#anyway I think it's just a mixture of personal stress and my hormones having a weird spike
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cookinguptales · 2 months ago
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on one hand, my mental state might have been the rockiest this week that it has been in like. quite a while.
on the other hand, I just remembered that insomnia cookies fucked the hell out of my order a few weeks ago and they offered to resend the whole thing for free any time in the next month so I get ~free cookies~ tonight.
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givemethatgold · 4 years ago
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Fix’er Upper - Part Twelve
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Pairing: Frankie Morales x F!Reader Warnings: Mentions of sex, swearing, mentions of drug use, fluff, smidge of angst? Length: 1.7k Notes: Managed to whip up this bad boy during a quiet moment today and should probably make y’all wait for it but I don’t really do posting schedules (as you’ve noticed) so enjoy. Not beta’d, not proof read, I’ll die on this messy hill.
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Surprisingly, life didn't change too much after that night. Frankie continued to run his acreage and oversee the making of this year's cider. With some encouragement and support from you, he was starting to expand the business and already had a few pubs in the closest city clamouring to have his product on tap.
Meanwhile, the improvements on the house were nearing an end, for the indoors list anyways. The first thing Frankie had helped you do was to install your new soaker tub, immediately followed by christening it by making soft, slow love to you inside of it.
There hadn't even been any water, your impatience to be close to each other wouldn't allow for that. You had just stripped out of your coveralls, convenient work-wear for people who fucked like rabbits you had to admit, and sat in his lap with your arms and legs wrapped around him. His hands guiding your hips in a slow rocking motion, breathing each other's air as your open mouths hovered in a not-quite kiss, only breaking eye contact when you threw your head back as you came.
Autumn passed quickly and Winter had gripped Vermont, cloaking the countryside in a heavy blanket of white. Christmas was a cozy affair, you and Frankie had been asked to join Jacquie and Mark in their family's merriment. It had stirred something inside of you, watching a functional family laugh, sing, argue, eat, and love with such abandon. 
It was everything you'd dreamt, initially, for your future with Brad. Now? Now you were starting to picture that future with Frankie's face as the patriarch, you just haven't built up the nerve to broach the subject yet. 
You'd started working at the bakery, enjoying the early mornings surrounded by rising dough and sculling back coffees with the adorable older ladies who ran the place. You'd also begun doing the books for Morales Acres and Catfish Brewery. Frankie was a veritable genius but he claimed he had no patience for keeping receipts and tracking numbers.
You had a sneaking suspicion he was playing dumb in an effort to give you more time together but you really didn't mind. Your break-of-dawn mornings at the bakery had you tired, but after a full day of renovating or bookkeeping, you were downright exhausted and ready for bed by eight pm. This, mixed with Frankie monitoring the brewing, bottling, and distribution of his cider and networking at bars and pubs throughout the state meant the two of you rarely saw each other.
All of your hard work in your own house had made you a popular friend to call when someone needed decorating advice, or a helping hand once they realized they couldn't tile their kitchen backsplash solo. You never charged for your time, although payment had initially been offered until work had got around that you preferred a good meal and conversation over money. I mean, sure, you could use the cash but it just didn't seem right. And you loved helping people and making deeper connections with the town you now truly felt you belonged in.
Tuesday evenings had become an unofficial date night for the two of you. The bakery was closed on Wednesdays and bar owners tended to be less interested in business halfway through the week, something to do with the rush of the previous weekend having worn off and the worry of setting up for another one starting to grow.
This meant you could stay up late, enjoy a proper homemade dinner, maybe even watch a movie or share a bottle of wine while soaking in your big ass tub. It usually ended as a sleepover, your house being the preferred location; Frankie's loft was perfectly fine but it did lack a certain homey appeal.
This pattern, this life, that you'd created for yourself was making you happier than you'd ever been in your entire life. You weren't one hundred percent content, not yet anyway, but the path to getting there was on a direct trajectory. You still wanted to finish your college degree, maybe switch it over to horticulture. Building a greenhouse and selling flowers was still a pipe dream but something your heart truly longed for, something that Frankie was constantly encouraging you to do.
"Look, hun," he had called out to you a few weeks ago while supposedly researching the new line of bottles. "There's an auction next county over and they have all this confiscated stuff from a grow op that got busted!"
"What?" You'd made a face and laughed at the absurdity of it all. "What on earth would you use from a pot farm?"
He just gave you a salacious wink as an answer.
Frankie had been open about his past drug abuse and while some recovering addicts may want all mention of it banned from a conversation, Frankie found levity in treating the topic like any other person would.
It had taken you a couple of hours to realize why he'd brought up the auction. It had hit you with a jolt, knowing that he’d remembered your rambling from on top of the Ferris wheel. You didn't realize he'd been listening when you'd told him about your idea of taking over the flower stand at the market once the current couple retired.
Your heart had swelled and there was a concerted effort to prevent the sudden onset of tears from running down your face. God, you loved this man, maybe one of these days you should tell him...
This particular routine was working well for the two of you. It gave each of you your own space to relax, destress, enjoy the shitty tv shows you were too embarrassed to watch in front of another living person. It also forced the two of you to take your relationship slowly, communication being a constant learning curve. You were both really good and telling each other when you needed time alone, when you were feeling stressed or sad. You each had learned the tells for when the other was angry or just hungry, if it was hormones or if there was something that was actually pissing you off.
The thing you each seemed to struggle with was expressing the softer side of the relationship. Neither of you appeared to have the Words of Affirmation love language skill, yet you both craved to hear it. You showed how much you cared for Frankie with your acts of service; helping him with the boring side of the business, baking, deep cleaning the loft, even scrubbing out the massive fermenter in the Catfish Cider warehouse.
Frankie, on the other hand, showed his love through physical touch. At first, you had assumed it was a staking-his-claim kind of thing but then you noticed how he'd do it all the time. A hand on your lower back while walking, caressing your hand with his thumb when driving in the truck, carding his fingers through your hair while you watched tv.
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This week's date night found you at his place, relaxing in the loft after a busy workday. You were making dinner while he 'helped' by sneaking bites of the prepped ingredients, arm slung around you with a hand in your back pocket.
"What're you looking for?" He asked, taking advantage of your distracted searching through his cupboards to sneak a few more pinches of grated cheese.
"A can opener!" You replied, exasperation raising your voice an octave. "I could have sworn I saw a white one around here somewhere..."
“No, pretty sure that one's yours. I don't think I have one?"
"Frankie," you deadpanned "how did you survive as a bachelor without canned food?"
"I ate a lot of take-out?" He looked indignant at your laughter, "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Can you stop judging me long enough to eat some burritos?"
Smoothing his playful scowl with a kiss, you sat down at the counter and enjoyed your first meal together of the week.
An idea was formulating in the back of your mind, though, and you barely tasted anything. As the evening progressed, the idea grew and you were liking it more and more. The final straw was you not having a toothbrush in his bathroom anymore, having forgotten that it had fallen off the counter and into the trashcan the last time you'd spent the night.
Using his, with a strange mixture of distaste and nonchalance, before making your way over to the bed, you began to plan how the conversation could go:
Hey Frankie, so you know how I have a big house all to myself? Yeah... And it had everything we need in it? Yeah... And there's more than enough room for two adults to store all of their things? Yeah... And I wouldn't have to use your toothbrush ever again? Yea- wait what? I think you should move in with me.
It wasn't very romantic but it was the most likely, considering your dynamic. Just as you were crawling into bed and snuggling under the arm he'd raised to allow you to get closer, his cell phone rang.
"Hello? - This is he. - Yeah, biological. - Oh god, when?"
The immediate change in his tone from questioning to horrified caught your attention, sitting up to face him you grabbed his free hand, silently letting him know you were there for support.
His eyes were out of focus and a panicked expression was slowly morphing his face as the conversation went on, but he gave your hand a squeeze back in acknowledgement.
"Yes, in Vermont. Do you have my address? - Okay, good, good...okay - When? - I'll have something ready. Umm... does she... does she remember me? - Oh. Okay, thank you."
Slowly lowering the phone from his ear, Frankie sat staring into nothingness for what felt like hours. His side of the conversation and the way he was reacting had you rattled. You could guess as to what was happening but weren't sure if now was the right time to pry.
"Babe? Is, is everything okay?"
Silence.
Gripping his hand tighter and rubbing his back you sat with him for a few more minutes before trying again. You didn’t want to push him but your heart was constricting in your chest from nervousness and concern for him.
"Can I get you anything? What do you need?"
His hand was now completely dead in yours; eventually, he turned his head towards you, eyes never fully focusing, and shook his head.
"I- she- fuck... I think you should go.”
Part Thirteen
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avengerscompound · 6 years ago
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Legacy - Chapter 7
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Legacy: A Hawkeye Fanfic
Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //
Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x  F!Reader
Word Count:  1929
Rating: ��E
Square filled:   @clintbartonbingo - Nightmares
Warnings:  Pregnancy, domestic abuse, post-endgame, angst, developing-relationship, hurt/comfort, smut, Laura and Clint have broken up.  Comic Clint/MCU Clint mix.
Synopsis: Nothing is the same after the events of Endgame.  When Clint has trouble returning to a life where his family hasn’t changed but he has lost everything, he moves back to the city and tries to move on as a single parent. When Nate finds you bruised and pregnant in the stairwell of his building, he decides that there might be another way that he can make Nat’s sacrifice worth something.
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Chapter 7
As your pregnancy progressed so did your relationship with Clint.  There was this lingering feeling that maybe you were moving too fast.  Maybe the two of you carried too much pain and the fact that when you were together things felt easier was making those feelings of love you had for him too intense and you were worried that they might not actually be real.  You worried that you hadn’t given yourself enough time on your own to let yourself make your own way and figure yourself out.  You’d just jumped out of an abusive relationship into the arms of the first person who treated you kindly.
The thing was, you did actually love him.  Part of that love was how he made you feel.  How he protected you and made you feel safe.  How he made you laugh.  How much he’d done for you.  It wasn’t just that though.  You loved all those other things about him.  How vulnerable he let himself be with you.  How good of a dad he was to his kids.  How he still had a good relationship with his ex.  How much of a dork he was.
The simple fact was, that being around him was better than not being around him.  So things did move quickly.  You went from neighbors to basically living together within six months.  So as the due date for your baby rapidly approached you began to wonder if the nursery you were preparing in your own apartment was even worth it if you spent all your time at Clint’s.
You were a little reluctant to bring it up though.  Things were going fast and if he wasn’t ready to ask, then you didn’t want to push it.
The problem was that with all the pregnancy hormones and stress and anxiety you’d have over the past relationship ending, making it on your own, new job, new relationship, baby things, the vivid stress dreams were now starting to get to you.
“No!”  You shouted, snapping awake.  Sweat clung to your skin and your heart was hammering as you found it hard to pull in air.  Clint reacted quickly, grabbing his hearing aids and rubbing your back.  “Shh… it’s okay.  You’re safe.”  He soothed as he put his aids in.
You rubbed your chest and as Clint wrapped his arms around you, you leaned into him.  You still felt tense and anxious even as he held you.
“What was it this time?”  He asked.
“I had the baby and I was in my own place.  I was asleep…”
“You were asleep in your dream?”  Clint asked.
“Yeah.  I must have been because she woke me crying.  I was alone and I went to the room and Richard was there.  He took her.  He said I wasn’t a fit mother and that she was his now.  And I tried to get her off of him but he hit me.  He knocked me down and walked off and then when I chased after him there was nothing outside the door.  It was just a void.  I was alone in my apartment and nothing else existed.”
“Oh, babe,”  Clint soothed.  “He’s never getting his hands on you or your baby.  I promise.”
“What if he gets out?  It’s his baby.”  You said.
Clint held you rubbing your back.  “Doesn’t matter.  It’s not his kid.  It’s mine.  Remember?”
You were about to argue with him when the bedroom door opened.  “Daddy?”
Nate’s tiny little voice sounded so frightened and concerned, you began to feel guilt on top of the anxiety and fear you’d already been carrying.
“Everything’s fine, bud,”   Clint reassured him.
Nate looked at you and tiptoed toward the bed.  “You okay?”
“Yeah, sweetie.  I had a bad dream.  Thank you for coming and checking on me.”  You said.
Nate climbed up into the bed with you both and cuddled up to you wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek on your shoulder.  He patted your shoulder, his little hands tapping out a pattern on your skin.  “It’s okay.  You don’t need to be scared.”  He said softly.
You hugged the little boy back and felt yourself relax a little more.  “Thank you, Nate.  You’re very sweet.”
“We’ll look after you.”  He said softly.
You smiled and kissed the top of his head, looking at Clint in the low light.
“Hey, buddy.  You think you want to go back to sleep?”  Clint asked.
Nate seemed to think seriously on the issue.  “Umm… no.  I’m okay.”
Clint started laughing and picked up his phone.  “It’s 6.  What do you think?”
You shrugged.  “I mean, I’d like more sleep but I can do 6.  I nap in the afternoon these days anyway.”
Clint chuckled.  “Alright.  You hear that, bud.  We can go make pancakes and watch some cartoons.”
Nate jumped out of bed and ran out into the living room.  Clint gave you a kiss on the top of the head.  “I am gonna need a whole pot of coffee.”
You laughed and poked him.  “How is that different from any other day of the week?”
The two of you slowly dragged yourself out of bed and made your way out to the kitchen.  Nate was pulling bowls and pans out of the cupboards he could reach and carefully putting them up on the bench.  “Your son is very sweet you know?”  You said as you watched him.
Clint smiled and went to the pantry and pulled out the flour, sugar and baking soda.  “I know, he’s related to me.”
You laughed and went to the fridge.  “That must be it.”
Clint lifted Nate off the ground and put him on the kitchen counter.  “Alright, kiddo.  Let’s make some pancakes.”
You went and put on the coffee and then watched as Clint helped Nate carefully measure out the ingredients into a bowl.  “You know what’s a little weird.  Tony and Pepper had a kid like four years after this guy was born, but because of the blip she’s actually the same age as him.”
“That is strange.”  You said going to heat up a pan.  “We should ask Pepper out for a playdate.”
Clint gave a half smile.  “Yeah… that’s a good idea.  I think … yeah, they should be friends.”
You leaned over and kissed his cheek.  There were things he wasn't saying.  Feeling he wasn't quite ready to express.  Tony Stark’s daughter was going to grow up without a father because he gave his life doing the thing that brought his children back.  He was going to get to see his kids grow up.  He could have more kids if he wanted.  Tony, even after all he sacrificed, would not.
Clint offered you a small smile, and had you not had a pan heating up on the griddle and a five-year-old sitting on the kitchen bench, you would have pulled him in your arms and kissed him and told him that he didn’t have to keep carrying these burdens with him anymore.  That his friends had wanted him to live a good life, not just feel guilty that it wasn’t him.  Instead, you rubbed his back and let your hand slide down, pinching his ass before taking it away.
The small smile turned into a soft laugh and a shake of the head and he grabbed a ladle and scooped a blob of pancake mixture into the pan.
“So I was thinking,”  Clint said.
“Don’t strain yourself.”  You teased.
“Ha-ha.  Very funny.  I’m the dad here, you leave the dad jokes to me.”  Clint teased.  Nate started giggling and Clint ruffled his hair.  “Anyway… what was I saying?  Oh yeah, I was thinking if we took this wall down, we could extend the kitchen out.  Have a floating bench in the middle.  Be better than this dinky little kitchen I’m always banging my head in.  And then the living room in that apartment could be a dining area and we’d have five bedrooms. Which means the kids could all have their own room and poor Coop wouldn’t have to share with this little terror.”
You stared at Clint, open-mouthed, holding the flip in your hand.
“Daddy.  The pancake.”  Nate said.  Clint reached forward and guided your hand, using it to turn the pancake over using the flip.
When you finally seemed to come unstuck and started processing what he’d just suggested you turned to him.  “What … what… what…?  Why would you do that?”
Clint let out a huff and shook his head a little like he was a little annoyed.  You wondered if maybe he’d been trying to avoid a conversation that you’d just forced him into.  He took the flip from you and took the pancake off the pan and put it on a purple plastic plate.  He put Nate on the ground and put syrup on the pancake before handing the plate to the little boy.  “Okay, bud.  Go watch cartoons.”  He said grabbing a fork for him.
You watched Nate carry his plate to the couch and turn on the tv.  Clint moved you to the side and took over cooking.  “I want you to move in with me.”  He said.
“Is this about the nightmare?”  You asked.
“Yes.  No.  I mean…”  He shook his head.  “You’re obviously worried about being alone, but I’ve been thinking of asking you for a little while.  I know it’s fast.  I do.  But I want it.  You basically already live with me.  I hate the idea of you going back over there alone when the baby’s born.”
“Clint, you don’t owe me…”
“I know.  I know I don’t.  I love you.  I want us to live together.  Will you move in with me?”  He asked, turning to you.
“It’s really soon, Clint.”  You said.
“I know.”
“We could get really hurt.”
He put his hands on your arms.  “I know that too.  I think it’s worth the risk.  If you don’t, I get it.”
You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Okay.  Let’s do it.”
He smiled and leaned in and kissed you.  You melted into it, letting him take the lead.  He pulled back slowly and leaned his forehead against yours.  For a moment the two of you just looked at each other and he pulled back and went back to cooking.  “So what do you think?”
“Five bedrooms is so much for New York.”  You said.
He shrugged.  “I technically own the whole building.”   He said.
“That’s true.  I guess it would be good for Cooper to have his own space.  And I like the idea of a dining area.”  You said.
“Plus two bathrooms.”  He said.
“Oh god, yes.  We definitely need two bathrooms.”  You agreed.
“Alright.  We should get a start on it.  Won’t be long before this little girl joins us and we run out of time.”  He said putting his hand on your stomach.
You looked down at his hand and put yours on top of it.  “Did you mean it about her being yours?”
He nodded.  “Yeah.  She’s mine.  He’s not going to have any claim to her at all.  Okay?”
Tears pricked your eyes and you tucked yourself into his side and nuzzled his neck.  “I love you so much, Clint.”
He kissed the top of your head.  “I love you too.  And I’d love you even more if you’d go pour me out some of that coffee.”
You chuckled and went and grabbed him a mug, letting yourself relax and just be excited for things to come.
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// NEXT
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jj-ktae · 6 years ago
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Erotica - Epilogue - (M)
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Pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader Genre: SMUT Summary: You’re a rookie porn actress on the rise and everything goes well until you get offered a role in a big-budget porn movie, starring the most famous actor in the porn industry. Words: 2515 Warning: Read at your own risk Erotica was banned from the Tumblr search engine so it appears nowhere no matter which tags I use and you can only find it in my masterlist or in your dashboard. Might as well link the previous chapters and my masterlist here lol 
MASTERLIST 
- Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Epilogue -
Epilogue
Im Jaebum is funny.
You wouldn’t be able to explain the past two years without wailing. He has one or two flaws, most of them involving his laziness but nothing out of the ordinary.
It’s like he was made for you.
Today is the last day of his career. Jaebum has an interview for one of these magazines you always refused to appear in and he will be done with porn forever. It’s a day to celebrate, not only because you’re both out of the porn industry, but also because it’s the beginning of a new life.
 Erotica made you earn a lot of money and allowed Jaebum to invest into an old building to transform it into an apartment complex.
So naturally, he left this job after months of struggling with the idea of dating someone who regularly has sex with other people. It was hard for Jaebum, but he had no other choice.
It’s the first serious talk you both had, right after your first official night as a couple. You ended up accepting the fact that he had to keep working until the end of his contract, just like he had to accept the fact that you too, had other things planned before quitting.
You found yourself stopping before he did and started looking for another job, while he filmed his last movies as JB the porn star.
Tonight is a celebration yet Jaebum insisted on staying home and enjoy a peaceful night together. He brought food and wine, along with a pretty necklace that he insisted you should wear every minute of your life.
Your stomach is still full as you’re lying flat on your bed. It’s a hot summer day and not even the cool breeze is enough to electrify your moist body. You’re somehow lost in your thoughts, from the stress coming along with your new job to the relationship you’ve spent month building with Jaebum.
Said Jaebum aims for your attention when he sees you all spaced out, visibly full of food and ready to doze off.
He refuses to blame your hazy state on the slow sex you both just had.
“What are you thinking about?” He takes in the sight of your naked body, hand pressing against your burning skin as he leans a little bit to rest his head over your body. He finds shelter near your hipbone where he nibs at the skin before blowing cool air over it. “You look so serious.”
Jaebum isn’t used to you being so unaware of your surroundings. You’re so cautious of everything you do to forget about everything else but now you seem unfocused, not even bothered by the fact that he is drawing tiny patterns on your thigh.
“My tummy’s about to burst.”
He chuckles, biting at the tiny bulge under your navel. “You ate so well…” he mocks, kissing the spot when you start wriggling, falsely annoyed.
 “Seriously though, I was thinking about you.” You add, barely lifting your head to meet his questioning gaze. He rests atop of your hip bone, body leaning sideways and arm around your naked waist.
Jaebum even looks pleased, his teasing smile replaced with an expectant gaze. “And what about me?”
You sigh, moving your free leg so it would reach a cooler part of the bedding. “I was thinking about how crazy it is that we ended up dating when we were both porn actors.” You shift a little when Jaebum nods, his chin tickling your skin.
He muses, eyes reaching for the roof as a sign of his reflection. “I think it makes sense. I don’t think anyone can accept that job, let alone introduce a porn actor to their parents.”
“Your parents know.” You scoff. Even his family is chill.
He shrugs, mouth going to your stomach to kiss it. “My parents are supportive, that’s all.” He waits a moment, before lifting his head again. “Not that your mother isn’t, of course.”
You chuckle, nodding. “My mother would have a heart attack. At least I’m really working as a waitress, now.”
Jaebum coughs, moving on the mattress so he can finally reach your level before grabbing your leg to circle it around his naked waist. “Speaking of which, are you sure you want to work as a waitress?”
He has that tone you only hear when something upsets him. Jaebum barely gets mad and even if he does, it starts slowly, like a warning before the actual storm.
But as he nudges you to press his face against your neck, he sighs. “I’m worried about people recognising you and annoying you.”
“Babe I was a porn actress, not Angelina Jolie.” You try to mock him but he doesn’t buy your shit and tightens his hold instead.
“It’s worse. They might think you’re easy or some shit like that.” His hand goes to your side to tickle you and you giggle, leg kicking his butt. “I’ll have to come and check on you every night.” He sounds so dramatic, but his smile can’t be missed. “I’ll be careful.”
“You could be my secretary instead. That way, we can live a real-life porn. ‘Hot secretary fucks angry boss in his office’.” Jaebum laughs when you make a funny face, yet goes back on serious mode, arm tightening your leg around him and it’s starting to be too pleasing to focus on whatever he is saying.
You sigh when he rolls his hips, his flesh rubbing against you. “Seriously though, I’m not fond of this idea…” he trails off, voice laced with a craving you could never get enough of.
You can’t help but whimper, lips parting as you shift toward his chest and breast finding shelter against his broad body. “I never pegged you as the possessive type,” you reach for his neck, bringing him closer until his breath fans your face, hurried. “You didn’t seem to care until I ended my contract with my agency.”
Jaebum hums, the probability of a serious conversation out the window if his growing erection is anything to go by. He rolls his eyes, “Porn is porn, nightlife is different.” His position changes just enough for him to lean and still a short kiss. “Now that we’re both out of this, I don’t plan on sharing you, rookie.”
You tap his shoulder lightly, the sound of your hand slapping his skin stronger than the actual damage it caused. “Stop calling me rookie!”
Your boyfriend choses to stay silent, leaving you expectant as he pushes you onto your back. “Anyways, don’t get mad at me for being petty about you being molested in a bar in the middle of the night.” Before you can protest he plunges, aiming for your collarbone which he attacks vividly. His teeth graze upon the hidden bone, drawing shivers and goose bumps all over your body. He snickers in the middle of silence. “I’ll have to beat up the pervs.”
You wriggle against the sheets, laughter mixed with pleasure as he darts his tongue to trail a path down your chest. “So virile…” you sigh, earning a hidden shrug from a busy Jaebum.
“Yeah?” He smooches your warm skin, liking how unforgiving he sounds.
It’s cute in a way. Jaebum never had to show anything but acceptance toward your job, considering he was still a porn actor himself. Maybe he had it harder than you thought. You understand him though; it’s not cool to greet your boyfriend when he was banging another girl the same day.
“I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you, rookie…” He whispers and slides on the bed, head back on your stomach and creating messy patterns over your skin. You almost break right there, the confession unusual but not unpleasant.
Jaebum never imagined he could have such stamina. His sexual life was close to non-existent before he met you and his physical interactions were limited to the scenes he filmed in the studio. It had ruined his personal life with such ease, turning sex into a duty rather than a necessity and killing his hormones with a slow and numb burn. When he started filming with you and felt the tingling sensation again, he understood right away.
He couldn’t thank you enough for sticking around and waking him up from his creepy slumber made of daddy kinks and choking in front of cameras. Thanks to you he built up the courage to start his project and stop his career, turning him into more than a guy who has sex for money. He is such a bad actor anyways.
DVDs and CDs are neat into your shared apartment, like a silent memory of something none of you regret doing. Yet it doesn’t mean he will ever miss it.
You forget about whatever names he called you when he reaches your pubis, mouth watering and dropping tiny patches of saliva over the heated flesh.
You almost knock your head against the wall when the first lick falls. It’s insistent and slow, devastating in the sea of your needs as Jaebum knows exactly what pace to use to make you crazy.
It’s something you discovered with time. Jaebum is into slow and deep thrusts, soft doggie style, lazy morning sex and it’s a mixture of finesse and bestiality, along with loving words. He is comfortable for he isn’t disturbed by nudity, can say whatever he wants without sounding creepy and barely has any requirements when it comes to sex.
He welcomes all your faults and imperfections the same way you do and none of you bother with petty fights, the words too heavy to question a future you both want. Jaebum has that honesty which leaves little room for misunderstanding. He confessed the same night he brought you to his flat yet didn’t force anything on you.
And you love him just that way.
You gasp when he grabs your ankles and bends your legs, nestling them on either side of your body to reveal more of you. He barely goes wild and you suspect he is trying to prove a point but your brain shuts down when his tongue probes at your opening, teasing just enough to collect wetness and smear it over your folds. You glance down to peek at the beautiful scene but Jaebum is already looking at you, pleased by your bewildered face and flustered cheeks.
He dips down a second time, eyes darkening and tongue out to lap every engorged part of your pussy. He stops just long enough to show you how he licks his lips and goes down again, head shaking from right to left and making you roll your pelvis against his restless mouth.
You still gather yourself to make fun of him. “Are we…filming…again…?” It’s hard to speak between moans yet your voice is loud and clear, breathless. Jaebum doesn’t like your teasing and attacks you even harder, the hint of a smirk hardly hidden behind his brown locks. He even hums teasingly, the vibration of his deep sounds shaking your flesh.
 He doesn’t slow down even when your orgasm hits. You jerk away from his mouth, moaning and grunting but he keeps you in place until you can only shake. It burns your body from every pore, mixing with your blood like a shot of strong alcohol and making your vision blind with pleasure. You complain and beg for him to stop and he only releases you when you freeze from the overstimulation, unable to function anymore.
You shake your head, a false accusation painting your exhausted features as you glance at a smiling Jaebum whose hand is wiping the remains of your climax from his smiling and reddish lips
 Your legs fall, lifeless on the bed but you can’t let him suffer. His penis is hard and threatening, the bulbous head a deep shade of red and length swollen by the numerous veins.
He pumps himself slowly, tilting his head to the side. He raises one eyebrow. “You okay?” he rasps.
You nod, deciding to play along with his celebration sex and rolling on your stomach. You raise your butt just enough for him to grab it and rub himself between your asscheeks, grunting.
“You’re so beautiful…” He whispers, free hand running along your curves and stopping by your drenched pussy to play with your clit. “So damn beautiful…”
He penetrates you slowly, his willpower winning the inner battle of his arousal against his brain. You breathe out, searching for air and dipping your head into the pillow.
“Come here.”
Jaebum commands, already reaching for your body so you can lean against him. He sticks your bodies and starts moving his hips, penis sliding deep inside you.
He finds a good pace right away, from the tip of his dick poking out to the base hitting your asscheeks, Jaebum knows how to burry himself inside you. It feels amazing, the pressure from the position and your needy moans lulling him toward an orgasm he can call his own private pleasure.
He is infatuated the way you mould with him. He loves pinching the tender skin of your nipple as his hand cups your perfect breast, he enjoys the way your head finds its home into the crook of his neck and he can’t stop himself from tilting your head steal numerous kisses.
You open your mouth eagerly, tongue out to play against his own in a carnivorous embrace. He bites and sucks on your lips, his sighs spilling from his parted lips whenever the tip of his cock hits a specific spot inside you.
You arch until your back hurts, looking for more stimulation and nearing your second orgasm. Jaebum is struggling, you can feel it from the way his abs tense behind you. He is all stiff, all ready to fill you up yet not giving in.
You know his body language by heart.
You collapse against him when a second wave of pleasure hits you. It breaks your bones and destroys your muscles, leaving your lifeless against a panting Jaebum who can only suffer from the contractions around him. The waves of pleasure hit you as much as they hit him, sending you both into another universe.
He allows himself to cum right when you’re done and he is satisfied with the pleasure he gave you. You’re nothing but a dead weight against his chest, eyes closed and smile smug as you giggle to yourself because your brain is messed up and you can’t think straight.
You still wonder how can someone be so skilled at sex.
Jaebum lets you rest on the bed, not the least bothered by the mess he creates when he pulls out of you.
Instead he wraps you around him again, hugging you close and kissing your nose.
“This is what I call a celebration, rookie. Who needs Erotica when I have you all to myself?” He muses, fingers rubbing against your cheekbones while he pecks you once more.
You giggle, head shaking at this boy’s antics. He can be such a dork.
“The pleasure is mutual.”
AN : Erotica is officially over! Thank you all so much for following this series (I see you, naughty readers). I’m sad that it’s over and I’m going to miss Porn actor Jaebum but Priest Jinyoung is waiting for me so I’m off to new adventures ! Thank you for the support and love you sent me through this series, I love yall!
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becoming-kmc · 5 years ago
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I have never been so relieved to be on my period. With depression, I’m bound to have some pretty low lows. Today was one of those days. It stresses me and frustrates me when they just hit me randomly. I truly feel like I have no control. In cases where I’m starting my period is sometimes worse. I never know if it’s the fluctuation of hormones, just me being me, or a mixture of both. In therapy, we’ve covered coping mechanisms to get to a different state of mind, but that didn’t really work for me today. I tried some retail therapy, but I almost ended up crying in the stores I went in to and spent about $200. So that’s fun. I called my boyfriend hoping that it would cheer me up. It didn’t. I just silently cried on the phone and he said he had to go and that he’ll call me back. I don’t think he will though. I wouldn’t. I wasn’t very responsive and he could tell I was “low energy.” He said he would call me back yesterday, but he fell asleep. Which I don’t fault him for. He had a long day and had told me earlier that he was exhausted. But today, he didn’t call me after he got out of class. And when he said he would call me later, his roommate had walked in and started talking to him. Have I mentioned that I don’t like his roommates? Every time he’s on the phone, they are so loud and rude. He can’t help but pause our conversation and talk to them because he’s just that kind of person. Sometimes I wish he wasn’t. Sometimes I just want him to close the door on them and keep talking to me. That’s selfish thinking on my part. I should be lucky that we talk everyday anyways. Even though I feel like he won’t call me back, I’ll still stay up and wait just in case he does. He deserves that much from me.
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anavoliselenu · 5 years ago
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blood chapter 22
I stayed hunched over the toilet in the bathroom. This had become my home for the past couple of hours, and it actually wasn't because of the pregnancy. My stomach was more unsettled because of nerves. Well, I'm sure it was a mixture of both, but my worries were outweighing my hormones.
Justin had been gone since yesterday and was supposed to be back this morning, but he had to stay wherever because of a freak snowstorm. I didn't know where he was and he wouldn't tell me what he was doing. I figured it was something horrible, so I didn't even want to ask.
The more pressing issue was that my seven days were up. Today was the week mark from when I found out that I was pregnant. I gave myself a time limit and I knew what I had to do. Justin was coming home, and he deserved to know. I had tried calling him because I really wanted to say something about the baby. I thought it might be easier over the phone, but that didn't work out like I had planned.
I tried to throw up one more time, but at this point, I had nothing left to expel.
I got up off of the floor and brushed my teeth to get the awful taste out of my mouth. I splashed some water over my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, but I hadn't been sleeping well lately; the mix of finals and fear was a good sleep inhibitor. I was scared out of my mind for several reasons.
For one, the father of my child—the man I loved—hated what I was carrying. It wasn't just that Justin didn't like kids; he passionately despised them. He acted like a big kid himself, but I couldn't imagine a person hating a child. If anyone could, though, it was Justin. It didn't matter who they were, either. I had seen him push his little cousins away because they were annoying him or glare at kids on the street because they looked at him funny. How was I supposed to tell him that I was carrying a baby?
Secondly, the school year was over, and I told Charlie that I was staying here for summer classes. When he asked how I was paying for them, I said that I had gotten a small scholarship. That was a complete lie, and I was going to have to go home at some point during the summer—preferably before I started showing. I didn't know what to tell Charlie. I had been so secretive with him over this past year because I was involved in a lot of things I shouldn't. According to him, I was the sweet, innocent girl who was studying her ass off in her dorm. He would soon realize that I not only had a twenty-five year old boyfriend, but that I was knocked up as well? That was going to be a shocker for sure.
He would start digging into Justin and who he was, even though they had already met. Charlie was going to find out what Justin's real last name was, and it would all go downhill from there. Maybe I didn't even need to tell Justin that I we were having a baby, because once Charlie found everything out, it wasn't like I would ever see him again anyway. What about Renee? Oh God, just kill me now.
I was making a mental list of what needed to be done. I had to tell Justin, get to a doctor soon, and go from there.
How was this supposed to work?
"Just tell him." I tried to pump myself up in the mirror. It wasn't working.
I went downstairs and decided to stress cook. I had to do something to subdue my nerves.
I spent hours in the kitchen, making a couple pies, and then a pan of macaroni and cheese since I suddenly wanted some. By the time all of that was done, the kitchen smelled like a cooking show, and I was running out of room to put things on the counter.
The doorbell rang and my heart stopped. I calmed down when I realized that Justin wasn't home yet. He would have used his key. I peeked through the peephole and saw Rose's face on the other side.
"What took you so long?" she asked when I opened the door.
"I was just checking."
"I'm bored. Let's go do something." She plopped down on the sofa, and I sat in the chair next to her. "Do you want to go to Plasma before the guys get back?"
"I don't think so." I shook my head.
"Why? You can't still be sick."
"I think I am and I don't want to go without Alice."
She still had one final test and was studying her ass off, so I hadn't seen her in the past couple of days.
"You don't like me?" Rose feigned hurt.
"You're not exactly the warmest person to hang out with."
"I still know how to have fun and we like each other."
"Yeah, with people around for buffers." I got up from my seat and went back into the kitchen.
"Well, at least I'm not a full on bitch anymore. We just have butting personalities. That doesn't mean we can't go out."
"I guess, but I'm still not feeling well." I munched on a small chocolate chip cookie.
Rose looked around the kitchen. "This sure is a lot of food."
"I was hungry."
She picked up her own cookie and hopped onto the counter. "Well, what do you want to do?"
"Just sit here and wait for Justin to come home."
"Last time I called, they were still stuck in Maine."
"Maine? Is that where they were last night?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Did Emmett tell you that?"
"Emmett tells me everything. Justin didn't tell you why they were going?"
"No."
She bit her lip. "Well, they'll be back soon."
"What do you know?"
"It's best if you don't know right now. Let Justin explain it."
I exhaled deeply. "I try not to ask what he's up to. It scares me too much."
"I understand."
"Rose, can I ask you a question?" I was about to take a big leap of faith here.
"Sure."
"Why do you think Justin hates children?"
She snorted. "Because he can't control them. Or at least, he doesn't know how to. They make him feel awkward, and he wants to treat them like adults, but he doesn't understand that you can't."
"But why is he that way? Emmett and Jasper are fine around kids. I've seen them."
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe his brain just doesn't work that way. I can't explain it. But he probably just doesn't like them. Think about all that poop and throw up and piss; he would go insane."
"Do you think he'll ever change?" My voice was scared and soft.
"Probably not any time soon. Why do you ask?"
I turned around to face the wall, because I couldn't look at her anymore. All I wanted to do was cry or shout or… something. "I was just wondering if he was ever going to change."
"Nope," Rose bounced down from the counter, "that bastard is set in stone."
"Great."
"Are you sure you don't want to go out tonight?"
"I'm just going to stay in and wait."
"Alright, loser. I'm taking these cookies." She picked up a pan and walked out of the kitchen. The front door shut a couple seconds later.
For the rest of the day, I sat on the couch and ate fattening foods. I'm sure it wasn't very healthy, but I needed something to do. When the sun went down, I started to get very nervous, because I figured that Justin would be home soon. I got up from the couch around dinnertime and made a full pot of chicken and broccoli alfredo.
I kept my phone in my hand, and it vibrated an hour later. I took a breath and saw Justin's number on the screen.
"Hello." I tried to make my voice sound as normal as possible.
"Hi, I tried to call earlier, but we were stuck on the runway and it took us forever to take off."
"That's okay. Are you hurt?" That was always the question I asked when he had just finished with a job.
"No, we're all fine and business has been taken care of."
"That sounds ominously terrifying."
"I'll explain it all when I get home. Do you want me to pick something up for dinner?"
"No, I made lots of food so you can come straight home." I chewed on my nail. "When are you going to get here?"
"We just landed, so about an hour? Are you alright? You called an awful lot when I was away."
"I'm fine, I just…needed to hear your voice."
Justin didn't say anything for a long second and I could almost hear the unbelieving thoughts he was thinking. He knew something was up.
"Alright, well, I'll be waiting. I missed you."
"I missed you too, Selena. I'll see you soon."
I couldn't fall apart now. I needed to stay strong so that I could get this out. I paced the area in front of the window for about an hour, doing my best to dig a hole in the rug.
When I heard the key in the lock of the door, I raced to the kitchen so that I could throw up again. All of this stress was doing me in, and I was about a second away from falling over in exhaustion. I quickly washed out my mouth and fixed my hair.
"Hi." I turned around and smiled just as Justin came into the kitchen. He was in the same clothes from yesterday and looked tired.
"Hi." He grinned. "Did you miss me?"
"I told you I did." I pulled him by his shirt until his lips locked with mine. We stayed connected for a couple of seconds. "Are you hungry?"
"Starving." He looked around the kitchen. "What happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"There's all this food here. Either my mother had another party while I was gone, or you've been stress cooking. Which one is it?"
"You know; finals." I shrugged.
He sighed through his nose. "You can't keep using that excuse, Selena."
"It's not an excuse." I turned away from him and started fixing a plate. "I'm stressed about my grades. Isn't that a viable reason?"
"Not when you're a genius. You've never worried about grades."
"I'm not a genius, Justin. I have to study and work hard."
"Well, regardless, I know you're hiding something from me."
"And how do you know that?" I handed him his plate.
"Because," He leaned in close to my face, "you're a horrible actress." He placed a kiss on my lips.
"I'm not horrible."
"No, actually you're very good at hiding things, but you can't beat me at my own game."
"Damn," I said under my breath when he walked away.
We sat at opposite ends of the table, and I watched him eat for a couple of minutes. I didn't know how I was going to do this, so I settled for silence. Should I just blurt it out? Should I lead him in with a question or say something funny? Why was this so fucking complicated?
Justin, I'm pregnant.
That's all I needed to say, but those words just wouldn't come up out of my throat. I was only making this worse because the longer I waited the more he was going to claim that I kept this from him. He was going to make this all about him. I knew his game plan. He had the right to freak out, but he was going to go dramatic on this one. Justin was going to start WWIII over this baby.
"I got you a gift," he said from down the table.
"Really? From Maine?"
Justin stopped eating for a second and twisted his neck. "Who told you we were in Maine?"
"Rosalie. She wouldn't tell me why, though."
"Do you really want to know, or are you just being nosy? Because I'll tell you, but I know you won't take it well."
"Did you kill someone?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip.
"A lot of people," he answered, twirling pasta around on his fork. "Seven people."
"Seven? Wow, that's… a lot."
"Not nearly enough and the rest of them killed more."
"Who were they? Did I know them?"
"Two of them, yes."
"Just tell me what you were doing," I sighed.
"We went up to Maine because that's where Felix and Demetri were. I told you I was going to handle them and I did. Don't say that I should have talked because the time for talking is over; and don't tell me that I needed to just leave them alone. They threatened you on multiple occasions so I handled it."
"I wasn't going to say any of that. I know how you feel about that situation. Was it worth it?"
"I can finally breathe now that I know those douches aren't on your ass anymore."
"I just don't like to think that people died over me."
"I will protect you at any cost. If I have to blow through a whole country, then that's what I'll do."
"You're scaring the shit out of me." I pulled my knees up so that I could rest my chin on them. "I don't like thinking about this."
"You know what I do and who I am."
I nodded. "So you got me a gift?" I asked, changing the subject from our morbid one.
"Yeah, well we were stuck in that fucking place for the whole day and had some time to hang out. I saw this in the window of an antiques shop." Justin pulled out a small white box and slid it across the table.
"Antique, huh?"
"I know you don't like the shiny, new toys so this should be more acceptable."
I pulled out a beautiful silver ring with a small diamond set proudly on top. It had a pink hue and was almost blinding, but still small and not overbearing.
"Wow, it's beautiful." I slipped the ring over the fourth finger on my right hand.
"I just thought I'd get you something nice." Justin's voice was suddenly closer. He had taken a seat next to me. "Carlisle always says that the sight of blood can always be washed away by the sight of diamonds."
"That's a cute saying. Is that how Esme's survived all these years?"
"Probably." He sighed, "Look, I know you don't fully understand what I do and why I have to do horrible things sometimes, but I need you to know that I won't let anything happen to you. I have to do what I have to do. Simple as that."
"I know."
"My family is important to me and when we're threatened, it doesn't end well."
"You're very hot when you're protective."
He chuckled my favorite sound, "I try."
He was mesmerizing me with his eyes, and his face was coming dangerously close to mine. I closed the gap and meshed my lips with his. They were soft and incredibly tender; everything I needed right now. When he pulled back slightly, I knew it was either now or never, because I was slowly starting to go insane from keeping my massive secret.
"Justin, I have something to tell you."
"What?" His lips moved to my neck, and his hand dipped into my sweatpants, running over my slit. Now it was really hard to concentrate.
"I…" I gripped his hair tightly, "I'm pregnant."
His hand stilled and his kisses stopped completely.
"What did you just say?" Justin pulled away from me. His face had turned completely to stone.
"I'm pregnant," I whispered.
He let out a shuddering breath. "How do you know?"
"Besides the changes in my body, I took three tests."
"Changes in your body?" He looked me up and down.
"My boobs hurt; I'm nauseated, always tired, and I can smell absolutely everything."
"Oh my God." He sat back in his chair. "This can't be happening."
I let him ruminate the information in his head for a couple minutes. I didn't say one word, but I really wanted to. I needed to know what he was feeling. His face and body didn't give anything away. He just sat there like a statue and breathed through his nose.
"I thought you were on the pill?" Justin asked me.
"I am, but… I skipped a few days, and then I wasn't paying attention to the time so…"
"You missed a couple of days? You weren't watching?" He pushed himself up from the table and grabbed his plate. He went into the kitchen, and I heard a crash as the plate broke into tiny pieces.
He was furious.
There was another crash, and then his feet stomped back into the dining room. "Selena, you better not be joking. Did Emmett put you up to this?"
"This isn't a joke, Justin."
He nodded. "Okay, then. Deal with it."
"Deal with what?"
"Get rid of it." Justin started climbing the stairs.
It took me a couple of seconds to realize what the hell he was saying, and I almost went into full volcanic mode when I did. I ran up the stairs after him and barged into the bedroom.
"What did you just say?"
"I said, I want you to get rid of it; the baby has to go," Justin muttered with finality.
"Are you serious? You don't even want to think about this? You're first reaction is to get rid of it?"
"Yes, I'm being a realist. Get rid of the baby."
"What happened to all your old Italian, Catholic teachings?"
"Don't get all religious on me, Selena." He undid his tie roughly. "Do you realize how bad this is?"
"Do you realize how good this might be? We're going to have a child."
"No, we're not. I'm going to give you my credit card, turn my head, and you're going to handle this."
"Can you hear yourself right now?" I shouted. "You haven't even thought about this."
Justin sat on the bed and took a deep breath. "Selena, you're eighteen fucking years old. You are in no way financially or emotionally stable to have a child."
"That's what I have you for."
"I sure as hell am not having a child. There is no way that I'm ready to have a kid. I'm never having children." He went into the bathroom.
I followed him. "Justin, I know that I'm young and I'm fucking scared out of my mind, but I can't just get rid of my baby."
"Alright, adoption?" He leaned against the counter. "Can you carry a baby for nine months, and then give it away?"
"Why would I even want to do that?"
"Because I'm not having children. I can't say it any more ways."
"You're such a coward. I knew this was going to happen, but I thought you'd at least think about this. Maybe you need time…"
"I don't need to think, Selena. I'm about to take over the largest crime family in the world, and you want me to not only protect you, but also a child? If you want to give it up for adoption, that's fine with me, but I highly doubt that you would want to go that route."
"You're being a complete jackass. This is more than just you and me, Justin."
"I can't believe you would do this to me," he suddenly said and gripped the side of the counter. "You've ruined everything. How could you not prevent this? You're completely irresponsible."
"I didn't do anything on purpose, and I'm sorry, but my sense of time kind of got knocked into a hurricane when I had to deal with you and your fucking heart attack. It wasn't like I planned to bring your perfect life down to its knees. I'm sorry that you think I ruined your life."
"You're so reckless. This affects more than just you, Selena. I can't have a child. I hate them; I don't have the means to take care of one, and I certainly don't feel like dealing with a baby when I have so much shit on my plate I can barely breathe."
"So you're just going to kick me out?"
"No, I love you. I don't love that baby."
I stood there stunned for a second. "How could you say that? This is just as much a part of me as it is you."
"Well, I don't want it." Justin walked out of the bathroom. "Get rid of the baby, Selena. If you think you can handle adoption then that's what we'll do, but if not…" He left his sentence trail off.
"I can't believe I'm hearing this right now."
"What did you expect? You know I despise children and you drop a bomb on me like that?"
"Do you want to think about it? I can tell you right now; I'm not killing our baby."
"You don't have a choice. What are you going to do if I kick you out? You have no money, no place to live, and you're still in school. Selena, I'm trying to help you right now. You can't have this baby."
I just shook my head and walked out of the room without looking at him. I could feel tears in my eyes, but didn't care.
"Where are you going?"
I put on my shoes. "To stay with Alice for the night."
"Are you going to tell her?"
"No, I'm not going to tell anyone." I wiped my face. "Just so you know, you're making me feel incredibly horrible for something that could be good. I know you're scared, because I am too, but… just think about it, Justin. I'm not giving this up. I'll do this whether you want me to or not."
He didn't say anything as I backed out of the door and heard it shut behind me. All the way down to Alice and Jasper's floor, I cried so hard that my eyes hurt. I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was crash. I barely made it down the hall and to their door. I knocked and waited.
"Oh, hey, Selena," Jasper answered in sweatpants and nothing else, running a towel through his hair. He noticed my tears. "What happened?"
I calmed my sobs so I could speak. "Can I stay with you tonight?"
"Sure." He moved away from the door. "Are you okay? Is Justin hurt? What happened?"
"Nothing, we just had a fight." I shook my head. "It's nothing."
"I'll get Alice." He guided me into his family room, and I sat on the comfortable couch. I didn't get a chance to talk to Alice, because I fell asleep a couple seconds later.
My dreams that night were filled with things that were starting to become impossible.
I saw brief moments of a life that I would never have: Justin and me at an altar; Justin and me walking in the park with a bronze haired boy and green eyes; Justin and me with a little girl, who was too beautiful for words. None of them would be in my near future. The way I saw it, I could either have one or the other—Justin or my baby.
How was I supposed to choose? What was I supposed to do? How could I make this decision? I shouldn't have to make this decision. I was dealing with way too much right now and nothing was making any sense. How could Justin not want his own child? I knew he was scared, but so was I. Maybe I was being a little hypocritical since I had thought about my options for a split second, but it was only that long. Justin was pushing this abortion thing pretty hard. He did suggest adoption, but he was right. If I carried this baby for nine months, I would be far too attached to give it all up. I was too attached now. I would never be able to give up my child— now or nine months down the road.
When I woke up, I was even more exhausted than I was before.
I rolled over and felt a strange bed with covers up to my chin. I looked around the room and saw that I was in one of Jasper's guestrooms. It was minimally done in gray and black; soothing colors. The bed was incredibly fluffy and I never wanted to get out.
"Jasper, don't wake her up." I heard Alice's voice in a whisper from the other side of the door.
"Why? She's been sleeping for basically the whole day."
"You saw her when she came in last night. She looked terrible. She must still be sick; that's what Rose said. Did you talk to Justin?"
"Yeah, all he said was that they had a huge fight, but he wouldn't tell me what it was about."
"Maybe they broke up?"
"No, he told me he didn't want to break up with her; I asked."
"Well then, what the hell happened?"
"Can we go in now?"
"Quietly." I heard the door creak open and feet coming into the room.
"Selena, are you up?" Jasper asked.
"Yeah." My voice was thick and grainy. I rolled over and smiled at him.
"We were so worried about you." Alice got on the bed lightly. "Are you sick?"
"I think I have the flu," I lied. I still wasn't ready to tell anyone yet.
"Oh, no. I can't get sick." Jasper backed up quickly. "Why did you come here?"
"I'm not trying to poison you," I laughed, straining to sit up in bed.
"You look like shit," Alice observed.
"Well, thank you."
"I didn't mean it badly: I'm just concerned. Did Justin kick you out?"
"Of course he didn't," Jasper defended his brother. "He didn't, did he?"
"No, I left. We needed to cool off after… our fight."
"What happened?" Alice's face was so tortured for me.
"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it right now. Did you see him today?" I asked Jasper.
"Yeah, he looks like shit, too. He said he wanted to talk to you."
"Really?"
"You two must be dealing with something serious."
"You could say that." I pulled the covers off of me, suddenly very hot, and climbed out of bed. "Thank you for letting me stay here last night."
"Of course. Are you sure you want to go back so quickly? Maybe we should talk," Alice suggested and followed me down the hall.
"No, I just want to see Justin. It's going to be alright," I assured her. "Sorry for crashing."
"It's okay, get better." Jasper leaned in like he was going to kiss my cheek, but then backed up. "Uh, never mind. I can't get sick right now."
"It's alright. I'll see you guys later." I left their apartment and waited for the elevator.
On my way up, I had a slight sense of hopefulness. I knew I shouldn't have just expected Justin to rejoice at the prospect of having a child, but I didn't think he would be so rash. To jump straight to abortion without even really talking about things was frightening. I wouldn't give that option the time of day, and he couldn't tell me what to do. I was just praying that I could talk some sense into him.
My heart beat thunderously as I stood in front of his door and knocked. It took a couple of seconds, but he opened it and let me in. Justin looked like Jasper had said—shit. There were deep bags under his eyes, and his face had a deep strain to it that told me he had been up the whole night.
"Hi," I said awkwardly and looked down at my feet.
"Hi," he replied. "I guess we need to talk."
"Yeah."
He led me to the kitchen, and I sat on a barstool.
"I would offer you coffee, but the books say that you're not allowed to have any." He held up a "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book.
"You brought that?"
Justin nodded. "Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to understand what the fuck was going on."
"I know you're scared, and I'm sorry…"
"No, Selena, I'm terrified and not just for me. What kind of father would I make? I shouldn't be raising a child, and I don't think you're seeing that correctly. You seem to think that this will be a good thing, but if you bring a child into this world, we'll both screw it up."
"We'll have help. We don't really know what to do now, but we have your parents and everyone else. We'll learn."
"We'll learn," he repeated. "That's not how it works. I just can't see this being positive. I know I was harsh last night… but that's the only option I see."
"You would want to kill your own flesh and blood?"
"I don't want this baby. I just want you." His eyes were so sad. It was heartbreaking, but I told myself to stay strong.
"We're a package deal now, Justin. I'm having your baby." I jumped off the stool and took his hands in mine. "We're having a baby."
"I don't know what to do."
"Isn't this what's supposed to happen? Aren't you supposed to have a big family and lots of kids to help your legacy last or something?"
"Selena, you're eighteen. Even if I wanted that stuff, I would wait until I was ready, and you were older. I can't… I just can't do this right now."
I deflated completely. "There's no changing your mind?"
"There's no changing yours?"
I shook my head. "I'm keeping this baby."
He nodded and closed his eyes. "What am I going to do?"
"You could… accept that. I don't want to push you into a corner, but I love you and I know you love me. This is just a speed bump."
Justin let my hands go and ran his through his hair. "I'm sorry, but right now, my mind just can't wrap around the thought of having a child."
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him; he didn't pull away. "I'm going to go for a walk and give you some more time to think. I know I just dropped this on you, but this is happening. I really need your help, Justin."
He didn't say anything, and I kissed him again.
I went upstairs to change and brush my teeth. Surprisingly, I wasn't hungry this morning. All I wanted to do was get out into some fresh air. I felt like that was the only way I could think.
When I was in the bathroom, I took a look at my stomach. Nothing had changed, and I was still flat as a board, but I could almost feel the baby growing inside of me; it was a part of me. How could Justin not want this? Was it a guy thing? I figured he just needed more time, and I would give him all he needed.
I went back to the kitchen and found Justin reading the book, his head bent and furrowed in thought.
"Don't go too far," he said without looking at me.
"Just think about everything I said." I began to walk out of the kitchen. "And could you ask Benny to stay here? I need to be alone."
"I can't…"
"Please, Justin. I don't want him breathing down my neck."
He didn't reply, but I saw that he gave his approval.
I left the apartment and tapped my foot on the elevator floor as it went down. The more I was in this building, the more I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to get out and walk around, or I was going to go crazy. This was a lot to handle in such a short amount of time, and my head was about to explode. Finally, the doors dinged open, and I shuffled into the lobby before taking my first breath of fresh air in what felt like years.
I walked slowly, just thinking, for what must have been an hour. I went to the park and made sure to take a break on a couple benches so that I could see the kids running around with their parents. I wanted to know how they dealt with children. Was I going to be a good mother? So far, things weren't going so well, but I had to believe that they would get better.
While I was sitting and watching, I felt the bench dip down as someone occupied the space next to me.
"Hello, Selena," a deep voice said.
I was surprised as hell when I turned my head and saw Jacob Black sitting there. He was playing with his tie nonchalantly and had his sunglasses on so that I couldn't see his eyes.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I scooted away from him. If there was a reason he was here, it wasn't good.
"I'm here to bring bad news, unfortunately, but we'll get to that later. How are you?"
I started to get up from the bench, but Jacob's hand pushed me back down roughly. He didn't let me go when I was sitting again.
"What do you want?" I spat. "I need to get back home."
"I'm sorry, but that won't be happening today. Why don't we just sit and talk. I'm trying to be nice for a change."
"I don't want to talk to you. Let me go." I tried to get out of his grasp, but he wouldn't release.
"Where were you last night?" he demanded.
"At home."
"Where was Justin?"
"With me. Let me go."
"Was he there the whole day and night?"
"I don't know what he does during the day, but he was with me last night. Why the hell do you care?"
"It's not nice to lie to a police officer, Selena. I'm sure your father taught you that."
"What the hell do you want?" I struggled and he was really starting to hurt me with his grip.
"I'm sorry I have to do this, Selena. I really thought you'd be more cooperative. You're under arrest." He swung my wrist behind my back painfully, and I felt cold metal against my skin.
"I'm what?" I felt like throwing up. This was happening so fast that I couldn't even understand it.
"Selena Swan, you're under arrest for obstruction of justice and racketeering. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"
"I don't even understand what you're talking about; racketeering?
"Among other things." Jacob started walking and pulled me behind him towards the street where a car was waiting. "We have a whole laundry list of wonderful charges."
"You're just doing this to get to Justin."
"Bring down the girl, bring down the man." Jacob ducked my head into the back of the car and another officer was in the front seat, "This is the end of Selena Swan and I'm sorry."
"I'm Embry Quill. We'll be seeing a lot of each other."
I didn't know what to say or what was going on. I was scared out of my mind and terrified. I wanted to talk to anyone who knew what the hell was happening. How did my life become so drama filled? It was one thing after another, and this was just the icing on the cake.
How more fucked up could my life get?
Jacob Black got into the driver's seat with a devilish grin. "Selena, I would get very comfortable, because this is the last of the outside you're going to see for a long time."
It would be surprising if you weren't tired. In some ways, your pregnant body is working harder even when you're resting than a nonpregnant body is when mountain-climbing; you just can't see its efforts. For one thing, it's manufacturing your baby's life-support system, the placenta, which won't be completed until the end of the first trimester. For another, it's adjusting to the many other physical and emotional demands of pregnancy, which are considerable. Once your body has adjusted and the placenta…
I had to stop reading after that.
I smashed my palms into my eyes and scrubbed them across my face. My heart was still pumping a little quicker than usual, and my head was pounding. For the first time in years, I wanted to take a nap.
Could this really be happening? How could this be happening?
I took a large gulp of water and tried to sooth my fiery nerves. I was pissed; I was confused. I was uncertain, but I was also terrified, and I had never in my life felt that emotion.
Selena had just left for her walk, and I was thankful for that, because I couldn't breathe while she was around right now. It was hard for me to even think about being in the same room with her. Did she really not see how much of a bad idea this was? She was pregnant! Holy shit, she was pregnant! She was pregnant!
I had to say it at least ten times before I could even fathom the possibility of that statement. A child with my eyes or my hair or my nose… It made me sick just thinking about it. Like she requested, I had called Benny and asked him to stay behind. She needed her time alone just as much as I did.
There were so many things that could go wrong with this, and I wasn't just thinking about myself.
Selena was fucking eighteen years old. She had her whole life ahead of her for this kind of shit. In ten years, when she had grown up and was with some man who wanted kids, then she could rethink things. But that brought about a new set of problems. I didn't want her with another man now, and I didn't want her with another one in ten years. Selena was mine, and I planned on keeping it that way. Never mind about the marriage thing or the fact that I would make a horrible husband; some people just dated forever, right?
Last night, I was so excited to get home because I had taken care of the threat. With Felix and Demetri gone, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, and I felt like I could finally breathe. Selena was somewhat safer now. I didn't have to look over my shoulder every five seconds for one of the Volturi boys to pop up and kill her. Of course, the threat would never be truly gone, but I didn't have those stupid mosquitoes buzzing in my ear anymore.
My seemingly good mood came crashing down when Selena revealed her little secret.
My first reaction was to disbelieve her. I had encountered this before, and on those occasions, girls lied because they wanted to trap me. There was never any truth to those situations, and I really hoped that Selena was following the same path. But then the logical side of my brain stepped in. Selena and I were already together. She had me under her finger. What need would she have to fabricate a lie like that? She didn't need to lie to me.
So, Selena was pregnant. That was the only conclusion I could come up with. Whatever happened to modern science? I knew birth control wasn't full proof, but this was ridiculous. Why now? This was the worst possible time for this to fall into my lap. I was on the verge of taking over a major crime syndicate and still in remission from a fucking heart attack. My life wasn't really conducive for a child, even if I did want one.
I could never see someone like me raising a kid. I would be horrible; things weren't going to get any easier as I got older. I knew that it was my lot in life to produce children, but I was hoping that I could skirt around that topic. I'm sure Emmett, Alec, and Jasper could provide more than enough kids to keep the Bieber name going. Why did I need to be a part of that?
When Selena told me, I blew up. I didn't know how else I was supposed to act. My brain was going crazy with questions that I just wanted to spit at her and demand answers. I felt like I needed to hit something, so that's why I got up from the table. I should have taken a couple of breaths and just talked it out, but i didn't have words. When Selena did push me to say something, I exploded with all of my thoughts.
I was ashamed of my first reaction to the news, but I had always known that "getting rid" of the baby was the path I would choose. Abortion or adoption, I didn't care which just as long as I didn't have to be burdened with a fucking baby. Call me a coward or whatever, but that was my stance, and I was sticking to it. I wasn't only doing this for Selena and myself, but for that kid too. How well could it turn out? There were no positives to this situation, and I just needed to convince Selena of that.
I didn't know how far along she was—we never got that far—but I figured abortion was still an option. She could be through with this in minutes. That would be fine with me. We didn't even have to tell anyone. If Selena didn't go for that, then there was also adoption. That would be a far more strenuous route, but it would still leave us free of a child. That was the main goal. People would obviously know that Selena was pregnant if we went that way, although, it might be a better option if she didn't want to go to a clinic. Everyone would hate me, but it was the only viable possibility. Whichever was fine with me.
Unfortunately, Selena wasn't seeing things my way. I didn't know what about this made anything appear positive, but it seemed like I was the only one in this relationship with a clear head. This baby was going to ruin Selena's life. She was going to have to drop out of school, take time off and probably wouldn't ever go back. I didn't want that for her. I had already taken so much from Selena without giving anything back and now this? I was destroying her life. We couldn't have this baby.
I groaned and banged my head against the counter, "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"
There was a knock at the door, and I didn't even move from my spot. I didn't care to open it. Selena had a key so anyone else could suck it. I wasn't in the mood to deal with stupidity today.
"Yo, Justin," Emmett's voice yelled, "we're here and we're hungry. You better not be hogging pizza or I'm breaking your arm."
"I have to remember to take that key away," I said to myself and put the pregnancy book in a drawer so he wouldn't suspect anything. I was going to leave it up to Selena about telling people. I didn't mind as long as in nine months' time, I wasn't rocking a baby to sleep.
"What's going on?" Emmett started going through my fridge for food. Alec was with him, and he sat on a barstool, eating a massive chocolate bar.
"Don't you have your own house? I'm tired of you being over here," I growled.
"You will never be rid of me." He laughed. "Besides, Rose hasn't gone grocery shopping this week. I'm hungry and I know Selena always keeps this place stocked."
"Yeah," I sighed.
"Why is there so much damned ginger ale?" He moved stuff around. "I can't even find the food. This is ridiculous. There must be ten bottles in here."
"It helps Selena's stomach. She's still sick," I lied.
"Maybe she should go see a doctor," Alec suggested. "It's not healthy for her to be sick this long. Is she all right?"
"She's fine." I shut the refrigerator door. "Can I help either of you?"
"We're bored," Emmett pouted. "Let's go shoot something. We could go play arrow roulette."
"As much as I would love that, I'm busy and you need to occupy your time in a healthier way. I'm sure you have some work to do."
"Don't care. I'm on vacation."
"We just got back from vacation and like I said, I'm busy."
"With what?" Alec asked.
"Things that don't concern you. Leave," I commanded and crossed my arms.
"No, I don't think we will." Emmett sat next to Alec. "What the hell happened with you and Selena last night?"
"What do you mean?" I exhaled, getting very annoyed with my brothers.
"Jasper said you guys had a massive fight and she had to stay with him and Alice. What did you do?"
"Can nothing stay private in this family?" I ran a hand through my hair. He didn't mention the baby, so I assumed Selena hadn't said anything to either Jasper or Alice. I would have heard about it by now.
"What's going on?" Alec was concerned. I could tell by the tone of his voice. His childlike curiosity and knack for sensing problems was becoming highly dangerous for me in this situation.
"Nothing, just drop it."
"You did something to Selena, didn't you?" Emmett squinted his eyes at me. "You made her cry?"
"Yes," I admitted, "we just had a fight."
"About what?"
"I can't remember." I shrugged.
"You're lying," Emmett accused.
"So what if I am? No one asked you to butt into my business."
"This is Selena's business too," Alec challenged. "We have a right to know."
"Stupid Italian, gossiping, brothers…" I grumbled under my breath and filled a glass with water. It was time to take my medication and today, I needed it more than ever.
"Are you still taking that shit?" Emmett asked.
"Yes, and I don't need your mouth right now. Just leave." I ingested a couple pills and swallowed the water.
"You're extra bitchy today," Alec said.
"It must be his man-period."
"Both of you need to leave." I roughly picked Alec up by the collar of his shirt and started shoving him into the hallway.
"You know, we can give you brotherly advice if you'd just ask." Emmett followed us.
"I already got the big brother talk from Jasper last night."
"He's stupid. You need to come to me for girlfriend problems."
"That makes me feel so much better." I rolled my eyes.
"Are you going to break up with her? You know Ma would kill you if you did." Alec pushed me off of him.
"No, I'm not breaking up with her. We're just… having issues."
"Jasper said that she was crying like crazy last night. Did you hurt her?"
"Of course I didn't and I would appreciate it if you would stop getting your information from Jasper. You three are like old ladies. Keep your noses in your own business."
"Fine, we'll go downstairs and have some fun without you." Emmett walked out of my apartment. "Come on, kid."
"Bye, Justin." Alec waved and trotted after him.
I slammed the door and stomped back to the kitchen. I didn't want to go back to reading that stupid book again, because I could barely understand what the hell it was saying. There were so many words that were foreign to me, and I only got more stressed with each turn of the page. How the hell were we supposed to raise a baby? There was no way in hell it was going to work. I just had to convince Selena that our only option was to handle it by other means.
I wasn't a total monster. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that I had created something. A part of me was growing inside of Selena, and I'm sure some people would die to be in my position; just not me. Should I want a child? Like with most normal things, my mind wasn't wired that way. I only saw this as a negative.
Besides the theoretical horrors of me raising a child, there was also the very real possibility that I might actually die if I had to care for something that vomited and pooped and peed excessively for the first year of its life.
I shuddered just thinking about being anywhere near a baby. How the hell did people take care of those things?
I sighed heavily, going back into the kitchen to resume my reading. I was trying to understand what about this child thing was so appealing to everyone. My plans still weren't changing, but I might be able to sympathize with Selena more if I knew why she was willing to sacrifice everything for this baby.
I never wanted to be away from her again, because that only caused me to do stupid things. I didn't want to lose Selena, but would she make me choose? I figured yes, and I didn't want to even think about that right now. My main goal was to just get her to see reason.
Before I could even open the damned pregnancy book up, there was another knock on the door.
"Justin, open up. I need to talk to you." I heard my father's voice frantically commanding me.
"What do you want?" I shouted, not moving from the counter.
"This is no time for games. Open this fucking door!"
I rolled my eyes and trekked into the hallway. He pushed past me when I opened the door, and I could tell that he was worried about something. Carlisle rarely showed signs of agitation or stress, so this was a little perplexing.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Sit down." He went to my liquor cabinet that had just been restocked, and pulled out a large bottle of scotch.
"Should I be worried?" I sat on the couch.
"I'm about to tell you something, but I want you to just take deep breaths and think before you act."
"What's going on?" I said skeptically, "I don't like the way you're talking."
He downed his drink and began pouring another one. "Selena got arrested."
It took me a second to digest his words. "I'm confused. What did you say?"
"Selena was just arrested."
"No… what? That's impossible. I just saw her like an hour ago. She went out… for a walk. I think you misunderstood."
"Justin, listen to me, this is serious. I just got a call from the Commissioner; they're holding her downtown."
I blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what the hell he was talking about. "She was arrested?"
"I don't like repeating myself and I've done it twice already." Carlisle sighed. "I'm working on it."
"What the hell are the charges?" I jumped up from the couch, my legs wanting to run out of the room.
"A whole bunch of shit that's trumped up. They're trying to get her to talk about your recent trip to Maine."
"What does that have to do with her?" I realized that I was shouting at this point, but I didn't care.
"Racketeering, harboring a suspect, money laundering, drug trafficking; it's a mess, Justin and they're just getting started. They're even trying to charge her with accessory to murder since they think she knows something about Maine."
"She has nothing to do with any of that." I was seething.
"Of course she doesn't and most of the charges aren't going to be worth anything, but she is in a very bad position right now."
"Why? Just get her out."
"I can't do that. The Commissioner is blowing smoke up my ass and he's starting to ask questions."
"Get her out!"
"It doesn't work like that, Justin. You can't just bypass the entire legal system; not this time. Selena has been arrested and there are actually a few things that suggest she broke the law, but they're trying to get to you. You need to calm down and let me handle this."
"I won't let her go down for my mistakes. She didn't do anything wrong," I argued, my heart starting to thunder in my chest.
"She will be held and I have Jenks working on things, but… this is a tricky situation."
"Why? It seems simple to me. Selena is innocent so she'll get off. How are you not seeing this?"
"Justin, they won't let her go without getting to you first. Selena's just a liability and they're trying to scare us."
"So you're not going to do anything?"
"I'm doing all I can. You have to let this work itself out."
"Are you fucking serious? Is that what you have to say to me?"
"Justin, this is going to get very dirty because Jacob isn't letting Selena go. He's going to use her against us."
"They don't have anything on her." I was pulling at my hair so tightly that it hurt. "Why not Alice or Rose?"
"I don't know," Carlisle sighed. "I'm being proactive about it all, though. I can't stall much longer and once things get out about this, they won't stop. People are going to ask questions and start searching for answers."
"This shouldn't be as bad as it's sounding. I still don't understand the charges. Don't we have a plan in place for this?"
"They can hold her for a traffic violation and beef it up to ten years if they want to. It doesn't matter. They're trying to humiliate you and it's working. Our plan is always to be proactive. We're going to nip this thing in the bud before it even gets started."
Before I could even think about it, I jumped over the back of the sofa and went into the kitchen, grabbing my keys off of the counter. I threw the pregnancy book in the trash. I would worry about that later.
"Justin, where are you going?"
"To get Selena back." I slammed the door shut and was in the elevator in a second.
I heard Carlisle yelling at me as the doors closed, but I could have cared less.
This was my biggest fear come true. I didn't even really know what the whole situation was, but after the words "Selena got arrested" were uttered, I didn't really need to know. Because of me, she was being taken, and I would figure the rest out after I got her freed. This was turning into a massive shit storm that neither of us needed to be dealing with right now, and I was going to make sure that the right people paid for crossing me.
Why was it always Selena? Alice and Rosalie were sitting ducks and perfect candidates for the taking. Not that I ever wished anything bad on them, but Selena needed a fucking break. I knew why Black was doing this. He wanted me to do something rash and dig myself into a hole. Carlisle was right; they could hold her on trumped up charges and plant all the evidence they wanted just to make me enraged. It wasn't a secret that I acted before I thought, and this was just one instance when I wished I could control the beast inside of me. It wasn't going to happen.
I would handle everyone else after Selena was let go.
Thankfully, the Saleen was waiting in the garage, and I was more than ready to stretch her legs. I sped out of the parking lot and blasted through the streets, not bothering to look at lights or stop signs. I didn't know what I planned on doing when I got there, but I would figure it out later.
By the time I reached the downtown office, my blood was raging in my body, and I was trying to convince myself that I didn't need to blow up. For good reason though, I brought my Eagle. I wasn't playing games anymore. I jumped out of the car and just kept running.
"Justin, where are you going?" Emmett's Mercedes screeched to a halt in front of me, effectively blocking my path.
"What does it look like?" I tried to move in front of the car, but he accelerated and blocked me again.
"You can't go in there. Dad told me what happened."
"Get out of my way." I closed my eyes to calm down. The last thing I needed to do was shoot my brother in the parking lot of the police department.
"Justin, let them handle this."
"She did nothing wrong!" I shouted at him.
"I know that, but you can't just barge in there and expect things to be resolved."
"You can say that because Rosalie isn't sitting in a fucking jail cell."
"I know you're mad, but we're going to get her out. They won't be able to hurt her." Emmett got out of the car, leaving it running. "Just calm down before you give yourself a stroke."
I breathed deeply, clutching my gun in my hand. "They arrested her. It was my fault…"
"It's not your fault, Justin. Just get in the car and I'll drive you home."
"I can't just leave her in there."
I pushed him off of me and jumped over the hood of his car, sliding to the ground and darting up the sidewalk. I took the stairs three at a time and right before I reached the door, I felt arms wrap around my torso from behind.
I struggled to break free. "Get the fuck off of me."
"I can't let you get in anymore trouble." Emmett was too strong, so I was flailing around aimlessly but still trying to break free.
"Let me go!" I threw my head back and heard a crack as I broke his nose, but Emmett still didn't release his hold. He carried me to the car and by the way my hands were bound, I couldn't move or use my Eagle.
"I've been ordered to take you home." It took him a long time to get me in the car, but he finally shoved me through the door and grabbed the gun from me.
He was speeding away from the police department and as much as I protested, he wouldn't hear my reasoning.
"Just let me handle my own business." I was debating on whether or not I should just kill him now and take control of the car.
"Let Dad deal with this. He knows what he's doing but you need to lay low. Did you know that Aro took out a hit on you this morning? He's fucking out for our blood, dude."
"Let him try. I'm ready for him."
"You need to just shut up and take a break for a couple of days. You can't run over everyone and expect to get off without consequences. You know I'm with you but calm down."
"She's in fucking jail. Does no one understand that?" I pulled at my hair.
"Selena isn't going to get in trouble and you know it. Black wants you to come out of hiding."
"Why didn't he just come after me?"
"Because he needs you enraged. We have to keep you safe, first and foremost."
"I can't believe we're just going to let her sit in jail!"
"Dad's dealing with it," Emmett yelled. "Just shut up. I can't have you getting yourself locked up too. Then we'd get nowhere."
I sulked in my seat, trying to control my heart because it was about to explode out of my chest.
It didn't matter what "condition" Selena was in, I had to push through my opinions on our baby and just get her the fuck out of jail. I almost choked on air as I thought about what I had just said: our baby.
This was not good at all. I had to keep reminding myself that my father promised to handle this. If I didn't have that vow, I would have turned this car around and headed right back to the police offices. Selena was my main priority right now. Not the baby, not me, and not Jacob fucking Black—just Selena.
By the time we reached my parents' house, I was still furious, but trying to calm down so that I could logically get some answers.
I jumped out of the car and raced inside.
"Justin, calm down or you're going to give yourself another heart attack." Esme hugged me. "Carlisle's going to get her out."
"Where is he?" I pushed her off.
"In his office." Her voice was small, and I could tell that we were in a worse situation than people were telling me.
I bounded up the stairs and busted through Carlisle's office door. He was on the phone and shouting with a red face. Nicola was in his wheelchair and watching his grandson work.
"How the hell did you get up here?" I asked him.
"Never mind that; how is Selena?"
"I don't know. No one's telling me anything and Emmett wouldn't let me get in to see her."
"Good. Who knows what you would have done." Nicola rolled towards the desk and pressed the receiver button on the phone, cutting it off.
"What the hell was that for?" Carlisle slammed the phone down.
"You're not going to get anything done with normal bureaucracy. What's the Commissioner saying?"
"He wants to know who the hell Selena is and why she has racketeering charges against her. Jacob locked her up for illegal gambling." He sat in his large chair.
"Are you fucking serious?"
"He has tape of her at the tracks a couple days ago and says she frequents your casino a lot."
"She's been there once and she never paid for anything at the tracks," I argued, "Isn't the legal gambling age eighteen?"
"Horse betting is different; twenty-one."
"This is bullshit." I yelled, "She did nothing wrong."
"It doesn't matter; until they do an investigation, we can't get her out. At least, until her arraignment tomorrow. They'll set bail and we'll post it, but until then, she's staying downtown. Plus, you went home last night after that massacre and they're trying to say she harbored a fugitive."
"I went back to my own house. They can't charge her for that."
"They can do anything they want if they spin it the right way. Don't underestimate this, Justin. The Commissioner has never been on our bad side, but this could turn out horribly."
"And what about that gambling shit? Alec is way younger than she is and he was betting too."
"I know, I know. No one cares about that, though, and now I have people looking into you for RICCO charges. They want to know where each and every cent of your money is coming from."
"What about you?" My breathing was harsh and deliberate.
"They would never touch your father. He pays all their salaries and he would just fight back, causing a hell of a scandal," Nicola thought out loud. "Selena can't fight with any gusto. She has nothing."
"So what are you going to do?" I asked my father. "She didn't do anything. I won't let her go down for me."
"First of all, we need to get you out of the country, and then I'll post her bail tomorrow. After that, I'll get Jenks to handle her case because this sure as hell will end up in court. Black won't ever let this go now that he has you in the palm of his hand." Carlisle was typing on his computer quickly, his fingers flying across the keys.
"I'm not going anywhere until I see Selena."
"Justin, I don't have time to debate this with you. You're leaving and getting under the radar. Once they start with this investigation, I won't be able to hide you anymore. The RICCO charges are just the start. You better believe that they have things on that stunt you pulled in Maine, especially if Aro's involved."
"And then that Shinobu shit's going to get on board." Nicola rolled his eyes. "I suggest posting Selena's bail tomorrow, and then shipping her off to wherever you send Justin to."
"You want to make them both fugitives?" Carlisle sighed. "I can't do that. If Justin leaves now, he can come back without any consequence. If Selena violates her bail, she could be in deep water."
"Oh, please," Nicola scoffed. "I've been a fugitive since 1972. They don't have enough resources to hunt her down. Get Justin out now, and then Selena can follow tomorrow."
"I said I'm not leaving until I make sure she's safe," I repeated.
"You don't really have a say anymore, son." Carlisle looked at me. "If you want Selena safe, then you'll do as I say. Let me handle this."
"You keep saying that, but nothing's getting done. I need Selena out of jail and her name cleared." I slammed my fist down on his desk, rattling the things on top of it.
"First of all, never raise your voice to me again. Don't forget who runs this family. You might think you have clout, but I can run your ass over in a second if I need to. No one is above me and I'll do what I think is necessary."
"What if your way is wrong?" I gritted.
Nicola slapped the back of my head so hard that I thought my spinal column had snapped, "Bite your tongue. We know what we're doing. You young kids think you can do anything and everything, but there's a system."
"The system doesn't work." I challenged.
"Justin, you're two seconds away from having my gun in your mouth. Don't test me right now." Carlisle glared at me with such authority that I had to prevent myself from cowering backwards.
"Selena is a civilian. I can't just snap my fingers and have her out of jail. That's not how it works in this case." He calmed down.
As much as I wanted to argue, I couldn't. I was in no position to say a word, because things were moving too quickly. It was times like these when I realized just how inexperienced I was. I had no idea what I would do in this situation. I needed to be more like my father and think things through. Unfortunately, all of my reasoning kind of went out the window when Selena was endangered.
"I'm sending Justin off in an hour. As for Selena, I think we'll take our chances. I don't want her being an international deserter. She doesn't need that," Carlisle said.
"And where exactly am I going?" I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Switzerland." Nicola rolled away from us towards the liquor cabinet. "You'll stay there until things have calmed down."
"How long does that take?"
"Maybe a year, could be longer." Carlisle answered. "And connections will be limited. I don't want to risk it. They'll be trying to find you."
"How will I know if Selena's safe?"
"She will be. You have to trust me Justin."
I heard the door open behind me, and then small arms wrapped around my body. "I don't want him to go, Carlisle," Esme said.
"We've been through this before, sweetheart. He has to go. We've been through this with Emmett before and we'll make it work."
"Why does he have to leave?"
"If they bring an investigation against him, they'll find something; maybe not soon, but they will. Once he's out of the county, everything he has will be wiped clean. No bank records, account information, identity. I can help him from afar, but not while he's still here."
"Why now?"
"Because they're ready to take you down. They have enough. First Selena, then you, and then they'll try to come for me. That's how it works. If we break the chain, they'll lose everything."
"We'll get Selena out of there and make it okay for you to come home quickly." She kissed the top of my head. "Stay safe."
"What about everyone else?" I asked.
"No one else is about to be knee deep in the middle of a federal shakedown."
"I can't do this. I don't feel right leaving Selena."
"You don't have a choice. There's a car waiting for you downstairs and you'll get to the airport within the hour."
Carlisle stood up and pulled the massive Eagle out of his front desk. It was the same one he had pointed at me on our trip to Russia, and the one that would have probably been stuck in my mouth if I hadn't shut up a couple minutes ago. I was still fucking scared of that thing. He popped the magazine in place, and then handed it to me.
I took it from him and put it in my belt, not knowing why he was giving it to me, but I didn't question him. Instead of a tearful goodbye, this was his way of telling me to be safe. Things like this were always tricky because communication was completely non-existent. I wouldn't be able to speak with anyone from my family for at least a year. I wouldn't be back to the states for a very long time—even if my name was cleared. I wouldn't need to pack anything because by the time I got to Switzerland, my accommodations would be set.
"You need to leave now." Nicola started pushing me out of the door. "You will only have one shot at this and if they wise up, you won't be able to get out of the country."
I didn't know what to say or what to do.
I just stood at the door, opening my mouth a couple of times to speak, but no words came out.
"We'll make sure Selena gets to you soon. Jenks is going to get her off, and then after I'm sure she's clear, I'll send her on," my father said and tightly smiled. "I promise."
"Just go, Justin." Esme was crying into his shoulder, and I wanted to give her a massive hug. I didn't, though.
I shut the door behind me and briskly walked down the stairs.
"Where are you off to?" Jasper poked his head around a corner up when I was about to leave the house.
"Switzerland," I answered, my hand on the doorknob.
"Oh." He came into the foyer, followed by Emmett and Alec.
"Have fun." Emmett nodded. He had been through this before about five years ago, so he knew how hard it was to leave everything at the drop of a hat. His separation was quick though. "Switzerland's nice."
"I…" I wanted to say something profound, but nothing was coming to mind. All this emotional bullshit was making my head hurt.
"Just take care of yourself." Jasper manfully hugged me. I kept my arms at my side.
"We'll keep Selena safe," Alec assured me. "Don't worry about anything."
"Should I write her a letter?" I asked them when he let me go.
"Why are you not gone, Justin?" Carlisle shouted from the stairs. "The plane is running and waiting."
"We'll take care of everything." Emmett started pushing me out of the door. "I'll call if we can."
"Alright." I gave them one final wave, and then started walking down the driveway, where a car was waiting at the gates.
"There you are. Finally." My father's most trusted associate stepped from behind the driver's side.
"Seth Clearwater. I didn't know you were still alive. I haven't heard from you in forever."
"You know, just keeping a low profile over there at the police office. I have to keep you informed all the fucking time. They almost caught me there for a second."
"How bad is it?" I asked.
"Truthfully, you're in a pile of shit. Black is going crazy and he's pulling out everything he's been gathering for the past couple of years. They actually have a good case against Selena but they'll let her go if you turn yourself in."
"Well then, let's do that. Take me to the police department."
"I can't do that, Justin." Seth crossed his arms. "I'm to get you to the airport and you're not arguing with me. Get in the car."
"Not unless we're going downtown. Fuck the airport."
Seth pulled out his gun, pointing straight at my knee. "I'll blow it out."
"Don't threaten me unless you actually plan on using that thing." I said menacingly. I knew he wouldn't hesitate to fuck me up because Carlisle had taught him well. Seth wasn't family but could have been since my father had trained him since he was young.
"You know I'll do it," Seth replied, just as darkly as I had. "Get in the car, Justin."
I ground my teeth together and ripped the backseat door open, plopping down in my seat. Benny was up in the passenger's side and looked incredibly deadly with his massive form hidden behind his sunglasses.
Once Seth was in the car, he sped off through the streets, not even bothering with the speed limit.
Seth Clearwater was my father's mentee. Besides his sons, Carlisle thought it prudent to have informants on the inside our enemies' camps. He had people burrowed everywhere in this city, especially in the police department. Come to think of it, someone should have told us that this was coming. Seth was simply the best at what he did, and he was the one who had been giving me all the inner workings throughout this past year.
The ride to the airport was silent. I wanted to pull out my phone and call Selena, but I couldn't. There was no way for me to get in contact with her. How was she doing? How was the baby doing?
Fuck, she was still pregnant. I kept forgetting that. As much as I hated what she was carrying, Selena's health was important to me and right now, that included the baby. Should I tell someone that she was pregnant? Then I realized that someone already knew.
"When were you going to tell me?" I asked Benny. I figured he knew what I was talking about.
"She begged me not to say anything," he replied. "I trusted her to say something."
"You didn't think to warn me?"
"I didn't think it would be appropriate to get involved in personal business, sir."
"What's going on?" Seth interjected.
"Selena's pregnant," I sighed.
"Holy shit," The car swerved wildly, and then corrected itself, "are you serious?"
"Yeah."
"How the hell did that conversation go?"
"We never really talked it out. There was too much yelling." I combed through my hair with my hand and tried not to think about how much of a dick I was last night to Selena. The final true conversation we had with each other was one of shouting.
"I think I can guess which side you were on."
"I never got a chance to really think about it."
Now that I was being shipped off, how was this going to affect us? I wouldn't see Selena for a couple months, at least. By that time, the baby would certainly be here to stay. Selena would never go with adoption. I didn't really have a choice anymore. It didn't matter what I thought now. I was having a child.
That thought struck me deep, but I didn't have a chance to dwell on it, because the car came to a halt a second later.
We were on the tarmac already and a private plane was geared up to go. It was smaller than the one I normally took, because I knew that Carlisle's planes were being tracked. This one probably belonged to one of his friends.
"Get out." Seth opened his door.
As soon as my feet hit the ground, shots rang out and echoed around us.
I ducked behind the car door and pulled out my father's gun, trying to survey the area. I stayed low and to the ground as bullets pelted the car, but they were bouncing off.
"What the fuck!" Seth was next to me, sporting his own gun. "This is so not cool."
"Who are they?" I asked and peeked over the hood at the three men on the roof of the hangar.
"Aro's guys. I would bet my life on it." Seth started firing above us, and I did the same.
We were no match being this far away and not having the proper weapons. I could see the stairs of the plane from where I was hunched over and judged the distance at about a couple of yards. I could easily make it if I ran, but I didn't want to. I had never backed down from a fight. Today was seemingly not my day. First, I had to pussy out and leave Selena behind—which I positively didn't want to do, and now bullets were raining down on me. I wasn't going to let them win.
I started shooting and missed a few times before I saw one the guys retreat. I think I got him, but couldn't be sure.
"Where's Benny?" Seth asked me as he reloaded.
A low whine came from the other side of the car, and I looked under it to see Benny lying in a pool of his own blood. His eyes were open, but unresponsive, and his breathing was too low to hold out much longer.
"Holy shit," I said in astonishment. I never thought I would see him in a weak position like that.
He was trying to push his gun towards me under the car, and I reached out to grab it from his bloodied hand. He sputtered up some more blood before he gave out completely. His chest stopped moving as his breaths were exhausted.
"You have to run for it," Seth shouted at me and pointed to the plane, which was still revving and ready. I could see the pilot beckoning me over.
"I'm not going to leave you here." I fired some more and realized that I was out of bullets. I tried to use Benny's, but he was also out.
"Just go. I can make it back. Once I know you're safe, I'll just take off."
"Are you sure?" I was running out of options. "I hate losing at this shit."
"You're not losing. Selena needs you alive and safe. Hurry up and go."
"I can't leave you here alone. You won't make it out."
"Yes, I will. I've got-" His words were cut off by the bullet that popped through the side of his head. He slumped forward and fell onto me, but I propped him up. The whole right side of his head was blown off, and blood was running over my hands, while seeping into my clothes.
It seemed like I was running out of words today, because once again, I couldn't think of anything to utter.
I guess now I didn't have a choice.
I let Seth's dead body slump to the floor and judged the distance to the plane again. I could make it. I took off my jacket so that I wasn't bothered with extra fabric and took a look over the car to see if the men were still there. It was quiet.
I darted over the tarmac, keeping my body low, and made it about halfway there before my leg erupted in pain. The bullet went straight through my left thigh and straight out the other side.
I didn't gurgle a word, taking my punishment in silence and held the wound as I made it that final distance onto the plane with a pronounced limp. The stairs shut quickly behind me.
"We're going to get you out of here." A man started tending to me. "I'm one of the pilots. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. It's just a flesh wound."
"How do I know you're not one of them?"
"Because I'm your fucking cousin, Justin."
"Oh." I vaguely recognized him. I thought I knew his face from Sunday dinners, but my head was hurting too much to know for sure.
"Just sit back and shut up. We'll make it to Switzerland in ten hours."
I was losing too much blood to reply. The darkness was coming quickly, and I couldn't fight it off.
"Who's Selena, sir? Why do you keep saying her name?" the pilot asked.
My head hit the floor with a thump as my thoughts became clouded over and the blackness consumed me.
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mofromthediner · 8 years ago
Text
It’s been getting to be that time in the school year again.. Well, at least for me anyways. As a college student I know that sometimes the days just beat the hell out of you. Sometimes you need a little help getting your day going, or even just helping you get through. The past few days have been extremely stressful for me. I was feeling extremely tired (skip a morning shower just to sleep in, tired), not only was my body tired–so was my brain! I was also feeling very uninspired, that’s why I hadn’t written a blog for over a week! Crazy!
BUT, Notice how I said was. This can be treated with none other than.. Essential Oils!
I have been experimenting a lot with the different kinds of oils. I am not one to take medications (unless absolutely necessary) or put anything unnatural into my body. So over the course of about a year my boyfriend and I have been experimenting with all-natural EVERYTHING (we can think of/use on a daily basis)! (I only share advice if I have tried it out myself!)
  This particular blend of oils I like to refer to as my “Motivational Blend”. I use my essential oil diffuser everyday! I use it kind of like my morning coffee.
First things first, take your essential oil diffuser and fill it with ¼ c water and add*…:
5 Drops of (Sweet) Orange
5 Drops of Eucalyptus
5 Drops of Lemongrass
(this just sounds like a motivational combo)
Then let it sit on and you will immediately feel relief from all of the oils. Now you are probably wondering, “How?”, well here is a list of the oils above and their purpose.
  (Sweet) Orange: Sweet Orange eliminates anxiety, anger, depression and certain bodily inflammations. Eliminating those feelings ultimately ends up making you feel happy. Orange oil also reminds you of happy moments and brings pleasant thoughts to the mind. It is a very good oil to use if you want to relax after a long day, or unwind in between classes. Orange is also known to be an aphrodisiac, Systematic and regular use can cure problems such as frigidity, erectile problems, impotence, loss of interest in sex, and decreased libido. Orange helps promote secretions from all of the appropriate areas (menstruation, lactation, digestive juices, bile, hormones and enzymes). I personally recommend orange if you have irregular periods, it helps to regulate them :)
Eucalyptus: The very reason I chose to add Eucalyptus to my mixture is because it is a stimulant while also rejuvenating your mind. However there are many more ways you can use Eucalyptus oil. Treating wounds with Eucalyptus has been very popular. This is because of ozone (a well researched antiseptic) that forms when Eucalyptus is exposed to air. Eucalyptus is antibacterial, antimicrobial, antiviral and antifungal in nature which makes it particularly good at treating things like the common cold, coughs, runny nose, sore throat, nasal congestion and asthma. Eucalyptus is often recommended for relaxing muscles and is often used by those who suffer from the following: rheumatism, lumbago, sprained ligaments and tendons, stiff muscles, aches, fibrosis and even nerve pain. The oil should be massaged in a circular motion on the affected areas of the body. You can also use Eucalyptus as a natural treatment for lice, since chemical treatments are often damaging and harmful to hair, as well as the chances your skin could absorb some of the chemicals. Just comb a few drops of Eucalyptus oil through your hair.
Lemongrass: Lemongrass was a must-have for a motivational oil blend due it its energizing ability! You need energy to get stuff done!! Lemongrass boosts your self esteem, confidence, hope and mental strength. Lemongrass is often served in tea due to the fact it is an antipyretic (something that is able to bring down fevers when they are reaching dangerous levels). If you have excess gas Lemongrass is what you would want to use to help treat that as well, it helps remove gas and helps prevent further gas from forming in the intestine. If you’re a breastfeeding mother you may also choose Lemongrass because of its ability to increase breast milk as well as increase the quality of milk. I also favor Lemongrass because of its ability to eliminate nervousness (I’m very anxious). But it can also cure shaking hands, limbs, vertigo and lack of reflexes. It is particularly good at calming the mind and relieving tensions and anxiety.
  These are just some of the wonderful attributes of these oils.
Enjoy your Motivational Blend, let me know how it works for you all by commenting below or DM-ing me on any of my social media accounts.
  *REMEMBER TO BUY PURE ESSENTIAL OILS THERE ARE SYNTHETIC OILS AND YOU DO NOT WANT TO BREATHE THAT IN
  Live Natural. Life Free.
Morgan
Motivation– How I’m Getting Through The Rest of This Semester It’s been getting to be that time in the school year again.. Well, at least for me anyways.
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