#and yeah i know block the haters but ive been here before and im so so tired

[ubike-official]

my dear friend ive been thinking of you talking about having self hatred blinders on with your trip and it really resonated with me like yeah thats exactly what im dealing with rn and trying to pry them off myself but still struggling with it even as im aware of it, i was wondering if u had any tips for moving forward and out of that kind of self hate and trauma fueled horse blinders mindset (aside from yknow. general healing and unpacking it all). no rush or pressure for replying i was just wanting to pick ur brain a little about it ily i hope ur day is going well

Hi Rey, my friend Rey! Thanks so much for being patient with my reply. I wanted to really sit down and give you a good proper answer here so I reviewed the Ancient Texts (my old journal entries). One thing that really helps for me dealing with the trauma self hatred blinders is the feeling that I owe it to myself to be confident. I think of sad little child me and how I know she wanted to be confident and accepted. And when I think of how others made me feel this hatred and that it's not a natural state. That my natural state was happy even if it was short lived, that i deserve to return back to that state.

Now thats easy said but very much not easily done. I still have moments where I realize after the fact i was isolating and falling into bad habits. Like when I was abroad i remember once the guy sitting next to me said hi to me outside of the school gate and was inviting me in to come talk with everyone and i literally ran away and tripped down a flight of stairs where no one saw me, cried, and dragged my bloody knee to a pharmacy to buy a bandaid and no one batted an eye. At that moment i felt like what just happened was proof that I was awful and no one cared about me. But in hindsight that wasn't true. Those people were inviting me in and i ran away. And i wasnt a bad person for that! i just had a lot of trauma and needed some grace and time to process it!

And it took me around 3 months to muster up the courage to try again. And I mustered it a couple of ways. One of my very bad traits that I'm working on is judging others. I remember there was this guy that took the same bus as me, that had such an obnoxious Australian accent and was so Caucasian and had the audacity to just talk to anyone. And I haaaated him. But like, one day it clicked while i was being a hater, this dude legit did not know or care who i was. he had friends and did so many things i wish i could've done. I stopped seeing him but soon a similar guy appeared that was of the same type of person, and one day I talked to him. And it didnt amount to much. But it helped me get over that block. Because if i was gonna spend all that time disliking him, i wanted him to at least know who the hell i was. at least once. Not for external validation, for me. And I feel like sometimes having that awkward, scary conversation can really help.

In terms of processing and healing I really love physical journaling. It doesn't need to be fancy or coherent, but writing it down, especially before bed helps me really process whatever things are weighing me down. I like to get it out right before bed so i can go to bed with a clear mind and not have the 3am lying in bed spiral. And def try to gauge what things you can unpack and resolve with a session otherwise it can leave you worse off.

One thing that helps for me that may not work for you or others given your health situation. I think a casual low intensity amount of drinking with friends or at a bar in a safe space helps. For me being just a little tipsy makes me put my guard down and connect with others and gain confidence from small, low commitment, one off interactions with strangers. This can also be replicated Non alcoholic/substancy in like a cafe, library patio, or community setting. If you're able to find somewhere accessible to you and be a regular and say hi, get some low level interaction. When I came back home from Taiwan I made it a habit to try and say hi to people when i went for walks and just get comfortable doing that. Or I'd make small talk with checkout clerks at the grocery store and juat add a comment in. Like sometimes I'd just rehearse saying something about the weather or the week or idk, anything. And just whip it out of your back pocket. Sometimes it'll land, sometimes it wont.

Hope this is at least somewhat helpful! you've got this, we're in this together^^

[the1975attheirverybest]

to add a little bit more the matty healy is a racist name came from my friend changing everyone's name and channel name to matty healy and most people left without saying anything (which says a lot about how thye communicate because when the argument happened before i got a dm being like can you clarify how they felt instead of messaging them) but i have also mentioned the bringing up matty thing to one of them and they were like yeah the person who foes it the most on purpose finds reasons to hate him like they are a hater and that doesnt even just stick for matty. but the argument was about bts and how their management plays into its fetishisation and when i got the dm about it was so tempting just to say this is literally how i feel when you bring up the 1975

i guess i was really upset at first like we had been on a discord call and i left because i was like i cba to deal with passive aggressive matty comments and also a comment about how "i bet hes talking to his other friend group" (which i wasnt but then did ✌️) and then sobbed on the sofa (like listening to there better be a mirrorball like omg everything is changing) but nothing major has happened since so im fine about it? im just like if this is all it takes to disrupt a friendship was it ever that good? we've all know each other in the context of the group for two years and certain people ive known longer and yet we can't have a direct conversation about our annoyances with each other? because as much as i love them all this is kinda only surface level, there is more i could mention but this is all probably a lot already and doesnt make much sense - 🐸

Oh my goodness. I’m so so sorry :(((( this is me sending you virtual hugs and love 💗

Yeah, you’re right. I had a “friend” that I disagreed with on a political issue one time, and they blocked me instantly. I was pretty upset about it (because we were on the same side! Like we’re both leftists we were just disagreeing on HOW something should be achieved) then I found out from a mutual friend that they were already kinda done with the friendship and looking for an excuse to cut it off. So, like, if it takes something like that for them to be like “can’t be friends anymore” then it says more about them than it does about you.

I’m sorry you had to deal with that though. We’re all here for you and would not only be open, but positively delighted, to hear your 1975 takes! You can always rant here hahaha.

[bratneykay]

ALRIGHT SO HERES THE BACK STORY: ya girl dated this dude for 3 years and he was SO mean to her behind closed doors. Constantly put her down and made fun of her and critiqued every aspect of her peronality and looks. He also controlled pretty much everything she did. He was a master manipulator and fantastic at GasLighting. FAST FORWARD TO THREE WEEKS AGO: I get drunk and confess everything he’s done to my best friend (@itsholyholland). The secrets out. She knows how bad he is. (1/?)

(2/?) So I’ve finally got the courage to leave him. We agree to meet on Monday, I kind of stop talking to him. THEN he texts me Saturday night asking if I can go around but he wants to hookup and I’m not the type to sleep with someone before I break up with them so I decline. He gets mad. He refuses to talk to me until Monday. Even then when he talks to me he berates me. So I text him wanting to know when he wants to meet up. He hits me with a whole ‘you don’t deserve to see me’ spiel.

(3/?) So I’m like ‘wtf???’ cause he wanted to smash and I’m not that kinda person who will smash knowing i was gonna break up with him (plus the sex was A W F U L) And then he goes ‘have my stuff ready to pickup, I’ll get it tonight’ So I’m thinking he wants to break up too, cause you know, he asked for his stuff back. And I tell him that I’ll leave it on the porch cause he still refuses to see me in person.

(4/?) So the conversation ends: he’s picking up his stuff and whatever. We both change our nicknames back to default and the same with our chat colour. We change our dps to not have one another in it. AN HOUR AFTER THIS HE TEXTS ME: ‘so what now I’m not even worth talking to?’ (Keep in mind he’s asked for his stuff back and changed everything and we are not functioning like a couple because it’s implied we’ve broken up WELL APPARENTLY NOT) I reply: ‘why would I talk to you we’ve broken up?’

5/? AND. HE. GOES. OFF. which is when it hits me that this motherfucker tried to manipulate me into thinking he wanted to break up, but for the first time in three years I had the power. He fucking BACKPEDALS like you would not believe- telling me he wanted to be with me forever, that he would have done anything for me, that he would change. I’m having none of it. And he fucking loses it . AGAIN.

6???/?? At this point I’m tired and numb and just can’t anymore. It was the kind of thing where I thought if I loved him enough he would change. But yeah, obviously fucking not. He keeps messaging me rapid fire, swearing and just generally being unpleasant. Under the advice of my friend, I tell him if he keeps it up (after I’ve told him to stop) I’m going to block him. And that’s the last I hear of him for three weeks right?? BUT WAIT: THERES MORE!

Shit okay so we are nearing the end of this thrilling story. 7??/8 TODAY: my work friend tells me that this motherfucker been spreading lies behind my back and making me out to be this massive bitch to all our mutual friends. And also like he’s been making them pick sides????? So like this dramatic saga is JUST NEVER ENDING And she’s like: ‘he’s so childish, I knew there was more to the story that he was letting on’ BUT WAIT- HES FUCKING HITTING ON HER OVER MESSENGER WHILE SHE HAS A PARTNER

8/8 (the thrilling conclusion) SO THIS MOTHERFUCKER, is spreading rumours and lies and tryna turn our friends against me. on top of that he is legit HITTING ON MY FRIEND WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP like this drama has no chill. so yeah tldr; hes dragging this shit out for three goddamn weeks and im just tired and lowkey entertained. like hes trying so hard to get the power back. but for real this is the first tim ein 3 years ive felt like myself so i have NO REGRETS. and thats the end! love ya xx

I read this on the way to school today and holy moly, that is one hell of a drama. You could make a TV show out of this haha

I’m so sorry all of that happened to you darlin’. Hopefully, you had some true growth from it all and now know that you shouldn’t take bullshit from anyone, don’t settle for less because you are wonderful :) Also haters suck, I hope all the rumors about you stop

asks from last night