#anyway im sure prime is a fine show i just don't know if i have the stomach to give it a go anytime soon

[antirepurp]

sonic prime's existence has made me think about multiverse settings and au's in general in an effort to break down why i don't really care about most of them. like i think i understand the appeal in them and how they offer infinite possibilities, so all the funny little coffeeshop au's and things have now canon validity or something like that, and it's fun to see redesigns of established characters, or have the blorbos put in different settings like a science experiment to see how they adapt and grow. but i feel like the more you detach them from the original premise and setting the more they start losing their charm, or start turning into a generic mush that doesn't have flavor outside of like "what if they were X", and i guess it has enjoyable qualities but idk if it has lasting beyond being a fun thought exercise or a redesign prompt. cyberpunk dystopias and pirates and whatever else prime's got going on i haven't watched it can work as settings just fine, but if all you have is aesthetics there's nothing to really grab my interest beyond "oh cool they got robot parts :)" and "oh cool they have funny hats :)", which is fine but just. not very interesting. and i think that's the core of the problem

tbf i don't know how prime specifically is handling the multiverse stuff, for all i know they're doing a perfectly serviceable job and obviously a ton of people are finding it fun and enjoyable and full of character analysis moments too, but ngl it is such a hurdle for me when it comes to even considering watching a whole series centered around alternate universe things

[1d1195]

Bestie of course it was worth the wait!! And you know all of us would LOVE to see them run into Lauren🤭and I love the DRAMA that you bring!! I eat it up every time!!

It sucks sometimes being on a quarter system bc my friends who are on a semester system come back home when im still at school and leave while im still on break😔 THE TIMING/PLANNING SUCK! anyways lol commuting was an easy option for me solely because of money and i know that if i had any little inconvenienceI would want to go back home since it’s about a half hour drive without traffic lol and such a slay on getting scholarships!!!

WDYM YOU HAVE ONE FULL WEEK LEFT?!? This is so tragic 😭 sure you do get a big break but I’m sure there’s a lot of prep that goes into starting a new year and like people forget that summer school is a thing and you need teachers for that! I totally get how it may feel like it wasn’t enough so it’s okay! And yeah meeting up with people who typically don’t put enough interest kinda sucks and I don’t blame you for not wanting to make time. That doesn’t make you a bad person/friend! You got to put your time/energy into things that you enjoy! Plus life gets busy so anyone will understand!

Side note what’s been your top pick in your latest smut/romance book binge?!

You did write a lovely ending for the Zipper couple! Obviously I would love to read anything you come up with BUT if you the creator don’t feel particularly inclined or inspired that’s fine! If you feel like their story is finished pretty well, then that’s a good thing!

Thank you for constantly being so kind and encouraging 😭💗 I’m kinda struggling a bit for motivation so your words are so sweet! The weekend was uneventful, nothing crazy! Hope yours was relaxing! Sending lots of love!-💜

I'm sure I can scrounge something up eventually for her to run into Lauren🤭

I can't IMAGINE. That seems so weird that the quarters don't line up with a semester schedule! It stinks you can't see your friends either. I would do anything to save $1 so you don't have to explain the commuting to me.

I have admittedly done very little prep and I feel SO guilty about it :( Every time I go to prep I'm like "nope. I want to write about Harry" so it's like, I'm not getting paid to prep nor write so I may as well do the thing I actually want to.

Ma'am I don't know where to begin. My TikTok page is all book snippets and I've been on a huge enemies to lovers kick. It's this intertwined series--it's sports themed. The first one was hockey Mile High (the girl works on his travel plane as a flight attendance and he's obsessed with her because she doesn't give a shit who he is. But he's a celebrity manwhore and doesn't do relationships of course and he bothers her the entire flight) and the one I'm currently reading is about basketball The Right Move (the flight attendant from the hockey book is his twin sister. She convinces him to let her friend move in with him after a bad break up. They have to fake date for his squeaky clean reputation and he enjoys it WAY more than he should hehehehe) they're 10/10 and so lovely. Exactly what I want to read.

I think you're right about Zipper but I do LOVE them and miss them 😭 But it's kinda like how I feel about TV shows that continue past their prime. I don't think I want to extend it beyond what they need.

My weekend was very relaxing! I didn't do a whole lot but that's okay. I feel like I've got a packed week this week unfortunately but I'm really excited about my new post for today. I hope it pans out the way I want 🤭 Any time you need encouragement you just let me know! I'm rooting for you! 💕

xoxo

[lettucedloophole]

cw vague discussion of sexual stuff and Tmi stuff about transition (Transgener) and also just me journalling my feelings

this is gonna sound Crazy but i think porn (and cishet boys making porn noises. do not miss when that was peak humour) made me dysphoric about the way i moan 😭

i get a little distressed worrying about if my reasons for transition are disproportionately sexual or overly related to misogyny, but it would make sense that they would be sexual because Thats the site of Misogyny, and ultimately i do think misogyny caused some of my dysphoria, if not most of it, though i can't say all because i think in a genderless society it would be quite natural to alter your body-- going on hormones or getting surgery would be like getting a piercing or tattoo, but hopefully without the prior distress of the Imposition of Gender and yknow. Patriarchal Discrimination.

i'm pretty certain i would be happy living with the effects of hormones day to day (except balding. will go Livid if that happens tho i mean... i like shaving my head a lot and odd haircuts so it probs wouldnt be a big deal but i want the option of growing it out to remain) but im not sure if i can say the same about bottom surgery. it seems like other trans ppl are so sure 😭 and i mean it's not like it'd be feasible for me to get it for a long time anyway but i might as well think about it in the mean time... i'm kind of ambivalent abt my vagina. but i wonder if i could be happier with something else? but i don't want to Not have a vagina in Case though (i dont think i can do anal. not willing to prep that much 💀)

so i always thought if i would get bottom surgery i'd go for a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty but i saw a pretty good meta result some days ago that's making me reconsider. and then it makes me think like, what do i want a dick for? it seems kind of.. troublesome to have an organ between ur legs. i think i'm focused a lot on ejaculation (oh yeah this post is def getting a cw) but that's not something i can do with a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty, i think. and then there's the question of clit burial and i naturally lean towards not burying it but i think i would prefer to bury it if i was sure .. and idk the complication rate cos if i lose sensation (i'm fine with doing a forearm graft) i would Lose my Mcfucking mind. i think maybe. and it's scary since there's a lot of surgeons out there who just seem to want to hurt trans people. but i'm fat anyway so i would probably not even be accepted for surgery lol 😭

so it's probably never even going to be possible for me. i take comfort in the idea that i can pack and bind and sort of. try b4 u buy. yk 🫡👍 tho im not getting top surg bc i dont wanna and i feel like i have some body acceptance to do in regards to my boobs. im rly ,, ashamed of them bc i have lots of acne scars and other scabs (caused by me. picking at my skin. either scrapes or acne lmao) and i think i would be happy with them and a lot more of my body if i could stop picking at shit and have those scars clear up. its acc so isolating to have this issue so shoutout to the one lady i followed on twt who posted a proud boob pic with some boob scars or acne (or as i call it boob-ne. like back-ne but it doesn't rhyme but it sounds funny) or smth. that made me feel less alone and not ugly 🙏

i have a lot of scars on my shoulders (Prime skin picking real estate) and the center of my chest but i still wear clothes that. show those areas sometimes and i wonder if ppl think im brave. bc i'm not i just try not to think about it after the clothes are on and i'm outside of my room Doin Stuff . same with the cutting scars on my arm but mostly my thighs. no one has ever really brought up my picking or self harm scars save for the first time my dad saw my self harm scars (that was a doozy) and this one time my dad's friend looked at my facial acne and gave me a recommendation for some product (i know she meant well but. girl 🙃) and i am so fucking thankful for ppls silence. like please just let me exist

i saw one of my childhood friends recently and Embarassingly enough i had a Mental Illness moment in front of her and i kind of wanted to, to shatter the illusion that i was the same as i was as a child because i feel so different that it feels like a lie, and i feel like i need to show the real me to people so they can decide to hate me if they want to. but i also kind of didn't want to but it would be difficult for me to cry and then collect myself in public 😭 and she comforted me but didn't make a big deal about it and maybe that helped more. idk i and probably others put a lot of emphasis on mental health but it's kind of nice to feel like... normal.. and move on. my mom kind of smothers me about my mental health and it's something i appreciate technically but maybe not in practice. idk if it's trauma but maybe i just don't appreciate physical comfort as much as i thought i did, or emotional worrying over ppl. it's just confusing bc i thought i desired these things a lot but i think it was just that the complete absence of them from my life affected me negatively, and i wanted Some Amount of it but not like A Lot. it seemed like i wanted a lot because of how much i was yearning for it but i don't think so lol 😭

it kind of follows that pattern of my mom being Too much and my dad being too little (Borderline neglectful but emotionally lmao 😭) so i guess it makes sense why my desires don't align with what i actually want. i suppose i need to Experience more to figure it out.

i also keep having Bisexual Panik that im turning straighter or am going to date a cis guy because i feel like i place a lot of emphasis on my attraction to guys. in my Mind. but i think i just note when i'm attracted to guys more bc im much more often attracted to women . and it would be difficult to keep track of all the attractive women 😭 i worry sometimes that ppl are gonna see this and be like "oh this bihet's gonna end up with a man" but what i worry about even more than that is they might be right.. but i hope not. i dony want date cishet man <3

ive reached the point in my college class now where ive Given up on voluntary reading. technically it's not voluntary but if we're not doing a class activity with it or discussing it in class its voluntary to me lmfao 💀 i struggled quite a bit with my lastest assignment, though i did get it done on time, which makes me worry that I won't be able to handle two classes. i really worry that i'm never going to be mentally stable enough to hack it. i don't think mental health meds can fix that for me as the only ones i have left to try (or the ones my psych thinks i should try, anyway) are antipsychotics and i keep having fucking insurance issues with them and they're charging me a bajillion fucking dollars so at that rate i'm never going to try them lmfao. so then i should maybe try getting tested for adhd again or autism.. but getting dxed with autism would do Nothing and just cost money. but if i did have adhd and needed medication and that made me function better, that would help! but i also worry that i have no observable condition and am just simply unable to exist in the capitalist hellscape climate by virtue of being the me... that would be the worst. but i worry that's what it is lol 😭 ah i should schedule an adhd test before i change my mind