#and you got me to admit etho wasn't the human

[arc852]

about the third human dude. (I'm probably very wrong)

I couldn't stop myself from creating little hypotheses with your recent poll thing.

I don't think it could be Etho? Unless if Jimmy is really oblivious, 'cause I'm pretty sure that Etho was there in 'Lost Doll', so if our resident borrower was at least somewhat aware of his surroundings, he might've been able to see that he was the same human that had gotten drunk. The narrator did say that it still affected him, in the one-shot where Grian and Joel drink. (If my memory serves me correctly, but that in itself sucks so-) Also, Etho's character just doesn't seem like the type that would get drunk like that. I'm fairly sure 'Lost Doll' said he had quite a few shots, but he still didn't seem too drunk?

It could potentially be Tango, then again, I think the third human would have had to have a few important interactions (whether that be in the life series, hermitcraft or empires. I dont get to watch them often) with Grian, Joel and Jimmy that would tie them all together, and while he might have that with Jimmy and Grian, I don't think you've written Joel and Tango interacting much. Scar, on the other hand, has been mentioned by Grian, so that made me a bit iffy, but if we ignore the 'somebody else' option on the poll for just a moment, I think he might be the best bet. You've written him interacting with all of them, I think? Maybe I'm imagining it with Joel. Again, my memory doesn't work all that good nowadays. But even then, I'm fairly sure Scar and Joel have interacted quite a bit in the life series, with the Bad Boys and The Family being neighbors in Limited Life and all. I have some rewatching/rereading to do.

and lookie! I've ranted once more. I'm so sorry that you have to read that, and for any grammatical errors you may come across. :]

Very interesting!

Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and say...yeah, you're right about Etho. He isn't the human. Jimmy definitely would have noticed if Etho had been the drunk human in the past. And yes, Etho doesn't drink very much if he does at all. He had some at the party in Lost Doll but definitely not enough for it to affect him.

Now, about Scar and Tango. I don't think I'm wrong about this, hopefully, but I've mentioned the two of them the same amount so far in my bbbcau fics and that is exactly once each. Scar, as you know, in Childhood Friends, and Tango in Plush. I did this on purpose.

As for written interactions I have for them in other fics, I wouldn't look too far into those. Or interactions they've had canonically in hermitcraft/the life series. They are both equally as likely to be the third human side character.

...Well, maybe not equally. Maybe some of my other fics could give you an idea on who I've gone with as the third main side character.

[lockoutkey]

Let You Go And Move On

Don’t forget this was the song (pls listen)

Etho was going to scream. Iskall hadn’t talked to him once since their fight in Fantastico. He would admit, what he said was a bit out of line, but sue him. His best friend told him he was leaving. He didn’t understand what it meant to be gods. There was so much to learn.

Maybe he was being selfish. Even before X lifted the ban and Iskall knew about the gods, Etho thought they would stay together somehow after college. Maybe Iskall would work close by and they would still be friends. He was stupid, yeah, that wouldn’t happen. Mortals had such short lifespans. He’d never been friends with the mortal’s he’s known.

It’s dangerous to get attached to a human, Etho. Never do it. All the gods told him. He wasn’t stupid, he was one of the oldest gods. He knows that.

But Iskall was a god like him now. It was different. Gods didn’t fight because one was going away. They didn’t stop talking because one of them said something that hurt the other. They lived too long to let every comment hurt them.

Iskall was a human originally, though. He thought like one and lived like one. He had the emotions of one. That’s what made this so complicated. Iskall couldn’t see what Etho did. But then again, Etho didn’t know what Iskall was seeing.

He got what he meant, really. Iskall wanted to be in his element, they all did. But he didn’t know. He didn’t realize what he could do with something as mole as finding treasure.

Neither had talked for days. Etho was sure he had spoken with Hbomb because that’s just what one does. He was like the college’s unofficial therapist and advice giver. Despite never taking his own advice, he dished out some wisdom every once in a while.

Iskall was at his desk. He could apologize and everything would be okay. Everything could go back to normal. He could finally go get some ramen.

But He was still going to leave. He would make mistakes because no one was there and all of their friends were here. If he didn’t stay sorry, maybe he would stick around until he did.

“I’m sorry.” Etho admitted.

Iskall turned in his chair. “Is that all?”

Etho sighed. “I’m sorry for being a bad friend. I shouldn’t have said that stuff to you.”

“Why did you though? What the hell got into you?” Iskall demanded to know.

Etho didn’t even know where to begin explaining. There was so much to talk about. Well, there wasn't actually, he just didn’t know what to say. He was horrible at social interactions. Can't he just wait a thousand years until he forgave him.

He could show him.

"Take my hand" Etho insisted.

Iskall hesitantly grabbed his friend's hand. "Is this gonna be like that scene from aladdin? I swear if you toss me out the window I'll kill you. God or not, you will die."

"First, do you forgive me?" Etho asked.

Iskall kicked his leg. "Oh my, yes, now what do-"

Iskall didn't get tossed out the window. It was much worse. His world went black and the air was sucked out of him. He hated teleportation. He never did it himself, but he was told it was much easier on your own. He didn’t want to try it out just yet. He’ll stay on his own feet.

Light came back and he sucked in crisp air. They were on top of a tall mountain. Snow was gently falling, covering the already white peaks. The area they were at was large and flat, big enough to fit a couple of the university buildings. The view was beautiful, he had never seen anything like it. It was untouched by human's, far too cold for any civilization. So why were they there.

“I was born here.” Etho said, simple and straight to the point.

Iskall shivered. “That why your hair is like that?”

Etho laughed. “Maybe. Did I tell you how I became a god?”

Iskall felt the cold drip away. He looked around. They were in the same place as before, snow was falling gently around them. But it was warm, like the side of a campfire. “No.”

“The mortals who lived here barely survived. They prayed to the gods to give them something to protect them, and sent weapons that they would kill animals with. That’s how beef was born. But there was nothing to cook the meat with. So a young girl pulled some tricks and brought it to them.”

“Humanity’s first invention was fire. It took one person to steal it from the gods for them to find something to survive. That’s how I happened. I was created because mortals needed to survive, and to do that they invented the first tool for it.”

“So, what are you trying to tell me?” Iskall asked. “What’s your point?”

“My point,” Etho poked his arm. “Is that every god is needed by humanity on different levels. Grian and Pearl are needed to run the entire world. Niki helps in certain situations. We help with innovation and creation. Creativity doesn’t exist without us.”

“We don’t have to operate on huge scales across the world. Sure, we can if we want to. X definitely does. But no one has to do anything. I'm not good at letting go, I've never forgotten anything I've created. That's why if you leave, I won't move on."

“But I want to. I want you to go with me. I want to discover new civilization and languages and species. You can help figure out what the inventions were. We can make new inventions from the past. We can do it.”

Etho tilted his head. “Do you know why the NHO exist?”

Iskall was surprised by the question. The others were a bit understandable, but where did the NHO come in. “Once again, no.”

“Gods get so caught up in their work, we can get lost in it. We need people to tell us to slow down and stop. The NHO have told each other since the beginning to stop if we went too far. Do you know what happens when we can’t stop?”

Iskall shook his head. Etho took a deep breath. “What’s something that happens when human’s are at war with too little sleep and too much time to invent and construct.”

“You mean…” Iskall started.

“Gods aren’t just destruction themselves, they let human’s create them in their own form. If a human hurts another using you, it’s your fault. That’s why we can’t go too far. If you discover the wrong think, Iskall, that’s on you.” Etho explained.

“How do I stop?” Iskall asked him. He hated hearing he could be the cause of misfortune, but he needed to know.

“That’s what we’re for. Bdubs tells me something is too dangerous. I tell Doc not to give the right tools. We hold back Beef from a fight. We make Bdubs let his hold on dreams go.” Etho made it sound so simple.

Iskall would be on his own and could be consumed by his own element. He could hurt people. Even doing the thing he loves, it could end in devastation. “How do I do that? How do I stop myself?”

“You don’t, I do.” Iskall spun his head to the side. “And if you think I go too far, you hold me back. You’re a god now, you can tell me in whatever language you want. Where was that flyer for? Peru. “So in Spanish just yell at me to stop being stupid and take a break. Simple.”

“You’re coming?” Iskall breathed. His breathe was foggy in the freezing air he couldn’t feel.

“Of course! The original plan was to get you to become a god, but everything happened and boom you were one. I didn’t want my favorite human dying. Now we don’t have to worry about that!” Etho said it so simply. He said it like it was obvious and Iskall should have seen it coming.

The mountain was steep. The first village must’ve barely survived until Etho.

He didn’t believe in fate or gods or soulmates or any imaginary stuff before this. Before a ton of gods crashed into his life and he died, he would have laughed at someone saying he would spend all of time adventuring with one. But if the old gods of fate had it written this was his path, he wouldn’t complain.

He saw a flash of memory that wasn’t his. He was sure it wasn’t one of his past lives he remembered now that he was a god. He knew it was someone, whether it be X, fate, or some other god. They were showing him the future.

He saw himself standing in front of a flat field with half dug houses sticking from the ground. All around him were archeologists working to uncover whatever was hidden beneath. Besides him was Etho, directing someone on how to use some kind of tool. It was one he invented just to help that particular excavation.

The file ended and he was back on the mountain. “Ready to go?” He nodded.

Iskall felt a tug followed by darkness. He was prepared for the black hole and loss of air this time. They were back in their dorm room, everything just as they left it.

Iskall threw a bag at him. “Let’s go then. Pack up what you want.”

“Right now?” Etho yelped, bag hitting his shoulder.

“Yep.” Iskall opened his drawers, throwing random clothes in. “You said we’re going, so we’re gonna go. Or are you backing out right away?”

Etho grinned. “You think i’m gonna let you go that easy? Who else is gonna buy me ramen at 2am.”

Iskall smirked. “There might not be any ramen where we go, maybe we should stop by Fantastico. Give them one last scare.”

“I think I can deal with you for an eternity.” Etho jokes.

“You better, you can’t get rid of me.”

Bdubs found the note a few days later, having not seen his friends in a bit. He shared it with the others, not bothering to give chase. He knew even if he went after them, he would never win that fight.

“On an adventure, be back soon.

-Cryptid Roomies”

[leopardmask-ao3]

NHH Fictober day 29: Mers (There Are Many Benefits to Being a Marine Humanoid)

Day 29 of the NHH Fictober challenge. There are mer hermits, and one has the ability to temporarily grant others a similar form. However, it's unclear what might happen when trying to add fishy features to someone who doesn't even have bones. Characters: Etho, Jevin Words: 670

"So, you want to try being a mer for a few days."

"I do."

"Jevin," Etho sighed. "I can't guarantee anything, you realize that, right? I've only ever tried using this power on humans. It might not work at all - or it might do something horrible and weird."

"I'm sure about this," Jevin assured. "Honestly, that's kinda why I want to try it? I'm insanely curious about what'll happen. Aren't you?"

"...Yeah," Etho admitted.

"Let's go, then." Jevin waded into the shallow water of his swamp. "Does this work? Or do we need to go out into the river?"

Etho followed. "I could probably do the spell here, but deeper water will be more comfortable for both of us."

"Alrighty." Jevin moved to an area deep enough that his feet didn't reach the bottom. Etho ducked fully underwater. A silvery tail, iridescent in the sunlight, splashed, and then Etho resurfaced next to Jevin.

"Great," Etho confirmed. "Now, I would give you the spiel about what it feels like and what to expect, but half the stuff doesn't apply to you and the other half I genuinely have no idea. So I'm just going to make it happen, and you just remember not to freak out."

"Just do it, man," Jevin chuckled.

Etho grinned and touched his now-webbed hand to Jevin's hand. Jevin immediately felt the magic diffuse through him. He felt... was this what a human would call 'light-headed'? He stopped moving in the water, suddenly relying on Etho's arm around him to hold him up.

The first change Jevin noticed was his feet losing their shape. He held his legs close together, ready for them to hopefully merge into some sort of tail.

But that wasn't what happened.

Instead of merging together, Jevin felt each of his legs split. "Uh," he managed, still feeling fuzzy and unsure what to think. Each of the now-four split again, and now Etho noticed and pulled away curiously.

Legs - tentacles - drifted outward as Jevin floated, coming back to himself and starting to realize what had happened. He lifted one out of the water experimentally to take a closer look. "Dude."

"That's... huh." Etho couldn't hide his surprise and fascination. "That's awesome, actually. I guess since the magic couldn't figure out where to put a fish tail, you get to keep being a creature with no bones."

"You turned me into an octopus," Jevin laughed. "This is so cool."

"I'm glad you're okay with this," Etho replied. "It seems like it would be hard to get used to all those extra limbs."

"Yeah, I'm doing pretty well on that front," Jevin observed. "I'm... not sure how to actually swim, though."

"Learn from your brethren," Etho explained with a chuckle. He pointed at a squid making its way up the river. "See how it's moving all its arms forward and pushing them back at once? That's what pushes you forward. Or you could crawl across the river bottom..."

Jevin let himself sink underwater to practice. He jetted out into the river, and after a couple of attempts made a loop without running into the bank. He dove down toward the river bed, got his tentacles in order, then used them to slither along the ground until his head broke the surface again.

"Hang on," Jevin realized. "Octopi can go on land for a little while, can't they?" He pulled himself up onto the bank of the swamp. "Yooo, dude!"

"How long can you stay out there, though?" Etho wondered.

"Not forever," Jevin admitted. "I can already tell. But long enough to do some stuff with this."

"Oh?" Etho raised his eyebrows, shifting back to human form to join Jevin on land. "Like what?"

Jevin looked out at the castle towers just visible on the southern horizon. "Like, for instance..." A mischievous tone crept into his voice. He raised one tentacle and draped it casually over Etho's shoulder. "How do you think someone like Joe might react if I came up behind him and did this?"

[its-toasted]

Self care and self love are very different

I've been avoiding writing long text posts for like a month, I'm sorry. Don't know why I apologized. Doing y'all favors. Usually I just want to spill and cast out the feelings instead of writing to edit, you know?

Even if I want to share, I'm seldom ready since they're ethos ventings. They serve the therapeutic purpose, then go in the vault. But every once in a while, I'll pull a raw feeling or line from an old something to start a new one and I love doing that, especially if it becomes a poem or prose joint. I try not to let the spillage go fully to waste.

.

TLDR this not pretty. This afternoon I got stuck for a while on how I wasted over 2 good years of my twenties. A bottom 3 hang-up of thus far. It's been a couple months since this has cracked, it's heavy bitterness and shame and loose ends. I've burned a lot more bridges than I admit, even to my brother. It just makes me feel so fucked again.

After graduating in 2018, it took a while to land a passable gig, but I hustled and continued to take care of myself for about 6 months. Even though I was already in a bad mental space, I kept up steady routines because that's always kept me sane. Growing up I felt like my shit was together and I could do anything probably because I was always doing things. I kept the balance, body mind social spiritual. I think my world opened up more starting with weightlifting and ball in early middle school, finding those 2 things to love and work toward for myself, not forced like music. People and progress grounded me.

My whole attitude about self care shifted in the 2019-2020 calendar years. I just walked off a cliff. I remember reading a woman talk about "losing her mojo" in a Humans of New York book my brother got me. That was me at my worst, I stopped wanting to live decent and see my people and like go out. The biggest culprit was that I had a job that was impossible to be proud of, but it was a lot more. I leaned so deep into weed, because dependency is a common product of pushing for years. I mostly undid an adolescence of becoming who I wanted to be, and it started before 2019 but never caught on, and it went beyond my body. I shut down and stopped caring, period. For ~2 years I didn't do shit but make meh contract money and ride solo in my own worlds.

The worst thing was that I owed people better and I just wasn’t there for many because of anxiety and addiction. You lose the people you don't keep up with. What hurts otherwise is how I started to drop everything I love and found my place in. Spending time with my fam, writing, reading, singing, instruments, talking to my people, getting sun, even driving and exploring, all the simple passions. I wasn't active in circles seeing people anymore. Church school newsrooms workshops sports trapping greek life were all done, and I was in limbo. It all stacked into a very tall identity crisis, and I dealt with it by not. I started keeping to myself and it wasn't even bitter, it was just empty. Work and spark and dog and game and eat and succumb to a show or movie. I got by on this shitty rhythm for a brick, there was such a lack of love in and out. That kind of steady can be fine for a while, right, but when you're in it for too long or for the wrong reasons it becomes dark.

The routine was lonely, but it kept me occupied and not depressed. What it did to my headspace and self-image was nasty. Some of these self-deprecating thought loops that revisit today are like an unraveling of all the unsettled triggers, because sins beget sins. But so many times I'd neglect them automatic, reasoning that I was too lucky as a kid, and lived plenty full through 20, and I'd rather have those years anyways. I had a nice home, a good brother, and two parents who were physically present. So I can't feel this way, I have no right, how much can I ask for. And it's not bad to check privilege but sinking into that mentality was hella counterproductive to healing. Being a fucking bust aided in crippling me in too much shame to confront my shit for years, I just shucked it all.

That all started the year before COVID. So when COVID hit, things didn't get better for a long time. It literally took finding a new full-time job and moving homes to start getting myself right. But as soon as that happened, it was like the light switched back on. I want to stay wanting good things again, I miss being warm. And I can't invalidate my hang-ups or own all the guilt. That's not taking care, that's how I squander and dig a deeper hole. I have to wrestle and reflect on why I push everything away. And I'm not absolute trash for taking a long time to get okay again. Or maybe it's that I was trash, but I can still grow. Believing in your own ability to change might sound like a no-brainer, but I lost it for a while. Growing up is some bullshit but we’re gonna be good again.

You know underneath it all, I still believe God exists. But I don't think he does anything, I think he leaves us to our devices. And roots for us, because we have to find our own way. So on the good days I've forgiven myself and am moving forward again. Since I relocated, my baseline has been good days. I'm getting back to a better place, even if it's mad slow. Month-by-month I do notice differences. This was really hard to write. And it makes for a shit read because there's so much of what I hate about myself. But that's okay. Keeping it a buck, writing is less often about making what I want anyways.

OCTOBER - DECEMBER WRITING PLAN:

1. Send out another round of poetry submissions if I feel it 2. Wring and rearrange work since May for 1-2 collections 3. Then, finalize the outline for a memoir-ish book 4. Then, write book smh

There's no way I stick to this timeline. I'm excited and nervous to start on the book. I guess I've already started, but I'm not even sure I have the ability to wrap it up well right now. I envision an embellished memoir, but twisted enough that it still surprises me too. I will have rantage spillings scattered but I do want it to be storyline-driven. Except more as a string of vignettes to share all the loves of my life, and just how people lose and gain and change. I want to try to make something someone can fall in love with for sure, that good-book feeling carried me many times as a kid and teen.

Hopefully, I'll be on the book by the turn of the year. I think that's really optimistic. Reminder that there's nothing wrong with that.