#anger is probably the Only feeling I've ever felt like. raw. burning. etc | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pathofelation · 7 months ago

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i keep remembering i'll be going into emergency medicine and i am filled with both so much joy and so much fear. like.. woah dude.. i was not expecting to get this far. you mean i'm really gonna do that? you mean i am given the privilege to help people like that? you mean i am given the chance to be in a position to serve my community and the people around me in such a tangible way? you mean the kid i never got to be would be happy to see me now? like woah.. hey there.. let me sit down for a second that's a lot.

ignore the essay i wrote in the tags. it's a night /humorous

#personal #<- might start tagging these. ok to rb/like/reply/etc it's mostly for me or filtering haha #going through a Lot right now #and. it's weird #i usually don't feel much. at all #my feelings have always been super duper diluted. especially positive ones.#anger is probably the Only feeling I've ever felt like. raw. burning. etc #hope is such a weird feeling #like. it's dull. but it's there #i don't think i have ever felt happy. like in a “my brain literally does not have the capacity for it” way #but i think this is the closest i have ever gotten #when i reflect on where i came vs where im going #its weird #you mean.. there's life after surviving??#nuts.#and it's like. weird. because i should be really really sad right now #for personal reasons #but it's like.#i don't know #it's weird #everything's kind of numb but not really in a bad way. per usual. but it feels like there's a glimmer of something different #you spend you're whole life in a dark tunnel waiting to see the light that you start to wonder if it's even real #if “light” is just some made up story. like the ones parents tell their kids to get them go ready easy at night #but you trudge forward despite for it. because if light is not real #then #well #maybe the concept of light itself is real enough as is #through the pursuit of happiness you will find happiness #sorry idk why im so. poetic tonight im kinda having a moment #tl;dr I've spent my whole life expecting to die imminently and I'm shocked to see that things can‚ do‚ and are getting better

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