#anyway personally if i was giving this tedx talk i would say 'i think he's transgender' and run off the stage

[aq2003]

hello tedx talk about the concept of female actors playing hamlet from 4 years ago i wish you would not include funny haha gender essentialism in your points about how a woman would fit the character (because the concept that women take forever to make a decision is, in fact, a product of the sexist status quo you are trying to criticize) and instead consider that hamlet is someone that is constantly being made aware of their wrongness and inability to conform to nearly every standard set upon them, including gender, and so much of their inner conflict and self-hatred comes from that. yes a hamlet who is socialized as a woman would be extremely interesting but it's not just because girls deserve representation of a morally gray character w depression but because hamlet faces this expectation of docility in the face of an injustice that only they perceive, and they are made so aware abt how they're near constantly being watched, and they are so intelligent and talks circles around ppl yet they have so few ppl who they can trust who will actually listen to them and this all gains a layer of deeper meaning if it is made abundantly clear that this is all a direct result of misogyny

[fortylessonsbeforeforty]

Lesson 18

I learnt to ignore the noise (both internal and external) and step into the arena anyway. For the last 6–7 years, I have become a massive fan of Brene Brown’s work. Her TedX talk on the ‘Power of Vulnerability’ was my first entry point to her work and it really transformed the way I think about the way I live, personally and professionally. It was through her books that I was introduced to Theodore Roosevelt’s inspiring ‘The Man in the Arena’ speech.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

It is hard not to feel empowered by his words. In times when I doubt myself and my abilities, or get caught up worrying about what other people will say about me and how they will perceive my efforts and actions, I only have to remind myself that at least I’m stepping into the arena. At least I am giving it a shot. That it’s so easy to sit on the sideline and criticise when you’re not doing the work yourself. And finally, why would I take any notice of those who aren’t willing to put themselves out there and do what I’m doing.

When I discovered this speech, it was so liberating and allowed me the freedom to be ME! I began to make the decisions I wanted to and not be deterred by the voices of others, or the fear of getting things wrong and how people would judge me. And most importantly, I created a new inner dialogue, talking myself INTO things, rather than OUT of things. At the end of the day, I’d rather end up at a destination I chose for myself, rather than get somewhere and realise it was a journey other had influenced me to take, ending up in a place that wasn’t necessarily my decision or intention.

James Smith describes in his book, ‘Not A Life Coach’ how “everyone is climbing the ladder of life to see who can get to the highest rung. However, I don’t see too many people taking a moment to really think whether they’re climbing the right ladder. It doesn’t matter how high you climb it if, when you get to the top, you realize you’ve climbed the wrong one. It doesn’t matter how fast you’re going, if you’re not going in the right direction.”

That’s not to say I don’t go to people for advice or seek feedback. What it means, is that I’m mindful of WHO I listen to. In this day and age of social media, everyone has a thought and opinion on everything, whether it’s right or wrong, ill-informed or educated. What is important to remember, is you don’t have to listen to them all or take on board what they think or say. One thing I learnt from Michelle Obama, is how to react in those times when the voices you are facing are fuelled by negativity and judgement.

I love her quote, “When they go low, we go high,” and use it often, particularly in my head, to remind myself of the best course of action or how to respond to others. Michelle explains that “Going low is easy, which is why people go to it. It’s easy to go low. It’s easy to lead by fear.” She also explains that “going high” isn’t about overlooking the negativity however. “[It] does not mean putting on a smile and saying nice things when confronted by viciousness and cruelty,” it means “taking the harder path, standing fierce against hatred.”

I’m in a point of my life now where I’m so happy that I’ve come to a place where I am comfortable and confident in my own skin, that I can put myself into the arena, back myself, know who to turn to for support and how to shake off the haters.

[mywinestainedheart]

Kinda Always Knew I’d End Up Your Ex-Girlfriend

I’m a bitter ex-girlfriend, and I admit it with no shame.

I will never wish you the best after me. I will hate you with such an acidic passion that the woman whose tongue has come to replace my taste might just begin foaming at the mouth. I will want nothing to do with you on any social media platform, and I will erase you so thoroughly from every aspect of my life; it’d be like we’d never met to begin with. This will also be something I will wish desperately: That we’d never met. That I’d never set eyes on you. Even the happier times we’d spent together—I won’t hold them dear—I will wish them gone… Because rejection cuts me that deeply.

When I love, I love hard.

This is something I have only recently learned about myself. I wouldn’t say I fall too quickly (I’m actually quite guarded), but once I do, it’s over for me. And you. You will become the focal point of most of my days. I will dedicate the entire temporal lobe of my brain to remembering the smallest details about you and the things you will say. I will prioritize you more often than you will ever think to consider me or my feelings, and, on a subliminal frequency inside my cerebral cortex, I will recognize this, but I will do it anyway. Because just maybe, if I continue to love you this hard then you might one day start to love me with the same magnitude.

Yes, I know. I’m ashamed to say I’ve been this dumb for a while. However, even after awakening to the realisation that loving hard doesn’t make someone love harder, I am still a bitter ex-girlfriend.

In the throes of my most recent breakup, I sought clarity and upliftment from clip videos, TED Talks and relationship “experts” on YouTube. Of the experts, Matthew Hussey, Trent Shelton and Derrick Jaxn became my go-to’s. Of the TEDx Talks, I would seek out women discussing how the breakup had, in the end, been the best thing that could have ever happened to them, and of the clip videos, any reel under 10 minutes of a stranger detailing their breakup experience and how they overcame it seemed to soothe my aching for a time. Of all of them, it was the implicit awareness of “I’m not going through this alone” or “this doesn’t just happen to me” that brought a sense of calm despite the turmoil inside me.

However!

There is a recurrent catchphrase within all of these breakup videos (save for a few TED Talks) that always left a bad taste in my mouth. Every time I heard it, it genuinely made me little angry, as if the guy who’d dumped me was saying them to my face. That catchphrase is “be thankful”. It usually comes up towards the end of their videos, after the person has shared their thoughts and experiences, and now it’s time to redefine the message with good vibes and positivity.

“Be thankful for the time you got to spend with them.”

“Appreciate that you loved so deeply because that means it was real.”

“Be grateful that someone in this world showed you what love can feel like.”

What-fucking-eveeeeerrrrr!

Why would I appreciate someone who laid our relationship down on a steel table, sawed through the ribcage, picked out only my heart, tossed it into the crematory, went back in with grubby hands to dig for my soul, squeezed the life out of it, and then casually stitched us back up, embalmed the union with I’m sorry’s and buried it with a tombstone reading: “I hope we can still be friends”.

Why would I be thankful for that?

Why should I be thankful for the sleepless nights of emotional mayhem this person left me with? Why should I be grateful for the time they spent knowing I wasn’t the one for them but they continued to lead me on anyway? Why am I supposed to appreciate the half-hearted apologies and confusion because the person that was once a contribution to my happiness is now the whole reason for my sadness? I’m already a guarded human being—so how and why should I be thankful for someone who worked so hard to learn where I kept it hidden, and then still violated my vulnerability?

No.

If I’d never met him, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. If I’d never met him, I would never have fallen in love and gotten hurt. If I’d never met him, I would have carried on with my life—my emotions quiet and undisturbed—rather than screaming at me in the middle of the night, making me lose sleep and dread the idea of getting to know someone new again. If I had never met him, I can’t help but think that my life would have been better. Of course, there’s no guarantee of this, but compared to how I’ve felt in those heart-breaking moments? Never having met any of my exes sounds like the more appealing option were I given the choice to do my life over again.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that my bitterness exists because I loved harder and therefore got cut deeper. My entire (significant) dating history is comprised of four men. I’ve only ever been in real love with one, but even with the ones where I thought it was love, I recognise my pattern: I invest too much. Relationship coach Derrick Jaxn uses the parable of a car: It’s easier for the car that’s coasting along under the speed limit to come to a complete stop than it is for the car that’s cruising down the highway. I am the cruising car. Ignoring all the warning signs, rushing to a destination I know he and I are never going to reach together, and ultimately, crashing and burning.

I will tell you that most women fall victim to this tragedy. I have friends who are still cruising down the highway. When the man we love (or “love”) starts to put less into the relationship, we tend to start giving more of ourselves to make up for that deficiency. That’s why it takes us so much longer to walk away—even when we know we should. I have done this four out of four times, and while I acknowledge that I’ve done it to myself, am I not allowed to hate him for letting me do it? If any of my exes cared about me the way they all claim they did, when they could see that I was putting foot on the accelerator, why didn’t they stop me? Warn me? Hell—cut the ignition cables!—why let me crash and burn?!

I’ve posed this question to a few of my male friends and relatives, and I’m starting to believe that men are just genetically coded as pussies when it comes to relationships. They would rather play the “long con” (becoming emotionally distant, less attentive, making less time to see you) so that you eventually give up and walk away from the relationship, rather than them just saying they want out. I call it manipulation, they call it the exchange of power. If she thinks that the was the one who broke up with you then everybody walks away unscathed.

WRONG!

If she loves you, she’s not going to let you go without a fight. Which creates an exhausting cycle of arguments, make-up sex (which means you’ll be fucking her psychologically too), more arguments, more make-up sex, tears (usually hers), until finally, the breakup. And because you’d checked out of the relationship ages ago, her absence won’t matter to you. You’ll feel relieved, while she’ll be devastated. She will see this. She will internalise it, and this will turn her into… guess what? The bitter ex-girlfriend!

So why should she be “grateful” after all that? Why should she be “thankful” that you came into her life? Why should I feel “appreciation” for someone who made me cry so hard that I literally lost the ability to breathe just because that meant “my love was real”?

Nope. No dice. If you can put me through all of that, as far as I’m concerned, I am entitled to hate you. I am entitled to hate everything about you. I will walk in the opposite direction if I ever spot you out in public. I will pretend not to see you even if you see me. I will call you the devil to all my friends and family, even if you were once a saint whose praises I used to sing. Oh, and don’t think this will drain my energy—it won’t. People like to say hating someone is exhausting but it really isn’t. Hating you will be as effortless as waking up on a Sunday morning. I’ll make my coffee, get dressed and go on about my day. I won’t pay you mind until I’ll hear a song or see something that will remind me of us, and I’ll remember that I hate you. I will hate you in moments. At random and completely unforced.

I will admit, though, that this (regrettably) doesn’t last forever. Three out of four (ex)periences taught me that.

Once the anger subsides and I start to analyse the relationship, I begin to come to terms with the reasons why it never would have worked. I will acknowledge my own faults and shortcomings. I will start to accept that because something between us was broken, we were bound to break up anyway. I won’t forgive and forget but I will become indifferent. I will, eventually, feel nothing. The ashes he made of my heart will no longer get swept up in the winds of possibility to seek his visage. The soul he killed will be reborn and I’ll be… fine. Not hurt, not sad, not happy, but fine. And if I see you out in public during this time then we’ll probably make eye contact, and I’ll raise a palm in a half-hearted wave from a distance. Given another month or so, you might even get a friend request on Facebook.

Three out of four (ex)periences taught me that I won’t hate you forever, even with conscious determination, because my hatred isn’t hatred at all. It’s the evolution of my temporal lobe, the metamorphosis of my emotions, the lusus naturae of my cremated heart, all preparing me for the next phase of loving you differently. Not all of my (ex)periences have survived this process, and I suppose that would be natural selection at work.

I am a bitter ex-girlfriend, but even though that will eventually change don’t ever expect me to be grateful that I met you. Call it short sighted of me, but, for all we know, our lives might have been better off if we’d never crossed paths in the first place. Food for thought.

[vibeswithin]

10 Habits For Faster Growth

New Post on Vibes Within - https://vibeswith.in/10-habits-for-faster-growth/

10 Habits For Faster Growth

We all have been facing a lot of mental fatigue and irritation these days and a major part of it is due to the pandemic effects, I mean, of course, we were all excited at the beginning thinking, “oh how great it would be to have all days as SUNDAY.” Now I see my friends saying they are dying to stop this All Day Sunday Plan. I remember facing the same issue and being worried about what to do and that’s when I came up with few habits that would help me and guess what? It did!! In this conversation, I realized why not share a few of these habits that will actually help each individual to do better and will also improvise self-growth 10x. Let’s have a look at what they are…

What's Included?

POWER HOUR

Setting 3 Routines For The Day

Implementing One Good Thought In A Day

Keeping A Track Of Water & Vibes

Spending An Hour By Yourself

Let Go Things For Peace Of Mind

Journaling Or Talking It Out

Find Purpose In Your Daily Life

Fake It Till You Make It

Challenge Yourself Daily

POWER HOUR

Every morning ensure you spend an hour by yourself by reading a book that will help you think of things you never thought of, something that makes you bring change, information that leads you to do better in life, at your workplace, or many more. If you are not really a book person you can always opt for a Podcast or an audiobook. Here’s something to get you started with, https://g.co/kgs/9uKiGc https://bossbabe.com/68-confidence-that-lasts/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUJjf0CtIl8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC79HWP6IXY

Power hour will definitely help you in lifting up your self Confidence, add value to your life, and inspire you to do better.

Setting 3 Routines For The Day

Divide your day into three parts, 1st is Morning Routine, 2nd is Noon Routine & 3rd is Night Routine. Segregate work according to your energy levels and how time and energy-consuming the tasks are. This will make you efficient in your work resulting in better outputs. Mornings are usually the best time to go ahead with tasks that requires a lot of brainstorming. Since not a lot of people would disturb in the morning, it will help you in thinking peacefully (without any external interference).

Implementing One Good Thought In A Day

Whenever you sit down to make your TO DO LIST, try adding one good thought for the day. By good thought, it means it can be about self-confidence, gratefulness, inspiring, or many more. These thoughts keep you going and also builds habits subconsciously that will be beneficial.

Keeping A Track Of Water & Vibes

Water is something that does have an impact on your skin, body, and guess what? Mental Health too. It balances your mood and keeps you refreshed. Vibes are another important factor that needs to be prioritized by each and every individual. Keep a keen eye on how you feel when you do a certain activity or talk to a person. Vibes can make you or break you that will have a long-lasting impact. If you are facing negativity on a daily basis the chances of you moving ahead and growing decreases exponentially because your mind is completely drained by it. So keep a check on the vibe and avoid associating with negativity.

Spending An Hour By Yourself

Just how we give importance to all the relationships and prioritize the day accordingly so that each relation of yours be it professional or personal goes smooth. Don’t you think it is important to have a similar pattern for your own self where you be by yourself, spend time taking care, and just enjoying your Me time? Haven’t tried yet then you should give it a shot. I get it that it’s at times scary to even think of spending time by yourself assuming what if we start overanalyzing. Let me break the bubble for you, the more you run away from spending time with yourself the more power you give to the fear of STUPIDITY.

Yes, it is nothing but a fear which is so stupid that when faced we laugh at our own self. One really helpful activity that I would like to suggest is given by this TEDx speaker, he says just make 3 columns 1st What are my Fears? 2nd If I don’t face them how will it affect me? If I face them, what will happen?

By simply answering these questions and thinking critically will help you with a clear vision of what your next approach should be. This is a must-try recommendation. Trust me it works!! Would not want to lie that it might give you pain as well and make things uncomfortable at the beginning but everything new that we do is anyways scary so why not dive in and have a look.

Let Go Things For Peace Of Mind

Ugh I am tired of my colleagues, my family, and friends. They drain me and are immature. I know these sentences will be the most relatable ones. I have a question for you when you already know that few people are immature then why hold on to those conversations, those opinions? Just accept things or let it go. Holding on to it would only hurt you. Mental peace over everything so take efforts on making yourself understand rather than making other people understand whom you know are immature. If nothing then at least you gave a shot on yourself which is awesome and satisfying to an extend.

Journaling Or Talking It Out

Jot down all the points, thoughts, positivity, negativity that comes in on your daily basis. It could be even getting furious about nothing. These are the days where you are looking out for someone who can hear you out or validate your feelings by saying yea it’s okay Relax. But don’t you think you yourself should be the one to say that? The more we rely on ourselves the closer we get to ourselves. The most effective tactic would be journaling all your thought s and just closing the book for the day. After a day or two when you are feeling better just take the book and read it. Those points would make no sense to you or you might just call it petty.

Find Purpose In Your Daily Life

How every one of us has a long term goal or purpose in life, it could be even like opening an ice cream shop someday. We tend to work hard for it on a daily basis but then comes those cloudy days where all sorts of mood swings happen, you negotiate with yourself on work and important things and whatnot. Then comes a breaking point where you feel that you have lost all the motivation. Well, in the end, we are all Humans. If not taken care of we are bound to get lost so a simple way would be to have a purpose in life but practice a daily purpose too. It could be, working out today for better health, taking a skincare routine by end of the day for better skin. This will keep you motivates and cheerful throughout the day.

Fake It Till You Make It

We have all heard this and partially believe too. This is the ultimate way to keep going and do better. Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook says she applies this in her personal life too. If you are feeling low just take a break and start pretending to do something progressive. Within some time you will start feeling better and won’t even bother about how you were feeling before.

Challenge Yourself Daily

Take up things that challenges you daily. Could be things that physically challenge you or maybe mentally. Whatever the challenge may be, remember in the end it’s YOU who grows and comes out stronger. So face the challenges and keep moving ahead.

These were the 10 Habits that can help you grow faster. This is an upgraded version of the previous blog.

Do not get overwhelmed! If you are a beginner just pick the top 3 habits that might work for you and just get started. Do let me know in the comment section how helpful the blog was or if there is anything more you would like to know next.

[travelitalianstyle]

10 Italian Phrases to Inspire You in the Next Decade

It’s that time of the year again. Christmas, my birthday, and New Year’s. The perfect time to reflect on the past 12 months. This year is extra special as we will end a decade. So much can happen in 10 years and there is no better time to be inspired. That is why I thought it would be interesting to share some idiomatic phrases and quotes in Italian to bring us into the next ten years and 2020!

I hope you find this interesting and motivating. And if you can please comment below with any lessons or phrases you would add here! Buon Anno / Happy 2020!

1.    Nelle botti piccole sta il vino buono

This was a phrase I heard the most in the past 10 years from Italians.

My height is just about 5 feet. Therefore, I am always getting reassurance from the Italian’s that “good things come in come packages.” ;) Or their way of saying it “in a little bottle comes good wine.”

 MY ADVICE: Appreciate who you are and don’t get offended by people’s strange way of showing their way of interacting with you. Most people don’t think before they speak (I mean come on let’s get real). And most of the time they have no idea that they are insulting you! So just go with that.

Sure, there may have been time I may have felt offended by the fact that someone is commenting on my height (which can be frustrating as a foreign woman in business). However, now  I embrace it. And I usually respond by saying I am a 375 ml of Tignanello (one of the best wines in Italy) ;).

2. A Caval donato non si guards in bocca

This basically means to take life and all of its happenings as a gift even. Even, if it seems of not much value at the time. If someone gave you a thought (physical) present that you didn't appreciate how would you react? You would smile and make the best of it right? So why not do that in your actually everyday life.

MY ADVICE: We are often set on having things go in the way that we imagine. Then we sometimes miss the other beautiful ways it has shown itself to us.  I look back in my life and realize so many small gestures and even happy and difficult happenings that brought me to where I needed to be at that time. I am only appreciating the now. If I would have seen them for what they were at the time, then I probably would have saved myself some pain and stress.

So to sum it up, whenever you feel like life is happening to you. Stop and see if it is actually happening for you!

Note: The actual translation is something about looking at the Horses teeth instead of the number of teeth he has. ;)

3.    Chi va piano, va sano e va lontano

This one is a favorite. “The person who goes slow will go far.” We know this saying also in English but things always sounds better in italian HA!

The most interesting I found as an entrepreneur is this. You must have patience, gratitude, and strength. You need to have focus and to stay focused on what you can offer.

MY ADVICE: Stay the course. YOUR course. The most important aspect of my life is that I am pretty confident in my path. I am intuitive and creative enough to stay with the trends yet stay true to who I am.

But I know this easier said than done. And I do understand that with social media it seems like the world is ahead of you (ALL the time). But don't even waste your time worrying to see if it's authentic or not authentic posts. Just worry about what you are doing and trust your own journey.

PS: That can bring us to another saying "l’apparenza inganna (which basically means appearances can be deceiving.” So try to stay focused on you.

PPS: I share more on my journey and how you too can spend 6 months abroad here.

4. Be a Persone per bene or Buono come il pane

This one is simple. Be a good person. Or quite literally as good as bread, especially fresh bread out of the oven. We all love that!

My goal has always been to be true to not only myself but the people. Especially those that have lifted me up along the way. If you have helped me, I will pay you back. I am not necessarily talking about monetary wise. I am talking about by being loyal to my best ability.

I have discussed this way too many times. But it was always sad for me for that I have been surrounded by so many people who felt it was right to steal or cheat their way head. But that is life. And they will succeed too. So let them be. But even with all the tough things you see around you it is so important to still be an honest, good person.

MY ADVICE: It can be tough but do you best to be kind to people as much as people, stay honest and (going back to #3) staying true to you! Being can only lead to good things. Even if it takes time.

Additional Phrase To Add On: Che per vendetta mai non sanò piaga - Revenge never healed a wound. So don’t even waste your time on that!

5. L’amore domina senza regole

This simply means love without rules. However, funny enough, I haven’t learned this yet. HA!

But it’s my goal for the next decade. Since my last breakup I have not allowed myself to love or be loved in a long time. And I bet I am not alone in this. That is simply because I was hurt pretty bad, like many of you. Then when I did open up my heart again it didn’t quite work out. Which left me feeling closed on the idea of love…again

MY ADVICE: There is nothing wrong with you. It’s ok to hold out for the right person and the right time. But it’s also ok to follow our heart, even if it does not make complete sense at the time. Loving without rules, even when it hurts, may lead you to your Principe azzurro (prince charming) or principessa for men. :)

6. Non puoi insegnare niente a un uomo. Puoi solo aiutarlo a scoprire ciò che ha dentro di sé

This is an interesting reminder from Galileo. He says “you cannot teach a man anything, you can only help find it within himself.”

Let’s talk about giving advice. Unless you are asked don’t give it. Or in Italian you can use the nice way of using mind our own busines, Badate a’ fatti vostri  HA!

MY ADVICE: Sure, your friend may be in a bad relationship, taken the wrong job, spending their money in the wrong way. Maybe you are more organized and successful and you are watching people in your life go downhill. SUPPORT the people in you life but do not try to CHANGE them or their lifestyle. You can only give advice when advice is asked. And once you give don’t harp on them not taking your suggestion (that is your ego talking my friend). If you are having a tough time listening to them hurt themselves over and over. Then I suggest you be open with them and direct them towards the proper person (therapists, relative, or book) that could be of assistance. Explain that it hurts you too much and you only want the best for them. People must fall forward So help him find himself but do not teach or lecture. But you can only extend a hand and hope.

7. Se non hai mai pianto, i tuoi occhi non possono essere belli

If you haven’t cried, your eyes can’t be beautiful.

I love this quote by Sophia Loren. Someone best explained it as this. “if we have not cried we have not experienced true depth.”

Yet, I believe almost all of us have had those one of those days. Whether we admit it or not. We have been down on our knees praying to whatever god we know. Asking for helping. To get us through the pain we are currently going though. I know through these times it can seem endless and hopeless. But don’t give up!I

MY ADVICE: If you look at crying as something that makes you beautiful (physically and mentality) then maybe (just maybe) it will help you get through the next tough time. Because almost all rain showers come a rainbow.

8. La mala compagnia è quella che mena gli uomini alla forca

Quick translation: Bad company is what brings men to the gallows.

 In life we often feel pressured to stay around people and places because it’s “right.” We put our own emotions aside and move forward thinking “I will just deal with it because I HAVE to.”

MY ADVICE: You do not HAVE to do anything. Just so you know, while I have many friends. I lost many too. In fact there are a lot of people who do not like me and I do not like them. And you know what? That is ok!

I do not think we should be judged by our biggest list of friends or acquaintance. Who cares anyway?!

 I value my clients, friends, colleagues/partners by the type of relationship we have. As much as possible I keep the people around me that are good. And if I can’t avoid someone completely (do to work, living situation, etc.) then I separate myself from their energy. Who deserves your presence and who doesn’t? Start thinking!

9. Ancora imparo

And following number 8, I will segway into this phrase which translates to: I am still learning.

MY ADVICE: Be forever a student. Stay humble and keep learning, researching,  being a creative. You can do this by reading, traveling, or even inner work. This my friends, is the key to truth growth in life and spirituality.

10. Siamo al mondo per essere veri, non perfetti

We are in this world to be real, not perfect.

My last advice for you to head into the new decade is just this. Be the best you as possible. Whether you receive recognition for this or not. Keeping being your authentic self. As I mentioned in my TEDx Talk this is the way to freedom.

And really let go of the fact that you have X amount of followers, likes, etc on social media. That means zero in the grand scheme of life. So please do not choice to act or be a certain way for this.

If you are not sure then sit down and go deep within.

How do you know if you are doing the right thing or being your authentic self. Oprah says explains this best.. She says, “ You will know it’s the right thing when you feel at peace.”

I wish you peace and happiness in 2020. And hopefully many travels in Italy and beyond.

And if you do come to Italy and are looking for a customized TRAVEL itinerary, theN you know who to call. TRAVEL ITALIAN STYLE.

LEARN MORE ABOUT US HERE OR BELOW

MEET THE AUTHOR

Cassandra Santoro is the CEO and Founder of Travel Italian Style. As a personal trip planner, Cassandra has visited all 20 Regions of Italy and spends 6 months a year traveling the country. Her focus is to find inspiring and real experiences.

She also leads motivational talks in hopes to inspire others on their journey. Cassandra's highlight appearance was being a speaker in Germany for TEDx DHBW Mannheim.

Cassandra currently lives between Brooklyn, NY & Italy. Follow her adventures of life between two countries on Instagram.

[brentrogers]

Podcast: How Much Sex Is Psychologically Healthy?

If you were in a perfect relationship with your “perfect” partner, how much sex would you want? Three times a week? Once a day? Never? That number is your “magic sex number,” says today’s guest Marriage and Family Therapist Steven Ing. We all have a magic sex number, just like we all need to sleep a certain amount of hours per night and eat a certain number of calories per day to feel full. But if your magic number is far more or less than your partner’s number, there will be serious relationship problems.

How do you know what your magic sex number is? And how big of a difference can there be between partners? Tune in for an important discussion on how to have a sexually-healthy relationship.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Podcast Episode

Steven Ing, MFT had a seriously messed up childhood. Like, mobster-father-shot-to-death-by-police messed up. So what did he do with this experience? He set out on a lifelong quest to study and better understand human behavior — why good people do bad things. He channeled this research into a Marriage & Family Therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. 

As a leading expert, author and public speaker on all matters related to sexuality and relationships, Steven is fiercely passionate about his life’s mission to shine a light on how society hasn’t even begun to really think and rationally talk about human sexuality. 

Steven is a powerful ally to the LGBTQ community and a regular contributor to LGBTQ outlets such as The Rage Monthly and Adelante Magazine. His work can also be found in HuffPost, SheKnows.com and The Advocate. He was recently on the Betches SUP Podcast and is a TEDx Talk presenter, educating the masses on “Your Magic Sex Number”.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Steven Ing, who had a seriously messed up childhood. He channeled this into a marriage and family therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. He’s a leading expert, columnist, author and public speaker, all on matters related to sexuality and relationships. He’s at TEDx Talks presenter, educating the masses on your magic sex number. Steve, welcome to the show.

Steven Ing, MFT: Hi, Gabe. It’s great to be with you today.

Gabe Howard: Steve, I first want to say that I absolutely love your bio. I think it’s important to just own things. And I like that you had a seriously messed up childhood because in many ways I feel like I had a seriously messed up childhood. And I believe a lot of our listeners are looking back on their childhood and they’re feeling the same way. And, you know, sometimes our guests, you know, they really want to tout their professional accolades, but they don’t want to tout their human experiences. So first off, kudos to you for your honesty.

Steven Ing, MFT: Oh, thanks a lot. I just think that, you know, for me, such a huge part of my motivation to help people because I know what it feels like to be in those uncomfortable family situations.

Gabe Howard: It makes perfect sense to me, and that vulnerability, I think is really important, giving that your subject matter is sexuality because people are often embarrassed to discuss sex and sexuality anyway. Now let’s talk about your TED Talk. The magic sex number. What is that all about?

Steven Ing, MFT: Basically, the idea is that we all have specific needs that we’re pretty much hardwired to have and that they aren’t subject to moral suasion or to personal appeal. Like, for example, the number of hours sleep you need to feel refreshed and also the number of calories you need per day to feel satiated. We don’t really talk about sex that way, but everyone I’ve ever interviewed and I mean, thousands of people had an answer to that question. Ideally, if you could be in your perfect relationship, that was perfect in every way. How often, ideally, would you like to have sex? And some people respond with the number at one end of the continuum and other people respond with a very different number. And that represents a range of humanity. We’re all normal and we’re all different. So we just don’t talk about this very much. We sort of presume, I think, in an egocentric way that when we fall in love with somebody, they will want us pretty much exactly the way we want them and with the frequency we want them. And that just isn’t true because of the range from one person to another can be quite serious.

Gabe Howard: When I think about a magic sex number, the first thing that I think is how am I supposed to figure mine out?

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, that’s. That is really tricky. And it’s actually trickier than I even thought it might be because there’s a lot of cultural and moral interference with getting an accurate assessment. If people have an idea that there’s a right number and that number is way too low or way too high, they tend to skew their number to what they think is more acceptable or more normal. And in the same way, a lot of people are preset to self-deception because they end up coming up with a number that mentally is actually the number they’d be willing to settle for. And that’s a very different number than the number that they ideally would like to have. So for me, the question is one of sustainability. If we’re serious about getting all of our sexual needs met in one monogamous relationship, then we need to make sure that that sexual relationship is at least a fighting chance of being sustainable. And if we don’t do that, we really haven’t done our due diligence.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I’m thinking about is when it comes right down to it. How important is our magic sex number? Because it sort of sounds like you’re making sex the end all be all of a successful relationship. Aren’t there other things more important like compatibility and values? So how important is a magic sex number?

Steven Ing, MFT: It’s a little bit like arguing, though, which organ is more important, the heart or the kidneys, because the truth is we need it all to work together for us to survive and have a happy life. And then the same way, if I have the perfect relationship, perfect in every way. But there is a significant problem. It could be something like my mate decides to engage in compulsive gambling. That alone could destroy an otherwise good relationship. So if I’m talking about sex, most of us, we don’t talk about it too much, but we have an idea in the back of our mind of what our future sex life could be like. But we don’t imagine something like what happened to one of my clients when his wife came up to him after seven years of marriage and they had two children by that time. They were a couple in their thirties, and she announced to him that she would not be having sex with him anymore. And he was shocked and didn’t know what to do about this. And for the next 40 years, they did not have sex and it ended up disastrously for both of them. But he never, ever thought that he would be in that situation. And most of us don’t. But we don’t think it through like, well, what would I do? And well, what are my sexual needs? Because if if we think about managing our sexuality intelligently and we have an idea of our magic sex number. You know, for some people, it’ll be three times a week. For some people, it’ll be once a week or less. But whatever that number is, it’s what you need to feel comfortable. Otherwise, you’re facing a catastrophic marital failure where you end up getting so frustrated that you either have an affair or get a divorce or whatever that is. We’d all like to avoid that.

Gabe Howard: The first thing I thought of as you were telling that story is 40 years of no sex. That doesn’t seem like a marriage to me. That seems like a friendship. How did they survive? Forty years in a sexless marriage?

Steven Ing, MFT: For her, her discomfort with the idea of having sex with him was not replaced with anything other than a deep dove into alcoholism. So she relied on booze to get through the rest of her life for him because of his religious upbringing. Divorce was an unacceptable option. And I live in Nevada where prostitution is legal. And he never availed himself of the services of a legal prostitute, nor did he ever have an affair. Instead, what he did is he spent the next 40 years trying desperately to take care of his sexual needs simply through masturbation. And of course, that was not a successful effort because our sexual needs are far more complex and diverse than just orgasm alone. So even if I were, let’s say, masturbating as frequently as I wanted an orgasm, that’s not going to take care of my needs for companionship, conversation, humor and play. So it just doesn’t work.

Gabe Howard: I’m starting to think about our magic sex number and I’m thinking, OK, clearly if one person is zero and you’re at one, that’s too big of a gap. But maybe if somebody was at 10 and you were at 12, that might be a gap that you could work with. All of this to say, how big of a difference between the numbers becomes significant or becomes a dealbreaker? Now, I know in the story that you just told, apparently there was no dealbreaker. But myself, and I believe many of our listeners, would probably not be willing to stay in a marriage that was sexless for 40 years. And even in that story, it did seem like the outcome was disastrous for both parties involved.

Steven Ing, MFT: So typically, a magic sex number wouldn’t be a number like 7. It would be a number like oh, from 6 to 8. And that way there’s a little bit of give and take or leeway. And what we’re talking about, of course, I hasten to say this. We’re talking about the norm. We’re not talking about, oh, if my mate is ill or has gone through a deep tragedy and I need to be there for her emotionally or she is away on a trip or something like that. We’re just talking about the day to day typical marital situation. You know, clearly if somebody says 8 and somebody else says 11, there’s quite a bit of room to work with that. But I like your example of if one of them says once a week, that’s really comfortable for me. And the other one says zero and I’m looking at a lifetime of sexless marriage, that’s really not going to work. But actually, zero is the preferred number for a definite percentage of the population. There are asexual people in our population who quite sincerely want to have companionship and they want to have marriage and all the benefits of the partnership, but they’re completely disinterested in sex. And for them, an ideal number is zero makes perfect sense. At the top end, I have had people who are happily married because they found someone who is just like them and the number, their number was four times per day.

Gabe Howard: Wow.

Steven Ing, MFT: and then they shared that number in common.

Gabe Howard: I am stunned and it.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, it’s.

Gabe Howard: Is this atypical? I mean, this would have to be atypical.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think what we need to all remember is that human sexuality falls in virtually every aspect on a continuum. I think that’s what we’re learning more and more about sexual diversity as we as a culture get more comfortable talking about sexuality. So the old binary of hetero versus homo even that has Kinsey pointed out back in the 50s occurs on a continuum. Some of us are more or less heterosexual than the person standing next to us. And when it comes to a magic sex number, if our listeners could imagine that a bell shaped curve that includes all of humanity and that one end, let’s say the left hand side of the curve would be the asexual who prefer a number like zero. And then on the far right would be somebody who, like my client, has an extremely surprisingly high number and they’ll be in that little shaped curve. The vast majority of us somewhere in the middle.

Gabe Howard: So once the two numbers have been established and they’ve sort of figure out where they are now, the partners have to negotiate and they have to discuss sex in a meaningful way. But that’s not the easiest thing for couples to do, especially if they feel that they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. Many couples feel that if they don’t immediately give the identical answer, there is a sex problem. And whenever there’s a sex problem, people tend to shut down and get defensive. Why is it so hard for couples to discuss sex in a meaningful way?

Steven Ing, MFT: I think part of that is because nobody around us is having this kind of a conversation. So when we’re raised in our family, our mom and dad at the breakfast table, don’t typically read a newspaper story and then start talking about sexual preferences and ideal numbers. We never hear people talking about this kind of thing in church. When we talk the little that we do about sexuality and then even in sex ed classes, the focus is mostly on anatomy and physiology, how pregnancy occurs and how to avoid t.i.’s. And it really isn’t presenting sexuality in a human context relationship. So what I like to do with my clients, I like to encourage them to think about going on a date and eventually getting to some point in the conversation. And it could be a first date for the advanced or it could be something like the third or the tenth date. But eventually most of us want to ask the other person we’re interested in, so what are you looking for in your life? Which leads to talks about being single or getting into a committed relationship. And from there it’s really easy to ask. So what do you visualize your future sex life looking like? I know that may seem intimidating to some people, but if you’re seriously thinking about partnering up in a committed long term relationship and the person you’re dating can’t talk about sexuality in a safe way, that alone for me would be a dealbreaker. Because we need to talk about this before we commit. It’s like talking about finances before we jump into a business partnership. If my prospective business partner were very shy about talking about money, I think go look for another partner. And when we’re talking about magic sex numbers, I think what I would encourage people to do in that fantasy version of a date is to introduce the topic the way I said.

Steven Ing, MFT: And then looking at the uncomfortable expression on the other person’s face to say, tell you what? Let’s each write our number down and then we can turn our napkins over at the same time and share our numbers with each other. Because you’re quite right. You know, a lot of us approach relationships from a position of neediness or loneliness. And so if she asks me what my magic sex number is, I might be very tempted to ask her, well, what’s yours? I’m going to try to guess what it is I think her ideal number is going to be, and instead just to write down what we honestly think is our true number. Flip those little cocktail napkins over and then kind of blink at each other because the numbers are going to be closer or they’re going to be far. These things don’t fall into place automatically or without some effort at laying the foundation. So finding out, you know, we all know those stories of people who got married only to find out after long after the wedding that their partner wasn’t really of the same sexual orientation they were. And part of that was failing to have the appropriate conversations and making it safe for people to disclose who they really are. And some of that’s due to family pressure, some of it’s due to the crazy personal pressure we put on ourselves and for others it’s because of our religious upbringing. But even if we’re needy and lonely, we have to admit it’s not going to do any of us any favors to get together with someone whose appetite for sex is so much different from our own.

Gabe Howard: We’re going to step away and we’ll be right back after these messages.

Sponsor Message: Hey folks, Gabe here. I host another podcast for Psych Central. It’s called Not Crazy. He hosts Not Crazy with me, Jackie Zimmerman, and it is all about navigating our lives with mental illness and mental health concerns. Listen now at Psych Central.com/NotCrazy or on your favorite podcast player.

Sponsor Message: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: We’re back discussing your magic sex number with marriage and family therapist Steven Ing. One of the things that always confuses me about our society is that when it comes to marriage, sex is so important that you must only have sex with your marital partner. However, sex is so insignificant and not important that you should not make sex the basis of said marriage. It’s kind of weird, right? It’s.

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: It’s a bit, but

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: But, this is our system.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think intuitively, I think you’re right. I think we know that it shouldn’t be the basis because that kind of reduces us to just a sexual object alone. But to deny its importance, I think, is really to ignore a major dimension of our experience. So obviously, I’m going to have some spiritual needs and some social needs and some financial and physical needs. But it would be odd if we if we talked about sexuality as if it were the one dimension of the human experience that had no needs related to it, because that’s just not true of any other part of our lives.

Gabe Howard: When it comes to understanding sexuality and relationships, I am obviously an amateur compared to you being an expert. And that’s one of the reasons that I want to pose this question to you from. From my point of view, as goes sex as goes the quality of the marriage. How do you as an expert feel about that statement?

Steven Ing, MFT: I have to agree with it. I’ve never said that sentence, but I think that the sex life is definitely a barometer, if you will, about the health of the relationship. And that goes deeper than we might think at first blush, because even if two people are having sex daily and they both agree that that’s the right number, but one is very present and the other one is emotionally checked out. That, too, is part of their sex life. Right. So that’s a real problem because sex itself is a metaphor for how much acceptance, affirmation, approval and affection. I’m going to get in that relationship. In fact, they’re so lined up that a lot of people substitute sex for intimacy and for intimate relationships because it’s so closely mimics those emotional needs that we’re trying to get met. But once you’ve been with a person for years and years and you can tell that they’re just going through the motions and they’re not really present with you. Like one of my clients years ago, she said, well, I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know it sure as heck isn’t about me. And she told me that with sort of an acceptance of her fate. She was an older woman, but she was accepting yet miserable, if that makes any sense.

Gabe Howard: It does.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, OK. She wasn’t comfortable with that answer. So when we when we talk about sex, you know, I have to add a P.S. or some kind of a note here, because usually when we talk about sexuality in a relationship, we’re talking about intercourse. And I would argue that that is only a small part of the sexual dimension of intimacy. And I think our sexual needs are far more and diverse than that. And they include things like simply feeling safe. You know, if we don’t have our needs for sexual safety net in a relationship, it’s a disaster because everything follows from that. And if we don’t have our needs for appropriate sexual information met in a relationship, we’re not going to be able to make very intelligent choices in that relationship. So our needs are pretty diverse. And again, a problem in our culture and it’s a major, major hole in our education of the young. How am I supposed to manage my sexuality intelligently when I have no idea what my sexual needs are? In our culture, we don’t really do this. It’s a very squeamish and uncomfortable subject for most people. It’s a question. It’s not like we’re foolish or we’re stupid. It’s just that we’re uninformed and we don’t have the vocabulary. There was a philosopher, one of my favorites from the 20th century named Ludwig Wittgenstein, and he said something that really applies here. He said, if I don’t have the words to describe a thing, then I really don’t understand that thing. And I think that is more true of sexuality than anything else.

Gabe Howard: It’s very fascinating to me that anybody would be uncomfortable discussing sexuality, considering how it permeates our culture, we use sexuality to sell gum, but we’re uncomfortable discussing what makes us happy sexually, even in the context of committed relationships, in the context of marriage. We’re uncomfortable about this, but there will absolutely be a woman in a bathing suit holding gum, telling you how, if your breath smells good, your chances of a sexual encounter increase.

Steven Ing, MFT: Right.

Gabe Howard: But talking one on one with a potential sex partner becomes very embarrassing. And it’s fascinating. It’s absolutely fascinating to me. And I imagine, again, as somebody who has studied this for 30 years, it’s got to be fascinating to you as well.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, one of the things I’ve been just delighted to do is in my last public speaking event was with the American Advertising Federation, and they were just a great audience and very aware of the phenomenon you were just talking about in terms of selling gum. And that’s we reviewed advertising history. You see that advertisements involving sexuality are almost always about titillation. The pretty girl, the arousing moment, the suggestive comments or look. But when you get past titillation and I think titillation is great and I’m not against titillation, I think it’s an important part of our sexuality. But until we actually cross over to including the conversation on intimacy and what it would take for us to feel safe with each other, I don’t think we really understand sexuality. And I think it may be because we’re just simply not ready for it culturally. But I think as individuals, again, the people listening to this, they can get there. It’s just embracing the idea that I need to and want to learn to manage my sexuality intelligently, whether I’m committed to a monogamous lifestyle or I’m really into casual hookups or something in between. I want to do it intelligently and then to begin having conversations with intelligent people who are respectful and can listen to you without judging you. I think that’s really how we get smarter with each other is having these kinds of conversations like the one you and I are having, Gabe.

Gabe Howard: Steven, I really appreciate you talking to me and the audience about this, and I hope that more people will have conversations with their spouses and their partners about the type of sex that makes them happy and get all on the same page, because I think ultimately sex is great, right? It’s something that we biologically crave. It’s something that we’re all doing. And I feel that that can only be enhanced by having these conversations with the people that we’re having sex with.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah. Or the people were thinking about making lifelong commitments to. And I think it’s such an important conversation to have to accept that none of us are really very good at it. When we get started and to be patient with yourself, to let yourself take a little time, even if it’s just sharing a magazine or newspaper article or paragraph with someone and discussing that. So it’s not really about you and the here and now, but it’s about someone else just kind of getting your brain going into working on that I think would be enormously profitable for everybody out there who is a sexual being. Oh yeah, that’s everybody.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for being on the show. Where can audience members find you? What’s your Web site?

Steven Ing, MFT: Super easy if they can spell my last name, I N G. It’s StevenIng.com. So if they just go to Steven with a V, StevenIng.com, they will find out more about me than they ever wish they knew.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for your candid talk about sex and sexuality, it’s necessary and it’s needed, and I appreciate having you on the show. And listen up, everybody. I have a personal favor to ask all of you. Wherever you downloaded this podcast, rank us. Use your words and tell people why to tune in. It absolutely helps. Share us on social media. Email us to your friends. And we have a private Facebook group. Just go to PsychCentral.com/FBShow and sign up. You can suggest topics and get show details before everybody else. And finally, remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counseling anytime, anywhere simply by visiting you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We’ll see everyone next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your audience to be wowed at your next event? Feature an appearance and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast right from your stage! For more details, or to book an event, please email us at show@psychcentral.com. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/Show or on your favorite podcast player. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers trusted resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com.  To learn more about our host, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and please share with your friends, family, and followers.

  Podcast: How Much Sex Is Psychologically Healthy? syndicated from

[erraticfairy]

Podcast: How Much Sex Is Psychologically Healthy?

If you were in a perfect relationship with your “perfect” partner, how much sex would you want? Three times a week? Once a day? Never? That number is your “magic sex number,” says today’s guest Marriage and Family Therapist Steven Ing. We all have a magic sex number, just like we all need to sleep a certain amount of hours per night and eat a certain number of calories per day to feel full. But if your magic number is far more or less than your partner’s number, there will be serious relationship problems.

How do you know what your magic sex number is? And how big of a difference can there be between partners? Tune in for an important discussion on how to have a sexually-healthy relationship.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Podcast Episode

Steven Ing, MFT had a seriously messed up childhood. Like, mobster-father-shot-to-death-by-police messed up. So what did he do with this experience? He set out on a lifelong quest to study and better understand human behavior — why good people do bad things. He channeled this research into a Marriage & Family Therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. 

As a leading expert, author and public speaker on all matters related to sexuality and relationships, Steven is fiercely passionate about his life’s mission to shine a light on how society hasn’t even begun to really think and rationally talk about human sexuality. 

Steven is a powerful ally to the LGBTQ community and a regular contributor to LGBTQ outlets such as The Rage Monthly and Adelante Magazine. His work can also be found in HuffPost, SheKnows.com and The Advocate. He was recently on the Betches SUP Podcast and is a TEDx Talk presenter, educating the masses on “Your Magic Sex Number”.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Steven Ing, who had a seriously messed up childhood. He channeled this into a marriage and family therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. He’s a leading expert, columnist, author and public speaker, all on matters related to sexuality and relationships. He’s at TEDx Talks presenter, educating the masses on your magic sex number. Steve, welcome to the show.

Steven Ing, MFT: Hi, Gabe. It’s great to be with you today.

Gabe Howard: Steve, I first want to say that I absolutely love your bio. I think it’s important to just own things. And I like that you had a seriously messed up childhood because in many ways I feel like I had a seriously messed up childhood. And I believe a lot of our listeners are looking back on their childhood and they’re feeling the same way. And, you know, sometimes our guests, you know, they really want to tout their professional accolades, but they don’t want to tout their human experiences. So first off, kudos to you for your honesty.

Steven Ing, MFT: Oh, thanks a lot. I just think that, you know, for me, such a huge part of my motivation to help people because I know what it feels like to be in those uncomfortable family situations.

Gabe Howard: It makes perfect sense to me, and that vulnerability, I think is really important, giving that your subject matter is sexuality because people are often embarrassed to discuss sex and sexuality anyway. Now let’s talk about your TED Talk. The magic sex number. What is that all about?

Steven Ing, MFT: Basically, the idea is that we all have specific needs that we’re pretty much hardwired to have and that they aren’t subject to moral suasion or to personal appeal. Like, for example, the number of hours sleep you need to feel refreshed and also the number of calories you need per day to feel satiated. We don’t really talk about sex that way, but everyone I’ve ever interviewed and I mean, thousands of people had an answer to that question. Ideally, if you could be in your perfect relationship, that was perfect in every way. How often, ideally, would you like to have sex? And some people respond with the number at one end of the continuum and other people respond with a very different number. And that represents a range of humanity. We’re all normal and we’re all different. So we just don’t talk about this very much. We sort of presume, I think, in an egocentric way that when we fall in love with somebody, they will want us pretty much exactly the way we want them and with the frequency we want them. And that just isn’t true because of the range from one person to another can be quite serious.

Gabe Howard: When I think about a magic sex number, the first thing that I think is how am I supposed to figure mine out?

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, that’s. That is really tricky. And it’s actually trickier than I even thought it might be because there’s a lot of cultural and moral interference with getting an accurate assessment. If people have an idea that there’s a right number and that number is way too low or way too high, they tend to skew their number to what they think is more acceptable or more normal. And in the same way, a lot of people are preset to self-deception because they end up coming up with a number that mentally is actually the number they’d be willing to settle for. And that’s a very different number than the number that they ideally would like to have. So for me, the question is one of sustainability. If we’re serious about getting all of our sexual needs met in one monogamous relationship, then we need to make sure that that sexual relationship is at least a fighting chance of being sustainable. And if we don’t do that, we really haven’t done our due diligence.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I’m thinking about is when it comes right down to it. How important is our magic sex number? Because it sort of sounds like you’re making sex the end all be all of a successful relationship. Aren’t there other things more important like compatibility and values? So how important is a magic sex number?

Steven Ing, MFT: It’s a little bit like arguing, though, which organ is more important, the heart or the kidneys, because the truth is we need it all to work together for us to survive and have a happy life. And then the same way, if I have the perfect relationship, perfect in every way. But there is a significant problem. It could be something like my mate decides to engage in compulsive gambling. That alone could destroy an otherwise good relationship. So if I’m talking about sex, most of us, we don’t talk about it too much, but we have an idea in the back of our mind of what our future sex life could be like. But we don’t imagine something like what happened to one of my clients when his wife came up to him after seven years of marriage and they had two children by that time. They were a couple in their thirties, and she announced to him that she would not be having sex with him anymore. And he was shocked and didn’t know what to do about this. And for the next 40 years, they did not have sex and it ended up disastrously for both of them. But he never, ever thought that he would be in that situation. And most of us don’t. But we don’t think it through like, well, what would I do? And well, what are my sexual needs? Because if if we think about managing our sexuality intelligently and we have an idea of our magic sex number. You know, for some people, it’ll be three times a week. For some people, it’ll be once a week or less. But whatever that number is, it’s what you need to feel comfortable. Otherwise, you’re facing a catastrophic marital failure where you end up getting so frustrated that you either have an affair or get a divorce or whatever that is. We’d all like to avoid that.

Gabe Howard: The first thing I thought of as you were telling that story is 40 years of no sex. That doesn’t seem like a marriage to me. That seems like a friendship. How did they survive? Forty years in a sexless marriage?

Steven Ing, MFT: For her, her discomfort with the idea of having sex with him was not replaced with anything other than a deep dove into alcoholism. So she relied on booze to get through the rest of her life for him because of his religious upbringing. Divorce was an unacceptable option. And I live in Nevada where prostitution is legal. And he never availed himself of the services of a legal prostitute, nor did he ever have an affair. Instead, what he did is he spent the next 40 years trying desperately to take care of his sexual needs simply through masturbation. And of course, that was not a successful effort because our sexual needs are far more complex and diverse than just orgasm alone. So even if I were, let’s say, masturbating as frequently as I wanted an orgasm, that’s not going to take care of my needs for companionship, conversation, humor and play. So it just doesn’t work.

Gabe Howard: I’m starting to think about our magic sex number and I’m thinking, OK, clearly if one person is zero and you’re at one, that’s too big of a gap. But maybe if somebody was at 10 and you were at 12, that might be a gap that you could work with. All of this to say, how big of a difference between the numbers becomes significant or becomes a dealbreaker? Now, I know in the story that you just told, apparently there was no dealbreaker. But myself, and I believe many of our listeners, would probably not be willing to stay in a marriage that was sexless for 40 years. And even in that story, it did seem like the outcome was disastrous for both parties involved.

Steven Ing, MFT: So typically, a magic sex number wouldn’t be a number like 7. It would be a number like oh, from 6 to 8. And that way there’s a little bit of give and take or leeway. And what we’re talking about, of course, I hasten to say this. We’re talking about the norm. We’re not talking about, oh, if my mate is ill or has gone through a deep tragedy and I need to be there for her emotionally or she is away on a trip or something like that. We’re just talking about the day to day typical marital situation. You know, clearly if somebody says 8 and somebody else says 11, there’s quite a bit of room to work with that. But I like your example of if one of them says once a week, that’s really comfortable for me. And the other one says zero and I’m looking at a lifetime of sexless marriage, that’s really not going to work. But actually, zero is the preferred number for a definite percentage of the population. There are asexual people in our population who quite sincerely want to have companionship and they want to have marriage and all the benefits of the partnership, but they’re completely disinterested in sex. And for them, an ideal number is zero makes perfect sense. At the top end, I have had people who are happily married because they found someone who is just like them and the number, their number was four times per day.

Gabe Howard: Wow.

Steven Ing, MFT: and then they shared that number in common.

Gabe Howard: I am stunned and it.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, it’s.

Gabe Howard: Is this atypical? I mean, this would have to be atypical.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think what we need to all remember is that human sexuality falls in virtually every aspect on a continuum. I think that’s what we’re learning more and more about sexual diversity as we as a culture get more comfortable talking about sexuality. So the old binary of hetero versus homo even that has Kinsey pointed out back in the 50s occurs on a continuum. Some of us are more or less heterosexual than the person standing next to us. And when it comes to a magic sex number, if our listeners could imagine that a bell shaped curve that includes all of humanity and that one end, let’s say the left hand side of the curve would be the asexual who prefer a number like zero. And then on the far right would be somebody who, like my client, has an extremely surprisingly high number and they’ll be in that little shaped curve. The vast majority of us somewhere in the middle.

Gabe Howard: So once the two numbers have been established and they’ve sort of figure out where they are now, the partners have to negotiate and they have to discuss sex in a meaningful way. But that’s not the easiest thing for couples to do, especially if they feel that they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. Many couples feel that if they don’t immediately give the identical answer, there is a sex problem. And whenever there’s a sex problem, people tend to shut down and get defensive. Why is it so hard for couples to discuss sex in a meaningful way?

Steven Ing, MFT: I think part of that is because nobody around us is having this kind of a conversation. So when we’re raised in our family, our mom and dad at the breakfast table, don’t typically read a newspaper story and then start talking about sexual preferences and ideal numbers. We never hear people talking about this kind of thing in church. When we talk the little that we do about sexuality and then even in sex ed classes, the focus is mostly on anatomy and physiology, how pregnancy occurs and how to avoid t.i.’s. And it really isn’t presenting sexuality in a human context relationship. So what I like to do with my clients, I like to encourage them to think about going on a date and eventually getting to some point in the conversation. And it could be a first date for the advanced or it could be something like the third or the tenth date. But eventually most of us want to ask the other person we’re interested in, so what are you looking for in your life? Which leads to talks about being single or getting into a committed relationship. And from there it’s really easy to ask. So what do you visualize your future sex life looking like? I know that may seem intimidating to some people, but if you’re seriously thinking about partnering up in a committed long term relationship and the person you’re dating can’t talk about sexuality in a safe way, that alone for me would be a dealbreaker. Because we need to talk about this before we commit. It’s like talking about finances before we jump into a business partnership. If my prospective business partner were very shy about talking about money, I think go look for another partner. And when we’re talking about magic sex numbers, I think what I would encourage people to do in that fantasy version of a date is to introduce the topic the way I said.

Steven Ing, MFT: And then looking at the uncomfortable expression on the other person’s face to say, tell you what? Let’s each write our number down and then we can turn our napkins over at the same time and share our numbers with each other. Because you’re quite right. You know, a lot of us approach relationships from a position of neediness or loneliness. And so if she asks me what my magic sex number is, I might be very tempted to ask her, well, what’s yours? I’m going to try to guess what it is I think her ideal number is going to be, and instead just to write down what we honestly think is our true number. Flip those little cocktail napkins over and then kind of blink at each other because the numbers are going to be closer or they’re going to be far. These things don’t fall into place automatically or without some effort at laying the foundation. So finding out, you know, we all know those stories of people who got married only to find out after long after the wedding that their partner wasn’t really of the same sexual orientation they were. And part of that was failing to have the appropriate conversations and making it safe for people to disclose who they really are. And some of that’s due to family pressure, some of it’s due to the crazy personal pressure we put on ourselves and for others it’s because of our religious upbringing. But even if we’re needy and lonely, we have to admit it’s not going to do any of us any favors to get together with someone whose appetite for sex is so much different from our own.

Gabe Howard: We’re going to step away and we’ll be right back after these messages.

Sponsor Message: Hey folks, Gabe here. I host another podcast for Psych Central. It’s called Not Crazy. He hosts Not Crazy with me, Jackie Zimmerman, and it is all about navigating our lives with mental illness and mental health concerns. Listen now at Psych Central.com/NotCrazy or on your favorite podcast player.

Sponsor Message: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: We’re back discussing your magic sex number with marriage and family therapist Steven Ing. One of the things that always confuses me about our society is that when it comes to marriage, sex is so important that you must only have sex with your marital partner. However, sex is so insignificant and not important that you should not make sex the basis of said marriage. It’s kind of weird, right? It’s.

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: It’s a bit, but

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: But, this is our system.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think intuitively, I think you’re right. I think we know that it shouldn’t be the basis because that kind of reduces us to just a sexual object alone. But to deny its importance, I think, is really to ignore a major dimension of our experience. So obviously, I’m going to have some spiritual needs and some social needs and some financial and physical needs. But it would be odd if we if we talked about sexuality as if it were the one dimension of the human experience that had no needs related to it, because that’s just not true of any other part of our lives.

Gabe Howard: When it comes to understanding sexuality and relationships, I am obviously an amateur compared to you being an expert. And that’s one of the reasons that I want to pose this question to you from. From my point of view, as goes sex as goes the quality of the marriage. How do you as an expert feel about that statement?

Steven Ing, MFT: I have to agree with it. I’ve never said that sentence, but I think that the sex life is definitely a barometer, if you will, about the health of the relationship. And that goes deeper than we might think at first blush, because even if two people are having sex daily and they both agree that that’s the right number, but one is very present and the other one is emotionally checked out. That, too, is part of their sex life. Right. So that’s a real problem because sex itself is a metaphor for how much acceptance, affirmation, approval and affection. I’m going to get in that relationship. In fact, they’re so lined up that a lot of people substitute sex for intimacy and for intimate relationships because it’s so closely mimics those emotional needs that we’re trying to get met. But once you’ve been with a person for years and years and you can tell that they’re just going through the motions and they’re not really present with you. Like one of my clients years ago, she said, well, I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know it sure as heck isn’t about me. And she told me that with sort of an acceptance of her fate. She was an older woman, but she was accepting yet miserable, if that makes any sense.

Gabe Howard: It does.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, OK. She wasn’t comfortable with that answer. So when we when we talk about sex, you know, I have to add a P.S. or some kind of a note here, because usually when we talk about sexuality in a relationship, we’re talking about intercourse. And I would argue that that is only a small part of the sexual dimension of intimacy. And I think our sexual needs are far more and diverse than that. And they include things like simply feeling safe. You know, if we don’t have our needs for sexual safety net in a relationship, it’s a disaster because everything follows from that. And if we don’t have our needs for appropriate sexual information met in a relationship, we’re not going to be able to make very intelligent choices in that relationship. So our needs are pretty diverse. And again, a problem in our culture and it’s a major, major hole in our education of the young. How am I supposed to manage my sexuality intelligently when I have no idea what my sexual needs are? In our culture, we don’t really do this. It’s a very squeamish and uncomfortable subject for most people. It’s a question. It’s not like we’re foolish or we’re stupid. It’s just that we’re uninformed and we don’t have the vocabulary. There was a philosopher, one of my favorites from the 20th century named Ludwig Wittgenstein, and he said something that really applies here. He said, if I don’t have the words to describe a thing, then I really don’t understand that thing. And I think that is more true of sexuality than anything else.

Gabe Howard: It’s very fascinating to me that anybody would be uncomfortable discussing sexuality, considering how it permeates our culture, we use sexuality to sell gum, but we’re uncomfortable discussing what makes us happy sexually, even in the context of committed relationships, in the context of marriage. We’re uncomfortable about this, but there will absolutely be a woman in a bathing suit holding gum, telling you how, if your breath smells good, your chances of a sexual encounter increase.

Steven Ing, MFT: Right.

Gabe Howard: But talking one on one with a potential sex partner becomes very embarrassing. And it’s fascinating. It’s absolutely fascinating to me. And I imagine, again, as somebody who has studied this for 30 years, it’s got to be fascinating to you as well.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, one of the things I’ve been just delighted to do is in my last public speaking event was with the American Advertising Federation, and they were just a great audience and very aware of the phenomenon you were just talking about in terms of selling gum. And that’s we reviewed advertising history. You see that advertisements involving sexuality are almost always about titillation. The pretty girl, the arousing moment, the suggestive comments or look. But when you get past titillation and I think titillation is great and I’m not against titillation, I think it’s an important part of our sexuality. But until we actually cross over to including the conversation on intimacy and what it would take for us to feel safe with each other, I don’t think we really understand sexuality. And I think it may be because we’re just simply not ready for it culturally. But I think as individuals, again, the people listening to this, they can get there. It’s just embracing the idea that I need to and want to learn to manage my sexuality intelligently, whether I’m committed to a monogamous lifestyle or I’m really into casual hookups or something in between. I want to do it intelligently and then to begin having conversations with intelligent people who are respectful and can listen to you without judging you. I think that’s really how we get smarter with each other is having these kinds of conversations like the one you and I are having, Gabe.

Gabe Howard: Steven, I really appreciate you talking to me and the audience about this, and I hope that more people will have conversations with their spouses and their partners about the type of sex that makes them happy and get all on the same page, because I think ultimately sex is great, right? It’s something that we biologically crave. It’s something that we’re all doing. And I feel that that can only be enhanced by having these conversations with the people that we’re having sex with.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah. Or the people were thinking about making lifelong commitments to. And I think it’s such an important conversation to have to accept that none of us are really very good at it. When we get started and to be patient with yourself, to let yourself take a little time, even if it’s just sharing a magazine or newspaper article or paragraph with someone and discussing that. So it’s not really about you and the here and now, but it’s about someone else just kind of getting your brain going into working on that I think would be enormously profitable for everybody out there who is a sexual being. Oh yeah, that’s everybody.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for being on the show. Where can audience members find you? What’s your Web site?

Steven Ing, MFT: Super easy if they can spell my last name, I N G. It’s StevenIng.com. So if they just go to Steven with a V, StevenIng.com, they will find out more about me than they ever wish they knew.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for your candid talk about sex and sexuality, it’s necessary and it’s needed, and I appreciate having you on the show. And listen up, everybody. I have a personal favor to ask all of you. Wherever you downloaded this podcast, rank us. Use your words and tell people why to tune in. It absolutely helps. Share us on social media. Email us to your friends. And we have a private Facebook group. Just go to PsychCentral.com/FBShow and sign up. You can suggest topics and get show details before everybody else. And finally, remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counseling anytime, anywhere simply by visiting you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We’ll see everyone next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your audience to be wowed at your next event? Feature an appearance and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast right from your stage! For more details, or to book an event, please email us at show@psychcentral.com. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/Show or on your favorite podcast player. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers trusted resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com.  To learn more about our host, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and please share with your friends, family, and followers.

  from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2XXNK8Q via theshiningmind.com

[top1course]

Productive Habits of Millionaires – Millionaire Productivity Habits Ep. 12

Millionaire time management secret number two, eliminate time vampires from your life how many you know some people in your life there like a vampire and they, days just suck your time, yes, we want to show you how to eliminate., i’ll buy tickets sales world’s highest paid consultant, media celebrity multi-millionaire, acclaim tedx speaker International best-selling author, and lock the challenge, constant interruptions from people communication, because of social media, i just put so much pressure on on people that when you get a text when you get a text and you feel, reply right now, facebook message something that okay I got to instant communication reply right away, i personally absolutely refused, to participate in other people’s springbot, bring vomiting every thought they send you something, please note telephone, but they expect you to reply immediately, don’t play that game, don’t join them, and I refuse to operate in this environment of constant mindless, Open Communications, ump performance, eliminate that from your life inside let me give you a very simple tip, hotel, pick up your cell phone, because I, this simple technique, guaranteed double triple your productivity, do right now, if you want to prove your productivity, all those notifications Facebook text whatever After talking thing off, none of my location is on, text, facebook, everything, none of them is on I checked them whenever I want to check them, imagine this beeping all the time, how Could You focus, when you turn it off, you’ll be like, wow, and what you notice that people don’t even notice, they don’t even notice, how many messages you get on Facebook everyday, how many, how many, 10.30, 3040, i don’t have a good, yes okay what else, 102, 1023 how many text messages you got, and here’s the thing, is it that you are training the people around you, How to respond to you, i’ll say it again your train if you around you how to respond to you so if I send you, right, i don’t write a message, all the time and you always reply to me like instantly, i sent it in an into p.m., i sent it to a.m., subtly, after this relationship a while I send a message, reply in 10 minutes, what a jerk, i could clearly she hasn’t read my message, tell me about the feeling, so rude, maybe I’m not afraid I’ll feel alright, don’t train them how to do that, do not train them on how to do that, i’ll reply very slow, very slow, anybody reply fast they are grateful that reply fast, is managing your reputation, people if know they’re your day that you’re in sasebo they know you don’t you don’t get interrupted all the time, I’m a respectable time because they can see that you respect your time you train them you know what that’s right.

Maybe he won’t get back to you in 2 hours 3 hours maybe next day, that’s what they expect when you do get back to them earlier earlier they’re grateful versus training them, expecting oh yeah, private message Facebook, bad idea, turn it off very simple technique, talking about, lauderdale Airport, tutoring, traveling at the airport, in the bathroom the guy was texting while he’s peeing on it, and it’s like, i like holyshit anyway, hey man I’m just on the airport now I’m getting there yeah man I’m just before, you cannot even pee in peace, you cannot even pee in peace, what is a Bomberman, what is a problem don’t do that, tV, p with a peace of mind, if you think about it, All these interruptions all these notifications all these messages now, anthony, how many of those messages how many of those, text, actually contribute to your bottom line, just think, how many of those actually put money in your pocket at the end of the day, 5%, yeah we spend a lot of all time, understand cuz we feel obligated, that’s how it works man, so the reputation you have same thing with unscheduled incoming calls I don’t pick up the phone, i just don’t pick up the phone, what if someone calls me is it going to cost me and I’ll pick up the phone, so happy I got you, expecting, if I have the reputation he’s a dumbass thing you never says entrepreneur, call me anytime, call me anytime, i’m always available, that’s a bad slogan, nobody goes to the bottom of the mountain to see the wise old man, It’s a question of positioning, it’s a question of packaging is a question of marketing is a question of branding, you always available, is the opposite, i always cater to you nice I’m always available call me anytime, is a bad idea, no yes, but if you’re interested, if you’re in the service industry that’s in the real estate when they call you have to be are right, what religion, elise Elise Wright, organ system, except the phone or the second issue so now it goes into a question, into positioning you train your clients, and also how to deal with you, okay cuz I know some of you are thinking you could do if I can’t do it, i know that’s what you thinking, unification to do that but I’m still building, earl L nose, i can go to my girl share with him because Earl and I we’ve known each other for, 10 years, we were just talking about that on the phone right and I Witness, this is truly a witness, how I operate, so they just share with him, a minute, everything behavior that habits, audacity, all right all right, long time, stop that he talks about the he he focusing, you’re having your time not interrupted it’s hilarious actually has this wonderful picture like a giant picture of his, phone unplugged extra fuses for a lot of presentations, so, a lot of the stuff that we would we do that actually ever since the very beginning ever since I’ve known you, from the get-go, i’m unsuccessful I spun today, so so pay attention before, and I have no idea you were just starting off then I actually had no clue I thought you were over to successful and I thought, what I saw the timeline on your on your roof Brandon Sykes I’m stealing it, I’m looking at this thing what the hell is when I met you and back then you already have the.

Behaviors in the patterns in the structure of a successful person, right so that that stuff is really weird I met him I thought oh wow where were, we’re already know he’s he’s playing at this really high level is really cool, then I finally see the bug. He was just started what the hell he just started, write a note that blew my mind that that that the funny thing is, nothing, today, he’s got the same behavioral pattern the same structure still doesn’t answer the damn phone, except for except for schedules. But the funny thing is like the, he’s got the consistency, the consistency factor and the consistency only come from lack of interruption, right on., weather, i was behaving, Is only years after that my accomplishments, catches up with my mouth right, what is the saying, acer Singapore operating same way, what I’m telling you, erotic book seven years ago, chapter 20, i’ve been single shift for 7 years, it’s the same s***, again and again it hasn’t changed, and it works, it works hasn’t changed, chapter 20, supercell, hi this is Dan Lok welcome to Dan Lok TV, i want you to subscribe to my YouTube channel, now you might ask why should every week I’ll close to new videos all focusing on helping you, becoming a better on, you will be challenged and you will be inspired and you will be motivated, unfortunately, you’ll get practical ideas and strategies they will take your business to the next level so go ahead, hit that subscribe button turn on the notification so you don’t miss out on a single episode I promise, You won’t regret it.

from WordPress https://top1course.com/productive-habits-of-millionaires-millionaire-productivity-habits-ep-12/

[mdenumberone-blog]

Whew.

Hey.

Can I have this water here? Is this anybody’s? I’m claiming that, right there.

[Grabs water]

Alright.

Got some notes here… did I just drop the mic back? Oh, I’m good, okay.

Keep that on me, otherwise you guys can’t hear me.

[Drinks water]

Give me like 25 seconds here.

[Drinks water and coughs]

Give me like 10 more seconds.

Ah, ah man. This thing. Can we turn this up a little bit so I’m not I don’t have to like turn my head into it? Can you like… how about now? Test, test, hey there you go, yeah, I’ll talk to you later, you’re doin’ a good job.

Ah man, okay. Can we reset the clock so I have another minute extra…? Please…?

Thank you.

[Starts standing up]

There we go, okay, hey, I wanted to start sitting down anyway.

[Sits back down]

Um, guys, pat yourselves on the back right now. Okay? Let’s do it. Come on, everybody, I’m not gonna make you, I’m not gonna let you stop until I see everybody doin’ it, let’s pat ourselves on the back. There we go. You two! You’re patting each other, that’s cheating. Ah, you, you couldn’t keep your hands off her, could you? Yeah, hey, I don’t blame ya, “she’s a cutie”.

Hey guys, right there is for saving the worlds, worlds, world, I’m looking at young minds right now, you guys are all intelligent, I know that you did good in school, I didn’t do that. You especially. You’re very smart.

Look at us. We’re the machine that keeps the world going. Okay?

I’d like to start this talk off with a parable. A story if you will. I was at a college, a second tier, not an ivy league school, a second choice school, and I was in a class. And there was a student in that class, okay? And the, the teacher, he was spouting some horrible non-sense, about how, it was something about how women’s rights are not legitimate, something that everybody knew was false, but if anybody had spoken up, he would’ve taken extreme joy in failing them. Okay? Nobody spoke up. One person raised his voice. Once person started talking. The teacher couldn’t believe it, the classroom couldn’t believe it either. But in the end, he had logic on his side. And at the end of the day, he proved his point. That student was Albert Einstein.

And that same sense of [SHHHHHHIIII] (stops himself from laughing)

[SLAPS FACE VIGOROUSLY 5 TIMES]

And that same sense of childlike play and INNOCENCE that we know from Albert Einstein, I can sense it in this room today.

TEDx Drexel university. Dreexel, Drexel university. Next X.

So you gotta be thinking to yourselves right now, “who’s this 22 year old kid up on stage, with a chip on his shoulder, and his heart on his sleeve, and the world in his eyes”?

Well, that’s a tough question, asking somebody to define who they are.

I much prefer to ask: “what inspires that person”?

What inspires you? What inspires you? What inspires you? I want an answer, what inspires you? [Person in crowd responds] You better find something man. [Person in crowd says “The possibilities”] Don’t worry about it. [Clears throughts] “Possibilities…”

Um…

What inspires me is teaching African refugees how to program Javascript. What inspires me is finding out how to use maglev trains to get resources to the moon! These are the challenges of tom-that tomorrow’s gonna face. Okay? How are we gonna get clean drinking water to 2 billion Chinese people? Ya got an answer? Get inspired. I’m gonna be picking on you.

[Points to same person in the crowd from earlier]

The second thing that inspires me are ideas. Ideas are amazing. Ideas are like currency. Ideas are what drives the world. Ideas are what we need to get to the next stage. And not just great inventions like the train, little things like this microphone, that enables me to speak to the unwashed masses. TED talks, TED talks are another GREAT idea. Where would, where would, where would we be right now?

And we have to talk about it, because great ideas don’t come in all shapes and sizes. 9/11, September 11th. And we’re gonna use some reverence here and not be silly about this, but, look at what they accomplished with no weapons and just 11 guys who didn’t even speak English! And that proves that sometimes great ideas are actually horrible ideas.

So, I’m Sam Hyde. I’m an important thinker. I’m a creator, innovator, artist, idea. But above all else, I’m a passionate childlike innovator. I’ve been all around the grlobe. Globe.

[Mumbles “globe” quietly]

I’ve been all around the globe working on cutting edge projects of all kinds, and I’m here to ask you one question, “where are we at”? Where are we? We’ve got all this great technology. We’ve got 7 billion people in the world! And according to U.N. projections, it’s gonna go up to 50 billion people! That’s a lot of mouths to feed. And I don’t think they’re gonna be able to feed themselves, so we better start coming up with some ROBOTS to bridge that GAP.

The west’s sick addiction to fossil fuel. Is going to make this planet uninhabitable for the future generations. Uhh. You’ll know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen the movie “An Inconvenient Truth”. It’s essentially what’s going on is we’re too selfish, and we’re driving our cars too much, and that’s getting nature out of the picture.

Now we looked at the data, we looked at the data, and what we found surprised us. What we found, right there, what we found was that culture is a sewer. We’ve got lewd media. We’ve got nasty bedroom things on TV. And they’re sexualizing young girls, and it’s getting to the point where even I have a problem with it. And that, it shouldn’t be that way.

Folks, we’re all world citizens. Is there another…? There we go. We’re all world citizens, living together, with one social contract, one economic future, we’re all tied together. There’s no more individual anymore, it’s just the hive. So we have to stick together. We have to stick together, and learn how to share. We have to learn how to share.

Now studies show that we work hard. It’s true. Everybody in this room’s a hard worker. You’re a hard worker, you’re a hard worker, you’re a hard worker. I know cuz you’re here, okay? But studies show that we don’t play hard enough. We gotta play harder! It’s, because it’s that sense of childlike playing, ehh, that’s gonna save us in the end, Albert Einstein.

But, hunger, poverty, okay, we’re on this route now.

CAN YOU CONTROL THE SLIDES? GET ON THE RIGHT SLIDE! Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. It’s fine. There we go, trash economy. Go back. GO BACK!

I was in Rwanda. I was lil-I was with a little startup you may have heard of. Tesla. Okay? Elon Musk was there. Team of innovators, artists, creators, ideas, thinkers. We were there. And we were giving iPads to this village of Africans. And it so fffffrrreeeeaaaakkkyyy because uh, there’s something to it, you just “doop doop”, swipe it, and it works. But these guys, we gave, we gave them like 2 hour tutorials and they couldn’t figure out how to use the freakin things. The problem is us. The so-uh, the… people in this room right now, the solution is us, the problem is greedy corporations, uhh, we do things that matter, New York Times… I’ll just skip ahead here….

BY MY CALCULATIONS we have 5 years until the world ends, unless we can start to reverse things like POLLUTION AND WAR. POLLUTION, WAR, THESE ARE BIG PROBLEMS. FIX IT, NOW!!!

Close your eyes. Everybody in this room close your eyes. I’m not gonna do anything weird or sss-uh, ss-uhhh sensual with you. Close your eyes, we’re gonna change some minds right now. Everybody close your eyes okay? Close em. Seam em up good. You! Especially you! I want those eyes closed. Get on it. Make sure your friend has her eyes closed too. Now look, this is a pivotal moment in human history. Right now, in this room, Dreexel university, TEDx, next X, this is the time to be doing this. Take this moment in. Breathe deeply okay. Neurons are firing in your brain right now, you’re more alert, you’re astrally projecting, you’re getting a little bit high on the sound of my voice, I have a nice tamber to it, I know that I’m a good public speaker. You’re drinking bullet proof coffee. And you don’t even realize you’re getting all jagged up in the head listening to my presentation, you’re gonna remember this forever. 2070 future! Now! WHAAAT?! WHUUT?

2070 predictions. The next 50 years are gonna be some serious. Stuff.

Sea floor farming. 75% of the world’s surface not being used by agriculture. On the sea floor, you’re gonna have sea beets, sea yams, sea cabbage, have ya ever had a sea salad? Have ya ever had sea cheesy baked potatoes that BLEW YOUR SOCKS OFF? Cuz you’re gonna be. 2070 coming up.

Trash economy. The abundance of trash. What are we gonna do with it? Are we gonna put it on an island? Are we gonna make it somebody else’s problem? Or are we going to take the initiative, and take this problem by the horns? Trash economy. You use cubes of trash as money. Everybody becomes rich, it’s a gold rush.

Walk with me. Most of the major cities will be replaced with vast pleasure domes, used exclusively by the excelceites, who are the neo-upperclass. While the displaced hoards of lower-class depth-grobblers will live underground in tiered cities, endlessly toiling away for nuggets of neo-plasmin.

Video games are going to get more realistic.

[Sniffles into microphone]

Super fuel-efficient vehicles getting 80, 100 miles per gallon? It’s not that crazy. You think I’m nuts right now for suggesting something high tech like that? [Looks at person in crowd who shakes head] Flip side of that coin, gas, 10 dollars a gallon. [Flips out and air kicks a couple times in anger] You can’t win them all, but we can make do, cuz we’re gonna have solar power also.

Race riots. Extreme racial tension and unrest. Uh… it’s called the knockout game, and eventually white people are gonna get tired of playing it. That’s all I’m saying.

A new… ah skip that one. Um… oh yeah, got two minutes left, okay. Playing games with me, huh? Can we get the original 18 minutes back on here…? You caught me. I’m unprepared.

Now, 2070. Due to the massive birth increase, we’re gonna have a shortage of milk. What this means is, the neo-earth-good-government-league is gonna have to genetically modify all humans, male and female, to lactate once a month. Once every month, you’re gonna be going to a lactation processing center where they’ll hook ya up to all kinds of weird things. Uh, now, due to some fluke, about 3% of the population produces milk, uh, about 500% as much milk. So they’re gonna have to be farmed constantly. And it’s very painful, but they’re gonna be rounded up by FEMA and their milk will serve the greater good.

Guys, what’s the one problem right now that’s not gonna be around in 2070? The elderly and the disabled. Cuz we’re just GONNA KILL EM! WE’RE JUST GONNA KILL EM!

So we looked at the data. Uhh, we got robots policing the streets, 2070, we got gay marriage. Surprise, surprise, bigots! Okay? Sorry, in 2070, gay people are gonna be allowed to get married. Get used to it.

Make me sick sometimes.

Sodastream will do for soda what 3D printing did for assault rifles.

And I think you’re gonna be seeing a whole lot more of these great Apple products. The iMac.

[Breathes heavily]

You’re probably thinking this is some pretty deep stuff, and you’re right.

[Breathes more]

State enforced homosexuality. I don’t have a problem with that, it’s equal.

Facebook as your birth certificate.

Mac iPads built into every school desk of every child.

3D printers are kid’s toys, and the newest 3D printer your kid is gonna be printing up 3D Muslim barbie dolls.

2070, gay men have actually developed reproductive organs inside of their… area… and a new generation of children are born from inside gay men.

Uh, what else we got here…

[Breathes deeply]

Good luck searching for Al-Qaeda on the internet, you’d have better luck going next door and asking them in person.

Uhh, what else we got here… You are not gonna like that one. Nobody’s gonna like that one.

Let’s do this here.

Can we get one final pat on the back everybody? Pat yourselves on the back. Please do it. You are gonna be the future, that’s a good thing. You’re going places kid… You’re going uh… [Whispers “man, we’re so screwed”]

2070, Israel, straight up ripped off the map. [In Jewish accent screams “BYE! BYE BYE!!! BYE!!!”] Not my choice, it’s… probably what’s gonna happen. Okay.

Anybody else got any predictions? What do you think’s gonna happen? [Points to member of the crowd that didn’t know their inspiration earlier]

Now it’s, now it’s time for you, cuz you are the, the you, you plural, is the star, like YouTube here, like the Time magazine cover. You guys are the star, I’m just some crazy guy, I’m not cool. What predictions do you have? 2070. Make a real one, let’s have something real here. [Uninspired man says something in response] You don’t know that. I’m gonna have your mind uploaded to my uh, my uh BlackBerry. You’ll be here. I’m gonna… you’ll be cryogenically frozen, I know it. Anybody have any predictions? What do ya think’s gonna happen in 2070. [Indian man says “I think it’s going to be better than what we have right now”] I… I think there can’t possibly be anything worse than what we have right now. [Indian man says “which implies it’s going to be better”]

[Shakes hands with Indian man]

Thanks for having me here.

[Crowd applauses immensely]

[richardrobertsimsuccessblog]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

[cherylxsmith]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/why-podcast/

[sandranelsonuk]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

from Julia Garza Social Media Tips https://smartblogger.com/why-podcast/

[annegalliher]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

[stevenshartus]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/why-podcast/

[robertrluc85]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

from SEO and SM Tips https://smartblogger.com/why-podcast/

[laurendcameron]

7 Ironclad Reasons to Podcast (Even If You Hate the Sound of Your Own Voice)

Look, I get it…

You hate the sound of your own voice. You’re unfamiliar with the tech. And you feel much more comfortable typing than you do talking into a mic.

So you may feel hesitant to start your own podcast. Maybe you even feel intimidated by the prospect.

But you should do it anyway.

Because podcasting can pay major dividends for you, your blog, and your business.

Podcasting has been on a steady increase over the years both in the quantity of shows produced and in the volume of listeners.

It reaches people across genres, languages, and economic status, and if you strategically bake podcasting into your content plan, you can reap its many dividends.

Here are seven ways podcasting can help you boost your blog and business.

#1. You Build a Network Your Competitors Will Envy

When you run a podcast, you can invite influencers as guests and interview them one on one. It’s an excellent way to build connections.

Most people like the idea of gaining free publicity for their work, so they’ll often agree to spend 30+ minutes with you to get exposed to your audience.

And when you spend time cultivating the relationship before, during, and after the interview, you can build a powerful network of people who can help you grow your business and blog.

Over the last two and a half years, I’ve interviewed more than 100 guests for my own podcast. While I’m not best friends with every person who’s come on the show, I have kept in touch with people with whom I had a strong connection.

And some cool business opportunities have come out of those, which wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t established the initial relationship through my podcast.

#2. You Can Bask in the Spillover of Other People’s Star Power

Some time ago, I had Tucker Max on my podcast. (In case you don’t know, he’s a three-time New York Times best-selling author.)

His team reached out to me and pitched Tucker as a guest to promote his new business, Book in a Box.

Once the episode went live, I got this message from a friend in my network:

Leveraging the authority of those you associate with is a smart way to build influence and social proof.

When you interview people for your podcast, particularly folks with larger followings than you, it boosts your credibility. Your audience will think, “If she has so-and-so on her show, she must know what she’s talking about!”

And you don’t have to wait for your dream guests to come to you. You can reach out to them and explain why coming on your show would benefit them.

Don’t know how? Here’s a great resource on how to land big guests for your show, even if you’re a newbie.

#3. Your Ideas Reach a Brand-New, Highly Engaged Audience

Through blogging, you can spread your ideas to a wide audience. But through podcasting, you can put those ideas in front of a new audience that your blog might never reach.

While there are some people who read blogs and listen to podcasts on a regular basis, many people do just one or the other.

And listenership continues to grow for podcasts — at more than 20% year after year.

Even better, data reveals podcast audiences are super-engaged. A whopping 85% of listeners hear all or most of a show and the average listener consumes five hours and seven minutes worth of podcasts each week.

People aren’t quick to turn off a podcast once they start listening, and they can listen to a podcast while doing something else, like cooking, driving or walking the dog. It’s an ideal medium for busy people.

So repurposing ideas you’ve shared on your blog for a podcast is well worth your time — especially the ideas that have already proven popular.

For example, here’s an article I published on my Inc. column that showed the results of research I’d done with entrepreneurs:

When I saw the message resonated, I switched up the headline, added a few additional points, and published it as a podcast episode.

With this one article and podcast episode, I was able to double the amount of people who were exposed to my message.

#4. Your Unfiltered Voice Builds an Even Deeper Bond with Your Audience

You can build a connection with readers on your blog, no doubt. But with podcasting, your audience hears your voice and personality, your inflections and emotions, as well as your laughter.

They’ll feel like they know you much more intimately, which bonds them to you more strongly.

A few years ago, researchers conducted a study where they asked participants to rate their degree of connectedness and bonding after having participated in in-person, video, audio, or written communication with a friend.

As you might’ve guessed, the greatest level of bonding occurred through in-person interactions, followed by video chats, followed by audio.

Instant messaging came in last among the options.

When you consider how the brain processes information, this phenomenon isn’t surprising. Researchers, educators, and consultants Louisa Moats and Carol Tolman explained it in more detail on Reading Rockets:

Spoken language is “hard-wired inside the human brain. Language capacity in humans evolved about 100,000 years ago, and the human brain is fully adapted for language processing… A related fact should be self-evident: Reading and writing are acquired skills for which the human brain is not yet fully evolved.” (Liberman, Shankweiler, & Liberman, 1989) Human brains are naturally wired to speak; they are not naturally wired to read and write.

  Reading and writing are skills we may take for granted today, but these skills have only recently become prevalent among the human population. By contrast, we’ve been speaking and listening for ages.

It’s no surprise that hearing someone’s voice makes us feel more connected to them than just reading their words.

#5. Your Bank Account Will Get More Direct Deposits

Adding a podcast to your content marketing can directly increase the revenues for your blog and business.

The most common way people monetize their podcasts is through selling sponsorships, or commercial spots that are read before and during an episode.

John Lee Dumas is host of the hit podcast Entrepreneur on Fire. Every month he publishes an income report for the business he’s built around the show. For December alone, his sponsorship revenue for his daily podcast was more than $64,000.

The larger the audience is for your show, the better you position yourself to earn a decent income from third-party sponsors.

But getting sponsors for your show isn’t the only way to monetize your podcast. Many hosts promote their own products and services to their listeners through designated ad spots.

You could highlight your online course, your coaching packages, or even relevant affiliate offers.

My friend Vernon Foster is a podcast coach at PodParrot. He says many of his clients make a ton of money with their podcast by highlighting their own products. He recommends podcasters with audiences of all sizes do the same:

You don’t have to be Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes or Gary Vee either. There’s [sic] a lot of real estate podcasts you’ve never heard of that are quietly making a small fortune selling high-ticket [offers].

  Side note: I met Vernon through my podcast, which goes to show how it can help you build your network!

#6. You Give Google More Reason to Notice You

Bloggers have long been on the hunt for ways to drive traffic to their blogs through SEO. The good news is that podcasting can help you with that as well.

Whenever you publish a new episode, you can add relevant written content to the “show notes” page on your website, which is indexable by search engines. Transcripts and detailed notes with time stamps are smart ways to add content to your site that might rank for long-tail keywords and draw more traffic.

Not only that, podcasting can also help you get links, which can boost your site’s authority in the eyes of Google. Whenever you have a guest on for an interview, you have a good chance they’ll link back to it from their site.

Lastly, publishing podcasts on your blog can also increase the average amount of time people stay on your site. Google likes to see this as well.

Here’s what SEO expert Phil Singleton of Kansas City Web Design said on the subject:

To the extent that you can, adding rich media in, like a podcast audio or a video, is super important because one of the hottest topics in terms of on page SEO is increasing the amount of dwell time on the site. [. . .] If you can get people to land on the page and click the audio file on your website, they stay a lot longer. Your dwell time goes through the roof, even if it is only a few people because a 15-20 minute podcast has a lot more people listening through longer.

  #7. You’ll Be Prepared When Oprah Calls

Podcasting will you get you ready for future speaking opportunities that can expand your reach.

Imagine your blog getting so popular that you get called for a talk show interview, a TEDx talk, or to be a featured speaker at a conference. You want to be ready, right?

Having experience speaking in both scripted and off-the-cuff formats will prepare you for when those calls come.

When you step up to the mic on a consistent basis, you will discover your most relevant messages, refine your voice, and overcome any fears of public speaking that might otherwise hold you back.

Through podcasting, you’ll build your speaking confidence until it feels natural.

A few months ago, I was a featured expert on a program with an NPR radio affiliate. The show’s producer read an article I published, and he invited me to speak more in-depth on the topic and to answer questions from listeners who called in.

My experiences in podcasting, both as a guest and a host, prepared me to be comfortable speaking without a script.  As a result, I am ready to seize bigger opportunities that come my way.

It’s Time for You to Step Up to the Mic

Give your expertise an even bigger stage. A stage that enables you to transform the lives of even more people who crave your solutions.

Sure, it’ll take some practice.

But don’t most things that are worth it?

You don’t have to produce the next Serial, This American Life, or Smart Passive Income to reap the benefits of podcasting.

You’ve simply got to create a show that speaks to your ideal audience in a meaningful way.

You’ve already got the knowledge. And you’ve already got the ideas.

Now all you need is the mic.

About the Author: Sonia Thompson is a marketing strategist, consultant, and author focused on helping you create remarkable customer experiences that help you win more customers and keep them coming back for more. Grab your Podcast Launch Resource Sheet, so you know exactly what you need (and what you don’t) to start your podcast.

from Lauren Cameron Updates https://smartblogger.com/why-podcast/