#anonnn i don't have much time but i hope what i wrote makes sense

[theharrowing]

Omg!! I'm the Blue Boy anon (the one that reread it for 3 times!!). I'm so glad you replied hehe. If you don't mind, I want to share my thoughts and insights:

1. After re reading Boy Blue, I wonder if Tae's jealousy (on y/n's refusal to tell him the truth about her first kiss w/yoongi) was real or not. On my 2nd read, I was so sure it was planned but on my 3rd, I'm not so sure anymore since Tae's goal imo is to trap y/n in his (and whoever else is his cronies') life

2. I am convinced that y/n having her phone back is 100% planned. I just KNEW in my heart something was wrong the first time I read it; like aint no way the guy with intense posessiveness can just.... give y/n's phone back

3. Yoongi's depressed episodes after running away with y/n must be his erraticness / anxiety being separated from Tae. I just can't see it any other way, and I am convinced jimin and jhope is on it, maybe on different levels than yoongi but i KNOW these bitched sus af.

4. I love how all the smut scenes with y/n has this aura of almost anxiety. Like just the way you write it; idk how to explain it. On the other hand, sex scenes in Collateral is a relief like- it's almost calming (?) Despite the mafia life because yoongi and namjoon are tender and soft and sweet and loyal (also jk!). Idk how you did it but every sex scenes in boy blue made me feel like y/n is walking towards doom (and was i right!)

5. I hope i dont over analyze it too much, but I think at some point I understood why y/n is tae's "target". I think it was when she felt very down and sort of reflected on herself that she didnt really have anyone else, except for Tae. I just felt that... y/n is also the type of person that could easily be lured in / trapped in someone's world--she was fine with JK and her 1 (one) best friend. I feel pity but also this sense of inevitableness on her part. Idk if its intentional but I sense it that way.

I AM SO SORRY I ENDED UP WRITING TOO MUCH. YOU DONT HAVE TO RESPONSE TO ALL THESE POINTS I JUST WANT TO SHARE!!

Fun question: did y/n ever had a chance against Tae and people like Tae? I have a gut feeling that she'd probably end up in similar situations, with varying degrees (ie having a controlling partner)

ANONNN HELLO HELLO HELLO WELCOME BACK!!! 😍💙🥰

going to tuck this under a read more because of spoilers hehe.

1. the "jealousy" of mc liking Yoongi is meant to feel hard to determine and, when i wrote the scenes, i imagined Taehyung was jealous often. because he wanted to have more control over the situation. like, Yoongi making a move was definitely planned, but Taehyung keeping the screen grabs from the recordings of them in the hallways was a sign of his jealousy, in part because he couldn't see what really happened. he would have been less angry if they had kissed on camera where he could judge every little detail about it, you know?

2. Taehyung definitely found a way to break her screen, and he absolutely gave it back to her with software on it to track what she was doing. this was even before Yoongi was in the picture at all, like he was already being really possessive.

3. you're right about Yoongi's erratic behavior, but Hoseok and Jimin are completely innocent!!! they didn't know Taehyung before and Yoongi wouldn't have been able to confide about someone like him. even he at least has the moral compass to know that they would be too kind to accept a man like Taehyung. when Yoongi is not really around in the final chapter, he's with Taehyung, making sure he's ok, etc. and this is part of why Yoongi more or less allows mc to confide in/get close to Hoseok. i imagine a part of him even wants her to choose Hoseok because it allows a clean break to happen where Yoongi doesn't see her continue to get hurt and he and Taehyung can keep each other all to themselves (until White Lies, of course, hehe.) Yoongi saw mc absolutely lose her shit in the basement, and there is a part of him that actually does feel really bad about it.

4. the smut scenes with Taehyung absolutely have a sense of anxiety. there's even one scene (maybe the second time they have sex?) where mc is overwhelmed and telling him to stop and he doesn't. and i don't know how many people picked up on that, but i think only one or two people have commented on it. i'm glad the collateral smut scenes don't feel the same way (maybe with the exception of chapter 20 haha) i want them to feel comforting and happy.

part of the boy blue smut scenes that i really tried to nail home without coming out and saying it, was that Taehyung had spent so much time watching how Jungkook fucked her that he was able to perform exactly the way she likes. so, for that reason alone, it should feel uncomfortable, because he should not know exactly what she likes. usually, people enjoy discovering that together and he is just going in and doing it exactly to her specifications.

5. Taehyung definitely went after mc because she was vulnerable and naïve. and also kind of to fuck with Jungkook (Seokjin's little brother.)

i think that if boy blue mc had never met Taehyung, she would not have ended up in such a shit situation. she was already on her way to reading red flags of behavior she found intolerable (Jungkook being jealous) and if she had ended up fucking around with Hana sooner, their fight probably would have never happened (but maybe Hana would have found some other reason to be angry with her, idk.) she was kind of just stuck in the unfortunate circumstance of thinking Taehyung was a good guy because she was not yet over how much the relationship with Jungkook began to wear her down. and it took her too long to realize what Taehyung was up to because he had been studying her for so long that he was able to remain several steps ahead.

but idk, she was naïve and inexperienced, but i hate to say "she would have been in a shitty situation regardless" even about a fictional character because it feels like victim blaming, you know? like, Taehyung was just too advanced in his games but nobody else would have been able to get away with what he did, if that makes sense.

okay haha i have also once again written too much, but i hope this helps!!!! feel free to keep the conversation going if you have more questions/comments!!!

[btsrabbithole]

Hello Dear~!! Newark was great!! I wish I went to the Sat. one but Friday was still wonderful!! I met so many armys. I wish I was able to sit with the friends I made while standing in line. It was definitely lonely watching alone. My flight was delayed two hours so by the time I reached BTS studio, they cut the line off. 1/13

It’s okay!! I am ot7 anyway. If I got a pic of me and Jin I would then feel sad that I didn’t get one with the other 6. After they closed the BTS line, I ran to line where you can take a picture with the HUGE LY banner and that had all 7 of them :). A lot of the armys dressed up. My favorite was a girl wearing a wedding veil, another girl made a Yeontan headband (it looked legit), there was a girl with a bts military jacket, and there were two girls who had a tshirts. One tee had “I like Hamburgers” with a pic of a hamburger and the other tee had “And SPRITE!!!!” with sprite cans. There was a group of boys with HOLO bts shirts too. There were so many armys handing out free things and their artwork. It was a great and positive atmosphere. Honestly the army was the highlight of the concert. The energy, love, and kindness of the army was EVERYTHING. My Ticket I bought worked (YASS). The food was so expensive. I paid $5 for gatorade.The tickets I bought was for wheelchair (I made sure to ask the venue if that was alright). In a way I am glad. Despite having seated seats, everyone was standing. WC is a bit raised so I could enjoy the show without having the need to stand (25yrs and standing for 5+hrs doesn’t mix). But I really couldn’t get wild. I really wish I was able to sit with the people I met.I sat next to a mom who bought her excited daughter. She was so supportive of her daughter’s love for BTS - Tae and Jin are her moms bias. I also sat next to a much older women (60s) from South Carolina. She and her husband drove for 10 hours. V was her bias. She was so cute. She had a really sexy pic of V as her Lockscreen. She recorded everytime Tae was on screen and giggled. It was a great show. I couldn’t stop staring at the screen. I had to keep reminding myself to look at the stage to see the boys. I saw JK and Joon doing the shoot, Taejin love, Jimin standing the corners of the stage, Hobi JUMPING, and Yoongi tripping while singing SEESAW. I forgot all about the fact that I was gonna hear Seesaw. After the Yoonjin VCR, I was so excited to hear Epiphany live (I was saving my voice for this) but then Seesaw started and I LOST MY MIND. Seesaw is my favorite song and it didn’t occur to me at all that I was gonna finally hear it. It was wonderful. Perfect. Extraordinary. I can’t believe I heard Seesaw. I HEARD IT LIVE. After Yoongi finished, the room became very quiet. All of the Sudden I screamed “KIM SEOKJIN!!!” as loud as I could and then 10 secs later other people started it too and then the entire stadium. I heard the high note. Wow. I heard that. After Joon’s Trivia, they perform their old songs for 15 mins. That was my favorite part. I advise you eat a HEAVY breakfast. There is so much to do (like meeting other armys) so try to get their moderately early. Bring a bottle of water and stay hydrated. Once you’re inside you can use the restroom and completely empty your bladder. Bring cough drops I made sure to pop one in after every 3 songs. It gets really loud so maybe earplugs to protect your ears. Be prepared to stand the entire time. I tried not to record much and just focused on them. half way through though it’s hard not to record. I would bring a phone stand with a bendy arm. That way you can clip it your seat can it can record when you want to but you don’t have to focus on holding a phone. I tried to record the general atmosphere of the arena or the stage instead of zooming in on the boys. My iphone will never take as good of a pic as someone in the pit or a fancam. Like I didn’t bother recording Jk’s and Joon’s shoot cause I know someone wil post a better video and I just want be in the moment. I hope you enjoy Amsterdam!!! I really liked the experience. I hope that by the next concert, I have a army friend or friends that I could go with. Make sure to print your ticket and keep it safe. There are a LOT of scalpers in the crowd.    

Anon!!! Sorry for replying so late, but I just had a couple of super busy days and I wanted to be sure I read everything you wrote thoroughly. A 13-part ask.. well that’s a first 😝!! But thank you for sharing your experience! It sounds like you had the best time ever. The armys you met sound so cute, and the one in her 60s with a sexy Taehyung as her lockscreen made me giggle (BIG MOOD). As for your description of the concert.. I got the chiils! I can’t believe I’m about to experience it myself in 10 days. 10 days!!!! Ah!!! And yes, I so know I’m gonna die during the Seesaw-Epiphany combo as well. Who allowed it?? I can’t believe I’m seeing Min Yoongi and his lil dance with my own two eyes, and I’m listening to Kim Seokjin powerful voice with my own two ears (and btw, thank you for hyping him up.. it’s what she deserves). I also know I’m gonna ascend to another dimension after Singularity, and I don’t know how I’m gonna survive Tear… I won’t… I can’t even think about it without getting overwhelmed. Regarding all of you advices, thank you so much!! I actually got a General Admission ticket, so I’m gonna be in the pit (even if I’m 25 as well.. so help me god), but I’ll for sure try a couple of the things you suggested. And yes, I agree that filming the whole thing is not worth it.. we see them through our screens all the time, if for once we can see the real deal we should not waste our chance. I sincerely hope the people ahead of me decide not to film all the time, I’m pretty tall but I don’t want to see the concert through somebody else’s phone! In general I hope I’ll survive the pit.. I’m gonna be alone too because the friend I’m going with has a seating ticket.. and I really don’t wanna go line up too early.. so pray for me lol. Anyways, thank you again for sharing all of this!! If possible it got me even more excited for Amsterdam. -10!!!! 😭😭😭