#anyway I'm going to submit this conference paper late because I got the dates wrong sigh

[bedlamsbard]

periodically it hits me that I won graduate school and I have to go sit with that for a while. like, yes, I finished, I got the doctorate, but I was never in any actual doubt that I was going to finish the degree, just concern over how long it would take. I was -- like I think most graduate students are, especially in the humanities -- in some pretty serious doubt that I would be able to get a job in academia, let alone a tenure track job. (I applied to a couple of alt-ac jobs in university admin and was looking seriously at government jobs, but only applied for one internship I didn't get.) and yet! I won graduate school! I got a tenure track job! in a department that I like a lot, even if it's in a location that I am uuuuuhhhhhhh still less than enthused about. in the humanities! as an ancient historian! there aren't exactly a lot of jobs for ancient historians out there! (I know, I applied to like 95% of them last cycle, and the only ones I didn't apply to were at public universities in Texas or Florida or at private highly religious institutions, those were my red lines.)

it's actually genuinely shocking that I got a job doing the thing I spent the last sixteen years of my life (counting my undergrad) training to do. getting a TT job in academia is a little like playing pro sports or making it in Hollywood or becoming a prima ballerina, just way less glamorous. like, do I want to stay in this town? not particularly. will I still want to be in academia after a year-two-three-five in this position? possibly not! but I still get to put "assistant professor" on my CV and like. I won graduate school.