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brattyfics · 4 years ago

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Like That

Pairing: Rio x Black!Reader

Summary: You and Rio get to know each other better. Loosely based on ‘Like That’ by Doja Cat.

Warnings: Smut.

Word Count: 3.5K

Installments: Say So | Like That | Talk Dirty

And baby, I want it, and I'll just be honest 'Cause I just can't front when I look at you

About six weeks have passed since Rio declared himself your man, and you quickly learned he took the title very seriously.

He was busier than usual with ‘flipping his game,’ and you were busy preparing to transition your shop, but you saw each other often despite time constraints. You agreed date nights at least once a week were a must, but when you couldn’t see each other, Rio made sure to end nights with a phone call. Virtually falling asleep next to him gave you butterflies, reminding you just how exciting new relationships could be. It took prodding, but he told you made-up bedtime stories and the boring details of his day. In return, you shared things about yourself— childhood memories, the crazy things your mom did to embarrass you. He was sweet and attentive, and you found it refreshing to be with someone who was just as infatuated with you.

On your second date, he took you to his favorite restaurant, a fancy sushi place with expensive rolls. He taught you to hold chopsticks the wrong way the way he did and even fed you across the small table, a couple of unfortunate rolls falling apart due to his prodding. You tried your best to hide your amusement at the pensive look on his face. For whatever reason, Rio thought of himself as a sushi connoisseur, but it was clear to you that he was still learning.

“You’re no better than me!” He admonished when he noticed the way you held your chopsticks. Like his technique, it was incorrect, but it worked for you— sort of. “I never said I was.” You couldn’t keep the amusement off your face any longer. “You’re the one who comes here weekly. I thought you were a professional, and we’re in the same boat.” He folded his arms on top of the table as he insisted you were wrong, but secretly he found your teasing endearing. Later that night, he called and gave you a cheesy line about loving to see you smile.

The following week, you had lunch at a mom-and-pop soul food restaurant that served the best cornbread and peach cobbler in the city. The owners, an adorable older couple, Donna and Gene, and servers alike stopped by your table to meet Rio. Donna gushed over Rio, showering him with compliments and extra cornbread. “Girl, he is cute!” She told you, failing miserably at whispering. He smirked as you rolled your eyes, but he handled the attention well, being friendly and personable even when Gene kept going on and on about changes to the menu, one chef to another.

A few days later, he called you up randomly and asked you to get ready and ride with him somewhere. “What should I wear?” You asked, hoping for a hint. You could hear him smile as he said, “It doesn’t even matter, ma. You always look good.” The occasion had turned out to be ‘Foodtruck Friday.’ Barbecue, kebab, taco, ice cream, and other miscellaneous food trucks were parked in a spacious lot in Downtown Detroit. You settled at a picnic table and shared several plates of food as you discussed the possibility of your own mobile ‘Mad Batter’ shop somewhere down the line. It got you thinking about the future.

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” You asked the dreaded question in between bites of a colorful Korean fusion taco. He stiffened as he considered the answer. “What is this, a job interview?” Sometimes you saw peeks of bossman Rio rather than the Christopher Castillo you were getting to know. It happened seemingly out of nowhere when you asked questions he felt were invasive.

You looked up from the panko-fried shrimp, red cabbage, shredded carrots, and tasty orange sauce wrapped up in a flour tortilla with a frown. You had two choices: respond in the way he had or make light of the situation. So, you said, “Kinda. You’re auditioning for a spot on my roster, so...”

He stopped chewing the half-eaten dumpling and swallowed hard. “That’s not funny.”

“You better start taking the interviewing part of the audition more seriously then.” You wiped your fingers on a napkin, and he gathered your hand in his own, wearing a look you couldn’t decipher. “You got it, ma.”

You played a game of mini-golf at the local arcade. Rio stood tall behind you, holding you by your hips as he corrected your stance. You purposefully arched your back, brushing against him just slightly. “Like this?” You looked over your shoulder with the most innocent look you could muster, but his eyes were glued to your ass. “Yeah, just like that.” He answered in a low tone without looking up. You giggled as you took your swing, adding a wiggle for his benefit. You pretended to care about the ball as it glided across the bright green tarp towards the hole. “How was that?” You chirped, looking down the lane.

“I can’t even lie. I don’t care about the game right now. I just wanna watch you.” Your aim was terrible, and the ball never went in the hole without several attempts, but he insisted you finish playing the course. You teased him about it for days after despite his claim that he actually enjoyed the game because it was one of Marcus’ favorites.

“Stop lying! You just wanted an excuse to openly watch my ass.”

“Why you always gotta call me out?”

You shopped a cozy health and wellness store with hundreds of cool little trinkets for sale. Neither of you had been there before, so you took your time exploring, stealing unexpected kisses from the other. Rio took full advantage of the size of the store, pulling you by the hand and holding you close to his side.

He frowned at the large collection of shiny crystals. “A rock, really? What does anybody need with a rock?”

“It’s not a rock!” You hissed, head whipping around as you hoped the owner didn’t hear him.

“What is it then? It looks like a rock to me.” He picked one up, turning it over in his hands.

“It’s a crystal!”

“What’s the difference?”

“It has healing properties...” Rio snorted but strung his arm across your shoulder and listened intently as you read the info cards to him. When it was all said and done, he bought an aventurine stone to apologize to the owner for prosperity, well-being, and good luck.

The next day, he disappeared with no warning. You had been worried sick until Mick let you know he was busy handling something. It would have only taken a minute to tell you that, so you were (understandably) pissed. He showed up at the shop several days later like nothing had ever happened. “What’s up, mama?” The greeting that usually melted you grated on your nerves. All of your feelings about the situation bubbled up to the surface. It was hard to find the right words— you were still getting to know each other, so how mad could you be? At the same time, how little did he think of you to not say anything? Finally, you settled on, “I can’t do the disappearing act.”

Rio wasn’t used to answering to anyone, not even his child’s mother, about his whereabouts, but he put his palms up in surrender when he saw the serious expression you wore.

“You’re right, mama. That’s my bad. It won’t happen again.”

And it hadn’t.

But knowing ahead of time only made it a tiny bit easier, especially when he didn’t have a set return date. You were going on day seven (the longest you had gone without seeing him since you started dating) when he called to say he made it home and wanted to see you. Your heavy heart swelled with relief. You missed him way more than you probably should have, so you insisted on a night in at your place, wanting him to feel relaxed and at home instead of on guard somewhere public.

It had been a long six weeks without sex while he romanced you with delicious food and beautiful words. It wasn’t an easy task, but you knew as soon as sex was thrown in the mix, you would be done for, either destined to be his or ruined by him. It was a scary thought, but distance had indeed made the heart grow fonder, and you cared about him enough to take a chance.

He was set to arrive within the hour, but you were still unsure of what to wear, frantically rummaging through the dresser for something cute and comfortable. You let out a frustrated groan when your phone started to ring, thinking Rio might have come early, but when you look down at your phone, you see your best friend’s name and face. You swipe quickly, accepting the FaceTime call. “Hey, girl!”

“Hey, stranger!” You pick up the phone, so you can look at her. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” She replies with just as much sass. “I haven’t talked to you in what— two weeks?”

“We talk—“

“—text.”

“Okay, fine. Text. We text every day. What are you talking about?”

“That’s not the same.” She insists even as you remind her of the ridiculous amount of time you spend trading memes and food pictures with her.

“Anyway, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to decide what I’m going to wear between this, this, or this.” You move the camera around, showing her the different options. A black-and-white tank and short set with ‘Being cute is not a crime’ in a cute font. A fuzzy grey sweatsuit set with hearts, or a simple cream hoodie with matching shorts.

“Um, what’s the occasion?” You giggle at the look on her face, knowing she thinks none of the above are appropriate for wearing outside of the house.

“Movie night in.”

“You need help picking an outfit for movie night with yourself?” Her face scrunches up in confusion. “Wait, is it movie night with yourself?” You try to be casual about it, shrugging your shoulders in response. As usual, she sees through your bullshit and goes straight into an interrogation. “Oh, bitch. You been holding out on me!” She asks you five questions in a row without stopping to breathe before settling on one. “Who?”

You gnaw on your bottom lip. “...Rio.”

“Rio?” She frowns. “Like the guy we work for, Rio? With the eyebrows and the neck tattoo, Rio?”

“Yes, that Rio.”

“Wow.” You wince but decide it’s best to get it over with. “What? I know you, so I know there’s more where that came from.”

“I don’t know what to say! From what I can tell, he’s a decent dude, I guess, but you know what he does. You definitely know what we do for him! You don’t think that could be a problem?”

“It’s messy, for sure, and I can admit that, but I’ve been thinking about getting out anyway...” She nods. “Then, I guess there’s nothing else for me to say about that. You’re both grown, and you know what you’re doing.” She was your best friend, which meant she’d always give her honest opinion, but wouldn’t berate you about your choices. Just like that, you return to your regular discussion topics, everything from warehouse gossip (yes, even in the business of crime, there’s a rumor mill) to new music releases. Before you knew it, forty minutes had passed, and Rio was calling your phone. You promised to call her more often before hanging up.

You sing your ‘hello’ into the phone, hoping Rio can’t detect the shakiness in your voice as you clumsily pull on your bottoms.

“Hey, mama. You about ready? I know you’re sensitive about your space and all that.” He was referring to the fact that he had never been past the doorway of your home. Your home was your sacred place, so you were extra careful about who came in and what energy they brought. It was always nerve-wracking to let somebody into the space that you cherished so much.

“Yeah.” He picks up on the hesitancy in your voice. “Are you sure?” You nod your head as if he can see you before telling him yes with a giggle. “Alright, well, I’m outside. Can I come in?” You bite your lip, butterflies fluttering in your tummy. “Yeah, I’ll come unlock the door.” He whispers his thanks, and you take a moment to force yourself to relax. When you meet him at the door, you do so with an open mind and heart, taking in his appearance with a goofy grin on your face. As usual, he’s dressed in all black, wearing a well-fitted t-shirt and sweatpants. He’s casual but still so high quality and attractive.

“Hi.” You breathe out like a dork when you realize you’re staring. It helps that he seems just as mesmerized, stepping forward to envelop you in a tight, warm hug. He sways you from side to side before pulling back, his hands resting heavily on the top of your ass. He settles for a quick peck on the lips because he has something to say. “You’re as pretty as ever, darlin’.” He says earnestly, shaking his head as he steps back to look you over once more.

“Kiss me again.” His hands cup your ass as you devour each other in the open doorway. You forget your surroundings. “Damn, ma. Can I at least get inside before you jump my bones? I don’t mind giving your neighbors a show if that’s your thing, but…” You turn to hide your embarrassment, leaving him to close the door behind you as you gesture around the room as if you’re in an episode of MTV Cribs. “... here’s the living room. The kitchen’s through the arch. The bathroom’s over there...” He follows you with his red as you point.

“And the bedroom?”

You snort. “The tour stops here for now. Sit down.” Your tone leaves no room for argument. He settles into the soft couch while you grab the snack tray from the kitchen. Homemade popcorn, chocolate-covered pretzels, and dried fruit gummies are on the menu.

“All this for me?” His arms snake around your waist so that you can curl up into his side. “What we watching?” You grab the remote. “I saw a trailer this week that caught my attention. I’ll play it for you.” He didn’t care what you watched as long as he got to be close to you, so it didn’t take long for you to get the movie started. He stole glances at you when his knuckles brushed against your bare knees under the blanket. You’re embarrassed at how wet the small action makes you, so you stretch out across the couch and place your bare feet in his lap, silently planning your revenge. The movie may as well not be playing because you couldn’t be less interested in the plot as you lightly stroke him through his sweatpants with the balls of your feet.

“Ma...” He warns, watching you in the low lighting. He’s come to learn you like to tease, but he doesn’t think he can take it, not tonight. “Hmm?” You hum innocently, loving the strained look on your face. He doesn’t move even as you sit up on your haunches and kiss him. It’s slow and long in the best way. He pulls you to sit in his lap. His hands roam your body as you grind down onto him, relishing in the feeling of the soft skin on your tummy. He sighs into your mouth as one hand finds your bare breasts.

He pulls away to talk shit. “No bra? You just knew I was gonna put out, huh?” He pushes the cotton material up so he can see you properly. “Perfect.” He murmurs into your skin. You let him kiss and lick and suck on your nipples until the pressure you feel below is too much to handle. You’re a quivering mess when he finally helps you pull the cotton material up and over your head. It lands on top of the television behind you, but neither of you notice.

You nudge him until he removes his own shirt, and then he lifts his hips to help you when you begin tugging on his sweats. They puddle at his feet while you spread your legs wide, desperate to get your hands on him. “I could cry right now.” You admit honestly when you finally see him, biting your lip. He arches a brow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing, darlin’?” His hips jerk when you take him into your hands, the cold temperature surprising him.

“It’s definitely a good thing.” You whisper excitedly, staring with wonder as he hardens in your hands. He barks out a laugh, stunned by your ability to make him laugh, even with his dick in your hands. “That’s really nice, ma. I feel real special.” Your eyes meet, and silent promises of all the filthy things you’re going to do to each other are exchanged. “You should. I’m about to change your life.” He throbs in your hands, loving that you find small ways to challenge him.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed.” He wraps his arms around you in preparation to get up, but you stop him with a shake of your head. “I don’t wanna.”

“No? What you wanna do then?”

You answer him by slipping to your knees. You spit on his dick, stroking him up and down slowly. He watches you closely as you lower your mouth, wrapping your lips around the tip. It takes a lot of restraint, but he lets you do your thing, slowly working him deeper into your throat. He closes his eyes as he concentrates on lasting, but he can’t turn his ears off, the obscene smacks painting a vivid picture for him. When you swipe your tongue across his balls, he moves to stop you, grabbing your shoulders. Fire dances in your eyes as you realize you got him where you want him. “I don’t wanna.” You repeat.

“You are a brat.”

You release him with a pop. “The biggest.” You admit, swallowing him once more. He groans, thinking he can’t believe you’re the same sweet girl who bakes in a frilly pink apron and begs him to tell her bedtime stories.

“I want you to fuck me now.” He stops you before you can bend over the couch. “Slow down. I want you on your back, darlin.”

You throw his earlier words back at him. “That’s nice. I feel really special.”

“You should.” He mocks you, instructing you to hold your legs wide. He wastes no time licking and sucking you as enthusiastically as you had done him. “You’re so pretty. I could eat this pretty pussy forever.” He compliments as you squirm in his hold. “You’d let me, huh?” You shake your head frantically. “No! You’d drive..me crazy!” Payback is a mother, especially when Rio’s the one dishing it out. “Wait, wait—“You whimper, clawing at his shoulders.

“What?” He cajoles. He almost wants to laugh at the distressed look on your face. “I want you.” You pout, trying to sweet-talk him.

“You have me.”

“Not like this. Inside.”

“Yeah? You sure?”

“Mhm.” You swallow, watching as he fumbles around with his pants searching for a condom. He opens the golden foil packet with expert fingers, positioning himself in between your spread legs. “You don’t have any pointers for me now?” He drags his tip up and down your slit, slowly pushing his way further. Teasing. You shake your head. “No. Just fuck me.”

“That ain’t polite. You gotta say please, mama.” You scowled, but he didn’t budge. “Please.” You pleaded with the sweetest tone you could muster, sighing as he gave in. You cursed at the stretch, him at the way you squeezed him. “You feel…” He couldn’t find the words, so he buried his face in your neck, trying to gain some composure. You caressed the back of his neck sweetly. “You feel good too, baby.”

His hips stuttered forward, and you gasped as he worked himself deeper. You grasp his shoulders tightly, your nails embedding themselves into the soft skin.

“Yes!” You squeal.

“Like that?” He grits out, struggling to keep his rhythm.

“Yes, just like that!” You cry, moaning as he pounds up into you. His lips find yours again, and it’s bliss. Then before you can stop yourself, you’re calling him Daddy like it’s his given name. He groans into your sweaty neck like he’s in pain.

“You’re so nasty.” Overwhelmed and breathless, you whine your protest, “You’re nasty. Look at what you’re doing to me.” His eyes shift to where you’re connected. You’re creaming all over him and leaking down onto the couch, but you can’t bring yourself to care about anything other than coming. You do just that, mewling as you make an even bigger mess between your legs. He whispers filthy things into your ear as he finishes, grunting at the way you seem to be sucking him in even deeper.

“That was—“

“—unreal.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of you can bring yourself to move. Your sweat-covered skin sticks together. You swipe your hand against your forehead while he pants.

“I wanted to ride you at least once tonight, but after that, I’ll be lucky to make it to bed.”

GENERAL TAGLIST

@woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @sheeshgivemeabreak @breakingnewsin-no-oneasked @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @glimmerglittergirl @apantherinmypastlife @brownsugarcoffy @marvelmaree @starrynite7114 @scuzmunkie @thewarriorprincessxo @sadeyesgf @pearlkitten33 @imanerdychubbyqueen @literaturefeen @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @everyhowlmarksthedead @yourwonkywriter @trulysuccubus @sparklemichele @luckyharley1903

RIO TAGLIST

@xsweetdellzx

#good girls rio #nbc good girls #manny montana #rio x reader #rio x black!reader

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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

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Taste Your Beating Heart, Chapter Three (Taywhora) - Holtzmanns

word count: 5490 | ao3 link

Tayce needs to do it. Aurora would understand, if it were the other way around. It’s just the way things have to be.

Aurora freezes under her touch though doesn’t move away, because she trusts Tayce. A fatal mistake on her part. Sad, really. “What are you-”

It’s almost entertaining, the way her words cut off when Tayce bares her fangs and finally, she can have something to drink, as if she hasn’t been hungry for ages, and she closes the distance between them in less than a second and-

AN: Thank you all so much for the wonderful response on this fic, it makes me so happy! This chapter took a little while to update because real life has gotten a bit busy, but nonetheless, I hope you like it. Thank you Writ for betaing and being the best person to brainstorm with and Pop for taking out anything too Canadian sounding. Enjoy and tell me your thoughts!

_________

There are no more blood bags left. Tayce is thirsty, and there are no more blood bags in the fridge.

Bimini’s gone to visit a pal up north and Cara’s out hunting, and the last time any of them went to pick up more blood was at least a month ago, and crap, Tayce should have gone to stock up when their stash had first started to run low.

Maybe she can go for a hunt. There’s not enough time to get some more blood bags now but she can always grab someone off the street, for a quick snack.

Ding dong.

Shit. Shit . Aurora’s not supposed to be over for another hour, she can’t be here already-

“Open up! I have a surprise for you and I couldn’t wait at home tapping my toes any longer.”

Bloody hell. Tayce can smell her, there’s no need for Aurora to announce herself, really, but today the scent is more potent, wafting under Tayce’s nose, and she can’t help the way that her eyelids flutter as she lets out a breath.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Tayce gets out before turning on her heels, running towards the fridge and throwing it open with desperation as if its contents will have changed from the last time she opened it five minutes ago.

There’s Lawrence’s three cheese lasagna that she’s yet to drop off to the neighbours’, but otherwise the fridge is empty of the blood bags that usually line the shelves. No surprise appearance of any blood. Tayce lets out a grunt in frustration.

“What’re you doing in there, taking a bath? Solving some maths equations? Masturbating? Don’t have all the fun without me,” Aurora snickers audibly through the door.

Maybe, just maybe, it’ll be fine. Tayce can put up with a few hours in Aurora’s presence without having fed already. She has good self control, she knows that after being with Aurora for a few months. She hasn’t done anything stupid yet.

She’ll just pay extra attention to herself.

“Shut up, I’m coming,” Tayce mutters, reaching the door handle to unlock it and steeling herself with a deep breath, which turns out to be a bad, bad idea.

Because when she pulls the door open Aurora launches herself at her in a hug, her legs wrapping around her waist and shit, she smells so good and Tayce’s mouth is watering and Aurora’s heart is pumping fast and the blood rushing through her veins is loud, much too loud in Tayce’s ears and it would be simply too easy to just twist her neck, wouldn’t be painful at all for her-

“Finally. And here I thought I was going to live the rest of my life out on your doorstep.” Aurora’s smile is easy, almost as if she doesn’t know how delectable her blood smells, how warm her touch is, before her brow furrows. “Hey, you okay?”

“What?” Tayce barely hears the question as she closes the door behind her, not when Aurora’s heartbeat is the loudest sound echoing in her brain, when all she can think about is how fucking thirsty she is.

She needs it.

Fuck it.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Tayce murmurs, and the words are almost a relief, even though Aurora’s eyes widen when Tayce takes a step closer, brushing her hair away from her neck.

Tayce needs to do it. Aurora would understand, if it were the other way around. It’s just the way things have to be.

Aurora freezes under her touch though doesn’t move away, because she trusts Tayce. A fatal mistake on her part. Sad, really. “What are you-”

“Fuck!”

Tayce shoots up into a sitting position, the sheets rumpled around her waist as she tries to catch her breath, rub her eyes before opening them once more.

Bed. She’s in bed. Not her own bed but Aurora’s, the girl still peacefully slumbering beside her, her lips slightly parted as her chest rises and falls.

She hasn’t gone and killed her girlfriend. Fuck. Thank god. It had just been a dream, nothing more, and Aurora’s scent isn’t as overpowering as it had been in her sleep because Tayce isn’t hungry right now and the temptation is easy as always to ignore.

Nonetheless, she swings her legs over the side of the bed and pads towards the fridge, throwing it open. Beside the takeaway containers and the surely expired orange juice in the corner there are two bags of blood, the ones always stored in Aurora’s fridge for safekeeping.

Aurora is fine. Tayce is fine. Everything is fine.

Aurora’s still breathing when she looks over and Tayce isn’t hungry, because it had been a dream. Just a dream.

Tayce’s heart stopped beating centuries ago but she can almost still feel a phantom hammering in her chest, reminding her along with the beads of sweat on her forehead just how precarious of a situation this is. Climbing back into bed beside Aurora, resting her head back down on the pillow feels almost dangerous. What if she goes and snaps? What if she has another dream but wakes up and doesn’t realise it and goes for Aurora’s jugular anyway, the hunting side of her taking over as it does when she’s on the prowl? Aurora’s her girlfriend, yeah, but she’s also human, and what if Tayce gets to a point that she just can’t resist?

What if the short term pursuit of something to drink means that Tayce will eventually lose Aurora by her own hand?

Fuck, this is why she never does this. She’s seen it happen before, like with Asttina and her girlfriend back in the sixties, or when Cara had tried to date that human pirate in the late 1700s. It doesn’t ever end well with humans, Tayce knows that.

A tiny part of her wants to believe that she’ll never hurt Aurora, that she’ll always be in control of herself because god knows, she never wants anything to happen to her. It can’t, not when Tayce is going to be the one to have to pick up the pieces of her own shit actions and Aurora’s going to be the one to pay the price. Tayce is always careful - she drinks every time before seeing Aurora, even when she’s not thirsty, and she’s good at tuning out Aurora’s scent after months with her. There’s very little risk in Tayce’s rational brain, because Aurora herself is more important. The fact that she’s living and breathing and has so much in front of her.

She’s not ever going to lose that because Tayce is hungry. Not in a million years.

But then again, what if Tayce is fooling herself and sooner or later her sleep-addled mind is just going to go for it? What if Aurora will simply be in the way and Tayce won’t be able to control herself?

She’s really fooling herself with trying to form a sense of normalcy with Aurora, in this quasi sort of relationship. As if Tayce is human herself and can enjoy human things, as if she even deserves them. As if she’s not going to outlive every human alive on earth today and see their graves, only for a whole new group of humans to roam the planet.

The thing is, Tayce wants it. She wants it so badly. She wants to be able to wake up with someone who she can call her girlfriend, she wants to go to uni and go clubbing and stop at a kebab shop on the way home. She wants to visit her parents on holidays and have goals and career aspirations and a lifetime to look forward to.

Instead, she’d buried her parents back in the 1600s and has survived precisely one burning at the stake and three town mobs under suspicion for being a witch.

Idiotic humans, never quite getting their monsters right.

Tayce can pretend, though. Sometimes, when she’s in Aurora’s bed and has an arm around her as she’s starting to doze off, she can imagine that she’s only twenty two, maybe, still with so much to experience in life ahead of her. She can pretend she has human problems like having a shit boss at work or looking for the perfect gift to buy for an anniversary. Sometimes it feels real, when she can feel how warm Aurora’s skin is against hers and how her heartbeat is steady.

But then Tayce holds two fingers up to her pulse point on her neck and feels nothing at all. And why would she, when she stopped having a pulse centuries ago?

Aurora shuffles beside her, turning over onto her side and mumbling something into her pillow and it’s dangerous, really, how much Tayce’s heart swells when she sees it. How much Aurora’s affecting her after only a few months, how much she doesn’t want to lose her already.

Because it’s inevitable, when with someone immortal. Bound to happen.

The clock on Aurora’s bedside table reads 03:13, and sleep is the last thing that Tayce wants to do anymore. Not when she remembers the sight of how Aurora had been so close and easy to-

No. Tayce won’t even think about that. Not if dreams can ever have a chance of being premonitions.

Humans are too fragile for their own good. If only Tayce could build some armour for Aurora to keep her safe, protect her from anything that could possibly hurt her. Tayce pushes away the thought that what Aurora needs protection from most is, well…her.

The unselfish thing to do would be to let Aurora go, to stop sleeping over at her flat and spending time with her and going on little dates and let her live her life the way that she deserves to. To let her grow up, maybe get married and start a family of her own the way Aurora should have the chance to do if she wants.

The thing is though, Tayce is selfish. Very selfish, because she loves the rosiness along Aurora’s cheeks and the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles and the way Aurora’s hands tangle in her hair when she’s between her legs and eating her out. Tayce doesn’t want to let it go, and honestly, she can’t.

She’ll just have to be careful. Really, really, careful.

Everything is fine. It’ll continue to be fine.

Maybe if Tayce tells herself that enough, she’ll start to believe it, too.

Tayce lies awake for the rest of the night, forgoing the sleep that she doesn’t require as a vampire to function in favour of fiddling with the edge of the blanket, her eyes flitting over Aurora’s sleeping form. The way Aurora’s chest rises and falls as she sleeps is a tease that Tayce can’t look away from, rubbing salt into the reminders that the two of them are so irrevocably different.

It’s almost a relief when the morning takes over and the room around them begins to lighten, as Aurora blinks away the sleep from her eyes and snuggles a little into Tayce’s side before pressing a kiss into her shoulder. Tayce can feel her lips pull into a smile without meaning to.

“Morning, sleepyhead. Was starting to think you’d never rise from that slumber.”

Aurora raises an eyebrow, adorably rumpled as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“No!” Maybe Tayce sounds a little too defensive, because Aurora starts to snicker. “Not on purpose. I couldn’t sleep, and your snores were so loud that I couldn’t help but gape in astonishment.”

Aurora squeaks, shoving Tayce’s shoulder. “I don’t snore! Take it back.”

“How would you know? You’re gone to dreamland when you do,” Tayce grins, leaning in to kiss the pout that begins to form on Aurora’s lips.

She does feel a little bit bad, though, considering that Aurora doesn’t snore in the least, and so she pushes herself off the bed amidst Aurora’s protests and grabby hands, and pads toward the kitchen.

“What d’you want for breakfast? You want me to make you something small before your morning lecture? Can’t have you falling asleep on your professors, can we?”

“So mean today,” Aurora huffs, sitting down at the counter, but there’s a small smile on her face, almost bashful at the offer. “Some beans and toast?”

“Coming right up, your majesty.”

Human food isn’t too appetizing to Tayce anymore, but the process of putting it together remains somewhat soothing. Maybe it’s the different parts, the methodicalness of it all. Maybe it’s the way Aurora’s face lights up when Tayce puts the plate in front of her. Either way, she doesn’t mind it in the least.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Aurora mumbles through a mouthful of her breakfast, putting the toast down on her plate.

Tayce’s movements stutter slightly as she’s washing the saucepan in the sink. “Hmm?”

Maybe it’s nothing. It’s not like Aurora knows about Tayce’s dream from last night, or the slight twists of uneasiness that run through her system at the idea of having Aurora entangled in her messes. But then again, Aurora’s not one to tread lightly, closer to a bull in a china shop than any sort of graceful creature. She never hesitates when expressing an opinion or any sort of emotions, which is why Tayce isn’t sure why she nearly drops the pan at her question.

“What is it exactly that we are, Tayce?”

“So you just…”

“Ran back here, obviously. What else was I supposed to do?”

“You absolute, fucking eejit.”

Lawrence’s words are stated with the weariness of a tired mum, and Tayce can’t blame her, frankly, not when she’s pacing back and forth in the living room herself.

“She asked what we are!” Tayce exclaims, crossing her arms as if it’ll rid her stomach of the pit of dread that’s started to form.

It’s not as if Tayce hadn’t known it was coming. She’s not stupid. It’s just that…

There are things she’d rather not think about if she doesn’t have to.

“You’ve been shacking up with her for months now. You don’t think the girl was bound to get a bit restless?” Lawrence asks, rubbing her temples. “No self-respecting woman’s going to hang around like a wee koala on your back without a good reason to do so.”

“Why does everything need to have a label? Can’t we just go with the flow, isn’t that a thing?” Tayce asks, flopping down on the couch beside Lawrence. “Naming it makes it complicated.”

“As if getting cozy with a living, breathing, human rather than sucking her blood for dinner wasn’t complicated enough,” Lawrence tuts, shaking her head. “You’ve made your bed, babes. And your girl’s about to leave it ‘cause you did a shit job with the sheets.”

Tayce sighs, sinking lower onto the couch. The pool of dread in her abdomen feels like it’s growing larger and larger, creating a web that feels like it’s going to overwhelm her at a moment’s notice, drowning her in what ifs and hypotheticals that all end negatively.

“Okay, think of it this way,” Lawrence starts. “D’you want to drink her blood and all that? Get a little snack?”

Tayce shoots up from her slouched position, indignation rising in her chest at the suggestion. “What? No! Why would you ask that?”

“Then d’you want to break up with her instead? Let her go?”

“No, I…” Tayce trails off, pausing. “I should, right?”

Maybe she should. Maybe it would be for the best. Maybe Tayce can resign herself to the single life, on her own forever and ever. Aurora can find a nice girl and live her life and die of old age in sixty or so years, the way a human should.

That’s what Aurora deserves, right?

“No, you shouldn’t, you numpty,” Lawrence says, cutting through her resignation with a smack on her shoulder. “You’re having fun. She’s having fun. What’s the harm? Why not call it something?”

“Because that makes it…”

Real.

Putting a label on it means that Tayce has to acknowledge the fact that she’s really, truly doing this. That if there’s the chance that this could become something long term, Tayce will have to deal with the consequences that will inevitably arise. If she doesn’t lose Aurora to her own fangs, she’ll lose her to time.

Wouldn’t it be better to cut this off before it becomes infinitely more painful on Tayce’s still heart?

Lawrence raises an eyebrow. “Newsflash, it’s already real. You brought her here to meet all of us, didn’t you? I don’t see any other humans that you’ve brought around these parts.”

“Well, that would be because I haven’t done this with any other humans, have I?”

The words make Tayce pause as they leave her lips. She’s never thought about it before, the fact that Aurora’s the only human she’s spent time with like this. Sure, there was the werewolf girl in the early 1800s, and that fae Tayce met when visiting Snowdon once, and Tayce certainly can’t forget the siren she’d had a fling with when her and Cara and Lawrence and Bimini last went to the coast.

But a human? Before Aurora, humans had been a means to an end, an occasional treat. Humans represented Tayce’s past and her old life that she’d had to let go of after being turned, a mosaic of unreached aspirations and plans that Tayce won’t be able to see to fruition despite her immortality.

Aurora had started off as a hunt, a quick snack, before turning Tayce’s world upside down, waking up her heart and making it flutter a bit after four hundred years. But now, Aurora’s captured her in her grasp and Tayce is not sure that she necessarily wants to let go.

Even if it’s going to be painful, eventually, when they do.

Because what Tayce has with Aurora right now is certainly not going to last forever. Not when humans have an expiry date written in fine print across their rib cages.

“Y’know what I think?” Lawrence starts, patting Tayce’s shoulder, “I think you need to talk to her. What’s wallowing on your own going to do? She’s probably pouting all on her own, too. Go pout with her, it’s a nice couples activity.”

Tayce snorts, despite the uneasiness flowing through her veins at the prospect. “You’re certainly one to talk. Shouldn’t you go and pout with your wife?”

“We are here to talk about your relationship problems, not mine,” Lawrence huffs, waving a hand. “I’m the one playing agony aunt here.”

“Why don’t you just call her, Lawrence?”

“Well, she hasn’t called me either, has she?” Lawrence’s voice increases in pitch just a tad, matching the crease that forms between her eyebrows.

“Tell you what,” Tayce starts, “I’ll talk to Aurora if you talk to Ellie.”

It’s a silly prospect, considering that Tayce knows that she has to talk to Aurora regardless, sort out this web of nonsense and confusion while also figuring out what she wants. She’s certainly not going to pull a Lawrence, by running away and just not talking to Aurora for the foreseeable future, because that’s not her.

Well. The second part, at least. She’s already gone and run away from Aurora upon the first question about commitment.

But Lawrence, though? After eighty years of not seeing her wife? Her stubbornness is only matched by Ellie’s, and from the way Lawrence scoffs, Tayce isn’t sure if the idea is enough to convince her.

“Tell you what,” Lawrence counters, “I’ll wait for Ellie to call me first. Let’s see if that ever happens.”

“You’re more stubborn than Cara was last week when trying to fit into that dress she bought a size too small.”

“Don’t let her hear you,” Lawrence snickers, and Tayce can’t help but join in, despite the way the clouds of uncertainty hang above not only her head, but above Lawrence’s, too.

Maybe she can plot with Bimini and Cara and figure out how to get Ellie and Lawrence in the same place. Maybe lock them in a cupboard until they work it out.

But first, Tayce needs to work her own shit out. As much as her heart drops at the prospect, as much as she’d rather stay far, far away and avoid her problems and pretend nothing is wrong…she can’t. Not when every fibre in her body feels like it’s being pulled towards Aurora’s flat, as if she doesn’t want to, but needs to see her again, talk to her, spend time with her, figure everything out with her.

It’s dangerous, very dangerous, how much it bothers Tayce to stay away from Aurora. How much her body almost rejects the concept. She’s in too deep for a human she met only a few months ago, enough that past Tayce would laugh at exactly how pathetic she has become.

Not that the opinions of past Tayce even matter at this point, when she’s in so deep. And somehow, Tayce can’t bring herself to care about them.

The passage of time means nothing when you’re immortal, though the minutes that pass between Tayce’s knock and the door finally opening feel indefinite.

“Started to think you’d let me turn to dust out there,” Tayce starts, though the attempt at a lighthearted comment falls flat when she sees the mascara smudges under Aurora’s eyes.

Fuck.

Aurora’s attempt at disinterest is easy to see through, the speed of her pulse and the tap of her fingers on the doorframe betraying how affected she is. “What d’you want?”

“I - can I come in?” Tayce asks, because really, she’s not about to have a conversation on the doorstep, and although Aurora narrows her eyes, she opens the door enough for her to pass nonetheless.

Aurora shuts the door behind them, wrapping her fluffy robe around herself a little tighter with a slight protrusion of her bottom lip. “Are you here to break up with me? ‘Cause if you are, don’t say anything, I’m breaking up with you first. I don’t get broken up with.”

The words are accompanied by a sniffle that slightly dampens the effect, and despite the way her chest is tight Tayce has to hold a smile back at the way Aurora is so quintessentially herself.

“Now who said anything about breaking up?”

Not that they’re together. On paper, at least.

“You ran out of here like you’d seen your nan in her knickers!” Aurora exclaims, crossing her arms with a huff. “That’s practically screaming that you want to break up.”

“Now that’s a sight to consider.”

“Stop it,” Aurora grumbles, letting out a breath, and Tayce has to resist the urge to reach out a hand, wipe the mascara track on her cheek. “You need to start talking.”

Part of Tayce wants to stall more, ask Aurora about what, but…there’s no avoiding this anymore. Tayce can’t, despite the blissful months of pretending that future consequences won’t exist. Better to face it. Do something about it.

Even though she feels like she wants to be sick.

“Aurora, I don’t…do this. All of this. This casual thing, this dating…deluding myself into thinking I’m in my twenties and not frozen in time for centuries. This isn’t normal, what we’re doing. Not normal in the least.”

It’s not, and it never works out, if her friends’ past experiences are anything to go by. Humans are risky, their fragile forms enveloped in concerns around their weaknesses and mortality and penchant for ending up as prey.

“So what? Why’s it matter what’s normal and what isn’t?” Aurora says it like it’s a challenge, a slight narrow of her eyes. “When have you ever been normal?”

“ I don’t want to be normal, no thank you. God forbid. But you deserve normal,” Tayce counters, and the words sink heavy in her stomach like stones. “And to live life the way you’re supposed to.”

Aurora huffs, so quintessentially her. “Who’re you to tell me what I’m supposed to do?”

Part of Tayce just wants to let it go, give in to the fact that maybe an imperfect existence is acceptable. But she can’t, not when Aurora isn’t fully aware of the consequences.

“I’m stuck,” Tayce starts, “and you’re not. You’re going to get to live your life and you’re going to learn and grow and change the way any human should, and I’m not going to do that. I’m frozen in time, I don’t get to go forward with you.”

Tayce remembers her first century as a vampire. When those around her had started to age, clinging onto the passage of time like vines and watching them grow as the new generations took their places. The countless funerals, the new humans replacing their existence on Earth. The realization that human Tayce would have been six feet under by that time, too.

It’s sobering.

“Are you saying you don’t want me ‘cause I’ll get all old?” Aurora splutters, her eyes widening. “With all the white hair and wrinkles and nursing home stays to come? That’s what this is about? You don’t want to wipe my arse one day?”

“What I’m saying is that you deserve someone to grow old with. You deserve someone who can share all the human experiences that are yet to come for you.”

Experiences that Tayce won’t ever have, no matter how long she’s on the planet for. The reminder is a twinge in her back, a dull pain in her abdomen, a reminder of the shit tradeoffs one gets with immortality.

“And what if I don’t want them?” Aurora’s voice carries a challenge as she takes a step closer to Tayce. “What if I just want you?”

“You sound like you’re straight out of a Nicholas Sparks book with that line,” Tayce quips, but Aurora pokes her shoulder.

“Tell me you don’t feel it, too. That this is worth it. You could have killed me that first time we ran into each other, or the second time, and you didn’t. Why is that?”

Tayce shrugs, trying to ignore the part of her brain that already knows the answer with implications that she doesn’t want to think about. “I wasn’t hungry.”

The words are a lie and Aurora knows it, from the way she rolls her eyes.

“Bullshit, and you know it. Y’know what I think? I don’t think this is about wanting me to have a normal life. I think this is about you. You’re scared.”

Tayce scoffs, because she doesn’t get scared. Not when she’s stronger than any apex predator on the planet. “You think I’m scared?”

“You’re scared of what’s going to happen in the future. Is that why you’re trying to cut this off now?” The understanding that blooms on Aurora’s face makes Tayce want to hide, turn away.

Aurora can read her like a book too damn well.

“You want to walk away now? You really think that’s going to make a difference?” Aurora runs a hand through her hair and Tayce hates how sharp her senses are sometimes, because she gets a whiff of her shampoo and it makes her heart tug, a reminder of how nice it is to snuggle with Aurora’s head against her shoulder.

Tayce tries to imagine what it would be like to let Aurora go now. Not coming over to her flat, not waking her up with kisses. Not seeing the way Aurora lights up whenever she asks her to drop by campus, not being able to make cheesy jokes that make Aurora’s nose scrunch up.

Fuck.

As much as Tayce prides herself on being headstrong and in control of herself, she’s not sure she’d even be able to go through with leaving.

“Then what are we supposed to do?” Tayce hates how vulnerable she sounds, the cracks in her armour that somehow only Aurora is capable of shining a light through.

Aurora, for her part, doesn’t fault her for it, only stepping forward to lace their fingers together. It’s a lifeline, a rope that keeps Tayce steady despite the way her mind is spinning with what ifs and consequences for what they’ve gotten themselves into.

“We’ll just take it one day at a time, that’s what,” Aurora whispers, pulling Tayce in closer for a kiss, and Tayce can feel the armour that she keeps around herself begin to develop some hairline cracks along the metal.

Maybe it’ll be worth it, if it means she’ll get time with Aurora before inevitably losing her and having to pick up the pieces. Tayce never really has made the best decisions to protect her own heart in the long run.

But at least she’ll make sure that she’s protecting Aurora’s in the process.

The house is quiet when Tayce unlocks the door. It’s only about 6 in the morning, but time doesn’t matter much when sleep is for fun rather than a necessity. Still, the lack of commotion is a bit surprising as Tayce kicks off her boots and walks further inside.

Tayce’s heart feels a little bit lighter as she looks at herself in the bathroom mirror. She’s never going to have lines along her forehead or sprout any grey hairs, but the conversation with Aurora feels like it’s taken years off of her system, resolving the tension that had begun to build along her spine.

Because she’s accepting the fact that she’ll have to lose Aurora eventually. It’s inevitable with the fundamental differences between them, the fact that Aurora has a clock that’s ticking while Tayce doesn’t. And maybe, just maybe, that’s fine, because Tayce doesn’t have to deal with it now.

It’s a problem for future Tayce, who is no doubt going to tell her off for already being so attached to a human once she has to let go of her.

Tayce is going to take it one day at a time, like Aurora said. Relish in the time that they do have, take solace in the fact that Aurora’s still living and breathing with her heart still beating for now. The reminder of Aurora’s mortality doesn’t have to affect her until it becomes something that neither of them can ignore.

But until then? Tayce is going to enjoy time with her girlfriend.

Girlfriend. A word that Aurora had squealed at when Tayce had properly asked her, feeling a bit silly herself because in her hundreds of years, she’s never had to use it before. Tayce had been through courtships and some short lived marriages back in the day, but this is new, uncharted territory, even for her, and she feels like a teenager again with the butterflies that sit in her stomach.

Tayce heads towards the kitchen, her mind on Aurora as she goes to grab a blood bag from the fridge. The straw that she shoves through the plastic before taking a sip reminds her of the Capri Suns that Aurora likes so much.

“ Psst. ”

“Ah!” Tayce jumps at the sound and can feel her cheeks burn at the cackle as she turns around to see Ellie at the kitchen table, looking positively delighted.

“Perception abilities gone to shit, have they?”

“What’re you doing here?” Tayce grins, heading around the side of the counter to hug her friend. “Lawrence finally got up off her arse and called you, then?”

“I can hear your foghorn voices!” Lawrence bellows as she shuffles into the kitchen, a sheepish look on her face as she makes eye contact with Tayce. “You. Don’t you dare gloat.”

“No gloating here,” Tayce holds her hands up, but nonetheless shoots a wink at Lawrence. “Just a light I told you so .”

Lawrence doesn’t seem to mind, though, as she goes to stand beside Ellie, nearly at her height while Ellie’s sitting down. “We may have talked things through. A little bit.”

“About how Lawrence was a bit of a stubborn cow - hey , ouch - okay, about both of us were stubborn cows,” Ellie shrugs, rubbing her side where Lawrence had elbowed her only moments earlier.

“Well, look at that. A nice little fairytale ending for the two of you. I feel a bit like a proud mum, if I’m honest with myself,” Tayce grins, but Lawrence is quick to shoot her a look.

“And you? Have you stopped pouting and sorted things with your woman?”

“For now.” Tayce shrugs, and doesn’t add more, because it’s true.

For now. They’re fine, Aurora’s fine and alive, and the two of them have this for now, even if they may not later. And maybe, that’s what remains the most important thing.

They’re fine and ready to thrive for now.

#rpdr fanfiction #rpdr uk #uk2 #a'whora #tayce #taywhora #lesbian au #vampire au #taste your beating heart #holtzmanns

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malecsecretsanta · 4 years ago

Text

Merry Christmas, notquiteascrazy!

For @notquiteascrazy. I hope you'll enjoy it Lex, I tried to stick to your likes as much as I could!!! Merry Xmas, darling!

Read On AO3

*****

The air was thick with snow and the smell of roasted chestnuts and marshmallows, and Alec was staring out from the window of the subway that was taking him home.

He sighed in relief thinking about the fact that at least for the Christmas week, he had a job. At least he wouldn't be forced to stay home alone, drinking a beer and eating a microwave heated pizza, and thinking.

He couldn't go home, not this festivities, not after having left his family business shoving his car and house keys on his father’s desk, shouting that the price was too high for his mental health, seeing all his family's eyes widen in disbelief, because Alec had never said no to anything. Never a quarrel, never an argument, never a sign of disappointment. Anything.

He had endured through high school and university, studying something that made his stomach twitch in disgust still he brought home the best grades, the best results, the best graduation a parent could have ever asked for.

But working more than twelve hours per day for it? It soon became too much to bear.

After two years of sleepless nights, pills, too much coffee, and the beginning of panic attacks, he'd decided to quit and leave that horrible life he crazily had thought he could force himself into.

Sometimes he would say to himself that maybe he hadn't tried hard enough, that maybe if he'd resisted a couple of months more, it would have become a routine, but he was aware that that could have never happened.

Alec hated numbers with all his heart, since he was a kid and that really wouldn't do in his family. For centuries, the Lightwoods held a huge business accountant studio that worked with the most outstanding industries, firms of the country, and even some others abroad. He was the eldest, he was supposed to be the heir. But he wasn't. He'd never been, and he never would be.

Izzy, she was the right one. Strong, sharp, determined, assertive and good enough to bring the best out for the family business. She was, and Alec loved her so much. He loved her fierce steps along the corridor when she was angry at someone, the way her voice turned sharp and hard on the phone when she discovered something she didn't like, the way her decisions were quick and always right.

He, instead, had always loved crayons and pencils. He loved the feeling of wood between his fingers, the smell of paper whenever he bought a new sketchbook, the rustling sound of his sleeve or his arm when it slid on the paper, and the brush of the pencil lead as it traced lines that gave life to the images that filled his head.

He wanted to become an artist, to go to an art school and then to an academy of arts, but he never had the courage to ask, never dared to hope, Alec ended up letting the days flow by until it was too late.

So there he was now, living alone in a one-room apartment in the outskirts, shifting from one temporary job to another. Apparently, he was "too much" for every position he applied for.

Too qualified, too experienced, too well paid, too grown up, too tall, too clumsy, too smart, too handsome, too… everything.

Izzy and Jace promised him they would come to visit during the holidays, but Alec knew that his family’s Christmas celebrations were something that they couldn't escape from that easily, with relatives, colleagues and business partners coming from all over the place and staying there until the late hours.

He dropped off the subway and walked home, grabbing a kebab along the way.

He switched on the kettle and slumped on the small couch he opened to sleep in at night, covering his legs with a blanket, patiently waiting for the little electric stove to heat the small room, picking up his phone and texting his siblings he had found a job for the Christmas’ month.

He stood and grabbed the kettle, pouring the boiling water into a mug filled with tea leaves, letting the steam soothe his icy red nose and warm him up. He looked outside the small window at the snow silently falling on the buildings.

He opened the bed and threw himself on it, still clothed. He took his sketchbook and started drawing, staring at his hand gently swaying on it, until he fell asleep, his head dropped on one side of the pillow, his hand clutching the pencil, as the Christmas lights and decorations glimmered on his black locks.

Magnus strolled into his office, his eyes shadowed, his beard a little longer than usual, his tie hanging loose around his neck, as if he hadn't the time to fix it properly.

"Are you ok?" Raphael asked him, a worried look on his face.

"Yes. No. I'm definitely not. It's been the worst night I had in years. Max has thrown up six times to the point his face turned green and I spent the night on the phone with Cat trying to figure out how to stop it and making him drink small sips of water, so he wouldn’t be dehydrated. I'm... fuck , I need another coffee, Raphael," he stopped and crashed on the huge armchair behind his long desk.

Raphael went to the coffee pot and filled a cup, putting some cream in it.

"You could have taken the day off you know? You're the boss here. No one is checking if you come to work or not."

"Are you insane?" Magnus glared at him as he sipped his coffee, it's December, the mall is going to be full and I have to check everything and I … I…"

"You don't want to be alone, I know."

Magnus' expression turned sad and distant. He sighed deeply, staring into the void.

"Probably not," he added, "Anyway, let's get back to work, is everything fixed? The extra decorations, the elves, the little presents for the kids coming and...oh my god, Santa? Have you found him?"

Raphael nodded smiling.

"Your kind of guy to be honest, dark, tall and handsome."

"Ah, stop this Raphael. He's gonna be dressed in a Santa costume, a huge pillow on his belly and a white long beard. Also…you should know that Mr. no one has become my favourite kind of guy."

"If you say so," he smirked.

Magnus stood up and left the cup on his desk, waving his hands in the air, dismissing whatever Raphael wanted to argue back.

"Anyway, let's go and see the elves, I'm curious," and he opened the door, gesturing to Raphael to follow him.

Alec woke up earlier than usual, waiting like twenty minutes for the water to warm and finally shower.

He knotted the towel low on his waist, cursing the cold wind that crawled from underneath the gaps in the window’s frames and went to the sink, grabbing his razor to shave. He stared at his image in the mirror. Why was he even shaving? He was about to wear a long white beard for a week. He brushed his knuckles on his stubble and smiled. It looked good on him. His father never wanted him to grow a beard. He used to say it made him look scruffy and that wouldn't go over well with their clients and partners. But now, who cared anymore? He put the razor back in the drawer and went to the stove to make some coffee. He dressed up slowly, and ate some toast, while chatting with Jace.

The subway was full of people going to work, some of them dressed in their grey and black suits and he felt relieved; he didn't miss that life at all. He took his sketchbook from his backpack and started portraying their faces, the worried and the sad ones, the abandoned lover and the happy newly wedded one. All of them in their morning run to face the day.

The receptionist stopped him as soon as he entered.

"I'm Alec Lightwood, ehm, Santa Claus…"

"Oh, yes Mr. Lightwood, you're a little early, but since you are already here you can go to the locker room and change. Here's your costume."

She was staring at him, a goofy smile on her face. As he walked away he heard her murmur to the other lady next to her that it was a pity to cover all that glory with a Santa's costume.

He chuckled and took the elevator.

The pillow on his belly was soft but huge and it made him uncomfortably hot, and the faint beard itched a bit on his neck. He wore the heavy boots and realized he was already covered in sweat. It was going to be a very long month.

He entered the Children's Land and spotted the man who interviewed him last week. He was standing next to the most enchanting creature Alec had ever laid his eyes on. He stood frozen in the middle of the large hall of the toy shop, just staring, until Raphael noticed him.

"Oh, there you are! Magnus, he's our Santa Claus," he said and pulled Magnus from his wrist toward the tall red and white figure.

"Alec? Oh, can I call you Alec, right? This is Magnus, the real boss here."

Alec was glad to be disguised when Magnus fully turned to look at him. The man was strikingly beautiful, probably just a little older than he was.

He extended his hand and Magnus mirrored him, shaking it for a split second that to Alec seemed like an eternity.

"Strong grip," Magnus said smiling, "perfect for Santa. Also, your height is just perfect. Let me hear your voice, have you practiced lowering it a bit?"

Alec nodded and was about to let him hear his best Ho Ho Ho , when Magnus' phone rang.

"Cat? How is Max feeling? Better? Oh, thank god, he needed some good sleep. Any fever? No? That's good."

Alec knew he shouldn't have been listening, but he just couldn't help it.

Of course he was married. Of course he had a kid and a beautiful wife waiting for him at home.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when Raphael suddenly asked him to follow him toward the big wooden sleigh they had put on the right end corner of the shop.

"This will be your place. You will have a big jute sack behind where you’ll put the letters and a basket full of candies and lollipops for the kids after they have told you their wishes."

Alec listened and nodded.

"Can I make a little drawing for them? Just a sketch of their name or favourite hero?" he asked.

Raphael looked at him amused.

"You can draw?"

"Yes, I'll be quick, I promise."

"Of course you can Alec. It will be an amazing surprise for all of them."

Alec turned and saw Magnus talking to his kid on the phone. His face was soft and he was smiling as if the child could see him. His mind went back to an image of a younger Robert smiling at him. He felt a rush of longing for those days when he was exactly the son their parents had dreamed of. Responsible, always on track, confident, always in the right place at the right moment.

While they were happy, he was overwhelmed. The more they grew proud, the more he was ashamed of himself. The longer they seemed sure of who he was, the further he didn't even know where to begin.

He spun and found Raphael looking at him, brows up to his forehead.

Fuck! He realized he had been staring at what was technically his boss.

He scratched his fingers on the back of his neck trying to think about something good to say and justify his weird behaviour.

"Ahm… he's good with children...not many men are … ehm… it's kinda rare I mean…"

Raphael delighted in the embarrassment he glimpsed in the young man in front of him, and waited amused until Alec fell silent with a frustrated grunt.

Raphael took pity on him and finally laughed, wholeheartedly.

"Yeah, he is. They love him before he even starts to speak and he can convince them to do whatever he asks. They're kinda spellbound ."

"Yeah I know the feeling."

Alec’s cheeks reddened a bit and he closed his eyes cursing himself for talking without filters, realizing what comment had just left his mouth.

"I mean," he tried, "I know the feeling of being spellbound."

Raphael turned around a little smirking, “Yeah, he has this effect on everyone he meets."

Alec walked toward the sleigh, checked the basket filled with sweets and sat down, adjusting the pillow on his belly and stretching his legs. He knew they would be bent until late that afternoon. He was glad he hadn’t shaved that morning, otherwise, his pale and delicate skin would have been scratchy in the evening.

He took his sketchbook from his backpack and the crayons, the beautiful watercolour ones that he received on his last birthday from Izzy and Jace, and set them on his left side.

Raphael instructed a couple of photographers where to position the cameras and searched for Magnus again, leaving the last decision up to him. He was the best organizer but he really lacked any sense of aesthetics, which, instead, Magnus was overflowing with. The man was fixing the red berry and frosted pine cone garland on the railing of the stairs, fully concentrated on the task.

"Magnus? Have a look here," he said, "our Santa's sleigh is ready. Just waiting for your last touch.”

Magnus revolved toward the voice and stared for a moment at Alec and the setting, his gaze so intense that Alec felt the urge to divert his eyes. Magnus moved slowly toward the sleigh, bending near the footboards to fix the fake snowflakes and the pine branches.

His movements were slow and graceful, the back of his neck was flexing sinuously following the motion of his hands and fingers, and Alec couldn't keep from staring. His nails were painted in a dark green polish, matching the colour of the spikes in his faux hawk. He was elegant and extremely professional, but there was something sensual too in his overall outfit.

His eyes were stuck to Magnus' fingers that were now fixing the red velvet cloth and cushions on the sled.

"You like the color of the polish or my rings?" Magnus asked abruptly without turning his head and Alec rolled his eyes, because of course he wasn’t able to do anything without being noticed.

He didn't know what to say because, honestly, he liked them both, a lot.

Magnus must have realized his embarrassment because he resumed his talk without even looking at him.

"I picked the dark green this morning because it matches the beautiful colour of the pine needles and also because it matches perfectly with the burgundy red suit I am wearing. The rings...well, they are just a sort of second skin, I never remove them, not even when I sleep or shower."

Alec remained still and silent, lost in Magnus' voice.

"I don't bite, you know. You're allowed to answer or say something," Magnus added seriously, just before bursting into the softest laughter Alec had ever heard, "I'm just teasing you, I was joking."

Alec smiled behind the white soft beard, "Both, I like them both," he whispered.

Magnus stopped his movements and finally raised his head to look at him. He was kneeled on one leg, looking at those hazel big eyes standing out from the furry grey brows. They shined like two emerald gems.

Magnus then stood up and leaned toward Alec, grabbing his white fluffy collar and adjusting it around his neck, next his palms swept over his shoulders and tugged at the fabric a little, to make it adhere to Alec's shoulders. They were broad and straight. The last touch was reserved for his hat. He fixed the pom-pom and then his fingers curled up the mustaches above Alec's lips.

He cocked his head and took a moment to check what he had just done, "Now you're perfect, the perfect Santa. Raphael is the best at making real what I have in mind."

"Raphael knows so well what the boss likes," a voice replied.

"He's right," Magnus said to Alec smirking, "he knows me so well. Ok now. I know he already told you what this whole Santa's thing is about, but I will remind you anyway. Kids will queue here, you will take them on your lap and have a little chat, then ask them for a wish, pick up a candy, and offer them to take a picture with you. Remember the pictures are for free, it's just for the joy of the kids, and…"

"And while they are waiting for the print I will make them a little sketch."

Magnus frowned.

"Raphael told me I could. I'll be quick, I promise."

"You draw?" Magnus asked.

"Yes."

"As long as you don't make the people wait too long, I think it's a wonderful idea. Keep the last one for me, ok?"

Magnus turned to Raphael.

"Let the kids come. We're ready for the magic to happen."

Alec's first week flew by quicker than he had imagined. He enjoyed talking to the kids and smiled at the incredible, sweet, improbable desires they shared with him. He gave them the sweets and a quick sketch; an animal, a toy, a star, a word, something he made just for them.

Raphael was amazed by how quickly Alec actually sketched. The queue was flowing regularly and no clients complained about waiting too long. Their Santa smiled and laughed with the kids and he didn't seem to become annoyed or bored.

Alec always listened with the same attention, always gave the children space and time to talk, enjoyed their sense of wonder, comforted the sad ones, knew how to deal with tantrums and tears, and never missed to give an encouraging smile to the parents waiting.

In that week, he fell asleep happily after such a long time.

Working at the mall turned out to be very exciting and interesting. Alec had always been fond of people, even if he wasn't very talkative and extroverted. He mostly loved to observe them, the quick glances between the ones in love, the farewell and welcome embraces, the arguments and the tears, the gazes lost in nowhere, the grandparents holding the hands of the kids, and of course, the kisses.

In the days he spent there, especially at the times his shift started and finished, when the mall was emptying, he loved watching Magnus interact with his employees. He was struck by how different Magnus was from his father.

Magnus was always the first to arrive and the last one to leave, he always had a smile for everyone, he paid attention to all their needs, and always found the right words to say, supportive, encouraging, and caring. He brought coffee and sweets, he offered them lunch and then sat eating with them, laughing and having fun, and whenever he could, he would help them.

There was something in that man that had Alec yearning for his presence whenever he wasn’t around, that had him staring at him when Magnus wasn’t noticing, admiring him. He was beautiful inside and out.

"His wife must be so happy," he absentmindedly said to a cleaner one night as he was helping him pull up all the trash bags. Wei was the oldest one at the mall, and Alec had become his friend. He loved to listen to his stories and his memories, and got his fill of wisdom every day. Alec opened up to him like a father, sharing his personal life, his dreams and his sorrows. He remained with him long after his Santa’s duty was over, listened and helped along the way.

"Who?" said the man.

"Mr. Bane."

Wei stopped moving and cleaning, putting his mop on the floor, smiling at Alec.

"Magnus?"

Alec looked at the old man and smiled, hoisting up two other bags.

"Yes, Magnus."

The man looked back at him, pensively, and then talked.

"Magnus isn't married, and never has been. If you are referring to the fact that he has a child, I will tell you a story worthy of this time of the year. Tea first," and he went to the counter of the locker room and poured some in two cups, handing one to Alec.

"Three years ago, Anne, a young girl that worked at the bookstore, died unexpectedly in a car accident. She was the mother of a two-year-old boy, named Max. When Magnus heard that the social services were searching for a place for Max to stay for the night, he offered to take him home with him, and never left him since then. He applied for adoption, since he was the closest thing to family for that girl and her boy and since he was raised in foster care…"

The man looked at Alec, an unreadable expression on his face, something between awe and seriousness.

"I hope you'll have the chance to know him better, Alec. Magnus is one of the kindest souls that tread on this earth. He's caring, gentle, soft, selfless, he holds a special place in his heart for each of us. He knows all our histories, he never misses a birthday or an anniversary, he covers our shifts when we need a day off and no one can replace us. He's so incredible, that he's almost unreal."

He stood up and took the mop again, "I have noticed the way you look at him."

Alec swallowed, his cheeks getting crimson, "I… I don't…"

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, he doesn't deserve to be alone," and he bent to grab some empty bottles.

"Leave that to me," Alec said and was quickly on his knees to collect them.

"You're just as kind as he is," Wei said and threw some paper cups in the bin.

Alec remained with him, and they talked until Wei had finished cleaning.

"Your dad will understand sooner or later," he said putting his coat and scarf on.

"He might, but he'll never forgive me," Alec sighed.

"He will understand one day that there's nothing to forgive Alec, you don't have to apologize to anyone for giving voice to your true self, he will understand, believe me. Just give him time."

Alec nodded as they went outside and decided to take a walk. He looked up at the grey thick sky, thinking about Magnus.

He opened his drawing book and checked all the sketches and portraits he'd made of Magnus while he wasn't watching. It would have been really nice to know him better, but December was almost over and he did not even have the chance to present himself.

He exhaled. In another life, maybe.

On his part, Magnus realized he was always finding an excuse to go to the children's store. There was something in that Santa that drew him closer, even if he had never seen his face. The way he moved, his soft, tender voice, the way he got lost in his drawing, and the way he answered the kids. Raphael always made jokes about the fact that he should go to the locker room and have a closer look at the man, but Magnus always dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

As Christmas approached, Alec noticed that Magnus was often around and he never missed the chance to draw him on many different occasions.

“You should show him," he heard Raphael say behind his back as he peeked at the sketch Alec had just made of Magnus standing beside one of the Xmas trees of the mall, sipping from a coffee cup, absorbed in reading, his brows furrowed, his lips curled in concentration.

Alec suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him.

"Magnus loves beautiful things, and your portrait is amazing, you really should," Raphael stated as he walked away.

Alec closed his sketchbook when a loud thud tore him out of his thoughts. He rushed and found a crying kid on the floor, his knees up to his chin, a thin rivulet of blood on his wrist.

Alec knelt beside him, his voice soft and tender, "Hey, it's all right, I'm here. Can I have a look at your wrist?"

The boy raised his head and found Santa Claus kneeling beside him, asking him to have a look at his injury. He looked around confused, not really knowing what to do, until his eyes rested on another man standing behind his back.

"I'd let him if I were you, his touch might be magical."

Alec looked up and saw Magnus looking at him, gently nodding, encouraging him to go on. So he took the boy's hand and lifted his wrist to have a look at it; then he took out two small packages from his right pocket. He showed them to the kid.

"What's your name?" he asked softly.

"Tom," the boy whispered.

"Okay, Tom. Now I will wipe your wound and disinfect it, it won't burn or hurt, I promise. Then I am going to put a magical Santa patch on it, how does this sound? Will you pick up the drawing while I clean it?"

"Mr. Bane…" Alec started only to stop when Magnus stepped in.

"Magnus." Magnus corrected.

"Magnus can help you pick one, if that's all right?"

The boy smiled and nodded.

Alec passed the small box to Magnus and for a moment their eyes locked. Magnus smiled at him, wide and open, and his gaze softened as their fingers softly brushed, and Alec felt something cracking inside of him, like an egg breaking to let a new life peek through.

He made quick work of the little wound, covering it with a candy cane-shaped patch.

"Now,” he added, “since you have been really brave, why don’t you follow me to pick some candies out from my basket near the sleigh?"

"And I will go and search for your parents," Magnus added, "remain here with Santa."

Later that evening, he was putting his black coat on ready to go home when he heard someone coming.

"Who are you?" Magnus asked, looking surprised at the handsome man standing outside the locker room.

Alec turned and saw him, he seemed almost in a rush. He was about to answer, but he realized he couldn't breathe.

“You don’t look like a thief, so, care to tell me who you are?”

"I’m Santa. I mean, the guy dressed as Santa. My name is Alec," his voice came out barely a whisper.

"Pardon?" Magnus asked him, almost not believing he had heard well.

Alec swallowed as he felt those chocolate eyes scanning him from his feet to the last of his black locks.

Magnus blinked as his heart skipped a beat. Damn Raphael, he was right.

They both remained silent as the veil was raised, staring at each other as their hearts were fluttering.

Finally, Magnus extended his hand to him, "Actually I was searching just for you."

Alec grabbed his hand and squeezed it, his grip strong and certain, "Why?"

"I wanted to thank you for today. The way you acted with that boy…,"

"It was nothing...”

"You turned a bad event into an amazing one, one he will remember for all his life. Plus, you didn't have to, and you did anyway. This says a lot about the kind of person you are, and I never take such things for granted."

Alec was still holding his hand, stuck in a sort of trance. When he realized that, he retracted his palm, "I'm sorry, I need to go…, my sister is waiting for me outside…,"

Magnus nodded.

Alec adjusted the scarf around his neck and moved toward the exit.

"Ah, Alec? We are having a small Christmas party on the 24th, after the mall closes for the clients, why don't you come? It's an open party, we all bring families or partners…," he stopped, waiting for Alec to say something.

"I'd love to, yes, thank you. See you tomorrow," he left and headed to Izzy's car, his heart racing, his head a bit spinning.

Izzy needed just a glance to understand, "Are you ok?"

Alec looked at her and licked his lips, twice, "I don't really think so."

"What's wrong?"

He pressed his fingers at the corner of his eyes, exhaling, "Fuck, Izzy, I think I've fallen in love."

"And what's so terrible about it?"

Alec looked back at her, almost desperate, "He's the owner of the mall, beautiful and sexy as fuck, smart, and kind, and...what do I have to offer him?"

"Yourself, Alec. And believe me, it's not something you easily find around nowadays." She turned the engine on and drove him away.

After the last bowl of popcorn was over, Max was almost asleep against Magnus' chest.

"Dad?"

"Mm?"

"You were happy tonight when you came back from work, did something happen?"

Magnus kissed him on his head, gently, "Maybe, yes. I was thinking...We have a special Santa this year, do you want to come and make your wish?"

"You'd let me again?”

Magnus nodded and heard Max hum happily.

In that last week, Magnus found every excuse to be around Alec, and Alec always welcomed him with his bright eyes and his soft smile. The more Magnus stayed with him, the more he felt the desire to know him better. Magnus found himself thinking about which books Alec liked reading, what kind of movies did he watch, or what was the food he wanted to eat on a snowy night.

Magnus really wanted to invite him for a drink, but it was Christmas week and Max was at home with Cat the whole day, waiting for him to come home. That was what being a father was about. Putting Max first, every time, and Magnus knew not many would want a committed relationship with a lone parent.

Christmas Eve was really busy. Alec was searching for Magnus, but he never showed up. He wanted to see him one last time, since he’d decided not to show up to the party. He wanted to thank him for having made this month the best he had in years. All the customers had almost left when he spotted him at the end of the queue, holding a little boy in his arms, and chatting with him.

Max was the last kid of the day. Magnus knelt, putting him down and letting him walk toward Alec, to make his wish for this Christmas.

He knew that Max always asked for one thing, no matter if it was Christmas or if he was blowing his birthday candle, or watching a shooting star. All the others Santa had always given him silly answers, -- this is not a thing you can ask Santa, or this is a thing you should ask in your bedtime prayers, or Santa brings only toys-- , leaving Max always sad and deluded.

Why was he expecting Alec to give a different answer, he didn’t know.

As Max came closer, Alec opened his arms and pulled him up on his thighs, looking at him.

“And you are?”

“Max. Dad said you are a special Santa, so maybe you are the one who can finally help me with my wish?”

“I’ll do my best. What is it?”

"Can you bring my mum back?"

Alec felt like he had been slapped by a cold hand right on his face, as his eyes filled with tears.

He raised a hand and caressed Max’s cheek, staying silent as some seconds passed by, conscious of the other pair of eyes that were staring at him, aside from Max’s.

Alec thought carefully about the answer and then he started talking, “I wish I could, Max, but I can't. There are many things that happen in life that we can’t turn back or change, no matter how much we’d want or try to. Your mum has passed now and this means she can't come back, but there is something you can do about this. You can find her in the small things of your life, in the scents that remind you of her, in the melody she used to sing when she lulled you to sleep, in the words of a story she used to tell you at bedtime, in the way your smile probably looks like hers, and…,” he raised his gaze to look at Magnus who seemed visibly touched by his words, "... in the love your dad is giving you. In this way, it will be as if she never really left you. I know you miss her presence, her touch, and her voice, but if you close your eyes and search into your heart, you will find her there.”

Max looked intensely at the man in front of him, processing the words, serious and concentrated, then his face brightened in a sunny smile.

“Dad was right, you’re the best Santa I have ever met.” Max replied as he looked between his dad and Santa. He may not have his mom’s warm hugs anymore but Max did have his Dad’s embrace and bedtime stories. “Thank you Santa. I think you’re right.”

Alec let out a startled laugh as he held the candy basket out for Max, “Now, any other wish I can help you with?”

“Is there something you wish to have back and can’t, just like me?” Max finally asked, picking up a candy cane.

Alec inhaled a sharp breath, “Of course there is.”

Max smiled and looked up at Alec, “Then come and spend Christmas with us, so you can tell me.”

Alec cleared his throat, “Leave a plate with cookies and a mug of hot chocolate, and I’ll see what I can do, ok?”

Then he kissed Max on his head, picked his sketchbook and drew a big comet on it. Giving it to the kid he told him, “Never stop believing Max, the best things come to us when we less expect them. Merry Christmas.”

He stood up, tearing another sheet from it, walked toward Magnus who was still kneeling and staring at him, handing him the drawing, “This is for you.”

Magnus looked at his portrait on the paper. He wanted to say something, but voices and laughters were coming from the hall of the mall, signalling that the Christmas party was about to begin.

“Magnus, Max?” they heard Raphael call.

Alec stepped back, grabbed his pencils and went to change his clothes, leaving Magnus and Max there.

He felt his heart aching at the idea of leaving without a word, but he knew that going to the party would have only meant to feel even worse when he had to say goodbye. He dressed up and before leaving he put a drawing next to the locker of each of the persons he had met and worked with, in those days.

“So you’re not coming,” he heard Wei say.

He turned, his eyes were red with unshed tears, that he wasn’t ashamed to show. “It would only be worse later. I’m already lost. I don’t want this to be out in the open, and if I ever get in there, with him, with them, I won’t be able to disguise it. Thank you for being my friend and confidant while I was here,” he told Wei as he hugged him, “Watch over him and make sure he’ll give his heart to someone worthy. Say goodbye to everyone, it’s been an honour working here.”

He patted the man on his back one more time, and then made his way out, deciding to walk home and let the snowflakes wash away the tears that were streaming down his face.

At the party, Magnus was trying to get distracted, but his mind was fixed on Alec, on the way he answered Max, and on the way the boy had seemed to want Alec in their lives.

Maybe he was the right one.

He would have asked him out, if only the man would show up, but he didn't, and Magnus had lost his hopes.

He was standing next to the bar, drinking and staring into the void.

"Drinking to celebrate or to forget?" Wei asked him.

"Neither of these, just drinking and enjoying the two days of rest we have ahead of us."

The old man hummed and took a glass himself.

"It seemed you were searching and waiting for someone who didn't come," he said, “Alec went away."

Magnus frowned and then exhaled, his voice turning sharp and bitter, "Ah yes, I call it the lone parent effect. It never fails to strike."

Wei looked at him, savouring his cocktail. The man looked to be weighing something in his mind before he spoke.

"He went away because he has feelings, and feared that these weren't reciprocated."

Magnus put down his glass on the counter.

"Who told you?"

"He did, just before leaving. And that's not the only thing I know about him."

Magnus shook his head, smiling, feeling his heart expand.

"Sit here with me and let's have a talk, Magnus."

The morning sun hit Alec right in the eyes and he cursed himself for not closing the curtains enough last night when he’d come home. He remembered feeling sad and being a bit tipsy, after stopping along the way to have a couple of beers.

He wasn't really used to drinking, so he always ended up confused and hobbling, until there was a couch or a bed to fall into.

Alec got up and stretched his arms and legs, staring at the thick snow already covering the roofs, and still falling from the pearly grey sky.

Jace and Izzy were out of reach for a couple of days, trapped in all those pompous meetings his parents always held at their place.

He put the coffee pot on the stove and took a pan, opened the fridge and looked at the watch. Nine o'clock. It was going to be a very long day.

He toasted some bread and cooked two sunny side up eggs, and put the plate on the table. He was scrolling his phone while eating, chuckling at the secret pics his siblings were sending him, before taking the still fuming cup of coffee, and going back to the couch, opening a book.

After a while he went to take a shower and then warmed some other coffee before getting dressed.

That's when he heard the doorbell ring.

He quickly put on a thorn old sweater he used at home and a pair of loose sweatpants. It must have been the old lady on the first floor, she knew he was alone.

He opened the door, threading his hand through his already ruffled hair and lost all his capacity to think and speak when he saw Magnus and Max, hand in hand, standing on the threshold of his small apartment, on that Christmas morning.

He wanted to say something, but didn't know where to start from. Magnus was looking at him, a shy smile on his face, a doubtful look in his eyes, as if he was sorry for showing up without calling him first.

Luckily Max was there too.

"So your real name is Alec?" the boy asked him.

Alec looked at Magnus, asking for silent permission, before nodding back.

"Me and dad had a talk about Santa," Max giggled, "he says that mall Santas are only interns right now. Like high ranking elves! Now I know why no one could help me, but at least, your words were honest, and we are here for a reason," and he elbowed his father on his leg.

Magnus seemed lost for a moment, trying to find the right words, then looked at Alec and said, "We were wondering if you would come and spend these two Holiday days with us. Our home is big enough and we have a spare room."

Alec looked at him and shrugged, incredulous.

"I want you to come, Santa Alec, please."

"And you?" Alec asked Magnus.

"I would love to. I would love to know you better, if you'd let me."

Alec smiled and it felt as if the sun had ripped through the clouds, even if it was still snowing, "I would love that too."

Magnus winked at him, "So that's settled. We will wait for you in the car while…"

Alec grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside.

"I'm sorry I didn't invite you in, I was… distracted. If you both don't mind the small place, I have some warm coffee and I can make you a hot chocolate Max."

As they sat on the couch, Alec warmed the coffee and prepared the chocolate.

The radio was playing in the background -- It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas --, Alec looked at Magnus intensely as he handed him the cup, and maybe, from now on, life was really beginning to look a lot like something they had been waiting for, for a long time.

#notquiteascrazy #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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loudsuitlover · 5 years ago

Text

Love is not knowing

Part 1 Love is a lot of doubts

Part 2 Love is a lot of texts

A/N: Warning of part 3; smut

Preview

I leaned back and got comfortable and still we were not touching one another. We were closer than we have been before- there was no armrest between us anymore- but I didn’t want to be cliché and cover my eyes against his arm when a scary scene was coming so I just sat there and tried to be as less cliché as possible. He kept fidgeting so I looked up at him from my position on the couch.

“Are you comfortable? Do you want me to make some more room? Move to the side?”

“I was just trying to snuggle you but...” He raised his eyebrows and I grinned like an idiot.

I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder and with the movement the button of my skirt popped. The other side of the skirt was the one that was tied up on my hip so it still covered me but the other side was free as a bird.

“Oh shit” I whispered “my skirt just broke.”

“What do you mean it broke?”

“The button just popped.”

Without thinking I grabbed the fabric and get it out to show him but the other part, the one that was tied up on my hip, wasn’t big enough at all to cover my thighs so he ended up getting a good glimpse of my black lace underwear. I laughed because I had genuinely done that by accident and I was tipsy and it seemed funny to me and he chuckled too.

“Oops, I didn’t mean to show you my underwear.”

He chuckled.

“You’re just teasing me.” He said.

“Thank God we’re just friends.” I grinned at him.

I remember it took me no time to get ready, for I had known what I was going to wear for a week. I had wanted to get myself one of those skirts forever, the ones who are tied with a little bow on one of the hips making it look like a pareo; and when I saw it shopping with my mum I bought it without even trying it on.

I had been waiting for him for fifteen minutes when he finally arrived and he looked up at me from the beginning of the stairs and smiled and I remember how relief I was- because he had arrived just on time and that meant we wouldn’t have to go inside the movie theatre late which had always been so embarrassing for me- and how nervous I started feeling as well. It was the first time in my life I went to a date without making it explicit that it was before it happened. We never really talked about what it was but then again the fact that we were meeting alone with no other friends whatsoever to go to the movies kind of made it a date.

I remember Amy texting me right before he arrived “good luck babe” and “of course it is a date what else could it be?” and I remember I had smiled like an idiot to those texts. The thought of Harry didn’t even cross my mind once.

He made it up the stairs and I could tell he didn’t even know how to greet me so I just gave him a smile and started walking ahead.

“You almost didn’t make it.”

“There’s a building site on the road so there’s no access to the mall.” He explained. “I parked the car so far away you’re gonna laugh at me.”

I chuckled.

“I’m sorry. I always walk here so I didn’t the road was closed.”

He just nodded with a smile and followed me suit. It was weird, to have someone from the city center in my suburb, but it was also nice and I remember in that moment I kind of could see myself hanging out with him in my neighbourhood every once in a while. It was stupid really because I was going to Italy in a month so there was clearly not going to be a future between us but somehow in that moment I didn’t see that.

“You already got the tickets?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Otherwise we would have been late.”

“Oh, well, you let me know how much was it.”

I smiled at him and he started laughing.

“I owe you a lot of money.”

And with that we just make our way inside the movie theatre. I remember I liked the feeling I got when I gave the tickets to the cinema guy because it felt as if that guy would think we were a couple, because this was pretty much a date and we were laughing and blushing and staring at our feet, and I just loved that. I had never felt that before for I always went out with Cody and no offense but it didn’t get me excited that people would think we were together. I didn’t mind when they did but it just wasn’t something I would want anyway; yet with Luke it felt good because for as long as I had known him I always thought I wasn’t his type so the thought that someone else would think I was felt nice.

I guess that was the thing about me. Before Luke- even though now I can’t help but think it wasn’t actually Luke but Harry who had given me that boost of confidence- I had always attracted older guys’ attention but never really guys my age. I had had a woman’s body- not a girl’s but a woman’s- since I was about thirteen years old, so guys my age didn’t really even consider me as an option to date or whatever it is that teenagers do; so I had never had a high school romance or a teenage relationship and one part of me had always longed for that. Then with time I realized staying single all through high school and even after that through my first years of uni hadn’t been that bad at all. In fact, I felt like I knew myself better than most people did and, even if it’s bad of me to say it, I reckon I had reached that by asking myself so many times what was it that was so wrong about me not to attract guys’ attention. And then I realized there wasn’t anything wrong about me. It was just a general lack of confidence, of self-love even. It’s hard to be liked by others when you don’t even like yourself. And then I thought about it like this- this whole thing it’s just like an add: flirting, attracting people’s attention, being charismatic... It’s all about selling a product really. Nobody would sell a car without showing it, nobody who’s asshamed of their work would sell a painting and no one who’s not happy with one-self is going to make another person want them. But then the moment you do, the moment you look at yourself in the mirror and just go “well I don’t know what’s going on with that guy who isn’t paying attention to me because I’m rocking this, I’m hot as hell”; it’s just like everybody else starts thinking the same thing. It’s so strange and it doesn’t make much sense but really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and sometimes in the words who’s speaking. I wish every girl in the planet would feel this way.

All throughout the movie we sat side by side, not touching each other at all, and I felt like it was inappropriate to lean my head on his shoulder or to reach out to him but he leaned in to whisper funny comments on my ear every once in a while. I enjoyed it; the whole thing, the movie, the cinema, his company; and then when it was time to go out, I was afraid our night was going to end.

We excitedly chatted all the way outside the movie theatre and I kept smiling like an idiot and he kept making jokes. I could tell he was comfortable and I was happy about it because after all the texts we had sent while he was in Germany, this was the first time we were hanging out together and some part of me was afraid we were going to end up having some awkward moments of silence or some weird feeling that we had run out of topics but so far it hadn’t been the case.

“So” He started “are you hungry?”

“Yeah.” I grinned like a kid on Christmas. He didn’t want the night to end either.

“Cool.” He smiled. “Well it’s your home, you tell me where to go.”

“Well there’s a pizza place here in the mall. Then there’s a kebab, a McDonalds just across the road, a Chinese restaurant, a traditional regular restaurant... And then... It’s probably too late to go there but we have the most famous homemade guacamole in town. Do you like guacamole?”

“Of course! Don’t trust people who say they don’t.”

I laughed at that.

“Well, if it’s too late to go there we’ll just have to go another time.” He smiled.

Oh boy, he knew what he was doing. I didn’t even care he would know how happy that kind of comment was making me so I let my grin ouverran my entire face.

“What do you feel like having?” He asked me.

“Pizza?” I suggested.

“Pizza it is.”

We both made our way inside the pizza place and once again I enjoyed the way the waiter was treating us. A table for two. And how he said “it’s quieter here” as if he was a partner on our date and he wanted to give us some privacy we hadn’t even asked for.

“Perfect” Luke smiled at him “thanks.”

He sat us down in such a small table I was afraid if we ordered two pizzas they wouldn’t quite fit but it was in a far corner, like in some sort of small inner patio where no one else was sitting, and it had a flower on a tiny jar right in the middle of the table. Luke chuckled when he saw it and I grinned at the coincidence. I can still remember perfectly fine how he looked in contrast with all the red perpendicular lines that decorated the walls and the cloths. It was a funny place, kind of wanting to look Italian but ending up looking kind of French, and I liked being there with him, with that flower in the middle.

My pizza arrived before his and I tried to wait for him to eat but he kept insisting.

“It’s gonna turn cold otherwise.” He shook his head. “And you’re like the slowest eater in the world, even if you start now I’ll finish mine before you do yours.”

“Okay well then don’t look at me while I eat. I’m gonna make a mess.”

Luke laughed out loud at that and I just blushed and smiled as I tried not to drop the mozzarella from the slice I had just grabbed.

“Well where do you want me to look at? It’s just us two!”

“Well just... Look at the flower I don’t know.” I shrugged.

“Alright”

He kept his eyes focused somewhere on the distance right next to me and I had a bite of the pizza not failing to notice how amused he seemed by my request.

“This is very awkward” he noticed “but funny so I’ll do it for the sake of humour. I’m guessing it’s gonna be me talking too since your mouth is full of cheese.”

“I meen” I tried to participate covering my mouth with my hand “I can agree with you with little hums and throat noises.”

“I would very much appreciate that you didn’t.”

I laughed out loud and he looked at me so I widened my eyes and he looked away in a second.

“Sorry.”

He started telling me about his family- about his parents’ name that I didn’t know- and about what they did (that now I can’t remember) and then he talked a bit about his childhood and about his teenage years and I loved that he would open up like that, telling me about his insecurities as a boy, while staring into the distance and I had pizza like the little pig I really am.

“Can’t I really look at you?” He chuckled. “Like, I mean, how bad can it be?”

He glanced at me for just a second and I know it wasn’t even enough for him to see anything. He was just doing it in the interest of humour so I just laughed when he spoke.

“Oh, okay, yeah, I get it.”

We agreed he could look at me once his pizza had arrived because then we were on an equal footing but he was so elegantly eating the pizza the little shit, bending the corners so it’d look like a crepe and then just having elegant bites without losing a single bit of tuna. I envied him.

“Where did you learn to eat pizza like that?”

“Not in the same place as you, that’s for sure.” He joked, his hazel eyes set on all the lost bits of cheese and cherry tomatoes that had been left on my plate.

“I’m a free bird.” I said before I had a sip of my beer. “I didn’t come into this world to be an elegant lady but to be a ridiculous one.”

“You’re funny.” He smiled. “I love that about you.”

I wish I had written this before when I still remembered it perfectly but all I have now is a note on my phone that I wrote the day before I left to Italy in an attempt to remember it all for I didn’t want a second of it to be lost in my memory. He made me feel so lightweight and I wish we could keep feelings on jars so that I could just open it and feel the same all over again but all I have now is the memory and a longing of seeing him after not having touch him in four months. I love Italy but I wish all my friends were here too.

After dinner he asked me what we could do then and I don’t remember how, but I know it wasn’t out of place, but at some point during dinner I had revealed that there was no one at my house. I don’t remember his reaction to that but I think he looked up from his pizza into my eyes and then I just smiled. Yeah, I think that’s what happened. But then, I’m not sure if he already knew I was staying home alone for that month since my mum was at my uncle’s with my little sister even though I hadn’t properly said it like that so it was never an invite. But now that I think about it, the fact that he was so keen to come all the way to the suburbs might have had something to do with the fact that we had a whole house to ourselves.

We walked to his car, even though we could have easily walked to my place, so that it would be closer for him to go home afterwards, and he kept telling me how it was probably so embarrassing that he had parked the car so far away.

“You probably think I’m such an idiot but this is not my neighbourhoor. I didn’t know where it was okay to park.”

“Just stop worrying.” I laughed. “I just got my license two months ago. I’d probably need a whole runway to park my little car so I’m in no position to judge you.”

He laughed at that.

“Actually I just wanted to take you to some dark place.” He smiled.

“You don’t need to take me anywhere dark.” I encouraged him.

He turned his head and smiled but then he chuckled and I rolled my eyes because it was making me desperate that he would dismiss me like that. I was not kidding.

I got on the passenger’s seat and that was the first of many times I got into his car that summer. Before he started the car, he got the key on the ignition and then he turned his head and smiled at me. I smiled back and posed because somehow I knew he was just taking in the image of me on his car.

“Alright.” He grinned. “Where to?”

“Just all straight. We have to get out of the building work.”

“Right.”

We got lost. Twice.

“I thought this was your neighbourhood?” He laughed.

“This building work is new and it’s blocking everything” I explained��“but just relax, we’ll get out of here, eventually.”

“Do you even know where we are now?”

“Of course I know where we are now.” I calmly said. “Just keep driving straight and when I tell you you’ll take a turn to the right and then that should take us to the main road which is not closed and then all straight that’s my place.”

“Alright, you’re just the worst co-driver in planet Earth.”

I smiled.

“That’s the turn.”

He glanced at me as if saying “you sure?” and I nodded and then he took the turn to the right and we made it to the main road as I knew we would. Still, always in the interest of humour, I pretended to dry the sweat from my forehead as I puffed and he laughed out loud.

“You’re the worst.”

“You’re laughing a lot.” I pointed out.

“Cause I’m having fun.”

“That’s good.” I smiled.

“That is good, despite the company...”

I looked ahead through the windshield with the firm intention of ignoring his comment and he laughed at my antics, placing his hand on my knee for the first time since I had known him. I wanted to hold his hand in mine, intertwined our fingers and then rest our hands on my lap but I didn’t, instead I just tried to control my heartbeat as I gave him indications to take the right exit from the main road to my street.

“You’re so mean.” I spoke right as he stopped the car.

I thought that was a good moment for him to kiss me. He had parked the car right on the bulding in front of mine so he could just kiss me then and we didn’t even have to go to the bar like I had suggested before. But he just smiled.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I keep making this so easy for you and you still just say mean things. I don’t know what you want.”

“Well you can’t know everything.”

“Well I know one thing: you’re terrible at making girls feel special.”

“I’m not” he shrugged “I’m just not trying.”

After that I opened the door of the car and got out. I wanted to scream at him for being so awkward. I wouldn’t give up and I quite frankly don’t know why now but I guess the fact that he had come all the way to my neighbourhood alone and that he had wanted to have dinner after the movie and that he had asked what to do afterwards as if he didn’t want to leave and he was comfortable being alone with me kind of gave me some confidence despite his words. Maybe he just wasn’t sure what he wanted either and that was why he was giving me mixed messages but I thought both of us knew what was going on between us.

I gave him a stern look when he glanced at me from the other side of the car and then he just started chuckling. The fucking bastard loved to make me look like an idiot.

“So this is your flat?”

He was looking at the wrong building.

“No” I smiled “it’s that one.”

I pointed at my flat and while he stared at it I walked around the car and got to the sidewalk walking in the other direction.

“Hey!” He jogged a little to catch up with me.

“The bar is the other way.”

He nodded and followed me. We talked about sport all the way to the bar for we both loved practicing sports and he knew about my frustrated athletics career and about my knee injury and as a physical therapis and a sportsman himself he seemed very interested about it. I loved being able to talk about it with someone who actually got it. Cody seemed to be allergic to sports so he didn’t quite understand why it had been so tough on me. “Why would you want to run anyway?” He always said if I ever saw him running I should run as well because probably he was being chased. We sat outside and I asked what he was going to have.

“I’ll have what you’re having.”

“You have to drive afterwards.” I noticed.

He nodded.

“I can have a beer though. I mean if I get drunk you’ll just have to wait with me until I’m not anymore.”

“Right, on that bench of the park” I pointed at one lonely bench with my head and he chuckled.

“For instance.” He smiled.

The waiter was a friend of mine or he had been. We had gone together to high school but I hadn’t seen him in forever. I didn’t usually go out in the suburbs do I didn’t even know he was working there but he seemed happy to see me and he didn’t let us pay. I got up and gave him a hug and I introduced Luke to him.

“So” Luke frowned as he left “who’s that guy?”

“He’s an old friend.” I shrugged. “I feel bad that he didn’t let us pay though because I know he used to have a crush on me and now he’s treating me to a beer with you.” I laughed.

He laughed as well.

“Thank God we’re just friends.” Luke said.

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, it’s already clear for me that we are nothing more than friends.” I rolled my eyes.

“Good.” He nodded his head and I hated his fucking smirk.

“You do know you suck at flirting, right?”

“I’m not flirting.” He smiled.

“I know” I lied “but I’d love to see you doing it. I’m sure you suck.”

“I don’t.”

“Well you did flirt with me when we met.”

“What?” He chuckled.

“Yeah, two years ago when we met. You were totally flirting with me.”

“I was not!”

“Oh, you were.” I laughed. “You would text me and sent memes to me and I actually have quite a few drunk voice mails from you complaining about how long it had been since we had seen each other” I drop my tone of voice a few octaves trying to make it sound lower like his and he grinned at my attempt “and I mean we weren’t even friends so you can’t just say that you were just being friendly.”

“Well, first of all I was just being friendly. You were Cody’s best friend so I wanted you to like me because Cody is also my friend.”

“That’s not a reason for you to want me to like you.”

“Of course it is.”

“Do you try to be liked by just everybody?”

“You are not just everybody”

“You’re flirting.” I shrugged.

He rolled his eyes and smiled and I had a sip from my bottle of beer. In that moment I was sure the night was going to end and he was going to go home and so was I and nothing was going to happen between us so I just kept smiling but I wasn’t going to try to be flirtly again. After all, Harry had also rejected me when I had made it clear in his car just three weeks earlier and I was not about to take another rejection- a timely retreat is a victory too. But I had another beer and so did he and my determination of not being flirty again fell down like a pile of leaves.

Somehow we ended up at my place. I don’t exactly remember how but I’m sure I suggested it for he would never invite himself up to my house. Oh boy I remember I had cleaned the entire house. I lost my mum’s sunglasses in the process. My house has always been such a mess- there are too many things and so little space- so really all I did was take everything that was out of place in the living room and placed it over my mum’s bed. The living room and the kitchen had never looked so tidy.

I showed him my room and he sat down on the bed and just smiled at me. Now I know I could have kissed him right there but in that moment I swear I still didn’t know whether he wanted me to or he really just saw me as a friend so after I showed him how my pink room looked like with the fairy lights on, I just made my way to the living room and turned the TV on.

“You wanna watch a movie?”

Another one. Nice.

“Sure.” He shrugged. “A scary movie.”

“No, not a scary movie.”

“Why not?” He smiled. “You’re afraid?”

“As a matter of fact I am. I mean not during the movie but then I can’t sleep. We can only watch a scary movie if you stay the night.”

I actually meant it. Of course I wanted him to stay the night- I had wanted to kiss him for two years- but it was actually true, I couldn’t sleep if I watched a scary movie. I have never been able to sleep after a scary movie. Even thinking about them keeps me up- I might not sleep tonight. I just have a very imaginative mind and my nightmares are very powerful and more frequent that I’d like them. So when I said that was the only way that I would watch a scary movie. I meant it. It was close to 2 am anyway.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Will you?”

A month prior I would have never thought I’d have him sleeping over at my house.

“Well I... I haven’t told my mum I wasn’t going to sleep at home but... What time is it again?”

“It’s 1:45 am.”

He looked down at his phone. One part of me wanted to think it was only an excuse because after all we were 22 years old- well I was 21 at the time- but we still lived at home with mum and dad for we lived in the city and didn’t need to move for uni so it wasn’t actually that crazy.

“I’ll send her a text and if she answers I’ll stay.” He reasoned.

“I hope she answers then.”

“So do I.” He smiled.

We just stared at one another and I remembered all that confidence had come with alcohol really so I thought I’d have a beer before I sobered up.

“I’m gonna have a beer. I’ll get some water until you know if you’re staying or not.”

“Thanks.” He smiled.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a can of beer. I was so happy my mum was such a heavy drinker- I’m kidding, she doesn’t drink that much but she does like her beer and I had just come back with my beer and his water when he grinned.

“She replied, I’m staying.”

“Want a beer then?”

“Yes, please.”

We sat down side by side on my couch and I let him go through Netflix searching for a scary movie to watch. He wanted to watch It because the second movie was about to go out and he wanted to go watch it but haven’t watched the first.

“Wait, you want me to watch Stephen King?” I panicked. “I told you I’m afraid of scary movies and you want me to watch Stephen King, who’s probably the scariest guy ever.”

He laughed.

“There’s no It in Netflix anyway so let’s watch some other.”

He scrolled through the movies for less than a minute before he handed me the control.

“Actually, you choose. You’re the one who’s picky.”

“I’m not picky.” I complaint as I scrolled through them. “I’m just impressionable. Have you watched Mama?”

I had seen that movie, even though I didn’t remember it pretty well, but it was safer to watch a movie I had already seen than watching a new scary movie at the risk of getting traumatized forever.

“I haven’t, have you?”

“I don’t know. It sounds familiar to me but I don’t remember what it is about so maybe my mind just erased it in order to protect me or maybe it just sounds familiar to me because it’s famous.”

“In order to protect you” he mocked “okay, let’s watch that one then.”

“Are you comfortable? Do you want me to make some more room? Move to the side?”

“I was just trying to snuggle you but...” He raised his eyebrows and I grinned like an idiot.

“Oh shit” I whispered “my skirt just broke.”

“What do you mean it broke?”

“The button just popped.”

“Oops, I didn’t mean to show you my underwear.”

He chuckled.

“You’re just teasing me.” He said.

“Thank God we’re just friends.” I grinned at him.

There, I felt like a queen throwing that back at his face in that moment and I was happy with the way he threw his head back and just started laughing.

“Fair enough.” He laughed. “I actually deserved that.”

I shut my legs tight and covered myself with a pillow and then I fully rested against him and we watched the rest of the movie. I would hold my head up every time he’d lean towards the table to grab his beer so I could lay it back again agaisnt his arm when he rested his back on the couch. He kept chuckling whenever I would yelp and we would comment the movie and it just felt nice to have that moment with him and somehow I felt as if we had done that so many times before- just watching movies together snuggling on the couch. I could definitely get used to that.

When the movie ended it was past three in the morning but I wasn’t even sleepy. I guess I was still excited and I was happy that everything had gone so well so far. I sighed and silently enjoyed his presence for a few seconds.

“You see now is when it gets scary for me so if you scare me I swear to God I’ll kill you.”

He laughed.

“No, I wouldn’t do that. I saw it was actually scary to you.”

“That’s right so if you want anything from the kitchen, you go. I’m not going in the dark alone.”

“Well, there’s nothing I want that’s on the kitchen anyway.”

I smiled but he didn’t see it. Of course I got what he meant but I wanted to give him as much of a hard time as he had given me before. I had made it pretty clear that I liked him so if he wanted something from me, he just had to lean down and kiss me.

“You didn’t get it, did you?”

I laughed out loud. His voice came out in some sort of whisper and it was the cutest thing I had ever heard. I wanted to push him against the couch and straddle him and kiss him until my mouth was dry but he had said so many stupid things that night I wasn’t even sure if he wanted me to do that or if instead he was going to turn his head at me so instead I just got out from the couch, turn on all the lights and made my way to my room.

“I’m gonna change into my pyjamas.”

I left the door opened while I changed because he couldn’t see me from the living room anyway and I was actually still a little afraid after the movie and I put on the shortest shorts that had ever been made- they were practically underwear leaving a good part of my bum exposed- and I kept my black lace bra under my white cottom short sleeves t-shirt. He looked me up and down from his seat on the couch when I came back to the living room. I loved the feeling I got when his eyes ran down my bare legs and then he bored them into mine. His jaw was slightly clenched.

“So” I smiled knowingly “there’s no one home so you can choose any bed you’d like.”

“But I want to sleep in yours.” He stated. “With you.”

I let the smile overtake my lips as I nodded.

“Okay.”

I got closer to him and the couch and since he was sitting down his head what at sight level with my belly. If only he reached up his hands he could trace the back of my thighs and I would straddle him, but he didn’t. He had his phone on his hand but his eyes had been set on me since I had stepped a foot in the room.

“So what do you want to do now?” I whispered.

“I want you.”

I was surprised by the energy inside of me, an impulse that was encouraging me to push my legs across his lap and straddle him so he could grab my bum and pull me closer. Man I was dying for him to touch me like that but I was so nervous. I swallowed before I smiled at him.

“Let’s go to bed.”

I walked ahead of him and I knew he could see half my bum out of my shorts but in that moment I wanted him to. I was feeling confident and sexy and I wanted him to see me and to want me like I did him. I lied on the bed and watched him get his wallet out of his back pocket and leaving it on my desk. He left his phone there too.

“You can take off your jeans.” I told him. “You can sleep in your underpants.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“Not at all” I shook my head “sleeping in your jeans must be so uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

He took off his jeans and carefully folded them, placing them on the back of the chair at my desk, and then he just lied down next to me. We were both staring at the ceiling, lying down on the bed next to one another and no one was touching the other or even facing each other. It literally looked like we were on some American teenage rom com so I started laughing.

“You know you’re the first guy I share this bed with?”

He’s still the only one.

“Really?” He smiled.

I nodded.

“We might go down to history as the first two straight people who share a bed for no reason in a house alone and do nothing.” I pointed out.

“We might.” He shrugged next to me.

I was grinning because the whole thing was beyond funny to me but I still had no clue of what was going on, whether he liked me or not, whether he wanted to do something or not. I didn’t understand a thing so I started mindlessly playing with the knot of my shorts, as I always do when I’m thinking- I always keep my hands busy.

“Is that an invitation?” Only when he said that I realized I had actually untied my shorts and also, that he had been watching my hands playing with the knot. “Undoing your belt...”

“No” I grinned “look, I’ll tie the bow again so you can undo it.”

I turned my head and grinned at him and he just stared at me, a smile fixed on his face, but then again he had had that expression for hours. We had a bit of a staring contest but both of us were smiling and I wanted to kiss him.

“I don’t understand anything.” I confessed.

“About what?”

“About you!” I frowned. “About this.”

He just stayed quiet, encouraging me to explain myself so I look back to the ceiling.

“I mean when I asked you if you were playing dumb or if you just were dumb I was asking you if you had realized I was flirting with you and just dismissing it or if you just really didn’t know I liked you.”

“Yeah well of course I had realized!” He turned his body sideways so he was fully facing me. “I just... I don’t know what you want.”

“You don’t know what I want?”

“I mean... I do know you want something to happen between us.” Thank God. “But before that happens, I just want you to know that I don’t have feelings for you.”

I don’t think that hurt me, not even in that moment. I just remember I said “alright” and then I just stayed quiet but I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t hurt; I guess I just took those seconds because I finally understood. I was going to Italy on a month after that anyway so it wasn’t like I was expecting him to fall in love with me or anything and really I guess I just wanted to kiss him, like I had wanted since I met him.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t feel attracted to you though and of course it doesn’t mean I don’t want to have sex with you.” He explained. “But it’s important for me that you know perfectly well where my feelings stand because I wouldn’t want to like mess up our friendship, much less hurt you in any way so... I mean I can do the friends with benefits thing perfectly fine. I don’t know how you feel about that.”

He granted me a moment of silence and I was so grateful, not only for the moment to myself and my thoughts but also for his honesty and how clear he had spelled out his thoughts. I thought in that moment that was all I wanted in my life, for someone to speak out their mind like that and not be afraid of just being open and to have things that clear, that spoken out, that clean.

I still didn’t look at him. He had pretty much left everything on my hands and now my next move was important. I swallowed. The only thing I knew was I wasn’t going to lie to him so I decided I’d do the same thing he had just done and maybe together we could decide what was wiser.

“Okay.” I started and he licked his lips, ready to listen to me. “Well first of all, thank you for your clarity.”

He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head as if dismissing my gratitude but I still felt very grateful for that.

“And I want to give you the same so I won’t lie to you. I do like you, like I do have feelings for you. However,” He nodded. I guess he could work with that. “That doesn’t mean I want a relationship or anything. I mean after all I’m going to Italy in a month and I wouldn’t want to go on my year abroad on like a brand new relationship so... And I mean I’m not jealous, like at all, so that means despite me having feelings for you, uh, you could like, be with whoever you want I really wouldn’t mind that so... Uh, right now I’m just thinking.”

“Okay.” He chuckled. “You can think.”

“Thanks.” I chuckled too.

We stayed like that for I don’t know how long until I made up my mind and then I just turned my head against the pillow so I was facing him.

“What I like about this is that we just talked about how we feel and like all the cards are on the table and still it doesn’t feel awkward, does it?”

“Yeah, I know, you’re right. I was thinking the same thing.”

“Isn’t it nice? I mean I’m very... Comfortable here, like... I don’t feel any tension or anything.”

“Right.”

“But” I raised my eyebrows at him “now that you have made everything clear I do have to tell you, man, you’re terrible at flirting.” I confessed, making him laugh. “Like for real you had me completely fool like saying you were not trying to make me feel special, that you were not flirting with me like what was that?”

“Well” he chuckled “I don’t know. Actually on the car? When I said I wasn’t trying and you just got out of the car I actually thought to myself gosh you’re an idiot and like I could tell I was messing up but I just couldn’t stop.”

I threw my head back and laughed out loud at his comment.

“But I mean” he said “it was pretty clear anyway like I did come all the way here just to watch The Lion King” he frowned.

“It was a great movie.” I defended and he chuckled.

“Yeah, sure, but” he lifted his palms to the ceiling as if saying but come one and I laughed at his confessions.

I liked that he would just tell me these things. I shook my head and stared at the ceiling again. For the first time that night I wasn’t nervous anymore.

“And then you put on those fucking shorts which are pretty much undies and... I mean you looked so good tonight with that fucking see-through top... You gotta understand.”

I grinned at him. I looked down at his lips. Come on, come on. He just had to lean like five centimeters and his lips would be on mine. Come on! I didn’t say anything further but just stared at him and I saw his eyes roaming my body. I intensified my breathing. Come on, just fucking kiss me already.

I got even closer to him until I could feel his breath on my cheek and he delicately brought his hand to my hip and held me in place so that I wouldn’t move. I smiled. He wasn’t going to kiss me.

“Come on.” He whispered.

I almost rolled my eyes. We were both waiting for the same thing.

“You come on.” I whispered back.

He pressed a kiss to my cheek and even if it had been just a long peck and it wasn’t the first time he pecked my cheek, it was the first time he did it like that. I can’t even say what went through my mind in that moment but like that I just held his hand on mine, turn around and pressed my back against his chest, my bum on his lap and I said:

“Okay, let’s spoon.”

He just held me. He moved his hand until he was wrapping my waist and then he held me close to him. I could feel his breathing on the back of my ear and it was so quiet I could listen to it too. I was afraid of making a sound that would break the atmosphere and then in that moment I felt such a heavy weight falling on top of us, as if someone had just thrown an iron blanket over us two. Every little movement of his fingers against the skin of my belly was magnified. It was as if he was touching my entire body just by moving his finger a tiny milimeter and the way he smelled and how warm he was... I had never felt more tensed in my entire life. I brought my knees closer to my belly and mindlessly press my bum against him. My breathing caught on my throat when I felt his arousal.

“Well now I just have to put up with this.” He said.

“Okay now I can feel the tension.” I confessed.

I turned my head so I was facing the ceiling once again and he lifted his from the pillow. His hands caressed my waist as I turned my body so I was facing him and then we were the closest we had ever been and his hands were already on my warm skin under my t-shirt.

“Just kiss me.” I begged.

“I already kissed you on the cheek, the next step is yours. That’s how it goes.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I want you to be the one who starts this.” He smiled.

I had never felt more powerful in all my life and deep down I knew he wanted that just to feel in some way upper, kind of premium, but to be honest I didn’t even mind. I was fed up with that thing that guys had to hit on girls and it couldn’t be the other way around and I was glad he had been that honest with me and that he was giving me this opportunity of breaking the stereotype and the standard set. I could have easily just turned around again and keep torturing him with my body against his and I knew that would have worked and he would have given up and kiss me himself but I was desperate to kiss him too so instead I just pressed my lips against his and his response didn’t take a split of a second.

The moment I pressed my lips against his he was kissing me back and he even moaned against my mouth and he pushed me against the mattress and hovered above me and I had never felt more wanted. His excitement was evident as it pressed against my thigh and I devoured his mouth like a hungry cub getting fed for the first time and enjoyed the sounds he made, the groans, the sighs, the growls.

Those were all things I had read about a lot, I had also written about them, but I had only had sex once, despite what all my friends thought, and somehow even though I probably should have felt nervous or shy or novice; maybe it was the way he sounded or the desperation in the way he grabbed my body and his tongue pushed against mine; but I felt so sexy, so confident on my own skin.

I was still wearing my pyjamas and he still had his t-shirt and his boxers on but we were just kissing for I don’t know how long, just letting the other discover our own mouths and letting our own tongues discover the taste of the other. Oh God he was such a good kisser... Up to this day I haven’t yet met a better kisser. I loved how it felt- his wet mouth, his full lips, his angry tongue claiming mine, his breath dying on my throat...

His hands were all over my body but I could tell he was still timid because they would caress my breasts but he wouldn’t dare to grab them even though I knew he wanted to for they would keep coming back to my chest and every time he’d dare a little more pressure. I was dying for him to make me his in as many ways as possible, but I was also enjoying the discovery, the shyness and my writer’s mind was romanticizing everything but it was also making me realize that that was the first and the last time it was going to be the first time for the next time- if there was even going to be another- he wouldn’t be this self-conscious- he would know what he could do and what not then- and it wouldn’t feel so new so I had to enjoy that and let my body notice that with every caress of hiss.

His hands then slipped under the hem of my t-shirt and he just ran them across my skin as if he was straightening it. I felt like I was made of sand and he was sculpting me, very carefully and with a lot of caution. I was a moaning mess on his mouth. My hands had been under his t-shirt for quite some time now and I had been silently enjoying the way his muscles felt under my fingertips- I could feel them all- the trapezius, the deltoides, the latissimus dorsi- and they were all moving in sync as he slowly and I’m sure mindlessly thrusted his hips against mine. My legs were wide opened for him so I could feel him rock hard against my entrance and I caressed his back bringing his t-shirt up until he lifted his arms for me to take it off.

My plan worked because then he grabbed the hem of my t-shirt and pulled it over my chest, pulling back from our kiss to admire my chest from the distance his back allowed. His eyes moved frantically along my skin before he looked up at my face and I remember I felt funny when I saw his lips for they were swollen and red and it was all my doing. I felt like a naughty girl.

With a confidence I didn’t know I had, I started moving my own hips against his and I took very care in watching his every expression. His brows went closer for a second in a fleeting frown and his lips parted and he just held his weight over me as I moved my hips in circles feeling his arousal pressing against my hot skin. I brought my hand to his cheek, pulling his face closer to me so I could kiss him.

“I’m so hard for you.”

I smiled against his mouth. Once again I felt like he had read one of those texts I had read so many times where the guy would say that and he was just saying all those things and acting like that just to please me for I had always thought those were the kind of things girls write about and romanticize but never actually happened and it made me feel so good to be wrong about that. I felt like I was living what so many other people had written about.

“This is not fair. I’m here on my underwear and you still have these fucking shorts, even though they’re like undies... But take them off. I want you in your underwear.”

I gave myself a mental high five for choosing matching underwear that night and I lifted my hips from the mattress, allowing him to bring my shorts to my ankles before I kicked them off. He chuckled and shook his head when he saw my matching underwear and once again I brought his mouth closer to mine so he would kiss me again like he had done before.

We started a perfectly synchronised dance, twirling our hips so that they would find and then hide from one another and in that moment I swore I could have lived from his moans alone. I remember I just wanted that moment to last forever and despite the heat that our bodies were creating- sweat was starting to creep at the back of my neck- I remember I thought I wanted time to freeze so that I would always feel like that and nothing but him would ever touch me again.

When I thought I couldn’t feel any better than I was feeling at the moment, his hand travelled from my waist up to my chest and he finally dared to cup my breast and gently squeezed it on his hand. I moaned out loud and he groaned and I could only figure he wasn’t controlling his throat either. His hand then pressed against my stomach as he thrusted hard against my hips and I pulled my mouth back from his so I could get a deep breath of air in my lungs because I was feeling all wet, even my lungs were feeling wet, and I was afraid I was going to suffocate. He started kissing my neck then and his fingers moved down to my core and he ran his four fingers up my lace covered folds, his thub resting against my inner thigh. I thought I was going crazy. He then started pressing firm but slow circles against my clit as he kissed the skin of my neck and his tongue timidly traced my jaw line.

I couldn’t do anything but moan, couldn’t even control my eyelids, and I felt as if I was about to go somewhere very far away and not come back for the next few hours. I swear I wasn’t even feeling the mattress anymore and then I listened to the elastic of my undies as he grabbed it and slipped his fingers underneath and then I felt his warm fingers collecting some of the wetness before he slipped them inside me and I wanted to scream out loud so that I could get some of the heavy tension I was feeling all the way from my belly to my chest out of my body. And yet despite the heavy tension that was pulling my chest down and making it hard to breathe, at the sime time I felt as if I wasn’t one pound heavy, as if I was not even there, and it was the first time in my life I felt a total disconnection between my body and something else, and I was very aware of everything- of his thumb moving against my center, two of his fingers going in and out, of all the blood running in my veins and going to that one bundle of nerves that was growing and swelling and my head spinning around; but at the same time it all felt like it wasn’t mine and I felt myself at the edge of becoming undone.

“Do you have a condom?”

I whispered against his mouth for I didn’t have one despite it being my home because as I said I had only had sex once and it had been more than a year prior; but I wanted to feel him. I was so desperate to have him inside of me and to feel my walls stretching as he made his way inside me and claim my body his.

“Yes.” He whispered back. “Do you want me to get it?”

“Yeah.”

I didn’t have to say it twice. He just got up, grabbed his wallet and in a second he was back on top of me with the little tin fold grasped between his fingers and he pressed his lips against mine, brushing my hair away from my face with his palm.

“Are you sure?” He whispered again.

“Yes.”

With my verbal confirmation he sat down on the side of the bed and gave me his back as he rolled the condom. I didn’t look because I wanted to give him some privacy, the way he had done it, turning from me, kind of made me think he was a bit nervous about it and I didn’t want to make it harder for him so I respected his privacy. I don’t remember how Jack, the other guy I had had sex with, had done it but now that I think about it I don’t think I had seen him rolling the condom on either. I was just glad he hadn’t asked me to put it on because I have no idea how to do it- I don’t even know what a condom looks like when it’s not on a dick if I’m honest.

He hovered over me and kissed me when he was ready but he didn’t get inside me yet and I was about to pull from his hair hard until he fucking thrusted inside me because I swear I couldn’t take it anymore but instead he just rested both hands on the sides of my head and then he pulled back and pecked my cheek and then the angle of my jaw and then my pulse and my collarbone and finally he wrapped his mouth around my nipple and lightly sucked and my back arched so my spine lifted from the mattress and as a result I was pressing my breasts further against his face. With one of his hands he cupped and squeezed my other breasts as he licked and sucked the other and I kept thrusting my hips against his, hugging the lowest part of his back with my ankles and pressing my heels on the soft dimples of his back.

I remember I started feeling my own skin so soft but somewhat heavy and I remember how much I liked the contrast with his for he was so much paler than I was because it was the middle of summer so I was very tanned and he was also somewhat colder than me. I ran my hands down his back and noticed the thin layer of sweat that covered his skin and before I could think of anything his mouth was back on mine and he brought his hand down and grabbed his arousal.

The next thing I remember is how I felt as if all the nerves in my body where forming a circular web and the center was right between my legs and then the nerves extended themselves all the way down my legs till the tip of my very toes and all the way up my stomach and to my arms and my neck and then he was pushing the exact center of it with every thrust so I felt like all my nerves were being pulled and released, pulled and released and I was afraid my skin was going to break and all those nerves were going to be exposed and then I’d feel like I was more than naked and we would both burn into flames for I could literally feel the electricity, every connection, every time he thrusted inside me.

He started slowly but I don’t remember I needed much time to adjust to his size and it was only when I changed the position of my hips, granted him with a new angle, when he sped up the rhythmn; and the entire time he had been sloppily kissing me and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“I don’t think I’m gonna last long” he excused himself against my mouth “I’m so fucking turned on... And, my God, you feel so good.”

I pushed my tongue inside his mouth, wanting him to shut up, and I wished I could form coherent sentences to ask him to just listen to the way our skins sounded together, to our weight pushing down the mattress with every thrust. I wanted him to listen to our rhythmn as I was listening to it. One, two, three... I thought it was the most relaxing sound in the world. I also wanted to tell him how good he was making me feel, how fucking amazing he was at this and how I wished my channel would be velvety so he felt as welcome as he was inside me; but all I could do was kiss him and let my throat whimp.

“Oh God!”

My mind went from black to all kind of colours and I swore I was seeing the entire galaxy behind my eyelids when he started thrusting the fastest he could muster in and out of me until all of a sudden he stopped.

“Oh, no, don’t stop!”

“Yeah I don’t want to stop either but if I don’t I’m cumming.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, surely trying not to make them purse. “And I want this to last.”

He smiled as he kissed me again and I chuckle against his mouth, playfully pushing his tongue with mine, and allowing him to calm down as he kissed me.

“You’re so soft, Anna.” He whispered before he licked a stripe on my neck. “And so warm. You’re driving me crazy.”

“Jesus Christ.” I sighed. “You feel amazing.”

He grinned at me as he resumed the movements of his hips and despite his attempt of calming down so it would last longer, his hands moved down to my ass and he squeezed it as he pressed me against him, thrusting fast and deep inside me and moaning against my neck until we both reached it together.

I was out for a second or two and when my conscience came back, I felt him completely resting on top of me like a dead weight. With the little strenght I had left I brought one of my hands to his hair and caressed his skull as I hugged him close to my chest and I felt him fighting for the control of his breathing for a minute or two.

“Fuck.”

He lifted his head from my chest when he had gained some composure back and he gave me a toothy grin before he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. He kissed me slowly, lifting some weight from my body.

“Did you cum?” He worried.

“Yeah.” I pecked his lips. “You know, it was the first time I came at the same time.”

“We came together?”

He grinned and I nodded pushing his curly hair back from his face and kissing him again.

“Yeah. You really didn’t notice?” I chuckled.

“I noticed it on my hand before but not this one. Sorry I was so gone.” He chuckled. “That was crazy.”

I chuckled until he kissed me again.

“I need to go to the toilet.” He said.

“Okay.”

With that he got up and went to the toilet, I guess to freshen up, but I still needed a moment for my blood to reach my legs again so I just laid there for a couple more minutes before I got up and went to the other bathroom to clean up.

I came back before he did so I was already lying in bed in fresh underwear when he arrived. He put on his boxers and lie down next to me. I didn’t know what to do next because I hadn’t had a friend with benefits before so I didn’t know if after fucking you just acted as if nothing had happened or if you were allowed to cuddle with them so I just lie there like a dead person and wait for him to show me what was supposed to happen next.

He searched for my mouth and pressed some innocent kisses against my lips and then he hugged me and caressed my skin, pressing soft kisses on my shoulder or my arm or anywhere his lips would reach so I caressed his arm as he draw figures on my bare skin. I was happy he was affectionate and it almost felt as if that moment of intimacy, the cuddle after the sex, was better than the sex itself.

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ellaofoakhill · 4 years ago

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Oak and Stone, Part Two

Oak and Stone was a bustling town, with fey and creatures briskly going about their business. There were mice like Jasper here, as well as voles, weasels, ground squirrels, tree squirrels, stoats, a few bats, and many other creatures Ella knew.

As well as a few she didn’t.

Creatures like the lizards Ella had encountered on Gaea, or a bit more commonly on Fey. But no lizard she’d heard of had four arms. The smallest of these was a head taller than her. Tusks twisted down from their jaws. Their bodies were a uniform grey-brown or mottled green, with frills on their jaws and crests on their heads, which many had painted or tattooed or pierced with rings and studs. According to Meline, they called themselves drakles, and most of those in Oak and Stone were sailors.

What most surprised Ella about this place—unknown beings were really to be expected—was the abundance of elves. Well, relatively speaking; abundance was not a word that fit well with elves. But there were more of them here than Ella had ever seen outside of Fey. To be fair, impeccable manners and upturned noses aside, elves were known more than anything for their love of the sea. And the sea Oak and Stone did have in abundance.

Meline showed her down to the shipyards, where vessels from across this world—the drakles called it Nidd—docked and unloaded their goods. These went to the seaside market, a paved square by the water with a stream running through. The stream allowed smaller boats to paddle or pole into town and drop their goods right by the stalls.

There were fabrics Ella had never seen, some softer than velvet, others smoother than silk, still others so strong Ella’s knife couldn’t cut them; according to Meline, those needed crystal-edged scissors to cut into shape. There were spices alien to Ella’s nose and tongue, including one somewhere between lemon and banana that she particularly liked; Meline laughed at the incredulous delight that flashed across Ella’s face when she tasted it. There were strange rocks and shells, scales shed by massive beasts, and gems that seemed commonplace here which Ella had only read about. There was a wood here, one a fairy could mould with her bare hands while it was green—or, more accurately, orange—and once it seasoned became like fairy silver. Ella shaved the hair from her arm with a knife made from it. There were metals as well—the mayor had banned the import of iron for all but a few specialized purposes—but this claywood, as it was called, was so easy to work hardly anyone used any metal not found as a nugget.

The moonbeams were strange too. Nidd had four moons and two suns, and each moon made beams different not only from Gaea’s moon, but from Nidd’s other moons as well.

Beyond the market were shops. There was a shop bordering the market that sold crepes filled with berry and honeyed cream; Ella laughed at the white moustache on Meline’s upper lip. Another sold kebabs of sweet and spicy fruits, of roots savoury, sweet, and spicy, and of the spiced meats of different fish and insects, or whatever the equivalent was here.

There were shops that sold fine berry wines, cordials, and ciders, and shops that sold candied chocolate mixed with granules of nuts and dried fruits. There was stronger drink as well, but Ella had hardly more than a sip of a spiced liqueur that made her fingers and toes tingle. Too much made a fool of anyone, and Ella was in a town she didn’t know, in a world she didn’t know, surrounded by fey and creatures she didn’t know.

And Meline knew a great deal about this town in another world. Many shopkeepers and stall-owners in the market waved or greeted her by name, and she knew not only them, but their families, and how business was doing. And she presented it all masterfully.

After they were quite full, Meline led Ella across the bridge and out of the square. Ella had heard the sounds of industry from this section of town for some time, but she suspected Meline had been building toward this.

Ella worked a wide variety of metals, woods, and some fabrics, but would have freely admitted her grasp of other materials was lacking. She saw a water fairy weaving six different materials into one cloth, a mole and a frog setting gemstones into a brooch, a squat, spiny

local—they called themselves ekidnes, according to Meline—throwing a clay pot, and a squirrel blowing glass.

Meline led Ella around a corner, and Ella’s fingers thrummed to the melody of hammer on metal. A shop with a sign depicting a hammer and anvil drew her. Beneath a slate lean-to, a drakle so green he was almost yellow held a bronze bar in two pairs of tongs while his upper arms operated a hammer and punch. Ella watched as he twisted and worked the cherry-red metal into a whorl of vines and leaves. He’d already finished the central portion, which had what looked like three vines braided around each other. He had two trays of tools in easy reach, and the fluidity and precision with which he picked up and set down tools—hardly taking his eyes off his work—gave Ella to know this drakle might have plied his trade as long as she had.

Finally he set the piece on a frame and stood, reaching for the ceiling. His crest and frills were bright red. He wore a thick apron, and heavy trousers with a third leg for his tail. He wore a grey sleeveless shirt with two wide armholes.

His eye wandered in their direction. “Ah, Meline,” he said, stepping out from under the awning, “good to see you again.” He had a thick, unfamiliar accent, with something of a lisp.

Meline went forward and took his hands—well, two of them, anyway—with a bow. “And you, Art.” She turned to Ella. “Ella, this is Arthur Bronzemonger, the best metalworker in Oak and Stone.”

Ella bowed. “It’s always nice to meet another of my kind.”

Meline turned back to Art. “Art, this is Lord Ella of Oakhill. She recently did me a great service, and to repay her I’m showing her around town.” She lowered her voice to a stage whisper. “Her smithing might give you a run for your money.”

Art raised a pair of scaly eyebrows as he took Ella’s hands and bowed. A forked tongue flicked out of his mouth. “You smell of metal, charcoal, and wood—mostly oak, but also willow and poplar—but you have overlaid it with lavender.” Ella reflexively moved back from the tongue. Art’s eyes widened, and he sucked it back into his mouth. His frill reddened more. “Forgive me. Fairies are new to Nidd, and your ways do not always come easily.”

“I could forgive a smith of your caliber far worse than a small eccentricity,” Ella said. She felt a flush creep up her neck. “Could you… would you honour me by showing us around your forge?”

Art’s eyes gleamed. “I would be delighted to show another smith my work.”

“Then lead on, good sir!” Ella said.

Arthur reached for a clay pitcher by a sturdy door leading into what was probably his house. “Would you like a glass of ice water?” he asked. “Smithing is good work, but hot.”

“How do you keep your ice?” Meline’s ear-points wiggled. With interest, as far as Ella could tell.

“Carters bring the ice down the mountain packed in crates with sawdust,” Art said as he opened the door to his cellar and hopped down. He came back up with several finger-sized chunks of ice, dropped one in each glass, and put the rest in his pitcher. “and I put it in my ice

box downstairs.” He took a long draught from his cup. Ella noticed his frill start to pale. “You can also have a water fairy freeze some water for you. But the genuine article tastes better. Now,” he rubbed two of his four hands together, “let me show you some of my projects.”

Hanging from the ceiling was a bronze-bladed scythe. On two hooks on the far wall were a pair of axes, one with a silver head, the other copper. Tools of various kinds hung on the wall, including a number Meline was unfamiliar with; the only one that stumped Ella turned out to be a set of scale clippers. A pair of silver shields shaped like gigantic scales intrigued her.

Art, unsurprisingly, proved a fount of knowledge regarding his craft. There were a few points he was unable to clarify for Ella, though she suspected this was due more to a slight want in his vocabulary than a lack of understanding. He’d no trouble making silver and gold as hard and strong as any fairy.

“I have a question,” Meline said, as she examined a set of caterpillar shears. Art and Ella both raised their eyes from the minutia of a serpentine-handled camp knife (which had a blade below the municipal length limit).

“What is it?” Art said.

Meline looked around the shop. “You have a lot of high-quality items here.”

Art’s eyes lit with understanding. “You are wondering how, in a busy port town, I keep thieves from walking away with my wares.” Meline nodded. Art looked between her and Ella. Ella felt her own eyes widen as a thought occurred to her.

“We’ve just met,” Ella said, “so I understand if you’re uncomfortable talking about the security of your forge. I don’t tell strangers about mine, either.”

Art smiled; Ella hadn’t realized a drakle’s grin split its head in two. He gave a coughing, raspy laugh. “From anyone else, I might have taken the question amiss.” He shook his head. “I will not go into details,” he lowered his voice. “But it stems from my kind being dragonkin.”

Ella felt the blood drain from her face. She remembered from long ago the whump of colossal wings, a roar that shook the bowels of the world, a column of flame so hot it burned white. A pair of eyes larger than she was, a five-part pupil so huge it could have swallowed her, slamming shut as the flame poured out. And a voice, so deep Ella felt it in her bones, howling fire and blood.

“Ella?” She jumped at Meline’s touch on her shoulder. Judging by her and Art’s concerned looks, she’d been elsewhere for a while.

She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she said, handing the knife back to Art. “Dragons have occasionally wandered into Fey.”

“And massacred and extorted everyone they could, I would guess?” Art asked. Ella nodded. “It is good to know, I suppose, that they are consistent.” Art hung the knife back on the wall. “They have been exacting the same cruelty on us since before our most ancient writings.”

He refilled their cups. “I have set foot beyond Nidd thrice in my life. Once to visit Gaea and learn a special technique for forging steel.” He held up a hand. “I have not used it in Oak and Stone, if anyone asks. Twice I visited Fey; yes, I visited your home world. Once when I was

still in my father’s care, and much later with my wife.” He sipped his water. “And it seems to me both worlds are less wild than mine. Though still full of dangerous creatures, I’m sure.

“Dragons are the worst, though wyverns and drakes are plenty vicious. Wyrms cause serious problems, though they usually stay deep underground. Sea wyrms are actually good to deal with; we give them baubles," he gestured to the silver shields, “and they leave our fishing vessels in peace. And the lung are kindly creatures.”

Ella leaned back. “So… this is where the lung come from?”

Art and Meline both stared at her. “I mean, yes,” Art said. “But they are rare on Gaea, much like the dragons, yes?”

Ella nodded. “I saw one once, shortly after I left Fey.” She sipped her water. “It danced on the clouds, even though it had no wings. And it conjured rainclouds as it danced, weaving in the sky like a glittering ribbon.”

She met Art’s eye. “They’re so different from dragons, I never made the connection before.”

Art shrugged. “Understandable. Take away the long bodies and scaly hides and there is hardly any similarity.” He looked at his own scaly hide. “But kin we all are.”

Ella did not ask which drakles were closer to, dragon or lung. Maybe they didn’t know. Either way, it seemed an unpleasant topic.

#the fairy tales of ella and meline #TFTEM #oak and stone part 2 #chapter 7 #my original work #fantasy #lgbtq+#fairies #iyashikei #healing #fairy tales #romance #all ages #fey #fae #magic #family #strong female protagonists #backyard fantasy

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shootwinterfest · 5 years ago

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Give Me Kisses For Christmas

Shoot Secret Santa Gift by @maybesomedaysameen

As she walked into the Great Hall, Root looked around at the Christmas decorations. Hogwarts was always beautiful, but this time of year, the whole castle sparkled. Candles hung in the air above the tables, illuminating the garlands and ornaments suspended above the hall. On the small stage where the teachers sat, a huge tree glittered with its own ornaments and lights.

The ceiling showed the early afternoon sky, lazy snowflakes drifting down and fading to nothing. Outside, it was freezing, but inside the castle, it was warm and cozy. Root walked to the Slytherin table, her winter cloak flowing around her. She’d worn her uniform, even though classes had ended. It still felt wrong to wear muggle clothing around the castle.

Getting to her table, Root climbed over the bench and sat next to Shaw, travel mug clutched in her hand. It was the second day of the Christmas Holiday and she was ready to try an experiment. She’d found the recipe for Veritaserum in the restricted section on one of her late night visits. Technically, she wasn’t allowed in after she’d summoned a lightning storm in her dorm room, but ‘forbidden’ had never stopped her before.

Root was going to trick Shaw into drinking it and then ask if she liked Root, if she like-liked Root. She grinned at Shaw, putting the travel mug on the table between them. Shaw winked at her, a half-eaten sausage in her hand. There was a Quidditch match after lunch, and Shaw was a Slytherin Beater. She needed the energy. Root looked over her food options and started filling her plate.

“Great news,” Zoe said, sitting appearing across from them. “I found some old radio shows on vinyl and Headmaster McGonagall said she’d lend us her Gramophone. Not as good as a television, but it’s something.”

“Radio shows?” Shaw repeated with her mouth full. Rolling her eyes, she tossed the last bite of her sausage onto her plate. “Jesus, I might as well have gone to visit my grandmother.”

“But then you wouldn’t get to spend time with me,” Root joked. She spread butter over a bread roll. It had been her suggestion to stay at school over the break. “I’m better than your grandma.”

Shaw snorted, pushing her plate away. “That’s debatable.”

Root didn’t take the insult to heart. She knew that Shaw liked spending time with her. That’s why she was going to give her the Veritaserum. Shaw was interested in her; she just needed a little push. Root bit into her roll and smiled happily.

A hand lightly touched her jaw, turning her face. Shaw raised an eyebrow, her eyes glittering with amusement. Licking her lips, Root blushed at the feel of Shaw’s firm grip. Tilting her head, Shaw picked up a napkin from the table with her free hand and wiped the side of Root’s mouth.

“Butter,” Shaw told her. She released Root’s face. “You’re a mess.”

Root just took a giant bit of bread, making sure that even more butter covered her mouth this time. “Whoops.”

“Wow,” Zoe laughed. “You two are so gross. Get a room!”

Shaw picked up a piece of fish from the large dish in the center of the table and tossed it at her. Zoe dodged with a squeal. She glared at Shaw, dipping her fingers into her glass of pumpkin juice and flicking the liquid across the table. This time Shaw had to dodge, sliding away from Root to avoid the splatter.

“Watch the uniform!” Shaw grabbed her napkin again, wiping off the bench. “I have a game soon. I need to look sharp for my fans.”

Shaw brushed imaginary juice from her uniform, and Root took the opportunity to look her over. She loved when Shaw played Quidditch, because the uniform suited her so well. The long-sleeve shirt accentuated her biceps, and the pants emphasized her thighs. She wore pants most days, instead of the usual skirt, but those were dress pants and these were flexible cotton, much more flattering.

She moved back into her place, her arm brushing against Root’s. Resisting the urge to lean against her, Root looked at her travel mug. This wasn’t the best idea. Root and Shaw had been friends ever since they’d both landed in detention with Professor Flitwick for starting a fire in his class. Technically, they’d been learning Lumos, but Root had bragged that she already knew Incendio and Shaw had dared her to prove it. Root couldn’t say no to a dare.

That had been their first year. Now, they were sixth years and still just friends. Root wanted more than that, but she didn’t want to risk their friendship. So, instead, she was contemplating a scheme that was actually a horrible idea. Shaw trusted her, and Root didn’t really want to force Shaw into anything. They’d always avoided the subject of dating.

Root had never told Shaw that she liked girls, and Shaw had never said it either. She knew she did, though. A few times over the years, Root had caught her making out with girls in dark corners of the hallways. She’d caught her with boys, too, but that didn’t make Root as jealous. It was seeing Shaw with girls that hurt.

Of course, Root had some doubt that Shaw liked her. It was impossible to know for sure. Without a truth potion, anyway. What if she did like Root, but didn’t want a relationship? Would she even say anything about it in the Great Hall? Maybe this should be done privately. With a sigh, she decided not to go through with her plan. She used her napkin to wipe her face off and finished her bread.

“Are you coming to the game?” Shaw asked her. “It’s a sure win for us. Hufflepuff’s seeker is garbage.”

Root smiled. “Of course.” She gestured to her Slytherin scarf. “I have to support my girl.”

An odd look crossed Shaw’s face and she turned away to stare down at her plate. Root opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but a shadow fell across the table and distracted her. She saw their friends standing behind them and grinned.

Fusco was wearing his Quidditch robes, too, yellow and black for Hufflepuff. He was a beater, like Shaw. Reese, Harold, and Joss all wore Hufflepuff scarves, even though Harold was in Ravenclaw and Reese and Joss were in Gryffindor. Shaw looked at them and scowled.

“Oh, come on.” She waved to their scarves. “I know you have to cheer for both of us, but why do you have to wear his colors?”

“Us guys have to stick together,” Fusco told her. Her jerked his thumb at Joss. “She owes me a galleon.”

Joss rolled her eyes. “I’m going to burn this after the game.”

“I’ll help,” Zoe joked, grinning. “We’ll burn all the losers’ scarves.”

A bell rang from the tower above them, signaling the new hour. The Quidditch game was going to start soon and Fusco and his ‘fans’ hurried away, taking Zoe with them. Technically, the Quidditch season was over because of the winter break, but a game had gotten delayed after a bad flu had gone around the castle. After today, the castle would be almost empty as everyone who was only staying for the game went home.

Shaw sighed, picking up one last sausage and climbing off the bench. If she had the choice, Shaw would sit in front of feast until it disappeared. There was always the dinner feast, though. Shaw had also befriended the elves in the kitchen and she got snacks whenever she wanted them. She’d already asked them to pack a basket for the listening party they had planned later.

Root lifted her knees, holding her skirt as she swung her legs over the bench. Even after six years, she forgot that she wore skirts sometimes. There had been some embarrassing moments after late night study sessions or adventures, when she was too sleepy to care about modesty. Shaw smirked at her as she stood up carefully.

“Don’t forget your mug,” Shaw said, picking it up. She popped the lid open and sniffed it. “Did you put water in a thermos?”

“Yup,” Root lied. She shrugged, trying to look casual. “It’s got some, uh, herbs. For focus. Yeah, I need to do some studying today. Later.”

Shaw gave her a skeptical look. “Studying? During the holiday? I can’t let you be that nerd.”

Laughing, Root relaxed, glad that the lie had worked. She held her hand out. “Can I just have my drink, please?”

“No.”

Shaw lifted the mug, but Root leapt forward, snatching it from her hands. Panicked, Root chugged it. It burned her throat and she knew right away that it had worked. She lowered the mug, gasping for air after her long drink. Shaw was staring at her like she had a second head.

“Ok, weirdo.” Shaw chuckled. She pointed a finger at Root, narrowing her eyes. “You’re not using that focus to study. You’ll focus on something fun, like Wizard’s Chess or eating cake.”

Root smiled nervously, trying not to speak. She wasn’t entirely sure if Veritaserum made you blurt out the truth, or if it just made you incapable of lying. Either way, if Shaw asked her a direct question, then she wouldn’t be able to get out of answering.

“Uh, Root? Is there something on my face?”

“No.” Root realized she’d been staring at Shaw. “No. Sorry. Um, we should go. To the game. It starts in… an hour.”

They left the Great Hall, heading for the Quidditch Field with the rest of the late lunch crowd. Shaw didn’t start a conversation, and Root relaxed. She liked that they could be quiet together. Sometimes, Root needed to get away from people, but she never needed to get away from Shaw. They could spend hours sitting in the same room, absorbed in their own activities.

It’s one of the reasons Root had fallen in love with her. It was so easy to be with Shaw. She never asked Root to be anything she wasn’t, to be any less. They could talk about anything, and Shaw always seemed interested in her thoughts. Root was grateful to have found such a great friend and she was glad she hadn’t gone through with her plan.

Now, she just had to make it through the night without confessing her feelings. Luckily, Zoe and Joss weren’t leaving until tomorrow morning and they’d be a buffer. Root could just bring up a controversial topic, like what shop in London made the best kebabs, and the three of them would go for hours.

After a short walk through the snow, they got to the Quidditch Field, and Root gave Shaw a smile. She wasn’t allowed in the locker rooms because she wasn’t on the team. Rules didn’t really stop her, but Martine was the captain this year, and she hated Root. One accident in Potions, and Root had made an enemy. Waving goodbye to Shaw, Root started for the steps to the stands, lifting her heavy winter cloak out of the way.

She was stopped by a hand on her arm and she followed it back to Shaw. “Something wrong?” she asked, frowning. She looked up at the tower the steps were in, seeing the familiar green and silver of Slytherin. “Am I in the wrong section?”

“No,” Shaw answered. She pulled her hand away, running it along her ponytail. “I just wanted to say that you look good today.”

Looking down at the same robes she wore most days, she laughed. “I look the same as I do every day. Do you suddenly have a thing for robes and cloaks?”

Rolling her eyes, Shaw pushed Root lightly toward the stairs. “Whatever, nerd. Just go.”

Root watched her walk into the hallway that led to the locker rooms, wondering what that was about. Shaw never complimented her in such a straightforward way. It was usually “copying my style? At least you look good in ponytails” or “Want to do our homework together? You’re the only one in our year I can stand.” Root had gotten really good at de-coding what Shaw meant, and it was strange to get a clear message.

Shaking her head, Root hurried up to the stands, finding Zoe. They didn’t really like anyone else in Slytherin besides Shaw, and they spent most of their time in the Gryffindor common room, especially now that Joss was a prefect. She gave them the password every time it changed.

Quidditch was always fun to watch, but Root loved when Shaw was playing. She was so confident in the air, and with a bat in her hand. Her ponytail streamed from her helmet as she flew, whipping in the wind. Occasionally, she’d glance at Root, winking or just grinning. She loved to show off, hitting beaters clear across the pitch. When they played Hufflepuff, she’d always aim for Hersch.

The game was over in two hours. Slytherin won by an embarrassing number of points. They’d had nearly 200 by the time Harper caught the Snitch, a clear win no matter what. Fusco gave Shaw the middle finger instead of a handshake and Shaw whacked him in the arm with her bat, nearly knocking him off his broom.

After following the crowd down the stairs, Root leaned against the wall outside the Slytherin locker room, turning her travel mug over in her hands. She hadn’t been able to talk to Zoe too much during the game, but she’d tried a few times to lie. Zoe had asked her the name of the Hufflepuff Chaser, and Root had tried to say Fusco, but when she opened her mouth, ‘Hersch’ had come out instead. She’d also been unable to say the wrong score, or that she needed to leave and go study.

Clearly, she’d made a good potion. Veritaserum was pretty advanced, and usually only N.E.W.T students knew how to make it. It had been easy for Root. The hardest part was waiting a whole month for it to finish maturing. Patience wasn’t her strong suit.

The locker room door opened, and Root looked up. Shaw saw her and nodded, hiking her bag on her shoulder. She’d showered, apparently, her long hair loose and hanging around her shoulders. Her uniform was also gone. Instead, she wore muggle clothing, black sweatpants and a thick Slytherin sweatshirt.

“You look great,” Root said instead of a normal greeting. She blushed. “I mean, you obviously showered. You smell really nice.”

She felt her face heat up even more and looked away, cursing herself silently. Sticking her travel mug under her arm, she wrapped her cloak around herself and walked toward the exit. It was warm in the hallway by the locker rooms, but it would be freezing outside. The sun had just started setting and it was taking the meager warmth with it.

“Thanks,” Shaw muttered behind her. She moved to Root’s side and followed her out into the snowy grounds. “I know that Zoe hates when I get sweat on the Common Room’s couches.”

“Zoe also hates when you leave your stinky socks lying around,” Root said, smiling. “That never stops you, though.”

Shaw snorted. “No, it doesn’t.”

They walked back to the castle, talking about the game, and Root somehow managed to keep herself from complimenting Shaw again. It was going to be hard to keep her thoughts to herself until the potion wore off. She could distract them until they started the radio shows. Then, knowing Joss, there wouldn’t be any talking allowed.

Once they got back to the castle, they made their way down to the dungeons and the Slytherin common room. Since it was just a girls’ night, Joss was coming to them. Root led the way up to their room, thankfully shedding her heavy cloak and hanging it on the coat rack.

She kicked off her shoes as Shaw dropped her bag onto her bed. They’d been roommates since first year and knew each other’s habits well. Shaw liked to empty her bag before she got comfortable, putting her uniform in her clothes hamper and her shoes in the wardrobe. Then, she’d disappear into the bathroom for a bit, coming back out to fall on her bed and wait for someone to make her be social.

Root liked to change into comfortable clothes immediately. She started undressing, feeling better with every piece gone. Once she was only in her bra and underwear, she moved to her wardrobe, opening drawers until she found her pajamas. They were thick flannel, red gingham, and the most comfortable thing she’d ever worn. They’d been a gift from Shaw three Christmases ago, after her final growth spurt.

She finished buttoning the shirt and dug her wand out of her cloak pocket before climbing into her bed. Her travel mug sat on her side table, taunting her. She waved her wand at it, turning it to dust. Being in bed, wearing her pajamas, made her want to just go to sleep and wake up once the effects had gone away.

Shaw came out of the bathroom and dramatically flung herself up onto her bed. Rolling onto her back, she let her head hang off the edge, staring at Root upside down. Root lay on her stomach, feet kicking in the air as she waited for Shaw to say something. With another flick of her wand, she conjured spectral butterflies.

They watched them flicker around the room until one landed on Shaw’s nose. She swatted it, turning it to smoke. With a sigh, she rolled over onto her stomach, too, looking around the room.

“When is Joss coming over?”

“I don’t know,” Root answered truthfully. She remembered to watch her words. “Zoe didn’t give us a time.”

“Great,” Shaw mumbled, rolling her eyes. “That means she wants to spend hours making out with Reese. God knows when we’ll start the shows.”

“I would never kiss a boy,” Root said, unprompted. She gasped, her face warming up. Licking her lips, she tried again. “I like girls.”

Shaw stared across the room at her, face unreadable. Root stayed as still as possible. She felt like she could spook Shaw if she moved too quickly, or said anything else. Over the years, Root had learned that Shaw had a very strong fight-or-flight reaction. She hoped she hadn’t ruined their night.

“Boys are gross,” Shaw finally said, looking away. “Reese even more, so. I’d rather die than kiss him.”

Root laughed, the tension draining from her body. “Zoe just likes that he’s tall.”

Shaw shrugged. “I like tall people.”

“I’m tall,” Root blurted out before she could stop herself. Shaw tilted her head, giving her a thoughtful look. Taking a breath, Root opened her mouth to just tell Shaw that she liked her, but Zoe walked into the room and she lost her nerve. “Zoe!”

Shaw sat up, apparently distracted by Zoe’s entrance. “When are we doing this? It’s almost dinner time.”

“Hold your horses,” Zoe told her, crossing between their beds to get to her own. “Joss is going to come down after the feast and we’ll set up in here.” She stopped at her desk and pulled out a small scroll. “It wouldn’t be much of a girls’ ‘night’ if it started before it was even dark.”

“Good point.”

Sitting up, Root looked down at her pajamas and sighed. “It’s not acceptable to eat dinner in pajamas.”

“Since when has ‘acceptable’ stopped you?” Shaw asked her, grinning. “Everyone’s gone, anyway. Just put the shoes on.”

Returning her grin, Root scrambled out of bed to her wardrobe. The pajamas had come with a pair of bunny slippers, large ears standing straight up. Root hardly wore them because she didn’t want to get them dirty, but now seemed like the perfect time. She dropped them to the floor and slid her feet into them, wiggling her toes to move the ears.

“I love when you give me gifts,” Root said, happily. She closed her wardrobe and turned to face the other girls. “I like knowing you think about me.”

Zoe gave her an amused glance before continuing to write on her scroll. She was probably writing down a piece of gossip she’d just heard so she wouldn’t forget. Realizing that she’d said something weird again, Root sighed, rubbing her forehead. Maybe she should just stop talking altogether. Looking at Shaw, she met her narrowed eyes. She seemed to be thinking about something and Root gave her a nervous smile.

“Dinner?” she asked them, pointing at the door with her thumb. “I’m hungry.”

Shaw nodded, sliding off her bed. She picked up her wand from where she’d tossed it on her pillow and slid into the front pocket of her sweatshirt. That reminded Root to get hers and she picked it up off her bed. There weren’t any pockets in her pajamas and she wasn’t sure where to put it.

“Here,” Shaw murmured from beside her. She took the wand from Root, their hands brushing. Shaw’s hand was callused from riding her broom, and her soft touch always accentuated rough skin. She put Root’s wand in her pocket with her own. “I’ll hold it.”

She walked away before Root could thank her, disappearing out the door. Root rubbed her hands together, trying to save the feeling of Shaw’s hand on hers. Zoe put her note back in her desk and headed for the door. She hooked her arm through Root’s, dragging her out of their bedroom. They caught up with Shaw quickly, the three of them ready for dinner.

As they walked, Shaw kept a close watch on her. It made Root hyper aware of herself, and she made an extra effort not to speak. Zoe chatted idly about Joss and her new boyfriend, but Root barely heard a word of it. All of her focus was on keeping herself from saying something embarrassing.

When they got to the Great Hall, Zoe peeled off to sit with other friends and Shaw and Root made their way to their usual spot at the Slytherin table. It was weird to see the Great Hall so empty, even though Root had spent every holiday break at the castle. It was always packed during the school year and the quiet of the holiday was loud in the large space. There were even fewer people than there had been at lunch. Apparently, the Quidditch game ending caused a mass exodus.

They sat down and Shaw immediately started stacking food on her plate. Root laughed, taking food at a reasonable pace. Shaw was a bottomless pit, always hungry and never gaining weight. Root had been watching her exercise for years, and knew how many calories she burned. Taking a large bite of turkey sandwich, Shaw shifted in her chair, pulling up a leg and facing Root.

“So,” Shaw said with her mouth full, “I have a theory.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” She narrowed her eyes, squinting dangerously at Root. “I think something is different about you.”

Root’s eyes widened and she busied herself cutting a piece of steak into bite-sized pieces. “Something is different about me.” She closed her eyes, cursing herself. She quickly tried to think of something that was different about her other than ‘I can’t tell lies.’ “I… usually wear my skin color hearing aid, but I’m today, I’m wearing my black hearing aid.”

She stuffed a piece of steak into her mouth to avoid saying anything else. A glance at Shaw told her that her excuse wasn’t good enough. Shaw took another bite of her sandwich, chewing slowly as she looked Root over. If Shaw asked again, Root could say she was wearing pajamas at lunch, or she’d forgotten to floss.

“That’s not it.” She put her sandwich down, leaning her arms on the table and sweeping her eyes over Root again. “You’re acting weirdly.”

Root clenched her jaw and didn’t answer. Anything that came out of her mouth right now would be bad. She chewed with determination, staring down at the table. Swallowing, she picked up a glass of water, taking slow sips.

Shaw’s gaze landed on the glass and a slow smiled spread across her face. She shook a finger at Root, clicking her tongue. Chuckling, she leaned toward Root and lowered her voice.

“You’re drunk.”

Root frowned, surprised at Shaw’s conclusion. She put her glass down. “I’m not drunk.”

“Don’t deny it,” Shaw teased, winking. “That wasn’t water in your travel mug, was it?”

“No,” Root answered, sighing. “It was not just water.”

Shaw laughed, clapping her hands. “You dog! I can’t believe you didn’t share! I didn’t even smell alcohol. Was there a charm on it?”

“No,” Root said again. She shook her head. “It wasn’t alcohol. I’m not drunk. I promise.”

“Then what?” Shaw demanded, crossing her arms. “Something is going on. You never compliment me.”

Root frowned. “I compliment you.”

“No, you don’t.” Shaw shrugged. “I don’t care. I’m just saying that you don’t.”

“I think you’re wonderful. You’re beautiful, smart, talented, and a great friend. I think about you constantly, and you look really hot in your Quidditch uniform.”

Root gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth. She couldn’t believe she’d just said all that, unprompted. The other compliments had been casual, and she could pass it off as friendship, but friends didn’t call each other hot. She could feel her face and neck grow warm, and new she was completely red. All this blushing was going to give her a headache.

Shaw just scratched her chin and looked away, turning back to her food. “Thanks.”

Taking a deep breath, Root looked around the Great Hall for an out. She wasn’t sure what was worse, Shaw turning her down or Shaw only saying ‘thanks’ to her compliments. It didn’t have to be a big display, but Root would like a clue into what she was thinking. Sighing, she reached across the table for a cinnamon roll, deciding she felt more like dessert than dinner.

“You’re pretty hot, too.”

Root’s hands froze as they tore the roll apart. The sentence had been so quiet that she thought she might have imagined it. Shaw was eating her sandwich again, not looking at Root. It had never felt awkward to be together, but Root was about ready to run away. She wasn’t sure what to do, and just sat still, her fingers still inside the cinnamon roll.

“If it wasn’t alcohol,” Shaw mumbled around her food, “what was in your mug?”

“Veritaserum.”

Shaw’s eyes widened and she coughed, dropping the last piece of her sandwich on to her plate and hitting her chest with her fist. Root handed her a glass of water, watching her gulp it down. Gasping, she put it on the table and wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

“Veritaserum?” she repeated, surprised. “A whole mug of-“

“No! I’m not an idiot. It was just a few drops in water.”

“Still,” she breathed. She crossed her legs in front of her on the bench, facing Root fully. “That means you can’t lie right now, right?”

Root nodded, pushing her hand behind her ear. “It only lasts twelve hours, so I’ll be back to normal tomorrow.

Shaw counting on her fingers and grinned. “I have until one am to learn all your secrets.”

“Oh no,” Root laughed, holding her hands up. “Don’t take this as a challenge.”

Another odd look crossed her face, and she licked her lips. “Do you keep a lot of secrets from me?”

Taking a deep breath, Root wasn’t sure how to answer. She didn’t know what the truth was. There were things she hadn’t told Shaw, but did that mean they were secrets? Shaw didn’t know about her feelings, or her late night trips to the Astronomy tour to stargaze, or the bone deep need she had to prove her worth and skill. Root didn’t talk about that, about how much she ached to be an adult and really explore the limits of her magic.

“Only a few,” she said, giving her a small smile. “I like having something of my own.”

Shaw nodded sharply, her lips pursed. “Yeah. I get that.”

Root licked her lips, fiddling with the stem of her goblet. It felt like she should offer a secret to Shaw, but she didn’t know what to say. There should be a spell that made you say the right thing at the right time. Shaw would love that. Root smiled, and tapped on Shaw’s knee.

“Here’s a secret,” she breathed, leaning close. “I saw you kissing Kelly after a Quidditch game last year.”

Shaw sniffed, shrugging. “Did you? Whatever. I’m not embarrassed.”

“You never are.” Root tapped her knee again, grinning. “I like that about you.”

“Ok, drunkie,” Shaw snorted. She pushed Root away half-heartedly. “You’re the one without shame. Wearing gingham pajamas and bunny slippers to the dinner feast?”

Root gasped, her mouth dropping open. “You told me to!”

“I know,” Shaw joked, her nose crinkling with mirth. “Gotcha.”

They laughed, and Root felt relieved that they were still joking. Whether or not she admitted her feelings tonight, she wanted to have fun. It was nearly Christmas and midterm exams had been difficult. They deserved to have a good time over the break.

“Hey,” Zoe said, appearing on the other side of the table with Joss. “Ready?”

Root nodded, and climbed over the bench, grabbing her cinnamon roll. “For the road,” she told Shaw. “I don’t like wasting food.”

“Well, in that case…” Shaw spread out a napkin and put a sandwich in the middle of it. She carefully placed two bread rolls, and two sausages on top and tied it into a neat package. Picked it up, she winked at Root. “For the road.”

By the time the four of them got to the Slytherin Dormitory, Shaw had eaten almost everything she’d packed away. Root’s cinnamon bun was gone, too, and she licked her fingers clean, savoring the sweetness. There was a pack of cookies beneath Shaw’s bed that Root might bring out later. Nothing said ‘Christmas’ like sweets.

They walked through the Common Room to the dorms, and Root looked up. The Slytherin Common Room was below the Great Lake, and Root loved to watch the various creatures that lived in the lake. She’d made friends with a few merfolk who knew sign language, and sometimes when she couldn’t sleep, she’d lay against a glass wall and watch them tell stories.

“Want the last sausage?” Shaw asked, bringing Root’s attention back to their group.

She shook her head, following the others up the stairs. “No, thanks. You eat it.”

Shaw nodded, finishing it in two large bites. Root laughed at her, amazed as always by her bottomless stomach. She climbed onto Shaw’s bed, kicking her slippers off and pulling the covers up over herself.

Zoe was setting the Gramophone up on her desk, carefully handling one of the vinyls she’d found. There was a large basket on Shaw’s trunk from the house elves. Shaw rubbed her hands together excitedly and opened it. She pulled out various Christmas cookies and cakes, putting them onto Root’s bed.

“Tonight, we dine like kings!” Shaw announced loudly. Joss came over to look at the selection and Shaw grinned proudly, as if she’d made it all herself. “I love Hogwarts.”

“Me too,” Root agreed. She burrowed into the blankets, pouting at Shaw. “Bring me cookies?”

Rolling her eyes, Shaw picked up the package of snickerdoodles and climbed onto her bed. She gave them to Root before taking her shoes off, putting their wands on her nightstand, and getting into bed, too. Scooting close to Shaw, Root took a cookie from the package, taking a bite and humming with pleasure.

“Alright,” Zoe said, winding the Gramophone. “The first one is a murder mystery.”

The night passed uneventfully, with jokes and kebab debates. Root almost forgot that she was still under the effects of Veritaserum. They listened to old radio shows for hours, eating sweets and laying in bed. Like Root had predicted, Joss kept them quiet during the shows. Shaw didn’t even try and get any secrets out of her.

Root found herself dozing off around 10, warm and comfortable in Shaw’s bed. They’d fallen asleep in the same bed before, and Root always said that Shaw’s bed was better than hers. It must be bigger, or have a better mattress, or some enchantment that made it nearly impossible to leave. The best benefit to being in Shaw’s bed was, of course, Shaw herself.

Throughout the evening, Shaw and Root had gotten closer, and now Root lay in the circle of Shaw’s arms, their legs tangled together, and her head on Shaw’s chest. She couldn’t bring herself to feel shy or nervous. It felt so right to be held by Shaw like this, and Root just wished she could press a kiss to Shaw’s collarbone.

She was almost asleep when the last record finished and she groaned as Shaw shifted beneath her. “No,” she mumbled into Shaw’s sweatshirt. “I want to fall asleep against you.”

Shaw stiffened for a moment before settling back into the bed. She pulled away for a moment and then came back. Her arm moved and Root opened her eyes just enough to see the food on their bed floating back over to Root’s. Smiling, she wrapped her arms around Shaw, brushing her face against thick fabric.

“I’m going to sleep in Joss’ room,” Zoe said quietly. “Have a good night.”

Root didn’t hear Shaw answer, so she just stayed where she was, relishing the closeness. They’d never fallen asleep like this before, and she wasn’t sure if she’d wake up to find Shaw gone. Yawning, Root pushed her hands under the back of Shaw’s sweatshirt, pressing them against her skin, slightly sweaty from the hours of lying in bed.

“I still have 15 minutes.”

“Hmm?” Root sucked in air through her nose, struggling to stay awake. “Til what?”

“Until you can lie again,” Shaw answered. She brushed a hand over Root’s hair, tucking it behind her ear. “Did you think I forgot?”

Root had hoped she did forget. No one had talked for a while, and she’d managed to keep her mouth shut. Shaw’s fingers ran through her hair again, nails scratching lightly on her scalp, and Root melted into the bed.

“Your hands feel amazing,” Root breathed. “Keep touching me.”

Shaw’s hand stilled. “Can I ask you a question?”

Root felt her stomach drop, the warm, sleepy mood leaving her. She nodded against Shaw’s chest. “Of course.”

“Do you…” She took a slow breath. “Do you… like anyone?”

Chuckling, Root looked up at her. Shaw almost looked scared, her jaw clenched and her eyes narrow. She wasn’t really scared, and even if Root said no, she’d be fine, but it was nice that she wanted to know if Root liked her. When Root didn’t answer right away, Shaw clicked her tongue and smoothed her face.

“Whatever. I don’t care. It doesn’t- “

“I’ve been in love with you for four years.” Root sighed, closing her eyes. She hadn’t meant to say that. So much for playing it cool and just saying she had a crush. “Since you fixed my nose after Martine broke it second year.”

Shaw’s eyes widened. “Four years? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, you started kissing people the next year, and I figured if you liked me, too, you would say something.”

“I thought you would say something!” Shaw pulled away, scooting down the bed so her head was level with Root’s on the pillows. “You never hold back when you want something.”

“I’d rather be your friend forever than lose you.” Root sighed, taking her arms back and pulling the blanket up to her chin. “I hate seeing you kiss other girls. You should be kissing me.” She smiled. “See, it’s the truth.”

Shaw rolled her eyes. “That’s not how Veritaserum works. It just makes you say what you think is true. Doesn’t make it a universal truth.”

That hurt her. She knew how Shaw was, blunt and unempathetic, but it still didn’t feel good to hear her say they shouldn’t kiss like it was obvious. Root blinked, fighting back tears. She thought this would be her best Christmas ever, but it was starting to be her worst. Pushing the blankets down, she sat up.

“I’ll sleep in my own bed,” she whispered. “Forget I said anything.”

“What?” Shaw sat up, frowning. “Why?”

“You don’t like me back. It’s ok. It just really hurts.” She started getting out of the bed. “I’ll be fine tomorrow. We can pretend this never happened.”

Shaw grabbed her arm, keeping her in the bed. Closing her eyes, Root didn’t look at her. If she saw Shaw looking even the tiniest bit apologetic, she’d break completely. She took a deep breath and tried to tug her arm away, but Shaw wouldn’t let it go.

“Root,” Shaw said, pulling on her arm. “Don’t be an idiot. Of course I like you back. Just because I explained how Veritaserum works doesn’t mean I don’t want to kiss you. You’re so dramatic.”

Root laughed, wiping her eyes with her free hand. “I’m not dramatic. You just can’t read an emotional situation.”

Her hand dropped off Root’s arm. “Is that bad? You’ve never said anything about it.”

“I don’t care.” She looked over her shoulder now. Shaw was frowning at her, eyebrows drawn down. “I don’t care about any of it. I like that you’re always clear-headed and observant. It’s refreshing, and honest. It just gets annoying sometimes.”

Shaw stuck her tongue out playfully. “Well, your relentless optimism can be annoying, too. Try finishing a scroll with you at two in the morning. I’d need five cups of coffee to keep up.”

Root got back into bed, pulling the covers over her legs. Instead of laying down, she rested her back against the headboard, gazing down at Shaw. “So, what now?”

“What do you mean?”

Rolling her eyes, Root tugged on Shaw’s still loose hair. “Are we girlfriends? Are we pretending this never happened?”

Pushing herself up, Shaw close the distance between them, kissing Root and climbing onto her lap. Their bodies pressed together and Root opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, her eyes fluttering closed. Shaw’s hands tangled in her hair, and she wrapped her arms around her waist.

The kiss was better than she’d imagined, somehow familiar and dangerous at once. It felt like the start of something new, a new way to grow and change. At the same time, they were still the same. Still best friends, roommates, partners. Shaw pressed one last kiss to her lips and pulled away.

“Why did you drink Veritaserum?”

Root blinked at the sudden question. “Just an experiment.”

Looking at her watch, Shaw sighed. “Two minutes passed one. I’ll never know.”

“It’s the truth!” Root laughed, relieved that she was free of the truth potion. She’d answered truthfully anyway. “Trying to test my skills.”

“Oh,” Shaw chuckled, winking, “we’ll test your skills.”

They kissed slowly, like they had all the time in the world. After all, they were only sixteen and had their whole lives ahead of them. Once they graduated, there would be Ministry training, and work after that. Whatever they did, and wherever they went, they would have each other. That was the best Christmas present Root could ask for.

#shoot secret santa #root x shaw

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butididntpourthewhiskeys · 5 years ago

Text

L O V E B O U N D

“Familybound - Part II”

Guys, a BIG thanks goes to @absent-minded-swiftie for sending me this old piece that I’ve written once. I hope you enjoy reading it xx Happy Thursday

“You do realize though that this view is insane right? There’s literally no place affordable in this town with such a view, I swear.“ Cara mumbles amazed while standing in front of the big window fronts in Taylor’s living room. “Don’t be distracted by the fact that she acts like a normal person. This place is still not affordable at all.“ Joe mumbles from the wooden table at the end of the big room while looking into his laptop. Taylor, who still comfortably sits on the couch behind Cara, just rolls her eyes at her boyfriend. He thinks he’s so clever and funny with his little snarky remarks today. Cara slowly trots back to the couch and smiles at Taylor before sitting down next to her again. Taylor now looks out of the window again and sighs. It’s grey and cold outside. It’s that kind of weather that is not cold enough for snow but too cold to enjoy being outside at all. Plus the rain.

God, this really is England.

Cara just places her hand over Taylor’s, has clearly noticed how lost she has been in her own thoughts. “But I’m serious, Tay. He’s right. You’re gonna be fine.“, Cara tells her friend, sips on her cup of tea once more before placing the big grey mug on the wooden coffee table again. She then looks at Taylor who just nods silently, still not really believing what her friend tells her. The two girls were casually hanging out in Taylor’s living room, two cats wandering across the room and her favorite chill- out playlist filling the room with comfortable songs that are making this grey and cold day at least a bit more cozy and warm. Taylor, who has changed her posture with a sigh, just looks from Cara to her boyfriend who winks at Cara in response after overhearing the girls’ conversation. “Can you imagine the level of chaos in his life If someone sees me? I mean, I’m all in for going to the movies but..“

“Babe. We’re sitting in a darkened room with people who are focused on a massive screen in front of them.“ Joe interrupts her with a sigh, sounding a bit tired, while answering a couple of emails. He knows her well and he knows that she has the tendency to work herself up into situations that most of the time turn out to not be difficult at all. Cara just looks at Taylor and laughs quietly while stirring the spoon in her tea. “Your gentleman of a boyfriend is taking you to one of the shabbiest cinemas in town. The chance of being all alone in there anyway because nobody in this town wants to go there is outstandingly high, Taylor.“ the model mumbles amused before placing her empty cup of tea right in front of her again. Joe clears his throat with a reproachful undertone. Taylor looks from Cara to Joe and back at Cara and smiles confused. “You British people with all your inside jokes..“ she mumbles, clearly not amused that Joe and Cara both seem to have gotten the joke, but she didn’t.

“I’m taking you to Vue Cinema, which is.. not the most elegant choice of cinemas in town but there’re literally no people there most of the time, so..“ “But that sounds good.“ Taylor answers him enthusiastic, looks back at Cara who slowly pets Meredith next to her, clearly amused about the situation. “Yeah, I mean. It’s just really hilarious to think that he would probably never take any girlfriend to this shabby place but because he’s dating Taylor Swift he thought to himself ‘mhm, what is the most disgusting place in town? Oh right, that’s where I’m taking her to for date night‘“ Cara mimics and Taylor throws her head back laughing. It’s funny to think of the situation that way. Joe just sighs, clearly amused as well, but shakes his head dramatically.

“You’re an awful person, Cara Delevigne.“ Joe mumbles, still focused on his MacBook, desperately searching for the original copy of a script that his manager had just sent him yesterday. “I love you too, guys. But I’m gonna head home now.“ she casually answers, slowly let’s go off the cat that was just getting comfortable on the cushion right next to her. Taylor nods, fixes a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re still more than welcome to join us tonight. Even though the choice of movie theatre might not meet your standards.“ Taylor jokes and Cara pulls her into a soft hug. “Thanks but I’m actually going onto a date tonight, so..“ Even Joe, who was casually sitting on one of the leather chairs with his grey pants and a white shirt now looks up from his laptop screen and widens his eyes, clearly impressed. Taylor looks at Cara just as surprised as her boyfriend and immediately reaches out to hold onto Cara’s arm. “What? And you’re telling me this now? Who? How? Details please?“ she says, clearly excited. Even Joe now fully turns around in his chair, grabs his cup of tea that has almost become cold by now and takes a sip.

“Spill the beans, honey.“ he jokes in an American accent, has lifted up his voice to sound like Taylor. Cara just rolls her eyes at Joe laughing while Taylor casually ignores him, way too focused on Cara in front of her. “It’s nothing special. I just met this girl in Miami last week and she’s in town, so we’re having a couple of drinks. Nothing more.“ she says and Taylor nods. “Okay, but tell me how it went, okay?“ she states and Cara casually nods before getting up. She walks past Joe and gives him a high five before saying goodbye.

He can still hear low noises of the girls in the hallway, way too focused on the email he’s about to send to his management team. A couple of minutes later, Joe still finds himself sitting on the exact same table, head in his hands, clearly overwhelmed by the amount of work that lies ahead of him in the next months. The digital calendar on his laptop is marked in so many different colors, all of them standing for the amount of flights, meetings, auditions and shootings he’ll have before Christmas. His stare drifts off to the big window at the end of the room. It’s slowly getting dark outside and the city lights of London are far away, almost blurry. The smell of Taylor’s candles has now finally filled the room entirely.

And he loves it. It smells like her.

Just when Joe was about to reply to another email of his manager about a fitting with some costume designer of the movie he’s currently starring in, he feels two hands slowly wrapping themselves around his torso. One over his shoulder, one around his chest and a warm face that is slowly being pressed into the side of his neck. He feels a soft kiss being pressed onto his skin and he immediately smiles silently. “Hey.“ he mumbles quietly and feels her slowly letting go off him. He automatically pulls his chair back and gives her access to fully sit down on his lap, sideways, and with both hands wrapped around his neck. “Hey.“ she smiles, still make up free and her hair in a little curly ponytail, right in her neck. She comes closer to him and kisses him softly, knows that she probably acts like a little child. Not kissing him for two hours while Cara came by was definitely too long for her taste. Joe smiles, both arms wrapped around her waist now. His work can suddenly wait. She’s the worst distraction he has ever known. “So when do you have to leave tomorrow?“ she asks quietly, looks at his face with a hint of sadness in her eyes. She hates the fact that he’ll be gone for two days. She hates it. And she knows how childish it is to create such a drama for herself, just because he’ll be gone for 48 hours. It’s childish. She’s well aware that there will come times when they’ll be separated for even more than 48 hours. It’s childish and immature yet she can’t help it. She’s addicted to him. To him and his beautiful character. His beautiful smile.

“I think I’ll get picked up at around 10am. So.. sleeping in. At least.“ he mumbles into her side, lets his head rest on her shoulder for a few seconds before pressing a kiss onto it, right over the burgundy shirt she’s wearing. Taylor automatically places her hand on his scalp, scratches him gently. She knows how much he loves that. “Yeah, sounds good.“ she yawns, still tired from this early morning, just as much as him. Joe then slowly looks up again, gently smiling at her. She looks cute when she’s tired. “What do you want to eat before leaving?“ he asks her, feels a bit hungry by now. Taylor’s eyes wander outside again. She’s clearly uninspired when it comes to her food cravings tonight.

“How about I get us something from that kebab shop we went to? The one where..“ “Oh my god, yes!“ she answers euphorically, realized just now that that was exactly what she was craving. He laughs at her sudden excitement and leans in for another kiss. “Let me put on some clothes and I’ll be back in twenty.“ he says and Taylor lets him get up, moves on his lap herself.

It takes even less than twenty minutes for him to come back from the cold. It’s fully dark outside now. Taylor and Joe both get comfortable on the antique wooden table in the spacious living room, both talk about their plans for the next weeks, discuss appropriate birthday presents for his Dad and laugh about a meme she has found on Tumblr. After having everything cleaned up afterwards, Taylor disappears upstairs to get ready for the movie theatre with him. Joe, who was texting a friend, looks up surprised as his girlfriend walks down the stairs. He can’t help but let out a few breaths of amusement. She wears a hazelnut brown wig that almost looks like as If she’s a redhead. Her grey shirt and her blue Jeans support this casual look. He gets up and examines her slowly. Taylor blushes. She feels ridiculous as always whenever she tries to pull off a disguise, being well aware that she most likely looks like she forgot that Halloween is already over.

“Say hello to your girlfriend Shelby.“ she then smirks at him, tries to not let him notice how uncomfortable she really is, standing there in front of him with this ridiculous wig. Joe can’t help but bite his lip though. It’s incredibly sexy to even think about her switching personalities and watch her wink at him in this red wig. He laughs, slowly touches the fake hair. “Hi, Shelby.“ he just mumbles with a smirk on his face. Taylor laughs at his facial expression. He really seems to like that look on her.

“I’ve never dated a girl with red hair.“ He admits and Taylor laughs. “Well, you see. You get to be with so many girls when you’re with me.“ She answers casually and he smirks.

“Ready?“ He asks and Taylor nods, right before grabbing her coat that is hanging loosely over the sofa. Joe and her slowly leave the house and talk to Brandon on the way to the cinema, joking about her wig and how she’s “Shelby Swoft” tonight, a British girl with a fake American accent. Before leaving the car, she has to ensure Brandon once more that she’ll be fine and that he can wait in the car outside. Joe and her quickly get out. A cold wind strikes her face and she shivers immediately. The movie has started already and therefore, it’s almost empty in the little hallway. Joe steps up to buy the tickets for them and Taylor just pulls out her phone. She’s still anxious whenever she finds herself in normal situations like these with him. She still has these little moments where she feels like an idiot, unable to remember that her disguise has worked multiple times before and unable to calm down. She takes a deep breath, answers to a text message from Martha, just to distract herself a bit. She then feels Joe’s arm on her back again and starts to walk to one of the auditoriums with him. He quickly grabs her hand again and smiles at her.

“Everything alright, Shelby?“ he whispers and Taylor responds with a nod. “Shelby’s cold but good.“ He kisses her cold hands one time with a smile on his face. It’s a reassuring smile. Because he knows that she’s nervous and he gets it. But at the same time, he’s just so proud that he can make her do these things. It makes him proud to think that life couldn’t be more complicated for her, yet everything becomes normal with him in it. Because that’s all he wants to be. A part of her life. A part of her happiness.

When they enter the darkened room, the commercials on the screen are slowly coming to an end. They sit down right at the side of the seating area. Taylor holds her breath. She looks around. There’re only a few people in the cinema, probably even less than ten. None of them have even looked up when they entered the room. It worked. It really worked. After quietly pulling off her coat, Taylor immediately reaches for Joe’s arm. He gladly pulls his arm around her and Taylor buries herself in his chest. She’s happy about tonight. It was one of his great ideas. And it worked. She couldn’t be happier.

“Thanks.“ she whispers and Joe looks down at her in confusion. The movie slowly starts but Joe looks down at his girlfriend, who’s cuddling herself now even more into his chest. “For what?“ He asks and she slowly comes up to kiss his cheek softly. “For making me to do these things.“ He smiles, slowly sinks his head to kiss hers. Feeling the wig under his lips is not the same. “Can I just say..“ he whispers and Taylor looks up at him. “Shelby is great but Taylor’s my favorite.“ She can’t help but laugh quietly. He smirks. “Lucky you, cause that’s the one you’ll be getting tonight. Shelby may do movie theaters but Taylor does a lot more other things..“ she teases, biting her lip. Joe smirks back at her, asks himself how this woman can go from angel to devil in less than ten seconds. He responds a quiet “sounds good.“ And kisses her again before finally settling down to watch the movie. Taylor in his arm and her head on his chest. That’s how it should always be, in his opinion.

________________________________________

A phone rings, at the end of the room. Taylor who’s still deep asleep doesn’t move, doesn’t realize that the ringing sound in fact is a thing and not just part of her dream. Joe on the contrary, realizes quickly that the disturbing sound is his iPhone that was plugged in at the other side of the room. He groans, already mad at whoever of his mates calls him in the middle of the night, probably drunk as fuck. He slowly lets go of his girlfriend who is still asleep in front of him. Joe quietly gets up. In just his boxers, he wanders across the room. He’s clearly confused when the caller ID shows an unknown number. Taylor suddenly stirs, confused about the fact that she can hear Joe’s low voice at the end of the room, realizes just now that he has left the bed. She sleepily scratches her head, then sits up a bit. It’s still dark in the room. Taylor turns her head.

02.21 am. Who on earth is calling him in the middle of the night?

Being certain that Joe will tell his drunk friends to stop calling him at this hour of the night, Taylor falls back into the pillow, closes her eyes once more. She then realizes that Joe sounds different, doesn’t talk the way he usually would talk to his lads.

In just that moment, Taylor feels unusually awake.

She sits up, holds the blanket onto her chest and sees him standing there. His hair still messed up from sleeping, his hand on his forehead. He looks shocked. Taylor swallows, immediately crawls out of bed and turns on the small night lamp. She slowly grabs his shirt that’s laying on the floor next to her side. Taylor slept in nothing but her panties after making love to him right before they went to bed last night. She slips the big white t- shirt over her naked body and walks up to him. He notices her now, seems way too distracted to look at her though. She quickly grants him a worried look and places her head next to the phone to understand what the other person is telling him while Joe just casually answers with “Yes, alright.“ and “Where are they now“. Taylor feels goosebumps on her skin. She suddenly has this horrible assumption that something might has happened to his parents. Or his brother? She feels her heart beating faster as he suddenly mumbles a “Can you give me the address, please?“. She quickly lets go off his arm where she was holding onto and watches Joe wander downstairs to desperately find something to write on. She follows him slowly, eager to know who’s calling him. As she finds Joe in the kitchen downstairs with a pen and an old receipt from Tesco, she remains right next to him. She can sense that he is agitated, remains as polite as always yet shakes his head in disbelieve every few seconds. Taylor then looks at the receipt. He has written down an address. Winchester. Isn’t that where Patrick went for his class trip? She swallows.

Patrick.

Taylor then looks at her boyfriend again, who just ended the call, aggressively throws his phone onto the counter right in front of him. “Who..“

“I can’t believe how stupid someone can possibly be..“ he shakes his head, clearly emphasized his ‘stupid‘ which just shows that he really is upset. Standing almost naked right next to him, Taylor just places her hand on his shoulder. “What happened?“ she asks again, can’t believe that he makes her wait since minutes to let her know what this phone call was about. “My parents aren’t in town so I.. I have to fucking pick up Patrick. They found weed and cocaine at the boys room and.. apparently Patrick is the only one who admitted that it’s his, so..“

“What?“ she caws again, fells like she misheard what he just said. She just looks at him and Joe is pale. She has never seen him like this. Obviously. The words “Patrick“ and “Weed“ and “Cocaine“ in one sentence do not make any sense to her. Not at all.

“Are you sure that it’s his? I mean..“

“Of course.“ he hisses, anger in his voice. He then, suddenly, realizes how his tone has changed while talking to her and then immediately looks at her, for the first time tonight. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m..“

“No, baby. It’s fine.“ Taylor assures him, can clearly see in the way he stands there that he feels like losing his mind. The thought that his little fourteen year old brother has slipped into things like cocaine clearly is a shock.

“We’ll just.. put on some clothes and pick him up and talk to him. Okay? I’m sure..“

“You don’t have to come with me.“ he says and looks at her, but she just lets out an ironic laugh. There’s no way she’ll let him drive over there alone. “Of course I will. Let’s just put on some clothes and..“

“It’s almost two hours away.“ Joe says, feels bad for Taylor already. She was so tired last night and the fact that she now has to drive four hours in a car with him just pick up his irritated teenage brother is making him feel bad. He loves how supportive she is, but this is something serious. This is something about his brother that she shouldn’t have to deal with. But the blonde girl in front of him just smiles calmly, places her hand on his cheek and leans up to kiss his lips sloppily. “It’s really fine. Really. C’mon.“ she says and rushes upstairs with him.

As soon as they enter her bedroom again, Joe pulls on a pair of jeans and a sweater. He doesn’t feel able to think straight right now, doesn’t know what to tell her. Is he disappointed? Yes. Angry? Hell yes. But most of all he’s worried. Worried about the youngest one in his family. Taylor does just the same. She silently puts on a pair of jeans as well as a grey sweater and grabs a burgundy colored beanie out of her closet. She puts it on, then shares a look at him. As crazy as this situation is, they both can’t help but laugh for a second. They’re matching clothes. Again.

“Do you want me to ask Brandon, or..“

“If It’s okay for you I would rather take my car because I offered them to drop off some other boys at their parent’s houses as well and.. I don’t know. It’s not going to be a convo I want to have in front of..” “No, It’s fine. I get it. I’ll ask him to stay behind us. Okay?“

“You really don’t have to come with me. I’ll be fine. Just go back to sleep and..“

“Shut up, Joseph.“ she shoots back, not even listening to whatever he’s going to tell her next, just grabs her phone that was on the night table next to the bed. He can’t help but feel an enormous amount of thankfulness while watching her storm off into the bathroom, brushing her teeth within a matter of seconds. It’s overwhelming to feel her support. To know that she’d drop everything just to take a drive with him, to the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, to deal with his immature brother.

Taylor leans her head against the cold car window. She yawns quietly, her eyes focusing on the empty and dark road. Nobody is on the street. Only the headlights lighting up the road.

It’s quiet. No surprise.

This drive is definitely not one of the fun road trips they usually take through the English country side with music blasting loudly through the car. She slowly turns her head, looks at her boyfriend who’s driving. He’s silent, his face laced with a scowl. She has never seen him so angry and terrified at the same time. And she gets it. She absolutely gets it. Getting to know Patrick, Taylor knew from the very first moment on that he’s a good kid. That Patrick is insecure which is normal at that age but that he has his heart in the right place, just like Joe does. She can’t really believe that Patrick would consume something as dangerous as cocaine. Weed on the other hand is something that most boys have consumed before, even though it’s illegal. Her brother might have as well. But being fourteen definitely is too early. Way too early.

“Are you still cold? Should I gear up the heater?“ he suddenly breaks the silence, still focused on the road. Taylor just moves in her seat, slowly puts her hands on her beanie, fixing it. “No, I’m good. Do you wanna talk about it?“ she asks carefully. Joe swallows, then sighs. His right elbow casually placed on the car window while keeping his hands on the steering wheel. “I’m just.. confused.“ he says slowly. Taylor immediately reaches for his hand that was casually placed in his lap while driving just with one hand. She intertwines their hands and strokes the back of his hand slowly. She loves that about him. She loves the fact that he just simply opens up. There’re no mind games with Joe. There’s never silence or difficulties when it comes to him. He grants her clarity and openness in moments in which there had always been confusion with her Exes.

“Of course you are.“ she answers quietly, leaves him some space to clear his head. “I mean.. I’ve done weed. At.. sixteen, I think. And I’ve done stupid things like.. going drunk to school or bringing alcohol to my grandma’s funeral, but..“

“What?“ she suddenly interrupts him with a horrified but amused look. Even he has to smile lightly at her shock. She sometimes can’t believe the hilarious stories he tells her about his teenager years.

“But the thing is.. Patrick, he.. he knew exactly that some teachers have their eyes on him because he did stupid things last year, like.. skipping classes and cheating on tests and.. he’s literally on the edge of failing some classes anyway this year. So.. I just don’t get why he’d do this? My mum is going to.. she’s going to be so worried about him. I mean.. cocaine? Is he mental? Where the fuck does he even get this stuff at fourteen? What kind of a person would sell this to a child?“ he rants and Taylor tightens the grip around his hand. She feels how he suddenly becomes more and more emotional, clearly affected by his worries.

“Hey, Joe. Calm down.“ she says calmly, just quiet enough to make him take a deep breath. She has never seen him like this. Never before. He doesn’t even move his hand that is in hers, clearly glad that she’s there with him.

“First of all, we don’t know Patrick’s side of the story yet. We don’t know If it really was his or if he was just covering for some of his friends. So the first thing you should do is talk to him and let him tell you his side of the story before jumping to any conclusions. I know you’re worried but he deserves a chance to explain himself first and..“

“He deserves to get his ass kicked. That’s what he deserves.“ Joe just mumbles grumpily. Taylor sighs, looks at him and rolls her eyes. “Baby.“ she warns him.

“He’s gonna get expelled. The school’s gonna report him to the police. Do you know that he won’t find a college that accepts him If he has a drug report?“ Joe rants. Taylor stays quiet. He’s right. With everything he says. And telling him to calm down would be more than wrong. The situation is bad and she’s well aware of that.

“If that is the case, we’ll find a specialized lawyer. He’s fourteen. This is not the end of the..“

“What if he’s really into this shit? I mean.. what if he’s an addict? And that’s the reason why his grades sunk and..“

“Baby, stop.“ Taylor finally interrupts him. He seems to lose his mind slowly. She looks at him and he just sighs. She feels how he tightens the grip on his hand, squeezes her hand one time.

He needs her. He really needs her a lot right now.

“Whatever it is.. there will be a solution. He’s a smart and good kid and whatever the reason for this may be.. it’s just a mistake. Young people do stupid things and..“

“I’m so sorry that I’m dragging you into this.“ he slowly interrupts her. His hand still in hers, his tired eyes on the road ahead. She just shakes her head. She seems off. Joe looks at her quickly, but she looks away, out of the window into the darkness. They’re still the only ones on the road. The sound of the engine the only noise in the middle of the night.

“Did I say something wrong?“ he murmurs under his breath, not sure If he’s getting her wrong.

“Yes.“ she answers him, a lot more reserved than he would’ve wished. Yet her hand is in his. And she’s not letting go. Not at all.

“You think that me going with you to pick up your little brother means you’re dragging me into something?“ she asks him with an angry undertone. He doesn’t know what to answer her and he doesn’t have to because she simply continues talking. “It’s just.. you always include me in so many things when it comes to your family and I’m always so thrilled and thankful and then you say something like this. As if I.. as if I shouldn’t be included or..“

“Baby, you got this totally wrong.“ he immediately answers her, “I want you to be included no matter what. It’s just.. this is not one of these fun and.. and joyful family moments and I don’t want to scare you away or think worse of my brother or..“

“I would never, Joe. Never. I love them and I love you.“ she interrupts him with a shaky voice. She’s emotional. Joe turns his head and sees the look on her face. She doesn’t cry but she really needs him to know. Joe immediately raises his hand that was holding hers. He leads their intertwined hands to his mouth and kisses the back of her hand at least five times.

“I’m an idiot. I’m an asshole, tonight. I just.. I feel like going crazy. I’m so sorry that I made you feel as If you shouldn’t be included in this or.. as If you wouldn’t love me or my family as much as you do. I’m just sorry. About this drama and the fact that you didn’t get enough sleep because of my crazy family again. Love you, that’s all.“ he casually says and she smiles tiredly at him. Her hand still receiving some sluggish kisses while he’s focused on the road. It’s still pretty dark in the car and just the little lights from the dashboard of the car light up his face.

He’s so beautiful. She will never have enough of this. Of him. Of the way they can just talk about every argument and solve it with their open communication. No mind games. Just two people working it out. “You’re not an asshole. But I love you, too.“ she says quietly, almost a whisper. He looks at her one time again and smiles slightly. Taylor places her hand on his hair, scratches the back of his head a few minutes. She then leans in and kisses his cheek softly. Just when she sat back again in the seat that is now warm because of the heating system in the car, Taylor notices that he takes the next exit off the road.

“What are you doing?“ she asks, followed by a big yawn. “Refueling. Why don’t you sleep a little?“ Taylor shakes her head.

“No, I’ll try to stay awake now. If not I’ll feel even worse as soon as we get there..“ Joe stops the car as soon as they’ve reached the gas stop. The yellow petrol station light illuminating the car. She can now fully look at him again. His eyes are puffy. He’s so worried, she can sense that.

“Are you okay staying here, or..“

“Brandon’s right behind, I’m good.“ she smiles at him, tries to make him feel her support. He has been the sun on her darkest days for over a year now. He has pulled himself back to make her feel better, to support her so many times. Now it’s her turn. Now she can finally try and give back and be there for him. Now she gets to be the sunshine for him.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a minute.“ he says and leaves the car. Taylor watches him filling up the tank in the rearview mirror. He then turns around to Brandon, signals him that everything’s fine. Taylor yawns again. She then takes her phone and checks her mails. It’s only 9.30pm in Nashville right now, and her mom has sent her a video of Kitty playing with some of Olivia’s toys. She smiles. If only they knew in how much trouble Joe’s brother is at this moment.

The car door then suddenly opens and Joe sits down next to her again. This time a warm cup of coffee and a candy bar in his hand. “There you go, this is for you.“ he says and gives both to his girlfriend. Taylor, who’s still in her favorite sweater and her beanie hat, just smiles. “Oh, thanks babe. You never forget to feed me.“ she smiles and takes a sip of the coffee. That’s exactly what she needed. “Can I have a hug in return?“ he mumbles, was just about to buckle up again. Taylor smiles warmly. She immediately places the hot cup in the holder next to her and the candy bar remains on her lap. She places her hand on his cheek and gives him a soft kiss. He smiles. She tastes like coffee and her favorite Burt’s Bees chapstick that she always uses each morning after getting up. She then wraps her hands around his upper back and head, presses her face sideways into his neck. Joe takes a deep breath. He’s so glad she’s here.

“He’s going to be fine. I know it.“ she whispers and holds him tightly. She won’t let go. Joe then slowly pulls back after a while. He smiles at her thankfully. “And you know that I’m always right, so..“ Joe quietly laughs at her smart remark. She’s right though. That, he has to admit. “Correct.“ He smiles while starting the car once more. “You know what I just thought?“ she smirks as he slowly drives onto the driveway again, both eyes focused on the empty street and Brandon right behind them. “What?“ “This is going to be a good story we can tell when he’s getting married one day. Like, oh Patrick please don’t forget that one time we drove two hours to get you in the middle of the night, you know.“

Joe smirks. She’s right. “And who mentions that part about the weed then?“

“We’ll decide that later on. As long as no one mentions my little walk of shame in front of his friends yesterday morning..“ she mumbles, while sipping on her coffee and looking out of the window. Joe laughs. “God, I almost forgot about that..“ he laughs and she punches him softly. “I really hope his friends from this morning aren’t the ones that we have to pick up as well..“ she whines and he laughs quietly. “I don’t think so, babe. These boys’ parents are apparently gone as well and they all have to be at the headmasters office tomorrow morning so.. I was asked by the teacher to get them as well.“ he says and sighs. He really is more than annoyed about this nightly trip. “Did they call your mom as well?“ She asks while looking out the window and into the sky. It’s still dark but the sky has turned into a lighter shade of dark blue. The sun’s still far away from rising yet it’s getting later.

“No, just me. Because they only have my number, so.. Do you think I should call her?“ He asks and looks at her. Taylor sighs, her free hand reaching for his. “Not yet. I think you should.. talk to Patrick first. And then call them later. Everything else will just freak them out even more.“ Taylor says and he nods. As so often, she’s right. A calm silence overcomes the two. Joe keeps on driving and Taylor sips on her coffee ever now and then. She then looks onto the road ahead, enjoys the moment. As weird as it sounds. But they’re alone. Absolutely alone. Nobody distracting him, nobody watching them.

“I know this probably sounds wrong but.. this is nice.“ she says then, looks at him. He frowns quickly, confused but waits for her to continue. “You and me and the fact that we’re doing this together.“ Joe looks at her for a second and all he sees as he looks back at the road is her warm smile. Now he’s the one reaching for her hand. “Yeah. And I’d like to do these things together with you for a very, very long time.“ “So you wanna pick up our kids after they were found with weed on a class trip, too?“ she jokes and he smirks silently.

“Patrick will do that. We’ll be on a holiday then, trust me.“ He says and makes her laugh a little before continuing to finish her coffee.

________________________________________

“Baby?“ She hears his soft voice, suddenly opens her eyes. Her neck feels a bit stiff and the car isn’t moving anymore. She feels his hand on her face. The sun slowly begins to rise and it’s not as dark anymore as in the moment where her eyes closed. “Did I.. did I fall asleep?“ she mumbles, rubbing her eyes disoriented. “Yeah. We’re here. I don’t think you should come with me, maybe you can stay in the car? There’re a lot of teenagers in there and..“

“Mhm, yeah.“ she answers him and he quickly pulls in to give her a kiss. “I’ll be back in a minute.“

“Do you want me to drive home with Brandon so you can talk to him alone or..“

“I’d love if you were here, but you don’t have to..“

“I’ll be here. Now go in there and don’t punch anyone right away. Promise?“ she interrupts and grants him a last smile. He kisses her again, then slowly leaves the car.

“Promise.“

Taylor looks how he disappears from the parking lot. There’s nothing but huge bushes in front of her. She loosens the belt around her torso, turns around to get a better look of where they are. The hostel looks really nice, seems to be hidden in a little forest, far away from everything. The building though cannot be seen from the parking lot where he left the car. The only thing that can be seen though is the ambulance that has parked on the other side of the parking spot, right where the little road leads to the hostel. She swallows. What a crazy night. It takes exactly five minutes until she can hear footsteps on the gravel path. She turns her head and sees two familiar persons walking towards the car. One tall man with a deep frown on his face and one boy with his backpack that looks just as devastated as the other one. Taylor can’t help but smile. They look like twins.

The car opens and Joe sits down next to her. He’s tense. She feels it. Patrick seems to place his backpack in the trunk first. Taylor squeezes his hand quickly, doesn’t have to talk to communicate with him.

Are you okay?

Yes.

In just that moment Patrick enters the car, quietly sits down in the backseat. It’s still dark outside. None of the boys are saying a word.

“Hi Taylor.“ she hears a slow mumble from behind. She slowly turns around and looks at Patrick. He’s pale. He looks shocked. She swallows. “Hey.“ she says warmly, then turns around to face Joe again. His hands are glued to the steering wheel even though he didn’t start car yet.

“Where are the other boys?“ she asks and Joe answers.

“Getting their stuff.“ he answers quickly. Taylor nods. She shouldn’t say much more. This awkward moment is not really any of her business. She’s here to support Joe, but she shouldn’t start the awkward conversation that’s bound to happen.

“I’m not gonna ask this in front of the others so.. why did you do it?“ Joe asks. He looks angry. Disappointed. Taylor swallows, looks into the darkness of the bushes right in front of the car. It’s probably four in the morning. Way too early for such a conversation.

“Did what?“

“Do you think I’m stupid?“

“I didn’t.. take the cocaine. What did they tell you?“

“That they found weed and cocaine and that you admitted that it was yours.“

"I did but.. I didn’t take the cocaine. Really.“ Patrick says and Taylor freezes. She looks at Joe and he still seems tense. More tense than she’s ever seen him.

“Why do you have it then?“ Patrick doesn’t say anything. Joe turns his head.

“Speak up.“

Patrick still doesn’t answer.

“We drove two fucking hours to get your stupid ass and you don’t even feel the need to answer me? What a fucking ignorant..“

“Hey.“ Taylor interrupts him. He’s about to freak out and yelling won’t bring them any further. He looks at her one time and immediately feels how much she calms him with just one look into her eyes. He swallows. Then he looks back at Patrick. He still wants an answer.

“I can’t tell you. I.. I just didn’t take it. Trust me. I wouldn’t.“

“What about the weed?“

“We.. we just shared a..“

“Was it yours? Or did the others..“

“It was mine but we all brought some..“ Joe just shakes his head in disbelief. He can’t believe it. Nothing of what happened tonight. He looks outside the window.

“Are you even aware that this is illegal?“

“I am. I’m sorry.“ the young boy sighs, his voice still shaky.

“Why’s an ambulance here?“ Joe asks, then looks back to Taylor. She seems just as clueless as him, shrugs her shoulders silently.

“One girl drank too much and they had to call an ambulance.“ Joe looks back at Taylor and shakes his head again for the twentieth time tonight. He can’t believe how stupid these kids are. He simply can’t believe it. Taylor looks also shocked. She still remembers from her school days that sneaking beer into different school activities has always been a thing. But weed, cocaine and alcohol poisoning? This is an extent that was unimaginable during her school days.

“Where’d you get that stuff from?“ Joe then asks again, still sounding angry. Patrick doesn’t answer. Again.

“Did you buy it? Who sells cocaine to kids..“

“The cocaine isn’t mine, I just told.“

“Then what about the weed? Where did you get that from?“ Patrick becomes silent again. Taylor witnesses the tense atmosphere.

“There’s.. this guy at our school.“ Joe sighs. Taylor as well. Seems like Patrick isn’t the only one in that school who’s going to be in a lot of trouble.

“Who’s the owner of the cocaine if it’s not yours?“

“You don’t know them.“

“I want a name, Patrick.“

“I can’t tell you.“

“Say his fucking name.“

“I can’t.“

Taylor opens her mouth. The situation will escalate If they won’t change the subject as soon as possible. Taylor turns around, carefully faces Patrick.

“Did your friends bring some as well or are you the only one who got caught?“ she asks silently, seems much more calm then her boyfriend is at this moment. Joe instead just looks out of the window, doesn’t even face his brother anymore. But Taylor notices how pale Patrick is. His hands are shaking while he sits in the back of the car. She feels bad for him. Not because what he did wasn’t absolutely wrong, but because she knows that he’s a good boy and that he just made a huge mistake with this.

“No, we.. we all brought some.“ Taylor nods. At least it seems like he’s not the only one who did something stupid on that trip.

“Why’d you do it, Patrick? You.. you knew that some teachers would have their eyes on you. You’re gonna get expelled. There’s no way mum will find another school that has such a good reputation as this one. You’ll get reported. How.. stupid could you be.“ Joe mumbles and Patrick remains silent.

“I know and.. I’m so sorry. I just.. I’m so sorry.“ he mumbles out of breath. Taylor feels instantly bad for him. “That’s your problem now, not mine.“ Joe says, clearly more angry at him than Taylor is. She just looks at her boyfriend next to her. He acts inviolable again, which is just a mechanism to protect himself. He’s scared but he doesn’t want to show it. So scared that he reacts with anger. She knows him too well. This is his way of showing him that he cares.

“Did you cover someone by saying that the cocaine was yours?“ she asks the boy softly and turns around to face him once more. On one hand she knows that she should just sit back and shut up. On the other hand she wants to support Joe. He seems shocked and helpless, somehow.

“Answer her.“ Joe shoots at his brother.

“Yes.“ Patrick mumbles then whispering, looks down at his hands. Taylor shares a look with Joe. She knew it. “Who did you cover up?“ Taylor continues now. Her soft voice seems to make Patrick open up more than Joe’s more angry rants. Even Joe gets that now and remains silent to see how far Taylor can make Patrick open up. There’s still silence in the car. Just a few noises coming from the hostel that is on the other side of the bushes in front of them. Joe has turned on the car a few minutes ago, so that the heater is running again. He doesn’t want Taylor to get cold. The fact that she’s a part of this drama with less than two hours of sleep is bad enough.

“Chloe.“ he whispers, his voice shaky. He doesn’t look at Taylor nor Joe. Nobody says anything anymore. Taylor turns her head to Joe and they share a look. Of course. Your first love really does make you do the most stupid things in the world. And it’s safe to say that Taylor and Joe both made their own experiences with that. Just in that moment of silence, low steps along the gravel path can be heard. Two boys, who also seem pretty shocked and shaken up are walking towards the car. Taylor bites her lower lip. They must be super embarrassed that Patrick’s older brother is going to be the one who has to bring them home.

“We’ll talk about this later.“ Joe says quickly, right before the other boys open the car door. Taylor looks at him and smiles. It was nice of him to not let Patrick discuss the whole Chloe topic in front of his friends.

As the car door opens, two young boys who are probably fourteen or fifteen as well enter the car, and slowly sit down in the backseat of the car next to Patrick. The light inside of Joe’s car makes the boys’ faces more visible. They look just as shocked and rattled as Patrick does.

“Sorry about this, Mr. Alwyn.“ one of them mumbles, clearly aware of the fact that Joe had to drive about two hours just to pick them up. The other one starts to mumble a light “Sorry“ as well. Shaky voices are the only thing Taylor can observe from their mumbles. They seem way too nervous to properly speak up. Joe just sighs, starts the car slowly.

“I’m tired but not old. You can call me Joe.“ he answers and starts the car before rolling slowly across the parking lot. Taylor smirks at Joe, then turns around to face the kids one time and notices the suddenly even more shocked and confused looks from the backseat. She quickly realizes why, is definitely not as good in looking angry as Joe is, therefore smiles at the young boys softly.

“Hi, I’m Taylor.“ she says, then turns around again. None of the boys answer anything anymore. Joe, who’s focused on the road once again can’t help but bite his lip and hide a smirk. He knows all about the sudden silence coming from the backseat. They clearly did not expect to see Taylor Swift in this car tonight.

“Mate, is that..“

“Shut up.“ Patrick shoots back. Taylor and Joe look at each other and can’t help but giggle quietly while driving home.

________________________________________

“You have two more hours before school starts. So enjoy thinking about what you’ll explain your headmaster at school..“ Joe mumbles during a big yawn as soon as they enter the family house again. Morning has clearly broken and a grey layer of clouds has replaced the dark night sky by now. It’s not raining but it’s more windy and cold as usual. The perfect weather for this day. Joe drops the keys on the little drawer in the hallway, feels more than exhausted after these four hours of driving. The boys who also haven’t slept at all last night don’t really answer, just quietly disappear upstairs. Taylor closes the door, as she walks in at last, watches the boys disappear. She sighs. It’s been a long ride. And definitely not enough sleep for any one of them. Joe takes off his coat, quickly throws it over the rack next to the door. Taylor who’s still in her sweatshirt pulls off her beanie. Her curly and messy hair sticking up from her head. Joe smiles tiredly while walking into the kitchen.

“You want some breakfast? This one’s for you.“ he says and holds up the last homemade chocolate muffin that his mum had kept in the breadbox in front of them. Taylor just shakes her head softly.

“Nah, it’s too early. But thanks. Another coffee would be great though.“ she mumbles, clearly poorly looking before yawning loudly. “Don’t you want to go back to bed?“

Joe shakes his head, enters the kitchen quietly.

“I have to leave for the airport at 10am and I have to call my mum before that, I guess. Also, I’m not sure she’s going to be fine with leaving Patrick alone until next week as long as I’m gone. Tom is in Dover until next month and I’m gonna be back in town on Friday. Earliest. So I’ll have to ask her..“

“He can stay at my place until you come back. If that’s okay for your mom, of course.“ she says, looks at him while leaning in the doorframe of the family kitchen. He tries to fumble one of the Nespresso capsule into the coffee machine, turns around and leans against the counter behind him.

He looks at her with a tired face. He seems surprised though. Surprised and incredibly pleased, somehow, while waiting for coffee to be ready.

“That’s so nice of you to offer but you don’t have to babysit him. I mean.. after all, I understand If you don’t trust him enough to behave and..“

“No, I trust him.“ she quickly interrupts, “I mean.. I get it that you guys are shocked and trust me, I get why. It’s been a crazy night but I’ve known Patrick for a while now too and I’m still convinced that he’s a good kid and that he just made a huge mistake because he fell in love with the wrong girl but.. I’m not gonna think any less of him. And If it helps, he can definitely sleep at my place tonight. I just have one meeting tomorrow, that’s it.“

Joe just lets out a low breath, clearly smiling at her now. The tall man then slowly walks up to her. Her hair is still a mess and he can’t help but get addicted to this. This make up free face with her messy bangs that stick up into all directions, her puffy eyes and her beautiful lips. She’s just a masterpiece. Inside and out. Taylor welcomes him getting closer with opened arms, looks at him rather confused, not sure how she should interpret his smiling face. He then stops before her, places his hands on her hips, pressing her to him. He smiles back at her. Slowly.

“What?“ she whispers, too tired to really speak up. “I love you, you know that?“ he mumbles and Taylor just smiles brightly at him. These three words are all she needs to suddenly glow all over her face.

“Yeah, I know that.“ she answers shyly, sinks her head because she feels an obvious flush on her face. Joe then lets go off her hips, both his hands now wandering up to her face. One hand on her cheek, one in her neck. “Good.“ he answers, still smiling, before giving her a deep and gentle kiss. Taylor doesn’t move at all, her cold hands holding onto the sides over his sweater. She smiles at him once more as he pulls back. She doesn’t want him to leave. Not today. Not at all.

“So you’re gonna be back on Friday, huh?“ she asks and he nods. “Yup.“ he answers while holding her. He now comforts her head, strokes over her hair a few times while simply holding her in his arms.

“And today’s Wednesday.“

“mhmhm.“ he agrees again, a strand hair stroked behind her ear, kissing the little spot on her temple softly.

“So two nights without you? Rude.“

He laughs quietly at her remark, his lips still on her head. Taylor feels her hands holding onto his sweater still. She hates to let go. Not because she’s afraid that she’s holding him for the last time. But because this is how it should always be. Her in his arms. His smell in her nose. His lips somewhere on her hair.

“I’m so sorry, baby.“ he whispers. She feels goosebumps on her skin. She can feel his love in every word. In every touch. In every breath. If she’d ask him to run away with her right here, right now, he’d say yes. She just.. knows.

“Do you want to be alone when you call your mum? I can take a shower and give you some space If you want.“ she then mumbles into his sweater, slowly buries herself in his chest. She realizes just now how tired she really is, would love to take a two- or three hour nap in his arms again before he heads off to Paris without her.

“I don’t want any space. Especially not from you, silly.“ he mumbles in her hair, clearly just as tired as she is. Taylor smiles. That’s exactly the answer she was hoping for.

“Good.“

________________________________________

“It’s fine, really.“ Taylor says into her phone, smiles gently. It’s probably been the tenth time today that she has reassured Elizabeth that it’s not a burden at all to take care of Patrick as long as Joe’s gone. She can absolutely imagine that hearing news like these from your fourteen year old son are frightening. Especially when you’re on your long awaited vacation in Dubai. Far far away from England.

Taylor buries her face slowly in her scarf, glad she’s wearing her warm cashmere coat. She has even put on some make up after attending a meeting in town earlier, still feels incredibly exhausted after not sleeping at all yesterday night.

While sitting on the passenger seat of the big black range rover and with her phone on her ear, she turns her head to where Brandon next to her is looking at. A ton of teenagers and young adults leave the school. All in their school uniforms.

Taylor swallows.

Usually witnessing situations like these don’t just bring back horrible memories from her school days, but also mean chaos. Chaos, because a thousand teenagers noticing her in front of a public school would end in a lot of hysteria. Taylor has never been more thankful for tinted car windows than she is right now.

“The next flight back to London we were able to get is on Monday. But I already told Tom to come home as soon as he can, because Joe apparently is gone on Sunday again I think? I just don’t want him to spend too much time with his pals, right now. I think his new popular friends have not been the best influence lately, and..“

“No, I think you’re right. But Elizabeth, it’s really fine. I’m in town anyway and I have about five security people around my house who’ll drive him to school in the morning and pick him up and.. I’m gonna make sure he’s not gonna do something stupid. I’m actually at school waiting for him right now. I texted him that I’m picking him up, so.. we’re gonna be fine, don’t worry.“ Taylor reassures, looks out of the window. Still, there’s no Patrick among all these kids.

“God, Taylor. You have no idea how glad I am that you.. that you would do this for us. This really means a lot. Thank you so much, it makes me feel so much better knowing that he’s gonna be sleeping at your place and not doing anything stupid at these other kids’ homes.“ Elizabeth mumbles into the phone and Taylor just smiles. She can clearly hear that Elizabeth is emotional and Taylor totally understands. This is the first time since she has known Joe that his family really seems to need her. And she has never felt more honored to receive so much trust. From him and from his parents. So much trust that they would even let her look after their child, as long as they’re gone.

“I know and I think that’s maybe what he needs. I think it’s gonna be good for him to spend some nights away from home and his friends and I’m sure he’ll be alright. Should I ask him to call you when we get home?“ Taylor asks, notices for the first time that it’s slowly getting dark outside. It’s clearly winter already in London and November means that the days not just get darker, but also a lot shorter.

“No, I talked to him already for quite a while this morning. Maybe I’ll call him tonight. Thank you so much, sweetheart. We love you.“ Elizabeth adds and Taylor feels her heart sink for a bit. She’s loving Joe for almost a year already and this has been officially the first time that his mum really opened up. She feels touched and honored at the same time. He was right. His family somehow becomes hers as well. And it feels better than she has ever imagined.

“Love you, too. I’m gonna make sure he’s fine. Don’t worry too much.“ she smiles, receives a last thank you from Elizabeth and then hangs up.

“There he is.“ she quickly says to Brandon after spotting a young blonde boy walking out of the school and who’s just a spitting image of her boyfriend. She smiles softly. He looks just as tired and strained as she probably does. No wonders, he didn’t sleep as well and he must be shocked about the events that went down yesterday just as much as her. Brandon quickly gets out of the car, waves at Patrick who then quickly understands. After a few seconds he opens the door, quickly gets into the backseat of the car. “Hey.“ he mumbles, tries to smile politely at Taylor but fails. Taylor just bites her lip. He’s ashamed and embarrassed and this whole situation must be awkward for him. She just smiles warmly at him, looks at him taking off his huge backpack.

“Hey, how was it?“ she asks casually, as Brandon starts his car. Patrick just sighs, reaches for the seatbelt.

“Bad.“ he just answers and Taylor nods empathetically. “Did your headmaster tell you what’s.. gonna happen now?“ she asks carefully, looks out of the window.

The traffic at this hour of the day is crazy yet it’s beautiful to look at all these buildings in this part of town. So many buildings are already decorated for Christmas. She has to smile silently. Joe would probably hate it, always complains about how people literally jump from Halloween decorations to Christmas decorations within a couple of days. But she loves it. She loves this time of the year and spending it here in this old and beautiful town with the man she loves and his family feels like a healing process. A healing process for so many things.

“Not yet. He just said that there will be consequences. And that I have to visit year eight classes until my class comes back from the class trip next week. And they want an appointment with mum and dad next week..“ Patrick mumbles in his thick accent. He’s ashamed.

“Mhm, okay. Are you tired?“ she asks him, turns her head to look at him. "I’m fine.“ he answers politely and Taylor smiles.

“Well, I’m super tired and super hungry. So what do you think about Pizza? Or.. Chinese? Did you eat already?“ she asks him, tries to change the subject. She’s well aware that what Patrick did needs to be taken seriously. But at the same time, she’s well aware that she’s not his mother. She’s not in the position to judge him or to be strict in any way. She just wants to make sure he’s okay. And the pale teenager in the back of this car does not look okay at all. Not after last night.

“No, sounds good.“ Patrick answers, looks out of the window as well. “Great. Do you have homework?“ she asks and Patrick nods. “Yeah.“

“Okay, so why don’t we get your stuff, go over to my house and I’m gonna order some food while you finish your homework? Sounds good?“ she asks and turns around again. Patrick nods once more, even tries to smile at her politely. She can’t help but smile once more. Again, it just blows her mind. He looks just like Joe. And he’s just as polite and sweet as Joe is. No matter what mistakes Patrick has made, no matter how many bad decisions he has made. He’s a good kid. She just knows that.

________________________________________

"I don’t even know if there should be boundaries from my side of what I’m gonna say. Am I stupid? I just.. I feel so bad for him. He’s such a sweet boy and he just.. totally fell in love with the wrong girl and did things to impress his friends and gain popularity and you know me. I can’t be cold or.. or rejecting to him..“ she whispers, looks out of the kitchen door and peaks upstairs to make sure Patrick doesn’t overhear this conversation while sitting over his homework.

She’s now back in her comfy clothes. Something that she was bitterly looking forward to after her meeting. Her sweatpants combined with her orange fox slippers and her favorite sweater she stole from Joe’s wardrobe the other day make her feel more comfortable quickly.

“Why should you be rejecting to him, honey? I think it’s sweet that you feel responsible for him but you’re not his mother. You’re not the one making the rules. So relax. Treat him the way you want to treat him.“ Andrea assures her daughter from the other side of the phone line.

Taylor slowly opens one of the pizza boxes that were just delivered and nods.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s just.. weird. I’m used to babysitting toddlers. But a teenage boy? Man, this is so difficult.“ she whispers, really doesn’t want Patrick to latch on this conversation. But Andrea just laughs whole heartedly.

“Teenage years are the most difficult years for parents, trust me. Especially with boys because they don’t open up at all. You’ll make that experience yourself when you have kids someday.“ Andrea says and Taylor sighs, smiles silently at the thought of motherhood. A crazy adventure she definitely wants to take, someday.

“God, I just wish Joe was here. I feel like Patrick hates staying at my place and.. I don’t wanna dare him to have a conversation with me. It’s so awkward.“ she mumbles, looks at the hot Pizza that’s smelling incredibly good. She’s tempted to take a first bite, but then stops herself. You’re not alone, Taylor. This is rude.

“Don’t be so nervous, honey. Just treat him normally and If you feel like he needs space then give him space. Also, Austin can ease things as well when he comes tomorrow. Boys and boys are a different thing.“ Andrea smiles, is just about to start her day while it’s already dinner time for Taylor in London.

“I know.“ she smiles, “Did Austin tell you when his audition will be over? I’ll tell Brandon to pick him up and we can all have dinner together.“

“Oh, that sounds like a nice idea. I’m not sure. I think you have to ask him again.“ Andrea answers and Taylor nods, slowly hears some footsteps coming from upstairs.

“Alright mom, I gotta go.“ she says, smiles at Patrick who slowly peaks into the kitchen. The light in the house was dimmed but the kitchen lights are fully turned on.

“Okay. Talk to you tomorrow.“ she answers. “Talk to you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.“ Taylor says and hangs up.

“Hey, come in.“ she then says quickly, signals the boy to enter. He slowly makes his way into the kitchen and Taylor opens the second pizza box. “Your super healthy dinner is ready.“ she says sarcastically, “I’m starving.“ she adds and smiles at him.

“Smells good.“ Patrick answers as shy as always. Taylor feels that he’s uncomfortable. Of course. Who wouldn’t be? He probably hates the fact that he’s standing in the Taylor Swift’s kitchen and is now damned to babysitted by her. Taylor feels herself become a little more insecure, tries to hide it by simply putting on a smile. It’s her trick. She does this in any kind of situation. Hiding insecurities is her speciality.

“Should we.. eat in the living room?“ she asks and Patrick nods.

“Sure. Should I get some plates?“ he offers.

“Yeah, of course If you want. They’re in the left cupboard.“ she answers and disappears in the spacious living room where she quickly turns on some lights, tries to let some of Joe’s clothes he left here yesterday disappear as soon as possible so that Patrick doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Knowing that his big brother most likely took all of his clothes off right here where they’re just about to have some dinner, is not something he needs tonight.

After a while, Patrick joins her in the living room, sits down on the couch next to where she is sitting. He carefully places the plates on the wooden coffee table in front of them. Taylor opens the pizza boxes once more and then offers him some pizza as well. He thankfully grabs one slice. Silence. Taylor feels uncomfortable and he surely does as well.

“Do you want to watch some tv?“ she asks, pretty sure that all he wants is probably not to have to talk to her. After all, watching tv is still the best way to not have to start a conversation with her. But to her surprise, Patrick shakes his head while chewing on the Pizza in his hand.

“No, I’m good. Thanks.“ he answers politely, still not really looking at her. Taylor sighs. Patrick then faces her. The atmosphere has gotten even more awkward than before.

“God, this is so weird.“

“I know.“ Patrick answers and the two look at each other for the first time today. Taylor starts to laugh and Patrick joins her.

“I’m so sorry that you’re damned to stay at my house now. I bet you’d rather be with your friends or..“ “No, not really. I like your house.“ he answers and she smiles, takes another bite from the pizza now as well.

“Oh, thank you.“ she answers, leans back and places her feet on the couch now to get more comfortable. “How did your friends’ parents react? Do they have to spend time with their brother’s girlfriends now too, or..“ Patrick smirks, focused on the pizza now.

He’s embarrassed. She feels that.

“Uh, nah. They’re pretty much grounded for the next four to five years. So.. same as me.“ Taylor nods.

“What did your mom say?“ she asks gently, doesn’t even know where that confidence comes from all of the sudden but she somehow feels like she has that connection to Patrick. She somehow wants to know how he feels. She cares for him. He’s Joe’s little brother.

“She’s.. worried, of course. And angry. I mean. I know how stupid that was. It’s..I’d undo it immediately if I could. My mum’s crying, my dad’s angry, Joe hates me. I..“

“He doesn’t hate you.“ she interrupts him immediately. She would love to give him a tight hug right at this moment, but she knows that he’s a teenage boy who’s not as touchy and clingy as she is. But seeing him sit there being so sad, almost hurts her. He looks like Joe when he’s sad. That frown line on his face being a replica of her boyfriend’s.

“It’s just.. they all think I’m the problem child now. And I’m sure that I am anyway, so..“ Taylor shakes her head. She knows exactly what he means but he’s wrong.

“I don’t think you’re the problem child. I.. I think.. you just have to be able to answer the question why you did it honestly to yourself first before explaining anything to anyone.“ she says, the young boy looking at her confused.

“I mean, If you consume weed because you and your friends wanted to try it, then that’s something different than being an addict. Same with other stuff like.. cocaine. If you risk your own safety for someone who’s an addict then.. maybe not cocaine is the problem but.. that person.“ she finishes, then bites her lip immediately. She doesn’t know whether she went too far with her speech, doesn’t know if any of this is even her business or whether she should even have an opinion. She looks at Patrick, who has just finished his slice of Pizza. He doesn’t look at her, seems incredibly interested in his hands all of the sudden while having his head sunk.

“She just wanted to try it. She’s not an addict.“ he suddenly mumbles incoherently.

Taylor swallows.

She never thought that Patrick would open up like this. She immediately nods. “I believe you.“

“She.. she doesn’t have a family like I do. Her parents don’t care at all. If she would’ve been the one who was found with the cocaine, she.. she’d be in a lot more trouble than..“

“I get it.“ Taylor just assures him. She sighs. He’s blindly in love and she wishes there was anything she could do about it. But she’s been there quiet a few times as well. Maybe not with cocaine but with other emotional damages she could’ve prevented if she had known what she knows now.

“But since she’s your girlfriend, why don’t you..“

“She’s not my girlfriend.“ he interrupts her, way more calm than last evening when Joe teased him with Chloe.

“But..“

“We’re friends. She.. she has a boyfriend.“

Taylor doesn’t say anything. Now she gets it. Patrick tried to impress this girl. Being young and in love makes you do crazy things.

“But why didn’t her boyfriend say anything..?“

“Cause he’s an idiot?“ he says quietly and Taylor just smiles softly. Patrick has clearly blushed, can’t really look at her anymore. Taylor just sighs. She rests her head on the cushion of the leather couch and just enjoys this moment of openness between them. She then looks at Patrick who sits next to her, scratches the back of his head in embarrassment. She knows that gesture. Joe does just the same all the time.

“I think.. it was a selfless thing to do.“ she says and he looks back at her again, still a bit flushed.

“It was stupid.“

“Yeah, that as well. But..“

Patrick looks back at her. She seems super opened about that whole situation and he likes the fact that Taylor does not talk to him as If he’s just a child. She treats him as if he was a grown up and never puts herself above him or acts like she’s in a parental role. He never thought he’d say this about any of his brother’s girlfriends - but her opinion really matters to him.

“But?“

“But I think that.. you’ll see someday that the right girl won’t put you in that kind of a situation. The right girl won’t make you feel like you need to jeopardize yourself in order to impress her. What I’m saying probably makes zero sense to you now but.. you’ll know what I mean one day.“ She says, simply looks at him. Patrick doesn’t respond anymore and Taylor is unsure whether her words really made him think or whether he thinks that she’s absolutely annoying.

After all, who’d want to have her advice when it comes to love and relationships…

“Yeah, maybe.“ He then answers, not really dares to look at her.

“I just.. Joe and my parents won’t see this like you do. You’re really cool about this but.. they won’t understand this. They just see what I did wrong and..“

“No they just see all these bad things that could possibly happen to you because they love you. They just want you to be save.“ Taylor interrupts him. She bites her lips. He’s still not looking at her and she’s not sure if she has gone too far. She never thought their conversations would evolve into such a deep and honest talk. Yet she worships this moment. They somehow got closer than she ever thought they would. “Yeah.“ Patrick mumbles then, looks up to her.

Taylor sighs and grants him a smile.

This was a long day. A long day for all of them.

“Do you want the last slice of the pizza? I think you need it more than I do.“ she says with a slight smirk on her lips.

“I guess so.“ he answers and takes a bite. Taylor leans down and grabs the glass of water that was right in front of her. It’s already dark outside and she’s sure that she and Patrick are definitely heading to bed after the pizza. 30 hours of being awake is enough for both of them.

“If I won’t answer you anymore it’s because I fell asleep with opened eyes.“ she yawns, slowly leans back. Patrick just laughs at her while chewing the tomato pizza, granting her that same mischievous smile she knows too well from his older brother.

“How do you Alwyns do that? Whenever Joe’s awake for more than 24 hours he behaves as if everything’s as good, as always. And now you look absolutely fine as well.“ she protests, wishes she could deal with lack of sleep as well as the boy next to her can.

Patrick smirks while taking a last bite.

“We’re Aliens from an island called Grand Britannia and we don’t need sleep. That’s the truth. He’s been lying to you this whole time.“ Patrick casually answers and Taylor can’t help but laugh.

She’s really surprised about how funny Patrick actually is. She should be surprised about this but the longer she thinks about it, the less she is.

Joe is just the same. He seems shy and introvert at first. But once you’ve won his trust, he opens up and makes you see his real self. His fun and talkative and bright self.

“I’m shocked. I have to break up with him now.“ she jokes and Patrick reaches for the napkin that is next to the now empty pizza box.

“Please don’t. His Exes were so annoying.“ he says suffering and Taylor smiles at his compliment yet feels a bit uncomfortable with this topic.

“Really?“ she mumbles, doesn’t know if she wants to know any further details.

“Yeah. His last one always came over and constantly made us all watch Gilmore Girls all the damn time.“ he sighs annoyed and Taylor bursts our laughing, covers her mouth.

She cannot believe Patrick spills the beans about Joe’s Ex as casual as this.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry about that.“ she laughs.

Joe has told her a lot about his Ex and has mentioned that she was difficult. But the fact that she made his entire family that includes four men watch a show like Gilmore Girls really surprises her. Joe falls asleep almost every time whenever they watch dateline together. She could never see him watching anything more girly than that.

“Yeah.“ he answers, “You’re really cool though.“ the blonde teenager then slowly says. Taylor looks at him and smiles. This is the biggest compliment she has ever gotten from a fourteen year old boy. “Thanks. You too.“ she answers and they both smile quietly.

________________________________________

Joe takes a sip from his water bottle as the car stops.

He’s still tired. The six hours of last night sleep clearly weren’t enough.

Paris was challenging and fun but also exhausting. The second he can see the warm light coming out of the old building’s windows right at the end of Crescent Road is the second he feels all warm and tingly inside.

He’s home. He’s home where Taylor is.

Joe slowly opens the car door, thankful for his old A.P.C lambskin jacket that keeps him warm. It’s bloody cold in London this evening, a freezing breeze combined with a few raindrops hitting his face. He quickly walks behind the car, opens the trunk and grabs his suitcase. He thanks the driver, then quickly spots Brandon who’s waiting in a car in front of the house. He smiles at the big guy and waves. He never thought he’d get used to another person constantly looking after his girlfriend, but he did. Brandon’s presence not only makes Taylor feel better. It gives Joe a good feeling to know that she’s safe.

As he passes the gate and walks up the steps to the door, he can smell all kinds of herbs and candles already. He smiles. She surely has cooked something tonight. As he rings the little bell, Joe keeps on smiling. It’s crazy how the thought of being with her can even make him forget about everything that’s been going on recently with his family, with Patrick. She also made him forget about his upset mum who’s more worried than ever, for a second. She made him forget all his worries about his youngest brother. She can do that just with her existence. It’s crazy how much a single person can change your life entirely.

With a slowly changing look on his face and still standing in front of the closed door in the cold and windy London weather, Joe rings the bell for a second time.

Still nobody answers.

He feels worry rise in him slowly. Why doesn’t she open the door? Is she busy cooking or did something else happen? The events of yesterday night still affect him a lot. Patrick was supposed to stay at her house as well. What if something happened that he doesn’t know about? After all, he hasn’t spoken to his brother since yesterday.

Joe now takes a few steps back, slowly marches through the front yard, takes a look into the small window that leads to the kitchen. The light is on but nobody’s there. This is strange. Very strange. Suddenly he hears loud noises. Laughter. Definitely more than three people that laugh out loud.

Joe slowly walks back to his suitcase, opens the upper bag and takes out his spare key.

After a few seconds, he has entered her house and is still confused and curious what’s happening in here tonight. After closing the door, he places his suitcase in the hallway and takes a few steps towards the living room. He’s not just met with warmth and the smell of her amazing vegetable lasagna but also a lot of laughter. He continues walking, not sure what he’ll find as he reaches the living room.

He remains in the door frame surprised.

Taylor, Patrick, Tom and Rebecca, his brother’s girlfriend, as well as Austin sit around her wooden dining table. Just a few candles brightening the room, some wine in front of the adults and a mug with hot chocolate in front of Patrick. The fireplace is lit and the coziest atmosphere possible fills the room. They all seem to laugh whole heartedly about a video that Patrick just showed them on the iPad that he’s holding in his hands. Joe can’t even remember the last time he has seen Patrick so extroverted and happy. He seems to have gotten out of his nutshell more than he has ever seen with his parents or even with him. Patrick laughs and talks, goes on and on about a guy in this video and makes everyone around them almost cry in laughter. They all seem so captivated by whatever he’s showing them that they don’t even notice Joe, who’s still standing in the doorframe.

For the first time, Joe feels peace.

This view, this moment is more than he has ever wanted.

This room is filled with so people who mean so much to him and it’s been a long time since he has seen all of them so happy and carefree. All together. He then looks at Taylor who seems to recover from her laughs just now. Little tears are running down her face because she had to laugh so hard. She wipes them away with her fingers and Joe can’t help but smile at her. She looks so comfortable around his family. She has never been more beautiful than in this moment, clearly unaware that he’s watching her, smiling at Patrick and holding her hands in front of her mouth while laughing. He still remembers during her darkest days back when they spent days and days talking and laughing while being nothing more than friends, how she always used to tell him that he’s like a sunny day to her, somehow.

Today, she is his sunny day on this grey Friday night.

Patrick spent two days with her and he comes home to a united family, to laughter and happiness. He knows why and he’s still in awe how she does it. Whatever happens to them, Taylor reacts with love. No matter if it’s a huge fight between them or if his little brother gets caught with weed.

She reacts with love.

She is love.

While watching her carefully listen to some comment of Tom, Taylor suddenly meets his eyes and notices him. Her eyes immediately grow wide and she gets up from where she was sitting.

“Oh my god. Hi.“ she says, meeting him in the doorframe.

Still in his winter coat. Still in awe of this family situation in her living room.

“Hey.“ he just smiles and gets pulled into a tight hug immediately. But this time it’s not him who pulls back. This time he’s the one not wanting to end this hug. She notices that.

“Since when are you standing there.“ she laughs into his shoulder, and Joe finally lets go. His face is cold from outside and a few raindrops are still visible on his jacket.

“Not long.“ he smiles, then kisses her gently.

“Look who came over for dinner.“ she smiles, immediately drags him into the room to say hello to Austin and everyone of his family.

He takes off his jacket, hugs his older brother who he hasn’t seen in a while as well as his girlfriend. Then he walks to Patrick, who still sips on his hot chocolate and high fives him. The teenager seems relieved about this reaction. Taylor smiles proudly at him.

While sitting down next to Austin and catching up with him, Taylor places a glass of wine in front of Joe. She sits down again, right next to Joe. He smiles at her one time, then reaches for her hand while talking to Austin. Taylor follows the conversation, suddenly feels him squeeze her hand three times.

She doesn’t react, just tightens the grip of her hand.

I love you.

I know.

#taylor swift #taylor swift fanfiction #joe and taylor fanfiction #joe alwyn #fanfiction #lovebound

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firstofall-howdareyou · 5 years ago

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How was your trip aside from seeing the fantastic show?

Oh it was amazing!! We had an incredible time. I’ll do a play by play with some photos and if you don’t have any interest, just move along haha

Started out in Niagara Falls on Friday - obviously its a massive tourist trap and has very Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg vibes, so we had a very expensive dinner for the view that wasn’t worth the value and then checked it out in the daytime that next morning. I think we ended up leaving by like 9:30 am haha

We made a pit stop in Niagara-On-The-Lake on our way to Kitchener and what an adorable little town!! I never got a chance to try ice wine while we were there so I’m going to have to find some somewhere.

In Kitchener before the show, we explored St. Jacob’s Farmers Market (I got a bag of chippery chips and my friend got a doner kebab which just took me back to London and studying abroad and I miss ittttt) - so many Mennonites working there, it was really interesting.

We had dinner before the show at The Rich Uncle Tavern in downtown Kitchener and I cannot recommend it enough! It was absolutely delish and such a cool vibe on the inside.

Headed to Toronto on Sunday morning and I had my first Tim Hortons experience. It was… like every other coffee experience? Also timbits are just donut holes right? Anyways.

We went to the Royal Ontario Museum (that city pass life) – my friend made a joke about one of the artifacts being yet another thing the western world stole and of course, it was said right in front of a docent who then told us that the museum purchased those items from the Vietnamese a few years ago. Whoops!

We had lunch at Hemingway’s and it was such a fun place. I imagine when it’s not, you know 38 with 20 mph winds, the patio is a lot cooler, but was really good food!

After lunch, we got super lost trying to find Casa Loma and ended up wandering around the mansions on Russell Hill Rd before we finally figured out how to get to the ~castle. Which was stunning!!! I felt like we were playing clue with the conservatory/secret passageways.

That night we grabbed more Tim Hortons to walk ourselves to Yonge-Dundas Square and the Eaton Centre, before we took the subway to the CN Tower. My friend is super wary of heights but I dgaf so we went at night so she would be less scared.

Then we went to Smoke’s Poutinery for our first poutine experience. omg its both awful and amazing at the same time. If I was drunk, I think you’d have to drag me out of there, but it was just a tad too much gravy for me.

Monday we did the Aquarium, which was a lot of fun! Thank you to my anon who recommended it. I showed photos of it to one of my nieces last night and she was obsessed.

Then we went up to graffiti alley, explored some of the shops on Queen Street, etc. and finally went to the Eaton Centre to truly shop. We went floor by floor and into any store that we didn’t recognize haha (no photos of tessa in the rw&co but I did see her on the wall in bonlook!) Managed to grab a Canadian Olympic team shirt from Hudson’s Bay (thanks for that tip!!!)

And then off to London for our final stop! We headed there a little earlier than I expected so we didn’t have a diner plan. We ended up walking around Covent Garden Market for a bit before going to Milos’ Craft Beer Emporium for dinner/drinks. What a good vibe there. It felt like a lot of bars we have at home, but of course we had to get Ontario beers. I had a sour beer from Bellwoods Brewery (felt fitting with the band) and it was delish.

Obviously, the fact that Canada let Target fail is horrifying to these Americans, and Google told us that Canadians typically went to Canadian Tire instead, so we had nothing else to do but tour the store that destroyed the best store in the world. Listen. I’m so sorry Canadians, but Canadian tire is trash and I really want you to accept that. It smelled like a mix between an Ollie’s and a KMart. I even messaged someone and said “I can’t believe Tessa Virtue had a m&g in one of these” hahahahaha

Unfortunately, the Bag Lady is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, so we couldn’t go there, but we went back downtown to The Early Bird for breakfast and it was DELISH and so filling omg. Cannot recommend it enough.

And then I took my friend on what I called A VM Tour of London HAHAHA

We started with Bud Gardens because it was right there (as someone who lives in a city that is larger than London but not like… that much larger population wise - wow wow wow that is a small downtown), drove right past Molly Bloom’s, Tessa’s house, and then off to Ilderton, the arena, Scott’s parent’s house, and finally the Skate Shop.

Can I just pause for a moment and talk about how they picked SUCH a good location for the skate shop? There are new subdivisions going up all over the place right there and its close to the suburbs of London. It was a solid move. Also it’s super cute on the inside!!! They did such a good job. I loved all of the photos they had in there, including 2010 OD Nationals, Mahler, the Greg Kolz ones. Ugh. Well done.

My friend is SUCH a good friend. Like I cannot stress that enough. I drove and she took photos of everything and I love her for it.

Finally, we ended up at the Museum London for a bit since it was donation-only and explored that before we hit the 401 and headed home.

I’m genuinely not kidding when I say that I teared up on the 401 imagining teenage VM making this drive weekly forging their friendship. I got really sappy and I’m not even sorry about it.

Overall, it was SUCH A FUN TRIP. Thank you to everyone who gave me recommendations on where to go, where to stay and what to eat.

#anon asks #my trip to canada #lets see if the readmore worked for me #if you missed my show recap let me know

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dysonvic · 5 years ago

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20 25 28 and 32 ❤️

i love u

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

is it bad to say mine? my parents both have green eyes too so i just love green eyes generally

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

an abandoned house once and we were looking around and saw there was like a brand new chair lift on the staircase in this absolutely wrecked abandoned house that had plants living inside it. and the stairs were looking very unstable. so we went to go upstairs and we heard a very clear noise of life from upstairs and almost shat ourselves trying to escape. also broken into a few of the houses we’ve lived in once when i was 7 in the middle east bc no one was home and my nanny had gone to the shops when i’d come home from school bc i came home early and i climbed a wall and through a very high open window. more recently piss drunk on a night out climbing in through one of the front windows and almost smashing the TV

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunrise!!!! new day is blooming at that cold feeling of early morning *chefs kiss*

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

lord i have too many to tell. i got groped in a kebab shop and two of my flatmates pretended to be my parents to get the man to leave me alone (it worked). bob and i sat outside charing cross with a mcdonalds and then walked all the way to vauxhall to get the first train home at 5am (this is before we knew the night bus was a thing to kingston). oh and i then attended a 9 am lecture with no sleep, still drunk.

once i came back from central and we were on a really old london bus? very odd. and anyway we get to kingston. everyone gets off. we’re all so drunk and having a blast. then my best mate harriet turns to me. “my bag is on the bus” she says as we watch it turn a corner in the distance. suddenly i am sober. i run after this bus with all my might and then manage to find it coming around the other way and i tell the bus driver harriet’s purse and our other friend brennan’s glasses are on that bus!!! she tells me she can’t stop here but will pull up on Old London Road (like 3 minutes away and within sight) in a minute and we can come on and look for them. so i tell the group. harriet is sobbing as her phone and purse etc were all in that bag. so brennan and harriet go walking to go and find the bus. half an hour passes as no bus, and the two of them come back. i’m like fuck this so i go up to a stray bus and ask if they can use some sort of bus fbi gear to track this bus? the bus driver says no he can’t do that but LO AND BEHOLD he says “oh but theres a bus like 5 minutes behind me parked? might that be it?” i need no further confirmation. i sprint down this road, heels and all, asthma and all, and i find the bus driver from our original bus walking back into her bus, obviously giving up on us as it’s now been almost an hour and i start to cry and she gives us the purse back (glasses were lost forever unfortunately). a happy ending, but lord..... it scarred me.

#thatredlipped-classic

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kalluun-patangaroa · 6 years ago

Text

An Audience With… Brett Anderson

UNCUT Magazine

December 2010

Interview: John Lewis

Brett Anderson has some fans in odd places. This month, Uncut’s email boxes are positively heaving with questions from adoring fans in Peru, Serbia, Japan, New Zealand, Belgium, South Africa, Slovenia and Russia. “I’m quite popular in odd places,” he says. “Suede had No 1s in Chile and Finland. We were massive in Denmark. If asked why Denmark, my stock answer was that, well, I’m a depressed sex maniac and so are most Scandinavians. We toured China long before most Western pop groups. I remember playing Beijing, to a crowd divided by armed soldiers facing the audience. That was pretty scary.” Anderson is currently back in the Far East, speaking to Uncut as he overlooks Kowloon Harbour, preparing for solo dates. Later in the year he’ll be in London for a big O2 show with Suede (sans original guitarist Bernard Butler, although the two remain good friends). “I wanted to check out what the stage was like at the O2 Arena,” he says. “So I went to see The Moody Blues with my father-in-law. Come on, you can’t argue with ‘Nights In White Satin’. What a tune!”

I presume you’re aware of the ‘reallybanderson’ Twitter account purporting to be by you. Amused or offended? Helen, Birmingham

Twitter is one of those strange things, like Facebook, that I don’t have anything to do with. But I have to grudgingly admit that the reallybanderson Twitter updates are rather funny [starts giggling]. And the guy doing it is obviously a bit of a Suede fan, because there are some very detailed references to b-sides and bla-di-blah. I can’t exactly complain about it without coming across as a real tit. It’s just fun and no-one really thinks it’s me, it’s a cartoon version of me reflected through some fairground mirror. I don’t think anyone reads it and thinks, ‘Oh, Brett Anderson has Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo doing his washing up, or Brett punched Damon in the street.’ It is, ha ha ha, quite witty. Having shown them the picture inside the Best Of Suede CD, my kids would like to know why you refused to feed me for five years? Also – can my mum have her top back? And are you around for a trip to the Imperial War Museum? Bernard Butler

Yes, what most fans don’t realise is that we kept Bernard in a cage for five years, and fed him edamame beans and tap water. Regarding his mum’s top – he should know that it’s long been ripped up and destroyed by the front row of the Southampton Joiners, or somesuch venue. Now, the Imperial War Museum – me and Bernard were talking about getting older the other day and he said: “Are you finding yourself increasingly interested in British military history?” And I have become oddly fascinated with watching WWI docs on YouTube. It’s not just the personal tragedies, but the sense of it being a shocking transition point between the Victorian world and modernity. The idea that they were going into war on horseback, and by the end of it they were in tanks. Blimey. So tell Bernard I will be going to the museum, soon… What’s your favourite Duffy song? Kris Smith, Wembley

I thought “Rockferry” was a very beautiful, stirring track. So that’s the only one I know well, but I’m really pleased for Bernard that that was a big success [Butler co-wrote and produced much of the album]. He’s an incredibly talented person and works incredibly hard, and he’s one of those people who is just obsessed with music. People like that deserve success. Did I ask him to join the Suede show at the O2? No. I told him about it, but he’s moved on so far from Suede that it would have been odd, and we’ve had a completely different lineup since he left. I don’t think he’d want to be jumping around a stage again! He’s much happier doing what he does now, I think he’s really found his calling. Do you still have your cat, Fluffington? Claire Vanderhoven, Holland

Unfortunately, he’s ascended to cat heaven. He had 15 long years of adoration. Am I getting another cat? Well, I recently got married, and my wife brought two Italian greyhounds with her. I don’t know if anyone is aware of them, but Italian greyhounds are like little cats. Ours are eight years old but look like miniature foxes, bonsai greyhounds. But incredibly fast, like little bullets. When they’re not running they spend their whole life under the duvet. Someone once told me they were bred by the Pharaohs as bedwarmers! Brett, do you have a copy of the single I recorded with Suede: “Art” b/w “Be My God”? If so, could I have one? Mike Joyce

Mike, I think I destroyed my copy years ago. I’m not one to keep memorabilia. They’re about 100 quid on eBay. Mike was an early member of Suede. We were advertising for a drummer and listed The Smiths as an influence. Then at an audition, their drummer pokes his head through the door and says, “Hello, lads!” Ha! It was a bit Jim’ll Fix It. I don’t think anyone thought it was going to last, Mike was far too big a name for us. But he just took us under his wing, guided us through the industry, and was so charming. I still keep in contact with him. What’s the weirdest story you’ve heard about yourself? Badabingbadaboom

Someone once told me that they’d heard a story about me wanting to shit in someone’s mouth. But I also heard the same story about David Byrne, so I think it’s one of those urban myths that gets transferred from one slightly kooky pop star to another. That’s probably the most unsavoury thing I’ve heard about myself. Maybe I should give it a go. Which actors would you like to play the lead members of Suede in a biopic? James Kumar, Manchester

This is the kind of thing we talk about on tour. Matt Osman is convinced I should be played by Peter Egan, who was in Ever Decreasing Circles. I think Nic Cage should play Matt. Arsène Wenger reminds me of Bernard. That’s what Bernard will look like when he’s 60. Billy Idol could play Simon Gilbert, couldn’t he? Would you ever consider working in musical theatre? Neil Tennant

It’s funny he should ask that, because only the other day, I was listening to the album Neil and Chris did with Liza Minnelli in the late ’80s. Results, I think it’s called, with “Losing My Mind”. That sounded great, so emotive, and real. I’m a big fan of the Pet Shop Boys, they’re one of those amazing bands that almost created their own genre. But anyway, musical theatre. Yeah, I think I would. Sondheim? Rodgers and Hart? Definitely. I’m always open to new ideas. Musical theatre sounds like it’s going to have camp undertones, but I’d love to do it in an interesting way. What’s the worst song you’ve ever written? Mark Catley, Christchurch, NZ

That’s a good question. I wrote lots of terrible songs that were never recorded in the early days. But there’s a song called “Duchess” – a B-side to something from the Head Music era [actually to 1997 single “Filmstar”] – which is pretty rubbish. I’ve often regretted the production on certain songs, like “Trash” and “Animal Nitrate”, even though they’ve been pretty good songs. But you can’t go messing around with things like that. You start to interfere with what people originally liked about it. I also think people like your mistakes, as they give your work humanity. I quite like that about Prince. He seems to throw stuff out – some of it genius, some unlistenable – but all quite honest. I respect that. Do you enjoy art? Excited about Gauguin at the Tate? Katarina Janoskova, London

Absolutely. I’m a big fan of Gauguin and the post-impressionists. My favourite visual artist, if I had to narrow it down to one, would be Manet, the pre-impressionist. Not Monet, who doesn’t do it for me. But Manet had this revolutionary technique of painting on black, which gives his pictures a real depth, there’s something very sumptuous about his paintings. And further back, the kind of medieval-style stuff like Holbein and Brueghel – they’re so well observed and so real. You look at these pictures of people who lived 500, 600 years ago, you can imagine them walking down Tottenham Court Road now, the same face, they’re so real. It’s a little window into the past. I’ve quite got into art recently. It’s all part of expanding yourself and your education, appreciation of beauty in life, innit? Now that you’re no longer coming to work in Bow, how are you coping without the salad pitta? Leo Abrahams, musician and producer

Ha ha! I’ve been working on an album with Leo, in his studio, and I have an unhealthy obsession with East London’s kebab shops. You don’t get many good kebab shops in west London. It reminds me of being a student. I’m surprised Leo’s got the time to email you questions! He’s far too busy producing Eno or Grace Jones or Florence & The Machine. He also does these bizarre things where he plays entirely improvised gigs, no rehearsals. And that inspired the latest solo LP I’ve done with him. It was based on improvs. Me, Leo, Seb Rochford on drums, and Leopold Ross on bass just jammed for days, cut up them up and improvised, and did overdubs. It’s a full-on rock record. I love Leo, he’s great. He never takes the easy option. He pushes you a bit, which can be terrifying. Can you give us not-so-slim-in-2010 Suede fans some health tips? Simon Quinton, Oxford

My wife is a naturopath – she’s conscious of what she eats, so we eat a lot of sushi and seeds. I’ve got into cycling recently, particularly living in London, through the parks and the backstreets. It makes you fall back in love with the city. I cycled to Bow the other day from my house in Notting Hill. So that’s staving off the fortysomething belly. I’m sure I’ll get it when I’m fiftysomething. I’m looking forward to that. What do you think of Gorillaz? Ruiz, São Paulo, Brazil

To be honest, I don’t know much about them. I like the drawings. I guess that’s a veiled question about my relationship with Damon? Well, we don’t have a relationship to talk about. We all have things that happened years ago, rivalries and so on, and people assume that they’re still on your radar and part of your life. It’s like some musical soap opera, often one that’s been fabricated, without much substance. I have different issues in my life now. Is the art of songwriting dead? If it isn’t, who is flying the torch? Paloma Faith

Oh, it’s not dead at all. I’m constantly inspired by new music. If you look on YouTube, there’s a clip of me singing Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful”. When you’re covering stuff it’s interesting to try things that are out of your genre, which gives it a frisson. So I always try songs that aren’t, you know, British indie, stuff like Blondie, or The Pretenders. That Christina Aguilera song is amazing. I try not to look at songs as the finished product, I look at it as the chords and the melody and the words, like sheet music to be interpreted. You’ve got to keep moving with your musical appreciation. I loved the last Horrors record, I liked The National, The Drums, These New Puritans, lots of stuff. I never listen to the records I grew up with. Why bother? It’s all in my head! Brett, you’re from Haywards Heath. What’s the deal with the swimming pool there? It’s deep in the middle, not at one end. What’s your take on that? And were you ever caught out by it? P Newman, Brighton

I don’t know what they’re referring to at all, but funnily enough my dad used to work there as a swimming pool attendant. And I don’t really know how he got the job because he couldn’t swim. It’s lucky there weren’t any accidents. Every Tuesday, we had to troop down to the local pool, and everybody would be pointing at my dad saying, “Oh look there’s your dad, he’s working as a pool attendant.” And I was hoping none of them would start drowning, ’cos my dad wouldn’t be much use. Still, this was the early ’80s, and I guess we all thought the world was going to end any second with a nuclear bomb. Ha ha.

#suede #brett anderson #press #interview #bernard butler #mike joyce #neil tennant #leo abrahams

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

Text

Not Nineteen Forever (11) (Branjie/Scyvie)- Ortega

a/n: hey friends! welcome to chapter 11 of N19F, everyone’s favourite chronicles of our uni gals being irresponsible af. this chapter begins our collective slow descent into madness so hope we’re all ready. as always, thank u for the love and pls pls pls send a wee ask into AQ/my blog telling me what ur fav part was!!! i heart serotonin xo

trigger warning: drug use (Snoop Dogg’s favourite garden plant xo)

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: Christmas saw funny jumpers, Secret Santa gifts, and Yvie and Scarlet saying I love you but not-quite-saying-I-love-you.

this chapter: everyone is back at uni after the holidays but somebody’s got cold feet, and not because the flat heating isn’t switched on.

***

Brooke wondered if it was possible to sweat herself to death as she dragged her huge suitcase up the final step to her flat and scrambled around in her backpack. She had never been so excited to take off a jacket in her adult life, but as she fumbled around for her keys she began to wonder if she would ever actually get into her flat. Thankfully, somebody had evidently heard her struggling and the door was suddenly thrown open to reveal Nina, just as smiley, happy and excited to see her as she’d been before Brooke had gone home for the holidays.

“Brookey Brooke Brooke!! Happy New Year!” Nina cried, lurching forward to give her a hug.

“Oh my God, Happy New Year baby. I probably stink of sweat,” Brooke concluded, her puffer jacket feeling more like a portable prison of heat with each passing second. Nina patted her on the back as she pulled away, dragging her suitcase inside in a suitably Mum-like manner.

“Nonsense, come in. I only just boiled the kettle, you’ve got scarily good timing. Yvie’s here with Scarlet. I think they may be banging.”

As Brooke walked past Yvie’s room she heard something that sounded suspiciously like a hiss through a set of teeth, and concluded that Nina was probably right.

“I’ll forgive them. How was New Years’?” Brooke asked, finally peeling her jacket off and throwing herself down on the couch. Nina raised her eyebrows as she poured the kettle out into two mugs.

“Really good,” she said, drawing out the “really” for emphasis. “I mean, it was just me, Silky, Akeria and Vanjie but it was such a great night. Kiki went home with a guy that looked like Thor. It was very bizarre.”

Brooke let out a laugh. She hadn’t felt too much fomo at having missed any New Year’s celebrations, as it was really only the girls whose family homes were closest to the city that were able to meet up and party together. Canada was probably a bit too much of a commute. Brooke self-consciously remembered the texts from Vanessa that came through that night, her stomach flipping over.

“Nobody overdid it, did they?” she found herself asking, keen for an outsider’s perspective on the evening. Nina tutted as she handed Brooke her mug and sat down.

“I mean Silky did, but it was basically her birthday party so nobody would begrudge her it. Vanjie was cute, though, it was a shame you never had any signal,” Nina smiled at Brooke, Brooke feeling a knot in her stomach tighten at her words. She plastered on her best fake smile.

“Aw yeah, she’s a cutie.”

“You must be looking forward to seeing her again? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that,” Nina encouraged her, sipping her tea.

“Yeah, of course! But I want to see my girls as well, you know? I mean I haven’t seen you for like, a month. Tell me about you and Monet!” Brooke smiled enthusiastically, jumping at the chance to divert the conversation from the topic of her and Vanessa. She took a big gulp of her tea, hoping it would encourage Nina to talk for as long as she could.

“We’re good! We’re good. I saw her just after Christmas, we met up in town. I’m still absolutely convinced the whole thing’s a massive practical joke and she’ll completely ghost me soon, but I’m trying not to think too much about it otherwise I’ll get too wrapped up in it and end up ruining things,” Nina reeled off, ending her sentence with an awkward shrug and a laugh to match, Brooke unsure if she felt good that the heat was off her and Vanessa or bad that it seemed Nina was a hair’s breadth away from self-sabotaging her potential relationship.

“Well you’ve been seeing each other for what, two months now? That’s getting into girlfriend territory, babe."

"Oh, don’t,” Nina laughed, shaking her head so violently that her tea threatened to splash. “As fucking if. No, I’m just enjoying it while it lasts and whatever happens happens. I mean, I’m hardly going to be the one to end it, am I?"

Brooke raised both eyebrows at her but didn’t push for any more. Brooke always worried about Nina ever so slightly, like the sister she never had. Nina was the best hypewoman around, always preaching self-esteem, confidence and body positivity, but when push came to shove she could only sporadically take that advice herself. Brooke knew that Nina had overcome a lot since her time at high school- she’d always remember when Nina broke down to Brooke in her first year halls room and had told her everything she’d struggled with in the past after a set of girls had laughed at Nina in a kebab shop after a night out. So Brooke could understand that sort of self-love was hard for Nina to maintain. Brooke had noticed it seemed to come to her in ebbs and flows like waves; the crashing-against-rocks happy presence of a Nina who danced about the flat singing to Lizzo in a new outfit she loved deeply contrasting with times where the tide would pull her back out into a sea of shame, unhappy and upset because she’d eaten a share pack of Minstrels quicker than she’d thought possible and was disgusted at herself.

“Anyway. What about you, you going to ask Vanjie to be your girlfriend yet? It’s been longer than two months for you both and in your own words, Ms Hytes, that’s girlfriend territory,” Nina asked eagerly, Brooke almost spilling her tea all over herself in shock. Before she could answer, the kitchen door opened and in walked Yvie and Scarlet one after the other in a set of slightly crumpled clothes. Yvie’s face broke out into a smile as she saw her flatmate and she immediately ran forward toward the sofa Brooke was sat on, crushing her in a half-straddle, half-hug.

“Oh my God, bitch, it’s been forever!! Happy New Year!” she cried, muffled against Brooke’s shoulder.

Happy to see Yvie because she hadn’t seen her in ages and also because her arrival meant she didn’t have to answer Nina’s question, Brooke squeezed back hard. “Happy New Year baby!! How were your holidays? Scarlet, c’mere!”

Scarlet shuffled forward as Yvie ungracefully peeled herself off of Brooke, hugging her slightly more gently which Brooke was grateful for as Yvie spoke. “They were good. Made better by this one coming to see me.”

“Oh, did you go up to Yvie’s?” Brooke asked Scarlet as she pulled away, Scarlet rolling her eyes in mock-exasperation.

“Yeah, well. Someone decided to develop separation anxiety by the time we’d been apart for a fortnight so had me looking up train times before the bells had even rung at midnight,” Scarlet smiled, Yvie giving her a playful shove before pulling her down onto the armchair and into her lap, Scarlet giggling and batting her away.

“Well, you’re still both as gross as you were together the last time I saw you, so I’m glad nothing’s changed,” Brooke snorted, Yvie flipping her middle finger up at her.

“Oh, and you and Vanjie are gonna be totally different when you see each other again,” she rolled her eyes, Brooke clenching her teeth together momentarily. Why did everybody seem to want to bring Vanessa up every two minutes?

“Well yeah, we probably will be. It’s not like we’re together or anything,” Brooke gave an awkward laugh. Suddenly the mood in the room seemed to change. She saw Scarlet stiffen tensely in Yvie’s lap and Yvie look across to Nina, something in her widened eyes that Brooke couldn’t quite make out. As Brooke turned to look at Nina, the other girl seemed to be impervious to the sudden tension and was smiling brightly at her phone.

“Hey, Monet’s wondering if she can come round. We could get pizza, play Mario Kart, maybe get high? We’ve not done that in a while. Sound good?”

Before Brooke could address the shift in atmosphere, Yvie was replying to Nina. “I’d be so down. I’m actually starving.”

“Sounds fun,” Brooke responded, still not quite able to have her smile meet her eyes. “I’ll go unpack my shit and then come back through. Won’t be long!”

Brooke couldn’t have been more glad of a moment to herself as she flung open her bedroom door and crashed down onto her bed, a feeling of seasickness churning in her stomach. Laying on her back, she stared up at the cracks in the ceiling until her eyes began to burn. She took one heavy, deep breath and opened up her phone. Her gut plummeted all over again when she saw the name in her notifications.

V: You get back to flat okay? Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Brooke tapped out a message as quickly as she could, desperate for the interaction to be over.

B: Yep! Just there with the girls just now xxx

A reply came through before Brooke had even had the chance to replace the phone on her bed.

V: Yay!! You gonna come round and cuddle me and play with my hair? lol xxxxxxxxxx

Every single kiss that Vanessa had left at the end of her text felt like a stab in Brooke’s gut. Her entire stomach feeling like a ton of bricks, she replied.

B: Sorry boo we’re just having flat girl time just now! Just the three of us. I’ll see you soon though? Xxx

This pause was longer.

V: Aww damn well I already waited a month I guess I can wait another day :) have fun Brooky xxxxxxxxxxxx

Brooke dropped her phone on the bed, brought her hands up to her face and gave a huge, massive exhale. She didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with her. She didn’t know what had changed. Vanessa was the girl she’d been chasing for essentially her entire university career, the literal girl of her dreams. She had wanted her, and now she had her. And everything was fine. Except everything was far from fine, Brooke thought as she sucked her tense stomach in and willed that horrible sinking feeling to go away. Maybe it was the month-long gap from when they’d last seen each other. Maybe it was the way Vanessa’s texts seemed to shift from fun and flirty and lighthearted to saccharine sweet and intense. Brooke didn’t know, but all she did know was that any time she thought about her and Vanessa as anything more than what they were now or if anyone else brought that idea up, her heart started doing somersaults, and not in a good way.

Guiltily, she took her phone and scrolled up on her and Vanessa’s text history, looking back at their texts from New Years’.

V: Babyyyy xxxx

V: Keep trying to phone u n it’s going to voicemail :((( xxxxxxx

V: it’s so near midnight!!!!! xx

B: Sorry boo my signal is shit! I’m barely able to text :( xxx

B: But Happy New Year for when it comes!!!! Hope you are having a great night, get home safe xxx

V: Aww man that’s shit lmao dw dw xxxxxxxx

V: Happy New Year my baby, you’re the best thing to come out of this whole year and I’m so so glad we got our shit together, I really really really like you and I can’t wait to see where this year takes us xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

B: Awwww baby you’re sweet xxx

B: You never heard of playing hard to get lol (kidding) xxx

V: Ahahahahaha shut up whore xxxxxxxxx

V: Aint gotta play hard to get when you already got me xxxxxxxxxx

But Brooke hadn’t been kidding, and her signal had been fine, and Vanessa’s messages had made her feel worse instead of better. She preferred the old Vanessa, the sexy and suggestive Vanessa who only wanted to fuck all the time and who wasn’t bothered about cuddling or hair-playing or anything like that. All of that scared Brooke. To her, that was what people in committed relationships did, and she wasn’t at the age where she wanted one of those. Or at least, she’d never had anything properly serious before and the prospect of it completely terrified her. Brooke squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on breathing deeply. There was no way any unpacking was getting done now, as the top priority was to stop herself spiralling.

Brooke could have lain there for five minutes or forty-five minutes (she had no idea), but soon enough she was jolted out of her reverie as the buzzer went off. She got up and went out into the hall to get it.

"Hello?”

“Brooke, that you? It’s Monet, Neens said I could come round?”

Brooke wanted to repeatedly bash her head against the doorframe. Why did she have to be surrounded by cuddling couples and adorable pet names at a time like this?

“Yeah, no worries! Come up.”

As Brooke held her finger down against the switch to let Monet in, Nina ran out from her bedroom. She’d obviously spent the time making an effort, and her huge mane of wavy blonde hair was half-up half-down in a topknot on her head, her face painted with just enough makeup to look a touch more glam than everyday. She was still in her sweatpants but had changed into a fresh pyjama top. It had Lady from Lady and The Tramp on it, and the slogan “BED HAIR”.

“Is it her? Is she here?” Nina breathed heavily, nudging past Brooke to look through the peephole. Brooke couldn’t help but laugh.

“You sound like the fucking Grim Reaper’s about to come up the stairs, not your girlfriend! Fucking chill,” Brooke spluttered, squeezing Nina round her middle. “It’ll be fine.”

“She’s not my girlfriend! Stop saying that! Oh Jesus, you can’t say that in front of her,” Nina turned to Brooke, mortified. “Do I look okay?”

“You look gorgeous, as always. Interesting outfit choice, though.”

“Well, I want her to think that I always look this good when I’m being a lazy slob around the flat,” Nina shrugged, suddenly tearing her gaze back to the peephole and leaping back from the door as if she’d been scalded. “Fuck! Shit! That’s her, go!"

"Go? Bitch, where?” Brooke burst out laughing, trying to sober up in the hallway as Nina opened the door to Monet, who threw her arms around the other girl and covered both her cheeks in kisses.

“Hey baby! Ugh, I missed you so much,” Monet smiled, Nina growing shy and red as the other girl tapped her on the nose. “Thanks for having me over. I got you flowers!”

Brooke only just noticed the bouquet of bright yellow sunflowers in Monet’s left hand, Nina’s eyes lighting up as they were thrust into her arms.

“Oh, wow! They’re so beautiful, thank you, honey!” Nina smiled, pulling the girl in for another hug.

“Sunflowers for my sunflower. Oh, hey Brooke!” Monet cried as she noticed Brooke, immediately striding towards her and flinging her arms around her in a friendly hug. “How were your holidays? How’s Vanjie?”

Brooke tried her very best to keep from letting her discomfort at the topic of conversation show on her face as she pulled away. “They were…are…both amazing, thanks girl! How were yours?”

“They were great. Glad to be away from my crazy family though. You know you get to a stage when you just can’t live with them a second longer or you’ll commit a mass murder?” Monet chatted away, turning to Nina for validation. Nina screwed up her face and laughed.

“Nah, I think you’re just a psychopath.”

“Mm, you love it though,” Monet smiled, shooting a wink at Nina that instantly rendered her speechless. Monet burst out into a laugh and Brooke tried not to roll her eyes. Why did everyone else seem to fall into their couples so easily? Why did nobody else seem to have doubts or fears? “Come on, let’s get these pizzas ordered. I think my stomach’s eating itself."

Brooke followed the two girls through to the living room, as Nina let Monet know that Scarlet and Yvie were round. Monet turned to Brooke as if she was about to say something, but Brooke watched as Nina grabbed Monet’s wrist and whispered something to her urgently, Monet nodding understandingly. Brooke got the feeling that she had been the subject of the comment.

"Hey Monet!” Yvie called, Monet going over to give Yvie and Scarlet a hug in turn as Nina put the flowers in water.

“Hey ladies! You part of the WaGs of Belford Road too, Scarlet?” Monet asked her, Scarlet laughing and smiling up at her.

“The fuck does WaGs mean, you calling my girlfriend a bitch?” Yvie asked jokingly, Monet sitting down on the sofa and stretching out her legs as if she was one of the flat’s tenants.

“Wives and girlfriends. Mainly used for footballers back in the day but we’re just ballers, I guess.”

“We’d have the full set if Vanj was here,” Scarlet smiled at Brooke, and suddenly yelped, Brooke not missing the dig in the ribs that Yvie gave her. She started to become concerned. Was she making it really obvious that something was wrong?

“Okay, pizza!” Nina suddenly clapped her hands together, making Brooke jump. She scrolled her phone after she sat next to Monet, who threw an arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. “We could get this deal? Cookies, wedges, chicken strippers and two pizzas for £25.99?"

"I’m not sure I’ll want cookies,” Scarlet mused, Brooke deciding she could really do with hitting the bong if only to fucking relax, and that now was as good a time as ever.

“You sure? Not even after this?” Brooke spoke up, holding out the bong and watching Scarlet reconsider.

“What pizzas are we getting?” Monet asked, Yvie instantly sighing the world-weary sigh of a put-upon flatmate. Monet raised a questioning eyebrow Nina’s way.

“Ugh, don’t. It’s a point of contention in this whole flat,” she began explaining. “Yvie likes pepperoni, but not any other meats. I only really like margherita or something chicken-y or vegetable-y. Brooke likes pineapple and olives-”

“Hold the fuck up,” Monet stopped Nina, whipping her head round to cast Brooke a judgemental glare that she almost missed, too busy tipping the weed out onto the gauze.

“That’s disgusting, Brooke,” Scarlet wrinkled her nose up, Brooke rolling her eyes as she searched for a lighter.

“Fucking hell, guys, it’s not a raw fucking sausage! It’s a bit of fruit and a bit of vegetable!” she sighed. Seeing her obvious distress, Monet produced a pink Bic from the pocket of her black jeans and held it out to her, Brooke taking it gratefully and striking up.

“…So you see the issue we have whenever we want a pizza in this flat,” Nina finished as the smoke hit the back of Brooke’s throat and she exhaled quicker than she would have liked, punctuating the whole thing with a cough and a splutter.

“Do you ever just get a half and half?” Scarlet asked innocently. Yvie squeezed her shoulder and laughed good-naturedly.

“Babe, I know you weren’t any good at Maths in high school, but there’s only two parts to a half."

"You like…pepperoni, right?” Nina narrowed her eyes as she tried to remember Monet’s favourite. The other girl responded by leaning in and kissing her cheek, smiling.

“Aww, Neens! You remembered,” Monet smiled, delighted. Yvie turned to Scarlet and frowned.

“Yours is…Hawaiian?”

Scarlet laughed. “Barbecue chicken. Monet, can we swap girlfriends?”

Brooke’s eyebrows flew up her forehead involuntarily as Nina completely froze, but Monet simply laughed back. “Sorry sweetie, this one’s mine. I can rent her out though. Five pounds an hour?”

“Eh, excuse me! I am actually here, you know?” Nina cried, seemingly much more relaxed now that Monet hadn’t freaked out at the label Scarlet had given them.

“Right, what fucking pizzas are we getting? The munchies are going to kick in in about twenty minutes so let’s go,” Brooke asked decisively, squeezing herself down beside Monet and Nina.

“Well, half and half both of them so that there’s four,” Monet suggested, gesturing to Yvie. “Me and Yvie like pepperoni, so let’s do half pepperoni, Neens if you like chickeny things then let’s have you sharing a barbecue chicken with Scarlet…we can make another half pineapple and olives for Brooke’s Satanic tastebuds and…that means we’ve got another half to play with.”

“Oh my God. Monet, can we keep you?” Yvie asked incredulously. “I think that’s the quickest we’ve ever decided on an order.”

“Let’s just make the last half margherita, then we can all have a bit,” Scarlet shrugged, Nina nodding and quickly ordering. Soon enough, the bong was getting passed round and the girls all settled into their respective seats lazily, the Wii soon getting fired up and many rounds of Mario Kart getting played. Eventually, it ended in a fierce battle between Yvie and Brooke.

“Oh, Christ!” Yvie groaned, Scarlet, Nina and Monet howling with laughter at Yvie’s dismay as she flew off the course. “I got a fucking mushroom and I used it…on a corner…like a squandering fucking toddler!”

“Eat shell dick, King Boo,” Brooke muttered, sending a blue shell with her right trigger as the buzzer to the flat went off.

“I’ll get it!” Monet cried excitedly, Nina getting slightly dislodged as she leapt off the sofa and ran through to the hall. As Monet returned with numerous boxes piled high on top of each other, Brooke sped across the finish line and cheered.

“You’re a fucking cheat,” Yvie scowled at her, pointing an accusatory finger her way. Brooke snorted a laugh.

“Hey! No fighting!” Nina chastised, ripping a box open to reveal a pizza with a curious variety of toppings.

“You’re my winner, boo,” Scarlet smiled at her girlfriend, Yvie instantly softening and kissing her on the cheek. Suddenly, four sets of phones went off and Scarlet checked hers first.

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Alright hoes are we all back from home?

Okay Then: i’m still in Dubai sorry xoxo

Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Oo00oooh alright for some xoxo

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Jeez Plastique that must be so hard for you, thoughts and prayers up xo

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: The reason I ask is because we at Antigua Road want a night outtt

Scarlet’s bitch: sorry guys we could not be further from a night out mood

mose: Yeah sorry ladies I am jetlagged as fuck

Kim Kardashian-West: Sorry girls :( Monet and Scarlet are round at ours though if anyone wants to join!!

Brooke’s stomach dropped as she remembered her lie to Vanjie. Shit.

“Nina, fuck,” Brooke said involuntarily, the other girls turning to her curiously.

“What did I do?”

The churning in Brooke’s stomach was back as if it had never left. She paused, looking back down at her phone. The chat had gone strangely quiet. Brooke bit at the skin on her thumb. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Yvie, ever the anti-bullshit merchant, narrowed her eyes at Brooke. “Are you okay, girl? You don’t seem so good today.”

Brooke was on the defense before she knew it. “I’m fine! I’m good!"

Before anyone else could say a thing, Brooke’s phone lit up. She was being phoned, and she didn’t have to look to see who it was.

Fuck.

Ignoring the rest of the girls, she walked out of the living room and into the hall, only answering her phone when she was safely in her own room. She took a deep breath before she spoke, keeping her tone deliberately, painfully, light.

"Hey boo!”

“Hey Brooke Lynn,” Vanessa’s voice was a similarly forced upbeat, but Brooke’s heart sank at the upset behind it. “Um, I’m just…I’m a little confused.”

“Okay, what’s up?” Brooke asked lightly, growing more convinced by the second that she was developing a stomach ulcer.

“So, uh…I thought you guys were having a girls’ night, and then Nina said that Monet and Scarlet were over…you know, it just seems a bit like the others have their girls round?” Vanessa questioned, her voice measured and calm and small and making Brooke feel like a massive dick.

“Yeah, no, uh…” she began, not really knowing how she was going to excuse herself. “I mean, no, I thought that too until I realised Yvie had Scarlet round and then Nina told me Monet was coming…just one of those things, you know? I mean I’d thought it was just a flat night too.”

“Right, sure,” Vanessa’s voice was understanding, and Brooke’s heart felt sore. She suddenly remembered something Vanessa had said.

“Besides, Monet and Nina aren’t together. It’s only Yvie and Scarlet that are girlfriends."

Brooke heard the hiss of a sigh come from the other end of the line. ”Brooke, can I ask you a question?“

"Sure.”

“Are we okay? You know, what we’ve got goin’ on. Are you still happy?”

Brooke’s stomach dropped to the floor. She had the smallest possible time gap to confront all the feelings she’d been trying to push to the back of her mind, and it was an impossible task. All day her stomach had been in knots at the thought of seeing Vanessa, but now that she was faced with the prospect of losing her she found herself panicking. She still liked Vanessa. Everything was just so new and different. She had to articulate that to her.

“Yeah, of course, definitely,” Brooke began, the audible sigh of relief on the other end of the line making guilt stab at her heart. “It’s just…everything’s so fresh, you know? I just want to take things as slow as we can. I like how we are, and I don’t want anything to change anytime soon.”

“Okay. No, don’t worry, I get it. I get it, and I don’t want to mess up either. So I’m happy to do whatever you want,” Vanessa said, her tone more cheerful now.

“I’m sorry if I freaked you out. Do you, uh. Do you still want to come round?”

“Nah, don’t worry, baby. I think us three are still gonna go out, so sorry in advance if I phone you at three in the morning.”

Maybe it was because she hadn’t seen Vanessa in a while, Brooke comforted herself, her heart swelling at the smile she could hear in her voice. Once they were together again and Vanessa would wind her up and they would kiss all rough and hot the way Brooke liked, then things would be better.

Enthused by her new-found optimism, Brooke found herself smiling. “Thanks for the warning. I’ll make sure my phone’s turned off.”

“Bitch. Cut that attitude or you won’t get any cute photos of my outfit.”

Brooke felt a heat curl in her stomach. “I’m more interested in what’s under the outfit, to be honest.”

“You’re a nasty fuckin’ whore. You might get somethin’ if you’re lucky. Okay, I gotta go, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, soon. Have a good night, stay safe,” Brooke signed off, relaxing slightly on her bed.

“I will. Bye, boo.”

“Bye.”

Brooke hung up, laying her head against the pillow and breathing out gently. Things were okay. She’d just had a wobble. She still liked Vanjie. They would be fine.

Before she could contemplate any more, her bedroom door burst open to reveal Yvie who marched in and perched herself on the end of the bed.

“Would a knock kill you?” Brooke rolled her eyes, too drained to be properly annoyed.

“Okay, talk to me,” Yvie demanded, her eyes full of concern. “You’re not fine. What’s up?”

Brooke knew she couldn’t lie to either of her flatmates, least of all Yvie. She groaned, unwilling to think any more about the situation but being forced to anyway. “Okay, it’s honestly nothing.”

Yvie said nothing, instead continuing to look at her, worry covering her face.

“When you began seeing Scarlet,” Brooke began unsteadily. “Did you ever…you know. Have second thoughts? Or any doubts or anything?”

“Absolutely fucking not,” Yvie said instantly, frowning. “But I know where this is going.”

Brooke’s stomach gave a spasm, instantly feeling the guilt seep through her again. “I feel so shit…and I’m sure it’s just a blip because I’ve not seen her in ages. But everything’s just getting too intense too quickly, you know? I’m happy just chilling with Vanessa, but I feel like she wants a girlfriend and I’m not ready for all that just yet. I thought I would be, but I’m not. Actually I don’t know if I thought I would be or not. The whole thing’s fucking with my head.”

Yvie sat and listened to her ramble on, then when she was sure she was finished she reached forward and took her hand. “Okay. First thing is, you’re completely valid. Everyone gets second thoughts about a potential relationship at one stage or another.”

“You’ve literally just said you haven’t.”

“Ignore that. Do as I say, not as I do, or..whatever. It’s a big commitment, and it’s easy to freak out. But I would just remember…” Yvie began, her face becoming pained as she looked right in Brooke’s eyes. “…how long you liked Vanjie for. How many times you were so close to telling her you liked her, and how many times you shat out. How fuckin’ happy you must have been when you kissed for the first time or when you told each other you liked each other. Fuck knows when Scarlet told me she felt the same way as I did, my brain produced the most sorotonin that’s ever been in my body in my entire life. Like, if you think you want to end things with Vanj, that’s fine. But you need to be honest with her, girl.”

Brooke remembered the day she’d finally been brave enough to kiss Vanessa and how her mind had completely short-circuited as their lips made contact. She remembered how wanted Vanessa had made her feel the first time they’d slept with each other, and the complete euphoria Brooke had felt when Vanessa told her she liked her back. All of those memories just made her feel more guilty at the fact that she felt more worried about the prospect of seeing Vanessa than excited. Remembering her internal pep-talk from earlier, Brooke shrugged.

“I know. I’m being an idiot. And I don’t want to end things with her, that’s stupid. It’s probably all the time we spent apart, right? Like I’ll probably see her and it’ll all fall back into place and I’ll feel just like I felt before the holidays again.”

“Absolutely,” Yvie smiled a little as she reassured her. Letting go of her hand, she patted Brooke’s leg. “You good?”

Brooke didn’t allow herself to think too much about it. “Yeah. Thanks for the pep talk.”

“Come on, then. There’s pizza that needs eating.”

As Brooke rose from the bed and followed Yvie to the door, she felt struck by a sudden dread. “Yvie?”

The other girl turned around and looked at her expectantly.

“Would you mind if we just kept this conversation between ourselves?”

Yvie nodded reassuringly and held the door open for Brooke, Brooke walking through it quickly and reassuring herself with exactly the same words as she’d done before. Things were okay. She’d just had a wobble. She still liked Vanjie. They would be fine.

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