#anyway i think this ended up being the longest thing ive posted on here so far and ofc it's for jake😮‍💨 this man🫠

[honeyhotteok]

Hi! Can you pls write about when Jake was in jail with a reader who went to visit him all the time and was always by his side through those tough days?

took a minute for the ideas to marinate but i actually had an easier-ish time writing this even though i usually don't write stuff this long��� thank you for the sweet idea, anon, and for waiting a bit! <3

summary: jake's favorite person decides to wait for him.

--

"Inmate 0706. You have a visitor."

Jake walks into the tiny visitation room and plops himself down onto the chair, thinking to himself that it's probably Jerry again. His breath hitches when he sees that it's you entering and sitting down in front of him before the glass partition.

"What are you doing here? You shouldn't be in a place like this," he says with a half-hearted smile that doesn't quite meet his eyes.

You glare at him before springing up from your chair, brimming with fury. "Is that all you have to say to me? How could you hide a whole illegal gambling business from me?"

You had been holding down the fort at one of the shops on Big Deal street as usual, unsuspecting while exchanging quick goodbye kisses with Jake before he would leave the street to take care of some unknown business the past few months. To think he had been hiding something this wrong and to this degree from you, when you thought he believed the two of you were equals.

He closes his eyes, "it was for your own good-"

"Don't. Save it with the whole protecting me bullshit."

He opens his mouth to defend himself, but stops. Maybe you're right. Maybe he should just sit here and instead savor what could be the last time you argue with him. He waits for the other shoe to drop. This is it, he thinks. Inevitable, even. He did choose this life after all.

You sit back down after having gotten that bout of rage out of your system. "I just...wish you would let me in sometimes," you admit quietly.

Jake finally looks up at you, caught off guard by the shift in your tone and words. "Y/N..."

"Ugh, whatever. I'm leaving." You grab your jacket and stand. You pause at the door without turning your head. "See you next week," you mutter.

Before he can utter another word, he watches the door swing shut behind you.

-

"Visitor for Inmate 0706."

Jake begins making his way to the visitation room.

Jason and Brad had exchanged glances with each other throughout the week as Jake looked even more lost in thought than usual in the yard, the cafeteria, his cell - thinking about you. He heard you wrong last time, right? Were you actually coming back to visit him not just once but a second time? Yeah, no, it's gotta be Jerry this time.

To his disbelief, you're already sitting there behind the glass partition with your arms crossed.

You open this visit with another glare, albeit a less icy one. Despite still being here, you want to keep holding onto your rightful grudge and hurt so badly. But your eyes finally take in his short hair, the new scar on his mouth, the way the weight he's been carrying manifests in his eyes and body. And you find yourself unable to prevent the soft concern filling your eyes.

You let out a deep sigh.

"How's the food in there?" you finally break the silence.

Jake can't help but crack a smile at your concerned, trivial inquiry.

"It's...edible." The both of you laugh.

...

"Wait, what the hell is prison spicy chicken?"

After last being together in the outside world only a few weeks ago, the two of you begin to slip back into your usual rapport.

-

While the two of you still manage to chat it up and laugh together, there are still visits where you find yourself waiting to leave the room before you finally let your tears fall. Days where the ache of only getting weekly glimpses of him behind a layer of glass gets to you, peeks at the world of turmoil swirling in and around him that you find yourself helpless to truly solve.

The seasons pass, and it's getting these weekly looks of you that mark the passage of time for Jake. He looks forward to seeing what new change he can spot every visit - the haircut you usually get around the summertime, whether you had time to change out of your part-time job uniform before coming to visit.

And the weekly visits go like this. Although being separated from you does give him an extra reason to want to kill Gun - it's during these brief moments in time with you that he's reminded maybe there can be more to his life than revenge. The incessant physical training, the brutal fights every day in the prison all blur together in a black and white cut, but seeing you brings a little bit of color back into his life.

-

You stand outside of the detention center gates with the other heads of Big Deal, all of you anxiously trying to peer through the doors in the distance for any sign of Jake. He finally walks through the gates with Jason and Brad following behind. "Welcome back, Boss," mingled with big smiles and back pats amongst you. Jake finally stops in front of you, almost in a daze. He's seen your face every weekend for the past 11 months, but something about seeing your entire person standing before him feels like a pair of hands shaking him by the shoulders.

"Welcome back, you big idiot." You give him a light punch in the arm.

He pulls you into a warm embrace while cradling the back of your head, "I missed you, too."

"Hey Boss, the rest of Big Deal are looking forward to-" Lineman's cheerful words immediately get cut off by consecutive smacks from Jason, Brad, and Luah alike.

"Read the room," Luah shout-whispers at Lineman while giving him a second smack in the head for good measure.

"We'll see you later at HQ, Boss. Take your time." Jason waves in Jake's direction before scampering down the road with Jerry and the rest of the crew. Jake chuckles and waves back.

You smile and grab Jake's hand, "let's go get you a proper meal."

-

You and Jake sit outside your go-to pojangmacha waiting for your orders. His head is swimming with thoughts of how he could possibly begin to thank you for waiting for him this whole time when he least deserved it, how he can articulate this gratitude and affection that's bigger than anything he can offer you in this moment.

Fresh hot plates of vegetable tempura, fish cake, and kimbap emerge before you. He indulges in the first delicious fried food he's had in months with you. The two of you feed each other skewers of tteokbokki while easing back into the groove of your usual banter sprinkled with laughs in between.

"Oh, and this is for you."

You pull out a paper box from the bakery with a slice of red velvet cake enclosed inside.

"Ta-da! It's not much, but I hope this is a slight upgrade to the cigarette-choco pie birthday cake you had in there," you grin. You scoop out a chunk of cake with the fork and hold it in front of his mouth.

"Hey, I told you you didn't need to get me anything." He's already been madly in love with everything about you, but something about this little gesture feels like it's about to tip something over in his chest.

"Hush and take a bite already!"

Jake complies with a smile. He then moves to close the distance between you two with his hand cupping your cheek, his eyes still fixed on you. He gazes at your face with an overflowing amount of affection and presses his forehead to yours, as if to pause and wonder if he still deserves to lock his lips with yours after all this time.

As if to reply with a resounding 'yes,' you pull his face to yours and kiss him deeply, tasting the sugary sweet mild cocoa flavor still lingering on his lips.

[weirdmageddon]

the shift in lore literacy in homestuck’s fandom

i was thinking about how the people who got into homestuck after it ended—whose interactions with the comic are in a static, archived state, not an ongoing thing—missed out on information that was more common knowledge in the fandom at that time. i don’t know if this is true since i’m not on tiktok, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was. the fandom certainly isn’t the same as it was before.

ive found that many people reading homestuck now simply do not understand things in homestuck that were common knowledge back in the day, with calls for “homestuck literacy classes to become mandatory” in response to baffling takes because so many people just now seem to have glazed over the comic without absorbing important plot points, and i think i know why this may be. i ended up writing a post reflecting on my time with the comic, my perspective and how ive seen this change. i still think and write about homestuck because it still fascinates me. earlier i quote retweeted that call in my thread talking about the temporal relativity of dave and rose’s god tier ascension in the green sun, saying “my homestuck literacy is 100% so guess im doing my part as a teacher by pointing out whatever i think is really cool about it”. this post im writing now started out as a reply to this tweet i got in response.

i joined the fandom in 2013. i was 11. i had been aware of it since at least late 2011, early 2012 when my friend ryan in fifth grade told me to read it but i couldn’t get past the first few pages. i remember writing a journal on deviantart around this time (late 2011-early 2012) that was mocking people who typed like gamzee, which ironically was very karkat of me. and i remember someone on flipnote hatena i was following was making flipnotes with the alpha kids.

i dont know what caused me to flip the switch into reading it but 2013. i got into it somewhere between april (i think closer to april—i remember it being quite a span of time between the last update before HOMOSUCK dropped.) this was the most recent page the comic, meaning there was no > [S] ACT 6 ACT 6 at the bottom.

i got into it during a pause in updates, which looking into it, was the year 4 megapause. i wasn’t sure of the month until seeing the news post detailing the reason for the hiatus and the status report of the comic’s development at that time. pretty cool i could narrow it down by referencing the dates of those updates and the news post to correspond with the pause!

according to readmspa, the year 4 megapause was a 59 day hiatus from Apr 14, 2013 ==> (EOA6A5) running to 12 Jun 2013, [S] ACT 6 ACT 6. then for a few months there were the first updates that i was apart of the fandom for.

and what an exciting time during the story get into the webcomic! when the updates resumed in june, part 4 of homestuck had begun. here was a glimpse of the updates in that span of time before the next hiatus began in october.

that hiatus was none other than the gigapause, the longest hiatus in the comic, which started october 2013 and lasted for a YEAR, and i already posted about what happened on the date of return.

but here were the main events happening in the story at the time i first actually got interested in it. i wasn’t aware of the full context of them then like i am now, but i was looking at the most recent updates anyway with interest:

the alpha kids just emerged as god tiers from their slabs in derse and prospit, blown up by the condesce and caliborn / lil cal-possessed b2 jack noir.

the journey to the new session started 24 hours after jack called an early reckoning in descend—for context that was about when dave entered around midnight central time and before jade even entered. it’s pretty easy to forget that side 1 of homestuck basically happens within the span of a single day—and at this point in the story, the 3 year journey (which was also 3 real life years) had just ended. john and jade emerged from the other side of the yellow yard through the fenestrated plane on LOMAX. john’s real body was asleep upon arrival in the new session, while his dreaming projection out in the dream bubbles came across vriska’s ghost ship to learn lord english lore with vriska and aranea, and go on the treasure hunt where they found the ultimate weapon at the X mark out in in the furthest ring. in the dream john stuck his hand in the juju, started warping all over canon which removed his real body from the ship on LOMAX. he zapped around for a while but eventually zapped back to LOMAX, now awake, completely out of the loop of what everyone else is up to, and bored as fuck. what was everyone else getting up to while john was asleep?

jade was now once again within the domain of the green sun. im pretty sure her space god doggy essence comes with the power to sense what was anywhere within the domain of the session since her face looks like she arrived at that spot with intent (and she literally has jack noir’s exact powers from bec’s prototyping. also this panel). she immediately dispatched b2 jack to the edge of the incinisphere, defending the newly god-tiered jane and jake. i think even if they weren’t in any danger, she would have warped to them instantly anyway because she COULD now, and i can imagine she wouldve been sooooo eager to meet everyone. even davesprite comments about her rapid departure.

the pre-scratch refugees arrived during the only time serious shit ever went down in the nobles’ months-long inert void session. the condesce used her freak psychic bronze-cerulean powers to commune with jade’s bestial side and mind controlled her, which is super dangerous as someone with the powers of a first guardian. she then used jade’s powers to corrupt jane with the tiaratop. no funtime meetup allowed!

the trolls’ meteor with rose, dave, and the remaining trolls was pulling up into the new session with no way to slow it down. grimbark jade warped there once it was in the incinisphere and took active control. she warped everyone off the trolls’ meteor and sent them to LOMAX.

as john was losing his mind on LOMAX waiting for everyone, the meteor crew warped in. after 3 years he finally reunited with rose and dave, and at least saw the trolls in person. close curtains, end of A6A5. this was the newest [S] flash page at the time, one of my first impressions of this comic, and still one of my favorite flashes. knowing the context of the flash in the story only enhances the retrospective joy i have at getting into the comic at the time i did because it’s such an anticipated moment in the story for everyone, while for someone with no context of the story it was still enjoyable.

so that’s what was going on plotwise when i joined the fandom.

from this time, through those few months of updates and through the gigapause, i was familarizing myself with the characters in the story and overseeing the state of fanbase, getting myself acquainted with the story and wrapping my head around everything.

at that time i found that a new-ish group called colab HQ who were producing a let’s read homestuck series on youtube. hearing the voices and the pacing of it like that really, really eased me into it (maybe it was my adhd that gave me trouble actually starting it?). i caught up to a certain point using lets read homestuck and from that point was able to continue with the comic on my own, and by the time the gigapause came to a close i was fully caught up. i remember the rebranding of colab hq into voxus about a year and a half after i discovered them.

but.. back to the main point of my post. even these posts from hussie’s tumblr exist in archived states. how many new fans know about hussie’s old tumblr? i don’t know, unless theyre a new fan that must scour the internet for more deep more dives on homestuck and its fandom as a whole. but since hussie deleted his tumblr (it exists archived now on homestuck.net which, alongside from the unofficial homestuck collection, has nearly singlehandedly kept the most important relics of the fandom and lore archived), that page is not an active part of the fandom now, because it’s gone. it’s a pile of bones. it’s not living and breathing. it’s in an archived state. the whole thing is already there. homestuck and its fandom history is something you now binge instead of slowly consume and meld with as it comes out. it’s now this rapid information intake that you might forget about if you read it now instead of engaged alongside it. you’re not surrounded by people actively talking and theorizing about developments anymore. the ability to have those sorts of conversations during the ongoing development of the story reinforced concepts, ideas, and lore over and over as we tried to make sense of it.

being in a fandom when the author is still delivering the story is like nothing else. it allows you grow alongside the characters and engage meaningfully with the media and people in the fandom space around you. it feels like you’re participating IN the media itself, especially if you’re interfacing with the creator. it’s in always having something to theorize or talk about and speculate. and people become very aware of these sorts of forgotten story facts because they were applying the logic of the newest official post from hussie into making their sburb ocs or something and share resources and discussion posts about “what just happened in this update?? recap????” it was this cultural osmosis thing. i think this is why homestuck literacy is now at an all time low, at least from what i can see on twitter.

reading homestuck then vs now is like the difference between serialized shows with spaces between episodes to discuss stuff and time to reflect and learn and become attached to the story, narrative, worldbuilding and its characters, vs the netflix model where it’s all dropped all at once and people forget about it after binging.

at this point in time im getting the sense that “homestuck elders” now are no longer just people who were there since 2009-2010, but now also people who were there while it was still updating, probably stretching into 2014-2015. there are many sources of lore that were common knowledge in the fandom at the time that, since becoming susceptible to the deletion of content and link rot, and with the thanosing of mspaforums, are no longer accessible at the source. and a lot of people moved on after it ended, especially following the epilogues, the kate drama, and the whatpumpkin-sarah z drama, leaving a void of information behind if not for archivists and people such as me who continue to keep old facts relevant in discussions. my friend has called me a fandom scholar before and seeing this post i think i get what they mean.

EDIT: there is a series of video essays ive watched multiple times (because theyre that good) and they are exactly what modern fans need to see more of. they really help contextualize the comic and the themes present in it help you appreciate the basic fabric of homestuck a hell of a lot more. i highly recommend them and encourage any fan of homestuck to watch them, or someone considering getting into homestuck to watch the first one.

i think this is arguably as close to the “mandatory literacy class for homestuck” that person was talking about as you can get, especially the first video.

additionally, there is also the website https://rafe.name/homestuck which is essentially a sparknotes for homestuck and can help you follow developments in the comic itself.

[clutchpowers]

Sooooo... i wanted to stick this little rambly thing at the bottom of the redraw but it would have made it look UGLY so im doing this separately... just wanna talk about the whole thing and What Not.

TLDR: its been a slash positive ride thats been worth it to try "something new" every year and my favorite piece out of all of them is the 9th. also for the curious heres the comparison of the 5th anni piece to the recent one (2018 -> 2023)

anyway. personal post time.

oh where to begin *rocks on my rocking chair* i guess it would be with the 5th anniversary piece...at the time it had been a long while since i did lineless art and i thought it would be cool to try it again for that one so i did by redrawing an old piece from 2014... that was the first "finished piece" i made of Them. i think i even made it into a wallpaper for myself lmao. anyway after i posted it i was like "aw man i should draw something every year until the 10th" but i thought yeah right. im going to forget next year like the idiot i am. but i Some How managed to do one every year... th worms got me... i honestly didnt think id make it all the way to the 10th but i did!! AND WITHOUT MISSING A DAY EXCEPT FOR THE 7TH WHERE I WAS A WEEK LATE???? UNREAL especially when fun fact! every year i had no idea what i wanted to do! all i knew for sure is that i wanted each piece to be out of my comfot zone to push me to do something a little different. unfortunately the subjects tm where always the same so it feels a little. samey. but these are my celebratory posts I GET TO ONLY POST ABOUT THE OTP SUPER BLORBOS OF ALL TIME

the 6th anniversary was a redraw of that one scene. you know the one. the helicopter one. fucking hate that scene btw it actually causes me psychic damage i cant watch with the audio or ill scream. but it is my favorite scene of mine despite all the horrors it causes <3 and i wanted to redraw it as if it was a cartoon... like i had taken screencaps from the lcu cartoon in my head. i still remember the backgrounds being such a pain in the ass. honestly id like to go back and redo this one one day too or do something similar to the concept because its a fun one that i always saw done growing up and i wanted to try it myself.

for the 7th anniversary you can see the turn.. no more humans... return to lego... i was getting a little more confident in drawing them in the lego form so i did another redraw this time with the ending!! honestly i still like this one and how it looks even with how late it was but i wanted to test my confidence and do a real True and Finished piece with COLORED LINES and EVERYTHING!!!!! im glad i ended up taking the turn because for the LONGEST TIME i wanted to try and draw them as lego so bad because all i did was draw them as humans and its funny because now its the exact opposite. glad this piece was kinda the solidification in my head that yeah okay im a bit better at drawing the stylized lego toy now i can keep drawing them like this without feeling like im going to want to delete this in 2 weeks.

the 8th anniversary one is so weird. somewhere toward the beginning of the year it got into my head that i wanted to do a comic of them but time/school would have gotten in the way so i ended up opting for a page. another redraw of the ending scene which honestly out of all of them this is my least favorite one and its solely because its all so off. i def could have formated it better so the background shot doesnt take up the entire fucking page but then again im not a comic guy and this was my first time so the layout was bound to look HORRID but this is something id like to come back to ive had the idea of making like a genuine short comic about them since FOREVER and now that im a bit more experienced (lying) i would like to make one day!!!! just gotta stop getting caught up in my scripts!! and going in circles!! Because im obviously not a writer and i keep getting first-hand embarrassment from these!! but ill get over it one day lol.

OH THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY PIECE MY BELOVED. ONE OF MY FAVORITE PIECES ACTUALLY i love this stupid thing so much you have no idea.i know its re-using lineless but i just loved the idea of what it would look like lineless AND IT CAME OUT SO PERFECT I LOVE IT SO MUCH obv it needs a few touch-ups so the main issues dont stand out to me but god. i love this piece so much. idk what came out of me to make this but its so good ill never get over it. and the little lego them as a cake topper ITS JUST SO CUTE I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY OTHER THAN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SORRY

finally. the 10th anniversary piece. oh my god. okay. i need everyone to understand this. i had woken up with this fucking Unbearable pounding headache that was trying to kill me. my body the entire day wanted me to stop and lie down, but last night i was already done with a good chunk of it and all i had to do that day was finish some lines and the coloring?? i literally don't remember all i remember is my body actively trying to shut down and force me to stop and sleep which i took a nap? didnt help. so i said fuck it im finishing this. i was. an entire goddamn corpse arched over my laptop. i was so delirious the entire time its a fucking miracle it even came out as good as it did but honestly. i still hate how it fucking looks. like you can TELL when i gave up (the shading) and it sticks out like a sore fucking thumb to me and it pisses me off because i knew i could have done so much better if i wasnt being stricken down by gods hand and his every attempt to get me to rest. idk like im generally proud ot it, with this one i wanted to go out with a bang tm so i tried to draw every important and relevant character instead of ALL of them like I was originally planning LMAO but ah well. maybe one day when im faster at drawing. this one i defiantly wanna go back and touch up but i everytime i open the file i can see 40 more things wrong with it and it drives me nuts. so ill just have to wait for when im ready. i guess.

can i just say though. the improvement is crazy. it always catches me off guard because tbh i uh. dont like my own art. im getting better at not fucking hating it because i can pinpoint everything wrong with it but whenever i see the side by sides it always surprises me. i always dont think im improving but then i see it and its like wow i really am getting better! i still suck at 3000 things but im getting better! and its overall just a nice thing to see after having drawn them for as long as i have... the power of the worms is strong and has ruined my brain...... speaking of i know ive said a few times that i fucking hate certain pieces, not just LCU related ones but almost anything i post, but if you love them and are able to look at them with a twinkle in your eye then thank you. genuinely. i honestly love looking over the tags of people exploding and saying nice things. it warms my cold little heart and im glad there are people out there that genuinely love some of the things what i do! even if its just fanart and its just their blorbo. thank you for sticking around even tho all i do is draw my otp super blorbos :'^) this game means the world to me and im glad like more than 2 people wanna spread it around.

to wrap back around to the anniversary stuff and speaking of big love to the people out there THE FREAKING EPIC ZINE i was just a small thing but it came out amazing even for how small it was thank you to the contributors and thank you to everyone whos downloaded it!! its still getting the occasional and i love getting the notif in my email about it. i love that there are still people out there who wanna see it and all the hard work everyone put into it to celebrate the games 10th just thank you again i really does mean alot to me ALSO IF YOU HAVENT CHECKED IT OUT PLEASE DO IT IS 100% WORK YOUR TIME AND ITS DIGITAL WITH PRINT AT HOME STICKERS AND YOU CAN KEEP IT AND LOOK AT IT FOREVER

uh to end this off....would I like to do this again..... I mean I kinda am? by that i mean ill do the big numbers (15, 20, 25, 30, 40, etc) till the day i freaking die!!!! but yeah no countdown stuff ever again!!!!! sorry :^( it was super fun to do though!!!! and im glad i did it that piece is the conclusion to the whole thing but that doesnt mean ill stop drawing them. duh. theyre my characters now! but heres to many more anniversaries and to hopefully another game! or to just see them again in any other lego media! or even better... a mischaracterized cameo in ninjago!

[serotoninny]

Hey- hi. My sister and I grew up playing Super Paper Mario constantly. I would absolutely love to hear any and all thoughts you would like to share pls and thank you!!

HELLO! HELLO HI!

wanted to start off by saying Holy Shit!! spm was a video game me and my sister also played growing up!! we never beat it back then but recently she came home and got me hooked on it again and we played it all the way thru. we also did fun little voices for each character I got to be dimentio so that was very fun ^__^ i think Objectively its not a very hard game (which is why we were able to beat it LMAO) but what it lacks there it makes up for in STORY and super strong characters and i adore it so

IF ANYONE!! ANYONE wants to respond to anything ive said in this word soup of a post PLEASE DO!!! in the tags in the comments i just like seeing ppl talk abt whatever the hell about spm. Head canons Theories You name it

this is . a little scattered around. u do not have to read all of this but thank you for giving me an excuse to talk abt spm VVV

first of all themes of love being the answer make me wanna bawl my eyes out and i gotta be real i did tear up at the end of the game when blumiere and timpani have bounding through time ost playing and then walk out of frame. CHEFS KISS. lovely. i like how each chapter the gang goes thru has its own unique little set of townspeople and even thru little bits of dialogue u are left wanting to defeat the chaos heart even more because you dont want any of them to die YK? HEAVENS TO BETSY! THE DIALOGUE OPTIONS FOR RIGHT BEFORE CHAPTER 8 FOR ALL THE PEOPLE IN FLIP/FLOPSIDE?? SHIT HURTED. npc reactions to all the shit going on were so good

one thing i WISH happened tho was. mario and luigi Sibling Love (i mean this platonically i want to specify Just in case there are any weirdos out there) Helps Save The World. i get the whole count bleck mansion part where everyone started sacrificing themselves to save the others which means they care for one another n whatnot which is good great and fantastic However i think it wouldve been COOL to see the whole gang esp the two opposing forces of Mario (prophesized hero color red) and luigi (prophesized Man In Green to contain the chaos heart and destroy the world) contribute to the reformation of the pure heart like some sorta balance between light n dark . BUT ITS FINE i love the game anyway because its probably the longest bowser luigi mario and peach have ever been on the same team

and completely unrelated, the entire premise of luigi being the harbinger of a great world ender is ALWAYS a joy. a fun little recurring gag if you will. like i cant believe this is not the only time he was the vessel for a great evil like what is up with that. every day i think abt that one luigi post abt how he's Doomed By The Narrative TM to be the Evil Twin Brother but he just chooses not to be. never not thinking abt that ever. hes so haunted by like literally everything got separated and brainwashed fought his brother aided in the destruction of the sammer guy world Died went to hell KOed spm satan got revived became GOD then saved the world. and he is some middle aged man in striped socks

MR L. GOD. that fucking guy. hes so lame. i like him so much. his theme goes SO hard in the silliest way imaginable. and i also like how even when he is brainwashed its kinda obvious he still wants mario around (see: brobot, the replacement brother). they fr tapped into luigis need to be useful and used that as is motivation to work for the count. yeowch. mr l to me is just luigi but Lots of parts of him just locked up and forgotten (plus a little minor bit of oh i dont know straight up brain manipulation, nastasia is a force 2 be reckoned with fr) Duno if im making sense here . anyway mr l is so so so hilarious to me because his one liners are so so dumb and i think the gag abt no one recognizing him is FUNNY (EVEN IF i think at least mario SHOULDVE recognized him but WHATEVS).

all of count blecks minions are . SUCH a fun little group. and while dimentio didnt give a fuck about them i still love his dynamic as the court jester whos a little bit of a bitch. the origins of them joining the group are very interesting because ochunks mimi and nastasia had been at their lowest when bleck recruited them and dimentio was like. let me in your emo band. ochunk's warrior code is something i think about a lot. he doesnt got a lot behind the eyes but hes got values he sticks to and i like that a lot in a character. him and mimi do spa days

bleck as a character makes me wanna chew through my walls. in a good way. guys who are slipping and dont want to get back up and bringing everything else down with them are fun and that is all. bonus! he still gets to be Somewhere quiet after the story's over

dimentio has to be my fave of the goons (not counting mr l). not surprising because hes just. so. ...... He is the Way That He Is. his little similes are so stupidly funny for no reason and i think being a Silly Guy and also a Guy With Ulterior Motives are the two funest traits a character can have. His ambiguous past is so interesting like yes bitch hide behind the mask keep cards up your sleeve dont let them know your next move!! something interesting i read somewhere was that. even after luigi the chaos heart and dimentio were separated that there were bits still mixed up between them, linking them not only prophetically but on the atomic level is a headcanon im tucking close into my heart . terrifying as it is super fucking rad !! luigi cannot escape the harbinger of doom allegations

dimentio and luigis entire dynamic is the best thing ever. because dimentio is a goddamn weirdo and luigi is. and i cannot stress this enough. JUST a fucking GUY. luigi is like "ill stop you you ne'er do well!" and dimentio responds with "im killing us both<3ciao!" why does every luigi villain wanna be no children mountain goats with SO BAD. they should keep doing it

god. the way mario is the mc and barely has a role in most of the story other than being The Hero of the Light Prognosticus is both a little annoying and also kinda sick /pos. annoying because mario is one of my faves and i want him to participate in the story more (not really a diss on the writing i just like him) but also kinda sick because . the way everyone in the game talks abt the hero from the prophecy is so. soooooooooooo. god. like everyone in favor of all worlds Not Ending preparing THOUSANDS of CENTURIES in advance just for mario to arrive. Pixls were locked in boxes and hidden away WAITING for him and its like. if he could talk back. i wanna know how he thinks abt all this. because throught the entire story You as the player kinda fuck things up for people in pursuit of the pure hearts. and mario cant rly SAY anything abt it cus its not Really his story, but MAN. what i would give for a little development on his end of the lineup during a few points like 'wilting' king croacus, figuring out squirps is now orphaned because he had to stay alive long enough to help the heros, Luvbis Entire Deal, and figuring out mr l was luigi all along. SIGH

i dont know much about the pixl war, but all of that lore is so cool to look into. ive got like surface level knowledge. even then i only rly care abt the history when im thinking abt the personalities of the pixls themselves. cus like they get their little moment in the spotlight and then they Never speak Again. dottie and cudge and fleep are some of the more memorable ones for me and i wish it was possible to hear more of them. but alas

squirps. :( in my heart. in my heart and soul. bowser takes squirps under his wing. forms an alliance with his kingdom (assuming. squirps takes over from where his mom left off). peach would of course also form an alliance with him. IDK. squirps is the Only One out of every major side character in the game who didnt really get a happy ending. while not everyone NEEDS one i think he deserves one. and in my perfect world he is being guided by two more experienced rulers (bowser isnt doing much in terms of teaching him good diplomacy but he sure as hell is getting him to hang out with kids his age like Jr).

bowser was so funny this whole game. love when evil guys get domesticated a little. thats all about him

PEACH. PRINCESS PEACH. god i love her. the way she was the only person to resist nastasias brainswashing AND her fucking umbrella is the most cracked defense in the World. blowing a kiss to the wind. for peach

ok so i cant think of anything else to say and i havent proofread this. if YOU, dear viewer, love super paper mario i need you to never shut the fuck up ever. there are like 12 of us

[butrflyho3]

This will be my last post

I want to say I haven’t been on here in years and I came to say goodbye. Goodbye to old friends goodbye to old ways, and here’s to my present self. I do not resonate with my past at all any longer. I do realize everything that happened in the past was to help me grow and to realize my true potential. Ive been fucked over and hurt by many others. My ex who gaslit me and abused me, cheated on me why do you think he did that? Trauma. He couldn’t face his trauma so he projected onto me, and why did I accept that? Because I believed that is what I deserved. Do I still believe this? Absolutely not! I was the biggest enabler for the longest time because I wanted to fix him and I felt if I stood by his side and let him treat me badly that eventually he would see me in a different lens…but that didn’t go as planned. It was a vicious cycle. He would do something that hurt me, I would push him away from me, think about it, miss him and take him back and tried to give him ultimatums. He would agree to them but then just go behind my back and do what I didn’t want him to do anyways. I want to say I haven’t been on here in years and I came to say goodbye. Goodbye to old friends goodbye to old ways, and here’s to my present self. I do not resonate with my past at all any longer. I do realize everything that happened in the past was to help me grow and to realize my true potential. Ive been fucked over and hurt by many others. My ex who gaslit me and abused me, cheated on me why do you think he did that? Trauma. He couldn’t face his trauma so he projected onto me, and why did I accept that? Because I believed that is what I deserved. Do I still believe this? Absolutely not! I was the biggest enabler for the longest time because I wanted to fix him and I felt if I stood by his side and let him treat me badly that eventually he would see me in a different lens…but that didn’t go as planned. It was a vicious cycle. He would do something that hurt me, I would push him away from me, think about it, miss him and take him back and tried to give him ultimatums. He would agree to them but then just go behind my back and do what I didn’t want him to do anyways. For 5 years this went on until one day I decided that he would never change for me. I had to accept that even though it hurt and made me angry. I gave my all to him and he just took it without giving anything back to me. It’s like being a child and holding onto your favorite broken toy and your mom keeps telling you to just throw it away get a new toy and you never do. It’s like playing outside on a cold rainy day and your told to come inside until the rain stops and you stay outside anyways with no jacket and the next day you are sick for a whole week.

An old friend of mine (who I’m not friends with anymore) did many things so evil towards me. We met in middle school. She was very sweet and quiet at first but once we were friends for a few years I saw who she really was, although I saw her for who she really was I kept forgiving her and letting her continue to treat me like shit. I disregarded my intuition because I wanted to believe she was truly my friend. She went through a lot as a young girl and I wanted to be the one that stuck by her through thick and thin. Let me tell you why that was the worst mistake I ever made over and over again. Again here I was being the biggest enabler for poor behavior. We would hang out and she was always doing something impulsive, like if we went to the mall she would be shoplifting, if we were inside a public area she would light a cigarette up and smoke it, when we were at the movies she would talk very loudly and almost get both of us kicked out. She had no care or regard for others, she thought those behaviors were cute. Whenever we got into disagreements or arguments it felt like the end of the world. I would be made out to be the bad guy because I didn’t want to tolerate the behavior anymore. And every time I tried defending myself I got knocked down because at the time I didn’t know how to speak up for myself. Don’t get me wrong there were times where I did the wrong thing too! I’m not perfect. I was always honest and upfront about my wrong doings and mistakes and if I knew I hurt someone I apologized right away. I would love to go into detail on how badly she hurt me and what she did but I feel there is no need to because it’s not going to fix what happened. It’s not going to make me feel better. She doesn’t understand how her behavior and actions affect those around her, and I’m not sure she ever will.

She did hurtful things because she was hurting, she did not want to face her own issues so she projected onto me. She hated her life and herself so bringing me down and hurting me is the only way that made her feel better, and I can no longer judge her for that because she is on her own path and journey and I am glad we parted ways because I realized during self reflection and meditation that I was always her friend but she was never mine. I learned real friends will tell you the truth. Real friends won’t be sneaky and hide things from you. Real friends care about how they make you feel. She thrived and laughed at my pain, and when she was in pain I was always emphatic towards her and always comforted her.. You see there is two paths you can take in life… you can be fucked over, hurt lied to, etc and chose to do it back to others or you can chose to learn from that pain and never wish that on the most horrible person in the world. She obviously took the first path and I took the second. I do not want revenge or even an apology because I know she never will admit to her wrong doings let alone apologize for it. I have a beautiful life now I am happy and thriving.. do I have my moments of sadness and grief? Of course who doesn’t? But I don’t let it consume me anymore. Want to know why? Because I am not just this body. I am energy, spirit, and divine. I know I am beautiful,talented and creative no matter what others say I now know who I truly am and no opinions and insults can’t even get close to me anymore.

I learned to transmute that negative energy into positive. So although I am still hurting from all the people in my life I have to leave behind I do wish them well and wish them endless love light and healing! The real revenge isn’t hurting those who have hurt you. It’s to live your beautiful life and see the beauty in the things around you and to smile and be happy and to find your own peace.

People believe after you die you go to heaven or hell which I honestly don’t believe in at all. Heaven or Hell is felt on this earthly plane. Life is what you make it. It can either be heaven on earth or hell on earth. My fiancé actually taught me that. He’s taught me a lot and I am so grateful to have him in my life because he’s been my biggest supporter yet. So that is all I have to say. I hope everyone heals and lives live to the fullest.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

OKAY VOCACOLLE SUMMER TOP 15 SONGS (my ranking) LETS GOO

1. Kannagi - Hiiragi Magnetite: the lyrics on this are going to keep me occupied for the longest time until i understand it better. the atmosphere of this song is just incredible, the addition of the bells in her hand in the song, the light chime-y parts of the the instrumental, the piano, the longer notes, u dont need to know the lyrics to know theres a sense of regret in here. theres enough in the chimes u can feel the inner reflection in this, & like other series songs it hits that standing at the end of world in the rain feeling. its paced so perfectly it doesnt even feel like 6 minutes. series wise i think thats not only a call back to kyuuyaku but like shoushitsu & kyuuyaku it shows off that loop theme, getting into whats going on building it up, theres a bit of calm and then it picks up again. lots of story telling & details in it to add to the narrative. haru fits it so perfectly & that's definitely by design. this song has already embedded itself in my heart

2. Stockholm Office - Crump: if kannagi wasnt posted this would take first place EASILY IMMEDIATELY. i cant say in words how much i loved this so instantly. the light whispery-ness of kafu & the spacey-ness of certain instruments and parts combined with the heavy groundedness of the rest of it is so so perfect. the poetic way the lyrics show off the state of things in this song without being super blunt about the complaints in it & the overall rhythm of it draws me in so so much. they really matched the mood of the instrumentals & the lyrics so perfectly. its not spacey enough for me to say true dissociation type feel but theres such a strong feeling of disconnection in this, that feeling of lying to urself to stick something out which im sure is entirely intended given the title. im about to become the number one promoter of this song its one of those found it at the perfect timing things for me.

3. Candy Drop - yurame: this has the usual yurame song feel. i can only describe it as sounding how carbonation in drinks feels. its trendy sounding but at the same time is all its own thing and authentic feeling. the lyrics are written in a way its like ah yeah i get that feeling. despite the lightness of the instrumental its good at getting that melancholic feel across & isnt jarring in the slightest. flower has that mix of rough & cute to suit this as well. very good song.

4. Quiet - szri: szri's usual quick & heavy pacing definitely building off what they did in anaphylaxis. even includes the smallest part of it & u know i love songs that connect to each other. gekiyaku & kafu are such a good combination too especially how they pull it off. not a very light song in terms of content but fun nonetheless & isnt that what vocaloids about.

5. Euthanasia - Dopam!ne: a lighter/simpler song in terms of instrumentals that he does. nice change & still very distinctly his style. definitely not a light song in terms of content the guy even put a content disclaimer at the end. still easy to listen to if u like his style tho. good song

6. Waste - mairu: this ones probably about as heavy as szri's quiet musically speaking though theres a few calmer sections. flower's roughness fits the topic well i think. another one where the mood of every part of the song just seems to align well. i dont have anything profound to say i just think its neat

7. OSINT - Sheeno Mirin: i love the atmosphere in sheeno mirin songs a lot & this one doesnt disappoint. interesting vocal combination choice not that they overlap in any part & they work well with what they were going for. theres something brain scratching (in a good way) about the instrumental, a full sound thats got a weight to it but isnt too much. its really good idk what else to say

8. groom groove - yowanecity: i feel like its been forever since ive seen anything from yowanecity i really should follow them anyway i got really excited to see they posted & this didn't disappoint. its got that bounciness i expect from their songs. fun & smooth sounding. makes u want to dance. definitely worth your time.

9. Capsule - Fuyuu: cat rime & sekai thats so fun i love that and then the gachpon theme on top of it so fun. the sound is not what you'd expect from that description tho. it has a darker feel to it almost grungy i want to say but definitely not off putting. as part of the rime lover nation i love this song. this is going to end up stuck in my head all the time just like crow crow does. very good & both sekai & rime sound like they belong in this song 👍

10. Gambit - Yunosuke: another trendy, almost bubbly sounding song from yunosuke. pretty atmosphere to it. love the whistles & traditional sound instruments mixed in with the otherwise modern electric type sound its got going on. this would be fun to sing if i take the time to learn the lyrics. super good very worth your time

11. Rain - Gomennasai ga ienakute: the usual simple sounding style they have, deceivingly simple sounding bc its very clearly not. the tension building part right before the 3 min mark hits me in particular. very cool rin high notes at the end. very nice melancholic mood to it. maybe i should rank this higher its growing on me the more i listen to it. their lyric sense is very good. compels me. definitely give this a listen.

12. Static Love - Hagino: kafu rap nation rise up. its got that chiptune sound at first that gradually gives into a more modern edm sound. a good mix of cute, cool, and fun sounding. underrated the mixing & execution of this is too good to only have a few hundred views & yet here we are. worth your time

13. Prototype - Aira: THIS SONG GOES SO HARD!! coko chisei is such a good combo too. interesting theme going on here but the melody & such is just very good. the lalala parts make it seem a little lighter than it actually is. love the slightly wavering slightly squeaky sound on both vocals. lends a certain charm to this song.

14. Lewder Liar - Zensen: another great electro swing song from zensen. very fun fresh sounding instrumentals & flower's in no way out of place here. good mix. kind of an interesting theme going on here what with the demon stuff etc.

15. Death Game - Uron Riyu: this one is so fun to me. kafu running a death game. posting this as a vocacolle song feels like its framing vocacolle itself as a death game between songs & thats such an interesting way to look at it. kinda fun. the composition on its fun in its own way too. ik it's supposed to be dark but its just a fun song to me.

[bbrandy2002]

I posted 117 times in 2022

10 posts created (9%)

107 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ao719

@burnsoslow

@charlotteg234

@kingliam2019

@dcbbw

I tagged 23 of my posts in 2022

#queued - 9 posts

#the royal romance - 5 posts

#king liam - 5 posts

#liam x mc - 5 posts

#trr - 5 posts

#liam x riley - 5 posts

#bbrandy2002 - 3 posts

#fools rush in - 3 posts

#long post - 2 posts

#choices - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 35 characters

#who says we dont work in the summer

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Happy Sunday @charlotteg234

🥵 Enjoy!

13 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#4

An Apology

Several months ago I accused someone of sending me a hate anon. I've thought about that ordeal from time to time, but even more so recently.

Being in a place in my life where Im not so stressed out anymore or disillusioned by every little thing, Im able to make rational thoughts and think things through a little clearer. Looking back at old messages with someone else, I have a pretty solid feeling I know who actually did send them and thankfully they're not around here any longer.

With that said, when Im wrong, I say Im wrong. And in that instance ... I was wrong. Even if I never said her name publicly, I would like to apologize to @queenrileyrose for my accusations and the hurt you experienced following that. I've already done so privately and the nature of that conversation will remain so.

I can't undo what happened, I can only try to make it right.

Here's to 2022 being about positivity and kindness. Again, my humblest apologies to QRR.

13 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

#3

Happy Birthday to ...me lol

I have to take a moment here to show off these two amazing commissions my bestie @burnsoslow and my great friend @ao719 had done for my birthday.

The first piece by Burns is from her ORDIV Ch 33 when Liam proposed to Riley in the gazebo at Valtoria where the had their first day 🥺🥺🥺

The second one is from Anitah, who used a scene from the fic Burns wrote for my birthday last year Heaven, Hell or Houston when Liam and Riley had met at the bar and when on this whirlwind date, kissing at every stop light 😍

Two of my favorite scenes captured so perfectly and it makes my heart swell so big.

Thank you both so much for these precious works that I will cherish and most likely stare at everyday for weeks to come. I love you both with all my heart and thank you for making another year of getting older a lot more bearable and for your friendship that I value so hard!

59 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#2

Fools Rush In

Chapter 21

Book: TRR

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Series Premise: With two weeks before he is set to marry Madeleine, the guys throw Liam an impromptu bachelor party that results in him (and Drake) leaving Vegas with more than he bargained for.

Word count: 3900 -ish

Warning: Language

Soooo ... hey lol It's been a hot minute since I've written or posted anything (or just been around in general). Anyway, I came back to several messages asking about this chapter. I actually had 90% of it written back in October and just thought it was pure shit and gave up on it ... actually, I gave up on writing altogether. Having some time this week, I opened up the doc, rewrote some things, deleted out some stuff and finally managed to finish it. It's still not even close to what I wanted it to be, as it's the end of this arc, but I've decided to just have fun writing again. If there's anything Ive learned during my time away it's that none of us will ever write the perfect story, or use the perfect words, or have the most compelling characters and it's okay; I think I finally have accepted that. Just have fun doing it!

This concludes my TedTalk

---------------------------

“Doctor ... Wolfschitz?” a bewildered Alyssa questioned.

“That’s no damn doctor!” Drake bore his eyes into the former prince, who was already howling with laughter, dodging a pillow that whirled in his direction from Drake. “What the actual fuck is your problem, Leo?”

Leo clutched his side, trying to catch his breath. “The look on your face, man … I can't. I really had you going there for a minute didn’t I, Walker? Afraid you were about to lose that new pee-pee, huh?” He continued to laugh riotously at Drake’s expense before his gaze hastily shifted its attention toward Alyssa. “Why’d you blow my cover, thong girl?”

“Thong girl? Alyssa muttered, absentmindedly crossing her legs while attempting to hide the fact her face was quickly glowing bright pink. How’d he know I was wearing one?

“Why are you here, Leo?” Drake repeated as Leo casually strolled up to his bed and scooped up a chocolate pudding cup from Drake’s food tray. “And how in the sam hell did you even know I was in the hospital?

“Came with Liam,” he replied nonchalantly as he plopped his ass down on the end of the bed and peeled off the top of his pudding cup, licking the plastic wrap clean. “He’s down the hall with Riley right now. Seems my little brother is a prized stud after all … got that Rys sperm in him, ya know? Knocked her up real good yo. Hafta say … I’m impressed.”

“Knocked her up?” Alyssa gasped before stepping closer to him. “Hold up; Riley’s pregnant?”

Leo nodded and shoveled a giant heap of pudding into his mouth. “Yeah. I’m going to be an uncle again --” he eyed Drake’s plate contemplatively, “ -- You gonna eat the rest of that meatloaf, man?” Drake scowled and pushed his tray toward the hungry Prince.

Alyssa quickly put all the clues together. “So that’s why Riley was so sick earlier? She didn’t have a concussion, --” she smiled endearingly, “ -- she just had morning sickness. ... Well, is she okay? Is the baby okay? The fall didn’t hurt them, did it?”

Leo, concentrating on finishing the rest of that meatloaf, languidly shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Well, did they at least give her something safe for her back pain yet?” Alyssa probed further.

Leo shoved another large bite of meatloaf and again answered. “I dunno.”

“Oh my God! Do you know anything?” A frustrated Alyssa finally asked.

With a mouthful of food, Leo tilted his head back in deep thought and replied the best he could, “I know this meatloaf is fucking BOMB, dude. Not too shabby for hospital grub.” He swallowed heartily. “The pudding on the other hand … absolute shit.” He tapped the edge of the plastic container with his plastic spoon as he spoke to it, “Snack-Pak, you disappoint me.”

Desperate for an answer, Alyssa reached out and grasped Leo’s shirt, jerking him closer. “Fuck the snack-pak, Wolfshitz; what about Riley?”

“Riley? Oh, she never disappoints me …” Leo sideways glanced with a frown. “Liam on the other hand ...”

Stunned by this strange man’s erratic and seemingly unhinged behavior, Alyssa shot a wide-eyed glare at Drake, who just shook his head slowly. “Don’t try to make sense of him, Alyssa. Just don’t. You’ll never be able to figure him out.”

Needing to be reassured, Alyssa pulled a cell phone from her back pocket and started furiously shooting off a text to Riley. While her back was turned to the men, Drake couldn’t help but notice the way her ass hugged perfectly in those skinny jeans and soon realized his new body part had showed up in tandem with his sudden arousal. With Leo’s interest remaining focused on the damn meatloaf for the time being, Drake eased a hand under the white sheet covering him and felt around the area below his waist; his breath hitched with relief at the rock-solid bulge that had erupted. Feeling a little giddy that everything was working as it should, the euphoria soon subsided when he caught a glimpse of Leo’s saucy gaze on Alyssa.

Overcome with a strong sense of jealousy over the girl he’d just caught sneaking a peek at his naked self less than five minutes ago, Drake quietly urged through gritted teeth, “Stop looking at her like that, Leo! She’s not some conquest you can just sack for your sick playboy pleasures.”

“Says the guy who caught panty crickets from a $2 hooker and needed a dick transplant.” Leo retorted with a smirk. “Besides, father always said, ‘I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.” He wagged his tongue in lust. “And I see that.” He motioned to Alyssa’s backside.

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73 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

First Comes Love

Chapter One

Book: The Royal Romance -Complete AU

Pairing:Liam x Riley/Liam x Madeleine (I promise Maddie’s nice here)

A/N: This will most likely be a mini-series; no more than 5 or 6 chapters.This is loosely based on a movie you might recognize but I’ve tried to make it my own. 

Series Premise: It's destiny when two people from different worlds meet. Riley is an up-and-coming wedding planner who finds herself tasked with planning the biggest wedding of her career, only to find out the man she fell for after a brief encounter in NYC is the groom ... and a king.

Trigger Warnings: There is a mention of suicidal ideation, but it’s not part of the plot. Some minor language.

Thank you @burnsoslow for pre-reading. All grammar errors are my own.

It’s been so long since I’ve started a new fic, I don’t even know if I have a taglist that isn’t filled with people who have left or hate me now; I guess I’m starting all over again. If you want tagged, let me know.

New York City

Liam zoned out 2.1 seconds after stepping inside a trendy office on the upper floors of a high-rise building in downtown Manhattan. The pale pink shades of the walls, decorative cushions, window scarfing, and gloss on the lips of his future bride, screamed out bottles of Pepto to the new King -- if only he had some to help with the unease in the pit of stomach.

That morning, a meeting with a highly renowned woman was on the agenda, discussing and presenting potential options for his upcoming nuptials, just weeks away. Even under normal circumstances, a wedding wasn’t exactly something that excited Liam. Not that he was never thrilled for the couple and wished them all the happiness in the world, it just held little importance in his day-to-day life. Weddings served as yet another reminder of what he wanted -- and what he couldn't have. 

It was amusing to Liam how he could hold so much power, yet wielded none of it for himself.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

The owner of this particular firm, Jill Gordon, had built quite the reputation as the elite among modern event design, planning, and production companies, with a specialty in weddings. The clientele included a long list of celebrities, politicians, affluent Manhattan debutantes, and occasionally acquired foreign business. The latter is how Madeleine first heard of The Jill Gordon Company while attending the French Ambassador's ceremony several months ago as a representative for Cordonia. With the last stop of their engagement tour in New York City, the future queen was eager to add a visit to her appointment book before they returned home and began the laborious task of planning the biggest wedding in Cordonian history.

Although the palace had more than their fair share of staff with experience hosting monumental events, such as balls, state dinners, and various celebrations, there hadn’t been a royal wedding there in over 20 years. Madeleine thought someone with experience handling grand-scale weddings with a sophisticated flair, who could share their vision and expertise with the staff and take charge of the arrangements, would guarantee everything went off without a hitch. 

The King simply went along to get along.

Madeleine and Liam sat across from Jill at her glass-top desk, where a single, lone laptop sat catty-corner on top. While the owner enthused and embellished her business to an attentive Madeleine, Liam focused on the assemblage of black-and-white portraits meticulously placed in neat rows along the wall behind the woman’s desk. It was no doubt a deliberate focal point to showcase the clients her agency had done work for in the past. Maybe others who had previously sat in the same chair he sat in at that moment were charmed with the love and joy captured in each of those images; the twinge in Liam’s heart wasn’t buying into it. 

After a lengthy social season and with a lot of pressure from his father and the council, he’d chosen Madeleine to become his queen. At first, he couldn’t stand her -- Hell, maybe he never could. She was pretentious, overbearing, cunning, and frequently insensitive. But somewhere between his coronation and the beginning of the tour, she changed almost as if overnight. At that first stop in Fydelia, he noticed a more relaxed, more thoughtful, and just easier to be around Madeleine. It’s possible she’d finally gotten the coveted prize she had obsessed over long before being dumped after Leo abdicated and could put aside some of that anxiety that brought out the worst in her. But to Liam, it seemed to be a little something more: either the Countess had come to her senses about her standoffish behavior, or maybe it was this new business venture Hana and Rashad talked her into, causing a distraction for the Countess. 

Whatever it was, was a welcome change. Liam had grown to respect her, find some common ground, and put away some of that overwhelming dread about spending the rest of his life with her. And while it was no secret between the two that there wasn’t more than friendly affection, duty made no exceptions when it came to their obligation. 

For both of them, that's precisely what this was. Now it was time to make the best of it and move forward.

Jill sat forward in her swivel chair with a warm smile. Her hands splayed on the glass top as she spoke in a refined tone. “I have the perfect person in mind to handle such an important wedding, as yours… that is if you choose to go with us.” Jill quickly added, not wanting to scare them off with too much pressure, too soon. She knew adding a royal wedding to her list would attract mass attention in the press and social circles for her business, which meant huge profits.

“Really?” Madeleine crowed, glancing over at Liam, who promptly brandished an over-enthused smile before she turned her attention back to Jill. “Tell us more about her.”

“Elaine has over twenty-three years of experience and is the best in this business, and has served most of our biggest named clients. She recently planned the President’s granddaughter’s wedding.” Jill boasted.

“I heard of that one …” Madeleine swooned before adding, “glamorous, yet sophisticated and classy, which is exactly what we’re looking for. Would she have time to meet with us now?”

Jill frowned. “I apologize, but she’s actually booked for the day, preparing for another wedding this evening. A busy lady that one is. Let me see what her calendar looks like.” She moved the mouse beside her laptop around and clicked a few times, pausing momentarily to scan the screen. “She’s free in the morning if you’re able to return then.”

Liam, who had been studying the glass wall that separated Jill’s office from the reception area and wondering why in the hell anyone would want to be watched while they worked, finally contributed to the discussion for the first time since walking in. “We’re actually leaving first thing in the morning.”

“Not until 9:30,” Madeleine hastily clarified. She continued cheerfully, “Tonight marks the official end of our engagement tour, and we’re wrapping up with a celebration in Midtown. We fly out tomorrow.”

“That's wonderful!" Jill replied. "Perhaps the two of you can stop in before your flight in the morning and meet Elaine personally and see if we can work out an agreement. I don’t think you’ll regret it,” she trilled, able to conceal the shameless desperation behind her words like a true professional. 

Well schooled in body language and tone, Liam smirked to himself, able to hear it anyway.

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119 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

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[butterscotch-brigade]

the Mario Movie Post

ok SO heres a more expansive post listing my Thoughts on the mario movie. HUGE spoiler warning under the cut btw

it was....good! i keep comparing it to the sonic movies in my head bc thats what ive seen a lot of other ppl doing, and i think, compared to those movies, this one is a “safer” adaptation of the source material; and ofc this isnt an inherently good or bad thing, but it may influence ur opinion if u were expecting a more derivative adaptation like the sonic movies, which take more risks and creative liberties. id rank the mario movie below sonic 2 (the greatest movie of all time btw), but idk if id put it above or below sonic 1; ultimately, like i said, it depends on whether u prefer the adaptation thats “safer” or “riskier” in terms of what its trying to accomplish.

anyway, here r some things i rly liked abt the movie!! warning for me gushing abt bowser bc im in love with him btw ASDLJKADS

bowser is the greatest character in the entire thing ofc. not surprising at all ASLKJDSLKJDS my big beautiful monster husband he is SOOOO GOOOODDD like.....hes the most expressive, full of personality, and jack black gives an AMAZING performance as him. his fucking song???? the princess peach love song??? beautiful. lovely. i love bowser so fucking much......like yeah he “kidnaps people” and “tries to kill innocents” or whatever but errmmm he does it in the name of love so its ok uwu my big strong cuddly ferocious teddy bear i love him I LOVE HIIMMMMM KLASJDKLJASDLKJ HES SO PERFECT HES A SWEET LOVEY DOVEY DORK BUT HES ALSO FUCKED UP EVIL AND POWERFUL AND WILLING TO CRUSH ANYONE WHO STANDS IN HIS WAY GOOOODDDDD I WANT HIM SO BAD

animation is gorgeous, including the environments and character models. say what u want abt illumination but u have to admit their actual animation game is pretty damn good and this film is no exception

i rly appreciate all the references and easter eggs! i like how they used music from the games in various ways, and how they incorporated the different worlds/levels.

i LOVE the little additional bits of lore they added!!! ive been a huge Mario Lore Enthusiast pretty much since i first learned how to use the internet so this was very satisfying to my autistic brain ALSKJLKDASJ

as far as specific lore elements go, i loved getting to see mario and luigi’s parents (+ extended family!!!). u dont understand for the longest time the only CANON picture we had of mario and luigis parents were these images from the end of yoshis island ASKLDJSLAKDJ so im very happy we got more detailed designs for them

i love the backstory they gave princess peach!! ive always wondered why she rules the mushroom kingdom despite not being a toad. i hope they expand on her story more if they ever make a second movie bc i think it would be rly interesting to know more abt where she came from!!

i LOOOVE the kongs so so much......ty mario movie for finally ending the debate abt whether or not dk is cranky kongs son or grandson SALKJDALKSJ also i love dk’s characterization in this too, his friendly rivalry w mario was rly funny

i love love LOOOVVE the sibling dynamic between mario and luigi. Bro They Are Bros

i like the incorporation of the power-ups and how they work

king bob-omb is there. i like him :)

and now for some criticisms (note that these r all pretty minor, there wasnt rly anything i Disliked abt the movie which is admittedly more than i can say abt the first sonic movie actually LKSAJLKD):

a lot of the characters just kinda felt flat, especially compared to bowser who has the most personality. luigi is the only one i can think of who has any kind of significant “arc.” peach, toad, and dk dont rly have any kind of significant character growth, while mario’s arc is just kinda....He Learns To Get Better At Fighting And Navigating The Mushroom Kingdom i guess. to be fair mario games in general arent rly known for focusing on character development (w some exceptions like the rpgs, but none of that development is rly focused on mario himself), but that ultimately just made this movie’s writing pale in comparison to the sonic movies (which arent perfect (except for the second one) but still)

luigi didnt rly do much throughout the whole thing.....i liked him a lot in the beginning, but he spends most of the movie being captured. i DID like the fight scene at the end where mario and luigi team up to beat the shit out of bowser tho!! i just wish we got to spend a little more time with luigi so his arc had a more satisfying conclusion

Why didnt they credit grant kirkhope for the dk rap. wtf nintendo/illumination

but yeah those r my Thoughts. overall it was a pretty good movie, id maybe give it like....7/10? 7.5/10? it wasnt Great but it was good. definitely better than the Other mario movie thats for sure LKASJFLKJS

[princesssarcastia]

I posted 21,227 times in 2022

That's 5,091 more posts than 2021!

174 posts created (1%)

21,053 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wabblebees

@absentlyabbie

@mandaloriandy

@theunofficiallibrarian

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I tagged 1,803 of my posts in 2022

#pretty - 188 posts

#art - 159 posts

#star wars - 82 posts

#dc - 36 posts

#meta - 30 posts

#that's my wife - 28 posts

#star trek - 28 posts

#tags tags tags - 24 posts

#fashion - 22 posts

#anyway - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#play stupid games (allow the corporate surveillance state into your home) win stupid prizes (unsuable tech you made essential to your life a

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

alright all the irl people who know anything about this actually LIKE the man so this is the only place i can say it, but

harry styles gets on my nerves.  the REASON he gets on my nerves is that he gives off the vibe of like—he’s like the human embodiment of being gay but not queer.  i don’t think he’s even gay (he may be, he may not, i don’t even really care) but that’s what it feels like to me.  it’s like the essence of the thing people are upset about, with pride being commercialized and becoming hollow and meaningless.

oh!  i know.  seeing harry styles speak (or sing.  or apparently do some fashion icon thing) and people get excited about it, is like watching other queer gay people go up to the amazon booth at the pride festival excited for free swag and thinking its cool that amazon is here.  that’s what its like.

60 notes - Posted September 7, 2022

#4

“Because the unavoidable truth here is that the system is already rigged.  And its rigged in a way that has allowed a party without popular support to drastically reshape an entire branch of government for the foreseeable future by appealing almost exclusively to white voters in some of the least populous regions in the country.  That is not a mandate, and its not democracy.  It’s a fucking travesty! 

“We are at the end of a generational battle, and the heartbreaking thing is, we lost.

“And that hurts.  It’s going to hurt for a long time, for a lot of people, in ways that could take a while to fully comprehend.  But the next battle has to start right now; and it will be long—we didn’t get here overnight, and we won’t get out of here overnight.  But we must be willing to fight tirelessly and with every tool and tactic at our disposal.”

As always, John Oliver says it better than I ever could.  This is his episode from just after Amy Coney Barrett’s nomination to the Supreme Court, which was the point of no return on the path to overturning Roe v. Wade.  We were always going to end up here, but got does the knife still hurt slipping into your gut, even if you saw it coming.

77 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

#3

to be honest i feel like both AOS canon and aos fandom don’t treat the vulcan genocide in the first movie with enough gravity.  like.  80-90% of the time people don’t even call it what it is, let alone focus on what the effects would be on the remaining vulcans.  we actually spend way more time talking about tarsus iv as a fandom than nero’s destruction of vulcan.  and the more I write for AOS the more that wigs me out a bit.

the WHOLE PLANET is GONE.  SIX BILLION PEOPLE were MURDERED in a matter of HOURS.  it’s mass death on the largest scale in what I assume is recorded federation history.  we could uh.  dwell on that.  a bit more.  there’s probably something there worth talking about.

78 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

#2

next steps re: lizzy biting the big one

starting with india, kenya, pakistan, grenada, or cyprus, countries begin to leave the commonwealth

liz truss tries to do some diplomacy about it and it doesn’t work

charles the third of his name or what the fuck ever tries to do some diplomacy about it, says something BREATHTAKINGLY RACIST and actively makes it worse.  countries start leaving even faster.

australia peaces out

scotland announces a new independence vote before the end of the year

wales, not to be outdone, announces an independence vote before the end of the MONTH

canada peaces out

someone starts a conspiracy theory on tiktok that liz truss had the queen poisoned just after their official meeting

Ireland announces the affirmative results of the reunification vote it held while you motherfuckers were distracted via the Sinn Féin twitter.   britain pulls a spain circa 2017 and tries to prevent it

king charles III dies of a heart attack from stress, smh guys he just wanted to live out the remainder of his life in peace while directly profiting from the imperial and colonial violence of his mother ancestors, he wasn’t expecting to actually have to WORK for it

king arthur returns, sword in hand, to reclaim his rightful place as king.  the tories, desperate at this point for some kind of miracle, let him do it. 

his first act as king is to demand the abolition of the british monarchy, because “strange women lying in ponds and distributing swords is no basis for a system of government”

someone calls a vote of no confidence in liz truss.  she fails it (in large part due to the conspiracy theory), they hold an election

Christopher eccleston becomes the prime minister

242 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ao3 crashing just as i try to click through to the last chapter of the fic i stayed up all night to finish is just fucking typical

2,347 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[crazywolf828]

I posted 24,431 times in 2022

1,937 posts created (8%)

22,494 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/pussypopcorn

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@speamyraven

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I tagged 5,994 of my posts in 2022

#don't mind me - 2,075 posts

#ask - 843 posts

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#anon - 694 posts

#my fics - 134 posts

#rwby - 127 posts

#anyway - 107 posts

#yang xiao long - 106 posts

#fanfiction - 93 posts

#blake belladonna - 91 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#first of its bees schnees so that knocks off a bunch of views then yang has a d even more gone then its also smut by now ive got three peop

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

That fox is clearly to skinny and has mange you need to call animal control and not post about it promoting false ideas that that's a healthy fox

Oh wow. Okay it's fine, it's a teaching moment, let's talk about foxes.

So anon here is talking about this fox I caught on a trail cam in my yard. It's a red fox, a very pretty one too, but is it too skinny? Well first thing first, this fox has it's summer coat, not it's winter coat which leaves them looking much bigger than they are

See the full post

427 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#4

I zoomed in so you could see the hilarity of this toad walking through the leaf litter. I love him so much.

446 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

#3

In honor of Friday the 13th, I think we deserve some black cat facts!

(it also gives me a chance to show off my kit😅)

We've all heard the myths and ledgends of how black cats are bad luck, but how did that come to be? To understand that, we need to see how it all started.

Of course, one of the earliest connections between cats and humans is ancient Egypt, cats often being seen as divine symbols. There was even an Egyptian goddess, Bastet, who had the head of a cat and a slender female body. She was the goddess of protection, pleasure, and the bringer of good health.

But how did they fall from divinity to being bad luck?

Well, they appear in Greek mythology, specifically related to Hecate, who is the goddess of magic, sorcery, the moon and witchcraft. Hecate was described as having a cat as both a pet and a familiar. (Y'know, the thing witches have in European folklore)

You can probably guess where it's going from here, but why did Europe end up hating them so much?

Well, it was the church (Shocking I know). The church insisted black cats were the incarnation of Satan.

It's also heavily linked to paganism which, as the church grew in power, pagans were considered direct threats to the church and thus accused of being witches.

My personal favorite quote is "Cats, like the women accused of witchcraft, tend to exhibit a healthy disrespect of authority" "They don't fawn, like dogs, upon even the unworthy. In the church, neither independent women, nor independent animals, were to be tolerated."

Of course we know Europe did more than that, but what else was there?

Well for one, they blamed the cats for the bubonic plague and started killing them on sight. Unfortunately we now know it wasn't the cats but the fleas on the rats and with very few cats to kill the rats, the plague spread like wild fire.

That superstition of a black cat crossing your path? Yeah that was also the church. It was supposed that if a black cat crossed your path it could have been a witch sending it's familiar to harm you. Similarly they believed it could have been the devil themself. So these peasants would run to the nearest church to ask for blessings. Naturally the church used this, encouraged it, and endorsed these 'bad omens'

These beliefs were of course brought over to America causing the Salem witch trials and countless more deaths of both people and black cats.

See the full post

514 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#2

Pyrrha had to die before Ironwood became a 'bad guy' because she would absolutely destroy him thanks to her semblance

529 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Actually I think that we should stop questioning other people's sexuality based on how they present, and I mean everyone. This includes straight cis people. If a straight woman wants to dress more masc she should be able to! If a straight cis man wants to dress more feminine he should be able to! You shouldn't automatically assume someone's sexuality because of how they dress and act.

3,995 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cortexreaver]

apparently i wrote this in november i assume i never posted it because 1. it was stupid 2. drafts temporarily ate it thus 3. i forgot. it's probably an unfinished list of half-formed thoughts i dont remember what most of it says anyway end preface start post:

in the approximate month since i first played it ive apparently spent around 218 hours blocking out the horrors with dragon age inquisition at the time of starting to write this post. so heres my review but not really these are just #thoughts about an 8-year-old video game. this got out of control i need it out of my drafts but at this point i dont want to just delete it. longest fucking post ive ever written anywhere under the cut

initial + overall thoughts: i had low expectations and when i started out and the character creator sliders were different and the combat was different and the skill trees were sideways and you couldnt manually distribute your attributes and everything was hd realistic shiny raytrace 4k particle physics like youve never seent hem before and so on and so forth my kneejerk reaction having just played dao: awakening was "this feels weird, i'm gonna hate this." and there were a lot of things i didn't like about it but there were things i thought i wouldn't like that i ended up enjoying. the former was mainly plot and lore stuff and some gameplay mechanics and the latter was individual writing of many characters and level design and, most surprisingly, crafting (i liked the masterwork material stuff)

THOUGHTS ON PLOT: as stated above i thought it was some silly shit but i'm gonna keep it vague because zeroing in on each point i had issues with or just thought was lame would make this post even longer than it's going to be. so like the thing is i thought the game before this one was also fucking stupid however da2 got a pass from me because, in addition to it being produced in a time frame far too narrow for what it was supposed to be, it's all SO melodramatic and half-baked and so many things go nightmarishly wrong for hawke and pals that it loops around to being fun. inquisition i assume is also supposed to be an emotional rollercoaster but nothing really hit for me like some parts of da2 did. obviously that in itself isn't a bad thing, and it could partly be a me problem. hold that thought and peruse two paragraphs of rambling that i don't want to cut out but would fit even worse if tacked them on the end of this section.

one big thing i noticed is that inquisition feels less concerned with your character's background and their personal journey over the course of the game. i realize i'm not alone in this sentiment but that's the consequence of playing a game 8 years late. at times it was hard to pin down exactly why my inquisitor felt so flat compared to to my wardens and hawkes, but—when it wasn't a majority of the voice lines being read in almost the exact same cadence—i think it had something to do with the fact that the game starts with its focus on introducing the first big universal threat rather than introducing you to your character. your background is a short paragraph on the character creation screen and it gets referenced a few times for light flavor and if/when people are being racist towards you (i played as an elf) (i have thoughts on how odd playing this game as a dalish elf felt but nothing that hasn't been said before by pretty much every other person who's played as an elf)

in contrast origins has its backgrounds that each set a distinct tone and serve as introductions to various aspects of the da universe as well as giving context for how your character became a grey warden while leaving enough blanks for you to feel in control of your character's personality; similarly, da2's entire first two acts detail how a guy with nothing but a magnetic personality and the power of These Hands* became so respected by the freak shits running the city he fled to from his plague-ridden homeland that they turned to him to resolve their nuclear slapfight. in inquisition you're a pariah for the first like five minutes and then everyone realizes your special hand makes you the only person capable of fixing everything and after passing out from the power of your own earthshattering swag you awake to find yourself effectively in charge of an organization devoted to being heroic. life hack i guess

*not to be confused with inquisition's The Hand

inquisition's main theme, i think, was the past; looking at the past and its inhabitants for what they really were, even when the truth challenges one's beliefs. it's a clash between the past and the present for control of the future. the inquisition unwaveringly pushes towards the future even if it means discarding the past; the main villain, literally one of the guys whose foolery and fuckery spawned the chantry's canticle about evil mages walking into god's house and trashing it, is a walking relic of the past and he clings to it even as he's losing, crying out for The Old Gods to save him as you strike the final blow. you wage war on his supporters, you find the cracks in his armor, you kill his lame ass dragon because that's the only way to ensure he's dead for real this time or some shit, you kill him, you kill the past. it's a fitting theme for a game that strays so far from its prequels in almost every aspect to have woven into it.

near the end i took a break to finally play origins' witch hunt dlc and realized that that was where the concepts of fade rifts and eluvians and morrigan having mysterious motives were first established which provided context for parts of inquisition that i previously thought had been pulled out of someone's ass. 99% my bad for assuming a dlc wouldn't contain seeds of main plot points given that inquisition's main villain is the jokester from da2's legacy dlc but arguably 1% not my bad because my assumption was based on the amount of shit from origins that either didn't matter later in the series or underwent changes so drastic they bordered on retcon.

i thought it was funny that the mage-templar conflict that was built up over the course of the first two games escalated off-screen to a war that you personally ended in main story mission 3 of 10 (11 counting the trespasser dlc) and then the chodester whose shit you kicked in in legacy shows up and yoinks the spotlight. sure legacy ends with the implication that you haven't seen the last of his funny ass but if i hadn't already spoiled his role in inquisition for myself i would've been like no way it's this guy again you are shitting me. there's another bigger villain after this one right? but no it's just him and his pet dragon and then your shiftiest companion who is definitely a mortal being steals morrigan's "i have...... plans. goodbye my friend" bit except with more of a lore dump because he physically can't shut the fuck up. also objectively funny that you can have your character become convinced that they have indeed been sent by god to build a paramilitary force so powerful it starts freaking people out. the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a cult is a good guy with a cult

OTHER WRITING THOUGHTS jesus fucking christ this post is long: i liked a lot of the writing on an individual character basis. i had warmed up to pretty much every companion i wasn't big on by the end of the game, i think because i took the time to chat with them when given the option to and did everyone's personal quests. they all have at least one moment where it becomes clear why they are the way they are, what experiences have shaped their values and worldview and personality. i did not like that the wardens were fully turned into another dumb asshole brigade which is another thing that started in legacy that i wouldn't have expected to continue in a main installment, in this case because iirc the wardens trying to summon a darkspawnimation whatever the fuck in legacy were just some fringe weirdos in the desert? maybe i'm remembering wrong. anyway yeah remember when the wardens were scapegoats in origins well this time they're bad for real* to fuckin uhhh make a point about how anyone can become corrupted or something idk you can still collect grey warden decorations for your nice guys inc. headquarters though and nobody gives a shit

*"what about the time those fereldan wardens tried to overthrow king arland in 7:5 storm" not my prablem

THOUGHTS ON LEVEL DESIGN AND VISUALS: uh i wasn't expecting this game to be so big for some reason and by the time i finished i was a little over it but initially i was pleasantly surprised that there was still more to see wherever i was and excited to explore it all. aside from one cave in the storm coast where my party would get stuck in a corner and some rare (completely optional) pure platforming that was placed in the game by devils to taunt completionist dickheads like me every area is laid out really well

[jangofctts]

Mirrored Heart (captain rex x fem!reader)

rated: 18+ explicit 

word count: 5.6k

warnings: smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, creampies, fingering, blow jobs, clone space racism?  

a/n: ANYWAY HERE IT IS. ive had this draft saved since like a year ago and just now finished it. anyway kwjrkejh here YALL GO. also thank you @jango-fettish​ FOR LETTING ME BORROW SYRENA 

It's curious. 

Well, you, as a whole are curious—completely outside the realm of what Rex considers normal. As far as senators go, that is. 

You're grumpy for one—worse than Skywalker and far more snide than Kenobi—a near gargantuan task bordering impossible. Wit and cleverness come to you easier than breathing, but it's your unwavering kindness towards himself and his brothers that sticks out like a blaster burn against alabaster white walls.  

He passed it off as a joke—some sort of mockery. Rex’s existence has been full of them. The past year it’s been made glaringly clear as to what the clones are to the people of the republic—tools. Mindless war machines dressed with flesh and bone, heart and sinew instead of durasteel and a circuitboard. Humanity has been skimmed over with excuses and debates over the hollow argument that clones were created for the sole purpose of war—nothing more. Ignorance is bliss when you are not the one fighting tooth and nail for petty skirmishes and the survival of your family.        

Ithyea, your home monarchal planet, is a newer member of the Galatic Republic—one of the firsts to advocate for clone rights—cutting through each argument with the steel headed javelin of hope and determination. Controversial in the eyes of the galaxy but no less than true. Yet with controversy, comes chaos. 

Wedged between Takodana and the Cerean Reach hyperspace lane—it’s an essential key to accessing more neutral space sectors without stepping on any toes. While the planet does mirror the size of a larger than average moon, there’s nothing but grandeur with the cutting edge advances in space travel and military innovations. An arts district too, one that’s presented multiple times for the Senate apparently. Rex has yet to see it. It’s an easy guess as to why Ithyea has gone under pointed attacks from the Separatists—it’d be foolish not to try.     

And of course comes the intergalactic mess of politics. You are not Ithyea’s first senator. Or second…or third. Just in the last six months, three of your predecessors have been picked off—two disappearances and a suspicious poisoning sandwiched between them. Which sides these assassinations stem from is anybody’s guess—a mix of both perhaps—all to silence and stamp the voice of your people out.

Heavy are the shoulders that wear those abhorrent senatorial robes, and Maker did it take some convincing for another Ithyean to step to the chopping block. It’s just…no one thought  it’d be you. The infamous captain of King Arrian Felian’s elite guard—trained in combat levels high enough to contend some of those within the ranks of the Jedi Order. When your name comes up in conversation, it certainly doesn’t scream diplomacy.     

Rex is not surprised that you hold the current record of Ithyean senators for surviving the longest. Evading an astonishing two attempts on your life by the skin of your teeth. You were just downright lucky the third assassin missed their mark. Sure, the blade of Syrena Aster skimmed the right side of your cheek and left behind a nasty scar to remember her by, but kriff—even with your background and low levels of public presence, you’re a high priced target. Whoever placed an order with the Heretics, really wants to see you six feet under.     

Rex hasn’t been given the full report on exactly who the Heretics are—a rag tag bunch of untrained Force users and skilled assassins from what he’s gathered—but regardless, this attack is just the beginning. Until the Senate and the Jedi are able to retract the price on your head, you’re stuck under protective custody. Usually ushered away into the Jedi Temple or tagging along with General Kenobi and Skywalker. Despondently, no matter the circumstances of your protection, it can’t shield you from the dreadful invitations to senatorial luncheons.

 And yes, you tried to slip by for this one. 

You don't brush elbows with other senator’s like many of the members in the Jedi Order and your own cohort do. In fact, you actively avoid even speaking to them unless necessary, let alone stand in the same room with seven of them. Odd for an elected official of diplomacy such as yourself to be so cold shouldered—Rex would think senators wanted to mingle.    

It's curious because you're standing in plain sight and yet no one pays you any passing thought. General Kenobi and Skywalker hold the majority of their attentions, shoulders already taught with exasperation at keeping everyone from tearing out each other's throats for, kriffing five minutes. Yet you...you are completely at ease, leaning up against a stone pillar, observing the unfolding chaos from afar with a keen eye. 

Before Rex realizes he's stepping towards your position, you glance over and dip your chin in greeting. The ghost of a smirk pulls at your normally grim facade—his heart skips. "Captain."

"Senator," he mimics, posting himself to your right. There’s still a thin, healing scab from the assassin’s blade that extends from the swell of your cheek to your ear. Ouch. “Enjoying the evening?" 

You snort. "Hardly enjoying it, Rex."

Stars—you shouldn't be allowed to say his name. Your words are razor-sharp like a jagged vibroblade, meant to jab and pierce through armor—tear a person to pieces without having to lift a finger. Everything about you is rough, gritty, brutal, unbecoming of what a senator should be, but— 

You mouth his name, purring out the singular syllable with such tenderness that it's like a punch to the gut. 

It's hard to swallow and he needs to clear his throat—an embarrassing act on his part, but your attention has already returned back towards the meandering senators. "How d'you mean?"

"Well," you sigh, "let's just say smalltalk isn’t my strong suit." 

"Aren't you senators s'pposed to like diplomacy n' such?" 

Your thumb smoothes over your bottom lip in thought as you shrug. "Diplomacy? Sure. Politicians? Can’t say I like them. I just—"

You wave your hand around, gesturing vaguely to the crowd. "I just don't understand why they can't say what they mean. Telling someone to have a nice day shouldn't entail certain death, y'know?"

"Speaking from experience?" He teases, gently prying into that harder than beskar wall you've created for yourself. There's fissions in your foundation and he means to tear it down all for just a mere scrap of information. 

Your eyes flick over, your lips curling into a vulpine grin. “Perhaps...Though, it was partially my fault, I have to admit.” 

“You’ll have to tell me the story sometime, Senator.” 

You nod. “Yes, one day—when there aren’t so many political ears jumping at the chance of gossip.” 

A swell of laughter interrupts your chat, your attention gravitating to Obi-Wan—ever the charmer with the crowds. The end of your mouth pulls into a frown as you sigh and carefully scratch at your brow with the back of your thumb. Rex might be pulling at straws, but what he mistook as you being standoffish may just be your nerves. Socially awkward and flustered when speaking in such an intimate setting. 

Rex’s first instinct is to reach out and place a hand over your shoulder in comfort, but he’s not sure how you’ll respond to the touch. Flip him over your shoulder probably—

Instead he forces himself to jumpstart the conversation—something to distract from your anxieties. “I hope you don’t mind me asking—“ His heart beat kicks up into a flurry of wild beats as you turn you head. “What uh..wh—did you want to become a senator?”

He likes it when you smile—like you’re letting him on some sort of coy secret. You shift your weight and shrug. “The king asked me personally. I’m flattered he thinks I’m clever enough—insulted he sends me to these abysmal gatherings like some sort of show pony.”

Rex chuckles. “Yeah, can’t say I like ‘em either.” 

“Although…” Your thumb runs over your lip again, a sparkle of mischief igniting behind your eyes. “As a senator, I do get the occasional tidbit of gossip. Here, I’ll catch you up—“

The captain startles when you snatch his elbow and yank him closer. Maker he’s glad for his helmet because your lips brush against his earpiece as he leans down to reach your height. 

“Look." You whisper, nodding casually in the direction of a particularly young senator with a shock of white hair. She's swathed in a pool of royal blue silk, much too large for her tiny frame, and all but hanging off Skywalker's arm with glittered nails filed into points. "That is Senator Ceci Paare of Corellia. She looks innocent, no?"

She does. Wide, crystalline green eyes stare up at the Jedi Knight as a pretty giggle escapes past her ruby painted lips. Skywalker grimaces. 

"I quite like her," you continue with a sly grin. "Even if she does try to influence public opinion by an invitation to bed." 

There's no time to process as you focus in on an older man. His hazy blue skin, ash white lips and vermillion green eyes cut an almost nightmarish profile, accentuated by mountains of black robes. Rex can’t recall what planet the senator represents. The senator holds his head stiffer than rebar to keep the ornate golden circlet from slipping off, his white lips curling in distaste as Orn Free Taa of Ryloth places a meaty hand over his slender shoulder. 

"He is Lord Tal’en Sol Ra'ah. Cunning, but sympathetic to the pleasures of gambling."

It's a game to you—of perceptions and nuances only a trained eye can roll over. Rex expects nothing less. This sort of thing has been hammered into the very essence of your being since you were little—reading an enemy before they can strike. It works on politicians marvelously well. 

Truth be told Rex should be paying more attention—but the closeness of your face to his helmet is maddening. His heart twists and coils as your bare hand skims along his gloved one—kriff. He’s not gonna make it before he bursts into a thousand little pieces.  

Rex’s spell of lovesick yearning recedes as you swear under your breath. It was only a matter of time before someone approached your little corner.  

"Oh, Maker save me," you hiss under your breath as a young Mirialan saunters over, the swatches of rich red and brilliant gold accentuate his violet skin like a bloody bruise. "Pretend you're speaking with me." 

"I am speaking with you," Rex snorts. 

Your hand waves in dismissal as your brows stitch together, hands balling into fists. Your jaw clenches as the senator in question puts on a dazzling smile. You look downright panicked. Rex has witnessed you face down numerous senators older than dirt and close to blowing away in the wind with plucky fervor, assassination attempts, being held captive, and you're frightened…by this? 

This is too good. 

Rex has half a mind to help you, wheel you away from your little predicament, but his intrigue with seeing your oh-so-solid resolve crumble is much too valuable and entertaining to pass up. He's going to remember this for years.  

"Rex."

"Senator," he mimics, not at all frightened by your poisonous glare. "Some diplomacy might do you good."

You begin to snarl out a threat but are decidedly cut off by your object of horror planting himself before your hiding spot. You cower into the corner like a boxed in loth-cat. "Ah, my favorite Ithyean! I had begun to worry you would not make it, my dear friend."

"Senator Lin," you sigh. The smile you offer is tight and thin; a nervous one much in the same way one would be if presented with a box of toenails for a birthday gift. “How pleasant to see you."

Senator Lin’s deep violet lips part with an easy smile. He waves a hand in dismissal, his silver rings glinting in the warm lighting. "Please—call me Toluka. No need to bother with such formalities between companions." 

Rex suddenly understands your trepidation with the Mirialan—he’s slimy. And, not to mention, not at all ashamed with the lecherous looks as his eyes sweep down your body. Rex clenches his teeth and folds his arms behind his back. He’s regretting not heeding your warning now…  

Try as you might through brutal small talk and chilly answers, Senator Lin refuses to take the hint. A dark plume of venom green lashes through Rex’s chest as the Mirialan places a friendly hand over your shoulder. You grimace as Rex bristles and glares through the visor of his helmet.  

Senator Lin’s lips pull into a gaudy smile as he glances at Rex and then at you.“My dear, don’t you know? It’s not worth wasting your time with a clone. After all, they’re all the same person. How boorish—come join us at the table.”

Your teeth bite into your cheek as your temper, like the silver of blade through the darkness, cuts through your steely irises. With poised nonchalance, you lift your hand and pinch Senator’s Lin’s fingers between your own and pry them off your shoulder. “Is that so?”

“Your campaign, valuable as it may be,” Lin continues, “is a useless endeavor. They are not our equals and never will be--you must know that." 

Rex forces himself to remain calm—collected and certainly not imaging a thousand and one ways he’d like to see his fist breaking the fragile bones of the senator’s face.  

"Fine buttons stitched upon your shoulders do not compel your worth, Senator,” the harshness of your words is a blow straight to Lin’s ego. His well-groomed brows furrow drastically as his tongue struggles to play catch up and find words to repair his shattered pride. 

There’s no chance for Senator Lin to regain his footing as your snatch Rex’s wrist and sweep him out into the hall. Rex can feel your anger roll off of you in waves, frighting and holding the same caliber of roaring waves thundering against black, craggy rocks. It’s a miracle the night didn’t end with your hands wrapped around the senator’s throat or a blaster shot through the chest. 

When you reach the lower halls of the cruise ship is when you release Rex’s wrist. You pinch the bridge of your nose between your fingers and release a long, dramatic sigh.   

"You are worth far more than that pompous ass," you say with enough edge to slice through a droideka's shields. "He has no right to say those things to you." 

“It’s alright,” Rex soothes, placing a hand over your bristling shoulder. “I’ve heard worse.” 

Your features scrunch up into a wince. “That...that doesn’t mean you have to suffer through more of it, Rex.”

Sighing, you run a hand through your hair and loosen the heavy outer robes strung around your shoulders. You shrug out of them and fold the thick swaths of fabric over you arm—revealing the under layers of your uniform. You toss the bundle of fabric to the floor with a disgusted grimace and sit on the cargo crate closest to your left. 

“Really—it’s ok.” Rex assures again. “I—“

You hold up a hand and shake your head. His mouth snaps shut. “I won’t hear it. To me you are nothing short of perfect and I refuse to argue about it. Maker knows I already do that for a kriffing living.”

There’s a fragile lull in the hollow space—the distant chatter of voices and strange music collecting in the corners. You stand once again, toe to toe with the Captain and there it is again, that elated pitter patter of his heart thrumming through his veins. The nerves of being so close to you—you sweet face and not being able to touch you.  

“Let me see your face.”

His hands come up to the edges of his helmet without hesitation, a hiss of hair escaping the seal once he pries it off. You smile and take a step closer until the only thing separating you and him is his helmet. 

Rex’s eyes flutter shut, leaning into your hand you gingerly place over his jaw. “I wish the entire galaxy could see you through my eyes,” you whisper, the warmth of your soft palm radiating out and warming his entire body.  

It’s a matchstick to kerosene—his helmet clatters to the ground and there’s only a second to spare as both hands move to cup his cheeks, dragging him into a mouthwatering kiss. 

He hasn’t kissed many people—save for those rare times at 79’s, head swimming under the haze of one too many shots of Corellian fire whiskeys where he could barely distinguish his ass from his hand. Those drunken make-outs were nothing like this. 

No—this…this is what a kiss should be like.   

He dreams about you all the time—so constantly ravenous that all he can feel some days is pure ache. Every and all words that spin around his head starts with you and finishes with his pounding heart close to bursting free from his ribcage. Not in the same way a flood rips through an unsuspecting village—more like the brilliance of a thousand doves, marble white plumage thrashing free from their gilded cage. Your lips taste like the core of a newborn star—scorching and yet still so sweet upon the tongue the same way caramelized sugar sticks to the roof your mouth. You are his first and last everything. 

There’s a certain kind of tragedy hidden beneath your tongue, fragile promises and the eggshell thin shards of hope stapled to the roof of your mouth. Rex will take it—seize any threadbare strand and run with it—spool it into the palm of his hand until you’re wound so tightly together it’ll be impossible to untangle.     

Just when the dizziness sets in from elation and not enough air, you part and leave a sticky trail of warm kisses up his jaw. Rex groans and hugs you closer, you humid breath blooming across his skin. “Let me take care of you.”

The words on his tongue crumble to ash once he nods in agreement. Your kisses dip lower, not even stopping when the reach the edge of his chest plate. Stars, you’re…he never entertained the idea that your lips could look so divine in contrast to the battered plastoid. When you fold onto your knees his heart leaps to his mouth, a flare of arousal flashing through his groin. 

You rest your chin over his codpiece and smile. “Do you like seeing me on my knees, sir?”

Rex huffs and studies at the opposing wall—

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Your fingers find the claps over his codpiece. “Can I take this off?”

Rex jerks his head in a yes but grabs your wrist. Not a rough hold—a tentative one as hesitation swirls in his eyes. “Don’t—don’t have t’ do this for me—“

You quirk a brow. “I want to because I like you, Rexy.”

A rosy blush blooms over his sharp cheekbones. The captain nods again.

The codpiece clatters to the ground and immediately you move your hand to palm him through his blacks. He grunts and squeezes his eyes shut. There we go.      

Biting your lip, you pull down his blacks as far as the plastoid plating allows, greeted with the hard length of his cock, beautiful and flushed a rosy brown. Fuck—he’s thicker than you thought. You wrap your fingers around the base, delighted by Rex’s airy gasp as he throbs in your palm. A bead of liquid shines at the tip and just the sight of it makes your mouth water. 

Moons—you should’ve done this sooner.

With a stuttering inhale, Rex trails his forefinger along your cheek and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. The pads of his fingertips skim lower and lightly pinch your chin between his forefinger and thumb. Your eyes lift to meet his. “You—you sure?”

You answer with a kiss over the dip of his navel, the skin searing hot under your lips. Rex curses and rolls his head back onto his shoulders when your palm slides up the length of his cock and then back down. Your grip is firm and tight as Rex slumps onto the crate, goosebumps rushing up his exposed flesh. Stars, when’s the last time he’s gotten release like this? 

You lean forward and lick a languid line from the velvety skin of his balls all the way up to the tip. Rex’s hips jolt. You purse your lips and suckle at the head, dipping your tongue over the slit then down to trace the ridge of his frenulum all the while your hand rolls up and down his shaft. Rex tangles his fingers into your hair with a hiss. You open your jaw a bit wider and take him down a few inches into the wet heat of your mouth, feeling your lips stretch around his cock. You you drag the flat of your tongue along the underside of his shaft to make the thickness easier to swallow down, but he's still only halfway into your mouth when he hits the back of your throat.

“Fuck—" Rex moans as his hips strain to remain still. “S’good—such a good girl.”

You glance up, eyes devouring the attractive length of his clean shaven throat and the underside of his chin. Rex swallows and let’s out another little sound. You whine softly in return and slip a hand into your pants, pressing your fingertips against your throbbing clit as you start to carefully bob your head up and down. Yeah—your jaw already aches just from holding his cock in in your mouth but fuck it—it’s worth it.   

Rex's chest heaves with exertion as he mindfully rocks his hips up, pushing and rolling his cock deeper into your mouth until his shaft is nearly seated all the way in. Ditching your own pleasure entirely, you swallow around him, forcing down the urge to gag and simply hold him here. Allowing him a moment to just enjoy the soft warmth of your mouth before launching into the main event.  

Rex murmurs your name and strokes his thumb over your cheek. “You’re beautiful—so pretty like—like this..ah—” 

You pointedly hollow your cheeks and suck, his flattery warming your chest with pride. You swallow around him another time, squeeze his shaft, your fist following your mouth as you lift up then back down to the base. You grunt at the abrupt jolt of his hips. There’s no distinctive rhythm you can follow as you pull halfway up and let Rex rock his hips into your mouth—seeking out his pleasure without a coherent thought in sight. Just a cacophony of gasping breaths and rough moans of your name. 

Soon enough he’s twitching in your mouth, his eyes fluttering shut as his head tips back onto his shoulders. The gloved hand sweetly cradling your cheek slips to the nape of your neck, tangling his fingers into you hair to anchor himself. He’s close—quiet gasps and broken curses tumbling out, hips unconsciously rocking into your mouth in search of release.

Rex whimpers your name, his leg jolting as you work your jaw wider and swallow him down, the dark curls tickling your nose once it brushes his groin. “Oh, fuck.” 

You hum around him, delighting in the mumbled praises. Almost there…That’s it. 

He’s dangling on the precipice—on tiny shove away from euphoria—

“Wait—“ Saliva dribbles down your chin when his cock pops out from your swollen lips, throbbing from the unintentional tease. “Maker—shit.” 

If not for the gloves covering his hands, you’re sure they’d be turning white from how tightly he grips the edge of the crate. His eyes are squeezed shut, slightly bent forward as he falls away from the edge of his release. Rex sucks in a steadying breath, amber eyes meeting your confused ones. 

“I don’t—can we—“ Rex’s eyes flit and focus on anything but you as he stutters and works up the courage to ask for what he wants. “Do we have time—“

You rolls your eyes and rest your cheek on his thigh. Silly man. “You wanna fuck me, Rexy?”

“Kriff, yes.”

You smile and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “I don’t think they’ll miss us."

Rex doesn’t complain when you take his hands and yank him onto the grubby floor and over your senatorial robes. He props his back against the crate as you shuck off everything below the waste and clamber into his lap. His hands, warm even through the leather, land over the swell of your hips and wrench you closer until your front presses up against his chest plate. 

The rough prickle of his stubble is, in all sense of the word, addictive. He tilts his head to kiss you, the slick touch of his tongue on your bottom lip adding jet fuel to the fire low in your belly. Rex groans and cups your jaw, holding your mouth open to dance his tongue along the length of yours. You whine and shudder as he purses his lips and lightly sucks on your tongue before you both part. 

Rex drags his teeth over your bottom lip as you both pant for precious air. His dark lashes sweep up his cheeks when he looks at you. This close you bare witness to the dazzling color of his eyes—crystalized pearls of amber over the crackled bark of pine tree in the midmorning sun. Muted gold threaded through the brown like fine lace and the slow shimmer of the sun dappled through water. To think such a man like him is dredged through the bloodied mud of war is despicable.

You blink away the swell of tears prickling at your eyes and kiss him once more. Sighing, you whisper down, mouthing soft nibbles and teasing kisses over his jaw and down his neck. Rex squirms and rock his hips up, your cunt clenching around nothing. You need him.   

“Rex,” you groan. You slide your hand between your bodies and grab at his thick length. Rex gasps into your mouth, long fingers clamping onto your waist in a death grip. “I want you.”

“I’m yours.” 

Your nibble at his earlobe as you grind your hips against his length, the folds of your cunt teasingly out of reach. “Touch me, Captain.” 

Rex tears off his vambraces and gloves, hand wedging between your thighs, touching the very tips of his fingers to your throbbing clit. You whine and clench your jaw—the pleasure is raw—sizzling electricity that crackles with the deadly promises of your pleasure. It’s as if you’ve had the breath knocked out of your lungs the second he bears down a bit more on your clit, drawing tentative circles, each completion sending a shockwave of tightly spooled ecstasy through each and every nerve. You nearly sob as his fingers slip away. 

“So wet already,” Rex moans as you tip your head back when two of his fingers begin circle your dripping cunt. They’re thick and long and perfect. Your hips stutter as your cunt easily accepts his fingers, the heel of his palm slotting perfectly against your pussy to stimulate your clit. 

Maker you’re seeing stars as Rex rocks his hand into you—the bend of his fingers the perfect angle to catch all the right places that make you tremble. He kisses your cheek and moans your name into your ear, all low and gravelly— 

Your body seizes up tight as you soar, plummeting off the edge only to tumble so fast and so hard that tears prick the corner of your eyes. Rex peppers kisses over your cheeks and runs his free hand through your hair, purring praise and adoration as you shudder—your mouth parted in a silent cry as you cum and dissolve into his hands. 

When you suck in a steadying breath and open your eyes, Rex is gazing upon you with starstruck eyes—pure adoration that makes your cheeks flare hotter than the surface of two mini suns. Your teeth catch your bottom lip. You’re not sure you deserve to be looked at like this…

However, you’re impatient and running on stolen seconds. As much as you’d like to just simply stare at him—there’s not enough time. Rex wraps his fingers around the base of his cock and slides the tip of himself through your soaking folds. Each stroke against your still throbbing clit makes you buckle into yourself, but the angle that your knees are propped over his hips means you're stuck here. 

Rex pauses and cups your cheek. His thumb scrapes over your cheekbone. “You want this?”

You place your hand over his and turn your head to mouth a kiss over the lines of his palm. Oh, fuck yeah. Kind of him to ask as if hadn’t just cum over his fingers but—no. “I need you to fuck me, Rex. That’s an order.”

Rex huffs out a low chuckle and bumps the crown of his forehead against yours. “As you wish, Senator.” 

Rex runs the blunt head of his cock through your folds again, slicking himself up with your arousal. You mewl and dig your nails into the hard plastoid as the wide tip of him pushes into your entrance—he shudders as you clench and wiggle. It doesn’t hurt, but he’s in no small. You’ll feel him for days, you’re sure of it as your cunt swallows inch after inch. 

You both groan as he finally bottoms out. His jaw his clenched tight as sweat beads at his blonde hairline—Stars above, he’s a sight, struggling not to loose control the second he’s buried inside of you. Desire tickles up your spine, tugging at the fabrics of your being until all you can focus on his how Rex isn’t moving. You shift your hips in tiny, almost imperceptible motions, and squeeze around him. 

“Damn—“ A ragged moans slices through his words as your gentle rocking morphs into needy jolts. It’s easy to fuck yourself onto his cock like this, but the measly thrusts are meant to tempt him. “Fuck, cyare, you’re tight.” 

You smirk and grab at his sculpted shoulders—it’s the push he needs. Rex snarls your name, cups his hands under the globes of your ass and pulls you off his cock nearly all the way out only to slam back in. There’s no time to adjust before Rex sets a pace, fevered and rabid All pent up energy collecting over the weeks you’ve known each other. Each roll of his hips borders erratic, taking his pleasure without thought—intent on reaching his own end after being denied for what feels like ages. 

You squeal in surprise as Rex pushes you onto your back and hoists your legs around his hips. Rex buries his nose into the crook of your neck and moans your name like a sweet prayer wrapped in honeycomb. Rex shifts his weight, widening his knees to sink deeper into your cunt—his stubble tickling your throat as his staggered exhales burn hot over your skin. 

You choke out a groan and feel your arousal begin to drip down your thighs—hear the thrusts of his cock into your cunt become shamefully wetter. Electric heat sears down each vertebrae in your spine, scorching through each and every veins with the catastrophic brilliance of an imploding star. Shit—

“So good t’me—so perfect,” he huffs into your ear. Rex turns his head and steals a kiss. “Feel fuckin’ good stretched around my cock."

You clench around him hard as Rex’s hand sneaks between your bodies and rubs tight, little circles over you swollen clit. There’s barely any build up to your orgasm—just a blinding surge of devastating warmth that sweeps through your body, from your aching center down to your toes. It steals away all the air left in your lungs and leaves your clutching his arm and shuddering for a hold in your own reality—the steady warmth of his body that’s unburdened by armor a much needed anchor for the madness that threatens to drown you. 

His gentle, and pliant kisses morph into little pricks of his teeth over your neck and collar bone as his hips struggle to keep a definitive pattern. Rex’s curses string together and blur into nonsensical noises and loose tongue admittances that are comparable to moving inches from an imploding star.   

“Where can—can I?”

You grab at his head and whine his name. “Anywhere—in me—you can cum in me.”

With a loving caress over back of his neck and a sweet whisper of his name, he reaches release. Rex’s moan is airy as his eyes slam shut and captures your mouth in a sizzling kiss. He’s twitching in your arms as his hips erratically jerk, hot spurts of his release coating your insides and beginning to leak over your robes you lay over. Whatever. 

Rex nips at your skin as the last dregs of pleasure jolt up your spine. Neither of you say a word as Rex’s hips come to a slow. Time trickles through your fingers like sand through an hourglass half empty but instead of rushing to dress, you choose to lie on the ground—two halves of a mess someone’s been meaning to clean up for the better part of a long while. You feel at home here—content as your fingers run up and down the back of his head, a bit irked by the armor still covering his back. You’re terrified of the months to come—but at least you have each other. After all, gardens will bloom and flourish with fresh blooded love and wild mistakes sculpted from passion forever if you believe hard enough…wont they?

[meruz]

once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous) 

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury​ Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL. 

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool​ UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close. 

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually  that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

[screechthemighty]

Okay, so, remember that “the Knight System is autistic” fic I posted the first chunk of like two weeks ago? Because technically it’s still not done. But I realized after the finale that I could tweak it before posting it to AO3 and make it canon-compliant and most of it would actually make more sense. Except I also wrote part five (which is the longest part before/after ep. five and included some bits that are decidedly non-canon now. But I’m too attached to them to not share them. So...yeah, here’s the plan:

1) The second chunk AKA part five will be posted below.

2) I’ll finish up part six and then edit the earlier parts to be canon compliant.

3) Then I’ll post the whole, canon-compliant version to tumblr/AO3 and you’ll be able to read it all in one go instead of chunked across two posts and incomplete and non-canon, lmao. 

Yeah, I know, it’s a mess, but I’m Trying(TM). (Also I have another Moon Knight fic coming that will be a LOT more cohesive I promise).

Anyways! Alternate version part five of the “the Knight System is autistic” fic! CWs for internalized abelism/some abelist language, mentions of Marc’s suicidal thoughts/behavior, brief mention of child abuse, and a public meltdown.

iv. sensory overload

It hadn’t been the best day.

It felt like neither of them had slept all week. Marc was there, but only barely. Layla tried not to let that get to her, but...

“Can we not...can we not do this today?” Marc reached over to turn off the radio. “I’m sorry, I just can’t...”

He did sound guilty. In another time, she might not have thought twice about it. But that day, the silence made her feel like she was being buried alive. Marc leaned against the window with his eyes shut, hand opening and closing above his knee.

Damn it, Marc, say something. He didn’t, so eventually she had to. “So, you don’t happen to have any contacts in town that I don’t know about, do you?” she asked. “Because we could probably get this done faster if we split the work. I’m sure we could think of something to tell them.”

No response.

She let it sit. Let it sit until she couldn’t take it. “Marc...”

“I don’t. I don’t. Have anyone.”

“You sure? No war buddies? Maybe Duchamp or...” She glanced his way. “The woman you told me about, from the Marines? What was her name?”

Another long pause. His breathing sounded harsh. She’d thought it was just her imagination, her frustration making her hear everything more loudly, but even the rise and fall of his chest was choppy. “Marc?”

“I’m okay.” That was a lie. One of the few he had the nerve to say to her face. “Army Rangers.”

“What?”

“Walker was Army Rangers. Not Marines.”

Then he went quiet again. End of conversation, I guess.

Layla kept her gaze fixed on the road after that. A few times she thought she felt Marc glance at her. She couldn’t bring herself to look his way and confirm it. Just in case she was wrong.

Eventually, they reached the grocery store. Marc’s shoulders were tenser than ever as they went inside. She should’ve taken that as a hint, but Layla could really only think two things: that Steven wasn’t going to like how sore his neck were going to be, and that she couldn’t handle the silence anymore.

“So,” she said. “Are we ever gonna talk about this?”

Marc flinched, but didn’t look at her. “Can you please be a little more specific?” he said, his voice as tense as his shoulders. “I’m not a mind reader.”

“Any of it? You’ve barely been speaking to me about anything. We talk about work and that’s it.” Layla tried to angle herself so he had to look at her, but somehow he found a way to keep his eyes fixed on the shelves of bread. “Something’s eating at you. I want to know.”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“Then why are you clenching your jaw again? Why have I been seeing Steven so much lately?”

“I thought you like Steven.”

Layla straightened up. Was she imagining it, or did he sound...annoyed? Accusatory? “What’s what supposed to mean?” she said.

Marc closed his eyes tightly, as if his own words had caused him pain. “Nothing. I’m gonna go get more aspirin.”

“Marc - !”

She hesitated. That was her next mistake. She was so thrown off by him just walking away again that her body took a second to catch up. By the time she started looking for him, he was already lost in the crowds and the aisles.

How many times is he going to do this? How many times is he going to walk away from me?

Screw it. Layla didn't bother trying to look for him. She kept following her own list, head down. She tried to ignore the little doodle at the bottom Steven had drawn. Some stick figure monstrosity that roughly looked like Khonshu with a speech bubble that said, Weh, meh, I’m Khonshu and I’m bloody ungrateful, shut up worm.

Layla sometimes wondered what the deity was up to lately. If even Steven was starting to get outwardly annoyed...

Something shattered a few aisles over. Layla flinched and looked around. Everyone else seemed startled, but even after a few heartbeats, no one was panicking. Some kid must have dropped a jar. Nothing to worry about. She turned back to her shopping, until...

“Sir? Sir...”

Someone ran past her aisle and for the door.

Not just someone. Marc.

.

His head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice.

He couldn’t even tell which part was wrong. The lights were too bright, too loud. Every car that had driven past outside sounded like its engine was blasting directly into his ears. He could feel every seam on his clothes. Everything compounded to a swirl of nightmarish sensation.

And then there was Khonshu.

“HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO STALL, MARC?”

Marc tried to keep his eyes fixed on the jars in front of him. He was trying to remember what kind of jam Steven liked. It felt like every memory was fading into nothing. Even the ones he’d been fully present for. How long had he been in this aisle? Where was Layla?

Layla. You snapped at her. You upset her. Fuck, why can’t you do anything right?

“WE HAVE WORK TO DO, MARC. YOU CAN’T WASTE TIME...”

“I’m handling it,” Marc said, or thought he said. Was the floor tilting under him? Sit down. You need to sit down. Sit down where, this is a grocery store, are you gonna sit in the aisles like a child... “I’m handling it...”

“Doesn’t seem to me like you’re handling anything.”

Marc thought he saw something move in the distorted reflection in the jam jars. He closed his eyes. No, that was almost worse. Light still trickled in through the gaps. His chest felt tight.

Breathe, Marc.

“YOU AGREED. MY FIST OF JUSTICE. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH THAT LATELY?”

He didn’t know. Nothing had felt right in weeks. He couldn’t focus on being the fist of justice, he couldn’t focus on trying to make things better with Layla, everything felt wrong and it was so much worse now in this fucking grocery store...

Somewhere, a kid shrieked. Marc flinched at the sound, his body jerking away from the shelves—

Elbow hitting a jar—

The sound of shattering was worse than the shriek had been. Next thing Marc knew, he was hunched over in the aisle, hands over his ears. It didn’t stop that shattering from echoing in his skull. People were talking. Looking at him. A memory bobbed to the surface. Much younger, in a store, lost, lights too bright, too loud, all these faces, some concerned, some disturbed. What’s wrong with him? Hey, where’s your mother? Is he crying? Sir...

Sir, are you hurt?

The hand brushed his shoulder.

That, of all things, was the last straw.

Marc ran for the door.

He somehow made it outside without hitting anything or anyone, but outside wasn’t better. The sun was blinding. People were trying to get in. Cars...

I can’t do this. Someone was calling his name. More than one someone? Khonshu (leave me alone), Layla (no, no, she can’t see me like this, she can’t), Steven...

Steven?

Please, please, I can’t do this, help me, please, I can’t do this, I can’t...

A car horn blared.

Steven scrambled to a stop, hands outstretched. The driver looked at him with aggravation, shouting something muffled by the engine. “Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry...”

Wait, where was he?

Steven focused on getting out of the way of the car before looking around. Parking lot. Grocery store. Wasn’t sure he’d ever been here before. His skin had this horrible, residual feeling of wrongness crawling over it, and there were tears on his face.

Well, that’s not good. He wiped them away and took a deep breath. I should get somewhere quiet. I can think if it’s quiet. Where was the car? Where was Layla?

“Marc!”

Uh oh.

Steven turned around. He didn’t have to explain it. From the look on her face, she’d figured it out. “Sorry,” Steven said again. “I think I...we need a minute, d’you mind if I...”

He noticed something grasped in one hand as he gestured towards the parking lot. A bottle of aspirin. Marc had been holding it so tightly their fingers ached. “...didn’t pay for this, did he?” Steven said sheepishly.

Layla laughed. It quickly became clear that she didn’t find it funny. It sounded like she might cry. For a second, Steven’s own conviction that he might start crying himself any second now seemed irrelevant. “Hey, hey, it’s all right...”

He tried to reach out, but all Layla did is take the aspirin. “It’s okay, I’ve got it,” she said. She passed him the car keys. “It’s down that way. I’ll see you in a bit.”

She had that look again. He still didn’t quite know what it meant, but she always seemed to wear it when she came to him expecting Marc and found him instead. Not disappointment, but...something else? He didn’t have time to analyze it. She was walking away and he really needed to get to a quieter environment.

Steven speed-walked to the car, into the driver’s side, and only started the car enough to turn on the air conditioning. The white noise of the fan running and the cool air on his face gave him near-instant relief. Steven carefully leaned against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. “Bad time of day to go shopping, mate,” he mumbled.

Was that what happened? Out of everything he and Marc could have in common was...that on the list? He’d have to ask Layla what happened later. He didn’t feel good about it—he tried not to be nosy about what happened between the two of them, especially since everyone was still trying to work out what the boundaries were. But it was perfectly acceptable to ask about things that affected him, too. Waking up in the parking lot and nearly getting hit by a car because Marc had run out of the grocery store for some reason was definitely on that list.

Besides...he did worry. After everything he’d seen...what he knew and understood about Marc now...sometimes it felt like the only reason Marc was keeping himself upright was for Steven’s sake, not his own.

That couldn’t be enough all the time. It just couldn’t.

Layla came back eventually. Steven helped her load the car and quietly moved into the passenger’s seat as they started driving away. Despite his resolution to ask her, he spent at least five minutes trying to think of the right thing to say.

And of course, the first thing to come out of his mouth was, “Shopping trip didn’t seem to go well.”

Fortunately, as with the comment about the aspirin, it got another laugh out of her. Unfortunately, as with the aspirin laugh, it sounded like she didn’t really find it funny at all. “No. No, shopping trip went horribly.” They stopped at a stop sign. There was no one else around at that point, but Layla stayed stopped much longer than she had to. “I think it’s partially my fault.”

“What? No, how could it be?”

“I just...tried to talk to him about something sensitive and...it wasn’t really the time, but there hasn’t...” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I don’t want to drag you into this. None of it is your fault. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not fair.”

He understood where she was coming from, and a part of him was grateful she was thinking of his comfort. But this time... “I don’t know about that. He listens to me sometimes.” Steven tried for a smile. “Besides, I think...maybe this is starting to affect me, too. So maybe I should start getting involved?”

Layla considered it. When she finally moved the car forward, it was to pull over.

Then she started talking. It was a lot to take in, and it seemed like she’d be holding onto it for a while. But Steven go the gist of it.

He hasn’t been talking to me. It’s like he’s shut off. I can see him burning himself out but he won’t do anything about it. I thought we were supposed to be making things work, but...

They were. That was the whole idea. “So, I’m guessing all of this...boiled over, and then you tried to talk to him in the store,” Steven guessed. “Is that when he ran off?”

“No, it was after. He walked away from the conversation to get the aspirin, I didn’t go after him, I heard something break...next thing I know, I see him running out of the store. The clerk I talked to asked if he was okay, said he looked pretty freaked, but I don’t know...”

Steven thought about the tension in their jaw and shoulders and the fact that he’d come to in a parking lot with tears on his face. He thought about how bright the sun was and that it was, as he’d said, a horrible time of day to go shopping. He only ever went when it was late enough that only the stragglers and closers were left, or on the blessed days when his day off and the sensory friendly hours overlapped. And all the rest of that...

Hold on.

“Burning himself out working on this...Moon Knight thing, yeah?”

Layla nodded.

...damn it.

“Hold on.” Steven opened the car door. “Need to have a word with someone.”

He wasn’t sure it would work, but damn it if he wasn’t going to try. They’d pulled over next to a field, which worked just fine for his purposes. “Oi!” Steven yelled. He had to squint against the sunlight as he looked around. “Bird brain! What have you been doing to Marc?”

The shadow cast over him probably should have terrified him, but he was too angry to be afraid. “I HAVE REMINDED HIM OF HIS OBLIGATIONS-“

“Obligations, right. So you’re running him ragged? Yelling at him when he’s already working himself to the bone?” Steven turned around. Khonshu was doing his looming thing again. The sight did briefly make his throat close up, but his frustration overrode that quickly. “You’re killing him, you know that, right?”

“I...”

“No, shut up for five seconds! He’s so tense I need painkillers, he had a meltdown in a public place, you know he’s afraid of people thinking he’s bonkers...he needs to rest, and he doesn’t need you shaming him for it! Don’t, I’m not done!” It was impossible to read a facial expression when Khonshu didn’t have one, but the way he jerked his head back said indignant. “Did you learn anything after Harrow? Your last avatar tried to unleash Ammit on the planet, so you think, oh, I know, I’ll just badger the next one to an early grave! Marc’s the best possible avatar you could ask for, I know you know that, and if you had half a brain in that stupid skull of yours, you’d be doing whatever it took to keep him alive So, here’s what’s going to happen. Layla and I are going to make sure he rests and takes care of himself, yeah, and you can either get with the program, or I will personally make this whole arrangement very difficult. Understand?”

Khonshu bristled. “WE HAD A DEAL.”

“No, you and Marc had a deal. I didn’t agree to do anything.” Oh, he was on shaky ground and he knew it, but what else could he do? What else was going to work? “We do this on my terms or you find a new avatar. And I don’t just say that because of what I plan on doing. I don’t think he’ll want to take your offer a second time. He barely took it the first time, least you forget.”

He felt ill bringing that up, but...weirdly, it seemed to work. At the very least, Khonshu didn’t say anything as Steven stalked past him to the car. Layla looked...more than a little concerned when he got back in. “Were you just yelling at Khonshu?” she asked.

“...yeah...” His hands still weren’t shaking. Huh. “Guess once you’ve been claimed by the Duat, nothing really scares you anymore.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Long story.” Steven adjusted the vents as they drove. He felt like he’d re-ignited that headache by shouting so much. Hopefully it was worth it in the long run.

There was, he realized, one more person he should try to talk to. At least this one would be more willing to listen. “Look, don’t tell Marc I told you this, but...”

Oh, he definitely won’t like this.

“Y’know, couple people at my old job thought I was...on the spectrum, you know what I mean? Not in like a, oh, look at Steven, being weird again way, they actually meant it. And I don’t think they were wrong, I was just already on the wait list for a sleep test...” He couldn’t hold back a laugh. “...guess I don’t need that anymore. Anyway.” He glanced her way. She had both eyes on the road, but the expression she used when she was trying to pick apart a puzzle. “I don’t pretend to know how all this works. But what’s happening with him sounds familiar, and...if it is, if I’m right, he’s not doing this on purpose. He’s just got more to jump through. More than having me rattling around. I know, that doesn’t make things easier for you, but for what it’s worth...”

Layla nodded. She still looked so tired, so...sad. There had to be something he could do to fix this. Not just for Marc’s sake. But how? It was a lengthy conversation to have...they could talk, but this would take some extra effort.

Maybe...

“Hey, do we have any extra notebooks?”

 .

He shouldn’t have been disappointed when he woke up. He was trying to move past all that. He was really trying. The fact that he woke up feeling decently rested, not even a little sore, only made it worse.

He still takes better care of us than you do.

Marc rolled over and pulled the blankets further up. He might’ve stayed there if he hadn’t heard Layla moving around.

She’s not leaving for good, is she?

The thought was enough to make him get out of bed. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he was, what he could say that could make things right (especially with how he’d been acting lately), but he knew he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t try. He had a speech all ready.

He didn’t need it.

“Hey, you might want to sit this one out,” Layla sad without looking up. “It’s not dangerous, this guy is just kind of an asshole...” Layla did a double-take when she saw him. “Marc?”

“...yeah.” He was taken aback to hear...relief in her voice. “How long...?”

“Three days.” Days. Of course it had been days. “Do you remember what happened?”

“Think I...freaked out in the grocery store. I ran...don’t remember anything else after that. Was Steven okay?” Steven, left to pick up the pieces again. You can’t keep doing this to him.

“He’s all right. Worried about you. We both are.”

Marc wasn’t sure how to respond to that. His chest was a hurricane of emotions—relief that she wasn’t angry, confusion as to why she wasn’t angry, shame that he’d made her worry, that she was worrying about him despite all the bullshit he’d pulled lately...what are you still doing here? Steven’s stuck with me, but what are you still doing here?

“Listen, I...” Layla hesitated. “I have someplace I have to go, but I can handle it alone. You should stay here and rest. And...” She got something off the table, one of those black and white notebooks he remembered from school. “...Steven wanted you to read this.”

Marc frowned slightly and too the notebook. Weird. Steven had never written anything for him before. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Like I said, nothing dangerous, they’re just assholes. I didn’t want them bullying Steven.” She hesitated before squeezing his shoulder. “Promise me you’ll rest?”

Marc laughed bitterly, despite himself. “Don’t know how much of a say I get,” he said. “But...I’ll try.”

“Okay.” Layla hesitated again. He wished he knew what that look on her face meant. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you.”

He hated how dubious it sounded, even to his own ears. Hopefully Layla didn’t hear it.

Despite his promise, Marc put off reading the notebook at first. He just held it, fingers tracing over the cover as if he could guess what was inside just by touch. The longer he sat there, the more strongly he felt eyes on him.

“What?” Marc asked dully.

Khonshu at last had the decency to loom on the other side of the room. “YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW.”

“I did?”

“WHEN I ASKED.”

...no, they weren’t doing this. Marc stood up, gripping the notebook in both hands. He barely made it to the door before Khonshu stopped looming in the corner and starting standing in Marc’s way. “DO YOU KNOW?”

Marc gritted his teeth, sending a twinge of pan up his jaw. “Do you actually want to know?” he said. “Do you give a shit about the answer or are you just hoping I’ll make you feel better?”

Khonshu didn’t reply.

“Can I go? Please?”

When he looked up again, Khonshu was gone. Marc sighed and headed straight for the coffee maker. If was going to read the damn thing, he might as well be awake when he did.

Once the cup was brewed, Marc settled down, took a deep breath, and forced himself to open the notebook. Steven’s handwriting was getting to be familiar at this point, almost calming. Or it would’ve been, had his stomach not been trying to claw its way out of his body.

Hello! Feels a bit weird to be trying this, but I’ve got a lot to say and I know a lengthy conversation would be a lot of effort. Long and short of it is that I’m worried about you. Layla says you’ve been struggling lately and I can feel it, too. (Unclench your jaw. I know you’re doing it right now.)

“Funny,” Marc muttered, though he did make a conscious effort to relax his jaw as he kept reading.

Thing is, I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. Not just lately. I’m guessing forever, and I’m guessing it wasn’t just me. Now I don’t want to make any assumptions, so just tell me if any of this sounds familiar:

You don’t notice you’re hungry until it’s too late (especially when you’re working)

Sometimes it feels like the same amount of work feels like it takes twice as much effort as it does everyone else

You have at least three bad sounds, five bad kinds of fabric, bright lights make you want to claw your eyes out, and being out in public too long feels worse than a fist fight

You can hear the phone charger at night and no one knows what you’re talking about when you mention it to them

You can’t always tell what people are thinking from their faces, but everyone acts like you should. Really people act like you should know a lot of things when you don’t. It’s like they want you to be a bloody mind reader.

I’d ask if you talk too much sometimes, but Layla said you stop talking entirely. Still counts towards my point

You kept having “tantrums” even as an adult. (They’re not really tantrums I’m telling you that now. But everyone calls them that, because people are stupid. Anyway!)

There was more to the list, but Marc stopped reading the list after the last one. He had to set the notebook aside and breathe past the memory...panic, lights too bright, hands harshly jerking him along out of the store...

You’re too old to be doing this, Marc!

It was like all he ever did was give her reasons to hate him.

But how did Steven know about all that? He wasn’t supposed to experience those moments. That was the point. Marc picked up the notebook again, bypassing the rest of the list to get back to the main point.

Now you’re probably wondering, “Steven, you handsome devil, how do you know so much?” Because I’ve been living that. My whole life. And I know there’s lots we don’t have in common, but we could have all of this in common. And if we do, I can help.

I know that this isn’t something you like to talk about. But none of this is your fault and none if it is anything you should be ashamed of. You don’t have to push yourself to be like everyone else. I understand. Layla does, too. We’re both worried about you, and we don’t want you to keep hurting yourself like this.

I wrote down some of the things that help me. Just promise me you’ll think about it? If not for your sake, then mine, and Layla’s. He’d scratched something out there. Marc could guess from context: it’s hurting us, too. Steven had probably taken that out, not wanting to make Marc feel worse than he already did, but...

He wouldn’t have been wrong to say it. Marc knew his behavior was hurting them both. He just hadn’t seen a way out. Story of his life, now that he thought about it. Backed into a corner. No way out. No way to ask for help, because there was no one to ask, or because asking would mean admitting that he was...broken. Unlovable.

But here was someone holding out a hand. Steven. Saving him again.

Marc flipped the pages. Steven had filled them with various bits of advice. Less exhausting times to go shopping. Earplug brands. All things Marc might not have thought to do—or allowed himself to do, because he didn’t want to attract attention to himself, because he couldn’t stand people looking at him like he was insane...

But when Steven said it, it felt like permission.

That’s it, really. We can chat if you have more questions. We love you. Laters!

And then, right under that:

He’s right.

Don’t kill yourself over all this.

-Jake

“...shit,” Marc muttered. That was unexpected.

For a long moment, he sat in silence, fingers tracing over the words. Eventually he got up and moved to the bathroom, and the mirror inside. It was a bit embarrassing, he’d never admit to it, but...if he rested his forehead against the mirror and closed his eyes, he could pretend. Just for a second.

“I’d hug you again if I could,” he muttered. “And you too, Jake, you asshole.”

It was the calmest he’d felt in months. Maybe not calm. Just…understood.

It felt good.

[emetkoto]

idk man I just really like your style of rambling about them ig? like I find peoples' enthusiasm for things very sweet and infectious sometimes and your emetkoto posts defs hit that spot for me? like your joy and love for them seeps through and infects me too it's great. emetkoto good. anyway tell us about after vauthry. do it. give us the deets.

well thank you very much, it makes me happy to hear that ive had that effect on you 🥺🥺🥺 thats exactly what i hope to do with my posts about them but i do have bad demon brain so sometimes im like hmm. 'am i just being unbearably annoying instead actually???' and ofc sometimes its 'oh this is not original at all nobody wants to read this' so its always nice to have a little reassurance like this ghsljgsfd….

cracks my fingers so hard they all break anyway now for that essay you asked for

RIGHT SO LIKE right before vauthry, literally the night before that fight is when emet selch takes k'oto to the tempest to marry him and seubsequently erase his memory of it to "keep things fair" or whatever (basically he still had tiny little pangs of doubt about how things would turn out bc of yknow the whole being tempered for 12k+ years situation and he wanted to make sure that if it like. came to them having to fight. k'oto wouldnt hesitate bc he had smth like that holding him back :,) little did he know that he tried to hesitate in the end anyway and was only stopped from sparing him by ardbert) but thats a whole like other thing i still have to finish writing the worlds longest stupidest hardest to read post about so im physically restraining myself from going on about this anymore right this moment as much as i want to repeat myself forever about it bc GOD. God. god.

but anyway he was full of love and hope for k'oto, so much hope that he would be able to hold the light and prove mankinds worth so he could lay his mission to rest and stay by his side (and undo the spell holding his memories of the wedding) he was so SO ready for it and then. it just. all came crashing down :,) he'd allowed himself to let his guard down and put his duty aside and have hope in humanity again one last time and fall in love and k'oto just couldnt do it! even with his subtle help holding the light back he couldnt handle it, he was still too weak at 7 rejoinings and that shit hurted bad!!! he succumbed to the tempering and grief and rage and disappointment and closed himself off again…from there its probably the more canon adjacent bit of their story, graha tia acting embarassment, back to the tempest (altho k'oto doesnt remember having been there once before AUGH), amaurot, dying gasp :,)

throughout it all k'oto is trying desperately to get him to listen to him again but emet selch keeps cutting him off and ignoring him which hurts A LOT and ofc he says some. mean things to try and get him to just leave it be and accept what has to be done and stop talking about it bc HE didnt wanna think about it anymore EITHER obviously here but k'oto doesnt give up he keeps trying all the way to the very end….he never planned to kill emet selch, he just wanted to weaken him enough that he would take a moment to stop and think and listen , a last ditch effort to fix things but ardbert (and everyone else really) saw that it was like. too late for that. there was no way in hell emet selch was hearing reason anymore and if k'oto let him live there was a pretty high chance he would just kill him when he tried to get close to him so he took control of his body and made sure that axe killed, oops! way to kill a dudes soulmate and then be absorbed into his soul so you can never actually apologize for it…when the dust settled and k'oto realized what had happened he. was. A MESS!!

the only thing stopping him from breaking down right away was emet selch shushing him like 'let me enjoy this last moment with you in peace and quiet'……remember us and all that (although 'us' had a very obvious double meaning here

anyway tldr; WEHHHHHHH,,,,,,,

sorry for unreadability i very much wrote it exactly as it came out of my brain which is a long run on thought with no consideration for line or paragraph breaks. i tried to turn it into a few chunks for you

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)