#ans then you're absolutely sure abandonment is happening so you push and push and push away
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Post activity is at the highest at 4:00 pm EDT; notes peak at 10:00 pm EDT.
Text
grips you all by the shoulders i dont know how much longer i can keep doin this man
vent n suicide mention in the tags i ran out of tags so i cant tag it dear lord it's all angst
#just woke up and feel like im dying already#all because of two very dumb factors#ooga booga i have bpd . i am burning from the inside out#i saw a post about bpd saying there are no metaphors to describe it because there is no beauty there is nothing poetic#it's just neverending pain and suffering and knowing you will die by your own hand very soon#and . yeha . no matter how i try to twist it into words that can help others understand while also not making them uncomfortable it doesnt#work#i can tell you it feels like knives are stabbing and dragging down through every inch of my being inside and out but that is still not close#enough !!!!!!!!!!!!!#your brains just . convinced everyone is out to get you#everyones saying shit behind your back and you are hated by every single person you love#and no matter how many time you're reassured you're just pushed deeper and deeper into that belief#n you're also just . so angry#so very angry#furious at yourself most of all but you also hate everyone you love#because they don't love you . they're lying to you .#they say they aren't but no liars want to get caught#ans then you're absolutely sure abandonment is happening so you push and push and push away#maybe you're a piece of shit to them bc then you know they left you bc of that and not because you're you#maybe you bring them too close in an attempt to stop it from happening and it happens anyway and you want to die#and you will die . it's so easy to die with bpd . it takes every fiber of my being to stay in my room rather than going to try and die#it's just batshit . you feel like you're inherently wrong and you dont have a place anywhere#you feel like you're losing your mind when mood swings happen because they will happen and they happen fast#a moments silence from someone you love is disastrous and world ending but on the other side they're just doing a small task#and forgot their phone#and it builds up and up and up and up until you cant mask anymore you cant pretend you're healthy anymore because you're not and then you#lose everyone#ive lost everyone so many times and i dont have many people now so im more or less clawed into them . they cant leave me too#i dunno . i dunno . bpd is so impossible to verbalize it's physically painful and i mean that i really do#you feel it in every part of you and you feel so empty and so alone even if you're not and then you feel nothing
4 notes
·
View notes