#anyway just a minor addition but meredith grey is a wifeguy. you can't change my mind on this one

[lesbiansayaishii]

relating the addek -> meddison pipeline to that post about caring for the small things as a love language. in canon derek does the "right thing" by staying with addison, but the big gesture is overshadowed by how little he wants to be there for her. he puts on the act of "she's my wife, i have to go back to her" when 1) he did knowingly cheat on her and 2) if you have to blame your wife for why you have to go back to her maybe you. shouldn't be doing that. for both your sakes.

but the point is he didn't listen or care for her needs, and barely acted like he cared for anything other than his own wants after the one "heroic" moment of choosing her over meredith. and as much as she put in the effort and tried to listen and care for his needs she couldn't - the way he needed to be loved wasn't the way she was familiar with loving him. the closest i can get to accurately explaining my thought process is that they had been growing apart while in new york but once derek left that connection of knowing each other better than anyone else was completely severed. addison went to seattle expecting to win back new york derek, but in the time they passed apart they had both grown into versions of themselves that were unrecognizable to the other: addison from living with mark, derek from pursuing a relationship with meredith. somehow over that brief separation they changed - not so much that they became different people - but just enough that when they tried to pick married life back up where they left off it could only feel off-balance and wrong.

in my mind in and in revenge at least this crucial divide is where meredith comes in. she does the big gesture of 'revenge' for derek but she stays for addison. when the story starts, meredith is hurt and angry and confused that her boyfriend would lie to her in such a drastic and life-altering way. from the beginning she had only ever intended to cause more damage to a fucked up situation, but something about addison kept her coming back. she comes back because she can't figure out why addison keeps allowing this - by all meredith's previous knowledge of her she should be reporting her to the chief and getting her kicked out of the surgical intern program but she isn't, she's letting meredith continue this and the curious thing is she's not telling derek. and this realization in meredith's mind is where it shifts and becomes about addison. meredith stays for the compiled little moments over the months of addison opening up hesitantly and sharing a story, or addison laughing suddenly and drawing meredith in, and this is why it works. because derek doesn't/isn't willing to love addison with the delicate attention she craves so deeply but meredith is, and not only does she do it but she is fascinated by it. addison falls because of the steady (one might say loving) focus and attention. meredith falls because addison is fascinated with the way meredith is fascinated with the littlest, seemingly insignificant things about her.