#anyway debate me if you want but I'll prob forget to respond

[sun-daisies]

euphoria 2x04 you who cannot see, think of those who can

ok well everyone (that I saw in a 10 minute scroll through the euphoria tag tonight) is upset with tonights ep of euphoria and I personally fucking loved it so here's my episode breakdown (spoilers under the cut)

keep in mind this is just my raw thoughts, no editing, my brain is oatmeal and I don't have my film analysis hat on, so this is probably going to be really messy.

first of all reasons I think everyone hated this episode:

no lexi and fez, which is funny to me because when the promos were coming out everyone was confused and upset that they were putting them together in the first place (just an observation!)

SO much cal jacobs. omfg.

jules and elliot

uhhh probably the mouse thing

^ yes, these are valid reasons to be upset. I get it. I do. I dont care about mouse and im so sick of cal. jules and elliot was A Choice. I miss lexi centric scenes (and while im not sure fez is the right choice, I still think they're cute while they last).

BUT. I think this episode is a huge turning point for basically a majority of the characters and here's why:

1. rue. obviously. she's over her head in her addiction and she's got so much unresolved trauma and pain that she doesn't know how to deal with - we literally see it in the scene with her dad in the church. we've seen her scream at and threaten her mom and blow up at her sister and now we're seeing her addiction leak into other relationships - first ali last episode, now jules. AND the ending of this episode, is she dead? did she die? earlier in the season I was genuinely concerned that she might not make it through this season and now im REALLY thinking she didn't. and that's absolutely tragic, and I really hope that's not the case. but if it is, then it becomes first and foremost a haunting reality of addiction that we don't see a lot in media, and second a really interesting character moment for jules and elliot in particular as they grapple with their guilt and find ways to grow and move forward. if it isn't, then we still have the mess with the suitcase of drugs to deal with, which is going to be SO MUCH WORSE than this.

2. cassie. oh dear, cassie. the guilt is literally eating her alive and this girl is absolutely in the trenches of a nervous breakdown. I've seen a lot of people complaining about her arc this season about how stupid it is that she's trying so hard to get a guy's attention - but it's SO real. she's a high school girl without a dad. all of the attention she's ever received was for her being pretty or sexy or whatever. she doesn't feel seen or validated unless she's getting attention and this breakdown she's going through is as a result of it. (side note sydney sweeney needs an emmy for this season omfg)

3. maddy. she's recovering from a toxic abusive relationship and im really really hoping she comes out of this season knowing she's better off without nate. I feel like I have less to say about her because she's fairly straightforward as of right now? she's always been super confident, and right now she's sort of having this internal struggle of going back to nate (the evil she knows) or letting him go. and while it always seems like an obvious choice on the outside, leaving an abuser is the absolute hardest thing to do, because you still love them and you still will always think it'll be different, you'll believe them when they say they've changed. it's a cycle, and her arc right now is about breaking from that cycle.

4. nate. sigh. yes, nate. he's getting a TON of development this season and... I'm not mad at it. I still don't like him, but I do sort of sympathize with him. his arc is grounded in his relationship with his father, how his dad's abusive behaviors have affected and shaped him as a person. and it's clear that he doesn't want to be a part of it - he wants to grow up and leave the house and start a new life and not be anything like his father. but this season we're seeing just how similar they are, and I guess the reason we're seeing so much of cal's past is because it really does echo in nate. both are clearly into men, raised in toxic households, internalized homophobia, childhood trauma, and have developed angry abusive behaviors as a result of not being able to be themselves. and I think cal's breakdown is big for nate's character arc as well, because unless nate addresses his own trauma, he's on that same trajectory.

5. jules. let's just recap for a moment: jules' mother actively abuses drugs and alcohol - this has strained their relationship to a point where they no longer see each other. and if I remember correctly her mother relapsed and ended up in the hospital after visiting her before halloween? don't quote me on that. subsequently, in her special episode she expresses that she's terrified of being responsible for rue's sobriety. loosely she even says "what if she relapses and im not there?" and in the first episode of the season she finds out that rue relapsed the night jules left. and tonight? she finds out that rue hasn't been sober the entire time (and has been lying to jules). ALSO jules is self harming again SO-

6. kat. an episode or two ago I was SO happy with what they were doing with her, the whole "love yourself" scene was just perfect - and I think that's defining a lot of her character this season. she's sort of a blank slate. she started s1 as sort of this introverted person who did a lot of living in a world she created (cough escapism) - first with her fanfic writing, then when she changed and started with the whole porn thing. and she went through this huge moment where she reinvented herself but it still wasn't really her - she was sort of living as her own 24/7 character, like armor, or what she thought the world would want from her. and now? girl's still pretending. she's living this forced relationship with ethan and she's miserable in it. see where im going with this?

anyway other cool things from this episode:

visually stunning as always but this episode really blew me away

third jacobs brother???? seen in the portrait cal takes with him. actually so wild??? i saw someone saying that they might be hinting that nate's responsible for the brother's death, i'm not too sure yet? i need to let it ruminate. i think it wild. I saw someone suggesting that they might be hinting that nate's responsible for his death. I'm not too sure? I need to let it ruminate a bit longer.

LABRINTH and the whole church scene was AMAZING

lexi quietly observing in the background, I'm just waiting for the episode where she puts it all together and becomes the active character she's en route to be rather than the passive character she's been the whole time

I think a huge part of this season is finding who you are as a person. these kids are coming of age and none of them really know who they are - rue doesn't know who she is without drugs, kat straight up has no idea how to describe herself when asked, a lot of maddy's teenage years have been defined by her relationship with nate, cassie doesn't know herself enough or can't stand to be alone with herself and is subsequently breaking down because of it. this episode shows them at (what I can only hope is) their lowest points, and I think after this we'll start to see them learning and growing.

hopefully.

and finally, a thought:

I really, really hate that everyone (the viewers) is dragging everyone (the characters) through the mud for their actions through the series. like "jules is the bad guy," or "cassie's dumb af," or "can't stand rue this episode." my favorite part about this series is that the characters are allowed to be human - to be teenagers that make trauma-related mistakes and fuck up and say shit they don't mean and be impulsive. like??? rue is over her head in an addiction and she acts like an addict - ruining relationships, choosing drugs over her friends and family every time. cassie craves attention and needs that outward validation to feel seen because it's all she's ever known. remember her episode in s1 where even her relatives were calling her "sassy cassie" and hugging her a little too tight and telling her she's beautiful and she's gotta be getting all the guys and all that? all of these characters act upon what they perceive is true, based on past childhood trauma they're navigating, PLUS the fact that they're still young and navigating all these intense teenage emotions and impulses and experiences. it's just frustrating to see people thinking so black and white about who's good and who's bad when they're all just fucked up kids trying to make sense of the really fucked up world they live in, you know?

anyway, that's just my thoughts on this episode, because personally I loved it (even though it was A Lot.)

[rainbowglittr]

Senior Year: Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"How many times do you think she's going to flip her weave?" I asked Kiara. We were walking to class "with" Tyler and the she-devil. They were ahead of us in their own little world of weave flipping and exaggerated facial expressions.

"Maybe 50 most likely 30 if we're lucky." We both rolled our eyes.

"How long have you liked Tyler?" Kiara asked.

"Hahaha cute. Since......never!" I laughed. " What would make you think that?"

"Um, the way you look at him like he's the last piece of cheesecake in the world. The way you look at Mariah like she's the one who took the last piece of cheesecake."

"I do not! That's not jealousy! That's pure hatred! You need to get your eyes checked." I scoffed.

"Don't you dare lie! I know you do! You hate Mariah 98% because she's a terrible person, and 2% because she's with Tyler and you wish it was you!"

"Um, not true. What is true is that I do like Tyler as a FRIEND, a BROTHER! I don't like that she's with him because he deserves better. Isn't that obvious?"

"That you like him, yes.To people that know you, yes. To people who don't know you, yes."

"I dont know what you're talking about but I do have a class to go to."

"Don't pretend like you don't know. You know you like him."

"I DO NOT LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!" I shouted. A couple people turned around, luckily Tyler and Mariah were still in their own world.

"See what you do?"

"No. You're in denial, you're in denial!"

"Nope!!!!!"

"Whatever."

"Whatever."

"I'm not even giving up until you admit it."

"Guess you'll spend the rest of your life doing this, then. As much as I'd like to further debate the matter I have a class good day now!" I said running into the class just as the bell rang.

"YOU'LL ADMIT IT EVENTUALLY!!!!"

"NOPE!!!" I yelled back. I made my way to my seat. And unfortunately looked up just in time to watch as Tyler and Mariah kiss. Yuck. He walked in and sat down next to me.

"Hey budddddyyyyy." He said.

"Hi."

"Wow please contain your enthusiasm, it's getting to be too much!"

"I'm in math class, I have no enthusiasm."

"Well then, Ms. RayOfSunshine!"

"I feel like you want something from me....."

"Indeed I do. I'm in some serious shit."

"Aren't you always?"

"That's beside the point. Anyway, Mariah is expecting an amazing date tonight and I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do." He said. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. I REALLY can't stand her.

"Give her an amazing date? I don't know what you want from me."

"Please please help meeeeee. She will kill me if it's not perfect! Come on you're a female, she's a female. You have to have some type of idea." He gave me his stupidly cute hopeful grin.

"Fine, what does she like? What did you do for your last date and did she like it?" I said sighing.

"We went shopping and she loved it and she likes shopping." Again I tried not to roll my eyes, of course she liked shopping, of course.

"Well where did you-"

"Attention Class! Take out your worksheets from last night we are going to go over them right now, please." Said our teacher Ms. Rosenstein. I went to go pull out my homework that I probably did completely wrong and when I looked up at my desk Tyler had passed me a note.

"Really Ty? Really? How desperate are you?"

"VERY!"

I rolled my eyes and scribbled on the paper.

where did you take her last time?

Some mall she wanted to go to. she mentioned some other mall today shore hills or something.

I read it then started to think. He's an idiot it's Short Hills Mall and super expensive.

How much money do you have? I wrote and passed it back.

I don't know enough I hope like 150. I Can borrow some from my brother

Borrow some from your brother take her to SHORT HILLS MALL then take her to one of their "casual restaurants" then BOOM you got a date. P.s.it's Hella expensive!!!!!!! :-)

I wrote and passed it back. Then turned my attention back to math. We we're doing some crazy x over y divide by the radical ridiculousness. Tyler tapped me

"Thank you I love you so much!" He whispered with his hand on my shoulder."

"I know you do. I am me afterall."

"Seriously thanks you're a lifesaver! You're amazing."

I smiled and said "You're not too bad yourself, Ty."

We went back to x over y divide by the radical crap.

_//////////////////////-

Thirty minutes later as soon as the bell rang guess who I saw? If you guessed phony and annoying weave flipper then you guessed right.

"Oh sweetie there you arrrrreeeee!" Her annoying PHONY high pitched voice screeched. I didn't even try to stop my eyes from rolling, I swear her voice make me want to stab my ears out.

"Hey baby. You're looking hot today." More like basic I thought. She really wasn't that cute. She was a couple inches shorter than Tyler who is 6'0. She had very light mocha brown skin. And her weave was dark brown at the roots and slowly turned blonde. I won't lie she was pretty but there wasn't much to her other than that.

"Oh thanks baby. How's my hair?"

"Great."

"Just great? I thought it was at least gorgeous."

"I hate to interrupt the love fest going on here but are we going to lunch or?" I said.

"Oh Jaleia, there you go again, still here. How about YOU walk away and we'll catch up, yeah?" Said Mariah.

"Yeah, I'm not in kindergarten so no need to talk to me like I am. I'll be at lunch. Bye Tyler. BYE Mariah." I said walking away. She makes sick. Like puke, vomit, and bodily fluids. I started walking to the cafeteria, I stopped at my locker. Once I got there I stood at the front of our table. Mariah and Tyler had already gotten there Mariah was sitting in my seat but I ignored her.

"Sup." Said Tyler who was the first to notice my presence.

"Hey Ty." I said. I cleared my throat and spoke in a loud voice.

"Attention table of mis amigos. My birthday is in one week shortly before the dance. This has been your warning."

"I think we all got the text reminder and other not subtle hints." Said Kiara.

"That means I'm doing my job and you will never forget my birthday!" I replied.

"That's cute that you have to remind your friends to remember your birthday. You'd think that they would care enough to remember, but I guess not." Said Mariah. She fake smiled at me.

I smiled back and said "That's cute that you think that you have friends or that they'd care about your birthday."

She glared at me and I have her my "bring it beeyotch" look. She looked at Tyler with puppy dog eyes and whined "she's being rude to me again, baby."

"I thought they taught people to stop whining in like kindergarten but I guess not." I said to Kiara.

"Jaleia that was so uncalled for, can we just be nice for once?" Said Tyler.

"I was telling the truth, number one. Number two, I didn't start anything. If you can't handle the heat stay out the kitchen." I said.

"Seriously!" Said Tyler.

"Watch it pretty boy" I said.

"So where's Jesse?" asked Robyn.

"He's writing said he got inspired and had to write it down right away." Said Tyler. Jesse was super musically  talented. He played five instruments, sang, wrote songs. He wants to work in the music business one day. I hadn't heard many of his songs but the ones I have heard were pretty deep. He likes to be alone when he writes, he even has special pens and notebooks for songs and he hardly lets anyone see them.

"Can't wait to hear it." Said Kiara. Mariah's face turned bitter for a moment.

"Well it's nice to get a break from people every once and a while" she said. She didn't like him because he was one of the only guys who weren't impressed by her looks. And didn't try to hide it.

"So when do we get our break from you?" Robyn asked.

Mariah laughed and said "You're so funny!"

"That wasn't a joke but okay." Robyn said. I started laughing. Mariah was glaring at me.

The bell rang and we all got up to leave.

"Bye peeps!" I said. We all split in different directions. Except for me and Tyler, we both had the same gym period.

"Can you try to be nicer Mariah she didn't feel like you like her?" He said.

That's because I don't.

"Yeah well I'm trying, sometimes she does not make it easy." I said.

"I know she is kinda over the top but she's really sweet when you get to know her,I promise."

I doubt that Tyler, I really do.

"I'll give her a chance, okay?"I said.

"Thanks."

"Whatever."

//////////////////////////

Later that night before I went to take a nap my phone vibrated.

I Looked at the screen.

Text From TylerBaeRules:

Great idea she loved it. Thanx :-)

Something panged in my chest as I read those words. I was glad it went well, I really was. I just wished that Tyler realized how terrible she really is and that he would be with someone else better. I don't know why she bugs me so much but she does. Everyone thinks it's because I'm in love with Tyler but that's not true at all. I've managed to get along with all of his past girlfriends. Sure I might be a little disappointed that Mariah takes up most of his time so we don't have time to hang out like we used to but its not because I'm in love with him. Its because he's my best friend and I kinda miss spending time with him. I sighed and flopped on my bed.

Text To TylerBaeRules:

no prob. Anytime, glad you had a great time! :-)

Text From TylerBaeRules:

G2g at her house ;-)

Text To TylerBaeRules:

Eww.....bye!

Text From TylerBaeRules:

Prude! Don't be mad......

Text To TylerBaeRules:

YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!!!! :-[

He didnt respond. Two seconds later I got another text.

Text From KiaraBestie:

I know you like him.

Text To: KiaraBestie

What's in the past is in the past.