#anyway I'm ready to SHOWER well done me! I'm proud of myself!
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parakeetpark · 2 years ago
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ADHD is so weird. I used to use this question to answer the Urgh Wrong feeling I get and find a solution to executive dysfunction when other tips weren't working or relevant (like uhhh breaking task down smaller/ do I have the energy for this today or am I tired?/ if it's a chore then plan a reward for after). I stopped using this question thing - just lost the habit of it is all.
But basically context wise, I would notice I was paralysed by executive dysfunction and could do Nothing and was irritated and even fun plans i WANTED to do were now inconceivable e.g. today I planned on going on a walk and need to shower first.
So I would ask myself "do I need to do something physical or something for my brain?"
And I did it today and answered "Oh! I need to do something mental right now to get the Brain Energy level up so I can do the physical task of shower and walking." And went through a brainstorm in my head of Brain tasks and settled on reading my book Braiding Sweetgrass for a few minutes, telling myself only a page or two so it didn't feel "too complicated and long"
Ended up reading 4 pages, and now i feel calm and not agitated like before. Asked myself how my Brain Energy Level feels now and i feel like i can go have a shower now!!! So I'm gonna get up and maybe repeat the Question process later if I have any more stumbling blocks getting ready for my walk
It's basically just weird ADHD involves so many things and tricks and tips.
And usually they're not self-evident, and i completely forgot I used to do this and had to work it out all over again
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dearmomimissyou · 6 days ago
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Why do I keep putting myself in situations to get hurt. I know I'm gunna end up hurt from it and I still fucking do it. Probably need to talk to my therapist about this honestly.
Yesterday before work I was really struggling to get myself to get up and eat anything. I naively thought that if I called Manuel he wouldn't answer and that would somehow give me the energy to get up and eat something, or he would and I could ask him to pick me up to get food somewhere. Unfortunately when he answered I immediately started crying and he kinda got upset cause we take about not being emotional or whatever til he was ready so I hung up. After like twenty minutes of crying I texted him sorry and he immediately called me back and asked me how to set up a dual boot Linux on Windows and I stupidly googled it for him. Then he asked me to read him something so he could fall asleep and I fucking did that too. I kept reading til I finished the story even though he was already snoring. I should have hung up way sooner. But I even stayed on the line for a bit hoping he would wake up or some shit. Somehow it worked I guess cause I got dressed for work and walked to McDonald's to get a $1 10 piece nuggets. But as soon as I took a bite I started fucking crying. I texted Nemo and they immediately called me and we talked while I sat in McDonald's crying and shoving nuggets down my throat. They kept telling me how proud they are of me and all the work I've been doing but it doesn't feel like I've done anything ya know.
We talked so long before my shift that I had stopped crying by then and nobody said anything if I still looked like I had been crying so that was kinda nice I guess. For the most part the day was busy enough that I didn't think too much but when I was washing dishes or there was down time if start thinking about Manuel.
I skipped work today cause I was feeling shitty as fuck. I kept not getting up with my alarms til an hour before I had work and my head was pounding so I texted Orlando about it and he said that I could text jayden and see if he would pick my my shift from 5 to 9 but he didn't get back in time. I told Orlando that if he doesn't get back to me by 1 I'd go into work anyways and he said not to worry about it that they should be fine tonight with the crew they have. I ended up falling asleep again and waking up around 430 and just cuddled with Poe for a while before I got up and showered. I cried in the shower thinking about Manuel cause I sent Nemo a really long text right before about yesterday:
I think the reason I was crying yesterday BTW was because of Manuel. I stupidly thought since I don't feel the pull to talk to him every second of the day anymore that we could still be friends. We hung out on Monday and he told me that he quit his job because he was dating a coworker and they had a bad breakup and I think right before the breakup he had switched from coke to crack cause coke wasn't getting him high anymore and then we drove down Magna and memories of mom came up in addition to all that shit. Then Tuesday after the results I didn't wanna be alone so I asked him to hang out again and we laid some boundaries down after they were violated or whatever and ever since I've been feeling like fucking shit. Like he called me high on shrooms Wednesday night and I shoulda hung up cause that was one of the boundaries but I think I started slipping back into the same pattern. Now I'm thinking about him more and more and struggling to not cry again. It's not nearly as bad as it was at its peak but it's still not healthy
Then after the shower and thinking about it I sent them this as well:
And now part of me wants to reach out one last time and explain this shit all to him in the hopes that it makes him open up? But that's not fucking fair to either of us cause I know it's not gunna help me and it will just piss him off
They haven't responded because they're probably sleeping for work so I dumbly decided to call him and just ask why he wants to be friends with me like that was gunna fucking help anything. He said that he has fun hanging out with me or something to that effect I don't really remember because I was fucking crying again. Maybe that's why my head hurt so much this morning. It was the crying. He said he couldn't really talk cause he was hanging out with a friend and we hung up and I texted him that he could come over tonight if he wanted. No answer.
I need to just stop talking to him like I did before. He doesn't need an explanation unless he asks for one. This isn't fucking healthy for either of us. I don't know what I even fucking expect to get out of this. Like part of me wonders if I am in love with him, but it doesn't feel that way. I think it's just the bpd being obsessed with him for some reason. I wish I could fucking talk to him like an adult without fucking crying.
I've reached out to a few lesbians online so maybe I can get a partner and my mind with focus on them and not Manuel. I know that's probably not the healthy way to do it but I'm fucking desperate at this point. I'm scared it's going to become as intense as it was in September. I don't want to ever go back to that. Ever.
Maybe I should have my therapist read through these posts to better understand my thinking and shit. Idk.
Love you always.
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badmouthedmama · 7 months ago
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I went back to school in January, and I am starting my own business that I am so excited about. It's something I'm very passionate about and my whole drive is to help other women and Mother's out there who are just trying to be good f****** people and live a good healthy life, where they actually feel good about themselves. Because I'm just going to tell you right now.If Mamma aint happy, no one can be happy, true shit 🤜 🎤👍
I want to reach Mother's like me, Not exactly like me. We're all different and that's the beautiful part about each and every one of us, but we all have things in common. I'm an alcoholic, for example. There are many women out there that are alcoholics as well. That struggle, but we're still mom's and we're still beautiful amazing people, but that's just one part of me. It doesn't make me who I am. Another big part of my life, that is a struggle as a mother, is having a child that struggles with some sort of mental health issue, that we are still trying to tackle down. I praise the Lord every day that it's only temporary small case, Because I know there's mama's out there. Dealing with way more than I could ever imagine. Anyways, we all have different things in our lives that are road bumps we will call. I like that, and we can all relate to each other in one way or another. And it takes a village, so I want to reach all the moms out there who are going through all the hard things because I think people forget about us sometimes. And I think we forget to pick ourselves up.Sometimes we spend so much time criticizing ourselves on the things.We didn't accomplish, the things we should have done, things we could have done, telling ourselves we are horrible mother's, And we don't spend enough time praising ourselves for all the things we did.
So I'm gonna set an example.
Get you a journal, if you don't have one, I'm telling you what, you need to do it.I'm kind of being a hypocrite right now because I have mine.And I haven't wrote in it forever 🤣, But every night. Sit down and just write 5 things that you did that. You're proud of yourself for.
Right now I'm f****** proud of myself.Cause I'm a bad a** b**** that woke up at 4:30 this morning.Went for 4 mile walk came home.Did Yoga, woke up kids,manage to shower, And I actually washed my hair, as a woman you should know exactly how big of a day that is 🤣
And I've been like a ping pong ball driving kids all around town. I'm getting ready to leave my house on my last mission to drop off the 5th Child, at now the 4th different school in our town this morning. 💪
So I Pat myself on the back, but I'm not gonna be going around saying that to everybody. I'm gonna live in humility. I'm gonna walk out that door with my head high, knowing that God and the universe are guiding my mind, My thoughts, my words, my hand, and my feet, to lead from my heart. And to serve and to live God's will.
How do I know that you may ask? Because I meditated this morning after my Yoga,
Another thing I seriously suggest you to do. You should sit and meditate and I take that time to breathe and connect with spirit, I ask to channel prana with every breath, and exhaling negative energy with every breath, and say all of my prayers and that's when I ask for God to lead me through my day for his will. And I do this everyday.
So if anybody ever finds this I challenge you to try this a try, Give it 7 days meditation 🧘‍♀️, pray, lead from your heart. Give kindness to yourself and others and live in humility. And your life will change before your eyes in ways you could never imagine.
#TBGLU ✌️🌙
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kerie-prince · 4 years ago
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We’re Worlds Apart (1)
Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj/Muggle fem!reader
Post-Battle of Hogwarts
warnings: language
series m.list | general m.list
summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.
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"They want... me?"
Draco Malfoy sat across his supervisor in his office at St. Mungos. His eyes widened at the offer he was given.
"Well Mr. Malfoy, you've certainly shown us around here that you do well at your job. If I must say so myself, I believe you're ready for the job," his boss has explained. Draco had recently finished his Fellowship and became a remarkable Healer. So much so that the Santa Marie Hospital for Maj Persons in Buffalo, New York contacted his supervisor to offer him a position as Head Healer. It was an incredible opportunity, one that a person could only dream of.
Draco sat still in his chair, shocked that of all Healers from his department, Santa Marie wanted him. After the Battle of Hogwarts, Draco was determined to change the views people had of him. He was no longer the prejudice prat that he was at school. Draco Lucius Malfoy is now a matured, capable young man. He worked hard and was proud that he did everything on his own. No help from daddy dearest, no pressure of the Malfoy name. It was all him.
"I would love to take this job. When would I start?"
Draco finished filing his paperwork at the Ministry of Magic that was to be sent to the Magical Congress of the United States containing his work permit and all the necessary identification. Walking around London, he grew excited about it. It was a feeling he hadn't felt since he got his letter for Hogwarts.
The next thing he has left to do was to find housing. There was an office located in Diagon Alley that specialized in international real estate. Draco walked into the brightly lit office. Much to his surprise, Daphne Greengrass stood at the reception desk.
"Well, well. Long time no see, Malfoy," she said with a smile on her lips. He was quite relieved to see a familiar face. "Good to see you too, Daph. I'm checking in to see Ms. Moreau. I'm moving to America soon." Daphne was both shocked and impressed that Draco would be making such a big move. They chatted momentarily about the reason for him moving and she congratulated him. Soon enough, the real estate agent walked out and called Draco into her office.
She sat at her desk and gestured for him to take the seat opposite her. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Malfoy."
"The feeling is mutual, Ms. Moreau," Draco had slightly bowed his head.
"Please, call me Gwen," she smiled as she reached to shake his hand, "I see from your paperwork that you're moving to America, correct?" he nodded his head in response. "Fantastic! Now, looking at the locations for Buffalo, we have quite a bit of selections from houses to flats. Of course, in America they're called 'apartments'. With your budget, you would be able to get this nice house that is just a 10 minute drive to the Apparition office to Santa Marie's." She showed Draco pictures of the house. It was quaint. An all white, one story house that had three bedrooms, a lifted porch, small kitchen, two bathrooms, trimmed green grass in front and a dark stained wooden fence that went around the house. Draco nearly fell in love with it. Its contrast to the Malfoy Manor was warm and inviting.
Gwen had shown him pictures of the other places she had gathered for him, but none of them peeked his interest as the first house did. It was quite silly as he thought about it. Most likely, he would be working long hours at the hospital to even be able to appreciate the home. It made more sense to get an apartment as he would most likely just use the space to sleep and eat. But the house was begging for him to live there. After about an hour long session, Draco made his final decision on the small house.
"Excellent choice, I had hoped you'd love it. Now, before I contact the sellers about your offer, I must let you know this before you sign anything," Draco shifted in his seat. Of course there had to be a catch. A house this perfect needed one thing to go wrong. Was it busted windows? A terrible neighborhood? Shitty pipelines? He nodded for her to continue.
"This is an integrated neighborhood. Both muggles and wizards live around and you might not know which are which for a while." Muggles. He sat in silence, staring down at the photos of the house. Did he really want a muggle neighbor? No, you're past this Draco thought. The old Draco wouldn't even give the place a second thought. But he wasn't him anymore. "I don't care. I'll take it."
You woke up in the morning, stretching your arms and legs out of the thick blanket. It was currently 8:47 am, your alarm clock beside you still had 13 minutes to alert you to wake up. Deciding to just get a head start on the day, you walked into the your bathroom and started your shower. The water was at the hottest you took and you went about your daily routine. You said your repeated incantations in the shower as you lathered yourself with soap:
Water, water, wash away. Water, water, cleanse today.
Walking out your shower, you grabbed your towel and recited the next spell as you dried yourself:
By the earth in the soap,
by the air in the steam,
by the fire that heats the water,
by the water that cleanses,
I am cleansed, clean, and ready for the day.
When you were 12 years old, you used to watch your grandmother perform Wicca in her bedroom. Your mother didn't particularly join in on the belief, but also didn't oppose to you starting alongside your grandmother when you turned 18. Now, you were almost 26 and still kept on the same practices.
On the contrary to people's interpretation or views of witchcraft, you called yourself a White Witch; someone who performs good magick upon selfless reasons. You never hexed anyone nor wished any ill fate. The Laws of Nature was surely watching at all times and if you did, expect to get the same fate but in threefold. Not that you even had any reason to do such things, anyways.
After getting ready, you grabbed your bag, keys — which held a protection charm — and went on your way to work. Your cat sat in her tower located in your living room and she watched you walk out. Getting into your car, you noticed movement next door. A big, moving truck was parked and a crew of movers carried furniture into the house. Finally, someone new you thought.
Feeling nosy, you sat patiently to figure out who it was moving next door. Was it a family? An elderly couple? Maybe newlyweds. Right when you were about to pull out of your driveway, a handsome blond stepped out of the house guiding the movers where things were going to be placed. You couldn't hear his voice, but could tell from the distance that it had to be attractive.
He looked around the street and caught you starting from your car. You hesitantly raised your hand to wave at him but was cut off by a man walking up to him with a clipboard gesturing where to sign. You looked at the time on your watch and nearly panicked at how the time passed, leaving you with only 15 minutes to get to work. Hauling ass, your car let a screech out as your foot punched the gas pedal. You'll be able to introduce yourself later, Y/N.
A few days passed and Draco was headed for the Apparition office to his new workplace. He had leased a new car to drive there. According to the Magical Congress, wizards and witches that lived in integrated neighborhoods must check in at Apparition offices to not raise suspicions from No-Maj. Seemed quite silly at first, but it really wasn't that big of a deal. He remembers the first time he went to Diagon Alley with his father through the Leaky Cauldron, finding it hidden with a wall that required taps against it. Behind it, a magical alley hidden from muggles.
He pulled into the office building lot with ease. It was clean on the outside and had a sign on top that only read MCA Co,. At the front door, there was a pin pad with numbers on it that kept it locked. Draco pulled the paper from his pocket and dialed the number. The door made a clicking noise which signaled that it was unlocked.
In the front was a young man sat at a reception desk typing away onto a computer. It was a strange sight for Draco as he's never seen one before. He walked up to the desk and waited for the person to acknowledge him.
"Hello, sir. Welcome to the Magical Congress' Apparition Office. May I see your ID pass, please?"!the accent was unfamiliar to Draco, but he nonetheless reached for the pass clipped to his trousers and gave it to the receptionist. He scanned the pass, handed it back to Draco and raised up from his chair to guide Draco to the door which had a direct line to the hospital. "Have a good day, sir!" were his last words before he went back to his desk.
Draco looked at the address once more before appariting into Santa Marie's. Here goes nothing.
It was a long day at the office. Setting up appointments with new clients, greeting all the new people he'd be working with, and a surprise welcome party to end it. Everyone he met had different variations of American accents. Some from Chicago, some from California, and some from the native state of New York.
A man by the name of Ian Parker helped Draco navigate around the building. Draco was quite relieved to hear that Ian had lived close by, just two blocks and a turn away. They had lunch together and talked about just simple things about each other. It felt nice to meet somebody and they not know who you are and things you've done in the past.
Once he got home, the first thing Draco did was start to run the shower, gathering his sleepwear as the water heated up. Not meaning to, Draco noticed how his bedroom window had perfect view of yours. To him, it was extremely odd.
You had faux vines that curled around your four-poster bed, a couple of plants that hung against the wall and posters of movies that Draco knows for a fact he's never seen in his life. You walked into your room and went up to a small drawer and dug through it. After a few seconds, you grabbed out some incense sticks, lit them and stood them on the stand that laid on your dresser. Afterwards, you sat on the floor with your legs crossed and started taking deep breaths.
Draco caught himself staring for too long and was about to head into the shower until he saw movement from the corner of his eye. There you sat, but this time, you held items in your hands. One held what Draco thought to be just some colorful rocks. The other hand held a bundle of herbs on fire at the tips. Your lips moved and it had Draco curious. Your hand with the herbs moved in a specific pattern, creating smoke around you. Once you finished, you set the rocks and herbs down at a table and left the room. That was odd. Draco thought. He passed it off and went on about his night.
"It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. And trust me when I say that Hogwarts has its fair shares of odd moments," Draco sat in the break room with Ian and two other people, Ashley and Blaine. They laughed at the description Draco had of you and settled after Ian began his explanation.
"It seems that your No-Maj neighbor is considered a Wiccan." What in Merlin's name is that?
"Pardon? What's do you mean?"
"It's what they call witchcraft," Ashley added, "it became a popular thing after the Salem Witch Trials. Of course, there's no real magic to it like what we can do, but they nonetheless believe it works."
Draco couldn't believe what he was hearing. Muggles are trying to be witches? This was probably the last thing he ever thought he would hear. Inside, a familiar feeling had ignited. A feeling he had, or he supposed still had, for a certain species. He didn't like it but to find out that what he is had become a fantasy to be was upsetting. He was born into this life, not them. Not you.
It had been a really nice day at work. People had been kind and you sold out of a new oil you made. As you entered your home, your cat ran up to your legs and purred against you. You smile down at her and made your way to prepare your dinners.
She nibbled away at her bowl and you watched in content.
Outside, you heard a car pulling in. It's probably him. You peaked out the window in the living room and your guess was correct. He stepped out of a black car and walked to his door. You tried catching his attention by waving your arms about, hoping he glanced your way. When he did, you waved excitedly to him.
He stared at you with a straight face, no hint of any feeling. It was odd, people usually like you and wave back but this guy was just looking at you. Not doing anything. You looked around to see if there was something behind you, only to look back and see that he was gone. Ooo...kay?
You grabbed your sweater and decided to introduce yourself to your new neighbor. It had been almost a week and it seemed that he still hadn't acquainted himself to anyone on the street. The cool, spring breeze sent a pleasant chill down your spine as you walked on the sidewalk.
Once you stepped in front his door, you knocked three times. No answer. Three more times. No answer. The lights that were on had turned off and curtains had been shut in almost a blink of an eye. He had made it clear that he was not in a mood to talk to anyone. It slightly hurt your feelings, but you told yourself to not dwell on it. He's just tired from work. Just then, an idea popped in your mind as you headed back home.
"Stupid fucking muggle clock," Draco cursed as he was running around his bedroom getting dressed. He overslept by an hour and had 10 minutes to be in the Apparition office to go to work. Damn American laws.
He grabbed an apple, not his usual sour green one but a sweet red one this time, grabbed his bag and ran for the front door. Something taped to the door caught his attention and he halted his movements. It seemed to have been a note someone left. He unfolded the paper and read it to himself;
Hello! My name's Y/N and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood! I hope we can become good friends~ if there's anything you need or if you'd ever like to get acquainted over coffee, please feel free to knock on my door! It'd be nice to get to know you :)
At the bottom of the note was a small drawing of a witches pointed hat and Draco immediately knew who left the note. Almost on instinct, the note caught on fire in his hands and the ashes fell to the ground. He dusted his hand off and went to work. As if we would ever become friends.
next chp
taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter
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cherry-ber · 4 years ago
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“You notice how wine makes people wanna feel, like sexy?”
Pairing: idol! Mark Lee x female reader
Plot: Lonesome creeps into everyone's mind, even those who seem to have it all.
Genre: fluff mostly, angst.
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, extremely painful for me to write this since I feel lonely idk if that triggers you too.
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A.N: inspired by the first draft of too drunk to fuck and my bff's dependence of wine to exist 😳 this took me 10 hours to write but it might still be pretty shit. And yeah Clueless some how
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After a long, long week of continuous recordings, dance practices, re-recordings and photo sessions, all he wanted to do, was sleep for twenty hours straight. He knew that he was a very lucky man, he was really living the dream. Not everyone was able to do what they loved, with people they genuinely liked, and still get payed for it, but he was. He had always been grateful, he knew the real value of things in real life, and sometimes he felt like he didn't even deserve it.
An insane amount of people knew his name, knew him, and constantly made sure that he knew how appreciated he was, but he couldn’t understand it at all. Sure, he proved himself over and over again how great he could be, and he was proud too, but why did people really loved him? Sometimes it's easy to lose yourself, but lately he was struggling even more, he felt lost and unworthy, he felt guilty, even, because he shouldn't feel this way.
Mark was home alone, after his friends went out to have dinner and drinks. He excused himself out of the reunion saying that he would call his parents and then heading straight to the bed. He wasn't lying at all, he did have a small call with his family, and then went to his room, expecting that he'd fall asleep soon and forget about what he was feeling, he was done with that for today.
He played a movie in his computer, knowing that whatever it was, he wasn't paying attention anyway. He hated to admit it, but he felt like he was missing something, rather, someone. He felt ridiculous, knowing how much people loved him, how many friends he had, but he couldn’t help it, he would be lying if he didn't say he could use a little company. Mark was busy most of the time, which, although tiring, was an escape from his loneliness, it was moments like this where he'd have enough time to sink in this small puddle of angsty feelings, that just grew until it was as big as an ocean. He couldn't explain why he felt so bad, he had enough friends to count on, and even when he considered he was only in need of a physical affect, it turned out to not be the answer, even when he masturbated, when he was finished, those feelings were still there. As the movie went on without him noticing, he turned his head to the side, and imagined someone next to him, wearing his clothes and stealing his blanket. He giggles, imagining cuddling someone to sleep, their heat making him feel home. He finally closes his tired eyes with a smile, hoping his dreams will be sweet and last long.
He wakes up in a bad mood, and doesn't really want to talk to anyone, his older friends notice, and decide to let him be, they know that if something is really wrong, he'll come to them eventually. After a quick shower, he decided he needed some privacy, some time alone, despite being scared of being stuck with himself, and went out on his own, ignoring the texts on the group chat, where everyone wondered where he was going. He had breakfast in a small Cafe, went to a movie matinee, an art gallery, a theater play, and then to a mall to buy himself expensive clothes. He had an okay day, and he grew a little bit of joy, finding himself alone and still almost enjoying his time, but mostly, ignoring his mind when he saw a couple, and wished he could have that too. He enters a restaurant, intending to order something take out for his friends, as an apology for being moody and worrying them. He waits stand up next to the door, with a cup of coffee they offered him, until he suddenly turns around after hearing his order being ready, and ceashes with someone as he does. He spilled his drink over his and their clothes. He starts apologizing, but all he gets as a response is a soft, sweet giggle. He looks to the stranger's face, and is met with a fond smile.
“It's okay, go get your food, I can fix myself”
He's caught off guard, and all he can do is shake his head yes and do as he is told, coming back to them, apologizing again.
“I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry” he's totally embarrassed, and he feels a blush running through his face.
“It's alright, it wasn't your fault”
The stranger walks inside to take a table, and he rushes out, walking back home. That giggle makes its way to his mind a couple times as he arrives.
After eating, he goes to bed, feeling somehow full with himself, but he doesn't know if it was after forcing himself to like him, or if he was so desperate for someone that a small interaction like that would get him sleepless thinking this person would be his person.
On that same week, he founds himself running into that same stranger everywhere. When he goes get coffee with his friends, when they go to buy groceries, when he heads to the studio, and he wonders if he should be worrying, but decides not to.
Surprisingly, he founds her again, when he is entering a new coffee shop, and she walks her way out. He opens the door for her, and is met with her fond smile again, that grows larger as she recalls his face. She mumbles a sweet 'thank you' and keeps walking. Some courage grows inside Mark, and blurts out whatever his brain was fast enough to say.
“Thanks for not spilling that coffee back” the young lady finds the sentence, although awkward, funny, and turns back to him to reply.
“Maybe I should pay for your coffee, though, you were enjoying it until I crashed into you” Her melodic voice is enough to put Mark in a trance, and loses control of what he's doing, disconnecting from his awkward self.
“Actually it was my fault” he giggles remembering how sweet she was, even after Mark probably just ruined her day “Did you get a horrible stain?”
She walks closer to him, small steps that make his heart beat faster.
“It wasn't horrible, I wouldn't say that, it was just, slightly bad”
“I don't want to be a weirdo, are you busy right now? I could use some chatting, and I really owe your laundry money”
She was never an outgoing person, but she was flattered by his proposal. She was meeting someone, but she figured it wouldn't be important enough to not cancel.
“I would love that, but you owe me nothing” she giggles and walks beside him into an empty table.
“I'm Mark, by the way”
“I know that” she laughs it off, attempting for things not to be awkward “My name is Y/N”
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It was only after several months, that Mark found himself, again, over thinking about how lonely he was, and how desperate he was for it to end. Whenever he had the chance, he'd spend time with his new friend, and for some weeks, thats was enough, until he realized that, all she wanted from him, was a friendship. His friends noticed, too, how after a while, that wasn't enough for him, but he was terrified he'd lose her, but they'd often try to help him out in whatever way other men would think was best, teasing her when she was at the dorms, insinuating how cute of a couple they'd be, and shamelessly asking if by any chance, she'd have feelings for him, never really giving away Mark's crush on her, not explicitly at least.
One afternoon, when they were all watching a movie together, when suddenly, Johnny and Taeyong convinced everyone to go out and have dinner, even after Mark suggested they just called the restaurant, because he was too tired to go out.
“Oh” Taeyong said, grabbing his keys and putting on a hat “then you can stay here with Y/N and order something and we can take our time”
The girl was a little disappointed, she loved spending time with the other guys two, but she agreed, knowing that Mark wouldn't want be convinced to leave the couch.
She sees then leave, and turns around to look at her friend, somehow aware of what his friends were trying to do; leave them alone, after last night they discussed Mark should just accept the reject, and confess. The boy asked, pleaded and begged them not to leave them alone, after he opened up about his feelings, but of course, his friends thought they'd know better.
“Can you order pizza while I take a shower?” his attention called back to where he was, as the sweet woman walked into the living room, with a bottle of wine and two cups. Mark chocked in his spit, when the thought of her showering, and how much he'd love to enter the scene, crossed his mind.
“Yeah, sure” he watched her walking away “Do you want some clothes?”
“Well, if I could steal one of your hodies tonight, I wouldn't mind”
He does as he's asked, calling a pizzeria and taking off his hoodie, hoping that she'd appreciate the smell of his cologne, that he wears only when she's coming around.
When she comes out, wearing her jeans and tank top, he throws the sweater at her, she puts it on and sits in the couch next to him, ready to start eating, reaching out for the bottle to serve them a cup after the first bite.
“I don't want to drink that” he'd never been a fan of alcohol, he knew he could use a boost, but he was still afraid of it.
“Huh? Why is that?”
“I don't drink wine” She recalled how he'd often drink with Johnny and her, whenever Johnny wanted to open a bottle, which happened quite often, but decided not to insist, although she did pour a cup for herself.
Mark, and any other men, really, always wondered what could she be thinking about, she was wild, energetic, but calmed and peaceful, she was always kind, but wouldn't hesitate to start a fight if to defend herself or someone else, she was never scared, but she was sensitive and fragile. He couldn't help the sigh that left his body, remembering why he had feelings for her in the first place. He knew how much she'd hate to be in a relationship, they had already discussed it, after some girl confessed to Mark, and she mentioned how relationships to her were useless, since she got all the love she wanted from her friends, and that way, she made sure that all the love she gave was reciprocal. When he told his manager about his feelings, expecting him to give him helpful advice, he just told him to forget about her. “women like her are too complicated, it's not worth it”. He wondered then, how many other guys would think the same, and refused to be one of those.
They were both full, and cuddling in the couch, she was sipping her second cup, when Mark suddenly poured a cup for himself too, and drank it in one large sip. He felt a rush through his body, his face flustered, and a numb sensation in his limbs. He was trying to keep himself still, but the sudden alcohol in his body made him bubbly and the woman next to him realized. The cheesy romcom that was playing on the back made him giggle in every other scene, and with every minute that went by, he felt looser and looser. He served another cup and drank it just as fast as the first one. Soon, he found himself leaning towards the body that sat next to him. Y/N pat her thigh, inviting Mark to rest his head there, which he did, while fidgeting with his fingers.
“You notice how wine makes people wanna feel, like sexy” he lets out in a serious tone.
Giggly, his friend shakes her head no, and places her cup in the table in front of them. “Do you feel like sexy?”
He sits himself back, eyes wide open, same serious expression in his face.
“I guess so?” he laughs at how dumb he must sound “I feel... Jiggly”
Her sweet, loud laugh fills the room, and Mark is proud of himself for making her so happy.
“Love, you should go to sleep already” he feels his face hotter and hotter, and can only imagine how red he must be “you were already tired, I'll clean up and meet you in your room-”
Mark bursts out of his bubble and speaks
“Don't do that” he says softly, as if he was genuinely hurt by her words “Please, don't do that”
Worried, Y/N walks closer to him, “Do what?”
He looks down to his feet, feeling tears forming in his eyeballs, product of his low alcohol tolerance, and his overall emotional state. “Dont call me love. You don't love me”
She reaches for his hands, attempting to make him look straight at her eyes “Of course I love you Mark”
“Not the way I want you to”
She had never been good with other people's feelings, especially romantic feelings, she had a hard time catching indirects.
“In which way is that?” hesitant, Mark stares at her for a couple seconds, before staring at her lips, too numb to do better, he grabes her chin and pulls her closer to him, a sweet, slow kiss surprising her as much as himself. When he pulls away and expects a response of any kind, all she can do is try to look at him.
“Oh, Mark” she finally manages to say “is this the way you feel?” he nods, still nervous but hopeful that she'll feel the same “You're drunk, go to sleep” she turns around as she cleans as quick as she can, as mark makes his way to his room, or to the first room he sees open.
Before the other men living in the dorms arrive and ask questions that she doesn't want to answer, she leaves, leaving a post it note in the fridge for Mark”
“Drink water and have a painkiller,
I had to go home. Thanks for the wine
-Y/N”
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Too many weeks after, Mark calls her phone one more time before he enters the dorms, wondering if he had really done the worst thing in the world, for her to ghost him like that. He let a tired sigh out, grateful that he was home alone again. He goes to his room, ready to sleep for as long as he can, but when he opens the door, the lights are on, and in his bed sits what could be only described as an angel, beautiful as always, smiling and kind Y/N, with a cup of wine in her delicate hands, and another one on his nightstand, that she offers him as he's taking off his shoes and sweater.
With pain and regret in her eyes, as he's taking the first sip, she attempts to break the silence. “You ever notice how wine makes people feel sexy?”
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hwauas · 4 years ago
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🎭: "belladonna"
jung wooyoung | 정오영 - 2,086 words
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you couldn't believe this day came. the adrenaline was rushing through your veins. Wooyoung, the Jeong Wooyoung, coming over tonight. you spend the day preparing your house, cooking the dinner, and of course getting ready. you needed everything to be ready, and to be perfect.
     the table was ready. some flowers in a vase. two plates, two cutlery sets, and two glasses for water. you dispatched few pearls on the white tablecloth. you created a soft atmosphere thanks to candles on the table, and little lamps in the rooms. you made sure all your apartment was cleaned. everything needed to be at its place.
it looked like you were having your boyfriend over. but Wooyoung wasn't your boyfriend. and would never be your boyfriend. who would like to date someone like him? it was just a formal dinner between you both.
     of course, over the year, you learnt to stop having pity for wrong people. your work forced you to build your heart into a heart of stone. people were bad. and you couldn't do anything for them. it was the path they choose, and so they chose the consequences. they were aware few people — or nobody — would appreciate them. and these person would slowly turn themselves into agressive and antisocial, becoming lonely, so lonely. this is how it works.
Wooyoung was one of them. he was searched by a lot of mafia gangs. sometimes for little crimes: swearing, assaulting, or for some debts. but also for big crimes: stealing important informations from these gangs, spying on them.
among these mafias looking after him, the popular S-SK band of mafias. according to rumors, S-SK was for Seoul-South Korea. yet, any informations ever leaked before about that or something else.
     anyways, Wooyoung was clearly involved into the dark side of the city, and even S-SK was chasing him. you were doubting about something or someone saving him. he was in too big troubles.
     tic. toc. tic. toc.
     the clock announced 8pm, and quickly after, the doorbell announced someone was here. Wooyoung, of course.
you didn't really like the fact you were having someone's like him over. but you had to do it for your boss. it was just an evening. just a moment, before getting rid of him.
     “y/n. thank you for receiving me.”
Wooyoung entered your apartment and removed his shoes.
“i was surprised when i was told to come here instead. weren't we supposed to meat at your boss's place?”
     “yeah, that's right. but there is a hold-up. he asked me if i was okay with seeing you without him and i just couldn't cancel this dinner less than twenty-four hours before. i hope you don't mind?”
     “not at all. i appreciate you didn't cancel. i'd have get mad. thank you.”
     you faked a smile, and asked him to follow you to your living room. you made him sit on your sofa. and after giving your dear Wooyoung something to drink, you sat besides him, on the sofa.
     “so. about this deal. what is it?”
Wooyoung asked as he sipped on the whiskey you gave him.
     “oh come on. we have so much time to talk about this. don't be this formal.”
Wooyoung only sighed and sank into your sofa.
“when did it all started?”
     “start what?”
by his behaviour and the tone of his voice, you recognise a nonchalance. he was annoyed — you cut him to the quick.
     “being... bad. stealing, spying on, having debts on purpose. all that.”
you had a serious gaze on him. you knew you needed to have a control on yourself not to help him — anyways he was a lost cause. you just needed to stall for time.
     “i don't remember when exactly. i was just... young. it started with little things. and i was failure to my parents. they never encourage me to do something. the only one that believed in me left. since i've never been a fan of school, i never did anything by myself to study, to work or anything. you know.. just people here and there got me into this. and i'm not complaining. i have somewhere to sleep. something to eat everyday. somewhere to take showers. clothes. it's enough i guess.”
he was avoiding your gaze, looking straight in front of him. there was the turned off TV.
     “who left? who was he, or she?”
you were curious about what he just told you. it was very intriguing: you needed to know more about this for your own pleasure.
     “San. a friend. my best friend.”
Wooyoung sipped on his whiskey again, and so you did on yours. you didn't really know what to say.
“but you don't need to know much about him, right? so leave him alone.”
     with that, Wooyoung finished his glass of alcohol in one gulp. you understood what does this mean: you couldn't ask anything about this San anymore. you then stood up and went to the kitchen. Wooyoung wandered around to find the dining room, and sat on a chair in front of a plate. the atmosphere got him less tensed, and you immediately knew you did good.
    you came back with the dish, and served you both. it was steaming, yet once you came back from the kitchen to put back the dish there, you both started to eat.
     “so i was saying, about-”
     “about the deal. i know. this is what you're waiting impatiently since you arrived here, Wooyoung. okay. then let's discuss about this.”
you didn't say anything, wanting him to go first. after all, he was the one obsessed with that. right?
     “so, since this agency is holding files we are both interested in, but since their security is very strong, i thought about infiltrating someone in there. we can pretext it's for an internship, for few days. but then, the person there has to be very cautious.”
Wooyoung didn't say more after, and continued to eat. it seemed he was liking what you've done.
     you waited longer, hoping him to continue — which he didn't. you then frowned, and stopped eating for a moment.
“what for?”
     “the security. all the parts in the building are well secured.”
he rolled his eyes, as if you asked the dumbest question ever. but you were too focused on his lips to notice this. Wooyoung was eating everything. and this fulfilled your heart with joy and happiness.
“do you think somebody will make it through the whole security system to steal the files?”
     ”of course.~”
     you kept in mind all the informations he gave you until now, eating your plate till it was empty. you were thinking again and again about what he told you. you had to remember everything. every single details. but you wanted to stare at your victory too.
     “i'm getting thirsty. can i have some.. water.. please?”
Wooyoung's voice was very low. every words seemed hard to say.
     “of course, Wooyoung.”
you sat up and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from your fridge — one you prepared on purpose for him before, meticulously. you came back, and opened the bottle to pour it in his glass.
“by any chance, you don't have any information about the security? where are cameras? where are stocked the videos? where is their room to look through these cameras? any motion detector, or metal detector?”
     Wooyoung tried to drink, but he couldn't swallow more than three times. he gave up for the moment, and just focused back on you.
“i do. it's in my phone. but as long as i'm not sure we're both into this, i won't show anything.”
his voice got raspy, and he ended up almost whispering. you faked a reaction, worrying about him.
     “are you okay? you wanna lay down maybe..?”
you asked with fake worried eyes. but deep down, you were happy. everything was working. everything was going well.
     Wooyoung nodded. he took a deep breath as he was trying hard to keep his head up. his pale skin under his dark clothes started to shine: he was sweating. drops here and there were forming, rolling, and disappeared somewhere on his clothes.
     you stood up and went by his side. you tried to get him back on his feet, and almost pulled him through the rooms to lay him down on your sofa — but you knew this position wouldn't help at all. you made sure he was comfortable in your sofa, and left to clean the table. once you were in the kitchen, far from him, you couldn't help but squeal in happiness.
     “y/n: 1. Wooyoung: 0.”
you whispered to yourself, all happy about what you achieved. you were cruel, but you were loving this part of you — even though it already scared you in the past.
     “oh please don't scream like that! my head! it hurts even more!”
Wooyoung tried to shout out, but it hurt him even more than the squeal you did. since you knew what happening to him, you knew this noise you made have been altered: the sound seemed closer, stronger, and higher.
     “i'm sorry.”
once again, you used your talents to fake your emotions. worry, and guilty about your squeal. you put down the bottle of water and the glass on the coffee table.
“i'll get you some medicines. and a wet towel. wait for me.”
     you rushed through your apartment to get these. once you were in your bathroom, the door closed, you took out your phone to call your boss. of course, you tried to stay as discreet as possible. you even put a random towel in the washbasin and turned on the tap to pretend you were indeed moistening the fabric for him.
     “about time! i thought you would never call me!”
     “i'm sorry boss. it got a little bit longer. but everything's fine. he ate everything. and i managed to gave him water too. and of course, i watered the poison down in this water too.”
you said with shining eyes. you were proud of yourself. it was an another mission you accomplished.
     “okay but the way you're getting rid of him, i don't give a fuck, Belladonna. i wanna know about the informations you've got from him.”
     you tried to sum up all the informations your boss needed. anyways, you would meet him to tell him everything in details.
and you smiled as your boss again complimented your work.
     “i knew you wouldn't disappoint me. you're not the best S-SK member for no reason.”
     you finally hang up with him quickly after. looking at your reflection in the mirror, you offered yourself a smirk. you made sure to arrange your top, making sure to reveal a tattoo on your collarbone. the words 'S-SK : Belladonna' were written here, under your skin.
you were a member of this mafia band. Belladonna was your code name, and somewhat your new identity since you chose this path.
even though you did horrible things, you would never ever give up on  S-SK.
     you took the towel, and barely wrung it. you came back by Wooyoung, slowly dying in your sofa. and the first thing he noticed what your tattoo. the fear slowly appeared in his eyes, and all over his face.
     “S-SK..? Belladonna..? i trusted you..! how could you..!”
Wooyoung tried to do something, but he was too weak. even screaming was hurting him even more.
     “shhh, honey... the poison is taking the leads. give up. you have no chance.”
    “the.. poison..?”
     “the belladonna, honey. why do you think my code name is Belladonna? because i kill with the belladonna, of course.”
you put the towel on his forehead. it would change nothing. of course.
“belladonna, a flower. isn't it paradoxical that a flower.. so precious, so delicate, so beautiful.. can kill a human? i look harmless. but i kill. just as you, i'm a bad person, Wooyoung. you're not the only mafiosi here, honey.”
    as Wooyoung finally gave up, you took his phone from his pocket. you left your apartment, locking him up in there. anyways, as he was dying, he couldn't do anything.
you texted two S-SK members to ask them to get rid of the corpse for you. and of course, your boss and you would use Wooyoung's information without any misgivings.
     in this life, the strongest makes the rules.
it's killing.. or being killed. and guilty or sorrow weren't feelings anymore for you. a S-SK mafia.
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the-revenging-angel · 4 years ago
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JacobBlackXfem-human
Part One
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I did it!!!!! I posted the first chapter of the Jacob Black story and am pretty proud of it. Anyway, feedback is always appreciated and thoughts about the story.
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Chatter was all over the bar as people slurred their words and order another round. "Oh god, he looks young" my friend Kiki murmured, I follow her gaze to see a young man hunched over the bar with bottles around him. "I got him," I say, her eyebrows furrow "are you sure? He looks like a mess," she whispered, I drop the cloth on the counter and smile at her as I walk down to him.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask him, my eyes focusing on the bottles of some pretty strong stuff. The guy looks up, his soft brown eyes looking at me with sadness, they widen when meeting my own soft green, he freezes when seeing me. "Do you need some help?" I ask him softly, his gaze softens.
"I'm Jacob," he said shakily, I smile sweetly and place a hand on his forehead, he leans into my touch and I gasp at his temperature. "Let's get you out of here," I say, moving my hand down to hold his cheek as he muzzles into my touch. I look at Kiki and she smiles before turning and clocking me out as she goes back to work.
I clear the bottles and pay for his alcohol as Kiki brings me my bag. "Taking in another stray?" She joked and I look down at Jacob, "he needs help Kiki," I reply, she shakes her head. "You're too nice, it scares me sometimes," she said before walking away and I help Jacob out the door. My apartment was only three blocks away so I never really used my car.
"Come on," I say, my our footsteps shaky at his weight and muscle. "What's your name?" He said, surprisingly not slurred. I smile at him "I'm Katrina but my friends call me Kathy" I say softly, he smiles wide. "Everyone calls me Jake" I chuckle "well you can stay at mine for tonight Jake, I don't want you getting hurt" my eyes see my apartment building and I pull him closer.
His lips lift "I'm so lucky" he murmured, I laugh softly and turn to him. "I just don't want you getting hurt okay?" He nods.
We reach my apartment and I push him inside and close the door before pushing him down the hall and into the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up," I say, he nods "I'll be right back, okay?" I ask placing him on the toilet but he reaches out and holds me close, his body filling my cold one with warmth. "Stay, please" he begged, I lick my lips "let me grab you a towel and then I'll come back and help you," I say softly.
He shakes his head and pulls me closer "don't leave" he murmured, my chest aches and I bring my hand up and softly drag my nails across his scalp. A tired groan falls past his lips, I slip out of his hold and quickly walk around to the linen cupboard to grab a towel, a towel of baby blue resting in my palm.
I walk back into the bathroom and freeze when seeing tears fall down his face, "oh baby" I say walking towards him. I wrap my arms around him and hold him "it's okay, your okay" I mutter, his arms come around and hold me tightly.
"Let's get you cleaned up" I mutter softly, after a couple of minutes. I pull his shirt off and undo his zip and pop his button, slowly pulling them down his legs. He pulled off his underwear and tugged his shoes off as I run the bath, dropping vanilla salts in the water and applying pomegranate soap, forming pink bubbles.
"It's all ready," I say turning back to him, my eyes trained solely on his eyes as I hold a hand out for him, he takes it without a thought and I help him into the bath. I get down on my knee's beside it and bring out a fluffy loafa to dampen his skin.
I apply honey soap to the loafa and spread it down and across his back before moving to his chest. "I'm 19 and work part-time at the bar, I don't have a family and like to keep my head down while living alone," I say softly handing the bubbly loafa to him with a smile. He stares into my eyes before taking it from me and starting to wash other parts of him.
"I-" I place a hand on his shoulder and he looks up at me. "I just wanted you to know that I'm not going to hurt you, you can tell me about yourself tomorrow at breakfast okay?" He nods slowly, I wash the soap off silently, Jacob and I taking in the comfortable silence as I try to not hurt him.
I lend him some clothes from my fathers before taking him to my bedroom. I close the curtains that didn't let light in anymore and pulled the covers back, "are you hungry?" I ask he shakes his head. I hold a hand out to him and he takes it as I place him softly on the bed.
"Stay here while I get you some water," I say softly, my nails softly raking across his scalp once again before he could protest. I walk to the kitchen and grab a glass of water before going back to my room and seeing Jacob look at me, his shoulders relaxing. I hand him the glass "could you drink some please?" I ask, he nods taking the glass, my eyes widen then seeing him hand me the empty glass.
"Well done," I say shakily before placing the glass beside him. "Is this your bed?" He asked quietly, I nod "hope I don't smell too bad" I laugh, his eyes soften "you don't smell bad at all, it's a sweet scent" I smile at him, "thank you" I whisper before I stand "we'll talk in the morning okay?" He nods.
I walk out of the room and to the bathroom, grabbing his clothes I chuck them in the wash before doing a small tidy up. 'Who could hurt someone like that?' My mind wandered I shake my head 'he'd tell me when he's ready' I told myself sharply.
I have a shower before grabbing a blanket and spare pillow from the linen closet and walking to my couch. My eyes fall shut almost instantly and my mind shuts down as the thoughts stop going through my head and I fall asleep.
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I hear his footsteps before seeing him, placing the last piece of bacon on the plate before pushing it the edge of the bench and looking up at his warm chocolate eyes no longer held in a daze of alcohol and heartbreak.
"Morning" I smile sweetly, his eyes land on me immediately "morning" I grab a glass before opening the fridge and pouring orange juice. "You should eat, you drank a lot last night, I'm surprised your standing" I laugh placing a fork and knife across the counter and next to the plate.
"I can take a lot," he said, I raise a brow "a lot of people can" he smiles before walking over and sitting down. I grab my cup of coffee and see his stuff food into his mouth "you can stay for as long as you like" he looks up at me, eyes wide.
"Why are you so nice?" He asked, I meet his eyes and stare into them before placing my cup down and standing across from him, the bench keeping us apart. "I believe someone hurt you, repeatedly maybe, toyed with you until you were on the ground and breathing those toxic fumes of the person who couldn't let you go and I was taught the only time you look down at someone is when you help them back up"
His eyes widen as they look up at me with warmth, I move my hand forward and place it on his "so I'm here to help to help you back up"
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Soooo what does everyone think?
Your lovely writer
Bethany
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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years ago
Text
'Ride of the Valkyries' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !
'Ride of the Valkyries'
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"I'm going to get through an lot of things before I can fullfill my goals in life but I already know that I'm not alone to do them ! "
Chapter Summary : It's the first day back on the mission to save Adler for Yirina & Park and both are going to have an unexpected ride to do with the others......
To read it on AO3, click here !
Words : +3300
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That talk I had with Hudson was for me, very strange to do because of the last time we did have one, he wasn't really friendly towards me and even if here, he was more acting like an creepy man, we did have this talk between us and surprisely, I managed to not get myself angry against him or him to behave like if I was still nothing or just an terrorist from the East. Despite the goods words that happened between us, I prefer to keep my distances with him and avoid to talk to him too much, still staying suspicious against him.
After that, I could finally walk to get to sleep for good...in the dorm. Like in the old days in the safehouse, back to go to sleep with people around and hearing the others sleep either loudly or silently, why it has to be an dorm ? Sleeping in an car is maybe better than an dorm but I can say that I have enough to sleep on backseats and I ain't going to sleep in the helicopters. All night, I didn't dream so much but most part of my sleep was me, having an flash coming from my fake memories of Vietnam, short but very troubling to relive, it must be my presence here that are making me relive them.
Anyway, I did succeed to have some sleep in here, waking up in the morning, even if the bed I used wasn't very comfortable and some peoples were making some noises while sleeping....better to not know who did this. Then, I go took an shower and dress myself in my military outfit as Woods suggested, he said that it was better for us to be ready at any occasions and to not lose time to change our clothes, gear up and then leave. Once I was dressed up, it was time for me to go join my workplace that I shared with Park, not forgetting to take an coffee before.
"How was sleeping ?" Park asked me as I was arriving at our workplace, an cup of coffee in hands, she was also dressed in military clothes and already awake.
"Terrible." I replied in an low voice before taking an sip of the cup and looking around to see that there weren't an lot of people inside the hangar, only Garrett & Wolf were there at their respectives desk. "With the not comfortable bed and some people sneering all night, I wasn't able to have an better sleep." I added, sitting up on my chair.
"Same." She breathed, her left hand tapping on the desk.
"Good to see that we had the same night." I whispered with an smile as our beds were next to each other without been totally together. My words make her laugh,
"I had to cover my ears at one moment." She stated, looking outside the hangar, trying to find someone. "It's probably Woods who did this." She suggested to me.
"I don't know, you should be asking." I proposed but she rolled her eyes around to me in an lovely way.
"And having me getting into deep troubles ? You can dream, Yiri." She added to her rolling eyes, making me grin, drinking my coffee at the same time. "I ain't going to get myself in trouble with Woods because I thought that he was making the one sleeping not very silently."
"Yeah, you're right." I said in an funny tone, thinking that Woods could really kill us about it.
"Damn, I knew that my military clothes were going to fit well in you." She exclaimed, seeing me dressed up. It's true that even after 2 months, I'm still using Park's clothes that she is giving me and her equipment.
"Thanks but I think that one day, I will have to use my own clothes." I told her but her clothes on me wasn't disturbing me at all to be honest, as long as I'm in some clothes, I'm good. "In fact, yeah, I love your clothes." I continued pointing at me & her.
"It doesn't bother me at all." She proclaimed, taking my right hand in her hands after I put my cup down. "You know well of it."
"Yes, I know." I admitted in an low voice, getting my head down to look at our hands. "By the way, I didn't have anything during the night, except the fake memories." I bit my lips, redressing myself on the chair, our hands still together. "Guess that been here is making me think of them."
"I know that it's all fake but....what did you see in those memories ?" She demanded, her voice sounding pretty curious.
"Well..." I started, trying in my head, to think of them as it was mainly & only flashes. "They were pretty short and only flashes, you know ?" I explained and she nodded. "I just had this image of me....piloting an helicopter by my own."
"Seriously ?" Park questioned, sounding normal and I nodded. "Do you think you can actually fly an helicopter ?"
"I don't know to be honest." I replied, raising my shoulders to her, taking an look outside to check the multiples Huey on their helipads. "Maybe yes, maybe no, I can't tell."
"Maybe you can know about this later in case." She proposed to me, gesturing the helicopters with her head.
"We'll see." I sniffed before we removed our hands from each other, mine back on the cup of coffee and hers, on her lap. "Before going to sleep, I called Zasha."
"Oh !" She smiled at hearing me talk about Zasha. "How are they ?"
"Great !" I said, proud of it as I checked my cup before finishing the rest of coffee inside. "They're saying hello to you from Portnova & them too and they said hello to Portnova for us !" I added, wanting to tell her about this.
"Nice, I think that they're doing great in Century House." She thought and for that, I nodded again.
"They're doing really great, they told me that they defeated the others of their team in an game called 'Bullshit' !" I told her and she laughed about it, she is maybe knowing about the game.
"Well, I can say that Zasha is already the best : beating the other in 'Bullshit' is an big exploit to do." She stated, sounding amazed to hear that.
"Also, we're invited the 4h of June, them & Portnova want to celebrate their wedding in private with us." I continued of telling her the call I did to Zasha and she grinned.
"Cool, I will put my best dress then." She exclaimed, giving me an lovely glare to me. "I'm sure that we will be going at their party, we have to." She added, making me smile that Park is considering the two as big friends, it's very nice. As I was thinking about seeing me in an dress, I looked around to see Garrett that was looking worried.
"Why Garrett is like that ?" I demanded, seeing him tapping his feets on the ground, an sign of big stress.
"The recon team aren't making any radio signals since an hour and he's fearing the worst as Song is in it." Park responded, feeling bad in her voice.
"Damn, is that the recon team helicopter ?" Wolf spoke up in the hangar and by that, we all looked outside to see an helicopter arriving rapidly on the base. We quickly got up from our seats to get outside, watching the helicopter landing not even on his helipad.
"Seems that they're back." Woods was also there, he was already outside the hangar, out of range from our sight as we decide to get ourselves next to the helicopter, discovering some wounded people inside. "What happened ?" Woods asked nervous to the pilot.
"The recon team....they have been ambushed...those behind were an part of it." The pilot replied as he was having his hand towards his shoulder, he was wounded and his co-pilot was dead. The helicopter was in bad shape.
"Where's the others ? Where's Song ?" Garrett questioned him, almost angry after he checked everyone in the transport and not seeing Song here as they were transported away by other personals.
"They stayed behind....to cover our escape....fuck, my shoulder." The pilot breathed before Woods decide to get him out gently from the cockpit.
"Fuck, do you remember where are they ?" Woods demanded as the pilot was starting to get taken back by medical personal.
"Yes...check the maps in the cockpit, it's their current location...be quick." The pilot finished before he was brought away. Then Woods got inside the cockpit to take the maps like the pilot told him before going out.
"Okay, okay." He whispered, checking the maps in his hands. "Everyone, gear up, we're going to save the others !" He ordered and in an second, we run straight towards the hangar to put our equipment up.
Thanks to Woods's idea to always be dressed in military clothes, we took less time to put on ourselves, the numerous pieces of equipment : vest for my mags of my MP5 and an holstler at my knee, holding my precious M1911. Once we were done, we quickly joined Woods back to another helicopter as the another one that came back was riddled with bullets and too dangerous to fly with.
"Good but before flying up.....I need an co-pilot !" Woods exclaimed to us, already having his equipment ready and we all looked at each other.
"You're going to take the commands ?" Wolf asked him, an bit confused.
"I know how to fly that : I didn't do the Vietnam War for nothing !" Woods responded honestly, pointing at the helicopter behind. "So, I'm asking again : who is talented enough to fly that with me ?" He repeated his questions and suddenly, Park's eyes fell on me.
"Yirina knows." She told him, looking him back and my eyes went wide.
"Wait...."
"Nice, so get yourselves inside and be ready !" Woods cut me straight as I was going to protest about having Park tell him that I know how to fly an Huey even if it was fake.
"I'm sorry." Park whispered to me, sounding very bad before she installed herself behind in the transport bay with Garrett & Wolf as for me, I have no choices to install myself in the co-pilot seat with Woods at our pilot.
"You're sure that you're okay to fly that with me ?" He demanded to me as he was starting up the engine of the helicopter.
"Yes but...Bell knows how to do it, not me." I told him straight, raising my shoulders to him and with that, he realized that he was with someone that was knowing only an little about flying that thing.
"Well, you'll learn from an expert !" He bragged, sounding enthusiastic as the blades start to turn and the engine to go hot. "Everyone, be ready, we're going high !" He added as the helicopter was going up with me as an pilot and me as an co-pilot....damnit, why did you do this, Park ? At least, I will learn from Woods.
We started to fly away from the base to get to the last location that the recon team including Song, Sims & Mason were and to be honest, the co-pilot part was pretty easy to understand as I was assisting Woods on telling him where to go and to make sure that the things in the helicopter was working well for him. Behind, the others were silent, not even talking even through the headsets we need to use to speak because of the rotors noises.
"We shouldn't be too far now." I told Woods, checking the maps in my hands after some long minutes of flying over the jungle.
"Thanks." He said, trying to see from afar if there were anything unusual around here.
"I hope that Rivas is making an hell of an show on the ground." Wolf exclaimed through the headset, breaking the silence that was behind for minutes.
"Who's Rivas ?" I questioned him, looking around to look at him.
"Guerilla expert that's part of the recon team, coming from Nicaraguan Autodefensas." Woods was the one to reply to my question instead of Wolf. "She's very helpful and like Wolf said, she's kinda the best on making the work done."
"She's THE best, man." Wolf called him out, insisting well on that.
"I know, Wolf, I know." Woods said, staying focused on flying that Huey with me as his co-pilot. "Anyone is not having an air sickness ?" He asked to everyone.
"All good !" Park responded as I looked towards her as Garrett only nodded to me, he was probably thinking about Song's state right now and I understand him. "You both doing great." She added, making me smile until we heard an big explosion.
"Shit, that's surely them !" Woods expressed and when I looked back in front of me, I could see an explosion coming from an specific place in the jungle. "Yirina, try to contact them." He pointed at me the radio of the helicopter that I took in hands. Woods gave me, during the flight, the frequency that the recon team is using.
"Recon team, can you hear us ?" I started, speaking through the radio, awaiting for an answer but nothing came. "Recon team, are you receiving this message ?" I repeated again.
"Yirina, is that you ?" I heard through the radio and it was Mason himself that was speaking.
"Mason, are you okay ?" I asked, worried. "Is everyone okay on the ground ?" I added, seeing Garrett peaking his head between me & Woods.
"We're fine but we will not last any longer so be quick." He ordered in an concerned voice. "We are at where the red flares are !" He continued as I looked around to see multiples red flares on the ground.
"There !" I pointed to Woods the location.
"I got this !" He told me, getting the helicopter in that direction as I was trying to communicate more with Mason but the radio went off as the gunshots on the ground was getting closer. "Shit, those fuckers are firying at us !"
"What are we doing ?" Garrett demanded.
"We land with the engine still going on and once everyone got in, we're flying away." Woods replied as he was getting close to the landing zone. "Yirina, you're taking the commands, I will help the other." He continued as he was landing the helicopter
"What, no !" I protested over that, meaning that I will have to fly that thing by myself back to the base and that Woods just landed it.
"Trust me, you will do this !" He proclaimed as he was starting to take his XM4 in hands behind his seat. "The others, with me outside !" He ordered, getting outside with Park, Garrett & Wolf to provide some firepower to the remainder of the recon team.
"For fuck sake." I thought to myself as I was starting to move myself from my seat to get on the pilot seat.
Honestly, I will have everyone's lives in hand at the moment I will have to take off and once I got myself settled in the pilot's seat, I already wanted to get back to my former seat...until I touched the commands and in my head, I could see the same flash I had this night....seeing me fly by myself an Huey with Sims & Adler, firying from the helicopter and now, it was looking like that...I was able to fly an helicopter, that Huey, like if I always did this.
I looked outside for an second to see Woods helping Mason to get inside, he wasn't wounded but he was helping nonetheless, Garrett was helping Song as Park, Wolf were with Sims  & an woman that I presume to be Rivas to provide some suppressing fire to cover their retreat back inside the helicopter. Then, it was time for everyone to get away back into the chopper.
"Yirina ?" Sims called me out, seeing me at the pilot's seat as Woods was installing himself on the co-pilot seat...at my place. "Are you not forgetting the old times ?" He scoffed, seemingly forgetting our last time we talk to each other.
"No time for jokes, get us fly away !" Woods ordered as he was right, not time for fun right now before I start to take off.
"Is everyone well attached ?" I asked everyone, wanting to know in case I have to make some dangerous manouvers....in case.
"All set !" Garrett answered as I was staying focused on flying that Huey away from the combat zone.
"Shit, they've got aerial support !" Rivas shouted, discovering her voice and I quickly looked behind us, discovering....
"An Hind ?" I exclaimed, surprised to see that here.
"Damnit, Perseus is seriously not joking !" Wolf told us.
"Try to hit it with that mounted M60, Wolf !" Woods ordered, looking behind him. "Park, take the other one." He added before he got back to look in front of him. "You're okay, Yirina ?"
"Why I shoud be ?" I raised my voice to him. "We've got an Hind pursuing us and you think that I'm okay ?" I told him like that as I was trying to save everyone with me, having the commands on an american Huey.
"Well, I've got something for you." He whispered to me before he activate something on the controls panel with his hand and then, I could hear some loud classical music coming from some hidden speakers.
"What....what's that ?" I demanded, confused.
"That's Richard Wegner....Ride of the Valkyries !" Sims was the one to respond to me. "Believe me, like in the old times !" He added, joking again as the music was going in. "Still having the Vietnam's spirit, show that Hind who we are !" He exclaimed to me as I was trembling until I got myself back well & determined.
"Let's do this !" I said in an determined voice, starting to fly low just above the tree as an mean to avoid the multiples bullets that the Hind was shooting at us and Wolf & Park trying to shoot it down while the music were going loud in the helicopter, I'm already imagining the other's faces about it. "This bastard ain't going to go down." I breathed, seeing the Hind still behind us after some minutes.
"We have to shoot it down before we can go back to base." Woods explained, we couldn't let this Hind getting away, we have to destroy it and we're in an Huey who has only two mounted M60 against an helicopter armed with an minigun and rockets.
"You didn't bring your minigun, Wolf ?" Rivas spoke up.
"My....oh, my 'Death Machine', yes !" Wolf expressed. "Grigoriev, try to not move the helicopter too much, I'll try to shoot that chopper down." He ordered to me as I was evading the missiles that the Hind was sending us.  "Good, now, try to put the Huey in line so I can fire !" He added, making me move the Huey in position, allowing him to get prepared and I quickly looked at him, holding an minigun in hands as everyone was sit down, letting him get some space. "Surprise, fuckers !" He shouted before he start firying with his minigun towards the Hind who received the multiples bullets from the 'Death Machine'.
"Yeah ! Got it !" Mason expressed his joice when the Hind bursted into flames and starting to go down. "Nice job, Wolf and nice fly, Yirina." He added as I took an deep breath, finally free to not make too much zig-zag around the Laotian jungle.
"Thanks." I said in an low voice before I took back the commands and slowly getting away from the sector back to the base.
"We got saved and we got what we need for." Song told us.
"Nice job from everyone !" Park affirmed, making me smile after what we just did to be honest, with me flying an helicopter as I didn't know about it earlier, I can thanks Woods for that.....
"Guess that we will have to celebrate that with an drink !"
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artificialqueens · 3 years ago
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Gimme Love, 9/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder
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AN: Sorry for taking so long to upload! I've had a hard week but everything is fine. Here we are - the end! Wanna know something interesting? There was actually going to be more to this story. Like, we were gonna get more flashbacks from when Brie and Juju went to college. There they would meet Tatianna, who was a badass feminist. And she'd be the one to help Brianna with her glow up. But the story was already going on too long and I couldn't fit any of it in.
Also I was going to go down a completely different route for the story. If any of you have actually seen the music video for Gimme Love by Joji, it ends on a more darker tone. And that's how I was gonna do it with this fic as it was based on it. But I just couldn't do it.
So I hoped you guys enjoyed it. I know I didn't get a lot of reads on it, but I'm glad knowing it was recieved by some. Anyway, on with chapter 9!
Major TW's for this chapter: Alcohol, mental health discussion.
2020
It was the day of the pre-party. It was going to be held at my place. I was prepared for possible drunkenness, embarrassing moments, but celebrations of everything we had accomplished. This was something I had worked my ass towards for so long, and it was finally happening.
I smiled, proud that I had finally punched myself in the face (figuratively, of course). I opened my eyes and saw how easy it was to rekindle with Mom. I was scared about seeing her in a few weeks, knowing we'd have to talk about my issues. But I knew now. If I didn't, I would just continue to get worse and worse.
On top of that, the Ed Sheeran problem was over and done with. His team understood fully, and he was set to perform at the launch.
And finally, I would meet Blair again. And it would be different this time. I wouldn't be the shy, insecure teenager she had always seen me as.
However, despite all these promising signs, my smile dropped. I imagined this morning playing out entirely differently.
Jujubee would be the first person to message me. Fuck, she'd probably even break in just to make sure I was up.
None of that happened. I know one should manage their expectations better. But it still hurt.
After two cups of coffee, some soggy cereal and a shower, I tried calling her. It rang a few times but went straight to voicemail mail.
I didn't bother leaving another message. I didn't wanna freak her out.
I probably wasn't helping my case. She probably thought I was relying on her, that she was life support for me.
But that wasn't the case. I mean, I couldn't just stand up and be like, "OK later, bitch," after practically growing up together. How could I just let go of someone I held so dear to my heart?
My eyes travelled across the kitchen, at first only her disappointment during our argument, how I had never seen her so angry.
On the counter, beside the fridge, there was my memory box.
What would Grandpa say in this situation?
Remember how I would write things he'd say to me? Just little bits and pieces of advice as something I could hold on to? I gave it to Mom to put it away for me. It had to be in the box.
I stood up, the stool making a scraping sound along the ground.
But a knock at the door tore my attention away.
Why did I hope it would be her?
Well, because it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to come and visit in the morning. Maybe this was it. I was forgiven.
I rushed to the door with the slight fear that if I wasn't fast enough, I'd miss her.
I unlocked the door and flung it open, a smile on my face, ready to greet her.
5 people were standing there; the decorators. I tried not to let my smile falter as I let them in.
-_-_-_-
8PM and my place had never looked livelier. For my first time hosting a party, it didn't feel like there was much hosting to do.
It felt like any other party I had been to, a room crowded with people dancing or talking to each other.
The music wasn't too loud, so the disorientation wasn't there.
I held back from drinking with the fear of doing something embarrassing, especially around Blair.
My bathroom was still clean when I went to apply a fresh coat of gloss. Good. Nothing to worry about.
I made my way back downstairs to the party, crossing the barrier at the bottom. The only place off-limits to the guests was upstairs. I'd hate to think there would be some people who'd want private time, especially in my bed. It happened at college once.
After a small party in our dorm, I found a couple midst coitus in my bed. Never again, I had said.
"Brianna!"
My head whipped in the direction of the voice, every bit of hope I had inside building up.
"You look stunning." A raven-haired woman approached.
"Thank you," I said in more of a questionable form. My brain couldn't figure out who this was.
"My name is Raja. I'm a writer for Cosmo," that explained it, "I was wondering if I could ask a few questions for a piece I'm doing. It's on the most influential women of the year."
I wanted to say no in the case I missed the arrival of Blair.
As if she read my thoughts, she spoke again. "It won't even be five minutes."
She was right about that. 15 minutes it lasted. We were locked in my bathroom, the four walls making the place feel cramped.
She asked me questions about how I reached this level, my morning routine, and what I put in my hair to make it so voluptuous. And all the while, I just kept fearing that Blair had arrived. That she had searched around for me and left when she couldn't find me anywhere. I would discreetly glance at my watch, hoping too much time didn't pass. But around 5 minutes in, I didn't care for subtlety. Not that Raja noticed. The questions seemed endless.
When she turned her recorder off, she further complimented my outfit. I thanked her, inching my way to the door. This lasted another 3 minutes.
She said I was a tiny woman with a lot of heart. I held back from saying I was a tiny woman with a lot of baggage.
When I finally escaped, I searched the place for Blair, and when I didn't find her, the panic started.
"Did anyone come in in the last 15 minutes??" I asked the workers hanging by the door.
"Yeah, there were 2 people. And I've never seen them around work. Could be anyone, Brie." They said with worry in their tone.
"OK, was one of them a girl? Blonde hair. Around my age?" I questioned further.
They glanced at each other for clarification, then looked back at me and shook their heads.
"Nope. Just two guys." One said.
"Probably on a pussy hunt at their local party." The other said.
"Or dick hunt."
"Or both."
"Nah, how would they even get in?"
Realising this was not Blair they were talking about, I thanked them and excused myself.
So she wasn't here yet. That's fine. Probably just running late.
I gave in and had one glass of champagne. Just to calm my nerves.
And the last person I wanted to see started to approach.
Ed fucking Sheeran. He raised a glass to celebrate and thanked me for the hotel room we paid for. I said it was no problem. And just as he was about to suggest some pictures for his Instagram, I quickly navigated away.
But I was caught by another person who just so happened to be Joey.
"I am so glad you changed your mind about the whole Ed thing. Like...girl…" he sipped his own drink.
"Yeah, it was easier than I thought." I shrugged. "Kinda feel awkward being in his presence now, though."
"I'll distract him if you want. British guys are kinda cute." Joey smirked.
I tsked, cocking my head at him. "Joey, you didn't like the guy a few weeks ago."
"I never said I didn't like him." He smirked.
"I mean, you can try." I rolled my eyes, a small smile appearing on my own face, "don't expect it to go anywhere."
Joey winked and brushed past me, making his way in Ed's direction.
Setting my glass down in my sink, I made my way to the bathroom just to check my lip gloss. A woman couldn't be too careful.
Once inside, I felt cramped again despite being alone. Maybe it was the underlying feeling of worry from being trapped in the room with Raja.
I told myself to breathe but then questioned why I was even doing such an exercise. Everything was fine. Life was good.
Looking in the mirror, my gloss was fine. But I applied a new coat anyway, just a reassurance.
And upon leaving, I set out in search of Blair again. She had to be here, just somewhere lost amongst this large amount of people.
Maybe she found someone else to talk to. Maybe not.
I moved to the balcony, the cool night air a relief.
But she wasn't there either.
I sighed, wanting a cigarette or something. Anything to calm the rising panic I was feeling inside.
I closed the door and moved further into the night, peering over the balcony and out into New York. The twinkling lights were pretty. I took a picture and sent it to my Mom. And in a few seconds, she started calling me.
"Hey, Mom."
"Hi, baby. I just thought I'd see how things are going." She asks, sounding pretty optimistic.
"I mean... it's OK, I guess. A bit crowded at my place right now." I replied.
"You nervous for tomorrow?" I hear the mischief in her voice.
She believed I'm not nervous, that I was a confident, strong woman. But she was wrong. "Of course I am. I mean, we've gone through all the precautions, so it should be fine. But still…"
"Well, baby, I promise you, everything will work out fine. It's you we're talking about."
I smiled, trying to teach my brain to agree with her.
"I would say I'd have a drink for you, but I'm trying to keep away from it tonight." Even though that was a lie.
"Yeah, you don't wanna go do something embarrassing like flashing anyone or whatever." She laughs.
"Wow. I didn't realise that was something I did." I quipped sarcastically.
"How about Jujubee?" I could still hear her smile.
But mine slowly dropped. Fuck, I had no idea. Immediately I stood back from the balcony. "Ugh...yeah, she's fine. She's good."
I moved to the door and looked past the glass at the large number of people. Fuck, I didn't even know if she was inside.
"Am I gonna get to see a picture of your outfits? You two always look like the stars of a party."
"Yeah," I faked a small laugh. "I'll go find her and get a picture. I'm gonna get back inside, OK?"
"No problem, baby. Love you."
"I love you too." I clicked end call and quickly made my way back inside.
How the fuck had I forgotten about her so quickly? Not like she was in my mind that morning or anything.
Now I had to find 2 people. I rushed inside, looking out for both of them. I checked the kitchen, dining area, lounge, the bathroom. Fuck, I even checked upstairs in the case Jujubee was there.
But there was no sign.
Where the fuck was she? Where was Blair?
It was getting harder to hold down the anxiety. Was Jujubee right about Blair? Was this another instance of my childhood crush getting my hopes up and flaking out?
The next drink tray I saw, my hand went straight for another glass. Two wouldn't hurt.
"Hey, you made it!" I heard from the front of the room, by the door.
I quickly downed the champagne and practically ran for it, too afraid to miss who had arrived.
Just as my hopes were quickly up, they fell just as fast. It was just Alex, Joey hugging him at the door.
"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck…" I whispered to myself.
A third glass of champagne found its way into my hand, and in a matter of seconds, it was down the hatch. I grimaced at the taste now, feeling like I could throw up at any second. Was that all just the anxiety, though?
Another bathroom break, I was fixing my gloss once again, scared to ruin my makeup. My hands were trembling. Fuck.
It wasn't stopping.
Back out in the main room, I tried to scan the crowd, standing on my tiptoes to try and see past everyone. It didn't help much.
Despite the music and rambling chatter happening around me, I heard the front door open, my eyes shot in its direction.
I struggled to move past a small group of coworkers, trying to get a good view of the door.
I didn't even get my hopes up this time. And, of course, it wasn't Blair.
Jujubee was right. Blair wasn't coming. Once again, she had led me on to believe I did mean something to her and that she'd give us a chance.
My hand gripped my scalp, turning away from the door. I growled, "Fuck," which didn't go unnoticed.
There was Nina with a hand on my arm. "Are you OK?"
"Yes." I lied so quickly. "I'm fine. Just... it's a little crowded in here," I fidgeted with my hands, "Is Jujubee here?"
"Yeah, you haven't seen her?" Nina raised a brow, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep.
"No." My eyes looked around briefly. "Where is she??"
"I dunno. She's you're best friend." Nina squinted her eyes. She didn't mean to sound accusatory. I guessed she was more concerned.
"She is." I reaffirmed, even though now I wasn't so sure.
"If it helps, the last place I saw her was the kitchen."
"When?"
"Half an hour ago."
I rolled my eyes and groaned. "She could be anywhere."
"Girl, it's fine. Not like we're in a labyrinth. You'll find her eventually." Nina smiled, rubbing my arm again.
I paid her no more heed and hurried towards the kitchen in the hope I'd find her there. But like the rest of my apartment, it was crowded. I stood on my toes again to try and catch a glimpse of black hair.
But there was no sign. Stressed, a shaking hand reached for another champagne. Usually, my tolerance for alcohol was high, but right now, I was feeling it. I was wavy.
In my now weary state of mind, I decided what was the fucking point? Blair had 100% flaked, as per usual, and Jujubee was obviously avoiding me at all costs.
Nina had followed me, taking my hand. "Follow me."
I didn't fight it. She moved to the staircase, pulled back the barrier and let me pass through.
She ushered me to walk up to the top before moving no further.
Turning towards the crowd beneath us, Nina addressed the people with a raised tone. "Can we have your attention, please?"
The people went quiet, beaming up at us.
Nina talked about how much of a good night it was, all while the alcohol was taking me over.
My eyes scanned the crowd, in the final chance of hope, wanting nothing more than to see Jujubee's glowing smile shining up at me.
But I couldn't. Not because I had double vision. But because she was nowhere.
I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing hard out through my nose.
Nina put her hand on my shoulder. And only then did I realise that I had blacked out, missing everything she said. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the film that had glazed my brown eyes.
"But we all wouldn't be here without our leading lady." She smiled warmly. "Everything she's achieved, it's all brought us to this moment. Let's raise a glass to Miss Brianna Caldwell."
Everyone started cheering, only a few raising a toast, the others clapping. My eyes widened, feeling all those eyes on me.
"Hope you have a speech prepared," Nina whispered in my ear.
And me, being the queen of saying just 3 lines and quickly evacuating the scene, decided no. Fuck it. I had something to say.
When the crowd began to settle down, I began to deliver the messiest speech ever.
"Well, funny you should mention achievements, Nina, because, yeah, I'm standing here before you all, having done the impossible. But what does that matter?" I laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, it does matter a whole fucking deal. I mean, look at you all. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't?" I laughed awkwardly again, but as I continued, my smile began to disappear. "Well, sometimes you just want a certain someone to give a shit. And they make you believe that they do. Just for like 5 minutes. And it feels so so fucking incredible. It feels like...like you matter. You're not just plain old Brianna Caldwell. You mean the world to them…" My tone dropped, "And then...you realise you're the most gullible, unaware, stupid fucking idiot in the world. They don't really give a fuck about you. They don't see all the things that you've achieved in life and think…' Wow...What an incredible person.' They just... don't give a fuck about you."
Everybody looked confused, uneasy even, while others giggled. Glad to know I was serving as the entertainment for the night, and I was in the same room as Ed fucking Sheeran.
Then, as if some higher power looked at me with a shaking head, maybe my grandpa, there was a glimmer of light at the back of the room, a flash of movement. And my eyes were drawn to the source.
My heart stopped
There she was. Finally. Blair St. Clair smiling apologetically at the few people who were looking at her. They smiled back as they should. She was breathtaking.
And her eyes moved to where everyone else was looking.
Right at me.
Such a familiar feeling was falling over me.
Everyone else in the room. Gone. Like they just stepped into another world, leaving the two of us in this reality.
She panted, out a breath, like she had run to my place. Impossible, she looked like an absolute angel in her gold wrap dress.
Nina nudged me. I snapped out of my daze, reminded of the whole crowd of people looking up at me with confused stares.
Fuck...what do I say now? How do I backtrack?
"But...you know what?" I started to speak again. "You realise, you're just overthinking again. 'Cause, that's a very on-brand thing for you. Every little incident of the past has taught you to doubt that good things actually can happen to you." My smile was returning. "Because the people who give a shit are there. Because you've done the impossible. And they couldn't be happier to be part of your story." My eyes were moving through the crowd, "Do what makes the ones around you proud, and what makes you fucking proud. And don't let anyone or anything hold you the fuck back. Because you have a purpose."
Thank fuck for the fact everyone started cheering again. I thought I had fucking bombed that I would see a recording of the same speech the following day all over Twitter, along with comments about how dramatic it was.
But it was fine. I saved it. I smiled at everyone and hugged Nina, suddenly overcome with happiness.
"Fuck you for not telling me you were gonna drag me up here," I whispered in her ear.
"Well, if I had asked you in the first place, you would have said no, honey." Nina grinned.
We pulled apart, and my eyes went back to the front door. I smiled, expecting to see Blair. But she had vanished. Fuck, I hadn't imagined her, right?
I tried to carefully make my way down the stairs without tripping, ready to look for her once again.
And upon reaching the bottom, Joey grabbed my hand and pulled me close, "someone on the balcony requires your attention."
He winked, and the butterflies in my belly went mad.
She was playing games with me. Not a very Blair St Clair thing to do, but the thought excited me.
I hurried to the balcony, ready to feel that cool air on my skin, her warm body pressed against mine.
And just as I was passing through the doors, feeling the cooling breeze, I stopped dead in my tracks.
I froze.
This wasn't what I expected; seeing her standing there, only noticing how radiant she looked in her orange suit dress.
Fuck. It felt so long since I had last seen her.
But it had been only a few days.
"Hi, Juju," I spoke quietly.
"Hey," she inhaled her cigarette, looking out to the city. If she hadn't replied to me, I would have guessed she failed to realise I was even there.
I swallowed, my eyes glancing down to the ground for a moment. The alcohol in my system was telling me to just turn and leave her alone. She didn't wanna see me.
But my brain said, "you idiot, she obviously invited you out here."
So I moved forward, rubbing the backs of my arms nervously.
I stood beside her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I looked at her orange suit, how Mom would have adored it.
"You invited me out here." I leaned my elbows on the ledge, my gaze following hers over the twinkling lights of New York.
"Yeah, I did." She did offer me a cigarette, but still, she never looked at me.
I shook my head, declining her offer, "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"
"I was dying for a cigarette." She breathed out a stream of smoke. "Also, I've already spent most of the night trying to find you."
I couldn't help but breathe out a laugh through my nose. I glanced at her and was glad to see the smirk appear on those lips.
"I've been trying to fucking find you." I continued to laugh, a crack to my tone, however.
She finally looked at me, turning her body to face me. Her brows were knit together, yet the smirk remained. "No. I," she stressed, "have been trying to find you."
"So...what have I been doing for the past...I dunno, few hours?" I raised a brow. "Did I take 10 hits of acid earlier, or did I not search this place from top to bottom?"
She gave me a hopeless smile like she knew there was no point in arguing. She sucked on the cigarette, offering it to me.
I gave in, taking it from her hand, my fingers touching hers with a light touch. Her eyes moved to our hands as if she was thinking about it too. The feeling like this was a moment we needed to remember.
I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it back. She looked away, briefly turning her gaze to the ground.
But I kept my eyes on her like I'd never get another chance. "I really miss you, Juju," I spoke quietly, almost through a whisper.
She looked at me again. Her mouth moved around slightly yet remained closed like she wanted to say something. But she couldn't figure out what it was she was going to say.
I reached out, took her hand in mine. She seemed taken aback at first. But as my thumb stroked against the soft skin of her hand, a small smile began to resurface.
"There are…" she paused, "things that I would love to say to you. But I just... I'm afraid."
"Is it bad? Come on, Juju. You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I mean, we've grown up together. We've always told each other everything."
She looked apprehensive before taking another drag from her cigarette. And stubbing it out in the ashtray, she turned towards me once again.
She looked ready to say it. Whatever it was. I didn't even know the words yet. But I could tell this would mean a lot to her.
The muffled sound of the many people behind the closed glass doors became clearer, amplified even. Jujubee looked in its direction. My eyes followed.
"Blair," I uttered.
She looked slightly taken aback like she didn't know how to react to seeing us.
Jujubee dropped her hand to her side, a small puff of air leaving her nostrils.
"Jujubee." A smile appeared on Blair's face as she finally approached us both. "I didn't expect to see you here!"
"Likewise." Jujubee nodded slowly. She glanced at me, and I reciprocated.
Before I could figure out her exact emotion. But now, she was hard to read once again. My brows knit together, telepathically questioning what she was feeling.
Jujubee looked back at Blair. "Talk about awful timing though, I was just leaving." Jujubee smiled back at her.
Blair's smile was disappearing. "Oh." She paused, unable to say anything else.
"You don't have to go, Jujubee." I took her hand once again, stroking my thumb over her skin another time, just to remind her of the tender moment we were just having.
She smiled again, but only now, I knew the true words behind it. She pulled her hand away. "Early rise, actually. Gotta get up and ready for the big day tomorrow, right?" She raised her brows at me. Then she looked at Blair, "It was nice seeing you," and then back to me once more, "I hope you have a good night, Brie."
She averted her eyes, not even sparing me another glance. The clacking of her heels was deafening, each step away causing something inside to sting.
"It was nice seeing you again," Blair said before Jujubee could make it through the doors.
I heard a mumbled "yeah, yeah," before Jujubee went back inside.
My gaze still followed her, watching as she navigated the crowd.
"Did she...seem off to you?" Blair asked quietly.
"Yeah," I said without thinking. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with her...I can't...work it out…" my eyes never left the door, hoping Jujubee would reappear.
And feeling Blair's soft hand in mine, I was brought back to reality. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. Fuck, what a great way to reunite.
"Is something going on?" She asked softly.
I shook my head frantically, "N-No. We're fine...I guess I'm just overreacting. Yeah, she's just been...really busy with everything."
"That's probably true." She shrugged, glancing at the door, "Well, actually, I haven't seen what goes behind the public eye, but I bet it's taxing." Blair was facing me again, her eyes widening briefly.
I let out a small laugh, "Oh, you have no idea." And only then did I get a real chance to take her in. The girl had not changed. Well, call me corny, but she only got more radiant looking.
"I didn't think you'd come," I spoke with a hushed tone.
"Sorry, I was late. I couldn't get a cab for ages." She gave a half-smile. "I guess New York really is that kind of place."
"Fuck, I didn't think about traffic. I could have got you a driver or something. "I started rambling.
"No, it's OK. I'm here now anyway." Her eyes looked me up and down, "you look great, by the way. Pink always was your colour."
Funny how the last time she gave me a compliment, I shut her down. But now, I couldn't bring myself to do so. "Thank you."
I wasn't expecting her to hug me, but she did. It was very welcoming. If I could rate it out of 10, I'd give it a 9. Why the missing point? Cause she pulled away too soon. I needed that time, just to soak up the moment.
My arm was still around her waist when she put a hand to my face.
"It's so good to see you." She beamed, the city lights reflected in her eyes.
"You wanna go upstairs? We'll hear better up there. And it's kinda chilly out here." I hoped she didn't find that creepy or like I was suggesting something because that was not my intention, believe it or not.
I almost jumped, the sound of her sweet voice dragging me out of the storm that was my inner ramblings. "What about your party?" She looked over her shoulder at all the guests behind the closed doors."
"They'll be fine," I said too quickly.
"Oh. Well, if you say so."
She didn't find that weird. Good. I finally pulled my arm from her body but took her hand instead, leading her into the apartment.
I ignored the side glances we received, too focused on her presence behind me. Still so in disbelief that for once, she hadn't flaked out. She really did give a fuck. Walking up the stairs, I only noticed how my vision had cleared. I no longer felt drunk. Had it just been a quick rush of nausea that left me feeling so weary before? Or had the shock of seeing Blair literally walk into my life again shocked me so much to the point it sobered me up?
"Here we go," I said quietly, welcoming her into the upper level.
"Wow, you got another living room up here." Blair's wandering eyes landed on the couch.
"Yeah. The one downstairs is for fucking business and parties. And this one," I gestured to where she was looking, "is for hanging out mostly, and…" Why did I have to be so nervous?
"Hookups?" She looked at me with raised brows and a smirk.
I laughed nervously, moving to the fake fireplace and turning it on. Why didn't I just say no? She probably thought I was a slut or something. "Sit down if you want. Do you want a drink? I'd love a fucking drink right now."
"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." She replied, sitting down on the sofa and relishing the feeling of it.
"I need some fucking water." I rushed to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle.
Turning back to face Blair, she was looking at me in confusion. "You OK?"
"What?" That was all I thought to reply with.
"You seem kind of…" she paused, trying to figure out her words, "on edge."
"I do?" My hands played with the water bottle.
"Yeah, you've included the word 'fucking' in every sentence since we got up here." She allowed herself to smirk.
Subliminal, Blair. I like it.
Fuck, I dragged my mind out of the gutter and practically rushed to the couch. "Oh, it's just...tomorrow. The nerves, you know." I sat on the other end of the sofa, took a gulp of water and made myself comfortable.
Blair turned to face her body towards me. "Am I wrong, or was Ed Sheeran downstairs??"
"Yeah, he was. It's kind of a long story, actually." I laughed. "You a fan?"
"No, not really," Blair replied.
"Good, me neither. Not really into the whole wedding dance song vibe."
"Me too." She groaned, "If I hear Thinking out loud at another wedding, girl, I'm just...I dunno."
"I get it. 100%"
"Well, enough about him," Blair sat up straight, a bright smile on her face. She laughed for a moment before even speaking, "Fuck, I was just about to ask what you've been up to." She gestured a hand around the room, "I mean, duh."
"Yeah," I returned the laugh, "It's pretty much just that. This project has taken up most of my life over the years."
"God, I remember reading in the paper...fuck, I can't remember the exact title. It was this tiny article just squashed into a corner. 'Scientist seeks to prove the existence of other realities.' Yeah, it was something like that. And…" She shrugged, "I just knew it was you. And, I knew you'd go far."
I felt the blush creep onto my skin. Hearing this from Blair felt otherworldly.
"I mean, I knew before. When you told me at Prom, I knew you'd be able to do it." She added.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"Just hearing how you talked about it. Like, you really believed in yourself. It made me believe too." She swapped around the legs she crossed.
"It was hard. Trying to get people on board with everything. Not a lot of people believed it was even possible in the beginning." I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water. "And now look at me; I got the government behind this whole thing." I shrugged and took a sip of the water. Before she could go on, I took the conversation on another route. "But what about you? Where are you in life?"
I knew where she was in life. Hadn't I Facebook stalked her not too long before?
"Well, it sounds far fetched, but I'm trying to get into the music scene." Blair sat back in her seat, eyes wandering off, looking at nothing in particular.
"You always did like performing," I noted. "Starting out in the school playgrounds. Soon you'll be playing an Arena with a sold-out show."
Did I sound cheesy? Was I too much of a kiss ass? Because to me, this was honesty. I always thought Blair had the potential to be a famous singer. She had the voice, the looks, style and personality. Who wouldn't want her as part of their label?
Fuck, it only hit me that I could have gotten her a spot to perform at the event.
Blair had stood, a small sigh emitting her lips. "An Arena? Imagine that." She smirked for a moment, stepping away from the couch. For a hot second, I thought I had stepped on territory I shouldn't have, and she was leaving. But she made her way to the window, staring out over New York. So I naturally went too. "Well, I've just been singing around bars for a while now, even had 2 gigs. Nothing too amazing." She explained. "I mean, I know you say Arena and all, but, actually, I wouldn't wanna be that big. I just...want people to hear my music."
Her smile faltered somewhat, and it spoke volumes. It wasn't happening fast enough for her, the growing number of ears that would someday listen to her words. She wanted it all now.
I sidestepped a bit closer. My fingers were so close to brushing against hers, then stopping myself in realising that was too much. "It does take time, these things. I mean, I didn't get here overnight. It will happen, Blair." She flashed me a gracious smile, and I was glad she didn't find any of that condescending. That was not my aim. "Anyway, I'd love to hear your music."
"You would?" Blair cocked her head to the side, turning more to face me, her hand on the window cill closer to mine.
"Of course," I reply. She should've known that anyway.
"Well, I'm not gonna break out into song for you right now. But I have a few videos on my Facebook. You should add me." She suggested.
I had never opened Facebook so fast. "There. I sent you a request." I scrolled through her timeline, my back now to the window, "Lemme see."
"Oh, God. Please don't. Not right now." Blair panicked.
I lifted my gaze, my eyes almost wide. Blair St Clair, the girl who wasn't hesitant to approach a mic, was embarrassed. I found this to be adorable and oddly made me feel more relaxed. "Don't be shy, Blair. I'm sure they're great."
"Brianna, don't." No joke, Blair attempted to snatch my phone away like a child.
I found it highly amusing. "Why not?" I smiled mischievously.
Blair continued her protests, trying to swipe at the phone more and more, all while laughing nervously.
Eventually, my teasing led to a chase. I still scrolled her Facebook as I ran around the room, Blair behind me.
"Which one should I look out for?" I stood at one end of the couch.
Blair stood at the other end, letting out a pant. "Brianna, you better not."
I stepped to the right, throwing her off, and she ran to her left, ready to run straight at me and take the phone out of my hand.
But I tricked her. When I took that step to the right, I pulled back and moved to the left instead. And without thinking, I threw myself down on my bed.
Before I could even get up, Blair was already there, too, crawling towards me. She reached for my phone, still pleading with me to stop.
And finally, giving the current circumstances, I gave in. "OK, OK. You win. I won't play your music in front of you." I giggled mischievously, shuffling so my back was against my headboard. "You're gonna have to remind me to check it out, though."
Blair remained at the bottom of my bed, kicking her heels off and folding them like a pretzel. It was as if we were teenagers again, catching up on all the hanging out we never got to do. She fluffed out her hair, "God, Brie, I came here to have a good time. Not to work out. Why are you still looking at your phone?"
Now that I was on her profile, scrolling back to the top, I saw a familiar picture. "Wow, this George guy's kind of cute."
Blair smiled warmly, her eyes looking upwards. And I had the slightest sinking feeling she was about to tell me this was her fucking lover or husband.
"Ah...George. What a guy." Blair blinked. "He does music too. If you like my stuff, then you'll like his too. He's got this song Gimme Love. It's my favourite."
"Is he your boyfriend?" There was no hesitation in asking.
Her brows briefly crossed. "What? No. He's one of my closest friends. Really helping me find places to perform. He's just...really cool."
I mouthed a silent 'Oh' before going on and cocking my head to the side, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Was it normal to ask shit like this? Maybe it was. But considering I had confessed to her I liked her very much in that accidental message, perhaps I shouldn't have said it at all. Didn't want her getting sus.
I got the feeling she knew I was trying to find a way in as she raised a brow at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. "Nah, Brie. I'm done with boys."
I lowered my phone. That could have meant anything;
She was strictly into girls;
She had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone, and she was going through that typical 'men are trash' phase;
She used the term 'boys' when referring to immature fuck boys who still thrived in toilet paper bombing people's houses and still fought with feminists online. She was now looking for 'a real man' who would love and respect her.
She wasn't speaking, just lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Before the silence could go on and get awkward, I shifted in my own spot. "Do you wanna elaborate on that?"
"Oh. Yeah, if you want to hear it." She said like she didn't want to, and before I could stop her, she went on, "Well, the last was Conrad. He cheated on me. Before him, there was Ethan. I found out he'd talk shit about me to all his meathead buddies, said that my ass wasn't big enough. Then Bryce with his superior attitude. And…" she sighed, "Fucking Trevor."
Just hearing his name did something to me. I could feel how my shoulders had tensed, how the breath got stuck in my throat for a moment. But my ability to talk was unaffected because I spoke up, "I remember you saying he was controlling." I moved away from my headboard, shuffling closer to her, so close she could have put her head in my lap if she wanted.
Blair nodded, "he was," she breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but after high school, I started seeing him again. He promised me he would change, that things would be different. And I always feel like such an idiot for believing him."
That was upsetting. My hand squeezed in a fist. "So, what was the final straw? The thing that made you end things for the last time?"
Blair took in a deep breath, rolling over onto her front and propping her head upon her hands. She looked up at me with sad eyes. "He was just the same, Brie. Always controlling me, telling me how to act, who I could and couldn't hang out with. He was like that from the beginning to the end. I mean, you remember how he reacted about that one sex-ed class? And that time, he yelled at me in front of everyone for not sitting with him at lunch one day?"
I had no idea about the last thing. And I wasn't even surprised. Trevor was that type of guy, and you just knew it within the first few minutes of meeting him.
I was curious to know, but I kind of already had a feeling. Yet, I needed clarification. "Is that why you never came back to the library? Because he knew people would talk if you were seen with the school loser?" She leaned up now, but I continued. "Is it why you never came to speak to me about the prom?"
Blair was just watching me in silence. But I could see it, the realisation in her face.
"Fuck." She sat up and moved closer to me. "Oh my gosh, Brianna. I am so sorry. I had...no idea it would hurt you." We were both face to face, and she put her hands on mine, her eyes apologetic. She cussed, briefly looking away. "Fuck, I knew you hated me. The years of silence, of course, you did."
"Wait, no. Stop. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel like a bad person. That's not what I wanted to do." I said profusely, my hands tightening just slightly.
"No, no. I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset." She spoke quietly, her blue eyes pleading with me. "Just be honest with me. I owe you that. You deserve to be heard."
"Really, Blair, it's fine. It's - -"
"Brianna. You're upset. You're not really good at hiding it, no offence." She smirked at the last comment. But the smile disappeared, and she waited for my response.
I stared back at her, my gaze shifting between both those eyes. My mind debated what to do, refuse to say a thing and let it all continue to build up. Or vent years of pent up emotions that needed to be said.
I looked away, deciding the latter decision was probably the best. I really didn't want to, what with the risk of upsetting her.
But maybe she wouldn't.
But maybe she would.
But maybe…
Her hand left mine and swept a strand of hair away from my face. I didn't even know it was there. "You're really hurt, Brie," she spoke softly.
I looked back to her finally, her hand lowering back down. And I finally found my voice. "OK." I shifted in my spot, highly uncomfortable. Come on, Brie. Just tell her.
"Do you remember the prom? When you asked me how we never talked more?" Just say it. "Because I always felt inadequate. Like I wasn't enough for you. And, not just you, even my…" I paused, feeling the lump form in my throat, "...my parents. Ummm…" saying that out loud to her, it hit differently. My voice was cracking. "I always associated you with my parents. I don't know where the connection came from, and I know now that that's fucked up, and I know I probably should go to a therapist about that, but..." I quickly explained. "But yeah, I just...never felt enough. Like 'why would Blair the cheerleader want to associate with someone like me? How could Blair ever love someone like me??'"
Fuck, it just slipped out. I studied her face for a reaction, expecting her to back away.
But she didn't. She just nodded in understanding, squeezing my hand reassuringly.
"But, um...I know now. It wasn't that you didn't care. It was just...fucking Trevor." I practically growled that name.
Blair breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Fucking Trevor."
"Yeah, fuck that asshole," I allowed myself to smile before continuing on. "I just... didn't understand how hard that actually was for you."
"It was very hard. God, it bothered me so much because I really did have a soft spot for you, Brianna. I really did, ever since we were kids." Blair smiled warmly. "And that's why I'm so glad you replied to my message. After all these years."
I gulped, thinking about that damn message, and now seeing her loving smile. "Y-You didn't think it was weird?"
Blair sighed, yet her smile remained. "Brianna. Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" She moved her hand to my elbow, up my shoulder, caressing my cheek gently.
I almost said something. I couldn't even remember what it was. Not that it mattered because I didn't get the chance. The moment I had been waiting for, it was happening. Her face was moving closer to mine, eyes slowly closing. And as soon as I felt her lips brush against mine, the feeling of her touch caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. I closed my own eyes and accepted what was happening.
The kiss my teenage self craved, dreamed about even.
It was reality.
We hadn't just slipped into some other world.
This was real life. The feeling of her hand on my cheek, that was real. The butterflies in my stomach fighting against the walls, also real.
And how I lifted my hand and held her face, also real.
She pulled away first, but her lips were still close, "was that OK?"
"Yeah," I moved my face back towards hers, initiating another kiss. I was savouring every bit of this moment. The sweet taste of her was too much to not let go of.
But she pulled back again, letting herself fall back against the mattress. I stared at her for a few seconds. Fuck, this was happening. Something inside me was hesitant to do this. The nerves, the fear of not being enough for her.
Blair reached out for my hand, and I knew I was just overthinking again. I took her hand and allowed her to pull me down to her.
Lowering my face to hers, I kissed her again, more hungrily this time. For a second, I didn't know where to go from there, still so in disbelief that my luck had turned around.
When I pulled away, my hand travelling down the side of her face. "Oh my God...is this real?"
"Of course it is." Blair giggled, her hands roaming up and down my back.
"OK. Good!" I panted, moving my kisses to her cheek, then her neck, and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.
But because I am Brianna Caldwell, the most awkward person to have ever lived, I had to go on with the questions. "Hey, Blair, can I ask you something?" I kept my lips where they were.
"Mhmm?" She purred when I kissed that point where her neck met her shoulder. The pathetic noise she made almost made me melt, I swear to God.
"Were you…" come on, Brie, just say it, "were you gonna kiss me at the prom?"
She chuckled, "Yeah. But Trevor had to be an insecure loser."
I appreciated the cute giggling sound she made.
I lifted my head away from her skin and leaned up. I looked at her with a raised brow.
Blair was smiling still, but I knew she was getting impatient.
"So...you like-liked me back then too? Even when I was ugly?" I asked.
"Brianna, you were never ugly." Blair's brows connected, a hand stroking up and down my side. She really was getting needy. "And yes. I always like-liked you. God, that's so cute. You still say like-like." She took my hands and guided them to the knot tight at the side of her wrap dress.
"Shut up. Fuck, you're so beautiful." My hands began to untie the knot while I lowered my face and kissed along her clavicle and the only bit of exposed chest I had access to.
"Fuck. If only you knew how long I wanted this." Blair mewled. "I didn't think this was ever gonna happen. Even when I saw you and Juju out on the balcony, I was like...fuck. I'm too late."
Confusion immediately took me over. I pulled back again, looking down at her. A brief flash of frustration appeared on her face, but I ignored it. "Wait. What?"
"Yeah, I just…" Blair looked away for a moment as if debating on continuing or not, "always saw how you were around her. Always so happy. Like you were on top of the world. And I just didn't want to get in the way of that."
Her hand was trailing along my thigh, but I ignored it.
"Wait...Jujubee?" I knew that's who she was talking about, but even the sound of her name, it made something inside hurt. Not a hurt that she caused. Something...so different yet familiar at the same time.
"Yes. I never saw you that happy around anyone else…" Blair leaned back, balancing against my propped knees. "I mean, the prom? The way you looked at me, it was nothing compared to when you're with her. With Jujubee, it was...always so different."
Realisation dawned on me. I knew what she was getting at.
I opened my mouth to speak, ready to say I didn't like Jujubee in that way. But the words wouldn't surface. No matter how much I willed myself, I just couldn't. Even the thought of saying it made that feeling of hurt feel 10 times worse.
"You OK?" Her fingers danced around my thigh again, only with more wanting now.
"But…" I began, "I gave you my Valentine's card in first grade."
Now she was silent, her gaze shifting between both my eyes. She leaned up on both elbows, realising my questions weren't going to stop, and her pussy wasn't going to be eaten any time soon. She gave a nervous laugh, "um, no. You gave it to Jujubee."
I squinted my eyes. "No. I gave it to you, Blair."
"Girl, you gave it to me, and when I asked if it was mine, you shouted at me, saying it was for Juju and you just wanted me to check it out." She was laughing again. But seeing my still confused face, her smile began to drop. "You don't remember that?"
I was silent for a moment. Blair was in front of me, the love of my life, but all I could see was the image of Jujubee in my head. Her perfect little face, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, that bright smile, her silky black hair that always smelt so good.
I thought back, all the way back to that specific Valentine's Day. I remembered handing the card to Blair, her confused face, how the kids snickered as I stood there feeling sorry for myself. And Jujubee shouting at them all for making jokes.
But that was all.
"I... don't remember that," I spoke quietly, my eyes squinted.
"Not even the card she gave you?"
My eyes widened at that. "She did what?"
"Yeah, she gave you a card."
Now that she mentioned it, there was a flicker of an image in my head; something pastel pink. My tiny painted fingers holding a heart shape. Baby Brianna smiling, only to lift her head and see the other kids making fun.
"Oh, shit…" I whispered. I climbed off Blair and got up from the bed.
I was on the verge of pacing, my hand in my hair, "Oh my God."
"Don't be embarrassed, Brie." Blair was fully sat up in the bed now, her legs spread as if trying to beckon me back. "Not a lot of people can remember so far back."
I needed to prove if this was real or not. I'd call Jujubee. But then again, would she have even answered? If what Blair was saying was true, that explained why Jujubee was behaving the way she was. She was hurt. She was pissed because I didn't remember her card.
But how the fuck could I have forgotten something like that? All my life, that was all I ever wanted - to know I was loved by someone. Such a memory like that…
"Brie, are we...you know...gonna…" Blair spoke quietly.
My eyes widened. A memory like that. A memory that would be worth keeping.
I turned to face her. "Blair, wait here. I'll be right back."
"OK. Sure." Blair blinked a few times.
I wasted no time rushing downstairs. Taking a moment to observe the crowd, it seemed, quite a few guests had left already. At least it would make it easier to navigate.
I made my way to the kitchen. The memory box was still there. For a millisecond, I feared someone would have stolen it.
I took it to the counter, no one was around, so I felt safe enough to open it.
My nerves were wrecked as I lifted the latch to the box. I only had a small idea of the things that would be in here. Old photos, movie tickets, childhood drawings.
But I hadn't planned on opening it up so soon.
No. I needed to know the truth.
Opening it up, I saw a bunch of photos, tickets and pieces of folded up paper. I removed them, planning to possibly look at them at a later date.
The more I pulled out, the more confident I felt that Blair had got it all wrong. And she was the one who remembered things differently.
But there was a flash of pink at the bottom of the box. I gulped, pushing aside the scraps of paper burying it.
And there it was; A pastel pink heart-shaped card, 'Happy Valentines Day' writing in glitter gel pen on the front. "Shit…" I said quietly, pulling the card out.
Opening it up, I breathed out a puff of air.
'Dear Brianna, I know people in class are mean and say nasty things. But I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happy Valentine's day. Love from Juju xxx'
I could hear the younger version of myself reading it out loud, the insults from the other kids, Jujubee yelling at them because they were just jealous.
I put the card down as I realised Blair was right. And memories resurfaced, reading completely different.
That Valentines Day in which she refused to tell me who she had eyes for
That time she didn't invite me to stay for dinner.
How her smile would drop every time I mentioned Blair.
How I never danced with her at the prom
And finally, our recent argument.
It all made sense. Jujubee was in love with me. And instead of recognising it earlier on, I was too caught up with Blair to see it.
And what about me? How did I feel about her? Yeah, Jujubee was my one and only friend. She had gotten me through so much throughout the years. If it weren't for her, who knew where I would have been.
I couldn't pinpoint any time that I had thought of her as more than just a friend.
Well, maybe the times we'd lie in bed and just...stare into each other's eyes. Or the time she held me as I sobbed into her chest after the incident at the prom. Or maybe the times she'd smile, and it would brighten up my day. Or the exact day that I noticed how cute it was when her lashes fluttered.
Or…
My eyes met the heart-shaped card again, how the very sight of it made my heart skip a beat.
"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair as it was clear to me.
My eyes ventured away from the card, moving to the scraps of paper.
'Grandpa's tips for life'
My hand told me to examine the piece of paper further, so I did so.
At the top of the list, there it was. A sign.
'Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose.'
I needed to tell her.
I packed the box up and quickly left the kitchen, noting that a few more people had left.
"Blair!" I called, rushing up the stairs.
She was still there, laying in the bed, in just her white lacey lingerie.
I covered my eyes. "Oh my God. That was unexpected."
"Fuck. Sorry. I kind of had a feeling that would have been inappropriate." She asked.
"What? No. You're fine. I just... wasn't prepared for that." I stuttered, still covering my eyes. "Could you just...cover-up for a second."
"OK." I heard her say. "You can look now."
I looked back. She did pull the duvet up, but just below the wire of her bra.
"OK," I breathed out, trying to ignore her cleavage, "I think you're right about Jujubee."
"You think?"
"Yes," I replied before shaking my head profusely. "No. I know. You're right, Blair. I...I like her. Maybe even love her." Fuck, saying that out loud, it did something to me, "And yes, I liked you for so long, but you're right. I was always happiest with her."
I was expecting her to be disappointed, but she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"
"What?"
"Go get her."
Grandpa's words reiterated.
"You're not upset that we're not gonna have sex right now?"
"No, Brie." Blair threw back the covers, picking up her gold wrap dress off the floor, "I already learned how to deal with it. Knowing you belonged to someone else." She wrapped her body up in the dress effortlessly, fluffed out her hair and turned to look at me again. "I know you're meant to be with her. So, go. Go tell her now before it's too late."
Despite this revelation, I couldn't help but feel like a dick. Blair was smiling, but I knew she had to feel some level of hurt. I walked towards her and brought her into a hug.
"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Brie," Blair whispered in my ear.
I only held her tighter, "Don't be," and I pulled away, my hands still on her shoulders, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever opened my eyes."
I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled warmly. I turned to leave, and before I made my way downstairs, I looked at her once more. Her hand was on her face where my lips had been. I was glad I could give her that one last kiss, just something to hold on to.
"You really helped me, Blair," I said.
"Good." She said graciously. "Now go."
The urgency in her voice only fueled my determination.
I was under no time limit, but I couldn't help but want to reach Jujubee as soon as possible.
When I was outside, I shouted for the first cab I saw. Thankfully it pulled over. I got in and pulled out my phone.
But the car was still.
"Go! Drive!" I raised my voice.
"Lady. You haven't even told me where you're headed!" The cabbie turned in his seat.
Fuck, I sounded crazy. How he hadn't thrown me out was beyond me.
I only realised that I had no idea where my destination was. Jujubee could have been anywhere.
The driver was still looking at me, his patience growing thin. So I barked out Jujubee's address.
He seemed relieved to be on the road again. Only then was I aware of the honking cars behind us. Typical for New York, but this was too much.
I found Jujubee's number, trying my luck at the chance she'd answer.
It rang.
And it rang.
And it rang some more.
"Come on, come on," I repeated quietly to myself. Relax, Brie. It's not like she's catching a plane to the furthest state.
The phone went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!"
The cab driver glared at me in the rearview mirror.
I ignored him and tried again. Still nothing.
A few minutes passed, and I tried once more. But again, my luck was shit on.
I dropped my hands to my lap, sighing frustratedly. All I could do was just see if she was home.
My eyes trailed to beyond the window, just hoping to get there as soon as possible.
And there she was. Walking out of a pizza place, a solemn look on her face.
"There she is," I said aloud to myself before turning my attention to the cab driver. "Stop! Pull over!"
He came to a grinding halt. "Jesus Christ, lady! You really need to stop all that yelling and - -"
I handed him a $20 bill, "keep the change. Thank you."
I got out of the vehicle, eyes looking to where Jujubee once was. She was gone.
"Fuck." I looked down one path, not there. And looking down the other, there was Jujubee, rounding the corner and eating a slice of pizza.
I ran in my heels, people moving out of the way to dodge me.
I knew I was an inconvenience to so many, but Jujubee at that moment was my priority.
Rounding the corner, I saw she didn't get far. I couldn't help but bend over for a hot second, trying to catch my breath.
And when I recovered, I shouted out, "Jujubee!"
She turned, eyes wide like she had never heard my voice before. And when she saw it was me, her face sort of fell.
My hand reached into my bag, and I pulled out the Valentines Day card.
She looked confused at first, but then recognition settled in. And the disappointment was replaced with fear.
I stopped panting. And finally, I could speak. "You were right. Approval; That's all I ever wanted. And I thought that if Blair gave that to me, I'd be good enough. Because I never felt that. I never felt good enough. I wasn't good enough for Blair, I was never good enough for my parents, and I'd never be good enough for anyone."
Jujubee was silent for a moment, eyes falling to the pavement and then back up again. "You were good enough for me."
I breathed out. "I know. But I was...too caught up in my own shit to think about how you felt. Too caught up that...I didn't even think about how I felt." I paused, thinking of how the fuck I should say it. No, I didn't need to think. This wasn't some cheesy movie. "I...I love you, Juju."
She let out a breath, a shaky one like she was on the verge of tears. And her eyes became glossy. I really wanted to tell her not to cry, to be happy. But this moment, she wanted this all her life.
A tear slipped down her cheek, but she laughed. "Fuck, I got this fucking pizza 'cause I needed heartbreak food."
I returned the laugh. "Hey, it's OK. You can still eat it. It can be normal pizza."
"No. I'm not even hungry anyway." Jujubee admitted, passing the pizza to a random passerby (who was taken by surprise but accepted the free food anyway).
Jujubee walked towards me. I smiled, already smelling that sweet perfume.
But she pushed me back. "Fuck you for forgetting about the card. I knew you did. I always remembered yours."
"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I forgot. But," I paused, "Blair reminded me."
"She did?"
"Yep."
"Wow. She remembered. But you didn't."
"Yeah. I'm...really really sorry."
"Wow. Is this our first couple fight?" Jujubee put her hands on her hips.
"It could be. If... that's what you want to call us." I suggested.
"Perfect. Seal the deal?" She raised a brow.
I knew where this was going. "Oh, absolutely."
Jujubee stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressed her lips against mine. And that unfamiliar spark coursed through me, like it came from somewhere inside her and travelled through my body.
And I didn't care for the fact we were in the middle of the street, probably inconveniencing others. All that mattered was the happiness coursing through me, the feeling of...being complete.
I pulled out of the kiss first. "Wanna get in that rocket and be the first to go to the other world?"
Jujubee smiled but quickly stopped. "I-I'm kinda unprepared. I mean... I'd need a toothbrush, my clothes..."
"Where we're going...you don't need 'em." And then I played the words back in my head. "Oh. Oh shit, no. Not in that context. I just meant... you'd get new ones, you know? Fuck, I'm terrible at this."
"No. You're just you." Jujubee laughed, and fuck, I adored how her eyes were crinkling at the corners.
We grabbed the nearest cab. When we told him where we were going, his eyes widened. It would be a journey. But we paid upfront, so the driver remained silent.
When we got to base, I almost cursed myself for not thinking about how we'd access all the areas.
But there was that mastercard. And they couldn't say no. They knew who I was, after all.
When we were in the gowning area, Jujubee and I helped each other into spacesuits. I was high with anticipation, ready to see what was on the other side, ready to do it all with Jujubee.
This was our dream.
Jujubee grabbed two helmets. One for her and one for me. She tossed it my way, and I caught it.
"Ready to go?" She asked.
"Absolutely." I extended my hand, and we made our way to the door.
The cold cool air was refreshing. My eyes travelled up and down the rocket. It was bigger than I imagined, and for a small second, I felt worthless. Like I was just Brianna Caldwell, a girl from a small town with no real purpose in this world.
But Jujubee slid her hand into mine. And I was reminded that all I had to do was shut my inner demons up. Because I did have a purpose. And I was something to someone. As long as I had her, that was all that mattered.
Jujubee smiled mischievously, pulling me along the bridge, leading me to the already opened door. She ducked down and climbed into the small space, and I followed.
It was disorientating at first, what with the rocket facing the sky. I feared I'd fall trying to get into my seat. But Jujubee continued to pull me along.
When we were seated, I wasted no time putting on my helmet and initiated the activation process.
I could feel Jujubee's smirk as I flicked at switches and pressed buttons. It only fueled my excitement.
A voice came through the radio, one of the engineers. We were bombarded with questions, demanding to know what we were doing, how it was too early for take off with no press to film it, all sorts of complaints.
But we didn't care.
When everything seemed ready to go, I put my hand on the lever. But before I pulled, I turned my head to her.
"Ready to see the flying horses?" I raised a brow.
"Just as ready as I am for the cats that bark." She breathed out a laugh through her nostrils.
With another smile, I pulled the lever. The ship was rumbling now, and my stomach was doing somersaults.
We both turned our attention to the sounds of protest from the engineers. They were livid now, shouting about how the media wasn't going to like this.
I lifted my hand up, flipping the source of the sound off. Jujubee cackled to my delight.
I put the intercom on mute. And the ship took off. Mom was gonna kill me for this. I'd definitely bring her back a gift. A new vase, maybe? Yeah. A vase from an entirely new world. Something new.
I looked forward, unable to see the ground below us. How high were we already? How long was left until we reached that crossover, the gateway?
My question was answered as the ship was illuminated by a bright light.
We did it, Grandpa. We did it.
4 notes · View notes
zi-i-think · 4 years ago
Text
9 | The Miraculous Bastards
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Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)
Word Count: 6100+
.☽☼☾.
~ Ama ☾ ~
          Around the dinner table, we all chatted happily. After all it's been years since we were together like this. And this time we had some new friends. I sat with my cheek resting on my palm while I watched Aang and Katara tell the story of their engagement again.
         "Honestly, I don't know what came over him. I was so focused on the sun setting that I didn't even hear him ask the first time." Katara laughed, taking another sip from her wine.
         "I thought her being quiet was a no at first." Aang was finishing. "She practically had to threaten me to repeat the question. And when I did she instantly said yes." He and Katara shared a loving look.
         "Threaten you with what? No kisses?" Toph taunted them. Everyone laughed as Aang blushed.
         "N-no." Aang claimed.
         "Then what?" Toph pushed. Based on the deep red blush on Aang and Katara's cheeks. It must be something a little... different than kissed.
         "Anyways." Katara avoided the question, bringing the red wine to her lips again. "Before we all retire to bed. I think Ama had something to announce."
         Everyone's eyes immediately turned to me. Gosh, I already regret telling my sister that I wanted to come out to everyone at once. "One moment." I held up my pointer finger as I chugged the rest of my wine while the others chuckled at me. The light burning in my throat made me clear my throat, as I set my glass down.
         "Here goes nothing." I mumbled to myself and started picking at my nails. "Okay, well as everyone knows, there were a good two years where I-"
         "Disappeared?"
         "Went dark?"
         "Didn't visit?"
         Some of the others finished. My jaw dropped in an offended way as the table erupted in more laughter. "You know what, yes." I admitted. "And in those two years, I sort of fell in love."
         "That's wonderful."
         "What's his name?"
         "Where is he?"
         "How great."
         The table erupted in chatter again. "Okay, you all aren't really helping me with my nerves right now." There was a slight shake in my voice as I spoke and they all stopped talking immediately.
         "I think I get it." Ty Lee said, mainly to herself. I wondered if she actually knew what I was saying and gave the peppy girl a curious look. "You're pregnant!"
         "Ama, really!?"
         "Congratulations!"
         "I'm going to be an aunt!?"
         "No!" I shouted, rapidly shaking my head and my arms out in front of me. "It's been a year since I've last seen them. Besides, it was never even a possibility. Cause- well." I looked around the table. They all either had confused or curious expressions.
         My eyes landed on Zuko, he was leaning back into his chair. Arms crossed over his chest as he waited to hear me speak. His soft golden eyes bore into mine. Immediately, I felt calmer and just blurted it out. "The whole point of me saying all of this is because I'm bisexual and Mulan was a woman who I was very much in love with!"
         "Oh, that's old news!" Toph immediately exclaimed before anyone could say anything.
         "Old news? I just told Katara and Sokka this morning. They were the only ones who knew!" I pointed out, motioning to my siblings.
         "Oh." Toph realized. "Then I guess it's just old news to me. You're heartbeat always sped up whenever you saw an attractive woman." My face reddened and I buried my face in my hands.
         "Moving on. I think that's great, Ama." Suki said, looking at me from beside Sokka, who sat between the two of us.
         "Yeah. We're all very happy for your new found understanding of yourself." Ty Lee grinned at me. "Or would it be an old understanding of yourself? Either way, your aura is very purple and bright!"
         "So, none of you think differently of me?" I wondered, peeking through my fingers.
         "Of course not. You're still the same Ama." Zuko spoke up, giving me a comforting smile. He didn't speak all that much the entire night.
         "So what happened?" Ty Lee's curious voice wondered.
         I shrugged, a somber expression on my face. "She got really sick one day and died." Some voices expressed words of condolences quietly. "It's been hard, but everything happens for a reason, I guess." I began to feel extremely uncomfortable in the dismal atmosphere. The quiet was eating me up.
         "Well," Katara spoke up, standing from her seat. I am so thankful for her ability to see when I'm uncomfortable. "it's been a long day and I'm exhausted." Aang stood up also, ready to go to bed as well.
         "So am I." Ty Lee jumped from her seat. "Who knew traveling could suck all the energy out of a person." Slowly everyone left the table.
         "Don't forget ladies, tomorrow is the bridal shower." Katara announced quickly before entering her room.
         "Good job, sis." Sokka pulled me into him for a side hug. "The execution was a little rocky, but I'm proud of you for finally overcoming your fear."
         "Sokka, your breath reeks of wine." I laughed, shoving him off me. "Get to bed."
         "Mhh. Bed sounds good." Sokka mumbled happily then gave a sly look at Suki. "What do you think, Suki? Bed? Good?"
         The girl smirked back at him seductively. "I think bed sounds great."
         "Eww." I said in disgust. "You're going to make me throw up."
         "Aww, you're just jealous you don't have someone in your bed tonight." Sokka teased.
         "Yeah, it's totally because of that and not because your bedroom is right next to me." I raised my eyebrows and entered my bedroom. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. Finally. I can rest easy, I hope. The walls here are thick, right?
.☽☼☾.
         I woke up early with a list of things to do. But of course, everyone needs  their breakfast. Sitting at the dining table with a bread bun in my hands and a book in another.
         "Watcha reading?" A familiar but still strange voice asked. Turning my head, I saw the one and only Zuko. I gave him a smile as he sat down, taking a bread bun from one of the bowls in the center.
         "A romance novel." I replied, keeping my eyes on my book. "A princess falls in love with the stable boy. But he gets drafted into the war. The princess then disguises herself as a man in order to protect him."
         "Sounds interesting." He responded. "I'll need to borrow it when you're done."
         Memorising the page I was on, I set down the book. "So, how've you been?" I asked.
         "I've been good. Bored, mainly." He shrugged. "You know. When I became Fire Lord, I was never told how much of my time would be spent with paperwork in front of me."
         "That's rough, buddy." I quoted something he'd said a long time ago, cracking a smile from him. "How's Kiyi and your mom?"
         "Good. Kiyi turned 12 a few weeks ago. And mom still asks about you." He responded with a warm smile.
         "Did they get the bracelets I sent? I know it wasn't anything fancy, but-"
         "They loved it." Zuko interrupted me. "Kiyi wears it almost everyday, actually."
         "That's good to hear." I said, taking another sip from my tea. I grimaced at how cold it got from being neglected. I looked over at Zuko with an innocent look. "Hey do you mind-?"
         Already one step ahead of me, Zuko took my tea cup, heating it up with his hands. Giving him a questioning look, Zuko just chuckled. "You're a very predictable person, you know."
         "Well, thank you." I said, taking the cup back from him and sipping it. "So, did you boys plan anything for today?"
         "Aang wants to go to the market." He answered. "Hey, what are some foods you recommend?"
         "Depends." I started, pointing at nothing in particular. "Auntie Ashuna has a booth selling seal jerky. I find that to be pretty filling. There's also a booth selling different sea foods, but fried. Honestly, it's one of my new favorite snacks."
         "Anything sweet?" He asked more specifically.
         "Oh. Auntie Nalle has an entire bakery. She sells cakes, tarts, and all sorts of things." I listed, my mouth already watering at the thought. "She's going to be at the bridal shower, though, so Uncle Perlu will be running everything. Word of advice, don't stare at him. He'll write your name on a piece of paper and burn it."
         He chuckled and looked a bit confused. "Should I ask?"
         "It's kinda my fault." I recalled how I told my uncle that burning the name of a person was a great way of both detaching from them and wishing ill-will on them. "Anyways, I gotta get going. Bridesmaid duties." I stated, standing up from my seat.
         "Have fun." He said as I was picking up my book, placing it under my arm to pick up my dirty dishes.
         "You know me." I smirked. "I'll always have fun."
         "Can you do me a favor?" He asked, just before I left. I nodded, for him to continue. "Keep an eye on Suh for me? I know she's a very extroverted person, but she can feel out of place easily."
         "You can count on me mister Fire Lord." I assured him. He gave me a thankful smile as I actually felt the dining room this time.
         My smile fell as I left. The mention of Suh made me feel... uneasy. I wanted to like her, I really did. But there was something about her that made me wary. I don't know what it is. But I will.
.☽☼☾.
         "What a beautiful knife set." Katara opened the last gift. "Thank you, Mai." The Fire Nation woman nodded a 'you're welcome' while she grabbed a biscuit. Katara turned to look at me, as she set the gift to the side. "I didn't think I could get so many plate sets."
         "You'll never need to worry about not having one." We chuckled together.
         "It was a great idea to host the bridal shower here in the green house." Katara looked around at the place. Vines hung from pots, trees grew strongly, and flowers of all colors filled the clear paneled house. "It sets the perfect atmosphere and it's gorgeous."
         "I know." I agreed. "Plus I think the two of us needed a break of the snow."
         "Oh, please. You were in here like everyday up until two weeks ago." She mocked me, starting to fold up the gift bags.
         "Yeah, some of the bridesmaid duties I were procrastinating on had finally caught up to me." I recalled, looking across the long table I noticed Suh chatting Mai's ear off. The poor girl looked so bored and annoyed.
         Remembering my promise to Zuko earlier, I stood up and went over. "Hey, Mai. Katara could use some help organizing the gifts."
         "Finally. Something to do." She said dryly and left her seat.
         I took Mai's seat and smiled at Suh. "So, how are you liking the South Pole?" I started conversation.
         "Oh, it's beautiful." She awed. "I always believed that the Southern Water Tribe was underdeveloped and unstable, but I was obviously wrong."
         I tried not to feel offended by her little comment. After all, it wasn't like the Fire Nation was taught a whole lot about the other nations. "You should go to the market one day, you can get a taste of some more Water Tribe culture and food!" I suggested. "Zuko told me that he and the boys were going to be there today?"
         "Oh. I didn't know that you and Zu-bear talked today?" It took everything in me not to burst out laughing at the nickname. Zu-bear? Zuko can't possibly like that. "But, anyways. I guess I'll try to go to the market."
         "So, how did you and Zuko meet?" I inquired.
         "Oh, it was nothing special." She swatted the air with one hand and grabbed her tea with the other. "The Fire Nation Council introduced Zuko to lots of women. We went on a couple dates, and just clicked. With all the competition I really didn't think Zuko would want to be with me, but well. Here we are."
         "What does the Council have to do with Zuko's love life?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
         "Zuko, isn't exactly getting younger. The Fire Nation is going to need an heir." She spoke like it was common knowledge. "The Council just made sure that all the women eligible to him are fit to be Fire Queen."
         It made sense. After all, the royal life is a lot more pristine than I know. The year I spent living in the palace had me following proper etiquette. And that was just scratching the surface. Still, having a group of people limiting who you'd spend the rest of your life with sounded terrible.
         "And what did you do before you met Zuko. Were you a diplomat of some sort, academic...?"
         "My father was a general in the war. I never really did anything." She answered. The answer was way too simple for my liking. Especially since she likes to talk. "I hope I don't sound rude, but I'd rather hear more about you." She grinned. "Zuko never really talked about you guys."
         I was taken aback by that. He never talked about us? Why? Is he ashamed? No. Why would he? "Um, well. What would you like to know?"
         "Everything!" She exclaimed excitedly. Her hands intertwined and a hopeful look glimmered in her eye. And I'm starting to see why Mai said she was unbearable.
.☽☼☾.
         I rubbed by my temples slowly, stepping inside the palace with Katara behind me. "Remind me to keep Auntie Vik away from the alcohol at your wedding." I grumbled.
         "I'll remember." Katara grumbled back. "It's been a long day. Oh, you know what would be nice? A relaxing time at the hot springs."
         "That sounds like heaven." I moaned at the thought. "You think the others would want to join us? The sun hasn't even set yet, we have time."
         "That's a good idea, actually." Katara grinned. "I'll go get everyone."
         "And I'll go get the wine!" I exclaimed, sharply turning to the wine cellar.
         And just like that, the second evening with my friends started. With wine in our hands and the hot, soothing water up to our chest.
         "...I was so close to using my trusty boomerang on the guy. I mean, who does he think he is?" Sokka complained about some shop owned from the market.
         "For not lowering the price by a couple copper pieces?" Haru chuckled.
         "I'd already spent most of my money on food. And that dress was perfect for Suki." He grumbled. Suki shook her head, but still smiled at her goofy boyfriend, leaning into him.
         "How was the bridal shower?" Aang turned the attention to the girls.
         "It went well. And now we have a lot of plates to use." Katara grinned, making me chuckle.
         "Props to Ama, though. The girl was hella busy both before and after the event." Toph brought the attention on to me.
         "Oh, please it was nothing." I smirked and swatted my hand. "But the chef was so rude. He told me that the dishes I requested were 'too complicated.' I met with him last week to go over everything and he didn't say a word about it."
         "I saw the way he talked to you." Suki spoke up. "He was way too bold."
         "Seriously though, Katara. You better put as much effort as I am right now when I get married cause I've been busting my ass." I grumbled at my sister.
         "Yeah well I won't procrastinate like you did." Katara crossed her arms over her chest and had a fun-loving smile.
         "That's assuming that Ama will even get married." Sokka quipped, earning some snickers while my jaw dropped. "Hey, I just realized. Katara is getting married before Ama. Even though Ama is older and still single. Ha! Good luck sis."
         "Sokka!" Katara scolded while I actually bent the hot water and splashed his face.
         "Ow! Ow! Ama!" He hissed and with his eyes closed, he reached out of the water, using his hand to try and find his towel.
         "Don't worry, Ama. You'll find someone." Ty Lee assure me.
         "What is with you all?" I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair. "I am perfectly content with my life right now. I got my friends, my family. What more do I need? Besides, I'm not worried about that. After all, I was able to pull in the FIre Lord."
         Zuko just shrugged with a cocky smirk and sipped his wine. "Hey, you got good taste I'll tell you that." Suh looked a bit uncomfortable at the mention of Zuko's relationship with me and pressed closer onto him.
         "Minus Jet." Aang huffed a laugh.
         "And we never got to meet Mulan. So we don't even know what she's like." Suki added.
         "You know it would have been nice to meet her, Sis." Sokka said with his chin up in an offended way.
         "It wasn't that I didn't want to," I threw my hands up and some water splashed from my hand. "You know, the world isn't exactly all that accepting of same-sex couples."
         "I was actually really surprised when I found that out." Aang commented. "The Air Nomads embraced everyone's differences, no matter who they loved."
         "Fire Lord Sozin decreed that same-sex relationships be made criminal when he came into power." Zuko said. "I'm still in the process of legalizing it. There's been quite a bit of pushback by the Fire Sages."
         "Why?" I furrowed my eyebrows as I started to feel frustrated. "It makes so sense. The Water Tribe prefers for you to keep it to themselves, the Fire Nation will throw you in prison, and the Earth Kingdom families will kick you out."
         "Is that what happened to Mulan?" Katara wondered softly.
         "Was she kicked out? Yeah." I said somberly. "She was 13."
         "I had a neighbor that was gay." Haru spoke. "He had to leave town because his farm hept getting robbed and received death threats."
         "So now you can all see why I didn't tell you guys anything?" I raised my eyebrows at them all.
         "Yeah, snowcone." Toph punched my shoulder. "But don't do that ever again."
         "Yeah, yeah. You can't read, I get it." I chuckled as I rubbed the spot she just punched.
         "Ama, I promise you that I will reverse what my great grandfather has done." Zuko assured me. "No one deserves to be punished for who they love."
         I broke into a huge grin. "You're all the best I'm going to cry." My hand went up to my eyes, my thumb wiping the tears that started to drip.
         "We're just glad you could confide in us." Katara swam over, embracing me in a hug.
         "Yeah! You can always trust us." Ty Lee also swam over to embrace me.
         "Okay, new conversation before I start bawling my eyes out." I laughed, the two girls left the hug.
         "Ama, so emotional." Sokka shook his head in fake disappointment.
         "Says the guy who cried when Auntie Ashuna ran out of seal jerky." I retorted. Sokka grumbled to himself as he sank further into the water.
         "You know, I'm kind of curious to know about Toph and Kanto." Katara smirked at Toph.
         The earthbender smirked smugly, taping a sip from her wine. "All you guys need to know is that we're together and he'll be at the wedding."
.☽☼☾.
         Another day had passed and we were one day closer to the wedding. Today was chock full of wedding planning, or at least the finishing touches. Katara and Aang needed to confirm the centerpieces and the decorators were going over how to decorate the venue.
         We spent hours there. And it wasn't the stressful atmosphere or the pre pre-wedding jitters Katara was having that made me feel uncomfortable. It was Suh. As best man, Zuko came along to help Aang out. And Suh never even left his side.
         She kept talking out of turn, suggesting things that no one asked for, and was way too loud. "What about roses as the centerpiece instead of the panda lilies? They're so much prettier." and "Wouldn't blue be a more 'Water Tribe-y' than yellow?"
         I had to constantly remind her that it was both Aang and Katara's wedding and that they wanted to incorporate both of their cultures into it. But it never sank into her head. She'd apologize and do it all over again.
         "I can't stand that woman." I complained to the girls. We all, minus Suh, sat in Katara's room as Ty Lee tried different wedding hair styles on her. "Honestly, I don't know what Zuko sees in her."
         "I told you." Mai said dryly. Yeah, I need to learn to listen to Mai more.
         "Oh, she wasn't that bad." Katara argued with her sweet tone. "Sure she had a lot to say, but you can't hold that against her."
         "Of course I can. She was being incredibly inconsiderate of our culture and us." I justified. I didn't know how Katara was being okay with this. I would have thought she'd be on the same page as me since it was her wedding.
         "Ama, do you think you're maybe over exaggerating?" Suki suggested.
         "Why would I exaggerate?" I huffed.
         "Maybe 'cause you still have feelings for Zuko. And she's kinda engaged to him." Toph said without missing a beat.
         "Will you all stop with that." I grumbled in annoyance. "I told you. I see Zuko as nothing more than a friend. My problem is with Suh."
         "You're problem is with Suh because you like Zuko." Toph was blunt and spoke without holding back. She took pleasure in teasing others, but there was always truth in what she said. Still. She's human and can be wrong.
         "You guys simply haven't spent enough time with Suh." Mai came to my defence. "I've had to put up with her for months. The woman has no filter."
         Suki giggled from beside me and shook her head. "How convenient that Zuko's two exes are the only ones who don't like Suh." Mai just rolled her eyes and I scoffed. There was no way I'd be able to convince them anything. Not if they thought I still had feelings for my ex.
         "I think Suh is nice." Ty Lee spoke up, tying the last band into Katara's hair. "How's this one?" She asked the bride. Katara was the focus of everyone's attention now.
         She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. Her dark hair was put into a loose braid and then swirled into a low bun to look like a flower. The strands by her face were tied with blue string all the way to the end and pinned to the back of her head.
         "It's beautiful, Ty Lee." Katara complimented after giving it some thought. "It just feels too... posh. And all of the pins are poking at my scalp." She grimaced at the pain
         "Hmm." Ty Lee placed a finger on her chin, thinking about how she could restyle it. "I guess we could try a half-up, half-down style." The girl started to unpin Katara's hair.
         "Katara, shouldn't your hair be a bit more on the 'posh' side?" I asked her, stepping up beside to her to assist Ty Lee in removing the pins. "I mean, this is the biggest wedding of the year. Maybe of the generation."
         "Oh please." Katara snickered, laced with nerves. "Just because I'm marrying the Avatar doesn't mean everything has to be so elegant. There's only 300 people."
         Ty Lee and I shared an amused look. 'Only 300 people.' The vast majority of it were our family and friends, a few others from the tribe. But each nation was also sending reporters to cover the Avatar's big wedding.
         Katara didn't want it to be as big of a deal as it was. But one thing led to another while planning, and it became a big deal. She wasn't complaining, though. Because at the end of the day there was only one thing that mattered to her. That she was marrying Aang.
         Taking out the last pin from her hair, I looked at my sister. She was zoned out, stared at herself in the mirror with a soft smile. The kind that only a person in love would have. No doubt she was thinking about her loverboy.
         "Okay, so what if I tied beads on the top and..." Ty Lee began explaining another style to try, using her hands to run through Katara's hair. I sat back down on the floor next to my sister, seeing how her smile grew at Ty Lee's description.
.☽☼☾.
         The sun had barely touched the horizon. The sky was painted in hues of orange and yellow. The blue sea looked dark except to the line where the sun's light touched it.
         I took in the sight. My back rested against a large oak tree on a cliff. My left leg was out in front of my while my right leg was close to my chest as I rested my arm on it.
         So far, my journey was filled with knowledge and laughter. It was odd, though. I always had my siblings with me. They were my source of joy. Then it was Zuko. And for the past three years, it was myself.
         I still saw my friends. In fact, just a week prior, I visited Toph at her metalbending academy. I rarely saw Zuko. Maybe just twice since our breakup. Once when I passed through the Fire Nation and once at Yu Dao. Apparently, he and Aang were planning on creating a whole new nation. The United Republic of Nations.
         It was an interesting plan. Using the land that was previously Fire Nation colonies to create an entire independent state. One where benders and nonbenders of all nations could live together.
         That was a few months ago. And since then, the United Republic has made advances. Last I heard, there was a vast majority of the population for it. I had no doubt that my friends would be successful in their project.
         I sort of felt like a leaf, I guess. Drifting from place to place. Not that I was complaining. It was nice, learning new things and meeting new people. There was just something missing from my life. And I didn't know what.
         I didn't let myself dwell on that. I knew I'd find this missing thing eventually. But at this moment, I just let myself be content. An apple in my hand and some stupid song stuck in my head.
         Spirits, it was on repeat. It was a song I heard that afternoon from an old man in the town. "When I think of that painter, that beautiful painter. My heart almost bursts and I spin on the spot." It was a beautiful song with a gorgeous melody. But it wouldn't leave my head.
         "Hello there, beautiful." A raspy voice interrupted my tranquil evening. "What's a girl like you doing out here all alone."
         I craned my neck to see who it was. No one I knew. Just some man, perhaps a few years older than me, leaning smugly against the tree. His black hair slicked back with some sort of gel. His layered style was made up of dark clothing. But the most important part of his whole getup was the willow leaf saber in his hand.
         Or in simpler terms. The man literally came up to me with a whole weapon out. I was an unarmed girl just enjoying the sunset. He was a thug.
         During the war, it was the Fire Nation soldiers that caused problems in each city. That spot was now filled by criminals and gangs. They bullied citizens for money or food or anything they could get their hands on. I was lucky enough not to come across any of them. Until now.
         I remained emotionless and just took a bite from my apple. "You know it's dangerous 'round these parts. You never know who might try to rob you. Especially a pretty girl like yourself." I almost laughed at how this man was trying to sound intimidating.
         "Thank you, for letting me know." I replied, covering my mouth with the back of my hand while I chewed. I looked back at the sunset, trying to ignore his staring.
         He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Nice bag." He pointed at my colorful satchel with his sword. "What's in it?"
         "Alot, actually. Some copper pieces, some gold, some silver. Passport, hair ties, good stuff like that." I egged him on and looked up at him. He had a mischievous smirk, thinking this would be an easy steal. "You can look through it if you'd like. But you won't find your dignity."
         His smirk disappeared and he sneered at me. "You taunting me?" He pointed his sword at my chest.
         I sighed with annoyance and got off the floor with my hands on my hips, his sword still pointed at me. "Look man, I was just trying to enjoy the sunset until you got here."
         "Funny, I just started to enjoy my evening when I saw you here." He chuckled.
         I didn't know how long he wanted to keep bickering like this. And I just wanted to get back to the sunset. So I snapped open my waterskin and bent the water in it to spash it against his sword and then froze it against the tree.
         The man's eyes widened and tried to pull the sword out, despite it not budging. "Okay, buddy. It's been wonderful being threatened by you, but as you can see I will be winning any sort of fight against you. So, if you just agree to leave me alone, I'll unfreeze you little toy." I tried to strike a deal.
         But my self-assured ass didn't see the man behind me. Pulling on my hair, he drew me close to him and placed a dagger against my throat. "Nuh uh, sweetie." His gross, hot breath was on my ear. "You see, we never travel alone."
         Three other thugs came out of hiding. Each of them with disgusting smiles. One of them grabbed my bag and looked through it. "Ha!" She exclaimed, pulling out my bag of coins.
         "Jackpot!" One of the others jumped happily.
         "Now if you'll just unfreeze my friend's sword, we'll be on our way. And you'll be unharmed." The man who held me growled.
         "Gladly." I responded and bent the frozen water off and struck the man holding me in the face. Effectively getting him to remove his grip on me.
         The others sprung into action. Mister 'hello there, beautiful' ran over to me, swinging his sword. I dodged it by side stepping to my right, and used my water to, this time, push him onto the ground and froze his hand on the ground.
         The woman stomped her foot on the ground, and the earth beneath me rumbled. I jumped back, avoiding the sharp earth that sprung from the ground. I took my water and used the waterwhip to slap her harshly, throwing her onto a tree.
         But while I did that, I didn't notice that the other guy bent the earth, holding my feet to the ground tightly. It felt like the earth was cutting off the blood circulation to my feet. In shock I looked down. But when I looked back up the man was sprinting, sword in hand and ready to strike me through.
         I called my water to me, but just before I could do anything, a new person entered the fight. A woman. All I saw was a blur of red hair as she tackled the man to the ground. Rolling back up, she lunged again. Punching the man's throat. His hand went up to where she injured him, like he couldn't breath.
         The earth around my feet disappeared back into the ground. I was free, but I was right when I speculated that the rock was cutting of my circulation. It was like tiny needles were continuously poking at my feet, and I fell back into a seated position.
         The man that held me before was back up and held his dagger tightly in his hand. Swinging it across his body to attack the woman. The mysterious redhead jumped back, grabbing his arm to hold him in place as she then kicking his knee in. The man, with a backwards leg cried out in excruciating pain.
         One of the other, that hadn't done anything yet, dropped the bag of money on the ground. He unsheathed his sword and walked over to the woman. She in turn, unsheathed her own sword, a katana to be exact, and the two pieces of metal collided.
         Using his own strength against him, she moved to the side and he fell forward slightly. And while he was hunched over, the woman slammed the butt of her katana against the back of his head, making him fall over in extreme pain.
         The woman I fought earlier was also back up, bending two pieces of rock beside her, she threw it at the redhead. She dodged both as she ran towards her before sliding beside the woman. And when she jumped back up she kicked the back of her knee, getting the attacker to fall on her knees.
         The redhead pointed her katana at the woman's head. And everyone paused. Well, all of them were maimed pretty badly. "You thugs need to watch it." The redhead's voice spewed venom when she spoke to them. "If you ever try to cause pain to another innocent person, I won't be as merciful."
         The ones that were capable nodded in understanding. Satisfied, the mystery woman sheathed her katana walked over to me. With some feeling of my feet I stood up to greet and thank her. But I guess there wasn't as much feeling as I thought and my body started to lean forward. Luckily, the woman was right in front of me and caught me before I could fall any further.
         "Woah there." She laughed lightly, helping me stand by wrapping her arm around my waist and allowing for me to lean on her. "Are you okay."
         "Perfect." I chuckled at myself. "Thank you, so much." I then looked back over to the group of criminals. "That was incredible. The way you moved and everything."
         The woman shrugged. "It was nothing. I do this over four times a week." I looked at her curiously. "I'm part of this group. The Miraculous Bastards."
         "The Miraculous Bastards?" I laughed and was finally able to hold myself up. She chuckled with me. Spirits, her smile is gorgeous. In fact, now that I look at her, her entire self was beautiful. She had dark red hair that hung loose and ended at her shoulders. Sparkling forest green eyes. And she was taller than me by two or three inches.
         "I didn't choose the name." She shook her head.
         "I'm Ama." I introduced myself.
         "Ama?" She repeated like she recognised it. "Wait, weren't you one of the waterbenders that traveled with the Avatar?" I nodded and smiled at her excited reaction. "You literally saved the world! Meeting you is an honor."
         "Thank you." This kind of attention always left me feeling a little awkward.
         "So, what exactly are you doing here?"
         I shrugged. "Just traveling around. That is, until something else comes around and my life takes another turn."
         The woman tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Um, I hate to ask, but would you by any chance want to meet my friends? It doesn't have to be for long and our camp isn't far." She pointed with her thumb towards a direction away from the cliff.
         "The rest of the Miraculous Bastards, you mean?" I inquired with a smirk.
         "Yeah." She chuckled.
         "I'd love to." I agreed. "Just let me grab my stuff." I crouched down, grabbing my satchel and the bag of coins. Ignoring the groans for help from the criminals.
         "I'm Mulan, by the way." The woman said quickly as we left the scene. I smiled at her. I didn't know what it was. But just speaking to her had me feeling something I haven't felt in a long time. Butterflies.
.☽☼☾.
I didn't want Ama's sexuality to be such a big deal. In an ideal world, no one would have to make a big deal or be scared of coming out. Heterosexual is not the default. But after watching Legend of Korra and reading the first comic, I realized that this would be something that Ama would have to confront.
Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼
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addictofsupernatural · 5 years ago
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You Can Tell Me Anything
Jughead Jones x reader
Author Note: This is taken place during season one when everything was simpler.
(I don't remember these episodes perfectly so I'm sorry if I miss some things)
Summary: Jughead is trying hard to make sure you don't know that he's homeless, but sooner or later you find out.
Word Count: 1888
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Jughead was beyond mad. They were going to close down the drive in, his job. His home. Of course nobody else could know that, especially not you.
Jughead's had a crush on you for a while. You were just always so happy and ready to help. You helped Jughead with the blue and gold, as well as solving mysteries that you guys got yourselves into. You were the only one who understood his references.
The last thing he wanted to feel like was The Help. He didn't want you to see him as a loser or helpless. Not that you would, but Jughead couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
Jughead angrily climbed over you in the booth. All of you stared at him. "They're going to shut down the drive-in."
"What?" You said, the only one who seemed to care. Betty had switched sides the squish in with Veronica and Kevin. The three of them knew of your crush on Jughead Jones, and were reading to help anyway they could.
"Closing down the Twighlight Drive-In is just one more nail in the coffin that is Riverdale, no, the American dream. As the great Quentin Tarantino used to say-"
"Please, no more Quentin Tarantino references." Kevin said.
"What? I'm pissed. And not just because I'm losing my job, but because the drive in should mean something to Riverdale. People should be trying to save it!"
You slide over your plate to Jughead, and he starts eating your fries. "Well, in the new age of Netflix, who would go to drive-ins anymore?"
"People who want to buy crack." Kevin bluntly says.
"Kev." You say, nodding to Jughead.
"And cinematics and car enthusiasts!" Jughead argues. "Am I right y/n/n?"
"Yup." Nodding your head.
"Also, you guys should come to closing night." He says sadly. "I was thinking American Graffiti, or is that too obvious?"
"Oh, I would love anything starring Audrey Hepburn." Veronica said, with Kevin nodding in agreement.
"Y/n, what do you think?" Kevin asks.
"Mm, maybe Rebel Without a Cause?" Jughead smiles at you.
"I'll be right back." Betty says, getting up when seeing Archie, his dad, and the music teacher.
"Betty wait!" You said, knowing that it was about the weird relationship of the two. You and Jughead shared a look. He knew too.
Betty said something, and her and Archie went outside. Jughead slouched as he stared out the window to watch, and you leaned on him, putting your hand on his chest to watch as well. Veronica then went out to see what was going on.
"What was it like before she came here?" Kevin asked. "I honestly can't remember."
"Huh." You say. Kevin nodded his head.
You and Jughead were passing out flyers for the closing night at the drive-in. "Why didn't you guys give me a heads up?" Archie asked.
"I am, by nature, an objector." Not saying anything to neither you nor Betty was the most moral decision I could make."
"And you?"
"I try not to associate myself with stuff like this." You explain. "Don't get me wrong, I'm nosey and I like to know things about other people, but I physically stay out of drama."
Jughead smiled at that. "And that's what keeps the blue and gold running." You smiled back.
"Could you guys just please let me know if Betty does anything crazy?"
After school you both went to the mayor's office. "I'm sorry, but the Twighlight Drive-In has become a hangout for gang members and transients. The deal is done. Andrews Construction is scheduled to destroy it on Monday."
Jughead was beginning to panic. It was happening too fast, and he didn't know where he was going to go if the drive-in really would be gone. "Mayor McCoy, when I was a kid my family and I would always go. We couldn't afford tickets for everyone, so Jellybean and I would hide in the trunk, then come out when the car was parked. It's like my home."
Jughead felt hot under your gaze. He shifted in his seat, wanting nothing more than for you to have not have heard that. "That's a sweet sentiment, Mr. Jones, but the future of Riverdale is at stake here."
"And isn't Riverdale the town of warm, fuzzy memories?" You spoke up. "I mean, might as well get rid of Pop's for the 50's theme. Riverdale thrives on the fact that it's a place where people build times to remember with their families."
"Look, I'd love to help you both, but the deal is done. You should find out who they are to get some answers."
"Thank you for your time." You said.
Next was Andrews Construction site. "Mayor McCoy says that you have a contract to tear down the drive-in." Jughead said quietly. There was something about Archie's father that made anyone, especially Jughead, calm down. Fred Andrews was a respected man.
"I do. Look, I'm sorry guys. I love the drive-in too."
"Mr. Andrews," you said. "Just give us one week to track the man who bought the land."
"And convince them not to demolish this holy house of cinema." Jughead said angrily.
"Jug, y/n/n, this is a big contract for me and my guys."
Jughead was staring intensely at Fred, before softening his features. He didn't move. "Y/n could you wait outside?" He asked quietly.
You looked at Jughead, confused, then at Fred. He nodded his head for you to go. "Okay." You responded.
"You put one Jones out of work, and now another, huh?"
He sighed. "Jug, your dad was stealing equipment. I had to let him go."
Jughead scoffs. "Right. You're just doing what you had to, just like now. Later." He averted eye contact. Although he was mad, he knew it wasn't Fred's fault.
He found you sitting on the steps waiting for him. "You okay?"
He kept on walking. "He's not gonna do it."
You caught up to him and grabbed his hand, bringing him to a halt. "That's not what I asked." You quietly said. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. It's whatever. I gotta go get everything ready for closing night. See you tomorrow." And with that he walked off.
You then went from gift store to gift store, trying to find Jughead something that he'd like. You wanted to make him feel better. You knew that his sadness wouldn't completely go away from the Twilight Drive-In, but it could probably lessen. And that was your goal.
You went to the back of the drive-in, where Rebel Without a Cause was playing from. You knocked on the door. Jughead poked his head out of the door. "Y/n, what're you doing here?"
You smiled. "I came to see if we could watch the movie back here together."
"I would, but there's a lot of tapes and equipment to organize. Sorry." Jughead hated the words coming out of his mouth. Of course he wanted to watch the movie with you. Of course he wanted to be with you alone, especially right now. He wanted you to make him feel better. But he couldn't have you see the bed.
Your smile faded. "Oh. Okay. Well, could you come out here for a second then? I want to give you something."
He went outside and closed the door. He gave you a teasing smile. "Is it the deed to this place?"
You laughed. "I wish. It's, uh," you raised your hand, showing a Bates Motel key chain with the circular chain around your index finger. "Tada."
He stared at it. He didn't know how to react. You knew him so well. "What? You don't like it? I'm sorry, I was just trying to make you feel better and-"
"What? No! Uh, no, it's not that." He put on a tiny smile. "It's just, thank you. It means a lot."
You went up to him and hugged him, loving the warmth resonating off of him. He was shocked for a second, before coming back to his senses and wrapping his arms around your waist.
"Course Jug. You're my best friend." You pulled away and out your hands on each cheek. "Alright. C'mon, where's that smile I love so much?" He looked away and did his dorky smile that made your cheeks heat up. "There it is." You then slipped out of his hold. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." And with that you left.
Jughead watched you leave, then looking down at the key chain in his hand. As he went back inside and packed his things, he hooked the key chain onto his backpack zipper, sighing as he looked at it.
The next three days Jughead was sleeping in the janitor closet at Riverdale High. It was perfect. He had his sleeping bag, and they had showers and bathrooms. You just couldn't find out.
That was until the fourth day. Archie had caught him. "Jug, what are you doing here so early?"
He put on a fake smile. "Just using this school's amazing state-of-the-art facility."
"No, seriously, what are you doing here?" So he showed his where he was sleeping. He explained that this was his living ever since the drive-in was closed. "I'll be back. I'm going to talk to my dad about you staying with us."
After some arguing, Jughead reluctantly agreed. "But Archie, you can't tell anyone about this. Especially not y/n." Knowing of his friend's crush, he nodded his head. He then headed out of the school, getting his phone out of his pocket to send you some texts.
The was a knock on the closet door. Jughead let out a laugh. "Archie you don't have to knock, it's not like this is my room or anything."
The door opened, you leaning against the door frame with a bag in hand. Jughead's smile immediately came off. "Can I come in?" You quietly asked.
"He told you?!" He stood.
"Please don't be mad at him!" You quickly said, going in and shutting the door. "I'm glad he did. Why didn't you tell me about this Jug?"
"You think I'm proud of this? I'm living in a closet. I use the school showers. I'm pathetic y/n."
"No you're not, Juggy. You You should've just told someone. You could've gotten help!" You huffed, putting the bag in your hand down. "I really didn't think you had a big ego. You should know that I don't care about where you're living, or if things are going bad. You just need to talk to me."
He scoffed, then looking at the bag. He was still angry, but curiosity got the better of him. "What's in the bag?"
You breathed out a humorless laugh. "Pop's. Eggs and bacon. I also stopped by a liquor store and got chocolate milk."
"For me?"
"For us." You looked back at him, his expression still looking angry. "What? Getting drinks separately was cheaper, and I like YooHoo okay? I figured I could make you feel better and save some money at the same time but I guess I was wrong and-"
He cut you off with a kiss. It surprised you at first, but you soon returned it. You cupped his face with his hands finding your waist. When he pulled away for air he kept your faces close. He looked downwards, and you smiled wide. It happened. It finally happened. You had just kissed Jughead.
"Aw, c'mon Jug." You stroked your thumb at his cheek. "Where's that smile that I love so much?" He looked to the side and gave you a big goofy smile. "There it is."
The door then opened and Archie saw the both of us in each other's embrace. "Oh. Sorry should I have knocked?"
Author Note: In case you were wondering this is what I pictured Jughead's goofy smile would be like.
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pbandjesse · 6 years ago
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Emotionally I am having a hard day. It has Absolutly been all over the place. I slept okay but not great. I got up and got dressed. Packed my lunch and snacks. James was going to come over and walk with me to the dentist but I decided to go alone. I just was dealing with a lot and didnt want to he a person.
I got to the dentist and they took me back quickly. My crown was tight so they had to fix it a bit. The dental hygenist was really nice and made me feel like it wasn't a moral failing that my teeth are messed up. But i did have 3 cavities. And because of the pulp horns my roots have I need ANOTHER ROOT CANAL. I'm done. I was just so numb when they said that. I said just pull it. I cannot afford that. I wont do another root canal. The dentist said well we can try just a filling but it may not work. And when i still pushed back he said to try care credit. Which is a credit card for medical stuff. Okay. But I was still torn up.
The hygienist did a nice job on my teeth. Told me I gotta use a persciption toothpaste that has extra fluoride. And chew this special gum. So at least I can do that and feel like im trying harder then i already was.
I stayed in the office and got approved for the care credit. But. A root canal would max out the card. And it has a 27% interest after 6 months. Incredible. This is the tooth next to my left canine. So its semi visible. And Like I just want it gone at this point but i also already feel so ugly lately that its hard to think about. Why are teeth like a luxury item?? I cannot emotionally handle another root canal though so this might be goodbye to this tooth.
I called a car and got to my meeting right on time. And even though i was dealing with a lot it was a good time. The meetings were good. And i got a massage. The masseuse said I didnt have any tension in my back and said my yoga is working. Awesome.
We did some games and writing about the program. And it was really nice getting to talk to all my coworkers about the program and what we accomplished. We also said goodbye to like half the staff so itll be cool to meet the new staff come the fall.
Liz gave me a ride back to my bike. I stopped for taco stuff and after a pit stop at my apartment I headed to James's.
I was already very very tired and emotionally dealing with a lot. But James had most of the food almost ready so we finished eating stuff up together. And James made us essentially Crunchwrap Supremes from Taco Bell. And it was great. But then I go into the kitchen he had thrown all of the leftovers away. He made himself lunch and didn't even ask me. And like it really upset me. It just felt like he wasn't being aware that for 1. it was wasteful and for 2. It was not being very considerate. He sort of got it at first. That he was being wasteful and then he wanted to go and buy another pepper. But I was just like you didn't even think about me. And honestly I was still hungry and he didn't even give us like 10 minutes after we finished eating or ask for anything. And like he overfilled his taco shell but I didn't. So I got like half the food and he still threw away all of my stuff. Because he made our vegetables separately because he put meat in his. So it really hurt my feelings. and then we tried to make a dessert and it just didn't work out. It came out all wrong. And I was just upset. I'm tired and hungry. And so I said I was going to go home. And he asked if he could walk with me and at first I said yes but when we got down to my bike I just wanted to go home and be by myself.
But I told him what was wrong that my feelings were hurt regardless of the food. And we ended up walking and talking on the way to my apartment and I'm glad we did. I'm glad we can talk like that. I still feel sad I'm glad we talk things out in the open. I want the time I got back to my apartment I was just tired. Wasn't that mad anymore or sad . Just tired.
James left and I went to go get the mail. And the book I wrote a chapter for had come. I'm very excited to read it. And my new Cafe lid for my Klean kanteen bottle.
I went down to the basement and I painted really 45 minutes. Nothing I'm terribly proud of. It's good but it's fine. I think because I'm just painting for pleasure and not anything big and conceptual that I'm having trouble seeing past just what's on the paper. I'm not great at figuring out Concepts behind paintings anyway but I'm glad I did something. Made me feel a little bit better about my lack of artistic practice lately. I'm working on it.
I took a shower and brush my teeth and now I'm laying in bed. I have a very early and very long day tomorrow. I have to be at the museum at 8:15. For a double Cannery. I'm half training though so that'll be fun. And I hope it's just a chill day. But I have a feeling it won't be. Because after work I'm going out with James and his parents and his sister and his sister's boyfriend. And then we're going to a play. So it's just going to be like a really long day. But hopefully it's still nice. I hope you'll sleep well.
Good night
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jimlingss · 7 years ago
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I literally hate myself i'm so damn emotional it's BARELY THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER & i'm already getting all emotional cuz of the baby shower & taehyung's letter inviting her to his graduation 😭😭😭 just thinking about him sitting at his desk, thinking about y/n, biting his lip a lil to hold back a smile as he thinks about her, a warm yellow desk light turning his caramel skin gold 😭 & then the fact that i could somewhat imagine what the baby looks like due to that one baby pic of jin 😂😭
[Potential Spoilers Below]
myjeansareonfire said:AND JUNGKOOK'S GON OPEN A RESTAURANT IMAGINE HIM IN THE FUTURE VIGOROUSLY COOKING DISHES HIS SLEEVES ROLLED UP HIS APRON TIED, WIPING AT HIS BROW CUZ OF THE HEAT OF THE KITCHEN, YELLING OUT DIRECTIONS AT THE OTHER COOKS HPSKSKAJDJAJ AND IMAGINE HIM WORKING HARD EVERYDAY AT UNIVERSITY, MAKING FRIENDS ALONG THE WAY AND WHEN HE GETS SIDE TRACKED HE THINKS OF HIS MOTHER AND Y/N AND WHAT THEY WOULD THINK AND WANT FOR HIM AND IT ENCOURAGES HIM TO WORK HARDER
A-and then... The self control... The maturity... The-the IDK MAN THE FACT THAT YOONGI WAS ABLE TO DO THAT AND /FORGIVE THE DAMN GUY/ I'M 💀 i'm so amazed and proud and happy i'm like that gif of that girl crying and covering her mouth with one hand while fist pumping with the other
T_T Now I can imagine Jungkook doing that too *screams*. You’re making me think of the other characters and their future and oh man...I got a really soft spot for Taehyung’s character....BUT DAMN THAT IMAGE OF JUNGKOOK WASHING THE DISHES - DON’T MAKE SWERVE LANESSSS. *fans self*
wHAT WHO'S THAT PERSON IN THE PICTURE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM ·O·
Namjoon turned into a softy my HEART also the image of him just picking up the child & throwing him into the light is quiet amusing tbh
Namjoon’s my favourite character of the trio. I’m very satisfied with his character development. And I love softness. I love soft people, soft gestures - I’m a very soft person inside as you can tell lol.
I'M SCREAMING WTF WTF WTFW TWFVA WHAT'S HAPPENING HOSEOK NO NO! NONONONOOOOOOO WHY 😭😭😭 SO HE'S THE PERSON?!?!? HAKDJAKKAJSKDCXJSJ WHAT'S HAPPENING GGGG I CAN'T I CAN'T!!!!! MY CHEST FEELS LIKE IT'S BEING RIPPED APPART AHHHHHH IT HURTS
Ohmygod jesus christ. What is this PAIN. That ending... Almost rivaled GoD because of the pain i felt in my chest... Geez. I am on the FLOOR i was /not/ ready for that. But i cannot tell you how releaved i was when i realized she was old and namjoon was there.... LOL i kinda feel bad cuz i was happy she died but like 😂😭 she was gonna see hoseok again! She was gonna be with him forever and that realization stitched my heart back together piece by piece
Part of me understand how you feel (since I cried sooo hard editing it) but the other part of me is laughing in my cave. I think it’s a very bittersweet ending - for sure.
And /girl/ i knew it!! I /knew/ y/n had to have known him in his past life... It's hard believing that she didn't tell him tho ;-; but i understand her reasons 💔 and GEEZ HE DIED IN SUCH A HORRIBLE WAY 😭😭 such a painful, painful way... Did you do that to show his strength and courage? I was thinking at first that that's such a cruel way to go but then again, i guess i kind of prefer it to an immediate death? Because.. Idk it's just kind of.. Beautiful in sad way? That ending also just (1/3)
seems to suite you as a writer more. It's more like, your style? And its more satisfying to see the prolonged way you write it. And our pain is kind of spared at the end knowing that she's gonna end up with hoseok anyway :') this series caused a lot of heart ache but in the most beautiful way. You have an amazing skill that never fails to blow me 👏 away 👏. How you can write to make people feel two polar opposite emotions and so well 👏 done 👏 always baffles me. This series (2/3)
might not be for everyone and i understand why but dear lord, i would do this all over again 😪 i'm just in awe right now 😂😭 another series... Well done :') 👏 (also on a side note that character 👏 growth 👏 tho!!!!!👏👏👏 for all three of them! I felt like a proud mom seeing her kids off to college 😭 but at the same time sad that they're leaving ya feel ;( ) i'm off to reread Devil's own luck :D (3/3)
I’m still working on my suspense skills - I think it’s better this time around than it was for His Name. (the following is a His Name Spoiler - do not read if you do not want to spoiled) I made it pretty obvious Yoongi was the mysterious boy in Jungkook’s head and ppl had already began guessing that in the second chapter ._. so I tried harder to make it more ambiguous if Y/N and Hoseok had ties or not. I’m still working on it haha but I think it was much better this time around. When I was considering the way Hoseok died...I had to select something that was far away from Y/N’s home so he couldn’t run into her automatically and it had to be a death that was slow - for the OC to be able to “finish” grieving (or at least the hysterical crying shock) so it wouldn’t be obvious. With creating a physical distance and a time distance, the OC is able to be more coldhearted towards Hoseok and not run into his arms, sobbing and stuff. Something like that. It ties together with the beginning - how Hoseok wakes up in darkness and in rubble. (Oooh). Also, a slower death allows him to think about his last wish and about the OC as opposed to a sudden one.
I’m glad you enjoyed the bittersweet ending :) And yes someone once said an angst story is only true if it ends with angst but man, if I read angst and it ends like that I become really sad so I try to find a medium. BUT WOW I AM SO HAPPY TO BE CONSIDERED TO HAVE A STYLE - THANKS :D Thank you so much for your support and detailed responses, I couldn’t have done it without you either.
For your dedication and for any readers who read the entirety of this message - I’ll reward you with an easter egg. A special secret hidden message.
In chapter 4, the OC describes someone she used to know, someone who hated spinach but it kept coming back to that person, in the same way she is forced to use her abilities. In the same chapter, later on...Hoseok expresses his disgust for spinach. 
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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago
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Buster & Rio
Buster: You coming home soon or what? Rio: Um no, not yet? Rio: You don't need to wait up, babe Buster: Well you're gonna wake me coming in, like Rio: Alright, I'll go in with Indie then Buster: That bedroom ain't far enough from mine to make that much difference, babe Buster: But I appreciate the sentiment Rio: Come on, we won't be going out of our way to make noise Rio: Got some manners, like Buster: I never said you would be trying to Rio: Well Rio: you want me to get a hotel or what? I kinda wish you told me this earlier Buster: Calm down Buster: It ain't that drastic Buster: I'm just saying Rio: May as well sort it before it becomes it like, save both of us the aggro init Buster: It sounds more like you're trying to start some than save us from it Buster: But whatever Rio: How am I starting anything? Oh my God Buster: That Buster: Fucking attitude from the second I open my mouth Rio: You came in with one, how was I meant to react Buster: That'd be why you're out and you don't wanna be in, yeah? Buster: Even though I reckoned that was the point of having her here but you know Rio: The point is so she can clear her head and chill, forget about shit at home for a bit Rio: What, you reckon I shouldn't have taken her out? It's not like I'm letting her get fucked Buster: What do I know I ain't there Rio: It ain't my fault you've got footie early tomorrow Rio: you're hardly missing anything Buster: Come home then Buster: If it ain't worth putting the hours in Rio: She's having a good time still Buster: Indie can have a good time anywhere Buster: Including here Rio: Why do you need me to come back so bad? Buster: I don't Buster: I just thought you would be Rio: Sorry Rio: I'll see you in a few then Buster: Fine Rio: Still don't know why you've got a mood on for though Buster: I told you Buster: Sorry I ain't looking forward to you two crashing in fuck knows when Rio: And I told you, we ain't going to Rio: and also said if you're that concerned we'll go elsewhere Rio: you don't get to complain when I'm out here offering solutions Buster: Yeah 'cause you have so much control over Indie now Buster: She don't know how to do anything quietly Buster: It doesn't mean I'm gonna kick you out Rio: Do you not want her here? Buster: What kind of question is that? Buster: I'm not gonna send her back, am I? Rio: Yeah but do you want her HERE Rio: because if you don't then say Buster: That's what you want me to say so you can leave Buster: I'm not stupid Rio: I'm not going to make her stay somewhere she isn't wanted Rio: she feels that enough as is Buster: If I didn't want her here I'd have said before now Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Would you though Rio: 'cos I didn't give you chance Rio: I just assumed but it's fine Buster: I ain't that whipped, whatever everybody thinks, cheers Rio: Whatever Buster: Do you wanna go? Is that what this is? Rio: Go to the nearest Travelodge? Like nah, it's not ideal but whatever, like I said Buster: That's not what I meant Rio: That isn't a question of want, we both know I always had to go back Buster: Yeah, but is the timing right or isn't it? Buster: Would you still stay if you could or nah? Rio: Of course I would Rio: Why are you even questioning that Buster: 'Cause it's different now Buster: Bubble's burst and it ain't just you and me anymore, like Rio: I didn't know that's how you felt Buster: The longer she's here the more homesick you're gonna be Buster: Missing the way things were before Buster: And if Drew's out the picture then there's nothing to stop you Rio: Here was never the full time plan, you're going to fucking Uni over there, like Buster: But not yet Rio: They ain't handling it Rio: I have to go back Rio: like I said, I don't want to, so don't try and act like I do Buster: What so I have to handle it here by myself? Buster: They've got me so outnumbered Rio: Baby Rio: Difference is I know you can handle it Rio: you don't need me Buster: Just as fucking well really, isn't it? Rio: Fuck you Rio: I've done so much for you if it isn't good enough then seriously, fuck off Buster: So now I've reached the limit of what I'm owed then and its every man for himself, yeah? Buster: Didn't realise I was on borrowed time with it, like Rio: You're just looking for a fight right now Buster: Nah, you're just telling me that I don't get to need you anymore 'cause they do Buster: That's how it's gonna be, I'm 2nd and they're all 1st Rio: That's stupid Rio: not what I'm saying or how it is Rio: I'm trying my best to divide my time equally Rio: like you said, it ain't just us, and this past, however long it's been I've been giving ALL my time to you Buster: Forget it Buster: Whatever I say I'm the bad guy Buster: Keeping you from your fam and real life Rio: Who said that? Rio: That's what I wanted and needed Buster: But not anymore so if I tell you to stay past this point that's what I am Rio: No Rio: but you'll be disappointed Rio: we both know I have to Buster: Yeah well Rio: Nice Buster: Maybe you should stay somewhere else, make it easier on us both when you leave Rio: Are you fucking serious Buster: Tonight can be a trial run Buster: I've gotta get used to you not being here sometime Rio: You're a pussy Buster: Fuck you Rio: Seriously, you're gonna try and get out of this now Rio: like we haven't done this before Rio: like it's not temporary Rio: what the fuck, Buster? Buster: It's a night Buster: And an idea Buster: Christ Rio: I'm not stupid Rio: I know what you're saying Buster: What? Buster: Tell me what you reckon I'm saying, go on Rio: Nah enough Rio: this conversation has gone down the way you wanted enough for one night Buster: Who's being a pussy now? Buster: Say what you're trying to say Rio: It's pretty fucking apparent you're saying if I go back you can't do this anymore Buster: If you're gonna put words in my mouth pick less fucking stupid ones Rio: Well you want me to leave pretty bad right now so Buster: No I don't Buster: Don't be an idiot Rio: Don't call me that Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Forget it Buster: No Buster: Look, I'm saying it'll hurt and I'm not ready for it and it's not what I want Buster: That's all Rio: I know, me too Rio: so I don't know why or how we're arguing right now Rio: it's a waste of time Buster: 'Cause I thought it'd make it easier to just be mad Buster: But it doesn't Buster: And I'm not Rio: I'm sorry it hasn't worked Rio: now I know I can give it another shot to really get you pissed off if you wanna, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I'd put up with having our entire fam in this house if it meant you were too, yeah? Rio: Yeah Buster: I love you more than anything Rio: I love you too Rio: We'll make it work, alright? Buster: 'Course Buster: I'm not losing you Buster: Never Rio: No, you won't Rio: so cut the crap, yeah Rio: let me come home Buster: It doesn't have to be now Buster: But yeah Buster: I want you here Rio: I want to now Buster: Then come home Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: Please don't scare me like that again Buster: I won't Buster: I'm so sorry, babe Buster: I didn't mean to Rio: Let's just forget about it forreal now Rio: I don't want it to spoil things Buster: Whatever you want Buster: Do you need me to come and pick you up? Rio: That's alright, already called a ride Rio: getting our coats now, always fun Buster: Poor baby Buster: I've been known to leave them there rather than try and collect, honestly Rio: Oh babe, living up to your rep Buster: It exists for a reason, like Rio: This coat cost a fortune I ain't letting some random have it Buster: Nance would be proud Buster: Fashion is suffering or some shit Rio: Close enough, babe 😂 Buster: I just look good I don't need a mantra about it Buster: But you know Rio: Alright, no need to rub it in, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You're beautiful and you always look it Rio: Yeah yeah yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: Seriously Rio: Try and get back in my good books harder 😜 Buster: Behave Buster: I'm being honest Rio: Shh give me a big head Buster: My goal is that you won't be able to fit through the door so I can be the hero and help you in Rio: Such a 🤓 Buster: 'Cause you love it Rio: True Rio: very considerate Buster: I want you to love and miss me again Buster: Very selfish Rio: When did I not? Buster: Well you won't stop now Buster: Guaranteeing it, like Rio: You're so cute Buster: You're everything Rio: Love you Buster: I miss you Rio: I won't be long Rio: you gonna let me come in your bed or what now? Buster: I'm already in it so that's up to you, babe Buster: But you know I want you Rio: I know Rio: you 😴 baby Buster: Just thinking about you Rio: All good I hope Buster: What do you reckon? Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't hate my odds, like Buster: Good Buster: Don't Rio: What you thinking baby? Buster: Getting ideas of how to make things up to you, like Rio: You still got time, our ride ain't here yet and Indie's gone to get food Rio: make the most of it Buster: 'Course she has Buster: But yeah I'll use it wisely Rio: just a question of what sauce she gonna spill all over my clothes, like 😏 Rio: pleased to hear it Buster: Thank fuck she ain't wearing mine Rio: The dry cleaning bills Rio: nightmare 😂 Buster: If my clothes are gonna get trashed I'd rather be the one doing it and getting something out of it Buster: But whatever Rio: Not a bad rule Rio: though it gives me lots of 😈 ideas Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yep Rio: Lots and lots Buster: None of my shirts are gonna have buttons left, are they? Buster: I know how you think Rio: Damn 😂 Rio: I'm so predictable, huh? Rio: cut me deep, babe Buster: I'm just in this that deep with you Rio: Nice save 😉 Buster: It's fine, I'm not wearing one right now anyway Buster: This is bound to inspire you differently Buster: [Sends pics of his topless joggers aesthetic moment] Rio: 😩 why you trying to kill me Rio: you know, if you'd opened with this, I woulda been there like that Buster: I mean, I was fresh out the shower earlier so I wasn't wearing anything when we first started talking Rio: 😒 BOY Rio: so mad at you for holding out on me Buster: How mad? Rio: Mad enough that I got to tease you back now Buster: From there or when you get here? Very different things Rio: Think you deserve both, tbh Buster: Good luck, babe Buster: I'm looking irresistible right now Rio: You reckon I ain't? Buster: I reckon you were the whole time you were getting ready to go and I managed to resist you then so Rio: You ain't the only one with willpower, babe Rio: Trust Buster: It ain't me you gotta tell Buster: It's about trusting yourself, babe Rio: Be cocky whilst you can Buster: It's confidence Buster: But if you're so sure I'm wrong, seeing these won't have any effect whatsoever, yeah? Buster: [Sends his fresh out the shower pics from earlier] Rio: None whatsoever Rio: Nope Rio: You make it so hard to be mean to you 😩 Buster: Let me be nice to you Buster: I really want to Rio: How nice? Buster: Selflessly Buster: The kind of nice when its all about you Rio: Baby Rio: Tell me I can say yes Buster: You're gonna be saying it soon whether I tell you to or not Rio: I'm so weak for you Buster: That's okay baby, let me know when your cab's here and I'll come and get you Buster: Save your energy Rio: Why are you so good to me Buster: You're mine Buster: I gotta keep you Rio: I don't deserve it Buster: Bullshit Buster: You deserve more Rio: No Rio: anyway, I want you, not more Buster: You deserve me bringing my best for you all the time Rio: When do you not Rio: you're so good Buster: When I'm being a prick Rio: Well, even then Rio: it's only 'cos you love me that much Rio: I get it, I feel it Buster: Yeah, I know you do Rio: You didn't mean it did you Rio: I mean Rio: am I not there for you enough Buster: Shut up Buster: I was just trying to make you stay Buster: You were closer to being right when you told me to fuck off, like Rio: Okay Rio: I just had to check Rio: if any of it was valid, I wanna know, like Buster: Babe no Buster: You've always be here for me Buster: Even when we had to find excuses to talk Rio: Good Rio: because I try, I really do Buster: I know Buster: I will it Buster: feel* Buster: Everyone else does too, Indie included Rio: She does now Rio: I was so immature, I should've dropped that boyfriend shit ages ago Buster: You didn't want her thinking that you were down with it or that she should be Buster: You weren't wrong Buster: Drew's her dad it's no wonder she thinks men are cunts but you were trying to get through to her otherwise, like Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't know Rio: I just keep thinking I've handled all of this really wrong Buster: Baby Buster: You handled it as best you could Buster: Better than a lot of us Rio: It's done now, like Rio: If I need to do better I only can going forward so Buster: Me too Buster: Like you said, we're gonna make this work Buster: Not just us, all of it Rio: Together, yeah? Buster: For fucking ever Rio: For fucking ever baby Buster: I still wanna marry you Buster: Don't forget it, yeah? Rio: I can't wait Rio: I mean, I can Rio: but I really wanna marry you Buster: Everything is gonna be so good Buster: We just have to get through this shit first Rio: Easy, yeah? Buster: 'Course Rio: I always miss you in cabs Rio: such a waste Buster: It doesn't have to be Buster: Think about what you want me to do when you get home Rio: Not a bad idea Buster: I never have any Rio: Okay then, prove it to me now Buster: Tell me how Rio: Well, it has to be your idea, sort of the point 😉 Buster: Fine, twist my arm Buster: I've already set up a spa vibe for you Buster: 'Cause I don't want you to be stressed Buster: And I can't be sending you to an actual one at this AM probably Rio: Baby Rio: you're so Buster: Plus, it would be rude if you let some random masseuse or whoever touch you like I'm gonna so there's also that Rio: I don't want anyone else Rio: only you Buster: Good 'cause I want you so fucking badly Buster: I ain't been able to concentrate since you left here looking like that Rio: Whenever I'm not with you I just think about how good it'll be when I am again Buster: I'm gonna make you feel really good, baby Buster: Promise Rio: You already are Rio: it's very distracting Buster: I ain't even started yet, trust me Buster: I'm gonna take my time Rio: Yeah? Buster: I just need to decide if I'm gonna work from top to bottom or the other way around Buster: Can't rush these things Rio: I need to kiss you Rio: please start there Buster: 'Course, I gotta get you from the car and lay you down Buster: Plenty of time for kisses Buster: Keep breathing though, you're meant to be relaxing Rio: I'll do my best Buster: I know you will Rio: Jesus, I just keep looking at your pictures Buster: Tell me what you're thinking about Rio: How much it's going to drive me crazy feeling your body pressed up against mine when you're taking your time Buster: I have so many different oils to play with Buster: I can't wait to see which one is your favorite Rio: You've really thought of everything, haven't you? Buster: No half measures, babe Rio: I hope not Rio: I want everything Buster: The ice don't need to stay in your drink if you get too hot either Buster: There's plenty Buster: But obviously I've made cocktails for the full spa experience 'cause no amateur Rio: Just fucking marry me already 😻 Rio: I feel so bad for everyone else because they don't get to be with you Buster: Say that again Rio: Marry me Buster Buster: Jesus, I love hearing you say that to me Rio: Good because I mean it Rio: and I'll keep asking 'til it happens Buster: I'm so in love with you Buster: Fuck Rio: I know baby Rio: I never thought I'd have this Buster: Me either Rio: I wanna give you everything Buster: You do Rio: Yeah I do, Daddy Buster: Be home now Buster: This is ridiculous Rio: You're telling me Rio: this place and fucking traffic Buster: It's one thing I won't fucking miss Buster: There's a whole list, like, but Buster: Right now traffic is the worst of it 'cause I won't stop aching for you until you're here and I just Rio: Yeah, it's been just what I needed whilst I've been here though, but then I don't go to your School, try and convince 'em as I might that I need to hand-deliver you your lunch or whatever Rio: I know, I'm so needy Rio: it hurts Buster: How much longer? Buster: I'll pay him to hurry the fuck up at this point Rio: We're barely 5 minutes away but total standstill Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Excuse me while I find you and carry you back, like Rio: At least then I wouldn't be squirming in my seat trying to hide how turned on I am Rio: she's lowkey passed out but still Buster: Am I gonna need to carry her in the house first? Rio: Nah, I think she's just that bored of waiting Rio: Girl, me too Rio: she didn't get that fucked, which was a pleasant change Buster: Good 'cause it'd be hard to hide how turned on I am if I did have to Buster: And she don't need to be getting that idea Rio: Mhmm Rio: or you getting confused and giving her everything you've been promising me Rio: not on my watch Buster: Never, babe Buster: It's all yours Rio: Say that again Buster: I'm yours, Rio Rio: If we were any closer I'd get out and walk Rio: fuck me Buster: Don't tempt me Rio: I just love you Rio: I don't wanna waste a second Buster: Baby Rio: I want you to moan that into my ear so desperately I hear exactly how bad you need me Buster: God, I wish you could hear the sounds I'm making every time I read these messages Rio: You're so fucking perfect, don't ever change Rio: we're gonna be making so many sounds together so soon Buster: I need to feel you and taste you Buster: Come home Rio: I'm already so wet for you as soon as you touch me I'm going to cum for you Buster Buster: Say that again Buster: Fuck Rio: I'm gonna cum for you Buster Rio: you've got me so close I can barely stop myself from grinding my pussy on this seat Buster: That's so hot Buster: I'm getting you a ring before you leave London, I have to Rio: you mean it Buster: I mean it Rio: Baby Buster: You don't have to wear it yet if you don't want to but I want you to know you have it Rio: I wanna wear it Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't care anymore, I want everyone to know I love you and I'm yours Buster: Me too Rio: It's not like we have to tell anyone anything official Rio: but I'm not going to deny it or not enjoy it fully Buster: Okay Buster: Good Rio: As long as you agree? I won't do anything you don't wanna and vice versa Buster: I'm with you, babe Buster: If they ask then they ask Buster: I'm not gonna stress about it either way that's not what this is supposed to be, you know Rio: Exactly Rio: You can be engaged forever, it isn't a commitment to any time Buster: We both know we can wait Buster: We've done it before Rio: 'Course Rio: Waiting 'til daddy earns big so we can do it right Buster: Only the best for you, obviously Rio: Anyway, my parents can't say shit to me Rio: shot 'emselves in the foot there, like Buster: My dad can try but like sorry she didn't say yes to you first time Buster: 18th the charm or whatever Rio: Awh 😂 Rio: Perhaps don't lead with that when the time comes, babe Buster: It ain't my fault that he probably did it angrily like how he did everything back then Rio: Damn Buster: MARRY ME don't have the same ring to it, no pun intended Rio: Your Mum was clearly still feeling it though Buster: It wasn't like she was living life any different Buster: Never gonna be chill was I? Rio: Not much chance Rio: Even Nance, who you'd think was from first look, has the flair from the dramatic so Buster: She's got loads of anger she's just better at keeping it inside Buster: With her secrets Buster: Cheers for loving me anyway, like Rio: Yeah Rio: Like I'm the picture of perfection over here Buster: You are though Rio: Don't be daft Buster: I ain't Buster: I'm right Buster: You're so fucking perfect Buster: It's how you've got me feeling this way Rio: You're very cute Rio: Biased, but cute Buster: I'm gonna make you see it Buster: Even if that takes forever too Rio: Well we're here Rio: can start now Buster: Good Buster: I can't wait Rio: Hmm, what happened to taking your time? 😋 Buster: Shhh Buster: I can't wait to start taking my time, then Rio: It's alright, you know I don't really want you to Rio: I don't know if I can handle it, I need you Buster: I know, baby Buster: I'm coming to get you now, don't worry Rio: Better but Indie to bed first Buster: 😒 True Rio: The sooner she's asleep the sooner we're alone baby Buster: Yeah Rio: You pouting 'cos you can't carry me? Rio: There's still plenty of time for heroics, don't worry Buster: There better be Buster: I know you don't want to take things too slow but Rio: I'm still unbelievably turned on Rio: ain't gonna read her a bedtime story, like, we're good Buster: You think you want me now, just wait Rio: I know I do Rio: but if you wanna have me begging for it then you know I don't mind Buster: There's so many things I wanna hear you say Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: But if I have to make you then I'll be the one begging 'cause I need you just as bad as you need me Rio: Trust baby, you don't even have to ask nice Buster: I love you Rio: I love you
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aghostpost · 8 years ago
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can u write a bruce imagine with the "I'm rich" line thanksss
A/N: I’m gonna combine this request with a prompt I made my friends randomly pick for me for a lil’ 2-for-1 special~ They also chose Bruce and “Hit me!”, number 32 from this prompt. Here the reader knows Bruce is Batman and she’s an anti-hero herself. Not to be confused with Verismo; this reader has no special/supernatural ability!
You put one guy in jail, or in my case a body bag, and another shows up. Bad guys popped up in Gotham like patients in a hospital, and to keep up I had to be prepared no matter what. You get rid of one threat to the city and some other jackass thinks of it as a chance to climb the ranks. They all think they’re better than the last guy, smarter, richer, have more power. Some are even smart enough to learn from the mistakes of the competition that got caught, but every criminal has one thing in common: greed. With new criminals came new challenges, so I was here in the gym getting some training done to stay in fighting shape. I liked to think I had the inside scoop on criminals because I was just shy of becoming one myself. Gotham is a sewer hole that swallowed me alive, but I’ve seen the underground life. It wasn’t pretty. But I’ve also seen the GCPD fail the city more times than I can count.
I’m here to do what they can’t. I operate around the law, bending the rules or breaking them altogether. What sense was there shoving bad guys in a cell when somehow they managed to get back on the streets months later to do the same shit? Rehabilitation didn’t happen in the prison system because there is no changing these people. Now I have more blood on my hands than I sometimes care to admit, but that doesn’t make me a criminal. No, I like to think of myself as Gotham’s salvation, the saving grace of this city.
My training was interrupted by a man that would probably consider himself the same, although we were nothing alike. Two polar opposite sides of the tracks, two different ideas for cleaning up Gotham. “What’re you doin’ here?” I huffed, beating a punching bag to a pulp.
He smirked to himself. “Just checking on the place. Newly acquired property of Wayne Enterprises.”
“Believe it or not, I’m surprised. I didn’t think there was a scrap of real estate left in Gotham that didn’t have your name on it.”
“This gym is a prized possession of Gotham. I thought what better way to give back than to fix things up around here, no?”
“You can do whatever you want with your money, Bruce. You’ve got more than enough of it. But,” I said with one final punch at the bag, stepping away with my hands on my hips, “it’s my day off. Did you have to do it today?”
“You aren’t happy to see me?”
I rolled my eyes and went to a nearby bench, wiping my face with a towel and helping myself to my water. “Am I ever?”
He chuckled to himself. “Well like I said, I’m only here to take a look at what changes I want to make. I saw you, thought I’d come say hello.”
“Hello. And now, goodbye.”
“Warm as ever.”
“Last I remember you were sneakin’ around zip-tyin' people to pipes. You want a warm welcome from me?”
“Wouldn’t that be your mistake, letting me get behind you?”
“You think I didn’t know you were there? Only mistake I made was thinking I could kill that bastard before you stopped me.”
“Yes, likely story.” He had that usual arrogant look and that usual condescending tone that made me want to scratch his face off. “Better luck next time then, Y/N.”
I scoffed. “Is there a reason you’re a smug asshole or do you only do that to get on every one of my nerves?
“You only say I’m smug when I’m right and you’re wrong.”
“Right about what? You think I can’t tell when someone is coming up behind me? I ignored you believing I could bring my arm down and stab that asshole faster than you could subdue me. That’s the only thing I’m wrong about, but trust me it won’t happen again.”
He nodded. “Good, good. Learning from your mistakes.”
“Geez, who are you, my grandfather?” I took another drink before turning away from him and climbing in the boxing ring. “I’m ready when you are, Tommy.” Tommy was one of the gym trainers here who I took a liking to. He was smart and good at his job, got a lot of fighters out of this gym and somewhere in Vegas fighting for big bucks. Him, I didn’t mind taking notes from.
“I got this one, Thomas.” I turned to to see Bruce removing his coat, tossing it on the bench beside my water bottle. I look at Tommy who seemed just as confused if not more than me.
“Uhhh, you sure about that, Mr. Wayne?”
He nodded, rolling up the sleeves of his navy blue cashmere sweater. “Yes.”
“C’mon, what are you doing?” I asked, completely unimpressed.
“You say you knew when I got behind you, right?”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Are you serious?”
He shrugged. “I just want you to prove it, that’s all.”
“You don’t have a business lunch to go to or something? Meeting with your lawyers, whatever else it is big time corporation owners do?”
He smiled to himself. “It’s my day off, too.”
“Of course it is.” I rolled my eyes. “How do you explain to the audience how you’re such a good fighter, Batty?” I mumbled low enough for only him to hear.
“Easily. I’m rich. People have done many things to get to me and my money; it only makes sense I take a self defense class or two, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Sure, maybe. Don’t think that would explain you dressing up and takin’ on the things that go bump in the night, however…” That said, I walked to the opposite side of the ring. He wanted me to prove it then I would. The sooner I got this outta the way the sooner I could get back to my actual training. The gym fell silent as everyone was now interested in why billionaire Bruce Wayne was inside the ring. I took a second to redo my ponytail, waiting patiently for him to sneak up on me, listening closely and focusing on my surroundings. A shift in the ring, the feeling of another presence in my space; I waited for either to happen but everything remained still. After a moment nothing happened and, assuming he was just annoying me as usual, I rolled my eyes at this waste of time. “You know-”
“-What-” he interrupted from directly behind me.
“-Fuck!”  I whipped around at lightning speed with a right hook that he blocked with his forearm.
“Very good. You didn’t catch me behind you but you rebounded quickly-”
“-Shut up!” I swung again and this time he dodged, and before I knew it I unleashed myself unto him. He was quicker than I expected. The most he ever did was knock a gun outta my hand or find some way to block me from taking someone out; I never had a moment of combat with the Caped Crusader myself. It was different than the training I was used to. Tommy had more experience, yes, but I was a fast learner. Bruce? He was lightyears ahead of me.
But there was no way in hell I’d admit that to him.
I was throwing blows at him nonstop but for whatever reason he remained on the defensive, which was doing a pretty good job at further frustrating me.  He just made it look so effortless, didn’t even work up a sweat. I hated it.
“Hit me,” I grunted, slapping his hand from my fist that he managed to catch before it connected to his jaw.
“What was that?”
“Hit me!” Quickly I reached and grabbed the throwing knife I kept sheathed at my ankle and swung, slicing the air as he backed away from me.
“Whoa! Y/N, you can’t-”
“-It’s fine, Tommy. Bruce and I are old friends, I wouldn’t hurt a hair on his head.” Bruce’s face revealed nothing but I knew he realized how serious I was. “You can stay on the defensive or you can hit me and knock the blade outta my hand. Your call.”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
I shook my head. “No fun playing with you. No matter; I would hate to ruin such a nice sweater anyway.” I turned my back and stepped outta the ring, all eyes on me as I grabbed my things from the bench and went back into the locker room. Everything went back to normal after I cleared the room. I straddled the bench and did some post workout stretching, trying to think of the other errands I needed to run after I showered at home. The hairs stood on my neck and before I knew it I whipped around and hurled the blade as fast as I could. It went through a locker door and slowly Bruce stepped from behind it.
“So you could sense me…”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” I grinned to myself. Truthfully I didn’t sense him behind me in the ring. This time I saw his reflection for a tiny second in the locker room mirror and just reacted quickly enough where it may have seemed I could feel him behind me.
“That was going to split my face open.”
“Then you should be proud of your reflexes. Besides, I said it was your sweater that I didn’t wanna ruin.”
“Instead you settle for ruining property.”
“Add it to your list of fixes, I’m sure you can cover it. What was it you said back there? You’re rich?” I spun around on the wooden bench to face him. “Why wouldn’t you fight back?”
“It wouldn’t have been fair. I’ve been at this way longer than you, Y/N. And frankly, I didn’t want to embarrass you.”
I scoffed. “Geez, I didn’t know you were actually this full of yourself.”
“Just being honest-”
“-I’ve taken down far worse than you, Bruce,” I reminded him as I stood and made my way to stand face to face with the man. “My opponent underestimating me for being smaller and a woman is ironically my biggest strength. It’d be wise of you to remember that.”
“I never underestimate my opponent and I always expect the unexpected. Luckily, you aren’t my opponent.”
“I’m not?”
“Of course not. We’re on the same team. We fight the same bad guys, just not the same way.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” I was over this little visit and training was a bust. I packed my things into my backpack and closed my locker. “Until our next run in, Batty,” I said waving him off behind me.
“Wait- You don’t want this?” I turned to see him pulling the knife from the locker door and chuckled, continuing my exit.
“You keep it. I got one on the other leg too if you want a matching set.”
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datingadviceonreddit · 7 years ago
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This is a going to be a really long post. I usually never vent about anything, but i can't contain myself. I'll put a TL;DR at the end for those who don't like reading. I also have a bunch of questions, they'll be at the end as well. Thanks!So a bit about me. Some of you may know me. I've posted on here a bunch of times on this account and my alt account. I'm a 20 year old guy. Ever since my sophomore year in high school I've been severely depressed, have no self esteem, resulting in no confidence, and my social skills are non existent because i stopped talking to other people, i just wanted to die. I told myself I would never find someone who liked me. Always thought i was ugly. just being all around negative. Which cranked up my depressed making everything else worse. So naturally I never got attention from anyone. I'm a kiss-less virgin.Around Christmas time I decided I was sick of being so lonely. Tired of being depressed. And didn't want to think I was ugly anymore. So January 1st i got to work. Started eating better, went on a diet thanks to /r/fasting, started working out, and the hardest part of all, putting myself out there and talking to strangers. I started frequenting /r/socialskills more. and after the first month I had lost 25 lbs! I never felt better in my life. People at work noticed my weight loss and commented on it which made me feel amazing. Telling me how I looked really good. Around the same time I upgraded my fashion sense. Bought new pants, shirts, jackets, and shoes that i wouldn't normally wear. I used to wear only black. Now i have colors, Blue, Red, Brown, Light Grey. And for the first time in my life I felt, and looked great! My abilities to talk to strangers got slightly better. I managed the courage to talk to a random stranger and get her phone number. Nothing ever happened between us. She kept cancelling dates which kinda took a toll on my confidence. I started to feel bad again but i really tried to brush it off.This is around the time I started reading self improvement books, and following the advice. I started picking up minor hobbies, other than sitting in my room playing video games, that could help me in social situations for when i couldn't think of anything to say or do. For anyone interested in that, i took up minor card magic, and playing the guitar. I'm still working on the guitar as I'm not that good but I do love playing it and don't plan on stopping. But anyway...It was still difficult to talk to someone with the intention of having no expectations, when deep down I wanted to be in their company. I wanted their attention. Whether it was being friends with them, or pursuing them as something more. So I decided to sign up for a dating app for the first time. Monday morning I got together my best pictures (I hated taking pictures I think I'm ugly so naturally I don't want to take pictures.) wrote out a bio that described me, who I was, What I enjoy doing, and all that fun stuff. I went on my jolly way going through others profiles, skipping the ones who i didn't think I'd have a chance with, and messaging the ones who seemed cool, or chill, or high match percentages(This was on OKCupid). After a while No one ever messaged back. Then after closing out of the app, about an hour later I get a message that someone liked me AND messaged me first. I decided to check out who it was, and she was pretty cute. her profile was perfect. We have the exact same interest in music, similar hobbies, similar interests all around. We started talking on the app and I stalled a lot. I had no idea what to say the entire time, but she stuck it out. after not knowing what to say for even longer I simply asked what is a perfect date in her eyes. She gave so many answers, a different one for different weather conditions, different kind of moods and all that. Then she just gave me her phone number and told me to text her whenever. I felt so happy! but decided not to call any of the shots while I was feeling this way. so I went off to bed.Next day I ask if she would like to go to this coffee shop in this area that I go to quite a bit because its a nice place to walk, and I know that the coffee shop is an amazing one, that not many people know about. Sadly she declined it because she didn't the area because she had an abusive ex who lived around there so I understood. Rather than just declining she instead declined, and then suggested we go this other place. It was a hookah lounge. I've never been to one before and I'm down to try anything at least once so why not. so we decide a time, and made sure we both knew it was a date. the days leading up to the date we continued to talk, and without really knowing each other she kept me nice names like ,sweetie, Hun, and handsome. I thought it was a little weird but brushed it off. I got more and more nervous the closer the day came. The day of she texted me asking if were still meeting up. She can't drive so I was picking her up at her place. and knowing we were going to be in a confined space for about a 20 minute drive made so god damn nervous. like 10x more nervous than the actual date. Anyway...The time comes around, I made sure to shower, clean up my beard, wear something nice but not formal. I smelled good, looked good, and felt good. I go and knock on her door and she answers. Tells me to come in because she was still getting ready. I waited so awkwardly with her mother and sister in the room. (Yes I introduced myself, I just didn't know what to say.) after leaving walking toward my car, she said it was nice to finally meet and we had a small awkward hug. I never realized, how short 5'3 really was until i was that close. I'm 6'2. She was so tiny compared to me. We didn't talk too much during the drive. We played music we both liked, and talked about the songs. Finally got to the place and told I have never done anything like this before so i was kinda excited for it. She seemed happy. We go in and the place is full of these lounging areas. like 9 in total. laid back couches around a table, pillows, dim lighting, good music, television, and just a generally chill atmosphere. I was still so nervous though!We go and get our table and I let her pick her seat first so I could sit next to her, and talked about the flavors we could pick from and went with one that was her favorite. I'm sitting there feeling awkward trying my hardest to make conversation. talking about the music in the lounge talking about our lives, how school was blah blah. after smoking the hookah for a while, I got much more comfortable being so close to another person, and talking for so long (I'm very introverted) talked more about our interests and our friend groups. after a while of this, I kept trying to think of ways to touch her, so she knew I was into her more than just a friend. Bless her soul, she eventually made the first move, just a small one, she pressed her head into my shoulder for a few seconds and then lifted it off. I looked at her and smiled, and then didn't do anything. I didn't touch her. still.After more smoking and more talking. She lays her head on my shoulder again but leaves it longer. I told myself this is it touch her. So i just did a small move, and put my hand on her leg. It seems so simple but for me this was such a huge move. after sitting like this for a while, she started to run her fingers along my arm. I wanted to hold her hand really badly. So i thought quickly for this one. I was so proud of myself for thinking of it so fast and then acting on it, rather than talking myself out of it. I just asked "How small are your hands?" as I held my hand that was on her leg up, with my palm facing us. So she just put her hand on mine. Holy fuck her hands were so tiny. I'm a big guy, lets just say, my pinky was bigger than all of her fingers. her palm on mine her fingers only went up to a little past the first joint on my fingers. Her hand were so soft, so I said that. and that my hands are like sand paper. She said I just have man hands. Made me smile lol.After holding our hands up comparing them for a bit i just slid my fingers in between hers and held her hand. Holding hand, with her laying on my shoulder made me feel so good about myself. It reminded me that she was into me, and didn't mind me touching her. I played with her hand as I held it running my thumb up and down her hand so i wasn't too boring. I didn't know what to do. I've never held hands before. She excused herself for a second to go to the bathroom, and I decided to re-position how i was sitting into more of a mix between laying and sitting back. she came back sat real close to me, and we talked a bit more. a good portion of the time there we didn't really talk. we talked here and there but not much. she eventually asked if she could lay on my chest, like more of a lay perpendicular to me and rest her head on my chest. of course I let her. and when she did i wrapped my arm around her midriff and she just held my arm. She knew a lot of the people that worked there, and at one point one of her friends came up and asked if she was sleeping. I looked down and she had her eyes closed, but she wasn't sleeping, when i looked down she looked up at me, and sat up. still leaning on me though. she held my hand and ran her hand up and down my arm. I knew she wanted me to do something to advance. I was nervous. I was comfortable holding her but knowing she wanted me to kiss her, made me kinda scared.I didn't know how to kiss. her friend walked away, and she turned to me. I smiled and said she was really warm, and I was having a great time, even though I'm quiet. She smiled and I felt like it was now or never. I leaned in and slowly closed my eyes and we kissed. My first kiss. I instantly wondered if she knew. and when i pulled away she blushed, and smiled. I said "I'm sorry, I'm a horrible kisser." She said It was nothing to worry about, and smiled again. I moved my hand to her cheek and decided to kiss her again. longer this time. coming back in right after the first one. She slowly opened her mouth and slid her tongue along mine. And for what felt like and eternity we just made out. It felt like it was just us in the building. Everything went quiet. after a while I smiled and pulled away. She said "Nope, not a bad kisser." (probably being nice but i hope not lol) I felt so good about myself. I really liked kissing her. We just stayed there and cuddled more. I loved holding her, and having her hold me. I felt so happy. After a little while. we sat up and talked to the other people that joined our table. after they left her friends joined around us and we all just talked. laughed. They were drinking and offered me some moonshine and beer but i declined. we sat so close to each other. It felt so perfect. I've been missing out my whole life. i had my arm around her and she laid back on me while we all talked. we were there for like 4 hours. before i asked if she wanted to go. we hadn't realized how long we'd been there.Honestly I didn't want to go but I also didn't want to over stay my welcome at this place. It was pretty cheap for how long we were there. Awesome place. I will 100% be going back with or without her. hopefully with. drive back to her place was pretty quiet. we got there and held hands as i walked her back to her place. she unlocked her door and said she had a really great time. and got really close to me. did the same as before. small kisses. then made out for a bit before saying our good nights. told me to text her if i got home safe. texted her and she responded with a paragraph and a half on how much she enjoyed the night and my company, and how i wasn't pushy, or overly sexual. told me she wanted the night to last forever, and felt comfortable enough to fall asleep with me. Of course I responded similarly.It was honestly one of, if not the, best nights of my life. I felt so special, and now she sends me texts asking how i am throughout the day, and even though i'm quiet it absolutely loved it. neither one of us can wait to see each other again.TL;DR:Went on first date ever. 0 experience. Had a great time, Kissed, cuddled, held hands. 10/10 would do it again.QuestionsShe calls me names like Sweetie, and Handsome. I want her to feel reciprocated, what can I do, or say to make her feel the same way?She knows I'm a virgin but I don't think she knows she is the first person I've ever kissed. I kind of want to tell her but not too sure if it should. What are your thought? Tell her? How to bring it up? When to bring it up?She also talks about her son and his father (not really in her life anymore) quite a bit and it makes me a little uncomfortable. How can I either relate to what she's talking about or bring up that it makes me uncomfortable? it doesn't bother me that she talks about them I just have nothing to say because I literally can't relate.Lastly, I really do enjoy talking to her, she's one of the easier people to talk to, brings up topics, asks questions, and just has something to say generally which takes most of the silence away and puts me much more at ease.. But I still feel like I don't contribute enough, my mind is always just thinking "What should I say?" Even though the talking is great. I love just chilling not talking too. How could I propose such a thing, of getting together, to be in each others company, but not really talk? I know I'm weird.Anyway for those of you who stuck around thanks. Hopefully this can inspire some people to stick through the tough times. It can get easier, you just have to be willing to let change happen. via /r/dating_advice
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