for information.

But if Willie doesn’t give him what he wants…

“What about you?”

A small smile makes its way onto Willie’s lips. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Have we met?”

Willie doesn’t stop smiling, but Alex can tell he has never been more serious.

“I made my choice. I’m not putting you or your friends under his control ever again. So I’m not telling him anything, and I’m leaving.” He pauses, wrapping his arms around himself. “I don’t know if I can escape him, but I have to try.”

Alex thinks his mind must finally be shutting down from trying to process all the new information, because it has slowed down to one simple thought. “You’re leaving?”

Willie nods slowly. “I just came here to warn you about Nick. And to say goodbye.”

Alex finds himself unable to say a word. His mind is still reeling and there are a million things he wants to say to Willie, but at the moment he has no idea what they are. He can only look at him.

Willie reaches out then, one hand cupping his face, thumb caressing his cheek almost absent-mindedly, and Alex can’t breathe.

They stay like that for a few seconds, and Willie smiles wistfully, a small, sad smile, before pulling away.

“Bye, hot dog,” he whispers.

He lingers for another moment, then turns to leave. And Alex finally comes back to himself.

“Willie, wait!”

Willie turns around, face open and wary and afraid and maybe a little hopeful.

“Don’t go.”

Willie sighs. “Alex, I –”

“We can figure this out,” he insists, and he knows he sounds desperate but he can’t not, because this is Willie and he can’t lose him again.

“Alex,” Willie says, and he sounds so defeated, so sad, and Alex’s heart breaks for him. “There is nothing we can do, okay, Caleb owns my soul, it’s not like there is a loophole we can use or anything like that.”

“Maybe there is.”

Willie’s arm jerks minutely, like an aborted attempt to reach for him. “I’m just trying to protect you,” he says.

“I’m trying to protect you,” Alex says, and means it, even if he has no idea where to start.

Willie pauses, eyes searching him wonderingly. “Why do you want to help me?” he asks, frowning. “I just told you I was spent to spy on you.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t.” In a knee-jerk reaction, Alex almost said that Willie didn’t have a choice, but the truth of the matter is that he did, and he chose not to tell Caleb what he found, and he is choosing to leave now to attempt to keep Alex and his friends safe from Caleb. “And I… I care about you, too, Willie,” he adds softly. “I don’t want you to go.”

Willie’s face twists at his words, and he looks like he might cry. Alex reaches for his hands.

“At least let us try,” he says. “We’ll call everyone, we’ll all put our heads together, and we might be able to find a solution. We can try, okay? Just…” He squeezes Willie’s hands, breath catching in his throat. “Don’t leave.”

Willie takes a deep breath, visibly shaken, but eventually he nods. “Okay,” he whispers. “We can try.”

An emergency meeting is called in the studio. All that has been said so far is a recap of everything that Willie revealed to Alex, and Alex watches as his friends take it in, silently reeling. Julie took the news of what happened to Nick especially hard, and Alex has no idea what to do as he helplessly watches her pace the studio.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she mutters, mostly to herself. “He doesn’t deserve this, and I… I didn’t even notice – I should have known…”

Luke has been watching her worriedly from his seat on the couch, but at those words he stands up. “How could you have known? We didn’t even know possession was something Caleb could do.” He takes her hands gently, finally getting her to look at him. “Julie, you can’t blame yourself. If we hadn’t been so bent on getting revenge on Trevor, none of this would have happened.”

Willie shakes his head. “No, this is on me. I never should have taken you to him in the first place.”

And Alex might be feeling just as guilty as everyone else in the room based on the looks on their faces, but looking around, seeing how miserable his friends look, spurs him into action.

“No,” he says, somehow finding himself on his feet. “Okay, no, we’re not doing this. We’re not playing the blame game. What is happening isn’t our faults. It’s no one’s fault but Caleb’s.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Alex blinks and suddenly Flynn is there, appearing in the doorway. She looks just as stressed as the rest of them, but she manages a comforting smile when she meets his eyes.

“You called Flynn?” Reggie asks Julie, sounding surprised. Alex doesn’t blame him; it’s nearing midnight.

“We’re going to need a good plan, so we need her,” Julie says, and yeah, that sounds about right. "But I didn’t expect you to come in the middle of the night,” she adds in direction of her best friend.

“I was awake when I got your text,” Flynn shrugs. “And when I read what happened, there was no way I was going to sleep, so. Here I am.” She raises her phone. “I texted you to say I was on my way.”

“Oh.” Julie fishes her own phone out of her pocket, presumably to check for Flynn’s message. “Sorry, I’ve been distracted.”

“Yeah, can’t blame you.” Flynn glances around the room. “Is everyone here?”

“We’re all here.”

Flynn raises an eyebrow. “Huh. I can see you,” she says, gesturing to Alex, “and you,” this time she pointedly looks at Luke, who is still holding one of Julie’s hands, “but not Reggie. I guess you don’t all have to be visible at the same time.”

Huh, indeed. They should probably start figuring out the patterns and variables of their visibility and solidness once all this chaos is over.

“Anyways,” Flynn says, clapping her hands, “Blondie here is right. There is no need for anyone to blame themselves, and frankly, there is no time for it, either. So chins up. We need to figure out what we’re going to do, and fast.”

“Hey, Julie?” Reggie says. “Calling Flynn? Good call.”

And despite everything, Julie musters a smile. “I know.”

“Know what?” Flynn asks, looking around as if finding Reggie would let her hear him.

“That you’re awesome,” Julie says. “And that we can’t do this without you.”

Flynn raises an eyebrow, looking pleased despite herself. “Damn right you can’t. So, what exactly are we looking to do?”

“We need to free Nick from Caleb,” Julie says at once, burrowing closer to Luke for comfort.

“And save Willie’s soul,” Alex adds. “So that he can be free of Caleb too.”

Flynn lets herself drop onto the couch, unknowingly landing between Reggie and Willie. “Nothing too complicated, then. Great.”

“In movies, people usually break free from possession when they have people they love remind them of who they are,” Flynn says.

“That’s in movies, though,” Julie refutes. “Besides, none of us know Nick well enough to break him free, and it’s not like we can get his dads involved.”

They have been at it for hours now. Reggie became visible two hours in and startled Flynn, who shrieked and jumped from the couch when he suddenly appeared right next to her. She is sitting next to him again now, her head lolling back against the back of the couch as the late hour starts to get to her. Pillowed against Luke in the armchair, Julie is blinking sleep out of her eyes, but she still wears a determined look on her face. She won’t go to sleep without a solution. None of them will.

They have been bouncing ideas back and forth, deciding to focus on how to help Nick first as it seemed like an easier issue to solve. They haven’t really gotten anywhere yet.

“Even if you could, it wouldn’t work,” Willie says. “Caleb is too strong. He needs to choose to release Nick.”

“How are we supposed to get him to do that?” Luke exclaims in frustration.

“Do what?” Julie and Flynn chorus.

Luke repeats for them, and Julie folds into herself as she hears, looking just as hopeless as him. Flynn, however, leans forward, a curious look on her face.

“Okay,” she mutters. “Okay, so we just need to find a reason to convince him to do that.”

“Like what?” Reggie says.

“You planning on blackmailing an evil ghost, Flynn?” Luke asks at the same time.

Flynn’s eyes brighten. “Now there is an idea.”

“No!” Julie straightens up in a flash. “No, are you hearing yourselves? That’s too dangerous!”

Alex secretly agrees, but Flynn raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, because what is happening to Nick right now isn’t already dangerous.”

“That’s my point!” Julie cries. “We’re already in enough trouble as it is, and provoking Caleb is only going to make things worse. We need to be careful. I can’t… I can’t lose anyone else.”

Flynn immediately softens, moving across the room to squeeze her hand. “Okay, no unnecessary provoking Caleb. It was a stupid idea, anyways. I mean, what do you even use to bribe an evil ghost who has been dead for five hundred years?”

Julie musters a smile, while Willie clears his throat. “Actually, he’s only been dead for about a hundred years.”

Alex isn’t sure who that was meant for, since Flynn can’t hear him, but Reggie perks up with an interested look on his face. “Really? I would have thought it would be at least two hundred. You know, so that he would have time to assemble all that power and influence.”

“Nah, Caleb has always been a pretty influential guy. Besides, a hundred years isn’t nothing.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“He actually died in the twenties. That’s where the whole aesthetic of the club comes from.”

“Ohh, yeah, I thought I had noticed –”

“Guys!” Alex, Luke, Julie and Flynn all say.

Willie and Reggie both stop talking, pausing to turn to the rest of the crew sheepishly.

“Not that this isn’t interesting,” Luke says, “but we do have an urgent matter to get to.”

“Right, right.”

“Sorry.”

Flynn glances between the two of them. “You were talking about Caleb, right?” Reggie nods, and Flynn’s eyes cloud pensively. “This is good. We can use this.”

“Use what?”

“This,” Flynn replies, waving a hand in Reggie and Willie’s general direction. “Willie’s knowledge.”

Alex winces, wishing she had worded it differently. Willie has been used too many times already. But Willie doesn’t flinch, only looks at Flynn, waiting for her to continue.

“Willie,” Flynn continues, looking at a spot close enough to where Willie is sitting, “what do you know about Caleb?”

Willie shifts, looking uncomfortable with the sudden attention on him.

“I mean… He likes attention? He likes music, and putting on shows. And talent. He is always on the hunt for new talents, that’s why he… he was so interested in you three,” he adds more quietly.

Alex worries at his lip. None of this is exactly new information, and he doesn’t see how they could put any of it to use against Caleb. Willie seems to realize that, and he goes on, obviously racking his brain.

“He likes dealing with people,” he says after a moment. “Making deals, I mean.”

Something in Flynn’s eyes glitters when Alex translates that. “Like bargains?”

Willie nods. Flynn hums, and Julie looks at her warily.

“So we bargain with him,” Flynn says slowly. “Find something he is willing to trade Nick for.”

“And we’re back to blackmailing.”

“This isn’t blackmailing, though. It’s a trade-off. And if he likes deals, this will probably go over better.”

Julie looks a little uneasy, but she nods. “There is less of a chance of that ending badly, probably.”

“But how are we supposed to find something worth bargaining with to someone like Caleb?” Reggie asks helplessly.

“Raid Caleb’s dressing room,” Willie says, at the same time as Flynn says: “Snoop through Caleb’s things.”

Alex, Luke and Reggie stare between the two of them.

“That was freaky,” Reggie says.

“What was?” Julie asks, eyes wide.

“Willie and Flynn,” Luke answers, gesturing vaguely between the two. “They, like, both suggested criminal activity at the same time.”

“It’s not criminal activity,” Flynn says, rolling her eyes. “It’s just digging through his stuff. After what he has done to us, I think my conscience can handle a little snooping.”

“Digging through his stuff implies breaking and entering,” Alex points out. Flynn only raises an eyebrow, as if to say, “So?”.

“It’s not a bad idea, though,” Luke says. “I mean, what better way to understand that guy’s mind than to see what kind of weird shit he has got behind closed doors?”

“Exactly,” Willie and Flynn say adamantly, once again perfectly in sync. Reggie’s eyebrows fly into his hairline; Alex decides to just roll with it.

“How do we accomplish this breaking and entering, though?” Julie asks, ever the practical one. “Flynn and I don’t even know where this Hollywood Ghost Club is.”

“Neither of you will be setting a foot there,” Luke says sharply.

Julie looks like she is about to argue, and Flynn seems furious, so Alex quickly cuts in.

“It’s not because we don’t trust you, or we think it’s too dangerous. I mean, it is, but that’s why it better be ghosts doing the snooping. At least we can make a quick escape if things start to look like they will go south.”

Julie deflates, but she doesn’t look happy about it. “I don’t like the idea of doing nothing while you guys are out there risking your lives.”

“Afterlives,” Reggie corrects absently.

Julie gives him a look. Luke moves to wrap an arm around her and she all but sinks into him, worry lines creasing her forehead.

“I also can’t really do that quick escape thing,” Willie says. “I mean, I can technically poof away, but as soon as I do Caleb can track me. If he catches me and decides to follow me, I’ll lead him right to you.”

That would explain the amount of walking he’s been doing recently. Alex’s stomach churns uncomfortably at the notion of Willie’s every move being watched and followed. The reality of his situation hits him full force all over again: until they get him his soul back, Willie is trapped.

Flynn’s lip curls unhappily, like she was just reminded of the same thing, but she nods. “Okay, then you won’t be with us.” Willie’s brow furrows, but she continues before he has the chance to protest. Not that she would hear it, anyways. “We’ll find something else for you to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like distracting Caleb,” Luke suggests, eyes glinting. Willie and Alex both flinch, and Luke glances at them apologetically, but goes on. “Think about it. If he is talking to you, then he isn’t in his dressing room walking in on us looking around.”

Willie clenches his jaw and nods. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

Something in Alex’s heart clenches, constricting painfully. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I’ll do it,” Willie repeats.

Reggie lets out a breath. “Alright, that’s… something. That’s a plan, right? This feels like we have a plan.”

Julie manages a smile. “It’s the beginning of a plan, yeah.”

Flynn nods, eyes flickering back to where she thinks Willie is. “You can give him a reason for why the stamps disappeared. Not the truth, obviously, but something he’ll believe. That way we’ll send him on the wrong scent, and you get into his good books.” She pauses. “Or, you know, less bad books,” she amends.

“That’s a great idea, Flynn,” Willie says quietly.

“Have I mentioned I’m really glad you’re here to make this plan with us?” Reggie tells her.

There are huge bags under Flynn’s eyes, her hair is a mess, and it looks like she is only running on pure adrenaline and the three sodas she kicked back at the beginning of the meeting. But she smiles at Reggie, looking genuinely touched, and the exhaustion seems to fade from her expression for a moment.

“You three,” she says, pointing her finger at each of the ghosts in turn, “you be careful. And you bring us back something we can use to talk Caleb into releasing Nick.”

“And Willie,” Alex adds.

She nods vehemently. “Yes, and Willie.”

“Wait, guys,” Willie says, looking between them. “Asking Caleb to let go of Nick’s possession is already a pretty big deal, I don’t know if adding to that is a good idea. It might backfire.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Reggie says. “We’ll just have to find something to give us the upper hand when we bargain with Caleb so that he has no choice but to hear us out.”

“Yeah, Willie,” Alex says, moving closer to him. “We’re getting both you and Nick back. That’s the plan. We’re not backing out of that.”

“But if it starts looking like you’re losing that upper hand,” Willie starts, and Alex just knows he is about to say something stupidly sacrificial like they should forget about freeing him and focus on freeing Nick instead, so he shakes his head before Willie can get another word out.

“We’re not going to leave you with him, Willie. We’re just, we’re not going to do that. That’s just not going to happen.”

Willie frowns. “I put you all through enough already. You don’t need to go through all this trouble for me.”

“Willie,” Alex says, “we want to help.”

He doesn’t know how else to put it so that Willie can understand. It’s that simple, really. Willie is their friend, and they want him to be alright. They want to help.

Something about his words seems to floor Willie, and he pauses, staring at him, before his eyes slowly drift to look at Luke, then Julie, then Reggie, then Flynn, then back to Alex. He swallows, suddenly looking more lost and vulnerable than Alex thinks he has ever seen him.

“I’m not used to… caring,” he says finally, his voice rough. “About people. And having people care about me.”

Alex looks at him, tries to find the words to explain that they do care, that they are his friends and this is what friends do, that no one has cared for Willie in the right way in far too long but that they are willing to try to make up for all of it, that he knows Willie was alone for so long but that he doesn’t have to be anymore.

“We do,” Flynn says quietly, and maybe those are the words Alex was trying to find all along.

Willie shakes himself, and Alex breaks out of the daze he didn’t realize they were both in, registering that someone must have repeated Willie’s words to the girls in that time. He didn’t hear, nor did he see the look on Flynn’s face as she took them to heart, but he is glad she did, because Willie is looking at him now, looking at all of them, like he might believe them.

He moves closer, grasps Willie’s hands. “You’re getting your soul back, okay? End of discussion.”

Willie releases a shaky breath. “Okay."

“Good.” He turns back to the rest of the group. “So everyone is okay with this plan, then?”

He catches Julie’s eye. She is looking between him, Luke and Reggie with a kind of heartbreaking reluctance, one he recognizes all too well. He hates the idea of sending Willie into the lion’s den, hates that this plan has him confronting Caleb and lying to his face, hates what might happen if Caleb were to catch Willie in this lie, but he also knows that it’s necessary if they want this plan to work. He thinks Julie might be feeling similarly about sending them back to the club.

He waits for her to protest, or to tell them to be careful. Instead what she says is:

“When are you guys ready to do this?”

“Tomorrow?” Luke says. “Might as well not waste time.”

“Alright,” Julie says. “Tomorrow.”

It’s like settling it wipes the energy out of her. In the blink of an eye, she leans back against the chair, blinking sleep out of her eyes as the hour catches up to her. Flynn isn’t much better, letting out a loud yawn as her head drops against the back of the couch.

“Alright, let’s get you both to bed,” Reggie says. “If we’re doing this tomorrow, you need to be in shape.”

“Why, it’s not like we’re actually playing a huge part in this plan,” Flynn mumbles, though Alex can tell it’s more for show than anything.

“We need you,” Luke says anyway. “We’re a team, okay?”

Alex smiles slightly at that – it’s such a Luke thing to say, to make them all feel equal, included, special. He has been doing it since the nineties, when they were still busking and struggling – whenever they were tired and ready to give up, he would be quick to rally them, to remind them that he might be the frontman but they were all in this together, his version of all for one and one for all understood in his “We’re a band.” And now he has updated it to “We’re a team,” because they are. They’re all in this together, and Alex knows he wouldn’t be able to do any of this without every single one of them. And he loves Luke for always reminding them of that.

He steps away from the group as Luke drags Julie off the chair, Reggie attempting to do the same with Flynn and apparently forgetting that his grip will simply slip through her, and moves closer to Willie instead.

“You sure you’re okay with doing this for us?” he asks in an undertone. He knows Willie is, but he needs to hear it from him.

“I’m sure.” Alex waits for him to say that it’s the least he could do, that he owes them, or something. That seems to be where his mind is at most. Instead Willie smiles softly and says, “You know I’d do anything for you, right?”

“Yeah.” Alex swallows. He suddenly is hyperaware of his hands hanging limply at his hands, and wonders if he should be doing anything with them. “Yeah, you’ve more than proven that.”

The moment lingers between them; Willie holds his gaze, jaw working like he is pondering whether or not to say something. He apparently decides against it, simply cupping Alex’s cheek with so much gentleness he could cry, and smiling. Alex fidgets with his hands, unsure what to do with them, what to do about anything when he feels like his face is on fire.

Willie pulls away, still wearing the softest look Alex has ever seen on him, and Alex immediately feels cold from the minute distance between them.

He wants to reach out, wants to hold Willie’s hand, wants to swing his arms around his neck and pull him close, wants to kiss him until they’re both breathless and then some. But he is rooted on the spot, and he watches as Willie moves to join the others again.

With great effort, Alex shakes himself out of his trance and follows him.

Julie and Flynn have apparently elected to crash on the couch, too tired to make their way back into the house, and Reggie is laying a blanket over them when Alex reaches them. The sight has his heart settle inside his chest, warm and solid and feeling a little like he is home. This is his family. Everyone in this room is his family, and he loves them so, so much, and he will be damned if he lets anything happen to a single one of them.

“So,” he says, quiet so he won’t wake the girls. “Tomorrow, then.”

#jatp fic #jatp #willex #alex mercer #willie #julie and the phantoms #my writing #*#when the time comes baby don't run #listen i know better than to promise the next (and final) part will be out within the next few days at this point #but i will say that it's almost completely written so it's *likely* that it will be out soon #feel free to hold me accountable on that

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devinescribe · 4 years ago

Text

Stay High

Karube Daikichi × Reader

Based off this song

No, because It's a three am sad thought that should have been kept in my head. This is totally not based off of my deepest darkest feeling and fears. Anyways, ignore that. Um... yeah.

Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers, Manga spoilers, weed, smoking, suicide (this went darker than I intended, ok?), and another terrible attempt at angst :)

"Karu! For the last time, we're not getting a freaking parrot!" You scolded. "Aww, why not babe? They're cute," he said, pouting. You smiled kissing him quickly. "... I'll think about it," you said, before heading out. "I think that means we will have a-" "Don't push your luck babe. I'll see you after work."

_______________________________________

"And here is my attempt at trying to be nice. Happy anniversary!" You chirped, sliding a rather large gift his way. It had a draped cover over it, so he couldn't see inside. He looked at you suspiciously, slowly taking it in his hands. You had a camera in your hands, and we're smirking. He didn't trust that smirk. "Why do you have that camera?" He asked, nodding to it. "Just filming. It's a special day babe," you said, hiding your smile. "Can i-" "Don't you dare shake it-" He raised his hands in mock surrender, before slowly lifting the sheet.

You saw the smile that spread across his face. "I said I'd think about it," you said. He stood up, pulling your waist into him. He kissed you softly, making you smile in your head. "I'm guessing this means you like your gift?" You asked, a smirk on your face. "It's a fucking parrot, hell yeah I like it," he said. You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Tears blurred your vision, falling onto the screen of the camera. Had it really been a year since then?

"Ok, now I get to film you! Welcome to day 1 of our roadtrip, I don't know where we're going, but we'll find out soon enough," Karube said, turning the camera to face him. He then turned it to face you. You were putting your luggage into the trunk of your car, and looked up with a smile, giving the camera a peace sign. The parrot, who you two decided to name Nijiko after much deliberation due to its coloring, squawked on your shoulder. You smiled. "Yes, you'll be going to day care for a while Nijiko," you spoke to the bird, petting it's beak softly. The bird shivered. "Day care? Nijiko day care?" It squawked, tilting it's head to the side. You nodded. "Yes, smart bird. Nijiko is going to daycare," you praised. "I sometimes wonder if she loves the bird more than me. The answer is yes. Yes she does," Karube said, laughing as you spoke to the bird.

"Update, it's been 4 hours, and we are in the middle of no where. The child(the bird) has been dropped off at day care... well boarding? For the week. The music's pretty good though, and this angel next to me is still here, so we're all good," he said. He was really serious about filming this. "Babe, why are you filming this again?" You asked, reaching to grab his hand on the center console. "Because memories baby girl," he responded, kissing the back of your hand as it was intertwined with his. You laughed, blowing him a kiss, turning your attention back to the road.

"Day 3 of our roadtrip, (Y/N) is deciding on what to wear, but as I've told her, she looks great in everything," he stated. You flipped him off, picking out something to wear finally. "Wowwwww, I can really feel the love," he said sarcastically, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "Shut up, you know I love you," you said, rolling your eyes. "I know you do. Who wouldn't love me?" he joked. "I don't know babe. Watch it though, 'cause you're mine~!"

"Ok, it's a few hours later, (Y/N) is getting snacks, and I'm super nervous, because of this," he said, talking to camera. He pulled out a small box, showing the ring to the camera. "I've been documenting this whole thing like a maniac, because I didn't want her to be suspicious. But anyways, yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, seeing as we've been together since high school. I am terrified, in all honesty," he rambled, running a hand through his hair. He put the small box back to where you wouldn't find it, but he wouldn't lose it. He saw you walking back to the car, and smiled. You opened the door, giving him a weird look. "You're filming again?" You questioned. He nodded. "You love the sound of your voice don't you?" You asked with a smile. He laughed, "Not as much as I love yours."

_______________________________________

He placed the camera was on a nearby fence post, facing you two, close enough to see and hear both of you. He started recording, and gave a thumbs up to the camera. You looked out to the water, admiring the hues of blue. The water crashed into the shore, spraying you with water. "You know when we get married, I'm definitely going to take you here again," he said. You kept looking out at the water, not noticing him. "When we get married? You already have this planed?" You laughed. You turned to face him, not seeing him at eye level. You looked down, and your eyes widened. "As I was saying, when we get married-" he started, getting interrupted when you jumped onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. You both fell to the sand, and you two couldn't help but laugh. "Are you serious? Like, really?" You asked, tears in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious. (Y/N), you've been with me for what seems like forever. I love you so much, and I want to be yours forever. Just as much as you'll be mine. So... would you do me the honor, and marry me?" He asked. He might have sounded confident, but he was shaking on the inside. The tears in your eyes fell, and you laughed nodding. "Yes, a million times yes," you said. He laughed, letting out a sigh of relief. You hugged him tightly, your head in the crook of his neck. "Forever and ever?" You whispered. "Forever and ever."

You looked down at the ring on your finger, crying even harder. His side of the bed stayed empty, no one would ever be able to sleep there. Not even you. His side of the room stayed untouched. The same way it had been left that morning. Before the accident.

"(Y/N)... I know you're sad, but this isn't healthy for you... just... call me back once you get this," Arisu sighed. "No answer again?" Usagi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "She's been with our group as long as I can remember. And she's been... she had been... with Karube even longer. If it's hard on me, I can't believe how hard it must be on her," Arisu explained. Usagi pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure she's fine. All people cope with things differently. Just give her space."

You were most definitely not fine. The grief that filled you everytime you saw Arisu's name on your phone, when you looked at anything that once belonged to Karube. For the first time in the past few weeks, you wandered into the kitchen, and saw the binder filled with the ideas you two had for the wedding. You looked away, tears filling your eyes once more. You couldn't escape the sorrow that had filled your life. It seemed like he was everywhere. Even when you turned on the damn TV the news was talking about the incident. The names of the victims would pop up with pictures, and you would quickly turn it off. You grabbed the folder, ripping up all the papers in there, shredding them to bits in a fit of sadness. You dropped to your knees, holding the final piece of paper. You sniffled, wiping your eyes, looking down. It was in Karube's hand writing, and you took a deep breath. Eventually, you would have to read these things. Eventually, you would have to clean up his side of the room. You decided to start off small. By reading whatever this was.

'I may not be good at expressing my feelings, and this is not going to be the first time you've all heard me tell you how wonderful this woman is, and how much I love her. It certainly won't be the last, if I have any say in it. To which I do. If I could go back to the day we met, and you told me I would be marrying her, I would believe it. Because I've loved you from day one (Y/N). And now, I'll have you. Forever and ever.'

- Karube (rough draft, don't let (Y/N) find this)

You whimpered, holding the piece of paper to your chest. This was too much for you. You needed a distraction.

"Eh, just give me the money, no one will ever know," the woman said. You gave her the money, and she passed you a bag. "I promise it gets better dear. And be careful with that," she said sweetly. You nodded, your face so devoid of any emotion, it was hard to tell if you were still alive. Your world felt so numb to any emotion but hurt.

The burn of the smoke in your throat was satisfying. For the first time since his death, you felt something. Your eyes lazily looked up, staring at the ceiling. The smell of the weed filled up the room and you rolled your eyes. For once the pain was gone. You couldn't think of anything in the moment other than being hungry. The first time in weeks that had happened.

That was your new routine. Wake up, lounge around, look through the videos and pictures of both of you, get high of your mind. It was the only way you'd forget. Was it healthy? No. Did you care? Also no. You started ignoring Arisu's calls, messages, and voice mails. Leaving them unseen, and unheard. He was worried, and Usagi had gotten worried as well, even though she'd only met you once at the hospital. You seemed like a pleasant person, and according to Arisu, you never left someone in the dark that long. You would usually respond quickly if you weren't at work. But, do to the incident, there wasn't work for a few weeks. That made him worry.

When he found out why you weren't answering, he was shocked. Your apartment wasn't exactly a mess. There were a few papers scattered in the kitchen, and uncollected mail, but other than that, your apartment was clean. He was so confused, hearing you giggling and talking to yourself in your room.

He knocked on the door, opening it slowly. "(Y-y/N)?" He asked hesitantly. You looked up, your eyes lazy and red. The smell of weed in your room was strong, the smoke going out of the window. How long had you been doing this? Had it become self destructive? These were questions he asked himself before seeing you doze off to sleep.

"What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)! You can't- you can't destroy your life over it! I- I was so worried! I've already lost two friends, I can't lose you too!" He scolded. It was a few hours later, and your high had passed. "Why do you care?" You snapped, the conversation being boring to you. The hurt you hadn't felt in weeks came back. He was back in your mind, not as your wonderful fiancé, but as the man you had lost. The man who you had to bury in the ground. It was horrible. Your mind hated the images of his body, lifeless and devoid of his usual smile. You hated it. Absolutely despised it.

"Because you're my friend! You've been my friend since high school! I know it hurts (Y/N), believe me I know, but you can't destroy your fucking life and mental health!" He scolded. It was so unfair to you, in your head. That he was saying something like that. "You want to know what's really destroying my mental health?! Not having him anymore! The fact that he's dead, and I can't- I can't-" you couldn't finish your sentence. Arisu felt bad, but this was an intervention. He had to be a bit forceful for you to stop. "Karube wouldn't want you to do this," he said softly. You felt more tears fall. But you didn't know how to deal with this. "How do you know what he wants?! He's dead!" You screamed. "H-hes dead," you whispered, your voice breaking. Arisu hugged you tightly as you cried. "Can I just know why?" He asked. "He's gone, and I have to stay high all the time to keep him off my mind. Gotta stay high... all my life to forget I'm missing him," you whispered. It was true. It was the only way you could feel something other than pain. The smoke made your mind hazy, and your sadness drifted away. But it wasn't healthy. And it would never be. "It gets better (Y/N)... please, just... stay with me for a week. So I can have peace of mind?"

2 years later

You sat on the sand of the beach, the waves crashed onto the rocks nearby, and a breeze blew the salt water into your face. You looked down at the ring on your finger, sighing at the sight of the shiny gem. You smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to it. "Soon my darling... soon we'll be together again. Forever and ever."

Because the high kept him off your mind, you didn't learn how to cope any other way. The only way was to feel any other pain. You had tried to meet other people, but no one was ever as good. You couldn't even talk to other guys without feeling guilt. It felt wrong. It was like whatever you did, you couldn't get over it. At all. In fact, it had gotten worse over the years. Especially on the yearly anniversary of the incident. Reporters would go to your home and ask you questions, seeing as people had asked you while you were in the hospital. How we're you supposed to get over it when you were reminded constantly?

So there was no thoughts in your head as you walked into the water. It was cold, shocking you. If you didn't drown, you'd die of hypothermia. And that was fine with you.

Forever and ever, no?

Ok, ok, ok.... wow, wowowowowow, this was a three am sad thought that did not have to be written, ok, um wow... that was darker than I intended, holy shit-

I promise I'm done with the terrible attempts at angst, and I promise I'm working on the my other oneshots/books. It's just that when I have an idea, I need to write it before I forget.

Remember that people love you, even if you think no one does, I promise you they do. If you really need help, please find it, and if you would like, I'm always glad to talk to people if they need my help.

#alice in borderland #×reader #spotify #Karube Daikichi #angst?#three am thoughts are hard to deal with #im honestly proud of this one

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