#any time someone tries to say there's a canon batfam timeline i laugh

[horsechestnut]

I don't know how to explain the sheer insanity of comics timelines, so here's my favorite example:

Tim Drake starts his sophomore year. A few months later Stephanie finds out she's 2 months pregnant. About 3 months later No Man's Land starts and lasts a year, during which Steph has her baby. A few months after the end of No Man's Land, Cass makes a deal with Lady Shiva. 11 months later Bruce Wayne is accused of murder and arrested. A month later Cass fights Shiva to the death. Bruce breaks out of prison well Cass still has bruises. Six months later Bruce is still a fugitive.

It's the first day of spring.

Tim Drake is a sophomore.

[x-gotham-rogues]

If Jonathan was to join the Batfamily, how would that work out?

Suddenly, I can’t stop thinking about this idea.

Also, a few thousand words of this post got deleted when I tried to save but my computer froze and decided to say goodbye to all that work. Hours upon hours, wasted. I feel like shit. Just a teensy bit.

Here’s to always writing on Google Docs before copy and pasting on tumblr from now on.

This stuff happens around Year One, so the Batfam is currently only Bruce, Dick and Alfred

Let’s just assume Jonathan gets kidnapped/forcibly adopted into the family by Bruce right before he got to kill anyone because I cannot recall whatever detailed prequel I had written for this idea

All I do remember is that there was some sort of emotional blackmail going on that kept Jonathan from running away and trying to kill someone again

Month by month, Bruce and Dick try to 1) chip at Jonathan’s walls, 2) make sure Jonathan doesn’t find out about them being Batman and Robin, and 3) make Jonathan healthy again because the man looks like he is going to crumble the second he gets poked

Because of the whole ‘forcing Jonathan to stay at Wayne Manor’, Jonathan’s obsession with fear never really gets developed all that much

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still there, he’s just not a crazy mad scientist anymore

BOOKS, however

Everyone, Jonathan Crane’s got a new drug, and it ain’t fear toxin

Wayne Manor’s library is far larger than Keeny Manor’s library

There are so many more subjects, so many more stories, so much more stuff Keeny Manor didn’t have because of the heavy superstition like Edgar Allan Poe, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Oscar Wilde, Shakespeare, etc.

Jon is 1001% addicted

At times, Alfred would have to act like an annoyed parent because Jonathan is just so reluctant to stop reading

Like, where was all this absolute gold when he was a kid!?

Meals are very awkward because Jonathan doesn’t understand people at all, Dick’s still kind of doubtful of Jonathan, and Bruce is also just a tad bit paranoid

But also, whenever Jonathan eats Alfred’s cooking, his eyes light up because as a kid and teen he was fed slop from his great granny, and even as an adult he was rather poor and hardly ate because of his obsession with fear-based revenge, so he appreciates any bit of good food he gets

One morning when he explains to Dick that he’s never eaten bacon before, Dick laughs, takes a look at Jonathan’s face, realises he was being serious and practically drags Jonathan around the whole day eating junk food

Bruce was a bit disappointed at Dick but lets Jonathan finish his ice cream cone

At some point, Bruce decides that if wants to unlock Jonathan’s backstory, he’s going to have to do more research

With Bruce spending more time down at the Batcave doing research and Jonathan still holing up in the library, Dick’s bored as all Hell

That’s... not a good thing

He tries to rope Jonathan into some chaos, but Jonathan’s never been the type to cause mischief

Plus he’s too busy reading

Dick sees that he’s definitely not going to get anywhere trying to get this fully grown adult who might possibly be even older than Bruce to break some shit with him

So he sits down and plays a popular indie game his friends have been recommending to him; a certain game called ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’

(Yes, I am aware this doesn’t fit into the timeline, let a person have some fun)

Bruce couldn’t hear him down in the Batcave, but Jonathan hears Dick’s scream loud and clear

He runs to wherever Dick was playing the game and sees Dick just staring at the screen

Jonathan raises an eyebrow and asks what happened

“The... the power went out... I was so-! 5AM. IT WAS 5AM WHEN THE POWER WENT OUT. THERE WAS PROBABLY LIKE A MINUTE LEFT. I WAS SO CLOSE! ARGGGHHH!”

Gone was the shocked face, replaced with one of unadulterated rage

“Why is Night 4 so hard?! Can’t you have waited one minute Freddy? ONE!?”

Should he... leave? Was Richard talking to him?? What was he supposed to do???

Eventually, Alfred finds Jonathan awkwardly doing nothing and tells him he could go back to the library, but the game was a horror game and he thinks Jonathan may have an interest in it

Jonathan, worried for the sanity of the boy in front of him, agrees to watch him play

Dick tries to rage quit multiple times, but then Jonathan would try his hand at the game and Dick keeps telling him he’s doing something wrong and takes back the controller

In an unexpected turn of events, Jonathan gets super invested in the plot

Soon enough, both Dick and Jonathan are heatedly discussing FNAF’s possible canon, and Dick mentions that there’s more games

Upon this revelation, Jonathan half demands half pleads to play the others and so they do

Sister Location did have some triggers, but Dick helped Jon get through them

Bruce came up from the Batcave to find Dick and Jonathan shouting about someone named ‘Afton’

When Bruce asked about it, he fully expected it to be either one of Dick’s friends or maybe Jonathan’s old coworkers, boy was he wrong

He’s glad the two are getting along (easier to get Jonathan to open up), but now he has to deal with two horror nerds

Yes, Jonathan has converted Dick into a horror junkie

Yes, Dick has converted Jonathan into a game theorist

(I kind of want to give them a YouTube channel but that might be stretching it a bit)

Eventually, Jonathan tells them his entire tragic backstory, including details they didn’t already know, like great granny Keeny’s abuse other than starvation

When Dick privately asks Bruce why he decided to do this in the first place, Bruce confesses that during the first fight between Scarecrow and Batman + Robin, he felt like he and Jonathan were far too similar for his own liking and that seeing someone so similar to him nearly kill drives him just a bit crazy, so he needed to prove to himself that even if he goes down the wrong path he could reform

Jonathan hears this

He’s really mad at first, but just decides he doesn’t have the energy for it (honestly, mood, but relatable) and lets it go

Then simultaneously realises that these two people are Batman and Robin

And smacks himself mentally because just look at their body sizes, their entire dynamic, of-fucking-course they’re Batman and Robin

He doesn’t confront them for a while

But when he does and they ask him how he knows, he says, “You’re just really loud.”

Bruce gets worried about Jon lashing out and Dick is upset because he considers Jon a friend (aww)

But Jonathan just brushes it off like it’s nothing and explains that he’s glad they stopped him early into his criminal career, otherwise he might’ve gone down a road he couldn’t come back from

And that he was glad he got to stay with them and be considered their friend

Bruce gives this tiny smile, Alfred pats Jon on the back and Dick straight-up tackles him into a bone-crushing hug

So Jonathan is now officially in the Batfamily

Dick convinces Bruce to give Jon a costume and teach him to fight

So Gotham gets a new vigilante named Crow

Though his targets always seem to be those who harm children or those who use their money for corrupt purposes

Ending on a happy note! I don’t know what this is, to be honest, but if you did make it to the end, I hope you liked it!