#anyway I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it if I had fifteen percent more brain cells but I don't

[wizzard890]

I'm very sick so I of course watched this movie about the french revolution:

I didn't expect much, it's a mostly-forgotten movie from 1949. How wrong I was. I was shaken to my core. Is it good? Oh God no. But it. Has. Everything.

A goth Robespierre who works icily on his letters while a guy is getting thumbscrewed two feet from his desk.

Lafayette hiding out in a windmill in the middle of the countryside in full dress uniform, in 1794, presumably so we the audience would believe him when he said he was a general.

A protagonist who seems to have been beamed in from an entirely different movie, who trades film noir barbs with The Woman Who Walked Out On Him Ten Years Ago only they're both wearing wigs.

A Thermidor night cameo from Napoleon, who is shot from behind with the same reverence as Christ in Ben-Hur.

Fouche telling Robespierre that he can't put a law in front of the Assembly that makes him special all time ultra dictator and Robespierre sits back on a big fancy chair with his hands on the arms like a demon and says "but I want to. :)"

A special aside where a nightmarishly butch Saint-Just makes sure we the audience know that Robespierre Isn't Into Women but that he, Saint-Just, crushes puss 24/7.

Thermidor but it's this:

and honestly I can't think of a more worthy 90 minutes of your life.

Oh also the actual meat of the plot is that Robespierre's Death Note has gone missing. His dog helps them find it.