#anyway don't ask me what this one's about. let a slag live her life

[bethfuller]

limited perception.

find me on instagram!

[babybluebex]

ok so i tried to post this last week but i posted it on mobile and it got all fucked up bc tumblr mobile sucks, so let me try this again: tom grant being ready to defend you at the drop of a hat

it's been a long week at the resort park, guests making a fuss over nothing and making your job (and life, frankly) a living hell. the only reprieve is your boyfriend, tom— coming home to him is a breath of fresh air, and his smile when he sees you warms your heart.

he knows you've been having a rough few days, so he offers to treat you to a night out, a few drinks and a night away from those guests. he tells you to dress up real pretty so he can take pictures, maybe that black dress that you wore to your anniversary dinner? it's a little short, but that's ok; you know that tom would just give you his jacket if you get cold. tom would probably give you his jacket anyway, even though he's the one who recommended the dress— the man gets jealous rather easily.

and that's put to the test that night at the pub. it's a small seaside pub, nothing but out-of-towners and the occasional cornish customer, and tom helps you up onto the barstool with a gentle hand. he orders a pint and mumbles something about going to the loo, and he buries a kiss in your hair before he goes. your pints arrive while he's gone, and you sip at yours as you scroll at your phone.

and then: "you ain't from around here, huh?"

you look over. a guy, muscled, some sort of tourist, undoubtedly looking for something to occupy his night. not your type. he was talking to you, and you sigh.

"yeah, i am," you say politely, instead of ignoring him. tom will be back any second to save you . "i work at the resort park a few minutes away."

"but you ain't from cornwall, huh?"

you sigh. "no," you say. "But my boyfriend is."

"i don't see any boyfriend" the guy says.

"he's off at the loo" you tell him. "and he's the jealous type, so it's probably best if you leave me alone before he sees you."

"what if i wanna talk to you, though?" the guy asks, and you sneer.

"i'd rather not" you say. "thanks, but no"

"well, alright" the guy says. "don't gotta be a bitch about it. you're dressed like a slag, wouldn't want the likes of ya anyway."

"oi" you hear tom say, and you look over your shoulder to see him. his cheeks are red with anger, and you silently giggle at him. oh tommy, like a wiley little stray dog, always ready for a fight. "whatchu say 'bout my bird?"

"this is the boyfriend?" the guy asks "doesn't look like much to me"

"watch it" tom says, taking a step forward. "how 'bout you step off, mate, 'fore i do something you won't like?"

"'step off'? s'it the 90s?" the guy laughs, and you hold back your laughter. later, you'd tell tom that that did sound sorta ridiculous, but now wasn't the time. "don't want her anyway, she's all yours"

"right, s'why you even talked to her in the first place, cos you didn't want her" tom said. "piss off"

you smile all watery at tom as he gets up onto his barstool and sips at his pint, and he sorta grunts "what?"

"my hero" you coo and kiss his cheek and, when you look at him again, his cheeks are a different sort of red and his eyes have hearts in them. "defending me from some creep"

"s'all in a day's work" tom mumbles, and you smile. "what? m'i supposed to just let him call you a slag and get away with it?"

"you're so cute" you tell him. "your accent got all thick and you started talking all funny. you're adorable"

"oh, stop" tom says, and you kiss him again.

"never"

[fayezgaza]

STOP Stop scrolling.😔💔🙏👇

I missed for the warmth of the family and gathering for one meal in peace and tranquility, without any fear that a missile might fall on us.😞💔

My life was full and now it is empty because of the war.💔😔

Donate or share the link🚨🙏

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#customer service #workers

#working class #seattle #usa #barista #drive-through #hammer #resistance #gif #2024

#ohhh this one felt like coming home

#pure experimentation no references

speedrun

#art and creativity and catharsis i missed

you

#anyway don't ask me what this one's

about. let a slag live her life

#art #illustration #my art

#artists on tumbir #digital art

#digital illustration #sketch #bethfuller

#artwork

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

"Orion fucking Pax, don't you dare walk away from me!"

Heatwave watched as a beast former he had never seen before grabbed Optimus by his smokestack and pushed him onto his knees.

"None of that shit. You stay down when I am talking to you. I have had it. You hear me, had it with you, and your little war games. You end them now, or I will be speaking to Uncle, and he will end this himself. And you won't like how he does that."

"Sure, sure, I will try to end the war, just stop doing this in front of the mortals."

"Oh? Embarrassed now? Yeah, I thought so. But, you have been lying to everyone who has ever fought for you."

Optimus finally realized he had an audience. "No, no, Heatwave, Heatwave, he is lying! Don't listen to him!"

"Hey, Asshat Prime, I'm not done. Not only was the big bad slag maker a product of a stupid lovers quarrel, but he's been keeping the war going and lying to you about it. Yeah? Does that sound right? You like fighting your former fuck toy so much that you are willing to lead even more of our father's people to their deaths just for your own sick pleasure, all while stringing along that medic the whole time. Really, Ratchet deserves so much better than you."

"Fine, fine he does, I will break up with him, are you happy?"

"No. You realized that you killed 99.99% of my creations, right? My children, the ones I spend countless millennia rearing and shaping and innovating new adaptations so they can thrive in their environments? Well, I am sick of that. I am done, and my father gave me permission to perform drastic measures. All new cybertronians born will now be beastformers. After all, it's only fair. Also, after you end your little war, all your power will be drained. You will live out the rest of your mortal lifespan and then spend as long as Father deems fit, taking care of my less successful children. Hope you like tube feeding and changing waste tanks because you will be looking forward to a lot of those. Of course, I have to say, Elita says hi, and she won't be joining you often. We are buddies and have had 3 million years to bond over your idiocy."

"What? Why would Elita want anything to do with you?"

"Cause I have babies, and Elita adores kids. Would absolutely melt if she had the chance to live on earth. She whined endlessly for her to be able to hold my more fragile ones. Finally, I had to give in just so she would leave my organic experiments alone. Also, on that end of the coin, notice anything new with Cody? The cute little bugger was one of my little ones. Uncle let me breathe a little life into a few of the lifeforms that lived on his surface. Nothing too drastic, just some resistance against energon poisoning, some all-around hardiness, and an EM field. Maybe even some charmspeak thrown in there for flavor."

"Charmspeak?" Heatwave asked, slightly confused. Cody popped his head out from his cab, where he was taking a break from the summer heat to take a nap in the AC.

"The ability to keep you dumbasses from flying off the handle whenever you don't get your way." Onyx said. "The name's Onyx, by the way. But I guess you already knew that. Anyway, Elita insisted on being here to watch, so…"

He snapped his fingers, and a femme racer made out of a teal haze dotted with stars leaned against the garage door. A golden predacon pup was magnetized to her chest, and her hips were slung with belts of bullets and knives. A massive machine gun was bolted to one shoulder.

"By the way, I still hate you for leaving me on Cybertron." She said. "But then, I wouldn't have been able to cuddle the babies all day. Yes, yes, you are the best thing ever." She bopped the pup's nose and focused on Optimus. "Orion, you really are stupid. Have fun explaining to your dad every mistake you have ever made!"

Onyx waved his hands, and a portal opened. He dragged Optimus inside by his smokestack, Elita following him.

The portal closed, and Heatwave took another look at the very sleepy Cody. "Welp. That explains why he hasn't died yet."

"What?" Cody said. "I swear I heard my mom talk."

Heatwave chooses to ignore that statement, bringing Cody inside to get some fluids in him and maybe an intoxacating drink for himself.

So was nobody gonna tell me about the theory that Cody is Onyx Prime Reincarnated

MY MIND IS BLOWN

Like it's absolutely insane but IT ALSO EXPLAINS A TON AND I CAN'T REALLY ARGUE-

Like I love Cody, he's an ADORABLE bean, and probably one of the best human characters in the franchise. he's just a sweet lil bean who genuinely wanted to befriend Cybertronians and managed to single handedly be the ENTIRE reason the team got their act together at all, the ONLY reason Heatwave gave humans a chance, and not only did Heatwave give him a chance, HE BASICALLY FUCKING ADOPTED THE KID.

But EVERYONE I have ever seen is C O N F U S E D as to why. WHY is this Kid gifted with Godly empathy and communication skills that stump and get grown adults and LITERAL ALIENS to change their entire frame of mind, going from ready to fucking throw hands to talking civilly in a matter of seconds!!!! KIDS DON'T DO THAT. CODY IS ONLY EIGHT. YEARS. OLD. AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW, 14 BY SEASON 4, AND PROBABLY 16-17 BY RBA.

.... So here's why I love this theory.

IT. EXPLAINS. THINGS.

(after days of obsessive Onyx Prime research)

-Oynx Prime's main abilities were his communication skills/Empathy, something that would probably carry over in Reincarnation. In fact, I've seen TONS of people theorize that Onyx was Reincarnated as Cody for the purpose of guiding the rescue bots, who would ultimately go on to change the course of Human/Cybertronian relations as a whole!

In fact, Cody has connected with Cybertronians SO WELL, Whirl casually dropped in an episode of RBA that sometimes, THE RECRUITS F O R G E T THAT CODY ISN'T CYBERTRONIAN.

THEY FREAKING FORGET THAT HE'S A HUMAN

.... What if Cody happens to fit in so well with Cybertronians.... Because he has a Spark?????

-Onyx Prime has massive wings. Cody is CONSTANTLY associated with Flight across the show. He wears a Bomber Jacket, uses a hoverboard, briefly used those rocket shoe things, and constantly rides along with Blades and Dani.

-Onyx Prime's Alt-Mode is a Griffin. Not only does the show constantly address the mythology of Griffins (and TFP says Predacons were actually responsible for Earth's mythological creatures in the first place), but the show LITERALLY TAKES PLACE ON AN ISLAND CALLED "Griffin Rock"

Lastly, I'm not sure if this counts,

But one thing about Cody has bugged me literally the entire show. Legit, as long as I've loved rescue bots, this has bugged me.

Cody's blonde hair.

i know this sounds stupid, but... THE KID'S HAIR MAKES NO SENSE.

Charlie has been show to have had brown hair when he was younger. Dani and Kade are both bright redheads, Graham is kinda a reddish brown.

if Charlie had brown hair, then than implies that the mom was a redhead, right???

So where's the Blonde come from????

I'm not claiming to be an expert in either Genetics, Reincarnation, or Onyx Prime.

But.......

This is the only answer I have, so, I'M ROLLING WITH IT

Cody Burns, human with a Spark!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Ready for 💔 💔 💔? Jimmy: didn't bring a 🎻 in but there'll probably be a 🌧 about in a bit so go on Janis: Clearly you didn't watch enough back to school hauls to adequately prepare yourself Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: you'll never guess who found her way to the 'how to catch a man' side of youtube though Jimmy: if it's Helena I really am fucking gutted Janis: Unlikely Janis: less she starts making a big deal out of how her MASSIVE TITS are slowly crippling her Janis: 🐰 has gone full 🐰🥘🥣 Jimmy: what the fuck kind of emojis are them? Janis: it's not my fault there's not a decent pot! Janis: also pretend to be gutted or she will be Jimmy: [draws her a lil pot emoji obvs] Jimmy: Who's pretending? 😭😭😭 Jimmy: have to console thinking about Helena's MASSIVE tits Janis: 👏 dead convincing there Janis: like 💀👑 trying to talk her out of it 'cos she's FUMING Jimmy: should've asked me to do the job for her Janis: check your DMs I'm sure she has Jimmy: [sends her some of the hilarious random DMs he has been sent lately like a highlight reel] Janis: the 💦💦 is endless Janis: you're SUCH old 🗞s Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: at least you don't have to waste a load of 💸 on tat for her in a months time Janis: which is the only reason she's decided to get in a VERY committed relationship with a 13-year-old in the year below Jimmy: Tah for the reminder to crack on with this fake break up before then Jimmy: good job our kid's young as he is or I'd have to 🔐 Janis: I'm the one doing the breaking up, remember that first Janis: seriously though Janis: doing my head in Janis: get yourself 💐🍫 if you're this arsed gals Jimmy: 💰 on loads of 'em doing that Jimmy: should probably set up that 💌 bollocks you were on about before Janis: boys handwriting would be invaluable to 'em Janis: can't stop dotting their ❓ with ❤ Jimmy: can write with both hands an' all so it won't even be knackering Janis: show-off Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: just leave your shit chat up lines like that out Janis: dead giveaway Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I know what I'm doing Jimmy: just gotta decide who I wanna send ones that ain't been paid for to for the #drama Jimmy: and whose name I wanna 🖋 Janis: [list of the 'loved up' couples of the moment that ain't them] Janis: stick whoever you wanna see get smacked on there Janis: easy Jimmy: this school have a postbox for it or what? Janis: yeah Janis: any excuse to be cringe Jimmy: I'll make sure yours is MASSIVE, don't worry and a top work of 🎨 OBVS Jimmy: 😘 Janis: my biggest concern, OBVS Janis: if you're still here I can do it the day of for all the 💔 points for you Jimmy: we're all 🤞 Lucas'll get on the roof 💐🍫😍 and fall off but you might have to put up with ✨ pissing out all over you when you open a card from me and nowt else Jimmy: that's your 💔 Janis: looking for broken 🦴s Janis: disappointing but not surprising Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll get on the roof Janis: bet we can Jimmy: let's go then Janis: now? Jimmy: you got owt else on? Janis: obviously not Jimmy: so come on Janis: be easiest to get up there from outside the music room Janis: do you know where that is? Jimmy: direct me Janis: [do that] Janis: wait for me if you get there first Janis: sir is insisting I can't go piss because someone else just did, as if our bladders are connected Jimmy: can't do that to lasses hasn't he heard Jimmy: tell him you're about to 💀💀💀 of toxic shock Janis: sadly raging at him over my blob gives off big angry lesbian vibes Janis: and I don't actually have a bloody tampon to throw at him Janis: I'll just leave in a sec but he's being a twat Jimmy: have to be the fake pregnancy fall back AGAIN Janis: one up Asia's news a bit Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: how long ago were the PE cupboard 💕? Janis: I haven't got a diary Jimmy: 😱😱 It weren't the best day of your life! 😱😱 Janis: best OF the day, how about that? Jimmy: bit rude of Asia to nick your phone Jimmy: I get that she don't want her big day ruined but Janis: 😏 Janis: like she's suddenly a top codebreaker Jimmy: #plottwist Janis: 🤓🤓💕 you 2 Jimmy: you 2 more like Jimmy: her being a dickhead means she likes you, DUH Jimmy: must be what the phone nicking were really about Janis: plottwist, they're all massive gays Jimmy: they're going on about sleepovers whenever I open the group chat Janis: you're that cliche? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: just saying it won't be a massive plot twist Janis: in your dreams, dickhead Jimmy: *nightmares Janis: 👻 do I hear someone protesting? Jimmy: Bill's lurking about loads when I get fuck all 😴 he knows I ain't pissing about wasting what dreams I do have Janis: Nice of him to entertain you Jimmy: you've seen my other offers Jimmy: didn't fancy none of them Janis: Fair Janis: he's got some witty bants at least Jimmy: he does alright Janis: better than the alternatives Janis: if I had a sleeping pill hookup, I'd take 'em myself Jimmy: you wanna watch out on that roof, mate, dunno how he'll feel about such a backhanded compliment Jimmy: steady on, bit rude to all the 🐑 hanging about for you to count, that Jimmy: how many #haters you want? Janis: you can pretend you pushed me if you're worried Jimmy: I 💭 that were the point of going up there Jimmy: no need to pretend owt Jimmy: we'll both be 💀💀💀 Janis: alright Janis: [show up] Jimmy: ['bit awkward if you've found a will to live' said like a saucy challenge] Janis: [just a look like does it look like I have? as much of a challenge as we try to find the way up onto the roof 'cos you know it's not that well hidden or secured] Jimmy: [a LOOK because always but we're also helping not just making intense eye contact forever lol] Janis: [remembering our sims school there was multiple levels so maybe you can get on the second story roof if not the third, anyway, letting you 'cos we can, even if you've got to do some lowkey parkour here, help each other and don't die] Jimmy: [it's a mood so we must, I hope your ribs are a bit more healed boy, don't do yourself further injury please] Janis: [rest when you're up there and we're just LOOKing at you like what now] Jimmy: [lighting up 🚬 for you both and doing heart shaped smoke rings because we're on a vday theme which you can totally show her how to do for some #content while you're up there] Janis: [can only imagine the funny face you're gonna have to pull to achieve that which thank god or it'd be too hot already] Jimmy: [all I can think about is when Liam and Edie were on the roof of that house they were staying in and he said he loved her so RIP me and them] Janis: [oh yes I remember that, soz we killed you guys] Jimmy: [anyway give her whatever doodle you've done today as well so she can have it in person cos I like to think you've not seen each other yet] Janis: [always love that, so much that we have to walk away and be peering over the edge dangerously just to diffuse that situation] Jimmy: [jimothy will probably pee over the edge just cos he can haha] Janis: [boy perks] Jimmy: [and they were talking about going for a piss and stuff like that always makes you want to] Janis: [you can't girl we're not falling off forreal, so hold it and contend with finding shit to throw onto the next roof down] Jimmy: [likewise join in with throwing stuff until there's nothing left and you can take your turn to LOOK at her like what now] Janis: [sharing that intense eye-contact for forever like] Jimmy: [we're not breaking it but we are pulling her closer to us] Janis: [writing 'morning' somewhere on his arm, whether we have to pull up his blazer or whatever to do that, we is] Jimmy: [writes 'good' on her in the same place because it is a good morning now we've seen the bae] Janis: [✔ like same] Jimmy: [teach her how to sign it because why not] Janis: ['we get it, you're good with your hands' 'cos mentioning being ambidexterous earlier and we KNOW so] Jimmy: [😏 and kiss her like excuse you I'm good at this too] Janis: [no room or energy to disagree here hen] Jimmy: [nobody's likely to appear and interrupt you up here lads so just enjoy that alone time] Janis: [we know we're gonna, even though it's January and this is scandalous because duh, how can we not] Jimmy: [you have done and will do way worse so] Janis: [should post those unfy smoking roof pics as we're getting down though so everyone knows you were up there but teachers can't actually prove that you were so] Jimmy: [if the teachers are checking your socials they'll get arrested hens] Janis: [easy mr lucas] Jimmy: [but yeah everyone will be well jel, blatantly gonna be a new thing for everyone to try and go to the roof now] Janis: [have fun getting caught losers lool] Jimmy: [not soz you'll never be JJ and living in a rom com] Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 😇🏹💕 Janis: You got the little nappy outfit ready to go, yeah? Jimmy: #kinkunlocked I get it Janis: 'course Janis: what girl wouldn't be 😍 Jimmy: 💀👑 probably prefers wearing them, THANK GOD she's not my target audience Janis: did she ever fake that she was 😍 over you? Jimmy: and have to put owt in the tip jar? Jimmy: SO funny, you Janis: cheek when she's allegedly the most minted Janis: making Asia make it rain 💦💸 Janis: mad she really don't fancy anyone who's not 50% of her though Jimmy: that'll be how she stays 💰💰💰 Janis: keep it in the family? Janis: 👍 Janis: bit extreme but Jimmy: if it were her only reason Jimmy: but she's OBVS 😍😍🤤 an' all Janis: 🤮 Jimmy: she in your lesson? Janis: Yeah Janis: and #2 Jimmy: What do you wanna do that'll do their heads in? Janis: 💡❓ Janis: all they keep talking about is Asia and her new boyfriend Janis: how do we pull focus from how un-goals that is when we're always 💯 Jimmy: could just break them up Janis: I'm not fucking a 13-year-old and I don't think it's a good look for you either Jimmy: never said we had to do owt with him but get in his head Jimmy: not like it'd be hard to convince the lad she's being a massive slag Janis: true, true Janis: she's only gone with him 'cos she knows he ain't gonna dump her because older girl clout Janis: and she wants the 🎁🎁 Janis: well rude Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: the school therapist'll be after him when Asia's done if Lucas ain't Janis: honestly Janis: only the right thing to do Jimmy: [edits some of the many Mia cheating pics they have to look like it could be Asia but in a pisstakey way because we're literally in class so we can't do it properly but like in a is this worth doing way] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: that's nightmare fuel, for sure Janis: no wonder you ain't sleeping Jimmy: sleep paralysis demon, her Janis: terrifying, poor boy Janis: but she's got way too many pounds on 💀👑 for that to work Janis: 🤔 what if there was somewhere else he'd rather be Janis: no matter how 🔥 she reckons her 🍑 is Jimmy: not gonna get my sister with him now he's been anywhere near her Janis: Not exactly what I had in mind Janis: bit weird your head went there, tbh but still Janis: you wanna throw a party anyway, yeah Janis: why not do it then a fuck over any girl thinking she's getting a romantic date night? Jimmy: bit weird they're the same age @Asia with that one Jimmy: but DUH Janis: she's only 14, being fair Janis: sounding more and more like 💀👑 by the second Janis: obvs it goes against every dating rule she has so she's 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: feels dead wrong to split 'em up if that's what she wants Janis: at least it'd give them something else to chat about Janis: all this 💘 is making me sick already Jimmy: has to be a way to do that any road, it's fucking ages til we can have that party if we're doing it then Janis: yeah, I guess so Janis: well keep 💭 then Jimmy: I were 💭 what's another 🎁 that ain't another desk? Jimmy: any 🥇💡s? Janis: 'cos I just do this shit all the time Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, don't be getting mardy with me, I only asked Janis: well don't bother asking questions I clearly don't have the answer to Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you already do all the drawings and far more shit than any lad they go out with Janis: like the whole point Janis: I don't know how we'd up that Jimmy: I said alright Janis: now who's being moody Jimmy: you Jimmy: that'll be why I'm leaving it out Janis: piss off then Jimmy: What's up with you? Janis: nothing, what's wrong with you? Jimmy: you're being a dickhead Janis: how am I? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: let's just drop it Janis: sure whatever lesson you're in is as equally thrilling as mine Jimmy: or just tell me what's wrong Jimmy: 'cause you were alright a bit ago Janis: I'm just Janis: it don't matter Janis: it's fine Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it can be Janis: 🤫 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: come on Janis: it's alright Janis: just everyone else getting on my nerves, as per Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what? Janis: be my mate Jimmy: I am Janis: sorry, alright Jimmy: what were it you said, it don't matter Janis: yeah but Janis: change the subject or something Jimmy: put me on the spot a bit there, dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but you're such a natural conversationalist Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't stop thinking about you long enough to put a sentence together Janis: that's very smooth considering Janis: keep saying things like that, who wouldn't be jealous Jimmy: just how I feel, must not have as many dickheads in this lesson as you Jimmy: ☀ Janis: I'm not not thinking about you Janis: I just don't know what to do about that Janis: maybe less so Jimmy: What do you wanna do about it? Janis: how many lessons you reckon we can realistically walk out of? Jimmy: the rest of 'em Janis: Why are we even staying? Jimmy: we're not Janis: That is the best idea you've ever had Jimmy: I dunno, I reckoned the roof were a decent shout Jimmy: but I get it, soz it took me fucking ages Janis: You didn't get how I felt about the roof? Jimmy: 🤏 Jimmy: might've had some idea Janis: I can show you again but you know Janis: little rude Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Crap with words but there's loads else I can do Jimmy: I were gonna say I heard what I needed to up there but Jimmy: there's loads else I want to Janis: Don't be #overit yet Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: you just want me to 🗨 how not over it I am Janis: so? Jimmy: I already did do Janis: then I must've really meant it Jimmy: you've got nowt to worry about Janis: good Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: We can go to mine if you don't wanna go to yours Janis: or do you wanna go DO something Jimmy: be #goals whatever happens Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Janis: I'm not thinking about #goals even though that's true Janis: I am thinking about how many times I could make you cum on that fucking bus ride Janis: come to mine, no one will be there, so there's loads of things we can do Jimmy: I just meant that bit don't matter but if I were thinking it did before I don't now Jimmy: and you've already sold me on the fucking bus ride so owt else is a bonus Janis: 😁 seems like a bit of a pisstake but Jimmy: it won't be Jimmy: except for the 👵🚍👀 Janis: They go to town at the crack of dawn Janis: shouldn't be loads Janis: but I can make you forget about that as well Jimmy: I don't care if there is loads Jimmy: I told you, I can't stop thinking about you Janis: It's distracting Janis: you are Janis: but fuck this place anyway Jimmy: *you are Janis: you started it Janis: and I'm not sorry Jimmy: I'm not sorry I started it Janis: Good Janis: it's Janis: working for me Jimmy: you'll forget about whatever's doing your head in in a bit Janis: already have Jimmy: come here then Janis: only if you ask again Jimmy: please Janis: 😍 Janis: okay Janis: [run babies run] Jimmy: [I know you only just went back from the hols but fuck school tbh] Janis: [we aren't that bothered ever but truly, you're both smart enough to pass just fine, we got life to be living and love to be falling into] Jimmy: [got a really long bus ride to be extra through soz not soz it's a whole vibe] Janis: [we're about it, and we can show you the actual decent stuff about the cali residence 'cos it's not the place we dislike it's the people rn soz guys] Jimmy: [we all know it's a cool af house even if there are a 10000000000000 cats] Janis: [lmao, at least they gonna be less fussy than Twix so you'll be alright lads] Jimmy: [have a lovely time but probably avoid your room gal since we're not drunk af like we were on christmas eve] Janis: [we know there's nothing there to show it's fine, y'all can chill wherever you want] Jimmy: [love it for you, honestly surprised you ever bother going to school rn tbh] Janis: [only 'cos we clearly can't hang around mcvickers 'cos they're both old enough to be retired even if they're only semi-retired, and you have to take Bobby to school so like, may as well not like you can get extra shifts when they know you're 15 and not out of school] Jimmy: [and it's an easy way to be #goals as they've already proved with the desk escapades] Janis: [mhmm, and an excuse to see each other you so don't need now but you know] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [do we wanna do anything when they are at the gaff etc?} Jimmy: [probably nothing too heavy but if you've got anything you want to happen we can] Janis: [lbr, we know we're being cute af and saucy] Jimmy: [I'm devastated that you can't stay forever as will you be, but at least you'll have a fair while even with the long af bus which is only gonna be fun on the way there unless you're leaving together too] Janis: [you should probably stay gal as the school will call to say you went missing and you'd be better to deal with that rather than have her think you've run away again lol] Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [Gonna be fun going home to Ian, I hope for your sake boy you've got work for a bit first for that reprieve even though it'll probably make him angrier cos you're gone longer] Jimmy: 🥺👋 Janis: [mhmm, like get over it Ian it's one day but ANYWAY] Janis: I wish I could've come Jimmy: and I wish I could've hung about a bit longer Janis: fucking real life, eh Jimmy: nowt'll be more 💔 than if the ☕ start cracking on making themselves and I have to look out for a new way to earn 💰 Jimmy: but I get that you wanna be my fantasy, girl so I won't call it a bit rude that you're 🗨 all that just then were fake Janis: Never happen Janis: they like the fake smile on your face when you give it 'em Janis: not fake Janis: just not 💩 like the rest Jimmy: I'll take all them assurances, tah for not getting too near a compliment Jimmy: thought it were gonna be a bit touch and go at the end there Janis: not to mention the carnage if it was self-service Janis: only afford the steam burns if they're paying you minimum wage Janis: 😘 Janis: shut up Jimmy: not just any dickhead can pull off that many scars Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: 😏 Janis: I get it, you want MORE compliments Janis: not like I just spent all day showing you how hot I think you are Jimmy: or more worthwhile wounds Jimmy: unless you're gonna kick off about there being no more time or space for them an' all Janis: Oi Janis: don't make me sound like that bitch Janis: cheek Janis: 🔪 you any time you like, you know that Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: can never have it in writing too many times Janis: you trying to get me done for not keeping my word? Jimmy: 👮🚔 Jimmy: don't bother going back on it and you'll be alright Janis: should've known Janis: you're all the same Jimmy: can't 🗨 you didn't know what you were getting into, Jennifer Jimmy: 🐷💕 Janis: my dads rolling in his grave Jimmy: still 🤞 you and your fake tan'll put mine in his Janis: I'll put on my nan's accent Janis: turn it up a notch Jimmy: 😂 Janis: or just intro them Janis: he'd feel so #attacked Jimmy: only if you can promise me she'll chuck a bible at him Janis: 🤞 Janis: can't promise much about her but it's 99% Jimmy: it's a date then 🍷🍞 Janis: 😂 Janis: enjoy Jimmy: be PROPER awks if we've misread this and she ends up my new mum Janis: She's still got delusions about being the pastor's wife Janis: she's too nosy to settle down and have her own life anyway, you're fine Jimmy: poor bloke Janis: your dad or father daddy? Jimmy: not chucking any sympathy Ian's way Jimmy: he's always got the full orchestra playing for himself, there's no need Janis: got ya Janis: I'll make it up to him whenever I get 'round the repenting Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: bit of time with me on my knees'll sort him right out Janis: fuck off Janis: we're not sharing Jimmy: Why not? Janis: 'cos I want him Janis: get your own boyfriend, bitch Jimmy: thank GOD Pete'll be in Janis: 😒 Janis: shot myself in the foot there Jimmy: made your 🛏 have to lie in it with the hot priest, you Janis: 😣 😖 😫 Janis: don't be mean Janis: it was an involuntary reaction Janis: being a twin means you don't want to share anything Jimmy: you're alright, I'm more forgiving than him and his mate in the ☁s Jimmy: might let you be my mate again eventually Janis: aaaaand share your boyfriend, yeah? Janis: thanks 💖 Jimmy: be up to him, that Jimmy: but agreeing to having a go at being his lead 🎤's bound to make up his mind Jimmy: the lad he got last time you said no is shite Janis: Oh God Janis: do they play the CG? Janis: 😬 Jimmy: that gonna make you rush in or steer clear? Janis: I'm not sure I can fake the enthusiasm Janis: and yes, that IS saying something, thank you Janis: tell him to 📞 me if they ever start getting paid Jimmy: @ him yourself Jimmy: loads of jobs but none of 'em are as your messenger boy Jimmy: ain't chucked 🗞️🗞️🗞️ about for ages Janis: you're such a slag Janis: called playing it cool Janis: look it up 🤓 Jimmy: look up frigid Jimmy: 🥶🥶🧊 Janis: piss off Jimmy: didn't reckon on that rumour being the one that were true but here we are Janis: don't be a twat Janis: you literally know it isn't Jimmy: still feel free to remind me whenever you like Janis: yeah, really convincing that Jimmy: What, you need MORE convincing than earlier on? Janis: oh, now you're calling me a slag Janis: make up your mind and shut up, yeah? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you planning to leave me with my 💭 this whole 🚍 ride? Janis: I should Janis: but it is longer than the journey to hell so Jimmy: you have left me loads to think about, give you that Jimmy: 🏆🥇 Janis: it's mutual Janis: is an understatement Jimmy: yeah, I felt that Janis: bit rude Janis: every time I think seeing you is gonna get you out of my head Janis: never does though Jimmy: bit rude that you want me out when you've said you've not got owt else on Janis: yeah but I can't be around you all the time so it's just inconvenient Jimmy: I'm not stopping you and my 👻 manager'd have a job to Jimmy: and we've already proved school can't Janis: If you're still there when I've dealt with my ma Janis: could Jimmy: if not you know where else I'll be Janis: yeah Janis: I do have work to do and all though Jimmy: OBVS Jimmy: 🐕's can't 🏃 themselves without the owners getting right mardy Janis: Thank God Janis: can't be arsed to sing for my supper yet Jimmy: after though Jimmy: you can do us a lullaby Janis: you just want me to sleep over Jimmy: Oi, don't make me sound like them huns Janis: 💅💄🍿☕️🧸💖 Janis: you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: will you hang about if I let you chuck 🧸s about and smack me with a pillow or what? Janis: your nightmare not mine Janis: but as you asked nicely Jimmy: 👍 Janis: What song do you want? Janis: 🎶😴 Jimmy: what song do you wanna do? Janis: [list off some hilariously inappropriate lullabies] Jimmy: number 6 Janis: 😏 Janis: thank god the little ones deaf Janis: hate to be a bad influence Jimmy: 🖍👂 were bad enough Janis: mini 💘story is worse Jimmy: but that's nowt to do with us Janis: 'course not Janis: so pure and real Jimmy: be worse if they hated each other like him and Amsterdam, never be able to chuck him anywhere Janis: yeah Janis: and she's annoying whatever she's 🗨 about so makes no odds to me Jimmy: we better start being the NICEST ever to your nan so he can sleep there and not piss on our party plans Janis: that'll involve you not being as nice as you wanna, perv Janis: tone it down Jimmy: tone down your jealousy, Jules, I'll come to your window an' all Janis: She don't fancy you, sorry to break it to you Jimmy: she's not gonna admit it to you, dickhead Janis: She's not gonna be able to fake that with a remotely straight face, more like Jimmy: must be where you get it from Janis: better than you Jimmy: bollocks Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: no Jimmy: based on what? Janis: erm, all my performances vs yours, OBVS Jimmy: mine's been as good as yours Janis: hmm Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you're just being a twat 'cause your fit nan 💕s me Janis: and you're just mad 'cos Will wouldn't even cast you as a background character Jimmy: he has done so that's even more bollocks you're chatting now Jimmy: should be chuffed she's not going blind, babe Janis: bit awkward to boot you now Janis: massive head, takes a lot to shift Jimmy: far as excuses go, a TOP athlete like you should have better Jimmy: 🥉 if that Janis: let me start auditions first, arsehole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: stop it Janis: you're the one being a twat, twat Jimmy: how am I? Janis: Where do I start? Janis: I'd rather just not, as I just said Jimmy: at buying some time before you have a proper go 'cause you know I've done nowt wrong, by the sounds of it Jimmy: but alright Janis: I didn't say you'd done anything wrong Janis: just that you were being annoying on purpose Jimmy: Why would I bother with that? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: the answer is I obvs wouldn't Janis: OBVS Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you stop it Janis: I'm not doing anything Janis: so yeah, alright Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: I'd be in the group chat if I were trying to 🗨 in 👍👌🙄 Janis: not my job to entertain you is it Jimmy: I never said it were Jimmy: if you were on the clock it wouldn't be like pulling 🦷🦷 trying to have a word Janis: oh, whatever Janis: I don't like talking, that's not news and it's none of your business Jimmy: and you've heard I like talking to you when you're not being a MASSIVE dickhead Jimmy: give me a clue when that'll be Janis: I've got other shit on Jimmy: and I've not? Janis: I never said you didn't Janis: that was you Jimmy: I'm just not using it as a bollocks excuse to be a twat Janis: I'm not excusing anything, I'm saying you don't know what I do or don't have on, at any point Jimmy: 'cause it's none of my business, you just said Janis: basically, yeah Jimmy: whatever, as you said an' all Jimmy: in a bit Janis: later then Jimmy: yeah Janis: [you're gonna have to leave this some time and I'm gonna have to fix it, well done gal, not leaving it too long though 'cos not that deep so just deal with it, you could still be on the bus tbh lmao] Jimmy: [seeds are being sown and honestly yeah it is a really long bus ride I hope you left yourself enough time boy or you'll be late for work] Janis: sorry, okay Janis: just ignore me, I'm just stressed Janis: you've not done anything Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: how stressed you are Janis: yeah, I know Janis: you don't need that ever Janis: let alone before work Jimmy: @iantaylor8 before I get back, might stop him getting a mard on an' all Janis: He's gonna be raging? Jimmy: when's he not? Jimmy: he'll be chuffed to bits I gave him something to have a go about Jimmy: you talk to your mum yet? Janis: Any excuse Janis: not like we had anything important on today Janis: or ever, really but you know Janis: she won't be back for a bit Janis: just avoiding my sisters in the meantime Jimmy: how many 🐕s you done? Janis: got six here that all walk together alright, get that in before she's back Jimmy: 💰 on my sister not having done ours, you can use that as a reason to piss off when you need Janis: If she ain't seething, might drop me off Janis: save the dog's bladder bursting whilst the bus goes round every fucking street on the way Jimmy: didn't go back at lunch, might already be 💀💀💀 Janis: shit Janis: what time is your dad back? Jimmy: probably will be,  have to check the 👞👟🥾 Jimmy: house'll be trashed if nowt else Jimmy: meant to be 🕠 but it never is Janis: I can leave a note at mine Janis: be there well before he is Janis: only took a day off, say I got that period or whatever Jimmy: not your problem, no need to cause any with your mum for the 🐕's sake Janis: it's not a problem Janis: just replying that I hadn't run away earlier when the school messaged her was more than enough Jimmy: alright Janis: won't charge extra for mopping up piss Janis: didn't think, when I said we should go to mine Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: mop up piss or 💭🐕💔 Janis: you can't, you're already doing a job so Jimmy: he can get the mop out, it were his 🥇💡 to get a dog Janis: may as well though Jimmy: IOU then Janis: nah Janis: 'cos IOU Jimmy: Oi, don't be turning me down Jimmy: any time you fancy having a piss on my floor, I'll sort it Janis: 😂 Janis: thanks Janis: big #kinkunlocked obviously Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I'm allowing it Janis: Well considerate of you Jimmy: sound more shocked, Joanne Janis: I ain't Jimmy: good Janis: you know I didn't mean it Jimmy: What bit? Janis: not wanting to talk to you Jimmy: I got that when you started talking to me again Janis: yeah, alright Janis: just saying Jimmy: what's gonna make you 😁? Janis: Is that what you want? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: not like I've spent ages today trying to do it or owt Janis: I can not be a moody bitch without being 😁 though, honest Jimmy: and I can make you 😁 Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: you have Janis: loads Jimmy: it don't matter if your face ain't stuck like it Jimmy: I'll have another go Janis: what about you? Jimmy: What about me? Janis: What emoji do you want me to make you? Jimmy: your fav obvs Jimmy: 🤗 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll do my best Jimmy: I get it, you know Jimmy: what you said before about the rest being 💩 Janis: it just really shows how shit everything else and everyone is Janis: how boring and just Janis: bit of a headfuck Jimmy: yeah and I get it an' all that you have shit you have to do but Jimmy: I meant what I said about you not having to go nowhere Jimmy: my 🏠'll be trashed and the 🐕's a dickhead but you can still hang around whenever you want Janis: I don't though Janis: not in comparison to you, that's just the truth Janis: it just makes me sound pathetic when you put it like that Janis: but thanks Jimmy: shut up, you've got a job same as me Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: I know I ain't gonna hold it over your head that your mum ain't chucking 👶s at you to look after or being a massive bellend all the time Jimmy: what kind of weird 🎻💔😭 bollocks 🏆s is that? Janis: well I knew you'd hate it that's why I didn't say it earlier Janis: I'm just not trying to take the piss with stupid non-problems Jimmy: everyone's got shit, not just me Janis: yeah Janis: and I've got plenty Janis: being stressed about skiving school ain't one of 'em though, it weren't that Jimmy: I never thought it were Janis: I've got a handle on it now though Jimmy: alright Jimmy: made that 😁 challenge even more piss easy for me then Janis: You mad about that or Janis: I can make it harder again easy Jimmy: go on, I ain't 🙀🙀 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: 😶 there you go Janis: complete blank slate Jimmy: Tah Janis: Yeah well, all the pressure Jimmy: that meant to be a ✔ or ❌? Janis: it means I'm doing what you asked and giving you an actual challenge Jimmy: that consideration's catching Janis: great Janis: need a cream for that, do I Jimmy: might do if it starts irritating you, like Jimmy: 🤞 it don't react with your fake tan Janis: is red more or less offensive than beige? 🤔 Jimmy: less Jimmy: colour of 🩸🌹💘 Bill's fav, that Janis: we already know he 💘s me Janis: about making your dad 😡🤬 not me Jimmy: already did do Jimmy: nowt challenging about making Ian fuming Janis: yeah but that's what you want me to do and keep doing Jimmy: it's not why I want you to stay Janis: it'd be a bit rude if that was all you wanted me for Jimmy: I just mean he's not the reason I do owt Jimmy: doing his head in gives my sister something to do with her 😡🤬 but he don't matter to me Janis: yeah, it isn't about him Janis: but getting him fuming enough you can all go home is, I mean Jimmy: which ain't even been working Jimmy: as plans go it were never 🥇 Janis: what letter plan was it? Jimmy: you know I can't count, mate Jimmy: dunno my letters either Janis: we don't have to talk about it though Janis: not right now Jimmy: We're here so whatever goes I had at getting him to not take the job or owt I did to try and stop us from leaving didn't work Jimmy: what's to talk about? Janis: you're giving up? Jimmy: never said that Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: do you? Janis: you either haven't thought out your next step, or I can't help you with it and it isn't my business Janis: either way, don't wanna or have to talk about it now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: not a total idiot, cheers Jimmy: never said that either Jimmy: feeling like one 'cause you had a massive strop is nowt to do with me Janis: fuck off Janis: 1. I didn't 2. Weren't talking about that no more Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what are you rolling your eyes at me for Jimmy: what you mean you don't get that? Jimmy: don't sound like you Janis: wow Janis: nice Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: whatever Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm not staying, pay me whatever you would your sister for the dog Jimmy: I don't pay her Jimmy: @ my dad for his rates Janis: obviously not Jimmy: don't come then, even easier, that Janis: It's nothing to do with you Janis: the dog needs walking Jimmy: not by you Janis: why not Jimmy: why are you SO bothered? Janis: because it's needless and cruel Janis: it isn't hard Janis: and it's literally what I do so just shut up Jimmy: it ain't hard for my sister to do it Janis: is she going to or are you fobbing me off Jimmy: not a 🧠📖 Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I don't need your permission, I'm going round anyway Jimmy: you don't get nowt so don't act like you do Janis: fine, take your 🎻💔😭🏆 and shove it Jimmy: ✔ Janis: so glad you're happy Jimmy: so glad you ain't lost your sense of humour Janis: the gags that I never had one, so where's yours Jimmy: Dunno, maybe you'll find it when you're pissing about at mine Jimmy: places the spare 🔑 has to get left are getting weirder and weirder Janis: I'm just knocking Janis: you might be arsed but doubt your sisters stopping me doing a job for her Jimmy: be about right Janis: be weird id she cared Janis: if* Jimmy: no weirder than you reckoning she'll bother to answer the door Janis: You're being ridiculous Jimmy: that's you Janis: no, it ain't Jimmy: yeah it is, this 🐕💔 being the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: I told you why Janis: not rocket science Jimmy: and I told you why not to, neither's that Janis: I didn't say it was your fault but it's not fair on the dog and you know that Janis: I'm not gonna pretend I don't 'cos you're pissed off with me Jimmy: 📞 the rspca then, be doing me a bigger favour than this bollocks is Janis: if you wanted to, you would've done it yourself Janis: the kid 💕 it and that's why Jimmy: funny way of showing it she's got Jimmy: can't even do something she gets 💰 chucked at her for Janis: yeah and that hardly takes a genius to work out either Jimmy: no need for you to get your head round what's up with her an' all Janis: stop acting like I'm fucking therapizing you Jimmy: stop doing it Janis: fuck this Jimmy: yeah Janis: [you better walk away gal but we're clearly going to attempt to walk Twix still] Jimmy: [at least he's not there so you won't brawl] Janis: [oh the drama mick] Jimmy: [oh boy, it's not her fault you don't wanna leave dublin anymore, well it is but don't be rude] Janis: [quite literally your fault but that's a convo we're not ready to have yet clearly lol] Jimmy: [a convo we've literally had twice drunk lol lol] Janis: [oh lads, we're literally in such a tiz, thank god you didn't stay home tbh] Jimmy: [don't need to have a blazing row with your poor mother] Janis: [make this Thing an actual Thing™ though that is lowkey the deal in the fam being suspish of you boy but still] Jimmy: [literally don't know how I'm gonna fix this because he thinks he's in the right here, sir your pants] Janis: [like he's not not but we didn't really get what he was saying 'cos neither of you was saying enough/the right things lol] Jimmy: [she's not a mind reader either jimothy] Janis: [fair, we're probably going to go out and get drunk somewhere so I could always come @ you] Jimmy: [good idea because that's not a luxury he has until work is over at least and even then not really because Ian will be throwing his toys out of the pram] Janis: [yeah, like he's really not gonna be in the mood is he but we'll do it anyway, good luck lmao] Jimmy: [how much later are we saying it is like is he at work or has it been ages?] Janis: [well it's fully a monday so like what kind of party would be happening, so it's probably on the earlier side like we're just 'hanging' somewhere and drinking, but by the time we come for you you can probably be leaving work/home like] Jimmy: [makes sense] Janis: are you okay? Janis: what did he do? Janis: can't stop thinking about it Jimmy: I'm not back yet, nowt to worry about Janis: oh Janis: it's not that late Janis: still so dark 🌨⛄ Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah Janis: but no too Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't like it when we don't talk Janis: but I'm not dying in a ditch, that's what I mean Jimmy: but where are you? Janis: at the park with some people Janis: not the park, a park though Jimmy: what park? Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: I don't know, the one on [some estate he's not going to know gal but anyway, a let's get drunk in parks energy] Janis: it's not that cold, had my coat on anyway Jimmy: SO helpful, you Jimmy: it's not that cold now you're pissed, my dear Janis: That is half the point Janis: idk what you expect me to tell you, it's not like the park has a name, just a bit of grass and some swings Jimmy: I've got a map up 🤞 I get there before you 🥶🥶🥶 Janis: you're coming to see me? Janis: but you're angry at me Jimmy: I'm bringing you ☕ to warm and sober you up a bit, then I'm taking you to your nans Janis: I don't want to Jimmy: you wanna go home? Janis: god no Jimmy: you can't stay there Janis: not all night Janis: but it isn't even late Jimmy: not the point, dickhead Jimmy: I've got enough to worry about without adding you to the list Janis: don't worry about me Janis: I'm just trying to have fun Janis: I'm worried about you Jimmy: bit late for that Janis: 😠 Jimmy: don't you start, girl, I've hung up my apron now Jimmy: already on my way Janis: you can't try to seduce me to change the subject Janis: not that drunk Jimmy: weren't the plan Janis: why you talking like that then Jimmy: what? Janis: like Mias there and you want her to fancy you too Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: daddy 👏 energy 👏 Janis: anyway, literally said you wouldn't distract from the point so sh Jimmy: you Janis: but Jimmy: 🤫 Janis: sorry for caring Jimmy: it weren't what you signed up for Janis: not what you signed me up for, you mean Jimmy: go on, make it sound more like I forced you into something Janis: that's like Janis: the opposite of what I'm saying Jimmy: alright Janis: you keep turning things 'round and it's not what I mean Jimmy: just say what you mean Janis: I am Janis: I'm trying Janis: I just don't want you to get really hurt again but I can't do anything about it Jimmy: there's nowt I can do about it either Jimmy: how do you think I feel? Janis: I can't imagine Jimmy: don't Jimmy: 💭❌ Janis: I were never saying I knew what that was like Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: not something I want us to have in common Janis: 'course not Jimmy: there you go then, can't have a go at you for not having a clue Janis: you can Janis: or you could just tell me what you do want me to do Janis: or say Janis: or not say or do Jimmy: that'd be taking the daddy energy a bit far, babe Janis: alright, not any other time, tah Janis: just let me fix this Janis: and not fuck it up again Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: there's nowt either of us can do Janis: okay Janis: I know that Janis: but how do I not annoy you about it Janis: because I don't think I can just fake that I don't know Jimmy: I don't have an answer I can just chuck at you Janis: okay then Jimmy: if I did I'd have loads of mates and a real girlfriend, duh Jimmy: that charming and social, me Janis: I'm glad you don't have a girlfriend though Jimmy: me and Bill's 👻 an' all Janis: I've got no friends either Jimmy: Oi, what am I? Janis: I don't know Janis: what are you Jimmy: 💔 RUDE Jimmy: I'm your best mate Janis: my best mate Janis: who I think about every time I cum, alright Jimmy: why isn't it? Janis: just confusing Janis: it can be both Janis: probably Jimmy: don't have to be if we just 🗨 Jimmy: it's been alright up til now Janis: very rude if that's your review Jimmy: shut up, you know what I mean Janis: do you want me to 🗨 or 🤫 Janis: just confused now 😏 Jimmy: I've missed you but if you wanna change my mind about it Janis: no, no Janis: I can behave Jimmy: making promises you can't keep Janis: cheek Jimmy: we'll see when I get there Janis: I missed you too Janis: I don't know what's wrong with me Jimmy: other than being a massive pisshead, you mean Janis: psh Janis: what else am I meant to do Jimmy: you want a list or what? Janis: yes, go on Jimmy: 1. 🗨 to me 2. come 👋 to me and my 👻 manager 3. workshop a 💀💀💀 scene with Bill 4. 🐕🏃 5. @ Lucas or 💀👑's dad for a lift Jimmy: just off the top of my head Janis: 1. we weren't 🗨 2. so I couldn't 👋 even if your manager actually existed 3. he's your mate 4. you definitely didn't want me to do that earlier either 5. just admit you want me 💀💀💀 now like Jimmy: 1. gotta start somewhere, Jessica 2. he were actually about, believe it or not! 3. he is with THAT attitude 4. I definitely don't want you spending all my 💰 either 5. I ALWAYS want to 💀💀💀 you, I've admitted that before Janis: 1. what's this? 2. so sad I missed him/my chance to seduce him for a job then 3. #ladsladslads with him forever 4. only said that 'cos you made me mad and I said for like a five not ALL your 💰 not that stereotype 5. then why are you letting either of them do it instead? Jimmy: 1. but before or instead of getting off your head were the point 2. 💔 for you and him both 3. speaking of, how many lads off that estate am I gonna have to smack before we can leave? 4. you still fuming at me or what? 5. never said I'd let it happen, just that it could do Janis: I'm not still mad at you Janis: it was a solid 60% my fault anyway Janis: I don't even know what we were talking about or then why we weren't, really Jimmy: then how do you know owt were your fault? Janis: 'cos you've explained since Jimmy: I were being a dickhead, it's not you Janis: no, it's alright Janis: you weren't Jimmy: I were and it's not alright Jimmy: you're the only bit that's not shit and taking the rest out on you ain't gonna change them, it'll only fuck this up an' all Janis: I'm not looking to make any of it harder Janis: that's not what a mate should do Jimmy: and I made it loads easier for you a bit ago when I already knew you weren't 😁 Janis: that's really nothing though Janis: stupid high school level shit Jimmy: meant to be cheering you up, that's what I said I'd do Jimmy: not nowt that I did the opposite Janis: okay, but I wasn't helping you none neither Janis: so we can be even Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Janis: am I going to need to come find you? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: um, a really valid one from experience Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I'm not the one who's pissed, tah very much Janis: you exaggerate Jimmy: you take the piss Jimmy: I'm not lost Janis: okay, okay Janis: it'd be rude not to check Janis: you could die Janis: or 🥶🥶🥶 Jimmy: too northern for that bollocks Jimmy: what kind of truce is this? Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: have a swing, I'll be there in a bit Janis: someone's hoyed 'em over Janis: so rude Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: never did answer me on how many lads I'd have to 🥊 Janis: Not sure if it was one of them Janis: I'll ask for you Jimmy: 💰 on it being you when you were FUMING Jimmy: trying to blame these poor lads now Janis: 😱 Janis: I WOULD NEVER Janis: pain to get back down, even if your da is like, freakishly tall or something Jimmy: never admit it now I've caught you out, more like Jimmy: know what you're like Jimmy: trying to show off and make the most of your 🦒 perks Janis: yeah, all these lads are SO cool Jimmy: never said it were for them Jimmy: might've been waiting to impress me Janis: well are you impressed? Jimmy: haven't seen the state of nowt yet Janis: you're an idiot Jimmy: yeah 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: then I'll live Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: Would it make it better or worse if I come back to yours Jimmy: better this time, worse the next Janis: What would you rather I do? Jimmy: you know the answer to that Janis: but are you sure Jimmy: are you? Janis: I'll be fine going to my nans, for me Janis: I don't know what's better for you Janis: yeah, I can delay it now, or let it be less tonight than it COULD be Janis: but neither of those feels good Janis: so I just wanna do what you want Jimmy: so stay Janis: okay Jimmy: okay Janis: we could get rid of him the old-fashioned way Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: I'll get lost Janis: seriously Janis: how hard can it be Jimmy: piss easy if you don't care about the bit where you get caught Jimmy: how you gonna walk my 🐕 from prison? Janis: well that's why we do it properly Janis: just need to do the groundwork Janis: keep slyly telling any nosy neighbours you're moving back soon because he's lost his job, so they don't @ him Janis: then backdate a resignation letter to send to his work Jimmy: then what? Jimmy: can't actually piss off back up north without the dickhead Janis: well, you could, ferry is well cheap Janis: what you'd do when you get there is another issue Jimmy: keep dreaming, baby Jimmy: it's never gonna happen Jimmy: you're stuck with me for a bit Janis: I don't want you to leave anyway Janis: not my dream Jimmy: what'd you bring it up for then? Janis: you could stay and we could kill him Jimmy: we'd be prime suspects Jimmy: and they'd take the 👶👶🐕 off me Janis: nah, 'cos if we sort work and your neighbours and move you in with me who's looking Janis: 💡 Janis: see Jimmy: your whole family'd be 👀🍿 Jimmy: and your 🐕 best mate'd be eaten by 🐈🐈🐈 Janis: hardly Janis: 2 of my sisters got married before they were 20 and one of 'em is dead Janis: can't say nothing Janis: don't fight how much sense it makes tah Jimmy: you're so Janis: fucked up? Jimmy: not what I were gonna say Janis: they are Janis: try and distance myself from it but Jimmy: if we were judging each other by our family I'd come off loads worse Jimmy: no tah Janis: no need to have the competition Jimmy: 'cause you're losing Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 🏆 goes to me Janis: nope no no no nah Janis: you have no idea and you don't need it Jimmy: alright, stop going on about it and 🗨 something you want me to know Janis: 😳 Jimmy: go on Janis: bit on the spot, like you say Jimmy: but you're 💭 about something or you wouldn't be 😳 Janis: too bad you're not a 🧠📖 Jimmy: just have to read your body language instead Jimmy: [show up sir] Janis: ['scuse us random park people, biggest run and hug ever] Jimmy: [holding onto her for the longest time and we're not sorry] Janis: [lowkey like don't cry gal, so overwhelmed and drunk dangerous combo here] Jimmy: [gal we know all about trying not to cry Imma get you out of here asap] Janis: [not letting you say anything intelligible yet] Jimmy: [it's fine we're totally picking her up so we can leave] Janis: [soz not soz to the lads who clearly thought you were about to get off with them or something] Jimmy: [bye bye boys have fun] Janis: [hope you're near enough to his lads 'I'm really sorry'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' cos it is and snuggling her as we carry her like] Janis: [sighs 'it's not' but we mean everything else so we're snuggling him back even harder Jimmy: [kissing the top of her head like yeah it is] Janis: ['you're the loveliest, that's what I want you to know'] Jimmy: [clearly 😳 about this because not what we expected her to say but we're also doing a little genuine smile so] Janis: [just softly stroking his cheeks though you probably can't even see in this light/state we just know, about to blurt something about but just about catching ourselves 'tell me something then'] Jimmy: ['are you gonna remember it?' cos we gonna catch ourselves too before being too extra] Janis: ['yes!' indignantly like how dare you, nudging him like go on 'I'll tell you another if you do'] Jimmy: ['alright, one thing I want you to know is how much this means' keeping it deliberately vague as if we're just talking about the Ian situation because we clearly aren't lol 'to me that you-that you're-' still not finishing our sentences though soz about it] Janis: [squeezing him wherever you're holding onto him, but gently please let's not fall and die here although 'I love you' not leaving like a sec here 'like I care about you, you know' and how rushed that last bit is like and I oop] Jimmy: [we've straight up died so whatever we say back is too muffled to understand because we're hardcore hiding in the bae and also using our softest voice ever] Janis: [casual panic happening in silence here but we move, meant it and can't take it back so at least you're drunk enough that you can't really try to run away rn] Jimmy: [lifting our head when she moves because we think she's gonna try and run away and that's a hard no from us 'always gotta one up me, you' but we're still using our soft voice so you know it's not a pisstake 'not gonna win the awards against you but I care about you an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like yes, that's what it was, of course 'just that good'] Jimmy: ['I know' giving her 😍 as we say it because we mean it] Janis: [going in for a makeout moment] Jimmy: [allowing it because he also meant it when he said he missed her and the feels are too high not to even though she's drunk and he's obvs not] Janis: [it's fine, we know we're being extra with it because we are drunk so it's not like you've got it wrong boy] Jimmy: [we're being extra too cos we're in our emotions and I don't trust you to speak rn sir, always makes me laugh like how far have we even gotten away from this park] Janis: [seriously, like you already said it girl you better stop lmao, I hope far enough that we're not giving a free show, also you're nearly at his but probably not knowing y'all] Jimmy: [hope you're at least off this estate so we're not getting whistled and shouted at by chavs cos that'll really ruin the moment] Janis: [like get that you're both in this moment but there's only so much you can ignore really] Jimmy: [I'll make it rain or snow if I have to lads so that'll move along, don't test me] Janis: [least you're gonna have some urgency by how hard we're going rn 'cos no shame] Jimmy: [an incentive to get home is very much needed cos Ian will be a delight] Janis: [I'm like gal do not speak that could be disastrous] Jimmy: [going upstairs immediately for all the reasons] Janis: [can't come for Ian and his life, it'd be amusing but make everything worse so not rn, in that bed tah] Jimmy: [we'll give you other opportunities gal but this is not the one] Janis: [not when you're drunk, not gonna be witty, just like fuck you bitch] Jimmy: [it's gonna be ages before you get back anyway cos we know y'all will keep stopping, never any chill] Janis: [we all know it, there is no chill now or ever] Jimmy: [hence I am making you walk, not letting you anywhere near a bus or anything rn] Janis: [do we wanna skip to being at his or to the AM or quoiiiii] Jimmy: [good question, we can probably skip to later at his because you can't avoid Ian forever, even if we're kind and say he's not around when they first get there] Janis: [what's your vibe like is he gonna come in and make Jimmy come out to talk or ambush him like what's the tea sis] Jimmy: [I feel like Jimothy's gonna have to go make tea at some point because it's his love language so he'll probably get ambushed in the kitchen then] Janis: [ugh SIR] Jimmy: [is nothing sacred you bitch, but at least she'll be upstairs so she can't brawl him and Twix will run up cos she will be scared so that'll distract you gal] Janis: [like if we heard brawling ourselves we would come down but I'd like to hope you're keeping it to shouting rn, have some shame dickhead, just look after this baby dog] Jimmy: [I would hope he is just shouting because he's that dickhead that wants to appear like he's not one and like what's to stop Janis telling literally everyone including her social worker nan so] Janis: [right, even if you think she's trash, I don't think you're being that dumb with it ever] Jimmy: [shamelessly just gonna bring the bae tea and biscuits as if that didn't happen] Janis: [trying not to be like !!! but we're also not gonna pretend as hard, patting the bed like come here] Jimmy: [obvs we do and do a feelsy lean when we're there cos we both need it] Janis: ['really wants Lucas to like him' because we know there's fuck all we can actually say to be of use, but we're tucking him back in and cuddling him] Jimmy: [a little lol because 1. funny 2. not what we expected her to say 3. relief that she hasn't said something that'll make it awks and that Ian didn't kick off any harder/try and kick her out] Janis: [equally small smile 'cos we love to see it but we do not love the rest of this situation so we're not buzzing obviously] Jimmy: [draw it bigger with our fingertip because we've remembered our 😁 challenge] Janis: [write LOL on him like okay, whilst we're here let's sort that out] Jimmy: [do some !! on her like epic lols please] Janis: [go to tickle him like it can be arranged] Jimmy: [obvs tickling her back like excuse you it's meant to be you doing it] Janis: [we are loling but still trying to tickle him and get him too] Jimmy: [never far from a playfight which I love for you and also I imagine that Twix is probably still around so joining in] Janis: [don't bark gal or do because we don't care about you Ian but bit rude to Cass, just pinning him and being like 'my offer still stands' which like, explain yourself but we're not lol] Jimmy: [also don't spill that tea or crush those biscuits/ let Twix get either of them while you're living your best life, obvs giving her a look like ?] Janis: [my boo always so concerned about the tea situation, runs a finger along his throat and looks meaningfully at the door like you know who] Jimmy: [I am and I'm not soz boo, but jimothy meanwhile is gonna just give you a lovebite/go over an existing one on your throat gal like I'd rather just kill you thank you] Janis: [doing the opposite of complaining about it] Jimmy: [taking the encouragement and going harder as a result of it duh] Janis: [when you can't breathe casually, pulling him closer into us 'please'] Jimmy: [kick that dog out so she doesn't cockblock you soz Twix, casually looks like you're like nope and leaving] Janis: [Twix is probably 🥺 but we definitely are x2 🥺🥺] Jimmy: [don't worry we're running back immediately to kiss you INTENSELY] Janis: [getting in his lap, duh, and looking at him for ages 'lovely' like yes, I was correct] Jimmy: [putting his finger on her nose like he's pointing at her cos no you] Janis: [grabbing the finger and then we're holding both his hands 'how am I going to make you happy?'] Jimmy: ['you already have done' because true that we've already forgotten about Ian's bullshit lbr cos we're in love] Janis: ['I could do better' 'you deserve better'] Jimmy: ['you just wanna take the challenge off me' because we can't even deal with our emotions over her saying that] Janis: ['I just wanna-' and kissing him again like let me show you] Jimmy: [a very enthusiastic response in all the ways possible because same] Janis: [have your moment kiddos, cannot express how much she's calling him baby] Jimmy: [cannot overstate how into that he is and will forever be] Janis: [being a perfect combo of intense but soft rn] Jimmy: [Cass gonna wish she was deaf too, first Ian shouting and now this lol] Janis: [thank god for headphones gal soz still not gonna be our fan for a while lol] Jimmy: [she's really not cos already had to dump Bobby on her when we had work then had to find Janis and now all this is shamelessly going on, soz gal] Janis: [it's fine, we'd hate us too in your position and we will win you 'round in the end] Jimmy: [I'm sure Jimothy will also do something to make it up to you cos he's just that bitch even though he's fuming at you for not walking Twix ever] Janis: [lowkey don't deserve it but you lucky gal and not shading you too hard] Jimmy: [we all know you're strugging rn gal it's okay] Janis: [not helping your brother but this isn't meant to be your job any more than it's meant to be his] Jimmy: [and we'll let you get your bf and friends soon and then you can walk Twix together] Janis: [and you'll be happy, despite the fact you go back up north, that's your business hen] Jimmy: [what if he sends her a valentine and that's what starts this lil otp] Janis: [that would be very cute do it] Jimmy: [like idk if he goes to your school or if he's putting in through your door or if he even signs it but we know bitch] Janis: [we should be nice and say he goes to your school so you have company but it should be a ? 'cos that's cute, I've only ever got one of those and it was from nannie haha] Jimmy: [I've derailed us but yeah that felt like a nice thing to happen amidst all the drama] Janis: [hohaha you'd be so embarrassed gal, be nice Jimothy aka shamelessly tease her] Jimmy: [simply must] Janis: [but yes, we're probably good for tonight unless you really wanna 'round 2 Ian] Jimmy: [do you wanna do the am?] Janis: [sure ting honey, it's a tuesday, so you'll be having to get Bobby ready for school and Ian will be gone so that's good] Jimmy: [leaving the bae in bed while we do our big brother duties but we will be bringing you breakfast gal you know it] Janis: 👋😪 Janis: you want any help? Jimmy: did I teach you the signs for hurry the fuck up? Janis: 🤔 Janis: [clip of her doing the thing where you gesture towards yourself frantically like LETS GO] Janis: ? Jimmy: that'd do Janis: does he know I'm here? Jimmy: he'd have come to ask you loads of questions about his missus if he did Janis: 💔 ouch Jimmy: if you fancy jumping out at him, the 🐕'll give you a hand knocking him about and getting his attention Janis: I'm not that offended Janis: be a bit rude Janis: plus if your sister knows I'm here, she definitely wants to see me even less Jimmy: but I might want to Jimmy: bit rude of you not to think about that Janis: Please Janis: I think about you ALL the time Janis: and you've seen a lot of me lately Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: me and the 🐕 are having a 💔💪🏆 Janis: she's FUMING at me Janis: I went to the bathroom and she was giving me 🔪🔪👀 Jimmy: the 🐕 or my sister? Janis: 🐕 Janis: your fault Janis: haven't you noticed her 😤 😠 😡 🤬 Jimmy: Oi, nowt to do with me, I never said you went to the park without her Janis: you kicked her out Janis: I remember Janis: also she was scrapping at the door Jimmy: not my fault you never said that were a kink of yours Jimmy: should've if you wanted her kept in Janis: shut up Janis: I said she was mad, not me Jimmy: she'll get over it once I sort her breakfast out Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: for 🥞🧇🥓🍳 or in life in general Jimmy: obvs to eat, dickhead Jimmy: but if there's owt else I can do an' all, go on Janis: cheek that you don't wanna know all about my ambitions and dreams in the morning Janis: @ the gals with that relatable content Jimmy: I LITERALLY just said tell me so that's bollocks Janis: woe is me 😉 can't hear you over all my 😭 Jimmy: poor baby Janis: are you going to school today? Jimmy: are you? Janis: haven't got my uniform Jimmy: you can borrow my spare if that's the only thing putting you off Janis: school is always off-putting Janis: but didn't know if you were gonna go in to shut him up Jimmy: if it were that piss easy I might do Janis: yeah Janis: I'll come in, if you are Janis: I usually have mine in my bag but I left that at home when I went out last night, for some reason Jimmy: probably weren't planning on going, we still don't have to Janis: what do you want to do? Jimmy: if we don't go? Janis: well I meant are we going or not Janis: but go on Jimmy: whatever is the most #ultimategoals bollocks we can think of, duh Janis: do you reckon any of them have heard of bed peace Janis: 😴😴😴 Jimmy: will have once I'm done 📷🥇 Janis: you're gonna koala onto the side of me? Janis: you're basically scouse, yeah 😏 Jimmy: unless you fancy making another fort downstairs, been ages since the last one Janis: just say you want to babe Janis: I'll get started whilst you're taking him in Jimmy: only thinking of you 🦒 Janis: it's a bit of a squeeze Janis: stretched out rn though Jimmy: very subtle Jimmy: I won't hurry back Janis: 🥺🥺 Janis: fine Jimmy: make up your mind, girl Janis: you know what I want Janis: read my mind, boy Jimmy: I miss you an' all Janis: compared to the school run, I'm a delight, obvs Jimmy: but hang on, some of them yummy mummies really dress up so you've got a bit of competition Janis: you have fun with that then Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 OBVS Janis: you're gross Janis: and I'm going back to bed Jimmy: actual 🤞 you don't 🤮 in my 🗑 Janis: I ain't even hungover Jimmy: 'cause I came and got you before you could get too off your head Janis: you act like you've never done it Jimmy: never said that Janis: What, then? Jimmy: nowt 🤐 Janis: why'd you come though Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: why can't I ask? Jimmy: what's it matter? it's done now Janis: alright Jimmy: there's 🗨 you can read before I did Janis: that would require reading my own 🗨 Janis: I'd rather leave it 🤐 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Janis: I'll take the dog out Jimmy: what happened to going back to 😴? Janis: I'm not sleepy Jimmy: tah then Janis: no worries Jimmy: 👍 Janis: it doesn't need to be weird Jimmy: what? Janis: ➡️ ⬅️ ⬆️ ⬇️ ↗️ ↘️ ↙️ ↖️ Janis: this Jimmy: you're the one calling it weird to say it don't need to be Janis: I'm just saying I don't wanna start up the whole thing again, that's all Jimmy: that's alright by me Janis: okay Janis: ignore me Jimmy: I don't want to ignore you Janis: okay, don't, but I mean Janis: I'm not trying to be a dick Jimmy: I'll give you a 🏆 if you manage it Jimmy: 😏 Janis: fair but fuck off 😂 Janis: not going for 😇 fake gf Jimmy: what you going for? Janis: 😈 DUH Jimmy: you can have that 🏆 Janis: I'd fight you if you disagreed on that Jimmy: no need as it's fake Jimmy: I'll agree to owt as long as it's on brand Janis: that ain't fake Jimmy: last night it were Jimmy: SO nice you 😇🏆🥇 Janis: that was mate stuff Janis: not fake gf Jimmy: let's just be mates today then Jimmy: I'm 🥱😴 if you're not Janis: subtle way to say just be nice to me all day Janis: but alright Jimmy: I'll do it back, not that much of a dickhead Janis: doesn't sound terrible Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: 🤝 Janis: and I could sleep, so don't need to worry about me creepily watching you and/or stealing all your shit whilst you 🥱😴 Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: you've had loads of chances to do both before now Janis: gain your trust first, not an amateur Jimmy: and what, you reckon you have? Janis: yep Janis: like you said, could've easily done both by now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: oi, are you saying I haven't? Jimmy: I said I weren't bothered about you thieving or 👀 at us 😴 Jimmy: don't mean I trust you, mate, just that I've got nowt worth nicking and don't reckon I'm 🎨 Janis: Psh, that's a blatant lie Jimmy: which bit? Janis: not reckoning you're 🎨 Janis: you and your massive head Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I'd be my own muse Janis: selfies aren't #art Janis: that's the truth, pretentious hipster Jimmy: take one and watch the fans disagree Janis: you do the same Janis: you know what you look like Jimmy: [obviously does because no fucks given ever] Jimmy: there you go then Janis: see Janis: you're Janis: your DMs will 💥 'cos I'm not in it Jimmy: have to take loads with you in Jimmy: good job you're not hungover Janis: I've not seen myself yet Janis: could be 👹 Jimmy: 📷 Jimmy: it's your go Janis: [a bed selfie where you clearly look good 'cos when do you not, bitches be mad] Janis: demanding, you Jimmy: if I were next to you there I would be Janis: 😳 Janis: rude to say that and not be Jimmy: I thought it'd be ruder not to 🗨 soz Jimmy: taking our 🤝 dead serious, me Janis: speechless is a bit far Jimmy: Dunno you might reckon the nicest thing I can do is shut up Janis: nah Janis: I've told you loads I don't mind it Janis: your 🗨 Jimmy: [a voice memo that's full of compliments about that selfie because of course] Janis: I already missed you Janis: you had to make me admit it, didn't you Jimmy: weren't why but I'm not fuming that you feel the same as me Janis: you shouldn't be allowed out of this bed Janis: s'what I reckon Jimmy: we can stay there long as you want Janis: ⛓😍 Jimmy: be like Lucas is about Jimmy: no need to go to english Janis: yeah, smart to mouth off to your captor Janis: think on Jimmy: #thickandnorthern Jimmy: you have been warned before Janis: damn, I thought you said thicc Janis: misled Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 for you Janis: yeah, pretty gutted Janis: you'll do for now Jimmy: til you @ some fatter northern dickhead Janis: have to change my tinder location Jimmy: not much of a #kink since you ain't even offered to make me owt for breakfast Janis: those are perks you've not even fake unlocked Jimmy: or answered what you want Janis: surprise me Janis: I'll get you something on the way back with the dog Jimmy: already outted yourself as not a real feeder, no need to follow through on it Janis: you don't like surprises...? Jimmy: you heard that I don't trust you Janis: it's breakfast Jimmy: it were you who asked the question Janis: alright Janis: your loss Jimmy: I do like surprises from you, the 🎄🎁 were good Janis: You ain't bad either Janis: no 🎅 shithead Jimmy: 💕 Janis: dunno how I'm gonna top it Jimmy: got ages before you have to Jimmy: not expecting THAT 🥇 of a breakfast, like Janis: wait and 👀 boy Janis: 💪🏆 Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I get it, you want me to have to compete with whatever 🍳🍞☕️🥞🧇🥓 I'm knocking up for you Janis: How else will you learn, babe? Janis: or maybe I just wanna do something nice, dickhead Jimmy: what's 🐕🏃 if not that? Janis: nothing new Janis: feel like that's all I friggin do Jimmy: who 🗨 it had to be something new? Jimmy: not 🥱😴 of you Janis: **because I keep you on your toes Jimmy: you're still about, that's all I want Janis: tah Janis: proximity is your biggest selling point as well Jimmy: 👏 @iantaylor8 for pissing about in this shithole instead of the one he was born in Janis: I'll @ my grandparents whilst I'm at it Jimmy: I meant you being at my 🏠 still but alright Jimmy: if they wanna take a bit of credit for that, you did say you didn't wanna go there Janis: already rude you have to split it 50/50 with your dad so Janis: not technically their fault, even if they'd hardly be happy I got pissed on a school day Jimmy: bit rude you didn't save me any tbh Jimmy: but not a surprise so I can't be fuming about it Janis: weren't my alcohol Janis: you could've hoe'd for it like the rest of us Jimmy: read the room a bit and they weren't chuffed to see me 💔🎻 Janis: awh babes Janis: 😞😘 Jimmy: your fault that you were, could've toned it down 🤏 and let me have some mates Janis: excuse me, you weren't hanging about to chat neither Jimmy: convenient that, you chucking the blame back over here Janis: you could've chucked me back if you were actually arsed Jimmy: might've been a good shout but I had a look and none of 'em were as fit as you Janis: now THAT'S a compliment Jimmy: take it then Janis: How can I? Janis: so overwhelmed you fancy me more than a bunch of greasy 16 year olds in tracksuits Jimmy: you're in the right place to have a lie down, you'll be alright Janis: OBVIOUSLY I prefer to swoon directly into your arms but Janis: have to do Janis: long as you reckon I'm dead when you get back and top yourself Janis: 😩🤤 Jimmy: Bill wouldn't have owt else Jimmy: trying to get this ☕☠ as we 🗨 him Janis: he's so thoughtful Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [bring her whatever adorable breakfast you've made before she gets out of bed because we know what this gal is like] Janis: [shamelessly giving you a massive smooch like you're gonna be gone forever] Jimmy: [it will feel like forever and we all know it, also shamelessly doing a little photoshoot so his dms don't blow up and obvs no other reason like she's the cutest ever] Janis: [so domestic, so cute] Jimmy: [the effort to tear himself away I lol you'll be right back sir] Janis: [and we all know you're not going to school so like, you have all day kids, god bless] Jimmy: [too in love] Janis: [bet Mia will make one of the gals dob you in] Jimmy: [she blatantly will, that snitch] Janis: [like get over it henny, why have you got nothing better on] Jimmy: [your jealousy and bitterness is simply not bringing us down rn hun] Janis: [we're already in trouble and don't care so like, what do you think you're achieving] Jimmy: [you're just annoying Grace even more than you already do gal, sadly she has not yet yeeted and we will have to endure the notp of her and Harry] Jimmy: [jimothy meanwhile is living his best life sending the bae pisstakey pics of these mums on the school run] Janis: ugh, put your tongue away Jimmy: @ the 🐕 Jimmy: nowt but 😎🖍 here Janis: well that was SO 🤓 so Janis: speak for yourself, not him Janis: dragging down his playground cred Jimmy: alright 😒🌧 then Janis: you'll get all the single mums that ain't learnt their lesson after you then Janis: sensible ones trying to tempt away the nice male teacher or one of the active dads Jimmy: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: Asia's mum Janis: She would Janis: you should, at least make Asia fuming Jimmy: see if I can convince her to 🔒 our kid's BFF in a cupboard or some bollocks an' all Jimmy: send her off to wherever the fuck she's named after Janis: must look up to the 💀💀s more that one Jimmy: must take after Asia with her 🧠 AND 🦷🦷 Janis: Poor little fuckers Jimmy: should have the full orchestra hanging about on this school run Janis: right? Janis: it's well depressing Jimmy: 💔 you ain't trained the 🐕 to take him to school for us Janis: soz she still needs a babysitter herself, like Janis: she'll be out of the puppy stage soon-ish and less of a handful but Nana is still a bit of a 💭 Jimmy: convenient excuses them, Janet Janis: 😒 Jimmy: *😏 Janis: I thought you were trained better than this, tbh Jimmy: said as you're having breakfast in bed Janis: you're saying I should be telling you how grateful I am rn? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: Hmm Jimmy: wind your 🦒 neck in Jimmy: I'm being nice Janis: Charming as ever 😂 Jimmy: [writes some v charming and extra post like there you go] Janis: it's gross yet impressive how fast you can turn it on Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: post about how fast you can turn it on would seem a bit cheap rn Janis: I'll be more 💕 too I GUESS Janis: [post it bitch] Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: now give me what the 1st draft were Janis: [something way more 🔥] Jimmy: you been holding out on me this whole time or what? Janis: can't distract you from your duties/milf hunting Jimmy: you've just proved you can Janis: alright, shouldn't Jimmy: why? Janis: because you're having SUCH a good time already Janis: what kind of mate? Jimmy: a TOP one, duh Janis: you haven't been that nice Janis: 💔 Jimmy: how have I not? Janis: aforementioned milfs Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: Baby Jimmy: I'm sending those pisstaking 📷 of them but I'm looking at the ones of you Janis: Jealousy isn't cute, I get it Jimmy: whatever you do is cute, every dickhead gets that Janis: you're not every dickhead Janis: and I'm not that bitch Jimmy: and the kind of dickhead I am is alright with who you are Janis: ew Janis: 🤫🤫🤫 Jimmy: Oi Janis: we don't do mushy Jimmy: calm yourself down, I'll chuck a pillow at you in a bit or some bollocks Janis: I'll start an argument if you like Jimmy: has been AGES since the last one Janis: 👍 Janis: so much fun Jimmy: for Bill, I'd be chuffed to leave it out with the #drama Janis: unlucky Jimmy: for you, not being able to compete with Ian when it comes to having a strop Jimmy: I'll live Janis: fuck off Jimmy: this you starting the 🥊? Janis: you'd know if it was Janis: so no Jimmy: 👍 Janis: let's not Janis: I can't be arsed to go into school Jimmy: you know I don't wanna fight with you Janis: then we're not Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I'm capable Jimmy: never said you weren't Janis: you don't need to when you keep calling me stroppy like I'm Libi's fucking age Jimmy: I'm only pissing about Jimmy: call me what you like Janis: not feeling the 🤤 now soz Jimmy: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Janis: me and the 🐕 are out, if you rush, the bed will still be warm-ish Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: how much food she nick off you? Janis: erm she had to wait patiently until I was done Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: can't help being dominant Jimmy: send tweet Jimmy: I'll get one of the 🎻 to play for you Janis: for you Janis: 🥈 Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: ask Lucas, under me is EXACTLY where you wanna be, dickhead Jimmy: I'll @ him while I'm waiting for you Janis: better than the milfs Janis: he can't come 'round and seduce you Janis: #doubleenglishfirstperiod Jimmy: have to use his words Janis: if that's a hint Jimmy: for him that he can't half arse this just 'cause he's got one of Bill's classics to teach Janis: good luck Janis: he's way more touchy feely, despite the job title Jimmy: tah babe 😘 Janis: what's your angle Janis: besides being 2nd choice to me Jimmy: don't need one Jimmy: it's just that REAL between us, obvs Janis: 👌 Janis: what a nice change Jimmy: gotta have something to do when you're pissing about with this 🐕 Janis: thought you were 🥱😴? Jimmy: thought you promised me breakfast Janis: You can't nap and leave me to it? Janis: got loads of fantasies to be cracking on with, nothing else Jimmy: too excited, me Jimmy: you proper talked up how 🥇 it were gonna be a bit ago Janis: ✊💦 help you finish Janis: what a morning you're having Jimmy: don't keep you about for nowt Janis: aside from the fact I allegedly wouldn't go home Jimmy: it weren't like I were gonna make you Jimmy: or wanted to Janis: cheers Janis: if I was gonna argue with anyone Janis: better be you Janis: sorry Jimmy: we called a truce, you weren't allowed Janis: right Janis: be a bit rude to Jimmy: and you've got nowt to be sorry for Janis: I remember what we actually did Janis: so I know Jimmy: no hangover, not even that much of a pisshead in the first place, yeah I heard Janis: okay Janis: I know I was a bit Janis: not the end of the world Jimmy: not having a go Janis: thank god Jimmy: meant what I said Janis: what part? Jimmy: all of them Janis: nice and specific Janis: but okay Jimmy: alright, specifically not being a massive dickhead to you Jimmy: today at least Janis: don't worry Janis: you're never that bad Janis: not 🥇 anyway Jimmy: that's bollocks but sounds like 🥊🗨 an' all so I'll leave it out Janis: you reckon you're Ian levels of 🤬? Janis: nah Jimmy: there'd be a massive scale between him and me Jimmy: don't mean I weren't a twat to you before Janis: well you are a dickhead, don't need to apologize for who you are, like Janis: you're my mate, yeah Jimmy: your best mate, keep having to tell you Janis: I've still got the necklace Jimmy: be a bit rude if you'd chucked it Janis: don't just wear it when you're about Jimmy: don't just use my lighter when you are Janis: Your habit is pretty extensive Jimmy: 🚬's dead addictive, you not heard? Janis: 😱 Janis: and you let me have some Janis: wow Jimmy: not your daddy Jimmy: and it's a bit late for your growth to get stunted, Judith Janis: you're trying to make yourself feel tall Janis: that makes sense, Tom Jimmy: if I were bothered I'd chuck on a pair of 👠 Janis: or take a saw to mine Jimmy: I'll try not to go as far as fucking up your ankle again Jimmy: right ball ache that were Janis: why are you lying kathy Jimmy: Dunno what you mean Jimmy: ain't a 🪓 under this pillow or owt Jimmy: just me and my ⛓ how you're used to Janis: I'll come back then Janis: if you're promising no surprises Jimmy: [a pic of him snuggled in bed like see there's no danger] Janis: you're cute Jimmy: you Janis: I've got the evidence right in front of me so Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: 👀📷 Janis: I'd take better ones but there's nothing very sexy about freezing my nips off Janis: you can, when I'm back Jimmy: warm you up a bit first Janis: you will Jimmy: can easily promise that Janis: It's not easy though Janis: you're just good Jimmy: never been a hard job, can't take all the credit for that Jimmy: 🤏 you an' all Jimmy: probably have to share the 🏆 at least Janis: alright Janis: we can drink from it Janis: toast to how easy it is Jimmy: long as Bill's 👻 don't try and take over like the proud dad he is Janis: ☠ later Jimmy: he'll have to wait til after I've 💀💀💀 you loads of other ways Janis: you first in that respect Janis: always Jimmy: them lads from that estate'll still be fuming about it Jimmy: swings'll be 🔥 Janis: was never gonna get drunk enough to do shit with them 🤷 Jimmy: not enough drinks in whatever shop they robbed for you to wanna bother, I get it Janis: obviously Janis: not the only girl to ever fuck them over like that, they'll survive Janis: least they can't accuse me of being frigid without sounding stupid now Jimmy: if anyone's still calling you that it'll be me that's fuming Jimmy: what more have I gotta do, like? Janis: 🍆📹 they wish Jimmy: come here then Janis: 😏 Jimmy: *🏃 Janis: I get it, you need both hands free Jimmy: dunno what's ruder, that you're not well trained enough to leg it to me when I click my fingers or that you reckon I don't already have a tripod set up Janis: right, you're a PROFESSIONAL pervert Janis: excuse me Jimmy: get it right Janis: get yourself to church Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ your shit nan, see if she can pick me up Janis: I'll stop 🏃 then Jimmy: or just 🏃 faster Janis: you think I want to fight my nan again Jimmy: didn't know it were a habit Janis: oh Janis: yeah, obvs Jimmy: alright, if it stops you trying to 🥊 with me Janis: bit selfish but Janis: 👌 Jimmy: never said I weren't Janis: I definitely am so not gonna say nothing Jimmy: already said I like you, not gonna risk 🗨 it again after how that went Janis: no accounting for taste Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: got time to dry my eyes before you get back Janis: just about Janis: but I know you, so don't worry too much Jimmy: Oi Janis: I like you too Jimmy: that's alright then Jimmy: no need to chuck you out Janis: you promised you'd warm me up first Jimmy: 'course I will Jimmy: not an utter bastard Janis: I know Janis: fuck knows why I like you Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Bill's gonna do you a list, look less bigheaded coming from him Janis: 🤏 Janis: [come back now] Jimmy: [show her why she likes you with the most extra and enthusiastic welcome ever] Janis: [thank god everyone has gone so we can do what we like, even Twix be having her breakfast rn] Jimmy: [the actual freedom because that's never a thing for him] Janis: [true, when he's here the kids always are, live your best life honeys, not that you were being considerate last night but you know lol] Jimmy: [the feelings just keep getting higher, they can't be blamed or tamed, 100000000% gonna get in the shower together later and run up Ian's water bill too not soz] Janis: [hohaha you know he's the type to be fuming so we gotta] Jimmy: [he's gonna be so fuming when Janis leaves because you've skipped school again as well, not looking forward to that but for now, I'm buzzing for you both] Janis: [no, we're all worried about that, lowkey trying to never leave again but we know we have to soon, just like 🥺] Jimmy: [it's not gonna be nice, fuck you Ian, thank god things are going well for jj rn so if he kicks jimothy out in the cold or something post brawl at least we have the bae] Janis: [subtly moves self in so Ian can never kick off again, we know that that is eventually what's gonna happen but sadly not yet] Jimmy: [can't wait for that] Janis: [lowkey take over your house because what you gon do sir, look after your children? unlikely] Jimmy: [or out yourself as an actual utter bastard by kicking off, even more unlikely] Janis: [like you can be salty but if you even asked for rent or whatever to try and get her out she'd just pay it so soz] Jimmy: [so glad Janis has worked out what Ian is really like because it'd seem like he was making it up/ it wasn't as bad if she hadn't] Janis: [the injuries don't lie, and if he'd got them from scrapping or whatever he would've just said 'cos it's much less shameful so we know] Jimmy: [and soz but who would this soft boy be fighting you're not a massive slag giving him grief like his ex] Janis: [exactly, we already know he ain't that boy either so like, pretend all you like Ian, we see you] Jimmy: [not soz he's not actually Liam 2.0 and a mad lad] Janis: [you'll see eventually fam, anywhosers, do we wanna do any of their day or skip to when she's gotta think about leaving] Jimmy: [we can probably skip because we know the vibe when they're together] Janis: [when are you gonna think you've gotta leave hmm] Jimmy: [and am I making you go to work after school or not hmm] Janis: [that would make sense, if you go to work and you leave] Jimmy: [let's do that then why not] Jimmy: [probably go pick Bobby up from school first and maybe take him and Twix to the park or something for a bit because Cass gonna mad at you after last night so] Janis: [yeah, we can give you that time, he's primary so he probably gets out pretty early] Jimmy: you wanna come with me? Jimmy: do some ☕🎨 Janis: tempting offer, boy Janis: I DO need to perfect the 💕 for the BIG day Jimmy: for the fans who ain't 😎 enough for the smoke rings I taught you Janis: all of them? Jimmy: SHOOK that you've forgotten the dickheads who vape Jimmy: good to know you ain't getting me one of them for the BIG day Janis: I bet they have flavours that are well appropriate though Janis: all 🍓🍧🍨🧁🍭🍬🍫 Jimmy: gimme 👼🏽🩸 and 🥀 or I don't want it 💔 Janis: That's why you've invited me Janis: 🤞 I fuck up that bad Janis: who's first aid? Jimmy: Pete 😍🤤 Jimmy: had loads of 🩺 fantasies obvs Janis: UGH Janis: what can't he do Jimmy: NOWT Jimmy: 💪🏆🩹💕 Jimmy: need a 🤕 that looks chuffed to bits Janis: 🥴 with a bandage, deffo Janis: cannot wait for my third degree burns now Jimmy: they'll probably be about though Jimmy: 💀👑 and that Jimmy: so you'll have to fake that your 😍🤤 is @ me til they've pissed off Janis: oh, duh Janis: caffeine so needed after a long day of bitching about everyone Janis: I reckon I'll manage Jimmy: haven't had their IRL 👀 on us all day Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: You need the audience, yeah? Jimmy: they need the updates Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: hmm Janis: alright, hate to disappoint 'em, obvs Jimmy: make it worth your ⏲ with 🥪🍪🧁 if their 👀🔪🔪 don't Janis: just don't make yourself sick of me Jimmy: bit rude to be taking the piss out of my stamina Janis: you're rude Jimmy: how am I? Jimmy: been 🥇😇 all day Janis: exactly Jimmy: I just Jimmy: don't want you to 👋 yet Janis: Me either Janis: I'm coming Jimmy: okay Janis: I just feel a bit Janis: the hangover might've caught up with me Janis: easy on the 🍪🧁 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a smoothie Janis: so behind my 💪🏆 Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: you can sit in the back again an' all if you want Janis: that's okay Janis: gotta have all 👀s on us to make it count Jimmy: nowt makes 'em more fuming than what they can't 👀 all I'm 🗨 Jimmy: you don't need to worry about chucking them the 🍿 if you don't feel alright Janis: should teach them to lip read Janis: but don't Janis: I'm okay, honest Jimmy: [teaching her how to sign stuff for if she doesn't feel well that won't be obvious to the flatwhites cos lord knows some sign language really is] Janis: [doing some you've remembered from a previous sesh like look, I've learnt] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😏 I know, so impressive Janis: Libi makes me practice with her Jimmy: without me having to @ her an' all Jimmy: must be 💕 Janis: DUH Janis: don't be acting like you haven't had your 👂 signed off Jimmy: it's alright, he's deffo gonna outdo me with his 🎨 and 🎁s Jimmy: probably keep it going the whole 2 weeks, him Jimmy: CLEARLY mutual Janis: Your influence Jimmy: except I dunno what I'm gonna get you that won't make you start a scale for it from 🙄 to 🤮 Janis: you don't have to get ME fuck all Janis: you only have to 1 up the basic 🎁 every lad does Jimmy: you'll be stuck with it, might as well sort out something that's not a load of shite Janis: 👍 Janis: I'll hit Bobby up for tips Jimmy: too soon for a 💍? Jimmy: he'd say it ain't Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna have to keep an 👀 on him Jimmy: least he's only got 😍 for Libi and don't take after me in being a massive slag Jimmy: be proposing to his whole class Janis: be well pricey if he's not reusing Jimmy: have to break into one of them machines once the shop is out of the sweet ones Janis: hoeing was meant to bring in the 💰 not lose it Janis: 💔 Jimmy: not gonna say you should give him tips Jimmy: still don't wanna 🥊 tah Janis: Not gonna break no baby hearts, so you're safe for now Jimmy: now I know you're feeling 🤢 Janis: you're gonna have to later Jimmy: what for? Janis: 🥊 Janis: not me Jimmy: I thought you meant 💔👶 Jimmy: not in the job description but alright Janis: 'course not Janis: be a weird rule to have at any of 'em Janis: ☕ or 💕 Jimmy: piss easy though Janis: that's not up for debate Janis: taking the 🍭🍬 is well known Jimmy: *🍪🧁 Jimmy: off you and them Janis: so tough Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: I won't wanna go Janis: you promised you'd teach me how to do the thing Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: I'll make it worth your while Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: come on Janis: you know me Jimmy: and you know I'm only pissing about, Jules Jimmy: VERY impressive, you Jimmy: said it before Janis: I'll get you to say it again Janis: one way or another Jimmy: you can't just say that like it's nowt and we're just gonna go crack on with ☕🎨 Janis: why not? Jimmy: you know why not Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: you're so Janis: that's you Jimmy: you Janis: you did such a good job on your first job Janis: you deserve to have a good shift Jimmy: it weren't a job today Janis: true Jimmy: I'll call in sick if you want, my nursing kink ain't gone nowhere Janis: No, no Janis: we'll have a good time Jimmy: can't deny that Janis: you can but I'm gonna do my best Jimmy: you'd know I were faking if I tried to bother Janis: let's not Janis: even if they're there Janis: we can still work it Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Jimmy: it still won't feel like a job, however hard work 💀👑 and her mates are Janis: neither of us need it Janis: they'll see 😍 regardless 'cos they want to Jimmy: right Jimmy: we've done our 💕 posts Janis: and it's not like I'll be ignoring you Jimmy: or that I can ever ignore you Janis: they don't know the difference Jimmy: 🧠💀💀💀 Janis: and you do 💀💀 me Janis: really Jimmy: you're killing me now Janis: sorry Janis: IOU Jimmy: when you feel less hungover Janis: I don't feel hungover Janis: I just miss you and I'm gonna miss you Jimmy: no need to miss me now and if you do in a bit I'll do the balcony scene 🌹 Jimmy: gone further to come get you and I didn't get lost Janis: it was VERY impressive, baby Jimmy: do alright under pressure Jimmy: @ my manager Janis: I'll put it on the trip advisor review Jimmy: tah Janis: I'll keep it PG Janis: or at the very least be vague about which barista I'm fucking Jimmy: I get it, this were nowt but a plan to get Pete's girlfriend to piss off Janis: 🤫🤫 Janis: worked SO hard on this plan, you ain't fucking it up for me Jimmy: 🤐 for now but he'll get it out of me Janis: great, now I've got to have a threesome with you 🙄 Jimmy: need a different eye rolling emoji for that Jimmy: get a bit closer to your actual review Janis: don't you dare make me 😳 in front of him Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're 😳 whenever I'm about Janis: psh Janis: whichever way you look at it that's clearly bollocks Jimmy: you're 🗨 bollocks denying it, mate Janis: shut up Jimmy: make me Janis: you're on Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: sorted our kid out now, I can do you before we have to go Janis: 1. no you can't 2. don't add me to your to-do list Jimmy: 1. yeah I can 2. you're top of every list, don't be a dickhead Janis: I want you too much Jimmy: so come here Jimmy: there's loads I can do about that Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [I'm just like do we want these kids to ruin this for you or no cos clearly both around] Janis: [when we're gonna be so rude later we're like ahh have everything lol, you probably would get cocklblocked though being real] Jimmy: [hence I was conflicted because Ian is gonna be a huge cunt and hurt you boy but realism though] Janis: [you can have an enjoyable time at the CG before we make you say goodbye it's okay, like it's not but] Jimmy: [we're doing what we can lads, you're welcome] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to then now if you like] Janis: [skippity doo dah] Jimmy: [do we wanna do any of the CG stuff is the question or fully go to later] Janis: [we could just vibe out how the gals are 'cos we already said Mia and co are being extra like skipping school is so shocking, then skip to when they have to say goodbye 'cos it'll be emosh] Jimmy: [that's a fair shout I think because yeah we know that they'll be goals without trying so it's just how Mia's trying to be] Janis: ['cos soon she's gonna literally get him fired so clearly she's gonna be a cow] Jimmy: [making complaints like a Karen when he's literally done nothing wrong, we see you] Janis: [she should be like IS THAT GIRL TRAINED when he's letting Janis do some latte art, as if they're giving anyone the ones she's making, so then they have to stop] Jimmy: [that's so petty she would, like gal we weren't gonna serve it to you we're just having a nice time while there is a lull in customers step back] Janis: [seriously, excuse us tryna have fun, like we still will but clearly that's the vibe, any time they try to do something she's like UM] Jimmy: [yeah and any time he tries to go remotely near the bae's table she suddenly needs something as if he's the only barista here] Janis: Can she be our second victim? Janis: 🔪🔪 Jimmy: first Jimmy: no need to hang about Janis: I'll clearly poison her 'cos I dunno how to make a latte Janis: whoops Jimmy: could let you loose with the steam wand Janis: her face just looks like that Jimmy: exactly, can't be traced back to you Janis: I don't want Pete to give me his disappointed face when he has to give her a bandage and write it in the accident book though Janis: 😥 Jimmy: I'll say it were me, piss easy to get his forgiveness 😘 Janis: rude Jimmy: it's alright, I know how to get yours an' all Janis: you do not Jimmy: 😏 Janis: dickhead Janis: meant to be focused on the murder anyway, you've got well off topic Jimmy: Oi, well decent at 🤹 now, me Janis: you need to work on your 🏃 clearly Jimmy: get my 🐕 trained and then we'll 🗨 Janis: am I even qualified? Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: can you get 💀👑 to behave herself or what? Janis: could give it a go Janis: what's in it for me though Jimmy: other than getting to rub her noise in her 🤮 next time she pisses off to the 🚽 how dickheads do when their 🐕s piss, you mean? Jimmy: what else do you want? Janis: save on you cleaning it up, you mean Janis: but alright Janis: [go over to the gals table like they haven't been actively being bitchy like HEY BABES WHAT'S UP] Jimmy: [comes over too like is there anything else you need and just being subtly but not subtly touchy feely with the bae while you're there to annoy Mia like what are you gonna do bitch make a complaint cos I'm playing with her hair] Janis: [getting y'all a massive cake or muffin or whatever that you would never order yourselves like our treat!] Jimmy: [LOL I love that, Hollie will be buzzing] Janis: [finally some food, just force feeding you like what are you gonna do, say no and look weird? I think not] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: worth it for the 😨😰 Janis: just collateral the ones that eat occasionally are getting fed but I'll cope Jimmy: do you want owt or have they made you lose your appetite? Jimmy: tell me so I can fake that I 🧠📖 Janis: I'll take a smoothie Janis: bonus points that I can brag about how talented you are or whatever Jimmy: and she can have a go that I ignored a load of dickheads to get it done for you Jimmy: they must be 👻s an' all Janis: since when was 💕a crime, Mia Janis: must've been dumped Jimmy: when I'm 45 and undercover 👮🚔 but that's our secret so Janis: She'd be far too into you then Janis: no escape Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 cos he looks hot doing it and then it looks like they are being saucy with their convo lol] Janis: [🤭 energy back but not exactly that obviously] Jimmy: [😏😍 energy that is not fake because I 100% assume she's wearing his clothes rn cos not been home and looking cute af] Jimmy: [definitely giving as many LOOKs as we can while we make this smoothie] Janis: [she definitely is so that's adorable and we never need to fake this energy lbr] Jimmy: [you've never had to fake much of anything we know and that's why this works] Janis: [mhmm, faking an interest in y'alls convo however? very much so] Janis: please tell me you're due a 🚬 soon Jimmy: manager ain't about to stop me Jimmy: bit busy with his 👂🩸 from all her whinging probably Janis: definitely better not go out back as it's staff only Jimmy: What?! 😱 you DON'T work here? Jimmy: top ☕🎨 like that! Janis: I know right?! Janis: #hiremegreg Jimmy: [writes her a review as if she do work here] Janis: pretty generous Jimmy: [shows her some pics of his early latte art like look how shit I was] Janis: awh, baby's first ☕🎨 Janis: only got a few years before your brother comes for this gig too Jimmy: 🤞 they'll have heard of coffee in the north by then Jimmy: he'll be 💔😭😭 else Janis: 😏 Janis: you're not emmerdale northern, I remember, can't fool me Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: real 🤞 he's stopped copying me ages before that Janis: you'll lose your ✨ Jimmy: ⏲ Jimmy: [give her this smoothie with today's 🎨 on the napkin and a kiss on the cheek] Janis: [insta that in front of the gals, obvs, just showing you all how cute we are] Janis: 🤞 I don't forget and wipe my face with that Jimmy: 🤞 I've got my 📷 out when you do Janis: I won't Janis: 🐘 memory Jimmy: 💔 you'd look well shakespearian with a pen beard Jimmy: Bill's gonna roll in his ⚰ at the missed chance Janis: I don't need to think about him that excited, tbh Jimmy: 👻🎻 Janis: you're the slag, you deal with it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: leave you with whatever you wanna 💭 about instead Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: what happened to our break? Jimmy: nowt, ready when you are Janis: [run away because we are over this girly chat like let's go] Jimmy: [you lasted longer than I would gal hence Jimothy will light you a 🚬 cos deserved] Janis: [you can dramatically breathe out like PHEW] Jimmy: [do your own because we all know what you're thinking about but we can pretend it's either a pisstake of hers or in solidarity] Janis: [reaching out to squeeze the hand that isn't holding his cigarette] Jimmy: [writing an o and a k on the back of hers but not establishing whether we're saying we are or asking if she is] Janis: [kissing the back of his] Jimmy: [kissing her dramatically because he cannot handle the softness rn] Janis: [we can go with that too] Jimmy: [just have a moment lads that's deserved too] Janis: [going in 'cos our emotions] Jimmy: [likewise because it's not like you care about all the people going past or that can see you inside] Janis: [keep going to say 'we-' and 'you-' like many times but never actually finishing either sentence 'cos you know he can't] Jimmy: [and don't talk to me about how tightly he's holding onto her because never mind this break not being long enough, this whole shift isn't and the goodbye and how evil I'm gonna be is looming over us] Janis: [gonna need someone to come through and break yous up we all know it] Jimmy: [thank god there's lots of possibilities for that cos of where you are] Janis: [someone else just tryna have their break lol] Jimmy: [soz but not] Janis: [truly] Janis: I'll brb Jimmy: Where you going? Janis: just need to get some stuff Jimmy: 🔪🪓🔧🔨🧱🧨🛢 I get it Janis: exactly Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: they should fuck off now 🤞 Jimmy: *🤞😁🤞 Janis: I'll do that whole way down the street, like Jimmy: 📷 it for us Jimmy: nowt else would do to make me 😁😁😁 Janis: ugh Janis: now I have to Jimmy: if you want a 🏆 or IOU Janis: [obviously we are] Jimmy: [have a lil reaction vid back as if we're not literally meant to be working because we're a nerd and in love] Janis: there we go Janis: all worth it now Janis: even though I looked like tiktok tammy Jimmy: 🦍🌃 Jimmy: you could NEVER Janis: compliment or diss? Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: dunno Janis: 'cos if you're saying I can't dance like I'm having a seizure that's a lie Jimmy: you're gonna have to prove that now, you get that, yeah? Jimmy: walked right into making yourself look a twat Janis: you ask for any more 📷 and it's just gonna be weird Jimmy: alright, if you'd rather do it here in front of dickheads buying ☕ crack on Jimmy: I'll wait Janis: what about me doesn't scream 'loves an audience' Jimmy: what about me makes you reckon I'll be up for being your fake boyfriend after any of that bollocks? Jimmy: far as plans to dump me go Janis: you're the one asking me to do it, dickhead Janis: can't reverse psychology your way into getting to be the one doing the dumping Jimmy: you set yourself up, dickhead, nowt to do with me Janis: you could let it slide Janis: you already know I can dance Jimmy: I could Jimmy: you have got that IOU Janis: not what I'd use it for in an ideal world but Jimmy: might let you keep it and let it go an' all if I like the sound of what you would use it for Jimmy: am in a VERY 😁 mood now Janis: that'd be telling Janis: can't risk that 😁 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: you said it were in an ideal world, nowt but 😁 there Janis: but that ain't where any of us is Janis: so no point Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: yeah Janis: you weren't meant to stop 😁 Jimmy: doing my customer service face, it's as near Janis: if you're an alien who's never seen a person before Jimmy: busted 💔 Janis: 👮=👽 checks out Jimmy: bit racist of you but I get it, the north does look like something out of a shite sci fi film Jimmy: all them fuming orange lasses with nowt on 🤞 for 👽 Janis: bit up yourself Janis: but won't disagree Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: maybe you should go back Janis: first, like Jimmy: what for? Janis: so your dad has to relocate Jimmy: might just still be about big enough for the both of us Janis: it might work Janis: if you keep doing a runner Jimmy: don't see that happening with 👶👶🐕 Janis: he'd get fed up of looking after them, right Jimmy: not leaving them with him long enough to find out Janis: okay Jimmy: or trusting Ian to work out where I'd gone even if I left a 💌 with a drawn out map Janis: he can't be that thick Jimmy: why can't he? Janis: it's impossible he's not heard what your sister wants Janis: ignoring it is another issue Jimmy: yeah Janis: anyway Jimmy: what he's too thick to work out is that she wants a person not a place Jimmy: that's how he reckons he can make it work here with his 🎁💰🐕 Janis: guess he can't give that anywhere Jimmy: he could give her her mates back who were there and know about it, instead of this bollocks where it only gets 🗨 for each new Sharon who comes about Janis: so tell her to do it Jimmy: what makes you think I can tell her to do owt Janis: it's what she wants to do, so help her do it so she doesn't fuck it up Jimmy: she's a kid, I'm not helping her piss off on her own Janis: not permanently Janis: just so he has to do something about it Jimmy: no Janis: alright Jimmy: it's not alright, what the fuck's wrong with you? Janis: she's 12, not 2 Janis: and you said she has friends, all it is is showing up on their doorstep unannounced and waiting for their parents to call Jimmy: she's my sister, not some dickhead I don't care about that I'd use to score points against him Janis: I didn't say you had to, it was just a suggestion Jimmy: leave it out Janis: I said alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: what? Janis: forget it Jimmy: forget what? Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: you started it Janis: by trying to help, sure Jimmy: I never asked for it Janis: nah, 'course not Jimmy: you don't know her Jimmy: and if she got it into her head to go looking for my mum instead of pissing about at a mates for a bit, fuck knows what'd happen Janis: like it's going to be easy to convince your dad to move back when he moved for a reason Jimmy: I'm not thick, alright Jimmy: I know how decent his job here is Janis: you either want to do something about it or you don't Janis: and you clearly don't so that's what forget it means Jimmy: stop having a go at me Jimmy: you clearly don't have a fucking clue about what I do or don't want Janis: this is pointless Jimmy: yeah, it is Janis: bye then Jimmy: 👋 Janis: I'll be over the road when you want your stuff back later Jimmy: it's nowt I need back in a bit Janis: then I'll leave it there Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [what do you wanna do like after he's gone home and dealt?] Jimmy: [I'll hit you back up because I was thinking injury wise like obvs it makes sense for them all to be hidden still because Ian is probs suss of Janis so like whatever healing his ribs have done they are probably fucked again but if it's lowkey that whole side of his body his wrist and arm would be an easy one for people to maybe notice at school but not think is a big deal because people hurt them all the time by putting them out when they fall etc and he can write with his other hand anyway but because we want some #drama and none of the bruises will be !! for a couple of days he could also have a dislocated shoulder as it's painful and shock factor for her to having to pop it back in but easy enough that she could without anyone else having to be involved] Jimmy: You still over the road or what? Janis: yes Janis: do you need to come in? Jimmy: come out Janis: ok Janis: [do that quickly 'cos we've clearly just been waiting] Jimmy: [I dread to think the state of this poor boy just trying not to cry outside mcvickers gaff like hey] Janis: [we're gonna be really shocked but pretending hard not to be like okay, just trying to survey the damage 'what do you need me to do?'] Jimmy: [show her your shoulder boy like nbd just casually pop this back into place because we're lowkey in shock here hence we told her to come outside even though you're gonna have to go in because you have to do this while he's lying on a bed you can't just do it here] Janis: [just gonna lead you inside without touching you or saying anything, just gesturing like come on 'it's okay' which is the furthest thing from the truth but what else can you say rn] Jimmy: [thank god you can trust her not only to do this but to not tell anyone because what a big ask when we're literally a month in] Janis: [lowkey, thank god you have a room here too, gonna rip your top off instead of trying to get it off 'cos impossible and bunching it in a way to make a decent gag because don't need to bite through your tongue or scream the house down, letting him get ready in that much and getting on the bed but not giving him loads of warning because best way to do it] Jimmy: [last we need is Libi or mcvickers rocking up and interrupting any of this so well played gal because he is not in a headspace to be helpful rn] Janis: [at least its one of those things where it's better once it's done so that'll be some minor relief for you, still, 'sorry' though 'cos it's fucking gnarly 'wait here' and going out to the bathroom, thank god they're old and probably have some decent painkillers, have to cross that bridge later when they think you've taken 'em for fun gal] Jimmy: [if he was thinking clearly he would not have come here because you already know too much gal and more importantly isn't not fair to make you do this when you're literally supposed to get xrays and shit first but here we are and you know he's saying sorry too and also trying to stop her from leaving even though she's literally just going too the bathroom and we realistically know that] Janis: [just keep telling him it's okay over and over 'we need to get you comfortable, okay? then we'll-' trail off 'cos we don't know and we know that's gonna be a journey to get there] Jimmy: [just nod because we know she's not wrong you do need those painkillers] Janis: [get as many of them down you as is safe boy, thanks for having a decent stash guys, also bandages we're gonna try to make use of now, taking his hand gently 'do you think any of the fingers are broken?'] Jimmy: [they gonna be suss about where all this has gone you're gonna have to lie convincingly gal, but for now we're just moving all our fingers by like messing about doing the signing alphabet and stuff like cos I'm gonna let you live and say they are okay] Janis: [sigh of relief like okay, we don't need to splint any of those, checking to see if he can bend his arm and how high he can etc before settling on splinting the whole forearm and then doing a sling 'he does realize you'll probably have to take more time off school now, where's the fucking sense in that' basically to ourselves and under our breath 'cos we know it's not logical and also not really about that] Jimmy: [didn't realise when you were having all that fun fake nursing each other that it would come to this, did you lads? ugh Ian, but jimothy is just getting ready to go when she's done this like okay thanks bye as if I'm just gonna let you walk out and go back to big brother duties and whatever else you're thinking about rn sir] Janis: [putting a hand out like stop 'you can't just go back'] Jimmy: ['I can't just stay here' like you literally can boy it's okay] Janis: '[just sit down, you need to give yourself chance to catch up'] Jimmy: [when you do sit down without arguing or saying anything pisstakey and it's so unlike him that we all hate it] Janis: [sit in silent shock for a sec guys 'you know you can't let him do this again' 'you will end up in hospital'] Jimmy: ['you're acting like there's owt else I can do that I've not'] Janis: ['that isn't what I'm saying' 'this isn't working, not any more'] Jimmy: ['What then, you still want me to tell Cass to crack on making him more fuming than I ever have done, knowing what he's like?] Janis: ['has he hit her?'] Jimmy: ['not yet'] Janis: ['you're gonna have to consider possibilities you don't like, you can't live like this'] Jimmy: ['there ain't a possibility I've not, I've been living like this for ages'] Janis: ['this isn't just discipline or whatever the fuck, it's assault and he knows that, wouldn't you be better off without him?'] Jimmy: ['where do you reckon we'd go? They're not better off without me'] Janis: ['I don't know, all I know is, he gives you any more injuries, neither of you will have any say who gets involved, okay'] Jimmy: ['he's got away with it this long'] Janis: ['well he isn't now'] Jimmy: ['I didn't come here for you to have another go at me'] Janis: ['I'm not'] Jimmy: ['nobody knows fuck all about it and that's the way it's staying'] Janis: [just shrugging like okay and getting up to go 'get some sleep' Jimmy: [likewise getting up to leave and actually go home this time like okay bye] Janis: ['next time this happens, don't come to me for help, because this isn't fair' 'because I do know and I'm not going to pretend I don't again'] Jimmy: ['I shouldn't have bothered coming this time' because we know it's not fair and we're just very sad and frustrated by life obvs 'do what you like' because lord knows we would if we could] Janis: ['I'm not going to tell anyone' 'but it has nothing to do with what I like, Jesus fucking Christ'] Jimmy: ['and I'm not saying tah for you not being a massive dickhead who'd proper fuck my little brother and sister over' a shrug but we're maintaining eye contact because this is serious] Janis: ['it's not about them' because it ain't Jimmy: ['you tell anyone and they'll get chucked into care same as I would'] Janis: ['remind him of that, not me'] Jimmy: ['you don't think I have done?'] Janis: ['there are ways to make it a more serious threat'] Jimmy: [just an exhausted sigh because he's doing everything he can always and it's not enough ever] Janis: ['think about it, the last thing he wants is people knowing, yeah? well I know'] Jimmy: ['might work for a bit, til he's too fuming to be bothered and just tells himself no dickhead'll believe you or owt else he needs to'] Janis: [just looks at him like there's all the evidence needed 'not like it's being made up though'] Jimmy: ['alright, it might be enough to get him to fuck off back to the north and get us away from you, but that don't help me'] Janis: ['except he doesn't want to go back, as is very fucking obvious by now, so it'd be easier for him to stop beating the shit out of you than do that'] Jimmy: [a look like yeah obviously but that doesn't mean he will] Janis: ['it's accountability, if he keeps doing it, I could tell anyone, everyone- he clearly reckons you won't by now, he doesn't know that about me'] Jimmy: [just clearly thinking about if she did have to then follow through on that threat though and tell everyone and how much he obviously doesn't want anyone to know and all of this is just in his expression rn] Janis: [shaking our head like well there's fuck all else to say rn 'get some sleep'] Jimmy: ['stop saying that' cos clearly neither of them will be able to very easily] Janis: ['you need it to heal'] Jimmy: ['just say you want me to piss off, you've already said not to bother coming back'] Janis: ['I'm trying to fucking help you'] Jimmy: ['I know' in a purely frustrated way but then repeating it in a soft way because we do know that] Janis: ['I don't know what else you want me to do'] Jimmy: ['I never said I knew what I were doing or what you should' this boy trying not to cry again over here] Janis: ['don't' but softly 'cos we've been trying not to cry this whole convo lowkey and we don't wanna do it now] Jimmy: [doing a feelsy lean with our good side because we want to hug her but we can't] Janis: ['I mean it' and moving away so he doesn't hurt himself, but not dramatically like get away] Jimmy: [a nod because we know and we appreciate everything she has done and is trying to do more than we can put into words without crying rn ' but I shouldn't have made you do that' a look at his shoulder 'I'm a dickhead'] Janis: [shrug like it's nothing, like I'm sure you've seen dislocated shoulders but doubt you were the one putting them back in but okay 'don't mean you deserve any of this'] Jimmy: [a look like don't because we know it's not nothing and we're really sorry about this now we're thinking clearer] Janis: ['you didn't have anywhere else to go'] Jimmy: ['that don't mean it were alright to come here and do this to you'] Janis: ['I'm not the one battered and bruised, I'm fine'] Jimmy: ['I'm used to that bollocks, it's having someone be bothered about it that I can't get my head round' when you aren't used to having people care about you ever so you always feel like you're fucking it up] Janis: ['be a pretty shit person if I didn't' 'so I can see the confusion' not really the time to be salty about that but we are] Jimmy: [a lol which we then regret because ouch] Janis: [tryna be serious like 'for fuck's sake' but a lil bit 😏] Jimmy: [when you wanna kiss her so much that you've simply got to, injuries be damned] Janis: [at least your face is purposely avoided so you'll be okay but you can't go in sad times for you 'I'm sorry' 'that you think I'm having a go at you'] Jimmy: [shaking his head because he genuinely doesn't think that 'I didn't mean that it were just -' no need to finish that because she knows what you mean, we've all been put through it tonight honey and we've already admitted we've been a dickhead] Janis: [nods because yeah 'I was never saying it was easy, I don't think that'] Jimmy: [also nods because yeah 'and I weren't saying it were a shit idea'] Janis: ['I just want-' not finishing that sentence like never mind 'anyway'] Jimmy: [all the eye contact because always 'what?'] Janis: ['I just want you to be alright' mumbling and not giving more than a second of eye contact like you haven't already said ily and that you care] Jimmy: [posing to show off the amazing job she's done bandaging him up and 😁 like I am alright now as if it's that simple] Janis: [just like mhmm like that is not what I mean and you know that but we don't need to get into it rn it's okay] Jimmy: [pull her even closer to you because we do know what she means and we appreciate it] Janis: [checking him like be careful please 'I'm sleeping on the floor' it's definitely a double but we don't wanna hurt him] Jimmy: [gestures at the bed like um look how much space there is compared to what we've used to 'no need for that'] Janis: ['could make a pillow wall' like people who hate their partners do lmao] Jimmy: ['that'll be Mia at every one of them sleepovers, cracking on just like her dad taught her' shading Ella and Mia's mum in one go lol] Janis: [we have to lol 'poor els, no 'accidental' rub ups for her'] Jimmy: [goes to do the 💔 but can only do half so has to force the bae to do the other bit for us] Janis: ['so tragic' and lowkey forcing him to get situated properly in this bed as comfortably as possible 'what are you gonna say happened then?' 'cos can't hide for the whole time it'd take to heal] Jimmy: ['weren't planning to do a q&a about it' cos he's honestly not thought about it yet with everything else he has been thinking about 'don't matter as long as nobody reckons you smacked me about'] Janis: [a look like who is going to think that? then rolling our eyes 'cos is the type of thing Mia would try to say lol 'well no one is going to think you got it playing a sport' cheeky bit of shade as we are looking in the wardrobe and under the bed for something] Jimmy: [chucking a pillow at her for the shade like oi 'I'll say I fell over or some bollocks, worked for my mum'] Janis: [making a noise like psh but we're not throwing that back 'you tryna prove you have aim? alright, I believe you' and coming back with the pillow and the sleeping bag we've retrieved to sleep in so we're not rolling all over] Jimmy: [a look like you know how good my aim is because any excuse to be saucy about anything especially when we're so upset about this whole sleeping situation but trying to downplay it] Janis: ['thank god you're ambidextrous' meant to be taking the piss out of him but it just sounds thirsty so we're loling] Jimmy: [😏 'you'll have to tweet that so the fans know'] Janis: ['the offers to fill in whilst you're injured would probably be a lot'] Jimmy: [😒 because we don't wanna think about that 'won't be a slaggy nurse's outfit left in this shithole once they've heard' because also true] Janis: [likewise 'gross' and shaking our head 'there's nothing sexy about hospital'] Jimmy: [a fed up sigh 'I can't be bothered with this' like it's an option to just not be injured, soz boy] Janis: [squeeze his non-injured hand like I know 'it'll be alright, we'll work it out'] Jimmy: ['can we not just fake going away like we were gonna do at new year's?' probably not boy but it's a nice thought] Janis: ['it'd be easier to actually go away' but a tone that's saying, that's how long it'd need to be, not suggesting it] Jimmy: ['let's do that then' as if that's remotely plausible in any way] Janis: ['are you concussed as well?' and moving our fingers about in front of him like follow but 😏 'cos we don't think he actually is obvs or we wouldn't be joking] Jimmy: [takes her hand and turns it into a 👍 like she's agreeing to his great idea 'wouldn't even have to be for that long' because we know he's not gonna do the 2 weeks off that you're meant to when you dislocate your shoulder because he never does what he's supposed to] Janis: ['where are we going then?' as we lay down ourselves] Jimmy: ['where do you wanna go?'] Janis: ['don't care' because we don't 'what about you?@'] Jimmy: ['what makes you think I care?' because likewise we don't] Janis: ['then just not here it is' turning to face him in our little sleeping bag 'assuming the pain pills don't wear off and you change your mind'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile at the prospect of getting to leave for a bit together even hypothetically tbh 'when they wear off you might change yours' and doing a 😒 af face] Janis: ['this is you being a delight, yeah?' and do a feelsy lean assuming we're sleeping on his good side 'cos makes sense] Jimmy: ['that were me doing an impression of you remembering what a nightmare I were last time we went away' because that skerries domestic when she tried to get him to sleep in a bed we all remember those joys] Janis: ['bit rude' like how dare you insinuated I'm ever grumpy lollolollll 'you'll be less trouble now you're fucked up' but a sad sigh 'cos its not funny though we're trying] Jimmy: [taking her hand again so you can write soz on it playfully but then just properly hold it because we heard that sad sigh and we are really soz in our heart] Janis: [doing the 👌 symbol which is probs hard to follow so then just doing a 💕 like] Jimmy: [doing an irl 🤝 because best friends forever] Janis: [then tucking him in like go to sleep nerd 'it'll be better in the morning'] Jimmy: [goes to say something because it won't be but we're deciding against it so she doesn't sad sigh again and closing our eyes instead] Janis: [gently lean over and kiss both his eyes] Jimmy: [not opening our eyes or anything but 'I really fucking like you' with feeling because he do] Janis: [got to kiss you on the lips with as much feeling 'cos we cannot trust ourselves to say anything rn] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's been a very dramatic night]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so my thought is that like maybe he's been sorting out a Cass rage because he's actually going to this festival and she's fuming about it for obvious reasons but then he comes back and Janis is thinking that Harry might show up cos had that convo with Grace so she's being weird and he's like ?] Janis: [solid plan, awks all 'round, just tryna play off you've been busy whilst he's been arguing like oh hi, definitely didn't hear any of that 'alright?'] Jimmy: [just going for a 🚬 immediately because he's obvs not alright] Janis: fair Janis: they could take a few tips, like Jimmy: gutted they don't know where I live then Jimmy: for that and loads of other reasons, like Janis: naturally Janis: such good craic, who wouldn't want them popping over for a cuppa Jimmy: hot water and 🍋 is nearer to the order they'd put in Janis: do you charge for that at CG? Janis: probably a couple of euro, still Jimmy: put a fancy name on it and you can charge for owt Janis: they're stupid enough to buy it Janis: we're definitely getting them the cheapest paint-thinner vodka, yeah Jimmy: what do you want? 🍾? Janis: 🙄 deffo Janis: any +1s I can get Jimmy: such a celebration 🙌 Janis: everyone's feeling it Janis: we might not end up going anyway Jimmy: what? Janis: you know, fuck knows where they're all at with it Janis: 🤞 I've convinced Grace she has to though Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: whose idea were this? obvs a right dickhead Janis: yeah Janis: if we don't bottle it she can't Janis: tried her best but Jimmy: bottle her before I stay here Janis: you gotta be hot about it Janis: rude Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: come sit with me Janis: you sure Jimmy: you don't wanna? Janis: just thinking if there's any more shit news I have to give you before I do Jimmy: is there? Janis: I dunno Janis: you given any thought to who Mia's mystery guest could be Jimmy: I reckon that 🏌 trip her daddy's on might be #fake Janis: that'd make it all worth it Janis: none of us are that 🍀 Jimmy: or she's choosing now to come out with her 🤞 you will an' all Janis: shut up Janis: you're meant to think Asia is irreplaceable Jimmy: duh Jimmy: I know I'm #blessed Janis: you're the only one Jimmy: 😏 Janis: we all know Mia isn't surprising her with lizard boy Jimmy: or 🐸 from previous Janis: if we're doing a this is your life of her exes, she'll need a bus Jimmy: Alright, no need to make me jealous Jimmy: can't be arsed with the green emojis Janis: you can't be Janis: very #ungoals Janis: they're all massive slags and proud Janis: 'cept #2, who wouldn't and Tammy who couldn't Jimmy: Holly's a good name, bit prickly her Jimmy: the marding and the hair regrowth Janis: 😂 Janis: so mean Jimmy: did have to laugh when princess Ella were like mime to a sad song about it Janis: no doubt being favourite got her cocky but her comebacks were better Jimmy: wonder who'll be fave by the time we get there Janis: not her, if Holly made good on her threat Jimmy: bloody musical thrones Jimmy: could be on telly Janis: 🙄 don't say that Janis: already think they're interesting enough to film it Jimmy: I get it, that's only us, eh babe? 😏 Janis: duh Janis: why it weren't hard to 👑👑 Jimmy: pissed on my 💍 proposal, still fuming Janis: me and all Janis: chat about not getting sarcasm, you know Asia's gonna come at me with a Pinterest moodboard moment Janis: tah so much Jimmy: proper 💕 that girl Janis: mm Jimmy: leaning on your phone cos you're 🗭 about 💍👰 Jimmy: very #goals that Janis: not gonna waste any time dreaming when it's SO real am I Jimmy: you don't want a 🌠 to have a go on then? Jimmy: loads out here Janis: what a totally believable coincidence Janis: guess I better Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [coming out like oh hey] Jimmy: [patting the doorstep he's sitting on like have a seat] Janis: [doing it but raising a brow like 😏 'you gonna give me my annual report or something?'] Jimmy: ['that what you're after from me, is it?' 😏 'loads of long words'] Janis: [shrugs 'asking if you were gonna punish me seemed cliche so'] Jimmy: [a little lol] Janis: [nudges him, not in a shut up way but a how're you way] Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder cos not alright so gotta be OTT about it] Janis: [strokes his hair 'we don't have to go, you know, if you need to stay here...they're perfectly capable of tearing themselves apart in the meantime'] Jimmy: [makes an unimpressed noise cos can't admit that he wants to go to be with her or get into how he always needs to stay here whether he likes it or not] Janis: [smushes his face 'alright, grumpy'] Jimmy: [pushing her off but then pulling her into you at the same time as if you're not already close af to each other] Janis: ['what do you wanna do?' soft] Jimmy: [kisses her because that's always what he wants to do even though we all know that's not what she meant] Janis: [allowing it though 'cos same] Jimmy: [just a nice little make out moment to lose ourselves in and forget everything else] Janis: [you really deserve it] Jimmy: ['do you wanna go?' we know the answer is no but] Janis: ['any chance to fuck with them is a good idea, yeah' 'cos wasn't a bad one, just ehh 'cos of this Harry thing and Cass going off] Jimmy: [nods like that's that settled then cos god forbid you offer your own opinion boy] Janis: ['plus, we get to have our own tent'] Jimmy: ['there's nowt you could say or do to convince me to go if we didn't' sounds like such a challenge lol] Janis: ['stop tryna make me feel special, boy' 😏] Jimmy: ['wouldn't be very goals of me, that'] Janis: [makes face like, gutted] Jimmy: [shamelessly just touching her face nbd] Janis: [looking awayayay] Jimmy: [when that devastates you but there's nothing you can say or do because everything's so casual and so only sexual yep] Janis: [just resting your head on his shoulder now 'cos drama] Jimmy: [playing with her hair in the softest way because of course] Janis: ['what are you gonna wear then?' 'cos we're definitely all thinking about our #lewks rn] Jimmy: [such a surprised lol because not what he expected her to say obvs] Janis: ['this isn't a laughing matter' in some semblance of a Mia impression] Jimmy: [when it's probably pretty accurate so you flinch like oh no I hate that] Janis: [loling evilly, 'not doing Asia for you, get over it'] Jimmy: [💔 hands even though it means you have to stop playing with her hair for a sec] Janis: ['bitch' who we referring to here] Jimmy: [nudges her like oi cos assuming she means him] Janis: ['what you gonna do about it?' 😏] Jimmy: [playfight cos it's been a minute] Janis: ['not going to apologize to her'] Jimmy: ['if not that, what is the plan?'] Janis: [🤔 face] Jimmy: [hiding his 😍 by looking at the imaginary watch like any time you're ready] Janis: [nudges him like alright, alright 'how can we make the divide even bigger? need to get them to fight again, which really shouldn't be hard'] Jimmy: ['your sister and the tall one are already about to snap, no challenge there, if we really want to fuck her over we need to get her ultimate fave on side' shrugs because that's always the mood] Janis: ['yeah, but they always roll over, that's the problem, we have to kick it up that notch so they all go beyond that...I just don't know how, ditto what we can give that one that Mia can't, like' shrugs back] Jimmy: [gets his phone and shows her that he's messaging Asia like he really wants her boyfriend there for the lad bants because that's an easy given to annoy Mia] Janis: ['I think she's invited Harry, or she wants me to think she has or- I don't fucking know but I don't think he'll come anyway' when you just blurt that out in response 'cos as good a time as any] Jimmy: [such a look like wtf cos god knows what he'll say if he blurts something out rn cos so 😒] Janis: ['the way she didn't say...they basically give each other measurements and a star-rating usually so- don't you reckon she was trying to get at us?' shrugs like could be wrong but we all know it ain't] Jimmy: [when you get up because you know she's right and you're fuming honey] Janis: ['I know' but also like ?! reaction you can't hide] Jimmy: [he literally has no words for how fucked up this all is and how much he can't stand Mia so just the biggest sigh to ever have existed] Janis: ['there's no way he'll come, bet she ain't even asked'] Jimmy: ['that's alright then' bit of sarcasm for you there Ella lol] Janis: ['Well, ain't it?'] Jimmy: [😒 af face] Janis: ['she's a cunt, we've known that'] Jimmy: [sitting back down where you were but you're not chill at all] Janis: [getting him another 🚬 and then herself] Jimmy: [furiously 🚬 while he's trying to think of ways to fuck Mia over] Janis: sorry Jimmy: shut up Janis: well I am Jimmy: [just looking at her like don't] Janis: [shrugs like fine but is just jogging her leg up and down 'cos not cool with this and has been thinking about it since the chat] Jimmy: [puts his hand on said leg like stop it's okay] Janis: ['he's so-' lacking the words or adequately hardcore 😒 face for him] Jimmy: ['he's nowt we can't handle' but so genuinely said not like ha we're so 🥇 bants] Janis: ['we shouldn't have to, you especially but still, it's bullshit'] Jimmy: [shrugs but looking at her 'I said you're worth sticking around for, didn't I?' because everything is bullshit or worse in jimothy's life rn we know so to say that and mean it is a LOT 'not gonna change my mind 'cause of him, her or any other knobheads'] Janis: ['I-' when you can't even begin to say anything that you think matches what he's just said remotely so you just falter but the LOOK is everything] Jimmy: ['it'll be alright' said like even if it's not it still will be because he literally only cares about her so he'll make sure it is] Janis: [nods and squeezes his hand 'fuck 'em all'] Jimmy: [draws the heart with their initials in on her hand with his fingertip pressing harder than usual for emphasis and obvs using the hand she's not holding so he doesn't have to let go because they in this together and such a good team and not because he loves her or anything nope] Janis: ['draw blood or it didn't happen, baby' bravado to cover the real as hell 😳] Jimmy: [taking the invitation to do a new lovebite because we all need that distraction before shit gets any feelsier] Janis: [lean into the sex of it all kids 'cos we don't need to fake any of that to still be real[ Jimmy: [lowkey love that you're on the doorstep still] Janis: [bonjour neighbours, Ian will be thrilled and thus I am 'cos fuck you] Jimmy: [same because you make this flatwhite drama seem like a picnic sir] Janis: [true tea, like in the grand scheme of things, are we bothered] Jimmy: [he's really not we know he's only doing any of this for her and to spend time with her so] Janis: [and as much as Mia deserves payback by this point, this is all a distraction from the real mess of her life too so] Jimmy: [the truest tea] Janis: [probably do at least take this to the back lol] Jimmy: [enough people and a dog milling around to make you think someone could be about to come out of that door and convince you to move lol] Janis: [god bless] Jimmy: [take all the alone time you can get rn cos this festival is gonna be a LOT] Janis: [we know it, as much as you're low-key just like we gonna spend the whole time just 😍 at this point, 'cos fuck it, won't actually be that, soz] Jimmy: [mhmm we'll make sure Mia has a worse time but it's not gonna be all fun and games for you two] Janis: [joy of joys] Jimmy: [we should make a list of everything we wanna happen in terms of the flatwhites bs when we're done but before we start the festival fr so we can decide how to ref it] Janis: [good idea carrot] Jimmy: [cos obvs we only care how it effects jj soz not soz] Janis: [but of course, we gotta timeline the drama so we don't forget anything] Jimmy: [do we wanna now or is there anything else we wanna do in this convo?] Janis: [hmm, like she's probably gonna try and leave 'cos still in that stage of like, you don't want me to sleep over but aside from that moment, we can probs get going on the plan] Jimmy: [we could always bring out the big guns because Ian isn't gonna want him to go either but like obvs don't wanna go too hard with that before they go for a million reasons] Janis: [we can deffo do that afterwards, like they've already had a time then Ian is fuming, think that's better] Jimmy: [agreed because we know we're gonna do something to make the fwb awks on top of the flatwhites bs so his mood will be peak sick of Ian's shit] Janis: [gonna move her in so soon get over it sir] Jimmy: [alright in that vein how do you wanna do her trying to leave?] Janis: [like it clearly gets to tea time or something like that where she can be like, I'll leave you to it] Jimmy: [and he's like bit rude like it's all bants and she's a rich girl with fancy tastes and he's a poor boy who can't cook we know the drill] Janis: [and she's like don't be stupid 🙄 'cos gotta defend yourself even in bants] Jimmy: [and he's like now I'm thick as well, tah very much etc etc] Janis: ['just northern'] Jimmy: ['oi, keep taking my lines off me and what am I meant to say?' and a look that's nearly a LOOK because there's so much being unsaid and we all know it, them included] Janis: [mimes 🤐 but on his face not hers for closeness you simply do not need but clearly do] Jimmy: [picks her up which you're still not meant to do boy and puts her on the kitchen counter like you're staying that settles it] Janis: ['am I sous chef or the appetizer?'] Jimmy: [can't speak cos 🤐 but his 👀 are saying so much rn] Janis: [thinking he's being quiet 'cos the kids are like in the lounge or something so kinda like whooops 'dessert, maybe'] Jimmy: [still looking at her like are you gonna stay for that long because don't actually wanna say it in case she's like no] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'no one's expecting me, like'] Jimmy: [releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding, like] Janis: [getting down off the counter like go on then, lemme help] Jimmy: [god knows what we're making but we're doing it together guys] Janis: [kissing his cheek 'cos he's cute] Jimmy: [properly kissing her because that made him die] Janis: [remember at calis in the kichen, a mood] Jimmy: [we should have one of the kids come in before they get too extra/the food is forgotten about entirely] Janis: [deffo] Jimmy: [who do you vote for cos very different vibes depending if it's Bobby or Cass lol] Janis: [we can be a bit mean and say its Cass] Jimmy: [LOL imagine her face just like don't mind me starving to death you two carry on] Janis: [not winning any points yet babe] Jimmy: [we know you will soon gal] Janis: what did your ex do? Jimmy: ? Janis: she must've done something to make your sister hate all of your 'gfs' that hard by default Janis: even if I am delaying her tea, like Jimmy: she did loads of things Janis: right Jimmy: @ either of them for the list Janis: you're alright Janis: not that nosy Jimmy: just 🤏 Jimmy: I get it Janis: 'course Janis: if the reason my parents hated you was worth telling I would, like Jimmy: community service ain't enough of a reason? Janis: 'course not Janis: not when you pretend you're still cool to prove you ever were Jimmy: 👎 Janis: what, you wanna go harder to be public enemy #1? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: obviously Janis: you tryna displease my parents is just as weird as you tryna please 'em Janis: just pretend they don't exist, yeah Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: they ain't even in your age-range Janis: behave Jimmy: gutted about that an' all Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: gross, you Jimmy: Bill's gonna be well proud of that protest Jimmy: and your cool parents an' all Janis: piss off Janis: [😒 face] Jimmy: [hooray we can do the beloved pouty face lip thing when he of course kisses her rn oh how I've missed it] Janis: [likewise 'cos loves that so much] Jimmy: [I think it's the first time and I'm fine about it] Janis: [in that case, she's so not, forgetting you just got shaded about being extra so hard] Jimmy: [soz not soz Cass] Janis: ['you know-' being quiet enough that hopefully you aren't disturbing everyone rn '-you know how much I want you' is that a question or a statement, we love being vague] Jimmy: [there's no way he's being quiet enough if he doesn't kiss her really hard rn deal with it everyone he doesn't wanna take care of y'all he wants to be 15 and extra] Janis: [let this boy live] Jimmy: [we're living in this kitchen atm though] Janis: [gotta be up against the door like soz no one come in rn] Jimmy: [give them all the moments thank you cos there's no stopping this and we aren't sorry about it] Janis: [y'all will be fine, they won't] Jimmy: [exactly] Janis: ['I need you' 'cos close as you're allowed to get rn ty] Jimmy: [likewise say her name in response cos that's all I'm letting you say] Janis: [all ready for this trip] Jimmy: [gonna be hilarious for us but not for you] Janis: [so, let's do a flatwhite cringe checklist lol, one of them, probably Asia, needs to be schwasted and get WELL lost, like maybe her mans does show halfway through the night and is like where is she and they're like ??? and then it's dramaaaa] Jimmy: [that's a really good idea] Jimmy: [I think Grace should be the one who hooks up with a lad and then they can't get rid of him and his gaggle of mates because that'd annoy Mia so much which she swore to Janis she would do but also something she would do because Ella called her fat and Hollie should sleep with one of the others but not remember which one it is like we said] Janis: [I vibe that, oh Hollie, hmm what else, one of them needs to freak out in the crowd and have to get pulled out, that's v cringe, like it's hardly a moshpit ladies] Jimmy: [I was literally gonna say someone should go to the first aid tent for no real reason because same vibe] Jimmy: [Ella should be the crowd freaker outer because she probably doesn't like to be touched and Mia should go to the first aid tent like nearly as soon as they get there because gotta pull focus and phone her daddy for that attention she's not getting from her squad rn] Janis: [approved, what a holy show, ladies, plus if Mia does that it'd be a way to force them into a truce without them realizing like omg are you okay and all taking care of her she don't need] Jimmy: [yeah exactly what a snek and it gives her an excuse to cry over the fact Harry ain't coming without them knowing that's why like she's not upset she's just so ill okay] Janis: [obviously they'll all get white girl wasted and embarrassing with that] Jimmy: [good lord yes that's a given at least when JJ get drunk they embarrass themselves with how much they secretly love each other, state of that lot honestly] Janis: [seriously, if it's a small festival maybe the lads they hook up with are in one of the bands 'cos that'd be annoying thinking they're like famous and it's like you aren't though and you were probably shite] Jimmy: [yaaaas I love that] Jimmy: [I also vote that the weather is really crap cos JJ won't care but they would cos their hair and their lewks] Janis: ['cos it always is and you have to roll with it but they apparently didn't get the memo lol] Jimmy: [Hollie the only one vaguely appropriately dressed for festival life] Janis: [it's funny 'cos festival fashion is meant to be so effortless and none of them can ever like they'll look so try-hard and their age 'cos younger girls are like that at raves and shit too like you gotta hang] Jimmy: [mhmm so mad cos Janis looks fire whenever aren't you Mia] Janis: [their posh girl lewks, oh lord] Jimmy: [I just imagine Mia's dad being slightly weird about getting updates throughout the weekend cos he's that cringey and near incesty] Janis: [deffo, when you're in a relationship with your dad, like how's golf, how's the lads, eurgh] Jimmy: [honestly though just having that husband and wife style convo nbd] Janis: [that's why you mad he cheating on your ma, don't lie] Jimmy: [the tea, girls that are older than you but still far too young for him and everything you wish you were] Janis: [he's not even fit it's so sad and gross] Jimmy: [no happy ending for you hun] Janis: [so we've got a good idea for them, what do we wanna do with the fwb moment?] Jimmy: [I wanna fuck it up cos I'm evil but I'm not sure how yet] Janis: [hmm, let's think]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: You about? Janis: Here all week, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: put the 🎤 down, I've got a different gig for you Jimmy: less funny but still a pisstake Janis: How well does it pay/will I still be the headliner Janis: dealbreakers, boy Jimmy: That's two questions that have nowt to do with each other Jimmy: you don't need the 💰💰 like you need the limelight, rich girl Janis: Oh, just call me an attention whore, that'll seal the deal 🙄 Janis: I'm just filling space where your question ain't yet Jimmy: what should is how 💕😍 I'll be all over socials Jimmy: slag for heroic acts, me Janis: What an offer 😏 Janis: Go on then, how am I saving your life today Jimmy: you're saving my 🐕 Jimmy: if you can Janis: It down a well? Janis: wrong way 'round, that Jimmy: Would I need your help if I knew where it'd pissed off to? Janis: I don't know, give me some details to work with Janis: when did you notice, how'd it get out, etc Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just come here and help me look Janis: Where are you then Janis: Jesus Jimmy: I know you can't multitask, how do you reckon you're gonna 🙏 and 🏃? Jimmy: [sends her his location which would random af cos stubborn enough to be looking for ages before he asked for her help obvs] Janis: That's my whole life, dickhead Janis: alright, don't know what your dog would be doing there but I'll be there asap Jimmy: write the book on your own time, mate Jimmy: give it a cameo if you find it Janis: Sweet, you gonna draw the pictures? Jimmy: How well's that pay? Janis: Depends how cute you draw the 🐕 Jimmy: [sends her a deliberately crap quick doodle] Jimmy: there you are Janis: Bestseller, like Janis: so much 💰💰 Jimmy: I never said I'd write it for you an' all Janis: yeah well your grasp on the English language ain't all that so Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: you gonna write it in 🍀? Thank feck I won't be able to read a word Jimmy: can only fake so much enthusiasm Janis: Yeah, you aren't great at that either Janis: but let's not focus on your many, many faults Jimmy: Stop flirting with me, I'm busy Janis: Shut up Janis: What can I do but annoy you 'til I get there Jimmy: Have a look at what you just wrote Jimmy: you might do step 1 Janis: Charming Janis: I've been great, tah Jimmy: if it makes you feel better, we can pretend the 🐕 legged it with my 👑 Janis: What actually happened, toad Janis: unlocked gate or not coming back on a walk Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: reckon I might get some convo there? Janis: 👍 for the tip Jimmy: next one'll be 💰 Jimmy: it were there, he threw a strop and chucked it out, now it ain't Janis: Bummer Janis: we'll find it, probably Janis: got a collar or any shit like that? Jimmy: [sends a picture of him holding it like 😒 cos Twix wasn't wearing it, thanks Ian you dick] Janis: 👎 Jimmy: well helpful, you Janis: I'm on my way, dickhead Janis: I can't summon the thing with my mind, soz, I know you think I'm special Jimmy: meant to be #suchanathlete Jimmy: get a move on, dickhead Janis: You know I live in the middle of nowhere Janis: give me 5, at least Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: You thought I'd moved, yeah Janis: no such 🍀 Jimmy: keep 🙏 for that fake ldr Janis: not having to be 👀 with you would be such a bonus Janis: conference call that shit in Jimmy: not having to kiss you would be massively beneficial to me Jimmy: can't afford to lose any more body parts Janis: we'll find your dog and your ear, stop complaining Jimmy: 💕 Janis: personally, I think you look better without it Jimmy: you've got shit taste Janis: That's you, we've covered that Jimmy: you Janis: 🙄 Janis: take the 🥇 Jimmy: you earned it Janis: oh please Janis: you've run the gauntlet of shit taste olympics Jimmy: don't need to beg for owt, just take it, babe Jimmy: it's alright Janis: be quiet and keep looking Jimmy: been looking for ages Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 😕 Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: Your brother and sister helping you? Jimmy: That a dealbreaker an' all? Janis: Nah, just wondering Jimmy: if we can't find the 🐕 then I'll tell 'em Janis: No sense in upsetting 'em if you don't need to, yeah Jimmy: my dad don't need another knobhead 🏆 Jimmy: gonna have enough shit to pack up when we leave Janis: Right Janis: not really coming to protect your da though Janis: dogs cute though so Jimmy: I weren't gonna @ him that you 💕 him Jimmy: bit rude to Mr Lucas Janis: let's not pretend you're doing it on mine or his account though Janis: just don't want me to move in Jimmy: not as my step-mum Jimmy: it might be popular on other sites but it ain't likely to be #goals with our demographic Janis: The lads would like it but they're less vocal with their 💕 Jimmy: more about the body language Jimmy: one bit specifically Janis: doesn't translate well with insta likes and comments Janis: less you can get 'em with an accidental doubletap but their gfs are all over that shit Jimmy: got enough hysterical lasses in my DMs, tah Janis: the struggle is so real Janis: poor you, like Jimmy: [sends her a highlight reel cos imagine tbh] Janis: Do you reckon they ever reread what they write or just send Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: I reckon Bill's turning in his ⚰ Janis: romance is dead, mate Janis: 🥀 Jimmy: re-read and don't hit send, my dear Jimmy: we're trying to avoid 💔😭 for now Janis: 'course Janis: I didn't say dog Janis: optimistic, me Jimmy: won't have to chuck in a box if it is though Janis: don't be morbid Janis: only so much I can take after reading those messages Janis: feeling well 💀 Jimmy: You'll live Jimmy: I'm out of 🚬 so there's nowt but fresh air Janis: That's truly the most devastating thing you've ever said to me Janis: I can get some though Jimmy: You heard me say I've been 👀 for ages Janis: Poor stressed boy Jimmy: Don't take the piss Jimmy: I am Jimmy: I've got work in a bit Janis: 'course you are, your dog is missing Janis: I'm not far from you now so once I get the cigs and get there, I'll take over Jimmy: 👍 Janis: been looking on those cringey neighbourhood sites, if some do-gooder had got it or it'd been hit, it'd be on there and it ain't so that's something, yeah Jimmy: Tah Janis: no big Janis: I'm not a monster Jimmy: if I keep waking you this early, fuck knows what you'll end up looking like Janis: Funny Janis: I weren't asleep anyway, you're alright Jimmy: I get it, gotta stay 💪🏆 Janis: Vampires don't sleep, baby Jimmy: do in the day Jimmy: I should be tucking you in, instead of dragging you out Janis: Add it to your list of failings and crack on Jimmy: ✔ Janis: you smoke [brand] right? Jimmy: #whenshenoticestheshityoucareabout Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: Call it your defining feature Janis: along with the 😎 obvs Jimmy: duh Jimmy: nowt else going for me when this new boy shine wears through Janis: keep 🙏 for the day, like Jimmy: *🤞 Jimmy: me and JC don't know each other like that Janis: You don't know him, but he knows you Janis: not unlike your fans Jimmy: There's only room for one fit and mysterious lad round here so he'll have to do one back to the ☁ Janis: Hate the attention, you, well obvious 😏 Jimmy: I get it whether I want it or not Janis: They do Jesus dirty in the paintings Janis: can't compete with a selfie Jimmy: He knows what to do if he's fuming Janis: can't wait for the second coming when he fucks you right up Jimmy: #cancelled Jimmy: me either, sounds like a right laugh Janis: Miss me when I'm saved and you ain't Janis: how starcrossed ldr me from hell, bitch Jimmy: Suicide's a sin, baby, ain't you heard? Janis: so is most stuff, honestly Janis: but I'm 😇 looking Janis: gonna want me around Jimmy: no dickhead's hotter than 😈 don't you wanna be around him? Janis: 🙄 my type, yeah Jimmy: Do you want an answer for that? Janis: The devil loses in the end, you know Janis: back the winner Jimmy: love an underdog, me Jimmy: I get why you don't, rich girl Jimmy: probably get a 🦄☁ really kick that horse girl fantasy up a notch Janis: Animals don't have souls Janis: Catholic fun 101 Janis: gotta find your dog otherwise it's bad news all 'round Jimmy: 💔🐕⚰🎻☔ Janis: Cheery Janis: know you hate your job but plaster your customer service face on for me Jimmy: you inspired me with your little sermon there, like Janis: you deserved it, like Jimmy: For what? Janis: For implying I'd fuck the devil Jimmy: I never said owt of the sort Jimmy: just asking if you're off lads now 'cause of the one dickhead Janis: I don't think you can say all men are going to hell Janis: thought Asia would be 😍 for that sweeping statement Jimmy: I'll screenshot it for her Janis: 💘 Janis: cute Jimmy: where the fuck are you? Janis: ⛪ Janis: gotta go confess now, thanks a lot Janis: [sends actual location as she's coming up though like calm down] Jimmy: if you could rush it through 🤏 please Jimmy: I dunno, maybe pretend there's a character limit Janis: soz the priest is well invested in hearing all about me fucking the devil Jimmy: can't stop being goals, you Jimmy: come hell or high water Jimmy: tell him to put his 👅 and owt else back in Janis: Lord knows I may as well become a nun according to you Janis: get that good book and that good dick Jimmy: Oi I never said you should, I asked if you were Janis: Not really got the time, have I Jimmy: You've got all night 🧛 girl Jimmy: for a start Janis: When we're not fake out, sure Jimmy: I don't outstay my welcome at parties, that's the other dickhead Janis: This is all irrelevant Janis: and he can turn water into wine, he's never not welcome, boy Jimmy: I didn't mean him Janis: Now you're making it sound like I hooked up with Voldemort Jimmy: I dunno his name or @ do I? Janis: Ha, Harry, actually Jimmy: I never said I wanted to know it, but tah Janis: just trying to avoid Jesus related mixups, don't think he needs the ego boost if I'm honest Jimmy: 👌 Janis: This is you though, yeah Janis: hate to approach the wrong dickhead Janis: [waving like yo] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Don't have a bottle of wine in my pocket that were water, soz, just that conditioned to be fake happy to see you Janis: [does 💔 hands 'right, show me where you usually walk her, the route, then you can fuck off whenever you need to'] Jimmy: [walking like a rude hoe not even gonna say hey or anything okay then] Janis: [just shrugging like okay then but purposefully keeping up pace so he can't march ahead] Jimmy: [we strutting in stressed silence] Janis: [on phone, but making a socials post like if you see this dog, 'cos Cass ain't gonna see it on hers so doesn't matter and could help] Jimmy: [nodding at her like thanks when he sees it] Janis: [shrugs again like nbd] Jimmy: [keep going lads that poor baby dog needs you] Janis: [hit all them doggy hotspots like the park etc] Jimmy: [I hope she's found a 🐕 friend or something so she's not all alone and forlorn] Janis: [my boo is #concerned] Jimmy: [I am, she's just a smol baby and they haven't trained her or anything] Janis: [least we aren't being too evil] Jimmy: [I could NEVER] Janis: [asking relevant Twix questions 'cos you care but also to have some convo] Jimmy: [acting like you don't know cos you hate that dog so much #lies] Janis: [lowkey like why am i looking then boy but just via looks not actually gonna say it] Jimmy: [basically being like don't then as if you haven't asked for her help with exactly this] Janis: [walks ahead like I'll keep doing this but we don't need to do this] Jimmy: [keeps up because doesn't wanna be his moody af father] Janis: [looks at him like alright?] Jimmy: [just looking back her because no but god forbid you talk about it ever] Janis: [makes face like yeah, I know and goes in her pocket 'nearly forgot' and hands him the cigarettes] Jimmy: [we know the drill by now, ladies first without even asking which works as a lowkey sorry for being a prick rn too so] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: [the most dramatic exhale of smoke/sigh but not deliberately dramatic just how he's feeling rn cos he's running out of places to look like Twix where you at babe] Janis: [gently nudges his side with her shoulder like it'll be okay but not saying that 'cos can't promise it so, running ahead when you see a dog walker to ask if they've seen any dogs on their own] Jimmy: ? Janis: [jogging back over but not coming fully, like you gotta follow me 'she reckons there was a dog that didn't seem to be with anyone in [a park but not Twix's usual lol]'] Jimmy: [does follow her even though he probably doesn't know where that even is because literally me and could get lost anywhere] Janis: [now gotta search every bush in this park like hellooo] Jimmy: [gotta call her name like that's not lowkey awks for someone so 😎] Jimmy: [also I know this is serious business but 100% needs to push her into a bush like my mum did to me/ jump out from behind one just because] Janis: [we all know you're not cool but yeah, some pet names are really awks if you have to shout them lmao, also yes, even if you jump way more than you normally would 'cos tense situ and then you're 😒] Jimmy: [loling too much because it's one of those days and you gotta but not gonna help her 😒 face you'll have to get your own back gal] Janis: [just handing him some dog luring food she got and jogging off like I'll go this way] Jimmy: [she should get her because start of a beautiful friendship] Janis: [I vibe, I'll see if I have a pic of them were she looks buzzing/smug enough lol] Jimmy: [when you hug the bae because you're so relieved that the kids won't kick off or your dad or your manager cos you won't be late now but also because she stayed and actually helped you and like who does that ever] Janis: [Twix like lemme get in on that 'cos full of love] Jimmy: [shoutout to the mvp she is for stopping that becoming too much of a moment] Janis: [and being awkward or anything like that god bless 'see, all alright, yeah'] Jimmy: [when he's probably holding this dog cos 1. don't run off again and 2. she's hyper af and needs to be licking his face and snuggling him so he's 😒 and a look like is it though but we know you love Twix really] Janis: [lols 'she knows you missed her, like, you can't hide it'] Jimmy: [lowkey throws the dog at her with a piss off kinda look] Janis: [gives Twix some love and a 🙄 at him but not harsh] Jimmy: [does it back because always] Janis: ['no excuse to skive off work now though' face like gutted] Jimmy: ['you could've offered to phone in fake sick for me, bit rude' cos throwforward to when we actually did that haha] Janis: ['if they let their barista boys have time off for every new girl, they'd go out of business' shoutout to your hot colleagues the flat whites sexually harass] Jimmy: [oh pete I love you my darling but meanwhile Jimmy is just shrugging cos wouldn't care if the CG did tbh] Janis: [punching, there should be another word for that 'cos sounds so violent I just mean a friendly tap like, his arm, 'come on, I need the limelight, you need the paycheck'] Jimmy: ['you coming in for a latte then?' we 👀 you shamelessly wanting to spend time with her boy, deliberately saying latte because she would NEVER] Janis: [scoffs in DISGUST honey 'not your real girlfriend, boy, though with the heartbreak she's probably just necking double espressos, right?'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head 'drumming up business and a bae, so evil, you are' as if you didn't send the message lol] Jimmy: ['You did the evil deed, Judith, square that one with your priest an' all'] Janis: ['or, did I do you all a favour, think on that'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like you've only done me this one favour rn ever] Janis: ['that's alright, no need for a thank you card'] Jimmy: [writes leave it out in the air with a flourish] Janis: [😏 'when's your shift then and what are you gonna do with the dog?'] Jimmy: [does her trick of checking an imaginary watch 'might chuck an apron on her and give her a go with the steam wand' but we know he's really gonna nip home first so Twix can snuggle with the kids cos had an exciting morning and she just a baby] Janis: ['you really gonna give employee of the month away just like that' does loser sign then looks around like hmm, 'cos you in town now, what are you gonna do, ensue awks] Jimmy: ['Reckon I'm safe, it'll be all them espressos if nowt else' just lowkey drags her along with him, bit rude] Janis: [just like umm excuse me but doesn't not come along like] Jimmy: [looks at her and the dog and back like she's not home yet, the job's not done 'won't get fake girlfriend of the month by taking the piss'] Janis: [dramatic gasping like oh no 'I'm the only fake girlfriend you have, babe, 'less it's your ultimate #kinkunlocked'] Jimmy: [dramatic gasp back like he's been busted] Janis: ['it's alright, already knew you were a pervert' accidental LOOK] Jimmy: ['before you agreed or after?' and a LOOK back of course] Janis: ['that'd be telling'] Jimmy: ['So go on'] Janis: [shakes head 'who knew or knows anything about you, mystery boy?'] Jimmy: [winks at Twix as if she knows all his secrets] Janis: ['nerd' but we all know she thinks it's cute] Jimmy: ['Oi, you barely know her' cos he is a nerd] Janis: [gives her more fuss 'the bitch is cool'] Jimmy: ['steady on, she won't fit through the door'] Janis: 'but if we can wedge her in, she won't be able to get back out' taps head like tada 'you just hate when anyone else gets compliments'] Jimmy: ['Busted again, me. You're proper on one this morning, mate'] Janis: ['always am, you're just in a good mood 'cos your bestie is back'] Jimmy: [snorts like if you say so] Janis: ['ignore him, he's a right moody dickhead most the time' @Twix] Jimmy: ['ignore her, right comedian so she reckons, might get the hint one of these days' also @ twix] Janis: ['She knows who saved her, mate, team me all the way'] Jimmy: ['go on and take her home with you, hate to break both your hearts, obvs'] Janis: ['hate to break your little brother's though'] Jimmy: ['my sister would fight you for her any road, a black eye ain't gonna be goals like the bruises I give you'] Janis: [lols 'there we go then, shoulda kept that to yourself if you were tryna get me sparked out'] Jimmy: [gives her a OTT scandalised look like why would I do that 'if it ain't #goals it ain't a goal of mine, Jules'] Janis: [a look like yeah right] Jimmy: ['if you wanna have a scrap, crack on with pulling Asia's hair or something'] Janis: [🙄 'bitch fight ain't my scene, even faking it, soz to the punters who'd love it'] Jimmy: [the heartbroken hand mime again] Janis: ['such a boy' looking at Twix like can you believe him?] Jimmy: [looks down at himself like he's so shook cos biggest nerd] Janis: ['not a compliment, Pinocchio'] Jimmy: ['isn't it?'] Janis: ['I knew you were a boy, you can have that if you're short on love'] Jimmy: ['bit busy @ing my dad about how much of a lad you reckon I am, hang on'] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [lights another 🚬 cos 1. it's been a minute 2. such a lad 3.😎] Janis: #ladsladslads Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: such a flirt, you Janis: just so manly, bears repeating, obvs Jimmy: [nudges her like go on then tell the fans] Jimmy: gonna make me 😳 if you keep on Janis: Let me know if you've got it in you and I'll add it 'fore I hit send, like Jimmy: let me know if you've got it in you, more like Janis: You reckon I can't make you blush? Jimmy: do you reckon you can? Jimmy: that's the question Janis: Obviously I can Jimmy: What are you waiting for, a written invitation? Janis: Shut up Janis: I'm busy over here Jimmy: you're chatting bollocks over there Janis: The world needs to know the 🐶 is alive and well and you're such a #lad if you don't mind Jimmy: convenient timing that Janis: only a performing monkey when there's a crowd, you know that Jimmy: [a look like yeah right] Janis: [kicking his ankles like shh and not looking at him] Janis: you still owe me a good idea anyway Jimmy: I said blush not bleed, babe Janis: know what I prefer Jimmy: #kinkunlocked ages ago 🧛 girl Janis: then be nice and give me what I want Jimmy: [gives her a look like what do you want] Janis: [the 'you know' coming out before you can even think to stop yourself, then shaking your head and pointing at your fangs with a smirk like duh] Jimmy: [sets his phone camera on a timer like this is how long you've got to try and make me 😳 or bleed and gestures her over to a bench like] Janis: [doing a big sigh as if you're all ugh but really it's 'cos you're nervous but shh, once he's sat down, sitting in his lap of course but making a point of seeing if you're in-frame so we've got the pretense for how real you're shamelessly gonna be, looking at him properly 'Jimmy, I missed you'] Jimmy: [saying her name back because the only other time he has was when he was annoyed and that is simply not allowed thank you and hitting her with the 😍 #tooreal] Janis: [shuffling closer to him into his lap somehow when he says your name and smoothing his hair off his face with both hands then letting them come to rest on his shoulders, giving them a little massage 'I mean it' #whenthecameraisrollingandyouvebeenchallenegedsoyoucansaythisisallpretendifyouhaveto #adangerousgame] Jimmy: [so into it and would be even if he hadn't had the most stressful morning ever but because he has and because we can say it's fake SUCH A SOUND 'I know, I can tell' #boywhyhaveyoustartedsomethingyouliterallyhaveworktogotosoon] Janis: ['Can you tell just how bad though?' when moving closer has turned into grinding on him shamelessly] Jimmy: [a nod because speaking is dangerous rn fake or real] Janis: ['what else do you wanna know?'] Jimmy: ['What else do you want me to know?'] Janis: [tilting your head to one side like you're thinking, still rubbing his shoulders 'depends'] Jimmy: [his eyes closing because it feels nice which is not the word tbh 'on what?' because I have to ask] Janis: [little kisses on his eyelids then whispering in his ear 'if you're ready to know it all'] Jimmy: [have to kiss her to keep it vague and save our lives because is that a this is how ready I am or is it I'm kissing you so I don't have to answer] Janis: [either way, a kiss moment honey] Jimmy: [like we know the answer lads but we can't out Jimothy that hard right here right now so gotta keep you guessing babe] Janis: [finally breaking off the kiss, so reluctantly, 'Did you blush?'] Jimmy: [gives her his phone so she can look because shamelessly buying himself some recovery time after that] Janis: [not getting off him, just resting your head on his chest whilst you watch this back like comfy are we] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair like you're trying to fix whatever mess you made of it during that kiss, we see your flimsy excuse boy cos you're not being that soft about it rn] Janis: [making a noise like did you have to or can you legitimately not help it rn] Jimmy: [if he wasn't blushing before he is now thank god she's looking at this phone] Janis: ['that was definitely a blush there' pointing at some point in that recording like see, looking up at him 'you look cute'] Jimmy: ['you're taking the piss' because works for both things she said and he's a boy of few words] Janis: [shakes head like nu-uh] Jimmy: [pokes her like yeah you are] Janis: [boops his nose like no I'm not] Jimmy: [still has his hand on her waist after poking her so tickles her of course] Janis: ['don't drop me' so dramatically] Jimmy: [fakes like he is gonna drop her which makes twix cray] Janis: [just a look like see? she loves me] Jimmy: [such a dramatic sigh like ugh he's so over you both #lies] Janis: ['be nice'] Jimmy: ['or what?'] Janis: [raising a brow 'you're ready to find that out, yeah?'] Jimmy: [raises his own back at her 'why wouldn't I be? The scaredy cat's you'] Janis: [puts a finger to his lips dramatically like shh and nods to Twix 'she'll hear you'] Jimmy: [irl 👍 because good I hope she do] Janis: ['you're so jealous of our love, honestly'] Jimmy: ['bit busy with my own, she's a handful, like' oh Asia god bless] Janis: ['yeah I've heard about her cup size, thanks' 🙄] Jimmy: [lil lol] Janis: [finally getting off him like hmpf on the low] Jimmy: ['you've got nowt to be jealous of' is he being real or fake we'll never know] Janis: ['duh' and getting up up 'better get this dog back or you'll be late'] Jimmy: [literally has never wanted to go to work less in his life but come on lads] Janis: [we just walking along merrily like that didn't happen] Jimmy: [#socasual] Janis: [so casual nbd we're all friends here, is gonna need a 🚬 though but never asking just accosting him like 'scuse me] Jimmy: [do something else with your hands and mouths kids, cos you know he has to have one too even though he's had so many today already] Janis: [oh Twix, you rascally babe] Jimmy: [it's all Ian's fault as per] Janis: [at least something good came of it but not getting the credit for that] Jimmy: ['gonna have to get her chipped' thinking out loud cos you know Ian hasn't sorted that or wants the expense] Janis: [nods 'don't take a second, like'] Jimmy: [a look like that's good cos when do I have a sec but then shrugs cos gonna be so unbothered] Janis: [shrugs back 'might be just as easy to look at your fence sitch for puppy-sized holes'] Jimmy: ['I get it, I'm SUCH a lad, no need to go overboard' 😏] Janis: [shakes head 😏 'alright, get your sister to if you can't deal'] Jimmy: ['volunteering to wake her up and tell her to crack on, are you?' 😏 'Tah, babe, willing to go proper above and beyond, you'] Janis: [noise like psh no thank you lol 'way above my paygrade, ask Asia, I'd happily watch that'] Jimmy: [such a lol] Janis: [actual smile] Jimmy: [control your 😍 boy by nodding at the dog 'reckon you've done enough for a bit' cos genuinely is grateful we know] Janis: [forget about it gesture 'favour for the dog, really'] Jimmy: ['probably would've been kinda to let her find a new bunch of dickheads' when you're joking but you're also actually not] Jimmy: [*kinder] Janis: ['now you tell me' but nudges him like come on, you ain't that bad] Jimmy: [nudges her back 'yeah 'cause I missed you an' all' is he being fake about needing to see her so bad #theanswerisno] Janis: [looks at Twix like ?! 'is this even your dog?' 😏] Jimmy: ['Nah' cos lbr he's too 😎 for a dog like this thanks for that Ian] Janis: ['OMG, you're like soulmates' 🖤 hands] Jimmy: [gives her a look cos she said Twix was her true love and he was jealous before, like make your mind up] Janis: ['that's why you're jealous' points at Twix 'player'] Jimmy: ['you wish, dickhead'] Janis: [a look like obvs, dickhead] Jimmy: [blows a smoke ring at her in a sassy manner like there's your 💍] Janis: [waves it away 'show-off'] Jimmy: ['first place or nowt, baby'] Janis: ['have to show me how to do it sometime, like'] Jimmy: ['I'll edit it to look like you got the knack first time, keep shit goals'] Janis: [😒 'be a better teacher then, wanker'] Jimmy: ['I've already got owt else that Mr Lucas could possibly want, be cruel that'] Janis: ['cept my heart, but shh'] Jimmy: ['far as he knows I have'] Janis: ['he all up on the socials, you reckon?' face like ew] Jimmy: ['first in, last out' and a dramatic shiver like GROSS] Janis: ['least he won't dob us in if he wants more of that sweet, sweet #content' irl equivalent of 🤢] Jimmy: [sighs like our work's never done 'UGH, we'll just have to find another way to get in trouble at school' and a LOOK] Janis: [a LOOK back 'basically my specialty'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like you that' because she's so 😇 obvs] Janis: ['wait and see' 'cos you only did that one project together then school trip] Jimmy: ['Alright' when you're agreeing to still be doing this after the holidays unthinkingly there] Janis: [probably get to his house, assumedly the first time] Jimmy: [go throw Twix in with those snoozy kids and get ready for work quickly sir] Janis: [jus' chillin' like why am I still here lowkey] Jimmy: put the kettle on, rich girl Jimmy: [draws her a doodle of one like she's never seen one because got staff] Janis: 😱 Janis: don't know how you take your tea Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you better leave Janis: this fake relationship just proved too fake Jimmy: we're over, off you go Janis: would you rather I guess and give you a shit cup Janis: come on Jimmy: might do Jimmy: but if you ain't up for the challenge Janis: You're ridiculous Janis: but fine Jimmy: #mayberidiculouswillbeouralways Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [did I fever dream that they take their tea the same way which was milk and two sugars? because I'm sure we said that in another convo but idk] Janis: [I also remember that and is how she's gonna make it so get ready to FALL IN LOVE BOY] Jimmy: [he's not gonna be able to control the 😍] Janis: would sir like his tea upstairs or down? Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is looking like a snack in his barista uniform which realistically she might not have seen before this] Janis: [when he actually looks good so you have to be OTT fake about it] Jimmy: [when you try the tea and you're like!!! so you have to be all like 'Oi' and call her a cheat] Janis: ['how could I, you got it written down somewhere in case you forget?' lols] Jimmy: [do the I'm watching you thing @ her all 😒] Janis: ['you just take your tea the only correct way, doesn't mean we're fated, calm down'] Jimmy: ['keep that to yourself' drinking that excellent tea] Janis: [🤐] Jimmy: [unzips her like but drink your tea] Janis: ['nerd' but does, of course] Jimmy: [holds his finger up like when you have an aha moment and starts looking in her mouth like a dentist in the manner of oh while it's unzipped lemme just] Janis: ['gross!' moving away so faux offended 'what are you doing, weirdo?'] Jimmy: ['lost an earring, gotta check you ain't swallowed it, girl' such a nerd goodbye] Janis: ['vampire, not a thief' look like how dare you] Jimmy: [' still stole my heart though' cos gotta be OTT fake sometimes] Janis: [finger guns at his chest] Jimmy: [gun at his head and death again] Janis: ['hot'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: 'who's on shift today?' like she knows] Jimmy: [shrugs because could not care less] Janis: [tuts but 😏] Jimmy: [gestures like come on let's go find out] Janis: [shrugs like okay 'I've got a few to kill'] Jimmy: [nods to the imaginary watch cos it's unspoken acknowledgement that the flat whites won't be there that early and she can leave before they are] Janis: ['heaven forbid they leave the house before applying 50 layers of foundation, shit is time-consuming'] Jimmy: [so triggered thinking about his northern ex rn like the horrified facial expression would be so genuine] Janis: [nod of approval 'good acting'] Jimmy: [does the polishing his medal he's wearing mime] Janis: [when it's your nametag 'who the fuck is Jamie?'] Jimmy: ['you ain't met him? honestly gutted for you'] Janis: ['will he be on shift today?' skipping like you're so buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: ['wait and see' cos word theft] Janis: ['ugh, tease'] Jimmy: ['Not trying to turn you on, calm down'] Janis: ['Jamie might be' shrug like don't count me out yet tah] Jimmy: [shrugs back 'he's a starving artist, owt for tips'] Janis: ['fuck you' 😒] Jimmy: ['fuck him, being right dickhead makes him your type'] Janis: ['good' like I intend to, oh honey lol] Jimmy: 'good' boy how you gonna be jealous of someone who doesn't exist] Janis: [when it's literally you lmao] Jimmy: [also he so hasn't posted that bench moment let it be known] Janis: [that's for the best literally no one has asked for that content] Jimmy: [haven't deleted it though have you my dear 👀 you] Janis: [we all know that was shameless so we're not thinking or talking about it ladeeda] Jimmy: [get into work boy, get busy cos we know you're thinking about fuck all else] Janis: [chilling not at all casually at a table] Jimmy: [make her that first ever 💣 smoothie please and thank] Janis: that your specialty? Jimmy: what? Janis: smoothies and juices and shit Jimmy: @CG_FAQ or whatever it is Janis: I get it, you're very busy Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: [serves some business person trying to get a coffee but is looking at her like 🙄😏] Janis: [💔 hands and shamelessly having a nose at his co-workers] Jimmy: [Pete is 100% there, hey babe] Jimmy: So? Go on then Janis: ? Jimmy: Do you like it? Janis: I didn't ask if it were your specialty to take the piss, like Janis: s'good Jimmy: I'll @ my manager Janis: I can do it for you Janis: seems appropraitely fake girlfriend of me Jimmy: I get it, it would be goals to get sacked for having a scrap with him when he's 😍 for you Jimmy: 🥇 plan Janis: I'm not getting you sacked Janis: how many IOUs would that warrant, like, no thanks Jimmy: you're meant to want to spend every second of every day with me, play the game, Janet Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend Janis: fine Janis: just 🤞 he's the hot one Janis: [going to chat to Pete] Jimmy: he ain't here, wouldn't have to @ him if he were Jimmy: the accent ain't that hard to understand Janis: oh well, now he'll pass that along for you Jimmy: Tah Janis: [sits back down like you're welcome] Jimmy: you hungry? Janis: I could eat Jimmy: [gets her whatever sucks the least] Janis: Tah Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Steady on, nowt on the menu's 👍 Janis: that was for you Janis: if I go up to the tip jar now I'll just look keen Jimmy: 💕 Janis: is that for me? Jimmy: Do you see any of my other girlfriends about? Janis: [does fake check] Janis: thankfully not Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: so special Jimmy: you're alright Janis: 😂 Jimmy: I mean it Janis: Alright then Janis: you too Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I don't want your tacked on you an' all Janis: well I mean it too Janis: I can't say it 'cos you got in there first, psh Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: dry your eyes and eat your food, mate Janis: alright, dad Janis: focus on one job at a time Jimmy: edit that nickname a bit and you're good to # Janis: we're not fake there yet Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Sorry Janis: know you're the right age but that's about it Jimmy: RUDE Janis: Shh Jimmy: I will not Jimmy: and there's nowt you can do about it Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't you hate a chatty barista Jimmy: I ain't serving you Jimmy: already have done Janis: yeah, some daddy 😏 Jimmy: funny Janis: you've got my best work for the day Janis: 'til I workout anyway Jimmy: lucky me Janis: don't be rude Janis: saved your life Jimmy: you started it Janis: If you want me to call you that, put it in a contract and get me to sign Janis: that's not rude Jimmy: twist your own arm and 🖋🩸 your own oath, bit busy here Janis: Very impressed Jimmy: admitting how easily you are ain't very 🥇 Jimmy: you might wanna 🤐 Janis: Not got time for sarcasm either? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: When have I ever had time for your pisstaking? Janis: awh 😭 Jimmy: enjoy the 🎻🎻 I left you both your 👂s Janis: well aren't you generous Janis: tell everyone how not hard you go with it Jimmy: that rich v poor divide just keeps rearing it's head #awks Jimmy: and you're in the wrong 🗨 if you reckon every word's getting screenshotted Jimmy: @💀👑 not 😎🚬 Janis: oh, you mean my true love, yeah Jimmy: if the hair extensions fit Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm gonna go see where they're @ Janis: brb Janis: [out tha door] Jimmy: in a bit Jimmy: [but watching her go like a forlorn 🐕] Janis: [going to the gym obvs 'cos got to go work this out can't sit in the tension this long without needing a moment] Jimmy: [do some work bitch but not actually because I like to imagine him drawing Twix on a wanted poster but doing an ^ un next to the wanted to sass her and posting that at some point #arthoe] Janis: [puppydog eyes selfie you do not need to send re. that poster] Jimmy: You pull a muscle? Jimmy: Hang on, I'll be right there to carry you out Janis: Defending my lady from your savage and swift pen, thank you very much Jimmy: go on Janis: Come here and I'll 🥊 ya Janis: only got the 🥺'til then, and it's harder to make you 😳 from afar too Janis: besides, wouldn't wanna make your customers even more inappropriate with you, even you don't deserve that, like Jimmy: if the subject of my 🎨 was such a dealbreaker you should've stuck around to be inspiring Jimmy: but alright, the selfie's a start Janis: A start, yeah? Jimmy: you heard Janis: Aside from my blood, what else do you want/require? Jimmy: is that a trick question? Janis: No Janis: wanna be as 🥇 a muse as a fake girlfriend Jimmy: if you were 🥇 you wouldn't need me to tell you owt Janis: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: and you're meant to teach me how to blow smoke rings too Jimmy: I'm due a break, gimme a shout when you're done 💪 Janis: don't you wanna take a break break Janis: my current muse abilities will get me through the day alright Jimmy: and you admitting what hard work you are will get me through this shift alright Janis: that'll be why you want me to come back Jimmy: take both my jobs seriously, me Janis: hard work, I remember Janis: another #kinkunlocked Janis: I can give you that punishment, if you really want Jimmy: hot Janis: of course Janis: not a total amateur Jimmy: fooled me Janis: piss off Jimmy: [a little doodle he's drawn of her based on that selfie she sent but a deliberately quick one so we don't get into the #feels of drawing her properly yet] Janis: 🎨🖌 Jimmy: you looked cute Jimmy: [cos gotta steal her words from earlier] Janis: dead convincing, babe 😏 Janis: am I still coming or have you powered through with that picture? Jimmy: Do you still wanna come or are you too 😍💕 to be around me now you've 👀 that masterpiece? Janis: Obviously I need a moment Jimmy: duh Janis: not just to shower or anything, like Janis: full swooning time Jimmy: I get it, making lasses go weak at the knees is my full time occupation Jimmy: ☕ just a prop Janis: Do you pay tax on that? Jimmy: Who sounds like a dad now? Janis: 💰💰 is all I care about, of course Jimmy: with the wrong lad then Janis: take the bragging right of being just that good then, eh Jimmy: you trying to make me 😳 from afar? Jimmy: never stop, you Janis: that a request or a comment? Jimmy: What do you reckon? Janis: Maybe I'll pretend it's the option I prefer regardless Jimmy: can do Janis: tah for the permission Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: you said it Janis: I mostly meant it and all 😘 Jimmy: never said owt you don't, obvs 😘 Janis: especially not to you, baby Jimmy: stop making me miss you if you ain't showing up Janis: Stop distracting me and I'll be with you sooner Jimmy: you started it Janis: I purposely left so I didn't Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you did it before you left Janis: when? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I wanna know what distracted you Jimmy: you do Janis: Okay Janis: I wish you would tell me Jimmy: I don't have the words Jimmy: Bill's 👻 ain't here Janis: What's his order? Janis: tell me that Jimmy: Macchiato Jimmy: he's a slag for espresso but he 💕 foam 🎨 Janis: 😂 Janis: good answer, you really know all your customers Jimmy: that employee of the month 🏆 as good as has Jamie on it Janis: wait Janis: 😑 ugh Jimmy: ? Janis: Jamie isn't real Jimmy: What? Jimmy: 'course he is Jimmy: 👀 right at him Janis: 💔 Janis: why would you hurt me like this Janis: I was so excited to 👀 him Jimmy: He's got all the words for how distracting you are Jimmy: I probably shouldn't let you see him Janis: Please Jimmy: I dunno, he's a bit keen Janis: how keen? Jimmy: Bill'd be about it Janis: intriguing Jimmy: he is that Janis: How can I meet him? Jimmy: Haven't you got a plan? Jimmy: must not be that keen yourself Janis: I've only got to prove to Jamie how keen I am Jimmy: 🤞 he's easier to impress than me Janis: as easy as you are to make blush, I'll be 🤤 Jimmy: unless it's as easy as you are to make 😳 you'll be 💔 Janis: Do you want me to be 💔? Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Won't it be awkward for you? Janis: me and Jamie Jimmy: You doing this to try and make shit awkward for me? Bill will be gutted he missed the #drama Janis: That's not what I'm trying to do Jimmy: We've covered that I don't care what you do, Jules Janis: That's alright then Janis: I'll crack on Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you've made me so 😭 Jimmy: Baby Janis: make it up to me? Jimmy: how? Janis: hmm Jimmy: Oi, don't leave me in suspense Janis: I mean, what's a fair trade for making Jamie so hot and so fake really Janis: you owe me more than a cigarette Jimmy: nowt ain't fair trade here, what do you want? Janis: 😏 Janis: nerd Jimmy: hate to disappoint Janis: Baby, you could never Jimmy: if you're 😭 I've let myself down though Janis: depends Janis: that lot are so permanently 😭 they must consider it goals Jimmy: Nah, you just can't put nowt they do in the #goals category Janis: you know how to make me 😊 Jimmy: you look so goals when you are, I have to Jimmy: it's a 🥇😊 Janis: 😳 easy, yeah Jimmy: take the 🏆 Janis: alright Jimmy: is it? Janis: why wouldn't it be? Jimmy: It's not usually that easy Janis: you've told me three times now, hard work Jimmy: I know, it were me who said it Janis: yeah Janis: a lot gets said Jimmy: loads of # an' all Janis: it's like reading between the lines Jimmy: @ Bill's 👻 Janis: okay, convo 💀 got it Jimmy: come on Janis: Bill's is a macchiato, so I've heard Jimmy: He'll take a cold brew if it's ☀ Janis: Make me hate him more, honestly Jimmy: he's just trying to stay #relevant Janis: oh Bill 💔 Janis: ain't we all? Jimmy: would love to be irrelevant, me Jimmy: it's a hard life being this fit and mysterious 🎻💔 Janis: preaching to the preacher Janis: what a cross to bear Jimmy: don't rub it in that he's only got 😍 for you, girl Jimmy: 💔👴 Jimmy: I'm so 😭😭 and 😠😠 Janis: Oh baby boy Janis: I don't think a sexy old man costume is gonna be convincing enough Janis: gotta let you spread your wings Jimmy: too right it won't Janis: Well, I'm so SORRY I'm not enough for you! Jimmy: you should be Janis: you are so rude OMG Jimmy: you're so young and fit, it's well out of order Jimmy: what am I meant to do with that? Jimmy: gimme something to work with here, for fuck's sake Janis: God, when I signed up for a pervy older boyfriend, this is NOT how I imagined it Janis: fetishize my innocence ffs! Janis: like, you aren't even gonna try and use my inexperience to your advantage, WTF?! Jimmy: I dunno what to tell you, Joanne, dad's are a disappointment Jimmy: fucked if that weren't the type of daddy you were hoping for Janis: 😂 Janis: my own ain't such goals I'm tryna get another just like him, nah Jimmy: and I ain't got the 💰💰💰 so that's pissed on that angle Janis: guess it don't make no sense to keep you about Jimmy: on you go Jimmy: keep walking Janis: it's not been real Jimmy: it were real, baby and we were 🥇 Janis: 💕 Janis: very 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Jimmy: nowt to live for now Janis: nowt to die for either Janis: but if you're ready to take that break now, Mr Brightside Janis: [showing up outside like hello] Jimmy: [appears as fast as he can considering he's meant to be working hard] Janis: ['alright?'] Jimmy: ['you?' because can never answer anything ugh] Janis: [nods but the slightly awkward vibe again 'cos becoming less clear what's fake, what's pisstake and what's real every day yo] Jimmy: [ain't that the tea, lights them both a 🚬 cos of course he does] Janis: [takes it, grateful for the distraction as per, after a while, getting more comfortable in front of him again 'you are a dickhead though'] Jimmy: [gives her such an offended look like excuse you 'yeah but what've I done now?'] Janis: [taps his name badge like hi, Jamie but smirks and shrugs 'don't actually owe me anything for it though, guess I see the potential funny side of it when you're surrounded by dull basic bitches all day every day, like'] Jimmy: [takes off the badge and chucks it dramatically even though he'll have to pick that up before he goes back in but the gesture stands like ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?] Janis: [lols 'yes, that is exactly what I wanted, you nutter'] Jimmy: ['Good'] Janis: [just doing the thing where you're trying not to look so you just keep doing lots of little looks] Jimmy: ['What we doing in a bit?' because you're already thinking about her leaving after this and you don't want to not see her later] Janis: [shrugs again 'until our peers actually wake up and plan parties, the diary's free' 'cos most teens are so lazy compared to these two so who knows yet, oh I was thinking though we should do a rave and/or a festival moment with them in this hol both would work well as prolonged fake dating but also the scenes are busy enough they wouldn't have to be ON the whole time but we know they would 'cos shameless] Jimmy: [yaaaaaaaaaaaaas I love that, we could totally do both like a rave in a warehouse moment that's just a night but then a festival that's a couple of days maybe because he'd be so ! about leaving the kids behind then but not something he can take them to] Jimmy: ['we could do' cos imagine them trying to plan a party please] Janis: [I agree, I think they're both valid plans, 'cos everyone could be at both, so we can have whatever we wanna/need to happen happen] Janis: [raises her brows like whaaaa but then tilts her head like she's thinking about it 'well we are basically prom king and queen of the moment so'] Jimmy: ['I get that you might be worried 'cause of being a massively shit host but you'll have me' 😏] Janis: [tuts at him loudly 'like I actually want any of the cunts 'round here to ever have a good time' a look like do you know who you're talking to rn but then 😏 'would be worth it to beat them at their own game though, obviously'] Jimmy: ['we need somewhere we can properly trash, so we can have a good time if nowt else' because not doing it at his gaff cos of the kids as much as I'd love to annoy Ian and we want somewhere aesthetic because art hoe] Janis: [taps her head like good idea and now I'm thinking on it] Jimmy: ['I hadn't forgot I owed you one, babe, but you've still gotta help a new boy out on the actual where, soz' scrunches his face up like ugh I know, I'm the WORST] Janis: [squishing his squishy face always 'don't reckon even MY bathroom is big enough to host a decent party, sadly' #bathgateforever] Jimmy: [grins because that's given him an idea 'Alright but how badly do you want your REAL boyfriend's and biggest fan's attention? 'cause there's one place I've yet to get lost on my way to'] Janis: [the IRL equivalent of ? but excited with it like tell me bitch] Jimmy: ['how about we do it at school, my dear'] Janis: ['okay, that's a really fucking good idea' the biggest 😈 grin] Jimmy: [when you're buzzing because you thought she'd say no because of all the possible trouble you could get in, which we know is why you're doing it Jimothy the mood being fuck you Ian 5eva] Janis: [little do you know how ready she is to burn it all to the ground at any point lmao 'I'd kiss you if that weren't a punishment'] Jimmy: [irl 😘 'you know how Bill feels about lasses who doth protest'] Janis: [when we all know you meant it the other way 'round and the temptation to say as much is REAL but trumped by the desire to see this plan through/keep being 'friends' so you just smirk and hit him with a 'yeah, yeah' and move on with details 'I reckon most people will be dead up for it, long as they can run and deny all knowledge of the who and the how when shit hits the fan, like'] Jimmy: ['tonight then?' because the EGO of this boy who thinks he can pull this together and off in a few hours] Janis: ['why not' flicking the remains of her cigarette away with a flourish 'use how fast news travels 'round here to our advantage, as per' shrugs 'standard, really'] Jimmy: ['the dress code's black, that's the hill I'll die on' flips down imaginary 😎] Janis: ['fine by me' runs tongue across imaginary fangs like duh 'they can always fall back on their school uniform if they get stuck, bit cliche for my taste but they are so' a what can you do? shrug] Jimmy: ['pjs for you, girl, better hit the shops now if you're down to the emergency pink pair, like' shrugs back but 😏 as he looks at his actual real watch] Janis: [rolls her eyes at the suggestion and the implication she wears pink PJs, pushes him gently towards the door 'get back to work so we can get to work sooner, I'll catch you later'] Jimmy: [just looking at her because he does not want to gdi but then has to add an OTT pout because too real] Janis: [likewise so obviously has to be as OTT back 'parting is such sweet sorrow, yeah babe?'] Jimmy: [when you just hug her again like you did earlier before you can stop yourself like okay this is a thing we're doing with each other now bye] Janis: [just leaning into that like you're such a hugger usually sure] Jimmy: [we're just friends who casually hug yep] Janis: [so casual] Jimmy: [go back in and try not be distracted by your feelings and your big plans boy] Janis: are we taking credit or are we putting this out anon? Jimmy: Don't you want the 🏆? Janis: you just want a reunion with your 👮 pals, obvs Janis: I don't care, it'll out either way so may as well own it, I guess, if you're alright with that too Jimmy: You said you wanted to beat these dickheads at their own game, bit hard to do if they don't know we're playing Janis: can't cough without 10 people commenting on it 'round here anyway Janis: and who else would actually have such a 🔥💡 either Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 👍 Janis: no need to post yet, do it closer to the time it causes more hype/no time for it to get shut down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: You done this before? Janis: Party planning or breaking into the school? Jimmy: I already know you break into the school regularly for secret trysts with your 💕 Janis: no need when he's got the key 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: There's every need when he's 😍😍🤤 for danger Jimmy: unless his ultimate #kinkunlocked is your innocence Janis: Can only assume he 👂 to all those virgin rumours Jimmy: until I came about and he discovered he's all about that cuckold life Janis: all 👀 now Janis: from inside the wardrobe or whatever the fuck 😬😂 Jimmy: be loads of places he can 👀 tonight Janis: True Janis: loads of places to hide too, at least Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: such an athlete, nowt you can do but run Janis: Not scared of you, like Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: first thing I learned about you is how 🙀 you are Janis: Well, no need to insult your intelligence rn Jimmy: #notthickjustnorthern Janis: 'course, hun 😘 Jimmy: ILY babes 💕 Jimmy: tah for keeping it so real with me there Janis: you know me, keep it 💯👌🙏 Jimmy: fave thing about you, that Janis: Awh Janis: so cute! 💖 Jimmy: you know me, never off Janis: OMG, that's like, totally in my top 3 favourite things about you Janis: so crazy Jimmy: 🤖 kink unlocked 🎟 please Janis: erm have you know none of my friends require batteries THANKS Jimmy: 'cause none of 'em are fwb obvs Janis: do you reckon this party is the time or place to announce that downgrade in relationship Janis: get it together 👏 Jimmy: Depends Janis: If you've got a 📢 to hand? Jimmy: well I were gonna say on Mr Lucas but now I'm fuming that you're doubting the size of my gob Jimmy: Asia would never Jimmy: she knows 📏 matters Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll make sure to spread that 'round then, if that's the new rep you want Jimmy: if you ain't got enough to do, I'll @ my manager about some shifts we've got going Jimmy: put a decent enough word in for you, mate Janis: I'll go in for the cliche getting the hot one to train me but then I'm getting sacked before any of the skeleton gang comes through Jimmy: I would but I'm forced to spend enough time with you as is Janis: 🙄 you and your big head can get out the way, tah Jimmy: it's proper sweet of you to fake failing eyesight for me but you still ain't 👵💕 soz Janis: I knew you'd end up going fully dellusional Janis: gonna take ages to deprogram you 🤖 Jimmy: just hit the kill switch Janis: don't 👻 or @ me 'til I've finished my trial shift, thank you Janis: RIP 🌹 Jimmy: Ugh Jimmy: so hard to please, you Jimmy: 🥀💔 Janis: just tryna save your lil ghostie 👀 and 🖤 Janis: 'less you're really the one who's into waiting in the cupboard 🤔 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Will do Janis: got shit to get, PJs to cop Jimmy: RIP to my concentration Jimmy: such a distracting mental image, that Janis: was your request Janis: so entirely your fault Jimmy: you doing what you're told now? 🤤🤤😍 Janis: Depends Jimmy: ? Janis: just how pink the selection is Jimmy: duh, I should've worked that one out Janis: also if I can find any without the sassy slogans slapped all over Jimmy: #whenyou'retoobittertobejuicy Janis: 😱 Janis: how Janis: DARE Janis: you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: no matching set for you now Jimmy: 💔😭 Jimmy: Baby please Janis: You'll have to dress yourself now Janis: as a straight lad, we all know you're incapable Jimmy: come on, be nice to me Janis: Why? Janis: you're so mean to me Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱 Jimmy: never Janis: and now you're gonna gaslight me Janis: so typical 👌 Jimmy: Truce? Janis: Hmm Janis: calling that suspiciously fast Jimmy: No kid wants to have a party where their mum and dad are scrapping in the back Janis: Alright Janis: though I did not agree to raise any child with you Jimmy: I'll chuck the bag of flour before I get there then Jimmy: ain't named it or owt Janis: awh it looks like you Janis: so sweet 😂 Jimmy: might have to call him Jamie Janis: insensitive tbh Jimmy: don't sound like me at all Jimmy: is this gonna be the shortest truce EVER or what? Janis: if you're happy for me to be wistfully thinking about Jamie all the time Janis: then crack on, no arguments here Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Oh Jamie Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: wish the school had a balcony Janis: fuck knows where I'm lamenting from Jimmy: get on the roof, girl Janis: 💀 pact request or? Janis: either way 👍 Jimmy: You still taking on board my requests or? Jimmy: #didwepeakwithpjs? Janis: wishing you used your wishes more wisely now? Jimmy: Is that a trick question? Jimmy: there's nowt wiser Jimmy: get you some slippers and we're near to 💕👵 Janis: 🖕 Dickhead Janis: the idea is to make everyone else 😩 not you Jimmy: we do Jimmy: nowt I can do about your face Jimmy: or your body Janis: devastating news Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it Jimmy: old news Janis: let me mourn, god Jimmy: crack on Janis: [later] Janis: you out yet Jimmy: What do you need a hand to carry now? Janis: rude Janis: I'm bored Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: where are you? Janis: [a random location in town] Janis: been reminded why I hate shopping Jimmy: you don't wanna take #goals selfies with me then? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: obviously Janis: gotta get something out of it Jimmy: meet me at [somewhere they can be goals af] Jimmy: 🤞 I don't get lost Janis: Come on Janis: you must know your way a bit by now Janis: not that far Jimmy: yeah go there all the time, me Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'll start walking Janis: don't wanna make another poster Jimmy: but you LOVED the first one I done Janis: you're very talented Jimmy: 🙄🖕 Janis: Take a compliment, boy Jimmy: Give one that ain't a pisstake, girl Janis: Ugh Janis: that might be a challenge too far Jimmy: then like I said 🙄🖕 Jimmy: and you shut up, trying to get my bearings here Janis: you're adorable when you're lost Janis: that's sincere Jimmy: Where the fuck? Jimmy: this town is some bollocks Jimmy: can't find nowt Janis: See, precious Janis: did you live in a town before or like down a mine or whatever the fuck Jimmy: canary in a little cage, me Jimmy: just a lad and his 🎻 Jimmy: just the one 🥧 crust to ration out Janis: 💔 Janis: we get it, you can act alright 😏 Janis: the sob story ain't gonna save you now Jimmy: Are you gonna? Janis: don't I always? Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Janis: Tweet it so I know it's real Jimmy: [cue dramatic and 💕 tweet about how she's his saviour etc] Janis: coming for your 🥇 pisstaker 👑 with that one Janis: fairplay Jimmy: well I actually need you, bit real that Jimmy: if I said it I'd have to 💀💀💀 or worse, delete Janis: 🤐 Janis: I'll never tell, don't worry Jimmy: using you like a sat nav ain't very #goals Jimmy: reckon the secret's safe Janis: you mean your lack of direction isn't Janis: how unmanly of you Jimmy: it's a crap shag rumour waiting to happen Jimmy: Asia would dump me and my life would be OVER Janis: Nah, blind loyalty is their only redeeming quality Janis: 💀👑 ain't even tried to fuck them and they still stick around Jimmy: In fairness she'd probably ⚰ if she did have a go Janis: says you Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: your stamina ain't braggable with those lungs Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU Janis: whoops Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: could run rings around you, smoke and actual Janis: there's fake and then there's madness Jimmy: there's 🙀 and then there's you Jimmy: sort it out Janis: Who's scared? Janis: Literally any time you wanna have an asthma attack, babe Janis: I'm ready Jimmy: yeah right Jimmy: all chat, you Jimmy: ain't even found me Janis: Bullshit Jimmy: ❌ marks the northern lad Jimmy: get a move on Janis: shut up then Jimmy: If you need a hand that desperately I'll send you 🚬☁ signals Janis: [showing up like hilarious] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna jump into her arms like a damsel in distress but obvs does not] Janis: [puts her arms straight down at her side like won't catch you boy] Jimmy: [does a pouty face and puts his hand out like hold it or I'll get lost again] Janis: [🙄 but does it, obvs] Jimmy: [deliberately goes the wrong way because nerd] Janis: [swinging him 'round like nope] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['can you drive?'] Jimmy: ['Are we stealing a car before or after the break in?' because he can but he can't answer a q] Janis: [shrugs 'I can take the speakers from home without it being suspicious but if I ask to drop 'em off at the school, like' gestures like you see my point 'someone will pick us up for a crate, no big'] Jimmy: ['I could take my dad's car but I dunno if they'll fit' shrugs 'be gutted he didn't get that very important memo about how much size matters'] Janis: ['yeah?' bites lip whilst thinking, tapping foot up and down 'should fit, just put the backseats down'] Jimmy: [when she looks so good biting her lip that you nearly lose yourself in the music AND the moment 'Alright' because he knows he's gonna get in trouble for this anyway and that's the whole point, in for a penny in for a pound] Janis: ['first stop yours then? whilst he's still at work' when you're looking like are you sure but you aren't going to ask] Jimmy: [typical that he lives right by the school and she lives 42 years away lol 'owt else we need from here?' gestures around vaguely with a 😒 face like ugh shops and people gross] Janis: ['better get that crate still, party'll supply itself but I still want some shit for us'] Jimmy: [nods and gives her a look like better get several cos can't resist calling her a pisshead] Janis: [pushes him lightly 'oh, and how many packs do you need to get through, Mr. Buzzkill?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic idk there's no way to know gesture 'such a lad, me, with SUCH good stamina] Janis: [😏 'come on then' and dragging him towards the shop like let's hurry it up] Jimmy: ['get ready for your close up and we can do the photo shoot in the car'] Janis: ['born ready- with this face, and this body' 'cos we ain't forgotten] Jimmy: [trying not to 😳 so hard rn] Janis: [knows and is buzzing about that payback] Jimmy: [lowkey nearly pushing her into some women having a chat in the way of everyone cos that playful shove] Janis: [unrepentantly not soz at those women but 😒 at him] Jimmy: [😏 to hide that he is soz cos didn't mean to do it that hard] Janis: [shoving all the booze at him like go get this but giving him the cash too 'cos not that mad] Jimmy: [does because whipped] Janis: I'm off out 'fore I get lynched Janis: you can find your way back from the tills without me, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: Adorable Jimmy: Shh Janis: Stop being so damn cute Janis: never getting served with that baby face Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: You're too young and I'm too 😎 Janis: Spoilsport Jimmy: few drinks in me and you'll be 🍑📞 Jimmy: hang on in there, baby Janis: yeah Janis: gonna look top in my pjs Janis: who could resist Jimmy: have to be a 💪🏆 lad than me and there ain't none about Janis: Tah for being so real about my chances, like Jimmy: what are mates for? Janis: gonna hold my hair back too? Jimmy: yeah Janis: looking for a promotion to bezzies forever Jimmy: it's just always in my fucking way Janis: ? Jimmy: your hair Janis: oh Janis: fair Janis: if you didn't always go for the neck, would be less of an issue Jimmy: Alright, I can take a hint Jimmy: tonight I'll kiss you somewhere else Janis: [not answering 'cos 😳] Jimmy: [when you think she's not answering because she's like GOD NO levels of horrified] Janis: [ah miscommunication, least she is literally outside so we don't need to angst] Jimmy: [coming out cos job done, take a sec to impress her with how strong you are carrying all that shit] Janis: [lil clap and feeling his biceps like Prue] Jimmy: [🙄 but loves it] Janis: ['back to yours now?'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you proper miss her' shout out to Twix] Janis: [nods like 'course 'and we need to get changed to meet your self-imposed dresscode; good as you look'] Jimmy: [looks down and shrugs cos it's probably black tbh but we know you ain't going like that boy] Janis: ['and you have a car to steal' like need I remind you of the plan] Jimmy: ['ain't really stealing if you just grab the keys of the hook, but alright' keeping this so casual] Janis: ['trust you to wanna make it legal and boring' 👮 ref 'still not got insurance or a license, even if you are 45'] Jimmy: [a look like OI so offended 'loads of ways we can make the drive less boring, if you wanna get involved, Jill' stop making it so sexual thank you we all know that's what you mean] Janis: ['Obviously' a LOOK for good measure 'cos we all know what you mean 'not gonna make you do it alone, not very friendly' taking some of the supplies like see] Jimmy: [such a LOOK back] Janis: [don't drop your shopping lads] Jimmy: [that'd be awks, at least they don't have that far to go for this leg of the journey cos he doesn't live in the middle of nowhere] Janis: [shoutout ian for that one thing and one thing only] Jimmy: [when you gesture for her to light you a 🚬 for this one time only because your hands are full af] Janis: [thrilled about the novelty of that tbh] Jimmy: [don't think about how she'd have to get it out of his pocket and put it in his mouth and all that jazz #accidentalhotness] Janis: [its a mood and a moment and we're just trying to get home without dying here, also gonna have one herself 'cos duh] Jimmy: [so much eye contact goodbye] Janis: ['you're fully aware how much shit we're gonna get in, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic OTT gasp like it only just occurred to him just then] Janis: [nudges him like but really though] Jimmy: [looks down at all the shit he's carrying 'bit late for you to back out, but if you're gonna, go on, we can still half this'] Janis: [shakes her head 'nah, I know, I'm making sure you do, so we're good then'] Jimmy: ['not thick, just northern'] Janis: ['alright, hail of bullets it is then, babe'] Jimmy: ['that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me' cos have to lighten the mood when you know it'll be BAD when Ian finds out about any of this and like you want that but you also don't] Janis: [😏 'yeah, yeah'] Jimmy: [strutting along but in non-awkward silence for a bit] Janis: [living laughing loving like you're not about to get in so much trouble lolollol] Jimmy: [do we wanna skip to his gaff so no other moments happen along the way lol?] Janis: [probably, let's not get carried away yet when there's a whole night ahead] Jimmy: [you're still sober rn lads give it time] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [when he'd have to check in with Cass and Bobby before he can even do anything else remotely, making them cups of tea and food and all kinds of bollocks, you better have walked that dog while he was at work kids we don't have time] Janis: [forever awkwardly there like hello] Jimmy: [like excuse him while he has a little argument with his sister cos she's had bobby all day and he's only just got back and he's basically gonna go straight back out] Janis: [soz girl, just going outside so they can do this in private like you're gonna smoke but you definitely ain't] Jimmy: [he's right back to being stressed because what a day we're having Jimothy, trying to do everything you gotta do with a clingy little bro in your face rn] Janis: [the joys of being an unwilling parent to your siblings truly] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's forced them on the trampoline like let's all calm down] Janis: need me to do anything? Jimmy: 💀💀💀 us Janis: us in the singular or us as in me and you or us as in you want me to family anihilate Janis: the important questions save from awkward misunderstandings later Jimmy: right now I ain't that fussy, babe Jimmy: suit yourself Janis: Generous to a fault Janis: it's impressive Janis: I'll put the drink in the car Jimmy: 💕 Janis: set up the hose and all Janis: whenever you're ready, babe Jimmy: I read that you meant for a 🚿 Jimmy: about to bring up that rich v poor divide again there Janis: as much as the neighbours would be 👀 behind their curtains Jimmy: 👵💕👴 Jimmy: proper cheered me and Doris an' all, tah Jules Janis: any time Jimmy: you can use our actual 🚿 if you need though Jimmy: sight of you would 💀💀💀 her off Janis: Cheers Janis: couldn't hurt, even if there's no decent lads to pull 💔 Jimmy: that screenshot is being @ed to Mr Lucas Jimmy: such a heartbreaker you Janis: s'alright, just tell him he's a man not a lad Janis: answer for everything me 😇 Jimmy: get out of my bathroom actually I've gotta 🤢🤢 Janis: so jealous, so immature Janis: 😂 Jimmy: 🖕 Jimmy: how mature's that? 😘 Janis: SO impressive Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: you know it Janis: of course Janis: I am getting in now though so if you're actually gonna come in, bring your 📷 or don't, like Jimmy: that ain't fair, I already know what an exhibitionist you are, gimme a new kink to unlock Janis: I'm not making it any easier for you Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: not even 🥉 behaviour, that Janis: sort it out Jimmy: Alright, dickhead, appreciate the shot's fired but I still ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: Shame Janis: and no 🎟 for that one either, I know Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: there's your 🚿🎵 Janis: Tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [after a suitable shower time] Janis: your turn Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [awkward meetcute on the landing] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [also she'll either be in a towel or in what she's wearing so either way we can assume 😍] Jimmy: [we all know what you'll be doing in that shower boy] Janis: [oohlala] Jimmy: [at least Ian ain't there to lament his water bill] Janis: [gonna have bigger problems soon soz not soz dickhead] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [meanwhile not lowkey knowing where to put yourself rn, 'cos you don't wanna get up in the kids grill but also feels presumptuous just being in his room but ultimately where you're gonna be 'cos can style that out better] Jimmy: [bowl in with your towel on to make this more awkward] Janis: [just like um ah sorry run lmao] Jimmy: [put your clothes on and go find her sir] Janis: [just chilling by the car probably] Jimmy: [open the door for her thank you] Janis: [tipping your imaginary hat] Jimmy: [illegal driving time, don't die please] Janis: [to her house, which whilst so much faster in a car, still forever lol] Jimmy: [put your easter rising playlist on kids] Janis: [soundtrack to your love tbh] Jimmy: [and don't forget to stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere for your photoshoot moment] Janis: [so important, vital, some would say, ie yous two] Jimmy: [it's been an age by your standards cos he didn't post the bench moment the fans need #content 👌] Janis: [when that was too #personal we all know it] Jimmy: [whenever her actual name gets used it's too personal that's the tea] Janis: [no pretending then] Jimmy: [lbr there's barely any even this early on] Janis: [when you're just bad at this but that works in favour of being believed 'cos it's real lmao] Jimmy: [imagine if it was all fake like alright well bye] Janis: [you thought lads] Jimmy: [they'd have to be 🤖] Janis: [and you ain't, despite efforts bitch] Jimmy: [just like imma spend all this time with you and chat with you always but idc tho] Janis: [so realistic, the facts are if you actually intended to fake date you would have to do so little to make it seem legit, you don't need to really date lol] Jimmy: [literally could have do what Buster did for like 3 years and made someone up, he could've easily pretended he'd left someone up north but no] Janis: [like we know these girls are pushy but come on lol] Jimmy: [he's perfectly capable of being an antisocial dickhead and getting them to lose interest] Janis: [mhmm lmao, we see you, idk why we're shading as if this isn't out plan, like admit you fancied each other!!!1] Jimmy: [when it's a bestselling book/netflix show peeps gonna be shouting] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [do we wanna do a skip or have you got anything you wanna do on this drive while they bonnie and clyde 39ing it] Janis: [hmmmmm, part of me wants to do it but maybe we should skip idk] Jimmy: [if you wanna do it gal we shall 😘] Janis: [tings could happen as they do] Jimmy: [thank god he needs to keep his eyes on the road because I can only imagine how 🔥 she looks rn] Janis: [I need to find pics but defs a lewk, totally for your benefit whether we're admitting that or obvs not, boy] Jimmy: [I'm being cockblocked as standard but he'd be serving a lewk also in the effortless way he do] Janis: [we're all 😍 up in here but still, conversation lmao 'did your dad teach you to drive?'] Jimmy: [such a bitter laugh because Ian would never 'I get it, the deathwish is a strong one, but let's get the party over and done with first, yeah?' because you know Ian would be a crap driver all that road rage] Janis: [obvs senses that's a no-go topic area and nods 'works for me, not a very cool way to die, 'less we're driving off a cliff' ha ha mems bye] Jimmy: ['controlling carpet salesman is more your type than the easy-going musician which is awkward' cos the musician's name is Jimmy I lol 'and you love a flirtatious stranger an' all'] Janis: [lols 'well, what a drag, not even gonna counter it because would LOVE a new carpet right about now'] Jimmy: [looks down at the floor of the car like understandable 'if you could keep your legs closed for a bit so all my savings don't get nicked by some obvs irresistible dickhead, I'd love that though'] Janis: ['I make no promises' 😏] Jimmy: [shakes his head like ugh what am I gonna do with you] Janis: ['am I the hot one or nah though?'] Jimmy: ['Your shit taste is well documented' like you tell me] Janis: [shrugs like boy idk 'not got it memorized' 'cos lowkey has no clue] Jimmy: [shrugs back like neither do I as if he didn't just drop all that plot on her] Janis: [🙄 'well now I'll never know just how much of a drag it was'] Jimmy: ['I'm the hot one, you should know that'] Janis: [offended noises] Jimmy: [poke her like excuse you but keep 👀 on the road so god knows where that hand is gonna land] Janis: [flapping his hand away like get off 'I am not willing to say you're the hot one, thank you'] Jimmy: ['what are you willing to say then?' why you gotta be so flirty boyy] Janis: [raises her hand like she's swearing in court ['the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God'] Jimmy: ['sleepover was the other night, mate'] Janis: ['they weren't having no game of truth or dare with us' face like I wonder why lmao] Jimmy: ['gonna need you to take one for the team and express my heartbreak' cos he can't do 💔 hands while driving] Janis: [does 'though you're the only one not playing nice right now so, think on'] Jimmy: [risking a look at her like ?] Janis: ['we could play right now' like duh] Jimmy: ['what dares can I do with both hands on the wheel?'] Janis: [snorts 'don't tempt me' but shakes her head 'called TRUTH OR dare, just pick truth, and I gave you the chance to ask me first anyway'] Jimmy: ['I can't be pulling over every time you want me to do something' and a LOOK soz drivers 'but alright' cos can't turn down a challenge ever] Janis: ['you can keep your hands where I can see 'em at all times, promise' returning that LOOK but being 😳 by the time he's turned 'round 'go on then, ask me something interesting'] Jimmy: ['Nah, lasses first, gimme a dare, if you can think of owt'] Janis: [a sigh like fgs boy 'no, alright, let me think then' humming and tapping your lip to show how hard you're thinking about this 'alright, truthfully, if you HAD to bang one of the flat whites, who would you pick?] Jimmy: ['your sister' because honestly Grace is the least annoying not just cos Janis is not gonna be happy about it though that's a bonus] Janis: [retches 'shut up and pick someone else'] Jimmy: ['Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it'] Janis: ['it's not the truth, you're a dick'] Jimmy: ['Yeah it is'] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [nudges her like cheer up] Janis: [just shifting your body out of reach like no] Jimmy: ['Stop being a dickhead'] Janis: ['You first'] Jimmy: ['It were your question, I'd be a dickhead if I never answered'] Janis: ['we're not playing anymore'] Jimmy: [sighs but doesn't say anything] Janis: [turning up the music] Jimmy: [awkwardly driving] Janis: [getting herself a drink from the back probably very inelegantly climbing over all the shit, which is a bit rude but here we are] Jimmy: [a long enough pause that he easily could have dropped the topic but has not 'who did you want me to fuck'] Janis: ['Literally anyone but my sister, it's not hard'] Jimmy: ['would be' because ew imagine any of them and him] Janis: ['forget it'] Jimmy: ['You first'] Janis: ['fuck off, I don't have to do anything'[ Jimmy: ['I don't have to fuck your sister, it were just a game'] Janis: ['go for it, it's such an easy choice, like'] Jimmy: ['shut up, I don't wanna go for it'] Janis: ['whatever'] Jimmy: [is just looking at her like what the fuck are we doing this for if I was just gonna get with any of them, don't crash please] Janis: ['stop looking at me and focus'] Jimmy: [dramatically but safely thank you pulls over so he can just stare her out because that bitch] Janis: ['what are you doing?'] Jimmy: ['What are you doing?' so annoying] Janis: [the exasperation just like bitch, getting out 'I'm walking'] Jimmy: [obviously also gets out 'you're being a massive twat'] Janis: ['then get back in your car and leave me alone'] Jimmy: ['no'] Janis: ['well I'm not getting back in'] Jimmy: ['Well it's getting left here then, wherever the fuck here is'] Janis: ['Don't be ridiculous'] Jimmy: ['you'] Janis: ['I've not done anything wrong, I want to walk, go away' pushing him in the general direction of the car] Jimmy: [gets back in the car like fine but it's not fine] Janis: [just sitting on the side of the road fuming 'cos you've not even got the speakers yet] Jimmy: [when you can't even have a drink #gutted] Janis: go to my house Janis: I'll tell my brother you're coming to pick the gear up Jimmy: I'm not going without you Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: get in Janis: don't look at me don't talk to me Janis: alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [gets in and slams the door] Jimmy: [well this is fun kids, but hey at least we're moving again] Janis: [dramatically looking out this window] Jimmy: [turns the music up even more] Janis: [turns it down 'cos petty] Jimmy: [is so 😒 but leaves it] Janis: [get these speakers quick] Jimmy: [imagine the weird vibe when they do, oooh someone's had a domestic] Janis: [also gotta hope said sibling doesn't dob you in 'cos Jimmy is not old enough to be driving we all know this] Jimmy: [also hope Grace isn't home cos AWKWARD] Janis: [safe to say you will not be coming to this soiree anyway] Jimmy: [thank goodness none of them are for a multitude of reasons] Janis: [just both dying to be out this car now, on your phone giving people details so at least you've got an excuse/something to do] Jimmy: [what a hilarious drive back that would be] Janis: ['everyone's coming'] Jimmy: [nods in recognition of her saying that but we all know he's not bothered rn] Janis: [what if she invited Pete though] Jimmy: [BITCH OMG DO IT] Janis: [dragging you into this soz boy] Jimmy: [because they haven't been coupley af at his work yet or anything and neither of them has really interacted with him so it makes it more blatant] Janis: [gotta be done] Jimmy: [I am living] Janis: [we can probably skip now we aren't getting past this lol] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, like all he's gonna do is get back dump the shit then take the car back and check the kids are okay and then walk back to the school all in a moody silence so] Janis: [we know the vibe, blatantly taking advantage of how fast this party is gonna get out of control to avoid each other] Jimmy: [raid Ian's stash while you're there boy because stronger stuff that's so needed] Janis: [sudden life and soul like excuse me whilst I talk to everyone and accept all the drinks etc] Jimmy: [the fakest she's ever been] Janis: [hostess with the mostest] Jimmy: [we all know that's a fuck you too cos he called her a shit host] Janis: [getting turnt, locating Pete] Jimmy: [he's straight up gonna drag her away from that boy, soz pete] Janis: [he's gonna be so confused like hello? meanwhile 'well, that was rude'] Jimmy: [having to style it out to everyone like I just really miss her excuse me 'rude is right, what did you invite him for?'] Janis: [shrugs 'cos he's cool?'] Jimmy: ['how the fuck would you know?'] Janis: ['I talked to him' that was barely an exchange but pop-off 'anyway, there are so many people here, what does it matter?'] Jimmy: [😒 af but you can pretend it goes with what you're about to say 'my manager gonna turn up in a bit an' all or what?'] Janis: ['if he's cool too, maybe'] Jimmy: [walking away but giving her a look like you're such a dick] Janis: ['great talk' shouted after him] Jimmy: ['if you were cool, might've been' shouted back because so mature] Janis: [💔] Jimmy: ['Open with that, next lad you have a great talk with'] Janis: ['Thanks for the suggestion' and walking away to get fully lost in this crowd] Jimmy: [likewise walking off to somewhere he can be on his own or as close to that as we're getting in this chaos] Janis: [least there is an abudance of classrooms, they can't all be full yet] Jimmy: [get drunker because what could go wrong there] Janis: [oh lord, the only way is down] Jimmy: [I've just had the MOST EVIL thought because Pete also smokes do you see where I'm going with this] Janis: [I think I do you lil shrew] Jimmy: [not actually a MOMENT but when you're jealous af everything's a moment] Janis: [is nothing sacred] Jimmy: [how dare you smoke with other hot baristas] Janis: [you don't even smoke lol] Jimmy: [so yeah do you wanna do that? 😈] Janis: [why not, we're out here fucking everything up now] Jimmy: [when you're straight up just gonna try and leave this party boy please I'm not allowing that] Janis: [when you don't even get why he's just immediately turned around so offended so you think it's purely 'cos he doesn't want to see you rn so you go off into the main hall again like okay] Janis: go smoke, I've moved now Jimmy: go where you like Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: erm why Jimmy: 1. you heard me before, fuck who you want but don't make me look a twat Jimmy: 2. I don't need to be here Jimmy: 3. I don't wanna be here Janis: 1. I've not fucked anyone Janis: 2. so you're gonna leave me to get in trouble when that's the entire point of this whole thing to you, apparently Janis: 3. see 2 Jimmy: I've got no shortage of shit I can do to get in trouble Jimmy: You can have this one Janis: Bullshit am I taking the fall for you now Jimmy: bat your eyelashes and tell it were all my idea Jimmy: nowt even fake in that Janis: fuck off with that too Janis: you're being so stupid Jimmy: yeah proper smart move to be all over my co-workers Janis: Hardly Janis: I was talking to him, not a crime Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I have to see him every day at the same place those bitches go every day Janis: So Janis: I thought you might like someone here you actually know Jimmy: So it ain't very goals when your girlfriend is a massive slag Janis: I already told you Janis: I was talking to him, fuck all else Jimmy: And who else 👀 that? Janis: I've talked to plenty of people here Janis: and the reason I'm not talking to you is your fault so you can't put that on me Jimmy: Get in a darker corner and get a bit closer, sure we can still spin that so it's my fault somehow Janis: Jesus, I'm not an idiot and I'm not trying to fuck him Jimmy: we're surrounded by idiots, stick to the fucking script or exit stage left Janis: I'm making best of the situation Janis: but fine, let's both leave, this whole exercise has been fucking pointless Jimmy: Me an' all, this ain't happening to me again Jimmy: I loved her, I don't even like you Janis: What are you talking about Jimmy: leave it out Janis: You said it Janis: typed it Jimmy: I can't hypothetically fuck your sister with a gun to my head, you can't actually fuck anyone I know Janis: We were having a cigarette, that's what you 👀 Janis: if that pisses you off then you can see why you pissed me off Janis: that's that Jimmy: I never said I couldn't see why you were pissed off Jimmy: not blind Janis: Yes you did Janis: you still don't even get it now, so fuck that Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: but I'm never going near your sister Janis: then you don't Jimmy: I didn't invite her here to piss you off Janis: You didn't have to pick her Jimmy: You wanted honest Janis: Yeah, and if you can't see she's the worst Janis: then I don't want to be your friend and you don't get it Jimmy: I picked her 'cause she's barely spoken to me Jimmy: she's never barged in on me in the bathroom or awkwardly flirted with me Jimmy: there's nowt else to it Janis: I'm over this Jimmy: come on Jimmy: I don't like anyone, least of all any of them Janis: Fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: Sure Janis: it just proves how stupid this is Janis: you don't know me, I don't know you, we've got nothing in common Jimmy: that were the point Jimmy: you can't fake owt with someone who knows you Janis: that ain't the point in being friends Janis: to think we could do both was the mistake Janis: so let's drop it Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: but this party were a good idea Jimmy: is Janis: I hope so Jimmy: just stay Janis: whatever Janis: I had and ave reasons to be here too, I never said I didn't Jimmy: yeah Janis: enjoy your party, Jimmy Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Make it a lot later okay Jimmy: suits me Janis: when are you going to be done with this? Jimmy: When are you? Janis: I'm fine now, no one thinks I'm gay Janis: but I'll hold up my end of the deal Janis: so get to your end point and tell me Jimmy: Lasses are gonna fancy me however long this goes on, soon as we end it I'll be back at square one Jimmy: might as well do it now if that's what you want Janis: So what was your plan Janis: do it 'til you found a real girlfriend, what? Jimmy: how do you expect me to plan for that level of crazy? Jimmy: I'll be gone soon Jimmy: be a new boy somewhere else Janis: You'll forgive me for not having much sympathy Janis: only been dealing with it forever Janis: and when is that gonna be, exactly Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ my dad and ask him Jimmy: doubt he'll mind Janis: I don't think either of us knew how long we were signing up for Janis: that's the point, yeah? Jimmy: don't worry about it, this party'll get me one foot out Janis: Good Jimmy: steady on, we ain't gotta have nowt in common Janis: You aren't funny Janis: so no danger Jimmy: ain't gotta be that either, have I? Jimmy: trying to repel the lasses not the other way round Janis: you aren't that special, you know Jimmy: it's not me saying I am Janis: no Jimmy: just trying to keep my head down Jimmy: it ain't my fault they like the look of it Janis: you've really fucked everything up Janis: but maybe that ain't your fault Jimmy: I have got form, probably is Janis: You love moping Janis: have it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: why'd you lie Jimmy: What? Janis: I ust wanna know what the point of saying you wanted to be my friend was Jimmy: I weren't lying Janis: You clearly didn't want to be my friend Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: Come on Jimmy: you Janis: You'd give a shit now if you did Jimmy: I do give a shit now Janis: about how you look Jimmy: stop chatting shit Janis: I heard you the first time Janis: none of this is remotely about me Jimmy: everything I do is about you Janis: You don't need to chat shit just 'cos you reckon I am Jimmy: you're my first thought in all this bollocks Janis: Yeah, and you hate me for it Janis: it isn't my fault they won't leave you alone either, alright Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know that, not fucking braindead Janis: then don't treat me like I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't need to go on about what today's been like, you've been about for most of it Janis: Yeah, alright Janis: I'm sorry for inviting your coworker Jimmy: Alright Janis: Actual truce then Jimmy: might last a fucking minute this time, like Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: weren't promising nowt Janis: just warn me next time you're gonna have a meltdown and we'll be fine Jimmy: you were the one who stropped out of the car, babe Jimmy: didn't get a single 📷 Janis: and you're the one who wouldn't go to my house alone so Janis: we'll have to have a truce Janis: and I'm in no state now Janis: the evidence of this party will speak for itself Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: #whentheonlycrimecommitedisthelackofselfiesinthatoutfit Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: at least come here so I can 😍😍🤤 over it Janis: tell me where you are then Jimmy: 🎨 room #duh Janis: 'course you are Janis: see if I remember where it is, get lost for once instead of you Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: bathroom Janis: where else do girls go to 😭 Jimmy: [draws her an adorable quick little map] Janis: Cheers, nerd Jimmy: now you can always find me when we're stuck here 💕 Janis: Cute Janis: fucking weird being here at night Janis: not that I think we will be much longer now Jimmy: do my 🥇 work at night, me Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: I'm not gonna grade you Janis: given how tense things are already, risky game Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me it's top marks Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: Colour me unsurprised that you're class show-off Jimmy: don't say a word, me Jimmy: there's no need Janis: oh God Janis: you're insufferable 😂 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: shh Janis: or I'm purposely getting so lost Jimmy: have to find you for once Janis: I'm good at hiding Jimmy: I'm good at 👀 Janis: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: 😱 Jimmy: told you I weren't blind Janis: I stopped listening after you said you wanted to bang my sister Janis: which speaks to the contrary 🤷 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: you would've heard me say sorry if you were bothered Janis: I'm bothered Jimmy: so what you just want another one? Janis: Maybe Jimmy: gonna have to do something for it since you ain't listening to nowt I've said Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Janis: Now I know why you wanted a dare Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: I'll do owt you want so you know how sorry I am Janis: Don't say that Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos it's been one of those days Janis: and I'm too drunk to be sensible Jimmy: that's why you should let me make it up to you Jimmy: or it'll keep on being shit Janis: okay Janis: but you do what you think Janis: I'm not telling you to do anything Jimmy: just for tonight or ever again? Janis: like I tell you what to do all the time Jimmy: I'm just saying, might be a dealbreaker Janis: Oh right Janis: it's a kink, I forgot Jimmy: taking your 🎟🎟 off you Janis: 😣 Janis: I'll tell you what to do Jimmy: go on Janis: come out and find me instead Janis: I can't be just me and you right now Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: how far did you get? Janis: corridor Janis: don't call me scared Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is] Janis: [such an intense LOOK in every sense 'cos what a time we're all confused and frustrated] Jimmy: [giving her those 😍 he said he would and MORE lbr] Janis: [when I'm like you're staying still girl I don't trust you lol] Jimmy: [when I'm like who's around that you can use as an excuse to do what you really want lol] Janis: [there'd be people and that was my shameless vibe 'cos no going back if it happened when you were alone] Jimmy: [just really intensely kiss her in between saying how sorry you are then boy, I insist] Janis: [so about it there's no denying] Jimmy: [thank god they can forget because drunk if we need them to because DAMN] Janis: [god damn x3] Jimmy: [also thank god he's wearing more clothes than her because once again she's basically in the same boat as on school trip and they're just dry humping all over everything so casually] Janis: [put some more clothes on hoe lol but never do and seriously, this is enough of a show without how bad you wanna go further] Jimmy: [a hoe never gets cold especially in April] Janis: [it's basically Summer lmao] Jimmy: [they should go back to the art room at some point if they can ever find chill for a paint fight cos they wearing black it'd be 🎨] Janis: [that's a good idea] Jimmy: [I'm trying to think how they can lowkey trash the place and that seemed an obvious one] Janis: [I am down, if they ever stop lol] Jimmy: [which they won't for an age if ever lol] Janis: [how are we stopping y'all ahh] Jimmy: [someone could always basically fall on them cos drunk chaos] Janis: [that would work, break the spell casually] Jimmy: [especially if it's a heavy lad even you two can't just ignore that] Janis: [just 😒 but not at him so improvement lol] Jimmy: [don't fight him Jimothy just go have your paint fight and live your best life] Janis: [we all know you were very in the way lol] Jimmy: [as standard, so go handhold your way back to the art room as is also your standard] Janis: [being like 'which is yours?' like a parent coming to see your work on parents evening] Jimmy: [getting shy like] Janis: [squish.that.face 'go on' nudges him] Jimmy: [the most exasperated sigh ever like she is a parent suddenly lol] Janis: [walks around looking at the work herself like okay, okay, 'I'll work it out'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her while she's checking out the 🎨] Janis: [when he's done enough doodles that you could pick them out but probably not 📷 'did I find them all?'] Jimmy: [just taking her to all the ones she didn't but he can't look at them because he's awks] Janis: [just approving like get it boy but silently and low-key 'cos not that bitch, turning round 'where do you sit then?' and sitting on his desk when he tells her] Jimmy: [sits on his chair so they're accidentally really close to each other] Janis: ['this is how porn starts' saying what we're all thinking] Jimmy: [loling] Janis: [😏 but tension] Jimmy: [😏 back forever] Janis: ['teach me then'] Jimmy: [gets out art supplies like a nerd] Janis: [buzzing like show me how to art] Jimmy: [what's a art thing he could teach her how to do? hmmmm] Janis: [thank god she's got some skillz even if drunk, don't wanna be tragically shit] Jimmy: [imagine, they'd be arguing again like immediately] Janis: [we don't need that tah] Jimmy: [christ knows what he's teaching her but it's a moment] Janis: [obviously gonna involve paint and obviously gonna splodge a bit on his cute concentration face to start this paint war] Jimmy: [get her back on her 😏 face because she would be and we all know] Janis: [I wish pinterest would come through for this but I already know lol] Jimmy: [I will look but they won't even serve me an outfit for him so probably not gonna happen] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [on the one hand I want other peeps to show up so they can attack them but on the other I don't because just jj things] Janis: [we probably should to avoid another Moment TM] Jimmy: [yeah at least when there's at least a couple of other people around we can pretend it's fake, there's no going back otherwise] Janis: [we can feel it coming lads] Jimmy: [so can they and that's the tea] Janis: [mhmm mhmm] Jimmy: [you deserve this carefree paint fight and ensuing makeout lads, shit is gonna hit the fan soon enough] Janis: [what kind of fallout should we do?] Jimmy: [that's a good question cos we know Ian is gonna 🥊 but yeah we need to decide how hard to go with everyone else] Janis: [like assuming the police get called to shut this down, I reckon you'd just get a warning/or maybe a community service vibe, that could be fun to do actually] Jimmy: [LIKE IN STEP UP but obvs not at all because they ain't cleaning no dance school but yass I like that idea] Janis: ['cos then even if Ian is like can't see that girl again they still will 'cos gotta go do this lol] Jimmy: [exactly and school will have to start eventually so you can't stop him then even if they get put in isolation or whatever they'll still find a way] Janis: [the rom and jules of it all] Jimmy: [you'll enjoy that both of yous] Janis: [not that you'll enjoy being separated the rest of the time 'cos so highkey heheheh] Jimmy: [though I'll enjoy not having to think of ways to cockblock you all the time] Janis: [just parents being parents 'cos you broke into and trashed your school lol] Jimmy: [this'll be a good reason for cali/the fam not to like him cos that was the vibe for why she had to invite him round to dinner remember when] Jimmy: [even though they would've totally done this when they were younger bye] Janis: [exactly yo, and likewise doesn't listen to them anyway so it's as much of a cockblock and not as we need so] Jimmy: [is there anything else you wanna do/have them say to each other before we 👮🚓?] Janis: [hmmm we've covered a lot of emotional ground I feel so we're probs good?] Jimmy: [I'm good with that]

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: they're getting chinese for tea if you want in Fraze: Alright cheers Bea: your dad says where are you Bea: probably wants you to pick it up Fraze: Tell him he don't need to Fraze: & to stop being so fucking embarrassing like Bea: meant the food idiot 😂 Bea: like he cba to go out Bea: your mums sleeping Fraze: Sounds more legit Fraze: I'll get it then, won't I Bea: 👍 Bea: girls said make sure you get fortune cookies 🙄 Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: mhmm Bea: who's out then Fraze: Everyone Fraze: Where are you? Bea: got that big project for history Fraze: Yeah me too Fraze: So? Bea: so Bea: I wanna get a good grade don't I 😜 Fraze: You will anyway Fraze: Could do it the night before & still would, like Bea: True Fraze: I'm just gonna tell Miss to stop flirting with me if she keeps asking about homework 😉 Fraze: Unless you wanna do mine too Bea: ha fuck off do I Bea: get you points with your new girlfriend at least, even if you fail Fraze: Didn't reckon you could handle two, stresshead that you are Fraze: Worth a shot though Fraze: The kid I pay only does Maths & English Bea: Reverse psychology is a bit first school Bea: if you put half this effort into your work, Frazier 😉 Fraze: Just 'cause my ma's asleep don't mean you gotta take over Fraze: & it worked on Tanisha so I can do worse than a low effort, high reward strategy, can't I Bea: I ain't either of the women in your life, if you ain't noticed Fraze: You don't do enough shouting for one or hair flipping for the other Bea: gives your friend with the Bieber hair a run for his money Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Come out Fraze: You can tell him Fraze: Tell her to go easy on the gloss an' all before we get stuck together Bea: I'm good Bea: let your lack of tact work in your favour for once Fraze: Bullshit would you rather do homework than have a drink with me Fraze: Come on Bea: don't fancy sharing with you Bea: gloss, who knows what else, like Fraze: Then don't Fraze: You can have your own Bea: Generous Bea: where'd you get it this time Fraze: Better for you if you don't know Bea: 🙄 Bea: Whatever Fraze: Help me get rid & it's done Fraze: No evidence Bea: shouldn't you be telling your friends to piss off now, get some alone time Bea: not invite more people Fraze: Not fruity enough for her to handle, is it Bea: ha Bea: how shaming Fraze: You coming or not Bea: You're meant to be coming back with food, remember Bea: no point Fraze: After then Bea: who else is there Bea: i don't want to watch you suck face tah Fraze: She's gone in Fraze: You know what her ma's like Bea: not really Bea: not that interested, like Bea: but fine Fraze: Long story short, she don't like me Fraze: One of them McKenna's ain't I Bea: 💔 Fraze: Already smacked her brother for saying it Bea: Only got yourself to blame then Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I finished it, didn't start it Bea: Can't act surprised Bea: what did you think would happen Fraze: I controlled what would happen Fraze: End of Bea: One way to put it Fraze: What are you being such a bitch for? Bea: What you being such a pussy for? Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sound like one Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I don't Bea: Yeah you do Bea: what you wanna get invited 'round for tea for so bad Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: Get what I want off her already Bea: Shut up bitching to me that her mammy don't like you then if you don't care Bea: 'cos I deffo don't Fraze: What you need an A so bad you can't talk to me now Fraze: That's proper desperate Bea: talk about something more interesting than this dry project and maybe I'd wanna Fraze: I invited you to something more interesting Bea: I said I'd come out Fraze: They said I'm banned from the Chinese but I'm still going in Fraze: Don't mean shit Bea: When did that happen Fraze: Last week Bea: You're ridiculous Fraze: They are Fraze: Barely kicked off Bea: Yeah okay Bea: such a conspiracy that Fraze: Nah, don't wind me up & I won't react, simple as Bea: I don't know the last time someone told you but world don't revolve around you Fraze: Who then? My life I'm living, babe Bea: The rest of us ain't living ours to keep you happy Fraze: More fool you Fraze: You'd have it easier that way Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Da's gonna have to come get this shit they won't give it me Fraze: Pass it on Bea: fuck sake Bea: alright Bea: [time] Bea: Joe's on his way Fraze: & I got one foot in the door near enough Fraze: You coming for a 🚬 or can you only accept one invite a night now, like Bea: If you're offering one of yours then obviously Bea: be down now Fraze: Don't keep me waiting, Princess Bea: Or what, dickhead Fraze: There'll be fuck all left for you Bea: 😂 Bea: Idiot Bea: [comes out and takes it] Fraze: [control your heart eyes boy for the love of god, keep it 😏] Bea: [when you're trying to pretend you ain't arsed but you're obvs lowkey 😒 'cos can't control that] Fraze: [pulls on her sleeve to get her attention cos throwback to when they were kids and therefore forever something he'd do even as an adult] Bea: [has to be like what 'cos cannot ignore a throwback] Fraze: [asking her what's wrong via a look] Bea: ['hungry' when we know she weren't having no chinese] Fraze: [shakes his head but not gonna push that too hard because we do know, gives her a lemon sherbet from his pocket cos on a throwback roll goodbye] Bea: [smiles a bit and takes it, 'where's the drink you promised, then?] Fraze: ['you wanna go get started now then, yeah?' A loooooooook stop flirting boy but don't] Bea: [returning looks forever, 'ain't your girlfriend' meaning not a weak-ass bitch but also we know] Fraze: [intense eye contact that goes on too long for the win. 'So come on' starts walking & doesn't wait for her to follow cos knows she will] Bea: [raises her eyebrows like 'really' but does 'cos why wouldn't she] Fraze: [takes her to wherever he's stashed it nearby] Bea: [holds out hand like gimme] Fraze: [hands it over with a little lol] Bea: [looks at him like you drunk already but smiles and takes massive swig like ick, thanks creepy old dudes 'cos casual pro already] Fraze: [smiles back because casually always impressed and not gonna pretend he ain't, but does his own to prove he can hang obvs] Bea: ['least she'll be cheap to get pissed'] Fraze: ['shut up' cos he ain't like that and don't want her to think he is for obvious creepy old dude related reasons] Bea: [shrugs like what it's true then smirks at him 'cute'] Fraze: [his turn to be 😒 'don't'] Bea: ['who knew you were so chivalrous? so adorable' loling] Fraze: ['you, unless you've repressed more shit than you let on' because that's a throwback to them being little in itself he'd be so protective of her bye] Bea: [is like oh but fronts it all smirky like 'you wish, boy'] Fraze: [his turn to shrug cos it's true & they both know it but also return the smirk cos always & steal her words from earlier. 'not really' which is a lie] Bea: [shakes her head, drinks some more] Fraze: [likewise] Bea: ['think your brother's got a little girlfriend too'] Fraze: [laughs and gives a look like which one] Bea: [rolls eyes 'keep up, Tommy's had one for ages, Joe'] Fraze: ['Had money on Rocky before him'] Bea: ['Rude, he's cute.' Pausing for that dramatic effect 'cos evil 'least Kayleigh Macguire from year above him thinks so' older womens always] Fraze: [If I was being rude I'd have said he looks like a fucking girl & called her a Lezza but I ain't.' Pauses himself to give her a pisstaking look. 'That's what this mood is then, you didn't get to ask him out yourself. Unlucky like.'] Bea: ['Jealous 'cos he's pretty than yours? Sad times, Sherlock.'] Fraze: ['Fuck off. You're jealous 'cause she's got tits and you ain't, don't take it out on me'] Bea: [Laughs 'yeah I'm so devvo I'm not fat'] Fraze: ['Nah, gutted that Joe ain't tripping over himself for you though.'] Bea: [Flicking her cigarette away and stamping it out as she turns to go 'You're such an idiot'] Fraze: ['If you want him you're gonna have to make a move, cunt's got none of his own.'] Bea: [Exasperated 'I clearly don't'] Fraze: ['Clear that you're full of compliments for him' Shoves the bottle at her cos so angry always 'Offer him a drink, be his best mate. On the house along with the tip.'] Bea: ['Excuse me, just because I don't need to slag him off don't mean I'm in love with him, Jesus, what's wrong with you?'] Fraze: [just gives her a look like who's side are you on because dramatic af forever we know] Bea: ['Ridiculous, I already said.' Drinking 'cos she's got it now, like] Fraze: [turns to go himself because king of throwing a strop] Bea: ['You done with this then?' shakes the bottle like hello? 'good then' and goes to walk inside with it like a bad bitch ain't scared] Fraze: [pulls her back by her sleeve but like harder than he meant to because emotions be high so then has to take the bottle back and neck loads of it cos cant look at her] Bea: [grabbing the bottle and smashing it, wasteful but necessary] Fraze: ['what the fuck'] Bea: ['Don't fucking grab me'] Fraze: [bringing the eye contact back because he has to, you did wrong there boy & we all know it you included. 'I'm sorry.'] Bea: [Shrugs like okay then but won't meet his eyes stubbornly] Fraze: [rubs his eyes & puts his head in hands because fuck he did not mean for this. 'Go home, Bea' is now the time to tell her what to do even if it is softly & with feeling, no boy but god bless] Bea: [when you're not dignifying that with a response] Fraze: ['fuck's sake' but mostly to & at himself lbr] Bea: [starts walking away but not in 'cos like I said a bitch ain't eating so] Fraze: [stubbornly doesn't follow her though he obviously wants to] Bea: [where are you going, who knows, but you committed now] Fraze: Where are you going? Bea: What's it matter? Fraze: I said go home not go fucking missing Bea: Dramatic Bea: not missing, am I Bea: just gonna go see where everyone is Fraze: They're having dinner like Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: everyone in town Bea: alright Bea: I'll find someone, don't worry Fraze: Don't say that to me Fraze: I clearly am Bea: what, you wanna be your mum now Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I said sorry Fraze: Come back Bea: I don't want to Fraze: I don't want you wandering the fucking streets Bea: oh my god Bea: you invited me out earlier so don't lie Fraze: With me Bea: I can look after myself Fraze: I know Fraze: Jesus Bea: Then don't worry Bea: go eat Fraze: Stop saying that Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: I don't wanna go eat Bea: Do what you want then Bea: I am Fraze: Tell me where you are then Fraze: I will Bea: [probably a park or something] Fraze: [finds her because obviously] Bea: [love a swing moment] Fraze: [pushes her on the swing because what are you gonna say boy] Bea: [is all 'I'm not a child' but not really aggressive more like done but doesn't try to get off or anything] Fraze: ['Stop having a tantrum then' um excuse you boy, hypocrite much] Bea: [digs her heels in but literally lol 'cos fuck you will always do the opposite] Fraze: [goes & sits on the swing next to her] Bea: ['why are you so annoying sometimes?'] Fraze: [gives her a look like bitch me, why are you] Bea: ['see'] Fraze: ['All I see is you giving me grief, babe.'] Bea: [makes a pah noise, 'oh you're so grown now, get enough of that from her is it?'] Fraze: [lights another 🚬 & shrugs] Bea: [says something like 'actually such a child' under her breath] Fraze: ['if you've got something to say to me, be braver and just fucking say it'] Bea: [says it louder like happy now] Fraze: ['what's up with you today, fucking hell'] Bea: ['I dunno, why don't you ask me if I'm on next, seeing as that's as mature as you can manage'] Fraze: [makes a noise of frustration not in a sexy way lol he's so mad] Bea: ['what's the matter with you?'] Fraze: ['You used to be a laugh'] Bea: [just looking at him like what do you want me to say to that] Fraze: ['Do you not wanna be mates any more?'] Bea: ['Well you obviously don't so'] Fraze: ['Don't put words in my mouth'] Bea: ['Why would you wanna be friends with someone who ain't a laugh? You said it, don't try and backtrack now'] Fraze: ['Cut the bullshit is what I'm saying. Stop being such a bitch.'] Bea: ['Don't talk to me like that, I'm not doing anything! You came here'] Fraze: [gets up like he's gonna walk off 'And I dunno why I fucking bothered'] Bea: ['No one asked you to, did they'] Fraze: ['you don't have to ask me to make sure you're alright. Jesus. Why can't I give a shit about you anymore?'] Bea: ['Why are you so dramatic when I'm just tryna go out and have fun too, only you're allowed now?'] Fraze: ['Bullshit is this fun for you'] Bea: ['You didn't give me chance, that's why'] Fraze: [walks away like well here's your chance then] Bea: [waves dramatically like 'see you at home'] Fraze: [if you can walk angrily he's doing it & you know he's gonna hit something when he gets chance] Bea: [dread to think who you gon find you better get home miss thing also skip] Fraze: Get home now, I ain't doing this on my fucking own Bea: um Bea: ? Fraze: You ain't forgotten that we gotta watch this kid Fraze: You wish Bea: Ah Bea: shit Bea: really Fraze: Yeah really Bea: isn't Joe there too Bea: you can't Bea: take it in turns or something Fraze: Nah he ain't Fraze: It's meant to be me & you Fraze: He's got some music shit, I dunno or care Bea: alright Bea: hang on then Bea: 10 to finish up 'bout the same to get back Fraze: Where the fuck are you? Fraze: He's bawling already, like Bea: He's a baby, that's one of 4 options so try the other ones out or ignore him Bea: coming fast as I can Bea: if anyone had reminded me maybe I'd be there Fraze: Not your fucking keeper, made that clear Bea: then don't complain Bea: or need to know where I'm at Fraze: Don't start Bea: Whatever Bea: let's just get this done Fraze: I am Fraze: You're the one who ain't here Bea: Why do you always start conversations when it's too late Bea: you like being pissed off that much Bea: I can't leave any faster so stop having a go Fraze: Why do you act like such a superior, responsible bitch when you ain't Fraze: You owe me 20 minutes Bea: Whatever Bea: you can go take a dump or crywank when I get there then Bea: like it's hard Bea: he can't go anywhere Fraze: I didn't say it was hard Fraze: Don't mean I wanna be here, doing it Bea: I ain't the one who had him Bea: take it up with your mum if you fancy it Fraze: Yeah 'cause I really fancy a slap Fraze: Shut up Bea: Coulda fooled me, boy Fraze: You couldn't if you wanted to Fraze: Come back with a ladder, like Bea: 😑 Fraze: Did you eat? Fraze: Wherever the fuck you are Bea: Nah Bea: no time Fraze: I'll go for chips when you're back then Bea: Alright Bea: tah Fraze: Whatever Bea: Gracious Fraze: I'm hungry Fraze: One of us is growing still Bea: Better not Bea: you won't fit in normal people places soon Fraze: 😂 Bea: and your ma ain't gonna get you a new uniform Fraze: Have to stop going to school then Fraze: Shame Bea: 💔 Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Was gonna ask you to help me with writing up that chemistry experiment bullshit but fuck it now Bea: We may as well Bea: actually Bea: considering you'll definitely just have to go Bea: you're a boy, no one is distracted by your ankles Fraze: Alright Bea: Don't worry Bea: not asking for enthusiasm Fraze: You can ask Fraze: Don't mean I'm giving it to you Bea: Gutted Bea: 🙄 Fraze: I know Fraze: You and the teachers both Bea: Soooo cool Bea: work on your boyfriends maybe Fraze: Fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: Keep walking, Princess Bea: Who says I need to Bea: 👑 Fraze: Being carried home, yeah? Fraze: Who's the unlucky cunt doing the heavy liifting Bea: Come on Bea: trying to be funny but still got to be accurate Fraze: Who says? Fraze: Ain't started the Chemistry yet, like Bea: 'cos it ain't funny if it's blatantly untrue Bea: 🤷 Fraze: Who says I'm trying to be funny Bea: So you just wanna call me fat to be a dick Bea: Alright Bea: Have fun Fraze: Always putting words in my mouth Bea: heavy liifting Bea: there it is Fraze: I'm calling your boyfriend weak, not you fat Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Anyone who ain't a pussy could pick you up easy Bea: Why would he need to Bea: got a bike6 Fraze: 👑 Bea: you said it Fraze: I stand by it Bea: Idiot Fraze: You're the one caught in the rain, babe Bea: least he got a spare helmet Bea: could be worse Fraze: Depends who he is Bea: Doubt you know Fraze: Could be better then Bea: 'cos all your friends are peak? Fraze: 'Cause if you're trying to keep him anon he ain't shit Bea: I ain't Bea: you want a selfie or something Fraze: Not while he's driving Bea: Safety first Fraze: Don't give a fuck about anything else Fraze: Like I said, I ain't doing this on my own Fraze: So get here in one piece, like Bea: Chill out Bea: he ain't just passed Fraze: Don't mean shit Fraze: I'm a better driver & I ain't Bea: You're funny Bea: feel free to tell him when we get here Bea: wouldn't be weird at all Fraze: What do I wanna talk to that cunt for? Bea: idk Bea: you seem interested Fraze: He ain't coming in & I ain't waiting on the doorstep for you Bea: not in this rain Bea: with the kid Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the reason Bea: mhmm Bea: deny it 😜 Fraze: I just fucking did Bea: 😂 Fraze: [goes offline because dealing with Baby Rocky and not well lbr] Bea: [let us get there in that time girl so you can come help] Fraze: [throws a towel and one of his sweatshirts at her when she comes in because really raining and he's a gentleman lol] Bea: [checking her face hoping there isn't mascara everywhere] Fraze: [starts putting his coat and shoes on cos he said he'd get her chips and he meant it even though we know he doesn't have to go right this second he just don't know how to be around her rn] Bea: [just like okay and looking at Rocky like what's up with him eh, 'have you fed him yet?'] Fraze: ['yeah' isn't looking at her or anything like its not this much of a task to get ready boy we see you] Bea: [looking at the clock working out how long they gotta keep him entertained before bath and bed 'cos not gonna be that long, 'cool, you got money from your 'rents for dinner or you wanna halvesies it?'] Fraze: ['I'm good' & then goes out without saying bye or anything how rude] Bea: don't even ask me what I want, like? Fraze: like I need to Bea: Hm okay but still Fraze: What? Bea: stop being funny with me yeah Fraze: We ain't mates anymore Bea: Oh Bea: thanks for admitting it then Fraze: You admitted you didn't wanna be first Fraze: I'm just keeping up Bea: Did not Bea: You Fraze: Nah Bea: I remember Bea: you were already on it you were probably drunk Fraze: Yeah well I remember inviting you out 'cause I wanted to hang out with you & you throwing it back in my face Bea: I told you why Bea: it wasn't about you Fraze: You didn't tell me shit Fraze: You never do any more Bea: You don't listen Bea: I don't like her alright Fraze: You think you're too fucking good, just like him Fraze: It ain't about her, she weren't there Bea: Too good for who? Fraze: To hang about with me Bea: Don't be stupid Bea: when have I ever said that Fraze: Like I said, you don't say shit Bea: You mean you want me to say I am so you've got an excuse Bea: stop being a wimp and just do it Fraze: I don't need excuses, I ain't your pussy of a boyfriend Bea: I don't have a boyfriend Fraze: Don't bullshit me Bea: I don't Bea: I'm not trying to be tied down or tie down Bea: Tah Fraze: Whatever you wanna call him then Fraze: Give a fuck Bea: A random Fraze: Don't tell me that Fraze: It don't make it better Bea: What Bea: I just got a lift because it was pissing it down Fraze: You know what Bea: No Bea: I don't Fraze: Yeah you do Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: It isn't a big deal Bea: he's harmless Fraze: Jesus, Bea Bea: How can I make it any clearer it's nothing to be worried about Fraze: How can I make it any clearer that you wind me the fuck up Fraze: Forget about it Bea: well it's mutual Fraze: Yeah Bea: could've just said no Fraze: You could've said no to the lad on the bike Bea: why Bea: you said i had to be back Bea: it would've taken me ten times as long Fraze: [Comes back looking fresh to the death with that popped collar & wet look hi] Bea: [control yo 😍] Fraze: [swaps a baby for chips casually lol] Bea: [putting something baby hypnotizing on the tv and getting drinks] Fraze: [gives her look like you could literally put the godfather on what does he know but then eating cos growing boy fr] Bea: [shrugs like anything for an easy life boy] Fraze: [shrugs back] Bea: [awkward chip eating] Fraze: [at least he'd eat fast even if he's also on his phone cos popular] Bea: [Rocky grizzling 'cos getting sleepy so looking at him like ready 'cos she's not gonna be eating loads] Fraze: [okay but Fraze telling the bab a story that Joe told him when they were little during the bad times TM] Bea: [just being quiet 'cos nice moment] Fraze: [then Fraze takes him up to bed cos sleepy lil baby being uncharacteristically soft cos we know he loves them all so much really] Bea: [doing some clean up downstairs 'cos don't wanna intrude but wants to be helpful] Fraze: [comes back down and throws all his school shit on the now clean kitchen table cos chemistry calls] Bea: ['have you done any yet?] Fraze: [shakes his head cos obvious he don't know what to fucking do but gotta style it out like he don't care obvs] Bea: [sitting down and looking through it like okay let's do this] Fraze: [sneaking a look at her while she's looking at the work cos wants to] Bea: [explaining it like okay this won't take us long 'cos not a bad teacher] Fraze: [trying to listen but distracted shamelessly by the fact she's wearing his sweatshirt looking cute & they are sitting closer together than need to technically] Bea: [is like oh no I must have shit on my face like casually touching her face tryna check lowkey] Fraze: [has to look away cos trying not to smile at how fucking cute she is] Bea: [after a while doing that little exasperated laugh like 'what?'] Fraze: [a look before he can stop himself] Bea: [returning it] Fraze: [needs to look away but never will] Bea: ['I-' starts to say something but then doesn't, trying to get on with the work when so distracted] Fraze: [was casually leaning in but stops when she does] Bea: [is like i'm gonna go check on the baby like don't need to but gotta run] Fraze: [gets up to go before she can because likewise can't fucking sit here or will die] Bea: [when you have to raid the bar soz mcvickers] Fraze: [literally is up there like doing the cliche leaning against the closed bathroom door & hitting the mirror not hard enough to break it obvs but as like a why are you such a fucking idiot cos mood] Bea: he okay? Fraze: Yeah Fraze: [comes down & outside like he can just 🚬 in the pissing down rain like I know you ain't put your coat back on boy calm down] Bea: [comes out and gives him another LOOK] Fraze: [is trying to light the 🚬 but it won't obvs so he throws his lighter across the garden & swears about it because mature response and of course looks back at her even though he shouldn't] Bea: [when you just mean to pull him back inside but then you're pulling him into you and yeah] Fraze: [when you've wanted to kiss for the longest time and you finally do and its everything and you can't stop] Bea: [how overwhelming goodbye] Fraze: [literally though we might need to have mcvickers come home because no chill otherwise] Bea: [fr fr also you need to be inside in case Rocky wakes up so at least get yourself to the kitchen, when you're literally drenched #mood] Fraze: [they can kiss their way inside cos almost parallel to when they did it in the other convo to their garage room. When you shivering but it ain't cos you are cold also #mood] Bea: [taking the jumper off 'cos you know soaked to the bone but does that thing where you don't stop kissing somehow] Fraze: [lowkey sitting her on the edge of the table soz homework you gonna get wet because the height difference is real when they both standing up and can't get as close as they want but still not stopping the kissing at any point ever] Bea: [the levels of fuck you don't give even as babies we really gonna have to interrupt this 'cos no chill in telling him she wants him] Fraze: [like maybe Rocky is crying but ignoring cos priorities sorry baby boy but then they hear the car pull up and can't ignore that but also waiting until the last possible moment to stop because like you said no fucks given or chill] Bea: [when you gotta shoot upstairs 'cos you don't wanna be the one who has to explain why tf you soaked soz boy godspeed, deal with that baby gurl] Fraze: [when you're trying to clean up the blatant puddles on the floor but there's also the state of the table & no time so wtf can you do lowkey other than sweep that wet homework into your bag to worry about later and just face out the blatant state of the kitchen floor] Fraze: [at least he can blag he's soaked because he went to get chips because not a lie] Bea: [seriously sort yourself out girl 'cos no need to be that obvious] Bea: 🍀 Fraze: [Tess @ Fraze like why didn't you wear a coat you little idiot literally go upstairs & get dry so he does but you know he's just gonna go upstairs and hope they cross paths cos not scared of the danger] Fraze: Where are you? Bea: My room Fraze: [quickest put on of dry clothes in the world so he can come to her because only one with her own room we know] Bea: [just sat on her bed like hey] Fraze: [leaves the door open so he can hear if mcvickers are lurking & no shame in just picking up where they left off like boy you gotta chill] Bea: [fixing his hair which is too short to need fixing 'cos you just wanna] Fraze: [pulling her even closer to him like that's not a dangerous game, I can't even deal with either of you] Bea: [peppering in 'we should stop's with all the encouragement like okay bitch] Fraze: [he's as bad because you know he's just like on top of her on her bed right now kissing her like that's fine and they couldn't get caught any second] Bea: [again where are all the other kids, did they have a club, parents evening, who knows but don't interrupt] Fraze: [Let's say Joe comes back at least because can't be out all night like it'd make sense if Ro & Ali were like at at sleepover with ginger bitch cos creepy trio at that point & Tommy could likewise have some dance thing with Meena cos baby partners] Bea: [when you hear someone coming up the stairs and you have to jump apart like the guiltiest hoes in the world but it's just Joe going to his room so you're like do we or don't we] Fraze: [Blatantly are gonna continue but let's force a stop by having Tess calling one of them for some reason, probably Fraze for some shit he's done lol] Bea: [how to life now] Fraze: [Honestly, just imagine omg] Fraze: I don't have a girlfriend Bea: Okay Bea: what is she Fraze: If you hear her say she is, it's bullshit, like Fraze: She kissed me but I didn't Bea: Alright Bea: I believe you over her so Fraze: You have to Fraze: I don't want her Bea: fucking promise Fraze: I swear Fraze: I'll tell her Fraze: I'll tell everyone Fraze: & I'll show you Bea: I believe you Bea: you want me Bea: don't you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Bunk off with me tomorrow Bea: Yeah Bea: alright Fraze: Alright Bea: nothing happened Bea: with that lad Fraze: I believe you Fraze: I still wanna fuck him up though Bea: He's irrelevant Bea: you know what I was doing anyway Fraze: Same I was Bea: Yeah? Fraze: I don't like her but I liked that you were jealous of her Bea: Dick Fraze: You'd love it if I beat up bike boy Fraze: Come on Bea: Bet you couldn't anyway Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: You know I can Bea: Maybe Fraze: Nah Bea: well you don't need to Bea: focus on me Fraze: I can do both Fraze: Not gonna take long to fight him Bea: Come on Fraze: What? Bea: already pissed off everyone came and stopped us Bea: don't wanna waste time Fraze: I'm not gonna go find him now, like Fraze: Or tomorrow Fraze: That's a full day of no other cunts about, just me & you Bea: feels like ages since we did that Fraze: 'Cause it has been Bea: Yeah Bea: we've gotta be careful Fraze: You can still get top marks if you don't have perfect attendance, babe Bea: 😏 not what I meant Fraze: I know Fraze: But we ain't that fucking stupid Bea: nah Bea: I'm glad we're talking again Bea: properly Fraze: Me too Fraze: I didn't mean all the cunty shit I said Fraze: You know that, yeah? Bea: I know Bea: it don't matter Bea: we were both as bad Fraze: Yeah but we gotta clear the air Fraze: I ain't wanted you this long to let it get fucked up Bea: It won't Bea: but alright Bea: what do you wanna say Bea: or know Bea: idk Fraze: Just that I'm sorry Fraze: Not just Bea: you're allowed to get with other girls Bea: if you want Bea: but I can't not be jealous Fraze: I don't Bea: You know there's nothing they can do that I can't do better yeah Fraze: Yeah I know you're better than them Fraze: Not only like that though Bea: Don't need to sweet-talk me Fraze: It's not Fraze: You don't need me to tell you that you're smart & still are a laugh & not full of shit Fraze: But you asked me what I wanted to say Bea: I wish tomorrow was now Fraze: If you can stay up I'll come back when everyone's asleep Fraze: It'll be late enough to count as tomorrow Bea: what happened to being careful then Fraze: Who don't you trust, me or you? Bea: 😏 Bea: shut up Bea: I'll be awake Fraze: & I'll be careful Bea: Fraze Fraze: Yeah? Bea: Have you got things for tomorrow Bea: condoms Fraze: 'Course Fraze: School's always chucking 'em at us Fraze: Cheers Da for not making us go Catholic Bea: 😂 Bea: Good Fraze: Anything else you want? Fraze: Got a whole day to kill, like Bea: Just you Fraze: Bea Bea: Yeah? Fraze: You have me now Bea: I've wanted to hear that for a long time Fraze: I've wanted it to be true for a long time Bea: I can't stop thinking about you Fraze: Don't Fraze: 'Cause I think about you all the time Bea: It's so Bea: distracting Fraze: I ain't saying sorry Bea: I don't want you to Bea: I want you to be missing me as much as I miss you right now though Fraze: Tell me how much Fraze: I'll give it my best shot Bea: I don't know what to do with myself now Bea: I can't sleep but I can't do anything productive Fraze: Keep thinking about me Fraze: That'll be well productive Bea: One word for it Bea: you want me to Fraze: I don't want you to stop thinking about me, like ever Bea: Give it my best shot Bea: 😜 Fraze: Good Bea: You know I think about you Fraze: Yeah but thinking I'm an idiot don't count Bea: That's only like Bea: half the time Fraze: 😂 Fraze: I reckon I can change those figures Fraze: Decent odds at it now Bea: Not gonna say no if you think you're up to the challenge Fraze: What challenge? Fraze: You want me, you told me Bea: Alright, rude Bea: can change my mind, you know Fraze: You won't Fraze: I want you & I'll show you, like I said Bea: have you done it before Fraze: With who? I already told you, you're better than them Bea: I just wanted to know Fraze: You heard when a girl kissed me but you reckon you'd not know that Bea: I don't know Bea: doesn't bode well for how sneaky you can be Bea: does it Fraze: Weren't trying to be then Bea: Yeah you were trying to make me jealous Bea: 😒 Fraze: Exactly Bea: Did you really have to do that Fraze: Would you have kissed me if she didn't? Bea: Maybe not today Fraze: Then I did have to Bea: I just remembered how it was when we were little Bea: if I got in shit then Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: We'll be careful Bea: Where we gonna go Bea: you're mum will be in won't she Fraze: Yeah but Shane's ma ain't & I know where the spare key is Fraze: We can go to his Bea: Good idea Bea: glad he's got some use Fraze: 😂 Bea: not gonna have a thank you note or anything but Fraze: You don't like any of my mates, do you? Bea: Well Bea: they're alright Bea: some of 'em Fraze: Gimme a list of the alright ones & I'll keep you away from 'em before I get jealous Bea: 😂 Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: I ain't Bea: not my fault you're so fucking cute Fraze: 😏 Bea: Come be cute here soon okay Bea: you're taking the piss not me Fraze: It ain't my fault Joe won't go the fuck to sleep Fraze: He's taking the piss, not me Bea: He'll be up half the night probably Bea: 😒 Fraze: Fuck that Fraze: I'll batter him Bea: Least that ain't out of character Bea: no one's gonna question that like Fraze: Come downstairs Fraze: Nobody can question us getting a drink at the same time Bea: [does, probably looking cute in PJs] Fraze: [likewise cos you know he's topless but rocking them pj bottoms #mood] Bea: [we all know] Fraze: [puts her on the counter instead of the table this time because gotta just make mems everywhere] Bea: [shh kiddos] Fraze: [casual stealth kissing] Bea: [one of yous is gonna have to find chill] Fraze: [let's have Rocky cry for a throwback & to remind them that Mcvickers exist lol] Bea: [smiling bit sad like well that's the end of that then, 'you go up first'] Fraze: [gives her the best final kiss first because that bitch but then yeah you gotta go boy] Bea: [when the curse of wanting to say ily is back with a vengeance lmao] Bea: You're good at that Bea: don't waste it on anyone else yeah Fraze: I won't Fraze: You're not gonna either, are you? Bea: No Bea: why would I Fraze: I dunno Fraze: 'Cause you could Fraze: You're fucking hot, you know Bea: So are you Bea: I'm not interested in anyone else right now Fraze: Me either Bea: 👍 Fraze: 😂 Fraze: You speechless, yeah? Bea: You wish Fraze: Nah Fraze: Like we said, I'm glad we're talking again Bea: Good Bea: it's hard to ignore you Bea: not just 'cos we live in the same house Fraze: It was hard to ignore you when we didn't Fraze: You know, like Fraze: That shit from when we were kids Fraze: It weren't your fault Bea: Whatever Bea: don't matter Fraze: Yeah it does Fraze: I didn't even like girls & I liked you Bea: so special yeah Fraze: Maybe Bea: don't chat shit Fraze: Alright then yeah Fraze: I wanna be with you, don't I? Fraze: Not none of the rest Bea: we don't need to talk about it Bea: or put a label on it Bea: can't tell anyone anyway yeah Fraze: You mean you don't wanna Fraze: You already said you ain't looking to be tied down or tie down Bea: no Bea: I mean what I said Bea: you know that Fraze: Whatever Bea: Don't be moody Bea: I still want you too Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sure? Fraze: If you want me to be in a mood, keep going Bea: Come on Bea: be my friend 😉 Fraze: Be mine Bea: I am Bea: your best friend Fraze: Yeah Bea: You're mine too Fraze: Keep it like that Fraze: You don't need any new friends even if you reckon you need a lift Bea: He ain't my friend Fraze: Good Bea: Fraze Fraze: What? Bea: it's really hard to stop Fraze: What do you mean? Bea: I mean Bea: I just want more Fraze: Well, that ain't no problem Bea: It can be Fraze: Nah, not for us Bea: yeah Bea: okay then Bea: you do want to Bea: I didn't ask Bea: I just Fraze: 'Cause you don't need to ask Fraze: Why wouldn't I? Bea: idk Bea: you might not be ready to go all the way Fraze: Don't get dramatic Fraze: It's not a big deal, like Bea: Can be Bea: some people Bea: but alright then Fraze: I'm not a fucking girl Bea: didn't say you were Bea: not only girls care about this shit Fraze: Lads don't Bea: says who Fraze: Everyone Bea: I bet most of your mates are still virgins so Fraze: 'Cause they can't talk any girls into it Bea: you think that's what's happened here Fraze: I'm not talking about them, not us Bea: I'll see you later Fraze: Don't Bea: I just don't wanna chat about this Fraze: You started it Fraze: What you wanna talk me out of it for? Bea: I was making sure Bea: it's what you're meant to do Fraze: You know I am Bea: then there's nothing else that needs saying Fraze: I ain't scared of anything Fraze: There's that, if you've forgotten Bea: you don't have to prove shit to me Fraze: No I fucking don't Bea: Why are you angry at me Fraze: Why are you treating me like some kind of pussy all of a sudden? Bea: I ain't Bea: that's how you've decided to take it Bea: which is more ridiculous Fraze: How else am I meant to take it? Bea: that I give a shit about how you feel Bea: won't bother from now on though Fraze: Then listen to me Fraze: Jesus Bea: I have Bea: fucking hell Fraze: Do you not want to Fraze: 'Cause that's how it's starting to sound Bea: No Bea: I told you I do Fraze: Alright Fraze: Then stop trying to have a domestic with me Bea: I said shut up Bea: just come when he's asleep Fraze: I am Bea: 👍 Fraze: Don't fall asleep before he does Bea: 😑 I'm not gonna am I Bea: wake me up anyway Fraze: Knowing you, you'll start doing your homework or some shit Bea: meant to be doing yours Bea: actually Fraze: Fucked until it dries out though Bea: you're so devvo, I'm sure 😏 Fraze: 'Course Bea: Maybe I'll make you do it tomorrow Bea: 😂 Fraze: Maybe I'll make you forget you said that Fraze: Fucking hope so Bea: Ha Bea: me too Fraze: These days you're such a swot though Fraze: Only so much I can do Bea: Piss off Bea: just 'cos I'm smart Fraze: Exactly why you don't need to be such a fucking stresshead about it Bea: just 'cos I get my work done don't mean I stress Fraze: When you won't come out 'cause you've got work that's stressing Bea: I wouldn't come out 'cos she was there, stupid Fraze: That ain't the only time you've said no Bea: Well Bea: gotta do it some time Bea: I thought you just wanted to be with your mates too Fraze: You're my mate Fraze: Best, so you said Bea: I am Fraze: Then why wouldn't I wanna hang around with you? Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: Alright Bea: maybe they don't Fraze: Give a shit Fraze: They can fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: 😂 Bea: we can do whatever we want tomorrow Fraze: Yeah Fraze: & any other day, like Fraze: You're the one who gives a shit about school Bea: well gotta go in sometimes Fraze: Nah, the teachers love it when I ain't there Bea: Your mum wouldn't though Fraze: She's got her hands full with the new one Fraze: Can do what I want Bea: test that theory Fraze: I'm about to Bea: Yeah? Bea: Better be coming here or rude Fraze: [Finally shows up fucks sake Joe also how low key triggering to have someone creep into your room in the middle of the night soz Bea] Bea: [but it's cool 'cos you been impatiently waiting so you very ready and here for it] Fraze: [Dread to think what time it is, Joe you cockblock] Bea: [whispering obvs 'you were ages'] Fraze: ['Give Joe a beating in the morning if you like'] Bea: ['Maybe I will...Or you could save him and make me feel better now'] Fraze: [kisses her like its been a thousand years since he last did instead of however long] Bea: [just pushing him down on the bed like that ain't a dangerous game] Fraze: [At least he's quiet unlike his future son so one less thing to worry about] Bea: ['I can't wait for tomorrow..it's been so long coming'] Fraze: [Nods cos ain't that the truth but despite what you said you are lowkey nervous cos the love is real & you want it to be good] Bea: [tilts his head for eye contact and gives him a softer-starting kiss] Fraze: [When you're ruined by the softness so you gotta go harder because who is he if not someone who hides behind being a cocky little shit] Bea: [goes with it] Fraze: [When you've never touched a girl in a sexy way before but enthusiasm and bravado are your friends] Bea: [do what feels good lads] Fraze: [Thank god he was friends with much older lads as a tiny boy, inappropriate as that was 'cause heard & saw some shit that'll help him now] Fraze: [All those times at the playground with the teens, oh god bless baby baze] Bea: [when you know a lot but trying to tone it down for all the reasons] Fraze: [Yeah making him feel awkward isn't a good idea even though it's okay you're a virgin boy you're young af, lowkey am gonna have to help him though cos he don't know as much as he thinks he knows lbr] Bea: [moving him where he needs to be and making the right noises of encouragement, quietly though please] Fraze: [Very tactful babe, well played, you've earned yourself a turned on gasp from him for your efforts] Bea: [looking at him like 'good, I know'] Fraze: [some good eye contact] Bea: ['Fuck'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [tries to say 'shut up' but you know don't clearly] Fraze: [kisses her cos they obvs both need to be quiet even if they don't wanna] Bea: [when you gotta bite your lip really hard] Fraze: [when bae looks really hot doing that so you're just like damn] Bea: [up in his ear like 'tomorrow we can be as loud as we want'] Fraze: [his turn to say fuck] Bea: [puts her finger to his lips like shh] Fraze: [such a look because stop being so hot thank you but also don't] Bea: [bringing out some of your knowledge 'cos not tryna be a dead fish either tah] Fraze: [Least some good can come out of how sad that makes me to think about, excuse me Bea: [ily curse] Fraze: [literally same though, you know I ain't gonna be able to stop him for long] Bea: [when you have to stop 'cos hear someone on the landing like hold up] Fraze: [hold your breath and freeze lads] Bea: [try not to be too frustrated and fail] Fraze: [the way he'd be looking at her wouldn't help soz babe] Bea: [just moving slowly like this'll be fine] Fraze: [when you should give a shit but you clearly don't, oh you two never change] Fraze: [okay but giving her little kisses because they are soft and don't make a sound goodbye] Bea: [being like oh 'cos intimacy what] Fraze: [literally nearly said it shhh] Bea: ['you're so'] Fraze: [looks at her like finish that sentence thank you] Bea: [teases him longer than necessary like 😏] Fraze: [When you lowkey forget that you have to be quiet because you're going hard so that she'll tell you/give you another compliment/make a sound thats so hot you don't mind that she didn't finish her sentence] Bea: [When his back is gonna be scratched to fuck 'cos you gotta hold in how loud you need to be, 'good, you're so fucking good'] Fraze: [When you can't even be smug cos so into all of this rn that how to do life tbh] Bea: [when you start going some 'cos how much more can either of you take lbr] Fraze: [seriously though] Bea: [hope whoever has gone back to bed bye] Fraze: [I'm loling because this is day 1 like how long are you gonna keep this under wraps for lads] Bea: [when you keep kissing 'cos you don't want him to go but gotta] Fraze: [when you wanna stay but you don't know how to be like yeah let's just fall asleep together snuggling bye so you're just kissing her back and holding onto her nbd] Bea: [when you have to stop eventually or you're just gonna start again so you're just looking up at him] Fraze: [When this is the one time you have to look away first because you're gonna fucking say it if you don't so its like the slowest and most ridiculous song and dance of almost leaving ever like boy you ain't gonna put on shoes and a coat we can't string this out forever] Bea: [just there with nothing to do casually like get your PJs back on properly, fix your hair, 'night, Fraze'] Fraze: [off he goes without saying anything how rude but we know its cos he dare not] Bea: I know it was good Bea: don't try and pretend Fraze: I ain't pretending nothing Bea: you didn't say nothing Fraze: Being quiet weren't I Bea: I managed still Fraze: Yeah alright Bea: just don't be weird Fraze: I ain't being anything Bea: alright Fraze: Not gonna be like 'well cheers then' am I, that'd be weird Bea: obviously not 🙄 weirdo Bea: gave you an easy out why didn't you just say night back Fraze: 'Cause I don't wanna say goodnight Bea: okay then Fraze: I don't wanna just go to sleep like that didn't happen Bea: what do you wanna do Fraze: Come & have a 🚬 with me, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: you got 1? Bea: I might have but only emergency 1 Fraze: Got loads for tomorrow Fraze: Today now, like Bea: Can use 'em to count Bea: See you out there Bea: I need to freshen up Fraze: Don't be ages Bea: not gonna put on a full face of makeup Bea: just sort this mess slightly tah Fraze: You don't look a mess Bea: Well, a bit Bea: but that's your fault Fraze: I'm in a worse state but you don't hear me saying anything Fraze: Come on Fraze: It looks like it's gonna piss down again Bea: Yeah, that was my point 😜 Bea: you better have put a top on Fraze: I've put my dressing gown on, so you can stop swooning over me, like Bea: 😂 oh shut up Fraze: Make me, babe Fraze: If you ever get enough of a move on Bea: You wish we could Bea: I'm coming, bloody hell Bea: so impatient Fraze: You've had all my patience before now Fraze: & it didn't get me what I wanted Bea: so that's that fucked forever is it Bea: good to know Fraze: I'm waiting on you now, ain't I? Bea: You're cute Fraze: You made it obvious you reckon so Bea: Know you ain't mad about it Fraze: Didn't say I was Bea: Be an idiot if you was Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [intense eye contact ftw & forever but this time over the 🚬 as he puts it in her mouth & lights it, so intimate excuse you boy] Bea: [dying so you just gotta smoke and nod your thanks like] Fraze: [When you shrug but the look of love you're giving her betrays you as not casual lol] Bea: [giving it back so we're all good, going to sit down on whatever patio furniture they're rocking but it's cold and wet so mistake] Fraze: [Lols cos she's so cute sorry bout it] Bea: [when you're pouty but not mad mad 'what happened to being quiet then?'] Fraze: [Picks her up and does the thing where she's also wrapped in the dressing gown so they both are because she's smol and shameless excuse to do a hug obvs and also not answer because did not mean to break the silence especially not first] Bea: [Snuggle pause] Fraze: [When you don't ever wanna put her down or let her go so you give her kisses so you don't have to] Bea: [just enjoy it you cute kids] Fraze: [just making out with the love of your life in the garden in the middle of the night nbd] Bea: [only stopping to give him the cigarette like don't forget but 😏 'cos you both know that ain't why you're out there] Fraze: [When you end up lowkey fucking the bae with your clothes on because that's why you ain't gone in yet shamelessly but because you ain't you can't be taking your clothes off here & now even though that's all you wanna do. At least PJs aren't a total cockblock unlike if you were both wearing jeans or some nonsense which would just be frustrating instead of good] Bea: [yay for getting to be a bit louder 'cos you should all be in bed neighbours] Fraze: [still not as loud as you want but you're welcome girl] Bea: ['How did you-' when you'd be used to the stamina of old creeps and lbr that's the only blessing there] Fraze: [Telling her how hot she is etc because that's true and a nicer answer than being like well I'm young af I only need a minute] Bea: [leaving it there like okay] Fraze: [Literally wanna say ILY what can I say instead send help] Bea: ['I'll miss you' talking about going to bed obvs] Fraze: ['You don't have to' when you feeling brave enough to hint that you wanna stay RIP] Bea: ['you know you'd have to get up in a few hours now, the baby wakes them up at the crack of dawn so' sad shrug] Fraze: [Gives her a look like yeah and what cos living that life rn where he believes there ain't nothing he can't do, bless you bab. 'If you want me to, I will' see what you did there boy acting like its not what you want haha] Bea: [thinking, 'not like either of us is getting much sleep now, still have to pretend to go to school so' more shrugging] Fraze: [shrugs back because oh so casual obvs lol] Bea: ['if you wanna, like'] Fraze: [when you smile before you can stop yourself/realise you have cos you just happy about it] Bea: [smiles back like sorted then] Fraze: [does the handshake from when they were little, remember when] Bea: [but finishes it with a smooch 'cos] Fraze: [Leads her back inside by the sleeve because girl you better have some kind of coat or jacket on my dad would be screaming] Bea: [cuteness ensues] Fraze: [Imagine how unreal this would all feel though like] Bea: [just touching him all the time like you're really there] Fraze: [couldn't get any closer to her if he tried though so its okay] Bea: ['do you feel any different or do you reckon that's just bollocks?'] Fraze: [When you wanna say you feel happier but you're such a stereotypical teenage lad how can you talk about your feelings like that so you just shrug] Bea: [looks at him like lol good chat babe and turns to get comfy] Fraze: [snuggles her because that's the real communication here] Bea: [let's just appreciate for a sec] Fraze: [it's soft time & I'm here for it thank you] Bea: [gonna be so knackered lmao] Fraze: [gonna have to drink so much shit instant coffee tomorrow, not a mood] Fraze: [At least they ain't going to school they'd actually be falling asleep] Bea: [you know she'd wake up before him and be ready even though could probably have another hour or two of sleep once he's back in his own room 'cos Rocky be up at about 5 and it's not like you need to start getting ready for School 'til like 7/8 tbh 'cos she's just that put together bitch, nudging him like hey sleepyhead] Fraze: [Let's not think about how cute he'd look half asleep goodbye] Bea: ['you gotta run'] Fraze: [Does because even sleepy he's not stupid and not trying to get caught but before he goes a little peck goodbye like the cliche when a dude is going to work and kisses his missus because seen that and copying it] Bea: You're a nerd Fraze: Bet you're doing homework as you try and take the piss out of me Bea: You're still a loser 😘 Fraze: And you're still impressed by me, babe Bea: Impressed isn't the word I'd go for Fraze: Should be Bea: Oh really Fraze: Yeah Bea: Hmm Bea: well keep trying Fraze: Fuck off, I don't need to try Bea: 🤷 Bea: Go back to sleep then, can get at least an hour or 2 Fraze: Alright Fraze: Don't miss me too much, like Bea: Do my best Fraze: Good Bea: 😏 Bea: you did look cute though Fraze: Don't be watching me sleep Bea: Shut up Bea: like you'd know Bea: constant audience Bea: you know you like me more than both of 'em Fraze: I like you more than anyone Fraze: It don't mean you can take liberties Bea: Don't worry, I'm not planning on it Bea: might get distracted by Joe like Fraze: Shut up Bea: You Fraze: You ain't allowed to like him Bea: Why not Fraze: Loads of reasons Fraze: So don't Bea: I don't Bea: but I could if I wanted to Fraze: [Doesn't answer because fuming about this] Bea: You fallen asleep? Fraze: Yeah Bea: 👍 Bea: Alright Fraze: See you at breakfast, like Bea: yep Fraze: Alright Fraze: Good morning then Bea: Don't say it Fraze: What? Bea: you didn't wanna say it last night Bea: so don't say it now Fraze: Whatever Bea: Fine Bea: Bye Fraze: Just forget I said it Bea: why Fraze: 'Cause I didn't mean to Bea: Yeah you did you're in a mood Fraze: Don't Bea: You don't Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: I told you I don't fancy Joe, don't be ridiculous Fraze: & I said shut up Bea: I've not said anything wrong Bea: but fine Fraze: I ain't talking about him no more Bea: not like he's my favourite topic of conversation Fraze: Stop fucking bringing him up then Bea: this is fucking ridiculous Fraze: You started it Bea: How am I meant to ignore him he lives here too Fraze: Do what you want Bea: not if you're gonna be mad with me about it Fraze: I'm not mad at you Bea: who then Fraze: Me Fraze: I just can't think about you with anyone else Bea: I told you I don't want anyone else Bea: it was just a stupid joke Fraze: I fucking know that Bea: I'm sorry Bea: alright Fraze: Don't Bea: What, I can't say sorry Bea: it was dumb Fraze: Not for this shit Fraze: I got wound up, that's on me Bea: we alright? Fraze: Are you gonna forgive me for being such a cunt? Bea: You ain't Bea: and you aren't Bea: so yeah Fraze: You know it's 'cause I like you, yeah? Bea: I like you too Fraze: I'll make it up to you Fraze: I swear Bea: I like you Bea: cunt or nah Bea: remember Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: Point is, I wanna keep it like that Fraze: & have a good time Fraze: Not a day you're dreading, like Bea: I'm not Bea: swear, not gonna make it weird Bea: just have fun Fraze: Fuck it then Fraze: I'm getting coffee Fraze: You want a cup? Bea: Yeah please Fraze: Meet me in the kitchen for a trial run of acting like you hate me or whatever Fraze: Loads of past experience to draw from Bea: 😂 Bea: it was never hate, drama queen Bea: but yeah, I've got this Fraze: I know that but this family don't Bea: I'm not gonna come down and kiss you, it's fine Fraze: Shame Fraze: But alright Bea: Take it up with the fam, not me Fraze: Wouldn't be the first time I kicked off before breakfast Bea: If you can think of a decent excuse you're less tired than me Fraze: I don't need one Fraze: I'm a McKenna, end of Bea: 🙄😏 Bea: can't say it doesn't work Fraze: I've never had a bad idea, babe Fraze: Come on Bea: ha Bea: you've had plenty but I always sve your ass from trouble Fraze: See? Have to keep hold of you Fraze: Need you, don't I? Bea: Yeah, you do Fraze: You're smart, think of a reason we've gotta go to school early, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: coffee me first Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [gives her the mug with a kiss because nobody about yet even though you know they could appear at any point, like] Bea: [obvs kisses back and is happy but then does a fake 'fuck you' look 'cos practising] Fraze: [gives her a look back obvs but then kisses her again cos no fucks given about the danger] Bea: [when you sit ON the table to be like remember when with that eyebrow raise and sipping your coffee] Fraze: [gives her a very different look but because I'm evil before he can do anything Tess Vickers TM comes in with baby Rocky but like is lowkey so sleep deprived she don't even notice them straight away and gotta do that mum double take like oh] Bea: [hop off that table bitch and start explaining your excuses for why you gotta go school early, she knows Tess ain't gonna be #invested so as long as it's boring and semi-believable, probably like helping with some breakfast club, her for looking good on a uni app, him 'cos gotta for detention vibe maybe] Fraze: [when you already annoyed cos your ma cockblocked your table moment and then she shoves your baby brother at you for a sec cos you say that's the reason you're awake #believable gang & then she makes a joke about coffee stunting your growth cos toll boy & such a mum haha but then you cheer up cos the bae comes through with a good lie, not that you're gonna show it] Bea: [when you're just smirky 'cos heheh got away with it] Fraze: Either that coffee kicked in proper quick or you didn't really need it Bea: You can tell me how smart I am on here Bea: no one will know Fraze: [Baby in one hand, phone in the other, what a mood & a look lol] Fraze: Maybe I wanna say it to your face Bea: Won't have to wait too long Bea: thanks to my genius 😜 Fraze: It's still gonna feel like ages Bea: just be thankful the little ones aren't here Bea: be even worse Fraze: Believe me, I fucking am Bea: Shame that one's not old enough to ship off either but you know Bea: [comes over and squishes baby Rocky's cheeks] Fraze: It's alright, he won't say shit Fraze: [Kisses her again like see and also because any second alone is a chance he's gonna take shamelessly] Bea: [just looking at him like you're crazy boy] Fraze: Get back on the table, I'll be like less than a minute Fraze: [Takes Rocky away like you don't need to see this bab] Bea: Aw, don't do yourself down like that, babe Fraze: Shut up, not what I meant Fraze: [Comes back & gives her a look like obviously what I meant thank you] Bea: [when you can't argue with that look] Fraze: [the sneaky tabletop make out we all deserve] Bea: ['when's the earliest we can leave, realistically?'] Fraze: ['Fuck it, I'll get ready & let's just go' cos he shamelessly has just been fucking around this whole time like sort your shit boy] Bea: [nods like alright, 'sadly I can't come with so, be quick, yeah?'] Fraze: [I love that she felt the need to say that cos we all know he's a boy that takes ages normally lol so gonna take that on board slightly but still gonna take a while cos that bitch. At least they won't be leaving suspiciously early by the time he's done fucking around] Bea: how do you even take so long Bea: you've not got hair to style, you don't wear make up Fraze: Do you want me to look good for you or nah? Bea: You always look good Fraze: You're only telling me that 'cause you want me to hurry the fuck up Bea: So negative Bea: Usually happy to take a compliment Fraze: Give me one when you ain't waiting on me & I'll have it Bea: Babe Fraze: Yeah? Bea: it's so impressive how you can turn anything and everything into a fight Bea: how's that for a real compliment Fraze: Cheers Fraze: Do my best Bea: Well you're the best at it Bea: no doubt about that Fraze: Like I said, everything's a fight Fraze: Gotta be ready for it Bea: Then I shouldn't even bother being nice to you Fraze: I told you, do what you want Bea: Well I might wanna be nice to you Bea: but if you don't believe that then Fraze: If you wanna then do it, that's literally what I'm saying Bea: Lord Bea: I'll be outside Fraze: Babe Fraze: Don't be mad about it Bea: I ain't Bea: I just Bea: nah, idk Fraze: Tell me Bea: You don't have to be like that with me Bea: I thought you knew that Fraze: I do Fraze: But there's not a switch for it, like Bea: Yeah Bea: that makes sense Fraze: I'm sorry, you know Bea: Forget I said it, but actually Bea: not passive aggressive bullshit Bea: nothing's that easy, I know that Fraze: I don't wanna Fraze: I want it to be that easy Bea: I know Bea: just know that Bea: I'm never going to fight you for real Bea: because I could never hate you Fraze: You should know that you do make me feel different Fraze: No bullshit Bea: we've got each other's backs Bea: yeah Bea: always have, it's not got to be weird or new just 'cos Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Nothing's changed Fraze: I meant what I said, I liked you before I even gave a shit about other girls Fraze: & I ain't gonna be a better person 'cause I can't that's bullshit, but I don't have to be the same cunt I am with everybody else Fraze: 'Cause you're better than them, I already said it Bea: I know Bea: we aren't just doing this because Bea: all the reasons people can think of that we shouldn't Bea: I wanted to be with you then, I still do but more Bea: and I don't want you to be a better person Bea: We're fucked up together yeah Fraze: I ain't never shared my lunch with any other fucker Fraze: I made my mind up then so people can think what they want Fraze: Nobody's taking you away from me Fraze: It's always been me & you Bea: Yeah Bea: I feel it too Fraze: [Finally appears and makes a come on gesture] Bea: [when your 😍 are huge like 'scuse me fam nothing to see here] Fraze: [when you basically running so you can be out of sight of everyone not soz bye fam] Bea: [when you basically have to jump him to initiate a kiss as soon as you can] Fraze: [when you literally don't give a fuck that any of the neighbours might see you because nobody else exists rn again not soz] Bea: [when you keep saying 'me and you' between kisses 'cos basically ily but not] Fraze: [adding the always in because real & such a declaration but one he can get away with] Bea: [hope it ain't raining today 'cos you got time to kill 'fore you can shamelessly use your friend's house, not that they care lbr] Fraze: [Let's imagine one of the neighbour's fences has a loose panel that they can fit through that he obvs knows about cos sneaky bitch who's been in there before so they can have a bit of privacy until they have somewhere to go] Bea: [just joking like 'this is where you bring all your bitches, yeah?'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [cuffs his head but she'd really have to reach lmao] Fraze: [lols and picks her up like if you wanna have another go] Bea: [aggressive kissing] Fraze: [obvs into it] Bea: [when you debating on giving him hickeys but probs not so stick to biting his lips like] Fraze: [like you can as long as he don't give you any as well lol 'cause not subtle] Bea: [when you're insatiable] Fraze: [Can't even shade because I can't even imagine wanting something for as long as they have and yet still being so young and dramatic] Bea: [we know how this day gonna go can probably leave 'em to it Fraze: [True cos we all know what's up and this is gonna be long anyway]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you're gonna have to go without me & my pom poms 💔💔 Janis: what, why? Jimmy: got detention Jimmy: & I've already checked the windows, like Jimmy: no escape Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Un🍀 babe Janis: leave you alone for five minutes Janis: what you do this time then? Jimmy: I didn't even do nowt Jimmy: barely said a word to this dickhead in tech who was proper giving it to me 🙄 Jimmy: should've just smacked him if I was ending up here anyway Janis: ugh Janis: bet he ain't going detention with you either Janis: teachers are cunts Jimmy: nah they didn't even hand him one out Jimmy: like fuck am I just gonna let him chat shit about us for the full lesson Jimmy: but now Janis: it's alright Janis: mean, obvious waste of your time Jimmy: I'm gonna knock him out when I next see him Janis: fair enough, I'd say Janis: I'll watch 👍 Jimmy: front row seat to make up for the one I'm missing, yeah Jimmy: you're still gonna win for me though Janis: 'course I am Janis: can't make promises for the rest of the team, though sure they'll try their best for you 😍 Janis: other School is pretty shit tbh so Jimmy: 👍 'cause I'm still taking for drinks later too Jimmy: & I'd rather you not have to drown your sorrows, pisshead Jimmy: sort them other girls out & make 🥇 happen, babe Janis: 💪 nothing but victory drinks, swear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 💕 Janis: stay alive Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: got my phone back Janis: you seen it then Jimmy: been @ed by half the school Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah, been reporting the comments but it don't do shit, especially when it ain't even my post so Janis: are you Jimmy: don't worry, he's gonna take it down Janis: nothing even happened Janis: I swear Janis: he's just pissed off 'cos I said it ain't gonna again Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: it's about what's happening next Jimmy: & I'm sorting that right now Janis: it matters to me that you hear the truth from me and believe it Janis: 'cos what he's saying, and everyone else now, is bullshit Jimmy: I know that he's the lad that gave you a lift & you didn't fuck him so Jimmy: whatever happened before ain't my business Jimmy: & nowt happened today either whatever he says Janis: it really didn't Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: 'course you wouldn't Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: it's not but Jimmy: I'm just saying I believe you Janis: Thank fuck Janis: I felt like I was going to vom Janis: I know Mia talked to you, she took great delight in letting me know Jimmy: Less chat more shoving screenshots of his snaps at me Jimmy: so likewise Janis: he's just a prick Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: & she's just having fun pretending that you & him have been fucking behind my back this whole time Jimmy: didn't bother telling her I've been there & I'd know, not very #goals Janis: I'm sorry Janis: this bullshit Janis: they wouldn't do it to you if you weren't with me Jimmy: why, you ain't done nowt Jimmy: & I am with you Jimmy: I wanna be Jimmy: they can't do shit to change it Janis: I like you too much to put you through this shit Janis: it's so Janis: stupid Jimmy: you ain't the one being stupid Jimmy: or putting me through it Janis: yeah but Janis: I don't know Janis: just hate it Janis: them Jimmy: I know Jimmy: but he'll be one less dickhead to worry about in a sec Jimmy: I promise Janis: what you mean Janis: he's not going to delete it Janis: already asked Jimmy: yeah he is Jimmy: I'm not asking Jimmy: I'm just about to make him Janis: where are you Jimmy: If I let you know that you'll show up Jimmy: it's better if you don't, alright Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm not gonna stop you but don't do anything stupid on my account alright Jimmy: I ain't the one who's being stupid either Jimmy: It's okay Jimmy: not my first time knocking out this exact type of dickhead Jimmy: like I said, my ex actually was fucking around on me so Janis: that's shit Jimmy: it weren't any more fun for her Jimmy: not really Jimmy: she was messed up, is still probably Janis: still Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: that's not this Janis: I know but everyone else is convinced so may as well be Jimmy: Nah, I ain't so it's not even close Jimmy: only thing similar is lads chatted shit on her too, never did find out how many she really got with out of the loads who said Janis: anything to boost their own rep Jimmy: it was the ones who weren't saying owt that I had to properly watch Jimmy: they just did it & left me to walk in Jimmy: literally in some cases Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he's here Janis: don't get hurt okay Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: leave that for him Janis: obviously Janis: I don't give a fuck about him though Jimmy: makes two of us Jimmy: [a fight later] Jimmy: post's gone Janis: will you tell me where you are now Jimmy: tell me where you are & I'll come meet you Jimmy: not gonna hang round the scene of the crime, am I? Janis: I'm at my nan and granddad's Janis: could hardly go out and about town and fuck being home when she's gonna be there Janis: take this bus [#] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: be there as soon as Janis: don't worry, neither of 'em is in rn Jimmy: I weren't but Jimmy: alright Janis: just mean, not gonna make you talk to my entire fam Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: I don't care who I've gotta talk to right now Jimmy: I just wanna see you Janis: they don't live as middle of nowhere Jimmy: thank fuck Janis: I know Janis: not to be that bitch but you didn't answer my question Jimmy: what Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: are you? Janis: better when I see you Jimmy: I feel that Janis: Okay Janis: are you gonna bleed on me again though or Jimmy: nah Jimmy: you're safe Janis: I'm Janis: I know it'll get old if I keep saying the S word so I won't but Janis: I wish it didn't drag up all that stuff with your ex for you Jimmy: none of that is important Jimmy: just you Janis: you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: that won't get old if I keep saying it, will it? Janis: no Janis: I love you too so I never get tired of hearing it Jimmy: good Jimmy: 'cause you know I can't stop when I've started Janis: yeah Janis: one of the things I like about you Jimmy: even if it has fucked the 🚭 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: you promised you'll stay Janis: and you're already dead yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 👻 lad me Janis: so you can't go nowhere anyway Janis: soz ginger trying to save your soul, too late Jimmy: & I can't get hurt either Jimmy: so if any other dickheads need fighting, it's no #drama Janis: not planning to make it a thing Janis: not that I planned this Jimmy: I get it, a weekly brawl would have me too 💪 & you don't need the competition Jimmy: not planning to become an athlete though you're alright Janis: you're an idiot Janis: a lovable one but Jimmy: an idiot for getting detention Jimmy: he couldn't have pulled that shit if I were there Janis: not like you planned on being too cool for school either Janis: give out detentions for their own amusement, sadists Jimmy: always too 😎 me Jimmy: for school or anywhere Janis: gift and a curse yeah babe Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: this bus actually run or what? Jimmy: I've been stood here ages Janis: yeah, last I checked Janis: if I knew where you were I could come to you Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: you know everyone'll be talking about it tomorrow Jimmy: let them tell you Janis: Probably shouldn't come to School Janis: reckon I'm gonna get stoned Janis: not in the chill way Jimmy: the teachers are fucking useless yeah but I ain't letting nowt happen to you Jimmy: or letting anyone think this is more than just bollocks Janis: they'll think what they wanna, and they really wanna Janis: idc Jimmy: like I told you, I'll fight whichever dickheads need to be told Jimmy: I don't care Janis: can't fight girls though can ya Jimmy: I don't need to Jimmy: you can Jimmy: or however else you wanna sort it Janis: yeah Janis: fuck knows Janis: I don't wanna have to always deal with this Janis: the lads just think I'm a slag so they can get some, whatever, makes sense Janis: they're just cunty 'cos they wanna, like alright but why bother Jimmy: I've said it before Jimmy: they're jealous Jimmy: you're hotter than them Jimmy: & good at shit 'cause you're SUCH an athlete as I'm always also saying Janis: that's so fucking stupid Janis: focus on yourselves ladies, might get something done Jimmy: tweet it girl Janis: 😂 Janis: keeping well away from social media rn tah Jimmy: 💔 but you're my muse Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no one's stopping you from being 👑 of twitter etc Janis: @ me though, can't handle another blatant subtweet or indirect Jimmy: 👌 fine Janis: what Janis: you reckon I should come running to my own defence Jimmy: I don't reckon owt Jimmy: it ain't happening to me Janis: well Janis: bit Jimmy: nah I'm the #victim if I'm in this Jimmy: my DMs are full of girls offering a shoulder to cry or cum on Janis: that's disgusting Janis: truly Janis: gonna miss your way with words Janis: but that's what I get Jimmy: you should see some of the pics I've been sent Jimmy: disgusting them Janis: no thank you Janis: not actually my thing Jimmy: I weren't asked if any of this was my thing Jimmy: but fine, I'll take one for the team Janis: I know, I know Janis: it's gross Janis: pretty bold of him to do this when I've got the dick pics, like Janis: guess enough peeps have 👀 or he's that full of himself Jimmy: probably hoping you'll show 'em about & the girls'll swoon Jimmy: dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: wouldn't put it past them so nah Janis: burn my phone, burn my retinas, like Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: assume Mia is licking his wounds for him as we speak Jimmy: I hurt him enough, maybe she'll actually swallow him Janis: 🙏🤞 Jimmy: who the fuck is he Jimmy: why does he think he can be this much of a bellend Janis: idk Janis: he's fit and such an athlete, obvs everyone loves him Janis: good match Jimmy: he ain't fit & I beat the shit out of him so how much of an athlete is he Janis: well you know what I mean Janis: stereotypical jock pretending his life is an american teen drama or a really low rent porn Janis: idk, the fact he was such a dickhead worked at the time Jimmy: it's your type, don't have to tell me Janis: fuck off Janis: no it ain't Jimmy: he is, I am Jimmy: that's two for two Jimmy: unless you've been hanging round with some right nerds Janis: you ain't my type either Janis: people don't actually have types do they Jimmy: you tried to tell me I do as soon as I met you Janis: yeah and look where you've ended up Janis: types are for when you wanna play it safe and be disappointed Janis: know what you're getting, even if it's a steaming pile of 💩 Jimmy: you don't have to sell me on how wrong you were, girl Jimmy: I told you back then Janis: I wasn't wrong Jimmy: you said I have a type, I don't Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: 👌 Jimmy: nah, come on Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: you have a type but you got 🍀 Janis: obviously Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: jk Janis: very unlucky Janis: 'part from the bathroom fuck, worst girlfriend ever Jimmy: apart from every fuck Jimmy: get it right Janis: please tweet that final review Janis: not all bad Jimmy: alright Jimmy: hang on Janis: erm wait until you've dumped me, dickhead Janis: and wait 'til this scandal has blown over 'fore that or they'll have it #confirmed Jimmy: you don't reckon I'm gonna have more to say after I've been fucking you forever Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: thought I had a way with words Janis: you do Janis: that was beautiful baby Janis: please fuck me forever 💕 Jimmy: I already promised Jimmy: not gonna break it & your 💔 Janis: tah 👍 Janis: you are on the bus now though on the real Jimmy: it did show up yeah Janis: coulda told me Janis: rude Jimmy: didn't realise you needed a warning Jimmy: do you wanna countdown or what Janis: shut up Janis: too soon to be making jokes about needing time to see the last out the door Jimmy: so funny you Janis: I said it's too soon Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be my friend Jimmy: I don't wanna Jimmy: stop friendzoning me Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: okay be my boyfriend then Jimmy: I am Jimmy: who do you think you're chatting to right now Jimmy: might have the wrong convo, girl Janis: think I'd be better at this Janis: honestly Janis: rookie errors these Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't have to kick you when you're down Jimmy: embarrassing really Janis: I'll do better next time babe Janis: promise Jimmy: yeah sort it out Janis: hey, you're hot, wanna help me cheat on my boyfriend Jimmy: not that kind of boy Jimmy: but you'll find loads of takers so don't be 💔 Janis: am a bit Jimmy: you're 💔 or you're calling me a bit of a slag Jimmy: either way, gutted Janis: I've called you a slag many a time Janis: not gonna half-arse it now Jimmy: & I've been gutted every time Jimmy: but tah for letting me know what you meant Janis: you know it's just guilt projection Janis: shameless, really Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: well that's your rep now, may as well Janis: cheers Janis: probs shit the bed a bit with him but like you said, loads of takers Jimmy: chin up, Jillian Jimmy: you've got that paddy 🍀 on your side Janis: such a charmer Jimmy: what you like about me Janis: you want a list or you just stating facts Jimmy: it's a fact Jimmy: don't wear yourself out with the list Jimmy: bet you've got loads of DMs to get through & fire sexts to write Janis: naturally Janis: I don't even know who some of these people are though Jimmy: I'd offer my services but I ain't written one for a lad before Jimmy: Barry ain't that tech savvy Jimmy: give him a ring or nowt Janis: boys are easy Janis: very visual Janis: your talent would be wasted, tbh Jimmy: that's tanked my get rich quick scheme Janis: 😕 Janis: soz Janis: start charging for your nudes instead of giving 'em away, probs Jimmy: I'll just charge every girl in my inbox for a reply Jimmy: be alright Janis: not me though Janis: mates rates right Jimmy: I'm charging you double every time you friendzone me, mate Janis: Baby Jimmy: triple when you really 💔 me Janis: when have I ever Janis: babe Jimmy: you want a list Jimmy: 'cause the bus ain't got that many more stops so tell me now Janis: that is so mean Janis: 💔 Jimmy: baby Janis: I'm too headfucked rn for your shennanigans Janis: just be here Jimmy: I really miss you Jimmy: so much Janis: I miss you more Janis: definitely Jimmy: you can't say that Janis: but I do Jimmy: you can't feel how much I miss you Janis: I wish I could Janis: I need to know that you're okay and you really do believe me Jimmy: when I get there I'll do my best Jimmy: but it's never Jimmy: all of it Jimmy: I wish I could show you that Janis: we got time Janis: right Jimmy: depends Jimmy: can we stay at your nan & granddads for a bit Janis: yeah Jimmy: then yeah Janis: I love you, you know Jimmy: I do Jimmy: & I do too Janis: no one else matters Janis: just you and me Jimmy: you're all I give a fuck about Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: can we go somewhere Jimmy: where Janis: anywhere Janis: it doesn't have to be now, if you can't but Jimmy: I'd go anywhere with you Jimmy: any time you want Janis: I don't want us to forget Janis: that none of them, and their shit, matters Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: & I won't let you Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: so much Janis: I fucking need you, Jim Jimmy: I need you more Jimmy: like actually Janis: I Janis: it hurts Janis: when you aren't here Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me too Jimmy: but there's nowt keeping me away from you now Jimmy: soon as I'm off this bus we're together Jimmy: that's it Janis: nothing or no one getting in our way yeah Jimmy: I swear Janis: Good Janis: you're mine okay Jimmy: it's okay with me, yeah Janis: good Jimmy: meet me off here Jimmy: I have to see you Jimmy: I just Janis: coming Janis: let me just settle this dog, 5 minutes max Jimmy: like one 🐶💕 weren't enough Jimmy: but go on Janis: this one makes Twix look like an 😇 Janis: gonna be so glad to see her, you are Jimmy: you better make sure you see her Jimmy: that's the cheating you've really done Janis: don't think I can look her in her puppydog eyes tbh Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: for her though not you Jimmy: you know what you did Janis: 😭 Janis: I had nowhere else to go Jimmy: save it for her, babe Jimmy: I don't need your excuses Janis: you know you wanna put in a good word for me, come on Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: if only to get her off my case Jimmy: I ain't nobody's rebound tah Janis: gotta have standards Janis: respect that Jimmy: & I told you that early on Jimmy: bit late to go back on it now Janis: you did? Janis: well it stands up Jimmy: you've forgotten? Jimmy: which one of us might have gotten smacked in the head today Jimmy: get it together, like Janis: soz I ain't memorized everything you've said Janis: only pretending to be that highkey Jimmy: crack on with it Jimmy: you've got time, nerd Janis: you gonna stop chatting so much shit or? Janis: making my life hard Jimmy: make me Janis: I am omw Jimmy: be faster Jimmy: are you even an athlete or what Jimmy: if you ain't running to me so we can film it in slo-mo it ain't #goals my love Janis: you know I just won a 🏀 before being forced on a walk of shame Janis: I'm knackered Jimmy: shit I never even asked Jimmy: sorry Janis: you're alright, safe to say no one gave much of a shit before something more #drama happened Jimmy: I did though Jimmy: I do Janis: thanks Janis: you're a good WAG Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😘 Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: it's weird enough that you play for any school teams, don't call me a WAG too Janis: gets you out of lessons sometimes Janis: you know you wanna Jimmy: gutted I'm too 😎 Jimmy: 'cause yeah Janis: you ain't too cool to be with me Jimmy: but seriously, what team are they letting me on Jimmy: #troublemaker me Janis: sure they'll reckon it's good discipline for you then 😏 Jimmy: 🙄 'course Janis: come on Janis: I wanna see the short shorts Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: say please & maybe Janis: I'll say it when you get here Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: but only 'cause I wanna see you so bad Janis: Good Janis: I miss you Jimmy: just Jimmy: you be here Jimmy: I Janis: thanks Janis: for being you and not Janis: believing Jimmy: what else was I gonna do? Jimmy: you're the only one I like Janis: you could've though Janis: like, convincing, give him that Jimmy: if I was gonna be like that I might as well just fuck off now Jimmy: I mean it, all of this, it's the only thing I've got Jimmy: or want Jimmy: & we're a team whether the school lets me join in or not Janis: me too Janis: promise Jimmy: if you say nowt happened then it didn't Jimmy: that's all the convincing I need Jimmy: you don't lie to me Janis: I don't Janis: and why would I Janis: I didn't feel anything when we did do stuff so Janis: pointless now Jimmy: I remember Jimmy: you said Janis: I thought that's how it was Janis: just overhyped Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: even if now I've met you I don't reckon it was hyped up enough Janis: you're Janis: why are you so nice to me Jimmy: I told you, you're nice to me Jimmy: then I'm nice back Jimmy: it's a deal Janis: I'll be nicer Jimmy: how Jimmy: you're so Janis: again Janis: I'll show you Janis: 'cos I see you now Jimmy: yeah? Janis: mhmm Janis: have you forgotten what I look like Jimmy: he didn't hit me that hard Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'm okay Jimmy: I promise Janis: I'll check Janis: 'cos I'll kill him if he has Jimmy: 🤞 he's already 💀 Jimmy: I hit him hard so Janis: he earnt it Jimmy: I don't care about him Jimmy: it's for you Janis: me either Janis: just you Janis: did it make you feel better Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: people bullshit when they say it won't Jimmy: I only wish I could have fucked him up worse for what he did Jimmy: & what he's like Janis: don't worry, his ego is 💀 if nothing else Janis: already 😷 'cos I turned him down Jimmy: that makes me feel loads better Janis: seriously Janis: it was pretty funny 'til it weren't Janis: 😢 like Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: how could I not Jimmy: that's real #goals Janis: wish you coulda been there Janis: coulda showed him why I don't want him Jimmy: me too Jimmy: it's not just him though, you don't want anyone else, do you? Janis: no one Janis: you know it's just you Jimmy: alright Jimmy: good Jimmy: come here then Janis: ['scuse them the most intense hello ever] Jimmy: [literally would & do need several moments] Janis: [can tell she's been in a state] Jimmy: [just all the reassuring touches in the world like he would not stop even when they are trying to walk again or whatever] Jimmy: [says 'afternoon' and smiles casually but is looking at her like & like I said just touching always] Janis: [blinking 'cos her eyes are stinging 'cos a bitch don't cry but she really thought y'all had fucked this up for them] Janis: ['hey'] Jimmy: [a boy sees & knows but he's keeping it chill for her] Jimmy: ['alright?'] Janis: [nods] Janis: ['now you're here'] Jimmy: [so many kisses basically wherever he can cos he can't stop himself like some are soft and some aren't cos all the feelings bitch] Janis: [holding onto him so tight and all the ilys] Jimmy: [likewise holding onto her like they about to drown like sorry everyone else about but not cos he would not be able to stop rn] Janis: [let's get you inside lads cheers for the empty grandparents] Jimmy: [more of the same when they're in lbr] Janis: [is checking his over like she said she would but is clearly fine suck it harry] Jimmy: [literally still can't stop touching her either even though low key would get in the way of what she's trying to do] Janis: [is loling but not trying to stop him 'cos never] Jimmy: [more kisses cos it ends them when the other one laughs] Janis: [softness bitch, getting him to the sofa 'cos she just wants to hold/be held for a hot sec] Jimmy: [give them a while with all those much needed snuggles] Janis: ['you're so important'] Jimmy: ['you are'] Janis: [let's self have sneaky cry 'cos overwhelmed as hell] Jimmy: [isn't gonna make a big deal of it even if he knows so just more of the same softness & being comforting & loving like] Janis: [laying on his chest listening to his heart] Jimmy: [playing with her hair from now until forever bye] Janis: ['it's fast'] Jimmy: [nods 'I told you, I had to see you. Needed to.'] Janis: [puts his hand on her chest, 'same', cos truly] Jimmy: [imagine what the fuck his breathing would have been like too omg] Janis: [let them just be so they can just calm] Jimmy: [later, he gets up to get them both a drink not alcohol let's not be wild, it'd be cute cos he don't know where anything is but still wanna do it for her] Janis: if you just wanted to look through the cupboards, that's alright Jimmy: just seeing if they got any posh silver I can have away Jimmy: life of crime starts here Janis: by the time the inheritance is split between us all I won't get much so Janis: go for your life, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [brings her a beverage probably tea actually cos that's what english people do] Janis: ['tah'] Jimmy: [goes back to snuggling like he never left] Janis: 'you're the best boyfriend'] Jimmy: ['you're the best muse. Very inspiring.'] Janis: ['what are you thinking right now?'] Jimmy: [kisses her cos he's thinking about how much he loves her/how happy he is this isn't fucked up etc but how to say] Janis: [smiles] Janis: works for me Jimmy: [kisses her again cos the smile] Janis: are you coming back to mine tonight Jimmy: yeah Janis: [bigger smile] Jimmy: [just 😍 at her] Janis: nothing's ever gonna fuck this Jimmy: works for me Jimmy: [smiles back] Janis: promise Jimmy: are you promising or asking me if I do Janis: both Jimmy: well I do Jimmy: [sips tea but not in a shady way lol] Janis: good Janis: 'cos I like you Jimmy: I love you Janis: [pouncing for kiss be careful of the tea] Jimmy: [cue make out session they both need & deserve] Janis: we can stay home tomorrow can't we Jimmy: we can do whatever you want Janis: I don't care if people reckon I'm running or being a pussy Janis: don't wanna be there Janis: just wanna be with you Jimmy: I don't give a shit about anything but you having what you want Janis: you Jimmy: [just pulling her into her lap for cuddles like] Janis: everything is alright when you're with me Jimmy: then everything's alright Jimmy: I ain't going nowhere Janis: me either Janis: [snuggles further in to prove point] Jimmy: [keeping them like that lowkey forever]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Who won then? 🥊 Janis: But actual, you alright, yeah? Jimmy: you don't know me, I forgot Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: Nah, had money on you and everything Janis: 👍 glad to hear it Jimmy: feeling like a winner 'til I try & come back in from my 🚬 & find he's locked me out Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Truly your kryptonite Janis: Cass'd open a window for ya Jimmy: not if it means round 2 Jimmy: she's #overit Janis: Might go as far as to say #fakefan Janis: you know you can come here if you actually need Janis: probably don't mention me by name though Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: who's about? Jimmy: not trying to walk in on a 🥊 with Gracie Janis: Get it, she's a lot when you ain't #overit yourself Janis: just her and my two younger brothers, who are really not gonna bother with you so Janis: get her under strict instructions, like Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: I'll let you know Janis: Try all the windows first, yeah Janis: Shoulda trained Twix to pick locks, my bad Jimmy: You literally had one job, mate Jimmy: get it together Janis: 😞 I know Janis: That's why he's really pissed, all that time I've been wasting when she coulda been a superdog by now Jimmy: you've let yourself down, that dog down & MOST importantly, you've let me down Jimmy: Oh Janet Janis: 💔 Janis: Really gonna think on what I've done Janis: and haven''t Jimmy: I woulda shown you the door if you hadn't legged it that way yourself sharpish Jimmy: so mad, like Janis: That's me, walk 'fore you make me run Janis: Soz to deprive you of that chance Janis: final fuck you, like Jimmy: if I come to yours, you gonna make it up to me? Janis: Obviously Janis: did you SO wrong gotta make it so right again, like Jimmy: I'll start walking now then Jimmy: Gotta make me hard done by enough for 🥇 Janis: Are you gonn get lost? Janis: 'cos get a safe enough distance from yours and I can come find you, like Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Not an answer, lover boy Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: there you are Janis: Helpful Janis: Send out an SOS if you do then? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: He say anything you ain't heard at least 1000xs before then? Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: that'd mean he has to know what's going on Janis: Standard Janis: fun to pretend, we get it Jimmy: probably called you by the ex's name at one point Janis: Fair, he ain't asked and I ain't told but embarrassing for you sir Jimmy: he knows your name, Bobby ain't shut up 'bout you since the other day Jimmy: he loved it Janis: He's a babe Jimmy: ain't gonna stay like it living here & hearing that Janis: 😕 Janis: You're alright, ain't you Janis: just have to learn he's full of shit like you and Cass, like, which yeah Janis: shit Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I know Janis: Grace's mood is catching Janis: 😷 Jimmy: what's with her? Jimmy: did Mia die? Janis: I WISH Janis: fuck mourning we'd be having a party rn Janis: they're not friends currently Janis: long and short of it Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: gutted I got nowt on here to wipe my tears on Jimmy: out* Janis: I hope you put clothes on Janis: rookie error otherwise Jimmy: you didn't stick round long enough to take 'em off Jimmy: your rookie error Jimmy: not gonna ruin my fancy shit though, am I? Janis: you know I'm gutted Janis: you looked so Janis: 😍 Jimmy: [selfie] Jimmy: change the tense Jimmy: still do tah Janis: 💪 still got it, kid Janis: unlike your father Jimmy: what's more goals than a #glowup Janis: I've been cute since birth so I don't know 💁 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'd say #same but there ain't that many 📷 of me to prove it Janis: I wish but you know Janis: kids are kinda my parent's thing so even at #7 & #8 they were disgustingly extra 😒 Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I trapped mine, more of a 'happy' accident Jimmy: less fun to document maybe Janis: reckon most first kids are, second and third even but after that like Janis: you know what you're doing here Janis: just didn't have your 📷 skillz Janis: baby you judging Jimmy: yeah, on my list, top one Janis: List of grievances? Janis: stick it on his windshield as you go Jimmy: 👍 deal Janis: Twix says she wants to add her own Janis: screenshotting this convo for her obvs #justgirlythings Jimmy: 🤞 she'll piss in his shoes when I ain't there to take her out in the morning Janis: Will you 💕 her then? Janis: asking for a friend Jimmy: If it's a shit I might not kick her out Jimmy: tell your friend Janis: You want a companion out there in the cold, you just have to ask baby 🐶💕 Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I do Janis: I didn't wanna leave but you know, for the best obviously Janis: I'll come get you forreal Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: put your running to use Janis: It's got uses Janis: 💪 Janis: but k, lemme take this ugly ass dress off first Jimmy: why did you wear it if you hate it? Janis: for the #goals Janis: it felt appropriate so I knicked it Janis: just from one of my sisters, not that rich bitch stereotype Jimmy: that'd be more #goals Jimmy: steal me better clobber if you love me, tah Janis: 😍 when he slowly introduces you to a life of crime Janis: that's how I saw this date ending fosho Jimmy: for real though don't do it again Janis: Why? Jimmy: 'Cause I like you Jimmy: we want 'em to know that Jimmy: #asyouare and all that bollocks Janis: Okay Janis: miss you a bit Jimmy: so come get me Janis: I am Janis: not that fast Jimmy: get it together, girl Jimmy: sprint not a marathon Janis: 😑 Good thing you're cute Jimmy: slowing yourself down with ugly dresses & 😍 Jimmy: what ARE you playing at Janis: Mean Janis: gonna go cry myself to sleep now instead Jimmy: you want some classic FM? Jimmy: bit of 🎻 Janis: You are rude and me and Pete are gonna bond over it Jimmy: I hope he likes dogs Jimmy: gotta know his place in the pecking order Janis: Make him get a dog with me Janis: how #goals 😍 Jimmy: you gonna move it too or make him do all the work? Jimmy: in* Janis: Probs depends how much his fam hate me Jimmy: you going for 🥇? Jimmy: or is that just for me Janis: You know you're special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: though feel bad for him, Gracie shaded him and didn't have the heart to tell her he's the love of my life 💔 Jimmy: feel worse if you did 'cause she'd be after him Janis: that's her type exclusively 😂 Jimmy: knew it Janis: plan backfired, she'll not leave you alone now, soz Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: really fucked me over you Janis: I know Janis: Good thing you're chucking me init Jimmy: good thing it ain't raining too 'cause if I was waiting in that for a kiss that ain't coming Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: who said I ain't gona kiss ya Janis: not getting nothing out that date tah, who am I Jimmy: you not saving 'em all for Pete? bit rude Jimmy: & I bought you loads of drinks, rich girl Jimmy: that's not nowt Janis: I can have it all, babe Janis: including at least two lads on the go Janis: yeah that's braggable, got me drunk and didn't even try to fuck me 😒 Jimmy: It ain't braggable that you're a pisshead in love with my co-worker but here we are Janis: 😱 say how you really feel Janis: and I am not drunk how dare you Jimmy: do the touch your nose bollocks on your way Jimmy: send me the vid Janis: 😂 Janis: see that up on the 'gram be fuming Janis: I'm a sophisticated lady Jimmy: like I said, just don't dress like one again Janis: Did I look that bad? Jimmy: You looked good, you can't not Jimmy: but I could tell you didn't want it Janis: Not really my style but neither are dates Jimmy: You had a shit time then? Janis: Nah Janis: it was just like hanging out Janis: I don't know why I thought otherwise, maybe a real one is dead awks like everyone bangs on Jimmy: it is if you ain't got nowt to chat on Jimmy: or you don't eat Janis: 🙄 I can imagine Janis: what a waste of money above all else like just lemme fuck you why are we pretending Jimmy: they got money for the #flex Jimmy: not an issue for you rich kids Jimmy: harder pretending that you don't wanna/ain't gonna fuck before the main course Janis: calling me a slag tho Janis: ruuuuuuuuuuuude Jimmy: collective you Jimmy: I know you ain't Jimmy: Unless you were only a fake virgin Janis: now you calling me frigid Janis: yeah, what I always say Janis: like, alright love, 'course you are Jimmy: some lads are into that Jimmy: just wanna be the first instead of 🥇 Janis: mhmm Janis: what's sexier than total inexperience to mask your own lack of skillz Janis: not a drag Jimmy: it's why Mia's just lie there technique is so popular Jimmy: god bless Janis: Want me to start doing than from now on? Janis: okay Jimmy: Piss off do I Jimmy: I never said she's my type Jimmy: have said the opposite Janis: well I don't know what that means sexually Janis: you want me to tell you you look like alex turner in his prime or?? Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: firstly I look better than him and secondly bollocks Jimmy: You know what I like Janis: 😂 Janis: Okay okay Janis: true and 🤞 true Jimmy: truest that you need to have a word with yourself if you don't reckon I love fucking you Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I miss you too, yeah Jimmy: more than Pete does anyway Janis: I don't think that was really a question Janis: but good to know I ain't walking all this way for nothing Jimmy: don't ever ask him Jimmy: stay with me Janis: I'm not going to, I don't like him Janis: I like you Jimmy: alright Janis: alright alright or shut up alright? Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I don't want you to shut up Jimmy: I told you, I miss you Janis: Sorry I left Jimmy: Sorry my dad's a fucking bellend Janis: Yeah same but not on my behalf Janis: no worries seriously Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Do you need anything, just passing a shop so be quick Jimmy: like what? Janis: I dunno Janis: you might have some fancy nighttime routines I'm not aware of Janis: or want some more 🚬s Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you've stayed at mine loads, how you reckon you don't know what I'm up to? Jimmy: that's a good shout though fuck knows where I've walked to but been 🚬 all the way Jimmy: #goals like Janis: I'm just trying to be a good hostess 'scuse you Janis: I mean you do look hot doing it so Janis: cancer smancer gotta die somehow kid Jimmy: saves my dad a job Jimmy: & yeah I get it rich girl, your house is fancy, pick me up a ballgown or whatever Janis: Not if he wants to keep his free childcare, think on, like Janis: It ain't it's just big Janis: not fitting us all in a 2 up 2 down, think it thru Ma and Da Jimmy: You gonna introduce me? Janis: If you wanna Jimmy: not what I most wanna do but a bit rude if I just walk in like a horny mute Jimmy: only one of us is pulling that off babe Janis: SHUT UP 😫 Janis: you don't have to they won't care but if we see them Janis: hopefully I won't die of embarrassment Jimmy: calm down, Jenna Jimmy: don't wanna lose your voice Janis: you mean you don't want me to, boy Jimmy: maybe Janis: 😏 Janis: #blatant Janis: we can be as loud as we like, the only other person downstairs is my brother Diego and he's deaf so Janis: thanks kid, unexpected solid there Jimmy: for real or like how your hippie brother wished he was blind the other day Janis: IOU so much more than petrol money 😳 Jimmy: I fucked myself over mentioning that though Jimmy: can't stop thinking 'bout it now Janis: It was Janis: good Janis: really fucking good Jimmy: don't say owt more I'm trying to walk Janis: 😶 Janis: was though Jimmy: yeah I know Jimmy: & I wanted you so bad before I thought 'bout it Jimmy: I just did Janis: I know Janis: It's hard doing anything with you that isn't fucking Janis: you're just very distracting at all times Jimmy: You are Jimmy: hate you a bit Janis: hate you too Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: got the 🚬s Janis: if I couldn't and they'd carded me that woulda been a fail Janis: #flex Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: so proud babe Janis: it's the legs Jimmy: & 'cause you ain't wearing that dress Jimmy: but tah for the reminder I'll try & breathe Janis: floral dresses defs a way to look 6 or 86 Janis: not a mood and the 20 year old with bum fluff serving me agrees Jimmy: he better not be agreeing too hard Jimmy: I'll give him a smack Jimmy was timed out 15 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 14 hours ago Janis joined the chat 14 hours ago Janis: 😂 you're good at that bit Janis: the protective boyfriend Jimmy: don't take the piss Janis: It's okay, very #goals of you 😍 Jimmy: just 'cause I let you win one play fight Jimmy: don't mean I ain't hard, alright Janis: 😏 Mhmm Janis: so impressive, babe Jimmy: now it just sounds like you want me to fight him Jimmy: get your 📷 out Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm that bitch Janis: #proveyourself Jimmy: stay there then Jimmy: I'll find my way Jimmy: 👌 Janis: You're ridiculous Jimmy: nah #goals Jimmy: you already outed yourself, mate Jimmy: I know you want it Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: not my #goals Janis: theirs Janis: any sign that you care's'a huge pantydropper, obvs Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Poor Kev Jimmy: first name terms, yeah? Jimmy: back on your bollocks, Jasmine Janis: Only go for boys with nametags Janis: that's my secret Janis: would help you loads Jimmy: nowt secret 'bout it, love Janis: Calling me blatant? Janis: This was your plan, boy Jimmy: driving me to it, girl Janis: so 😠 yeah Jimmy: so 💪 Jimmy: I'll just spark him out & we'll go Janis: Nerd Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: & you want me Janis: Maybe Janis: but you're coming for Kev Janis: 💔 Jimmy: I'm coming for you, baby Jimmy: show him you're #mine Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: if I don't get lost Jimmy: nowt #goals 'bout me just wandering Janis: You're adorable Jimmy: piss off Janis: You are though Janis: how Janis: very rude of you Jimmy: rude of you to keep on when I'm trying to be tough Jimmy: & ain't even gonna mention that it's a bit cold Janis: Stop Janis: Ruining my rep here as well Jimmy: you alright? 'cause you ain't having my jacket, mate Jimmy: I don't like you that much Janis: Don't want it anyway Janis: back to looking 🔥 Janis: tah very much Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: fucking brutal you Janis: can't have it both ways mate Jimmy: can I have you not shitting on my #aesthetic Janis: 😂 Janis: You must do something right Janis: not in #scruffy camp with poor Pete and the white girl w dreads Jimmy: chat to me 'bout that then Jimmy: you love calling me pretty Janis: Shh Jimmy: go on, I could be close to death here Janis: only if Kev fucks you up Janis: you really want the last thing I say to you to be you're pretty Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: what do you want your last words to me to be then? Janis: Not gonna spoil it Janis: wait and see Jimmy: I get it, you wanna call me a dickhead one last time Jimmy: 👍 Janis: You know you'd rather Jimmy: I'd rather you just kiss me Jimmy: if I'm gonna go anyway Janis: That's what I'll do then Janis: such a hardship for me, obvs but you know Janis: just that generous Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: why you're 🥇 Janis: Tell me that 'fore you go, alright Jimmy: I'll force the words out for you, darling Janis: Tryna walk here Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: where are you? 'cause I don't wanna walk anymore Jimmy: not for a bit Janis: Stay put and put your location on Janis: I'll find you Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't fuck it up Jimmy: one job, you know Janis: Please Janis: these are my ends, like it or not Jimmy: tell it to that bus driver you pissed off with your bollocks, babe Janis: 😒 Janis: still your fault Jimmy: yours Jimmy: unless you wake up looking different, always is Janis: convenient Janis: but not that mad about it Jimmy: I'm mad 'bout how slow you are Jimmy: what kind of athlete Janis: If you shut up I'll get there faster Janis: chatterbox Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: #shaded Janis: you know I like it when you're loud too Jimmy: you shoulda stayed for the 🥊 Jimmy: love shouting me Janis: Let your Da fully appreciate without my #distracting presence Jimmy: I'm sure he'll say tah when he next sees you Janis: 😏 Janis: I see you though, for now Jimmy: Can't see you, just some random Jimmy: dunno who she could be Janis: oh yeah? Janis: gonna go with her then or what Jimmy: might do Jimmy: she's got nice hair Jimmy: & legs Janis: she looking your way? Janis: [is, duh] Jimmy: good eyes too I reckon Janis: Sounds like you're well in Jimmy: sorry mate means you're out Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Gutted Janis: gonna leave for you start making a scene then Jimmy: It's been #real Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [kisses her really intensely 'cause they gotta save this night] Janis: What was that for? Jimmy: job well done? Jimmy: you got here Janis: your faith in me was so encouraging, obvs 🙄 Jimmy: [kisses her again so he don't say something embarrassing about how much faith he has cos no boy] Janis: You're cute, boy Janis: come back to mine Jimmy: I will just Jimmy: gimme a Janis: [Kisses him] Janis: that? Jimmy: & a sec Jimmy: so I can Jimmy: [kisses her again too 'cause distract him from how much a prick his dad is thank you babe] Janis: We don't have to go there straight away Janis: whatever you want, within the confines of this shithole, obvs Jimmy: you know I want you Jimmy: I don't care Janis: [amps it up no chill ever lads] Jimmy: [Takes off his coat & puts it on the floor so they can lie on it & pulls her down onto it for more kisses 'cause same] Janis: Such a romantic, you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Need a car Janis: making dogging low-rent us and that's saying something Jimmy: I'll nick one for us Jimmy: give you those life of crime goals Janis: 😍 damn daddy Janis: I'm driving though, deal with it Jimmy: I'll take my dad's then Jimmy: no 💔 if you crash it Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I can drive bitch Jimmy: only got your word for that, Janet Jimmy: & ain't gonna be your bitch if you can Janis: 👎 boo Janis: hit up all the other 15 y/os that'll blow me for lifts if you gonna be like that Jimmy: [kisses her to shut her up] Jimmy: what if that's how I'm gonna be? Jimmy: what you gonna do? Janis: Hmm Janis: Lemme think Jimmy: [more kisses while she's thinking] Janis: You drive a hard bargain Janis: alright, we can still be mates Jimmy: yeah very hard me Jimmy: told you Janis: Prove it Jimmy: [pins her down in a sexy way for a hot make out sesh] Janis: I really missed you Janis: it wasn't even that long but everything is shit and boring when you ain't around Jimmy: I'd say prove it, but I reckon you have Janis: [Proves it some more, get up and go lads] Jimmy: I Jimmy: fucking hell Jimmy: we need to go Jimmy: or I'm just gonna fuck you here Janis: as much as I don't care Janis: all your Da needs is actual fuel to hate me more so Janis: let's avoid getting arrested tonight, like Jimmy: [helps her up and turns it into a hug 'cause he needs one not sorry] Janis: [Hugs back properly and for ages 'cos knows it] Janis: Come on then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [morning after but later when he's at work not early af when he left] Jimmy: Morning, Jillian Jimmy: how's it treating you? Janis: Impressed you managed to walk of shame without getting lost Janis: lowkey bit miffed you hmu, thought I'd finally got rid of ya when you weren't here, like but Janis: how 'bout you regardless Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll go then Jimmy: reckoned you'd wanna know it's dickhead day here at the CG so you could get yourself down Jimmy: had 'em all in, my dad included Janis: Serious Janis: how desperate and shaming, sir Janis: other places to get an overpriced espresso Jimmy: but nowhere you can get away with treating your server like shit & still get to finish Janis: 😒 Janis: so hard up for entertainment he had to have 'round two, like Janis: fuck off Jimmy: so desperate for proof of life after one night gone he can't accept a fuck you text like a normal person at that time of the morning Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Suddenly arsed, okay Jimmy: I can go anywhere I want as long as I end up under his roof Jimmy: on me own Janis: 👍 Assuming he wanted to go meet his newest then Janis: all fun Jimmy: tah for reminding me Jimmy: family dinner thursday Jimmy: come looking like the #badinfluence you are babe Janis: Yeah? Janis: knew he loved me 😏 Jimmy: I'm inviting you 'cause I do Jimmy: & you owe me that Janis: so you want me to piss your Dad off more? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: & let his girlfriend now what she's getting into Jimmy: know* Jimmy: if she's gonna stick around for more than a night Jimmy: Me & Cass will do our bit, not all on you Janis: Alright Janis: Solid plan Janis: I'm in Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: he's cooking, tell your dad & maybe we can get that shit cancelled before it happens Janis: 😂 Janis: no one wants to make it that much of a family affair Janis: be more horrified and can't really blame him Jimmy: 💔 all around Janis: deffo the mood he's going for Jimmy: I know you're not into it but if you could seduce this bird it'd save me a job Janis: what's she look like Janis: you know yet Jimmy: nah Jimmy: could try & guess based on the last but he really ain't fussy Jimmy: or as committed to a #type as you reckon I am Janis: She ain't got at least 5 piercings and you out Janis: take one for the team Jimmy: tah Janis: be #troubling if she was your type Janis: next step in a midlife crisis surely, younger woman Jimmy: easier for me to fake date her & 💔 him though Janis: Beats the cliche of him stealing your girlfriend Janis: very porn plot this Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 🤞 MILF Jimmy: as long as she ain't got any kids Jimmy: the last one did & she was always trying to organise playdates Janis: Eurgh Janis: own siblings are bad enough Jimmy: didn't have a hot teenage daughter or nowt Jimmy: step it up, Valerie Janis: Un🍀 Jimmy: what you doing with your day? Janis: Gotta start prep now, obvs Janis: whole military operation you know Janis: give a bitch 3-5 working days notice next time Jimmy: you've got a bit Jimmy: not like its tomorrow Jimmy: 🥇 yeah Janis: 😭😭😭 Janis: NO JIMMY Janis: gonna look such a state now OMG Jimmy: just don't borrow owt from your sister & you won't have anything to bond with our honored guest over Jimmy: job done Janis: 🙄 she probably has a moodboard waiting for the day, like Jimmy: #sisterbonding Jimmy: how goals Janis: piss off Janis: defs don't owe you that much Jimmy: I'm gonna owe you loads of compensation for the cancer 'cause of all the 🚬 we gotta do Jimmy: my dad hates when I leave the table for it Jimmy: #deathwishinalltheways Janis: 😂 Janis: how many ways can you show him up Janis: challenge forreal Jimmy: wait 'til I start touching you up under the table, mate Jimmy: he's gonna be livid Janis: 😳 Janis: boy Jimmy: you turning down the challenge already? Janis: 'Course not Janis: #dedicated Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: why I like you Janis: Who else gonna come family dinner and fuck shit up, like Janis: duh Jimmy: If I told them I'll do more than play footsie with 'em probably a fair few lasses but Janis: shut up Janis: nuuh Jimmy: you shut up Jimmy: I want you to do it Janis: 🙄 Janis: whatever Jimmy: whatever yourself, dickhead Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you love yourself so much, like Janis: 😏 Jimmy: & that's what you like 'bout me Janis: Sure Janis: no convincing you otherwise so ain't wasting my breath Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: lucky you ain't here Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: 💔 gutted I ain't 😍😍😍 Janis: Pervert Jimmy: won't tell you how adorable you look when you sleep then 😘 Janis: Good Janis: I ain't adorable don't be trying to spread that about Janis: cheek Jimmy: 👼 you Janis: Actually such a wind-up merchant Janis: ugh Jimmy: you love it, Jennifer Janis: Hmm clearly Janis: or I'm a sucker for the pain Jimmy: I get it, you're hurting being away from me Janis: yeah, every minute feels like an hour, babe Janis: 'specially the more you chat on Jimmy: I know Jimmy: It really aches, yeah Jimmy: you just Jimmy: need me Janis: don't make me actually miss you Janis: gotta get things done today, like Janis: can't stay in bed waiting and dreaming 😏 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: I know Janis: rich girl fantasy Jimmy: it ain't my top one but it's the easiest for you to get done Jimmy: no effort like Janis: Tick it off my to-do list Janis: hmu with the rest Jimmy: I can't if I ain't allowed to miss you Janis: not on the clock, has your manager put a ban on Janis: Pete so highkey Janis: bless Jimmy: 😂 Janis: would love to run the place into the ground to piss off my sister but not gonna fuck w ur funds like that Janis: bit rude Jimmy: fuck it school starts soon Jimmy: go on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that much of a dickhead day yeah Janis: poor boy Jimmy: blasting classic FM Jimmy: full orchestra mood Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 😎 Janis: So cute how you dellude yourself Janis: 💕 Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you're meant to be making me feel not shit Jimmy: one job, like Janis: 😘 love you Jimmy: only works if you 😗 me in person Janis: you want me to come in later Jimmy: do you wanna? Jimmy: shit to do, yeah Janis: Not THAT much shit Janis: girl gotta eat Jimmy: in it for the smoothies Jimmy: & bacon sarnies Janis: what else? 🤷 Jimmy: pay up then, rich girl Janis: That's how it is now, yeah? Janis: gonna hit me with a massive tab to pay Jimmy: it's out of control Jimmy: sort it out, mate Jimmy: 👌 Janis: thought you was adding it to my sister's Janis: actually 💔 Jimmy: I will from now on Jimmy: least I know I'll get it Janis: 😱 Janis: invite her to dinner if she's so reliable Jimmy: the IT couple would like her too much Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: not the plan Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: your grasp on compliments needs work Jimmy: alright dickhead Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: what do you wanna hear? Janis: nothing Jimmy: I'll piss off then Janis: 👍 Jimmy: what? Janis: Don't matter Janis: forget about it Jimmy: don't be faking there's nowt wrong now Jimmy: what Janis: Seriously, it's nothing Janis: it just pisses me off when everyone chats how nice she is Jimmy: I weren't Jimmy: I was saying she's #basic & so are they Janis: yeah Janis: it's fine then Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: bring some enthusiasm with you into it Janis: 😒 Janis: don't push it Jimmy: don't chat that it's fine if it ain't Janis: oh my god Janis: boy Jimmy: you're testing me, girl Janis: shut up Janis: haven't you got a shitty customer to go deal with or something Jimmy: yeah but your bollocks takes priority Janis: feel so special Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: & stop Janis: alright Janis: later then yeah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: am i coming at lunch or nah Jimmy: do you wanna or nah? Janis: so helpful Janis: yeah whatever Janis: gym is close anyway and that's where I'm headed next so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bring some enthusiasm with you Jimmy: saving it for when you show up Jimmy: gotta give the fans what they want Janis: 'course Janis: that's what really counts Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll have my 😍😍 fixed & ready like Jimmy: too much enthusiasm for the CG Janis: That's just your customer service style Janis: I be knowing Jimmy: ask your sister Jimmy: it ain't Janis: 💔 -her Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: such a heartbreaker boy Jimmy: hit my ex up Jimmy: she'll chat on it for ages Janis: well you had to do something pretty bad for her to steal your man Janis: figured Jimmy: 'course Janis: 💀 Jimmy: did you just die? Jimmy: no warning, tah Janis: the conversation did Janis: but good to know I gotta give you my notice 'fore I kms Janis: wasn't clear in the deal Jimmy: write me a letter Jimmy: it'll look great on the 'gram Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna fully blame you and ruin your life from beyond the grave Jimmy: figured Jimmy: already said ages ago what a nightmare you are Janis: I remember Janis: twat Jimmy: #inspo for your note then Janis: what you being annoying for Jimmy: Me? Jimmy: you Janis: No I ain't Jimmy: actually piss off then Janis: Fuck you Jimmy: nah Jimmy: you won't Janis: Very mature Jimmy: soz I didn't realise I'd added my dad to the chat Jimmy: hang on Janis: 😑 Janis: There's no point even trying right now is there Jimmy: do you even wanna try making that sound like a question Janis: What have I done Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: it's all me Jimmy: we established that Janis: 🙄 Janis: Yeah go on then Janis: if it makes you feel better Janis: go for your life Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tah for the permission Janis: So welcome Jimmy: felt it Janis: What? Jimmy: so welcoming you Janis: Yeah fuck me for inviting you 'round Janis: what a nightmare Jimmy: leave it out Janis: whatever Janis: not gonna force you to be grateful Janis: not what it was Jimmy: why say it then? Jimmy: sounds like that is what you want, rich girl Janis: no Janis: it ain't Janis: I want you to stop being like this but I ain't gonna beg Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: could've been hot but alright Janis: it ain't funny Janis: shut up Jimmy: I told you to piss off Jimmy: how many times do I have to? Janis: I can do what I want Janis: mute me if you're so arsed Jimmy: you're so good at that yourself Jimmy: no need Janis: Ha Janis: good one Jimmy: not just a #prettyface Jimmy: why I kill in tips Janis: Obviously Janis: not your coffee Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: book your slot for comedy open mic, babe Janis: Too much like work Janis: with this bank account? Janis: fuck off Jimmy: must've got you confused with my other fake girlfriend again Jimmy: soz Janis: maybe one day you'll get a real one and she'll help you keep track Jimmy: if I get a real one there's no room for fake Jimmy: job done Janis: Rooting for you Jimmy: again, no need Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: Do it then Jimmy: what are you trying to challenge me for? Jimmy: if I wanted one we wouldn't be here Janis: Nah Jimmy: what? Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: & I didn't understand it Jimmy: so Janis: Call it a language barrier Jimmy: just tell me what you're going on about Janis: Why would I want to Janis: more to take the piss outta me for, yeah, no tah Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Exactly Jimmy: if you can say something once & act like you stand by it you can say it again so I get it Janis: Why don't you want a girlfriend then Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: got enough going on Janis: Okay Jimmy: you wanna try that again? Jimmy: weren't convinced Janis: Shut up Janis: how is it any less time consuming fake dating then Jimmy: it ain't Jimmy: but we've got a deal Janis: It can be done Jimmy: is that what you want? Janis: I probably won't come out of it looking the best but I'll make it work Jimmy: not what I asked, was it Janis: Think what you want about me but I'm not trying to make your life harder Janis: let's get that straight Jimmy: what the fuck are you thinking if you reckon that's what I'm saying Jimmy: never did Janis: Are you serious, you literally just did Janis: you've got enough on, it's time-consuming Janis: don't act like I've pulled it out my arse Jimmy: nah you've just twisted it on the exit out Jimmy: I ain't got time to go looking for a girlfriend is what I said Janis: You would if you weren't doing this Jimmy: maybe but I am doing it Jimmy: I told you, we've got a deal Jimmy: I'm not just fucking off out of it Janis: Well I said you could Janis: you can't choose to keep doing it and make it my fault when I've given you an out Jimmy: well I don't want to Jimmy: & nowts your fault so shut up Janis: that ain't how it feels Jimmy: how's it feel then? Janis: like you're taking every opportunity to remind me of how much of a fucking hardship it is and how badly you don't wanna do it Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know that ain't how it is Janis: That's how you're being Janis: how it seems Janis: which is pretty fucking shitty considering Jimmy: considering what? Jimmy: you let me in your big, fancy house or have we moved on to summat else now? Janis: Don't Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: don't what, tell you how you made it sound? Jimmy: like you did some huge fucking favor to me Janis: That's not what I meant Janis: but by that point you'd had several digs at me already Janis: so yeah, maybe it came out a bit harsh, if I recall you were saying just how welcoming I was and that was just the last of Jimmy: 'cause you were having a massive strop from the sec I mentioned your sister Jimmy: instead of just taking the compliment Janis: That's no excuse to say some of the shit you said is it Jimmy: I don't have any excuses Jimmy: just Janis: Fine Jimmy: don't say it's fine when it isn't Jimmy: I fucked it up, alright Jimmy: just like he wants me to Janis: I know you're having a shit time of it with your Dad, that's what I'm saying, I'm not trying to 'cause more problems Janis: if it stops being worth it on your end you don't have to keep doing it, it's not that important, my rep was for shit anyway so Jimmy: don't go Jimmy: that's important to me Janis: is it Jimmy: you know you make everything less shit Jimmy: so I need you, okay Janis: but you said Janis: no Janis: okay Jimmy: what did I say? Jimmy: go on Jimmy: you can Janis: I don't even know how you said it now or when in this convo and I don't want to reread but Janis: I was saying it was shitty to say all the things you did considering you fucked me and are still fucking me, like Janis: don't have to be my best mate but like Janis: can you not Janis: okay Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: for real Jimmy: I'm not just saying it Jimmy: & I shouldn't have said what I did Jimmy: I get it if you don't like me anymore Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: I said some things, even if I didn't mean it that's still how it came out so Janis: sorry too and let's just Janis: move on yeah Jimmy: maybe I am Jimmy: stupid Janis: No you're not Janis: being it but we all do and it's excusable given, alright Jimmy: I really wanna be with you Jimmy: I should've just skipped & stayed Jimmy: I didn't reckon on him actually showing up Janis: I wasn't expecting that either Janis: I mean, devil's advocate and don't shoot me, guess it shows he cares on some level Janis: even if it's for the wrong, selfish reasons, idk Janis: trying to make him seem not like a total twat is hard Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: just try and forget what a total twat I am Janis: You're not though Janis: unfortunate, be easier to ignore with the rest then but you aren't Jimmy: are you at the gym? Jimmy: I'm gonna leave Janis: I didn't get there in the end Janis: do you want to come back here or Janis: I wasn't showing off, or trying to Janis: that ain't me, I know I'm rich and whatever but Jimmy: let me come back Jimmy: 'cause I know that Jimmy: I was just being a dickhead after he was to me Janis: I get it Janis: I should've been nicer Janis: I'm not good at all this Jimmy: nah you are Jimmy: don't be a doormat to me Jimmy: I don't want it Janis: If I'd been less of a dickhead to begin with we might not have got to this point though but Jimmy: you've always been a dickhead Jimmy: I like it Jimmy: I like you Janis: I like you too Janis: it Janis: it's not just a deal to me okay Jimmy: don't just say that to make me feel better Janis: I ain't Janis: I didn't think you'd wanna hear it so literal opposite of what I was reckoning but Jimmy: you're Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: too good for me & this bollocks probably Janis: Nah Janis: anyway, I want to too Janis: I'm not gonna just piss off, yeah Janis: sorry about it Jimmy: be my real girlfriend then Janis: what Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: Yeah and it's a total 180 to like everything you just said so Janis: hold on, like Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: are YOU saying what you think I wanna hear now Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: I'm saying what I wanna say Jimmy: don't make me feel weird about it Janis: sorry Janis: just checking Janis: okay then Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: 'cause I'm coming to your house right now so be sure, tah Jimmy: hung up my apron & everything Janis: 💔 for the apron moment Janis: yeah, I'm sure Jimmy: I can keep it on if you're that into it Jimmy: take me a sec to go back & grab it & I'll get some weird looks but Janis: 😏 you're ridiculous Jimmy: you got me now so get used to the #craic Janis: God you're so cute, shut up Jimmy: will you come with me later to make sure everyone's alright at mine? your true love 🐶 included? Janis: Yeah Janis: 'course I will Jimmy: before my dad gets back, I'm not an animal Jimmy: you don't have to deal with that Janis: Don't worry, if it gives all of you an easier life, I'm happy to avoid him Jimmy: if only Jimmy: if it ain't you it's owt else Janis: 😕 yeah Janis: I'll climb up the drainpipe when I miss you, it's fine 💪 Jimmy: you're so hot Jimmy: can't even remember what I was feeling like before Jimmy: just 😍 now Janis: You know I like sleeping with you Janis: I mean actual sleeping Jimmy: you should stop growing though Jimmy: it's really gonna fuck us over Janis: Yeah, imagine it's easier with Bobs Jimmy: coffee stunts your growth, babe Jimmy: just saying Jimmy: if you really wanna make life easiier Janis: think of my basketball career Janis: someone should've warned Gracie, no catching up now love Jimmy: believe me i'm 💔 Jimmy: the potential those legs coulda had Jimmy: yours not hers Janis: 😂 speedy recovery like for the love of God don't start up again bitch Jimmy: you know Jimmy: don't want you dumping me when we only just got together for real Janis: You wish Janis: no chance, mate Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: scared enough tah Jimmy: always chatting 'bout how much you're gonna fuck me up Janis: 1. you love it Janis: 2. how nice am I to you actually, fuck the chat Jimmy: 1. your house takes ages to get to, owt could happen Jimmy: 2. see #1 Janis: Have a little faith, boy Jimmy: I told you, Jesus don't live with us, girl Jimmy: much as I'd love to make him pay his share Janis: 😏 he died for YOUR sins Janis: yours specifically Jimmy: I ain't done nowt wrong a day in my life Jimmy: bit rude Janis: Come here and start then Janis: Loser Jimmy: VERY rude Jimmy: 1. 🥇 Jimmy: 2. I want you so bad right now don't say shit like that Janis: 1. team Janis: 2. try and stop me now I've got every right to want you as much as I do Jimmy: 3. alright but I reckon this is the same bus driver so if you keep turning me on he's gonna think I love him Janis: 4. already tryna get an old man involved Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: don't kink shame me Jimmy: not very goals Janis: fine bring with but I ain't touching him Jimmy: I'm pretty sure he just likes to watch Jimmy: definitely remembers me Janis: Gonna have to be a solo show for now Janis: don't disappoint Jimmy: don't tempt me Jimmy: I miss you Jimmy: being back here ain't helping Janis: how and why does that feel like ages ago Janis: i wanted you so badly Jimmy: 'cause I've fucked you so many times since then Jimmy: keep wanting me, alright Janis: 🤤 Janis: done Janis: you're Janis: i don't know but whatever you are you're a lot of it Jimmy: stop Jimmy: I don't want to get arrested for being a horny mute Jimmy: especially when I fuck up the last bit Janis: He likes it, he's not gonna call Garda Jimmy: not gonna like it when I say your name though Janis: sure he would, he just likes to watch Janis: remembers me too, like Jimmy: might think I'm cheating Jimmy: girl of so many names you Janis: brought that on yourself, boy Janis: surprised you haven't said the wrong one during Jimmy: It ain't my fault I can't read Janis: can't stop shaming you can i Janis: how rude Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: I get it though, trying to turn me from horny to heartbroken Jimmy: tah babe Janis: Poor baby Janis: switch it up on you and make you feel all better when you get here Jimmy: I'm so mad at you for being able to touch yourself if you want Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 😏 Janis: i mean you could but you're 🐔 Jimmy: think carefully before you lay that challenge down Jimmy: you know I'll do it Janis: I know I want you to do it but Janis: are you up for the REAL challenge of not getting caught Jimmy: only but now is how bad do you want me to Jimmy: 'cause of course I am Jimmy: taught me everything I need to know, didn't you? Are YOU doubting your techniques? Janis: 'Course I'm not, I told you, I never got caught Janis: I want you to do it Janis: this bad [nude] Jimmy: alright, you have to do it too though & try to be caught Jimmy: that's your challenge Janis: Jesus Janis: Okay Jimmy: how are we gonna prove this? Janis: Record it? Jimmy: I already can't think properly Jimmy: no shit Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Step in the right direction Janis: you don't need to think at all, just feel Jimmy: it's your fault, sending me that pic Jimmy: now I'm just Jimmy: feeling a lot Janis: You're welcome for the headstart I gave you Janis: I had to put my clothes back on and find a place I could get caught Jimmy: feeling left out? like it's too much of a challenge? Jimmy: Let me help you Jimmy: [sends own pics of how turned on he is] Janis: Fuck Janis: see, you have to touch yourself Janis: that is too good to waste Jimmy: if anyone does catch me I'll tell them it's a #medicalemergency Jimmy: but they won't Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I'll cosign it babe Janis: why we have to fuck so much, yeah? Jimmy: feel free to use the excuse when you get rumbled Jimmy: female hysteria, yeah Janis: Not aftr that rant from my Ma as pillowtalk Jimmy: where are you anyway? Janis: Outside Janis: Nice day and it reminds me of the times we've nearly Jimmy: shit Jimmy: I should not have asked Jimmy: that's Janis: You'll see when you watch my video won't you Janis: do my best with the angles Jimmy: likewise Jimmy: fuck me outside when we won't get caught, alright Janis: You know you're so talented Janis: gonna be #art Janis: Yes, I want that Jimmy: You're #art Jimmy: tonight then 🤞 Janis: Definitely Janis: at yours or mine Jimmy: less people to catch us at mine Jimmy: but 'cause you're in your garden now I wanna do it there Janis: We can do it right here Janis: x marks the spot Jimmy: I want to Jimmy: real challenge is me doing you better than you can Janis: That's no challenge come on Jimmy: bit rude to yourself that Jimmy: I know you're good, babe Janis: You're better Janis: so much better Jimmy: I can't take that compliment right now Jimmy: I've got a challenge not to fail Jimmy: can't if I die Janis: Well if I get caught I might get murdered so Janis: see you in Hell baby Jimmy: 👍 Janis: How hard are you biting your lip right now? Jimmy: you'll see if I've got my angles Jimmy: but fuck Jimmy: I can really feel it Janis: it hurts good right? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it'll feel even better when you kiss me later Janis: I'll be so gentle Janis: 'til I can't Jimmy: never gonna be mad 'bout you losing control Janis: Good because Janis: This feels incredible Jimmy: I wanna know exactly how it feels Jimmy: but I don't wanna put you off Janis: I'm doing this for you, Jimmy Janis: I want to tell you Jimmy: yeah but typing & filming Jimmy: you need some control for that Jimmy: you're meant to lose it all Janis: I'm using talk and type already Janis: One step ahead Jimmy: I'm mad that I have to be sneaky & you don't Jimmy: I want Janis: What do you want? Jimmy: I wanna just Jimmy: let go too Janis: You can Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: so tell me what it's like Janis: It's like Janis: my hearts already beating fast because of how turned on I am but then it's going insane because I know anyone could see me, hear me, right now Janis: I feel like I could pass out Jimmy: I reckon you could hear mine on this recording 'cause I'm making no sound Jimmy: trying not to breathe too loud even Janis: You're so good Janis: You can totally lose control when you get here Janis: and tonight Jimmy: I have to with you Jimmy: nowt else I can Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: you know it Jimmy: you're Jimmy: gonna be the death of me Janis: I can't help it Janis: You're Janis: there's so much I want to do with you Jimmy: we can Jimmy: you're my girlfriend now you can just Janis: say that again Jimmy: what? Janis: say I'm your girlfriend again Jimmy: you are Jimmy: you're my girlfriend, Janis Janis: you're gonna know when you said that when you see this Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: bit awkward if I don't Janis: Trust Janis: How did that nearly get me off Jimmy: I better not chat 'bout how long I wanted to ask you then Janis: Tell me Janis: You gotta talk in here so you keep 😶 Jimmy: it's been ages Jimmy: before you made us miss our stop, like Janis: You mean it Jimmy: you don't think so? Janis: I believe you Janis: I just Janis: I dunno how this happened Jimmy: at the party I just Jimmy: there was so much shit I wanted to say Jimmy: I thought I was just drunk but Janis: I remember Janis: I felt it as well Janis: you can tell me anything you want Jimmy: I got drunk hoping I would just tell you Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: & so I could be around you & not be a dickhead Janis: I love hanging out with you Janis: I just do Janis: it never felt fake Jimmy: yeah but I reckoned you were faking it Jimmy: for a bit Janis: I'm not Janis: I mean, I don't have friends for a reason Janis: I keep people away Janis: I wasn't used to any of it, so I didn't think I would like you or anything, that it'd be easy to fake and feel nothing butt Jimmy: I get it, the only reason I had friends back home is 'cause I'd always had that same group since I was well younger Jimmy: they wouldn't go away Jimmy: I tried Janis: Yeah Janis: exactly Janis: you have to be a real cunt to get them to go, it's not fun Jimmy: I was Jimmy: & still Jimmy: but I don't want you to go Jimmy: don't Janis: Clearly, I'm a better actor than you #humblebrag #sorry Janis: I won't Janis: where am I going Jimmy: hollywood maybe Janis: unless I accidentally post this vid and make it big Jimmy: you better not 'cause then I'd have to post mine as a one up Jimmy: twitter already can't handle me Janis: not for moral support nor nothing, just gotta upstage me Janis: take the clout of how many times I've said your name already and be happy 'cos I can't handle you either Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: it's getting really hard to be subtle Janis: you aren't subtle, that's what I like about you Jimmy: you might, the rest of the passengers won't Jimmy: not if I touch myself how I really want Jimmy: they're all gonna notice then Janis: they've seen worse on the bus, like Janis: not like you aren't the literal most drop dead gorgeous boy around Janis: appreciate and enjoy, people Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: you're really not helping me win here Jimmy: different challenges, remember? Janis: 😈 Janis: Losing can be fun Janis: I'm finding out Jimmy: You're not gonna lose Jimmy: someone's gonna catch you Jimmy: come on Janis: why does that make me hornier what the fuck Jimmy: You want it Jimmy: baby come on Jimmy: you can do it Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: I know Jimmy: do it for me, yeah Janis: Yes Janis: Holy Jimmy: cum Jimmy: we can together Janis: I want you to cum on my face tonight, will you, please Janis: that's what I'm thinking about, and how much of a mess you're gonna be when you get here Jimmy: like I said, you're my girlfriend now Jimmy: we can do anything Janis: that's tipped me over the edge Jimmy: it's alright Janis: Oh Jesus who just pulled up Jimmy: you're winning, girl Janis: I don't think I can move Janis: this is Jimmy: so stay Janis: Okay Janis: Shit Jimmy: who is it? Janis: My Dad Janis: my brother is with him, Pablo Jimmy: at least it's not Grace Jimmy: then you'd have to move Jimmy: can't give her a captive audience Janis: More terrifying caught than them noticing me right now Janis: *thought whoops Jimmy: what do you look like? Jimmy: help me picture it Janis: Okay, so, I'm laying on the grass with my knees up, and I just have a baggy t-shirt on and I had my knickers around my ankles but I quickly took them all the way off when I heard them so now I'm just holding them in my right hand and they're soaked, I must be so pink and embarrassed, I'm literally out of breath, it's so obvious Jimmy: oh Jimmy: let me know if they decide to stop and say hi then Janis: They better not, I'm holding it back, but I really need to cum again Janis: I know I can't be quiet Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I believe in you Janis: Jimmy tell me what to do Janis: this hurts, I don't know if they're staying or going or what Jimmy: don't wait for 'em to stop pissing 'bout Jimmy: do what you gotta do Jimmy: make yourself quiet this time, you already won Janis: Yeah I did Janis: you're Janis: actually the best boyfriend Jimmy: it's cause you're my #muse Jimmy: so inspiring Jimmy: never more than now Janis: So cute Jimmy: if I could I'd draw you exactly like this Jimmy: You're actually art, you know Janis: that's what 📸 are for Janis: but I cannot deal with all these compliments right now Jimmy: you have to Jimmy: 'cause you said I could tell you anything I want Jimmy: & you're like properly beautiful Janis: Baby Jimmy: I wanna know you & I don't wanna know anyone Jimmy: hate you a bit for it but Janis: Sorry Janis: but I feel it too Jimmy: It's alright, I really like you too Jimmy: we can still be goals Janis: we are Janis: undeniably Janis: even the haters are obsessed Jimmy: did you check your bushes for Mia before you started fucking yourself? Probably should've Janis: even the idea of accidentally getting her off by-proxy isn't enough to turn me off right now Janis: though I would've ideally been way more rough Jimmy: you need to keep going 'cause that's the horniest anyone has or could ever have been Janis: 😂 I told you it was bad Jimmy: I'm not far away Jimmy: we can sort this Janis: My hero Jimmy: gonna make you swoon dramatically, yeah Janis: Better be planning on making me do more than that, boy Jimmy: I don't need a plan Jimmy: I know what to do Janis: You really fucking do Jimmy: 1. is fucking you with my tongue for a bit 'cause as hello's go, top one Jimmy: if you can stay conscious I'll show you what 2. is Janis: 😩 You know how hard I'm gonna cum right, like, be prepared Janis: your tongue is Jimmy: I want it & you want it Jimmy: don't worry Janis: Why are you perfect Janis: and how Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: I'm just a good boyfriend Jimmy: you'll see Janis: I believe it Janis: but I look forward to knowing Jimmy: leave your review under my pillow as part of the Dear John to soften the blow when you dump me Janis: Hush Jimmy: I don't have to now Jimmy: challenge is over Jimmy: video now or later? Janis: Hmm Janis: Later, I wanna watch it with you here, preferably when you're going down on me Janis: can have a review then Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: gives me time to edit so I look pretty how you like 😏 Jimmy: gonna give myself anime eyes or some shit 😂 Janis: You always look pretty, you just are, it's rude Janis: we've all jacked it to hentai, ain't too proud, try me but please don't 😂 Jimmy: this is why you're girlfriend material Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏

[punkscowardschampions]

Chloé & Buster

Chloé: You've not been in School! Where are you? Buster: I'm in Dublin. Do you actually need something? Chloé: STILL Chloé: Slacker Buster: I don't need your permission or ask for your opinion, like Chloé: Well I do need something, as a matter of fact Chloé: I want to tell my parents, you said you'd be here Buster: I will be there, like I said Buster: When? Chloé: Well uh now Chloé: I thought you'd be in so we could plan outfits! Buster: Well, I'm gonna need to get a flight which means I also need specifics Buster: I'm not matching with you, get real Chloé: Oh idk Chloé: We'll see when you get here Chloé: Ooh maybe we can go out for dinner Buster: Fine, I'm here until the 11th at least Buster: Do you mean you wanna tell your parents over dinner? Chloé: WHY 😩 Buster: How is that your business? Chloé: It's so long Chloé: I've done so much Christmas shopping for it where am I gonna put it all if they don't know ugh Chloé: Just saying Buster: It's really not, Chlo Buster: What's a few more days Chloé: Spoilsport Chloé: BUT FINE 😒 Buster: You need to start taking this more seriously Chloé: I'm the one trying to plan it! Chloé: You're off doing God knows what Buster: I'm here trying to get my head together Buster: Whose fault is that? Buster: I've told my parents, it went great, thanks for asking Chloé: Well isn't that nice for you Chloé: Can't all just piss off whenever we feel like it, and I'm immature, HA Buster: If you can't read the sarcasm in that sentence, we've honestly got much bigger problems than anything I'm doing Buster: I've hardly pissed off on holiday, have I? I do live here too Chloé: Yeah but the hols haven't started yet have they Chloé: Honestly, so unreliable, what kind of Dad do you expect to be? Buster: It's 6th form and we ain't at Eton are we? Buster: I've got my work sent over anyway Buster: As for what kind of dad I'll be, that's strictly hypothetical since you haven't actually got the DNA yet so Chloé: I'll do it after Christmas Chloé: I'm very busy right now Buster: You and me both, babe Buster: But this is important Chloé: If it really is then come back Chloé: I'll do it sooner Buster: Don't talk to me like that Buster: You can't hold me to ransom over this when I've already got my life on hold over this Buster: You can't be deliberately vague and then act like you're waiting on me Chloé: How are they even going to do it anyway? Chloé: The DNA Buster: It's just a blood test for each of us Chloé: Yes but how do they get it from the baby Chloé: Lydia says its a giant needle that could kill it, I'm not doing that Buster: Lydia is chatting shit, don't worry Buster: It's non-invasive. The baby's DNA can be found in your blood stream from 9 weeks apparently, so it's like they are taking the baby's and mine to compare, that's all Chloé: It's been over that, hasn't it Chloé: Just trust me, this is all so silly and nasty Buster: How can I trust you? Chloé: God, I'm not a monster Chloé: This is so offensive Buster: I trusted you about the pill and here we are Chloé: I've never got pregnant before Buster: That doesn't mean shit though and you know it Buster: You're not that stupid Buster: My Auntie slept with a dude once, with a condom and still got pregnant, like Chloé: Exactly so why bother Chloé: if its meant to be its meant to be Buster: 'Cause this isn't how I want things to be Chloé: Well tough Chloé: It's happened now Chloé: You should've insisted on a condom Chloé: I can't be held responsible for you and your inaction Buster: You shouldn't have slept with me Buster: I told you no when I could insist on anything, I do remember that Chloé: Oh what, so I raped you now? Chloé: How could you even say such a thing, that really happens you know Chloé: it's not a joke Buster: I'm not making a joke Buster: I'm saying it shouldn't have happened how it did Buster: I don't get why you'd want it to anyway Chloé: It's what we do at parties Chloé: you've slept with everyone else Chloé: why not me Buster: I'm not gonna write you a list Chloé: You're horrible Chloé: I'm in a highly fragile state right now Chloé: which is your fault Chloé: so don't speak to me like that Buster: Until you wanna go party, yeah? Then you're fine Buster: And believe me, I'm reining it in with everything I could say Chloé: What, like you're being a perfect little choir boy Chloé: such a double standard Buster: I'm not pregnant Buster: And what I do isn't your problem, we aren't together Chloé: Well it's horrible Chloé: so I deserve some fun Chloé: Thank you very much Buster: Fine Buster: I don't wanna fight with you, Chlo Chloé: Then don't Buster: I'm trying Buster: This isn't fun for me either Chloé: Oh, poor you Buster: Come on Buster: I'm just saying Buster: Can we start this convo over? Talk properly Chloé: Alright Chloé: Let's be friends 😊 Buster: Let's start by trying to be civil, yeah? Buster: Not run before we can walk, like Chloé: No take backs! Buster: Alright Buster: How are you then? Buster: Is it actually horrible? Chloé: Yeah, I'm getting so fat Chloé: it's disgusting Buster: The baby's gotta grow, babe Buster: Are you taking all the vitamins and bullshit? Chloé: I did anyway Chloé: Sugar bear hair and all that Buster: Not the same thing Buster: You need Vitamin D and Folic Acid Chloé: Ooh, so smart 😘 Chloé: I'll get some Buster: 400 micrograms of folic acid each day and 10 of Vitamin D Buster: I think the folic acid is just for the first bit maybe though, but you should take the vitamin D all through and when you're breast feeding and shit Chloé: Ugh, this is why I didn't take Science Chloé: Do you think if I pump then my boobs won't get saggy? Buster: I can't answer that for you Buster: Not something I'm gonna ask my Aunties or mum Chloé: 😂 Chloé: Maybe I'll just stop my milk, idk Chloé: already going to have all this flab to get rid of, I don't want a boob job as well Chloé: Daddy would never pay for that 🙄 Buster: You'll be fine Buster: My Aunt had 10 and she looks the same as she did in all the photos from before, I swear Chloé: WHAT Chloé: that's like something out of the 1900s Buster: I told you I had a lot of cousins, how many did you think I meant, like 4? Chloé: Well yes Chloé: I don't have any because my only Auntie must be barren or something Chloé: and all her husbands keep dying Chloé: How does she pay for them Buster: 😂 Buster: She's literally a genius hot shot engineer and her husband's got a restaurant here that everyone raves about Chloé: It's not funny Chloé: It's very shaming 😂 Buster: It is quite funny, babe Chloé: Maybe your family isn't as chavvy as I thought Buster: Rude Buster: I thought we were being nice to each other Chloé: I am! Chloé: I said they weren't Buster: But you said you reckoned they were Buster: So I dread to think Chloé: I told you before Chloé: everyone thinks so Chloé: and that one cousin didn't exactly help your rep Buster: Yeah well, everyone thinks they know lots of things Chloé: Well come on, you've got to admit Buster: What? Chloé: I know it's your family but state of her Chloé: like you said, quite funny, right? Buster: What's so wrong with her? I don't see it Buster: Or find it funny Chloé: Where to begin 😂 Buster: How about you don't Chloé: 🤐 Buster: Better Chloé: Naughty Buster: Behave, you know that's not how I meant it Chloé: Shame Buster: Don't start Chlo Buster: You'll ruin our new rapport Chloé: 😥 Chloé: Fine Buster: Yeah? Good Buster: You need to be fine with it Chloé: But whyyyy Chloé: we're having a baby Buster: We MIGHT be having a baby, but I have a girlfriend, definitely Buster: And even if I didn't, I'm not going there with you Chloé: DEFINITELY Chloé: a baby's for life Chloé: girlfriend has a shelf-life of 2 months, max Buster: For your life, I don't know if this baby has anything to do with mine Buster: And maybe that's how long your boyfriend's last but Chloé: 😤 ugh Chloé: I'm just saying Chloé: this is more serious than whatever little thing you've got going on Buster: Act like it then Chloé: You too Buster: I can't act like anything Buster: I'm not stepping up for a kid that isn't mine Buster: So until I know, this is what you get Chloé: I'll prove it to you Buster: Please do, either way Chloé: You aren't getting out of it that easy Chloé: it's 100% yours Buster: If this kid is mine, I'm not trying to get out of it Buster: But look at it from my side, yeah? Chloé: No, you're calling me a slag Buster: I've never said that Buster: But that night I was blackout levels of gone, Chlo. I don't remember fucking you, if I did, that's just the facts Chloé: Umm I'm not so sad I'd make it up Buster: Regardless Chloé: What are you up to? Buster: Same as you I assume, getting my school work outta the way so I can do shit I actually want Chloé: No but everyone else is Chloé: No one will come out, I'm so bored Buster: Go get your vitamins Chloé: Not the shopping I had planned 😂 Buster: You can reward yourself after Chloé: I'm not going out by myself Chloé: Loser move Buster: Technically you ain't Buster: The baby's coming too so Chloé: 🙄 Buster: Stay in then Buster: Order them online Chloé: Whatever Chloé: Still bored Buster: Hit up one of the lads Buster: I'm sure they aren't that desperate to study Chloé: Haven't you heard? Everyone's all coupled up rn Chloé: 'Cept me Buster: I'm surprised you're letting that stop you Buster: I've told you multiple times I am and it means nothing Chloé: RUDE Chloé: 😲 What do you think of me Chloé: Your girlfriend is either not real or far away, that's why, it's different Buster: It's not Buster: Besides, me and her are in the same city right now so Chloé: It is Chloé: She won't know Buster: Yeah she would, 'cause I'd have to tell her Chloé: Why? Chloé: I'm giving you a free pass here Chloé: Hypothetically Buster: I don't want it Buster: I want her Chloé: I'm not that fat Chloé: I promise Buster: It's not about you Buster: And I highly doubt you're fat, Chlo Chloé: It's never about me Buster: I'm not gonna say I'm sorry Buster: I'm not your boyfriend I can't be that for you Chloé: You're my baby daddy Chloé: that's way more Buster: Don't call me that Buster: Christ Chloé: 😂 Chloé: You're funny Buster: Offended it's taken this long for you to realise Buster: 'Cause yeah Chloé: Awh babe Chloé: You've been so grumpy lately I forgot Buster: Can you blame me? Buster: Getting the mood swings in before you do Chloé: Ugh, I'm so not gonna be like that Buster: I don't think you get to decide, babe Chloé: Yeah Chloé: People are just overdramatic Chloé: I'm going to have a waterbirth it's going to be like going to the spa Buster: Good luck with that Buster: I hope you haven't ever shit yourself at the spa though Chloé: BUSTER 😷 Chloé: That's so gross Buster: It happens when you give birth, sorry to be the one to tell you Chloé: Ew no Chloé: You're lying Buster: I ain't Buster: Big family, remember? I've heard worse as well Chloé: Shut up Chloé: I'm not gonna do that it's gonna be so chill Buster: Whatever you say, Chlo Buster: I won't say I told you so after, I'm not that much of a prick Chloé: Although Chloé: I might get a C section Chloé: not decided yet Chloé: it won't be as relaxing but apparently they can do it with less scarring now but idk Chloé: Bikini ready never again 😥 Buster: High waisted though Buster: You'll survive Chloé: That's so middle-aged Chloé: God sake Chloé: can't they just Chloé: vacuum it out Buster: If you have an abortion, yeah Chloé: Not funny Buster: Not joking Buster: Childbirth ain't easy Buster: You're gonna have to deal with it Chloé: It's not that hard Chloé: people do it every day Buster: And shit goes wrong every day too Buster: All you're gonna care about is getting the baby out, scar or not Chloé: Meh, guess so Buster: Be serious Chloé: I am Chloé: It better look cute Chloé: Tori's sister just had a baby and it's so ugly Buster: Well if it's mine you don't have to worry about that Buster: So sort your priorities Chloé: Cockiness is such a turn-off babe 🙄 Buster: Thank god Buster: Turning you on is the last thing I want to do Chloé: DON'T RUIN IT Buster: Honesty isn't gonna ruin anything Chloé: You were being nice Buster: I still am Buster: Being nice isn't the same as wanting to fuck you Chloé: Don't be crass Buster: Whatever Chloé: You have to though Chloé: Do you really want someone else raising your child Buster: What are you talking about? Buster: I don't have to be your boyfriend to be my baby's dad Chloé: You do though or you'll just get pushed out the picture Buster: No I won't Buster: Believe me Chloé: I've not seen my real dad in yonks Buster: Well, that's shit for you but that's not the kind of dad I'm gonna be Chloé: My Dad is great, he sends me loads of money Chloé: Mummy just doesn't want him around, that's all Chloé: or his new wife Buster: Regardless, that's not what it's gonna be like if this baby is mine Chloé: 'Course Chloé: Because you're going to be nice, right? Buster: I'm gonna be around Chloé: Hmpf! Chloé: Not the same thing Buster: I can't make promises Buster: Other than that Buster: How nice we are to each other is a two way thing Chloé: I'm trying Chloé: Let me and you'll see how nice I can be Buster: I'm trying too Buster: But I'm not gonna be a doormat for you Chloé: I don't want you to be Buster: What do you want then, Chlo? Seriously Chloé: Be with me Chloé: Be a family Buster: That's not gonna happen Chloé: Well, I'm not going to just go away Buster: I'm not asking you to Buster: If that's my kid, you can't Chloé: So we may as well be together Buster: No Buster: I'd never do that to a kid, I don't love you Buster: How do you think that's gonna work? Like I'll have girlfriends then come home to you and play happy families Chloé: You haven't tried Chloé: Give me a chance Chloé: and some time Buster: You either want to be someone or you don't Buster: It's not a test you can prep for, babe Chloé: You have to put the work in Buster: I'm putting the work in with someone else Chloé: What's so special about her Buster: What isn't? Buster: Again, I'm not gonna write you a list Chloé: I don't buy it Chloé: charm'll fade Buster: I don't care if you do or don't Chloé: Well you should Chloé: I'm offering you a lot here Buster: Well, don't Chloé: I'm going Chloé: Molls and Liv need a coffee break Buster: Alright Buster: I'll see you when I'm back Chloé: 👋

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

[punkscowardschampions]

Junior & Nancy

Junior: What are you gonna do? Nancy: I've never had less of an idea Nancy: What can I do? Junior: I wish I knew for you Junior: But no, I don't Junior: By the time I worked it out, I knew it was too late but maybe if I'd said something to you, we could've avoided it playing out like this Junior: I'm sorry Nancy: Don't apologise to me, please, I can't start sobbing outside of this office Nancy: You've done nothing wrong. It's me who messed everything up Junior: I'm sorry, no wait, scrap that Junior: You can't help what you felt Junior: You're not the first person to get a crush, everyone's just acting like it for the drama of the thing Nancy: But I chose to act on it Nancy: You didn't see her face. It was... Nancy: I've got no words for it Junior: Oh, Nance Junior: There's no other way she could react, or would've Junior: I'm not judging but how did you get this caught up? Its not like you Nancy: I thought she wanted me to. Genuinely I'm not just making an excuse Nancy: We had a connection. The way we'd talk, I didn't imagine that, I can't have Junior: At best though, that could never be more than friendship, she's a married teacher, a straight one Junior: not to go over it now, you know Junior: What a mess Junior: Tristan is being Junior: its bad Nancy: He has a right to Nancy: I'm so stupid, oh my god Nancy: They couldn't hold of mum or dad yet but when they do... Junior: Yeah but, he's trying to make it something it ain't, get the anger but I wish he'd keep the gay hate to a minimum Junior: Oh God, babe Junior: how mortifying Junior: I'll find a hole to bury you in Nancy: Thanks Nancy: I've literally become a lesbian stereotype. The predatory one Nancy: If my brother ever finds out I'm gonna have to get you to bury him too Junior: We're doing our best to keep it on the DL, strictest of confidence Junior: but if your rents talk to mine, he'll suddenly take an interest no doubt, eurgh Junior: You weren't being predatory, at least, that's now how you meant it Junior: and she's in the position of power so she always had the upper hand to push you away Junior: which, I guess, she did in the end Junior: would've been helpful if she'd have clued up before now but we can't blame her Nancy: I'm gonna have to move back, aren't I? How can I stay here. I can't Nancy: I love her and I've done this to her Nancy: What if she loses her job because of me? I might have wanted him to leave her, or vice versa, but I never wanted that Junior: Not necessarily Junior: She won't Junior: Not to rub salt in an open wound but its very clear it came from you and not her Junior: Its not going to come to that Junior: There's only this year left, we can stick it out together, I've got you Junior: anyway, rumours follow, don't they? Idk how but that's the magic of teens, better if you face it head on Junior: own it in the ways you can Nancy: You make everything sound so straightforward, no play on words meant Nancy: I should have told you everything Junior: I get why you didn't Junior: it got to be real when it was just in your head Junior: wow, sounds harsh but, yeah? Nancy: I'm gonna hear much worse Nancy: At least you're coming for a good place Junior: We need to decide on your side of the story, so we can stick to it Nancy: What's the point? Everyone already knows what happened Junior: Yeah, there's definitely the key facts you're not gonna be able to run from Junior: but its all about how you sell it Nancy: What are you saying I should do? I can't throw her under the bus Junior: No, of course not Junior: I'm not explaining it well 'cos I can't do it myself Junior: but you know, the old, hold your head up high regardless of how you're really feeling Junior: acting as if you're not as phased as you are, too, not lying about what happened, just acting as like its less of a thing so people will get bored, you know? Nancy: Have you met my mum? Holding my head up high won't be a problem Nancy: Casually trained at it Junior: Yeah, no, good Junior: I know its gonna be hard Junior: but it will help this all be over sooner Nancy: That'd be nice Nancy: It's new for the rumor mill but not me Junior: How long? Nancy: Since I came here, pretty much Junior: Oh, honey Junior: That's such a long time to have those kind of feelings Nancy: I know Nancy: How did I get here? Junior: I dunno Junior: We all build things up in our minds, fantasies and that Junior: it just got out of hand because it was uncheck Junior: like I said, you're not the first or last Junior: Its okay, it will be alright Nancy: You're only saying that to make me feel better, I get that, but it's kind of working anyway Junior: I'm honestly not Junior: You know what went down wasn't cool but I think the outcome is more than enough punishment without me needing to be a dick about it Nancy: but I wouldn't blame you if you were Nancy: You asked me so many times who I fancied, if I'd just said, it would have stopped it, I would have come to my senses enough not to try and kiss her Junior: But you wanted to Junior: more than you wanted to be logical and sensible Junior: for better, or worse, as its transpired Junior: its easy to beat yourself up about it now Nancy: I should've beat myself up before hand Nancy: Repeatedly over the head Junior: I'll get you a time-turner and a mallet, like Nancy: Much appreciated Nancy: Can you arrange a bodyguard too, for Rio more than Tristan tbh Nancy: She's gonna be livid Junior: Not with you Junior: She'll get it better than me, she's had her fair share of crushes, I'm sure Nancy: Have you really not? Nancy: Envy you at this point Junior: Nope Junior: I'm like a sexless slug Nancy: They have a nicer label for that, to let you know Junior: Yeah, I'm not into that Junior: Never say never, you know Nancy: Unlike you have my judgement Nancy: Unless* Nancy: Never say never with your straight, married, teacher Junior: When is it okay to laugh cos like Nancy: Go ahead Nancy: We have to Nancy: I can't cry rn and still face everyone Nancy: I'm not THAT good at holding my head high Junior: are you gonna take some time off or just Junior: face it from the jump Nancy: I think if I walk away it'll just make it harder to come back Nancy: If I'm staying here then I need to carry on Junior: Agreed, from that POV, definitely the best thing to do Junior: but don't force yourself to do things you can't Junior: we can go cry in the toilets whenever you need, okay? Nancy: Have a gorgeous mascara moment Nancy: Maybe my mum will force on a flight back to London Junior: Maybe Junior: Or roll up on you here Junior: such fun Nancy: Oh god, she probably will Nancy: I know I brought it on myself but....please no Nancy: Parent swap with me really quick? Junior: They'd despair but give it my best Junior: At least your Dad is going to be too awkward to say anything Junior: Small blessing Nancy: I wish that was a like father like son trait Junior: Thank god for the mute button Junior: shame it doesn't cover all communications, including IRL Nancy: Honestly Nancy: If I thought I hated Irish class before Junior: Yeah, no escaping how bad that's gonna be Junior: 😬 Nancy: If I pretend I've had a straight awakening now will that make it better or worse Nancy: She turned me everybody, nothing to see here Junior: I think it'll take you from the butt of the gay jokes to the butt of the slag ones Junior: which might be easier to handle but Junior: might have to display some straightness and we're not a convincing couple to say the least Nancy: Plus you're my cousin Nancy: That'd just create more rumors Junior: Yeah preferably you're going straight for someone not in the fam Junior: Idk, who are the most elligible bachelors around Junior: Hmm Nancy: Tristan's off the table Nancy: Lovehate only happens in YA Junior: Plus, all that rage, probably closeted himself, if we're following the rules of YA to the letter Nancy: And if we're going classical, he probably wants to sleep with his mum too Junior: 🤢 Junior: oh no Junior: flip the script on 'em, go for a younger boy Junior: preferably not weird young, like year below tops Nancy: Oh god Nancy: Boys are so Nancy: Even hypothetically it's a no Junior: 😂 Junior: I don't think you're gonna be pulling this off effectively any time soon Nancy: You're right. Back to the drawing board I go Nancy: Thanks, June, for talking me off the ledge Junior: Wouldn't be worth much as a bestie if I didn't Junior: we've got this Junior: it only FEELS like the end of the world Junior: that's comforting, right? 😏 Nancy: Until I think about how bad you said Tristan is handling what happened Junior: Yeah, well, reckon Rio will be having words Junior: he just needs to get it out of his system Junior: look sufficiently sorry and miserable and he should be satisfied, then you can get on with your life, like Nancy: I do feel sorry and miserable so as long as I can get it across instead of looking like a unrepentant bitch Nancy: We'll see Junior: Yeah Junior: he's not awful, like Junior: It probably sucks having teacher parents, but that ain't a reason to take out years of frustration on this sitch Nancy: He can't be that bad, she raised him Junior: Oh, babe Junior: you've got it so bad Nancy: I wish there was a mute button for feelings Junior: You've got to start putting in the work Junior: Conscious uncoupling Nancy: That'll be as much fun as having the chat with my parents Junior: I didn't promise fun Junior: Strictly business Nancy: This is why lesbians die at the end of every movie, isn't it? Nancy: No fun Junior: Mhmm, its not just bed death you've gotta avoid Junior: its alright, you've been scorned, that'll further your plot development, no need to die today Nancy: Just living with the heartbreak then. Fantastic Junior: Unfortunately Junior: Its survivable, so I'm told Junior: and there's lots of songs and films on the subject to keep you company Nancy: You're angling for a hetero rom-com watching session because the male leads are always hot. I see you Junior: You need some straight drama in your life Junior: it will make you feel so much better about your own Nancy: Her being straight was a big part of my drama Junior: Yes and no Junior: Even if she was gay, Nance, it wouldn't have happened, alright? Junior: You need to remember that Junior: what if you have a nice lesbian lecturer at Uni, you don't wanna go through this again, thinking it'll be different Junior: its a no go whatever the circumstances Nancy: I know Nancy: I'm trying Nancy: I don't want to go through this again Junior: I know Junior: Its a complete perspective overhaul Junior: It'll take time Junior: you'll get there Nancy: I better Nancy: I don't wanna be stuck here in this place Junior: You won't be Junior: You've got a whole life of new, better experiences waiting Nancy: Brain swap? If I was as smart as you I could graduate early Junior: You're plenty smart, its truly not that far off now Junior: Final stretch Nancy: You're right. It just feels like forever rn Nancy: My own fault Junior: It does though Junior: clock watching all day every day Nancy: Definitely Nancy: Same

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

NYD Catch-up

Ali: *Daintliy throws the tiniest of pebbles at our window 'cos I'm in trouble enough if this goes tits up without also breaking a window* Ropunzel, Ropunzel, let down your hair! Ro: allow me to busily make tea while I loudly quiz Tess and whoever else may be in earshot about their resolutions Ro: I can't believe you're only just getting home! I was going to ask how you're evening was but I think I can guess Ali: You're a 🌟 Ali: We need to fully mind-map and dream-board ours later, I've got so many ideas already but I at least need in on that tea action first, builder's brew please and thank you 😘 Ali: Shh 😉 I've been in bed since 1 💤 like an 😇 Ali: Hehe social media never lies, not mine at least Ali: I'll tell you all about it, whilst Ma tries to tell you she quit the fags years ago, like 🙄 Ali: 💃 Ro: Of course. Well, there has been a kitty there so the universe should stay on our side with that one, hopefully. Ro: Hm yes, if anyone asks you got back before I did, there's not much I can do if social media decides to answer instead though alas Ro: Oh Tess, no offense intended, but truly I'd much rather hear what you have to say Ali: Oh, Bluebs, hope she was alright with the fireworks, I paid Rocky with a selection box to keep her company but bet he was too busy being a hooligan come 12, nutter...but I'm sure she hid herself nicely warming the blankets for us anyway, like 😽 Ali: Did you and Meena have a good time? With all dem 💶💶💶 you can both more than make up for missing the hottest part night of the year, ay Ali: Bless her heart, though perhaps take her pack away from her still, you'll be helping her and, you might need one after I fill you in, like 😉 Ro: I can't tell a lie there was some bribery involved for us too with the older kids. They had me baking and the text advice I received from Tommy wasn't as helpful or coherent as usual Ro: We definitely earned our crusts it has to be said Ro: I think Meena would've liked to join you so you might want to play down the finer details when you fill her in but no complaints here, fussy children aside Ro: I draw the line at that level of trickery, we'd both be caught if I even tried I think Ali: I think its to be expected, babysitter rules are there are no rules, or very few, ESPECIALLY when it comes to sugar 😋 Lucky kiddos, I would kill for a sweet treat rn Ali: Maybe I can push it and see if the old man is any fit state to do a fry-up too, mmm Ali: We should deffo ring Tommo then and be annoyingly loud and cheerful 'cos he always gets hangovers un🍀 🦆y Ali: Payback Ali: Well her brother was there so she wouldn't have been able to have all that much fun, like, I'll be sure to downplay it though, tact is so my strong suit 😏😂 Ro: Oh? You'll be glad to hear then that I had the foresight to make enough cookies to bring a batch home. There's still a few that could be claimed by you if you're quick enough. Ro: I can make no such promises about a proper breakfast but time will tell I suppose, I'd consider it favorable if you work a little of your own magic Ro: You have plenty left don't you? Ro: We'll likely need an actual spell to wake Tommy after all Ali: Faster than a speeding bullet, me Ali: I can climb these drainpipes like nobody else 🐈💪 Ali: I'm sure we could concoct a pepperup potion, getting him to drink it is another kind of magic altogether Ali: even if we settle for calling it an energizer smoothie or something muggle Ro: Perhaps we could say it has lots of biotin that'd make him more inclined for sure Ali: When quiff is life Ali: He truly is sweet 16 Ali: And 15 is looking up for me too, fingers crossed and knock on wood rn, this is gonna be our year, Posy, and that ain't the after-affects still talkin' Ali: Wished on every 🎆 in the sky Ro: Wishing is very powerful so I'm not surprised, I am very intrigued though Ro: Go ahead Ali: I'm in 💚 Ali: 🙃 and now hiding under the covers eeeeeeeeeeeppppp bye Ro: Did Marlene get off work early last night and surprise you? That's so lovely Ali: No, no, no Ali: It's all but ended and it will be if my feeling is correct and reciprocated Ali: We'll be better off as friends, honestly, I can't give her what she wants but I can be there for as a mate so that's what's best, she'll see that given a bit of time, I'm sure of it Ali: That said...do you think I'm a total slag for who did surprise me last night now? 😳🙈 Ro: Oh okay. That makes sense Ro: No Ali, I'd never Ro: Is it someone I know? You've mentioned Meena's brother already... Ali: Oh lordy no 😂 Drew is an alright lad really but no, he's not the sort, definitely would not be reciprocated, he's got half the girls at School after him and he loves that Ali: More power to him but you're getting warmer Ali: you know the lad him and Meena live with, don't you? Caleb Cavante, in my year too Ali: 😍 Ro: I think so? He's always in the music block isn't he? Ro: He smiles a lot. Not in a weird sense though I don't mean that Ali: Oh Ro 😂 you make ME smile Ali: sounds like him, cool hair Ali: obviously, I knew of him before last night but it was just like...right time, right place, you know? Ali: Sounded triter than all the 'new year, new me' posts aren't I? Ro: Not at all Ro: It sounds like a fairy tale and we're treating it as such! Ro: Did you kiss him at the end of the countdown? Ali: Oh no, I forgot to lose a shoe...Typical, on the one night to make throwing dancing shoes aside count! But I suppose he won't have to search the kingdom high and low Ali: Back at School Tuesday Ali: At least this promises to make my weekdays more entertaining at any rate Ali: Mhmm 😊 *Gameshow host voice* BUT THAT'S NOT ALL Ro: What else is there? Did he lose a shoe instead? I dread to think what I'm missing here... Ali: [Improptu selfie with the tattooed finger over her lips like a moustache] Ali: Not saying that trumps 'Facebook Official' but 😎 Ro: !!!! Ro: did Caleb get a tattoo too? Ali: Oh silly me, yeah Ali: [Photo they took together post-tattoo] Ali: Big n Lil dipper, its cute, right? Ro: Oh my god! You better not post these, Tess will kill you, but Ro: I think that's adorable Ro: Did it hurt so much?? Ali: She'll love it Ali: we did it ourselves, on each other Ali: thank god he wasn't really crap, unfair, I'd have to go over it myself 😂 Ali: Not really, doing lil dots like that by hand is probably the most chill way to do it, it really wasn't anything to think about even Ali: I could do one for you, really get the mumbot shorting a circuit 😈 Ro: Really?! Weren't you scared?! I would be. Ro: Ali that's so brave. He must have trusted you and vice versa to such a degree Ro: Only you'd get all of this out of the way before a first date has even happened Ro: No wonder you're so giddy Ali: Nah it's not scary, you can watch next time I do one on me, if you like, see for yourself Ali: Promise it isn't dead gory or anything Ali: I'm thinking of doing a Clitocybe rivulosa, our 👑 achievement in witchery to date, you want in? Ali: Won't show Mum that one forreal, she'd lock us in separate dungeons again 👎💔 Ali: Yeah...it felt good to get that shit out of the way, this way, if he wants to look down at his hand ever again and not be reminded of a bad memory, we'll have to make it good Ali: Clever, non? Everyone will think its ridiculous, I know, but I trust his intentions now, which is more than I can say for any of my previous Ali: Bar Marlene, of course, although technically she didn't set her intentions but not in a malicious way so we're letting it slide Ro: Do you sincerely promise? I'd like to see the whole thing for myself before I make any of my own but Ro: It does sound lovely. I'd be jealous if I wasn't so pleased Ro: No offense to Marlene, oops, I'm getting carried away here Ro: It is happy news though Ro: I mean, a love letter on skin, that's just Ro: It makes me speechless Ali: 🤞 Ali: ❌💚🙏☠💉👁 Ali: Me too, it's catching Ali: It'll be better in the long run, she can find her a wifey Ali: I know, I just- ahh Ali: He just text, asking if I got Home alright Ro: Sorry but this boy is a keeper Ro: that's so gentlemanly it's like we've stepped into Austen Ro: Are you nervous about school? It just sounds so magical and classrooms are so...well, not, aren't they? Ali: Better! He wasn't stand-offish and rude to me at the party, only to be won 'round by my wit, humor and independent spirit Ali: Clearly, he's more clued in and go-with-the-flow than Darcy, a win in anyone's books, even Jane's Ali: Hmm, not particularly, nah Ali: I'm not overly concerned with what other people think, so that won't spoil it, fat chance Ali: and we've always had a certain talent for making the mundane magical, haven't we? Ro: Jane would be spinning! Lydia with all her apparent lack of concerns for 'social conventions' has nothing on you and I have little doubt you'd be overjoyed by whatever 'disgraces' Caleb had in mind Ro: A much better match that anything she'd have conceived no doubt Ro: School seems so far off still but now I really am envious that you've made certain you'll have reason to look forward to it. Very unfair! Ro: The only fly in the ointment, potentially is what Marlene might say, how much are you going to tell her? Ali: 🙊 Ali: I'd be happy to regale you with the night's disgraces but I have even less doubt that you'd rather not hear about those details Ali: You're not trying to tell me you've previously nearly eloped with Caleb yourself though, are you? 🤔 Georgiana Darcy is a pretty good fit for you Ali: Now that would be a scandal worth the gossip 😏 Ali: Perhaps you can join me and make the music block your new haunt for a bit, give the library chance to REALLY miss you, like Ali: Hmm, no doubt she'll say things she'll regret when her pride is less hurt Ali: but they aren't prejudices against my 'fake' sexuality I haven't heard before, from her as well, so 🤷 Ali: I understand why, not that I agree with her. For one, I can attest to the reality, and also, I've not got any issue with experimentation, whatever the outcome but I see her frustration Ali: Serious as she is, about, everything Ali: It'll be okay, if she doesn't want to be my friend then alright, her loss frankly, but I'll always be there for her if she chooses Ro: To be honest, no I would not. It's much too early in the year, and day, for all that Ro: Oh goodness! Flattered as I would be to considered an accomplished woman, I fall short in all necessary regards, least of all the elopement alas Ro: Hm, as much as I both enjoy, and clearly need the practice for that comparison to hold true in any sense, I think I'll leave you to the necessary haunting yourself Ro: True. She's always been very vocal, hasn't she? I can understand if you slightly relish the opportunity to leave her speechless just this once too Ro: And it really would be her loss if she chooses that path to go down anyway Ali: What can I say? I'm an overachiever Ali: Couldn't even help myself, like 😎😂 Ali: No you don't, and you're a year younger, you're well ahead of the curve set and it ain't even necessary for a lady to have pleasant hobbies and talents in our day and age so Ali: You're an overachiever too, that's why I loooooove you 💚 Ali: S'cool though, suppose we don't wanna turn up en masse, put him off his A game, bit rude Ali: It is one of the things I admire about her but less so her dogmatism Ali: No one is always right about everything, even me 😜 Ro: Thanks I suppose Ro: Though I probably shouldn't pass on that wisdom about not always being right to everyone else at the kitchen table Ro: Not if I would like to live to be a year older at any rate Ali: Honestly 🙄 Ali: No wonder they love Marlene so much Ali: Ma is gonna be gutted, no doubt it'll be all my fault Ali: like lowkey but damn, woman, show a little loyalty when your daughter can't 😂 Ro: She'll calm down as long as you keep your gentleman caller away from the door for a while I'm sure Ro: When is the first date set for actually? Oh so exciting! Ali: Yeah, we've both agreed as much Ali: For Lene's sake as much as mother's Ali: Gotta get my house in order Ali: I don't know, ooh, what should we do?! Ro: There's always the open mic if he'd adore being serenaded Ro: Sounds like you'd have time to work on a dedication if not a song Ali: THAT IS A FANTASTIC IDEA Ali: I'll bring out an old classic, best to stick with what I know and am best at for max best impressions Ali: Can always go new and exciting with the outfit 🤩 Ro: Exacty Ro: Your full of good ideas when it comes to that Ro: Oh! We should go donation diving. New year, new clothes to peruse through Ali: Yes! We must we must! Ali: Best time of year for it, ungrateful fuckers binning their unwanted presents Ali: Regift 'em our way 🙏 Ali: Marlene wants to meet up later Ali: Looks like we're doing this today then, ugh, we can hit the charity shops tomorrow maybe? The sales rush shoulda died down a bit at least Ro: That works for me, I'd rather not fight for my faux furs, somewhat defeats the desired purpose Ro: I'll be around if things with Marlene go according to plan, or otherwise and you need to talk it out Ali: Agreed, though I'm down for granny bashing our way to the bargains if needs must Ali: I'll be getting some practice in today, like 🙃 Ali: Thank you though, Posy Ali: Sure it'll be fine Ro: I know it will. You can do this Ro: I can condone that much at least, your shopping behavior less so Ali: 😽 Ali: With you on my side, how could I fail? Ali: She is getting narky though so watch me waltz down the stairs and out again like missed me missed me