#and I know they're not gonna get into it becuase it's a show with limited screen time and her arc is VERY CLEARLY PATHED OUT

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

I need you all to know that I’m considering A Little Too Deeply the fact that Cynthia is the only pink lady whose family we haven’t met? Like we know more about the t-birds families than hers (and most of the soc’s families tbh)

Her house may have been the one we’ve spent the most time in (other than jane’s) and her family is NEVER there (to the extent she and Lydia could make out consistently for what was presumably weeks without being even slightly concerned about being caught) we don’t see ANYONE coming to see her in the play or being worried when she wasn’t there and no one seems to be home when she gets back clearly miserable from the dance

Like I know logically, as a Show with Pacing, it’s probably just because she’s got enough going on and her family doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things but also SHES A KID??? She’s got SUCH clear issues with Belonging and Not Wanting To Be Emotionally Invested In Something Incase She Just Gets Hurt Later which is definitely mostly just a queer teen in the 1950s thing but also does part of it stem from her being PROBABLY AT LEAST A LITTLE NEGLECTED AT HOME????

anyway I am overthinking about that

(ALSO I know we see that one dudes arm in like the second episode but thats it and all that establishes is she Has A Guardian and we’ve NEVER SEEN OR HEARD about him again)

[myreitha]

I love the 'motivated by spite' and 'spite driven development' stuff as much as the next person. Spite is great! Much of where I am and what I've done has been out of spite against the people who thought I couldn't or wouldn't - but honestly it's gotten me into not great places as well as good ones.

I'm starting to see the limitations. So much of my spite driven direction has been in the vein of what I call my 'rebel button' - basically if you tell me I can't or won't do a thing, I'm gonna fuckin' do it. But because of that I've found myself in a place where I can do a lot of things, but many of the things that I've proven I can do just. . .stress me out. They're all tied in with this pressure to perform, to show I can do the thing and do it well.

It means I've hit a point where I'm trying to untangle what I'm doing out of spite from what I'm doing becuase I actually like and enjoy it, ESPECIALLY with my art. Do I actually LIKE and WANT to do this? Or did someone tell me I couldn't, and so I did it to prove I could. Do I actually like this, or did it just get me the attention and approval I wanted? I've lost the connection to that initial interest I used to have. I think it means I've stagnated out of spite - I've not let myself grow and change like I might have otherwise because I had to prove people wrong.

And you know? As I've started to make things because making it makes me happy, making of things doesn't stress me out. My perfectionism isn't activated in the same way. Suddenly I'm not paralyzed by the need to make it perfect. I can make art again. Not only can I make art again, but I like making it, and I'm making what I'm interested in.

I dunno your mileage may vary, but I think I'm gonna start trying to be motivated more by joy than by spite. I deserve to thrive on my own terms instead of survive against someone else's.