#anonymously messaging people trying to get them to voice a stance to be cancelled by one side of freaks or the other

[sinbrook]

Not pro-shipper, not anti-shipper, but a secret, third thing (employed).

[johnrossbowie]

LEAVING TWITTER

I wrote this earlier in the fall, before the election, after dissolving my Twitter account. I wasn’t sure where to put it (“try up your ass!” – someone, I’m sure) and then I remembered I have a tumblr I never use. Anyway, here tis.

How do you shame someone who thinks Trumps’ half-baked policies and quarter-baked messaging put him in the pantheon of great Presidents? How do you shame someone so lacking in introspection that they will call Obama arrogant while praising Trump’s decisiveness and yet at the same time vehemently deny that they’re racist? How do you shame someone for whom that racism is endearing and maybe long overdue?

You don’t. It’s silly to think otherwise.

Twitter is an addiction of mine, and true to form, my dependence on it grew more serious after I quit drinking in 2010. At first it was a chance to mouth off, make jokes both stupid and erudite and occasionally stick my foot in my mouth (I owe New Yorker writer Tad Friend an apology. He knows why, or (God willing) he’s forgotten. Either way. Sorry.) I blew off steam, steam that was accumulating without booze to dampen the flames. Not always constructive venting, but I also met new friends, and connected with people whose work I’ve admired for literal decades and ended up seeing plays with Lin-Manuel Miranda and hanging backstage with Jane Wiedlin after a Go-Go’s show and exchanging sober thoughts with Mike Doughty. When my mom passed in 2018, a lot of people reached out to tell me they were thinking of me. This was nice. For a while, Twitter was a huge help when I needed it.

I used to hate going to parties and really hated dancing and mingling, but a couple of drinks would fix that. Point is, for a while, booze was a huge help, too.

But my engagement with Twitter changed, and I started calling people my ‘friends’ even though I’d never once met them or even heard their voices. These weren’t even penpals, these were people whose jokes or stances I enjoyed, so with Arthurian benevolence I clicked on a little heart icon, liked their tweet, and assumed therefore that we had signed some sort of blood oath.

We had not. I got glib, and cheap, and a little lazy. And then to make matters much worse, Trump came along and extended his reach with the medium.

There was a while there where I thought I could be a sort of voice for the voiceless, and I thought I was doing that. I tried very hard to only contribute things that I felt were not being said – It wasn’t accomplishing anything to notice “Haha Trump looks like he’s bullshitting his way through an oral report” – such things were self-evident. I tried to point out very specific inconsistencies in his policies, like the Muslim ban meant to curb terrorism that still favored the country that brought forth 13 of the 9/11 hijackers. Like his full-throated cries against media bias performed while he suckled at Roger Ailes’ wrinkly teat.  Like his fondness for evangelical votes that coincided with a scriptural knowledge that lagged far behind mine, even though I’m a lapsed Episcopalian, and there is no one less religiously observant than a lapsed Episcopalian. But that eventually gave way to unleashing ad hominem attacks against his higher profile supporters, who I felt weren’t being questioned enough, who I felt were in turn being fawned over by theirdim supporters. If you’re one of these guys, and you think I’m talking about you, you’re probably right, but don’t mistake this for an apology. You suck, and you support someone who sucks, and your idolatry is hurting our country and its standing in the world. Fuck you entirely, but that’s not the point. The point is that me screaming into the toilet of Twitter helps no one – it doesn’t help a family stuck at the border because they’re trying to secure a better life for their kids. It doesn’t help a poor teenager who can’t get an abortion because the party of ‘small government’ has squeezed their tiny jurisdiction into her uterus. It doesn’t help the coal miner who’s staking all his hopes on a dying industry and a President’s empty promises to resurrect it. I was born in New York City, and I currently live in Los Angeles. Those are the only two places I’ve ever lived, if you don’t count the 4 years I spent in Ithaca[1]. So, yes, I live in a liberal bubble, and while I’ve driven across the country a couple of times and did a few weeks in a touring band and am as crushed as any heartlander about the demise of Waffle House, you have me dead to rights if you call me a coastal elitist. And with that in mind, I offer few surprises. A guy who grew up in the theater district and was vehemently opposed to same-sex marriage or felt you should own an AR-15? THAT would be newsworthy. I am not newsworthy. I can preach to the choir, I can confirm people’s biases, but I will likely not sway anyone who is eager to dismiss a Native New Yorker who lives in Hollywood. I grew up in the New York of the 1970s, and that part of my identity did shape my politics. My mom’s boss was gay and the Son of Sam posed a realistic threat. As such, gays are job creators[2] and guns are used for homicide much more often than they are used for self-defense[3]. I have found this to be generally true over the years, and there’s even data to back it up.

“But Mr. Bowie,” you might say, though I insist you call me John - “those studies are conducted by elitist institutions and those institutions suck!” And again, I am not going to reason with people who will dismiss anything that doesn’t fit their limited world view as elitist or, God Help Us, fake news. But the studies above are peer-reviewed, convincing, and there are more where those came from.

“But John,” you might say, and I am soothed that we’re one a first name basis - “Can’t you just stay on Twitter for the jokes?” Ugh. A) apparently not and B) the jokes are few and far between, and I am 100% part of that problem.

I have stuff to offer, but Twitter is not the place from which to offer it.

After years of academically understanding that Twitter is not the real world, Super Tuesday 2020 made the abstract pretty fucking concrete. If you had looked at my feed on the Monday beforehand – my feed which is admittedly curated towards the left, but not monolithic (Hi, Rich Lowry!) – you’d have felt that a solid Bernie surge was imminent, but also that your candidate was going surprise her more vocal critics. When the Biden sweep swept, when Bernie was diminished and when Warren was defeated, I realized that Twitter is not only not the real world, it’s almost some sort of Phillip K. Dickian alternate timeline, untethered to anything we’re actually experiencing in our day to day life. This is both good news and bad news – one, we’re not heading towards a utopia of single payer health care and the eradication of American medical debt any time soon, but two, we’re also not being increasingly governed by diaper-clad jungen like Charlie Kirk. Clouds and their linings. Leaving Twitter may look like ceding ground to the assclowns but get this – the ground. Is not. There.

It’s just air.

There are tangible things I can do with my time - volunteer with a local organization called Food On Foot, who provide food and job training for people experiencing homelessness here in my adopted Los Angeles. I can give money to candidates and causes I support, and I can occasionally even drop by social media to boost a project or an issue and then vanish, like a sort of Caucasian Zorro who doesn’t read his mentions. I can also model good behavior for my kids (ages 10 and 13) who don’t need to see their father glued to his phone, arguing about Trumps incompetence with Constitutional scholars who have a misspelled Bible verse in their bio (three s’ in Ecclesiastes, folks).

So farewell Twitter. I’ll miss a lot of you. Perhaps not as badly as I miss Simon Maloy and Roger Ebert and Harris Wittels and others whose deaths created an unfillable void on the platform. But I won’t miss the yelling, and the lionization of poor grammar, and anonymous trolls telling my Jewish friends that they were gonna leave the country “via chimney.” I will not miss people who think Trump is a stable genius calling me a “fucktard.” I will not miss transphobia or cancelling but I will miss hashtag games, particularly my stellar work during #mypunkmusical (Probably should have quit after that surge, I was on fire that night, real blaze of glory stuff I mean, Christ, Sunday in the Park with the Germs? Husker Du I Hear A Waltz? Fiddler on the Roof (keeping an eye out for the cops)? These are Pulitzer contenders.). Twitter makes me feel lousy, even when I’m right, and I’m often right. There’s just no point in barking bumperstickers at each other, and there are people who are speaking truth to power and doing a cleaner job of it – Aaron Rupar, Steven Pasquale, Louise Mensch, Imani Gandy and Ijeoma Oluo to name five solid mostly politically based accounts (Yes, Pasquale is a Broadway tenor. He’s also a tenacious lefty with good points and research and a dreamy voice. You think you’re straight and then you hear him sing anything from Bridges of Madison County and you want him to spoon you.). You’re probably already following those mentioned, but on the off chance you’re not, get to it. You’ll thank me, but you won’t be able to unless you actually have my email.

_______

[1] And Jesus, that’s worse – Ithaca is such a lefty enclave that they had an actual socialist mayor FOR WHOM I VOTED while I was there. And not socialist the way some people think all Democrats are socialist – I mean Ben Nichols actually ran on the socialist ticket and was re-elected twice for a total of six years.

[2] The National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, “America’s LGBT Economy” Jan 20th, 2017

[3] The Violence Policy Institute, Firearm Justifiable Homicides and Non-Fatal Self Defense Gun Use, July 2019.

[mavmax]

Doomsday | Self-Para

When: Last Thursday 

Where: Around Santa Monica

Warnings: Panic Attack (no it wasn’t Maverick. DON’T COME FOR ME) 

Featuring: Lexa Maxwell 

6am - 7am

Thursday started out like every other. Wake up at 6am, head to the gym, workout, head home, hit the showers, and eat breakfast watching TikTok while the news plays quietly in the background. Normally, he didn’t pay attention to the news but his parents, especially his dad was particularly on his ass about hearing about Maxwell Energy’s stock spiking again. With that money, he could use that to anonymously fund his favorite pizzeria. The cogs in his head were slowly beginning to turn as he took another bite of his honey nut cheerios. 

8am - 12pm 

A fifteen minute drive to UCLA from Pico wasn’t bad around this time of day. Time passed by while listening to his favorite radio show, the talkshow hosts roasting each other and egging on Gossip God as today was the infamous Thirsty Ask Thursday. Many residents of Santa Monica sat at the edge of their seats, but Maverick, personally didn’t care what was said about him. Even the worst of rumors, he’d taken head on with a smile on his face...much to his sisters’ chagrin. 

Arriving to class on time was a bonus at least. Sliding into his seat and his glasses resting on his nose. He had zoned out a few times while taking notes, mostly thinking about the weekend. Basketball game Friday, hang out with the boys Friday night. Mom’s chemo was Saturday morning, followed by Maxwell Energy’s congratulatory luncheon for Lexa’s first year as CEO. He had bugged Lexa earlier about throwing a party but she fought back saying she wasn’t going to brag in the middle of a crisis--whatever the hell that meant. Sunday was meant for relaxing, although knowing his parents it would mean brunch with the family before he could actually relax. It was a lot. 

The hours seemed to have droned on until his final class from 11-12:30pm, except there was more bustling in the class than usual. Everyone had their laptops out, one side taking notes, the other side anxiously waiting for none other than Gossip God to make his weekly appearance on The Santa Monica Times page. Maverick remained focus on his notes until the green circle began to appear on the right side of everyone’s laptops signifying that Gossip God had been awakened. 

There were occasional whispers among students while the professor attempted to teach the best she could, knowing that people would be more focused on gossip than the actual class. Maverick gave his professor props for holding it together, which is why he was hyper-focused on his work until someone nudged him to look on the right hand side on his screen when he suddenly saw pictures of Eric and Soo-Yun plastered all over the site. He could feel his heart drop to the very bit of his stomach. 

“Eh, it’s fair game,” Mav whispered with a pout. Everyone around him was rather shocked at his reaction. Not at the fact that he was pouting, but the fact that he wasn’t seething. Raging. Incredibly angry, hurt. Instead, it was just a pout. Like a kid not getting his way at the store because his mom said no. It was simply that. 

1pm

Maverick was headed home after grabbing some lunch on the way when his favorite radio station was reporting Gossip God’s Thirsty Ask Thursday posts that were coming up. Some were comical, others were...not. He hoped those people were thick skinned or had one hell of a support system for the shit that was being said. Before he was headed to the exit, his phone began to ring. It was Flo, Lexa’s receptionist. 

“Talk to me,” Maverick responded with a smile. 

“Mr. Maxwell--I mean--M-Maverick, I-I’m sorry to interrupt you right now, but is there a possibility you can come to the office right now?” Her voice was in a hushed whisper. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” He asked. 

“Well, um...Miss Maxwell...she--” She trailed off when there was the sound of a loud thud. 

“Oh. Say no more. I’m on my way,” Mav added. 

“Thank you, please hurry!” She quickly said before hanging up. 

Maverick shook his head. He saw this coming a mile away but he had to have a stubborn ass big sister. He had to go in as carefully as he could otherwise he’d probably lose his own head. He shot a text to Izzy to keep her in the loop about everything and warned her to stay her ass off any social media for the next 48 hours with how everything was going. 

1:30pm

As he made his way into the office, he practically bounced in, already clearly having gotten over the ordeal that one of his best friends was messing around with his crush, but it was what it was. He was attractive, he was smart, and athletic, he wasn’t going to dwell on that shit and get all bent out of shape, for what? Lexa on the other hand...it went deep for her. She and Eric had this special bond, but...it looks like she was too late, or maybe he wasn’t into her like that and she misread it. On the upside, their dad wasn’t in because it was their mom’s doctor appointment and Lexa’s floor was just her and Flo. Flo wasn’t a snitch, thank god. 

Flo’s face brightened up. 

“Maverick, how great of you to have made it! Miss Maxwell’s right this way,” She said quickly. 

“How’s she doing?” He asked curiously, trying his best to peek through the blinds, to no avail. 

“Between being worried about your mother and...whatever was said on Gossip God, badly,” She said with a soft sigh. After Lexa’s revelation, he promised to keep it a secret, but one thing he knew was that this was Lexa’s mania acting up.

“Don’t worry about it. The whole thing’s been pretty stressful, I think Lexa’s just taking on too much, you know?” He added. “Are there any meetings that she needs to attend?” He asked curiously. 

Flo looked at her screen and then said, “She’s got a 2:30 and a 4pm. Shall I cancel those for her?” 

“I’ll go on her behalf. She’ll have the rest of the day off and tomorrow as well,” He reassured the woman with a smile. Flo nodded, seeming to relax at his reassurance. 

He entered his sister’s office to see her with her head down and her phone with a spider-webbed crack. He sighed, shaking his head. 

“Lex,” He began carefully. “Hey,” He nudged her and watched as she lifted her head, mascara streaming down her face. 

“It hurt that much, didn’t it?” 

She shrugged, going to reach for tissues to wipe her eyes. 

“I thought I could keep it together with mom and work, then this happened and I couldn’t control the surge of emotion,” She sighed. 

“You need a break,” Mav began before Lexa interrupted him with,

“I need to get through the rest of these meetings.” 

“Alexandra. You need a break before you implode on yourself. Sometimes all great leaders need a break. You’ve busted ass this past year. You deserve it,” He said with a wry grin. Lexa glared at Mav for a moment before relenting. 

“You need a hug?” He offered

“No,” She said with a grin. “But thank you, Maverick. I do need a break. I also need wine.” 

“Is it about-” 

“We’re not going to even mention it.” 

“Bet.” 

5pm-7pm

Maverick playing boss for the day was weird. Sure, he knew everything that parents and Lexa had taught him, but it was always weird to sit there and talk to these hot shots and watch them all look at him up and down, surprised to hear him knowing his shit. Hell, it was exhausting. He couldn’t even imagine how Lexa dealt with that shit as a woman. 

Finally, he made it home, crashed on his bed as his phone began to blow up between Gossip God alerts and friends reaching out to ask him if he was okay. Frankly, he was fine, despite taking a bit of an L, but you win some and you lose some. After ordering pizza because of the lack of willpower to cook, he scrolled watching some horrible pieces of gossip rolling in about his hyungie, Sunwoo and his friends Kian and Jae-Sang. 

“Jesus, GG, can you let up on those three for once?” He mumbled to himself. 

To add insult to injury, Ivy, his friend AJ’s sister was also heavily involved, they even threw in AJ and Lydia as well. This Thursday was particularly brutal for a lot of people. All he could hope was that everyone was okay. He wasn’t going to message anyone seeing as how, it was bad enough that their business was aired out for all of Santa Monica to see, but he did want to let everyone know that he would be supportive for them and so, he took to twitter to make known his stance. 

@MavMax: My friends names must be candy to @gossipgod, but beware bc those names will rot those pearly whites of yours. 

@MavMax: My money’s on Jae-Sang & Kian to whoop @gossipgod #JustSaying 

@MavMax: Shout out to the realest ones out here hustling. @gossipgod’s just jealous for wasting his youth on talking shit about his peers. 

@MavMax: RT:@AJSiciliani: “All talk no action” @gossipgod 

And with that, Maverick left his phone off to the side and tuned into Netflix to watch Bridgerton, and finish up his homework for the rest of the week. 

[pickledchickenetti]

So I’ve had something on my mind for the last week or two that I’ve been trying to figure out how to best start a post about and coming up short. We all know that I have a tendency to be long-winded, and some of this post is going to be stream of consciousness, at least moreso than my usual longer posts, which I usually wait to start until I have a pretty solid idea of what I want to say and how I want to say it. I may go back and edit this some at the end, I may not, probably depends on how it comes out. (Edited at the end to add: I’m not editing anything. It’s long and I’m not expecting anyone to force themselves through it, but thanks to those who do!) Since this is partially me using my blog as a place to ruminate on some things, I’m going to put it under a read more for those who don’t want to have it clogging up their dashboard. 

Lately I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings regarding social media and what voices and mindsets I allow to be a part of my everyday life. I put a lot of effort into carefully treading the line between taking unnecessary negativity out of my social media feeds and creating an echo chamber where I only see people who agree with me. Most of the time, the decision comes down to the tone and intent. If someone is consistently rude, angry, or condescending, with very little useful contribution to any conversation I unfollow them. This applies to people on Facebook who constantly use slurs, post hateful things about people with opposing beliefs or political stances (even if I generally agree with that person’s beliefs or stances) with little attention to facts, and it also applies to people here are just needlessly rude with no real contributions to the overall conversation. 

The older I get, the more I find choosing kindness to be a priority in my life. I’m not perfect; I fully admit there are still times when I’m rude or condescending. Sometimes this is an accident, and unfortunately sometimes it isn’t. I don’t like this, and I try especially hard not to be intentionally condescending. Kindness is a choice, and progress takes time. 

As I’m sure most of you know, I am often very critical of @kristagay‘s posts. I still stand by many, possibly even most, of the opinions I’ve shared. Kindness is important to me, but it’s also important to me to not let other people’s hurtful words or actions go unchecked when I have the ability to say/do something. (This applies to everyone in my radar, not just Krista.) I have very strong opinions on a number of subjects, but it’s especially important to me to speak up in defense of others in the LGBTQA community as that’s a community I belong to and those struggles are more personal to me. 

A little while back, I got a string of anons (many were answered, some were deleted) that made it seem like someone was trying to create some sort of feud between me and Krista. As I said in one of the posts at that time, I was under no illusion that Krista was reading any of my posts that didn’t tag her directly, and had no interest in any sort of feud. Krista does not follow me, and in general does not seem to interact much on Tumblr beyond asks to her and posts she is directly tagged in (or reblogs/comments on her posts of course). I would likely be the same way if I stumbled onto a community of people discussing every little detail of people I was friends with in real life. I would want to set the record straight and defend my friends while also respecting their privacy, and as a result I doubt I’d interact much anyway. I respect her choice to not discuss them at all, even the things seen on TV, and hope she will continue to make that choice no matter how annoying people asking her for info might get. (And to Pickles and anyone else who has crossed the line and sent her intentionally inflammatory messages/questions about the Duggars or hate for the sake of hate, please kindly delete your accounts and learn how to interact with actual humans in a respectful way.) 

When I got the string of anons asking me about Krista, I took a step back and tried to objectively examine why I followed Krista, why I continued to devote energy in responding to her posts, and if it was worth my time and emotional energy to continue doing so. The difference I found between Krista’s posts, which do often frustrate me, and posts from others who I have chosen to unfollow and/or block is the intent and context behind the posts. 

At the end of the day, Krista and I are very similar. We were both raised in very conservative families/churches, who had different plans for us than the lives we’ve chosen to pursue. We’ve both come to believe differently about God than the churches we were raised in. And we both know what it’s like to have to keep up appearances, especially online, in order to not destroy (or majorly hurt) relationships with people in our lives offline who it’s still important to maintain a relationship with. 

There are a couple big differences between us. First of all, I’m gay. I came to believe differently than the church I was raised in largely because I’ve had to just to be who I am and not feel depressed and suicidal all the time. When you grow up gay in a conservative family, life gives you two choices: shut off who you are and spend your life convincing yourself you are who you were told you were supposed to be or do major amounts of soul-searching to figure out who you are and how to accept yourself. When you’re already evaluating one major aspect of who you are and what you believe it becomes nearly impossible to not do that same evaluation on the other beliefs you were raised in. Because of this process, I’ve come to see a lot of hypocrisy and downright lies in the belief system I was raised in. This has pushed me into developing a pretty strong set of opinions, beliefs, and political stances that stand in stark contrast to my family and lifelong family friends. 

As a cisgendered straight woman, Krista did not have this huge thing forcing her to do major soul-searching. Despite this, she has done soul-searching, and seems to still be doing it. (It’s really a lifelong process, after all.) She has stepped out into a world that she likely didn’t consider being able to live in as a little girl. She’s pursued an educational and career path that’s impressive for even women who were raised being encouraged to focus on education, so for someone in her church and belief system to get to where she is is monumental, and for that I applaud her. So while I definitely disagree with her beliefs on a number of subjects, and will continue to say so (with thoughtful responses, not just complaints) when I feel her posts call for it, I am doing my best to remember that no one was born perfect, and she is still learning just as much as the rest of us are. I’ve said many times that I really do believe her intentions are good, and I stand by that belief. She’s learning. She’s trying. She may be one of the more conservative voices in our tumblr community, but many of us have admitted we used to be worse than we are now, and she’s come a long way from who she once was too. 

The other big difference between us, at least as far as tumblr goes, is that she has chosen to attach her name and face to her posts on here, and I have not. Many of you know who I am, follow me elsewhere, etc. That doesn’t change the fact that publicly, all you see is a food-based username and (currently) a photo of Jana Duggar on a boat. I share my first name, my age, and my general location. While someone who knew me offline could likely piece together my identity if they paid enough attention, I am careful to not overly-identify myself. This relative anonymity grants me the privilege of speaking freely online without worrying about offline consequences. Krista has not granted herself that same anonymity. I’m honestly a little embarrassed that I had never considered before the fact that she likely does not feel she can speak freely on Tumblr. I am very careful what I post on my other social media platforms. When my name and face are attached, I pretty much never mention LGBTQA issues for fear of outing myself and losing family members I’m not ready to lose. I don’t post about the abuses found in many Baptist churches or the lasting harmful effects I feel from my overly-religious childhood. This is partially to avoid a can of worms with a widespread ripple effect and partially out of respect for my parents and their desire to not have to defend me for believing things they don’t even agree with themselves. For Krista, the things she says here can and likely do affect her life offline, and it’s something that’s important to keep in mind when reading her posts. 

I don’t say all of this to say that Krista gets a pass for hurtful things she says. We all are still accountable for the things we say, and she has chosen to put herself in the position of having to choose between saying things that will hurt her offline life, censoring herself, or staying silent. There are topics I still wish she would just address openly or not at all. But at the end of the day, she has the same right to censor herself here as I do elsewhere, and I will be trying to keep that in mind going forward. When interacting with her privately, she’s only ever proven herself to be kind and open to hearing what I have to say. In the future, I may give her the same respect I often give my offline friends where I just send her a DM to clarify her intent of a seemingly rude or hateful post instead of just calling her out publicly. We’re all learning, Krista included. 

Social media, especially Tumblr, has given in to a dangerous mindset that’s often referred to as “cancel culture”. There are times when it is absolutely the right choice to “cancel” someone. Like I said at the beginning of my post, we have the right to choose what voices to allow into our feeds. We should all take advantage of that right and do what’s best for our mental health. I just think we should also be more mindful of context and intent when deciding whether or not to “cancel” someone. We all say we want young girls (and boys) in fundie communities to get out of that lifestyle and find better beliefs, but getting out doesn’t happen overnight. Many of us have the benefit of getting here after shedding many of our toxic beliefs. For those who aren’t there yet, I hope we will just remember to choose kindness and respect and do our best to be open to educating them without being hateful or derogatory.