#and zim would be like 'the teacher is CLEARLY an alien' and then the roles would be well and truly swapped

[noirandchocolate]

Here’s my alternative Invader Zim species swap AU:

Dib is a 12-year-old Irken child in training to be a Scientist/weapons developer but he hates it and wants to be an Invader because he’s fascinated by non-Irkens.  He does a lot of research about foreign aliens and tries to convince his classmates that some of the wild stories Irkens tell about these inferior species (as entertainment) are actually true--because some of them are.  Meanwhile Dib’s teacher scolds him and tries to get him to focus on his training, because young Dib is really smart and a quick learner, and kind of a prodigy when it comes to inventing and building things.  Eventually though, Dib decides he’s had Enough! and executes a daring plan to steal a voot runner and go explore some other planets for himself!  

On the way, he literally runs into a slightly younger child named Gaz (another science/technology trainee who’s known in the training unit for being able to beat anyone at any video game and for designing a highly deadly security system for her belongings).  Guards notice both of them are where they shouldn’t be, so Dib just sorta grabs Gaz’s hand and drags her along.  They DO manage to escape into space!!!  Gaz is pissed off and beats Dib up, and in the course of the two bashing about the ship’s cabin, they accidentally put on the autopilot, disable the manual controls, and set course for...you can see where this is going.  Gaz is even more pissed than ever before.  

Once their voot crashes on Earth, Dib figures that hurray!  He WILL be an Invader after all!  Luckily this voot was meant for an actual Invader and there’s appropriate technology on board for creating a base, etc.  Time for infiltrating the human school system, which makes sense because they’re actually kids!!  Dib is more interested in researching these strange foreigners and their culture but figures he could probably conquer this dumb planet for the Irken race no problem.  However he sometimes gets real distracted by human paranormal lore because he assumes a lot of it is true and finds out that some of it actually is--as he always believed about other aliens!  It’s so great to be RIGHT about things!  Meanwhile Gaz is in charge of maintaining their base’s security system and just thinks humans are stupid.  The only way this AU doesn’t end in a week with Gaz conquering Earth is that she discovers Earth video games and gets obsessed with them.  Seriously it’s a handwave but that’s all I’ve got at the moment.  Meanwhile there’s also the fact that again, Dib’s a child, so lack of knowledge and experience gets in the way of a lot of his conquest plans.

MEANWHILE!!!!  Red and Purple are twin brothers from an extremely wealthy family of decadent layabout capitalists who think money, power, and fame are just their birthright, and because this version of Earth is just as stupid as real Earth and canon-IZ-Earth, they’re co-Presidents, because of course they are.

Zim’s a 25- to 30-year-old cafeteria worker at Dib and Gaz’s school because he fucked up at being a weapons developer for the military and (accidentally) assassinated President Miyuki and Vice-President Spork, which is how Red and Purple (somehow next in line due to having positions in Congress I guess) became in charge.  But what Zim really always wanted to do was be a spy, so R&P being themselves decided it would be really funny to, instead of having him prosecuted, tell him he has to go ‘deep undercover’ on a mission of the utmost importance.  Y’know.  Serving bratty kids disgusting goop at a school.  When Dib shows up in the lunch line, Zim figures out he’s an alien and decides THAT must be why his PRESIDENTS assigned him to this place!!!  

Zim and Dib still fucking hate each other’s guts and Dib believes Zim might be a genuine threat to his faux-Invader mission because he does get in the way a bunch of times because he’s trying to impress R&P (who don’t give a shit and don’t believe him that D&G are aliens anyway).  Zim sees Dib as the only thing standing in the way of his career as an illustrious spy.  Gaz doesn’t care and Zim takes quite a bit longer to even notice she’s an alien because she’s better at being an Invader than Dib even though she’s like.  Eleven.

Gir is Zim’s absolutely disgusting dog.  Eventually there’s an episode featuring Tak as an Actually Good Spy that Zim screwed over in college somehow.  The Tallest back home is Membrane, who does NOT want to hear about Dib’s paranormal stuff or really about humans at all, and just wants him to come home and do Real Science for the Irken military!!  Miz Bitters is still Miz Bitters because Miz Bitters is an inalterable truth of the universe.

That’s all I’ve got for now thanks for coming.

[youoverestimateme]

Mom Miyuki

Some of the human AUs I’ve seen got my thinking about what it’d be like if Zim had a parental figure, and rather than make up a character to fit that role, I thought it’d be interesting to use Miyuki, mostly because I want more content with her. So… I basically rewrote the Parent Teacher Night episode, in a universe where Tallest Miyuki didn’t die, and she kind of handed the reigns of the empire over to Red and Purple, and she stepped into the role of an advisor instead.

(I don’t plan on actually making any more content for this “AU”. I just thought it’d be fun to share what I’ve already made.)

Sharron stepped up to the walkway of the next house on the block, a small, green house with a yard full of garden gnomes whose eyes seemed to follow her. She’d seen stranger houses in her brief time as a makeup saleswoman, and as odd as the owners of that small, green house may be, she knew one thing for certain: there was a woman in there in need of makeup! So she squared her shoulders, put on a big grin, strode up to the front door, and pressed the doorbell.

Faint, mechanical whirring could be heard under the usual chime of the doorbell. Sharron ignored it in favor of pondering over the men’s bathroom sign hanging on the front door. A loud crashing of metal from within the house made her jump. She took a hesitant step back, wondering if she should just move on to the next house. The next second, the door opened, and she found herself staring up at the tallest, greenest woman she’d ever seen in her life. The trademark, saleswoman grin returned to her face.

“Hello! I’m selling makeup, and I just know you’ll find something you just have to have,” She said, lifting the green bag in her hand.

“Makeup?” The tall woman asked, squinting her blue eyes.

“Yes, for example, we have some foundation you might find helpful for covering your complexion.” Sharron opened the bag and reached in for a sample.

“My complexion?” The tall woman asked, lifting a gloved, three-fingered hand to her cheek. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“No! Not at all! We’re all beautiful in our own ways! But sometimes us ladies like to-.”

“Freeeeee stuuuuuffffff!!!!” A new voice shrieked from behind the tall woman. The woman, who seemed equally startled, moved aside, and a small, green dog launched out of the house and knocked Sharron onto her back, sending her makeup bag flying, and samples scattering everywhere.

“Gir!!” The tall woman shouted, running after the dog as it sprinted around the yard, collecting the samples in its stubby arms.

“Ah, um, I-I’ll just… come back later.” Sharron fumbled to grab her bag and shove as much makeup back inside as she could before dashing away, nearly running over a green-skinned boy.

Zim scowled at the saleswoman as she ran away. He had enough to worry about with the upcoming ‘parent teacher night’, without Gir allowing the humans near their base all the time.

“Wait! Come back!! I need stuuuuff!!” Gir shouted, running after the lady. Zim decided to ignore it. Parent teacher night was clearly the bigger problem.

“You! Human! Get out of Zim’s yard!!” He shouted at the other, taller, human female. Her green skin was odd. He’d thought a green skin condition was just something he’d made up to cover his own identity, but if it really existed it made his lie more believable. Her height was also pretty impressive….

“It’s me, Zim,” She said, narrowing her blue eyes. “I came to see how your mission’s going.”

Zim froze. Upon taking a closer look, she was really familiar. He gasped. “M-m-m-m-m-my- My- MY TALLEST!!!!” He screeched.

“Sshhhhhhh!!” Miyuki hissed, glancing around. The few humans that were nearby seemed relatively unperturbed. It was probably a good thing Zim had accidentally established himself as the ‘weird neighbor’ from the very beginning of his time on Urth.

“Tallest Miyuki! It’s such an honor to be visited by someone of your stature! Of course, I knew you would visit eventually, this is an extremely important mission, after all, why else would they have chosen it specifically for Zim!!” Zim rambled as Miyuki ushered him inside the base and closed the door so they could talk safely.

“I’m happy to report things are going well and the humans don’t suspect a thing, well, except for Dib- Oh!! That reminds me!! My Tallest!! I need your help!!”

“Help? With what?”

“Tonight is ‘parent teacher night’ at skool. Zim is expected to bring his parents to prove to the teachers, and Dib, that he is a normal human-creature like the rest of them. I was going to take the robo-parents, but with you here, you can be Zim’s mother!”

“Hmm… sounds interesting… I’ll do it!” Miyuki agreed. “But are you sure my disguise is good enough? That makeup-lady didn’t seem to think so….”

“Your disguise is perfect! It even fooled me!” Zim assured her.

-

At the school, in the cafeteria where the parent teacher meeting was being held, Zim led Miyuki directly over to where Ms. Bitters was talking with a group of other parents. He cleared his throat. Ms. Bitters turned to face him.

“This is my mother. I love her with all of my heart,” Zim said, motioning to Miyuki. Miyuki smiled and waved.

“I see Zim gets his skin condition from you,” Ms. Bitters commented in her gravely voice. “What about Zim’s father? Is he here tonight?”

“Ah, no… Zim’s father is-.”

“Zim has no need for two parents!” Zim interrupted. “My father is not here!” He paused briefly, then announced he was going to get punch and ran off.

“So, you’re a single mom?” Ms.Bitters asked.

“Yes!” Miyuki nodded proudly, “I have no need for help with something as simple as raising a child!” Then she turned and followed her son.

“No wonder that boy’s so messed up…,” Ms. Bitters mumbled.

“Gaz!! Look!!” Dib shook his sister. “Zim brought one of his alien leaders as his mom!!” Gaz grit her teeth and grumbled under her breath. “Dad!! There’s someone I want you to meet!” Dib ran over to the punch table where Zim and Miyuki were, followed by the hovering screen displaying his dad’s face.

“Look! Look! See? It’s the alien! And one of his leaders!” Dib exclaimed, pointing. The hovering screen flew right up in front of Miyuki.

“Please, forgive my son,” Professor Membrane said. “He’s just going through a paranormal phase and thinks everyone and everything is some kind of alien or cryptid.”

“That’s not true!!” Dib shouted, “They really are aliens!!”

“You, Scientist-man,” Miyuki said, pointing directly at Professor Membrane’s face. “Are you the one who caused that explosion I heard earlier?”

“No, no!” Professor Membrane said. “That was one of my employees!! Well, ex-employee now.”

“Good,” Miyuki said, “I would expect a civilization advanced enough to make such good punch to have scientists that at least know the difference between Chemical C and Chemical Z.”

“You can tell what caused an explosion just from the sound of it??” Professor Membrane asked, completely awestruck.

“Of course,” Miyuki said, standing proudly, “I was the best scientist, uh, where I come from.”

“Incredible!! You simply must come work for me!” The Professor exclaimed.

“No!! Dad!! She’s an alien!!” Dib screamed, jumping up and down, waving his arms to get his fathers attention. But Professor Membrane had already made up his mind and was going on about hours and wages and how nice it’d be to finally have another, true scientist around.

“My Ta-! Uh, I mean- Mom!! Take the job! It’s a really good opportunity!!” Zim shouted with heavy emphasis on ‘opportunity’.

“Daaaaaddd!!” Dib wailed, “Can’t you see they’re trying to learn about us so they can destroy us?!! You’re giving the enemy an advantage!!”

Tallest Miyuki was affronted at the idea of working for a human, but… she did like the idea of getting back into science… and her Tallest duties had become horribly mundane after handing the empire over to Red and Purple. Besides… Urth wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d been expecting. They certainly had good snacks.

“Alright,” She said finally. “I’ll do it!”

“Excellent!” Professor Membrane exclaimed.

“Noooooo!!!” Dib fell to his knees.

“Yes!! You lose this round, Dib-worm!! Now it’s only a matter of time!!” Zim cackled.

Tallest Miyuki felt a gentle tug on her blue, floor-length skirt. She looked down to see a purple-haired child beckoning to her. Intrigued, she knelt to listen to the little girl.

“You seem more competent than Zim,” Gaz said, “Are you really going to destroy the Earth?” Miyuki smiled.

“Can you keep a secret?” She asked. Gaz nodded. “We sent Zim here on a fake mission just to get him away from us.”

Gaz smirked. “Nice.”