#anyway i'm writing an akutagawa x reader fic

[oikasugayama]

I love working at a bookstore and getting my silly little employee discount while i buy 14 volumes of various bungo stray dogs series

[yatsugareboyf]

0X1=LOVESONG (I know I love you) feat. Seori [AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE]

akutagawa x gn reader. part of my TCC: FIGHT OR ESCAPE 500 EVENT.

hurt/comfort requested by @os8mu. warning: mentions of death, nightmares, dazai's abusive past.

the back of the book: akutagawa thinks he's a loser after almost losing the love of his life.

note: this took me a while but I got it! i used grammarly this time, so pls tell me if there's any difference. there's a lot of references of the song in the fic which i enjoyed writing hehe. this was actually one of the first fics i started writing aft i got mai's request <3 enjoy!

playlist here. (to be uploaded soon)

"Yokohama didn't do anything good for me, anyway," he bargains to no one in particular.

Would Yokohama even be worth living in if it cost your life? Would Yokohama feel complete for him without you? Would Yokohama even be thankful for the sacrifice that cost him his drug? The answer is no, of course, he concludes. Because why would Yokohama, the city he vowed to protect despite his terrible upbringing and trauma, be grateful for a sacrifice from someone like him? After all, he is a mass murderer with whom no one wants to be associated. It was okay for him to die, rot in secret and not have anyone mourn him. He said it himself; there won't be much time until he passes away.

And even if all the odds were against him, he was the one who was fated to live in this world that lacks the only thing he deems necessary to live: you.

But why you?

You, who did nothing but great things to make Yokohama a warmer place even for people like him. You, who never put Yokohama in harm even if it harms yourself. You, who didn't need to vow to become someone who would protect Yokohama even in its darkest days. Why did you have to be sent to die? Did the people ask too much of you?

He never understood, and he never will dare to understand.

Indeed, he was a loser. He had lost his childhood to pursue a life of crime and danger without a choice. He had lost his long-time mentor, an abuser, to someone who he thought didn't even match his own capability, and now he's about to lose you.

The one who one day appeared to him like an angel, sweeping him off his feet and showing him a new hometown he can truly be free and happy. The one who accepted him even if heaven itself wouldn't let him in, the one who could mend the wound in his soul and thaw his stone-cold heart, his one and only.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke is a loser, and he despises the fact that he's about to live up to it again. He won't allow it.

Come what may to Yokohama and anyone who seeks refuge in it, he doesn't care. They will pay the price of endangering the one warm thing this cold, ruthless world could ever give; they will see the consequences of their actions that resulted in the harm of his beloved. The only thing that mattered to him was to make sure that you were safe, and Yokohama would suffer the result if that were to be bent.

And yet somehow, Yokohama never did. They never saw the wrath of a monster who lost the one thing they could have. He would've destroyed Yokohama, hell, even the whole world, only to have you by his side, smiling without a care, but you didn't let him. Yokohama didn't deserve someone like you, nor did Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.

Fallen to his knees, he cries for you. He sobs for the life that was once yours, the life that you were to have, and the life that you were to have with him. He mourns the sunny days where you make it impossibly brighter, wishing that when the sun comes up again, you’re there to melt him out of his cold nightmare. He longs for the moment that you’ll return with the sweetest grin with your hand out to him, once again rescuing him from his chains. With bloody hands and a sore throat, he screams.

Once again, he wakes up into a nightmare, the hellish world where you no longer exist. Except you do still very much exist, and he just doesn't realize it yet.

"Ryuu? Hey, I'm here. Look around. You're not there anymore. You're here with me, alright?"

There it was, the soft illumination of your gentle voice and the warmth that it brings.

He felt you scrambling around him, kind of unsure in your movements, until he heard your footsteps walk away from him, but not that far. He opens his eyes to a blurry vision, looking up into the dark ceiling. Tilting his head in your direction, he sees you filling up a tall glass with the pitcher of water on your dresser. You always left some water in your room if Akutagawa needed them (or when you think he needs them, he never asks for it himself).

How thoughtful, one of the more reasons to love you. You know what Akutagawa needs, even when he doesn’t tell you. You know him like the back of your hand, offering things that he never knew he needed, providing something that he never thought he was worthy of receiving and giving things that he never gave himself.

He saw you walk over to his side of the futon, cooing at him to sit up properly so he could drink from the glass you just filled. You help him hold the cup when you notice his hands still shaking, you slowly rub his back when he starts to cough, and you move the stray hairs from sticking on his sweaty face.

“I’ll be right back, okay? I’ll get you a towel-”

He reaches out to grab your wrist, almost desperately, as he sees you start to step away. He loosens his grip after a while but still keeps his hand around your wrist. Tugging on it, he struggles to say, “Stay with me, please.” swallowing the lump forming in his throat. Somehow, you understand, taking his hand in yours, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Okay. I’ll stay here.”

You spend a few moments holding his hand gently, staring at them. Akutagawa is scared to close his eyes again, so he focuses on your face. It brings him comfort, although it is not enough to describe whatever feeling comes from his gut. It’s… reassuring. Being able to lay your entire self out without having anyone step on it, being able to lower your guard without a stealthy jab from behind. It gives him fortitude in the times when he can’t seem to stand on his own.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything? Do.. do you wanna talk about it?”

He shakes his head, and you’re not sure if he’s referring to the former or the latter part of your sentence, but you don’t pry more. Akutagawa moves his hand up and pats your side of the futon where you previously laid on, looking up at you with his red-rimmed eyes. Following his gesture, you move to sit beside him, tucking your legs under the covers beside him. He grabs your hand after you have to let go momentarily, quietly moving his head to rest on your shoulder.

It’s not always that Akutagawa would initiate acts of affection. He’s still wary of physical touch after all this time, but whenever he would, you never say anything. He didn’t explicitly say to not make a big deal about it, but he really appreciates it. You just let him be, nuzzling his head against your neck while he plays with your fingers. You make a move to rub his scalp but freeze halfway, hesitating to touch him. Still, ever the professional mafia man, he already knows your hand is hanging a few inches from his head.

“What are you doing?”

“I just..” you continue your movement, placing your hand on top of his head, rubbing it softly to not startle him. You feel him stiffen but not flinch, staying in his position, “Is this okay?”

He doesn’t respond, but you continue rubbing your fingers lightly against his scalp. After a while, you stop, checking if he’s uncomfortable, but before you can ask, he grunts quietly and tugs on the hand he’s holding. You hold back a fond giggle, moving back to begin scratching his scalp again.

It's small moments like this where Akutagawa feels like you're the only one who understands him. With only a simple nod or with a wave of a hand, you seem to know better than others who've known him his whole life. It's you who he feels like himself with. Not the rabid dog that the mafia knows him to be or the menace that the agency perceives him to be. He's simply and utterly yours, nothing more and nothing less.

Later on, you would whisper to him, laying him back down on the futon and covering his shoulders with the covers. You would kiss his forehead and hold his hand close to your chest, a reminder that you're beside him. You would smile at his warm face, lightly poking the beauty mark under his eye before laughing at his scrunched-up face. You would whisper a soft "Goodnight, Ryuu. I'll be here to protect you.", despite your droopy eyes and continue to run your thumb over his knuckles.

Akutagawa is scared to close his eyes, worried that he'll wake up into his world of nightmares again, but he feels safe under your soft gaze. He can't help but quietly stare into your eyes, eyelids slowly drooping, settling into a half-closed look. You know that he's close to drifting off (sometimes with his eyes open), so you start to hum a quiet tune. It fills his ears and reaches the realm of his dreams, lulling him into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

[kunikinnie]

I've Never Been In Love Before

Pairing: Akutagawa x GN!Reader

Almost Blue Series Masterlist

Genre: lots of pining, maybe fluff?

Word Count: 996 (excluding lyrics)

Warnings: probably ooc

a/n: It's technically my first time writing a fic for him and I'm not really sure if it's accurate to his character lol. Anyway have an awkward Aku (which should've been posted last week but eh)

Link to song, if you'd like to listen

I've never been in love before Now all at once it's you It's you for evermore

The last thing Akutagawa Ryuunosuke expected was catching romantic feelings - for you, of all people.

Your paths rarely crossed even though you both work for the Port Mafia (or at least too infrequent for his liking). Yet no matter how sparse your interactions have been, they have definitely left a lasting impression on him.

He honestly doesn’t know when it started. All he noticed was that his heart would beat a bit faster or that his hands would sweat a bit more - nervousness which he at first ascribed to hostility but would soon discern to be far from that. Hadn’t Gin made him realize its true nature, his feelings would have gone unnoticed for God knows how much longer.

I've never been in love before I thought my heart was safe I thought I knew the score

Clearly not. Just hearing your name could paralyze him.

“Hey, it’s Y/N!”

Tachihara waved his hand eagerly at your approaching figure. Akutagawa assumed you did the same, although he had no way of confirming that as his back was facing you. The temptation to see your bright smile was all too strong, but the tightening in his chest was too much for him to bear.

In a flurry of thoughts and an empty stare, he began to walk away just as you approached the small group. He coughed when you called out his name and simply nodded his head in acknowledgment. If he turned his head ever so slightly, you (as well as your company) would’ve seen just how red his cheeks had become - and since his skin was so pale, the redness was even more pronounced.

“Is he okay?”

Tachihara only shrugged. “Probably.” He noticed just how strange Akutagawa would react whenever you were around, but based on your reactions it seemed you were oblivious about it. He smirked to himself, wishing his superior the best of luck as you continued to talk about your day.

But this is wine It's all too strange and strong I'm full of foolish song And out my song must pour

He was never a man of words, nor was he expressive when it came to his emotions.

Which is sometimes he’d unknowingly stare at you. His eyes rest on your eyes, your hands, or your smile - whichever part of you they land on. Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t. He just hopes you don’t find him strange or creepy.

Whenever you were close to him, an outsider might have thought he had the intent to kill you because of the intensity of his stare. This would be worse whenever he had to say anything to you.

“...good job today.”

And other single-sentence words of praise. But it’s even harder to watch him whenever he wanted to give you something.

For example, on your last birthday it took him until the last possible minute to hand over your gift. The entire day he kept your present in his coat as he waited for an opportunity to give it to you in person. But even though he encountered you several times since the morning, he did nothing. He’d freeze and end up not saying anything at all.

It was a small pack of cookies that came closer to resembling dust as the hours passed. He wondered if it was even appropriate to give you anything to begin with. Would it be too much? Should he just greet you like any other person did?

In the end he had the present placed on your desk with only a “Happy Birthday” written on it. There was no name to be found on the note, but you immediately recognized the scrawled handwriting.

Little did he know that his indirect and small gesture would have touched your heart in ways he thought he could only dream of.

So please forgive this helpless haze I'm in I've really never been In love before

It happened all too fast, and now he was sitting down alone on an elegant chair in front of an elegant table in an elegant café. He stook out like a sore thumb like a terrified child waiting for his parents to come pick him up.

How foolish of him to accept such a spontaneous invite from you. He could have declined - he really should have. He had no time to prepare at all and now only panic consumed him from the inside out.

But all his fears were allayed the moment you stepped in.

“I’m sorry for making you wait, Akutagawa-san.”

You wore a bashful and apologetic look on your face with a certain tenderness to it, one which he had rarely seen.

How foolish of him to think he should have declined.

“It’s alright.” A cough followed in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. He cemented his fate as he watched you settle down on your own chair, yet the anxiety still wouldn’t leave him.

“I’m glad to have caught you during your free time - you know, to relax a bit. The tea here is good, and I heard you like tea, so would you like to try it?”

Minutes passed and he found himself in casual conversation with you. He appreciated your company - no, he would go so far as to say he enjoyed it, and the desire to leave that table became almost non-existent.

Soon, your order arrived and he took a small sip of the tea you recommended. The refreshing taste tickled his tongue and his body immediately relaxed.

“So, was I right?”

A small smile appeared on his face. “Yes, yes you were.”

He didn’t know how long you two were talking, but to him it wasn’t long enough. Just when would he be able to be this comfortable with you again?

You stood up to leave when a sudden boldness took over him. He called out your name before his brain could control his tongue. But as your gaze became fixated on him, Akutagawa knew it was now or never.

“Here, no-” he cleared his throat. “Let’s- let’s come here again next time.”

His eyes were far from you, cheeks stained with a certain redness you’ve become quite fond of lately. You chuckled at his attempt at an invite but accepted it warmly.

“Sure thing, as long as it’s with you.”

[shakespearesdrugdealer]

💫Le Blog Rules💫

Hi hi, these are rules for my blog:

First and foremost, please DNI with this blog if you have anything negative to say about the LGBTQ community, neurodivergent community, or if you are a TERF. I would very much like this blog to be a safe space for everyone in these communities.

Basically, don't be an a**hole :)

These are Fandoms I write for (for now):

💫Jujutsu Kaisen💫

🍀 I write sfw and nsfw for:

Megumi, Itadori, Gojo, Nanami, Nobara, Maki, Geto, Sukuna (I don't write him in his monster form though), Geto and Choso

🤸‍♀️ but I can only write sfw for Inumaki

🍀Characters I can't write for (as of now)

Mahito, Naoya.

💫Bungo Stray Dogs💫

🍀I write sfw for all characters but not nsfw though, so do check the specifics below :)

🍀 I'm most likely always ready to write for:

🍁ADA members- (sfw and nsfw) Ranpo, Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Yosano, Fukuzawa(DILFDILFDILF)

🍁Port Mafia Members - Chuuya (the only one I can write nsfw for) Akutagawa, Koyou, Mori, Higuchi, Oda, Tachihara, Gin

🍁The Guild Members (sfw only)- Francis, Lucy, Poe, Louisa, Nathaniel.

🤸‍♀️ I can only write crack or cutesy stuff for the minor characters cause all I can picture them to be are kids and that's all I can say about that.

What I write:

🍀 I write male and female characters.

🍀 I write gn!reader or fem!reader unless asked.

🍀 I write:

Character x reader

Character x Character

Character x OC

🍀 I write fluff, hurt/comfort, and angst mostly, but smut too (not a lot of extreme themes tho)

🍀I'm comfortable writing drabbles, headcanons, imagines, one-shots, songfics, and lengthy fics too.

🍀 Also, it would be a tad more helpful if you would specify what kind of writing you're looking for (hcs, one-shots etc) when you're requesting :)

🍀I can only do 4 characters when requesting for headcanons

🍀 I love writing AUs uwu

I don't dabble with:

Non-con/incest/r*pe themes

ddlg/cgl/daddy kink/mommy kink.

Also can't do extreme Yandere relationships.

🍀 Posts with the 🔞 tag contain nsfw/mature content so make sure to block that tag if you would not like that kind of content on your feed :)

🍀My asks are open for rambling of any kind🤸‍♀️

🍀 There might be some kinks and dynamics I may have not mentioned but you could always just shoot an ask or inbox me and I'd let you know!

🍀 If your request falls in a gray area with the rules listed here, feel free to inbox it anyway and I'll try my best to write as close to it as possible, but I'll let you know if I can't write that request <3