#anyway iu's ending scene always wrecks me

[bokutosworld]

someday | kageyama tobio

a kageyama x f! reader one shot loosely inspired by iu’s ending scene.

wc: 2.8 words of heartbreak, regrets, and moving on. 

summary: kageyama returns home for a reunion he never asked for and gets the closure he has been hoping for. this takes place post-timeskip and has slight manga spoilers.

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it took five snoozes on his phone alarm before kageyama turned on his back, opening his eyes to stare at his apartment ceiling. he came home late last night and the jet lag was certainly taking its toll on him. it was currently 10:01 am, and in two hours, he would be meeting up with his high school friends. while he wants nothing more than to stay in his bed for the whole day, hinata threatened him that he would spill all his dirty secrets if he didn't show up for the mini reunion. as if i am hiding anything, kageyema thought. he was going to give his orange headed friend a good smack when he sees him later.

at 11:30 am, kageyama was already making his way to their meet up spot. hinata, yachi, yamaguchi and tsukishima all agreed to gather at a subway station which was a 15-minute walk from his current apartment. the route to the station was more picturesque than ever, with the cherry blossoms in full bloom and the pink petals decorating the street like a red carpet. it didn't hit him until that moment that it was currently spring in japan, his favorite season. he admires the view and suddenly he feels as if he's being pulled back to seven years before. when he was a first year on his way to karasuno and saw you, glowing and smiling happily, under the beautiful sakura tree. he wishes now that someone could have warned him that meeting you was a mistake. spring was his favorite season, but for some reason, it's been tainted with memories he wishes he could erase.

by the time he arrives at the station, he saw that everyone was waiting for him. hinata saw him, looking almost frustrated, 'kageyama, you dumbass! you are late!' the other three simultaneously turned their heads to see him sprinting towards them. when he reached them, he crouched and was desperately trying to catch his breath. hinata was still shouting at him, while tsukishima and yamaguchi was laughing at the duo. yachi was watching over them, nostalgia hitting her faster then she wanted that she failed to stop the words coming out, 'you guys never changed huh.'

it's been three years since kageyama saw this crazy bunch. the last time being the one right before he flew to italy where he was joining a team. they all saw him off at the airport, giving him their best wishes and hopes for his success. it even surprised him that hinata, who would usually tease and give him a playful remark, teared up as he left for the departure gates. it was everything he could have asked for a goodbye, but deep down, he wished that someone else was there to see him off too, for one last time.

the four friends were now settled in a yakiniku restaurant. as always, food was the first in their agenda for the day. while waiting, they comfortably launched into a conversation, catching up on each other's lives and plans for the future. at one instance, kageyama teased tsukishima for pursuing professional volleyball despite lacking the interest in it back in high school. the blonde boy just laughed and took a sip of his drink before surprising everyone at the table, 'well, at least i had the guts to do what i wanted to do. unlike others here who knew what they wanted and already had it but chose to let it go.' to make his point, tsukishima sent the setter a smirk. 

an awkward silence enveloped the table. their food arrived and while the kind waitress was setting the different dishes down, the four people were dreading where the conversation will go after what tsukishima said. when the lady left, giving them one bow, kageyama spoke up, 'how is she?' everyone blinked, not knowing how to approach the topic. he repeated himself, while taking his chopsticks and getting a piece of the meat, 'y/n. how has she been doing?' he looked over at yachi, expecting her to have some kind of answer. he remembers how she was best friends with you. yachi smiled, 'she's great! the last time i heard from her, she was visiting her relatives in osaka. i haven't checked up on her this week, i sent her a message though.' she paused, gauging kageyama's expression. he was always difficult to read, yachi knew this from you. she continued, 'i told her about you visiting. she hasn't replied to me.' the conversation shifted to another topic when hinata, worried at his friend, told a story about his time in brazil.

unknown to his friends, kageyama has zoned out of the chat, his mind drifting back to the last moment that he shared with you. he remembers it vividly as if it happened yesterday. it was graduation day and you pulled him to the gardens to talk as soon as the ceremony ended. he had an inkling of what you were about to say, and he was terrified.

he recalls how you shyly looked at him during that time. the you back then was so different from your usual confident and playful self. he's been so used to you going up to him, initiating a conversation and letting you take the lead.

he's always let himself get carried away with your stories, your antics, and even your subtle advances. time seemed to stretch out as you debated whether to go through with your speech, so kageyama spoke up, 'it's finally over. we've graduated.' after a long while, you looked at him and his gaze looked so soft, so focused on you in that moment that you thought there was no other people in the world but the two of you. smiling, you replied, 'yeah, we did it.' shaking off your nerves, you let out a sigh and continued to speak, 'who would have thought that the kageyama, who's so committed only to volleyball, devoted all his time and effort to the sport, could actually get passing grades and make it through high school?'

he shook his head at your taunting statement, reaching out a hand to ruffle your hair. annoyed, you made a move to swat at his hand, but he got it first and intertwined your fingers, 'if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have made it.' he was telling the truth. when he saw you under the sakura tree that time, he wouldn't have imagined that you two would be classmates. he never thought you would be a fixture in his high school life. in first year, he saw you as someone he can rely on to help him with his studies and make sure he never gets a grade below 70 so he could keep his spot in the volleyball team. come second year, he was surprised to see you helping yachi in the gym. as it turns out, you were the new club manager that yachi was telling the team about. since then, his relationship with you evolved.

doubts and questions about your friendship started bothering kageyama on his third year. as focused as he was with practices and preparations for volleyball after high school, he often found himself yearning for your presence - whether it was on or off the court. speculations about your relationship, about him and you being a couple, began circulating around school. the rumors didn't help the emotions that was building inside kageyama, forcing him to look at you as more than a friend but as a lover. as much as he wanted you, kageyama has already set his mind. he felt sick, dizzy, whenever he thought of the dream that he'd carried since he was a child. it was a future without you.

so he doesn't know what to do or what to say when you finally gathered your courage and confessed to him. 'i love you, tobio.' he slowly let go of your hand. your palm felt empty, and you wished you could ignore the warning sign, but you persisted. 'us being friends for the past three years was not a coincidence. us being in the same place three years ago, under that sakura tree, was not fate. i believe that everyone is where they are because of the choices they have made.' you pause, giving him time to absorb what was happening. 'that day, i deliberately took a different route from home to catch the cherry blossoms in full bloom. i knew that street would be lined with pretty sakura trees. i wasn't expecting that i would see someone far more beautiful than the view.' he knows you were talking about him. and he wouldn't say it, but that day, he also took detour to see the beauty of spring. 'my mom always said that life is full of choices. and every day since that spring, my choices have led me to you.'

when you didn't speak for minutes, kageyama took it as his cue to talk. there were so many questions swimming in his mind but all he could ask was, 'why me?' you grinned, 'you don't really need an explanation to know that you are in love. you feel it. and what you make me feel is indescribable. you make me giddy, happy, excited, and proud,' you take a step forward and grab both of his hands. 'and there's nothing i want more in life than to be by your side, supporting you and seeing you achieve your dreams.'

he knows you mean no harm, and he would be lying if he said that he didn't feel moved by what you said. deep down, kageyama feels the same way and he wants to let you know. heck, he would have asked you to be his girlfriend if he didn't feel so confused. he was a simpleminded person and he thought, in all honesty, that he couldn't be a good boyfriend and give you all his time and affection if he was continuing volleyball after high school. so although he reciprocates your feelings, he thought it would be better to keep his love hidden and reject you now than disappoint you in the future. he really thought he was doing the both of you a favor.

'i'm sorry.' as soon as he said those words, your world felt like it was crumbling and you could feel your heart shattering, but he continued, 'you are too good for me.' is that even a compliment, you thought. 'your friendship means so much to me but you and i know having something more will not work.' you hadn't realized you were tearing up. you pulled away your hands, and started wiping at your cheeks. this was it for you two and the ending scene was becoming too much for kageyama. he wanted to hug you and take it all back, but then he heard you say through bated breaths, 'did i read the signs wrong? were my choices a mistake?'

'no, you didn't,' kageyama is looking at you now, almost pleading for you to forgive him. to forget him. 'but i've already decided my future long ago before you went into the picture.' nodding, you sigh, 'so there's no space for me in your future?' kageyama couldn't say anything but the words i am sorry.

it took a while before you calmed down, letting the rejection sit with you. kageyama still recalls the words you said to him before you walked away, 'i know i wish a lot of things, but right now, what i'm wishing for the most is that you don't forget me.'

the hurt expression on your face and the sting when you said those words still affect kageyama to this day. like a curse that was placed upon him since graduation, kageyama has indeed not forgotten you. the flashback that came and overwhelmed him ended when yamaguchi asked kageyama about his vacation plans in japan.

after eating, the group decided to stroll around the mall. each one had things to buy and tsukishima suggested that they went on their separate ways to run their errands and meet right after in the ground floor. kageyama had no other things to do, he could already buy souvenirs but the boy figured he was staying longer than usual and he could get them later in the airport.

deciding to take it easy and relax, he went inside a coffee shop. he didn't notice how he caught the attention of a particular girl who was sitting in the corner. after he placed his order, he sat himself in the available table in the center of the cafe. kageyama felt as if he was being watched, but he shrugged it off, thinking it was one of his fans. minutes passed and a barista gave him his order and soon after getting his drink, someone took the seat in front of him. he looked up, with furrowed eyes, and he swears he felt his heart skip a beat.

after all these years, you still had that effect on him. you excitedly beamed at him, 'so you still drink cafe latte. you haven't changed a bit.' he couldn't believe what he was seeing, he almost spat out his latte, 'i heard you were in osaka?' you laughed and went on to tell him how you returned home earlier than expected because of work-related issues. he didn't need to ask as you caught him up to your life, sharing bits and pieces of what you have been up to since graduation. you seemed happy, being able to do what you've always dreamed of as a manager for a well-known clothing brand. kageyama wishes he has been there to see you rise and be successful, but that would be asking for too much, especially after what he did to you.

sensing that he was feeling uncomfortable, you asked with the kindest tone he's ever heard, 'are you happy, kageyama?' he was speechless at your choice of words, but he knew there was no malice behind them.

'i've missed you.' he wants to say more. to say that letting you go was his biggest regret in life. choosing volleyball over you was mistake that he had realized when one night, after a terrible game, all he wanted was your presence to comfort him. there were moments when he felt so lost that he wanted to pick up his phone and call you. but this was a choice he made and he had to live with it.

'i know, i missed you too, kageyama. it's been way too long.' there were so many words begging to be said but left hanging between the two of you. but the look you held in your eyes was enough for kageyama to know that you have moved on. you glanced at the windows behind him and he noticed how your eyes lit up. he followed your line of sight, and he saw who he can only assume was your lover. you waved at him and before you can say goodbye to kageyama, he beat you to it, 'for what it's worth, i didn't forget you. not once.' you know he was talking about your last request to him and your heart warmed. 'thank you, tobio. i'll see you around.' finally, you turned around and exited the cafe to be welcomed into the arms of your boyfriend.

kageyama saw the two of you walking away, slowly fading from his line of sight. it was weird, he thought he should be feeling sad and broken as he has spent the past years after high school yearning for you from afar. he had selfishly hoped that you would be waiting for him. that when he returned, you would be welcoming him with open arms. but that's not how life works. he was thankful that time has been good to you and gave you the happiness you deserves.

just as he was letting the surprise reunion sink in, hinata came barging in the cafe and took a seat. he peered at kageyama, almost worried, 'you're creepy. why do you have this weird look on your face?' he sneered at hinata and threw a tissue at him. 'what took you so long? you didn't even buy anything.' at that, hinata goes on to complain about his shopping experience.

while he was listening his intently at his old friend, kageyama thinks back to you. the acceptance comes in slow but he was sure. he used to wish for you, but now, he hopes he would also find his own happiness.

[anahera-sdm]

Hotel Del Luna (2019) Thoughts

Warning: will contain spoilers. I suggest you watch the drama first to relate with what I’m talking about because it will be messy.

Disclaimer: Everything written only reflects my own thoughts. There’s a possibility of incoherence. Forgive me, sometimes my brain is all over the place.

Ever since IU was announced as a main lead for this drama, I have been looking forward to it. I have enjoyed IU’s other dramas especially her most recent one in Netflix - Persona. Yeo Jin goo is an actor I like but the last drama of his that I was able to finish (and barely at that) was Orange Marmalade (2015). I couldn’t get into his next dramas after that and ended up dropping them. 

After seeing the plot and the fantasy tag (I always have a soft spot for fantasy dramas), as much as I enjoyed and looked forward to new episodes of its predecessor, Arthdal Chronicles, I also could not wait for it to start. 

Additional warning: Everything is all over the place and this is going to be a lengthy post. I wrote everything that I wanted to talk about right after watching the subbed version of the last episode but there is no proper structure. I apologise in advance if you decide to read everything.

I don’t even know where I should start. The Hong Sisters really did well with this drama - the years spent on it was worth it. That ending was, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I was so satisfied even though they didn’t spend much time together in this life. I was expecting a bittersweet ending when the drama started anyway. I loved the ending and that reincarnation scene (although it is not definite but just an ‘eventually, it will end up that way’ scene) was everything to me. I don’t know why but I loved how they didn’t try to extend Man Wol’s time with Chan Seong (example, releasing her from the hotel and making her human again). It was enough for me because Man Wol also spent enough time suffering. Her time with Chan Seong, although brief, was good enough because she experienced the love she needed and she gets sent off full of it.  

That twist at the end though, how Chan Seong was chosen by Mago - I’m crying. Chan Seong was definitely a reincarnation of someone from her past. They were actually acquainted during Man Wol’s childhood - and he was the one who introduced her to the guesthouse of the moon. 

So now, let’s go to the other parts I really wanna talk about.

One of the reasons why I got hooked and invested with Hotel Del Luna was the fact the way they executed the comical elements despite the horror and drama tags. Additionally, the music and the CGI were really well done. The soundtrack really gets me.

The other reasons, well, IU can really pull off Jang Man Wol - a protagonist who can be ruthless, has a slightly bitchy attitude, crooked (but her actions can be justified) and holds a deep resentment. Yet, she has her cute sides too; all the Kim Joon Hyun moments were a sight to see (her obsession for the restaurants he’s been to, enjoyed it! Later we find out her obsession to find good restaurants were actually influenced by Chan Seong who went to the past! Mind blown!). And her fighting scenes were so cool. IU’s eyes are really expressive in my eyes - 

Appreciate.

I love how despite being crude in her ways when it comes to dealing with the grudges of the souls she’s helping, there is an underlying meaning to it - example, Hyun Joong being able to graduate because of the money donated by his friend. And, I can’t blame her for loving money and wealth. After all, that was what she didn’t have when she was living. I have to add that one of the things I look forward to every episode was IU’s outfit changes. She looks so good in everything! [I actually couldn’t stop myself from buying some of the stuff she wore. Hold your horses, I can only afford the cheap ones like the earrings and hair clips from Get Me Bling that she wore. And I wanna do a face palm because I accidentally bought 2 sets for one of her earrings so now I’m like, what do I do with this?]

The bickering between the leads together with that comical/mischievous soundtrack, pure gold. It’s easily one of my favourite moments. It’s just really funny how sometimes Jang Man Wol is left without words because Chan Seong is right.

The more I watch this gif tho, it starts to look weirder to look at so don't watch it more than 10 times.

I also like how they dealt with Man Wol’s back story - not giving the viewers everything in just one episode. Instead, it was spliced and distributed nicely throughout. Oh but gods, I was a wreck when everything was laid down - Chung Myung’s sacrifice... I just can’t. And how he was with her as a firefly since the beginning... My heart... I actually forgot that scene from the beginning until they showed it again. I though it was just an artistic shot. I actually wanted Man Wol to go with him to the afterlife when it was finally time for him to go. When she escorted him, I wanted her to walk with him during that moment. But at the same time, I can see that there was only a one-sided love left between them because Man Wol spent so many years resenting him that there was no love left. When she finally learned the truth, the only thing left in her was forgiveness and that was the only thing she can offer. The CGI on the bridge to the afterlife though, the aesthetic, props to the CGI team.

Can I just talk about how the actor grew on me? Like, omg, I’m now looking forward to any drama he’s going to be on. [Note: I have since seen him in a new drama, The Great Show (I was watching it because of Lee Sunbin (one of my favourite actresses)) and he’s the teen version of the male lead! I screamed when I saw him.] I should check him out on his previous dramas but when I saw the list of dramas, I don’t think I’ll get into them yet.

Help my heart, their story is so sad.

Helping Kim Seonbi /Kim Si Ik solve his grudge was really fun to watch. And the ‘fact’ that he was the writer of those stories almost all Koreans know, what a twist. Man Wol really cared for him despite not showing it to him - how she tried to find a way to solve his grudge and how she cried after he finally left. 

Choi Seo hee’s story was an unfortunate one but it added more flavour to the already flavourful drama. Those who value family ties or still have crooked views when it comes to family lineage will resonate with her story and perhaps have a change of heart.

Hyun Joong; I love how they gave more depth to his story. That it was not only because of his sister that he was staying as a hotel staff but deep inside there was a resentment. When they wrapped his story up, all I can do was to smile wistfully. His story arc with Yuna was a great addition despite their bittersweet goodbye.

The Sanchez story arc; I... I... He was such a fun character and a good friend to Chan Seong. I sincerely thought they were going to get rid of his character when he went overseas to oversee the funeral of his girlfriend. But we got him back and see another side to him - a rather relatable side where if one loses a loved one, they would find ways to reconnect or hold on to any sliver of hope that they’ll be able to once more be able to talk to them or give them something. Probably, not making sense anymore, but if you’ve lost a loved one before, you’ll get what I'm talking about. After finally getting over it, well, he was not the same Sanchez after that but there was growth in his character.

Mira and Young soo. A twist of fate, these two. Enemies in the past life but became lovers in their current life. Their bitter fates became sweeter this time around. I can't entirely hate on Mira’s past life because her next lives were spent repenting (although it wasn’t shown). Her currently life was finally rewarded, if you can call being with Young soo in her current life a reward. I kept on thinking Mira was just like Chan Seong (not a rich person) but I was so surprised to learn her parents were kimchi factory owners and that Young Soo ate those kimchi since young. 

Mago - easily my favourite character. Wait, characters. Because of how many personalities/sisters she has. Really have to give mad props to the actress. She is just so good. Probably my favourite sister has to be the pink sister and then the eldest. It was so funny when they were having a meeting discussing about the new hotel owner and mentioned the ‘poor’ sister still stuck in Joseon dynasty.

Ah, the cameos in this drama. I can’t not cover that.The amount of cameo is just, whoa! This drama is so rich with it. Some really memorable ones to me are: Kim Won hae (as a corrupt mayor), Lee Joon Gi (as an exorcist; Park Il Do hahah, The Guest feels (I ought to make a post on my thoughts about this drama soon); can’t forget the Scarlet Heart feels too), Lee Si Eon (as an astronaut; I couldn't help laugh at the scene), Lee Yi-kyung (as an actor who can’t really act; Waikiki feels!), Kim Joon Hyun (as himself; I screamed because the first few scenes didn't show his face), Park Jin Joo (as an imaginary spirit), Sulli (as the granddaughter of Chairman Wang), Nam Da reum(as a water deity; I really don’t like the fact he’s younger than me; kidding. He’s a talented kid.) Hwang Young Hee (as IU’s previous manager; she’s a really good actress) and Kim Soo Hyun (as the new owner of the hotel; He renamed it Hotel Blue Moon. I’m telling you, I hyperventilated when his scene came. Such a good way to end the drama - at least for me. Hotel Blue Moon as a drama please!)

For the last episode, I wanted to watch it during the actual broadcast time but I actually calculated the time wrongly (thinking I'm 4 hours ahead but actually just 3 hours; good thing I checked the site). I missed the first 25 mins of the actual broadcast. But I eventually re-watched it with subs and came to write this post). I can only understand roughly 80-85% of the dialogue for the raw version but even then, I was bawling - all the goodbyes; it was so sad but so satisfying at the same time because they were sent off really well. From Kim Seonbi’s to Choi Seohee’s. Painful to see the goodbyes but also very heartwarming; how they finally come to resolve their resentments, came to realizations and tied up loose ends - it was so beautiful. The relationship between the Hotel crew was just so precious - Jang Man Wol crying as she realises how she’ll miss them. Feels. Feels. Feels. 

Overall, I learned so many things in this drama and came to certain realisations such as treasuring the time you have with others, don’t take it for granted. One day, when the time to say goodbye comes, you won’t regret anything. Also, even the people who did bad things in their life can have the chance to live a better one in the next once they have paid for those wrongdoings.

This drama was a perfect blend of comedy, drama, horror, fantasy, romance. In terms of food, it satisfied my cravings. Watching this drama was one of the best things that I did this year. As much as I want to talk more about this drama and cover more areas, I should stop here. All in all, I would say, I really loved this drama. I’ll definitely go back to watching this when I have nothing else to watch. P.S. I ought to make a Jang Man Wol inspired look but when I tried, I failed. 

I’ll miss you, Jang Man Wol-ssi.

Rating: 10 / 10

Re-watch value : 10 / 10

Soundtrack : 10 / 10