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cheesy09 · 4 years ago

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[CN West Moon] Kiro: The Same Ballad

✨ Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an event story “同谣” that hasn’t been released in the EN server yet. Read at your own discretion! ✨

[Note: This translation was done using the help of Google Translate :>]

───※ ·❆· ※───[Ch.1]───※ ·❆· ※───

The setting sun gradually faded to the west, and the evening quietly landed amidst the melodious flutes.

The tall and lush banyan trees look like overlapping clouds from a distance. Among them sits a young man with silver hair. His legs are crossed as he leans against the trunk, and his hair rises in the wind.

The warm wind comfortably sweeps across the lush wheat fields, wafting layers of waves, and in an instant, fragrance bursts.

The young man played the finger flute and looked deeply into the distance, as if to find something in the wave of wheat.

The broken melody finally strung together. But soon there was a gap in the memory, and the melody became intermittent.

Who was playing the same notes in the gap of time in his youth? He frowned, but couldn’t remember anything.

The melody stopped abruptly at this moment.

He didn’t know when the past melody was greyed out, together with his lost past.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

In the 105th year of the Western Moon, on Jiuhuatian Street, I met that blond teenager.

When I met him, he was surrounded by a few older children. He was thin and small, and looked as big as me. His face was covered with mud spots and dust, but he could hardly conceal the exquisite features of his appearance.

There is such a beautiful boy in this world-- that was my first impression of him.

Although it wasn’t uncommon for people from outside to appear, it was the first time I’d seen a boy who was as beautiful as a doll.

Vagrant: Hey, Blondie, what did I say to you! Where are the remaining copper plates?

The older child pinched his arm with one hand, and grabbed his hair fiercely with the other. The boy frowned with pain, but did not say a word.

His reaction clearly angered the older children. One of them raised his fist and was about to swing at him. He held his head high without evasiveness, his face full of stubbornness.

MC: Let him go!

As soon as my voice fell, several pairs of eyes looked towards me. The boy looked into my eyes, and the blue jewel-like eyes made me stunned.

Vagrant: Tch! What is happening here is none of your concern. Hurry up and leave!

I wanted to refute, but I saw a copper box on the ground, and a plate of small gongs.

It turned out that these people were doing art in the street... I got an idea.

MC: I don’t want to disturb you either, just....

MC: I just saw a team of officers and soldiers patrolling. And they’re on this street...

MC: Anyway, I’ve said too much. I’m leaving now.

Sure enough, as I expected, the faces of the several older children changed.

Vagrant: You... Do you really mean it?

I nodded. Seeing me like this, he immediately winked at the others, picked up the gong on the ground, and the few of them ran away like the wind.

Seeing that the strategy succeeded, I couldn’t help laughing out loud.

MC: Hello, are you okay?

The blond boy looked at me blankly. I stretched out my hand and shook it in front of his eyes. Only then did he react, first nodding, and then shaking his head.

MC: What is it?

At this moment, a series of muffled sounds of “gū gū” sounded, and I subconsciously touched my stomach, only to find that the noise did not come from me.

Looking up, I saw the boy doing the same movements as me. After sensing my gaze, his cheeks grew slightly red and he lowered his head to the ground in embarrassment.

MC: So you’re hungry...

After thinking for a while, I took out something wrapped in coarse paper from my arms and opened it carefully. There was a candied fruit inside. I smiled and handed it to him.

MC: Here, this is for you. This was given to me by the boss of Miguofang.

He looked at me in a daze.

MC: Eat it soon. Next time, don’t steal other people’s copper plates.

Boy: I didn’t steal it! That was from my tricks!

He spoke suddenly, his tone a little defensive. I smiled disapprovingly.

MC: Do you play tricks? It’s okay, you don’t have to lie to me. I’ve done this kind of thing before when I was also very hungry but--

MC: Your hands are not for stealing.

I said solemnly, and motioned to him to take the candied fruit, but he still shook his head.

MC: You! Hmph, forget it.

I retracted my hand angrily, twisted the candied fruit and threw it into my mouth.

MC: This is the delicacy I treasure! I never share it with anyone!

I muttered dissatisfiedly, turned my head and left.

I thought that it was just a small episode in my wandering life. I never thought that our lives would change because of it.

I didn’t know that since then, in places where I couldn’t see, that boy’s eyes have been following me.

───※ ·❆· ※───[Ch.2]───※ ·❆· ※───

There is such a lovely girl in this world-- this was Kiro’s first impression of the girl.

When the girl turned her head angrily and left, he still stood stupidly in the same place, not knowing how to react for a while.

How can a girl’s face become red so fast?

He didn’t pick up the candied fruit because he really hadn’t stolen the copper plates. However, even though he was misunderstood, he was not upset.

When the girl smiled and handed the candied fruit to him, it was the first smile he had received since his parents were killed.

Suddenly, his little heart was filled with something, abundant and full, and became warm and soft, and full of strength.

This was the first time he had the feeling of wanting to be with someone.

Kiro looked at the girl’s fading back, thought for a moment, raised his foot and followed her.

At this moment, he decided to accompany the girl in the days to come, illuminating the road ahead for her.

On this day, Kiro followed the girl as usual.

The girl wandered in the street for a long time, and when she saw someone conjuring something, she surrounded them curiously.

While following the girl, Kiro found that she was homeless and on the street, just like himself.

During the day, she would scurry around in the street and join in the fun everywhere. When she was was hungry, she would take a stroll on Three Dreams Square. The kind proprietress would give her the leftover food from the guests.

At night, the girl slept in a deserted thatched cottage. Sometimes the wind was violent and the dilapidated wooden door would shake. So he would quietly close the door and stay outside all night.

Because he was afraid that he would disturb the girl, he never dared to talk to her, but stayed with her silently in the dark.

MC: You are clearly lying!

The girl’s voice interrupted Kiro’s memory. He looked from a distance. She seemed to be having a dispute with the conjurer.

He followed up and took a look, and found that it was the people who robbed him of the copper plates the day that he conjured the trick. There was a row of open bowls at their feet.

Vagrant: You again? I lie, you say? If you have the ability, you can change one!

The people around started to roar. The girl looked a bit flustered and looked around at a loss.

With his hands hanging on his sides clenched into fists, Kiro gritted his teeth and squeezed into the crowd, his small body desperately moving forward.

Kiro: I’m here!

People looked around for a long time before turning their attention to the thin and small him.

Noting the girl’s gaze, Kiro patted his shirt, raised his chest slightly, and walked towards the center of the crowd with his head held high.

Vagrant: Blondie? What are you doing? You want to get beaten again?

He ignored the boy’s malicious provocation, but picked up a bowl, looked at the crowd of onlookers, and raised a smile.

Kiro: Look here!

The eyes of the crowd couldn’t help but focus on Kiro. He seemed to have a special attraction.

The empty bowl swayed back and forth in his hand, and then there was a stream of clear water, which caused people to exclaim.

Kiro: The best part is yet to come!

His smile got brighter and brighter. He tapped the bowl with his fingers and sprinkled the water around. The people who were caught up in it were about to open their mouth and scold him, but they were stunned by the scene in front of them.

A goldfish swam in the bowl held by Kiro.

As soon as he turned around, the fish jumped into the bowl in front according to his movements, and the water splashed for a while.

The goldfish appeared in different bowls following his movements and people opened their eyes wide and looked, trying to find the fish.

Kiro’s posture was light and agile, and his movements flowed smoothly. People’s eyes widened in surprise, but his eyes kept falling on the girl.

Seeing the girl’s amazed expression, he turned faster. His mouth was raised high, with a certain air.

The copper plates were thrown into the small gong on the ground like rain, filling it in the blink of an eye. Applause and cheers came and went one after another, and his wonderful performance was full of colors.

Those older children had long since disappeared. After the crowd dispersed, Kiro hurried to find the girl, still holding the small bowl with goldfish in his hand.

He stared at the girl’s face intently, but saw that she kept her head down and refused to look at him. He frowned nervously.

Kiro: What happened?

MC: I-I didn’t expect you to really conjure up tricks. Sorry, I misunderstood you before.

The weight on his heart was suddenly lifted. He breathed a sigh of relief, smiled again, and stretched the bowl in his hand to the girl.

Kiro: For you.

In the open bowl, the goldfish swam slowly.

MC: So beautiful...

MC: Unexpectedly, you are so good at this! That was the best trick I had ever seen!

Hearing the girl’s unabashed appreciation, he scratched his head, slightly embarrassed.

Kiro: It’s nothing... If you want to learn, I can teach you!

MC: Really?!

The girl grabbed Kiro’s arm with excitement, but she touched the bruise on his arm that hadn’t disappeared. The pain caused him to take in a cold breath.

MC: S-sorry.

Kiro: It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt at all. Really.

Kiro shook his head and said with a smile.

The girl noticed the bruise on his arm and looked him up and down again.

MC: Are you alone? What about your family?

The smile on his face instantly faded, leaving only a haze in his eyes.

Kiro: They were all killed.

Perhaps that was the case. But such an expression shouldn’t have appeared on a child his age. The girl was a little stunned and stood in place.

After a long while, Kiro felt a piece of warmth sticking to his hand-- It was the temperature of the girl’s palm.

MC: I’m the same as you. Except that I was abandoned.

MC: You are not from here, and you will have a lot of trouble in the future.

MC: I grew up here, and I know everything very well. And I also know how to avoid those older kids.

The girl’s face showed a maturity and firmness that did not match her age.

MC: Why don’t we stay together! Two people are always better than one.

There was a warmth in his heart, and Kiro nodded his head with almost no hesitation at the girl’s expectant gaze.

Kiro: Okay!

The girl jumped up happily. In the sun, her smile bloomed like a flower, which made Kiro sway.

Although he didn’t eat the candied fruit, he thought that the girl’s smile at this moment must be sweeter than the candied fruit.

MC: By the way, I don’t know your name yet. My name is MC. What about you?

He raised his lips and smiled brightly.

Kiro: Kiro. My name is Kiro.

───※ ·❆· ※───[Ch.3]───※ ·❆· ※───

After some discussions, Kiro and I went to the most sophisticated Chinese restaurant in the city.

After saving money to buy candied fruits, there was only enough left to buy a bowl of beef noodles.

The steaming bowl of beef noodles was served on the table. The soup was clear, and the pale yellow noodles floated with verdant green leaves and thinly sliced beef slices, and the aroma filled the air.

The both of us opened our eyes and swallowed involuntarily.

I couldn’t wait and reached for it. But the dish was so hot that as soon as I touched the edge of the bowl, I screamed and my hand was quickly withdrawn.

Kiro: Let me see!

Kiro took my hand anxiously and saw that my fingertips were slightly reddened. So he placed it on his lips and blew lightly.

Kiro: [blowing] It doesn’t hurt anymore, it doesn’t hurt anymore...

Looking at him, the fingers that were hot just now didn’t seem to hurt that much anymore.

We waited for a while. We didn’t start to feast until we found that the noodles had cooled down a bit.

The quantity of beef slices was not much. I had eaten some, but Kiro still hadn’t touched anything.

MC: Don’t you like beef?

Kiro: I... I’m tired of eating!

MC: How can you get tired of such delicious beef?!

Kiro: Hmm... we had beef for every meal. I used to eat too much, so you should eat it!

MC: Oh...

I nodded dumbfounded, and looked at Kiro’s cheek and saw that he was wearing a strange earing on his left ear. I couldn’t help but reach out and touch it.

MC: What is this... you actually have a hole in your ear! Does it hurt?

Kiro’s palm covered my hand, and the light in his eyes flickered slightly.

Kiro: It doesn’t hurt anymore.

Wearing weird earrings and not eating beef... I became more and more curious about this boy from a foreign country.

MC: Where you used to live... what does it look like?

Kiro was taken aback for a moment, then curled up his mouth.

Kiro: It’s a beautiful place.

Kiro: There are woods full of flowers, huts with blue bricks and red tiles, and the sea beyond the horizon like the sky... my family lives by the sea.

MC: I really want to see it...

Kiro: When I grow up, I will definitely take you there!

MC: Okay!

MC: But... there’s still a long time till you grow up. What if you change your appearance by that time, and I don’t recognize you?

Thinking about the unpredictable future, I couldn’t help worrying even though I was excited just now. Kiro also tilted his head and fell into thought, his expression a little frustrated.

I’d already faced us parting once. I couldn’t help but start worrying about the next separation.

Inadvertently, I glanced at the gold metal ring he wore around his neck.

MC: What is this?

Kiro: This? It’s my ring.

Kiro: Because my hands are not big enough, I can only hang it on my neck for the time being.

He took the ring from his neck and handed it to me.

Kiro: I have been wearing it since I was a child, and I have never let go of it.

MC: What a beautiful ring...

I fiddled with it curiously, and suddenly I touched a raised area. I flicked it lightly with my finger, and something popped out.

I subconsciously placed it on my lips, and breathed out gently, and a clear flute sound suddenly sounded.

MC: Look, you can make a sound in this way!

I said to Kiro excitedly, his face overflowing with a hint of surprise.

Kiro: It turns out it can be used to play...

MC: I know! When you blow this, I will recognize you!

I happily shook the finger flute in my hand at him.

Kiro’s eyes were shining, and he smiled and said to me.

Kiro: Even if you can’t recognize me, I will recognize you at a glance!

In the bustling restaurant, some people were looking for fun, some were complaining to each other, and some were frustrated and hesitant. But all of this had nothing to do with us.

We shared a bowl of beef noodles and made a vow about the future. We had great happiness and joy.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

MC: Kiro, the officers and soldiers are here, run!

As soon as my voice fell, Kiro picked up the gong on the ground and we ran away wildly together.

When we finally reached Miguofang, we were exhausted and out of breath.

Kiro: Ha... ha... Why don’t we do business in Three Dreams Square? If so, we don’t have to worry about being captured by the officers and soldiers.

MC: But-but, that’s an area where civilians and the poor live... Earnings are much less there than on the street...

I answered breathlessly.

MC: Boss! Buy a pack of preserves!

Kiro: Boss! Buy a pack of preserves!

Kiro and I shouted in unison. Seeing the boss shiver by our loud voice, we laughed happily.

In the years of wandering together, we were like free and casual clouds. Instead of being alone, when two people are together, everything experienced becomes a landscape.

But the tricks did not make money all the time, nor did the proprietress help us fill our stomachs every time.

When we were too hungry, we would go to Three Dreams Square to do some drudgery that no one wanted to do in exchange for some food.

A few months later, we finally managed to get enough money to buy a bag of preserves.

Boss: Here, little girl, take it!

MC: Wow, thank you boss!

Just as I took the candied fruit and was cheering up, I suddenly heard a scream of horses neighing, and someone riding a big horse with a tall head came forward, and the dust in the sky was raised in an instant.

Kiro: MC!

Kiro quickly dragged me behind him, but the candied fruit in my hand rolled to the ground. There was the sound of horse hooves stepping on them, leaving all traces of it trampled on the ground.

MC: Ah! Why is this...

The months of hard work were all ruined. Grievance and anger suddenly flooded my heart, and my eyes were covered with moisture.

Kiro: Don’t cry! I’ll buy you another bag next time!

Kiro comforted me at a loss.

MC: Where will you get the money... we can’t even eat food now...

I chuckled, wiping my tears with my hands.

In the vagueness, I seem to see a rare expression on Kiro’s face. There was a little sadness, and a little self-blame.

Kiro: I will buy it for you. I always do what I say!

I sniffed and sobbed. Before I could answer him, I seemed to hear his murmur again--

Kiro: I will definitely stand higher. Trust me.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

When I woke up the next day, I found more bags of candied fruit beside me, and some copper plates scattered on the ground.

MC: Where did these all come from? You didn’t steal them, did you?!

Kiro: No! I just went to get back what belonged to me.

Kiro raised a big smile at me, but no matter how I asked him, he would not tell me how these were obtained.

All I know is that when he came back, his nose and face were swollen, and there were more bruises on his arms. He looked like he had been in a fight with someone.

The winter and spring in the West Moon Kingdom are very cold. Kiro and I only wore thin singles and squeezed into the small thatched house.

The howling of the wind sounded like a beast whimpering. Kiro tightly hugged me, who was shivering, and put my head on his chest.

Kiro: My mother said that when she was scared, listening to the sound of the heartbeat would make her feel better.

Seeing the wooden doors being opened and closed by the wind, I hugged Kiro even more vigorously.

Kiro: If you are still scared, I will play the flute for you! However, I only just started practicing, so it may not sound good...

MC: it’s okay. Play it!

The melodious flute sound rang in the small thatched house. Although there was some stumbling in between, it was sincere and beautiful.

The sound of the flute mixed with the powerful heartbeat made me feel relieved, and my eyes were also drooping.

Half-dreaming and half-awake, I looked at Kiro curiously.

MC: Is it this cold where you live?

Kiro: No. The place where I live is very warm in spring, summer, autumn and winter. Although the temperature of the sun was not high, people were not cold. Just like...

MC: Like?

Kiro: Like a hug.

MC: Well, is there no place in West Moon Country that has the beauty of your hometown?

He blinked and smiled mysteriously at me.

Kiro: There is.

Kiro: It’s my “secret base.” I will take you there next time!

I nodded happily. Kiro’s temperature gradually spread to me. He was like the warm sun in spring. Not blazing, but warming my little world.

The intermittent flute sounded slowly again. Groggy, I soon fell asleep.

The secret base Kiro talked about was a wide wheat field.

Next to the wheat field was a small river with sparkling waves. On the clear water, the shadow of a whirling tree swayed, and the blue sky and white clouds rippled.

The tall grass of wheat managed to hide us, and we often played hide-and-seek in the vast wheat fields.

MC: Why haven’t you found me...

I laid down in the soft embrace of the wheat field, looking up at the endless sky, boredly humming a little song, and muttering in my heart-- “Find me quickly.”

Suddenly, there was the sound of a flute in the distance, and I closed my mouth and hummed the melody.

The sound got closer and closer, and stopped suddenly when I could hear the sound of human footsteps and the rustling of clothes.

Kiro: I found you, MC!

Kiro parted the wheat stalks with both hands and poked his head out of it. His golden hair was more dazzling in the sun.

MC: You made me wait for so long. I thought you couldn’t find me anymore.

I deliberately said in a slightly complaining tone, but in fact I was relieved with joy.

Kiro: Sorry! You were a little far away, so I took some time...

Seeing him sweating profusely but still smiling, I couldn’t bear to tease him anymore.

MC: Actually...

Kiro: But no matter where you are, I can find you!

He interrupted me and gave me a sly smile. I was immediately hooked with curiosity by him.

MC: Really? Is there some secret?

Kiro: The secret is--

Kiro: The song you just hummed!

I curled my lips in disappointment.

MC: But I just sang it casually...

Kiro: Then... coupled with the sound of my flute, this will be our special code!

Kiro: In the future, no matter how far apart we are, as long as this melody is played, we will be able to find each other.

His confident smiling face made me want to believe him involuntarily. Under his influence, I also curled my mouth.

MC: Then no matter where I am, you must find me! It’s a promise.

Kiro: Of course! It’s a deal!

Immediately, he fell down on the soft fields. Together we looked at the blue sky, traced the trails of the wild geese, and listened to the horns of the ships passing by.

Clusters of wheat ears rippled with the wind, and the swaying wheat stalk continued to form a sea. Kiro and I laid among the golden waves.

He said that listening to the sound of the wheat swaying in the wind like a sea tide, was like returning to his hometown.

I took off a wheat ear and nestled it against his face, softly tickling him.

MC: And now, this is our home.

There was a tall banyan tree in front of the wheat field. We often sat on it side by side, and occasionally there would be bird feathers on our clothes.

Kiro: MC, did you know? Here, you can see the most beautiful sunshine in West Moon Kingdom.

He took off his finger-flute and placed it against his lips, pressing the sound hole with both hands, blowing slowly from his mouth.

Under the banyan tree, Kiro played the flute, and I hummed softly--

That section only belonged to each other’s melody.

The melodious melody wafted on the banyan tree until the sunset and dusk set in.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

We released the goldfish that we got from performing tricks in the creek beside the banyan tree.

The fish swayed, swimming freely, and splashing up water.

MC: It looks so happy!

Kiro: If it’s good, then in the future, every year on this day, we will come here to release a fish!

Kiro looked at the swimming goldfish with a look of envy in his eyes.

MC: Okay! But what day is today?

Kiro though for a while, smiled and looked at me.

Kiro: It’s the ninth day of April.

Behind Kiro, the sunlight-reflecting leaves fell silently, whirled a few times in the air, and finally landed lightly on the soil.

Kiro and I buried a “treasure box” under the banyan tree, and agreed to dig it out at an important moment in the future.

MC: We are not allowed to peak in advance!

With the last swipe of the loess, the treasure box was covered, and Kiro and I looked at each other and laughed.

The warm wind blew, and the waves of wheat rolled. Under the green banyan tree, small hands, connected to small people, seemed to be able to reach eternity in an instant.

───※ ·❆· ※───[Ch.4]───※ ·❆· ※───

With the help of his sleeve, Kiro wiped the sweat sliding down his cheeks, reflecting the dazzling light.

In a few days, it would be that very important day for them. In order to surprise the girl, Kiro set up a swing under the banyan tree.

Kiro: I don’t know if she will like it...

He looked at the swing swinging slightly in the wind, his face full of satisfaction and expectation.

In the distance, over the wheat field, a black goshawk swiftly passed by, and the wheat ears trembled in the wind.

Kiro: Faster!

Kiro happily took the girl to walk deep into the alley, eagerly rushing to the secret base.

MC: Why are you so excited?

The girl pursed her mouth in dissatisfaction, but with a smile in her eyes. She looked at the small fish tank in her hand. The goldfish inside was wagging its tail happily.

MC: Little fish, you can be free today!

Kiro: Mm! We...

Before he finished speaking, a dark shadow appeared in front of them.

A silver-white cold light flashed in front of him. He noticed it before the girl, and was about to block it.

Kiro: Be careful!

But he was a step too late in the end, and the dagger slashed through the air in a strange arc, and the blood-red wound crept up onto the girl’s shoulder.

The fish tank in the girl’s hand slipped and shattered on the ground. The water splashed in all directions, and the fish bounced on the ground in vain.

The screams resounded through the alley, and they stunned the nearby crows.

Kiro tried his best to push the girl away, and crimson blood splashed onto his face.

He lost his weight and fell to the ground. The pieces of the fish tank tore at his skin and pierced into his shoulder.

Kiro: [wincing] MC...

His left eye seemed to be pierced by something severely, and his pupils burned into gold. There was a force in his body that was gushing out, which seemed to be accompanied by double the pain.

Intense emotions swept through him.

His vision gradually blurred, until the moment he lost consciousness, his heart still clinging to a single belief.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

In the air-tight dark room, the silver-haired boy slowly opened his eyes.

His blue pupil gleamed in the dark. He didn’t know where he was or how long he had been asleep.

The figure hiding in the dark slowly appeared, and a low voice sounded in the silence.

??: Follow me.

The heavy murderous aura mixed with the pungent smell of blood, cold and pressing. He walked through the dark corridor with the man in black, and from time to time, the sound of fighting came from the sealed windows on both sides.

They stopped in front of the closed black iron door, which was mottled with dark red blood. The man in black looked down at him, a hint of interest in his eyes.

??: let me see your strength.

The door opened, and rust-like scent of blood rushed toward his face.

He walked in, and a dozen pairs of indifferent eyes stared at him. They were covered in blood, like beasts waiting for opportunities. The iron door slowly closed at this moment.

It was hell on earth.

After lighting a stick of incense, he walked out the door.

The hand holding the dagger had become numb, and his left eye was shining with a golden light.

??: Welcome, to the Shadow Pavilion.

Said the man in black. He raised his eyebrows, and a flash of disgust flashed in his icy eyes.

He had fought so hard, not because he yearned for life or because he was afraid of death. But in his vague memory, he vaguely remembered that he had lost someone, and he wanted to find them.

But after that, he couldn’t even remember that.

He couldn’t even remember his own name, but he didn’t need to remember. Here, he only had the code name- Hei Ling.

The day he walked out of the dark room, he took back his package.

In the package, there was only a single dusty ring.

A strange emotion flashed in his heart, but it was soon suppressed.

The main task of an assassin was to assassinate the hidden master. For him, with the power of Yama’s pupil, there was almost no difficulty.

Trivia: A hidden master is a hidden person whose mission is to annihilate demons . In the early years, in order to fight against the increasingly powerful Demon Realm, the three imperial hermit master families of the West Moon Kingdom established the imperial hermit master association. Today, the Royal Hermit Association is one of the most important power institutions in the West Moon Kingdom. A hidden person needs to pass the certification of the association to get the tool of annihilation and become a hidden master .

As a result, he became the the top assassin in the pavilion. The assassination missions he received rarely failed. Except that one time.

He made a light leap and landed on the treetops. When he was about to break through the window, he felt a sense of weightlessness. It felt as if he was stepping on air, and he almost fell down.

He immediately terminated the mission, returned to the inn, and fell into a coma for an instant.

After regaining consciousness, his heart seemed to be empty.

Later, he heard that the witches of this country also fell from the high platform on the same day.

MC is a witch, as well as the “Miko” in this world. So apparently she has an affect on Kiro in this world as well.

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

He was used to walking on the street with blonde hair, and seemed to be more at ease in this way. His eyes swept across every corner of the street, and an indescribable sense of familiarity lingered in his heart.

Next to the bun shop, a dirty boy in single clothes and thin trousers was looking around. Seeing that no one was paying attention, the child quietly stretched out his hand to the bun on the chopping board--

Mystery boy: Stop.

He grabbed the boy’s wrist. The strength from the hand made the child grin in pain.

Boy: You, what are you doing?

Mystery boy: If you want to survive, there are some errands in Three Dreams Square. As long as you are not afraid of hardship, you can do it.

Mystery boy: After passing the front alley, there is a thatched cottage on the east side where you can sleep at night.

A cold aura emanated from all over his body. The boy who was aggressive just now couldn’t help but tremble.

Boy: You... Who are you?

Ignoring the boy’s words, he was about to turn his head and leave. Suddenly a few words flashed across his mind, and he blurted out--

Mystery boy: Your hands are not for stealing.

There was a momentary trance in his head. This sentence seems to have been said by someone before.

Suddenly, a strange feeling came out of his body, and his pupils suddenly widened.

Just in the middle of the boy’s dazzling spirit, he hid himself in the alley ahead, supporting himself on the wall with one hand, breathing heavily.

This was the same feeling as when the assassination failed three years ago.

There was a burning pain in his left eye, and he covered it in pain.

The blue faded, and the dazzling gold gradually emerged.

On the other side, in the room of a wine shop, the girl called the “Miko” slowly opened her closed eyes after being asleep for three years.

───※ ·❆· ※───[Ch.5]───※ ·❆· ※───

In a bustling restaurant, he sat in a private room. His lazy eyes fell out the window, but was soon attracted by a young girl.

The girl wandered in the street with a novel look, and the smile on her face was too dazzling for him, who was used to the darkness.

Dian Xiao Er: Guest officer, what would you like to order? We have...

Mystery boy: Beef noodles.

Even before Dian Xiao Er could finish speaking, he interrupted him without even turning his head.

Xiao Er curled his mouth a little uncomfortably. This person was sitting in the private room of Jiazi, but he only ordered a bowl of beef noodles? However, afraid of his aura, he responded and left.

He stared at the girl and a special emotion filled his heart.

Royal Hermit: Who is in the room? Come out quickly, I have business that needs to be done today!

A rough voice came from outside the door. After a long while, Xiao Er who had just left, walked in with a panicked expression.

Dian Xiao Er: Guest officer, how about I change your private room...

He just glanced at Xiao Er indifferently, and then continued to look out the window. The shouting outside the door continued.

Dian Xiao Er: Outside the door is the famous imperial master of this neighborhood. If you provoke him, it will not end well for you...

Dian Xiao Er reminded him in a low voice with an unhappy expression, but he remained unmoved.

Royal Hermit: I want to see who’s the one that’s hiding in there!

The door was knocked to the ground with a “clang!” and the visitor swaggered into the room.

Royal Hermit: Hey Silver-hair, I’ll count to three, and if you don’t get out, you’ll get into serious trouble!

Royal Hermit: One-- Two--

He lazily tapped on the table with his index finger, and when he was about to reach the third number, the dagger rotated twice in his hand under the table, and a cold light shot towards the door.

Mystery boy: Trouble.

The dagger pierced the air like lightening, leaving a very thin bloodstain on the neck of the hidden master.

But in the blink of an eye, the Royal Hermit died.

??: Mu-murderer! Murderer!

Screams and fleeing filled the restaurant for a while. He frowned impatiently, kicked the hidden master out of the window, and then disappeared into the alley.

He knew well that killing without permission was a violation of the rules of the pavilion. But there seemed to be a voice in his heart telling him that he had a reason to do so.

In the alley, his sensitive nerves made him spot the girl who was eavesdropping early that morning.

He should have killed her. But when the girl stroked his cheek, she was dazed in place.

MC: Your face is dirty...

He felt wonderful empathy, and emotions that did not belong to him, flooded him-- helplessness and fear, leaked tenderness, and a touch of nostalgia...

And that the emotions in his heart seemed to have been spied on.

Mystery boy: Do not touch me.

After speaking, he hurriedly disappeared from the girl’s sight, leaving only the black feather.

The breeze was blowing, and the figure of the boy loomed in the shadow of a tree. He did not leave, but silently stared at the girl.

Even he couldn’t tell whether he accidentally dropped the black feather, or whether-- Hei Ling chose a girl.

His eyes were locked firmly on the girl’s body until he watched her put away that black feather, and then left the restaurant.

This was a moment from Chapter 1 of the main story. You can check @xiaomoxu’s post for more context :>

The silver-haired boy sitting on the banyan tree slowly put down the finger flute, and the sudden termination of the melody made him a little upset.

This was the only song he could play, but it would always get interrupted in the same place, like a broken memory that couldn’t be finished.

He took out a paper bag from his arms which contained various candied fruits that shone with multicolored light in the afterglow.

He always carried a bag of candied fruit with him. He had had this strange habit ever since the day he walked out of the shadow pavilion and saw the fruit shop on the street.

He picked up one and put it in his mouth, and the familiar sweetness spread between his lips and teeth.

He couldn’t help thinking of what the girl had just said in the cave.

Even though it was hoarse and vague, he was still sure that he heard the word “Ki” clearly.

This was a moment from Chapter 2 of the main story. You can check @xiaomoxu’s post for more context :>

Was that her name? She knew herself? Who was she? Did she have anything to do with the forgotten memory that he kept looking for?

Countless questions came to his mind, but there was no answer.

He put the finger flute on his lips again, and unexpectedly, the jammed melody slowly became smooth.

The melody in the memory gradually sounded...

The melody covered in memory gradually became clear. Several fishing boats moored on the river, their fishing boat lights swaying over the mist covered water.

On the banyan tree, the golden leaves fell one after another, and under the banyan tree, the unmanned swing danced with the wind.

The last rays of sunlight on the horizon had also completely dissipated. The wild goose had long been gone, only the sound of the flute was still melodious.

When did he remember it?

He couldn’t help but wonder.

However, the melody in his memory unknowingly eased the boredom in his heart.

??: No matter where I am, you must find me!

Suddenly, a vague and tender voice sounded in his head.

Who was talking?

The voice was sometimes clear and sometimes vague. He held his breath and waited, wanting to hear it more realistically.

Children: “Got you!”

He suddenly raised his head and looked at the golden wheat field.

The violent wind swept past, and the billowing wheat waves stretched into the distance, accompanied by the sound of the sea tide, but no trace of people could be found.

Vaguely, he heard the lingering laughter of children.

Someone was playing hide-and-seek again.

───※ ·❆· ※───[END]───※ ·❆· ※───

#mr love queen's choice #mr love queen's choice kiro #mr love #mr love kiro #mlqc kiro #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc westmoon #mlqc #SOBBING T^T #KIRO YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD #HIS BACKSTORY IS SO JUICY #BUT OH SO TRAGIC T^T #PLUS THAT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT AAAA

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ginkgomoon · 4 years ago

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Helios- A Character Study

I have always been fascinated by Helios so I’m especially excited about this post! If there’s any other additional information you would like to add, ask, or discuss, feel free to send an ask or a post so I can adjust and clarify for you. But before that, I have other things I want to add that are important regarding my blog- I will be expanding and analysing other characters in MLQC, so not to worry Victor, Kiro and Lucien (and Shaw, Eli?, Savin?) stans! I has't not hath left thee! In addition, before every analysis/study that I do, I will post a hint (such a quote) that will foreshadow the upcoming character/topic I will be covering. I know it’s not necessary and literally nobody does it but this is great fun for me so I also want to try to make it fun for you guys to approach my blog and my work! This is a spoiler buffet. Please don’t read if you don’t want to be spoiled! This is probably the longest post ever on my blog so enjoy :)

“You either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain.” -The Dark Knight

Who is Helios?

??: Do you know what Helios means? The mocking in his face had returned. He suddenly came close and placed his hand on the window behind me. I was imprisoned in his arms and couldn’t move. His eyes drilled into my own. I felt that if I showed even the smallest hint of discomfort or fear, he would use that as an excuse to push me away. MC: Helios is the sun god from Greek mythology- ??: I don’t like that name.

Helios is the God of the Sun, sight and a guardian of oaths. He is seen to be riding a golden chariot to bring the sun across the skies each day from east (where the sun rises) to west (where the sun sets).

Kiro has lots and lots and lots of sun, light, dark and shadow imagery attached to him. Kiro is noted to be everyone’s sun, especially for MC and vice versa as she’s noted to be the one to chase the darkness away with Kiro following through. When he has those stage moments as his idol identity, it’s expected for him to be the guiding light (especially for his fans, the Kirophiles)- “the sun” and “hope” as to what “Kiro” represents, without any impurities associated with that persona. Which is ironic for Helios, who dressed mostly in black without the blonde hair, to have that same name as the God of the Sun working in BLACK SWAN- the organisation with the name literally having “black” in it as well.

“If Kiro is this exuberance and this life, Helios is the opposite of that. It’s what if we took someone who stopped finding reasons to be happy, who stopped finding a lot of things to be passionate about and was just trying to get on day by day- they react to the things that happen to them, rather than going out to look for adventure. Helios lacks a lot of emotion that Kiro has.” -Sean Chiplock, Kiro’s VA

Kiro and Helios

“If I had a dark side… I should hide it from others, right…? Can I really be imperfect?”

There had been a lot of discussion around Helios in relation to his transformation, whether he was acting and what Kiro’s connection with BLACK SWAN is.

To clarify, yes- Kiro is Helios. Helios is Kiro. Just like how Kiro admitted to MC that he’s also the hacker KEY. Helios is just one of the personas that Kiro has (which I will expand on in a future post). This, however, does not hinder negatively on Kiro’s personality, but introduces us to another side of him, one that shows effective in-depth characterisation. Especially when we first view him as the cheerful idol with the power to passively attract others. Kiro first gave off the certain impression to Sean Chiplock that you “don’t take off the calm and quiet person, because you don’t want to see the other side of them”.

Kiro and Helios, which one was the real him? Neither? Or both? -Clinic Date

Before MC has her first encounter with Helios, we have to look more into Kiro’s background and childhood.

Kiro was experimented on as a kid. He didn’t know his name, his birthday or where he came from. Through the experiments of genetic modification, he obtained his evol. Only when MC and the original KEY came to him, did he really strive to fulfil his sense of purpose of “we shall stand in darkness as we defend the light”, and also to protect MC back. His mentor used to be the original Helios, one of the twelve-ranking positions in BLACK SWAN, but went missing when Kiro was 15. Been given the name Kiro, using his idol identity, accepted this as Helios and as of the leader of BLACK SWAN to rid Leto- the true evil of the Season 1 timeline.

It is evident that he does genuinely care about his fans, his career and music despite all of this. This aspect of him is very much true (we see that he exposes a person scamming his fans in Chapter 3 and that in his various dates he dedicates his work to comforting his fans in their everyday lives). However, with this much love and support from everyone with very few knowing his true intentions and darker past, it is easy to “trip up” upon these identities, in a way that he would feel so lonely (as I reiterate what I said above) that everyone would think he’s the perfect man (not saying he isn’t because we all know he is!) without any troubles or experiencing difficulties climbing up the ranks to be where he is now- especially with his evol being charm and control. He would wonder if it’s really him or his evol making people act this way towards him (why he has this much love and attention).

In reality, every teacher who has met him adored him very much. But because of this, Kiro always remained in fear. From the beginning to the end, he had felt that the love and care from others was akin to smoke - surging at first, but from thereafter, dissipates gradually. -CN Stunning Young Idol Rumours and Secrets

He’s like a little sun with no dark spots at all. No wonder people say people say he has a super power. He seems to be loved by everybody… -Chapter 3-1

“A lot of people adore me, but only when I’m doing my thing on stage. They wouldn’t want to see me now...” -Visiting Hours Date

It would be incredibly hard for him to keep this standard and uphold these burdens with his identity as Helios and KEY as well- where everyone would believe those personas of him to be the “vice”- the “evil”, in morality play. Because when the people who love you only know and love this side of you, what becomes of you when you lose it all?

Superstar Kiro was a little angel who received the admiration and respect of thousands and thousands of fans. What the hacker KEY sounded like was someone with malicious intentions.

Kiro didn’t know which one of his identities was more famous. Though of course, nobody would correlate these two polar-opposite identities together. -CN Heavens Home for Children Rumours and Secrets

He always looked so carefree in front of people, smiling and laughing. But when he was alone in the corner, he always looked so solemn and tired. Countless times, Savin had wanted to talk to Kiro about his work, life and feelings but with just a few words, Kiro would always put him to ease. -That Boy Makes Me Worry Rumours and Secrets

However, behind his brilliant smile, I could occasionally feel something different. It was like paper that couldn't be penetrated. After all, he was a superstar. Ordinary people like us wouldn't understand their world, they must have one or two faces of their own behind the screen. -Secret Base Rumours and Secrets

In the makeup room, sitting on the sofa, Kiro had lost some shine he had under the spotlight and looked a little bit exhausted. -Confession Date

In a way, Kiro still staying so pure and happy when others are around is because he doesn’t want people to suffer like he did. He had an extremely rough time when he was young, but his beliefs, light and hope that MC gave him allowed him to fight for better days.

I then thought about the superstar Kiro many years later, who was always shining and effortlessly charming. This made me really sentimental. How many things must he have been through to become strong enough to bring light to other people? -Echoes of Time: Parisian Salon

She looked so pretty when she smiled, and she also had a father who loved her dearly. She was definitely… someone who deserved to live the most. -CN Top Experimental Subject Rumours and Secrets

His dazzling smile conceals something underneath, just like how the dazzling sun shrouds darkness underneath. Hidden in the depths of his own secrets are things even darkness doesn’t know of. If darkness had a mind of its own, it might think it doesn’t fit with this pure and simple youth. Just as how everyone thinks of him as a simple, innocent Kiro, the sunlight casted on him, able to pierce through him completely, with rays of light refracting onto the floor. Actually, since a very long time ago, he no longer was a youth… But now, for her sake, he’s willing to become a youth again. -CN Youthhood Rumours and Secrets

The thing I like most about you is that you never admit defeat and you always stay positive. Every time I see you it's like you’re this brilliant sun and I feel charged of energy. Maybe all the lonely times I’ve been through... was so that I could meet you. -Confession Date

When they were younger, they were together as test subjects for evol. MC promised him donuts. He gave her a stuffed teddy bear. Kiro tried to help MC escape but they got caught and separated. They had spent quite some time together, so Kiro would be able to recognise MC once they had met again. Kiro had to replace another child for a top experiment, and the workers thought he’d die anyway as he was too weak. But still, he had survived and became the first and only successful subject. MC showed him that there was kindness- light- that still existed in the darkest of places. And in the darkest parts of his heart, there was MC to light those areas up for him :)

“Look, this world is so beautiful, and you don’t need to be afraid anymore.” But till now, he has yet to find her. But he remembers her eyes. And one day, he will find her within a vast sea of people.

Kiro remains speechless- quietly listening to the little girl speak. The little girl struggles to pull on his hand. Their fingers interlock together, the warmth from her palm gradually coursing into Kiro’s heart. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll protect you.” Kiro turns to look at her - to look at her perseverant brown eyes, looking at how the corners of her lips turn upwards. Kiro slowly learns how to curl the corners of his own lips from her. It’s the first smile to have appeared on his face. “This time, I’ll be the one protecting you.” Kiro says excitedly. He stands outside the airport, staring directly at the sun. “I’ll find you, and protect you. I even have a mountain of souvenirs stored in my luggage- I’ll give them to you! And my purest heart - I’ll give it to you too!” -CN Youthhood Rumours and Secrets

Helio’s Transformation

“Because only you can awaken me from darkness, no matter when.”

When Kiro transforms to Helios, it mainly affects his physical appearance. His hair grows longer and changes to colour, and his black (and super cool) NIRVANA tattoo appears. When he is weak, the tattoo fades (seen in Clinic Date.)

Nirvana- a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth. It represents the final goal of Buddhism.

I looked at his silver hair. It looked very natural with no signs of hair dye. In the serene moonlight, it was very beautiful. It wasn’t dyed, and it didn’t look like it turned silver because of an illness or something. -Chapter 17

Helios’s ring also plays part of his transformation. This is ultimately connected to BLACK CABIN and the 1908′s White House Explosion- when evol was born. From this high-dimensional space, Kiro is able to take on as Helios- who also known to be BS’s first generation of god. He can change upon his will, and influences from BLACK CABIN/QUEEN can cause him to lose control.

The golden hair mixed with the bright silver. He raised his finger, and the silver ring flashed. He muttered quietly, as if speaking to the ring and to himself. -Behind The Curtain Part 6: After Returning

Moonlight shone through the window, illuminating his silver hair with a golden glow for an instant. He buried his face in his right elbow, and large beads of sweat formed on his brow, as if a kind of uncanny transformation was occurring. “NOT NOW!!!” He howled hoarsely, his eyes now golden in the darkness. Residual power inside the Quarantine zone appeared to be affecting him. Violent forces jolted in the tiny space, and coursed through his obsidian ring. -Night Watchman Rumours and Secrets

Chapter 14

He turned and looked at me, his face a pallid white. His smile was still gentle. Suddenly, I felt intensely uneasy.

MC: “We’re going in, right?”

Kiro didn’t answer, his eyes intent on me gleamed with a flash of golden light above. When I looked carefully, I discovered his eyes turned into this exquisite gold like pure amber, or crystallised time.

Kiro: “I command you…”

I have never heard him sound like this before. Stiff, stern and solemn.

“All within my range of control belongs to me. Now walk onto the rooftop, lock the door, and don’t let anyone in… including me... Don’t be afraid. You’ll be okay. I said before, I will definitely succeed this time. I will always protect you.”

In saying this, he believes that his own sacrifices are necessary, no matter what the situation is. Kiro is willing to dim or even smother his own light and sun for MC to be safe and happy.

A black figure suspended in the air behind Kiro, just like scythe-toting Death himself… I seemed to see a golden-winged bird fly by, like a ray of light crossing the sky, leaving a temporary light trail in my vision.

“Death”, “golden-winged bird”, and “light”.

This sentence was highlighted in the chapters’ outline from the chapter contents. This implies the symbolism of the phoenix bird- the mythical bird that rises from the ashes and is reborn again. Kiro was captured by BLACK SWAN as punishment and had undergone modification- and was resurrected as Helios.

Chapter 17

He was standing in front of me. Half of his face was hidden in the shadows, but I could see the sharpness of his eyes and eyebrows. He took the notebook away from my hands before I could finish my sentence.

As MC gets tied to the table, flashbacks from suppressed memories emerge. We see Kiro and MC together being test subjects. (Fun fact- Kiro and MC’s blood type is O!)

White walls. A deserted lab. A cold med table. And a blond boy with agony in his face. Next to him lay a brown-haired girl who was unconscious. …Was that me? I looked at the blood pouring out from the IV. Tears came from my eyes. Kiro… Our lives were connected long before. But where are you now?

She finally realises that Kiro was that boy from the orphanage.

AND I JUST REALISED SOMETHING. HAS HELIOS NEVER OUTRIGHTLY ADMIT THAT HE’S NOT KIRO? LIKE HE NEVER SAID “NO”??

MC: Are you really not Kiro?

??: How long are you going to keep calling me by that wrong name?

(Yes, it’s technically the wrong name because right now he’s called Helios but he’s also technically still Kiro!)

He didn’t sound particularly annoyed, but I felt saddened.

MC: I…

I looked at his face. Every line, feature- they resembled Kiro, but at the same time wasn’t.

MC: I’m sorry… I must be wrong…

I hung my head low. His face may resemble him, but his expressions were so unlike Kiro and I didn’t want to see that.

But my intuition told me that my hunch was not wrong. If that was correct, then one of my paths was already sealed.

Helios: What makes you think that I wouldn’t? You already know where I’m from. Why are you being so naïve? I shook my head. MC: Kiro wouldn’t do this to me… An unknown emotion flashed in his eyes.

Poor Kiro, having to pretend to not know MC and act so cold towards her. It must have been incredibly hard and painful for the both of them. Please just LET THEM BE TOGETHER.

Kiro isn’t risking MC see this darker side of him. He truly doubted if anybody would accept him as Helios, because he was just so used it before as an idol having to act so perfect on screen, showing everybody what they wanted to see.

“MC. Step a meter away from him, and close your eyes.

The golden flashes in his pupils were the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes.

“I command you to forget what just happened. And I command you to forget about me. Remember, I’m just Helios.”

My memories were being erased bit by bit. Kiro was fading from my sight. His smiles, his eyes, his warmth… all of them became vague like a fog and disappeared. I tried my best to hold onto them, but it was all in useless.

Kiro… Even the name I tried to hold on till last was wrenched away from me. He watched silently as MC closed her eyes and blacked out in his arms.

“I’m sorry…”

He apologised again quietly. His eyes that once held warmth and brightness were again now filled with shadows.

“I will find the truth that you’re looking for. I don’t want you to bear that heavy burden. I’ll come back to you some day, but not today. Don’t remember my dark sides. In your eyes, I will always remain Kiro to you. After I take care of everything, things can go back the way they were between us. This time, I’ll make sure that you don’t have to wait long.”

“He looked a lot like Kiro. But it wasn’t him.”

In my palm was a small candy glistening in the sunlight. On impulse I unwrapped the paper and put it in my mouth.

MC: Apple flavour…

It somehow crossed my mind that it was Kiro’s type of flavour.

He wants MC to still have faith in him, and to trust in his abilities to protect her, as the candy is a motif for their relationship and exchange towards each other. (This was the same back in the orphanage when they were together too.) However, as his identity as Kiro, not the Helios she encountered. (Dramatic ironyyyy)

“We shall stand in darkness as we defend the light.”

Thorns Date

In the photo, Kiro looked completely different from what he usually looked like. On the glistening water, a youth held a birdcage, with a glint of melancholy in his drooping eyes. This was the last set of photos before quitting.

Kiro asked for my praise with shiny begging eyes, as if the prior sorrow and blue were all my illusions.

We stood very close to each other, yet at this moment, I felt there was a formed gap between us.

“MC, do you think the imprisoned bird can get out of the cage?”

There seemed to be a ray of golden light flashing through my mind but I couldn't catch it. (The thought that Helios came to see her?? Yes.)

I remember his distance, his apathy, yet puzzling familiarly.

Helios saw the magazine falling from my bag, his face flashing with complicated emotions I couldn’t comprehend. And I felt the familiar feeling of being touched deep in my soul.

“You like gazing at me a lot.”

Standing at the edge of the dark abyss, he opened his arms and leaned backward without hesitation. He fell straightly like a folded winged bird in the moment. (Similes, metaphors and symbolism galore!)

I sat on the ground limply and closed my eyes to avoid the dazzling light. This scene felt so familiar as I had experienced such a farewell.. Why?

My senses told me this man was Helios, yet the feelings from deep of my heart were so real.

“Helios! Do you… know how the imprisoned bird can get out of the cage?”

“Why do you think I will answer this question?” Behind such eyes, there seemed to be something else I couldn’t make out in the shadow.

I seemed to see him unfold a pair of black wings on his back and about to flutter away. No more cages could imprison him and nothing could make him stop. Helios walked from the bright light into the shadow.

He recalled her last question and her sad and confused eyes. Suddenly he recalled an ancient story. There was a kind of bird. It was always trapped in the thorns of fate from the moment of its birth. If the most beautiful thing was doomed to be exchanged with the deepest pain. He would overcome all obstacles to come back to her. And be her sun again.

The story that Helios recalled could be The Nightingale by Hans Christian Andersen.

In Ancient China, one of the forests lived a nightingale, who sang so beautifully everybody would stop and listen. The nightingale was renowned to be the best wonder out of all the things that the travellers abroad had ever seen. However, the Emperor of China didn’t know that such a bird existed, and demand to have it found.

The bird had come willingly to sing for the Emperor, singing so sweetly that tears came out of everybody’s eyes. The nightingale lived in the court thereafter, until one day the Emperor had received a mechanical copy of the bird, golden with precious gems and all. The nightingale had left, and all the courtiers had said that it was an ungrateful creature. It was therefore banished from the empire.

The mechanical bird had stopped working, only being able to play once every year. Five years had passed, and the Emperor fell ill that nobody expected him to live. Death had arrived to the Emperor as he prayed for the bird to sing a note. The living nightingale had appeared again, and had come to sing out of trust and hope for the Emperor. Death went to look at the Emperor’s renowned garden as the Emperor was thankful for the bird’s singing. She sang again, and the sun rose through the window and as everybody thought the Emperor had passed. The Emperor wanted the nightingale to stay by his side but it refused. It cannot live in the palace, but promised to visit the Emperor to sing to him.

Similar to Chapter 14, in this date, Kiro is represented as the bird, trapped in the cage. He had to release what everyone wanted him to be- Kiro, the shining sun/bird trapped in the cage under their control- ironic how his evol is absolute control because his charm would have drawn people this way in as a result. And the only way to be free was to be resurrected, to escape, to disappear from public view- to become free as Helios.

Light Pursuit Date

“Will you forget me?”

Kiro was becoming faint like a water mist. Panicking, I reached out to grab him but he slipped away from my fingers. An invisible wall had come between us and I couldn’t get close to him. This one step was like an unbridgeable gap between us, but it was like a line that we could never cross.

Will I forget Kiro? That sudden question in my head became clearer, and made me tremble in panic.

He had the name of a sun god, but even I couldn’t feel any bit of warmth.

MC: What is Helios here for?

Helios: We meet again, MC.

This was the first time that Helios called me by my name. He was brusque as ever, but there seemed to be a small amount of yearning in his voice. He did not act the way like the Helios that I used to know. His attitude and manners were surprisingly refined… like he was acting out a whole different persona.

The music changed into Por Una Cabeza- the tango song that I was very familiar with.

(I absolutely love the intertextuality that the game has. It’s a Spanish tango song that was also appeared in Scent of a Woman starring Al Pacino where the tango scene featured a blind man dancing with a woman who didn’t know how to dance and was scared of making mistakes. This correlates perfectly for MC and Helios. MC’s body is reacting to Helios as if he was Kiro...)

I didn’t drink, but I felt drunk somehow. Otherwise how else would this reachable warmth and illusion of intimacy familiar?

We were so close to each other, but the distance between us was only one step away, but a step we could never cross.

Helios looked up when he heard my voice. His eyes seemed to have trouble focusing. His blue eyes wavered like a lake sprinkling with sunlight. Surprisingly, there was sorrow, and naivety in those usually unfeeling eyes.

He lowered his head and his chin rested on my shoulder. I have never seen Helios so vulnerable. His hands were wrapped around my waist, leaving no space between us. Helios didn’t answer and continued to keep me pressed to his body. There was a deep aura of loneliness and bitterness about him that was barely discernible from his cold exterior.

Because to me, you were familiar to someone I deeply care about. Because my soul resonates when I am close to you. Because…. of a ridiculous assumption. Did I reach the edge of truth? Or was I just deceiving myself? A thick fog was obscuring me from seeing the truth clearly. I didn’t continue talking or thinking. MaybeI was so vaguely aware that this was the closest I could get to him. Only one step away but a distance I could never close.

MC is also scared. She’s in turmoil. She wants to know the truth but she’s also sitting on the fence with it. Especially due to the memory wipe. It’s like, “maybe it’s better if I don’t,” and “I think you are that someone I care so much about but I can’t be sure about it because even if I ask you, you won’t tell me, and I don’t know what to do.”

Stardust Date

Kiro: That’s right. I’m going to a far, far place. And I will stay there for a very long, long time. Don’t cry when you start missing me. MC: I’m not going to cry!

Kiro: But I will. So promise me, alright? Don’t forget me, even if I leave.

Two days afterwards, I heard him talk to someone on the phone. I’m pretty sure it was his voice, but it sounded like he was a completely different person.

What was he trying to hide? Did it have anything to do with his “leaving”? Was it out of his own will or was he involved in something under duress?

The confident smile on his face as he glided his fingers across the keys fluently, showed his passion for this show. As songs were played after another, he became more focused. I could tell from his expression that he was fully immersed in this performance. As long as he was given a stage and music, he’d become the centre of attention no matter what position he was in. However, the more passion I saw, the more I was scared for his “leaving”. He is the sun- what will happen to his supporters when they lose him? And what about me? What will happen to me?

Light and Shadow Phone Call

MC: Is that melancholy in your voice? It’s unlike you to be down like this.

Kiro: Really? Does everyone think I’m that shallow?

MC: Of course not. But you are the brightest and warmest sun, so it’s easy to be touched by your optimistic side first.

Kiro: But right now, the sunlight is getting too strong that it’s scorching…

MC: Hmm? Is it? right now it’s sunset where you are?

Kiro: Yes. I’m sitting atop of Namibia’s Dune 45 and everything is red. Even the sun is sinking low.

MC: Soon, it will sink beyond the horizon.

Kiro: Yes… Miss Chips, Since you say I’m like the sun, and the sun eventually sets...

Kiro: If I have a dark side, I should hide it from others, right?

MC: Why should you hide it?

Kiro: Because, I don’t want to show you and I don’t want to disappoint others.

MC: But you’re just you, Kiro.

Kiro: I am who I am?

MC: Yes. Why can’t a sun have shadows? Even the real sun has sunspots! People who really care for you will love both the warm sunny side and the occasional dark, depressed side.

Kiro: But I always feel...

MC: Everyone has a side they want to hide in the shadows. No one is expected to be required as perfect. That applies to my little sun as well.

Kiro: Can I really be imperfect?

MC: Absolutely. To me, all sides of you are worth cherishing.

Kiro: Thank you, MC.

MC: What’s there to thank?

Kiro: Because… only you are willing to see the weak and plain side that I’m hiding and accept both my light and my shadow.

MC: That’s why I’m your own personal tree hole! I’ll keep your sorrows tucked away for you!

Kiro: Thank you Miss Tree Hole. I’m so lucky to have you. In fact, you are my sun who gives me light to embrace the world every morning. Thank you, for always being there by my side.

This call is so significant for Kiro, and his battle between light and dark. After his evol went out of control, he’s afraid of hurting his fans and MC. Similes and metaphors are used to compare his evol/different personas as the sun and how it will soon go down. He confronts the truth that he will also have to leave the public view soon, and uses this opportunity of the call to confirm what MC thinks if he had imperfections/shadow sides. And of course, to thank her before he leaves.

Chapter 21 (Winter World)

He was so fast that his moves were a blur. He dodged every attack and landed his own with grace and strength. It was like watching a silver moonlight dancing in flowing moves.

“You seem to be completely ignorant about how weak you are.”

I was trapped in a little cage he made with his body against the wall. The cruelty in his face crumbled the last of my shields. he didn’t stop there. He leaned in with his whole body hemming me into the confined space he created.

Helios: Weaklings should learn to survive on their own. No one will teach you that.

MC: I don’t want to be a weakling forever.

Helios: Then you better figure out how to become stronger.

He dropped his sarcastic tone. Instead, each syllable fell from his mouth with upmost earnestness.

Helios: Use all your strength. Every method you can think of. Abandon your past...even abandon yourself. If you can’t do that, then just go back tot the world you came from.

1562 clutched tightly on his friend’s blanket, refusing to let go. However, in the end, he was shoved onto the ground because his strength was too weak. He had collided so hard that he couldn’t get up for a long while. -CN Top Experimental Subject Rumours and Secrets

If MC hadn’t come, then there would be no real sun in his life. He would only have artificial light. And he would be right- Helios would be just Helios. He wouldn’t bother much about fans or music, but using this identity to climb the system. He had to learn the hard way on how to survive. Nobody was there for him, thus it would be harder for him to feel empathy towards others in situations other than this.

The sun had risen completely. The increasing bright light drowned everything that belonged in the darkness. Helios remembered that day a long time ago. In the darkness, the withered hand touched his head and said faintly, “become Kiro, be the so-called “sun”.

At that time, he had lowered his eyes, nodded blankly, and simply walked out into the night, emitting a false light that was not his own. But today… Helios looked off into the distance, and seeing the dazzling morning light, he remembered the girl… At that moment, he saw the real sun. -Between Light and Darkness Rumours and Secrets

From “Behind The Curtain”, MC fell into the space-time gap and was saved by Helios. Even though he couldn’t see her as they were in different dimensions, she could be influenced by him. This wasn’t the first time that he’s tugged on that bond tying them together to BLACK CABIN. Thank you Helios also for helping bring MC back to her original world.

Chapter 28

Kiro: You should know about everything that I’ve done.

MC: I know that... you’re Helios.

Kiro’s eyes flickered and blinked at me. The golden hair under the now eclipsed sunlight seem to have an extra glow to it. Kiro: Is my name really that important?

MC: Why did you hide it from me? I trusted that you would tell me. That no matter what name you had, you really wouldn’t change...

Kiro: If a superhero were to turn into an arch-villain, would those who always believed in him lose hope? What he want most is for you to be a fairy, free of all cares. Not getting hurt, not getting worries, whose only responsibility is receiving signals and joy and happiness.

Kiro: However, if she is determined to go do something difficult, and she wants to bear this burden on her own... then I wish for her to be a little superhero, who can fly through it all with ease.

Chapter 29

“Don’t get all angry. The person beside you didn't even notice any difference between us. Or put it another way, it seems that “you” aren’t important in this role that you’re playing. Anybody can replace you.” -Anole

Anole is wrong (and just jealous). MC did notice, and plus, he probably wouldn’t have survived in the top experiment that Kiro had undergone in the orphanage. That was something only Kiro would have survived, with his willpower and determination in his heart to make a better life for himself and MC- something that Anole clearly lacks.

I had never seen Helios laugh before. His smile wasn't as dazzling as his golden-haired counterpart’s, but one could say that if the former him was the sun, then his smile was now a gentle moon.

THE IRONYYY. Helios is finally okay with showing this side of him to her, from watching her go through trials and tribulations in the Winter World with the other Helios- of course he wouldn’t want any danger to be near MC, but knowing that she can handle anything after all that she went through, he now knows that it’s better for her to be with him instead. Also he learnt how to smile from her and now he’s smiling again as Helios and I’m just so happy

Whether in the face of violent, nefarious enemies or a wave of blood and bullets, he’d never shown any fear. I got the feeling that he was somehow nervous, or even afraid. Was it because he had to return into the spotlight, back the shower of roses and applause?

Well… when he decided to give all that up and step into the darkness with no turning back, what was he thinking then?

He leaned on the wall and rested awhile, staring intently at the black tattoo on his right arm… he looked at himself in the mirror. His silver strands of hair were tingled with gold, as if bathed in sunlight. And for only that one time, he didn’t avert his gaze from the desire in his eyes. It was like looking at a self portrait—so distant, yet so familiar. It was only now that he realised: this was the moment in his life most worth reliving. Once again, he had become Kiro.

In the PV/Karma (photo down below), we see him wearing black- not as Helios but as Kiro! Again, ironic how he’s holding a comeback concert he’s wearing black, a colour that represents darkness and shadows. It had been noted in the Snooper Rumours and Secrets that this is way out of Kiro’s style wardrobe. However, this signifies a range of things. The two personas are “merging” as he no longer hides this persona to MC- they’re one in the same. It has always been this way and will never change. The colour black also means power and authority, but can mean fear and grief. This is the same outfit when Kiro was doubting himself in the Light Pursuit Date as well.

Right now, if we’re talking moon phases, Kiro right now is in “the void”. Meaning he’s “nowhere”. He’s Kiro but he’s also operating as Helios. He feels nervous to go back but it does come so natural for him to be in the spotlight. He feels stuck at crossroads with himself, especially when he got forced back to perform by Anole.

Ultimately, it’s like he’s saying “no matter what becomes of me, I will always stay true to you.” And I think this is perfectly translated as Kiro says,

“Miss Chips, wait for me.”

(”Wait for me as I fight for us both. So you don’t have to suffer.”) But we suffer either way.

His light and sun has always come from MC. He will always keep running towards his sun, no matter which persona he embodies. This, we can be certain on. (New Season 2 Chapters please don’t oppose this LOL.)

“I await you at the end of the opposite path.”

#26 pages long #I actually love his voice so much #mlqc #mlqc kiro #mlqc helios #helios #mr love queens choice #love and producer #mlqc cn #mlqc en #恋与制作人 #mlqc analysis #mlqc translation #mlqc zhou qiluo #zhou qilou #kiro #mlqc spoilers

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aclosetfan · 3 years ago

Note

17 for the ask game?

(ask game)

Thank you for the ask!!! I really appreciate it 😊

Ugh 17 is so heartwarming/heartbreaking and I'm so glad i get to finally talk about it. 17 isn't a story per se, but rather a concept that I actually include in every canon(ish) compliant story I write, even though I don’t think I’ve ever published the idea fully. It’s about the rrb’s birthday. I know everyone has their own take on how and when they celebrate, but I personally chose to subscribe to the following snippet:

Typically, ordinary people only had one birthday. Brick and his brothers, however, were not ordinary people. So, obviously, they had two birthdays. And they "celebrated" both—one on April 7th with Mojo and one on November 6th with HIM. "Celebrate," of course, was used in the loosest of fashions. But, typically, their "birthdays" were marred with lengthy custody battle shenanigans between Mojo and HIM that he and his brothers had grown tired of years ago.

They didn't care for their birthdays, not one bit. Brick didn't consider him and his brothers as "birthday" people, to begin with, what with all the colorful balloons and creepy birthday clowns. Anyway, they hardly ever got crummy birthday presents, so really, what was the point?

Instead, without their parental guardians around, they celebrated another year around the sun on April 28th, which was always a thousand times more fun than anything Mojo or HIM had ever done for them. It was a day just for the three of them. No schemes, gimmicks, criminal activities, or fighting the stupid PowerPuff Girls—especially no fighting the PowerPuff Girls. It was a special day, and they didn't need the girls mucking it up.

This year, though, he, Butch, and Boomer had all agreed that April 28th would likely be a dud, but still, Brick was determined not to let school of all things put a damper on his—

"Happy death day!" Boomer smiled and presented to him a plate of crispy bacon and fried eggs.

Brick adjusted his hat over his mop of messy long hair. It was the only hat he owned that was, in fact, not red but black. He wasn't wearing a single streak of any other color. Just black for the special occasion.

"Happy death day." He said through a yawn, still semi-pissed he had to get up early on his death day for school. Freaking school! He didn't get why adults were constantly forcing them into school.

Boomer, who was also in his proper mourning attire, turned back to the oven with a happy hum. His brother had on his oversized, patched black sweater, and to make it fancy, he even had a black, sort-of plaid shirt underneath it. Butch would eventually waltz out of his room in something that would probably look pretty similar.

"Hey, maybe we can cut during lunch today," Boomer suggested brightly, "so we can still visit the cemetery. We can say our grandma died or something."

"Who's gonna believe that?" He asked through a mouthful. Everyone in Townsville and their mothers knew exactly who their parents were. No one would ever believe they had a grandma.

Still, he knew what Boomer was trying to do. There were important traditions when it came to celebrating a Death Day. Especially this Death Day. The three of them should have been dead cold in the ground for a decade by now, but here they were, alive, so they saw no reason not to celebrate. Sure, Death Day didn't mark the fact they had turned fifteen, but neither did their actual birthdays since they had popped into existence around the age of five-ish. They didn't care about counting their age. Death Day was about being alive. That's what mattered.

This snippet (that I titled “Death Day”) would be found in a oneshot or even a multi chap fic, tracking the boys celebrating their Death Days throughout the years and how eventually the friends they end up making in the future would celebrate with them. And, yeah, I would include the girls in that group of people, who feel immensely guilty that there is a Death Day in the first place. I don’t see people talk about the fact that the Girls just straight-up murdered other children on this show. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but damn, it’s insane. Anyway, I think it would be fun to track Death Days since it’s a special singular day for the boys that isn’t overrun by their parental guardians.

Also, April 28th is an arbitrary date. Death Day can be any day someone feels like it should be. April 7th is the date of the rrbs first episode on CN and Nov 6th is the day their revival with HIM was premiered on CN. I figured the montage of destruction the boys and Mojo do together in their first episode would span a few weeks, so I just settled on April 28th as the day the girls blow them up lol.

It's interesting, I see a lot of people give the boys separate birthdays and I guess I just think that being a triplet would still be important to them, so they'd want to celebrate together. "Death Day" would be the best choice because it's the one day the reincarnated rrb have with their previous forms. I think that's significant too, especially if you're a person who thinks that HIM's reincarnated versions of the rrb are completely different people when compared to Mojo's boys. Like could you imagine replacing a version of yourself that didn't even have a chance and the only reason you're alive is because they're dead?? Idk heavy stuff man. I think about it way too much. (and it's a concept I'd explore in this Death Day fic)

Anyway, the rrb's death day is important and this is my homage to it!! Sorry not really an outline, but it was important enough to me that I saved it in my files!

#my writing #my outlines #outline ask game #ppg fic outlines #death day fic #actually to make things clear this is probs my most fave h/c i have and I really hope other people enjoy it too #fave h/c about the boys at least

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years ago

Text

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #1 English Translation

well... it’s going to be a long while before I finish translating another chapter from this game, though I will definitely finish at least one more before the end of the year.

please note that i will not be posting any translations next week on account of me taking a break for CNY and studying... so, to whom it may concern, Happy Chinese New Year~! Alternatively, Happy Lunar New Year~! also happy early family day (Canadians only xD)!

anyway, enjoy! as always, tl is CN->ENG so it may not be 100% accurate while the final edits will be done later though I’m not sure how long that will take with my current schedule.

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #1

Translation by KumoriYami

12 month of the 3rd year of Bunkyū

In order to find my missing father, I left Edo and came to Kyoto……

The night I arrived in Kyoto, I was attacked in an alley by a group of men.

They had ominously blood red eyes, were armed with vicious blades, making one feel one's blood run cold [reword later].

They smiled/laughed eerily at me as they drew/came closer, at that moment/then in a split second, the silver light of the moon flashed, and someone had cut them in half.[reword later]

Those swords that helped me—— [they were from] Shinsengumi First Division Captain Okita Souji and Third Division Captain Saito Hajime. [reword later]

I had accidently caught a glimpse of their secrets, which was why I was taken back to their headquarters and questioned by their executives......

I didn't expect for them to also be looking for my father, which was why I agreed to stay, on the condition that I helped find him.

As a result of that entire incident, I was to be treated as a page by the Shinsengumi.

Even among the executives, Saito-san was especially taciturn.

He doesn't say anything more than necessary, if he is given a mission, he will fulfill it better than anyone else [reword later].

Although I accepted how he was basically a cold person——

I however thought that this was because he always prioritizes devoting everything to accomplish his missions.

That's why he never ridiculed my swordsmanship as a woman [check jp mtl] and calmly evaluated my capabilities, and supported me accompanying the patrols [reword later].

During this time, I already knew how extraordinary his strength was, and in the following days, I witnessed that strength and his seriousness countless times.

For example, during the Ikedaya Incident, when the Shinsengumi arrested a large number of the Choshu [? check jp mtl and game. this wasn’t translated well] who had been flying the Emperor's flag and expelling foreigners.

There was also during the 7th month of Genji, a month after the Ikedaya Incident, at the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion......

While the Aizu and Satsuma were fighting against the Choshu who attacked the Imperial Palace.

Saito-san was facing Amagiri Kyuuju from the Satsuma/who was associated with the Satsuma Domain, who had seriously injured Heisuke-kun during the Ikedaya Incident, and stood his ground, not allowing for the situation to develop further.

Because of these events, at the end of the first year of Genji, I had come to a gradual understanding of who he was.

This is the story of what happened in the winter, one year after I came to the Shinsengumi [check jp mtl if this is more 'in the first year i came to the Shinsengumi'].

11 month of Genji

Approximately half a year after the Ikedaya Incident, and about three or four months after the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion......

I had more or less become accustomed to my life with the Shinsengumi.

Today, in order to look for my father, I was accompanying the Third Division's patrol.

I heard that after the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion, almost half of Kyoto had been destroyed by fire......

Yukimura: Quite a few homes have been rebuilt.

Saito:......Ultimately, it was a very large fire.

Yukimura: …………

The Shinsengumi has been patrolling the streets everyday, doing to their best to protect the people and streets of Kyoto, [though] many people still lost their homes and property in the fires caused by the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion.

Although the division members didn't say anything, they probably felt incredibly remorseful at being able to prevent this disaster from reaching the streets.

Child 2: What are you looking at? If you want to say something, say it/talk!

Yukimura: ?

Hearing a child's/children's voice/s from the other end of the ally, I glanced at Saito-san.

Yukimura: Saito-san, just now that was......

Saito: That sound was probably from a child playing around with their friends.

Yukimura: But that voice right now, rather than playing, it sounded more like......

It sounded like a fight.

Yukimura:…………

Since we were still on patrol, regardless of what I think, this matter is highly unlikely to concern my father or the Shinsengumi, but I......

Yukimura:......Saito-san, can I take a quick look?

Saito: Right now we're on patrol, I can't waste time on matters that have nothing to [my] division's [our]work [check jp for taishi].

Although I thought he would say that.

Yukimura: Please...... I'll come right back.

I asked him again and again, and he seemed to be in a bit of a dilemma, but......

Saito: Okay, in that case, I'll go with you. You aren't allowed to move on your own/be alone.

Yukimura:......Thank you.

Soon after he gave orders to the other soldiers, we went together in the direction where I heard that child's voice came from just now.

Yukimura: The voice just now, it really did come from around here......

Following that voice, there was a tea house in front of us.

Yukimura Huh [check jp mtl]? Shouldn't it be here——

Sure enough. There were some older kids surrounding a smaller child [/boy. check jp].

Child 2: Aren't you learning kenjutsu? Come on, take your revenge!

One of the children spoke sarcastically, hitting the small child's head with a shinai.

Child 1:…………

But, the child being beaten who was beaten just bit his lip tightly, and resigned himself.

Child 3: Why is the child of an ordinary family learning kenjutsu?

Child 2: Are you wanting to rob my family's store?

Child 1: I don't, I'm not……！

Child 2: Lies/You're lying! Isn't your family's business not doing well? Furthermore, my parents said that your family's store burned down a while ago.

Child 1: Wu......

Yukimura: What are you doing!

I couldn't continue watching this, and moved without thinking.

The children backed away for a moment, but recovered immediately——

Child 3: What? What's wrong with you? Go away!

Yukimura: You're bullying this child, right? Why do you need to do that?

Child 2: What I say has nothing to do with you. My father is popular around here. If you're going to go against me, I'll make it so that you can't stay in the capital.

Apparently these children are not going to listen to me talk.

Yukimura: Hey, you kids/children——

I was about to start speaking when Saito-san stepped forward.

Saito: Yukimura, as I said earlier, we're still on patrol, time cannot be wasted......

The children froze as soon as they saw his uniform.

Child 2: H-Hey, that haori......! Isn't that what the Mibu Wolves wear [check game if it's Wolves of Mibu or Mibu Wolves]?

Child 3: That's right! My parents said that! We absolutely cannot get involved with them!

Child 2: We might get killed! Run for it!

Yukimura: Ah, wait a moment......!

Before I could stop them, they abandoned [dropped] the shinai as they ran away.

Child 1: Wa-Wait for me......!

Although this child was left behind, he also wanted to escape......

But it seemed that he had no strength, and wasn't even able to stand up.

Yukimura: Are you okay?

Child 1: Ah......! This, I......! I haven't said bad about the Wolves of Mibu.

This child apparently believed in the negative rumours about the Shinsengumi that were going around and was terrified.

Yukimura: Uh......

I don't know what to do......

Without any better idea, I picked up the fallen shinai, and handed it to the child.

Yukimura: This..... does this belong to the children who were here just now? If that is the case, can you please return this to them?

He visibly trembled, as if he were using the entirety of his strength to answer.

Child 1: That...... it's mine......

Yukimura: This is your shinai? Then I'll return it to you.

The child hesitated for a moment, fearfully taking the shinai.

I've heard it from the other warriors before......

Kyoto's populace does not have a good impression of the Shinsengumi, apparently this was true.

Yukimura:......You don't need to be so scared. The Shinsengumi only goes after people who do bad things.

Child 1: But, everyone says that the Wolves of Mibu are extremely scary/terrible......

It was different from me who was in contact with these warriors every day/I was different since I was in contact with these warriors every day...... [check jp]

This child had little chance to be in direct contact with the Shinsengumi, so it was difficult to imagine that prejudice would be eliminated any time soon.

But......

Yukimura: Although those children spoke poorly of the Shinsengumi just now, however [check jp. either reword or remove], do you think that I'm scary?

The child desperately shook his head.

Child 1: N-No no, don't...... I don't think that......

Saito-san had been silently watching our exchange.......

Saito: This matter appears to have been settled. Let's go, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Ah, okay, I know/understood.

I turned to the child again.

Yukimura: You should go home, be careful on your way back.

Child 1: Nn......

I said good-bye to the child, and left there with Saito-san.

After/Afterwards/Later, on our way back to headquarters, Saito-san quietly spoke/spoke softly.

Saito: You're very caring about children.

Hearing him say something so suddenly, I felt puzzled./I felt puzzled to hear him abruptly say this.

Yukimura: Eh? You're talking [referring] to just now/what just happened?

Saito: Nn. I didn't expect you to have a side like that.

Yukimura:......While I lived in Edo, my family's clinic also provided medical care to children. Certainly, I might get along well/be good at dealing with children.

My answer was apparently unexpected to him, and his eyes widened slightly.

There was silence for a moment......

Saito: No, not only that.

Yukimura: What do you mean?

Saito: Nn, it should be said that I feel like you would be a good elder sister...... No, you'd be a good mother. If you have children, you should be able to guide[tl word can also mean teach or instruct] them well [check jp mtl].

Yukimura: Eh……！

I didn't expect him to say that [I'd be a] "good older sister" or "a good mother"......

It was surprising/I was surprised.

Yukimura: A mother....... me/Me...... as a mother? I've never thought about that until now. Furthermore, rather than saying that I care about children......

In fact, I was bullied by other children when I was a child.

As a result of that, I wasn't able to ignore what happened to that child just now.

Saito:......What's wrong? You've suddenly stopped talking.

Yukimura: No...... it's nothing. However, as far as I'm concerned, even if I can be a good mother in the future, I would need to find the[/a] father of[/for] the [/my] child first. Meaning, I would first have to find a lover.

He held his breath, apparently somewhat nervous.

I was used to seeing him always look calm, so it was hard to imagine how his words were so awkward [now]......

Saito: Th-That's right...... Indeed, that is true. Still, that's probably too early for you.

After he spoke, Saito-san seemed somewhat embarrassed and averted his eyes.

Saito-san had actually brought this subject up first.......

He was so embarrassed as he spoke that I started to feel embarrassed [reword later].

Yukimura: Yes......

Thinking about it, until now, I've never had the opportunity to talk about this subject with anyone.

I didn't expect to actually talk about this with Saito-san..... it was quite astonishing.

Afterwards, we chatted about some other topics on our way back to headquarters.

A few days later.

I was in the middle of sweeping the entrance of the Yagi residence [check game for capitalization].

Yukimura: Mm......!

The winds of the eleventh month were cold and bone-chilling.

I was planning to finish sweeping a bit earlier then go back to my room.

Okita: Areh, sweeping here?

Yukimura: Ah, Okita-san. Are you back from patrol? You've worked hard.

Okita: That's right..... There was a bit of trouble though.

Yukimura: What was that trouble [reword later].

Okita: While we were on patrol, a kid kept on following us. Since they were in the way, we tried to send them away, but they were really persistent and kept following us/ insisted on following us.

Yukimura: Was that child not one of Okita-san's friends?

Okita: I don't/didn't know them. They weren't a kid who lives nearby/It wasn't a kid living around here. I think/feel that they weren't so much as chasing me, and were rather looking at the [our] uniform[s] to keep up/follow [us?].

Maybe they wanted to join the Shinsengumi? Well, that/it'd be impossible for such a little kid.

Yukimura: That child, where did he go?/Where did that child go?

Okita: Who knows? They seemed to have followed me/us/made it to the Mibu Temple. Though they might have given up already?

Okita-san wasn't interested in saying anything else and went back inside.

A child who was interested in the Shinsengumi......

......I couldn't help but feel concerned.

According to Okita-san, that child had followed him all the way to the Mibu Temple.

……Mibu Temple was right behind headquarters, and many of the warriors went there to practise kenjutsu.

It should be okay/shouldn't matter if I go look there for a bit [take a quick look].

Having thought this, I decided to go check the Mibu Temple.

Yukimura: Huh......?

Okita-san clearly said that a child followed him here/ had come to this place.

But there was no one around.

Was it possible that they gave up and went home?

Regardless of how close the Mibu Temple is, it's not possible for me to leave headquarters without permission, so I still needed to return.

I was just about to finish my sweeping.

Saito: Yukimura, where were you just now? [might swap this line with the 4th one after. tl is almost the same]

Yukimura: Ah, Saito-san!

Saito: You need to be accompanied by one of the executives when you leave, this should have been repeatedly explained to you/this should have been repeated several times.

Yukimura: Sorry, I thought I'd be able to just to quickly go there and back, that's why......

Saito: Where did you go?

Yukimura: Here's the thing—— [reword later. i don't like how it reads]

I told him everything Okita-san had just said about the child.

Saito:......A child was following the Shinsengumi around?

Yukimura: Yes, I feel that I can't just stop thinking about this. But it seems/appears that no one's no one around the Mibu Temple anymore/ like they're no longer around the Mibu Temple. It'd be worrying if they got lost and were unable to go home.

Saito: That's true/It's as you say. We should try looking around for a while then.

Yukimura:……Is that okay?

Saito: I don't have any particular arrangements now. Of course, if it's not necessary, then I will refrain/stop.

Yukimura: That isn't the case. Thank you.

Saito: okay, then let's go.

Thus, Saito-san and I went to go look around.

As we looked for the child, we walked down the main road.

Yukimura:......I can't find them anywhere. Maybe they're gone home.

Saito: Perhaps. If that was the case, it would be good if these were just groundless worries.

Yukimura: I'm sorry to have wasted your time. Let's go back to headquarters......

After I said that, just as we were planning to go back.

Yukimura:……！

Saito: What is it?

Yukimura: A familiar looking child ran down that alley just now...... I want to go chase after them/catch up and go look at them. Can I ask Saito-san to come with me?

Saito: Nn, there's no problem, let's go.

Saito-san and I started running.

Then, in the a narrow alley that lead to the Mibu Temple——

Yukimura: Hey, don't run [away].

I finally caught the child.

Child 1: Ah……！

The face of the child looking back was very familiar [reword later].

Yukimura: You should be the child from that time......

Child 1:…………

Saito: Is this the child who was following the First Division?

Yukimura: I think so.

Saito: Why have you been following the Shinsengumi around?

This child seemed to be scared of him.

He timidly opened his mouth.

Child 1: I want...... to learn kenjutsu.

Yukimura: You want the Shinsengumi to teach you kenjutsu?

Child 1:......Nn. Adults say that the Shinsengumi is frightening/terrible. But I hear that even if you aren't a samurai/warrior [check audio], even if you're an ordinary person...... it's possible to join their ranks [literally: team/group. may reword later]. I want to become stronger....... please teach me kenjutsu.

Saito-san frowned and/as he glanced at me.

Although he appeared to be very calm......

I think he was probably worrying about how to respond.

After a while......

Saito: The Shinsengumi is not a place for children to learn kenjutsu, and a child like you will not be allowed to join. [/it is also not something a child can become a member of?]

Child 1: Eh...... But...... I've helped around the store several times already, and I'm not that different from an adult!

Saito: That's not the problem. With your height, do you think that you will be able to fight against ronin [check audio]?

Child 1: That......! That might be true now, but I'm still growing! So please, teach me kenjutsu!

Once the child finished speaking, he bowed deeply.

Saito:…………

He seemed very unaccustomed to this type of situation, and was apparently/seemed to be worrying about how to convince this child.

Seeing how troubled he looked, I——

Choices

[ Asked for his reason/Asked for a reason] <-

[remained silent]

Yukimura: You just said that you were learning kenjutsu to become strong/more powerful, so why do you want to become stronger?

Child 1: Because…………

Saito: If you want to get stronger than those kids who bullied you to then retaliate against them, I cannot approve of that as your/will not acknowledge that as a reason to join the team [thesaurus later]. Kenjutsu is not to be learned for that sort of purpose [reword later?].

Child 1: Ah......

Hearing such strict words, the young boy's eyes were filled with tears.

Looking at his demeanor, Saito-san bearing softened somewhat.

Yukimura: Wait, Saito-san, this child looks like he has something to say.

Having said that, I turned to the boy again.

Yukimura: If it's not for revenge, is there/do you have another reason? Can you tell me?

The boy took a moment to hold back/suppress his tears

Child 1:…………Nn.

He nodded slightly.

Saito:......I really am no good at dealing with children. Fortunately, you are here.

Yukimura: Such a thing......

It was great that I was able to help him.

Child 1: I…………want to learn kenjutsu so I can protect my family, and my little sister. That's why I started going to a dojo to learn kenjutsu. But the other kids told me that "it's strange for ordinary people/civilians to learn kenjutsu".

Saito:……Indeed, to protect your family, that responsibility/duty belongs to the town/it is the duty of the town to protect your family. You do not need to learn kenjutsu for this. Everyone has their own responsibilities.

Child 1:Those other children's families are well-off, and as long they hire people, they'll be able to entrust someone with that responsibility, but....... my family only has a small store, and during the previous conflict, part of it burned down......

Yukimura: I see……

Saito:……You mean to say that you only want to protect your family, with your own hands, right?

Although I knew that many streets had suffered losses during the previous conflict.......

It was still very painful to hear about someone personally talk about it.

After Saito-san thought over it, he crouched down next to the boy.

Looking directly into the child's eyes......

Saito: I understand your circumstances. In order to protect your family and the weak, those are good reasons for wielding the sword.

Child: Re-Really!?

The child's face immediately lit up.

Saito-san however, still had a serious expression as he spoke.

Saito: But even if that is the case, I naturally cannot teach you kenjutsu. Of course, you can't become a member of the Shinsengumi.

Child: Ah......

The boy's face was full of disappointment. However, it wasn't a face that was on the verge of crying.

Saito-san was taking him seriously, and although he was a child, it seemed that he understood that.

Saito: In order to protect yourself, and one's family, practising in a dojo will suffice. Kyoto is protected by us. No matter what happens, we will certainly protect you all. Please pass that onto your family.

The boy's eyes widened, almost as if he was striving to engrave Saito-san's words into his memory.

Saito-san lightly nodded, then he placed his hand on the child's head as his expression relaxed.

Saito: The purpose of the Shinsengumi is to protect the helpless in Kyoto. For the sake of becoming strong to support those who are weak, we practise kenjutsu together here. In the event that one day, you truly need the assistance from the Shinsengumi...... Then, we will certainly be there to help you.

Child: Really?

As if to confirm this, the child asked this again.

Child: Really....... they'll help me?

Saito: Of course. We — as warriors, if a promise is made, we will never break it.

Hearing Saito-san's words, the boy's eyes seemed to glow with strength.

Finally, he firmly nodded......

Child: Mm, I understand. I..... will believe the Shinsengumi.

Hearing those words, Saito-san, his mouth formed a satisfied smile.

Saito: All you need is spirit. I also believe that you are determined to become stronger.

After saying that, Saito-san slowly stood up.

After we watched the boy return home, we started going back to headquarters.

Yukimura:……Saito-san is such a kind person. Even when speaking to a child, you will treat them so sincerely.

He narrowed his eyes in embarrassment.

Saito: I didn't treat him as a child. While addressing someone [who has chosen to] wield a sword to protect the weak, even if the other person was an adult, I would have said the same thing.

Yukimura: But, I think, to be treated as an adult…… for that child, it must have been a good experience.

Saito:……If that is the case, that's good.

As expected, he was still embarrassed and refused to meet my gaze. [depending on jp sentence, change to as 'really']

Saito: I really am unable to deal with children. It would be better for Souji to handle children/Children should be left for Souji to handle. [depending on jp audio, change to 'as expected']

Yukimura: Is that so? But, I think that if Saito-san had children, you would be a very good father.

Saito: Me, a father……？

He froze with a face full of embarrassment, almost as if he heard something completely foreign.

Saito:……For this sort of thing, I haven't even thought about it until now. After all, let alone a child, I still haven't married yet……

I'm afraid I said too much.

Yukimura: Th-That's right. Saito-san is busy doing work for the Shinsengumi, and can't be bothered about these things……

I quickly retracted my thoughtless words.

Saito: No…… it's not that I'm not a little interested……

Yukimura: Eh?

Saito:…………It's nothing.

He walked away with a shy/embarrassed look on his face.

Yukimura: Wa-wait for me, Saito-san!

Just now he said, it wasn't that he wasn't uninterested…… [reword later...? kinda gave up trying to tho]

Did that mean he had someone he liked?

Or was it……

After, I asked him several times, but he never answered back.

—The End—

after chapter 4 (still 40% done T_T)... i’m probably going to focus on chapter 2 then 5.... tho who knows when that will be since im translating at a severely reduced speed since school> all else, though i will definitely finish translating at least one more ginsei chapter this year (can’t say the same for videos given how painstaking it is to format everything lol).

anyway, the reason why i say that i need my queued filled up to november before working on translating another ginsei chapter in earnest is cuz i don’t want to worry about meeting my self-imposed weekly translation goal and cuz i prefer having lots of time to work on full chapters given how long they take for me to get done... while also having pleeeenty of leeway for procrastinating lol.

also my laptop had a stupid error so everything shut down (though on the upside to that, i can see all my pc text again). thankfully robocopy makes it so that i don’t need to duplicate everything, but it’s seriously taking a long time for everything to move...

after everything finishes, i think im going to have a calendar that celebrates each month of no computer problems lol.

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki shinkai #Hakuoki Game Translation #Saito Hajime #Yukimura Chizuru #Okita Souji #Hakuoki Ginsei no Shou Translation

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hey-hamlet · 5 years ago

Text

BNHA AU Ideas : Quirkless Erasure

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:

In some worlds, Midoriya Izuku is the first quirkless hero. But not in this one, not by far.

Because his homeroom teacher is the hero he's always looked up to: UA's first quirkless Pro Hero.

----

Izuku isn't the only quirkless one, and Aizawa gets into the hero course via emotional devastation against his opponents.

anyway so: quirkless aizawa bc i need that

everyone thinks he has a quirk like emotional manipulation of something but no he's just fucking savage, he gets into the hero course bc he blasted the absolute shit out of mic

everything’s on youtube it’s one of the most viewed videos of all time

this aizawa's eyes are permanently gold bc i headcanon it's his quirk that makes his eyes black, not the colour they flash

"you yell because you have a constant fear no one is really listening to you. you play the class clown and don't try too hard so when you look back you think "i failed because i didn't try" not "i failed because i wasn't good enough""

"bro,,, bro what the fuck did i do to you"

aizawa isn’t even salty he’s quirkless tbh

"you're pushing this on me because it hurts, right? your loud, flashy but damaging quirk means the only thing people think you're useful for is heroics. did you want to do this, or is this the only way society will let you feel comfortable in the role it presses in on you"

"well being quirkless is rough but at least i cn be whatever i want to be"

mics just shell shocked mics not even using his quirk and everyone’s just uwu he’s erasing mics quirk

all aizawa does is walk is close and mutter "society thinks im worthless, which is rough. but you have to put your life on the line or you're nothing better than a villain to the people"

and just, lightly pushes him out of bounds

pls mics just in Love this guy tore him to fucking pieces but Damn

aizawa helps him up off the floor

"so im probably not wrong but im a little sorry for saying it on live tv"

mic "youre amazing"

aizawa just goes bright red and starts sputtering

aizawa: the emotional devastation hero weakness: genuine compliments

consider 1A teacher aizawa just still made of emotional devastation, nezu made him promise not to use his powers of destruction on his children unless he was expelling them

this is a quirkless izuku au too, mirio got ofa, allmight encouraged izuku to be a hero after the fight but had no quirk to give him and he manages to make his own way into the hero course

so izuku is a little analyst, gets mostly hero points but uses sharp rebar and poles to smash in the sensors of some robots, getting him a few non-rescue points either. Aizawa is watching like "oh interesting a non-combat quirk" and beside him allmight is vibrating with excitement

"he might actually do it!"

"who might do what"

allmight turns sheepishly to aizawa

"young midoriya on camera 6, he might just be the first quirkless student to pass the enterance exam to heroics straight up"

and aizawa can hardly watch anyone else for the rest of the exam, he adopts this kid on the fucking Spot

hes on the edge of his fucking seat, when nezu sends out the zero pointer. "this kid only needs 10 more points, just ten more" and izuku turns around to look at the 0 pointer and aizawa is like "fuck kid i hope you know what youre doing"

he manages to shove a piece of rebar into the treads, stoping it in its place. it tries to swat him like a bug but he just dives out of the way, picks up ochako and sprints and aizawa is like "holy shit holy shit these bastards better give this kid hero points for that"

like they are assigning final hero points and aizawa has to awkwardly put his hand up "i,,, should probably be excluded from giving midoriya hero points because i went from 0 to bias very very quickly"

allmight just nods sagely

"young midoriya be like that sometimes"

pls aizawa tries to act extra tough bc he can’t let anyone know he’s Adopted this child

for all izuku's brain hes useless w social stuff and thinks aizawa hates him but everyone else k n o w s

also izuku is the only person in 1A who knows ab aizawa's "quirk" and hes like, constantly vibrating w glee around the guy

aizawa walks in the first day, hears bakugo asking how this "quirkless bastard" got in, grabs bakugo w his scarf and yeets him into vlad’s room

"ok students, looks like we are a class of 19. any other comments before we start?"

and like everyone is so lost no one questions it

bakugo is screaming bloody murder until vlad "kindly" tells him ua has a strict no discrimination policy and aizawa would have been well within his rights to expel him

please nezu is like "uwu take one of 1B to make the classes even" and vlad is like "no ive already bonded tough cookies" vlad just adopts bakugo instantly

monoma and bakugou become bros, the baku-squad is 50% a thing, but its mostly 1B students but with pinning kiri. kendo and bakugo both keep monoma in line, monoma and kendo keep bakugo in line

during the sports festival shinsou is like "you must have a blessed quirk to get into the hero course"

and izuku just has this "really. this si what we're doing now" look on his face. hes just gesturing to shinso in exasperation, trying to make eye contact w aizawa hidden up in the commentary box

all you can hear from the box is aizawa quiet snickering as mic tries not to give the game away. he yeets shinso out of bonds and just hauls him back to his feet

"im quirkless you nonce"

"oh,,,"

"yeah, oh. what, gonna be embarrassed a quirkless kid kicked your ass?"

"nah i just feel bad for being a dick"

"ok you are the only valid person ive ever met, come meet my not-dad"

"wait what"

izuku fireman carries shinso into the announcers booth and just presents him to aizawa

you can just vaguely hear "no not kid" "but he'll be perfect" "kid this is live ask me after the festival" "but! hed be perfect! and you could train him to carry on your legacy of soul-crushing burns" "... hmmm"

"do i get a say in this?" "no" "nope"

mic just loudly saying "SO BEFORE WE WITNESS A CHILD CRY LIVE ON AIR AGAIN, AS ALWAYS HAPPENS IN THIS FESTIVAL, LETS START THE NEXT ROUND!"

there’s a counter “days since someone last cried: 0”

please its like "times cried durring all sports festivals" "average cry events" "number of times cried this festival"

aizawa being even more of a dad than canon, like hes a mess he sees on sad kid and he's like "wow that's my kid now"

he makes them soup when they get sick and leaves it outside their doors, refuses to admit its him doing it

soup cryptid

please mic is like 100% in love with him and had been for years but aizawa still has internal bias against the quirkless and thinks he's not good enough for mic so he cant make himself see the flirting for what it really is

“haha he’s just being friendlyL

“aizawa i literally want to marry u”

“awww ur so nice u mean as friends tho right?”

in this au ive decided that quirkless heroes are a thing, but pretty rare, in japan they are all underground bc villains go after them a l o t. there are some public ones in america but they tend to,,, die,,, pretty quickly

and bc there are some quirkless heroes everyone acts like discrimination isn't a thing anymore and quirkless people should shut up while quirkless people are still getting killed and committing suicide at like 500% the rate of people with quirks

also the suicide rate is,,,,, significantly higher in japan but no one ever talks abt it bc japan the “ideal place for people with quirks” so that surely means nothing could ever go wrong

izuku does the "its your power" speech in like 3 parts, before, during and after the sports festival bc he needs he bones w no quirk

stain asks izuku what his quirk is and izuku does the "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy"

",,, where are your parents"

"one abandoned me straight up and the other is giving it a red hot go right now, try me coward"

izuku but everytime he roasts a villain he does it in vine quotes

tl;dr in the au inko is like,, not ok w izuku being a hero and she's trying to do the "leave the school or you can't live here any more" ultimatum and it's not working for her

bc izuku said "ok bye then" and now lives out of his backpack. no one knows. he just like,, sleeps on the train

and iida is like "owo could i come over to your house" and izuku is like

"aaaaa its on fire. yep. made of arsenic and always in flames, why dont we go to the park"

everyone in 1a is like betting on what his house is like. they harass katsuki in 1b but he refuses to talk

hes like "hell no i got thrown into another class for talking ab that nerd eat my left tit"

they only fucking work it out when aizawa and allmight go to izukus house to talk ab dorms and there is literally no one there

aizawa asks izuku ab it like "kid you need to update your forms with your current address" and hes like "oh worm, she moved? wack."

“u,,,,didn’t know,,,,”

“nah lmao i sleep on the bench in a park near here”

“my boy,,,,,l

"what, ochako lives alone!"

"yeah, in a fucking house, kid"

aizawas just: this is literal child abuse i’m ur guardian now

allmight "hes my kid too dont be greedy"

"fuck off all might you already have mirio" "and you already have shinsou!" nighteye, from around the corner "ill take him!" aizawa and allmight "NO"

mic adopts him nezu just sitting in the distance "well, its my school. i get the kid" one whole school full of adult heroes "NO ITS MY SON,,," izukus like crying "wait,,, you guys aren't sick of me? wild" while sobbing

afo out of nowhere: i’ll take the child :))) everyone collectively: N O

for self-indulgence, izuku is the youngest in the class for this au so they all call him their little brother

consider: quirkless aizawa is very similar to normal aizawa but he does practise self-care, he just tries to make it look like he doesnt because hes like that

if i dont take care of myself ill never be able to stand up to the heroes w quirks but also do i deserve normal good human things

tl:dr: he can cook well and is trying to teach izuku that 2-minute noodles and apples arent hero fuel

inko is like: "uwu i wont change what i cook for you so you'll just have to make do owo" in like, a pathetic attempt to get him to stop training so izuku runs off protein bars, electrolyte drinks and raw vegetables

just like, his bento at school. its only raw mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes and 2 full carrots

the only time he gets like a kinda valid balanced meal for a hero in training is when he pops by bakugous place and mitsuki forces him to stay for lunch

izuku is like "oh hi bakugo i have ur book-" "HI ITS LUNCH GET IN PIPSQUEAK"

hes just thrown into a chair, bakugo isnt even confused. izuku is like ",,,, so vlad gave me your book bc your house is near mums." "fair enough. hope you like miso salmon"

izuku just looks stary eyed

"f i s h ??? warm food bakugo id kill for you"

"deku wtf"

"i had nothing but 3 scoops of protein powder and 2 tomatoes today"

“dEKU WHAT THE FUCK”

"i had to eat the protein podwer with plain water kacchan. protein sludge followed by two raw tomatoes. i would commit real actual murder for you"

mitsuki always packs an extra bento after that

so like when it’s dorm time izuku gets rly stressed out bc he doesn’t know how to cook for himself??? bakugous in the 1b dorms and even if he wasn’t he definitely wouldn’t cook for him

1a goes on a fucking shopping trip, chaperoned, obviously

and they’re lining up and aizawa sees that izukus cart is only filled with like??? instant noodles and like two (2) fruits and he’s losing his mind bc yes okay he’s a child but he’s also a young hero and he’s going to get a heart attack by 20 if he doesn’t fix his diet

aizawa is like "izuku, you cant eat that" and izuku just goes "oh ok" puts the noodles back and comes back with a tub of protein powder and like 11 vegetables and a bag of kale

okay this is an improvement kinda, how do u cook it

,,,,,c

cook?

izuku just has a totally blank face

"i was just gonna like,,, eat it"

"raw."

"uh, yeah, is that not how u eat vegetables?”

"thats a potato. and some leeks. thats a fucking onion"

"it wont kill me though"

"thats,,, that not how you pick food kid."

“but vegetable??? good????”

"kid do you even fucking like any of this"

"wait, im supposed to like?? my food???"

yagi in the fucking health food isle hearing this is 50% laughing but 50% crying

aizawa: “izuku ur supposed to eat a well balanced and tasty meal”

izuku: *surprized pikachu face*

please even todoroki is like ",,, at least fuyumi could c o o k"

oh god imagine having a worse diet than shouto todoroki from 1a who eats nothing but cold soba and drinks juice

also please aizawa is like "kid i thought you just happened to be thin but now im seeing thats not the case"

bakugo in the distance "like inko ever fed him enough anyway lmao"

aizawa "WAIT WHAT"

whys bakugou shopping with 1a? its actually all 40 of the first years just descending on this poor little store. it’s this little mom and pop grocery store and a billion hungry hero hopefuls just burst through the door like 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔

izuku is like "oh its too expensive" and aizawa is just holding a bag of rice, aizawa is like "its cheaper than the protein powder you have"

and izuku is like "yeah i mean its empty calories and im not paying that much for empty calories"

",,,"

"thats what you taught us sensei!"

"EMPTY CALORIES ARE ONLY A PROBLEM IF UR EATING TOO MUCH"

"and?"

"YOU HAVE 3 POTAOES FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS"

"i can put some back if you want?"

"THATS EXACTLY WHAT I DONT WANT"

#bnha au #bnha #aizawa shouta #aizawa #eraserhead #midoriya izuku #Izuku #Midoriya #erasermic #present mic #bakugou katsuki #all might #yagi toshinori #shinsou hitoshi #quirkless erasure au

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tsuki-chibi · 5 years ago

Text

Smutember Day 3: No Regrets

Adrien was loose and relaxed in a way he hadn’t been in ages as he strolled into class. He smiled happily at Nino as he swung himself into his chair, which prompted a curious look from his friend.

“You seem oddly cheerful today. What’s up? Your dad take a vacation?” Nino asked.

“Sadly no. I’m just happy, that’s all. I had a good night,” Adrien said. He wasn’t about to tell Nino any details about the night before. Even eliminating the fact that he’d been with Ladybug and substituting an unknown girl, that would prompt questions that Adrien couldn’t really answer.

It was yet another secret he had to keep, but this was one was well worth it.

“Apparently it’s an epidemic,” Alya said from behind them. Adrien twisted around to look at her and, surprisingly as it was ten minutes before class started, Marinette.

“What do you mean?” Adrien asked, puzzled.

“Marinette had an amazing night too,” Alya said. “But she won’t tell me why.”

Marinette flushed. “I told you. I didn’t do anything special. I just got to relax for once,” she said.

Adrien looked at her closely. Now that he was paying attention, the perpetual dark rings under Marinette’s eyes seemed to have lightened. Her eyes were bright instead of drooping with exhaustion, and for once her smile didn’t seem forced. She did look much better than usual.

“Just relaxing when you could’ve been hanging out with me,” Alya said with a mock, put-upon sigh.

“Believe me, Alya, I have no regrets as to how I spent my night,” Marinette said with a smirk.

“Everyone needs the chance to relax sometimes,” Adrien chimed in. “I got to relax some last night too. It was really nice.”

Alya looked back and forth between them and then shook her head. “Okay, whatever. But we’re still on for tonight, right?” she asked Marinette.

“Yup. Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten I promised to help you baby-sit,” Marinette said.

“Uh, apparently you did forget we had a date tonight,” Nino said to Alya.

“What? That was tonight?!” Alya groaned and slapped a hand over her face. “Babe, I’m so sorry. Mom asked me to baby-sit and I said yes without thinking.”

“It’s okay. You can make it up to me.” Nino wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh honey, I can definitely do that,” Alya said in a low, throaty voice, leering.

“Eww,” Marinette moaned.

“That’s gross,” Adrien agreed, shoving Nino lightly.

“We didn’t do anything,” Nino said, but he was laughing.

“Ah, my sunshine children. Too innocent and pure for this world,” Alya said dramatically. “Adrien, I should take you under my wing. Teach you the secrets of a dom.”

Adrien snorted. “Thanks, but I think I’m okay,” he said dryly. Alya was a dom and Nino was a switch. Their relationship worked for them, but he wasn’t sure how well that would translate into Chat Noir and Ladybug. Besides, he sort of wanted to feel things out on his own.

“Adrien is just fine the way he is,” Marinette said firmly.

All three of them looked at her in surprise. Marinette’s cheeks reddened again at their scrutiny, but she tipped her nose up stubbornly and refused to back down. Adrien, for his part, was shocked. That was probably one of the few full sentences Marinette had ever gotten out around him without stammering, and it was in support of him.

Then, for some reason, Alya giggled. “You’re right. Sunshine boy is fine.” She whistled at Adrien.

Madame Bustier walked in before Adrien could think up a good response to that; he was used to people complimenting his looks, even catcalling him, but it was a little odd when the attention came from someone he knew. He gladly twisted back around in his seat, vaguely aware of Marinette hissing Alya’s name behind him.

Keeping one eye on the front of the room so as not to get caught, he fished his phone out of his pocket and opened up the messaging app that he and Ladybug used exclusively for talking to each other outside the mask. He hadn’t messaged her yet today, but he wanted to make sure she was doing okay.

CN: hey bug how you feeling?

Then he waited, knowing it wouldn’t be long before she answered. Especially after last night. He smiled again, more helplessly this time. Ladybug hadn’t gone deep into her subspace, but she’d definitely been feeling it a little after the massage. He’d stayed with her for a couple hours after and they’d cuddled on the bed, talking and drinking the juice Adrien had brought.

His phone vibrated and he quickly glanced down.

LB: I’m feeling a lot better actually

LB: you’re pretty at what you do, Kitty

She thought he was good at being a dom! Adrien’s smile broadened into a grin and he puffed his chest out a little.

CN: I can’t take all the credit. You were amazing

LB: what are you talking about? I didn’t do anything

His eyebrows furrowed at that and he quickly answered.

CN: are you kidding me? You trusted me to take care of you. You didn’t know what I had planned but you let me do it anyway. You have no idea what that means to me, or how good I feel today knowing I was able to care of you.

There was a long pause after that. Adrien chewed his bottom lip, wondering if he was coming across too strong. But everything he’d said to her was the truth - and frankly there was so much more he could’ve said.

Like how beautiful she was when she had that soft, glazed look in her eyes, or how good she’d been for him. After that initial bout of hesitation, she’d followed every command without pause. She’d put herself fully into his hands and let go, knowing that he would take care of everything.

That meant more than Adrien could properly express. No one ever trusted him with anything. Nathalie didn’t even trust him to be able to choose his own breakfast, and he couldn’t even remember the last time Gabriel had trusted him to do even the smallest thing without heavy supervision.

But Ladybug...

Finally, his phone vibrated again.

LB: I’m really glad that we decided to do this. You’re exactly what I need. ❤️

He let out a slow, shaky breath as Nino elbowed him. Just in time, Adrien locked his phone and slid it away as Madame Bustier came over to hand out a worksheet. He took one and passed the rest back to Marinette.

Their hands touched as she took the papers. She actually smiled at him, and the glow in her bright blue eyes took Adrien’s breath away. He recovered quickly and smiled back before turning away to face the front.

He cupped his hand over his phone. At break, he’d be able to respond to Ladybug properly. For now, the quiet confidence her words had induced were more than enough to carry him through the remainder of the morning.

#smutember #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #dom adrien agreste #sub marinette dupain cheng

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skunky2 · 5 years ago

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Top 11 Worst Cartoons of the 2010′s!!

We had so many great cartoons introduced in this decade and while I haven't seen every last one I can say this decade was one of the best for animation in general! Sadly for every good animated show produced in this era there are also some bad apples in the bunch the following cartoons are some of the worst I have seen but please remember this is only my opinion if you like any of these shows then that's great continue to enjoy them don't let me stop you!!!

Now let's get this list started!!!

11. Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs the series (2017-2018)

Ok before we talk about the show I want to make one thing clear I don't hate the films in fact I actually find them enjoyable even going as far as calling them guilty pleasures the show on the other hand is a huge flop compared to the movies were the films had creativity and fun humor the show lacks that in fact this is by far the most boring show to be based on a freaking film about an invention that makes it rain food!! The other problem I have with this show is it's set before the events of the films so Flint hasn't even become an inventor yet but instead it's about him in high school and apparently him and Sam knew each other already did they even watch their first film!? Also the mayor is the principle because why not seriously this has got to be the worst show based on a hit animated film it's so painfully unfunny that I question how kids found it entertaining to begin with!!!! Not every movie needs a tv series and this one proves it!

10. Total Dramarama (2018-ongoing)

Oh the pain to see the Total Drama series downgraded to this especially since the original Total Drama Island took a ton of risk for a show aimed at kids also how did we go from a series that spoofed reality shows to a bad Muppet Babies rip-off!! What's really sad is that creators have no desire to produce a new Total Drama series they just want to work on this. On the plus side it's still not as bad as other shows your going to see later on the list.

9. Super Noobs (2015-ongoing)

Other then the "how do you do fellow kids" title I wasn't expecting this show to wow me considering it was brought to you by the same dude that brought us Johnny Test aka the original most hated cartoon of all time I got the DA pics to back me up! The worst part is this show has a very interesting concept but it's ruined due to the bad humor and characters. The show is about a group of outcast middle schoolers who receive super powers in the form of power balls from aliens who then become their mentors and how they must save the world from an evil virus that threatens the world sounds like an awesome plot too bad it's not pushed further.

8. Almost Naked Animals (2011-2013)

Yes this is a children's cartoon not a title for an X rated film. All I can say about this show is why? Why would anyone greenlight a show about an animal nudist hotel not only is it disgusting but those character designs yikes!!!! They look so ugly looking no one wants to see something that looks this hideous!! Not to mention the humor is just as terrible as the art design.

7. Breadwinners (2014-2016)

You know when you feature twerking in your show you automatically fail. The best way I can describe this cartoon is it's just awful first off the two idiot main characters who I'm not going to refer by name since they are some of the most stupidest names for characters seriously SwaySway and Buhdeuce!? Anyway the show is about these two "ducks" I say ducks like that since they look nothing like ducks they look like frogs or aliens or something. Try to make your character if they are an animal try to look as close as possible as the species they're supposed to be so it will make it easier for you audience to identify them. Well they fly around in a rocket car or something I really don't care and deliver bread to stock-image ducks which brings me to another problem they can't even draw background characters they just go on Google find a duck photo and photoshop cartoon eyes and whatever on it how lazy a can you be!! Also I found out a long time ago your actually not supposed to give ducks bread yeah it can use malnutrition and illness to them so this cartoon is spreading the wrong message to kids.

6. Brickleberry (2012-2015)

You know why I despise most adult cartoons because most of them are either trying way to hard to be quote on quote "adult" with overuse of swearing, gore, shock humor, and sex jokes and guess what this show is full of this!! Not only is the animation similar to that to Family Guy it's just as disgusting and offensive!!! The show revolves around these park rangers and their everyday lives at their jobs and the characters aren't very good either they are pretty much all assholes, stereotypes of usual characters you see in adult animation, and your typical characters that are just there to offend you! In fact the little bear cub character is pretty much the shows answer to Brain from Family Guy with the personality of Cartman from South Park. Now I haven't seen this show in a long time but I just remember it wasn't a pleasant experience if you want to check it out just be warned it's not for the faint of heart. Also the creators of this show produced another show for Netflix that is just a carbon copy with cops instead of rangers and I though that Seth McFarlane was lazy when it came to plots!! It's called Paradise P.D. btw

5. Teen Titians Go! (2013-Ongoing)

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah you've heard it all before this show is garbage, a disgrace to DC comics, stupid etc. The animation community has tore this show apart so there really isn't much to say that already hasn't been said but I will say this I never intended to hate this show as much as I do in fact I was fine with it when it fist came out I mean the original Teen Titians cartoon from 2003 will always be better then this show in every possible way but I wasn't one of the fans to jump on the hate wagon when this was announced I mean I had nothing wrong with it just focusing on comedy if you remember correctly the original had eps that were just as silly and bizarre. The main reasons why this show is so high up on this list is for the following reasons the first is I've never seen a show like this disrespect a fan base this much it's like the creators have it out for the original fans and they get joy out of mocking them with all these pathetic critic call out eps they do it also shows that they can't take criticism at all!!!! Second is how the creators view their show and animation in general they literally came out in an interview and said the reason why they made the show so stupid is because it's for children you do know kids aren't stupid right guys they deserve shows that don't try to talk down to them!!!! But the main reason for my anger towards this show is how they made an episode awhile were the moral literally was that cartoons are only for kids and told the original fans to grow up!! Mainly the creators themselves have this warped mindset that I honestly wish would just die out that only children should be allowed to watch cartoons and that their show should be immune to all the hate since it's for kids so they use the "just for kids" excuse for their show being like it is. It's hard to believe they would even have a mindset like that when they are adults themselves making an animated cartoon show. I didn't mean to rant this long but I mainly hate everything this show stands for and sadly it's going onto to get 300+ eps. Personality I really think it's time for this show to officially Go not because I don't like it's mainly because it's showing signs it's on it's last legs and with that Sixth Titian thing they pulled this summer and repeating episode plots is starting to show that the writers are becoming burned out this show was never good but I think it's time it ended. There are tons of other reasons this show is bad but I rather not go into them this has gone on long enough already.

4. PPG 2016 (2016-Ongoing)

Well TTG isn't the worst reboot/spinoff Cartoon Network produced in this decade the honor has to go to this piece of trash Powerpuff Girls 2016!! Why was this made simple CN wanted more money so they made this show to sell toys yes that was the only purpose of this reboot to sell merchandise too bad the show sucked so hard that the target demo along with the fans of the original Powerpuff Girls hated it! There are tons of problems with this reboot that have already been explained such as god awful animation errors, bad writing, and let's not forget the memes those outdated memes. Not to mention they removed the character Ms. Bellum since the creator thought that having a beautiful, warm-hearted, motherly, intelligent and strong-willed woman on the show was offensive to the new generation! Not to mention they got rid of breast but they did allow the girls to twerk tho!!! Yes because having an intelligent good-looking woman with boobs is bad but kindergarteners doing a sexually explicate dance is fine!! Seriously I feel so bad for Craig McCracken it was bad enough he was screwed over by Disney but to have his show turned into this!!

3. The Problem Solverz (2011-2013)

If you want to know my opinion for the worst animated show Cartoon Network has ever made it would be this one! Not only is the show ugly to look at but it uses enough bright colors to make your eyes bleed. The show is about these detectives who solve problems in their home town too bad they cause 90% of the problems they need to solve. These characters are so nasty to look out we got this ugly fish-like man, some robot, and a big nosed hideous lipped Domo wannabe. It was cancelled from tv but ran it's final season on Netflix. I still feel pain for any child that had to sit though this.

2. Pickle and Peanut (2015-2018)

Ugh this show!!!! If you've never seen it you may guess this would be something on Adult Swims line up since they're more known for wired shows like this but no it's not from Adult Swim in fact you'll never believe who made this Disney!!! Yes Disney Television Animation produced this the very same company that bought us shows like Gravity Falls, Phineas and Ferb, Star Vs. and so on made this garbage. There are several problems with this show first off the animation remember when I said that Breadwinners was lazy for using stock-images as background characters well this is the same damn thing but in reverse they couldn't even animate a pickle and a gosh darn peanut this is a peeve I have with most modern cartoons if it's not for a joke then why use stock-images it just makes your show look lazy! Second the humor it sucks it's mainly is "trying" to be Regular Show since both characters are slackers and get into bizarre adventures. Also this show loves to show gross-out shots like the ones in Spongebob for example but unlike Spongebob these are not funny and just plain disgusting like how is this show fun for kids to watch I mean I can understand why kids love cartoons like TTG but I can't see any child liking a show like this!!! Finally we have to talk about the god awful theme song it's not even a theme song but a random robot voice listing off things adults think that children are into so pretty much they're trying way too hard to appeal to kids just like with PPG 2016. There really isn't much more to say about this show it's just awful and it's still hard to believe Disney had a part in making this.

Now it's time for the cartoon from the 2010's that I believe disserves the crown as the worst show from this decade. Out of all the shows I've seen this year none of them of completely disgusted me more then this one it pretty much has everything I despise in modern adult animation it makes Brickleberry look tame in comparison!!! It comes to us from our friends at Adult Swim may I present to you the cartoon that I consider the worst!

1. Mr. Pickles (2013-Ungoing)

I honestly don't know where to start on this one it's just god awful!! First it's got all the things I despise in adult animation shock humor, sex jokes, violence for the sake of it, and ugly character designs!! The show is about a family who owns a dog who is either the devil himself or one of his loyal followers and the dog does extremely messed up things to people stuff I rather not try to remember let's just say this show is MA for reason. If you have a faint heart please stay away from this show at all cost!!!

So there it is my opinions for the worst shows from this decade I hope you all enjoy it since I worked really hard on it.

I didn’t include Big Mouth or Paradise P.D. because I’ve never seen them but yeah I know they’re bad.

#top list #cartoons #my stuff #just my opinion #I'm going to make a best list soon #worst cartoons #ttg #cartoon network #nickolodeon #adult swim

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notoriously-blonde · 5 years ago

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I don’t think Chat Noir gets all he deserves in ML.

(A rant that started out as a rant, but quickly transforms into some plot points for my a ML rewrite AU I’m planning on writing.)

I understand that this show is a little kids show, and is about female empowerment. I get that, I’m not against it. I’m just here to talk about Chat Noir/Adrien Agreste.

Let’s begin, shall we?

First off, what he does to earn the Black Cat Miraculous. Idk, it was kind of underwhelming. It was his first, from what we know, attempt at going to school. He wouldn’t have been able to attend it anyway. What I think would have shown his worthiness to be the wielder, is if he stopped to help someone on his way to the school. After he’s lost Nathalie and the Gorilla and is somewhere they won’t find him, knowing that if he does stop to help, he’s probably forfiting his chance at school.

I think that what Marinette dis was really quite worthy, I don’t have much problems with it. I just think that it could have used more. Like, idk, she was late for school, and she had just crossed the street, ready to rush into the school, but notices an old man having trouble crossing the street in time. So, she turns back to help him, and as she is helping him, a car comes speeding down the road. So, she grabs the old man, and dives out of the way, pulling the man with her. Her treats are ruined, left behind in the way of the car in her haste to save the old man, and then makes sure he is okay.

Persoanlly, I’m don’t really think he should be saying he is in love with her after the first/second time meeting her. It’s just... idk, I’m okay with him getting a pretty heavy crush on her, but not full on love. (Same think for Marinette.)

The first season should show LB and CN growing into their powers and their partnership, getting closer and more in synch. Suit changes, (let’s face it, LB DESERVES a better suit, and I think Chat’s could improve too.) and, as they get closer, they also gain more powers. Like, idk, Ladybug not starting out with a fully restoring cure, and as she gets more powerful, more comfortable with her new powers, the cure gets more powerful. And, with Chat, Dang, he needs more powers. LB and CN are supposed to be two parts of the same whole, one just as powerful as the other. Not either one being more powerful than the other.

Like, Chat getting a more passive destructive power. Like, corrosive claws, something of the sort.

And, in the second season, it should show them taking down the akuma much faster, which prompts HM to step up his game, because, let’s face it, he wasn’t expecting CHILDREN to be so GOSH DARN POWERFUL. And, this prompts LB and CN to just find out more about their partnership and powers and how they work so much better together than sepperately.

And, they should be awarded for working together better. I’m not sure how, but c’mon!

Some more abilities they gain as they grow together would be like, an extended timer after using their one time powers. Lucky Charm/Cataclysm is more potent. Stuff like that. Chat being able to control what the cataclysm destroys, and how fast it acts.

Think about the show, LB says, many times, that Chat is her partner and is irreplaceable. He is crucial to the team and is a very important part of the equation to taking down akuma. But, Chat is easily corrupted, turned against LB or incapacitated. Forcing LB to take the akuma down by herself. They have LB as the only one who can take puffy/eliminate the threat of akuma. And it adds too much stress to her. Way too much. I think LB and CN should be the only ones who can eliminate the corrupted energy of the evil intentions of HM. I think LB should not be viewed as the only one who can purify akuma, but the only one that can do it easily, efficiently and safely. I think, when Chat and LB get powerful enough, Chats cataclysm should be potent enough to purge the corruption from the butterfly. But, it causes his physical pain to do so, and it drains his transformation energy immediately. The pain only subsides when the cure is used, and even then, it still lingers. In his hand, heart and head.

For Chat’s confessions... well, it’s kinda stupid. I’m okay with him wanting to confess on Valentine’s Day, as anyone would. But, him being bitter and pissy and childish about her not returning her feelings is just... stupid and childish.

Personally, I think he should be this way for the first season, wanting to work alone since cats are, I think, solitary animals; and his sheltered life makifnit hard to pick up social ques and knowing when to stop asking LB to return his feelings, no matter how he feels. I think they should have a long, hard talk about this, and that he actually learns from it! And, in the second season, he doesn’t do any of that, except for a few occasional slips; but he appologises for it, says that he knows that LB is into someone else, and that she can’t return his feelings, that he respects that, and doesn’t not mean to force his feelings onto her; and make sure that he won’t be putting her in that situation anymore.

Adrien and Marinette become closer friends through the seasons/parts, and Adrien learns to stand up for himself. Marinette gets more comfortable around him. Ha stands up for her more, she stands up for him. He cheers her up, she cheers him up.

When Lila comes into play, he is a bit more suspicious of her, but has little to no proof, so doesnt confront her. He also doesn’t take Volpina’s side instead of LB’s, since, you know, she’s his PARTNER, and they work best together.

When Lila comes back, Adrien is more suspicious of her, and calls her out more. But, he still doesn’t think it a good idea to call her out every single time. Her lies aren’t hurting anyone, nor his loved ones, and she will be exposed when her web of lies becomes to complex and she double crosses herself.

With Chloé, Adrien becomes more stern, and calls her out much, much more. When Maledictator happens, he is a bit sad she is leaving, since she is his childhood friend and she was beginning to change, but doesn’t say that it’s wrong to celebrate her leaving, since you know, HUGE bully and al that. And, big time antagonizer of Marinettte.

This cane to mind after a while of deliberation. Because, honestly, the show kind of treats Chat as a sidekick, like a temperature holder. It doesn’t look like he’s much more powerful/important than a temp. And, from what I can tel, LB works with him about as well as she does with every other temp wielder.

(Some other powers for them: Chat gains a protective, destructive aura around his mind, making it very difficult to brainwash/turn his mind. LB’s mind gets a similar protective aura, but it just heals rapidly, very, very rapidly, making it very difficult to turn her mind.)

This is all I can think of. I had a burst of inspiration, and I wrote as much as I could, but once I stopped, it all stopped. I might have more for this, but I’m not all that sure.

#ml #my writting #adrien rant #ml rant #rewrite au

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alittleroseandhoneyblog-blog · 5 years ago

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Sticks and Stones

A comment left on one of my photos!*

Let’s start this by simply saying Thank you!

Thank you for taking the time to comment on one of my photos – thank you for providing your opinion on a topic that we as women face on a daily basis – I want you to know that when you attacked my body, you did not effect me in a negative way – you did not discolor my self esteem, you did not hurt me (as I have been through far worse) and you certainly did not make me think any less of myself– in fact you empowered me.

You’ve made me stronger, so thank you!

In many ways you are right, your opinion is exactly that – but it’s your form of “fit” that I do not fit into – not mine (or those who love me) You see, this whole industry is in the eye of the beholder – it’s what we choose to get out of the process that matters, it’s all indifferent and perhaps if you removed your rose-colored glasses you would see beauty in all the different shapes and sizes the human body comes in rather then taunting those around you for not having your form of fit.

Those comments set us back, they linger and are a leading cause of so much self doubt and self sabotage and that conversation needs to change, you cannot be teaching children that – in fact, you should be educating yourself because YOUR perception of what “FIT” is needs to change.

FIT is defined as

“in good health”

……especially because of regular physical exercise.

Well, that sounds like me…I mean

I have climbed the CN tower stairs, twice – all 1,776 of them.

I dance, every day for upwards of an hour or two

I lift weights every day

I fuel my body properly; I do not diet or restrict what foods I put into my body (because I am human)

So contrary to an unsolicited opinion on MY body…I AM FIT and here’s the thing- YOU (whoever you were) don’t get to decide –

I have moved past that way of thinking – and I invite you to as well!

I am not an expert. I do not have a flashy background it fitness, I am not a trainer or a nutritionist – but what I do have is life experience, I’ve been through trauma (that I am still healing from) I have demons that I have been so ashamed to face until recently because of fear of judgement from not only strangers but from people who frequent my table. The truth is none of this is easy to talk about, no one wants to stand up and talk about their body in a negative way, or relive their toxic relationships no one wants to risk appearing weak when there is already so much judgment out there, but guess what, we all have pasts, we all have gone through something that has lead us to be who we are today and just because someone has a similar story and lived through similar situations (and survived) doesn’t mean that your story is any less validated, it doesn’t make the experience any less traumatic or hard and it certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to tell it – we tell our stories in hopes that it helps someone so that it shows that we can go through dark times and still rise – we should be encouraging people to read their chapters out loud instead of claiming rights to something that many of us have faced whether its disordered eating, body image, mental health, self sabotage, relationships…and so much more.

My first ever heartbreak had a lot to do with my weight at 21 … I will never forget how I watched a man that I loved fall out of love with me as the number on the scale went up. I was insecure about it but we never talked about it - I never asked the right questions I never asked if he was still attracted to me (as he gained the same “happy” weight I did) I didn’t ask if he was falling out of love with me but up until that point I never struggled with my body image and I believed that the number on the scale didn’t define me – but the truth is, it DID (in my own mind at least) – and in the end he broke up with me. Truthfully, I can pinpoint that to exactly when my negative relationship with my body started. B and I ate out a lot and If we weren’t eating out then I was cooking big meals that were greasy and with portion sizes that were out of control, I thought food solved everything. I gained about 30 “happy pounds” and hit my second puberty. My hips went up 5 sizes, my boobs were out of control and I didn’t recognize the girl I saw in the mirror anymore.

Dating as a chubby girl was seriously depressing so much so that I tried online dating (I know, save the judgment for later) I remember only using pictures of my face and avoiding anything that showed my body – and I ended up meeting this guy and after a few days of us texting we went for a movie (we had a wonderful time and he seemed really into me) but unfortunately on the ride home he pulled over 3 times and PULLED IT OUT…(I am not joking and there is a whole other story to this) anyways – I declined – politely (3 times, once with tears lol) I could tell that his ego was a little hurt. Shortly after he dropped me off at home I got a message from him that said… “you know you’re a lot bigger in person” as if that was the reason he wasn’t going to see me again - (not that he was a total pig) but honestly I was shocked and so embarrassed that someone openly commented on my weight (that wasn’t my grandma) and I wont lie It really hurt my feelings, but I politely reminded him that the weight was something I could easily work off, but he was stuck with a small dick for the rest of his life (lol) and so we never spoke again (until he came across my social media last year and has been creeping ever since!!)

The truth is in that moment I became so desperate to have my old body back - to be able to fit into my old pair of jeans (the “before” him jeans) that I started skipping meals – I lied to my loved ones about what I was putting in my body - I ended up in the hospital - multiple times with stomach pain and exhaustion - I took a leave of absence from work because I was too sick to even get out of bed.

I DID THAT - I starved my body and all I can remember thinking at the time was that it worked, I lost the weight as if it was some miracle. It didn’t change anything- I was still sad, I was still skipping meals and I knew that mentally I was not in a good place and it didn’t help that 6 months after the break up that spiraled all those negative feelings just announced he was getting married. This went on for about a year, where I struggled with disordered eating and my body image - I met matt, at my thinnest and I maintained that as long as I could - fast forward to pregnancy (which turned out the be incredibly unhealthy) I was still starving my body, its really the only pattern I knew and I continued to watch my weight, I didn’t want a repeat of what happened with B, So I limited my calorie intake – But once I realized what I was doing I started eating smaller meals more often, then the portions became larger, and within a few weeks I went from not eating the foods I wanted to eating everything in sight. I would over-eat…and then eat and then eat some more…and in 3 months I gained almost 40lbs (60lbs my total pregnancy), went borderline Diabetic and ended up having a premature birth at 7 months followed by my gallbladder being removed shortly after- great experience, right!

My mentality at that time was “Well my body is changing anyways, may as well enjoy it…”

Or “I’ve already gained this much weight, what’s another few pounds….”

WRONG, wrong, wrong WRONG - that is not a healthy mentality at all and again is a part of that self sabotaging culture that we as women live in.

I wasn’t surprised that 5 years later I still owned 95% of that “baby weight”, I knew I needed to get serious – I put blinders on when it came to my health I was overweight, I was lazy and I lacked motivation to work out and it wasn’t until about a year ago that I actually committed to something that worked for me… (did you catch that… “something that worked for me”, because everyone is different ) Anyways- It certainly didn’t happen overnight, and I had to overcome a lot of personal demons that ended up being bigger then just a negative body image - I had to get raw and admit that in some situations I was the toxic person – that I allowed my circumstances and for that I carried so much guilt.

The point is!

As human beings we need to learn to co-exsist with all of our demons whether its food, weight or body shape or even our mental health – we need to be as patient with ourselves as we are others, mindful of our own feelings, our own needs and we need to cultivate in them. This is why this conversation is so important to me – why I choose to address certain things, why my social media is public- no one but me has the right to narrate my story and so the best I can do is live well, without fear of judgment, comfortable in my skin, in my decisions

- Although I am as open as I can be, I choose to be very conscious about what I post on social media (for a few reasons) - One is simple, my husband has to approve of the content being posted. Out of respect and love for that man who has supported me unconditionally throughout this process, regardless of being 1000% confident in my “now” body, he prefers some things to stay private (in which I totally agree) but the other is because there are people (no scratch that) women out there whose “dream body” is my “then” body – and the words I use to describe how I felt in my own skin during that time can damage someone else’s perception of their dream body, it can become discouraging – But understand this, I know now that my body was actually never the problem. That additional weight I carried, was beautiful. I admit there have been things that I have been insecure about, yes but that was society making me believe that my body didn’t look right, that was social media and marketing saying you are only worthy of real love at a 120lb and everything else is unlovable. That was my own self sabotage that made me believe I wasn’t good enough as is and so I went to drastic measures to try and comply to what society told me beautiful should be and throughout this entire process I wish I would have told myself sooner that being a size 12 did not change my banging personality or my sense of humour and being a size 8 didn’t change my heart, or how I viewed the world and being a size 4 now doesn’t make me any better of a person then I was 10 years ago when I felt my worth was dictated by the number on the scale. I have had to accept that not everyone will see “fit” the same way I do and unfortunately because I have decided to put my life on social media the way I do, I have opened a window for others to form that opinion of me, I have allowed them judge me, to be passive towards me or to even question my character and in some cases those opinions will be voiced but I welcome them and if by chance you are that person who wants to dim my light know this you can’t break me - I am 10000% comfortable and confident in who I am – Broken past, Belly fat, cellulite, saggy boobs and all (Lol)

I will end with this, I will not apologize for “showing off” as I have earned the right to – I will not apologize for over coming the two worst relationships I’ve ever had and will ever have in my life (food and my self worth) – I will not apologize for being my own version of fit even if it doesn’t align with yours and I certainly will not apologize for being who I am.

As far as I am concerned, as long as you are not harming others in any way, live unapologetically in all you do. You don’t need validation from anyone or anything!

#fitness

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season-of-hope · 6 years ago

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Steven Universe; A beginning.

I started watching Steven universe out of.... Borden. I had been burned by CN show’s and didn’t think anything of value could come from it, plus I was much older at the time, as of writing this I’m 27, enough about be tho. How was this series and this SEASON FINAL (yeah they’re not over can you believe that).

At first I thought it was OK. But as the story went on and the messages below the surface became clear I understood how important this series is. I’ve followed it since then and watched it build to this moment. While it will continue onward, There’s thill the movie and season 6, I feel if it ended here I would be satisfied.

So where does all this satisfaction come from, Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll..

SPOILERS BELOW!!!

SERIOUSLY GUYS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT GO NO FURTHER!!!

HERE WE GO

The episode Start’s where we think it left off Steven in the prison that the Diamonds would leave Pink when she misbehaved. Only to realize that this is a dream, Steven once again accessing his mothers memories somehow. It shows us that Pink was always the way we’ve seen her. The dream however reinforces the question that Steven has been haunted by.

Who

Steven has been worried about not being himself, that he is just his mother. This has been shown in how he has tried to shoulder some of her mistakes and make up for them all this series. It’s something that has terrified him. That he could just be his mother or spend his life making up for everything she’s done.

but the dream does give him clarity on how his mother was treated by the Diamonds, and he confronts blue with this. Steven and Connie confront Blue with the fact that the will have a big problem if they don’t leave the tower, that problem being “Death by Starvation”. Blue just thinks it another trick, that Pink is still putting on a show like always, she demands that Steven apologizes.

Steven then does something that makes me feel so proud of him, He says no. He’s not sorry and he’s not going to apologize. Well Blue tries to crush Steven with emotion but he just makes it clear that what he did with Connie, what all the Crystal gems do is perfectly natural.He tells blue that all of this is cruel and that none of this is normal so Blue does the only reasonable thing. She fires an energy ball at Blue. Oh did I say reasonable I meant ABUSIVE.

Steven then points out the obvious, NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL. This is not how a family acts. He confronts Blue with how she manipulated Pinks emotions and treated her so cruelly. This opens up Blues eyes and she sees how failed gem society is. She decides to help them get the gems back go home.

I’m sure Yellow will be just as happy to oblige.

Oh um...

This is probably not the outcome we wanted. But see Yellow and Blue can be seen as abused children under a abusive matriarch. White Diamond expects perfection from them and will potentially harm them if they fail her. Blue is the quite and doting daughter that just goes along with everything were as Yellow is the daughter who tries to meet the authority figures expectations, often out of fear.

Well they Fight and they Fight and they Fight and they Fight until Steven breaks up the fight and Confronts Yellow Diamond On how perfect a society is if it requires all this cruelty. Steven uses the family motto of “If every pork chop were perfect we wouldn’t have hot dogs. This society’s perfections is at the coast of all those hotdogs being thrown away into the trash bin. Bubbled so they don’t ruin everything. Hotdogs like they’re Pink (I think that’s how it goes).

Yellow breaks down in her own tears and Blue is there to help her through this realization.

Now that both of them are on the same page as Steven we need to get the hell outta he....

Ooooooh..... Hi white(pink) pearl. Well it’s just her so maybe we can....

Oh right those can combine. Well it’s a pretty sticky wicket that we’re in until bismuth and the others arrive with the repaired arms, they knock white’s robot for a loop. and show off their new forms.

Rebecca

You WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEB!!!

Blue and Yellow offer to distract white so they can escape but Steven is doesn’t wanna run or fight like his mom. That solved nothing, he wants to try a convince White to just stop all this, or as he puts it; “If we can fix our family we can fix anything”. So we just gotta connivance a tyrant that her way of running things isn’t working. No pressure.

The talking route however does not seem to work. she want’s none of it. she blasts Blue and Yellow. Which, strips them of any free will and turns them into Whites dolls.

That is creepy. Anyway Steven and the others are about to be thrown off and Steven looses hold of the Gems. He jumps down to get them but now he’s falling He needs to think of something so he just.

Fuses with them to bull them out. First with Amythest to get smokey quartz and then with pearl to make.

Rainbow Quartz 2.0. Who is as sassy and gay as he needs to be.

Using the power of rainbows they get to Ruby and Sapphire and make it to ground safly, along with everyone else. He needs Garnet and quick because White is about to stomp them buuuuuu then comes.

Sun Stone. Who is Steven’s idea of what a cool person would be. Awesome.

side note.

New Outfits

Anyway they try to climb but it’s not enough so they All Fuse into

Obsidian. Oh and Connie gets a new sword.

They all rush the Diamond mech with Bismuth Connie Lapis and Peridot running interference but some of them get knocked out so Obsidian decides it’s time to bust out a sword of her own.

A fugjdsklfj;ldsajfeklawfjdskl MAGMA SWORD!!!

ahm, So they cut the arms off and get right to the head. Their forced to defuse but they get in. Okay final boss time. Unfortunately it isn’t much of a fight. White blasts the Gems with her Powers and her she gives her creepy rhetoric. As white diamond she is all colors of the light. All Gems are her some for of imperfect to her. She berets Steven saying he only keeps his friends around because they are imperfect, so he can feel imperfect. She mocks Steven’s very existence, saying he must just be Pink Diamond living inside a human boy. So she forces Pink out. Buy terring out Stevens Gem.

But this is all wrong. Because when Steven’s gem tries to reform. It becomes steven. And it’s angry.

It’s raw power is enough to force White back and Free the others. This is the culmination of Steven’s question. Am I My Mother. He’s not, he’s Steven, he’s had the fortitude to go a make up for his mothers mistakes, But he did this because he chose to do so. Not because he’s Rose trying to make up for everything. It was his choose to got to homeworld, his choose to redeem Gem society, and his choose to not end this the dark way. Gem Steven could end White Diamond if he wanted to but that’s not what Steven wants. And so his power and emotion come back together. In a beautiful scene.

This breaks Diamonds world. She looses control of the others, even Pink Pearl.

Steven offers...

Bit late to the party guys. Steven offers to show her a better way. They head back to earth in the middle of Sadie’s concert. And Lars manages to show up to. Everyone’s happy.

And Steven get’s to accomplish his goal. Curing the corrupted Gems.

All of them

Even Jasper

Who is ready to clobber Steven. Until Amy cools her jets.

Yeah we all have that feeling Jasper. Everything raps up pretty quick here. The Diamonds go home and Steven with his family decide to relax on the.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Not what I saw coming but I really enjoyed it. Rebecca wanted to create a show where we can come to an understanding with each other. where we can accept each others differences and learn to love each other. I’m fin with that, it is a bit rushed with how fast White Diamond turned good but maybe we could see her working though everything. The lesson of not everyone can be redeemed is taught in many other things, it doesn’t have to be here. Or maybe it’s a little down the road. More on that because this isn’t the end. There are some loose thread that can be explored. The zoo needs to be depopulated and returned to earth. Many worlds the gems conquered could need to be restored and then theirs the movie to consider.

Where is this Heart shaped Gem gonna come from.

And that question would lead into

Where did the gems come from anyway?

I look forward to seeing more. I hope all of you are to.

Or heck we could all get tired of it. Who knows

catch you latter.

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